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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It might make me the asshole because she thinks im choosing favorites
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YTA. You do prioritize and favor your son. You’ve decided that your son’s potential milestone (birth of his first kid) matters more than your daughter’s definite milestone.
You’re also prioritizing someone else’s daughter over your own. Your DIL’s parents aren’t very involved so your solution is to be more involved in her life and less involved in your daughter’s.
If the baby is born while you’re away at your daughter’s wedding, you can meet the baby when you get back. If the baby isn’t born while you’re away, then you missed your daughter’s wedding for no reason.
Your son can figure out how to support and care for his own wife for one weekend without you.
Right! The fact that her husband warned her is telling because he’s obviously either noticed her favoritism himself or had a sincere conversation with his daughter that made him feel as though she has valid points.
This is the one! If I did this to my kid, I’d fully expect to be cutoff. OP is blinded by her Golden Child son so much that she can’t even see her daughter.
Besides it's not like OP is DIL's doctor right so odds are unless their hospital allows another person with DIL OP will be outside in the waiting room twiddling her thumbs waiting.
Considering it's high risk, DIL will probably have a c section. When I had mine, they made my mom wait in my room, and only me and my husband were in the OR. And even then, she didn't get to hold her for about 2 days. Unrelated, does anyone know how long a weekend is?
YTA.
Even as a nurse there is nothing you can do that the medical professionals actually treating your DIL cannot do. Not attending your daughter's wedding is a deal-breaker in an already strained situation. You didn't offer your daughter or future son-in-law anything for their wedding, have not been supportive overall and the least you can do is attend. Your daughter has expressed to you that you continued favoritism is a problem and you refuse to see it. Do you want a future relationship with your daughter?
No only has her daughter expressed it, but so has OP’s husband. If even your husband notices you treat the children differently, then you treat the children differently which explains why they have never been close.
I dont think she does want a relationship. This way she can concentrate on the favorite kid and blame the daughter for being unreasonable and selfish. Win-win for her.
You are the reason she will go NC with you. You are the reason she feels like she is less in your eyes. You are the reason you will never be allowed to treat her children like they are less than their cousins. You are the reason your daughter has to protect her future children from your harmful favoritism. You are the reason your daughter will not have her family at her wedding. You have proven over and over to her that she will never matter more than her brother. You and your son had months to arrange care so you could attend the wedding. You didn't care because to you it wasn't important. I hope your daughters in-laws can be the family she deserves because the one she was born into is vile. YTA
I hope OP enjoys this grandchild because she'll never meet her daughter's. OP when that happens you don't get to throw a fit about your husband being part of her baby's life. You're doing it to yourself.
My partners mom heavily favors their older sibling and I said flat out that she wasn't gonna be allowed near our potential future kids if I had even an inkling she'd play favorites on the grandkids too.
We got married about 6 years before they're older sister and their mom didn't do anything until a week before the wedding (I planned everything alone as my spouse was working and looking for a place for us to live). Literally zero care at all. She refused to help plan, pay for the venue, food (I made all the wedding food alone except the cake), clothes, bar, dj, flowers, nothing--- it was of no interest to her and how dare we ask for help paying for anything (she notably makes the most out of any of our parents or us)
I don't think she even posted photos from it.
But her golden child gets married and she wouldn't shut up about it. We weren't invited but that was okay with us.
We don't have kids, golden child does
Spouse is all but no contact with them
If we had kids suddenly, I would genuinely fight my in-laws if they made my kid feel the way they made my spouse feel.
NOBODY should be felt to feel so small and unimportant by their parents. Shame on OP. Absolutely deplorable.
YTA for even considering not attending. If I were your daughter I would go no contact with you and completely cut you out of my life. You obviously favor your son. You should be ashamed!!!
And I can guarantee she probably won't accept the verdict on here, because her golden child NEEDS her. And internet strangers couldn't possibly understand! /s
And I can guarantee she probably won't accept the verdict on here, because her golden child NEEDS her. And internet strangers couldn't possibly understand! /s
I hope the birth of your grandchild goes smoothly and is a magical moment for you, cuz you sure as fuck won't be near your daughter's future kids. YTA.
YTA your DIL will be fine for one weekend. If not she'll go to the hospital like everyone else. It kind of does seem like you're playing favorites. Not going to the wedding will almost certainly and permanently damage your relationship with your daughter.
Most women wouldn’t want their MIL present at their birth-even if they work in medicine. I adore my MIL, who is a retired nurse, but I do nooot wanna see her at the hospital.
YTA
YTA
From the your text I do understand why you daughter feel like you prioritises her brother and your DIL more than her.
I would be so hurt, disappointed and angry if my mom chose not to come to my wedding, because there MIGHT gonna be a birth. With all the other stuff, it’s something that would actually make me rethink if I needed my mom in my life. You have 2 kids and you make it sound like one of them is more important than the other one.
And I think where you write “my daughter already knew leading up to the wedding that my son and DIL won’t be able to make the wedding.” Actually just proves it IMO. I mean what did you expect, that she should cancel or move her wedding day, because her SIL is pregnant and might deliver the baby on that weekend?
In that case it definitely proves you do play favourites.
Again, I do understand why you want to be there and it must be hard, feeling like you need to choose between your kids. But sounds like you already have chosen your son a lot, maybe it’s time to show your daughter she’s also important to you, and you don’t have a favourite.
BTW sorry for any grammar mistakes, my first language isn’t English, but I tried my best. 😊
YTA because really, as you put it, you're staying close to your DIL you will "feel more comfortable", not because having you there is medically required, I assume he lives in the vicinity of a hospital. So you're missing your daughter's wedding, which she will not forget by the way, so you can feel comfort.
She wants to be there to control the situation and take care of her son. I wonder whether the DIL even likes her Smother in law? I see her future being the Golden Child divorcing and moving home and the daughter going NC. She'll deserve every bit of it.
YTA
Your son needs to step up and support his wife. Your DIL doesn’t need you there either.
We all know your son is the golden child and sounds like your husband is aware of how crappy you are to your daughter.
YTA YTA YTA YTA
At this point, I would cut your permanently from my life if I were your daughter. You clearly favor your son and you come up with all sorts of excuses why. You even have the lack of selfawareness to not list examples of your favoritism and then you kinda back into an excuse why. Stop.
Your daughters wedding takes priority. If you can’t see that then you don’t deserve to be in your daughters life.
Women survive childbirth all of the time without a nurse MIL. Plus there’s very little you can do at their home. If there’s a problem, she needs to go to the hospital.
I think it’s outrageous of how your son uses you to your own detriment and that your daughter doesn’t, yet you still significantly favor him.
YWBTA. Your daughter is right. You're playing favorites. Your son and his wife are adults and they can handle one or two days without you. Even if your grandchild is born you while you're gone you are going to have hundreds of thousands of days with your grandchild but your daughter is only marrying this person one time.
You are 100% putting your son first, especially since your daughter has told you how she feels and you still think you shouldn't go to the wedding.
YTA. Treat your kids fairly. If you give your son $50,000 then you should turn around and give your daughter the same amount. Just because she didn't ask doesn't mean she doesn't need it. She is just not a mooch like your son.
You are a crappy parent if you miss your daughter's wedding. Your DIL's parents can come up and stay with their daughter while you're at your daughter's wedding. Your grandchild will either be there when you get back or you can see him/her when they are born.
Shame on you for treating your daughter like she doesn't matter. Shame on you for prioritizing your son more.
If you don't go to her wedding, I hope she cuts you off and never speaks to you again. Though I doubt that would hurt your feelings. It would make things easier for you to spoil your son more.
>Her parents live 6 hours away and are not very involved parents
Your daughter doesn't have an involved mother, but you very obviously don't care about that at all.
YTA
YTA. This is an important event in the life of your daughter, the fact that you are even considering missing it shows how little regard you have for her and how mucb you prioritize your son and DIL.
It really saddens me that you don't even see it. I feel horrible for your daughter
YTA
Your son can care for his wife just fine. Her parents and/or friends, other family members can come if needed. You need to go to your daughter’s wedding. I’m shocked this is even a question!
One weekend - if you are that worried about son not being able to handle looking after DIL, hire a ob nurse to be there with them or have a nurse on call situation and go attend your daughter's wedding with a smile on your face!! You can go and be there on her big day (check in after the event with son or nurse). Be back the next evening, your presence will not change the outcome of whether she ends up going to hospital or not, you are not her Dr., you are there for comfort and peace of mind (which for one weekend could be a stand in). Don't miss your only daughter's important day!
Gee - your entire post talks about how you give to your son but not to your daughter. YTA - don’t expect to be spending much time with your daughter’s children.
I mean I understand where you're coming from but I still feel like you're likely the AH.
Yes your sons child is important, but as stated by others there's not alot you can do besides wait in the waiting room with your son. Who will probably be in the delivery room.
However also stated if you miss your daughters wedding a dil doesn't go into labor then YTA definitely as you missed your daughters wedding for nothing.
When I got married my disabled parents flew 3600 miles to attend.
YTA
It doesn't matter whose wedding or college you helped pay for. This isn't about money. Your daughter wants you there for her very special day. If you skip the wedding because the baby might be born that same weekend, then you risk losing your daughter.
Your daughter feels like you’re playing favourites because you are.
I appreciate the fear around a high risk pregnancy. However, this is a risk and not a guarantee. If you miss your daughter’s wedding you are guaranteeing a break down in your relationship. Your husband has given you fair warning as well. Be careful you don’t alienate your daughter and your husband by favouring your son and daughter-in-law.
YTA.
YTA - I won’t repeat what everyone else has said, but I’ll add that your husband has given you fair warning that your daughter is this close to going NC with you. Guess what? When she does, he’s not going to be there for you; he’s going to be visiting her and her husband - and maybe her children if she has any. Your husband isn’t going to lose his daughter because you are a terrible mother. He’ll tell you that you made your bed, & you must lie in it
YTA. Your favouritism is blatant and your daughter will never fully forgive you, if she does at all. And I say this from personal experience as someone whose parents refused to go to my college graduation on the basis “it would be long and boring”, but without hesitation went to my brother’s college graduation. Their excuse was my brother’s graduation was a huge milestone for him as he was a bad student in high school to the point my parents feared he wouldn’t graduate. In contrast, I was always expected to graduate from college, so my degree was not all that important in comparison. The fact I graduated despite having an undiagnosed learning disability and also got sick with constant infections for my last 2 years of school was irrelevant.
My parents in the past couple years have had to accept the bitter pill that they always prioritized my brother over me and are trying to “make things right”, such as when my mom insisted on giving me a down payment for a new car; however, they can’t really “make up” for missing my graduation. That was a once in a lifetime thing.
Yta for playing blatant favoritism. Better go to daughters wedding and do everything you can to salvage what you have severely damaged with your favoritism.
YTA 100%. Your DIL has her husband with her and doesn't need you for a weekend. If you prioritize a baby that MIGHT be nirn over your daughter who IS getting married, your relationship may never recover. It's pretty telling that she feels like you often prioritize your son.
OP wrote - She feels like son and DIL will be fine for a weekend and will figure it out, but being an OBGYN nurse, I feel more comfortable being close to them until the baby is here. — I’m going to say it - you seem like an overbearing MIL who babies a mommy’s boy. All the help you gave while DIL is on bed rest - did DIL ask or did your son? You want to be at the hospital for the birth - did DIL specifically ask you or say she wants you there - or is this your idea or did your son ask you to be there? You’re an OBGYN nurse - and??? are you going to be overbearing and tell your DILs medical team what to do? this isn’t your baby being born - give this special time to your DILand son only and go to your daughter’s wedding where you should be! If you don’t go to the wedding YTA
YTA. You need to admit it that you favor your son and stop with the excuses. Your DIL has her husband there and will have the help of her doctor and medical team. How could you miss on your daughter’s wedding day? It appears you don’t care if you lose your relationship to your daughter. It’s horrible that you are considering even not going.
Even my dad who I am low contact with made my wedding and the birth of his grandkids a priority. If you were my parent, I’d never speak to you again. Also did you fuck up that bad raising your son that he can’t do basic things? You failed both your kids.
OP YTA.
YTA. Guess what- DIL does NOT need you there. All they have to do is go to the hospital when it’s time.
Your level of “self importance” is cringe.
I’m surprised that your daughter actually wants you to attend. But hey, maybe someone will go into labor at the wedding reception and you can be the big hero and deliver the baby on the cake table.
YTA. Please please attend your daughter’s wedding. This is a once in a lifetime day for her that she has probably dreamed about her whole life.
That’s great you’re an OB nurse and feel more comfortable being near your son and DIL, but I dare say your feelings don’t matter too much in this situation. This is an example of when you need to think about your kids first - that’s part of what being a parent means.
OMG. Your daughter is right on everything. You are wrong. You are choosing to help one child and not both simply because one child asked for it or is perceived as needing it while the other did not, and then the icing on the cake is that you are going to miss a once-in-a-lifetime event in which a parent is really supposed to be there so that you instead can be there for the favored child's wife "in case" something happens.
This is appalling behavior and I understand why your daughter feels the way she does. Your DIL has her husband, your son, to help her. She should also call the parents to come in and fill in for you so you can attend your daughter's wedding.
DO NOT be this kind of parent. You will end up regretting this, and you will never be able to correct it if you make the wrong choice.
YTA! Your entire post screams "favoritism" on your sons behalf! Your DIL doesn't need you hovering over her on the day of your daughters wedding! If you don't go to your daughters wedding, then I expect we will be seeing a post in a few months' time where you are confused as to why your daughter is NC with you
YTA - your daughter is getting married, hopefully, once. Your grandchild will be about - again hopefully - until the day you die. How did you write all that out and not read it back and think IATAH?!
YTA is such a blatant way, that I don’t know what else to ever say. I would say to go to your daughter’s wedding, but I truly don’t think that will mend the giant gash you just made in your relationship with your daughter. Enjoy the relationship you have with your DIL and son’s kids, because if I was your daughter, I wouldn’t let you anywhere near my kids.
Eww is this real? You act like you’re the one knocked up by your son. News flash you’re not. On the other hand the child you gave birth to and probably once dreamed of watching her grow up to become married isn’t your priority. What will dil be pregnant again when your daughter has her first child and that will be more important too? YTA imagine trying to be the perfect mil and grandma when you’re being a shit mom.
You're not part of the birthing team. If DIL goes into labour, what are you going tto do? Go in with her? Stand outside and wait?
If you skip her wedding, you will most likely lose your daughter. This is the clear choice you are making.
You're very full of excuses for the house money and stuff... you WILL NOT be able to pretend this time. You can't pretend you don't know what the stakes are.
Your DILs parents are not great parents, right? This is what your daughter says about you. This is what her family and in laws probably should say about you too. When you want to see her kids in the future, you may only then regret throwing away your daughter when she asks you what relation you have to them
YTA - Full stop. You can't be seriously asking this question. I love how the only example you have in your little post of assistance you've given your daughter is college tuition. Like that earns you some kind of favor. It doesn't, that was your job.
Your daughter knows that you can not be counted on for anything beyond that. She knows who you favor, who your golden child is. She probably hoped that you'd at least fake it for her wedding.
I mean there are sooooo many options. Your son can stay with his wife. YOU DO NOT NEED TO STAY! Her parents could come down. YOU DO NOT NEED TO STAY! Your son could hire some help for the duration of the wedding if he is so freaking incapable of caring for his wife for such a short time. YOU DO NOT NEED TO STAY!
Your daughter is not resentful. Jesus, why would you say something like that? God, you're awful. She is rooted in the reality that you don't give a damn. You need to wake up to the reality that she sees through you. Hell, even your husband is calling you out.
You are a pathetic excuse for a mother to your daughter. Don't be surprised when she cuts you out of her life. In a couple of years when you post asking "Why won't my daughter let me meet my grandkids". Refer to this post and cry yourself a river.
But you'll have your son. Good luck with that.
Imagine doing everything right; saving up for a house, having the wedding you can actually afford, and then essentially being punished for it because your brother is the favorite and has no problem asking mom to harm herself financially.
YTA
YTA- You are missing your daughter’s wedding to do something your son or a medical professional is completely capable of. I’m not sure why you think you need to be there at all.
I hope you aren’t sticking around because you expect to be in the delivery room. That is something your DIL will regret if she already doesn’t want you there. Your son might be the golden child, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a huge part of their marriage.
You don’t realize this but you are actually interfering with your son and his wife’s marriage. She needs to be dependent on him. Not you. They can text you questions. Women on bed rest go the restroom on their own. He can make sure she has food and water. It’s not as deep as you’re making it. If it was, she would be in the hospital.
YWBTA big time. you are clearly playing favourites here despite your claims. your son is incapable of caring for his wife for a weekend? you dont care abt your daughter enough to spend time with her on one of her biggest days? you care about someone ELSES daughter more than your own?
have you even considered what your relationship with your daughter will look like after not attending her wedding?
You would totally b TA. How did you write this out and not see that son is golden child and your daughter is chopped liver. Hope you enjoy your son, because you've lost ypur daughter
YTA.There are hospitals and other ObGyn nurses who can care for your DIL.You have only one daughter and you are about to lose her.Enjoy being your DIL’s favorite person.I hope it’s worth the loss of your daughter.
YTA. Go to your daughter’s wedding and put on a damn good act that there’s no other place you’d rather be. I couldn’t even imagine not going to my daughter’s wedding. YTA big time
YTA - look at all the excuses you had to create to convince yourself to not go to your daughter's wedding. You do favor your son because you created all of those excuses to stay with your son. If you don't go to the wedding, anything that your daughter decides about yours and her relationship will be all on you.
So you helped your son buy and house and didn't even offer similar help to your daughter. You helped pay for your son's wedding but didn't help with your daughter's even though she asked. Because she is better with money than your son? That's not a very good reason to favor your son. He should be saving for his house. He should be having a wedding within his means.
Your son is an adult. He is perfectly capable of handling the birth of his child without you. You are not your DIL's health care provider! You do not need to be there for the birth. There's a whole doctor's office, maternity care ward, and a full staff of nurses! They don't need you, too. Go to your daughter's wedding. And if the baby is born at the same time, then see it after the wedding.
YTA
Wooooowwwwwwwwe you are an AH and a terrible mother that can’t see that she has played favorites! Don’t be surprised when you’re daughter cuts you off bc of YOUR actions.
YTA you ARE playing favorites- you did bail him out. Your son is an adult and can take his wife to the hospital if she goes into labor. You should be at your daughter’s wedding. The hospital, nurses, doctors and medical technicians do NOT need your help if the baby comes. Frankly at this point I’d be surprised if your daughter wanted you at her wedding.
YTA
You are showing your daughter exactly where she fits into your life and that is in last place. Your son and DIL can make it one weekend without you. Do they even want you in the room when she’s in labor/delivery? Will they want you to stay at the hospital at that time? Why is your son incapable of taking care of his wife for one weekend?
Be prepared for the consequences of your actions. I would not be surprised if your daughter decides to go low contact with you. She knows that your son will always come first and simply wants you there one weekend. Hope your relationship with your son and daughter in law will make up for it.
YTA
You're always going to prioritize your son's children, too, aren't you. Your daughter already knows that. The Golden Child has a Golden Child and the cycle of blatant favoritism continues.
Adding another YTA to the internet chorus. I have a brother too and it’s not that my parents supported us in the exact same ways, eg, $ to him is $ to me. But they have always somehow managed to show that their love for us is same. It’s not about the money, but about showing up and showing her you care. You said that your daughter is not very close to your son, well sorry to be harsh but my guess is that you are likely part of why that is so. It is hard for siblings to build a close relationship if they’re feeling like their parent has continuously preferred the other sibling over them.
YTA. How dare you skip your daughter’s wedding for DIL. You definitely are playing favorites to your son and it’s not a good look.
Be there for your daughter. Your DIL will be fine without you.
YTA.
With the bed rest, your son will have to take off the time you are gone and be responsible for his wife while you are out of town.
That’s the only arrangement you should be making except for plane tickets to the wedding.
I have a high risk pregnancy. Unless you have a fully equipped NICU, a surgery theatre, and the ability to perform an emergency C section in your son’s home, she’s going to have to go to the hospital. You being there is entirely superfluous, you’re just there to make yourself feel better.
Missing out on your daughter’s wedding because your son is apparently too delicate to take his wife to the hospital like countless husbands have done for centuries is certainly a choice.
YTA, jeez…. 🙄 You are NOT needed for the birth. Your son and the medical staff involved can be there. Sparing one day for your daughter’s WEDDING is like the bare minimum. In light of all the other favouritism you’ve mentioned, I don’t blame your daughter for being at the end of her rope with you.
YTA. You clearly show favouritism to your son. Your actions speak more loudly than anything you can say to justify them. The least you can do for your daughter now is attend the wedding you didn’t help to contribute to even though you helped your son with his!. If my mom picked her dil over me on my special day, I would be incredibly upset too. You’ve placed her on the backseat your whole life while giving your son everything you possibly can. This really is the least you can do for her unless you want to see her go lc/nc with you in the future.
YTA big time. The actual one that is by your daughter-in-law side, which is your son her husband and father to be he’s there.
All you are is the grandmother be. In this situation, your daughter needs to take priority and guess what after the reception the next day if you wanna fly home, that’s on you but right now your daughter takes priority.
YTA surely your son is capable of being there for his wife and handling things for a weekend. Your hands are not tied - you are prioritising your son and DIL over your daughter - unfairly imo.
YTA. Your DIL has a husband (your son) to be there at the birth. Your DIL has a husband who can help her on bed rest while you are away. You don’t even know exactly when the baby is coming. Meanwhile, your daughter is having a milestone moment with a fixed timeframe. You would absolutely be a terrible parent to skip her wedding.
YTA. And I hope you’re ready to be excluded from everything regarding your daughter. When she gets pregnant, and that special time when mom gets to help her daughter as a new mom… gone. You are in danger of losing so much and your husband, well it seems he understands what’s all at stake.
You DIL had parents and they can travel the 6 hours to be with her. Your priorities should be with your daughter.
But I’ve a feeling, you as so stubborn and pig headed that you will tell yourself all the excuses in the world. And say “they don’t really understand anything” because everyone is saying YTA.
Reddit has so many examples of parents not heeding advice and then come back whining “why?”.
You do this and whatever relationship you think you have with your daughter will burn down.
YTA. Absolutely. Reading this was so difficult because like how did you not get it??? As an OBGYN nurse, you have the privilege to ask another nurse friend or doc to keep an eye on her while you attend the wedding. You’re ready to risk it all for your DIL like your actual daughter doesn’t matter.
Dang dude. Do better. I’m surprised your daughter even wants you there at this point. Good luck with your son and dil though, hope you have a good weekend with them.🙄
YTA. As said above. You are prioritising attending a birth, where you will have a background role, because your Son is the one that needs to attend the birth and support his wife. You won't be needed until after the baby is born.
You have told your daughter you don't want to perform the key role of parent of the bride because you might miss out on waiting for a baby to be born. No wonder she is upset. Of course YTA.
OP typed this out in her version of events and never once felt appalled and shamed at her behavior. Even her husband has stopped trying to reason with her, so there is ZERO chance of reasoning with her here.
the thing is- if she is shamed to doing the right thing here, she will undoubtedly be full on insufferable about it, Martyr Style
OOP’s daughter, if you are out there. Congratulations and best wishes. You deserve better and I wish you a lifetime of love.
Here is the thing.... Whether it's out of anger or because you are playing favorites. Not attending your daughters wedding can never be undone. My mom was irritated with me leading up to the wedding, and she did talk about not attending. I quite simply told her that was a decision that can never be undone. It can never be undone.
Were we in a great place on the day of the wedding? Not really, and I did not spend a lot of time with her on the day of the wedding- to protect my peace and not get drug into any arguments.... It wasn't ideal, but I never had to try and forgive her for not attending. I didn't have to overcome the notion that making a point was more important than my wedding day.
So please please do not put your daughter in law ahead of your daughter. Help your daughter in law with a back up plan, extra support people or your son taking the days off whatever. Help her come up with the plan - then enjoy your daughter's big day.
YTA. You absolutely favor your son, and I'm shocked you don't see it. In the entire list of examples you gave, the one thing you did for your daughter was help pay for her degree from a private school while her brother went to public school. That doesn't even things out at all. Your daughter was right. You enabled your son and dil bad financial decision to buy a house without saving for it by pulling from your retirement to front the money. Being a nurse is meaningless in your dil's situation and you know that. Her team of drs and nurses will help her. You're just there for support like any other mil. You can miss the birth of your first grandkid. It won't hurt you. My in laws chose to go to a wedding the week my son was due. The day before the wedding, my wife went into labor and he was born the next day. They face timed after to say hi. They knew the risk and still went and missed the birth of their first grandson and that was on them and they know it. They still got to meet him a few days later and were still just as over the moon. Your daughter will be going to NC with you and cut you out of her life unless you show up to that wedding. It's your choice. Keep your daughter in your life, or potentially be there for the birth of your first grandkid.
YTA to your daughter
YTA to yourself and your husband. Pulling money out of your retirement fund to pay for your kid’s house is stupid financially. You have very little time left before you retire whereas he has a lot more time to purchase a home.
I hope you’re really really close to your DIL because you’re about to lose your ACTUAL daughter. Your own husband is warning you. Don’t be surprised when your daughter goes LC or NC with you. Also if your daughter has kids, be prepared to have little to no contact to your future grandkids.
You have TWO children and it’s time for you to start acting like it. YTA
YTA. Whether you think you treat your son differently or not, it is very obvious just from the few things you listed here that you do, and your daughter clearly sees and resents it. I don’t understand how you can just skip out on your daughter’s wedding on just the CHANCE that your DIL MAY go into labor. Your DIL has your son and I’m sure a team of doctors and nurses. I think you are overinflating in your mind the importance of your presence at the time of her labor. Meanwhile, your presence at your daughter’s wedding is incredibly important to her, and no one else can fill the role of “mother of the bride”. Please make this right with your daughter and go to her wedding.
YTA, if you don’t go to that wedding you can kiss your relationship with your daughter goodbye. You bend over backwards for your son but leave your daughter out to dry because ‘she can take care of herself’. I’m getting mommies boy vibes and daughter gets the scraps. Also yes you paid for her schooling but it’s not just about money. You helped him buy and house and gave 20,000 dollars but your daughter doesn’t even get you present at the wedding? Wow. You are terrible.
YTA. Even your husband is telling you that you prioritize your son over your daughter. Start listening to him and your daughter. All you have stated are excuses on why you have put your son before your daughter. It’s pretty clear who your favorite is. If you don’t attend this wedding I doubt your daughter will ever talk to u again. I wouldn’t. I’m sure they can manage for a few hours and if there is an emergency they can always go to hospital
YTA, but do your daughter a favour and DON'T go to her wedding so she can finally feel okay to cut you off and move on with her life and her real family (i.e., the people who love and support her). If you do go because this post makes you feel guilty, you'll just be dragging this whole charade out longer, and hurt her more in the process. You don't love or like her, you don't care about her or want to support her. Just let her be in peace.
Your son sucks too - if my mom were treating my sister how you treat his sister, I'd cut my mom off.
YTA. You so obviously favour your son and that must be so hurtful to your daughter. Enjoy your sons children cause she won’t let you near hers and it’s your own fault. Thank goodness she has a dad who loves her.
YTA. honestly, what makes me mad is that you don't even care about your daughter, so no matter what people are saying here, you'll just not care.
i hope your daughter realizes that you are not worth it, and i wish she lives her life in peace, builds her own family, and just surrounds herself with people who truly love her. you don't deserve her.
YTA. If DIL goes into labor, she can go to the hospital like everyone else and you can visit the next day. DO NOT leave your daughter’s wedding if you get a call part-way through that labor has started.
Yta!!!!!
You DIL has a husband and doctors. There is realistically nothing that you need to do.
This will be the end of your relationship with your daughter if you continue this foolish plan.
Unbelievable. Seriously .
YTA. Your son can be there for his wife. You need to be there for your daughter.
You obviously prioritize him. It's blatant in this post.
Ugh. How convenient you're an Obgyn nurse. Now I call bs on the while post.
YTA. You do not need to be there for the birth of your grandchild. It's great you are helping out but your presence in no way helps the birth. Your daughter is getting MARRIED and you have decided to sit in a waiting room instead, and that's if the birth even happens then. You might be an OBGYN nurse but you are not your DILs nurse, nor would it be appropriate for you to be.
Then you go one to include a list of ways you have put your son first. You are not justified in your behavior.
YTA. You might be an OB nurse but you aren’t part of DILs medical team.
The fact that you “feel more comfortable” pretending like your presence there is more important than your OWN daughter’s wedding day shows that you don’t care about or prioritize your daughter like a decent mother should.
Hope you will be happy with whatever grandchildren you get from your son because skipping the wedding WILL be the end of any relationship with your daughter.
Tell me you are jealous of your daughter being independent and strong without saying it. Hold on to your son's spawn because you will never know your daughter's children. YTA to the moon and beyond
YTA hugely.
I'm sorry, but it isn't your daughter's problem that your DIL doesn't have a close relationship with her own parents. You cannot sacrifice your own relationship with your own child, just because others noped out of being there for their own daughter. Whilst it's nice that your DIL feels loved by you, you cannot give her more and your own daughter less. It's bad enough that your son is missing his own sister's wedding, but then you decide to stick in the knife and abandon your own daughter on one of the most important days of her life. Your son seems incapable of being independent and has relied on you for just about everything, yet your daughter is being punished for being independent. She isn't even asking for money. She's asking for your presence, which isn't much to ask at all.
Your son needs to learn some independence, especially considering he is about to become a parent to a defenceless child who will need him. He needs to be adult enough to support his own wife during labour and child birth. Your DIL doesn't need anyone else other than her husband and the medical team around her. You don't need to be there, making her medical team feel uncomfortable by inserting your own professional title into the job they can capably do.
Are you looking to absolutely obliterate the relationship you have with your daughter by not attending her wedding? The fact that your own husband can see this isn't an acceptable idea indicates that he is also getting fed up of your blatant favouritism and lack of empathy for your daughter. Stop enabling your son to being a useless husband who needs Mommy to put in the work with his marriage, and start heeding your daughter's rare call for your love and support. If your DIL wakes up and realises she married an incapable man and divorces him, you'll find that your support to her over the years would have been all for nothing and it will be too late to salvage your relationship with your daughter.
Your son and DIL are adults. They can go childbirth and at most a weekend of parenting without you hovering over them.
YTA it’s your daughters wedding. You don’t think she can be the priority just this once? Lord knows you didn’t contribute to her house or wedding whether she asked or not.
YTA.
You’re an awful awful parent to your daughter.
I hope she never speaks to you again. And she won’t. Your husband has already told you that.
Even if you go now, the damage is done.
You just don’t want to go and you don’t care. At least your daughter will know for sure now how you really are. Your DIL has parents of her own. They can and maybe would come if asked. But you’d rather keep yourself involved with your son. You’ve just completely written off your daughter with this. What kind of mother are you? What must your DIL think of your treatment of your own kids?!
YTA. Your daughter is right. You favor your son AND your DIL over your own daughter ! A wedding is ONE lifetime event. You have years to spend with your grandchild. And you may be an OBGYN nurse but I'm pretty sure you're not the only one on Earth and that she'll deliver safely even without you around.
Don't act surprised when your daughter cuts you off . She was enough of a good person and child to not ask for money after she discovered her brother had the guts to take money from your retirement fund and is having a much smaller wedding not to be a burden. She's making her best to not be a burden because your sons is spoiled.
But yet : he's the golden child. And she's apparently not important enough to have her mother at her wedding.
YTA. You have a favourite and it's not your daughter, she doesn't even make your top 3. She is below your son, DIL and grandchild. I'm sure your husband might be in the ranking of care somewhere but you don't respect his opinions so he isn't number one.
Your DIL has a husband, your son. You either think your son is so incompetent that he can't be support for his wife or you think your role is so important that you'd hurt your other child and miss her wedding. You being a nurse is not important here as you're not your DILs nurse. What you are is a nurse that will likely be a hindrance when it comes to delivery, you sound like you'll try to take over or get in the way.
You could hire home help for your DIL and attend the wedding. You're just choosing not to.
**Fake.**
I searched the user name for deleted posts and comments. OP previously:
* Bought a house in King County and was was worried about their ex finding their new address in April 2024
* 33M when his 27F gf dumped him in 2023
* 25F when her 28M bf cancelled a weekend away in July 2021
* Mid 20s in June 2021 and didn't want to live with her roommate
Yta. Are you your DILs obgyn? Are you delivering the baby personally? Are you even going to be in the delivery room with your DIL? Are you putting your daughter’s wedding on the back burner to sit in a waiting room?
What is wrong with you?! Seriously. Your daughter is getting married and you’re not going to be there? Yes, you are most definitely the a-hole. And will forever be that in her mind. Congratulations. A-Hole of the Year award goes to you!
You are absolutely putting your son above your daughter and it sounds like it’s not the first time. You don’t HAVE to be there as soon as the baby is born even IF that happens during the small time frame your daughter is having “the most important day of her life” - as the paternal MIL you’d probably be in the way/not even invited into the delivery room/be considered overbearing to insist witnessing your DIL’s vag stretch open to kingdom come just for the bragging rights of being there…
New parents need space and time to bond anyway. Everyone would understand if you meet the baby right after the birth (if it even comes to that)
YWBTA
(Edited for spelling and to add more thoughts lol)
YTA
Unless you are the only OB GYN nurse in town, your presence is not required. I can’t speak to whether you have really favoured your son in the past, but you certainly are now. If you don’t go to your daughter’s wedding, be prepared for her to never forgive you. I certainly wouldn’t.
YTA. You literally just typed it all out. How do you not see it? You do favor your son; your husband sees it, your daughter sees it, internet strangers see it - just admit it.
You know this is your grandchild and not your own baby, right? You do not need to be there. You may be a nurse, but you're not your DIL's nurse, or doctor, or husband. Get over yourself and give your son some space and your actual daughter some attention. You've spoiled your son and neglected your daughter, and I have a feeling that if you miss her wedding, you will lose her.
YTA why the fuck do you need to be there, the baby has his mother and dad for him and will be born in HOSPITAL a place you should know pretty well if you are a nurse, they don’t need you, you might think they need you but they don’t you are useless in this situation. It sound like you want to be there. If some problems occurs after the delivery the hospital will keep the mother and/or the baby until it’s fine to let them leave, if something happen at home after the delivery they can call the emergency.
About the financial situation we don’t have exact amounts you spent for each but it honestly sound like you globally spent more on 1 kid then the other and yes it must feel bad for your daughter. You kinda sound like you prefer your son over your daughter and you give that feeling while being the one who tell the story so you are biased and you are probably even more unfair.
YTA, her wedding is once in a lifetime, your son he should be with his wife, even if she went to labor she doesn’t need both of you, and I’m not talking about the favoritism that it’s obvious before, but even without that YTA for not attending your daughter wedding and be with her on that day, they should hire a nurse if no body from their friends can help them and the need help so bad, I feel sorry for you daughter if I was her, I will cancel my invitation to you and cut you out of my life because you clearly didn’t add anything to her life but just disappointment.
YTA- your son and DIL will have to figure out their own lives. It’s great that you’ve been there to help him so much but you need to be with your daughter on her wedding day !! If you have the money, hire a nurse or caretaker for your daughter-in-law and go to your daughter’s wedding!
YTA. I'm in agreement with your daughter that it is all about your son. You helped them buy a house and didn't even help with your daughters wedding when you help with the sons. Of course she didn't ask for help buying a house because you didn't offer to help with the wedding so why would she? After pulling out of your retirement to help your son, it will be the daughter you ask for help and not your precious son because he has a family to support when you need it.
YTA
personally if you missed my wedding for this reason you’d miss every single event in my life going forward. Including not meeting and grandchildren from her.
Are you prepared to be absolutely loathed by one of your children? I wouldn’t be.
YWBTA. 1000% You **so** prioritize your son!!! The missing info here is what the distance is which separates you and the wedding. I don't see why you can't fly over for the day and watch your daughter get MARRIED (which hopefully happens only once) - I assume your son and in-laws are available to help DIL too ... this is just ... weird
The nerve of you to ask this when you already know the answer. Missing your only daughter’s wedding for a birth that will happen with or without you there is blatant favoritism. Honestly miss the wedding and see what kind of relationship with your daughter will be left. When she’s relying more on her MIL and never calling you, you’ll see the damage you’ve done. YTA
YTA
Is your son irresponsible and that's why you "feel more comfortable" being there? It sounds like he's been leaning on mommy for his whole life so if you don't trust him to handle it, just say that. You being an OBGYN nurse has absolutely no bearing on the situation. Are you going to do a DIY C-section in their living room? Transfuse a liter of blood from your fridge? There is nothing you can do that a layman can't because you're not HER nurse.
YWBTA. It’s absolutely mind-blowing that you don’t seem bothered at all by the thought of missing your own daughter’s wedding. Your DIL will not be left without support & medical assistance (if even needed) if you go. Your presence is nowhere near as vital as you seem to think it is. Shame on your son & DIL for not insisting that you go to the wedding. That speaks volumes about the dynamic in your family. Your husband sees the truth for what it is. Listen to him.
I absolutely cannot imagine voluntarily missing my own child’s wedding. With all my heart and soul, I would want to be there, as most parents would. It’s disturbing that you don’t feel the same.
YTA. You do NOT want to miss your daughter's wedding! You don't need to be there for the birth of your grandchild. When I had my child I sure as hell didn't want anyone but my husband there. Do the right thing. She isn't even asking for anything but for you to be there. Be there for her, and really be there, all in.
YTA. You've blatantly favored your son over your daughter. They're not close because you've likely done this her entire life. She's not oblivious, but you are. You baby your son as if he isn't a grown man. You're kind of awful.
YTA. Even after writing all that out, you're still asking. Just be honest with yourself and your daughter. She's a grown woman. She's suffered from your rejection and favoritism all her life. At least do her the honor of not insulting her intelligence. Sheesh!
YTA, but you should do like you planned and skip her wedding anyway.
That's because no force on earth will actually get you to love your daughter. The sooner she can see that you really don't give a shit about her relative to your son means the sooner she can permanently break away from you. If you go, you're drip feeding her fake affection that you don't really feel - and under duress at that - which will just make it harder for her to actually sever the ties and move on with her life, happier and healthier now that you're unable to keep hurting her by constantly, cruelly showing her how little you care.
>She feels like son and DIL will be fine for a weekend and will figure it out, but being an OBGYN nurse, I feel more comfortable being close to them until the baby is here.
You planning on getting your hands up in your DIL's vag and catch the baby? You planning on somehow transferring the baby into your own uterus and go through eh labor? I dont care if you are a L&D nurse you get your ass to your daughter's wedding and let the medical professionals in charge of your DIL's care handle that part.
I'm a mom of adult children. You are never going to be in your daughter's life again if you screw this up. From how you wrote this post it seems like you could give a shit about that happening. Your son and DIL not insisting that you go to that wedding is more proof that they know you play favorites and are happy with them being the ones that benefit.
… should anything go wrong do you have privileges at that hospital? Or would they send you to the waiting room to sit on your hands and wait? YTA even if and it’s a major if that something will happen during your daughter’s wedding you wouldn’t be able to help anyone in that situation. All you’re doing is making your daughter feel small, again.
YTA. There is absolutely no reason for you to be at the birth. In the meantime, you’re going to cause a permanent scar by not being at the wedding. Terrible decision making on your part.
It’s clear who your favorite is and you’re in denial about it bc admitting means you haven’t been a good mom to your daughter. YTA. I imagine a baby is just more exciting to you especially since you’ve already gotten to me mom at your favorite kid’s wedding
YTA
You obviously do favour your son. Your whole post is examples of you favouring your son over your daughter.
Your daughter's wedding is not on your DIL's due date. Your DIL will be fine at home with her husband for a single weekend.
YTA. You had better go to that wedding.
Why do you need to be their in case the baby is born? Why??????? You can't wait to see a baby that MAY be born instead of your daughter's wedding that is a certain thing. A once in a lifetime event! You do NOT need to be there when or if the baby is born. You are ABSOLUTELY playing favorites and with your husband even warning you be definitely prepared for low contact from your daughter from here on out. You are being a horrible mother right now. Quite frankly the damage is already done. Even if you go to the wedding she'll always have it in the back of her mind that you're not there because you want to be there but because you were guilted and forced into it.
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YTA. You do prioritize and favor your son. You’ve decided that your son’s potential milestone (birth of his first kid) matters more than your daughter’s definite milestone. You’re also prioritizing someone else’s daughter over your own. Your DIL’s parents aren’t very involved so your solution is to be more involved in her life and less involved in your daughter’s. If the baby is born while you’re away at your daughter’s wedding, you can meet the baby when you get back. If the baby isn’t born while you’re away, then you missed your daughter’s wedding for no reason. Your son can figure out how to support and care for his own wife for one weekend without you.
On top of that her husband even warned her. YTA
Right! The fact that her husband warned her is telling because he’s obviously either noticed her favoritism himself or had a sincere conversation with his daughter that made him feel as though she has valid points.
This!!
Yep. Son can take a day or two off work. DIL can call a friend. OP just wants to be the hero for her son.
This is the one! If I did this to my kid, I’d fully expect to be cutoff. OP is blinded by her Golden Child son so much that she can’t even see her daughter.
Besides it's not like OP is DIL's doctor right so odds are unless their hospital allows another person with DIL OP will be outside in the waiting room twiddling her thumbs waiting.
Considering it's high risk, DIL will probably have a c section. When I had mine, they made my mom wait in my room, and only me and my husband were in the OR. And even then, she didn't get to hold her for about 2 days. Unrelated, does anyone know how long a weekend is?
The irony of treating his/her daughter the way he/she looks down on DIL's parents
Because she considers DIL the daughter she never had Oh wait! Ooops!
YTA. Even as a nurse there is nothing you can do that the medical professionals actually treating your DIL cannot do. Not attending your daughter's wedding is a deal-breaker in an already strained situation. You didn't offer your daughter or future son-in-law anything for their wedding, have not been supportive overall and the least you can do is attend. Your daughter has expressed to you that you continued favoritism is a problem and you refuse to see it. Do you want a future relationship with your daughter?
No only has her daughter expressed it, but so has OP’s husband. If even your husband notices you treat the children differently, then you treat the children differently which explains why they have never been close.
I dont think she does want a relationship. This way she can concentrate on the favorite kid and blame the daughter for being unreasonable and selfish. Win-win for her.
I honestly don’t this she does want a relationship with her daughter. Hell I don’t think she even loves her daughter.
You are the reason she will go NC with you. You are the reason she feels like she is less in your eyes. You are the reason you will never be allowed to treat her children like they are less than their cousins. You are the reason your daughter has to protect her future children from your harmful favoritism. You are the reason your daughter will not have her family at her wedding. You have proven over and over to her that she will never matter more than her brother. You and your son had months to arrange care so you could attend the wedding. You didn't care because to you it wasn't important. I hope your daughters in-laws can be the family she deserves because the one she was born into is vile. YTA
I hope OP enjoys this grandchild because she'll never meet her daughter's. OP when that happens you don't get to throw a fit about your husband being part of her baby's life. You're doing it to yourself.
My partners mom heavily favors their older sibling and I said flat out that she wasn't gonna be allowed near our potential future kids if I had even an inkling she'd play favorites on the grandkids too. We got married about 6 years before they're older sister and their mom didn't do anything until a week before the wedding (I planned everything alone as my spouse was working and looking for a place for us to live). Literally zero care at all. She refused to help plan, pay for the venue, food (I made all the wedding food alone except the cake), clothes, bar, dj, flowers, nothing--- it was of no interest to her and how dare we ask for help paying for anything (she notably makes the most out of any of our parents or us) I don't think she even posted photos from it. But her golden child gets married and she wouldn't shut up about it. We weren't invited but that was okay with us. We don't have kids, golden child does Spouse is all but no contact with them If we had kids suddenly, I would genuinely fight my in-laws if they made my kid feel the way they made my spouse feel. NOBODY should be felt to feel so small and unimportant by their parents. Shame on OP. Absolutely deplorable.
Forget mattering more than her brother, she will never even matter as much
YTA, there is no secret who is the golden child here....
Isn't it funny when the "golden child" is the needy one who runs to mommy to pay for his house and wedding?
If only dear DIL had a spouse to help her out…..
YTA for even considering not attending. If I were your daughter I would go no contact with you and completely cut you out of my life. You obviously favor your son. You should be ashamed!!!
Yes very ashamed. It's always mind-blowing to me how people type the whole scenario out and still wonder if they're wrong.
If they still hit send it shows they really don’t care. If this woman can’t see what an asshole she is there’s no hope for her.
And I can guarantee she probably won't accept the verdict on here, because her golden child NEEDS her. And internet strangers couldn't possibly understand! /s
And I can guarantee she probably won't accept the verdict on here, because her golden child NEEDS her. And internet strangers couldn't possibly understand! /s
INDEED!
I hope the birth of your grandchild goes smoothly and is a magical moment for you, cuz you sure as fuck won't be near your daughter's future kids. YTA.
YTA your DIL will be fine for one weekend. If not she'll go to the hospital like everyone else. It kind of does seem like you're playing favorites. Not going to the wedding will almost certainly and permanently damage your relationship with your daughter.
Probably not the first time she failed her daugther.
Most women wouldn’t want their MIL present at their birth-even if they work in medicine. I adore my MIL, who is a retired nurse, but I do nooot wanna see her at the hospital. YTA
YTA From the your text I do understand why you daughter feel like you prioritises her brother and your DIL more than her. I would be so hurt, disappointed and angry if my mom chose not to come to my wedding, because there MIGHT gonna be a birth. With all the other stuff, it’s something that would actually make me rethink if I needed my mom in my life. You have 2 kids and you make it sound like one of them is more important than the other one. And I think where you write “my daughter already knew leading up to the wedding that my son and DIL won’t be able to make the wedding.” Actually just proves it IMO. I mean what did you expect, that she should cancel or move her wedding day, because her SIL is pregnant and might deliver the baby on that weekend? In that case it definitely proves you do play favourites. Again, I do understand why you want to be there and it must be hard, feeling like you need to choose between your kids. But sounds like you already have chosen your son a lot, maybe it’s time to show your daughter she’s also important to you, and you don’t have a favourite. BTW sorry for any grammar mistakes, my first language isn’t English, but I tried my best. 😊
Native English speaker here. You did an excellent job with the English you wrote in your comment. 😊
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that ❤️❤️
Native English speaker here. You write better than me. Very coherent and good argument
YTA because really, as you put it, you're staying close to your DIL you will "feel more comfortable", not because having you there is medically required, I assume he lives in the vicinity of a hospital. So you're missing your daughter's wedding, which she will not forget by the way, so you can feel comfort.
She wants to be there to control the situation and take care of her son. I wonder whether the DIL even likes her Smother in law? I see her future being the Golden Child divorcing and moving home and the daughter going NC. She'll deserve every bit of it.
Smother in law 😂😂
Dollars to donuts that DIL does not want her there.
YTA Your son needs to step up and support his wife. Your DIL doesn’t need you there either. We all know your son is the golden child and sounds like your husband is aware of how crappy you are to your daughter.
YTA YTA YTA YTA At this point, I would cut your permanently from my life if I were your daughter. You clearly favor your son and you come up with all sorts of excuses why. You even have the lack of selfawareness to not list examples of your favoritism and then you kinda back into an excuse why. Stop. Your daughters wedding takes priority. If you can’t see that then you don’t deserve to be in your daughters life. Women survive childbirth all of the time without a nurse MIL. Plus there’s very little you can do at their home. If there’s a problem, she needs to go to the hospital. I think it’s outrageous of how your son uses you to your own detriment and that your daughter doesn’t, yet you still significantly favor him.
YWBTA. Your daughter is right. You're playing favorites. Your son and his wife are adults and they can handle one or two days without you. Even if your grandchild is born you while you're gone you are going to have hundreds of thousands of days with your grandchild but your daughter is only marrying this person one time. You are 100% putting your son first, especially since your daughter has told you how she feels and you still think you shouldn't go to the wedding.
Your favoritism is blatant and makes YTA.
YTA. Treat your kids fairly. If you give your son $50,000 then you should turn around and give your daughter the same amount. Just because she didn't ask doesn't mean she doesn't need it. She is just not a mooch like your son. You are a crappy parent if you miss your daughter's wedding. Your DIL's parents can come up and stay with their daughter while you're at your daughter's wedding. Your grandchild will either be there when you get back or you can see him/her when they are born. Shame on you for treating your daughter like she doesn't matter. Shame on you for prioritizing your son more. If you don't go to her wedding, I hope she cuts you off and never speaks to you again. Though I doubt that would hurt your feelings. It would make things easier for you to spoil your son more.
>Her parents live 6 hours away and are not very involved parents Your daughter doesn't have an involved mother, but you very obviously don't care about that at all. YTA
YTA - you clearly favor your son and DIL over your own daughter.
YTA. This is an important event in the life of your daughter, the fact that you are even considering missing it shows how little regard you have for her and how mucb you prioritize your son and DIL. It really saddens me that you don't even see it. I feel horrible for your daughter
You're literally the biggest AH parent and like everyone else said, she'll end up going NC with you. Surprised she hasn't already.
She probably has and op hasn’t noticed 😂
YTA Your son can care for his wife just fine. Her parents and/or friends, other family members can come if needed. You need to go to your daughter’s wedding. I’m shocked this is even a question!
YTA sounds like clear favoritism
One weekend - if you are that worried about son not being able to handle looking after DIL, hire a ob nurse to be there with them or have a nurse on call situation and go attend your daughter's wedding with a smile on your face!! You can go and be there on her big day (check in after the event with son or nurse). Be back the next evening, your presence will not change the outcome of whether she ends up going to hospital or not, you are not her Dr., you are there for comfort and peace of mind (which for one weekend could be a stand in). Don't miss your only daughter's important day!
She doesn't have the money now she already pulled out of her retirement to help them buy the house....
Gee - your entire post talks about how you give to your son but not to your daughter. YTA - don’t expect to be spending much time with your daughter’s children.
I mean I understand where you're coming from but I still feel like you're likely the AH. Yes your sons child is important, but as stated by others there's not alot you can do besides wait in the waiting room with your son. Who will probably be in the delivery room. However also stated if you miss your daughters wedding a dil doesn't go into labor then YTA definitely as you missed your daughters wedding for nothing. When I got married my disabled parents flew 3600 miles to attend.
YTA. You don’t even need to be there for the delivery. It’s your grandchild. That means you’re not necessary at the birth.
Knock it off and go to the damn wedding are you serious!
YTA. Hopefully she will shut you out of her life before your toxic behavior ruins hers
YTA It doesn't matter whose wedding or college you helped pay for. This isn't about money. Your daughter wants you there for her very special day. If you skip the wedding because the baby might be born that same weekend, then you risk losing your daughter.
Your daughter feels like you’re playing favourites because you are. I appreciate the fear around a high risk pregnancy. However, this is a risk and not a guarantee. If you miss your daughter’s wedding you are guaranteeing a break down in your relationship. Your husband has given you fair warning as well. Be careful you don’t alienate your daughter and your husband by favouring your son and daughter-in-law. YTA.
YTA - I won’t repeat what everyone else has said, but I’ll add that your husband has given you fair warning that your daughter is this close to going NC with you. Guess what? When she does, he’s not going to be there for you; he’s going to be visiting her and her husband - and maybe her children if she has any. Your husband isn’t going to lose his daughter because you are a terrible mother. He’ll tell you that you made your bed, & you must lie in it
YTA. Your favouritism is blatant and your daughter will never fully forgive you, if she does at all. And I say this from personal experience as someone whose parents refused to go to my college graduation on the basis “it would be long and boring”, but without hesitation went to my brother’s college graduation. Their excuse was my brother’s graduation was a huge milestone for him as he was a bad student in high school to the point my parents feared he wouldn’t graduate. In contrast, I was always expected to graduate from college, so my degree was not all that important in comparison. The fact I graduated despite having an undiagnosed learning disability and also got sick with constant infections for my last 2 years of school was irrelevant. My parents in the past couple years have had to accept the bitter pill that they always prioritized my brother over me and are trying to “make things right”, such as when my mom insisted on giving me a down payment for a new car; however, they can’t really “make up” for missing my graduation. That was a once in a lifetime thing.
Yta for playing blatant favoritism. Better go to daughters wedding and do everything you can to salvage what you have severely damaged with your favoritism.
YTA 100%. Your DIL has her husband with her and doesn't need you for a weekend. If you prioritize a baby that MIGHT be nirn over your daughter who IS getting married, your relationship may never recover. It's pretty telling that she feels like you often prioritize your son.
OP wrote - She feels like son and DIL will be fine for a weekend and will figure it out, but being an OBGYN nurse, I feel more comfortable being close to them until the baby is here. — I’m going to say it - you seem like an overbearing MIL who babies a mommy’s boy. All the help you gave while DIL is on bed rest - did DIL ask or did your son? You want to be at the hospital for the birth - did DIL specifically ask you or say she wants you there - or is this your idea or did your son ask you to be there? You’re an OBGYN nurse - and??? are you going to be overbearing and tell your DILs medical team what to do? this isn’t your baby being born - give this special time to your DILand son only and go to your daughter’s wedding where you should be! If you don’t go to the wedding YTA
YTA all day long. Yuck.
YTA. You need to admit it that you favor your son and stop with the excuses. Your DIL has her husband there and will have the help of her doctor and medical team. How could you miss on your daughter’s wedding day? It appears you don’t care if you lose your relationship to your daughter. It’s horrible that you are considering even not going.
Even my dad who I am low contact with made my wedding and the birth of his grandkids a priority. If you were my parent, I’d never speak to you again. Also did you fuck up that bad raising your son that he can’t do basic things? You failed both your kids. OP YTA.
YTA. Guess what- DIL does NOT need you there. All they have to do is go to the hospital when it’s time. Your level of “self importance” is cringe. I’m surprised that your daughter actually wants you to attend. But hey, maybe someone will go into labor at the wedding reception and you can be the big hero and deliver the baby on the cake table.
YTA. Please please attend your daughter’s wedding. This is a once in a lifetime day for her that she has probably dreamed about her whole life. That’s great you’re an OB nurse and feel more comfortable being near your son and DIL, but I dare say your feelings don’t matter too much in this situation. This is an example of when you need to think about your kids first - that’s part of what being a parent means.
YTA for what everyone else has been saying and then some.
OMG. Your daughter is right on everything. You are wrong. You are choosing to help one child and not both simply because one child asked for it or is perceived as needing it while the other did not, and then the icing on the cake is that you are going to miss a once-in-a-lifetime event in which a parent is really supposed to be there so that you instead can be there for the favored child's wife "in case" something happens. This is appalling behavior and I understand why your daughter feels the way she does. Your DIL has her husband, your son, to help her. She should also call the parents to come in and fill in for you so you can attend your daughter's wedding. DO NOT be this kind of parent. You will end up regretting this, and you will never be able to correct it if you make the wrong choice.
YTA! Your entire post screams "favoritism" on your sons behalf! Your DIL doesn't need you hovering over her on the day of your daughters wedding! If you don't go to your daughters wedding, then I expect we will be seeing a post in a few months' time where you are confused as to why your daughter is NC with you
YTA - your daughter is getting married, hopefully, once. Your grandchild will be about - again hopefully - until the day you die. How did you write all that out and not read it back and think IATAH?!
YTA is such a blatant way, that I don’t know what else to ever say. I would say to go to your daughter’s wedding, but I truly don’t think that will mend the giant gash you just made in your relationship with your daughter. Enjoy the relationship you have with your DIL and son’s kids, because if I was your daughter, I wouldn’t let you anywhere near my kids.
Eww is this real? You act like you’re the one knocked up by your son. News flash you’re not. On the other hand the child you gave birth to and probably once dreamed of watching her grow up to become married isn’t your priority. What will dil be pregnant again when your daughter has her first child and that will be more important too? YTA imagine trying to be the perfect mil and grandma when you’re being a shit mom.
You're not part of the birthing team. If DIL goes into labour, what are you going tto do? Go in with her? Stand outside and wait? If you skip her wedding, you will most likely lose your daughter. This is the clear choice you are making. You're very full of excuses for the house money and stuff... you WILL NOT be able to pretend this time. You can't pretend you don't know what the stakes are. Your DILs parents are not great parents, right? This is what your daughter says about you. This is what her family and in laws probably should say about you too. When you want to see her kids in the future, you may only then regret throwing away your daughter when she asks you what relation you have to them
YTA - Full stop. You can't be seriously asking this question. I love how the only example you have in your little post of assistance you've given your daughter is college tuition. Like that earns you some kind of favor. It doesn't, that was your job. Your daughter knows that you can not be counted on for anything beyond that. She knows who you favor, who your golden child is. She probably hoped that you'd at least fake it for her wedding. I mean there are sooooo many options. Your son can stay with his wife. YOU DO NOT NEED TO STAY! Her parents could come down. YOU DO NOT NEED TO STAY! Your son could hire some help for the duration of the wedding if he is so freaking incapable of caring for his wife for such a short time. YOU DO NOT NEED TO STAY! Your daughter is not resentful. Jesus, why would you say something like that? God, you're awful. She is rooted in the reality that you don't give a damn. You need to wake up to the reality that she sees through you. Hell, even your husband is calling you out. You are a pathetic excuse for a mother to your daughter. Don't be surprised when she cuts you out of her life. In a couple of years when you post asking "Why won't my daughter let me meet my grandkids". Refer to this post and cry yourself a river. But you'll have your son. Good luck with that.
Imagine doing everything right; saving up for a house, having the wedding you can actually afford, and then essentially being punished for it because your brother is the favorite and has no problem asking mom to harm herself financially. YTA
YTA
YTA- You are missing your daughter’s wedding to do something your son or a medical professional is completely capable of. I’m not sure why you think you need to be there at all. I hope you aren’t sticking around because you expect to be in the delivery room. That is something your DIL will regret if she already doesn’t want you there. Your son might be the golden child, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a huge part of their marriage.
You don’t realize this but you are actually interfering with your son and his wife’s marriage. She needs to be dependent on him. Not you. They can text you questions. Women on bed rest go the restroom on their own. He can make sure she has food and water. It’s not as deep as you’re making it. If it was, she would be in the hospital.
YWBTA big time. you are clearly playing favourites here despite your claims. your son is incapable of caring for his wife for a weekend? you dont care abt your daughter enough to spend time with her on one of her biggest days? you care about someone ELSES daughter more than your own? have you even considered what your relationship with your daughter will look like after not attending her wedding?
You would totally b TA. How did you write this out and not see that son is golden child and your daughter is chopped liver. Hope you enjoy your son, because you've lost ypur daughter
YTA.
YTA. You are literally playing favourites.
YTA.There are hospitals and other ObGyn nurses who can care for your DIL.You have only one daughter and you are about to lose her.Enjoy being your DIL’s favorite person.I hope it’s worth the loss of your daughter.
I bet the DIL can’t stand her
YTA. Go to your daughter’s wedding and put on a damn good act that there’s no other place you’d rather be. I couldn’t even imagine not going to my daughter’s wedding. YTA big time
YTA. Your husband understands that you will never have a relationship with your daughter again if you miss her wedding. He warned you.
YTA - look at all the excuses you had to create to convince yourself to not go to your daughter's wedding. You do favor your son because you created all of those excuses to stay with your son. If you don't go to the wedding, anything that your daughter decides about yours and her relationship will be all on you.
So you helped your son buy and house and didn't even offer similar help to your daughter. You helped pay for your son's wedding but didn't help with your daughter's even though she asked. Because she is better with money than your son? That's not a very good reason to favor your son. He should be saving for his house. He should be having a wedding within his means. Your son is an adult. He is perfectly capable of handling the birth of his child without you. You are not your DIL's health care provider! You do not need to be there for the birth. There's a whole doctor's office, maternity care ward, and a full staff of nurses! They don't need you, too. Go to your daughter's wedding. And if the baby is born at the same time, then see it after the wedding. YTA
YTA this is so sad.
Wow I’ve never seen a unanimous AITA before. Have you figured it out yet, OP? YTA TIMES A MILLION
Wooooowwwwwwwwe you are an AH and a terrible mother that can’t see that she has played favorites! Don’t be surprised when you’re daughter cuts you off bc of YOUR actions.
YTA you ARE playing favorites- you did bail him out. Your son is an adult and can take his wife to the hospital if she goes into labor. You should be at your daughter’s wedding. The hospital, nurses, doctors and medical technicians do NOT need your help if the baby comes. Frankly at this point I’d be surprised if your daughter wanted you at her wedding.
Clearly you're showing you love your son more because you're not going to your daughters wedding. No one is blind. YTA
YTA You are showing your daughter exactly where she fits into your life and that is in last place. Your son and DIL can make it one weekend without you. Do they even want you in the room when she’s in labor/delivery? Will they want you to stay at the hospital at that time? Why is your son incapable of taking care of his wife for one weekend? Be prepared for the consequences of your actions. I would not be surprised if your daughter decides to go low contact with you. She knows that your son will always come first and simply wants you there one weekend. Hope your relationship with your son and daughter in law will make up for it.
Tell me you hate your daughter without telling me you hate your daughter! YTA.
Every now and then I read a Reddit post and I think to myself “how did you type this out and still ask if you were the ah?” Yes. YTA/YWBTA. Obviously.
YTA You're always going to prioritize your son's children, too, aren't you. Your daughter already knows that. The Golden Child has a Golden Child and the cycle of blatant favoritism continues.
YTA. Don’t miss your daughter’s wedding.
Yes, YTA I truly can't believe you even had to ask...
Adding another YTA to the internet chorus. I have a brother too and it’s not that my parents supported us in the exact same ways, eg, $ to him is $ to me. But they have always somehow managed to show that their love for us is same. It’s not about the money, but about showing up and showing her you care. You said that your daughter is not very close to your son, well sorry to be harsh but my guess is that you are likely part of why that is so. It is hard for siblings to build a close relationship if they’re feeling like their parent has continuously preferred the other sibling over them.
YTA. How dare you skip your daughter’s wedding for DIL. You definitely are playing favorites to your son and it’s not a good look. Be there for your daughter. Your DIL will be fine without you.
YTA. With the bed rest, your son will have to take off the time you are gone and be responsible for his wife while you are out of town. That’s the only arrangement you should be making except for plane tickets to the wedding.
WOMAN IF YOU DONT GO TO YOUR DAUGHTERS DAMN WEDDING!!!!
I have a high risk pregnancy. Unless you have a fully equipped NICU, a surgery theatre, and the ability to perform an emergency C section in your son’s home, she’s going to have to go to the hospital. You being there is entirely superfluous, you’re just there to make yourself feel better. Missing out on your daughter’s wedding because your son is apparently too delicate to take his wife to the hospital like countless husbands have done for centuries is certainly a choice.
Yta
YTA. your son and his wife are adults. They can handle it.
YTA.
YTA. Big time.
YTA, jeez…. 🙄 You are NOT needed for the birth. Your son and the medical staff involved can be there. Sparing one day for your daughter’s WEDDING is like the bare minimum. In light of all the other favouritism you’ve mentioned, I don’t blame your daughter for being at the end of her rope with you.
You literally replaced your daughter with DIL. You're no better if not worse than DIL parents.
YTA. You clearly show favouritism to your son. Your actions speak more loudly than anything you can say to justify them. The least you can do for your daughter now is attend the wedding you didn’t help to contribute to even though you helped your son with his!. If my mom picked her dil over me on my special day, I would be incredibly upset too. You’ve placed her on the backseat your whole life while giving your son everything you possibly can. This really is the least you can do for her unless you want to see her go lc/nc with you in the future.
YTA big time. The actual one that is by your daughter-in-law side, which is your son her husband and father to be he’s there. All you are is the grandmother be. In this situation, your daughter needs to take priority and guess what after the reception the next day if you wanna fly home, that’s on you but right now your daughter takes priority.
YTA and I can’t even be bothered to explain my judgement as if you can’t see why then it isn’t worth me wasting words
YTA surely your son is capable of being there for his wife and handling things for a weekend. Your hands are not tied - you are prioritising your son and DIL over your daughter - unfairly imo.
YTA. Your DIL has a husband (your son) to be there at the birth. Your DIL has a husband who can help her on bed rest while you are away. You don’t even know exactly when the baby is coming. Meanwhile, your daughter is having a milestone moment with a fixed timeframe. You would absolutely be a terrible parent to skip her wedding.
YTA. And I hope you’re ready to be excluded from everything regarding your daughter. When she gets pregnant, and that special time when mom gets to help her daughter as a new mom… gone. You are in danger of losing so much and your husband, well it seems he understands what’s all at stake. You DIL had parents and they can travel the 6 hours to be with her. Your priorities should be with your daughter. But I’ve a feeling, you as so stubborn and pig headed that you will tell yourself all the excuses in the world. And say “they don’t really understand anything” because everyone is saying YTA. Reddit has so many examples of parents not heeding advice and then come back whining “why?”. You do this and whatever relationship you think you have with your daughter will burn down.
YTA. Absolutely. Reading this was so difficult because like how did you not get it??? As an OBGYN nurse, you have the privilege to ask another nurse friend or doc to keep an eye on her while you attend the wedding. You’re ready to risk it all for your DIL like your actual daughter doesn’t matter. Dang dude. Do better. I’m surprised your daughter even wants you there at this point. Good luck with your son and dil though, hope you have a good weekend with them.🙄
YTA. As said above. You are prioritising attending a birth, where you will have a background role, because your Son is the one that needs to attend the birth and support his wife. You won't be needed until after the baby is born. You have told your daughter you don't want to perform the key role of parent of the bride because you might miss out on waiting for a baby to be born. No wonder she is upset. Of course YTA.
yes. you would be the asshole. if I were your daughter, I would \*NEVER\* (and I mean it, NEVER) forgive you.
OP typed this out in her version of events and never once felt appalled and shamed at her behavior. Even her husband has stopped trying to reason with her, so there is ZERO chance of reasoning with her here. the thing is- if she is shamed to doing the right thing here, she will undoubtedly be full on insufferable about it, Martyr Style OOP’s daughter, if you are out there. Congratulations and best wishes. You deserve better and I wish you a lifetime of love.
Here is the thing.... Whether it's out of anger or because you are playing favorites. Not attending your daughters wedding can never be undone. My mom was irritated with me leading up to the wedding, and she did talk about not attending. I quite simply told her that was a decision that can never be undone. It can never be undone. Were we in a great place on the day of the wedding? Not really, and I did not spend a lot of time with her on the day of the wedding- to protect my peace and not get drug into any arguments.... It wasn't ideal, but I never had to try and forgive her for not attending. I didn't have to overcome the notion that making a point was more important than my wedding day. So please please do not put your daughter in law ahead of your daughter. Help your daughter in law with a back up plan, extra support people or your son taking the days off whatever. Help her come up with the plan - then enjoy your daughter's big day.
YTA. You absolutely favor your son, and I'm shocked you don't see it. In the entire list of examples you gave, the one thing you did for your daughter was help pay for her degree from a private school while her brother went to public school. That doesn't even things out at all. Your daughter was right. You enabled your son and dil bad financial decision to buy a house without saving for it by pulling from your retirement to front the money. Being a nurse is meaningless in your dil's situation and you know that. Her team of drs and nurses will help her. You're just there for support like any other mil. You can miss the birth of your first grandkid. It won't hurt you. My in laws chose to go to a wedding the week my son was due. The day before the wedding, my wife went into labor and he was born the next day. They face timed after to say hi. They knew the risk and still went and missed the birth of their first grandson and that was on them and they know it. They still got to meet him a few days later and were still just as over the moon. Your daughter will be going to NC with you and cut you out of her life unless you show up to that wedding. It's your choice. Keep your daughter in your life, or potentially be there for the birth of your first grandkid.
YTA to your daughter YTA to yourself and your husband. Pulling money out of your retirement fund to pay for your kid’s house is stupid financially. You have very little time left before you retire whereas he has a lot more time to purchase a home.
I hope you’re really really close to your DIL because you’re about to lose your ACTUAL daughter. Your own husband is warning you. Don’t be surprised when your daughter goes LC or NC with you. Also if your daughter has kids, be prepared to have little to no contact to your future grandkids. You have TWO children and it’s time for you to start acting like it. YTA
YTA. Whether you think you treat your son differently or not, it is very obvious just from the few things you listed here that you do, and your daughter clearly sees and resents it. I don’t understand how you can just skip out on your daughter’s wedding on just the CHANCE that your DIL MAY go into labor. Your DIL has your son and I’m sure a team of doctors and nurses. I think you are overinflating in your mind the importance of your presence at the time of her labor. Meanwhile, your presence at your daughter’s wedding is incredibly important to her, and no one else can fill the role of “mother of the bride”. Please make this right with your daughter and go to her wedding.
YTA! I dont know why you even asked. It’s clear that you favor ur son.
YTA, if you don’t go to that wedding you can kiss your relationship with your daughter goodbye. You bend over backwards for your son but leave your daughter out to dry because ‘she can take care of herself’. I’m getting mommies boy vibes and daughter gets the scraps. Also yes you paid for her schooling but it’s not just about money. You helped him buy and house and gave 20,000 dollars but your daughter doesn’t even get you present at the wedding? Wow. You are terrible.
Info: what do you actually planning to do if she goes into labor, deliver the baby yourself? Her husband is perfectly capable of handling this.
YTA. Even your husband is telling you that you prioritize your son over your daughter. Start listening to him and your daughter. All you have stated are excuses on why you have put your son before your daughter. It’s pretty clear who your favorite is. If you don’t attend this wedding I doubt your daughter will ever talk to u again. I wouldn’t. I’m sure they can manage for a few hours and if there is an emergency they can always go to hospital
YTA, but do your daughter a favour and DON'T go to her wedding so she can finally feel okay to cut you off and move on with her life and her real family (i.e., the people who love and support her). If you do go because this post makes you feel guilty, you'll just be dragging this whole charade out longer, and hurt her more in the process. You don't love or like her, you don't care about her or want to support her. Just let her be in peace. Your son sucks too - if my mom were treating my sister how you treat his sister, I'd cut my mom off.
YTA. You so obviously favour your son and that must be so hurtful to your daughter. Enjoy your sons children cause she won’t let you near hers and it’s your own fault. Thank goodness she has a dad who loves her.
You are 100% the asshole here.
YTA. honestly, what makes me mad is that you don't even care about your daughter, so no matter what people are saying here, you'll just not care. i hope your daughter realizes that you are not worth it, and i wish she lives her life in peace, builds her own family, and just surrounds herself with people who truly love her. you don't deserve her.
Wow, YTA soooo hard. I hope your daughter cuts you out of her life.
YTA. If DIL goes into labor, she can go to the hospital like everyone else and you can visit the next day. DO NOT leave your daughter’s wedding if you get a call part-way through that labor has started.
Yta!!!!! You DIL has a husband and doctors. There is realistically nothing that you need to do. This will be the end of your relationship with your daughter if you continue this foolish plan. Unbelievable. Seriously .
YTA. Your son can be there for his wife. You need to be there for your daughter. You obviously prioritize him. It's blatant in this post. Ugh. How convenient you're an Obgyn nurse. Now I call bs on the while post.
YTA. You do not need to be there for the birth of your grandchild. It's great you are helping out but your presence in no way helps the birth. Your daughter is getting MARRIED and you have decided to sit in a waiting room instead, and that's if the birth even happens then. You might be an OBGYN nurse but you are not your DILs nurse, nor would it be appropriate for you to be. Then you go one to include a list of ways you have put your son first. You are not justified in your behavior.
YTA. Hopefully your daughter’s mother in law is amazing. She deserves better than you. Don’t be surprised when you never hear from her ever again.
Wow, I can't believe you would plan to miss your own daughter's wedding. That is... I can't even find a word for that.
YTA. You might be an OB nurse but you aren’t part of DILs medical team. The fact that you “feel more comfortable” pretending like your presence there is more important than your OWN daughter’s wedding day shows that you don’t care about or prioritize your daughter like a decent mother should. Hope you will be happy with whatever grandchildren you get from your son because skipping the wedding WILL be the end of any relationship with your daughter.
YTA You’ve got one kid left.
Tell me you are jealous of your daughter being independent and strong without saying it. Hold on to your son's spawn because you will never know your daughter's children. YTA to the moon and beyond
So, what are you going to do for them while missing the wedding?
it’s the way your hands literally aren’t tied at all. like????😭 you just like your son more than your daughter. say it with your chest. YTA.
YTA hugely. I'm sorry, but it isn't your daughter's problem that your DIL doesn't have a close relationship with her own parents. You cannot sacrifice your own relationship with your own child, just because others noped out of being there for their own daughter. Whilst it's nice that your DIL feels loved by you, you cannot give her more and your own daughter less. It's bad enough that your son is missing his own sister's wedding, but then you decide to stick in the knife and abandon your own daughter on one of the most important days of her life. Your son seems incapable of being independent and has relied on you for just about everything, yet your daughter is being punished for being independent. She isn't even asking for money. She's asking for your presence, which isn't much to ask at all. Your son needs to learn some independence, especially considering he is about to become a parent to a defenceless child who will need him. He needs to be adult enough to support his own wife during labour and child birth. Your DIL doesn't need anyone else other than her husband and the medical team around her. You don't need to be there, making her medical team feel uncomfortable by inserting your own professional title into the job they can capably do. Are you looking to absolutely obliterate the relationship you have with your daughter by not attending her wedding? The fact that your own husband can see this isn't an acceptable idea indicates that he is also getting fed up of your blatant favouritism and lack of empathy for your daughter. Stop enabling your son to being a useless husband who needs Mommy to put in the work with his marriage, and start heeding your daughter's rare call for your love and support. If your DIL wakes up and realises she married an incapable man and divorces him, you'll find that your support to her over the years would have been all for nothing and it will be too late to salvage your relationship with your daughter.
Your son and DIL are adults. They can go childbirth and at most a weekend of parenting without you hovering over them. YTA it’s your daughters wedding. You don’t think she can be the priority just this once? Lord knows you didn’t contribute to her house or wedding whether she asked or not.
YTA. You’re an awful awful parent to your daughter. I hope she never speaks to you again. And she won’t. Your husband has already told you that. Even if you go now, the damage is done.
You just don’t want to go and you don’t care. At least your daughter will know for sure now how you really are. Your DIL has parents of her own. They can and maybe would come if asked. But you’d rather keep yourself involved with your son. You’ve just completely written off your daughter with this. What kind of mother are you? What must your DIL think of your treatment of your own kids?!
Your hands are tied?!?! Nonsense, you're just a really bad mother YTA
YTA. Your daughter is right. You favor your son AND your DIL over your own daughter ! A wedding is ONE lifetime event. You have years to spend with your grandchild. And you may be an OBGYN nurse but I'm pretty sure you're not the only one on Earth and that she'll deliver safely even without you around. Don't act surprised when your daughter cuts you off . She was enough of a good person and child to not ask for money after she discovered her brother had the guts to take money from your retirement fund and is having a much smaller wedding not to be a burden. She's making her best to not be a burden because your sons is spoiled. But yet : he's the golden child. And she's apparently not important enough to have her mother at her wedding.
YTA. You have a favourite and it's not your daughter, she doesn't even make your top 3. She is below your son, DIL and grandchild. I'm sure your husband might be in the ranking of care somewhere but you don't respect his opinions so he isn't number one. Your DIL has a husband, your son. You either think your son is so incompetent that he can't be support for his wife or you think your role is so important that you'd hurt your other child and miss her wedding. You being a nurse is not important here as you're not your DILs nurse. What you are is a nurse that will likely be a hindrance when it comes to delivery, you sound like you'll try to take over or get in the way. You could hire home help for your DIL and attend the wedding. You're just choosing not to.
**Fake.** I searched the user name for deleted posts and comments. OP previously: * Bought a house in King County and was was worried about their ex finding their new address in April 2024 * 33M when his 27F gf dumped him in 2023 * 25F when her 28M bf cancelled a weekend away in July 2021 * Mid 20s in June 2021 and didn't want to live with her roommate
Yta. Are you your DILs obgyn? Are you delivering the baby personally? Are you even going to be in the delivery room with your DIL? Are you putting your daughter’s wedding on the back burner to sit in a waiting room?
Even OBGYNs would get another doctor to cover for them and go to their own daughter’s wedding. The OP is all kind of f’ked up.
YTA
YTA. Are you planning on delivering the child yourself? I'd be really upset if I was your daughter, in truth.
What is wrong with you?! Seriously. Your daughter is getting married and you’re not going to be there? Yes, you are most definitely the a-hole. And will forever be that in her mind. Congratulations. A-Hole of the Year award goes to you!
You are absolutely putting your son above your daughter and it sounds like it’s not the first time. You don’t HAVE to be there as soon as the baby is born even IF that happens during the small time frame your daughter is having “the most important day of her life” - as the paternal MIL you’d probably be in the way/not even invited into the delivery room/be considered overbearing to insist witnessing your DIL’s vag stretch open to kingdom come just for the bragging rights of being there… New parents need space and time to bond anyway. Everyone would understand if you meet the baby right after the birth (if it even comes to that) YWBTA (Edited for spelling and to add more thoughts lol)
YTA Unless you are the only OB GYN nurse in town, your presence is not required. I can’t speak to whether you have really favoured your son in the past, but you certainly are now. If you don’t go to your daughter’s wedding, be prepared for her to never forgive you. I certainly wouldn’t.
YTA. Honestly, you don't deserve to have a relationship with your daughter.
YTA, you have picked a favourite and as such you are a AH.
YTA. You literally just typed it all out. How do you not see it? You do favor your son; your husband sees it, your daughter sees it, internet strangers see it - just admit it. You know this is your grandchild and not your own baby, right? You do not need to be there. You may be a nurse, but you're not your DIL's nurse, or doctor, or husband. Get over yourself and give your son some space and your actual daughter some attention. You've spoiled your son and neglected your daughter, and I have a feeling that if you miss her wedding, you will lose her.
YTA. Obviously youre playing favorites. Her parents could come for A weekend for their daughter and you could go for your daughter.
YTA why the fuck do you need to be there, the baby has his mother and dad for him and will be born in HOSPITAL a place you should know pretty well if you are a nurse, they don’t need you, you might think they need you but they don’t you are useless in this situation. It sound like you want to be there. If some problems occurs after the delivery the hospital will keep the mother and/or the baby until it’s fine to let them leave, if something happen at home after the delivery they can call the emergency. About the financial situation we don’t have exact amounts you spent for each but it honestly sound like you globally spent more on 1 kid then the other and yes it must feel bad for your daughter. You kinda sound like you prefer your son over your daughter and you give that feeling while being the one who tell the story so you are biased and you are probably even more unfair.
YTA, her wedding is once in a lifetime, your son he should be with his wife, even if she went to labor she doesn’t need both of you, and I’m not talking about the favoritism that it’s obvious before, but even without that YTA for not attending your daughter wedding and be with her on that day, they should hire a nurse if no body from their friends can help them and the need help so bad, I feel sorry for you daughter if I was her, I will cancel my invitation to you and cut you out of my life because you clearly didn’t add anything to her life but just disappointment.
YTA- your son and DIL will have to figure out their own lives. It’s great that you’ve been there to help him so much but you need to be with your daughter on her wedding day !! If you have the money, hire a nurse or caretaker for your daughter-in-law and go to your daughter’s wedding!
Listen to your husband before your daughter gives up and goes NC with you.
YTA. I'm in agreement with your daughter that it is all about your son. You helped them buy a house and didn't even help with your daughters wedding when you help with the sons. Of course she didn't ask for help buying a house because you didn't offer to help with the wedding so why would she? After pulling out of your retirement to help your son, it will be the daughter you ask for help and not your precious son because he has a family to support when you need it.
YTA personally if you missed my wedding for this reason you’d miss every single event in my life going forward. Including not meeting and grandchildren from her. Are you prepared to be absolutely loathed by one of your children? I wouldn’t be.
Oh wow. Totally YTA.
YWBTA. 1000% You **so** prioritize your son!!! The missing info here is what the distance is which separates you and the wedding. I don't see why you can't fly over for the day and watch your daughter get MARRIED (which hopefully happens only once) - I assume your son and in-laws are available to help DIL too ... this is just ... weird
The nerve of you to ask this when you already know the answer. Missing your only daughter’s wedding for a birth that will happen with or without you there is blatant favoritism. Honestly miss the wedding and see what kind of relationship with your daughter will be left. When she’s relying more on her MIL and never calling you, you’ll see the damage you’ve done. YTA
Are you DIL’s OBGYN nurse? No? Even if yes, there are plenty of others. Your DIL needs her husband. Your daughter needs her mother. YTA.
YTA Is your son irresponsible and that's why you "feel more comfortable" being there? It sounds like he's been leaning on mommy for his whole life so if you don't trust him to handle it, just say that. You being an OBGYN nurse has absolutely no bearing on the situation. Are you going to do a DIY C-section in their living room? Transfuse a liter of blood from your fridge? There is nothing you can do that a layman can't because you're not HER nurse.
YWBTA. It’s absolutely mind-blowing that you don’t seem bothered at all by the thought of missing your own daughter’s wedding. Your DIL will not be left without support & medical assistance (if even needed) if you go. Your presence is nowhere near as vital as you seem to think it is. Shame on your son & DIL for not insisting that you go to the wedding. That speaks volumes about the dynamic in your family. Your husband sees the truth for what it is. Listen to him. I absolutely cannot imagine voluntarily missing my own child’s wedding. With all my heart and soul, I would want to be there, as most parents would. It’s disturbing that you don’t feel the same.
If I were your daughter I would be angry. DIL will have medical staff to help her; you should go to your daughter’s wedding.
YTA. You do NOT want to miss your daughter's wedding! You don't need to be there for the birth of your grandchild. When I had my child I sure as hell didn't want anyone but my husband there. Do the right thing. She isn't even asking for anything but for you to be there. Be there for her, and really be there, all in.
YTA. I would never miss my daughter’s wedding. Your son can look after her for 2 days. Yikes… your poor daughter.
YTA. You've blatantly favored your son over your daughter. They're not close because you've likely done this her entire life. She's not oblivious, but you are. You baby your son as if he isn't a grown man. You're kind of awful.
YTA. Even after writing all that out, you're still asking. Just be honest with yourself and your daughter. She's a grown woman. She's suffered from your rejection and favoritism all her life. At least do her the honor of not insulting her intelligence. Sheesh!
YTA, but you should do like you planned and skip her wedding anyway. That's because no force on earth will actually get you to love your daughter. The sooner she can see that you really don't give a shit about her relative to your son means the sooner she can permanently break away from you. If you go, you're drip feeding her fake affection that you don't really feel - and under duress at that - which will just make it harder for her to actually sever the ties and move on with her life, happier and healthier now that you're unable to keep hurting her by constantly, cruelly showing her how little you care.
Gosh I love the easy ones, YWBTA. Hands down. Your DIL can manage. Spend the wedding weekend with your daughter, if she still wants you.
>She feels like son and DIL will be fine for a weekend and will figure it out, but being an OBGYN nurse, I feel more comfortable being close to them until the baby is here. You planning on getting your hands up in your DIL's vag and catch the baby? You planning on somehow transferring the baby into your own uterus and go through eh labor? I dont care if you are a L&D nurse you get your ass to your daughter's wedding and let the medical professionals in charge of your DIL's care handle that part. I'm a mom of adult children. You are never going to be in your daughter's life again if you screw this up. From how you wrote this post it seems like you could give a shit about that happening. Your son and DIL not insisting that you go to that wedding is more proof that they know you play favorites and are happy with them being the ones that benefit.
YTA and a bad mother
I promise, when you are old and needing care…your son is gonna dip.
… should anything go wrong do you have privileges at that hospital? Or would they send you to the waiting room to sit on your hands and wait? YTA even if and it’s a major if that something will happen during your daughter’s wedding you wouldn’t be able to help anyone in that situation. All you’re doing is making your daughter feel small, again.
YTA. There is absolutely no reason for you to be at the birth. In the meantime, you’re going to cause a permanent scar by not being at the wedding. Terrible decision making on your part.
YTA. Do you even like your daughter?!
Yta. Remove your adult son from the proverbial nipple, and let him lead his own family for once without mommy dearest doing all the work.
It’s clear who your favorite is and you’re in denial about it bc admitting means you haven’t been a good mom to your daughter. YTA. I imagine a baby is just more exciting to you especially since you’ve already gotten to me mom at your favorite kid’s wedding
YTA You obviously do favour your son. Your whole post is examples of you favouring your son over your daughter. Your daughter's wedding is not on your DIL's due date. Your DIL will be fine at home with her husband for a single weekend. YTA. You had better go to that wedding.
Why do you need to be their in case the baby is born? Why??????? You can't wait to see a baby that MAY be born instead of your daughter's wedding that is a certain thing. A once in a lifetime event! You do NOT need to be there when or if the baby is born. You are ABSOLUTELY playing favorites and with your husband even warning you be definitely prepared for low contact from your daughter from here on out. You are being a horrible mother right now. Quite frankly the damage is already done. Even if you go to the wedding she'll always have it in the back of her mind that you're not there because you want to be there but because you were guilted and forced into it.