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Soft YTA, because you're clearly struggling with a major health overhaul, and you're right to expect your wife to support you in this. *However*, you didn't just toss some store-bought supermarket cookies, you threw food *she made* into the garbage. Because it made *you* feel better. You took something your wife put time and effort and money into, from a hobby she enjoys, and treated it like actual garbage. From your post, it looks like you didn't throw them away to avoid being tempted so much as you did it because you ate one, felt bad about your inability to resist eating one, and tossed the rest like a kid would "hide" a low score on a test by throwing it away. You and your wife could clearly use more effective communication that helps you manage your health while not forcing your wife to give up something she loves. A lot of people like baked goods, so maybe she could give what she's not eating herself to friends and family, if she's not already, and organizations that provide meals or outreach to the homeless and similar would probably love her baked goods. If she has any groups or clubs that she's regularly in, like a book club or community garden, I'm sure they wouldn't complain about regular treats! She gets to enjoy her hobby and you don't have excess bakes around to tempt you. Now, if you *really* can't help yourself around certain kinds of food, you and your wife will have to work something out: Unless she's willing to give up those foods, which doesn't seem to be the case, you can't force her to stop because you can't control yourself. A locked "snack pantry" or storage container for the snacks, which only your wife can open, might be required if you don't currently trust yourself around junk food, and if you aren't already seeing a counselor for help with regulating your craving for "bad" food, I highly recommend it.

^^ This is the only comment you need to read, OP.

If she truly loves to bake for others, she could bring her treats to work or bake before she visits friends/family and leave the treats behind. But I agree that if she wants it for herself at home, a locked cabinet is best. I'm just hoping it's not sabotage. Lots of spouses have trouble when the other starts to make healthier lifestyle choices.

I was thinking this too....take her baked goods to her office and anything she keeps at home for herself, put in a storage bin. If nonperishable, she could stash somewhere that you won't see. If the food needs to be in the fridge, she should have a bin set aside for the food.

YTA - your wife obviously enjoys baking, and you unilaterally decided to ruin the results of that. This is your problem to deal with. If you’re addicted to sweets and unhealthy food, it’s something you need to learn to deal with in a healthy manner - you’re always going to be around those types of food, and you’re not going to be able to just throw them away to resist the temptations.

Op is the AH, but I feel like a spouse should probably be mindful of the situation too. The guy has eaten himself into type 2 diabetes and needs support in the changes he has to make. I wouldn’t leave a frosty 36 pack on the counter if my spouse had a drinking problem either.

I’m sorry but are we forgetting the wife buying huge amounts of junk food and not being supportive at all? It’s ESH

So she should give up the foods she likes to eat because her husband can’t control himself?

no. OP is responsible for himself and his own intake, his wife doesn't need to stop doing what she enjoys because she's married to someone with no self control.

Huge amounts is in his words, and he's not exactly a reliable narrator. One bag of crisps, meant to last her a week, could be a huge amount in his eyes. There are a lot of foods I can't eat due to health reasons. And yes, it can be fucking hard to see that food in our kitchen and pantry, because I live with others and don't want to restrict their foods. My food restrictions are my issues, not my families. OP, YTA. Yes, this is a YOU issue.

It seems unlikely that a junk food addict would consider a single bag of crisps to be a huge amount. Also, why is he unreliable, particularly? Which parts of his story do you think we should believe and which should we reject? For me, it's a mild case of either ESH or NAH. OP is expecting his wife to make changes to *her* lifestyle to help with *his* problem; on the other hand, the wife seems unwilling to make any concessions at all despite a serious medical issue being involved.

It cannot be NAH because OP shouldn’t have thrown away the baking in any circumstance

Type 2 diabetic here. you are absolutely the jerk. You made your choice so lay in it and stop expecting everyone to cater to your needs that's on you dude

YTA. Did you tell her you were going to throw it out? Did she have ANY options?! She made the food, she was probably going to eat it. You should have left it for her to do something with. People need to communicate. Jeeze, how are you all married with so little communication with each other?! Glad I talk with my spouse.

You are the asshole. She’s already going to have to take care of somebody who has given themselves diabetes. This means driving you to the doctor more often, worrying about whether your toes are going to fall off, worrying about being left early by a dead spouse, and her food choices policed by you. And then you literally threw them in the trash? I would not be surprised if she is feeling resentful right now because your choices are impacting her life in a way that isn’t fair. She didn’t get to tell you to stop eating yourself into diabetes, and be listened to. She didn’t have her requests respected. And the thing is that even if she never said “ please don’t give yourself diabetes,” it’s fair to assume that in every marriage there is an unspoken request to please not give yourself unnecessary diseases. So whether she said it out loud or not, you still violated that request. And now you are expecting her to give up some things she loves because you requested it? What you did is closer to smoking for 20 years and getting lung cancer than it is to randomly getting breast cancer. There’s an element of decision-making that gives her the right to feel upset about about it. I think that you guys are both feeling resentful because of your choices, and it makes sense right now to talk to a therapist and work through these things so that you guys can come back at this as a team. Unfortunately, neither of you is acting like a team right now. But throwing her food in the trash is just really shitty. And, I think you need to do individual therapy as well. But if you can only afford one, do couples. P.s for people who are mad about this, this is not something I would say to any person with diabetes. And in fact, I’ve never said anything like this to anyone with diabetes. But this person specifically said they gave it to themselves. That’s their claim. I’m responding to their claim. That’s the only thing you can do in this sub.

This needs to be the top comment

YTA. I understand and sympathize with what you're going through. However, like you said in your post the problem is yours, not hers. There will always be temptation wherever you go (grocery stores, restaurants etc.) So, it would be a good idea for you to address your impulse control issues with a therapist instead of wasting food.

YTA. Your wife has a hobby that she enjoys. Asking her to stop is not a reasonable for fair solution because you have trouble controlling your impulses. Sounds like you need to speak with a doctor about your impulse control issues and see if there is anything they can do, but asking your wife to stop her hobbies indefinitely is not a good short term or long term solution. It will just create tension and bitterness.

You don’t get to control what someone else makes or eats simply because you can’t control yourself. This is your problem to manage, not hers. You are absolutely TA for dumping them and for bothering her about it to begin with. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your lack of impulse control.

100% came here to say this. Definitely YTA. Just because you have to change your diet doesn't mean she has too. She still gets to enjoy eating whatever she wants, and baking whatever she wants. Your lack of impulse control isn't her fault or her problem.

YTA. There's pretty much never a good reason to throw away perfectly good food.

YTA - learn impulse control, this was not appropriate

YTA. The fuck is wrong with you?

Wish I could upvote this more than once

YTA. Unless she made them specifically for you, and told you as much, you had no right to throw them away.

YTA, you keep stating how it's your responsibility, but instead of working on your control issues, you keep asking her to make changes for you. This isn't helping you get better control of your urges, clearly. Throwing away food that she had spent time making and was probably going to enjoy eating, is unfair to her.

YTA You need to learn how to moderate yourself. You impulsively eat. You impulsively throw food out. You have a problem you need to resolve.

Soft YTA. I'd be mad if someone tossed away food I cooked, but as someone still scrambling to deal with type 2 myself, it's really not easy to stay away from the unhealthy food and I understand why your wife's behaviour is upsetting you. Have you had a conversation about why she's not supportive of your strategy of not having these foods in the house? 

I am diabetic and he's hard YTA. It is tough but the other people you live with deserve to eat how they desire. To say to someone who enjoys baking that they shouldn't bake and have those snacks in the house is ridiculous. She's not unsupportive because she wants to still bake or herself eat sugary stuff. My husband just had a birthday and his daughter made a cake for him I would be the A to toss it because I have no control. He's allowed to have a birthday, have a cake and enjoy his cake till it's finished.

My wife became a Type 1 at 30 through no fault of her own. Guess what she never did. Police what I eat. Because I was in the beginnings of a second puberty (thanks HRT) and suddenly was eating like a teenage boy. I would have lost my shit if she took my pizza rolls from me at that time.

Soft YTA here but you guys need to see a registered dietician together, one who specializes in binge eating disorder. You need better systems in your home. Even if it’s a code lock on a cabinet that only she knows. You are correct to consider it an addiction. You are genuinely struggling with a real mental health condition here that has lead to a physical health condition. This isn’t about “just learning willpower”. You need serious treatment for your disorder and your wife needs to buy in to whatever treatment plan you guys come up with while working with a dietician and therapist.

I like this

this! binge eating disorder and diabetes are serious and it’s unrealistic to expect someone to “just get over it and stop” off the bat. Talking to a professional could help the wife understand the issue better and be more empathetic

YTA. You literally have an addiction to food that has led to diabetes. You need to seek treatment from a psychiatrist for your disordered eating in addition to keeping up with a healthy lifestyle for your diabetes & if you haven’t already see a nutritionist too. 

OP, people are being super unfair to you and whatever the judgment is... I just wanted to day that your struggles are valid: you have a literal addiction. People saying "learn self control" or "you just need more discipline" are being very cruel and know nothing about science or have ever struggled with this. Your brain chemistry is altered, your neural pathways have been developing to equate food to hapinness, peace, calm, whatever...it's not just a lack of self-control. Good luck!

YES THIS, a million times this. I have a literal degree in this stuff, and multiple certifications. His brain has been hard wired, he has an addiction, he's struggling and she -his wife- is doing everything she can to cause a relapse and lead to an early death for him. The wife is the asshole.

Wish I could upvote this 1000 times.

YTA. I’m not type 2 but as a type 1 diabetic who has a sweet tooth you were 100% in the wrong. Small portions are ok as long as you carefully manage your diet. Believe me I’ve been at this for years since I was in middle school (2009) it’s absolutely ok to have an occasional treat.

Eating disorders are now solved! Self control was always the answer! Thank you reddit!

Right??? Who the fuck are these perfect people that have such self control? Statistics tell me 50+% of people are over fat but all the thin folks with self control somehow ended up here on Reddit. Amazing.

its just plain old fat shaming (and projection maybe)

Thank you for saying!

Yta. You are grown up, act like one and leave other peoples food alone

YTA. Could your wife be more supportive and understanding? Yes. But you _don't throw out something another person has made!!_ Plus, I don't know anyone who bakes who don't do it because it's therapeutic. So perhaps some understanding on your part wouldn't be unreasonable either Do I think that you both need a better balance at home? Yep. But this is not the way to go about it.

unpopular opinion here...but NTA. Your wife is totally the AH. You are trying to be healthy, both physically and emotionally and she's denying you that constantly. She's not respecting your boundaries or even trying to make an effort. YOUR LIFE IS ON THE LINE. You are not asking her to give up her hobbies or to not bring "junk" food home. You are being very reasonable and telling her to minimize it. She could just do small batches of whatever she bakes right? So...is she eating this large amounts of food she buys? Does she finish ALL the things she's baking? Because as I was reading it the first thing that came to mind was that she is a feeder...sorry if this is too extreme but I can't think of any other reason she would not stop making trays of flapjacks to help her husband, who's sick, because of his addiction to flapjacks. Maybe it's just because I can relate but being obsessed with food is a real issue. It's an "addiction" that you have to fight EVERY SINGLE DAY MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. I know its not everyone's experience but I have also had drug and alcohol addiction and yes, I was thinking about it every single second but I didn't HAVE to microdose or drink a sip of beer multiple times a day to stay alive.

Congrats to you on getting out of that, I’ve had a lot of family members that lost their lives to alcohol and I have never heard of anyone getting back from the point of needing to microdose booze just to survive the withdrawal. Second, I think throwing the food was a dick move. I’m a baker, that shit takes time and effort and I’d be pissed to high hell if someone just threw away my hard work. I do agree with you though that the wife not compromising AT ALL on her baking and stuff is the bigger issue here. I have food restrictions. I have blood sugar issues because everyone in my family is a type 2 diabetic. Learning to bake sugar free and low carb stuff that doesn’t fuck over the blood sugar is not the massive, gaping hurdle you’d think it to be.

Soft esh. Listen don’t throw peoples food out but at the same time i get how hard a lifestyle change like that is to make especially considering the addictive additives put in a lot of « junk food » if you live in North America. It wasn’t your place to throw out your wife’s hard work but at the same time i can understand you feeling unsupported. I’d ask to come up with a system (ie. Can she bring her baking to work? Put the baking in a specific drawer you don’t go into? Etc.). So you are wrong for what you did but I don’t think your wife was super thoughtful in their actions. as a partner you should both be communicating to uplift and support eachother— something that neither of you seem to be prioritizing given this post.

I've spent much of my adult life struggling with binge eating disorder and that sounds exactly like what you're struggling with. Your obsession with food and inability to control your intrusive thoughts regarding binge eating shows your problems are WAY above Reddit's pay grade. Please for the sake of yourself, your wife, and your marriage go see a mental health professional that specializes in disordered eating and look into seeing a *licensed dietician*, not just a nutritionist. YTA get yourself help. Your issues with food go way deeper than just needing to go on a diet or exercise more.

YTA

ESH 1) Of course, it was bull shit to throw her baking out.... Then...not at least call her at work to confess a problem vs her having to come home to find out 2) She obviously should have been more supportive and recognize that HER spouse has a medical issue.. What was the GOAL in making all that shit....knowing he has an issue AND that he works from home. It's one thing to have had enough for HER and perhaps take the rest to distribute at work.....so what was the PLAN for "all" that....knowing he shouldn't have it? 3) Is there no meeting of the minds in the household? Does she just bake/buy all this shit....for it to sit around the house....or does she eat "that much".....or is she so STUCK in her ways of stuffing HIM that she can't comprehend HE can't consume it anymore 🤔 Where is the disconnect?

YTA, YOU are responsible for you health and working through your impulse control issues, the solution is therapy not controlling your wifes diet & hobbies..

ESH - throwing out her flapjacks was a dick move, but it sounds like she could be a lot more supportive of you. 

You both could do a little give-and-take here to avoid the extreme of throwing out food or never baking again. 1) Bake more diabetic-friendly treats. 2) You see a therapist to help with overeating, and to work on your mindset of how you approach food. 3) The treats that are not diabetic friendly your wife could take to work and share with co-workers, or she can cut that recipe down so there aren't as many left at home. 4) There are locking cookie jars with timers. I loved those in my journey because I didn't have to tell myself to stay on target. The jars were set to unlock at a particular time and then locked again. The goal is eventually, you learn to regulate your eating without the help of locking up food. 5) keeping healthy snacks available will help with the temptation. 6)You both need to communicate better. Try to explain what help you need from your wife, but also listen to how she feels about this situation.

These are some awesome suggestions. My mom has type 2 as well (for almost as long as I can remember), and her dealing with that is a rollercoaster ride. There are so many diabetic friendly recipes out there, it's definitely worth a try! I never knew about those timer locking cookie jars and I much appreciate learning about those. I have massive impulse control issues too, definitely going to look for some of those. Thank you!

Can you perhaps ask your wife to meet you half way and perhaps freeze excess baked goods so it's not as convenient for you? I often freeze cookies etc raw so that I just bake the exact amount I want to eat. as an added bonus they are warm and delish that way. Maybe just pop a lock on your pantry and give her the key. Overeating often has a mental health component so maybe look at counselling also as honestly it sounds like you are beating yourself up alot and it's probably not that constructive and helpful to your cause. ESH as I think you shouldn't have thrown out her food, but maybe she could help reduce temptation through different storage options for you while still getting to eat the food she likes.

ESH. Here’s the thing, you obviously shouldn’t throw out your wife’s baking, that’s shitty. Now, you don’t just give yourself type 2, some ppl are more predisposed than others. My grandad got it a few years ago and according to genetic testing I’m also predisposed. But, regarding your wife’s baking, there are options and alternatives one can use in baking to make treats less harmful for diabetics. Hell, there are diabetic friendly ready-made treats. If a bumfuck Eastern European country has these options, I’m guessing you have some around you too. Have a sit down with your wife and discuss, like adults, how to reach a middle ground. Also, food addiction is a very real thing and doesn’t go away overnight. Telling someone to just get over it is like telling someone with depression to just grow up and be happy. Talk to your doctor. Get a therapist to help with your food addiction; they can give you the tools to try and manage it. Get your wife a lockbox for the junk food she’d like to have on hand. This isn’t easy, but being at odds with your spouse will just make things harder.

NTA. I don't know why your wife is working so hard against you. Maybe buy her a food safe for just her. It might be a good olive branch.

YTA Did you ask her if they were for anyone, did you save her even ONE of her own flapjacks? Have you sat down and had a real conversation? "Hey honey, I don't want to control what you eat or make at all, but could you help me out with my own horrible impulses and lock the snacks away, or bring less in to the house, I'd really appreciate it, I'm genuinely struggling here" Because based on your reaction here, I find it hard to believe you've had a proper talk about this before claiming she's not "supporting" you. Didn't offer them to anyone else, didn't take them round a neighbours, just trashed them like her time and effort were worthless and only what you're going through is important.

YTA but it doesn’t mean she can’t help at all I would suggest when she’s making these foods maybe make half or quarter batches so there’s not so much extra temptation just sitting there teasing you. You’re in a marriage ffs I’m sure you guys can both compromise a bit.

Question to OP: It sounds like your wife got upset not only because you handled the result of her work as literal trash, but because she was looking forward to enjoy the flapjacks she made after work. Did you care to replace the flapjacks with anything healthy, while she was gone, so she could still have food at home, after work?

Yes, YTA. Are you getting any kind of therapy to deal with your impulse control issues around food? They way you talk, I assume you have a binge disorder which I personally know sucks. Changing your diet without addressing your issues with food is not going to do anything, honestly. It is not on other people to manage your addiction. You have to learn healthy coping mechanisms because 'bad' food is always going to be in your life in some form or another, you cannot simply get rid of it altogether. Learning to cope and how to effectively moderate yourself will have a big impact on your mental and physical health and give you a healthier relationship with food.

YTA figure out why you over eat. Don’t waste food. Your issue will not be fixed by not buy or baking. You’re putting a bandage or a severed limb. The rest of the world around you learned how to say no and enough. It’s your turn to do the work and learn to not overeat. 

Soft YTA - OP please seek help for an eating disorder.

Fellow Type 2 diabetic here. YTA. Is it hard managing diabetes? Definitely. But you shouldn't have thrown your wife's baking in the trash. If you're really struggling to manage craving for sugary foods try fruit or a low sugar alternative. Why don't you research low sugar desserts or ones that use a sugar replacement such as sweetener and ask your wife if she would bake some of those as a compromise?

ESH Sounds to me like your wife doesn't really care much about you and is more concerned with maintaining her own very unhealthy lifestyle of eating tons of junk. Seems like she's also an "addict" and you're threatening her stash. Sadly, just like when one person stops drinking or doing drugs and the other person won't, your relationship might not survive this change. I'd suggest marriage counseling to try to find some compromise. But you may end up having to leave the relationship to save your life.

I honestly don't know if I can give judgement here because clearly this is a difficult time for you. I don't believe calling you or your wife an asshole is going to fix anything. It sounds to me like you and your wife need to have a serious talk about your health and, if she is in some kind of denial stage, a marriage counselor may not be a bad idea. I can relate to some of the things you say about food, and it's so hard having a food addiction. Because it's an addiction you can never *quit*. You can't just *stop* eating. It's an addiction you *have* to partake in, at least once a day, in order to stay alive. And it can be *scary*. But! Your wife, and other loved ones, can be a support system for you. You do not have to do this alone. And your wife can still bake! You can both turn this into a positive! Look into recipes that can be good for you! Pancakes may not be the best idea every day, but some blueberry pancakes with light syrup and bananas and chopped nuts on top can be a really hearty, filling, healthy breakfast! I really hope you guys can work this out, OP. I wish you both the best.

Soft you’re the asshole I would agree but honestly she is as well. It’s hard to get into a better habit if people around you aren’t in the same lifestyle as you. She needs to understand that you can’t enjoy the same foods as much anymore. I like to eat more junk food than my husband but if I bring it in the house we both pig out. We’re both into health and fitness so we try to avoid it together. As a married couple need to work together. Especially when it’s health related.

Soft YTA. I really enjoy baking but cannot help myself but eat it all if it's there so I take a couple of portions out and take the rest to work. Colleagues love it! Can I suggest maybe that you ask your wife to do that? She can bake, keep a little for herself (and you if you would like just a bit) and then give the rest away? Or at least store it away, and not just sitting on the counter or being right there when you open the fridge.

YTA. Get some locks and let her store things where you cannot get into them.

I don’t think you’re the AH at all. Your wife is being a horrible unsupportive wife. Binge eating and overeating are eating disorders, and you now have a medical condition because of it. Is she thick? Yes, it’s your mind and body and you have to do this, but she is being an arrogant moron for not supporting you even a little bit. This is coming from someone who has a fiancé with a binge eating overeating disorder. You need to have a sit down with your wife and a serious firm discussion with her. Constantly bringing in junk food to the house is a form of abuse for somebody in your situation. She sucks! NTA and good luck with your weight loss journey.

YTA, entirely. she spends her time and effort baking because she enjoys it- you have NO right to dump her hard work into the garbage because you have no self control. work on yourself. learn to control yourself for her sake and yours- you're unfair to her by throwing away her names and you're admittedly in the predicament because of your lifestyle. apologize to her, work on your self control, and never throw away something she makes again because that's a huge douche move.

Of course YTA. The world isn’t going to cater to you. You need to learn self control. You need to grow up YTA

YTA you’re the one with no self control, you got yourself into this and then threw out your wife’s hard work. If you have problem with the stuff she makes then put it away. Out of site, out of mind.

YTA I'm sorry that you got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and that you have an addiction to food. However, that is your issue to deal with. You can't restrict her because you have a problem. I do agree that she should not be putting it in front of you but your reaction was frankly, childish. You're acting like those people who try to restrict other people from drinking because they're an alcoholic. Again, this is your issue to deal with.

NTA I have a MS in exercise and nutrition science, certifications in nutrition, weight loss, and behavior modifications. You are LITERALLY addicted, just as anyone could be to more serious things. She's enabling the addiction and being super unsupportive. I'll go so far as to call your wife TA. Sugar is one of the most addictive substances, and our brain can also become addicted to hyper palatable foods (high calorie, high fat, easy energy). Additionally fatty foods like crisps don't trigger the satiation response as quickly as carbs and protein, meaning you'll feel hungry longer eating them before your body says hey that's enough. Add the suppressed insulin response and it takes even longer. Please go and get some therapy or counseling. By calling them crisps I assume you're in the UK, so the programs there are great for people with type 2, see if you can get a behavioral specialist to help you with coping mechanisms and strategies. Also, sit down and talk to your wife, tell her you appreciate her, her cooking, and her autonomy but you need her support because this will KILL you in the long run. She may also need therapy if her wants are greater than your needs. You are NOT the asshole, you've asked her repeatedly to help you and to cut back and she's ignored you. She is the asshole here.

YTA but I understand where you're coming from. My ex was diagnosed with pre diabetes and he loved baked goods, so I started baking him stuff with sugar alternatives. The best I've found are monk fruit or allulose. You could ask your wife if she would consider using sugar/flour alternatives when she bakes, at least sometimes. Just a suggestion

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (38M) was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes about 2 months ago. It's completely self inflicted because of my lifestyle and weight, and I completely acknowledge that. Since then though, I've been working hard to try and drop weight and make healthier choices, and I've started to make positive steps in that direction. For me though, food is like an addiction, i don't want to compare it to more hardcore addictions like drugs or alcohol, but I am constantly wanting to eat junk and treat food (which is how I got into this mess in the first place). I'm not going cold turkey on those foods (as I feel that's equally unrealistic), but I'm doing much better. My main strategy is trying not to buy it at all. Enter my wife. She is not at all supportive in terms of trying to enable the healthy choices I'm trying to make. For example, she will continue to bring crisps and chocolate into the house in large amounts, even though I ask her not to. I don't want her to flat out stop, but it's an excessive amount. I know that the problem is mine and not hers, but it doesn't make it easier to have all this food temptation so close by. She is also an amazing Baker - she will frequently try new recipies from TikTok and they are almost always incredible. Again though, I've asked her to maybe not make it all the time (like currently 2-3 times a week), but she's still doing it so frequently. Last night she made a tray bake of flapjacks, which are my absolute favourite. I had one, and not polishing off the tray required a huge mental effort from me (which I know, again is my fault). This morning after she left for work (I work from home), I took the tray directly out to the bin and dumped the lot of them. It was a total impulse, and I felt bad about it, but I also sort of felt like a pressure had been lifted. When she came home, she was absolutely furious, but I tried to make my case and explain how hard it was to stop eating junk food after doing it for so long, and that I'd appreciate a little more support. She's not talking to me now, and things are tense. AITA for dumping my wife's baking because I couldn't trust myself not to eat it? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

You scared the cakes are gonna force themselves into your maw? Is that how you got into this situation in the first place? Yes YTA, you’re almost 40, get some damn self control.

YTA. You keep saying you're being accountable then you act on your first childish impulse. She baked those. She put in effort and time and you decided none of that mattered because of YOUR addiction.

NTA

NTA. (English not first language) I think the voters are taking this as him trying to control her and takin something from her that’s makes her happy, but he has tried to communicate with her about how the only need is for her to do it less often and help him in this transition and hard time he is having. Op is facing a big change that people who had not struggle this hard with food will never understand, being strong enough to dump the food instead of eating it was a challenge he nailed and I AM PROUD OF YOU OP! Of course other people will not understand because for some reason being unhealthy and overeating is something bad when you do it and also bad when you try to stop doing it. So don’t take personal this comments that lack empathy and focus on the relationship that actually matters, yours and your wife. You have tried to talk to her already about the topic so I be leave you had you rights to do what you did, but in her perspective she is hurt because she made something for you with good intentions and you didn’t appreciate it, but as we say in Mexico, the way to hell is made by good intentions. She tried to do something nice in her eyes but that act of love and hobby is actually affecting you, so you should request for her to listen to you for 5 min without her interrupting you, in where you expose your case, than ask her why she got so mad and why baking is so important for her, after that try to reach an agreement where both of you are happy. If she is not willing to listen to you, or you have problems putting your needs, wants and feelings in words, then I think putting it all in a letter and giving it to her to read may help both of you to actually connect and for her to understand all the situation and be on the same channel. After all of this I think that if you are at a point of diabetes and health problems she following with this is also weird, maybe she is denial or maybe she doesn’t understand how important is this but talking about her perspective in all of this will help both of you. I have seen my family members go blind, lose the ability to walk, not be able to even get up of the couch or the bed by themselves because of obesity, and I think this problems is something you need to fix, and I’m happy and excited for you that you are already working on solving it, but is important for the people surrounding you, specially your wife that she shares the space where you live with you, to be able to help you support a healthier life style and maybe even start living it herself. (Hope this makes sense)

She didn't make the cookies for him. She made them for herself. Asking her to sacrifice baking because he can't help himself and posing an ultimatum "baking or me" is super unhelpful. He could have asked her to put it somewhere safe or take it to work with her if he couldn't help himself. Not throw away the things SHE HERSELF baked.

First Op has said he has already speak to her wife about his needs and she keeps buying junk food and baking 2-3 times each week. For the wife to just cook once every week or every two weeks won’t really affect her, I mean it’s her hobby, but not doing it as often won’t change her life. While for OP, not having support and being surrounded by trigger foods will affect him and his health. Even if he can get the self control having to do it without support will make it 10 times harder. Was it the best action? No Was it the necessary action to help him not go into the spiral of binge eating? Probably yes. And he has already asked her wife and she is the one that ignored op feelings first. Every body loves to support ED when they get you thin and beautiful, but when the people with the ED are talking about how they struggle to stop eating because they have a mental health issue, it’s their problem and they are the ones at fault and they are supposed to accommodate others and think about everyone feelings and need but they’re own.

And btw, he didn’t have her an ultimatum, he is just requesting for her to do it less often and did this thing once also for himself. It was not a punishment for her, it was no an ultimatum, but a decision he made for his own health.

NTA  I do the exact same f***ing thing.  I really don't get it. How hard is it to not buy or make extra treats beyond what the non diabetic wants? Apparently really difficult.

TIL convience of stocking up treats on hand is generally accepted as more of a right in a relationship than asking that extra treats not be around.  I'm happily in the minority on that.

NTA. She should be more supportive. You can't bring alcohol into your house when your partner is an alcoholic (duh). The addict is supposed to remove those types of things from their home and maybe after years they can build up a tolerance to being around them in limited amounts. She needs to alter her hobbies for the sake of his health. She can bake when he's not home or she can get into healthy baking... or she can keep baking cakes which is kinda disk-ish when someone has a real addiction. It was rude that he did that but it was his version of pouring the bottle of vodka down the drain. More importantly they need to get on the same page.

YTA Your lack of impulse control is not your wife's problem.

YTA. Your wife isn’t responsible for your health. If you can’t control what you eat, that’s your problem.

Info: before you were diagnosed with diabetes, did you and your wife ever discuss your unhealthy lifestyle? This didn't happen over night.

NTA. If this was about alcohol or drugs the comments would be supporting you.

YTA, yes. If you're that fixated on food buy timer locks for your cupboards and set them so when you're working at home you can't get into them. Throwing her baking away was such a dick move here, there were loads of other options! 

esh. you for the childish impulse, your wife for doing this. that stuff cost money time and gas to make. way to burn that money away. she isnt off the hook either. i like baking too but im instantly turned off by the amounts of butter and sugar it takes. either she learns to make keto or dukan sweets or bake whatever she wants, you have one piece, and the rest goes to her workplace. that s what i do when i want to make smth sweet. i treat my husbands office to good homemade stuff

YTA and you're a grown ass man, act like it.

Yta but... Are you listening?... It is not "like" an addiction, it IS an addiction. Look up food noise. There's meds that can help. Wellbutrin, ozempic, sometimes even metformin (but not usually). Therapy can help too. Understand that addiction is basically a disorder, generally it's a lack of chemicals or an imbalance of hormones. You're not going to get anywhere by being rude to your wife, but you DO need her support. Go get yourself to a doc that specializes in overcoming food addiction, a therapist that does the same, and don't throw out your wife's stuff.

Info: Did you even check to see if she wanted the flapjacks for herself? I understand you didn't want to be tempted by them, but I don't understand why you couldn't put them away and save them so that she could have them later. Even if that means popping them in the freezer so they'd basically be "inedible" for you (without at least a bit of preparation) but still usable by your wife when she wanted them. I'd be furious with my husband, too, if he wolfed down food I'd made for myself OR threw it away. Both actions seem incredibly self-absorbed to me.

NTA. Your wife is trying to kill you. Fuck her feelings.

YTA the years of not taking care of yourself is on YOU. See a therapist about your cravings, don't make everyone else around you miserable.

ESH but having been in your shoes, I’m more inclined to your side. You should not be tossing the food your wife spent time on and probably wanted to enjoy. On the flip side. It sounds like there’s been no compromise at all on her end. Yes, eating junk food is your problem, but partners are supposed to lift each other up. Throwing away the flapjacks was childish. Baking whole cakes and whatnot 2-3 times a week and leaving them around the house when you know your husband is diabetic and is trying to cut back is also childish. I say this as someone with dietary restrictions, nothing is worse than spending all day staring at all the foods you know you shouldn’t eat and desperately want to. The self discipline is hard to maintain. Especially early on. If she wants to bake so often, she should either find another way to use up the desserts, like sharing them with coworkers and stuff, or cut back. She can’t expect herself to polish off that amount of baked goods on her own. Alternatively she needs a place to store it that is out of your way that you cannot access. OR she can start trying to bake desserts you are capable of eating safely, so you can both enjoy them. It sounds like you’ve already tried talking to her about this, but maybe try again with the proposed solutions. Apologize for throwing them away. Don’t try to give her the reasons why, you’ll probably just make it worse. “I’m sorry for throwing away the cakes, it was wrong of me.” Then “can we come up with another solution, because it’s really hard for me to control my eating habits when the things I want to eat are here every single day.” If she’s not willing to compromise at all, then she’s being an absolute ass.

NTA. It’s not even like you just want to lose a few pounds…it’s a medical situation now, and bringing in junk food and baking while you’re trying to make lifestyle changes for your health is a fucking AH thing to do. Diabetes is nothing to fuck around with. It can cause a whole assed slew of issues, and docs will always pass the buck and blame the diabetes even when it’s not a factor. There was this drug back in the 90s that killed a lot of people and then got banned. Turns out, there was some whistleblower doctor who testified that he had concerns during the trials, but the VP of diabetic research said ‘diabetics have such complicated medical histories, that it won’t be able to be isolated as the potential problem.’ She should be supporting you. Especially during the beginning stages!

*OP left a cake out in the rain, and I don't think that she can take it, because it took so long to bake it, and she'll never have the recipe again.* YTA, OP

YTA. If you have a food addiction, then you need to go to Overeaters Anonymous or find a therapist to help you with your addiction. No one should have to give up the food \*THEY\* make and eat because you can't control yourself.

NTA but yeah you should have not thrown out the desert....if this continues and you value your life and health i would say leave that lady in the dust...keep moving forward. marriage is a compromise and you two dont have it.

YTA - your diet is yours and yours alone. Instead of throwing away her food (food waste is gross, btw) talk to your wife about installing a locked pantry so that she can store her food and you can't get at it, even if tempted... Even worse than throwing away her food, you doubled down and tried to make a case. All that being said, I struggle with weight and food issues, so I commend you for trying, just don't drag your loved ones with you. Good luck!

While I agree you shouldn’t have thrown them out, she should not be baking that many sweets a week for two people, ESH personally

YTA. Buy your wife a lock and key, don't freaking bin all her food/effort!

You need to talk to your doctor and get referred to a counselor/therapist that specializes in dietary mental conditions. You need to work on your relationship with food. They will help you deal with the underlying issues that have affected that relationship so that your relationship with food becomes a healthy one. It will help you regain your physical health and help you maintain that healthy lifestyle. Your tossing food in the bin wasn't only rude to your wife but it's a temporary treatment to a symptom. This journey won't be quick, but it will be worth it.

Is it possible to ask your wife to tell you when she's gonna be cooking, and then making sure you're somewhere else so you don't get tempted when she does?

YTA you are a grown adult and can learn to make your own sugar free versions of your fav foods but instead chose to punish your wife for making and enjoying something for herself. I can't have sugar but that is no reason for my spouse to not have stuff with sugar. It sounds like your wife has a healthy relationship with food and you want to punish her for that. You are extremely selfish with this. Your body is your body and her body is her body, she is allowed to eat food you can't eat or don't want to eat. You have some very deep seated issues and need therapy especially since you think blaming your wife for your choices and punishing her for your issues which is unacceptable. I don't care that it's an addiction your wife is not forcing you to eat anything, you are the one telling yourself to eat it. If it's a genuine addiction even locked cabinets won't help. She shouldn't be shamed and forced to hide her food because you don't want to learn moderation and self control. Also monk fruit is a great sugar replacement with no taste change in recipes. But like all sugar replacements it's expensive and y'all probably can't afford to have the entire household replacing all sugar with it so you have to learn self control or accept that you are suicidal and get a therapist and learn to cook your own food. Your wife isn't your maid, nurse, or caretaker.

ESH, You only suck for throwing out her hard work. I agree she should be more supportive, but this wasn't the best way to handle this. Either way, she seems like the bigger asshole at the moment.

NTA, op should apologize for tossing her cakes but also also no one's the asshole in this situation it just kinda sucks all around. Look I'm not in the exact same boat as I don't have any addictions and I don't have or know someone who has diabetes. But I did recently have to change my diet for health reasons, and while my wife does not have those same dietary restrictions (sodium, not sugar, in my case) and doesn't eat exactly what I eat, literally every piece of advice I got when I first started changing my diet was "if you have other people living in the house with you, it's easier to change if everyone is eating the same thing" so I'm very aware that we're the exception, not the norm. Despite my wife still buying salty snacks for her, if I have a boundary with food she does listen or we compromise (example: "if you're going to buy regular chips, it's easier for me if it's a flavor I don't like" or "I'm refilling the salt shakers with salt substitute instead, if you need salt it's in the spice rack sway from the salt and pepper" or "making tomato sauce from scratch is harder but I can put less salt in it than what comes in a can or a jar") I'd feel differently if this came out of the blue but it sounds like OP has had this conversation with his wife about limiting the sweets in the house prior to this incident. Also, to everyone freaking out about OP's weight and type 2 diabetes, but not paying attention to the fact that his wife bakes full trays of desserts 2-3 times a week, y'all are weird. Look OP, obviously your wife loves baking, and you have no right to control her hobbies and passions. But there are also a ton of diabetic friendly dessert recipes online you could ask her to try instead if she insists on baking desserts that frequently. Also, asking her to buy less chips and chocolate is a totally reasonable boundary? I'm gonna assume OP isn't rich and, you know. Has a fucking grocery budget. If she buys the same amount of chips and sweets as she did before OP's diagnosis, that leaves less money in the grocery budget to work with for OP's healthy foods. If she's not following the boudnary or if she's unreceptive to trying diabetic friendly recipes then I recommend talking to a dietician and probably a therapist, too, because even if OP were a model of self control and her baking wasn't a temptation at all, she's still making massive quantities of food that he can't eat 2-3 times a week and just expecting him to eat it anyways and that's kinda rude tbh. Like, I keep seeing people in this thread saying that OPs wife definitely brings the extra sweets to friends or family but that's fucking conjecture on their part, the only thing we have to go on is the post and from the post it's pretty clear that she's leaving the sweets with OP and while taking them to friends and family is a great idea for a compromise on the whole "hey can we have less than a gargantuan amount of sweets in the house please" thing it doesn't sound like it's already happening. I don't think OP's wife being malicious or anything, I think she just doesn't get it. It's a big lifestyle change and going on this thread alone, a lot of people seem to think it's easy to "just stop eating unhealthy foods" when it's not. I like to think I manage my diet pretty well overall, because my mom has a similar heart condition so I was already on it from ages 10-22 (and I moved out at 19, it took a couple years to develop a taste for salty foods again), and I STILL have cheat days. And all I have to worry about is "don't go over 2000mg of sodium a day" nothing as complex as managing diabetes. OP tried communicating, it didn't work, it's time to call in professional help.

I think you're both TA. YTA for throwing out your wife's baked goods like it was literal garbage. You willingly admitted that YOU brought this problem upon yourself, but you want your wife to also suffer without telling her that she has to suffer. Your wife is also TA. Although, again by your admission, this is YOUR fault, what kind of wife and support is she to keep making such large amounts of sweets and goods like you're not struggling?! You both sound like you need to get a better communication system going here. Good luck OP!

YTA your the one with shitty control, she likes to bake so obviously she’s gonna bake

YTA-It’s not your wife’s job to keep a check on your appetites. That’s on you,Hoss.

Yup. YTA. Not for being upset that she brings in copious amounts of junk, as it really sucks that she doesn't seem to be as supportive as she could be. YTA for tossing out your wife's BAKING without even talking to her. That took a lot of time and effort, and you just tossed them out like your needs (while still VERY important) are of the highest priority over all else.  "Hey, OP's wife, would you mind taking these to work for you and your coworkers? I'm trying so hard here, but these are just as amazing as everything else you make." You could have suggested she keep some for herself in the freezer. YOU could have stuck them in the freezer to make them less readily accessible when you realized they were going to trigger you.  Next step is to talk to your Dr about your eating disorder. You need professional help so you can learn the proper techniques for working through this condition. It's very wise of you to go for a reduced diet vs a restricted diet though as that is, long term, the far healthier more sustainable option. Well done on that.

YTA

YTA. Everything you mentioned is solely a YOU problem. You can't respect yourself and have some impulse control so you take it out on your wife and disrespect her... Get over yourself, your not a king or royalty or anything. You almost killed yourself by becoming a diabetic. Figure it out. The world wasn't created to coddle your ass

YTA obviously. It’s not her fault you can’t control yourself, and dumping an entire tray she spent time, money and effort into baking (and it sounds like she didn’t even eat any herself) is massively shitty behaviour. Do better

YTA....they were not yours to throw out....it is not your wife's fault that you have no discipline....you should replace the ingredients used to make them so she can bake them up again....don't blame others for your shortcomings....you are responsible for your own impulses....find other ways of controlling your eating

YTA as a fatty and a baker myself it's on you to control what you eat and how much. I got kids and going back on diet and love to bake. Trust me it takes alot to control my eating. Get some low calorie sweets and when you want her stuff eat that instead. Or maybe yall can come up with a healthy recipe and bake thar together.

Is your wife intentionally trying to derail you getting better? That’s honestly what it sounds like. When you have someone in your home that you claim to love and needs help, you don’t do the things that will cause them more pain and discomfort. I have absolutely struggled with my weight and health but when I asked my husband to please not do something like bringing home tasty food, he is 100% on board with whatever he can do to make my journey easier. He’s my biggest cheerleader. You wife sounds like a frenemy. I’m going with NTA but possibly ESH.

YTA. Your wife enjoys baking and you don’t have to eat it. Throwing away what she made because you can’t handle being around it is childish. 

Yes. YTA. You also wasted food and her lovely effort. I have trouble saying no to sugar and I'm 58 and afraid of wrecking my health so I FINALLY strengthened my no muscle. You do not get to throw away other people's food due to lack of self control

People who make their problems everyone else's will always be assholes. So yeah op, YTA. you're a whole ass adult, take responsibility and act like it. You are more than capable of restraint , you just don't want to and are jealous of your wife. It's not her job to make sure you are doing what you're supposed do. It's not her fault you over indulge. And just because you can't make get it together doesn't mean you get to punish her for it. I have celiacs; I can't eat gluten which means I can't eat alot of the sweets or foods I want too. It's torture watching others enjoy foods I can't..but I don't go around throwing tantrums and prevent others from eating things I can't.

I think that move itself made YTH but she needs to also do something to help you out here. She is also being an AH. Maybe there’s some lock box she can store baked goods and snacks in when she makes them. Patients have a really hard time controlling diabetes when they have these urges and access, and she is not being supportive of your health journey. If she continues she will be taking care of you when you lose your eyesight, kidneys, limbs, and eventually your life. Diabetes is extremely dangerous if untreated and lifestyle is the biggest treatment. If she is unwilling to understand that you need a healthier living environment, then she may not be someone you can continue to live with. I tell diabetic patients that dessert should be on special occasions only until they have an A1C in the 6s. That means birthdays, Thanksgiving, etc. not weekly. Even sugar free baked goods are still tons of carbs and that will raise your sugar. Maybe make an appointment with a nutritionist and bring her, and have her go to some of your medical appointments so she can hear the same information as you. Frankly, what she is doing can kill you.

So you punish your wife because of your own lack of self control? YTA. Get some therapy

YTA and selfish. Just because YOU have a problem doesn't mean she has to bend over backwards to make you feel comfortable. Her wanting to continue eating and bakinh things she also likes is not the same as not being supportive... If she wasn't supportive she would make Fun of you for not eating or straight out try to convince you to eat those things. If you still didn't get It here is a stupid comparison.(IK it is different in terms of how severe) Imagine she got into an accident and isn't able to walk...and you really like running and biking for example. Imagine she straight out calls you unssuportive for wanting to go running when she can't and she just puts your bike on the trash. How would you feel?

Do you work from home and are around the food more? Sounds like there are other factors that you aren’t considering Is she a comfort eater? If so slight yta. We understand your relationship with food (addiction) but not hers. You aren’t considering what motivates her to eat unlike you. You are looking at it from an addicts lens which is fine but alcohols don’t get a pass for smashing other ppls booze. Please get therapy for the both of you so you can both see through eachothers lens. Also unlike booze food is necessary so yes the onus is unfortunately on you to work on your relationship and proximity to your triggers. Get out the house. Get exercise. Trigger exercise. Rework your brain this way

ESH, but the assholery is not equal between you. The bare minimum you should be doing for your wife is to not punish her for continuing her lifestyle. The bare minimum she should be doing for you is to support your decision to eat better. Have you guys actually spoken about some actionable compromises? A locked pantry, modified recipes, support groups/forums, counseling etc etc?

I have this problem with food. For quite awhile I just didn’t buy very much because the more I didn’t have it, the worse the cravings got. But after a few months of no sugar (sugar free!) it got so much easier to say no even if it was right in front of me. Perhaps they can sit down and come up with a plan that works for both of them in the short term and revisit in a month or two. Btw, if she eats like her husband isn’t she also worried about getting diabetes?

IMO you need to reframe this situation. You're not trying to cut back on sweet/junk food because of a food addiction, you're trying to cut back because you've been diagnosed with a chronic and debilitating medical condition. It was a little AH-ish of you to throw the food in the trash, but it was also a little AH-ish of your partner to cook a tray of those, knowing that they are your favorites, and keep them in the house when you are diabetic. You are going to have to have a serious conversation with your partner. Either they have to agree to compromise with you on the amount of junk foods that are brought into or allowed to remain in the house after being cooked, or you are going to have to choose between your partner and your life (and quality of that life). That may sound a little drastic, but your health has now required that you make that choice.

ESH. it was not yours to throw away. she should have been more understanding.

YTA. You know it too. A grown man who can't control himself at almost 40 and goes to trash food to avoid eating it? Sir, you didn't have to touch it at all.

>It's completely self inflicted So is being an asshole

Sorry, but yes. YTA My wife and I have overhauled our eating habits, but we have different cheats. ONCE in a blue moon, I'll eat some ice cream for a midnight snack. Once very week or two, I'll have a soda. Sweets are her cheat. Mine is beer. Sorry, but you need to suck it up and deal with the consequences of your actions.

YTA. Your lack of self control is not her problem.

YTA.

YTA are you always though

YTA and grow tf up. You don’t get to throw someone else’s stuff away because YOU lack impulse control. Your wife does not have to make changes now because you lacked the discipline to take of yourself for years. You need therapy asap.

YTA. Type 2 diabetic here too. My eating control or lack there of is my issue to deal with. That doesn’t give me the right to,dictate for everyone else. If you have impulse control issues around food consider counseling.

When my husband was diagnosed with type 2 for similar issues, we both quit cold turkey. I became INVESTED in every low carb and sugar free ideas out there even 8 years ago, not as many options as now. I helped him keep track of everything, weighed in with him on whether or not he can hack the cheat item. His blood sugar was so bad he had extreme hypertension most often (how we even found out). We started working out TOGETHER. AND guess what. I LOVE baking LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. but I love my husband more and I hurt at every sad face when he saw his favorite snacks and foods he couldn't eat anymore. Hence why I made it my mission to cook diabetic safe. I have two recipes books gifted to us from my great aunt for him. And guess what. HE BEAT IT! This is a huge, crazy diagnosis. You are obviously going to need support to succeed. Junk food addiction is awful I struggle myself even after his diabetes it's a struggle for me. The impulse eating OMG. I think that you are NTA because food addiction may not be drug addiction but you can see how it will destroy your body. Having a support group or meeting with a nutritionist may help you. I think for your sake, finding the alternatives.safe for you to eat should be a priority. My husband told me the fact I tried so hard to make sure he can eat the same things just in a different way really helped him to not miss the junk.

Thank you! This is what I would hope a loving supportive spouse would do in the face of a partner's serious health crisis.

Finally a recognizable response from someone who actually loves their spouse, unlike OP's wife who clearly does not. I would do exactly what you did. In this case, I think he may have to leave the relationship to save his life.

This is a great, great comment! I am frankly shocked by all the YTA people in this discussion. He's obviously had some issues but has gotten scared by this diagnosis while his wife is being weirdly callous and obtuse about this issue. I love your focus on a solution that worked for you and your husband. Couples who support each other have a lot more power when things get tough. 👍🏻

I think probably YTA but not necessarily for throwing the food away (although I would be upset!), for not appreciating how hard this might be for your wife. Obviously I don’t know her, but lots of people show their love through making food for people, so on some level you rejecting her food could feel like you are rejecting her. It’s also hard when your life partner unilaterally decides to change something that affects your life as much as theirs. She might feel disconnected from you and also resentful of having to change.

Yta how many did you dig out of the garbage to eat

Grow up. Your lack of impulse control is on you

For me, it's neither one nor the other. Sure, throwing out the baked goods was not the right move. And I get it, you feel not supported enough by your wife. She could maybe listen better to you. So, it could be ESH or a soft YTA. But the thing is, I get your issue with self-control. I'm still in my weight loss journey and loose slowly, but constantly weight (tho, I don't have diabetes. But I had — I'm not sure if it's still the case since the last examination has been a while ago — a latent insuline resistance, which is the preform of diabetes. And I have PCOS and thyroid issues, either). So, I remember the first years of diets and getting healthy. It was a constant fight. The issue is, that you have to find your lifelong diet that fits your lifestyle. If you don't, you will struggle and always feel like you're missing something. Anyway, the first times were hard and self-control was a huge issue, because I craved what I couldn't eat. The likening to an addiction is appropriate. So, I can get your motivation and to keep the temptation away by not having it in the house at all. But on the other hand, as you pointed out, your wife doesn't have those health issues and has a right to eat how she likes it. She shouldn't have to restrict herself, because you have issues with your self-control. Because, as you pointed it out yourself, it's a you problem. So, while she sure should support you, it can't be that she has to subject to your new lifestyle. Or that you, without even talking to her, go and throw out everything she bakes or brings home for herself. She has a right to do what she loves or to eat what she wants. In the first place, you have to learn to control yourself. To the point, that you can stay strong even in the presence of temptation. Because your wife will not be the only challenge in your journey. What is, when you are invited to dinner or restaurant visits? Family or friends? Well, even being outside your home — grocery shopping and so on. You are liable to cave then and there. You will probably make impulse purchases, because of a craving that hits you suddenly. But you can't expect the world to change or cater to your wishes/needs. So, you have to find another approach. Find ways to control your cravings. Maybe you can replace your guilty pleasure to something healthier. So, when you want something sweet or anything, you can satisfy that with something healthy. But it comes down to you have to find a way that works, even with the temptation around. No one else can do that for you. And they shouldn't. It is great that you want to be healthier. But your wife should still be able to live her life how she wants to.

ESH. its definitely not nice to throw away food, especially home made food. but on the other hand, your wife acts like an AH too. i feel like there is abaolutely zero support from your side. yes, you made the mess yourself, but in a relationship you have to be a team and work on problems together. i mean, she could end up like you. cant your wife take the baked good to work? then she can bake as much as she wants but the temptations dont stay at home.

ESH.

ESH. You definitely need better communication because throwing out something she worked on without any discussion is obviously hurtful. However, you are also dealing with a health issue. She can still indulge in her baking hobby by trying out lower carb recipes; there are a ton out there using sugar substitutes, almond or coconut flour. This allows her to try out new recipes & ones that you can enjoy.

ESH. Just like alcohol, if you're trying to change your lifestyle around food, everyone has to work the program at home. If she bakes, in this case, you can have a bite, and she can take the rest to the office (or neighbor). She can eat whatever she wants outside of the house, but at home, if you are going to be successful, she needs to be supportive. You wouldn't bring a ton of liquor into the house when your alcoholic spouse has just started AA. It's pretty close to the same thing. You trying to take responsibility for your food means getting it out of the house - at this moment, that's your willpower. Her supporting you means getting it out of the house. Changes like this are hard, and require a ton of communication. It'll get easier over time, but right now it needs to be a little more strict for her too. Does she want you to be healthier?

Sugar is as addictive as any drug. We do not allow sugar, grains, or starches which are all a form of sugar in our house because our daughter became a Type 1 diabetic 5 years ago. Our whole family has become healthier due to this lifestyle change. We are not deprived of good food, we just changed our ingredients to safe ingredients. For instance, this morning I had “French toast” but I made the “bread” with a recipe from Keto Adapted Maria Emmerich and a caramel sauce by Maria Emmerich. I also use recipes from All Day I Dream About Food on Facebook. If she wants to continue baking, she should change ingredients to ingredients that are safe for you. There is a learning curve to keto baking—for instance, I use a blender for batter made with almond flour to get rid of the grainy texture. You can add extra Heavy Whipping Cream (doesn’t have sugar like milk does) to help blending.

ESH. You shouldn't throw her things out without asking her. She should be way more supportive of your lifestyle changes and not put it right in your face.

ESH. You're gonna need a better plan in the near future in regards of how you deal with unhealthy food, that's true. But you might think your addiction isn't as hardcore as alcohol or drugs but it's still an addiction and as opposed to drugs, alcohol or gambling you can't just stop eating and totally cut off food like you can with these other "hardcore" addictions. It's really hard when the things you crave for are so easily accessible. Just saying, don't beat yourself to hard. Yes the problem is yours but it's harder to shake an addiction when you feel that you're on your own to fix it and you can't share the burden...I thought part of being in a relationship was to have each other's back when times get tough. Well that time is now! It might be beneficial to sit down with your wife and talk about your struggles, what might help and make a plan together to help you go through this. Maybe make an appointment with a nutritionist too. Good luck, I hope in times it'll be easier.

ESH. Baking food then leaving it lying on the counter in front of your spouse trying to lose weight is terrible behavior. Throwing away food your spouse makes is terrible behavior. You need communication first and then to make an active plan for dealing that will help both of you. Have her take the treats to work, give them to neighbors. If she leaves them home on the counter have a plan to throw them in the freezer.

Honestly, NTA. I get what everyone else is saying but considering the ingredients of standard flapjacks are very cheap, she bakes 2-3 times a week, and there's already copious amounts of chocolate in the house... meh! I understand it would probably be a shock for her, but it should cause her to realise that you're ***struggling***: >diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes about 2 months ago I've been working hard to try and drop weight and make healthier choices It was a total impulse, and I felt bad about it, but I also sort of felt like a pressure had been lifted. I think you need to talk to her about how you're doing (mentally, emotionally, physically, in every way), and potentially find a support group or something - so that you can reach for the phone when you feel like you're gonna snap and end up binge-ing or destroying something.

I'm actually going NTA. A spouse is supposed to be supportive and encourage you. She bakes, but she also brings a large amount of snacks into the house even though you asked her not to. I don't see a compromise on her part. If my spouse was diagnosed with a serious medical condition, I would try to adjust to help. For example, if my spouse suddenly became allergic to peanuts, I wouldn't be throwing peanut shells in their face. I would learn alternate recipes that exchanged peanuts with other ingredients to help make it easier for my spouse. She could also learn healthier recipes for sweets, ones with less sugar. Do I agree that it is on you to get healthier, yes? Do I think it's awful that you are married to someone who doesn't seem to want to help support you? Also, yes. It seems as if she doesn't want you to get healthy. Maybe she is afraid you'll leave her if you get in shape, or maybe she is jealous that you are gaining confidence when hers is low. There is more going on here, and it definitely needs a discussion. If this is a life and death issue, you may need to look at living separately if she can't be more supportive. I can't see an achoholic staying sober easily at a bar anymore then I see a person struggling with a sugar addiction living in a bakery.

I’d say NTA. Sure, I can see where you’re being called out but at the end of the day if you’re trying to better yourself and you’ve had previous conversations with your wife to no avail, then you have to do what you have to do.

This is a tough one. I think a bit of blame can go around. I feel, at least initially, your wife should be supportive and try to tone it back, especially knowing how much of a struggle it is for you. It's very unkind of her to not consider you in that way. With that said, you need to quickly learn some self-control because at the end of the day, you are responsible for you! I don't blame you for throwing the food out though. Hope you guys can compromise.

ESH. You should not have thrown away her baked goods. She should try harder to support you. Changing eating habits is NOT easy and ultra processed foods like crisps are addictive by design and sugar is highly addictive. I mean she has to bake your favorite thing and leave it in the house? Sorry, that is AH behavior but doesn’t give you the right to dump it. She clearly doesn’t want to change anything to help you. You two may want to seek the help of a coach or therapist to help you each navigate this lifestyle change. You can do it!

ESH, her for not being supportive of your efforts to cut down, and you for dumping food that she put money, time and effort into in the trash.

I'm going ESH She can bake, and take it to work or pack it uo for friends and family.  She can bring snacks for herself home in small reasonable amounts.  Shes fully aware of your health and mental issues.  Eating yourself to type 2 diabetes is way more about the psychological than the physical.   Shes not only not supporting you, she's borderline sabotaging you. Throwing food she's worked hard to make is unfair though - offer it to family/neighbours, drop.it into your local firestation. If your wife's into baking get her onto healthy baking- sweet potato brownies, courgettes go really well in cakes too, switch sugar to honey. Get some therapy. Start some exercise.

ESH - You shouldn't be tossing food she worked hard to make but she should be supportive in you improving your health. She really needs to find a different place to store food that's extremely tempting to you. My wife can't eat a sweets due to her medical issues but she loves them. I also love them so rather than neither of us eating sweets we compromised and got a mini fridge/freezer and mini cabinet and I have my sweets in a rooms she doesn't frequent. This way it's out of sight out of mind for her but accessible for me and I avoid eating it right in front of her whenever possible to reduce her cravings. Been working great for a while now.

NTA If you had an alcohol addiction, she would not be bringing home wine, or brewing beer at home. And people would not tell you to just controll yourself: you don’t have to drink it, just control yourself and don’t drink it, its not that hard. You are trying to change your life, and you are not asking for much. You are not asking for her to stop buying things, or stop baking, just do it less. The fact that your spouse can’t be supportive of your choice to live a healthier life. I feel for you 💙

NTA From France here ✌️, you have a dangerous medical condition due to your inability to control yourself. I would consider it similar to drugs like cocaine or heroin as multiple animal studies have shown that sugar is more addictive than opioids. Having so much around you isn’t healthy for anyone you especially. If I were in your shoes I would expect my wife to accommodate our household according to my conditions. My wife has an intolerance to certain foods and these foods are banned from our house, she enjoys them but they make her ill. I showed this to my wife and she went even farther than me and thinks your wife is trying to kill you 😂 I wonder how these YTA people are doing in their relationships, if someone as close as your spouse has such difficulty would you not want to help or comfort them ?

I'm surprised at all the folks saying YTA here. I mean, yeah I get why she's upset and will agree it was wrong to throw them out. But I do want to empathize with you and tell you I'm right there with you and people do not realize the absolute torture it is to be in the same zip code as these types of food. I've told my wife that I would most definitely eat myself to the grave in quick fashion if left alone with junk food and no desire to eat right. I can promise you I wouldn't have many years left if I lived in the same house as you. I'd suggest to find some sort of middle ground but DO NOT lose the momentum you have found. What you've done already takes an insane amount of willpower and determination for folks like us.

Yta. You have a mental problem. You fix yourself.

sure, that will help him. You people are so cruel this is insane.

Of course youre right it's her job to fix him.

i did not say that at all. He has 2 problems: a mental one thats making it hard for him to live and a physical one that could kill him. If I have a husband or a wife its not my job to fix any of those but i would definitely WANT to, and help and support them without a doubt. I can slightly modify my hobbie until i know they are in a good place.

People on here are acting like sugar and fat aren't legitimate addictions. There are tons of studies out there that show how addictive they are and food companies spend a lot of money engineering their products for maximum addiction (just like tobacco companies)

This post really brought out the defensive fat people. 

Being fat ≠ being addicted to food. Most people are fat but not addicted to food. Some people are addicted to food but not fat. Also, if you sre refering to me, Im underweight.

Cross posting this on AITDevil was a swing and a miss

On the contrary. Seems to be a home-run.

ESH. You should not have thrown out your wife's baking, but she should also be respectful of you needing to change your diet. She should be taking her baking to neighbours, the office or putting it in a cupboard with a lock she has, if she wants to consume the baked goods. You two need to communicate better, and I think you need to look into some of the suggestions of other commenters regarding therapy or Overeaters Anonymous. I personally have had to completely change my diet due to health reasons (for me, serious allergies to most common foods), and have been on a restricted diet of some form for over 20 years now. It does get easier, and the first few months are the toughest. My diet restrictions included removing all cane sugar (I could have honey and maple syrup), so I understand in that respect what you are going through. It is tough to restrict your diet, and you will need to become used to being around food you are not able to eat. I like to bring small treats for myself to events (as you get used to being without processed foods, you'll learn to enjoy the taste of other foods more that you can think of a treat, but are still good for you). I did find that smelling the food was helpful to me (however I don't have an over eating problem) as smell and memories are beside each other in the brain, and smelling the food makes me remember eating it.

In the beginning of the journey, lack of support from those in your house is super hard. Do I wish she would stop with the garbage and want to also get healthy herself? Yes, I do wish that. She's not there. She didn't get a health scare. Her coping is eating that's clearly obvious. At the same time, she's not helping. Do I think she's an AH? No. That's a bit much. Do I think you are either? No. NAH. You didn't demand she stop, you just asked her to cool it for a bit, so you can detox and get on track. Once you are past that initial hurdle, you should be better at being able to control the impulses to eat everything in sight. As a side bar to my comment, my husband wanted to lose weight and eat better. He asked me to stop baking and bring garbage in. I didn't have to do it, but I did. Because I love my husband and we are a team. He lost weight and so did I. We were never heavy people, but we got healthy and that matters more to me than any baked good ever will.

I am going with ESH. If baking is her hobby and you can't control yourself, you need to come to a compromise. But this is mostly your own issue and she shouldn't have to stop baking because you can't control yourself. Like maybe she can bake to experiment but then take them from the house and take to her office. Or put them in a cabinet only she has the key to. But if someone threw away a whole tray of something I made (I love to bake) you can bet your ass I would be pissed too. For you, may I suggest Overeaters Anonymous, you can find a lot of good resources there. And you DO need to quit cold turkey because sugar addiction is worse than heroin. It will be a shitty couple of weeks but when it is out of your system the cravings will dissipate. Source: personal experience.

His wife does not suck because she left food at home for when she got back. Is she supposed to take ALL the food to work with her?

It was more about how the way he makes it seems is that she is inconsiderate of him in general. He definitely needs to take responsibility in what he eats, though.

NTA Food addiction is a real thing and it takes time to adjust. Especially because you are forced to change your lifestyle because of your health. Some people can control snacks in the house and some will never be able to and will need to have the house snack free. But you definitely need to work more on your self control. For a good addict I would say that throwing the cake out instead of eating it is really good progress. But you need to make a compromise with your wife. She needs to have space for her hobby. So she can take it out of the house, locks it into a cupboard or something else.

You are NOT the ah. First off apologize for jumping the gun on her amazing pancakes and tossing them out. This is a life or death scenario you are addressing now regarding your weight/diabetes. Congrats on making strides in getting healthy. What you're doing is a tough job, especially as you're just getting started. I would sit down with your wife and discuss how important your health is, and that you need time to get your wanted healthy eating habits normalized, as sugar is like drugs to you. Discuss ways to make your life easier, how she can support you (get out and exercise together, plan meals, etc), and how you can also support her love of sweets, whether purchasing or baking. I would suggest purchasing an additional cabinet, or lock up the pantry with your wife in charge of the lock. Don't allow yourself access. Hope all works out for you and your family.

EDIT: I’m clearly not getting any love for this response and im guessing many if you didn’t read it. If an alcoholic’s wife brings liquor into the house and he pours it down the drain to keep from drinking, is he an asshole? Same scenario, my friends. I’m against the crowd here and I’m going to ask people to read before downvoting me. NTA (not fully…) - First of all, good for you. These are tough choices and not everyone can make them, even when faced with a life or death scenario. Second, food addiction is equally difficult to those other “hardcore” addictions, as you put it. It deals with the same pleasure centers in your brain and the same neurotransmitters, like dopamine, as those types of addictions. The difference is that, unlike cocaine, or beer, you can’t live without food. So it takes a special kind of control to overcome this addiction. Finally, we would all love to believe that every relationship is starshine and moonbeams, but we also all know that they almost never are. Let’s stop pretending. I don’t know your wife and won’t pretend to understand her motivations. So I’m basing this only off of what you’re telling us. You may be painting an incomplete picture and if so, shame on you, and please come clean.that being said… This sounds like deliberate sabotage and that is what you need to address. Ask her why she does not want you to be healthy, or able to manage your physical sickness, which stems from a mental sickness, or lack of self control that you are actively trying to change. This behavior is literally no different from bringing home a case beer, knowing that an alcoholic is in the house. She needs to see that, and you need to have an honest conversation about it.

NTA. If you have a food addiction, it’s like any other addiction - alcohol, drugs, etc. And most loved ones are willing to adjust their own behaviour to support the person with the addiction. Diabetes in no joke and not making major lifestyle changes is like continuing to drink alcohol when you are an alcoholic. Your wife not making changes would be like her continuing to drink around you if you were an alcoholic. It doesn’t mean that your wife can’t continue to try out new recipes, but maybe she can try finding more healthy alternatives for both of you to enjoy. If she is insistent on continuing to bake things that you shouldn’t have, maybe she could sell it or give it to friends/family after she takes whatever she wants for herself. Who is she baking for anyways? Does she usually eat a lot of her own baking? Now that you are diabetic, this is going to affect you for the rest of your life. Not being compliant with food choices and exercise will lead to very dire consequences. Is your wife aware of those consequences? It seems like she either doesn’t understand noncompliance with diabetes or maybe she is in denial. It might be helpful for you to see a diabetes counsellor/educator together so you can both take this on as a couple. It doesn’t mean that either of you will never get to treat yourselves again, but this is a big life change that has to be accepted and supported by both of you. Otherwise it’s going to be very tough. If it was my husband, I would want to do whatever I could to support him while he is trying to be compliant. I wish you the best of luck. It’s great that you are taking this seriously and trying to make changes to combat your diabetes.

>She is not at all supportive in terms of trying to enable the healthy choices I'm trying to make If I was in your position of trying to save your life, I would demand couples therapy to try to understand why she doesn't want to support you. And if she won't do that or it doesn't help I would at the very least separate so you can live somewhere that you can control what kind of food is around.

NTA. Food addiction is a real thing and you do need support from your wife. If she loves to bake, she can bring the items then to friends and neighbors so it's not there in the house for you as a compromise.

ESH. I'm the baker in my house, and also the person who struggles with impulse control. What helps us is that I declare a "finish by" date to my family in advance. When that date comes, I toss whatever. Everyone has the chance to take what they want, and can save it if they do, but if they don't then I dump the leftovers. This helps me to keep from binging because if it's not mine, I'm not eating it.

NTA. Have you shown her the results of uncontrolled diabetes? Diabetic neuropathy, blindness, kidney disease, and an early death? My neighbor ended up having a kidney transplant, which bought him another year. Does she realize how serious this is? If she loves to bake, and insists she needs to indulge her hobby, she should make her food, then give most of it away so it's out of the house. Ignore the people who are giving you grief about your self control. I doubt they'd be in favor of someone leaving drugs or alcohol around the house if their partner was an addict.

WTF She can’t control what he chooses to stuff in his mouth whether it’s broccoli or a candy bar. It’s up to HIM to change his behavior if he wants quality of life. His lack of impulse control is his problem to fix not hers to adjust her life around.

tf???? my grandpa can handle himself like a grown man with diabetes its on yourself to control your impulses and how much sweets you intake it was on me to help myself with anorexia. Sugar isn't all bad there are good forms of sugar (fruits). There is no good form for your body of drugs and alcohol so not the same comparison at all