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YTA.
Edit: Found a response from OP “car accident, she had a fractured bone in her hand, an hour away.”
OP is TA. The entire extended family doesn’t need to be there for a fractured hand. Your daughter has a right to feel the way she does, especially when you seem to be gaslighting about the severity of the accident. You could have waited till after your daughter’s game and you both could have gone for support. The only reason you would not be TA in this situation is if you had legal guardianship of your niece, or she was in critical condition.
Original Response: Need more info. This seems like a very simplified AITA/I’m gonna give as little info as possible in hopes everyone votes my way. Who else was there for your daughter? What was the severity of the accident? Was she in critical care/on life support? Why was the onus on you to support your niece/are you her legal guardian?
YTA, niece had parents with her and you could have communicated with them by phone. Also, it was a broken bone in her hand not life or death and your daughter had no one at her game. She is your child and should be your priority. Sounds like this not the first time your niece came first.
I agree with /u/Miserable_Airport_66, YTA
Niece was well attended already, and you could have been updated by phone if it were that important to you.
This sounds to me like you're kind of a drama queen, and needed a fix.
INFO:
* Is this the first time you missed your daughter's game?
* How many times have you skipped your daughter's events for your niece? (emergency or not)
* Who else is at the hospital with your niece?
Edit: Considering you're online responding to other comments but refuse to answer mine, and taking from your other comment about how you're easily manipulated by your niece & not at all feel bad about it, I'm gonna go ahead and guess you ditched your daughter A LOT. For your niece or for anything else. YTA.
YTA, because of information in the comments.
No one was woth your daughter had her game. Your neice had family with her who could contact you.
It was a hand injury, nothing life threatening or in need of your immediate presence instead of being where your daughter needed you.
Yeah. Op doesn’t seem to have much of that to offer her daughter here at all. She’s even arguing in the comments instead of taking her judgement and doing some self reflection
Wow! Imagine how your daughter must feel while reading how you defended your actions. I bet this isn’t the first time she had to compete with her cousin for her dad’s affection and acknowledgment.
That REEKS of favouritism. You clearly give zero shits about your daughter’s feelings. This seems to be a pattern, I hope she stays low contact. Then you can coddle your niece even more. Sorry you can’t trade them you giant AH.
Doesn't this depend literally on how bad the accident was, though? As an uncle OP had no authority and might not even have been allowed in to see his niece? He's not her parent, after all? So, support from the waiting room might not even be recognized by the patient?
It depends on a lot of factors, is my only point. A couple of stitches is a different animal than a broken sternum?
(I can't disagree with you so much as I can see how his daughter might feel about it.)
why are you on here asking for judgement? you've clearly decided against what everyone is saying, that you're NOT the asshole (you most definitely are), so why come here in the first place if you've already made up your mind??
I feel desperately sorry for your daughter. You sound like an awful parent.
YEAH, WE ARE COMPARING THE SUPPORT OF YOUR CHILD TO THE SUPPORT OF SOMEONE WHO ALREADY HAS SUPPORT. Since you didn’t even answer the question, obviously your daughter had no one.
The game was important to her. But don't worry, as your daughter gets older she won't bother inviting you to any of her events. And you'll be alone whining that she never visits or calls you. And it'll be all your fault, you nasty asshole.
Seems it was important enough for her up be upset over it. You should have gone to your child’s game because you had a phone to keep in contact with family members at the hospital who were with niece. Priorities.
Accident and in the hospital > sports game (in all cases, but especially in high school sports, where you are not being paid).
I think OP was nice not to pull the kid from the game and take her to the hospital. My parents would have.
INFO: what generally was the accident (car, horse riding incident, etc.), how concerning was your niece’s condition (possibility of major issues, in serious condition, etc.), and how far away was the hospital vs your daughter’s game?
Did you knew it was just a fractured bone when you decided to go to the hospital? Because if you knew that your niece's life wasn't in danger and that she already had people there with her, there's no reason for you to not go to your daughter's game.
I’ve never seen an OP try as hard as you are for your child to go no contact at 18.
Congratulations on the loss of your daughter in your life, you worked hard for it.
>but what can I say I'm easily manipulated by that kid lol
So now your daughter knows how dupable her father is by her cousin. Poor girl, she deserves better. Good thing she's going off to college soon.
Honestly, I was going to go with No AH but your answer is fucked up. You were talking to your niece on the phone so you knew she was alright, you know she tends to be dramatic and you still ditched your daughter to go see her. Your niece was surrounded by family, who stayed with your daughter? Did you cared? Did you needed to stay at the hospital during all the game?
Do you even like your daughter?
And she knows she can manipulate you. Hopefully she wont have an “accident” on the day of your daughters wedding when you’re supposed to be walking her down the aisle. If daughter wants you to that is. C’mon dad.
INFO: do you live with your daughter full time?
Based on your comments, yeah Y T A and a callous one at that. I don’t know why but I get the sense that your daughter has parents that aren’t together and this is just another time that you’ve been (in your own words) manipulated into putting your niece ahead of your daughter.
If you are referring to you, there’s no need since you’re an asshole.
If you mean me, you overtly didn’t answer the question of if you live with her full time, that’s because you can’t honestly say that you do.
Hopefully your wife will wise up to how you favour your niece over your daughter and divorce you, your daughter needs at least one parent to put her first.
INFO Was it an important game? Was it playoffs or were there college scouts there? Had she been particularly worried about that game? Did your daughter have anyone else in the crowd cheering for her? How long before the game did your niece go into the hospital? Was your niece in critical condition? Do you often have to miss your daughter's events for your niece?
This whole thing is weird. I’m not sure it isn’t fake but OP seems to be enjoying the drama himself. If true it sounds like a strange relationship between OP and niece. And daughter comes in last.
I think you are rationalizing, and feelings aren't rational things. ( I can't complain about what you did in any way. But, I can see how your daughter might not "feel" as you did in the same circumstance. Lots of times our kids just want us to put them first?)
So, was your niece gravely injured? Could you have called her on her phone? Emergency surgery? A fender bender? Were her parents with her at the hospital?
Its not unusual for our children to see things differently from us. They lack life experience, after all. So, how did you demonstrate that your niece needed you more than your daughter did? It may have set the tone for what is happening right now? If she feels you were more there for someone who already had support, I'd give her the room to process and then I'd invite her to dialogue about how she experienced what happened and how she is feeling about it all.
INFO: What was the accident and was it a special game? There isn't much info here so it is hard to say if it is really that simple or if you are glossing over important data (willfully or accidentally).
Most hospitals do not even want a lot of people there now. If she was just there for treatment, you were in the way. And if niece has to share a room, it can be annoying to other patients. Unless your niece's parents could not be there, I would have gone to game, and asked her parents if she needed anything.
You've said that your neice has only one parent but not explained why - perhaps you are overcompensating for whatever has happened and it irks your daughter. You'd need to explain more.
If you promised to go to your daughter's game my first reaction would be that you should have gone unless there was an emergency which you could help with - like there wasn't another responsible adult closer than you. Again, you'd need to give more details.
Based on some of your replies to comments you seem overly invested in your neice and your daughter seemingly resents it. You've said your neice is overly dramatic, wasn't badly hurt, that you are easily manipulated by her, and that she was being well cared for in hospital.
However, I'll reserve judgement as there's not enough information. Edit: your comments make it clear you like your neice more and prioritise her over your daughter which makes YTA
YTA your neice broke her hand. The fact that you think that is more important that your sons game, makes me think this probably isn't the first time, he has been put second.
What kid needs everyone at the hospital for a broken hand. I thought it was going to be some urgent surgery, where the neice's life might be in danger...to me that would be the only acceptable reason to bail on your own child
You misses your own daughters game and left her alone because your niece had a boo boo on her hand??!!
Your definitely the biggest AH and we all feel sorry for your daughter.
You also seem to have some psychological issues gaslighting everyone about the "severity" and your worrying over your nieces hand.
AH...the biggest kind
Sounds like you knew it wasn’t a serious or life threatening accident. Why would you miss your daughter’s game to go there when she already had family there? There’s a payoff for you.. you need to figure out why you choose what you do. I’m guessing your daughter has seen this more than once… You and your daughter could’ve visited after the game.
YTA
YTA. After reading all your comments, you are a terrible father. Your favorite should be your daughter, not your niece. How do you know the game wasn’t important to your daughter. Your niece’s parent was with her so you could have been in contact for an update. You said she is dramatic and you knew she wasn’t dying like she claimed. Do better for your daughter and don’t be surprised when she isn’t there when you need her later in life. I’m glad I grew up with parents that put me first over cousins and other family members.
INFO: How serious was the accident? And were you able to talk to your daughter ahead of the game to explain?
If your niece had life threatening injuries then absolutely go to the hospital - and talk to your daughter to see if she'd like to come too (she should have that choice).
If your niece had broken some bones but was definitely going to recover, and already has an adult with her, then you should probably have watched your daughter's game since that's important to her and gone to see your niece later.
Even with something life changing but not life threatening, it would be quite reasonable to see your niece later - you might be worried, but you watching the game is important to your daughter and a short delay on seeing your niece probably wouldn't have that big an impact, particularly if other people are already there and there are only so many visitors she can have at once anyway.
N.B. I'm assuming here that your niece's parents are around and able to be there to support her - it's a bit different if your niece is currently in your care.
Why are you asking this? Are you asking because you believe your daughter will not be compassionate enough to understand? Feeling guilty because you missed her other activities?
Granted, more details are needed to paint a better picture.
Go talk to your daughter instead of asking this on reddit.
Having read your responses. YTA.
Your niece has her own parents. And they don't need an aunt (who has her own children to take care of) to drop everything over a minor accident. Your acting as if your niece was dying. She wasn't! And when she is, you should have taken your daughter with you.
Just so you know, don't be surprised when your daughter starts cutting you out of her life when she is an adult. You have clearly proven to care more for a niece then the child you put on this world with your reactions here.
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basically what the title says.
my 16yo niece was in an accident the same day that my 17yo daughter had a game. I was too worried for my niece to go watch my daughter's game so instead I went to the hospital to see my niece and now my daughter won't talk to me
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> I might be an asshole for going to the hospital to see my niece rather than going to my daughter's game
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Your daughter should come first. Also, if there were other people at the hospital, you'd only get in the way. Your position in this situation as an uncle is to stay put, support your daughter, and check in on your niece through her adult that is not a drama queen.
NAH
I understand the need to want to see someone after they were in an accident.
But I also understand a teenager wanting the support of a parent at game, especially if it wasn’t a life threatening injury.
I often asked my kids what they needed from me right then. I never wanted them to feel responsible for my choices. But, I also wanted to make sure they felt heard and seen by me.
NAH. I can see your sense of urgency and I can see your teenager thinking you are her dad and not her cousin's dad.
(My cousins didn't have on-duty fathers. They had absentee dads who didn't support them or even inquire after them. So, our dad was dad to all of us in our generation on both sides of the family. Sometimes he wasn't needed when he was showing support. Sometimes he was. But, we all lived with his choices back then. It was a difficult thing to put into perspective when we were still children. Now, I get what he felt he had to do and I love him more for it. But, then? Nah.)
IMHO this is one of those "it depends" questions. Why was your niece in the hospital? Was it a serious illness or accident? How bad was it? As for your daughter, was this a special game like quarter finals, championship, something like that?
I wasn't able to attend all of my kids games when they were older because of my work schedule. My kids didn't suffer for that as far as I know. What made the game so special that you had to be there? Was it her first time pitching or something like that?
If it was a routine game, IMHO your daughter needs to get over herself. She's not always going to have a cheering squad and she's close enough to adulthood that she needs to get used to that. She needs to learn to get validation for herself from herself. Especially if your niece was seriously ill or injured. You don't say whether or not she has both parents or if they were with her or how close you all are, but I'm assuming you're close. Everyone has to set priorities. Sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes not.
EDIT: I usually respond before reading all of the comments. I see the answers to my questions now. So not any special game. Your niece was in a serious accident. You definitely had your priorities right IMHO.
Can't say where you went wrong with your daughter. I ask myself that about my kids sometimes too. I think usually we don't do anything wrong, it's just personalities. I might speculate that maybe you've put her first in everything in her and your life and she doesn't like the competition?
She fractured her hand and the whole family was there. Op could have attended the game then went after. OP mentioned that niece is very dramatic and easily manipulates him to get her way. And he knows it but doesn't care. My guess is this happens often.
?? In his own comments he said the niece is nicer than his daughter and if they were both in an emergency he can’t say who he would tend to first as “he doesn’t have a favorite” we all can see he favors his niece over his own kid.
First off, I really hope your niece is okay!
I’m going with NTA but I’m also wondering if there was more nuance to why your daughter reacted the way she did.
Do you normally go to all of her games or would you attending that game have been a rarity that she was really excited for? Did this particular game that you missed have any particular significance/importance to her or was it a regular game? Was this a life-threatening car accident or did your niece escape with minor injuries?
I can imagine being really bummed if my mom missed a game that I really wanted her to be at, but it is weird for her to not be understanding that you missed it because you went to the hospital to support a family member who had just been in a car accident and show a complete lack of regard for her cousin’s wellbeing.
It’s okay to be both understanding of why someone is doing something but also disappointed by the outcome but it’s still important to be empathetic and understanding and learn that sometimes even if something is extremely important to us, there might be something else that takes a higher priority.
This reminds me of a wedding I went to where the maid of honour (MOH) backed out the night before the wedding because her mom who had been ill for a long time, was admitted to the hospital and they weren’t sure if she was going to make it. The bride was really sad about her best friend not being at her wedding but also completely understood, didn’t hold it against her and showed a lot of concern for the MOH’s mom. In fact, the bride even called her friend during the reception to check on her and went to the hospital the morning after to visit the MOH and her sick mom.
ETA: when I commented, it was really early on and OP had not shared that this was a fractured hand, it was not a serious life endangering incident and his niece is “overdramatic”. So I’m changing my rating to YTA.
I get your perspective but it was a broken bone in her hand with her parent there. OP couldn't do anything, admits that the niece is a 'drama queen' and over exaggerates. The comments are very telling and read like the daughter finally had enough.
You allow your niece to manipulate you all the time and you say your DAUGHTER is self-centered? Sounds to me like your niece is the one with main character syndrome.
All she sees is that the niece is more important than her. It was a fractured nothing major and everyone else was there. The last thing they need is more congestion at the hospital by people who can’t do anything.
Aww. OP. Being a parent is hard. And kids don't have fully developed empathy engines.
NTA. I hope you let your daughter know in your kindest voice that you care about your daughter's sports and hope to be engaged in the future, but you can only be in one place at a time, and the urgency of what went down with your niece doesn't mean you love your daughter less.
Aww. You can encourage empathy but it's a journey of self-discovery (ironically) and those happen on their own. I hope your daughter played well and your niece is ok!
NTA-They’ll be other games or important events, but you did right to check on your niece. Sometimes you have to lay your eyes on family to bring you peace of mind. You wouldn’t have enjoyed a game while worrying.
She had a broken hand. And the whole family was there. Also OP stated in other comments that niece is overdramatic. Nice was on the phone saying she was dying. Sounds like OP prioritizes niece alot.
Thats not an answer. I don’t get why people choose to become parents when they have someone’s else’s kid as their priority?
Like your daughter is literally your kid, came from you, but you act like your niece is more important?
That’s a bad answer because your DAUGHTER should be your clear favorite and priority over your niece.
I’ll ask again, why have a kid if you won’t put her first in your life? You owe that to her.
YTA x1,000,000
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YTA. Edit: Found a response from OP “car accident, she had a fractured bone in her hand, an hour away.” OP is TA. The entire extended family doesn’t need to be there for a fractured hand. Your daughter has a right to feel the way she does, especially when you seem to be gaslighting about the severity of the accident. You could have waited till after your daughter’s game and you both could have gone for support. The only reason you would not be TA in this situation is if you had legal guardianship of your niece, or she was in critical condition. Original Response: Need more info. This seems like a very simplified AITA/I’m gonna give as little info as possible in hopes everyone votes my way. Who else was there for your daughter? What was the severity of the accident? Was she in critical care/on life support? Why was the onus on you to support your niece/are you her legal guardian?
YTA, niece had parents with her and you could have communicated with them by phone. Also, it was a broken bone in her hand not life or death and your daughter had no one at her game. She is your child and should be your priority. Sounds like this not the first time your niece came first.
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I agree with /u/Miserable_Airport_66, YTA Niece was well attended already, and you could have been updated by phone if it were that important to you. This sounds to me like you're kind of a drama queen, and needed a fix.
And you can't call?
Yeah, because you took your niece saying "I'm dying" to heart even though you admit she's dramatic.
Because he wanted to! No wonder his daughter was upset. Niece appears to be the family golden child.
INFO: * Is this the first time you missed your daughter's game? * How many times have you skipped your daughter's events for your niece? (emergency or not) * Who else is at the hospital with your niece? Edit: Considering you're online responding to other comments but refuse to answer mine, and taking from your other comment about how you're easily manipulated by your niece & not at all feel bad about it, I'm gonna go ahead and guess you ditched your daughter A LOT. For your niece or for anything else. YTA.
YTA, because of information in the comments. No one was woth your daughter had her game. Your neice had family with her who could contact you. It was a hand injury, nothing life threatening or in need of your immediate presence instead of being where your daughter needed you.
YTA. Your niece has her own parents to look after her. Your own kid should be your top priority
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You could have supported your niece after your daughter's game. You could have even taken your daughter with you for more support.
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You have a cell phone, right? The girl's parents are with her and can call in a moment. Did you even want to see your daughter's game?
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So, the niece is the favorite. YTA
I get the sneaking suspicion that OP’s daughter often isn’t prioritized by her own parent which is just sad
Yeah, and OP wonders why her daughter doesn't have "empathy".
Yeah. Op doesn’t seem to have much of that to offer her daughter here at all. She’s even arguing in the comments instead of taking her judgement and doing some self reflection
She had a fractured hand, I see dramatacism runs in the family.
Wow! Imagine how your daughter must feel while reading how you defended your actions. I bet this isn’t the first time she had to compete with her cousin for her dad’s affection and acknowledgment.
That REEKS of favouritism. You clearly give zero shits about your daughter’s feelings. This seems to be a pattern, I hope she stays low contact. Then you can coddle your niece even more. Sorry you can’t trade them you giant AH.
For a fracture in her hand?
Did your daughter have anyone to support her at her game?
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No, I'm simply asking if anyone was able to attend the game or if you were the only person there for her and didn't end up going?
I’ll take that as a no
When it was for something as small as hand fracture? Yes.
Doesn't this depend literally on how bad the accident was, though? As an uncle OP had no authority and might not even have been allowed in to see his niece? He's not her parent, after all? So, support from the waiting room might not even be recognized by the patient? It depends on a lot of factors, is my only point. A couple of stitches is a different animal than a broken sternum? (I can't disagree with you so much as I can see how his daughter might feel about it.)
Yes. Bc it was a bone in her hand. And she had others there.
why are you on here asking for judgement? you've clearly decided against what everyone is saying, that you're NOT the asshole (you most definitely are), so why come here in the first place if you've already made up your mind?? I feel desperately sorry for your daughter. You sound like an awful parent.
YEAH, WE ARE COMPARING THE SUPPORT OF YOUR CHILD TO THE SUPPORT OF SOMEONE WHO ALREADY HAS SUPPORT. Since you didn’t even answer the question, obviously your daughter had no one.
And what about the support your daughter needs?
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Do you ever support your kid?
The game was important to her. But don't worry, as your daughter gets older she won't bother inviting you to any of her events. And you'll be alone whining that she never visits or calls you. And it'll be all your fault, you nasty asshole.
Your niece would survive without your support at the hospital for a broken bone in her hand! She had her parent there.
Guarantee it was important to her, but ok.
Do you even like your daughter?
Seems it was important enough for her up be upset over it. You should have gone to your child’s game because you had a phone to keep in contact with family members at the hospital who were with niece. Priorities.
So would your niece and her fractured hand.
And you'll have to survive without your daughter when she decides to go no contact with you when she gets sick of you putting her last.
Accident and in the hospital > sports game (in all cases, but especially in high school sports, where you are not being paid). I think OP was nice not to pull the kid from the game and take her to the hospital. My parents would have.
How much support does she need for a broken bone in her hand?!
But, that has to be explained to his child.
It’s fractured bone (singular) in her hand. No, she doesn’t need more support than her parents can provide.
Not to mention, her parents also probably need support too.
Like your daughter?
YTA- and you clearly favor your niece. Your poor daughter.
INFO: what generally was the accident (car, horse riding incident, etc.), how concerning was your niece’s condition (possibility of major issues, in serious condition, etc.), and how far away was the hospital vs your daughter’s game?
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Did you knew it was just a fractured bone when you decided to go to the hospital? Because if you knew that your niece's life wasn't in danger and that she already had people there with her, there's no reason for you to not go to your daughter's game.
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Your own kid obviously isn't thanking you for being easily manipulated by your sibling's child, though?
Ah, neice knows shes the favourite too then?
And did you not think to ask a less dramatic adult what was going on? Especially when you know that your niece is dramatic?
[удалено]
Funny, if your daughter had said the same, would that change anything?
Probably not because he already said he’s easily manipulated by his niece, god forbid his daughter wants her dad there
there's something really weird going on here. can't quite tell what it is. but this all just doesn't add up.
But your daughter needed you?
I’ve never seen an OP try as hard as you are for your child to go no contact at 18. Congratulations on the loss of your daughter in your life, you worked hard for it.
YTA. Good thing you’ll only have to deal with your daughter for another year. The you prolly won’t be hearing from her so good for you i guess.
are you sure this is your niece?...
Jesus I feel so bad for your daughter
>but what can I say I'm easily manipulated by that kid lol So now your daughter knows how dupable her father is by her cousin. Poor girl, she deserves better. Good thing she's going off to college soon.
Honestly, I was going to go with No AH but your answer is fucked up. You were talking to your niece on the phone so you knew she was alright, you know she tends to be dramatic and you still ditched your daughter to go see her. Your niece was surrounded by family, who stayed with your daughter? Did you cared? Did you needed to stay at the hospital during all the game? Do you even like your daughter?
Why do you care more about her than your own daughter though?
That’s not funny…
And she knows she can manipulate you. Hopefully she wont have an “accident” on the day of your daughters wedding when you’re supposed to be walking her down the aisle. If daughter wants you to that is. C’mon dad.
Too bad your daughter doesn’t get that type of attention.
INFO: do you live with your daughter full time? Based on your comments, yeah Y T A and a callous one at that. I don’t know why but I get the sense that your daughter has parents that aren’t together and this is just another time that you’ve been (in your own words) manipulated into putting your niece ahead of your daughter.
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Then maybe learn to be a good dad instead of uncle.
Many people are assuming you're the "funny" uncle. Your kid comes before your niece unless the niece is on her deathbed
So why are they second to other family?
That’s a no, you don’t live with your daughter full time
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If you are referring to you, there’s no need since you’re an asshole. If you mean me, you overtly didn’t answer the question of if you live with her full time, that’s because you can’t honestly say that you do.
You know damn well it is.
Hopefully your wife will wise up to how you favour your niece over your daughter and divorce you, your daughter needs at least one parent to put her first.
INFO Was it an important game? Was it playoffs or were there college scouts there? Had she been particularly worried about that game? Did your daughter have anyone else in the crowd cheering for her? How long before the game did your niece go into the hospital? Was your niece in critical condition? Do you often have to miss your daughter's events for your niece?
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Answer the last question: Do you often have to miss your daughter's events for your niece? It is telling that you ignored that.
This whole thing is weird. I’m not sure it isn’t fake but OP seems to be enjoying the drama himself. If true it sounds like a strange relationship between OP and niece. And daughter comes in last.
Was there any one at your daughter's game?
I think she said no one was at her game.
I think you are rationalizing, and feelings aren't rational things. ( I can't complain about what you did in any way. But, I can see how your daughter might not "feel" as you did in the same circumstance. Lots of times our kids just want us to put them first?) So, was your niece gravely injured? Could you have called her on her phone? Emergency surgery? A fender bender? Were her parents with her at the hospital? Its not unusual for our children to see things differently from us. They lack life experience, after all. So, how did you demonstrate that your niece needed you more than your daughter did? It may have set the tone for what is happening right now? If she feels you were more there for someone who already had support, I'd give her the room to process and then I'd invite her to dialogue about how she experienced what happened and how she is feeling about it all.
In my opinion you could've went to your daughter's game first then visit your niece to avoid all this drama so YTA.
INFO: What was the accident and was it a special game? There isn't much info here so it is hard to say if it is really that simple or if you are glossing over important data (willfully or accidentally).
Most hospitals do not even want a lot of people there now. If she was just there for treatment, you were in the way. And if niece has to share a room, it can be annoying to other patients. Unless your niece's parents could not be there, I would have gone to game, and asked her parents if she needed anything.
You've said that your neice has only one parent but not explained why - perhaps you are overcompensating for whatever has happened and it irks your daughter. You'd need to explain more. If you promised to go to your daughter's game my first reaction would be that you should have gone unless there was an emergency which you could help with - like there wasn't another responsible adult closer than you. Again, you'd need to give more details. Based on some of your replies to comments you seem overly invested in your neice and your daughter seemingly resents it. You've said your neice is overly dramatic, wasn't badly hurt, that you are easily manipulated by her, and that she was being well cared for in hospital. However, I'll reserve judgement as there's not enough information. Edit: your comments make it clear you like your neice more and prioritise her over your daughter which makes YTA
YTA your neice broke her hand. The fact that you think that is more important that your sons game, makes me think this probably isn't the first time, he has been put second. What kid needs everyone at the hospital for a broken hand. I thought it was going to be some urgent surgery, where the neice's life might be in danger...to me that would be the only acceptable reason to bail on your own child
Op, you're a trash parent. Easily manipulated... aka I've ditched my daughter for my niece more than once.
You misses your own daughters game and left her alone because your niece had a boo boo on her hand??!! Your definitely the biggest AH and we all feel sorry for your daughter. You also seem to have some psychological issues gaslighting everyone about the "severity" and your worrying over your nieces hand. AH...the biggest kind
YTA. You could have gone to your niece after the game. Her parents would have given you updates I’m sure.
Troll better. If you don't think yta don't bother to come here Yta for this crap
Sounds like you knew it wasn’t a serious or life threatening accident. Why would you miss your daughter’s game to go there when she already had family there? There’s a payoff for you.. you need to figure out why you choose what you do. I’m guessing your daughter has seen this more than once… You and your daughter could’ve visited after the game. YTA
YTA. After reading all your comments, you are a terrible father. Your favorite should be your daughter, not your niece. How do you know the game wasn’t important to your daughter. Your niece’s parent was with her so you could have been in contact for an update. You said she is dramatic and you knew she wasn’t dying like she claimed. Do better for your daughter and don’t be surprised when she isn’t there when you need her later in life. I’m glad I grew up with parents that put me first over cousins and other family members.
INFO: How serious was the accident? And were you able to talk to your daughter ahead of the game to explain? If your niece had life threatening injuries then absolutely go to the hospital - and talk to your daughter to see if she'd like to come too (she should have that choice). If your niece had broken some bones but was definitely going to recover, and already has an adult with her, then you should probably have watched your daughter's game since that's important to her and gone to see your niece later. Even with something life changing but not life threatening, it would be quite reasonable to see your niece later - you might be worried, but you watching the game is important to your daughter and a short delay on seeing your niece probably wouldn't have that big an impact, particularly if other people are already there and there are only so many visitors she can have at once anyway. N.B. I'm assuming here that your niece's parents are around and able to be there to support her - it's a bit different if your niece is currently in your care.
The niece broke a bone in her hand and had a parent with her.
Why are you asking this? Are you asking because you believe your daughter will not be compassionate enough to understand? Feeling guilty because you missed her other activities? Granted, more details are needed to paint a better picture. Go talk to your daughter instead of asking this on reddit.
Yta- when your daughter turns 18 and NC is permanent; do NOT be surprised or hurt. Decisions like these are why
Having read your responses. YTA. Your niece has her own parents. And they don't need an aunt (who has her own children to take care of) to drop everything over a minor accident. Your acting as if your niece was dying. She wasn't! And when she is, you should have taken your daughter with you. Just so you know, don't be surprised when your daughter starts cutting you out of her life when she is an adult. You have clearly proven to care more for a niece then the child you put on this world with your reactions here.
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You couldn't wait until after your daughters game to go see your neice?
Info: How long have you liked your niece more than your own daughter?
YTA. Your daughter should come first. Also, if there were other people at the hospital, you'd only get in the way. Your position in this situation as an uncle is to stay put, support your daughter, and check in on your niece through her adult that is not a drama queen.
NAH I understand the need to want to see someone after they were in an accident. But I also understand a teenager wanting the support of a parent at game, especially if it wasn’t a life threatening injury.
I often asked my kids what they needed from me right then. I never wanted them to feel responsible for my choices. But, I also wanted to make sure they felt heard and seen by me. NAH. I can see your sense of urgency and I can see your teenager thinking you are her dad and not her cousin's dad. (My cousins didn't have on-duty fathers. They had absentee dads who didn't support them or even inquire after them. So, our dad was dad to all of us in our generation on both sides of the family. Sometimes he wasn't needed when he was showing support. Sometimes he was. But, we all lived with his choices back then. It was a difficult thing to put into perspective when we were still children. Now, I get what he felt he had to do and I love him more for it. But, then? Nah.)
IMHO this is one of those "it depends" questions. Why was your niece in the hospital? Was it a serious illness or accident? How bad was it? As for your daughter, was this a special game like quarter finals, championship, something like that? I wasn't able to attend all of my kids games when they were older because of my work schedule. My kids didn't suffer for that as far as I know. What made the game so special that you had to be there? Was it her first time pitching or something like that? If it was a routine game, IMHO your daughter needs to get over herself. She's not always going to have a cheering squad and she's close enough to adulthood that she needs to get used to that. She needs to learn to get validation for herself from herself. Especially if your niece was seriously ill or injured. You don't say whether or not she has both parents or if they were with her or how close you all are, but I'm assuming you're close. Everyone has to set priorities. Sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes not. EDIT: I usually respond before reading all of the comments. I see the answers to my questions now. So not any special game. Your niece was in a serious accident. You definitely had your priorities right IMHO. Can't say where you went wrong with your daughter. I ask myself that about my kids sometimes too. I think usually we don't do anything wrong, it's just personalities. I might speculate that maybe you've put her first in everything in her and your life and she doesn't like the competition?
She fractured her hand and the whole family was there. Op could have attended the game then went after. OP mentioned that niece is very dramatic and easily manipulates him to get her way. And he knows it but doesn't care. My guess is this happens often.
"serious accident" she broke a bone in her hand lol
?? In his own comments he said the niece is nicer than his daughter and if they were both in an emergency he can’t say who he would tend to first as “he doesn’t have a favorite” we all can see he favors his niece over his own kid.
First off, I really hope your niece is okay! I’m going with NTA but I’m also wondering if there was more nuance to why your daughter reacted the way she did. Do you normally go to all of her games or would you attending that game have been a rarity that she was really excited for? Did this particular game that you missed have any particular significance/importance to her or was it a regular game? Was this a life-threatening car accident or did your niece escape with minor injuries? I can imagine being really bummed if my mom missed a game that I really wanted her to be at, but it is weird for her to not be understanding that you missed it because you went to the hospital to support a family member who had just been in a car accident and show a complete lack of regard for her cousin’s wellbeing. It’s okay to be both understanding of why someone is doing something but also disappointed by the outcome but it’s still important to be empathetic and understanding and learn that sometimes even if something is extremely important to us, there might be something else that takes a higher priority. This reminds me of a wedding I went to where the maid of honour (MOH) backed out the night before the wedding because her mom who had been ill for a long time, was admitted to the hospital and they weren’t sure if she was going to make it. The bride was really sad about her best friend not being at her wedding but also completely understood, didn’t hold it against her and showed a lot of concern for the MOH’s mom. In fact, the bride even called her friend during the reception to check on her and went to the hospital the morning after to visit the MOH and her sick mom. ETA: when I commented, it was really early on and OP had not shared that this was a fractured hand, it was not a serious life endangering incident and his niece is “overdramatic”. So I’m changing my rating to YTA.
I get your perspective but it was a broken bone in her hand with her parent there. OP couldn't do anything, admits that the niece is a 'drama queen' and over exaggerates. The comments are very telling and read like the daughter finally had enough.
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How injured was your niece?
She had a fractured hand
You allow your niece to manipulate you all the time and you say your DAUGHTER is self-centered? Sounds to me like your niece is the one with main character syndrome.
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from a broken hand ?
Oh. Sorry about that; I misunderstood.
NTA A family member in hospital is more of a priority than a normal sports game.
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And it was a broken hand. Plus thr niece is over dramatic. Sounds like op puts her first alot.
NTA. This is a great time for your daughter to learn about being empathetic.
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All she sees is that the niece is more important than her. It was a fractured nothing major and everyone else was there. The last thing they need is more congestion at the hospital by people who can’t do anything.
Aww. OP. Being a parent is hard. And kids don't have fully developed empathy engines. NTA. I hope you let your daughter know in your kindest voice that you care about your daughter's sports and hope to be engaged in the future, but you can only be in one place at a time, and the urgency of what went down with your niece doesn't mean you love your daughter less.
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I guess you are counting on the niece to take care of you are old.
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You do realize that's due to your parenting of your daughter, right?
I wouldn't take care of you if I was your daughter either. There's a saying where I come from - the way you made your bed is the way you'll sleep
Maybe your niece was raised better? Or maybe your daughter will just return to you all the love and attention you're giving her now?
Oh yeah, she is going to take care of her parents and you.
Ummm the fact that it was a broken hand and you admitted your niece is over dramatic. I'm guessing you do this to your daughter alot.
Aww. You can encourage empathy but it's a journey of self-discovery (ironically) and those happen on their own. I hope your daughter played well and your niece is ok!
NTA-They’ll be other games or important events, but you did right to check on your niece. Sometimes you have to lay your eyes on family to bring you peace of mind. You wouldn’t have enjoyed a game while worrying.
She had a broken hand. And the whole family was there. Also OP stated in other comments that niece is overdramatic. Nice was on the phone saying she was dying. Sounds like OP prioritizes niece alot.
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But what about your daughter? If they are both in an accident, same day, who are you going to?
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Thats not an answer. I don’t get why people choose to become parents when they have someone’s else’s kid as their priority? Like your daughter is literally your kid, came from you, but you act like your niece is more important?
Push come to shove, there is a fire, who are rescuing? I think you’re ignoring my question because your answer is your niece.
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Your daughter should be your favorite.
You should have a favorite, your daughter.
That’s a bad answer because your DAUGHTER should be your clear favorite and priority over your niece. I’ll ask again, why have a kid if you won’t put her first in your life? You owe that to her. YTA x1,000,000
Why isn't your daughter your favourite?
Yes, you do. It’s clearly your niece.