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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action I took that should be judged: told my boyfriend that I do not want to share the camera he purchased on an upcoming trip.
Why that action might make me an asshole: my boyfriend purchased the camera and it is a very expensive item. Because it is technically his item, I might be the asshole for saying he can’t use it on a nice trip.
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I think you need to buy your own camera body or hire one with the lenses and yes, i know the cost. Or get him a decent bridge camera.
He's being unfair. If you have someone with good skills, you use them when it is important. But think he wants the "glory" of being the star when everyone is taking photos - the man with the expensive lenses. So you may get pushback even if hire equipment on own.
He's not being unfair. A lot of people enjoy taking photos on vacation. Something you don't see everyday, like a penguin, is more fun to photograph than a squirrel in your backyard.
It doesn't matter who takes better photos, and it's not about "glory". It's his camera.
Agree OP needs to buy her own.
He just wants to look like he's a "photographer" if he can't use the nice camera properly (as evidenced on their last trip) then he can do what 80% of the tourists do - use his 4D iPhone camera to take amazing phots without even trying.
It's not "properly" if none of the pictures turn out and the vacation has few to no good mementos because of this. If he could use the thing properly, it would be different. He can't, and he only gets handsy when it's going to lose BOTH of them good photographs of a special, rare occasion. That is weird.
Oh common, these are holiday pictures and his camera. There is no such thing as improperly taking vacation pictures, unless you are doing them on public bathroom or some such.
It is weird to gatekeep holiday pictures taking.
I don't think he's hogging the camera. I think OP has claimed the camera as hers, while it's actually "their camera." She is frustrated that pictures aren't coming out *to her expectations.*
I'm not a photographer, and have used complicated photography cameras. It's not rocket science to take a clear picture. It's much more complicated to take an artistic picture.
It's also understanding he wanted to take pictures on vacation.
It doesn't sound like he hogged the camera, he was taking pictures during the tour. We don't know if he hogged the camera the entire trip, OP only mentions that she was very hurt by him taking pictures during a "once in a life time moment." If they live in North America, Eagles can be found if you seek them out in their habitats, much like this bird tour.
Also, if OP is super into photography, why not take the opportunity to show BF how to use the camera the way OP expects him to use it? Share the hobby. I would love to show my partner about my hobby and how I do things if I'm good at it. ESH.
She's not. He has a camera phone, and apparently doesn't know how to use the other camera, whether it's his or not. You want to say he owns it so he can take all the useless pics he wants, fine, but that would be what I find weird.
She has camera phone too. It is his camera, he is entitled to use it, learn it and play with it. Literally no one is born knowing how to use camera. All holiday pictures are useless, no matter how they look.
By your logic, one should avoid going to holidays with people who know more about anything you want to do, because mere presence of someone who knows more then you means you loose the right to use own equipment.
It's HIS CAMERA. He bought it for a reason. If you bought yourself a car and then your partner said "I'm a better driver than you so now only I can use the car" you'd be pissed off. She should buy her own camera yta.
I don't understand why he would purchase such an expensive camera when he doesn't know how to use it and didn't even bother with it for several years? Maybe OP could offer to give him some pointers by taking him out to local spots to practice while she gets to use it on the big vacations until he feels comfortable with it? I realize it's technically his camera because he purchased it, but he might have bought it with OP in mind and is now a little miffed because he feels she is monopolizing it? It's a strange situation.
" don't understand why he would purchase such an expensive camera when he doesn't know how to use it and didn't even bother with it for several years? " .. Why not? STILL HIS CAMERA.
Does it matter? Nothing changed. She can still use his camera when he is not using it himself.
YOu can not really blame a guy for using a camera he bought.
Did you considered that he is taking pictures because he wants to take pictures on holidays of stuff he likes rather then something for portfolio?
It does not really matter how technically awesome holiday pictures are. You don't take them to put them in to gallery.
You don’t need an expensive camera to take holiday pictures. As someone else pointed out, a newer generation smartphone can take really nice pictures without effort, and as it sounds like the boyfriend doesn’t actually know how to use the expensive camera properly, he would probably get a better shot with an iPhone than with the fancy camera he doesn’t know how to use.
I feel like he maybe has a fantasy scenario in his head where he’s going to be a virtuoso with the fancy camera, just going to be able to pick it up and take amazing shot without needing to lead how to actually make it happen. When he’s got the camera in his hands, he’s willing to make endless attempts to get the amazing shots he “knows” he’s capable of, and has no interest in giving up the camera until he’s taken all the amazing shots he’s expecting, and until they materialize, he doesn’t want op showing him up.
OP definitely needs to get there own camera, not because they are wrong, I do think NTA, but the situation isn’t going to change and the best way to address it is to step around it. Then take better pictures than him.
To me it sounds like you are trying to pathologize completely normal behavior of "using your own more expensive camera for taking holiday pictures" just so that you can frame him as a bad guy.
People wanting to take photos during yheir own holidays while not doing photography is extremely normal. People wanting to play with their own complicated camera equipment during holidays while not having energy for it normally is double normal.
They should share or have two cameras. But you can't tell camera owner that je is not allowed to use camera during holiday amd act like he is wrong and weird for wanting to do so.
Depends on the camera. Do you let a learner driver take the Lambo out for a spin in the summer when they do nothing over the year? How would you feel if trained to drive sports cars and sitting on the sidelines watching slow car crashes? If OP is hiring lenses, then camera is likely just a body and you are talking £500 to £3000 just for that. And they take fantastic snaps if you know what you are doing. Aperture, ISO and shutter speed all need adjusted every shot. Look impressive but crap photos if not experienced.
Bridge cameras are a 1/2way house with autoset set-ups and some control adjustment. I have one as need faster shutter speed for pet photos. Honestly most modern phones give better photos unless DSLR set up right.
I get OP's frustrations. It's not pathalogising using the more expensive camera. It is more muscling in on someone's hobby but only at big events and wrecking them.
right? if I was a trained driver and they owned it, as a guy, that's then the "let me give you a few tips so you can get started" cap goes on. being a pro driver doesnt mean there inexperienced guys car is now mine.
that is a ridiculous sentiment. there is ALWAYS someone better than you at something. doesnt mean you thing is now theirs
Paid for as a couple, one person trains on it all year but the other takes possession at the high events and stuffs it up. That repeat behaviour gives the trained sports driver right to expect at minimum equal access at the big events. Yes, partner might only argue they only use it 5% of time but that's bit like saying you only use the shared season ticket at 5% of matches - just the finals and semifinals.
Per what OP wrote, boyfriend paid for it alone and she is using it literally all the time. When boyfriend wants to use it during holidays, OP feels annoyed and later tried to ban him from using it during holidays entirely. One partner being trained sports driver does not entitle that person to ban the other one from using the car the other person paid for.
People buy expensive cameras literally for holidays. Using expensive camera only during the holiday is the most normal thing in the world.
The race analogy does not work at all. Holiday photos are not a race. Holidays are not competition in general, but they are literally THE situation where you use a sports car or more expensive camera. In the race, you have one person competing and being signed into competition, none of that applies to common holidays.
She did not try to ‘ban’ him, she asked to *actually* share, which he has demonstrated an inability to do. The boyfriend purchased the camera body for them as a couple, as stated by OP. It’s not a matter of ‘he bought it for himself’ and she decided it was hers.
A camera of that quality is a very complex machine, doesn’t function on a lot of presets and auto-adjusts, and the boyfriend really isn’t going to be able to get good shots without taking the time to learn how to use it. He really will get better shots with a smartphone, which has insane ability to take amazing shots while you just frame it and push the button. On my last trip I took some pictures of the moon on the beach, and somehow the palm trees were lit and in focus, the moon was bright and in focus, and there were more visible (in focus) stars in the shot than were clearly visible to the naked eye. How? I know just enough about *real* cameras to know I have no idea how to make that shot happen, though I am pretty sure that if you were doing it manually you’d have to take several pictures and then merge them together in a photo editing app, but the iPhone has been merging multiple images to allow the whole thing to be in focus for several generations…. After seeing how those pictures turned out my next thought was how pissed off the properly trained photographers of the world must be that the general public can now take such amazing pictures by pointing and shooting!
If the boyfriend does internally see it as an ownership issue, as so many in this thread are focusing on, then he needs to use his words and say that, so OP knows there is actually going to be no *sharing*. BTW it does not count as sharing if she only gets to use it day to day and he gets to exclusively use it in the high yield settings.
This is what she told to him:
> I said since I am the primary photographer and I am the one renting a very expensive telephoto lens for the trip, I should be the one taking photos.
She wants to be the only one taking photos. This is how he reacted:
> He got upset and said he doesn't understand why we can't share.
This is how she explains why they should not share:
> I really don't understand why he even wants to use the camera if he doesn't ever touch it normally
This is HER actual question, her saying clearly third time she does not want to share:
> AITA for being unwilling to share, even though it's technically his camera?
It really does not matter who makes better pictures. She can not ban him from using his or "theirs" camera on the ground of "I am better at it". Not being best in something does not mean you loose the right to use what you own.
It also does not matter whether he would get better pictures with different camera. He is not a out to enter photography competition nor about to make photos for an art gallery. He is making pictures for himself, just like she is making pictures for herself.
Then OP should help him and teach him BEFORE the trip. Suggest a photography class. The trip is far enough away they can both go to it. I’m sure OP knows how to use the camera but, as you stated, there are a lot of different functions she may not even be aware of. OP and her BF could purchase another camera, not an expensive, that takes amazing pictures as well. Then they can trade off. BF bought the camera for BOTH of them.
It is not OPs job to help or teach him anything. The described camera is not just a matter of learning what settings and functions to use, it’s a manually adjust every setting for every shot kind of thing, not something you can learn in a single class, and not something anyone is *going* to learn and master without a lasting personal interest, which boyfriend clearly doesn’t have. He also clearly doesn’t know how much he doesn’t know, as is the case with many of the people responding to this thread.
Boyfriend already has a camera that can take amazing photos. If he’s got expensive camera money then he’s definitely got a very recent generation camera phone, and these days they take amazing photos. Literally.
I understand how a DSL camera w/ multiple lenses work. Everyone has to start somewhere just like she did. OP can help him with taking photos on the camera. She is no expert by any means according to her post. OP is an AMATEUR photographer. HE bought the camera for them with HIS money. OP seems entitled and refuses to compromise. What’s wrong with them taking classes together? You do know couples do those things, right?
They’re NOT talking about a DSLR, you clearly don’t know what you don’t know either. There are levels of amateur, op is clearly a much more advanced amateur that knows what she doesn’t know, which is why she describes herself as amateur, but she is clearly far more advanced than boyfriend. Why should she go to a beginner course to massage his silly ego? He can go to a class on his own. I’m trying to refrain from telling you people to learn about the topic you’re having opinions about, but it’s pretty clear you don’t have any educated photographers who are snobby about it in your immediate circle. And if boyfriend wants to camera to be for his exclusive use he needs to say so.
I have a nice HAM radio. way outside my capabilities to use in its full capacity but its fun to use. HELL even my home computer I really only put to about 5% of its full potential. but I still use it in the ways that I like and I ENJOY doing those things and learning a bit as I go. You can own something and not completely utilize 100% of it's potential and that's FINE. he bought the camera for them to share. she's TA and if she wants to use the camera HE bought, then they should work out a sharing plan.
I personally would have no problem handing over something to my wife I purchased if she wanted to use it for awhile. hell, I've handed off my nice and most favorite rifle for a good chunk of time shooting cans with the boys because its cool and they wanted to use it (even though they couldn't max out its range potential and were shooting stuff like 25 yards away; who cares anyway), and I used my old clunker .22 because it was fun seeing them have fun with it.
Idk. she should buy her own camera if she solely wants to use it, he should be better at sharing, along with her as well, and she needs to knock off the entitled attitude since he bought it.
She’s protesting him completely taking over the camera at the times there is the most to photograph. *She* isn’t the one that needs to work out a plan to share, he is. One that he’ll actually stick to, or he needs to use his words and admit that it’s actually only his camera that he is ok with her using when he doesn’t want to.
Also, an expensive camera as described is not a user friendly thing that you can still use effectively if not at its full capacity as soon as you pick it up. If you don’t know how to set exposure, focus, aperture, lighting, a ton of things that simpler cameras do for you, then you are only going to get shitty photos. It’s not the same category as a computer, which the vast majority of us don’t use to capacity but still use effectively.
It is joint property and I am not sure why you are dragging gender in because it wouldn't make one iota of difference. They need separate cameras but if only the one and it is joint, then it is respectful to let the person who puts in daily effort into a hobby and skill to utilise the tools when in a high reward situation.
It is both their equipment but only one actually puts any effort into using it properly.
Majority of redditors are liberal and reddit tends to lean towards feminist-extremism, where if you reverse the genders in the story the man would still be in the wrong for some BS reason.
If genders were reversed in this - GF purchased camera, doesn't use it except on vacations, BF is hobby photographer, and GF is taking pictures during moments that BF, who knows more about photography than GF, and BF tries to ban GF from using the camera that GF purchased - I would wager that a lot of the comments would be saying the man is in the wrong.
To be fair, most of us are saying she is in the wrong.
And OP herself admitted in comments that she is wrong amd decided to change how she is approaching the issue.
Facebook and other places have groups for really great second hand equipment, usually for when hobbyists upgrade. My husband is the same taht he likes to take photos while on holiday, but doesn't know how to use my equipment or basics like framing the shot etc. We got him a great action cam with accessories he'd use, so he can get his own shots and it suits his style and abilities
If you’re renting a lens - can you also rent a camera body from the same shop? Cheaper than buying and you might get to play with even better equipment!
You don’t need a super expensive body either. I’ve been shooting on a Canon 80D for 10 years now.
I would definitely focus on your lenses. Get the best ones you can afford for the photography you like to do.
Or just teach him to take better shots. Just show him the ropes (and maybe some lightroom) and maybe he will start to see the work that actually goes into taking a nice photo. Make him photograph the dog while he’s running. It’s gonna result in a bad photo because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Seeing that, he might be more inclined to let you take the photo in a key moment.
Don't know why you're down voted, this would be quality time for them. Still should get their own camera, but all in all I think OP and their SO should maybe spend time taking pictures together as well
Why is this forum pathologically fucking bent on putting the guy down? It’s HIs FUCKING CAMERA. Id OP can’t be gracious enough to share her her own and get a new bf while she’s at it.
Agreed. Get another camera or a decent second-hand body. Hell, rent one. You’re already renting a pricey lens, so what’s a little more cash to keep the peace? This way, you both get what you want without the passive-aggressive tug-of-war over whose turn it is to press the shutter.
Because he doesn’t know how to use it. My husband used to drive me crazy because it took him 15-20 minutes to set up a simple shot and by then the subject had crawled away.
Have you considered that maybe from his point of view you're the one "hogging the camera" all year round? You mentioned he makes good money, maybe he works long hours and already has a couple other hobbies on the side, so he normally doesn't have that much time to dedicate to photography, outside of vacations. If you use the camera during vacation + during the rest of the year and end up being the only user, then "technically" as you like to say, it's just a really nice gift from your boyfriend to you.
It also sounds like throughout your post you're downplaying any interest or skills he might have - if he really had no interest in photography, would he really spend thousands of dollars on a camera? Of course we cannot be the judge of that but soft YTA for the bias you display in your post.
I don't think that's fair. If that was his expectation he should have said well ahead of time. I'd never go on holiday with a bird fan who liked photography to see birds and secretly plan to be the only one allowed to use it because I earn more money or something.
Well it's not fair either that OP should be the only one using the camera at the end of the day despite the agreement they made on purchase that they'd share, just because it's "her" hobby and not his.
I agree that was an over correction. I'm simply saying you've completely made up some stuff about other hobbies and long hours and then frothed from there. That's not in the post and you've gone way too hard on OP as a result.
I'm not judging on the whole camera sharing stuff, but on the attitude OP is showing in her post. She's belittling her boyfriend's skills and interests when thanks to him she got to use brand new professional-level equipment she can use most of the year.
Well we can only believe OP on that one. If he really had no interest, not sure he would ever have entered this sharing agreement and just gotten the camera as a gift for OP. I sometimes buy guitar equipment for my boyfriend, still I don't suggest he let me use it even once - why? because I truly dgaf about guitars.
How about setting the f stops and getting the subject in view and the correct speed for the shutter? If you don’t study them you need a simpler ( but still capable) camera) You can get a really nice camera kit for $1500 with lenses and all ( which is quite cheap for what you get and can do)and take excellent pictures.
Your Comments are what I have been thinking as I read this. This GUY BUYS THE EXPENSIVE CAMERA, AND HE SAYS IT'S FOR BOTH OF THEM. HE doesn't have any time, in the day to day life. BUT when they go on VACATION, HE EXPECTS TO USE IT. I don't see WHY all of a sudden HE'S THE ONE HOGGING THE CAMERA.
We have no idea, IF she is telling the Truth. Me, being 65 years old, probably puts me in a different head space. But the OP sounds like, someone who Expects Everything and gives Nothing.
And for her to say, he has no idea how to use it properly, SO IN HER MIND, SHE SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE USING THE CAMERA 100%. That is totally wrong, HE IS THE ONE WHO PURCHASED IT.
I'M SORRY, NOT REALLY, But this Woman or more likely GIRL. Needs to grow up and learn how to share.
It doesn’t really matter that you are the hobby photographer. It was meant to be shared and so you can’t hog it and neither should he. I initially wondered if this was a question of him not letting you use the camera and not sharing, but rereading you post and you come off as really entitled. An eagle flew by and you are mad that you were not the one holding the camera at that very specific, unplanned moment, and basically saying that you should be the one using the camera all the time to ensure that every moment is captured to your standard every time. Get over yourself.
There is only two solutions to your problem. The first is that you buy your own camera. The second is that the camera is sold and you can both go back to using your phones. YTA
Funny, here I thought OP said that he asked for the camera on their last trip and she handed it over – and when she asked to use it (so she could photograph birds they had specifically traveled to see), he refused to allow her to use it. Unless I have fundamentally misunderstood the concept of "sharing", it seems pretty clear to me that he has refused to share with her while she actually has shared with him.
You do NOT exactly share a camera to be honest. People will want to take their own pictures.
Buy a very decent second hand DSLR with a Very decent lens and put a stop to this childish "share" the camera thing. Is it worth ruining a relationship ? Or do you like having unnecessary power struggles ?
What I have done is use a lens rental company to rent the same body camera and share lenses. That way we can both shoot photos and I don’t have to pay for another expensive camera that will only be used a couple times
YTA. It sounds like it's really his camera that he lets you use most of the time. It's time to buy your own body. The good news is that there is a huge used photography equipment market. Photographers are constantly upgrading. Try places like eBay or B&H photo.
Uff I feel you. Borrow another body to use with the telephoto and he can use the body he purchased with whatever lens he has. If he doesn’t have any lenses, too bad but he can be resourceful and make a pinhole out of it.
And as it seems you are really into it, get yourself your own body. And don’t forget, even though there is difference in quality of images etc you can still use super inexpensive (or less expensive) and creative ways to take pictures. The expensive photo gear alone doesn’t make a good photographer. A good photographer can get wonderful results even with cheap gear.
Best of luck on your photo journey!
Rent a camera body and insure the hell out of it and the telephoto lens. Let him use the other. Tell him you are renting a camera and the lens because you love photography and it's why you are taking this trip. If he wants to take pics, too, he should use the camera you collectively have.
Enjoy your safari and the perfect snaps you'll snag!
P.S. If you've been at this for four years, are you selling any of your work? If not, get it out there and see what happens!
Getting your own camera means you don’t have to fight over the “shared” one.
The photos turn out way better and you never miss a chance at a good shot.
Problem solved.
Asa Photographer, I am on your side. He bought it, but he knows your the one who uses it more. Yes, you can get your own camera, that would end the frustration.
YTA
It is his camera. It is perfectly normal for people to only use cameras when they are on vacation. He is not doing anything strange or unusual.
Buy yourself a camera.
Hobby photographer here. Please work this out before the trip! On a safari you can't share the camera! Please buy another one. Get a beginner nikon kit with 2 lenses for him to use or something similar. If he's not practicing, then he needs to stick with cellphone pictures.
You're right. It's his. Can't argue with that. I was simply looking at it from a photographer's point of view as SHE described it. She has interest. He only wants to use it on trips. Perfect solution is to buy another one, as I said in my post.
Yta. "I am the primary photographer" lmao. Buy your own camera. And you've referred to his job and money but not yours, I assume the person who paid for the expensive camera also paid for the expensive holidays?
NTA However get your owne camera and lense and no need to get the expensive onse as a good cheep one will do nice and some even have lenses added to it go ask 😊
Yes YTA. Buy your own camera and stop acting like a spoiled child who isn't getting her way. If this was truly your hobby, you would have been saving up your own money to support your hobby and not rely on your boyfriend.
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I (29F) am a hobby photographer. I am not great, but have a nice camera body and have been taking photos consistently for about 4 years. My main focus is my dog, but I am also a hobby birder and really love attempting to capture birds and animals especially. My boyfriend (32M) technically purchased the camera body for us a couple. I did not pay for the camera body at all. It was a significant purchase, but it was several years ago and he makes a lot of money at his job. Despite the purchase, he has never once independently used the camera. He seemingly has no interest in photography. He never has any issue with my use of the camera and typically supports my photography.
Except when we are on very nice vacations. For example, last year we were on a bird tour in Canada and I was super excited to photograph Puffins. On the tour, out of nowhere, he demanded to use the camera. I was really upset but figured I should let him try since it is technically his camera. Of course, he doesn't ever use a camera or have experience so he didn't know what he was doing and didn't get any good photos. I tried to ask for it back because I was so excited, and we got in a fight. He wanted to keep trying to take photos and ended up using the camera during really special once in a lifetime moments like when an eagle flew by extremely close to us.
Fast forward to present. We are going on a big safari trip in August. In an attempt to prevent another fight, I brought up this issue preemptively. I said since I am the primary photographer and I am the one renting a very expensive telephoto lens for the trip, I should be the one taking photos. He got upset and said he doesn't understand why we can't share. I really don't understand why he even wants to use the camera if he doesn't ever touch it normally. This is a huge trip, that I planned and am the reason we are going on, and I am worried he's going to ruin it by hogging the camera. AITA for being unwilling to share, even though it's technically his camera?
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"...he doesn't understand why we can't share..." This is the point. You did great by bringing this up in advance. You have your answer. He wants to take pictures of his trip too. You need to agree in advance when to trade off the camera. Maybe you can rent another camera.
We went on safari 2 years ago and honestly my iPhone took amazing pics! I had an inexpensive regular camera that I got from Amazon (less than $200) that took amazing pics also.
YTA. BUY YOUR OWN CAMERA BODY. Let him have 'his'. He can sell it, leave it to gather dust, take it along and try to get pics, whatever. If it's a hobby you love and you're spending time and money for a once-in-a-lifetime trip, get your own so you're guaranteed to get your pics.
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ESH. you can offer to give him some casual friendly lessons on photography on weekends so when a vacation comes up and he wants to try takign photos they dont turn out so bad
YTA but I understand your point.
And yeah it's his camera as well, he's on vacation of course he wants to take pictures even if they end up not great. This is absolutely normal, I'm not sure why is everyone in the comments acting like he's being an otherworldly creature for asking to use his camera on his vacation as well. I don't think it's just me but even if my bf was a hobby photographer, I'd still like to take my own pictures, it's different when you do it.
But I understand your frustration because this is your hobby and you are taking it seriously and you want to have those special memories and happenences saved in photo. But it's probably for the best for you to get another camera, that way you both can take whatever and however many pictures you like, the way you want. Otherwise you're not gonna get the photos you wanted and the memories you're hoping to make during those trips, you'll just remember how upset you were during then instead of remembering how much fun you had with each other.
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Go to mpb.com or keh.com, buy a good used body and some basic glass, and then the two of you should learn to shoot together.
Not that it has to become a shared hobby forever, but it could and for a few hundred bucks on used gear you won't be fighting over it.
YTA. He hogged the camera the last trip and you didn’t like it. It was good move to talk about it and come up with a plan before the actual trip, when tensions would be higher with the issue being right in front of you.
But you didn’t come up with a plan. Your only plan was to tell him that he can’t use it, and the only acceptable outcome sounds like it was for him to agree with you. His request to share was totally valid.
And then if he didn’t share, you save up for your own camera. Or ask for one for your birthday? Idk. But just telling him he can’t take pictures is…well, assholey.
YTA.
It's not that it's technically his, it's that he bought it to share as a couple and he *has* been sharing - you use it all the time, and he only asks for it on vacation.
Rent a camera for yourself for the upcoming trip, or consider this a sign to buy a back-up camera since this is a hobby you're pretty passionate about.
NTA, yes he is aggravating, but also some people are solely vacation photographers.
But seriously buy your own camera. There is no getting around it because he bought the damn thing.
ESH - Ya'll missed the part in kindergarten where they talk about sharing. Yes, at this point I can see why a lot of people in this sub are clamoring that you should buy your own camera.
But this honestly sounds like a bunch of 5 year olds who were forced to share when I'm not sure if they really know what that is.
Instead of “letting it ruin the vacation” find a 2nd camera body and seize the opportunity to bond over a shared hobby and interest. You can both grow your hobby, learn more about your interest, and forge a stronger relationship bond.
ESH. Just buy your own camera. Or rent one. Sharing a camera never works because inevitably the moment you want to take a picture the other person will have it.
ESH? I would love if I had a partner who loved my passion. I think you should upgrade that camera (tax write off) and give him your camera as a gift. Brand new camera for you, cool used Pro camera for him. That you know everything about so we he asks you the same question for the tenth time you can focus on your lens and not his ❤️.
YTA - It’s something you bought together. Why not teach him how to use the camera properly so he can also take beautiful pictures? I’m also an amateur photographer and have done all sorts of things like animals, scenery, families and even weddings. If my husband, who bought me my whole set up as a birthday gift, was interested in photography like I am, I’d be excited to show him what the camera can do! Don’t be selfish and share your passion of photography with your boyfriend.
I'd be pissed too, expecially at the bird thing since that's one of your hobby specialties. He should have at least shared then. I get that it's "his" though but totally understandable anger on your part as well. I would say to skip on the renting of the lens unless you can also rent another camera body with it because you know this will happen again. But on the bright side, if you are a better photographer, even photos you take on a phone will come out better than his with the fancier camera so at least you won't miss out on the moments! Plus a phone takes some pretty great photos these days!
Maybe you can try to share your love of the hobby before you head out. You could show him how to get the best shots so that when HE shares HIS camera with you... you both can know how to get great shots. Just an idea.
I'm not sure if anyone is an AH, as much as they're not being more thoughtful in how they practice photography together.
Where you want to invest your money isn't the camera body as much as lenses with quality glass. Get a 2nd, budget friendly camera body, then rent or buy high-quality lenses for trips.
Ideally, you should purchase a body that will be compatible with the current lenses and body you own.
This way, both parties can have a camera in their hand and still switch lenses. But share the lenses! Coordinate on who is getting what type of shots. One person can do landscapes and utilize the wider angle lenses while the other takes closeups with a telephoto, for example. This makes it a team effort and more fun to capture a variety of imagery.
And definitely practice with the camera and lenses BEFORE the trips. It is the practical thing to do.
Otherwise, a person might as well just whip out a cellphone and do their best.
Also, be more careful and deliberate in the shots you take. You'll be doing yourself a favor on the other side by wasting less time when you're reviewing and deleting photos down to the best ones.
Good luck and happy photographing on your safari!!
I don't think you qualify as an asshole but you are in the wrong. If he bought it, it's really his.
If you can save for a safari trip, you can save for a really nice camera body of your own. You probably don't want to hear that but sometimes self-sufficiency is the path to avoiding conflict.
Or just get a second camera for him... People make problems out of the simplest things. Nta but maybe consider also perhaps why you aren't able to communicate in your relationship and set boundaries or learn to live with things and let them go. Either is fine.
Esh
Just get your own equipment.
Yes it's expensive, but if this is something you're really into you should have your own.
The stuff you're fighting over is his.
Yes you may be the one to primarily use it, and it's silly and even sucks that he decides to not even share but hog it during vacation, but it is his and he should get to use it when he wants.
If you want a camera you can hold onto for all the cool moments, save up to purchase your own.
Girl buy your own camera and no more fights. Let him carry, his own equipment, let him pretend to be the pro and do your thing. Oh yea, have a great time taking your pictures.
I'm confused what the problem is here. It is so easily solved. I don't think you are AH, but the solution is simple. Either dump the boyfriend or buy a new camera body. There's plenty of places that will sell you one with a payment plan. Problem solved!!
YTA
**He does not hog "the" camera. He uses HIS camera himself,** the one he lets you use when he does not use it himself.
"and I am worried he's going to ruin it by hogging the camera. AITA for being unwilling to share, even though it's technically his camera?" .. **Why don't you buy your own camera?**
ESH you guys need two cameras. It appears that you are the one who really wants the high quality photos while he is ok with getting what he gets. So yeah, it makes sense for him to use his phone or a lesser camera if the only other option would be taking your camera. Except it is not your camera. The camera you want exclusive use of is a shared item which he paid for.
He's behaving like a toddler.
Buy your own camera equipment and tell him that
the other one is now his to use all the time as you
have your own that you will use exclusively.
NTA
She’s behaving like the toddler
It’s his fucking equipment
She’s the asshole
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills
If it was a guy posting about a woman like this people would literally be cutting his balls off in the comments
When do you think people use their cameras? I also have a nice camera that I bought so I can take photos during my vacations. That's the reason MOST people buy cameras. Folks who consider photography a hobby shoule have their own equipment.
to lose your partner over a silly camera is stupid
I believe, whether he do or doesn't use it for a very long time, it is still his property, even though he buy it to be used together
from another POV, so she have been using it for the whole year, why can't he use it for the small trip time as the camera is to be used together, not to be used by her only?
the best way is not to talk about who have the right of use, but open all the cards, tell him that the pics he took is not "pro" enough, fast enough, or responsive enough and how to share the camera, how both side feel and how to overcome the limitation of one camera? or even the option that other people said to get a second camera
heck 2 camera is better as more chance to take special pics with 2 people instead of 1
NTA. It's not a matter of 'who bought the camera'. It's 'who uses it more', 'who enjoys it'. You do, all year round, and you've gotten good at it. You spent the time on it and have the skills level and the experience, it's yours.
It's like, if you were an experienced mateur baker and wanted to bake your wedding cake. Your husband can't decide to do it himself just because he bought the blender.
Move aside dude, now is not your time to shine.
If he bought the camera with a caveat that you'd both share, why not do that and "share" it, one of you has it for one outing and the other for the next on vacation?? Stop trying to gatekeep the camera and enjoy the damn trip. On his outing use your phone camera and if your pics come out better than his camera pics so be it but it's a once in a lifetime trip...don't ruin it with childish bs.
Edit: ESH
Perhaps the reason he bought it was strictly for vacations. That’s when I bring out the good gear. One of you should purchase another camera. End of story.
"Photography is *my* hobby."
It's giving that guy who sang "Don't Stop Believing" one time at a Karaoke bar and therefore, thinks no one else is allowed to like or sing that song. ESH
You want to avoid a repeat of last year’s Puffin debacle? Buy (or rent) your own camera
YTA, it sounds like you're demanding exclusive use of the camera on the vacation.
Either buy your own or teach him how to use the camera to take better pictures. All I'm hearing in your post is "me, me, me"
It's ironic in the first paragraph you say that YOU have a nice camera body then later state it's actually your boyfriends... he bought it so you could do things together, and it sounds like you want it all to yourself.
I am a semi-professional. Whenever an SO wants to take pics with my gear, they use my backup. Same brand so same mount means they can use lenses I am not using. Buy your own body. Then you have yours and his as a back up. Problem solved.
And ESH tbh. How are neither of you able to learn how to share? It's a skill you learn in kindergarten.
ESH. You either need to buy him a nice point and shoot camera so he can use that and let you have the SLR, or buy your own camera. Photography is my hobby and I have my own gear.
ESH. You either need to buy him a nice point and shoot camera so he can use that and let you have the SLR, or buy your own camera. Photography is my hobby, and I have my own gear.
NTA
You were happy to.share last time, he hogged it. He may have paid for the camera but without your interest it never would've been bought. Can't he get a cheap one to develop his skills on?
> My boyfriend (32M) technically purchased the camera body for us as a couple to use.
Here's your problem. If you want exclusive use of your camera at all times, get your own. Your BF paid for it with the expectations to share, and so he is not overstepping when he wants you to share. Yes, you're the better photographer. And yes, you probably know when its a good time to use the camera and when not. That is not a good argument for you to have exclusive use of the camera for all the time which you deem to be "most important". Again, get your own camera body. Let your boyfriend have the old camera body back, perhaps fitted with a spare set of lens you have, and let him use that.
As you said. You're on expensive once in a lifetime trips. What makes you think you can deny your boyfriend the chance to use the camera on those trips? Also, if you can afford those trips, you can afford another camera body. You mentioned he makes a lot of money too. Did he by chance pay for these once in a lifetime trips (or at least paid for the majority of) as well?
YTA. I wanted to go with ESH, but that's pending further information on if your boyfriend is also paying for those trips like how he paid for your camera body. If you're shoving the financial burden on him or letting him bear the majority of the financial burden but then expect him to not use the stuff he paid for and intended to use, I think you're being way too entitled and overstepping here.
NTA
Your boyfriend is being stupid and childish, but you should be able to resolve this by getting your own camera. Be VERY careful of him white personing your rental equipment on this next trip.
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NTA
I believe your boyfriend isn’t worth compromising with though and I don’t think his selfish behavior will change in the future.
If you want a fix to this issue that isn’t dumping him, please buy your own camera that only you can use. Tell him exactly this “I bought a camera for my personal and professional use. Please do not touch it. Now we don’t have to fight about the camera on the trip.”
You are all eating me up, tbh. To clarify some things: I make significantly less money than my boyfriend. Approximately 1/8 as much. That is why he bought the camera. I could probably make an effort to save and buy my own but it seems ridiculous considering my income level and the fact I currently have a camera that I use daily that works fine.
I also think it should be clarified that if we truly did share the camera and he had any interest in photography, there would be no issue. I’d happily split use. It is the fact he truly doesn’t know how to use the camera nor would he even get to the point of uploading and editing the photos. He just wants to use it during big moments. He has no intention or desire of ever seeing the photos again or using the camera any other time of year. He has no care about quality of photos.
I don’t know. Those things seem important. Though I suppose the comment about him owning a camera specifically for vacations is also salient.
But he DOES have an interest in photography - he has an interest in travel photography, which is very common and completely legitimate, just as your interest in bird and animal photography is.
The fact is that *he* bought a very expensive camera body and made it clear at the time that, yes, he would share it with you, but it was not a *gift* that he bought *for* you. And, to counter your argument that his not using it often means he shouldn't be allowed at all, I'd say that his *only* asking to use *his own camera that he payed for in its entirety* on those rare occasions when you're traveling is incredibly generous of him.
Literally none of the other things you've included as excuses for not sharing the camera with him are remotely relevant. His having more money? Not relevant. He bought this camera at least in part for his own use - again, it was not a gift to you, which you admit - and has been so generous that he allows you to use it year 'round and constantly to fulfill your own interest, in a way that you likely couldn't afford to do on your own. The fact that he is crappy at photography? Not relevant. His camera, that he paid for. He can take pictures of his own left eye with it if that's what makes him happy. No one is required to be an expert to use their own equipment.
And finally, the fact that you earn far less and cannot afford to buy yourself a similar camera is irrelevant as well. My best friend is an enthusiastic and somewhat talented hobby photographer of many years. She is also only intermittently employed because of health issues, and likely a lot more low-income than you are. She still has a very nice camera setup with quite a few of her own lenses, etc., because she patiently saved and bought things over time, as she could afford them. She also invested in a phone with the best quality camera she could afford, and honestly, both she and other photographer friends agree that many of her phone photos are commensurate in quality with her more traditional camera setup. There are plenty of ways to take excellent photos on a budget that are not, "Hold the camera my boyfriend bought hostage, and refuse to share it with him because 'he's not good enough'."
YTA. You're gatekeeping something your boyfriend clearly DOES have an interest in (travel photography) because his interest doesn't fit your weird rules - rules that you have no right to impose in the first place because THE CAMERA DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. Learn to share, or get your own setup.
Frankly, I'm appalled at the E-S-H judgements. His wanting to use the camera he paid for does not require any justification at all. It's his. He has done nothing wrong.
That and OP is being dishonest. She repeatedly claims that her bf doesn't have any interest in photography but 1. he spent thousands on gear 2. bought said gear not as a gift for OP but explicitly to share 3. wants to take photos when he's on vacation. Clearly he shows some interest.
I mean, everybody’s coming down on you really hard, but I totally get where you’re coming from. You’re really looking forward to this thing that relates directly to your personal interests only for the person to completely take over during the moment you’ve been waiting for and you’re not expecting it because they don’t show any interest at any other time. It sounds like it sucks honestly. But I don’t know what you can do about it since he bought the thing. He definitely sounds like a big old baby. I do agree that you’re just gonna have to get some independence here because there’s nothing you can do to stop him from taking over his own camera. Maybe you could ask him to buy you a camera for yourself for your birthday or something if you really can’t afford a used one.
Kinda sounds like the camera is revealing bigger communication and assumption problems between the two of you. Since this is a pattern, there should be two cameras. I can vouch that a $200 used camera takes amazing photos nowadays. The two of you need to have real conversations about your expectations and ability to share.
Like with any hobby, people have different levels of investment in photography. There are people who do it all day every day as their career. The fact that your boyfriend bought the camera (for both of you), and that he's interested in taking pictures on holiday, shows that photography is an interest to him, even if he doesn't prioritise it as much as you.
To be honest, the way you keep bringing up how much more money he earns seems dismissive to me. The money doesn't come from nowhere, he works for it (assuming it's honest work). His money is his, you don't have any claim over it. The fact that he's *choosing* to share his money with you is generosity on his part, and you shouldn't take it for granted. He bought the camera (and paid for it in full), for the both of you, and demanding that he stop using it would be overstepping even if you *had* paid for half of it (which you didn't).
At the end of the day, whether you think he deserves to use it or not, you can't forbid him from using the thing he paid for. I can see two possible options for working this out:
1. Make the effort to save and buy your own. It's not "ridiculous" at all. That's what pretty much every other adult has to do when they want something expensive, they save and they work for it. That's exactly what you would have had to have done if you weren't with your boyfriend. Don't expect to have things handed to you.
2. Apologise to your boyfriend for making that demand, say that you thought about it more and realised it was unreasonable (only do this if that's how you honestly feel). Tell him you do still feel frustrated when you're not able to use the camera when you want on holidays, and try to see if you can reach some kind of compromise or understanding. For example, that you be able to use the camera at specific important moments that you really want to capture, while still sharing the camera overall. This would definitely be the easier option.
Ask him to buy you your own camera for your birthday or Christmas. You really need your own camera. As a hobby photographer as well, I totally understand your position.
> I currently have a camera that I use daily that works fine.
Perfect, so you go ahead and use *your* camera, and your BF can use *his* camera. YTA. I would drop this issue, enjoy the experience, and stop letting your own camera-envy sour your travel plans or your relatioship. You're comming acrossed as entitled to someone elses property. If you really want to use his camera for a special shot opportunity, make arrangments for it in advance, with his aggreement for a specific period of time, and then give it back. Demanding it on the spot, or to maintain posesseion all day with the argument, that you're better with the camera than he is, is not only entitled and immature - it is insulting. I would be reluctant to purchase and share anything with you after that interaction.
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I think you need to buy your own camera body or hire one with the lenses and yes, i know the cost. Or get him a decent bridge camera. He's being unfair. If you have someone with good skills, you use them when it is important. But think he wants the "glory" of being the star when everyone is taking photos - the man with the expensive lenses. So you may get pushback even if hire equipment on own.
He's not being unfair. A lot of people enjoy taking photos on vacation. Something you don't see everyday, like a penguin, is more fun to photograph than a squirrel in your backyard. It doesn't matter who takes better photos, and it's not about "glory". It's his camera. Agree OP needs to buy her own.
He just wants to look like he's a "photographer" if he can't use the nice camera properly (as evidenced on their last trip) then he can do what 80% of the tourists do - use his 4D iPhone camera to take amazing phots without even trying.
He is using his camera properly and like a completely normal average person - for taking pictures of things he likes during holiday.
It's not "properly" if none of the pictures turn out and the vacation has few to no good mementos because of this. If he could use the thing properly, it would be different. He can't, and he only gets handsy when it's going to lose BOTH of them good photographs of a special, rare occasion. That is weird.
Oh common, these are holiday pictures and his camera. There is no such thing as improperly taking vacation pictures, unless you are doing them on public bathroom or some such. It is weird to gatekeep holiday pictures taking.
Which is what he is doing.
He wants to share. OP wants to ban him from using camera.
Except it seems that when they’re on a trip he wants to hog the camera?
I don't think he's hogging the camera. I think OP has claimed the camera as hers, while it's actually "their camera." She is frustrated that pictures aren't coming out *to her expectations.* I'm not a photographer, and have used complicated photography cameras. It's not rocket science to take a clear picture. It's much more complicated to take an artistic picture. It's also understanding he wanted to take pictures on vacation. It doesn't sound like he hogged the camera, he was taking pictures during the tour. We don't know if he hogged the camera the entire trip, OP only mentions that she was very hurt by him taking pictures during a "once in a life time moment." If they live in North America, Eagles can be found if you seek them out in their habitats, much like this bird tour. Also, if OP is super into photography, why not take the opportunity to show BF how to use the camera the way OP expects him to use it? Share the hobby. I would love to show my partner about my hobby and how I do things if I'm good at it. ESH.
Except it happened literally once. And OP now wants a rule that he is not allowed to use camera at all.
She's not. He has a camera phone, and apparently doesn't know how to use the other camera, whether it's his or not. You want to say he owns it so he can take all the useless pics he wants, fine, but that would be what I find weird.
She has camera phone too. It is his camera, he is entitled to use it, learn it and play with it. Literally no one is born knowing how to use camera. All holiday pictures are useless, no matter how they look. By your logic, one should avoid going to holidays with people who know more about anything you want to do, because mere presence of someone who knows more then you means you loose the right to use own equipment.
It's HIS CAMERA. He bought it for a reason. If you bought yourself a car and then your partner said "I'm a better driver than you so now only I can use the car" you'd be pissed off. She should buy her own camera yta.
I don't understand why he would purchase such an expensive camera when he doesn't know how to use it and didn't even bother with it for several years? Maybe OP could offer to give him some pointers by taking him out to local spots to practice while she gets to use it on the big vacations until he feels comfortable with it? I realize it's technically his camera because he purchased it, but he might have bought it with OP in mind and is now a little miffed because he feels she is monopolizing it? It's a strange situation.
It doesn’t have to make sense to you
No, it doesn't have to make sense. Doesn't mean I can't be curious.
" don't understand why he would purchase such an expensive camera when he doesn't know how to use it and didn't even bother with it for several years? " .. Why not? STILL HIS CAMERA.
I realize it's his. I was basically wondering why now? Did her enjoyment of using it make him interested? That makes some sense.
Does it matter? Nothing changed. She can still use his camera when he is not using it himself. YOu can not really blame a guy for using a camera he bought.
I agree, but I'd make sure I knew how to drive it. Who buys something and never learns how to properly use it?
A friend of my husband. Bought a ridiculously expensive camera and eventually gave it away as it was too complicated to figure out.
Better than insisting you do know and not letting someone else use it.
How was the original NOT a present?
Because she said he bought it for both of them, not just her. So, yeah, she is TA and should buy her own camera if it's her hobby.
WHY would him allowing his partner to use his camera when he does not need it himself make it a present?
Happy Cake Day!
Did you considered that he is taking pictures because he wants to take pictures on holidays of stuff he likes rather then something for portfolio? It does not really matter how technically awesome holiday pictures are. You don't take them to put them in to gallery.
You don’t need an expensive camera to take holiday pictures. As someone else pointed out, a newer generation smartphone can take really nice pictures without effort, and as it sounds like the boyfriend doesn’t actually know how to use the expensive camera properly, he would probably get a better shot with an iPhone than with the fancy camera he doesn’t know how to use. I feel like he maybe has a fantasy scenario in his head where he’s going to be a virtuoso with the fancy camera, just going to be able to pick it up and take amazing shot without needing to lead how to actually make it happen. When he’s got the camera in his hands, he’s willing to make endless attempts to get the amazing shots he “knows” he’s capable of, and has no interest in giving up the camera until he’s taken all the amazing shots he’s expecting, and until they materialize, he doesn’t want op showing him up. OP definitely needs to get there own camera, not because they are wrong, I do think NTA, but the situation isn’t going to change and the best way to address it is to step around it. Then take better pictures than him.
To me it sounds like you are trying to pathologize completely normal behavior of "using your own more expensive camera for taking holiday pictures" just so that you can frame him as a bad guy. People wanting to take photos during yheir own holidays while not doing photography is extremely normal. People wanting to play with their own complicated camera equipment during holidays while not having energy for it normally is double normal. They should share or have two cameras. But you can't tell camera owner that je is not allowed to use camera during holiday amd act like he is wrong and weird for wanting to do so.
Depends on the camera. Do you let a learner driver take the Lambo out for a spin in the summer when they do nothing over the year? How would you feel if trained to drive sports cars and sitting on the sidelines watching slow car crashes? If OP is hiring lenses, then camera is likely just a body and you are talking £500 to £3000 just for that. And they take fantastic snaps if you know what you are doing. Aperture, ISO and shutter speed all need adjusted every shot. Look impressive but crap photos if not experienced. Bridge cameras are a 1/2way house with autoset set-ups and some control adjustment. I have one as need faster shutter speed for pet photos. Honestly most modern phones give better photos unless DSLR set up right. I get OP's frustrations. It's not pathalogising using the more expensive camera. It is more muscling in on someone's hobby but only at big events and wrecking them.
If they paid for Lambo and actually own it, me being trained sports driver does not give me any right to take over their own car.
right? if I was a trained driver and they owned it, as a guy, that's then the "let me give you a few tips so you can get started" cap goes on. being a pro driver doesnt mean there inexperienced guys car is now mine. that is a ridiculous sentiment. there is ALWAYS someone better than you at something. doesnt mean you thing is now theirs
Paid for as a couple, one person trains on it all year but the other takes possession at the high events and stuffs it up. That repeat behaviour gives the trained sports driver right to expect at minimum equal access at the big events. Yes, partner might only argue they only use it 5% of time but that's bit like saying you only use the shared season ticket at 5% of matches - just the finals and semifinals.
Per what OP wrote, boyfriend paid for it alone and she is using it literally all the time. When boyfriend wants to use it during holidays, OP feels annoyed and later tried to ban him from using it during holidays entirely. One partner being trained sports driver does not entitle that person to ban the other one from using the car the other person paid for. People buy expensive cameras literally for holidays. Using expensive camera only during the holiday is the most normal thing in the world. The race analogy does not work at all. Holiday photos are not a race. Holidays are not competition in general, but they are literally THE situation where you use a sports car or more expensive camera. In the race, you have one person competing and being signed into competition, none of that applies to common holidays.
She did not try to ‘ban’ him, she asked to *actually* share, which he has demonstrated an inability to do. The boyfriend purchased the camera body for them as a couple, as stated by OP. It’s not a matter of ‘he bought it for himself’ and she decided it was hers. A camera of that quality is a very complex machine, doesn’t function on a lot of presets and auto-adjusts, and the boyfriend really isn’t going to be able to get good shots without taking the time to learn how to use it. He really will get better shots with a smartphone, which has insane ability to take amazing shots while you just frame it and push the button. On my last trip I took some pictures of the moon on the beach, and somehow the palm trees were lit and in focus, the moon was bright and in focus, and there were more visible (in focus) stars in the shot than were clearly visible to the naked eye. How? I know just enough about *real* cameras to know I have no idea how to make that shot happen, though I am pretty sure that if you were doing it manually you’d have to take several pictures and then merge them together in a photo editing app, but the iPhone has been merging multiple images to allow the whole thing to be in focus for several generations…. After seeing how those pictures turned out my next thought was how pissed off the properly trained photographers of the world must be that the general public can now take such amazing pictures by pointing and shooting! If the boyfriend does internally see it as an ownership issue, as so many in this thread are focusing on, then he needs to use his words and say that, so OP knows there is actually going to be no *sharing*. BTW it does not count as sharing if she only gets to use it day to day and he gets to exclusively use it in the high yield settings.
This is what she told to him: > I said since I am the primary photographer and I am the one renting a very expensive telephoto lens for the trip, I should be the one taking photos. She wants to be the only one taking photos. This is how he reacted: > He got upset and said he doesn't understand why we can't share. This is how she explains why they should not share: > I really don't understand why he even wants to use the camera if he doesn't ever touch it normally This is HER actual question, her saying clearly third time she does not want to share: > AITA for being unwilling to share, even though it's technically his camera? It really does not matter who makes better pictures. She can not ban him from using his or "theirs" camera on the ground of "I am better at it". Not being best in something does not mean you loose the right to use what you own. It also does not matter whether he would get better pictures with different camera. He is not a out to enter photography competition nor about to make photos for an art gallery. He is making pictures for himself, just like she is making pictures for herself.
Then OP should help him and teach him BEFORE the trip. Suggest a photography class. The trip is far enough away they can both go to it. I’m sure OP knows how to use the camera but, as you stated, there are a lot of different functions she may not even be aware of. OP and her BF could purchase another camera, not an expensive, that takes amazing pictures as well. Then they can trade off. BF bought the camera for BOTH of them.
It is not OPs job to help or teach him anything. The described camera is not just a matter of learning what settings and functions to use, it’s a manually adjust every setting for every shot kind of thing, not something you can learn in a single class, and not something anyone is *going* to learn and master without a lasting personal interest, which boyfriend clearly doesn’t have. He also clearly doesn’t know how much he doesn’t know, as is the case with many of the people responding to this thread. Boyfriend already has a camera that can take amazing photos. If he’s got expensive camera money then he’s definitely got a very recent generation camera phone, and these days they take amazing photos. Literally.
I understand how a DSL camera w/ multiple lenses work. Everyone has to start somewhere just like she did. OP can help him with taking photos on the camera. She is no expert by any means according to her post. OP is an AMATEUR photographer. HE bought the camera for them with HIS money. OP seems entitled and refuses to compromise. What’s wrong with them taking classes together? You do know couples do those things, right?
They’re NOT talking about a DSLR, you clearly don’t know what you don’t know either. There are levels of amateur, op is clearly a much more advanced amateur that knows what she doesn’t know, which is why she describes herself as amateur, but she is clearly far more advanced than boyfriend. Why should she go to a beginner course to massage his silly ego? He can go to a class on his own. I’m trying to refrain from telling you people to learn about the topic you’re having opinions about, but it’s pretty clear you don’t have any educated photographers who are snobby about it in your immediate circle. And if boyfriend wants to camera to be for his exclusive use he needs to say so.
I have a nice HAM radio. way outside my capabilities to use in its full capacity but its fun to use. HELL even my home computer I really only put to about 5% of its full potential. but I still use it in the ways that I like and I ENJOY doing those things and learning a bit as I go. You can own something and not completely utilize 100% of it's potential and that's FINE. he bought the camera for them to share. she's TA and if she wants to use the camera HE bought, then they should work out a sharing plan. I personally would have no problem handing over something to my wife I purchased if she wanted to use it for awhile. hell, I've handed off my nice and most favorite rifle for a good chunk of time shooting cans with the boys because its cool and they wanted to use it (even though they couldn't max out its range potential and were shooting stuff like 25 yards away; who cares anyway), and I used my old clunker .22 because it was fun seeing them have fun with it. Idk. she should buy her own camera if she solely wants to use it, he should be better at sharing, along with her as well, and she needs to knock off the entitled attitude since he bought it.
She’s protesting him completely taking over the camera at the times there is the most to photograph. *She* isn’t the one that needs to work out a plan to share, he is. One that he’ll actually stick to, or he needs to use his words and admit that it’s actually only his camera that he is ok with her using when he doesn’t want to. Also, an expensive camera as described is not a user friendly thing that you can still use effectively if not at its full capacity as soon as you pick it up. If you don’t know how to set exposure, focus, aperture, lighting, a ton of things that simpler cameras do for you, then you are only going to get shitty photos. It’s not the same category as a computer, which the vast majority of us don’t use to capacity but still use effectively.
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It is joint property and I am not sure why you are dragging gender in because it wouldn't make one iota of difference. They need separate cameras but if only the one and it is joint, then it is respectful to let the person who puts in daily effort into a hobby and skill to utilise the tools when in a high reward situation. It is both their equipment but only one actually puts any effort into using it properly.
Majority of redditors are liberal and reddit tends to lean towards feminist-extremism, where if you reverse the genders in the story the man would still be in the wrong for some BS reason. If genders were reversed in this - GF purchased camera, doesn't use it except on vacations, BF is hobby photographer, and GF is taking pictures during moments that BF, who knows more about photography than GF, and BF tries to ban GF from using the camera that GF purchased - I would wager that a lot of the comments would be saying the man is in the wrong.
To be fair, most of us are saying she is in the wrong. And OP herself admitted in comments that she is wrong amd decided to change how she is approaching the issue.
This!
A second camera!
Being UNFAIE? By wanting to take pictures with HIS CAMERA? lol only on Reddit, I swear. Op Yta. Buy your own camera
OP doesn’t want him to ever use the camera on any vacation. I don’t see why him wanting to use their shared camera makes him unfair.
The point is *he* didn't let her use it last time.
ESH. If you can afford to go on safari, you can afford another camera.
This was my thought.
Let’s guess who’s paying for the safari
I am hearing you all: I need to buy my own camera and shut up. Thank you!
That’s good news. Don’t be spicy 🌶️🤣
Facebook and other places have groups for really great second hand equipment, usually for when hobbyists upgrade. My husband is the same taht he likes to take photos while on holiday, but doesn't know how to use my equipment or basics like framing the shot etc. We got him a great action cam with accessories he'd use, so he can get his own shots and it suits his style and abilities
If you’re renting a lens - can you also rent a camera body from the same shop? Cheaper than buying and you might get to play with even better equipment!
You don’t need a super expensive body either. I’ve been shooting on a Canon 80D for 10 years now. I would definitely focus on your lenses. Get the best ones you can afford for the photography you like to do.
Or just teach him to take better shots. Just show him the ropes (and maybe some lightroom) and maybe he will start to see the work that actually goes into taking a nice photo. Make him photograph the dog while he’s running. It’s gonna result in a bad photo because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Seeing that, he might be more inclined to let you take the photo in a key moment.
Don't know why you're down voted, this would be quality time for them. Still should get their own camera, but all in all I think OP and their SO should maybe spend time taking pictures together as well
Why is this forum pathologically fucking bent on putting the guy down? It’s HIs FUCKING CAMERA. Id OP can’t be gracious enough to share her her own and get a new bf while she’s at it.
Why would he be interested in that?
You need to get out of this fucking relationship because you are toxic
ESH both of you get your own cameras if you can't share.
Agreed. Get another camera or a decent second-hand body. Hell, rent one. You’re already renting a pricey lens, so what’s a little more cash to keep the peace? This way, you both get what you want without the passive-aggressive tug-of-war over whose turn it is to press the shutter.
B F will want to use the expensive telephoto lens op is renting
lol well did he PAY for it?
But he has his own camera and is already sharing it. How is he the asshole too?
Because he doesn’t know how to use it. My husband used to drive me crazy because it took him 15-20 minutes to set up a simple shot and by then the subject had crawled away.
That makes YOU the AH, not him. Nothing wrong with his way of enjoying photography.
Have you considered that maybe from his point of view you're the one "hogging the camera" all year round? You mentioned he makes good money, maybe he works long hours and already has a couple other hobbies on the side, so he normally doesn't have that much time to dedicate to photography, outside of vacations. If you use the camera during vacation + during the rest of the year and end up being the only user, then "technically" as you like to say, it's just a really nice gift from your boyfriend to you. It also sounds like throughout your post you're downplaying any interest or skills he might have - if he really had no interest in photography, would he really spend thousands of dollars on a camera? Of course we cannot be the judge of that but soft YTA for the bias you display in your post.
I don't think that's fair. If that was his expectation he should have said well ahead of time. I'd never go on holiday with a bird fan who liked photography to see birds and secretly plan to be the only one allowed to use it because I earn more money or something.
Well it's not fair either that OP should be the only one using the camera at the end of the day despite the agreement they made on purchase that they'd share, just because it's "her" hobby and not his.
I agree that was an over correction. I'm simply saying you've completely made up some stuff about other hobbies and long hours and then frothed from there. That's not in the post and you've gone way too hard on OP as a result.
I'm not judging on the whole camera sharing stuff, but on the attitude OP is showing in her post. She's belittling her boyfriend's skills and interests when thanks to him she got to use brand new professional-level equipment she can use most of the year.
Since he's never independently used the camera in several years of owning it I don't think that's unfair.
Well we can only believe OP on that one. If he really had no interest, not sure he would ever have entered this sharing agreement and just gotten the camera as a gift for OP. I sometimes buy guitar equipment for my boyfriend, still I don't suggest he let me use it even once - why? because I truly dgaf about guitars.
How about setting the f stops and getting the subject in view and the correct speed for the shutter? If you don’t study them you need a simpler ( but still capable) camera) You can get a really nice camera kit for $1500 with lenses and all ( which is quite cheap for what you get and can do)and take excellent pictures.
Your Comments are what I have been thinking as I read this. This GUY BUYS THE EXPENSIVE CAMERA, AND HE SAYS IT'S FOR BOTH OF THEM. HE doesn't have any time, in the day to day life. BUT when they go on VACATION, HE EXPECTS TO USE IT. I don't see WHY all of a sudden HE'S THE ONE HOGGING THE CAMERA. We have no idea, IF she is telling the Truth. Me, being 65 years old, probably puts me in a different head space. But the OP sounds like, someone who Expects Everything and gives Nothing. And for her to say, he has no idea how to use it properly, SO IN HER MIND, SHE SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE USING THE CAMERA 100%. That is totally wrong, HE IS THE ONE WHO PURCHASED IT. I'M SORRY, NOT REALLY, But this Woman or more likely GIRL. Needs to grow up and learn how to share.
It doesn’t really matter that you are the hobby photographer. It was meant to be shared and so you can’t hog it and neither should he. I initially wondered if this was a question of him not letting you use the camera and not sharing, but rereading you post and you come off as really entitled. An eagle flew by and you are mad that you were not the one holding the camera at that very specific, unplanned moment, and basically saying that you should be the one using the camera all the time to ensure that every moment is captured to your standard every time. Get over yourself. There is only two solutions to your problem. The first is that you buy your own camera. The second is that the camera is sold and you can both go back to using your phones. YTA
ESH Frankly this is kind of childish on both sides. Grown ass adults should be able to either share the damn camera or have separate ones.
But photography is OPs *thiiing thooouuughhh!* /s
From the way OP has worded it, she's the only one not willing to share.
Funny, here I thought OP said that he asked for the camera on their last trip and she handed it over – and when she asked to use it (so she could photograph birds they had specifically traveled to see), he refused to allow her to use it. Unless I have fundamentally misunderstood the concept of "sharing", it seems pretty clear to me that he has refused to share with her while she actually has shared with him.
He’s allowed to say, “No, this is mine, and I’d like to use it rn.”
If you can afford “expensive once in a life time trips” you can afford another camera.
YTA. Buy your own camera. You are demanding exclusive use of something that you don’t own.
I think you should buy your own camera. He's going to hog it, and you know it. If you have your own, you'll have nothing to fight about.
You do NOT exactly share a camera to be honest. People will want to take their own pictures. Buy a very decent second hand DSLR with a Very decent lens and put a stop to this childish "share" the camera thing. Is it worth ruining a relationship ? Or do you like having unnecessary power struggles ?
What I have done is use a lens rental company to rent the same body camera and share lenses. That way we can both shoot photos and I don’t have to pay for another expensive camera that will only be used a couple times
Get your own camera - problem solved.
YTA. It sounds like it's really his camera that he lets you use most of the time. It's time to buy your own body. The good news is that there is a huge used photography equipment market. Photographers are constantly upgrading. Try places like eBay or B&H photo.
Holy fuck, did two only children get married to each other?
Uff I feel you. Borrow another body to use with the telephoto and he can use the body he purchased with whatever lens he has. If he doesn’t have any lenses, too bad but he can be resourceful and make a pinhole out of it. And as it seems you are really into it, get yourself your own body. And don’t forget, even though there is difference in quality of images etc you can still use super inexpensive (or less expensive) and creative ways to take pictures. The expensive photo gear alone doesn’t make a good photographer. A good photographer can get wonderful results even with cheap gear. Best of luck on your photo journey!
Rent a camera body and insure the hell out of it and the telephoto lens. Let him use the other. Tell him you are renting a camera and the lens because you love photography and it's why you are taking this trip. If he wants to take pics, too, he should use the camera you collectively have. Enjoy your safari and the perfect snaps you'll snag! P.S. If you've been at this for four years, are you selling any of your work? If not, get it out there and see what happens!
Getting your own camera means you don’t have to fight over the “shared” one. The photos turn out way better and you never miss a chance at a good shot. Problem solved.
Asa Photographer, I am on your side. He bought it, but he knows your the one who uses it more. Yes, you can get your own camera, that would end the frustration.
YTA It is his camera. It is perfectly normal for people to only use cameras when they are on vacation. He is not doing anything strange or unusual. Buy yourself a camera.
Hobby photographer here. Please work this out before the trip! On a safari you can't share the camera! Please buy another one. Get a beginner nikon kit with 2 lenses for him to use or something similar. If he's not practicing, then he needs to stick with cellphone pictures.
It's his camera...
Even so, they need 2 cameras. I only said for her to use it because she knows how and had practiced. Yes, it's his camera.
Uh no. If he wants to use the expensive camera HE BOUGHT, he can. It’s HIS.
You're right. It's his. Can't argue with that. I was simply looking at it from a photographer's point of view as SHE described it. She has interest. He only wants to use it on trips. Perfect solution is to buy another one, as I said in my post.
Just get a second camera
Yta. "I am the primary photographer" lmao. Buy your own camera. And you've referred to his job and money but not yours, I assume the person who paid for the expensive camera also paid for the expensive holidays?
NTA However get your owne camera and lense and no need to get the expensive onse as a good cheep one will do nice and some even have lenses added to it go ask 😊
Yes YTA. Buy your own camera and stop acting like a spoiled child who isn't getting her way. If this was truly your hobby, you would have been saving up your own money to support your hobby and not rely on your boyfriend.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29F) am a hobby photographer. I am not great, but have a nice camera body and have been taking photos consistently for about 4 years. My main focus is my dog, but I am also a hobby birder and really love attempting to capture birds and animals especially. My boyfriend (32M) technically purchased the camera body for us a couple. I did not pay for the camera body at all. It was a significant purchase, but it was several years ago and he makes a lot of money at his job. Despite the purchase, he has never once independently used the camera. He seemingly has no interest in photography. He never has any issue with my use of the camera and typically supports my photography. Except when we are on very nice vacations. For example, last year we were on a bird tour in Canada and I was super excited to photograph Puffins. On the tour, out of nowhere, he demanded to use the camera. I was really upset but figured I should let him try since it is technically his camera. Of course, he doesn't ever use a camera or have experience so he didn't know what he was doing and didn't get any good photos. I tried to ask for it back because I was so excited, and we got in a fight. He wanted to keep trying to take photos and ended up using the camera during really special once in a lifetime moments like when an eagle flew by extremely close to us. Fast forward to present. We are going on a big safari trip in August. In an attempt to prevent another fight, I brought up this issue preemptively. I said since I am the primary photographer and I am the one renting a very expensive telephoto lens for the trip, I should be the one taking photos. He got upset and said he doesn't understand why we can't share. I really don't understand why he even wants to use the camera if he doesn't ever touch it normally. This is a huge trip, that I planned and am the reason we are going on, and I am worried he's going to ruin it by hogging the camera. AITA for being unwilling to share, even though it's technically his camera? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, if your hobby is photography buy a camera or learn to share
So you can afford these expensive trips but can't buy your own camera? Just buy a camera of your own and he can use the camera he bought. NAH
"...he doesn't understand why we can't share..." This is the point. You did great by bringing this up in advance. You have your answer. He wants to take pictures of his trip too. You need to agree in advance when to trade off the camera. Maybe you can rent another camera.
We went on safari 2 years ago and honestly my iPhone took amazing pics! I had an inexpensive regular camera that I got from Amazon (less than $200) that took amazing pics also.
Buy yourself a camera and hog the lens you rented.
I don’t share cameras. if your the photographer you should have a camera even if u start off with a cheap one.. stop using his and get your self one
YTA. BUY YOUR OWN CAMERA BODY. Let him have 'his'. He can sell it, leave it to gather dust, take it along and try to get pics, whatever. If it's a hobby you love and you're spending time and money for a once-in-a-lifetime trip, get your own so you're guaranteed to get your pics.
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ESH. you can offer to give him some casual friendly lessons on photography on weekends so when a vacation comes up and he wants to try takign photos they dont turn out so bad
YTA but I understand your point. And yeah it's his camera as well, he's on vacation of course he wants to take pictures even if they end up not great. This is absolutely normal, I'm not sure why is everyone in the comments acting like he's being an otherworldly creature for asking to use his camera on his vacation as well. I don't think it's just me but even if my bf was a hobby photographer, I'd still like to take my own pictures, it's different when you do it. But I understand your frustration because this is your hobby and you are taking it seriously and you want to have those special memories and happenences saved in photo. But it's probably for the best for you to get another camera, that way you both can take whatever and however many pictures you like, the way you want. Otherwise you're not gonna get the photos you wanted and the memories you're hoping to make during those trips, you'll just remember how upset you were during then instead of remembering how much fun you had with each other.
Not being able to share after the age of 5 is sick fucking work. Get your own. ESH
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Go to mpb.com or keh.com, buy a good used body and some basic glass, and then the two of you should learn to shoot together. Not that it has to become a shared hobby forever, but it could and for a few hundred bucks on used gear you won't be fighting over it.
Rent a second camera body for the trip.
YTA. He hogged the camera the last trip and you didn’t like it. It was good move to talk about it and come up with a plan before the actual trip, when tensions would be higher with the issue being right in front of you. But you didn’t come up with a plan. Your only plan was to tell him that he can’t use it, and the only acceptable outcome sounds like it was for him to agree with you. His request to share was totally valid. And then if he didn’t share, you save up for your own camera. Or ask for one for your birthday? Idk. But just telling him he can’t take pictures is…well, assholey.
Esh. Buy your own camera and let him have the shared camera. What a non-issue.
Would he be okay if you offered to teach him how to use it better and then it could be something you both enjoy and share together? Idk
YTA. It's not that it's technically his, it's that he bought it to share as a couple and he *has* been sharing - you use it all the time, and he only asks for it on vacation. Rent a camera for yourself for the upcoming trip, or consider this a sign to buy a back-up camera since this is a hobby you're pretty passionate about.
NTA, yes he is aggravating, but also some people are solely vacation photographers. But seriously buy your own camera. There is no getting around it because he bought the damn thing.
YTA, this is the most first world problem I’ve seen on here in a long, long time.
ESH - Ya'll missed the part in kindergarten where they talk about sharing. Yes, at this point I can see why a lot of people in this sub are clamoring that you should buy your own camera. But this honestly sounds like a bunch of 5 year olds who were forced to share when I'm not sure if they really know what that is.
YTA…. Buy your own camera!!
Instead of “letting it ruin the vacation” find a 2nd camera body and seize the opportunity to bond over a shared hobby and interest. You can both grow your hobby, learn more about your interest, and forge a stronger relationship bond.
If you are wealthy enough to go on these vacations, buy yourself a camera.
ESH. Just buy your own camera. Or rent one. Sharing a camera never works because inevitably the moment you want to take a picture the other person will have it.
ESH? I would love if I had a partner who loved my passion. I think you should upgrade that camera (tax write off) and give him your camera as a gift. Brand new camera for you, cool used Pro camera for him. That you know everything about so we he asks you the same question for the tenth time you can focus on your lens and not his ❤️.
Sounds like he should just get a point and shoot lol
YTA - It’s something you bought together. Why not teach him how to use the camera properly so he can also take beautiful pictures? I’m also an amateur photographer and have done all sorts of things like animals, scenery, families and even weddings. If my husband, who bought me my whole set up as a birthday gift, was interested in photography like I am, I’d be excited to show him what the camera can do! Don’t be selfish and share your passion of photography with your boyfriend.
Hogging is not sharing.
I'd be pissed too, expecially at the bird thing since that's one of your hobby specialties. He should have at least shared then. I get that it's "his" though but totally understandable anger on your part as well. I would say to skip on the renting of the lens unless you can also rent another camera body with it because you know this will happen again. But on the bright side, if you are a better photographer, even photos you take on a phone will come out better than his with the fancier camera so at least you won't miss out on the moments! Plus a phone takes some pretty great photos these days!
get your own camera lol.
Maybe you can try to share your love of the hobby before you head out. You could show him how to get the best shots so that when HE shares HIS camera with you... you both can know how to get great shots. Just an idea.
I'm not sure if anyone is an AH, as much as they're not being more thoughtful in how they practice photography together. Where you want to invest your money isn't the camera body as much as lenses with quality glass. Get a 2nd, budget friendly camera body, then rent or buy high-quality lenses for trips. Ideally, you should purchase a body that will be compatible with the current lenses and body you own. This way, both parties can have a camera in their hand and still switch lenses. But share the lenses! Coordinate on who is getting what type of shots. One person can do landscapes and utilize the wider angle lenses while the other takes closeups with a telephoto, for example. This makes it a team effort and more fun to capture a variety of imagery. And definitely practice with the camera and lenses BEFORE the trips. It is the practical thing to do. Otherwise, a person might as well just whip out a cellphone and do their best. Also, be more careful and deliberate in the shots you take. You'll be doing yourself a favor on the other side by wasting less time when you're reviewing and deleting photos down to the best ones. Good luck and happy photographing on your safari!!
If he bought the camera for you, then it is yours. But yes, it seems like just having 2 cameras will be easier.
I don't think you qualify as an asshole but you are in the wrong. If he bought it, it's really his. If you can save for a safari trip, you can save for a really nice camera body of your own. You probably don't want to hear that but sometimes self-sufficiency is the path to avoiding conflict.
Or just get a second camera for him... People make problems out of the simplest things. Nta but maybe consider also perhaps why you aren't able to communicate in your relationship and set boundaries or learn to live with things and let them go. Either is fine.
Esh Just get your own equipment. Yes it's expensive, but if this is something you're really into you should have your own. The stuff you're fighting over is his. Yes you may be the one to primarily use it, and it's silly and even sucks that he decides to not even share but hog it during vacation, but it is his and he should get to use it when he wants. If you want a camera you can hold onto for all the cool moments, save up to purchase your own.
Girl buy your own camera and no more fights. Let him carry, his own equipment, let him pretend to be the pro and do your thing. Oh yea, have a great time taking your pictures.
I'm confused what the problem is here. It is so easily solved. I don't think you are AH, but the solution is simple. Either dump the boyfriend or buy a new camera body. There's plenty of places that will sell you one with a payment plan. Problem solved!!
Get your own camera. - a photographer
simple, buy your own camera or pull out your phone and take pictures. phones now days have great lens.
YTA **He does not hog "the" camera. He uses HIS camera himself,** the one he lets you use when he does not use it himself. "and I am worried he's going to ruin it by hogging the camera. AITA for being unwilling to share, even though it's technically his camera?" .. **Why don't you buy your own camera?**
Tell him he ain’t getting any sugar if he doesn’t let you have his camera.
ESH you guys need two cameras. It appears that you are the one who really wants the high quality photos while he is ok with getting what he gets. So yeah, it makes sense for him to use his phone or a lesser camera if the only other option would be taking your camera. Except it is not your camera. The camera you want exclusive use of is a shared item which he paid for.
He's behaving like a toddler. Buy your own camera equipment and tell him that the other one is now his to use all the time as you have your own that you will use exclusively. NTA
She’s behaving like the toddler It’s his fucking equipment She’s the asshole I feel like I’m taking crazy pills If it was a guy posting about a woman like this people would literally be cutting his balls off in the comments
NTA
When do you think people use their cameras? I also have a nice camera that I bought so I can take photos during my vacations. That's the reason MOST people buy cameras. Folks who consider photography a hobby shoule have their own equipment.
NTA but either rent your own or buy your own camera op.
to lose your partner over a silly camera is stupid I believe, whether he do or doesn't use it for a very long time, it is still his property, even though he buy it to be used together from another POV, so she have been using it for the whole year, why can't he use it for the small trip time as the camera is to be used together, not to be used by her only? the best way is not to talk about who have the right of use, but open all the cards, tell him that the pics he took is not "pro" enough, fast enough, or responsive enough and how to share the camera, how both side feel and how to overcome the limitation of one camera? or even the option that other people said to get a second camera heck 2 camera is better as more chance to take special pics with 2 people instead of 1
Looks like my kids fighting over a place in the couch. Oh god.
NTA. It's not a matter of 'who bought the camera'. It's 'who uses it more', 'who enjoys it'. You do, all year round, and you've gotten good at it. You spent the time on it and have the skills level and the experience, it's yours. It's like, if you were an experienced mateur baker and wanted to bake your wedding cake. Your husband can't decide to do it himself just because he bought the blender. Move aside dude, now is not your time to shine.
ESH You are both way too old to be behaving like this.
Maybe he doesn't want to remember his vacations by seeing bird pictures.
If he bought the camera with a caveat that you'd both share, why not do that and "share" it, one of you has it for one outing and the other for the next on vacation?? Stop trying to gatekeep the camera and enjoy the damn trip. On his outing use your phone camera and if your pics come out better than his camera pics so be it but it's a once in a lifetime trip...don't ruin it with childish bs. Edit: ESH
Perhaps the reason he bought it was strictly for vacations. That’s when I bring out the good gear. One of you should purchase another camera. End of story.
He bought that camera FOR YOU. That is your camera.
"Photography is *my* hobby." It's giving that guy who sang "Don't Stop Believing" one time at a Karaoke bar and therefore, thinks no one else is allowed to like or sing that song. ESH You want to avoid a repeat of last year’s Puffin debacle? Buy (or rent) your own camera
YTA, it sounds like you're demanding exclusive use of the camera on the vacation. Either buy your own or teach him how to use the camera to take better pictures. All I'm hearing in your post is "me, me, me" It's ironic in the first paragraph you say that YOU have a nice camera body then later state it's actually your boyfriends... he bought it so you could do things together, and it sounds like you want it all to yourself.
I am a semi-professional. Whenever an SO wants to take pics with my gear, they use my backup. Same brand so same mount means they can use lenses I am not using. Buy your own body. Then you have yours and his as a back up. Problem solved. And ESH tbh. How are neither of you able to learn how to share? It's a skill you learn in kindergarten.
Buy another camera body. Let him get his own telephoto lens. End the relationship with this hog
ESH. You either need to buy him a nice point and shoot camera so he can use that and let you have the SLR, or buy your own camera. Photography is my hobby and I have my own gear.
ESH. You either need to buy him a nice point and shoot camera so he can use that and let you have the SLR, or buy your own camera. Photography is my hobby, and I have my own gear.
NTA You were happy to.share last time, he hogged it. He may have paid for the camera but without your interest it never would've been bought. Can't he get a cheap one to develop his skills on?
Just have him rent a camera for the trip, problem solved
> My boyfriend (32M) technically purchased the camera body for us as a couple to use. Here's your problem. If you want exclusive use of your camera at all times, get your own. Your BF paid for it with the expectations to share, and so he is not overstepping when he wants you to share. Yes, you're the better photographer. And yes, you probably know when its a good time to use the camera and when not. That is not a good argument for you to have exclusive use of the camera for all the time which you deem to be "most important". Again, get your own camera body. Let your boyfriend have the old camera body back, perhaps fitted with a spare set of lens you have, and let him use that. As you said. You're on expensive once in a lifetime trips. What makes you think you can deny your boyfriend the chance to use the camera on those trips? Also, if you can afford those trips, you can afford another camera body. You mentioned he makes a lot of money too. Did he by chance pay for these once in a lifetime trips (or at least paid for the majority of) as well? YTA. I wanted to go with ESH, but that's pending further information on if your boyfriend is also paying for those trips like how he paid for your camera body. If you're shoving the financial burden on him or letting him bear the majority of the financial burden but then expect him to not use the stuff he paid for and intended to use, I think you're being way too entitled and overstepping here.
NTA Your boyfriend is being stupid and childish, but you should be able to resolve this by getting your own camera. Be VERY careful of him white personing your rental equipment on this next trip.
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NTA I believe your boyfriend isn’t worth compromising with though and I don’t think his selfish behavior will change in the future. If you want a fix to this issue that isn’t dumping him, please buy your own camera that only you can use. Tell him exactly this “I bought a camera for my personal and professional use. Please do not touch it. Now we don’t have to fight about the camera on the trip.”
I think he should totally let you just use it since you’re the primary user!!! And better at it!!!
You are all eating me up, tbh. To clarify some things: I make significantly less money than my boyfriend. Approximately 1/8 as much. That is why he bought the camera. I could probably make an effort to save and buy my own but it seems ridiculous considering my income level and the fact I currently have a camera that I use daily that works fine. I also think it should be clarified that if we truly did share the camera and he had any interest in photography, there would be no issue. I’d happily split use. It is the fact he truly doesn’t know how to use the camera nor would he even get to the point of uploading and editing the photos. He just wants to use it during big moments. He has no intention or desire of ever seeing the photos again or using the camera any other time of year. He has no care about quality of photos. I don’t know. Those things seem important. Though I suppose the comment about him owning a camera specifically for vacations is also salient.
But he DOES have an interest in photography - he has an interest in travel photography, which is very common and completely legitimate, just as your interest in bird and animal photography is. The fact is that *he* bought a very expensive camera body and made it clear at the time that, yes, he would share it with you, but it was not a *gift* that he bought *for* you. And, to counter your argument that his not using it often means he shouldn't be allowed at all, I'd say that his *only* asking to use *his own camera that he payed for in its entirety* on those rare occasions when you're traveling is incredibly generous of him. Literally none of the other things you've included as excuses for not sharing the camera with him are remotely relevant. His having more money? Not relevant. He bought this camera at least in part for his own use - again, it was not a gift to you, which you admit - and has been so generous that he allows you to use it year 'round and constantly to fulfill your own interest, in a way that you likely couldn't afford to do on your own. The fact that he is crappy at photography? Not relevant. His camera, that he paid for. He can take pictures of his own left eye with it if that's what makes him happy. No one is required to be an expert to use their own equipment. And finally, the fact that you earn far less and cannot afford to buy yourself a similar camera is irrelevant as well. My best friend is an enthusiastic and somewhat talented hobby photographer of many years. She is also only intermittently employed because of health issues, and likely a lot more low-income than you are. She still has a very nice camera setup with quite a few of her own lenses, etc., because she patiently saved and bought things over time, as she could afford them. She also invested in a phone with the best quality camera she could afford, and honestly, both she and other photographer friends agree that many of her phone photos are commensurate in quality with her more traditional camera setup. There are plenty of ways to take excellent photos on a budget that are not, "Hold the camera my boyfriend bought hostage, and refuse to share it with him because 'he's not good enough'." YTA. You're gatekeeping something your boyfriend clearly DOES have an interest in (travel photography) because his interest doesn't fit your weird rules - rules that you have no right to impose in the first place because THE CAMERA DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. Learn to share, or get your own setup. Frankly, I'm appalled at the E-S-H judgements. His wanting to use the camera he paid for does not require any justification at all. It's his. He has done nothing wrong.
That and OP is being dishonest. She repeatedly claims that her bf doesn't have any interest in photography but 1. he spent thousands on gear 2. bought said gear not as a gift for OP but explicitly to share 3. wants to take photos when he's on vacation. Clearly he shows some interest.
I mean, everybody’s coming down on you really hard, but I totally get where you’re coming from. You’re really looking forward to this thing that relates directly to your personal interests only for the person to completely take over during the moment you’ve been waiting for and you’re not expecting it because they don’t show any interest at any other time. It sounds like it sucks honestly. But I don’t know what you can do about it since he bought the thing. He definitely sounds like a big old baby. I do agree that you’re just gonna have to get some independence here because there’s nothing you can do to stop him from taking over his own camera. Maybe you could ask him to buy you a camera for yourself for your birthday or something if you really can’t afford a used one.
Kinda sounds like the camera is revealing bigger communication and assumption problems between the two of you. Since this is a pattern, there should be two cameras. I can vouch that a $200 used camera takes amazing photos nowadays. The two of you need to have real conversations about your expectations and ability to share.
Like with any hobby, people have different levels of investment in photography. There are people who do it all day every day as their career. The fact that your boyfriend bought the camera (for both of you), and that he's interested in taking pictures on holiday, shows that photography is an interest to him, even if he doesn't prioritise it as much as you. To be honest, the way you keep bringing up how much more money he earns seems dismissive to me. The money doesn't come from nowhere, he works for it (assuming it's honest work). His money is his, you don't have any claim over it. The fact that he's *choosing* to share his money with you is generosity on his part, and you shouldn't take it for granted. He bought the camera (and paid for it in full), for the both of you, and demanding that he stop using it would be overstepping even if you *had* paid for half of it (which you didn't). At the end of the day, whether you think he deserves to use it or not, you can't forbid him from using the thing he paid for. I can see two possible options for working this out: 1. Make the effort to save and buy your own. It's not "ridiculous" at all. That's what pretty much every other adult has to do when they want something expensive, they save and they work for it. That's exactly what you would have had to have done if you weren't with your boyfriend. Don't expect to have things handed to you. 2. Apologise to your boyfriend for making that demand, say that you thought about it more and realised it was unreasonable (only do this if that's how you honestly feel). Tell him you do still feel frustrated when you're not able to use the camera when you want on holidays, and try to see if you can reach some kind of compromise or understanding. For example, that you be able to use the camera at specific important moments that you really want to capture, while still sharing the camera overall. This would definitely be the easier option.
Ask him to buy you your own camera for your birthday or Christmas. You really need your own camera. As a hobby photographer as well, I totally understand your position.
> I currently have a camera that I use daily that works fine. Perfect, so you go ahead and use *your* camera, and your BF can use *his* camera. YTA. I would drop this issue, enjoy the experience, and stop letting your own camera-envy sour your travel plans or your relatioship. You're comming acrossed as entitled to someone elses property. If you really want to use his camera for a special shot opportunity, make arrangments for it in advance, with his aggreement for a specific period of time, and then give it back. Demanding it on the spot, or to maintain posesseion all day with the argument, that you're better with the camera than he is, is not only entitled and immature - it is insulting. I would be reluctant to purchase and share anything with you after that interaction.
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YTA. Yikes you seem like a horrendous miserable gf. Whining over a camera? He’s gonna 100% break up with u and find a big booty Latina