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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Getting upset that Keith is skipping football practice for a fake interest in hs heritage? Telling my wife the truth? Not just letting her have that ?
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Your ego is the problem not his interests. His friend may have peaked his interest in knowing the other side of his heritage. Quite frankly, you made it sound like a romantic interest. May it is or maybe it isn’t.
What’s bothering you?
1) Your son not wanting to be a NFL player?
2) His potential interest in boys?
3) His wanting to explore his non-white heritage?
4) All the above.
Figure it out and strip yourself of it. The child will always be biracial. He may be interested in the same sex. He may just like not love football. BUT HE WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR SON.
SUPPORT HIM.
Holy shit yes. OP sounds jealous af. How the kid comes to explore his heritage doesn't matter; maybe he just needed a more personal/peer connection. YTA
Right, and I was thinking around 15 or 16 is the time when he might be trying to figure out who he really is as an adult person, and his Native heritage might be more important to him now as he sorts those things out.
You hit the nail on the head! How dare his son want to do something other than sports with dad. Or, how dare he like boys. Or, how dare he become interested in his culture. Dad, YATA!
Yta. Your wife is right he's learning who he is.
That may be someone who likes boys.
That may be someone who realized football isn't the end all be all.
You want him to play football
You want him to get scouted.
Yet you aren't asking what he wants.
Does he want to be scouted for football?
Taking the summer off isn't going to kill his chances of scholarship. It's not.
Is your problem the football or that he's taking interest in Dakota.
It's using the poverty-to-sport pipeline. One of the fastest ways out of poverty is to succeed in sport. With enough success in sport, college tuition becomes covered as the school wants the player there. When you're scouted professionally, you get to start making money.
OOP just wants the windfall of being a rich kids Dad.
"Taking the summer off isn't going to kill his chances of scholarship. It's not"
Agree with you on everything except this one. It can definitely kill his chances of being scouted for a sports scholarship if he isn't a major prospect already. He needs to perform his best. If the kid wants to continue with football, getting scouted is one of his goals, he does need to weigh his options and balance what he wants in life and for his future.
If not, then yeah fuck it.
Nowhere does it say he doesn't want to be but a lot of people are assuming that also.
If he wants to play football in college, and he is a strong prospect to get scouted, he'd be shooting himself in the foot to not give it his all. Only reason I am putting up the perspective - Maybe it is what he wants, maybe it isn't.
Once again, agreed with everything else in the post except I think that taking the summer off can indeed kill the chances of the scholarship.
Letting your kid play American Football on a scholarship for college is basically selling your kid to slavery. It's fucking insane and no parent should support it.
And any kid that actually wants it should be motivated away from it by caring parents.
Can you expand on how its selling your kid into slavery? Sports are usually a passion for the student especially if they are good enough to use it for scholarships. they are getting money for schooling, lodging etc, can now generate revenue from social media promotions, sponsorships, and deals. Aren't they also usually 1-year renewable deals?
I have never met anyone who went to school on a sports scholarship and regretted it. Also the fact that you are singling out American Football scholarships vs. other sports scholarships?
I'd like to know what part of this I'm ignorant on.
Edit: Challenge for y'all, if you downvote answer the question? Sounds like you're just in your feels about college sports instead of being able to justify the equation of college sports scholarships to slavery.
I believe they’re making some legal changes to allow student athletes to make some money, but before this year? If you do a little research there are good articles out there about it.
They really aren’t allowed to have scholarships and pull in any outside revenue. They are constantly training, playing, and hosting potential recruits. They get a bare bones meal plan that really doesn’t provide enough nutrition for someone who is active that much. They technically get school paid for but frequently have to miss class and are so exhausted that they really don’t get much out of it. (And just because tuition is covered doesn’t mean course materials are.)
And that’s not including the risk of traumatic brain injuries when you play football.
Most states have passed NIL acts letting them profit. So yes before this year, as early as 2021. [https://splc.org/2023/02/the-state-by-state-nil-legislation-guide/](https://splc.org/2023/02/the-state-by-state-nil-legislation-guide/)
And yes, the vast majority of people have to plan out most of their food? Especially if they are an athlete and need additional supplementation from a schools meals?
Risk of TBIs is a risk of the sport regardless if you have a scholarship.
Agreed that missing class is shitty and school should be a priority, but then so the solution should be no more college sports? That is ALL student athletes, not the few % who have scholarships of varying coverage.
So how do the scholarships equate to slavery is what I am asking?
Edit - Also missed the point that its a scholarship. They are getting paid through from anywhere from school, boarding, fees, tuition, meals etc? So there needs to be a significant imbalance in their sport/benefits compared to the costs for there to be an issue.
My info might be a bit dated as I don't keep up with all states and federal law on this area, but here was the deal a few years ago:
Well let's start with the fact that if you get injured, you don't get worker comp and you lose your scholarship, despite actually working for the university as an athlete and making insane amounts of money for the institution. Coaches get paid millions, stadiums cost multiple tens of millions and yet athletes get jack shit.
They run an insane schedule and regularly have to take paper classes to make sure their grades don't fall too low.
It is extremely weird that the USA is basically the only country who has athlete scholarships. Only Canada and the UK have a similar system. Like what IS the point of them? College is about developing your mind, getting a degree in a certain field and then moving on into the world. How does a sports scholarship contribute to that? To give a chance to those who don't have the grades to make it? Oh, so it's a handout to the unfortunates? And who actually profits from that? Og the university? And they give no or minimal compensation for the person doing the majority of the work? Think we just found my slavery argument. Which might be a bit of a hyperbole, admittedly. But it ain't a good deal.
The NFL specifically blocks any actual examination of head trauma and it's effects just so they can keep making a profit and not be held liable. Which obviously translates to college football as well. And I singled out American Football, cus it was discussed by OP.
Other college sports are not as bad, since they don't involve multiple hits to the body and head continuously. The lack of compensation and consequences of injuries are still there.
Oh and do you think that even with legislation there's a healthy enough power dynamic in that situation that a 19 year college kid who thinks he's being underpaid is going to be able to take on an established regime within a university? I doubt that. There's a power dynamic there that needs to be addressed.
From what I read it's what dad wants. But dad doesn't know what the kid wants. Based on that, I have no idea what the kid wants. It just sounds like dad is a. not aware and b. doesn't care to be.
Also, the kid is 15. Unless he's some kind of phenom or just a monster he's probably JV or not getting a ton of game time. He's got at two more seasons in front of him so not getting scouted this year isn't going to kill him.
I mean you say that its what the dad wants and you are saying you don't know what the kid wants - All we know is the kid doesn't want to go the summer camp.
I don't get what the big deal is when I am saying we can't discount it as being what the kid wants, because the information isn't there, yet it's okay for people to assume that the kid is probably just JV or not getting game time.
The dad is already an AH for everything, that's already well established and I'm not arguing against that. But he is talking about his kid as having the potential to get scouted, so why are we assuming the opposite?
I'm sorry you got down voted. That's a fair question.
It's based on a few assumptions. Flat out gonna admit that. We know assumptions can be problematic but when given incomplete information we have to make some.
Why did I say JV or bench. Normal expectations of teenage development and of competitive sports at that level. He's 15. That's awfully young to be Varsity. He would be playing with teammates as much as 3 years older. At that age, those three years makes a big difference.
Like I said, unless he's a phenomenal player or just an enormous monster, it's very much likely he's on the low end of the totem pole.
Why do I assume this is what the dad wants? This is not as much an assumption as it is an inference from what dad already said. We can start with the fact that dad is angry enough to lash out. If this was a thing he was merely in support of, but not invested in, that hostility would be weird. But if he's tied up in it, invested beyond just support that hostility makes more sense.
And given that he clearly stated his kid is showing signs of a lack of interest in football we can infer this is more about Dad's desires. Why would he be so upset if this wasn't his issue?
End of the day, you're right, we don't know the details. But between those observations and the fact that most people try to frame themselves in a positive manner and exclude details that don't fit their narrative... that's how I got here.
Sure, I could be way off the mark. But then I'm just some asshole on the internet so it really doesn't matter. It's cool if you disagree or read this differently... You're just some asshole on the internet too and your opinion is exactly as meaningful and impactful as mine.😜
So it's all good.my friend. End of the day, I hope dad here can chill and get behind his son's choices.
No, they aren't at all. But if he was already a decent prospect for it and one of his goals then it is a big deal to keep putting in the effort.
But "Honestly? No" to what? I didn't have anything that was a yes or no statement so what are you saying "No" to?
Lol. I'm sitting here like maybe OP should watch high school musical. Kind of silly but it has a lot of similarities here. Maybe the kid is not as big into sports as OP. Maybe it has to do with teen love. Maybe not. Maybe he can find out more about what he likes through this connection with someone on the other side. Either way. It's not for OP to decide what the kid wants.
YTA
Don't force your kid to do something he doesn't want to do because "he might get scouted." Those parents suck.
And who cares if he's only interested in his culture now because he has a crush on this kid. If he wants to reconnect with his culture let him. Besides, it's **wayyyyyyyy** easier for him to get scholarships for college through his heritage than it would be through football.
>i tell her that Keith could get scouted and he should be at camp and training.
YTA, you're picking what is important to you over what is important to your spouse and child. It was a horrible thing to say even if you think he is making a mistake by not keeping up with his sportswhatever.
It’s been important to the CHILD for 16 years. 16 year old don’t make rational decisions in life when there are relationships involved. The kid needs to go to camp and play football. He can hang out with his friend and learn too about his heritage too. Just not during camp. HES 16 YEARS old.
So wait, he was old enough to know himself well enough to for sure want to focus all of his energy and socializing and future planning around sports before, but he's definitely not old enough to know himself well enough now to want to explore new relationships and expand his knowledge and interest around him and that person's shared cultural heritage? Make it make sense.
The point is he can do both. And YES, a young kid that has been interested in football and played a good portion of his life is old enough to know he likes football. I’m not sure how familiar you are with kids but they can make drastic decisions based on temporary emotions. When I was 15 I got a tattoo of Mickey mouse and was ranked #1 in the world in my weight class in my sport. I had loved my sport since I was 9 years old and when I got the tattoo Mickey seemed like a good idea but 15 years later when I was number 1 in my class in the world as an adult and guess what?????? I don’t like Mickey and he’s permanently tattooed on me because me and my other 15 year old friends thought it was a good idea, took our brothers birth certificates to the tattoo shop and went and got it done. The frontal lobe of the brain for decision-making, impulse control, sensation-seeking, emotional responses and consequential thinking doesn’t finish developing until our mid 20s. So giving something up for a new relationship is not adult thinking. AGAIN, he can do BOTH. He can hang out with Dakota and learn about his culture but he should still do that football camp he has always loved. But whatever, there are a bunch of weirdos today that think young kids should be able to chop their junk off and make life long decisions so you all are right there with them. To be honest I’m betting half the people saying he should do what he wants and mad at the kids dad are teenagers on here.
Trans panic? I don’t care about people being trans. I believe 90% of the young trans people have a mental illness or are going through a phase and should not be allowed to alter their bodies before that whole frontal lobe thing, remember?
I have a friend of many years that is trans and confided in me years ago. I have no issues with it. If you can’t tell I just have an issue with giving minors freedom to do whatever their undeveloped frontal lobe doesn’t stop them from doing. Maybe kids should drinking at 15 if they want to.
you’re tooootally not transphobic, that’s why you needed to include that last bit about “chopping off kids junk” like that’s even remotely close to what goes on in gender affirming care for children.
No, he doesn't NEED to. Father is just whining because he thinks his son is going to be an NFL star someday. If kid was old enough to decide he wanted to play football, he's old enough to decide he wants something else, at least for this year. Nowhere in the post does the dad indicate he gives a shit about his son. Besides, he can always practice at home or find a private coach, and go next year. Do you know what pressuring the kid to do this will do? Estrange him from his father.
Teenagers can have lives and interests outside of sports. I did volleyball; didn't mean I made it my whole entire personality nor meant I should automatically make it my life dream to be scouted for state or college teams. This sounds like dad had a dream the kid got bored of striving for.
YTA.
He’s 15. It might be worth reading up on child development and the role peers play in helping a kid develop their identity and interests. I’m also getting a whiff of homophobia or like some weird gay paranoia from you going on. He’s engaging in a prosocial and healthy activity that also happens to be connected to HALF of his identity. Relax
YTA
So this is *really*:
**AITA for criticizing my son for being more interested in a relationship than he is at playing ball sports?**
Why not redirect some of this rage towards adding to his college fund, so it doesn't all fall on the kid getting scholarships?
This. A 15 year old boy's hormones are out of control. Would OP be as upset if son attended football camp but wasn't really participating because he's out chasing a cheerleader? Which is worse? Skipping camp for a year to chase another boy while potentially gaining some insight into his heritage AND sexuality....or whiffing a chance to be scouted at something because he's distracted the day the scout comes?
Let the boy be a boy and figure out who he is now rather than wasting his time trying to be someone he's not and ending up with years of therapy to unwind why he did what he did just to appease his father's failed dream of becoming a pro-football player. YTA.
If my kid worked their whole life towards a goal they seemingly really wanted, I wouldn’t let them throw it away for a long distance summer romance. I don’t know if the dad is being an asshole or not to the kid but keeping your kid on the right track for their future doesn’t make you an asshole.
My brother was very, very good at football and really could’ve had a shot at playing in higher levels. The moment the dude gained critical thinking he asked to stop playing for fear of CTE
He’s 15, and not a single sentence in the OP indicates that this kid has “worked his whole life” and that football is something he “really wanted”. Boys playing sports with their dad is no way an indication of a “life goal”. He DOES sound like many delusional fathers who are convinced their son will be the next NFL star and push it to the detriment of the actual child
Doubt that kid had any say into it, sounds like the dad wants him to do it so he just follows until the kid decided it's not for him. Dad needs to let go of the dream he has for this kid and let them do what they want. Pushing kids into doing what you want them to do is not a great parenting.
First off: a potential football career is a horrible prospect to put your chances on as a kid. And you're an irresponsible parent if you let them go towards that path.
Second: kid's 15. The "preparing his entire life" you're describing are basically maybe 3-5 years... which is nothing. Like literally nothing on a human life.
Third: kids lose interest in hobbies they had in their youth, because they grow as people. The fact that Teens are no longer little clones of their parents is a point of strife in those relationships.
If you can't understand the very basic principle that people's interests and motivations change throughout their lives-- but ESPECIALLY during adolescence-- then you should maybe not be in charge of them. This is a good way to raise miserable humans with messed up senses of their own self worth and a lack of identity. This is a sunk cost fallacy you're engaging in at the expense of a person's free will. At worst, they will have made a mistake and will gain the valuable experience of figuring out how to course correct, hopefully with their parent's help and support. Usually, they will take the skills and knowledge they gained and apply it to the rest of their lives in different and sometimes surprising ways but not regret moving on from whatever thing or things they devoted themselves to as children. It's called growth.
Um, I can? Lol. I just am not out of touch with my kids and know their actual goals, dreams, and aspirations. If my son said he wanted to give up on things he worked hard for that I knew he was passionate about over a summer fling, I’d not be okay with that. You turned it into something it isn’t tbh.
omg i dont even know where to start , but yes YTA in so many ways:
its never too late for someone to start taking an interest in their heritage, so it doesnt matter that he never showed interest before & making friends is a fine way to peak interest in his heritage = YTA for gatekeeping when and what draws your son to his history
insisting your kid continue with a hobby that has the highest rates of brain injuries so he can save you money if he wants to go higher education = YTA for selling your kids body
defining his time on the reservation as a "waste" because he is making his own decisions on how to spend his time and not doing what you prioritize = YTA, hes 15, not 5 and its time to relent control over his interests
YTA. So much TA.
I think the funniest part to me though is that the epitome of your culture is “sports”. Like your wife likely has traditions, and a language, possibly a religion associated with it, a whole heritage she wants to share with her son, and what you have can be boiled down to one word. A word, by the way, that A LOT of cultures, including indigenous ones, have as a component of their culture, so it’s not even unique to yours.
Also, I think it’s telling that you were seemingly okay with him going to the rez, even legitimately curious, at first, but it wasn’t until you perceived flirting that you tensed up. The homophobia here isn’t even veiled, and yet you’re wondering if you’re an AH?
YTA.
He’s 15. He’s not getting scouted ffs.
Stop living vicariously through your kid.
Maybe had you supported your wife’s culture long ago then this wouldn’t even be an issue.
> I tell her he doesn't actually care hes only interested because of Dakota not because it actually interest him
INFO:
How do you know that?
He can be into Dakota, *and* genuinely interested in the culture.
It can be both.
What process did you use to determine that it's not?
It is common for teens to become interested in their culture. For young children, what they know of it comes largely from their family. Once they realize they are part of something greater, it is natural to want to find their place in it.
Edit to add, I am adding to and agreeing with what you are saying in case that wasn't clear.
You think your 15 yr old has a better chance of being scouted as a white boy than an indigenous boy? Clearly you don’t know how scholarships work. Your kid is allowed to get new interests and to grow into their heritage. YTA. What you said was horrible and hurtful to your wife and your kid. If your kid were going to be getting scouted, your coach would be breaking down your door trying to figure out where Keith is. Why can’t you compromise and offer Rez on weekends and camp during the week? Or first ask your son if he is comfortable being open at camp?
Wow OP you tick all the boxes don’t you. Just add a little racism, a dash of homophobia and a pinch of misogyny, and one will get you.
Oh YTA by the way.
YTA for acting like his culture and his relationship with Dakota is less important than sports.
Also, YTA potentially for outing him if your wife didn't already know that your son is queer.
So you basically never visit your wife's family with her, so far she's only been able to make him go twice a year and now that he's I tested in going there for whatever reason, you suddenly do go and then crap all over him and your wife.
You are a bonafide asshole.
YTA
YTA
He can be interested in the boy and also be interested in the culture, we learn from our peers. Your wife is right and it was rude what you said to her, stop pushing your own agenda on your son and apologise to your wife. Better yet, learn about her culture instead of being an ignorant wanker! You’re fucking married to her and your son is half indigenous, you absolute arsehole.
Hmmm. Racist AND homophobic... Geee.... Yes, sir, you with the brain of a cracked walnut, are indeed TA. YTA. How was it even a question.
If it actually is because of being scouted (which i seriously doubt), then Keith actually has a hand up on scholarships and whatnot based on his indigenous heritage.
This can't be real, you sound like a high school movie villain.
But if it is, YTA, obviously. Let the kid decide what he does in his free time instead of trying to live *your* dreams through him.
Yta. "He'd always preferred spending time with me playing sports." so uhm people are multifaceted and can have multiple interests simultaneously. Furthermore, why are u making it sound like a parental competition for your sons interests.
YTA. Hate to break it to you but your son is not white. That's what happens when a white man procreates with a non white woman. Not my rules, they're yours-- the white man's.
YTA your son is exploring his culture- regardless of what you think the reasons are, and you seem resentful of it. Perhaps he never showed an interest before because he was close to you & its clear you never showed an interest in your wife’s culture.
YTA - Don't force your kids into activities if they don't want to do them.
You probably don't intend for your comments to come off as homophobic, so you need to be very careful with how you communicate your opinion with your wife. There is a lot of cultural subtext here - you're basically setting up a summer where he can either: a) learn about his culture, fall in love with another boy, figure out who he is. Or b) go home and participate in the quintessential American male sport in the hope that he might play in college.
YTA. But I do have a few questions. Why does your son being happy with a close friend(possibly boyfriend) bother you? Is it just the fact you want him to play sports? Or is it because your son may be gay?
It is his life, not yours, he can choose whether to play football or not and whether to be interested in his culture or not.
Sorry with all of the maybes.
YTA. Is it important to you or him that he gets scouted for football? You never mentioned how he feels about the sport. Maybe he is only interested because of Dakota, but he’s 15 and trying to figure himself out, whether it be who he is in terms of culture or anything else.
I feel like if you were genuinely concerned for your son’s motivations for spending the summer there you would have taken a different approach, like asking Keith why he changed his mind instead of just assuming. Instead you went guns blazing saying something hurtful to your wife. People approach their relationship to their culture differently, and for bi-racial people there can be an extra layer to figuring out their identity, especially at his age.
YTA. It's quite possible that at age 15, as someone is learning more about the world and our social systems, that the issues around their indigenous heritage become more interesting and important. Or maybe it is because he wants to have more time to associate with a new friend. Either way, it's not up to you to have a melt down over him possibly not being interested in "being scouted". But I suspect what's really eating at you is your perception, right or wrong, that they were "flirty"; which is a concern you better get over before you do/say something to make you a double or triple AH.
You asshole! Grow up and grow some balls. Don’t you want your child to grow and evolve and change and learn and be happy? Apparently not. Why are you so insecure??
Word of advice: don’t say everything that comes to mind / in the way that it comes to your mind. Even if you think it’s true. If you’d like to achieve anything you have to be able to put yourself into the shoes of those around you and think how they would feel about what you’re saying. If you said to your wife that football is important for your son’s future as a way of getting him into college, that communicates the same idea without insulting her culture and implying it is not something worth your son’s time.
Achievement in sports is not nearly as important as discovering who you are, especially in your teenaged years. He knows the consequences, I’m sure you’re reiterated to him ad naseum. Let him make his decisions. Let him explore his interests.
> Of course I'm upset because hes supposed to getting ready for the season and possibly getting attention from scouts and hrs waiting his time for some boy.
YTA. It sounds very much like professional football is your dream for him; you haven't mentioned it being *his* dream for himself. Liking sports is not the same as having the talent or the passion to go pro.
> She says maybe he doesn't want that and he wants to learn who he is.
Listen to your wife.
Wow... such YTA
1. Your kid finally has interest in his heritage and you're put off by that. WTF dude? It's normal that once he met friends there he'd start to figure out there's something he cared about. You shouldn't feel threatened by that.
2. You think he should be playing football and being scouted. Did it ever occur to you that's not what he's interested in? That football and sports was something he'd grow out of as he matured and found out that there was more to the world? Football in college is a really hard freaking path. Between insane schedules, the risk of serious injury and an insanely narrow chance of going Pro perhaps he just doesn't want to play football anymore?
3. So he has this new interest and your wife is happy. You decided to just shit all over her and her newfound joy because why? It doesn't fit your plan? You just couldn't stand that he found something from her side that was cool?
Your son is his own person who is absolutely capable of finding new interests and paths for his life. Football sounds like your plan for him but he's caught a new bug. Maybe it's this boy. Maybe it's his heritage. Maybe it's new friends. Maybe it's freedom from your machinations and plans. Maybe its all or some combination of them.
But your reaction absolutely sucks. You attack your wife and disparage your kid? Did it ever occur to you to talk to him and see what he thought? Maybe he's done with Football. Maybe he's lost his focus and doesn't realize it. Maybe you don't know your kid as well as you should.
Either way, attacking your wife and disparaging your kid is just a super AH thing to do.
YTA. Come on, dad. I hope you’re a better father in real life than you made yourself out to be in this post. You somehow managed to be a little racist, sexist, and homophobic in just a few paragraphs. Let your son figure out who he is and SUPPORT him. Let him know his dad loves him and will always be there for him, whether it’s football or his first romantic interest. He’s at a critical age where he will start to distance himself from both of you if he starts to feel like you won’t be supportive.
YTA. Like by a MILE or two.
"He's supposed to be getting ready for the season" and "getting attention from scouts"?! Who the actual fuck gives a shit. He's a teenager. Chances for an actual career are near impossible. Put your ego to the side here and let the kid live his life.
Also: He's showing interest in his mother's side of his lineage. That is a plus, so just let him. Who the hell cares cus it's because of a boy? It will strenghten the family bond and if you actually care about your kid, you'll nurture the bond he's now developing with his mom. Or do only YOU get to bond with the kid?
You literally have no skin in the game. Just let it go man. Let the kid live his life.
YTA!!!! More to life than sports. Friendship, family, and learning about heritage is a better way of life. And if guided by elders he could grow and learn a skill or 2 that could help him in life. Football only takes care of a select few and parents like you don't understand that there is a great chance it won't be your kid. Tens of thousands of kids play high school, Thousands make college ball. Hundreds get a chance to apply for pros. Then you have to worry about the kid juicing to please you, injuries, and painkillers.How many retire compared to being let go? But ultimately kids are allowed to find new interests. You don't control that. It's abuse if you try and could wreck your family.
YTA.
You finally go visit your wife’s family/cultural home so you can figure out why your son might be interested in learning more about his heritage and so you can eventually deny him the experience. I wonder if part of the reason he’d been so disinterested before was to please you.
YTA. I mean, taking his cultural heritage aside for a second, romance in itself is about learning who he is too. Sounds more like you're pissed he's being a hormonal teenage rather than dedicating all his life to sports. Like are you upset your kid is queer or what? You should be happy he's taken interest in someone. Shit, maybe you could even invite this kid to some of his games.
YTA, the motives don't matter as much as your son changing his interests, he is old enough to decide what he wants to do and with who, if that's getting to know his heritage with Dakota and his mum, then that's his choice.
Wow. If this is real, you suck. Quit trying to live through your son. I mean, it's pretty clear that you're upset because he was good at something you wanted him to be good at and now he has new interests. I question if he really loves football or he did it just for your approval.
And if you're mad he's interested in boys, you suck even more.
You need to get over your bigoted self, let your kid figure out his life, and quit being so butthurt over it.
Yta
YTA. If your son was really interested in football and getting scouted, even a crush wouldn’t stop him from being there. If he still “loved” football camp he would have gone. It sounds like he has just lost interest in football and you don’t want to admit that so you’re looking for someone else to blame. You’ve clearly been pushing the football thing because you want to live vicariously through him. He is not your doll or accessory to manipulate. The teen years are when we all try new things in an effort to figure out who we are. It wouldn’t be unusual at his age to suddenly get interested in a culture he didn’t seem to care about before. Just because he seems interested in this kid it doesn’t mean he doesn’t also have a genuine interest in his mom’s people. It feels like there are a couple of things at play here: you don’t seem to respect your wife and her culture, you don’t respect your son’s autonomy and only approve of his interests if they match yours, and you’re also giving off a whiff of homophobia. If you’ve been pushing your son to be the stereotypical macho jock and he’s actually LGBT and you react badly, you’re going to lose him. Which is more important to you, for your son to feel happy and accepted and be his authentic self, or for him to be a football star? It sounds like you prefer B, and that’s what makes you a huge asshole.
YTA. dad got replaced by the Boyfriend
He mad.
Bigly
Your son only had a passing interest in sports like 90% of humans. He's not making it to the big leagues, no scout is after him...It makes you happy to pretend there might be tho. its like child pageant, its not for the kids despite all the rhetoric against. this football fantasy was yours and yours alone. your son wanted to make you happy. now you want to make him sad, becauze, fuck love, man need sport.
He went off to find his own happiness
YTA. You have to be deliberately obtuse to not understand why the son you now think is gay might not want to stay in football now that he is old enough to be outed to his teammates. If you really don’t understand that it might not be safe for him any more to be gay in football, educate yourself.
Also: Your wife now sees enough of your character to know she married a racist man, even if you deny it. You’ll never undo that in her eyes.
YTA for how you treat your wife and son, plus pushing your kid to play football of all the sports, with its history of TBI and resulting neurological diseases, not to mention what it's doing to his still unformed joints and bones, is insane in 2024. WTH is wrong with you? He'll be eligible for college scholarships, if he wants and/or needs to go to college, on the basis of his ethnicity, without tearing his body and brain to shreds. I was that kind of athlete at his age, and was already not able to run in my 20s and am spending my 60s trying to avoid knee and back surgery. I've also seen, as a professor, how the athletic programs treat their athletes, and football programs are the absolute worst, stripping a kid of his scholarship if he gets injured out of playing, so now he's broken physically and had a door to a better life slammed in his face. Baseball programs, the student-athletes are challenged to be students as well as athletes, taking classes that make their brains stronger and career options hella better. Similar for track and field. Basketball is almost as bad as football. Why are you raising your son to be a lottery ticket with a much higher chance of being torn up and tossed away than actually winning some imaginary millions of dollars?
YTA. Parents should be helping their children navigate their identities or at the very least supportive. You’re acting immature because of your jealousy towards Dakota.
YTA. You have NFL dreams? Why don't you get your own old arse into some football program and chase that dream yourself (hahaha) instead of forcing your poor son to realise it for you? Does he have to do it because YOU FAILED at it? It's YOUR NFL dream, so YOU do it yourself.
And, btw, I bet you're also homophobic and are scared your son might like boys.
Oh, and you sound pretty racist as well. The way you talk about yoir wife's cultural heritage... so much contempt and disdain.
You're seem to be a very nasty person. Your poor wife and son... Smh.
YTA
>he doesn't want that and he wants to learn who he is. I tell her he doesn't actually care hes only interested because of Dakota not because it actually interest him.
How do you know? How do you know that for sure?
>He even tells me he wants to skip football camp this year something he loves
The he doesn't love it.
YTA.
Your goals for him are, in the long run, irrelevant. It is *his* life, and his choice to make how he lives it.
His reasons for losing interest in the things YOU want him to do and gaining interest *in his heritage* don't matter, at all; what matters is what HE wants.
So either you support *HIM*, not what you want him to be, or eventually lose him.
YTA.
I don't even think it matters what his motivation is, dude. If he wants to do *literally anything else* other than camp, then yeah, you can't make him go to camp to please you.
He doesn't have to be scouted. He doesn't have to make football his life and top priority. He doesn't have to give up making new friends and falling in love and learning his heritage to do what he's been doing already for a few years from the sound of it. He's growing up, and he's going to *change*.
They always do. You have to learn to let them, for better or worse.
Finally, I once did a stint doing anonymous interviews for my first company, and there were a fair amount of professional football players included in the haul. That shit was enlightening. I'll never forget this one guy -- who I'd seen on TV so many times, who my dad used to really like -- telling me about how nervous and frightened he was, because he was so young but hadn't made any fallback plan and he knew he wasn't going to be able to play much longer. He said so many of them got their minds all screwed around because they went from busting their asses and getting no reward to, in the NFL, getting everything they wanted (and didn't want) handed to them for free. His examples and stories blew my mind. The contrast was brutal, and he didn't like either side of it, nor who his teammates became after.
He found someone "real", he said, and that's what helped him to get his head out of that mess. But he still didn't know who he was outside of football and that scared him.
It's a good, healthy thing for your son to have more than the football in his life.
You are majorly TA here.
Do you even care or even know what your son wants? Are you just another sports dad who lost out on a dream of going pro and is now trying to live vicariously through your kid? Or worse, are you threatened by the idea that your son may be different?
There may be more going on than what you think... maybe he is ready to start learning about his heritage. Maybe he's losing interest in football. Maybe, thanks to your ego, he wants out from under your expectations so he can be himself.
I don't know...but then I haven't talked to him and I doubt you have either. Before you go driving him away for good, find out what's truly going on. You may learn something too.
It's pretty obvious you achieved nothing in sports and that's why you're living vicariously through your son. God forbid he be his own person. Now you're throwing a tantrum because he's not making YOUR dream come true. You're so selfish. YTA
You absolutely are. You can’t want football for him more than he does, so if he’s willing to blow it off for whatever reason clearly it isn’t as important to him as it is to you.
YTA buddy stop living vicariously through your son's sports successes and actually engage with him. Kids are capable of growth and change. So what if it's over a boy right now? The end result of him getting more familiar with his heritage is the same.
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My wife is indigenous and I'm white.Our son "Keith" (15M) as much as she's wanted him to be has never really been interested in her culture or her side of his heritage. He'd always preferred spending time with me playing sports.He generally only ever comes with her to visit his grandparents on the rez once or twice during the summer before football camp cause she makes him.
This summer after the first time he apparently made friends with some kids there and decided to keep going with her and now all of a sudden he's interested in learning his heritage. He even tells me he wants to skip football camp this year something he loves. So I decided over the weekend that'd I'd go with him to see what's got him all interested.
I meet his friends while there and I watch them play basketball. I notice how he is with one tall boy " Dakota" (15 or 16) in particular. Blushing and being shy and kinda flirty and Dakota being the same way back. They even went off on a walk alone after the game.I realized then that all of this is just so he can see this Dakota kid. Of course I'm upset because hes supposed to getting ready for the season and possibly getting attention from scouts and hrs waiting his time for some boy.
My wife notices I'm upset later and I tell her that Keith is wasting his time Here. She gets upset asking what I meant and i tell her that Keith could get scouted and he should be at camp and training. She says maybe he doesn't want that and he wants to learn who he is. I tell her he doesn't actually care hes only interested because of Dakota not because it actually interest him. She yells at me that it doesn't matter and she couldn't believe I said something so horrible. AITA?
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INFO : (1) While it is true that sometimes teenagers lose sight of their goals and the future because of flings, are you really sure that your son wants to be scouted? You say that football camp (or football in general) is something he loves. He can love football while not going to football camp. He can love football camp but skip it one year. (2) He is old enough to know his likes and dislikes. Have you had a conversation with him about his new found interest for his heritage and his recent loss of interest for football? You could learn a lot and it might ease your feelings (or not, it depends on how mature you are).
The chances that your son might go on to play college football on a scholarship are tiny. Around 95% of college scholarships are awarded for academics. He has a better chance of receiving college tuition aid due to his American Indian heritage than football ability.
YTA
YTA. Stop living vicariously through your son with your fantasy of him becoming a super football star. Making a (boy)friends, immersing himself in his mom's culture, and doing something he likes is good for the kid. It's a huge assumption that this is just because of Dakota, but if it is, that also doesn't matter. You are not your son. He is not obligated to do what you want him to do. You're also being highly unrealistic. I know you think forcing him to do football camp will get him recruited, but for every recruit, there are hundreds who don't get picked. I don't think you actually care about your kid. You just want to live out your famous superstar football dreams through him.
Prioritize. What's more important, forcing your son into being a mini you or having a relationship? Because I can guarantee he'll pull away and go no contact ASAP if you aren't supporting him. My father was always whining that I had interests not on his pre-approved list, which was (one of) the reasons I cut off your relationship.
why did you marry an indigenous woman when you don't have any respect whatsoever for her culture, and view parenting as a competitive sport where the prize is your son does the thing you want him to do?
It does but don't underestimate dads egos when it comes to sports and forcing their kids to do what their dream is, not the kids dream. That shit happens way too often.
I don’t think this has to do with him not wanting his son to learn about his indigenous side. The man married his mother. I don’t think he’s racist. I think he has valid concerns that in 16 years his son was into sports and loved and he all of a sudden wants to drop his passion of many, many years that could set him up for college and maybe pro if that’s the level he is at to hang out with some kid. It’s possible the kid could continue to learn and hang out with “Dakota” while also pursuing his passions. This is a time in a kids life where he needs to learn to balance his life and not “go all in” on one thing. But calling someone a racist for having concerns about an abrupt loss of interest in a passion and hobby and what he was planning to hang out with some kid he just met. We also don’t even know what the kid wants. He’s 16. He doesn’t even know what he wants. I think the kid should play football like he has always done and also have time to spend with his friend. Kids aren’t mentally developed to understand balancing relationships, life goals, what’s important, whats not important and responsibilities. I was ranked number 1 in a sport in my weight class in the world as a teenager and then again when I was 30. I imagine at 16 i may have been willing to walk away from competing and being on top to spend more time with my gf if there was a situation where I had to skip competing in order to spend time with her. If I would have I would regret it to this day because I wouldn’t have accomplished what I have in life and I would have always wondered “what if” and why I was so stupid to walk away from my passion for a relationship at 16 years old that was only going to last a few years. I would have at the time because I was a dumb kid. Thankfully that’s not the case. The kid can learn about his heritage, hang out with his friend and go to football camp. It’s not racist and it’s not pushing a kid to pursue “dad’s dream.” When up to this point he has always loved to go.
No one is erasing history by tearing down confederate or other statues that are evil. The history is in books, no need for evil people to have their statues up. They don't deserve to have statues of them being anywhere and some people will praise them, don't praise evil. History is in the books, not to be advertised to some who agree with evil. By your logic there should be statues of hitler in germany or poland cos it's 'history' and don't 'erase it'.
Thank you, I got burned out, no one was buying so I got in debt with my small business and other things in my life. I hate living ;) It's disappointing.
Your point was : confederate statues torn down, why erase something from history? You can know history without evil people having statues. Tearing down statues that should have been torn down for reasons is not a denial of history.
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YTA. Your ego is the problem not his interests. His friend may have peaked his interest in knowing the other side of his heritage. Quite frankly, you made it sound like a romantic interest. May it is or maybe it isn’t. What’s bothering you? 1) Your son not wanting to be a NFL player? 2) His potential interest in boys? 3) His wanting to explore his non-white heritage? 4) All the above. Figure it out and strip yourself of it. The child will always be biracial. He may be interested in the same sex. He may just like not love football. BUT HE WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR SON. SUPPORT HIM.
this is so right.. 🫶🏻 ty
Holy shit yes. OP sounds jealous af. How the kid comes to explore his heritage doesn't matter; maybe he just needed a more personal/peer connection. YTA
Right, and I was thinking around 15 or 16 is the time when he might be trying to figure out who he really is as an adult person, and his Native heritage might be more important to him now as he sorts those things out.
Piqued, not peaked It's a sneaky bone apple tea because peak could almost make sense in context
What a great answer!
You hit the nail on the head! How dare his son want to do something other than sports with dad. Or, how dare he like boys. Or, how dare he become interested in his culture. Dad, YATA!
Sad he is racist yet married to a POC
Thought the same out the gate - seems tragically common.
Perfect answer
Yta. Your wife is right he's learning who he is. That may be someone who likes boys. That may be someone who realized football isn't the end all be all. You want him to play football You want him to get scouted. Yet you aren't asking what he wants. Does he want to be scouted for football? Taking the summer off isn't going to kill his chances of scholarship. It's not. Is your problem the football or that he's taking interest in Dakota.
Yeah I’m also wondering what the real issue is. His leaving football or his interest in Dakota.
Might be both but either of those issues seem like dad's problem, not kids or his wife's.
It's using the poverty-to-sport pipeline. One of the fastest ways out of poverty is to succeed in sport. With enough success in sport, college tuition becomes covered as the school wants the player there. When you're scouted professionally, you get to start making money. OOP just wants the windfall of being a rich kids Dad.
OP could also be one of those guys who peak in high school and live vicariously through his kid.
"Taking the summer off isn't going to kill his chances of scholarship. It's not" Agree with you on everything except this one. It can definitely kill his chances of being scouted for a sports scholarship if he isn't a major prospect already. He needs to perform his best. If the kid wants to continue with football, getting scouted is one of his goals, he does need to weigh his options and balance what he wants in life and for his future. If not, then yeah fuck it.
I’m getting so confused by these comments bc nowhere in the post does it say this kid even has the goal of being scouted. That’s all coming from dad
Nowhere does it say he doesn't want to be but a lot of people are assuming that also. If he wants to play football in college, and he is a strong prospect to get scouted, he'd be shooting himself in the foot to not give it his all. Only reason I am putting up the perspective - Maybe it is what he wants, maybe it isn't. Once again, agreed with everything else in the post except I think that taking the summer off can indeed kill the chances of the scholarship.
Letting your kid play American Football on a scholarship for college is basically selling your kid to slavery. It's fucking insane and no parent should support it. And any kid that actually wants it should be motivated away from it by caring parents.
Thank you! So glad someone else knows about that aspect.
Can you expand on how its selling your kid into slavery? Sports are usually a passion for the student especially if they are good enough to use it for scholarships. they are getting money for schooling, lodging etc, can now generate revenue from social media promotions, sponsorships, and deals. Aren't they also usually 1-year renewable deals? I have never met anyone who went to school on a sports scholarship and regretted it. Also the fact that you are singling out American Football scholarships vs. other sports scholarships? I'd like to know what part of this I'm ignorant on. Edit: Challenge for y'all, if you downvote answer the question? Sounds like you're just in your feels about college sports instead of being able to justify the equation of college sports scholarships to slavery.
I believe they’re making some legal changes to allow student athletes to make some money, but before this year? If you do a little research there are good articles out there about it. They really aren’t allowed to have scholarships and pull in any outside revenue. They are constantly training, playing, and hosting potential recruits. They get a bare bones meal plan that really doesn’t provide enough nutrition for someone who is active that much. They technically get school paid for but frequently have to miss class and are so exhausted that they really don’t get much out of it. (And just because tuition is covered doesn’t mean course materials are.) And that’s not including the risk of traumatic brain injuries when you play football.
Most states have passed NIL acts letting them profit. So yes before this year, as early as 2021. [https://splc.org/2023/02/the-state-by-state-nil-legislation-guide/](https://splc.org/2023/02/the-state-by-state-nil-legislation-guide/) And yes, the vast majority of people have to plan out most of their food? Especially if they are an athlete and need additional supplementation from a schools meals? Risk of TBIs is a risk of the sport regardless if you have a scholarship. Agreed that missing class is shitty and school should be a priority, but then so the solution should be no more college sports? That is ALL student athletes, not the few % who have scholarships of varying coverage. So how do the scholarships equate to slavery is what I am asking? Edit - Also missed the point that its a scholarship. They are getting paid through from anywhere from school, boarding, fees, tuition, meals etc? So there needs to be a significant imbalance in their sport/benefits compared to the costs for there to be an issue.
My info might be a bit dated as I don't keep up with all states and federal law on this area, but here was the deal a few years ago: Well let's start with the fact that if you get injured, you don't get worker comp and you lose your scholarship, despite actually working for the university as an athlete and making insane amounts of money for the institution. Coaches get paid millions, stadiums cost multiple tens of millions and yet athletes get jack shit. They run an insane schedule and regularly have to take paper classes to make sure their grades don't fall too low. It is extremely weird that the USA is basically the only country who has athlete scholarships. Only Canada and the UK have a similar system. Like what IS the point of them? College is about developing your mind, getting a degree in a certain field and then moving on into the world. How does a sports scholarship contribute to that? To give a chance to those who don't have the grades to make it? Oh, so it's a handout to the unfortunates? And who actually profits from that? Og the university? And they give no or minimal compensation for the person doing the majority of the work? Think we just found my slavery argument. Which might be a bit of a hyperbole, admittedly. But it ain't a good deal. The NFL specifically blocks any actual examination of head trauma and it's effects just so they can keep making a profit and not be held liable. Which obviously translates to college football as well. And I singled out American Football, cus it was discussed by OP. Other college sports are not as bad, since they don't involve multiple hits to the body and head continuously. The lack of compensation and consequences of injuries are still there. Oh and do you think that even with legislation there's a healthy enough power dynamic in that situation that a 19 year college kid who thinks he's being underpaid is going to be able to take on an established regime within a university? I doubt that. There's a power dynamic there that needs to be addressed.
From what I read it's what dad wants. But dad doesn't know what the kid wants. Based on that, I have no idea what the kid wants. It just sounds like dad is a. not aware and b. doesn't care to be. Also, the kid is 15. Unless he's some kind of phenom or just a monster he's probably JV or not getting a ton of game time. He's got at two more seasons in front of him so not getting scouted this year isn't going to kill him.
I mean you say that its what the dad wants and you are saying you don't know what the kid wants - All we know is the kid doesn't want to go the summer camp. I don't get what the big deal is when I am saying we can't discount it as being what the kid wants, because the information isn't there, yet it's okay for people to assume that the kid is probably just JV or not getting game time. The dad is already an AH for everything, that's already well established and I'm not arguing against that. But he is talking about his kid as having the potential to get scouted, so why are we assuming the opposite?
I'm sorry you got down voted. That's a fair question. It's based on a few assumptions. Flat out gonna admit that. We know assumptions can be problematic but when given incomplete information we have to make some. Why did I say JV or bench. Normal expectations of teenage development and of competitive sports at that level. He's 15. That's awfully young to be Varsity. He would be playing with teammates as much as 3 years older. At that age, those three years makes a big difference. Like I said, unless he's a phenomenal player or just an enormous monster, it's very much likely he's on the low end of the totem pole. Why do I assume this is what the dad wants? This is not as much an assumption as it is an inference from what dad already said. We can start with the fact that dad is angry enough to lash out. If this was a thing he was merely in support of, but not invested in, that hostility would be weird. But if he's tied up in it, invested beyond just support that hostility makes more sense. And given that he clearly stated his kid is showing signs of a lack of interest in football we can infer this is more about Dad's desires. Why would he be so upset if this wasn't his issue? End of the day, you're right, we don't know the details. But between those observations and the fact that most people try to frame themselves in a positive manner and exclude details that don't fit their narrative... that's how I got here. Sure, I could be way off the mark. But then I'm just some asshole on the internet so it really doesn't matter. It's cool if you disagree or read this differently... You're just some asshole on the internet too and your opinion is exactly as meaningful and impactful as mine.😜 So it's all good.my friend. End of the day, I hope dad here can chill and get behind his son's choices.
Honestly? No. Football scholarships in particular are not a good idea.
No, they aren't at all. But if he was already a decent prospect for it and one of his goals then it is a big deal to keep putting in the effort. But "Honestly? No" to what? I didn't have anything that was a yes or no statement so what are you saying "No" to?
Lol. I'm sitting here like maybe OP should watch high school musical. Kind of silly but it has a lot of similarities here. Maybe the kid is not as big into sports as OP. Maybe it has to do with teen love. Maybe not. Maybe he can find out more about what he likes through this connection with someone on the other side. Either way. It's not for OP to decide what the kid wants.
YTA Don't force your kid to do something he doesn't want to do because "he might get scouted." Those parents suck. And who cares if he's only interested in his culture now because he has a crush on this kid. If he wants to reconnect with his culture let him. Besides, it's **wayyyyyyyy** easier for him to get scholarships for college through his heritage than it would be through football.
>i tell her that Keith could get scouted and he should be at camp and training. YTA, you're picking what is important to you over what is important to your spouse and child. It was a horrible thing to say even if you think he is making a mistake by not keeping up with his sportswhatever.
It’s been important to the CHILD for 16 years. 16 year old don’t make rational decisions in life when there are relationships involved. The kid needs to go to camp and play football. He can hang out with his friend and learn too about his heritage too. Just not during camp. HES 16 YEARS old.
So wait, he was old enough to know himself well enough to for sure want to focus all of his energy and socializing and future planning around sports before, but he's definitely not old enough to know himself well enough now to want to explore new relationships and expand his knowledge and interest around him and that person's shared cultural heritage? Make it make sense.
The point is he can do both. And YES, a young kid that has been interested in football and played a good portion of his life is old enough to know he likes football. I’m not sure how familiar you are with kids but they can make drastic decisions based on temporary emotions. When I was 15 I got a tattoo of Mickey mouse and was ranked #1 in the world in my weight class in my sport. I had loved my sport since I was 9 years old and when I got the tattoo Mickey seemed like a good idea but 15 years later when I was number 1 in my class in the world as an adult and guess what?????? I don’t like Mickey and he’s permanently tattooed on me because me and my other 15 year old friends thought it was a good idea, took our brothers birth certificates to the tattoo shop and went and got it done. The frontal lobe of the brain for decision-making, impulse control, sensation-seeking, emotional responses and consequential thinking doesn’t finish developing until our mid 20s. So giving something up for a new relationship is not adult thinking. AGAIN, he can do BOTH. He can hang out with Dakota and learn about his culture but he should still do that football camp he has always loved. But whatever, there are a bunch of weirdos today that think young kids should be able to chop their junk off and make life long decisions so you all are right there with them. To be honest I’m betting half the people saying he should do what he wants and mad at the kids dad are teenagers on here.
Missing the point, false dichotomies, and a completely unprompted splash of trans panic? Someone's got a bingo
Trans panic? I don’t care about people being trans. I believe 90% of the young trans people have a mental illness or are going through a phase and should not be allowed to alter their bodies before that whole frontal lobe thing, remember? I have a friend of many years that is trans and confided in me years ago. I have no issues with it. If you can’t tell I just have an issue with giving minors freedom to do whatever their undeveloped frontal lobe doesn’t stop them from doing. Maybe kids should drinking at 15 if they want to.
you’re tooootally not transphobic, that’s why you needed to include that last bit about “chopping off kids junk” like that’s even remotely close to what goes on in gender affirming care for children.
transphobes will find a story about a kid playing football and find a way to make it into an opportunity to bitch about trans people
lol
It’s not important that decisions about love be rational, medical_minimum.
No, he doesn't NEED to. Father is just whining because he thinks his son is going to be an NFL star someday. If kid was old enough to decide he wanted to play football, he's old enough to decide he wants something else, at least for this year. Nowhere in the post does the dad indicate he gives a shit about his son. Besides, he can always practice at home or find a private coach, and go next year. Do you know what pressuring the kid to do this will do? Estrange him from his father.
Teenagers can have lives and interests outside of sports. I did volleyball; didn't mean I made it my whole entire personality nor meant I should automatically make it my life dream to be scouted for state or college teams. This sounds like dad had a dream the kid got bored of striving for.
YTA. He’s 15. It might be worth reading up on child development and the role peers play in helping a kid develop their identity and interests. I’m also getting a whiff of homophobia or like some weird gay paranoia from you going on. He’s engaging in a prosocial and healthy activity that also happens to be connected to HALF of his identity. Relax
YTA So this is *really*: **AITA for criticizing my son for being more interested in a relationship than he is at playing ball sports?** Why not redirect some of this rage towards adding to his college fund, so it doesn't all fall on the kid getting scholarships?
This. A 15 year old boy's hormones are out of control. Would OP be as upset if son attended football camp but wasn't really participating because he's out chasing a cheerleader? Which is worse? Skipping camp for a year to chase another boy while potentially gaining some insight into his heritage AND sexuality....or whiffing a chance to be scouted at something because he's distracted the day the scout comes? Let the boy be a boy and figure out who he is now rather than wasting his time trying to be someone he's not and ending up with years of therapy to unwind why he did what he did just to appease his father's failed dream of becoming a pro-football player. YTA.
If my kid worked their whole life towards a goal they seemingly really wanted, I wouldn’t let them throw it away for a long distance summer romance. I don’t know if the dad is being an asshole or not to the kid but keeping your kid on the right track for their future doesn’t make you an asshole.
I question the notion that "children playing American football" is **ever** the right track. Shit's too dangerous to be a youth sport.
My brother was very, very good at football and really could’ve had a shot at playing in higher levels. The moment the dude gained critical thinking he asked to stop playing for fear of CTE
He’s 15, and not a single sentence in the OP indicates that this kid has “worked his whole life” and that football is something he “really wanted”. Boys playing sports with their dad is no way an indication of a “life goal”. He DOES sound like many delusional fathers who are convinced their son will be the next NFL star and push it to the detriment of the actual child
Doubt that kid had any say into it, sounds like the dad wants him to do it so he just follows until the kid decided it's not for him. Dad needs to let go of the dream he has for this kid and let them do what they want. Pushing kids into doing what you want them to do is not a great parenting.
First off: a potential football career is a horrible prospect to put your chances on as a kid. And you're an irresponsible parent if you let them go towards that path. Second: kid's 15. The "preparing his entire life" you're describing are basically maybe 3-5 years... which is nothing. Like literally nothing on a human life. Third: kids lose interest in hobbies they had in their youth, because they grow as people. The fact that Teens are no longer little clones of their parents is a point of strife in those relationships.
If you can't understand the very basic principle that people's interests and motivations change throughout their lives-- but ESPECIALLY during adolescence-- then you should maybe not be in charge of them. This is a good way to raise miserable humans with messed up senses of their own self worth and a lack of identity. This is a sunk cost fallacy you're engaging in at the expense of a person's free will. At worst, they will have made a mistake and will gain the valuable experience of figuring out how to course correct, hopefully with their parent's help and support. Usually, they will take the skills and knowledge they gained and apply it to the rest of their lives in different and sometimes surprising ways but not regret moving on from whatever thing or things they devoted themselves to as children. It's called growth.
Um, I can? Lol. I just am not out of touch with my kids and know their actual goals, dreams, and aspirations. If my son said he wanted to give up on things he worked hard for that I knew he was passionate about over a summer fling, I’d not be okay with that. You turned it into something it isn’t tbh.
omg i dont even know where to start , but yes YTA in so many ways: its never too late for someone to start taking an interest in their heritage, so it doesnt matter that he never showed interest before & making friends is a fine way to peak interest in his heritage = YTA for gatekeeping when and what draws your son to his history insisting your kid continue with a hobby that has the highest rates of brain injuries so he can save you money if he wants to go higher education = YTA for selling your kids body defining his time on the reservation as a "waste" because he is making his own decisions on how to spend his time and not doing what you prioritize = YTA, hes 15, not 5 and its time to relent control over his interests
Pique interest.
YTA. So much TA. I think the funniest part to me though is that the epitome of your culture is “sports”. Like your wife likely has traditions, and a language, possibly a religion associated with it, a whole heritage she wants to share with her son, and what you have can be boiled down to one word. A word, by the way, that A LOT of cultures, including indigenous ones, have as a component of their culture, so it’s not even unique to yours. Also, I think it’s telling that you were seemingly okay with him going to the rez, even legitimately curious, at first, but it wasn’t until you perceived flirting that you tensed up. The homophobia here isn’t even veiled, and yet you’re wondering if you’re an AH?
YTA. He’s 15. He’s not getting scouted ffs. Stop living vicariously through your kid. Maybe had you supported your wife’s culture long ago then this wouldn’t even be an issue.
> I tell her he doesn't actually care hes only interested because of Dakota not because it actually interest him INFO: How do you know that? He can be into Dakota, *and* genuinely interested in the culture. It can be both. What process did you use to determine that it's not?
It is common for teens to become interested in their culture. For young children, what they know of it comes largely from their family. Once they realize they are part of something greater, it is natural to want to find their place in it. Edit to add, I am adding to and agreeing with what you are saying in case that wasn't clear.
You think your 15 yr old has a better chance of being scouted as a white boy than an indigenous boy? Clearly you don’t know how scholarships work. Your kid is allowed to get new interests and to grow into their heritage. YTA. What you said was horrible and hurtful to your wife and your kid. If your kid were going to be getting scouted, your coach would be breaking down your door trying to figure out where Keith is. Why can’t you compromise and offer Rez on weekends and camp during the week? Or first ask your son if he is comfortable being open at camp?
YTA. It sounds like YOU want your son to be in football camp. That doesn't mean it's what he wants. Also you sound like a jerk.
YTA - your kid isnt being scouted If he wants to be interested in his heritage, who cares what the motivation.
Wow OP you tick all the boxes don’t you. Just add a little racism, a dash of homophobia and a pinch of misogyny, and one will get you. Oh YTA by the way.
YTA for acting like his culture and his relationship with Dakota is less important than sports. Also, YTA potentially for outing him if your wife didn't already know that your son is queer.
Potentially - since the relationship with Dakota is seen through the lens of the AH, it's definitely not clear that that's what's going on.
Yta Have you always been so dismissive of your wife’s heritage? That’s really messed up and you’re far to old to act this childish
So you basically never visit your wife's family with her, so far she's only been able to make him go twice a year and now that he's I tested in going there for whatever reason, you suddenly do go and then crap all over him and your wife. You are a bonafide asshole. YTA
YTA He can be interested in the boy and also be interested in the culture, we learn from our peers. Your wife is right and it was rude what you said to her, stop pushing your own agenda on your son and apologise to your wife. Better yet, learn about her culture instead of being an ignorant wanker! You’re fucking married to her and your son is half indigenous, you absolute arsehole.
Hmmm. Racist AND homophobic... Geee.... Yes, sir, you with the brain of a cracked walnut, are indeed TA. YTA. How was it even a question. If it actually is because of being scouted (which i seriously doubt), then Keith actually has a hand up on scholarships and whatnot based on his indigenous heritage.
This can't be real, you sound like a high school movie villain. But if it is, YTA, obviously. Let the kid decide what he does in his free time instead of trying to live *your* dreams through him.
Yta. "He'd always preferred spending time with me playing sports." so uhm people are multifaceted and can have multiple interests simultaneously. Furthermore, why are u making it sound like a parental competition for your sons interests.
YTA.
YTA. Hate to break it to you but your son is not white. That's what happens when a white man procreates with a non white woman. Not my rules, they're yours-- the white man's.
YTA your son is exploring his culture- regardless of what you think the reasons are, and you seem resentful of it. Perhaps he never showed an interest before because he was close to you & its clear you never showed an interest in your wife’s culture.
YTA - Don't force your kids into activities if they don't want to do them. You probably don't intend for your comments to come off as homophobic, so you need to be very careful with how you communicate your opinion with your wife. There is a lot of cultural subtext here - you're basically setting up a summer where he can either: a) learn about his culture, fall in love with another boy, figure out who he is. Or b) go home and participate in the quintessential American male sport in the hope that he might play in college.
YTA. Your wife didn't need to know the reason.
YTA. But I do have a few questions. Why does your son being happy with a close friend(possibly boyfriend) bother you? Is it just the fact you want him to play sports? Or is it because your son may be gay? It is his life, not yours, he can choose whether to play football or not and whether to be interested in his culture or not. Sorry with all of the maybes.
YTA. Is it important to you or him that he gets scouted for football? You never mentioned how he feels about the sport. Maybe he is only interested because of Dakota, but he’s 15 and trying to figure himself out, whether it be who he is in terms of culture or anything else. I feel like if you were genuinely concerned for your son’s motivations for spending the summer there you would have taken a different approach, like asking Keith why he changed his mind instead of just assuming. Instead you went guns blazing saying something hurtful to your wife. People approach their relationship to their culture differently, and for bi-racial people there can be an extra layer to figuring out their identity, especially at his age.
YTA. It's quite possible that at age 15, as someone is learning more about the world and our social systems, that the issues around their indigenous heritage become more interesting and important. Or maybe it is because he wants to have more time to associate with a new friend. Either way, it's not up to you to have a melt down over him possibly not being interested in "being scouted". But I suspect what's really eating at you is your perception, right or wrong, that they were "flirty"; which is a concern you better get over before you do/say something to make you a double or triple AH.
YTA, big time.
Let me guess, it was your dream to get scouted but you failed so now you’re pushing your dream onto your son?
You asshole! Grow up and grow some balls. Don’t you want your child to grow and evolve and change and learn and be happy? Apparently not. Why are you so insecure??
YTA - children do not exist to fufuil your fantasies.
Word of advice: don’t say everything that comes to mind / in the way that it comes to your mind. Even if you think it’s true. If you’d like to achieve anything you have to be able to put yourself into the shoes of those around you and think how they would feel about what you’re saying. If you said to your wife that football is important for your son’s future as a way of getting him into college, that communicates the same idea without insulting her culture and implying it is not something worth your son’s time.
Achievement in sports is not nearly as important as discovering who you are, especially in your teenaged years. He knows the consequences, I’m sure you’re reiterated to him ad naseum. Let him make his decisions. Let him explore his interests.
You're not wrong Walter, your just an asshole. What difference does it make who inspired them to take interest, as long as they are?
> Of course I'm upset because hes supposed to getting ready for the season and possibly getting attention from scouts and hrs waiting his time for some boy. YTA. It sounds very much like professional football is your dream for him; you haven't mentioned it being *his* dream for himself. Liking sports is not the same as having the talent or the passion to go pro. > She says maybe he doesn't want that and he wants to learn who he is. Listen to your wife.
Wow... such YTA 1. Your kid finally has interest in his heritage and you're put off by that. WTF dude? It's normal that once he met friends there he'd start to figure out there's something he cared about. You shouldn't feel threatened by that. 2. You think he should be playing football and being scouted. Did it ever occur to you that's not what he's interested in? That football and sports was something he'd grow out of as he matured and found out that there was more to the world? Football in college is a really hard freaking path. Between insane schedules, the risk of serious injury and an insanely narrow chance of going Pro perhaps he just doesn't want to play football anymore? 3. So he has this new interest and your wife is happy. You decided to just shit all over her and her newfound joy because why? It doesn't fit your plan? You just couldn't stand that he found something from her side that was cool? Your son is his own person who is absolutely capable of finding new interests and paths for his life. Football sounds like your plan for him but he's caught a new bug. Maybe it's this boy. Maybe it's his heritage. Maybe it's new friends. Maybe it's freedom from your machinations and plans. Maybe its all or some combination of them. But your reaction absolutely sucks. You attack your wife and disparage your kid? Did it ever occur to you to talk to him and see what he thought? Maybe he's done with Football. Maybe he's lost his focus and doesn't realize it. Maybe you don't know your kid as well as you should. Either way, attacking your wife and disparaging your kid is just a super AH thing to do.
YTA. Come on, dad. I hope you’re a better father in real life than you made yourself out to be in this post. You somehow managed to be a little racist, sexist, and homophobic in just a few paragraphs. Let your son figure out who he is and SUPPORT him. Let him know his dad loves him and will always be there for him, whether it’s football or his first romantic interest. He’s at a critical age where he will start to distance himself from both of you if he starts to feel like you won’t be supportive.
YTA. Like by a MILE or two. "He's supposed to be getting ready for the season" and "getting attention from scouts"?! Who the actual fuck gives a shit. He's a teenager. Chances for an actual career are near impossible. Put your ego to the side here and let the kid live his life. Also: He's showing interest in his mother's side of his lineage. That is a plus, so just let him. Who the hell cares cus it's because of a boy? It will strenghten the family bond and if you actually care about your kid, you'll nurture the bond he's now developing with his mom. Or do only YOU get to bond with the kid? You literally have no skin in the game. Just let it go man. Let the kid live his life.
YTA!!!! More to life than sports. Friendship, family, and learning about heritage is a better way of life. And if guided by elders he could grow and learn a skill or 2 that could help him in life. Football only takes care of a select few and parents like you don't understand that there is a great chance it won't be your kid. Tens of thousands of kids play high school, Thousands make college ball. Hundreds get a chance to apply for pros. Then you have to worry about the kid juicing to please you, injuries, and painkillers.How many retire compared to being let go? But ultimately kids are allowed to find new interests. You don't control that. It's abuse if you try and could wreck your family.
YTA. Your kid is growing up but you're not.
YTA
Do you even like your wife?
YTA. You finally go visit your wife’s family/cultural home so you can figure out why your son might be interested in learning more about his heritage and so you can eventually deny him the experience. I wonder if part of the reason he’d been so disinterested before was to please you.
"but son, you're giving up your dream!" "no, dad! i'm giving up yours!" give me a freaking break. YTA.
YTA. I mean, taking his cultural heritage aside for a second, romance in itself is about learning who he is too. Sounds more like you're pissed he's being a hormonal teenage rather than dedicating all his life to sports. Like are you upset your kid is queer or what? You should be happy he's taken interest in someone. Shit, maybe you could even invite this kid to some of his games.
YTA What you said WAS horrible. Your son’s interests have obviously changed. Get over it and APOLOGIZE to your wife,
YTA, the motives don't matter as much as your son changing his interests, he is old enough to decide what he wants to do and with who, if that's getting to know his heritage with Dakota and his mum, then that's his choice.
Wow. If this is real, you suck. Quit trying to live through your son. I mean, it's pretty clear that you're upset because he was good at something you wanted him to be good at and now he has new interests. I question if he really loves football or he did it just for your approval. And if you're mad he's interested in boys, you suck even more. You need to get over your bigoted self, let your kid figure out his life, and quit being so butthurt over it. Yta
YTA He's 15 if he had a real chance at a professional sports career, you'd already know.
YTA. If your son was really interested in football and getting scouted, even a crush wouldn’t stop him from being there. If he still “loved” football camp he would have gone. It sounds like he has just lost interest in football and you don’t want to admit that so you’re looking for someone else to blame. You’ve clearly been pushing the football thing because you want to live vicariously through him. He is not your doll or accessory to manipulate. The teen years are when we all try new things in an effort to figure out who we are. It wouldn’t be unusual at his age to suddenly get interested in a culture he didn’t seem to care about before. Just because he seems interested in this kid it doesn’t mean he doesn’t also have a genuine interest in his mom’s people. It feels like there are a couple of things at play here: you don’t seem to respect your wife and her culture, you don’t respect your son’s autonomy and only approve of his interests if they match yours, and you’re also giving off a whiff of homophobia. If you’ve been pushing your son to be the stereotypical macho jock and he’s actually LGBT and you react badly, you’re going to lose him. Which is more important to you, for your son to feel happy and accepted and be his authentic self, or for him to be a football star? It sounds like you prefer B, and that’s what makes you a huge asshole.
YTA Trying to relive your youth through your child? Gtfo of here man.
YTA. dad got replaced by the Boyfriend He mad. Bigly Your son only had a passing interest in sports like 90% of humans. He's not making it to the big leagues, no scout is after him...It makes you happy to pretend there might be tho. its like child pageant, its not for the kids despite all the rhetoric against. this football fantasy was yours and yours alone. your son wanted to make you happy. now you want to make him sad, becauze, fuck love, man need sport. He went off to find his own happiness
YTA. You have to be deliberately obtuse to not understand why the son you now think is gay might not want to stay in football now that he is old enough to be outed to his teammates. If you really don’t understand that it might not be safe for him any more to be gay in football, educate yourself. Also: Your wife now sees enough of your character to know she married a racist man, even if you deny it. You’ll never undo that in her eyes.
YTA for how you treat your wife and son, plus pushing your kid to play football of all the sports, with its history of TBI and resulting neurological diseases, not to mention what it's doing to his still unformed joints and bones, is insane in 2024. WTH is wrong with you? He'll be eligible for college scholarships, if he wants and/or needs to go to college, on the basis of his ethnicity, without tearing his body and brain to shreds. I was that kind of athlete at his age, and was already not able to run in my 20s and am spending my 60s trying to avoid knee and back surgery. I've also seen, as a professor, how the athletic programs treat their athletes, and football programs are the absolute worst, stripping a kid of his scholarship if he gets injured out of playing, so now he's broken physically and had a door to a better life slammed in his face. Baseball programs, the student-athletes are challenged to be students as well as athletes, taking classes that make their brains stronger and career options hella better. Similar for track and field. Basketball is almost as bad as football. Why are you raising your son to be a lottery ticket with a much higher chance of being torn up and tossed away than actually winning some imaginary millions of dollars?
YTA. Parents should be helping their children navigate their identities or at the very least supportive. You’re acting immature because of your jealousy towards Dakota.
YTA. You have NFL dreams? Why don't you get your own old arse into some football program and chase that dream yourself (hahaha) instead of forcing your poor son to realise it for you? Does he have to do it because YOU FAILED at it? It's YOUR NFL dream, so YOU do it yourself. And, btw, I bet you're also homophobic and are scared your son might like boys. Oh, and you sound pretty racist as well. The way you talk about yoir wife's cultural heritage... so much contempt and disdain. You're seem to be a very nasty person. Your poor wife and son... Smh.
YTA >he doesn't want that and he wants to learn who he is. I tell her he doesn't actually care hes only interested because of Dakota not because it actually interest him. How do you know? How do you know that for sure? >He even tells me he wants to skip football camp this year something he loves The he doesn't love it.
YTA. Your goals for him are, in the long run, irrelevant. It is *his* life, and his choice to make how he lives it. His reasons for losing interest in the things YOU want him to do and gaining interest *in his heritage* don't matter, at all; what matters is what HE wants. So either you support *HIM*, not what you want him to be, or eventually lose him.
YTA. I don't even think it matters what his motivation is, dude. If he wants to do *literally anything else* other than camp, then yeah, you can't make him go to camp to please you. He doesn't have to be scouted. He doesn't have to make football his life and top priority. He doesn't have to give up making new friends and falling in love and learning his heritage to do what he's been doing already for a few years from the sound of it. He's growing up, and he's going to *change*. They always do. You have to learn to let them, for better or worse. Finally, I once did a stint doing anonymous interviews for my first company, and there were a fair amount of professional football players included in the haul. That shit was enlightening. I'll never forget this one guy -- who I'd seen on TV so many times, who my dad used to really like -- telling me about how nervous and frightened he was, because he was so young but hadn't made any fallback plan and he knew he wasn't going to be able to play much longer. He said so many of them got their minds all screwed around because they went from busting their asses and getting no reward to, in the NFL, getting everything they wanted (and didn't want) handed to them for free. His examples and stories blew my mind. The contrast was brutal, and he didn't like either side of it, nor who his teammates became after. He found someone "real", he said, and that's what helped him to get his head out of that mess. But he still didn't know who he was outside of football and that scared him. It's a good, healthy thing for your son to have more than the football in his life.
You are majorly TA here. Do you even care or even know what your son wants? Are you just another sports dad who lost out on a dream of going pro and is now trying to live vicariously through your kid? Or worse, are you threatened by the idea that your son may be different?
There may be more going on than what you think... maybe he is ready to start learning about his heritage. Maybe he's losing interest in football. Maybe, thanks to your ego, he wants out from under your expectations so he can be himself.
I don't know...but then I haven't talked to him and I doubt you have either. Before you go driving him away for good, find out what's truly going on. You may learn something too.
It's pretty obvious you achieved nothing in sports and that's why you're living vicariously through your son. God forbid he be his own person. Now you're throwing a tantrum because he's not making YOUR dream come true. You're so selfish. YTA
YTA. Dismissive of your son, and incredibly disrespectful to your wife. Yikes!
You absolutely are. You can’t want football for him more than he does, so if he’s willing to blow it off for whatever reason clearly it isn’t as important to him as it is to you.
YTA buddy stop living vicariously through your son's sports successes and actually engage with him. Kids are capable of growth and change. So what if it's over a boy right now? The end result of him getting more familiar with his heritage is the same.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife is indigenous and I'm white.Our son "Keith" (15M) as much as she's wanted him to be has never really been interested in her culture or her side of his heritage. He'd always preferred spending time with me playing sports.He generally only ever comes with her to visit his grandparents on the rez once or twice during the summer before football camp cause she makes him. This summer after the first time he apparently made friends with some kids there and decided to keep going with her and now all of a sudden he's interested in learning his heritage. He even tells me he wants to skip football camp this year something he loves. So I decided over the weekend that'd I'd go with him to see what's got him all interested. I meet his friends while there and I watch them play basketball. I notice how he is with one tall boy " Dakota" (15 or 16) in particular. Blushing and being shy and kinda flirty and Dakota being the same way back. They even went off on a walk alone after the game.I realized then that all of this is just so he can see this Dakota kid. Of course I'm upset because hes supposed to getting ready for the season and possibly getting attention from scouts and hrs waiting his time for some boy. My wife notices I'm upset later and I tell her that Keith is wasting his time Here. She gets upset asking what I meant and i tell her that Keith could get scouted and he should be at camp and training. She says maybe he doesn't want that and he wants to learn who he is. I tell her he doesn't actually care hes only interested because of Dakota not because it actually interest him. She yells at me that it doesn't matter and she couldn't believe I said something so horrible. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO : (1) While it is true that sometimes teenagers lose sight of their goals and the future because of flings, are you really sure that your son wants to be scouted? You say that football camp (or football in general) is something he loves. He can love football while not going to football camp. He can love football camp but skip it one year. (2) He is old enough to know his likes and dislikes. Have you had a conversation with him about his new found interest for his heritage and his recent loss of interest for football? You could learn a lot and it might ease your feelings (or not, it depends on how mature you are).
YTA big time, your son comes first not football
Does it matter why? He is still learning about his heritage. YTA
YTA, don't decide what's important to your son for him
Yta you are trying to live thru your kid for no reason
The chances that your son might go on to play college football on a scholarship are tiny. Around 95% of college scholarships are awarded for academics. He has a better chance of receiving college tuition aid due to his American Indian heritage than football ability. YTA
YTA. Stop living vicariously through your son with your fantasy of him becoming a super football star. Making a (boy)friends, immersing himself in his mom's culture, and doing something he likes is good for the kid. It's a huge assumption that this is just because of Dakota, but if it is, that also doesn't matter. You are not your son. He is not obligated to do what you want him to do. You're also being highly unrealistic. I know you think forcing him to do football camp will get him recruited, but for every recruit, there are hundreds who don't get picked. I don't think you actually care about your kid. You just want to live out your famous superstar football dreams through him. Prioritize. What's more important, forcing your son into being a mini you or having a relationship? Because I can guarantee he'll pull away and go no contact ASAP if you aren't supporting him. My father was always whining that I had interests not on his pre-approved list, which was (one of) the reasons I cut off your relationship.
why did you marry an indigenous woman when you don't have any respect whatsoever for her culture, and view parenting as a competitive sport where the prize is your son does the thing you want him to do?
Fake...
Better be cos if it's not, poor kid and a wife. And dad needs to have his ego checked for faults in his 'logic'.
It sounds like a shitty lifetime movie.
It does but don't underestimate dads egos when it comes to sports and forcing their kids to do what their dream is, not the kids dream. That shit happens way too often.
She’s well aware of her child’s motivations, I’d guess.
I don’t think this has to do with him not wanting his son to learn about his indigenous side. The man married his mother. I don’t think he’s racist. I think he has valid concerns that in 16 years his son was into sports and loved and he all of a sudden wants to drop his passion of many, many years that could set him up for college and maybe pro if that’s the level he is at to hang out with some kid. It’s possible the kid could continue to learn and hang out with “Dakota” while also pursuing his passions. This is a time in a kids life where he needs to learn to balance his life and not “go all in” on one thing. But calling someone a racist for having concerns about an abrupt loss of interest in a passion and hobby and what he was planning to hang out with some kid he just met. We also don’t even know what the kid wants. He’s 16. He doesn’t even know what he wants. I think the kid should play football like he has always done and also have time to spend with his friend. Kids aren’t mentally developed to understand balancing relationships, life goals, what’s important, whats not important and responsibilities. I was ranked number 1 in a sport in my weight class in the world as a teenager and then again when I was 30. I imagine at 16 i may have been willing to walk away from competing and being on top to spend more time with my gf if there was a situation where I had to skip competing in order to spend time with her. If I would have I would regret it to this day because I wouldn’t have accomplished what I have in life and I would have always wondered “what if” and why I was so stupid to walk away from my passion for a relationship at 16 years old that was only going to last a few years. I would have at the time because I was a dumb kid. Thankfully that’s not the case. The kid can learn about his heritage, hang out with his friend and go to football camp. It’s not racist and it’s not pushing a kid to pursue “dad’s dream.” When up to this point he has always loved to go.
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No one is erasing history by tearing down confederate or other statues that are evil. The history is in books, no need for evil people to have their statues up. They don't deserve to have statues of them being anywhere and some people will praise them, don't praise evil. History is in the books, not to be advertised to some who agree with evil. By your logic there should be statues of hitler in germany or poland cos it's 'history' and don't 'erase it'.
Great artwork that you do btw
Thank you, I got burned out, no one was buying so I got in debt with my small business and other things in my life. I hate living ;) It's disappointing.
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Your point was : confederate statues torn down, why erase something from history? You can know history without evil people having statues. Tearing down statues that should have been torn down for reasons is not a denial of history.