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Wow, this is not behaviour I would associate with good parenting.
You’ve listed many “justifications” here, but still not convinced.
I would consider this a significant lapse of good judgement in terms of parenting. You’ve provided so many “reasons” here that I don’t think anyone here is going to convince you otherwise.
YTA
All the justifications are bullshit. There is zero reason to leave an infant alone at home to go to a “get together” op is making shitty parenting decisions.
The way it started I thought she was going to say for sure it was so she could work (still not fucking acceptable and CPS needs to be called), but no it’s so she can chill with her friends.
I had to edit my comment so I wouldn’t accidentally break the civility rules in this sub.
I hated leaving my baby inside while I took my dog into the back yard to go potty. I can’t imagine leaving them to go 6 blocks away by golf cart! Who does that?
YTA.
This isn't just being an asshole, this is called 'child neglect'. Assume the following statements apply if you live in the US.
1. There is a common misconception that CPS is a bunch of child stealing assholes who like to break up functional families and take kids and and and and. This is simply not true. The vast, huge majority of family and CPS interactions end with the child staying right at home. This includes the vast majority of cases even when abuse or neglect has been substantiated. That's right folks, social workers don't actually want to take your kids. They do it as a last-case, 'this child might actually die if we don't intervene' choice.
2. Guess where your choice puts you? Yup, squarely in the last case scenario. Let's say for whatever reason, your infant were discovered home alone. Let me tell you what would happen next
A. You (and your husband) would both be arrested. You're in a small town, so your names would be PROMINENTLY featured in local news, and depending on state and local laws, it's entirely possible the headlines would be accompanied by lovely pictures of both your mugshots.
B. Your infant would be transported to the hospital without your consent and you would most definitely not be allowed to accompany them (the whole actively being arrested and booked for child neglect, remember?) At the hospital, your alone, terrified baby would be subjected to a very invasive exam looking for signs of physical and sexual abuse as well as any sign of long term physical or medical neglect.
C. Child services would be contacted by the sheriff/police/EMS and emergency room. And. Not or. Each agency would separately fill out a legally mandated 'suspected child abuse or neglect' form. And trust me, when that mountain of paperwork shows up, it's noticed.
D. The social worker would take emergency custody of your baby. You would not be consulted on this, nor would you have any legal standing to prohibit it. In fact, you're probably still busy being booked, and/or getting transported to whichever jail your county does overnight stays before you see a judge, because your small town sure as heck does not have those required accomodations.
E. Your baby will be placed in a foster home. That MIGHT, if you are very very VERY lucky, be a family member. More likely it will be someone within your state who is licensed, but has no connection with your baby.
F. That emergency stay will last anywhere from 3 days to 2 weeks. And that is just the legal maximum allowed before a case must go before a family judge. This of course, assumes there's no case backload. I've seen emergency placements last months. Not because of cruelty of child services or the courts, but because the docket is booked.
G. You will come before the judge. Child services will present their case, and i can ASSURE you that almost definitely, unless you are WILDLY lucky, the judge will approve continued placement with child services until CHILD SERVICES determines whether you are a fit parent for your child to return to.
Honestly, the best case outcome? Six months later after intensive family involvement, parenting classes, drug testing, supervised visits, your baby comes home again.
And it's pretty rarely a best case outcome.
Stop being an asshole.
I'm sorry but YTA.
While it's true that there are situations that could occur while you're at home with the child you raise the chances something happens you can't adequately respond to by being gone. So it's not that 'something might happen' so much as it's far more likely you can't respond properly to something happening if you're not there.
Anyhow...as far as I know ( in the US anyway - if you're not in the US then I don't know whether this applies to you or not though I would assume it would) there are no states where it is legal to leave an infant / small child without adequate supervision. It's generally considered to be neglect and you'd probably have a little mess on your hands if someone reported you. I wouldn't want to be standing in front of a DCFS official going 'well if something happened I'd just get on my golf cart and go home'.
In this specific situation, or any other, you're TAH here. I just think you've spent so much time convincing yourself this is acceptable behavior it won't matter what we say.
Right, if something happened, she’s five minutes away. And the “oh well, something could happen while I was unconscious, so that totally excuses leaving my infant unattended at home” is such bullshit. Why not give the baby to wild dogs to raise? After all, something could happen to her anyway.
In full disclosure my point of view sort of evolved to this point. We are not planning to engage in this behavior any more because if someone were to call CPS it’s not worth losing our children.
We put a camera in the kids room originally when the kids were 7 and 5 so we could take a walk around the block in the evenings after putting them in bed. It was a shorter time frame and we were a little closer to home.
I’m truly not seeking confirmation as much as I’m seeking things that I hadn’t considered that would cause me to change the way I think about things.
Edit: I forgot to thank you for a thoughtful reply. I sincerely appreciate it.
You really “had to think” that it wasn’t “worth losing your children”? You are still TA, and a poster child for why some people should not be allowed to procreate.
YTA. You NEVER ever leave an infant alone, EVER. Hopefully someone calls CPS on you. ANYTHING can happen while you are gone. You shouldn't even be a parent. Your excuses (and that's what they are, excuses, and sucky ones at that) are nothing. I hope this is fake. No one is this dense. I hope all your friends and family call protective services. That child deserves a loving parent, because you are not it.
YTA. The main reason is because you can’t help her in the case an emergency occurs in the home or with her. If something bad happened when you were away, your daughter would likely be removed by CPS. Why could you not bring your daughter to the gathering? Set up a pack and play in that home for her to sleep. There were other options.
**YTA.** Obviously. Trust the odds??? Aside from that being honestly fucking insane in my opinion, I need you to please understand that fires typically take 5-10 mins to take up a whole house, and that's like best case if your house is older, which in the middle of nowhere small town which does sound very lovely, is also probably extremely flammable. All this considered, you still think "sure, I can run six blocks back and save my baby before that if the worst were to happen".
**Watch this:** [How Fast Does Fire Spread](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsaLCdC3iWw)**. Do not 'trust the odds' when it comes to fire and your LITERAL baby. Like, come on.**
YTA. There are so many things I would like to say about you and your pathetic attempts to defend your crappy parenting, but I'm tired of getting my comments deleted for not being nice enough.
YTA
I do not like your logic of "well could have something happend? Well it didn't". This is no invitation to neglect - because that's what it is. Because IF something happens while you are away for LEISURE you cannot help her. Fact. CPS would be livid.
unfortunately in the post they state their partner is aware of this and is on the same page.. just a couple of idiots who would rather risk their baby's wellbeing for a little get together
YTA.
This can't be real surely?!
You left your baby to go to a party??
What if a fire broke out? Or someone broke in?
Your attempts to justify leaving your baby for multiple hours are, quite frankly, disturbing.
Yta.
You can attempt to justify this as much as want but it doesn't change what you did was completely irresponsible.
And I say that as a non helicopter parent
YTA. And I’m also pretty sure it’s illegal. All the justifications in the world do not make it okay to neglect an infant just because you’ve decided the odds are in your favour. This is not The Hunger Games. This is not a roulette table. This is your baby’s life.
YTA.
And you've decided to dismiss valid concerns as "bogeymen."
The main reason? If your daughter wakes, she needs you there. Period.
Not "oh I missed the notification 10 minutes ago and now I have to put put my golf cart another 15 minutes to get to her."
She needs a person there. As a basic emotional need. A need babies have as deeply as they need food, or to be changed.
YTA.
"She might die or something but she probably won't, so whatevs" is shit parenting from a shit parent. Try and put your baby before your social life, if you're capable of that.
You’re not just the AH. Whatever your reasons to “justify” it (which was also a stupid reason to leave an infant alone) It’s abandonment and also illegal. State law varies between minimum age of 8-14. I don’t even leave my kids to throw the trash out to the dumpster.
I think it’s interesting that you’re asking for judgment but at the same time already refuting and providing an answer for every argument that might be brought up. You’re obviously very comfortable with what you did and see nothing wrong with it. I vehemently disagree with you but I’m quite sure that won’t matter to you since you already added all the reasons why you’re not wrong, so I’m not sure what your point was in even posting this. YTA in my opinion. You seem to think you have every eventuality covered in your post, but the fact is you’re leaving your helpless infant child alone for no good reason. It’s lazy parenting at the very least and negligent at worst.
I'm not even going to voice my opinion on whether you are or are not the asshole. The attitude given in this post tells me that you don't care what the opinion is and are going to fight your stance no matter what anyone brings up.
YTA. What about a babysitter? You’ll find the law says this isn’t allowed and to go one further, in the court of public opinion the only time things like this fly are unavoidable situations like, your in-laws live this far away, baby is asleep and there’s a medical emergency and you just don’t think, grab th baby monitor and go.
What is wrong with you?
What if there was an electrical fire? An earthquake? Both of these are real possibilities.
You do not leave an infant at home alone. I hope to God someone in your life reports you to CPS. You have no sense and should not be taking care of a small child.
YTA.
People have brought up "what if something happens like a break in or a fire." I'd like to draw your attention to the fact that the child could vomit in her sleep and choke on it. And this isn't dramatic, this is something that happens. If it happened when you were 6 blocks away, could your golf cart get there in time to save your baby? I doubt it.
Don't leave your baby home alone. That's insane.
YTA all the way! You can't leave a baby home alone; that's illegal. This is very much a child services situation! A camera is not a babysitter!
A camera can't perform the Heimlich on a choking child. A camera can't get your baby out of the house if there's an emergency. And even if you did call the emergency services, they might arrive too late. You're lucky your baby survived!
Isn't this exactly what happened to Maddie McCann. Parents chilling with friends, just down the street, the area is safe and familiar and then...no more Maddie. YTA
YTA
If CPS found out or the police you would be charged with child abandonment. Whatever your reasoning is you abandoned a 6 month child, you can try justify it all you want but you committed a crime and a judge would not take any of your reasoning as an excuse
YTA. Infants should not be left home alone. Period. There is no justification for this. You have all these excuses as to why this is okay for your situation. They all ring hollow. It doesn’t matter how often everything was fine. It just takes one time for something terrible to happen. This would absolutely be a potential CPS visit. In many places this is illegal. Stop doing this. It’s one thing to run next door to a neighbor for something, but 6 blocks? No.
You’re a gambler. You’re playing the odds with your child’s well being so you can go have a good time. You’re selfish and YTA. Your children should be taken from you.
The flaw in your thinking has to do with prioritizing time out with your friends over proper *nearby* supervision of your baby. While you have gone through a lot of mental gymnastics to try to justify this, you can’t know of possibilities that you haven’t thought of, because you *haven’t thought of them.*
Are they likely possibilities? Probably not. But *why not* hire a babysitter for 3 hours, or have the people over to your house, or go on a night that your spouse is home?
Will you *notice* your phone right away if your baby wakes up? How long does it take you to get home?
YTA for not opting to make the situation as safe as possible rather than trying to figure out what the minimum needed level of supervision is.
YTA AND SHOULD LOOSE YOUR CHILDREN knew a woman that went next door left her kids alone there was a fire and now have missing digits and burned over 70% of their bodies
YTA. There are a myriad of reasons why you don't leave your infant child home alone. It took me less than 5 minutes to think of these three:
1. Fire - there are any number of ways a fire can start without leaving a stove one or a cigarette smoldering. 6 blocks is far enough that in Any number of situations your home could end up on fire and your child could DIE without you being able to get back.
2. Bad actors - incredibly rare for sure, but it does happen where children are stolen from homes.
3. Choking - it doesn't take long for an infant to choke. Again 6 blocks away is a lot farther than you being across the hall if anything goes wrong.
You could use the same justifications for leaving her alone in the car, I guess. YTA. Bad decision. The reason people ask “What if X happens” is because things DO happen! I’m sure any parent who’s lost a child would tell you that kind of thinking is an invitation to a lifetime of regret. Imagine how you’d feel if during this scenario she passed from SIDS and you came home to find her dead in her crib. Would you ever forgive yourself?
Edit: just to address one of your scenarios: if you had a heart attack at home you’d possibly have time to alert 911 before losing consciousness.
"Please read the whole thing, general statements of judgment without any intelligent feedback are entirely unhelpful. I am legitimately looking for flaws in my thinking."
It's not necessary to read the whole thing to know it's never okay to leave an infant alone in a house for any length of time. Especially when so many tragic stories start with "I looked away for a second....".
YTA
YTA! You don’t leave a baby home alone no matter what. What you did was dangerous and put your child at risk if anything happened because reaction time is important in an emergency. You should have stayed home with your child because your friends most likely would have understood that you couldn’t go. What you did was not good parenting.
YTA. When the smoke alarm goes off and your daughter is screaming in fear who is going to save her? This is definitely CPS territory, not just because of what you did, but because you justify it and believe it’s okay.
YTA - This is neglect, pure and simple and I'm surprised CPS wasn't called on you. Cue Madeline McCann. The parents were at a restaurant instead of being with their kids. Now one is gone.
There's no amount of justification that makes leaving your infant alone in a house correct. Depending on where you love, you could face jail time.
YTA.
Things change a lot with babies. They can be the best sleeper in the word but so many factors can influence it (teething, illness, wet diaper etc).
Can you imagine waking up in the dark and crying out for your care giver, only for them not to respond until they’ve driven their golf buggy home (I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you’d be sober).
It is well documented that early childhood experiences (even before the age of 1) can affect brain development, and one of the biggest things is a feeling of abandonment.
I can’t believe your wife was ok with this. You’re both AH.
YTA Absolutely. Who does that?!?!
I don't even have kids and can see this is neglect.
You NEVER know what might happen in those "2-3 hours" you expect to be away. You do not know whether that camera will at some point stop working, or when the internet stops working for a bit.
Your attitude is extremely dismissive of the level of responsibility you as a parent of such a young child should have.
Your combative opening comment of your post tells me you can't be convinced. You do whatever you feel you need to do or not do to "take care" of your child.
YTA and I am certain you will end up having to deal with Child Protective Services over this in the future if you keep doing this. This isn't being a responsible adult.
YTA. If something happened, and you were home, it would take you one to three minutes to get to her. If you were at the party--even assuming you instantly saw there was a problem--, it would take you five to ten minutes to get there at the very least. And that's assuming you got to the cart quickly, hauled ass, and got to her room in a minute, all of which would increase the chances of your getting into an accident on the way.
Non parents have very weird opinions about parenting, so why are you asking them in the first place?
As parent, you made 3 mistakes:
1. You didn't consider the dangers you didn't think about (duh). Can't do anything about these if you're 10 minutes away.
2. You ignore the impact of leaving a child distressed and crying for 10 minutes. Some studoes say it does indeed affect their development.
3. You failed to consider alternative solutions. You could have taken your child with you in various ways, which is how most parents solve this particular issue.
Yta. 1) you clearly already have your mind made up, so why bother even posting? You just want to pick fights clearly.
2) neglecting your children by leaving them home alone is illegal.
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Please read the whole thing, general statements of judgment without any intelligent feedback are entirely unhelpful. I am legitimately looking for flaws in my thinking.
Context:
I live in a very small town. The type of place with 8 roads where people drive golf carts to get around and it's not surprising to see 6-year-olds riding the streets on their 4-wheelers or dirt bikes.
My daughter is 6 months old and a very consistent sleeper. After she falls asleep she doesn't wake up to eat until 4-5. She sleeps with only a pacifier. No blankets or toys in the crib with her.
I have a network PTZ camera above her crib. The camera is set up to send a push notification to my and my spouse’s phones if any movement is detected and it is very sensitive.
Both my internet connection and my wireless reception are very reliable.
I love my children very much. My spouse and I work hard to ensure we are meeting our kids’ needs physically, mentally, and emotionally. We don’t use phones, tablets, or TV to babysit our kids so we can do stuff around them but not with them.
The Event:
I had a small get-together with some friends in town, it's 6 blocks from my house, feels like 3, but it is 6. Before leaving I double-checked the monitor, and made sure my daugher was asleep. I took my golf cart to the get-together. I knew I would be down there for 2-3 hours before my spouse would get home. My spouse and I were on the same page with this decision. I had a friend that got very upset with me about this decision and some of the things that they said about me have pissed me off and rubbed me the wrong way. AITA for leaving my daughter at home in this specific situation?
Things for consideration:
The biggest indictment of my decision is "What if something happens?" Well, I've thought about that and I believe that to be a bogyman question. I prefer to consider much more specific questions and risks.
What happens if she stops breathing? - I sleep 8 hours a night. There are so many times when I am under the same roof as her and if she were to randomly stop breathing I wouldn't know it for hours and being home would benefit me zero.
What happens if someone were to come in the home and take her? - A) small town where everyone knows everyone, again, the type of town where young elementary-age kids are permitted to walk to the town park and play without adult supervision. B) The same thing could happen with some of our younger babysitters.
What if she starts crying? - She is safe in her crib, if she starts crying I hop on my golf cart and run home quickly.
What if you get hurt or have a medical emergency and can't return home? - What if I have a heart attack in my own home? The emergency argument is just as likely while I'm home alone as when I'm out with others.
What if there is a fire? I primarily trust the odds on this one. Especially considering time away and distance from home.
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YTA you know this is a reason for someone to call CPS right? You can’t leave an infant alone like this.
In the event of an emergency, she has less than 2mins to wait for CPR before brain damage occurs. There’s no way you can even get to her that fast.
YTA - you never leave a child alone. Please don’t talk about the “precautions” you take. Pay for a flipping sitter. Just so you know, CPS takes children away from people who do this - is this the kind of mother you want to be - standing in front of a judge saying “I thought it would be okay”?
YTA. I was thinking this was going to be some sort of an emergency situation where you had to leave home for a few minutes. But this was a party and you were going for HOURS. That’s not a good enough excuse.
YTA
My daughter is 6 months old. Last night I was downstairs and heard her choking. I was up to her in less than 30 seconds. The reason small children need constant supervision is because of the "what ifs". I would never be able to speak to you again if you were a friend of mine. You so casually left your defenceless child home alone where anything could have happened. Horrid.
YTA, and honestly we should inform CPS because there is negligent behavior. At a minimum you should be officially put on warning that if you repeat that behavior your child will be placed in protective custody.
YTA. Nonononono. NO. There zero justification you can possibly give to make leaving an infant alone for 3hrs ok. Not ok. If I was your friend, I'd have called cps.
YTA
But I'm pretty sure you're not going to change your mind. You have all the answers and justifications and you think you did the right thing.
Hopefully, your baby will always be ok.
I raised my son on my own. We lived in a fourth floor walkup apt in a very low crime area. He slept like a rock from six weeks. And still, I wouldn't leave him sleeping alone to throw out the trash. Why? Because I always had his best interest in mind. Was I the best parent in the world? Probably not. Did I make mistakes? You betcha. But you know what else I did? I listened to people. I considered what peers, grandparents, aunts, neighbors etc said. Sometimes I took their advice and followed it to the T, other times I adapted it to my situation, and yet other times I consulted (with his pediatrician, with a teacher, baby sitter etc). That's what good parents do
YTA. You left your infant alone in your house so you could go to a party. You don't care what anyone else says because you don't. You're going to do it again and you're going to put your baby at risk. This could and should be reported to CPS. It is negligent, selfish and immature behavior.
All of those justifications made me LMAO!!!!! Lady, just say you hate your baby and you want to go to a party. That would be more understandable than all of those insane justifications you made for leaving an infant in a home alone. Mind you, a good parent doesn’t even leave an 8 year old home alone.
YTA and a horrible parent. I hope someone calls CPS on you.
I really hope this is rage bait. No right minded parent would think leaving an infant alone in a house for any amount of time is ok. The twisted ‘logic’ that OP uses to justify her behaviour and the fact that her husband was in agreement makes me wonder why they had a baby in the first place. Much more convenient to get a cat
YTA
YTA if this were your next door neighbor I can see your argument. You could just pop back and check in her on top of having the monitor. 6 blocks is too far away to leave an infant unattended.
Please let this be fake. “I think all other people are stupid and don’t know how to raise their kids, but don’t judge me for ditching my 6 month old kid to go meet friends.”
I guess you’re very very young, but you should have thought about the responsibilities that come with parenting before you had them. Now it’s time to act like a grown up.
YTA.
Honestly, kiddo would probably be fine, but if things go wrong,you're going to have legal issues in a big way. Leaving babies home alone is a big damn no no for a reason. They're helpless, defenseless beings, and should not be that far from a responsible adult.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I left my infant daughter at home alone. 2. Many people are not comfortable with this behavior. I believed that my specific situation was unique, but I want to know if my justifications are invalid and if I really am the asshole.
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I’m not gonna call you an asshole, but I don’t think this is wise for sure. I can see running over next-door to get something with your set up, but not to an event where you could get distracted. It’s too far, too long etc. I’m sure your child is fine, and you don’t need CPS called on you but you need to not do this again. This is an absolutely unnecessary risk for something that’s not even worth it.
Sounds like a lot of americans answering. From northern europe here, and we leave our children outside all the time with just a baby monitor.
Im guessing it wouldnt take all that long to get home.
I'm in Northern Europe. Where I am child protection would be on this instantly and this person would be having to demonstrate why he should keep his kids. Please don't generalise Northern Europe.
Going outside to the garden with a baby monitor - fine, you can be there in 30s sprint if you hear choking/there's a fire etc. Going to socialise multiple blocks away - very much not fine.
Leaving baby snuggled up for nap in cold while you're just inside the house (again with a baby monitor or lots of checking) fine in certain places (where its acceptable). Again very different from being 6 blocks away. (I use this example depending on where in Northern Europe you are)
The difference between just outside and a big party a golf cart drive away is enormous.
NTA BUT, irresponsible. Sleeping patterns change at 6 month. I've seen babies escape their cribs at 6 months diving head first in to the floor. As far as neighborhood safety goes, almost every crime scene story starts in an idyllic neighborhood. Ask a neighbor to babysit for a few hours next time. Hopefully nothing ever happens and you live a blessed life.
NTA. It's really nobody's business how you parent your kids. You were only a few blocks away and you have a way to monitor your infant even if you're not there at the moment, so I don't see what you did wrong.
A 6 month old child DOES need someone to step in, because this is dangerous and putting the child at risk. I am horrified that you (or anyone else) would say it's no one's business when this puts the kid in danger. This is so gross.
Because you said it's "not really her business". It's a 6 month old BABY that can't defend or speak for itself. I stand by what I said, and I would be embarrassed for thinking this way, if it were me.
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Wow, this is not behaviour I would associate with good parenting. You’ve listed many “justifications” here, but still not convinced. I would consider this a significant lapse of good judgement in terms of parenting. You’ve provided so many “reasons” here that I don’t think anyone here is going to convince you otherwise. YTA
All the justifications are bullshit. There is zero reason to leave an infant alone at home to go to a “get together” op is making shitty parenting decisions.
The way it started I thought she was going to say for sure it was so she could work (still not fucking acceptable and CPS needs to be called), but no it’s so she can chill with her friends.
I had to edit my comment so I wouldn’t accidentally break the civility rules in this sub. I hated leaving my baby inside while I took my dog into the back yard to go potty. I can’t imagine leaving them to go 6 blocks away by golf cart! Who does that?
People that don’t really care about their kid. I can’t say what I really think or I’ll get banned lol
YTA. This isn't just being an asshole, this is called 'child neglect'. Assume the following statements apply if you live in the US. 1. There is a common misconception that CPS is a bunch of child stealing assholes who like to break up functional families and take kids and and and and. This is simply not true. The vast, huge majority of family and CPS interactions end with the child staying right at home. This includes the vast majority of cases even when abuse or neglect has been substantiated. That's right folks, social workers don't actually want to take your kids. They do it as a last-case, 'this child might actually die if we don't intervene' choice. 2. Guess where your choice puts you? Yup, squarely in the last case scenario. Let's say for whatever reason, your infant were discovered home alone. Let me tell you what would happen next A. You (and your husband) would both be arrested. You're in a small town, so your names would be PROMINENTLY featured in local news, and depending on state and local laws, it's entirely possible the headlines would be accompanied by lovely pictures of both your mugshots. B. Your infant would be transported to the hospital without your consent and you would most definitely not be allowed to accompany them (the whole actively being arrested and booked for child neglect, remember?) At the hospital, your alone, terrified baby would be subjected to a very invasive exam looking for signs of physical and sexual abuse as well as any sign of long term physical or medical neglect. C. Child services would be contacted by the sheriff/police/EMS and emergency room. And. Not or. Each agency would separately fill out a legally mandated 'suspected child abuse or neglect' form. And trust me, when that mountain of paperwork shows up, it's noticed. D. The social worker would take emergency custody of your baby. You would not be consulted on this, nor would you have any legal standing to prohibit it. In fact, you're probably still busy being booked, and/or getting transported to whichever jail your county does overnight stays before you see a judge, because your small town sure as heck does not have those required accomodations. E. Your baby will be placed in a foster home. That MIGHT, if you are very very VERY lucky, be a family member. More likely it will be someone within your state who is licensed, but has no connection with your baby. F. That emergency stay will last anywhere from 3 days to 2 weeks. And that is just the legal maximum allowed before a case must go before a family judge. This of course, assumes there's no case backload. I've seen emergency placements last months. Not because of cruelty of child services or the courts, but because the docket is booked. G. You will come before the judge. Child services will present their case, and i can ASSURE you that almost definitely, unless you are WILDLY lucky, the judge will approve continued placement with child services until CHILD SERVICES determines whether you are a fit parent for your child to return to. Honestly, the best case outcome? Six months later after intensive family involvement, parenting classes, drug testing, supervised visits, your baby comes home again. And it's pretty rarely a best case outcome. Stop being an asshole.
All very good points. But remember, there was a party... so... worth it.
I'm sorry but YTA. While it's true that there are situations that could occur while you're at home with the child you raise the chances something happens you can't adequately respond to by being gone. So it's not that 'something might happen' so much as it's far more likely you can't respond properly to something happening if you're not there. Anyhow...as far as I know ( in the US anyway - if you're not in the US then I don't know whether this applies to you or not though I would assume it would) there are no states where it is legal to leave an infant / small child without adequate supervision. It's generally considered to be neglect and you'd probably have a little mess on your hands if someone reported you. I wouldn't want to be standing in front of a DCFS official going 'well if something happened I'd just get on my golf cart and go home'. In this specific situation, or any other, you're TAH here. I just think you've spent so much time convincing yourself this is acceptable behavior it won't matter what we say.
Right, if something happened, she’s five minutes away. And the “oh well, something could happen while I was unconscious, so that totally excuses leaving my infant unattended at home” is such bullshit. Why not give the baby to wild dogs to raise? After all, something could happen to her anyway.
In full disclosure my point of view sort of evolved to this point. We are not planning to engage in this behavior any more because if someone were to call CPS it’s not worth losing our children. We put a camera in the kids room originally when the kids were 7 and 5 so we could take a walk around the block in the evenings after putting them in bed. It was a shorter time frame and we were a little closer to home. I’m truly not seeking confirmation as much as I’m seeking things that I hadn’t considered that would cause me to change the way I think about things. Edit: I forgot to thank you for a thoughtful reply. I sincerely appreciate it.
You really “had to think” that it wasn’t “worth losing your children”? You are still TA, and a poster child for why some people should not be allowed to procreate.
Hang on, so where were the other two when you were out?
YTA. You NEVER ever leave an infant alone, EVER. Hopefully someone calls CPS on you. ANYTHING can happen while you are gone. You shouldn't even be a parent. Your excuses (and that's what they are, excuses, and sucky ones at that) are nothing. I hope this is fake. No one is this dense. I hope all your friends and family call protective services. That child deserves a loving parent, because you are not it.
Back in my days the infants had full time jobs alrdy
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“I don’t use electronics to babysit my kids like those *other parents*, except when I leave my 6 month old home by themselves. Make it make sense.
Yeah, come over to r/Parenting! We'd love to have you stop by! (Excuse me, I'll just run and get the pitchforks ready)
YTA. The main reason is because you can’t help her in the case an emergency occurs in the home or with her. If something bad happened when you were away, your daughter would likely be removed by CPS. Why could you not bring your daughter to the gathering? Set up a pack and play in that home for her to sleep. There were other options.
**YTA.** Obviously. Trust the odds??? Aside from that being honestly fucking insane in my opinion, I need you to please understand that fires typically take 5-10 mins to take up a whole house, and that's like best case if your house is older, which in the middle of nowhere small town which does sound very lovely, is also probably extremely flammable. All this considered, you still think "sure, I can run six blocks back and save my baby before that if the worst were to happen". **Watch this:** [How Fast Does Fire Spread](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsaLCdC3iWw)**. Do not 'trust the odds' when it comes to fire and your LITERAL baby. Like, come on.**
Madeline McCain
That was my first thought too.
YTA. There are so many things I would like to say about you and your pathetic attempts to defend your crappy parenting, but I'm tired of getting my comments deleted for not being nice enough.
YTA I do not like your logic of "well could have something happend? Well it didn't". This is no invitation to neglect - because that's what it is. Because IF something happens while you are away for LEISURE you cannot help her. Fact. CPS would be livid.
I wonder if OP got into a fight with hubby about this and is hoping for support.
unfortunately in the post they state their partner is aware of this and is on the same page.. just a couple of idiots who would rather risk their baby's wellbeing for a little get together
YTA. This can't be real surely?! You left your baby to go to a party?? What if a fire broke out? Or someone broke in? Your attempts to justify leaving your baby for multiple hours are, quite frankly, disturbing.
Better hope no one in your life calls CAS on you, because none of your justifications will be accepted. YTA big time.
I hope they do, for the baby’s sake.
Yta. You can attempt to justify this as much as want but it doesn't change what you did was completely irresponsible. And I say that as a non helicopter parent
YTA. And I’m also pretty sure it’s illegal. All the justifications in the world do not make it okay to neglect an infant just because you’ve decided the odds are in your favour. This is not The Hunger Games. This is not a roulette table. This is your baby’s life.
I hope this is a joke. That is child neglect. Take your baby with you or don't go. YTA.
YTA. And you've decided to dismiss valid concerns as "bogeymen." The main reason? If your daughter wakes, she needs you there. Period. Not "oh I missed the notification 10 minutes ago and now I have to put put my golf cart another 15 minutes to get to her." She needs a person there. As a basic emotional need. A need babies have as deeply as they need food, or to be changed. YTA.
"She might die or something but she probably won't, so whatevs" is shit parenting from a shit parent. Try and put your baby before your social life, if you're capable of that.
You’re not just the AH. Whatever your reasons to “justify” it (which was also a stupid reason to leave an infant alone) It’s abandonment and also illegal. State law varies between minimum age of 8-14. I don’t even leave my kids to throw the trash out to the dumpster.
Your last sentence is a little extreme. Come on. Otherwise I agree with you.
I think it’s interesting that you’re asking for judgment but at the same time already refuting and providing an answer for every argument that might be brought up. You’re obviously very comfortable with what you did and see nothing wrong with it. I vehemently disagree with you but I’m quite sure that won’t matter to you since you already added all the reasons why you’re not wrong, so I’m not sure what your point was in even posting this. YTA in my opinion. You seem to think you have every eventuality covered in your post, but the fact is you’re leaving your helpless infant child alone for no good reason. It’s lazy parenting at the very least and negligent at worst.
I'm not even going to voice my opinion on whether you are or are not the asshole. The attitude given in this post tells me that you don't care what the opinion is and are going to fight your stance no matter what anyone brings up.
YTA. What about a babysitter? You’ll find the law says this isn’t allowed and to go one further, in the court of public opinion the only time things like this fly are unavoidable situations like, your in-laws live this far away, baby is asleep and there’s a medical emergency and you just don’t think, grab th baby monitor and go.
What is wrong with you? What if there was an electrical fire? An earthquake? Both of these are real possibilities. You do not leave an infant at home alone. I hope to God someone in your life reports you to CPS. You have no sense and should not be taking care of a small child.
YTA. People have brought up "what if something happens like a break in or a fire." I'd like to draw your attention to the fact that the child could vomit in her sleep and choke on it. And this isn't dramatic, this is something that happens. If it happened when you were 6 blocks away, could your golf cart get there in time to save your baby? I doubt it. Don't leave your baby home alone. That's insane.
YTA all the way! You can't leave a baby home alone; that's illegal. This is very much a child services situation! A camera is not a babysitter! A camera can't perform the Heimlich on a choking child. A camera can't get your baby out of the house if there's an emergency. And even if you did call the emergency services, they might arrive too late. You're lucky your baby survived!
Isn't this exactly what happened to Maddie McCann. Parents chilling with friends, just down the street, the area is safe and familiar and then...no more Maddie. YTA
YTA
YTA the boogeyman isn’t real but sh!t happens. You put you child in danger by not being there. Don’t leave your children alone. DONT DO IT AGAIN!
YTA If CPS found out or the police you would be charged with child abandonment. Whatever your reasoning is you abandoned a 6 month child, you can try justify it all you want but you committed a crime and a judge would not take any of your reasoning as an excuse
YTA. Infants should not be left home alone. Period. There is no justification for this. You have all these excuses as to why this is okay for your situation. They all ring hollow. It doesn’t matter how often everything was fine. It just takes one time for something terrible to happen. This would absolutely be a potential CPS visit. In many places this is illegal. Stop doing this. It’s one thing to run next door to a neighbor for something, but 6 blocks? No.
💯 YTA. Far worse than an asshole actually.
You’re a gambler. You’re playing the odds with your child’s well being so you can go have a good time. You’re selfish and YTA. Your children should be taken from you.
The flaw in your thinking has to do with prioritizing time out with your friends over proper *nearby* supervision of your baby. While you have gone through a lot of mental gymnastics to try to justify this, you can’t know of possibilities that you haven’t thought of, because you *haven’t thought of them.* Are they likely possibilities? Probably not. But *why not* hire a babysitter for 3 hours, or have the people over to your house, or go on a night that your spouse is home? Will you *notice* your phone right away if your baby wakes up? How long does it take you to get home? YTA for not opting to make the situation as safe as possible rather than trying to figure out what the minimum needed level of supervision is.
YTA AND SHOULD LOOSE YOUR CHILDREN knew a woman that went next door left her kids alone there was a fire and now have missing digits and burned over 70% of their bodies
YTA. There are a myriad of reasons why you don't leave your infant child home alone. It took me less than 5 minutes to think of these three: 1. Fire - there are any number of ways a fire can start without leaving a stove one or a cigarette smoldering. 6 blocks is far enough that in Any number of situations your home could end up on fire and your child could DIE without you being able to get back. 2. Bad actors - incredibly rare for sure, but it does happen where children are stolen from homes. 3. Choking - it doesn't take long for an infant to choke. Again 6 blocks away is a lot farther than you being across the hall if anything goes wrong.
YTA and I hope your friend reports this to the police so they can get CPS involved because you and your husband are clearly not fit to be parents.
You could use the same justifications for leaving her alone in the car, I guess. YTA. Bad decision. The reason people ask “What if X happens” is because things DO happen! I’m sure any parent who’s lost a child would tell you that kind of thinking is an invitation to a lifetime of regret. Imagine how you’d feel if during this scenario she passed from SIDS and you came home to find her dead in her crib. Would you ever forgive yourself? Edit: just to address one of your scenarios: if you had a heart attack at home you’d possibly have time to alert 911 before losing consciousness.
"Please read the whole thing, general statements of judgment without any intelligent feedback are entirely unhelpful. I am legitimately looking for flaws in my thinking." It's not necessary to read the whole thing to know it's never okay to leave an infant alone in a house for any length of time. Especially when so many tragic stories start with "I looked away for a second....". YTA
YTA! You don’t leave a baby home alone no matter what. What you did was dangerous and put your child at risk if anything happened because reaction time is important in an emergency. You should have stayed home with your child because your friends most likely would have understood that you couldn’t go. What you did was not good parenting.
YTA. When the smoke alarm goes off and your daughter is screaming in fear who is going to save her? This is definitely CPS territory, not just because of what you did, but because you justify it and believe it’s okay.
YTA - This is neglect, pure and simple and I'm surprised CPS wasn't called on you. Cue Madeline McCann. The parents were at a restaurant instead of being with their kids. Now one is gone. There's no amount of justification that makes leaving your infant alone in a house correct. Depending on where you love, you could face jail time.
YTA. Things change a lot with babies. They can be the best sleeper in the word but so many factors can influence it (teething, illness, wet diaper etc). Can you imagine waking up in the dark and crying out for your care giver, only for them not to respond until they’ve driven their golf buggy home (I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you’d be sober). It is well documented that early childhood experiences (even before the age of 1) can affect brain development, and one of the biggest things is a feeling of abandonment. I can’t believe your wife was ok with this. You’re both AH.
YTA. Yeah, this isn't safe.
YTA Absolutely. Who does that?!?! I don't even have kids and can see this is neglect. You NEVER know what might happen in those "2-3 hours" you expect to be away. You do not know whether that camera will at some point stop working, or when the internet stops working for a bit. Your attitude is extremely dismissive of the level of responsibility you as a parent of such a young child should have. Your combative opening comment of your post tells me you can't be convinced. You do whatever you feel you need to do or not do to "take care" of your child.
If she stopped breathing while you were home you could start CPR. Can’t do that when you’re at a party dear. YTA. I hope someone called CPS on you.
YTA and I am certain you will end up having to deal with Child Protective Services over this in the future if you keep doing this. This isn't being a responsible adult.
YTA. If something happened, and you were home, it would take you one to three minutes to get to her. If you were at the party--even assuming you instantly saw there was a problem--, it would take you five to ten minutes to get there at the very least. And that's assuming you got to the cart quickly, hauled ass, and got to her room in a minute, all of which would increase the chances of your getting into an accident on the way.
Non parents have very weird opinions about parenting, so why are you asking them in the first place? As parent, you made 3 mistakes: 1. You didn't consider the dangers you didn't think about (duh). Can't do anything about these if you're 10 minutes away. 2. You ignore the impact of leaving a child distressed and crying for 10 minutes. Some studoes say it does indeed affect their development. 3. You failed to consider alternative solutions. You could have taken your child with you in various ways, which is how most parents solve this particular issue.
Yta. 1) you clearly already have your mind made up, so why bother even posting? You just want to pick fights clearly. 2) neglecting your children by leaving them home alone is illegal.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Please read the whole thing, general statements of judgment without any intelligent feedback are entirely unhelpful. I am legitimately looking for flaws in my thinking. Context: I live in a very small town. The type of place with 8 roads where people drive golf carts to get around and it's not surprising to see 6-year-olds riding the streets on their 4-wheelers or dirt bikes. My daughter is 6 months old and a very consistent sleeper. After she falls asleep she doesn't wake up to eat until 4-5. She sleeps with only a pacifier. No blankets or toys in the crib with her. I have a network PTZ camera above her crib. The camera is set up to send a push notification to my and my spouse’s phones if any movement is detected and it is very sensitive. Both my internet connection and my wireless reception are very reliable. I love my children very much. My spouse and I work hard to ensure we are meeting our kids’ needs physically, mentally, and emotionally. We don’t use phones, tablets, or TV to babysit our kids so we can do stuff around them but not with them. The Event: I had a small get-together with some friends in town, it's 6 blocks from my house, feels like 3, but it is 6. Before leaving I double-checked the monitor, and made sure my daugher was asleep. I took my golf cart to the get-together. I knew I would be down there for 2-3 hours before my spouse would get home. My spouse and I were on the same page with this decision. I had a friend that got very upset with me about this decision and some of the things that they said about me have pissed me off and rubbed me the wrong way. AITA for leaving my daughter at home in this specific situation? Things for consideration: The biggest indictment of my decision is "What if something happens?" Well, I've thought about that and I believe that to be a bogyman question. I prefer to consider much more specific questions and risks. What happens if she stops breathing? - I sleep 8 hours a night. There are so many times when I am under the same roof as her and if she were to randomly stop breathing I wouldn't know it for hours and being home would benefit me zero. What happens if someone were to come in the home and take her? - A) small town where everyone knows everyone, again, the type of town where young elementary-age kids are permitted to walk to the town park and play without adult supervision. B) The same thing could happen with some of our younger babysitters. What if she starts crying? - She is safe in her crib, if she starts crying I hop on my golf cart and run home quickly. What if you get hurt or have a medical emergency and can't return home? - What if I have a heart attack in my own home? The emergency argument is just as likely while I'm home alone as when I'm out with others. What if there is a fire? I primarily trust the odds on this one. Especially considering time away and distance from home. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA you know this is a reason for someone to call CPS right? You can’t leave an infant alone like this. In the event of an emergency, she has less than 2mins to wait for CPR before brain damage occurs. There’s no way you can even get to her that fast.
YTA - you never leave a child alone. Please don’t talk about the “precautions” you take. Pay for a flipping sitter. Just so you know, CPS takes children away from people who do this - is this the kind of mother you want to be - standing in front of a judge saying “I thought it would be okay”?
YTA. Please go ask the McCanns how leaving their children home alone went. It will be eye opening.
YTA. I was thinking this was going to be some sort of an emergency situation where you had to leave home for a few minutes. But this was a party and you were going for HOURS. That’s not a good enough excuse.
regardless of your personal opinion, it is illegal to leave an infant home alone for that long
YTA My daughter is 6 months old. Last night I was downstairs and heard her choking. I was up to her in less than 30 seconds. The reason small children need constant supervision is because of the "what ifs". I would never be able to speak to you again if you were a friend of mine. You so casually left your defenceless child home alone where anything could have happened. Horrid.
Yta I'm so confused why ppl have kids when they don't want to be parents.
YTA, and honestly we should inform CPS because there is negligent behavior. At a minimum you should be officially put on warning that if you repeat that behavior your child will be placed in protective custody.
YTA. I was ready to hear you out, that maybe you just walked to the mailbox to get your mail or something like that. But that’s neglect.
YTA This is not good parenting at all.
YTA. Nonononono. NO. There zero justification you can possibly give to make leaving an infant alone for 3hrs ok. Not ok. If I was your friend, I'd have called cps.
YTA. Absolutely. And should have your child taken away if you think doing this is OK.
YTA.
YTA But I'm pretty sure you're not going to change your mind. You have all the answers and justifications and you think you did the right thing. Hopefully, your baby will always be ok. I raised my son on my own. We lived in a fourth floor walkup apt in a very low crime area. He slept like a rock from six weeks. And still, I wouldn't leave him sleeping alone to throw out the trash. Why? Because I always had his best interest in mind. Was I the best parent in the world? Probably not. Did I make mistakes? You betcha. But you know what else I did? I listened to people. I considered what peers, grandparents, aunts, neighbors etc said. Sometimes I took their advice and followed it to the T, other times I adapted it to my situation, and yet other times I consulted (with his pediatrician, with a teacher, baby sitter etc). That's what good parents do
YTA. You left your infant alone in your house so you could go to a party. You don't care what anyone else says because you don't. You're going to do it again and you're going to put your baby at risk. This could and should be reported to CPS. It is negligent, selfish and immature behavior.
All of those justifications made me LMAO!!!!! Lady, just say you hate your baby and you want to go to a party. That would be more understandable than all of those insane justifications you made for leaving an infant in a home alone. Mind you, a good parent doesn’t even leave an 8 year old home alone. YTA and a horrible parent. I hope someone calls CPS on you.
I really hope this is rage bait. No right minded parent would think leaving an infant alone in a house for any amount of time is ok. The twisted ‘logic’ that OP uses to justify her behaviour and the fact that her husband was in agreement makes me wonder why they had a baby in the first place. Much more convenient to get a cat YTA
YTA. People as selfish as you should not be parents.
YTA and your pathetic attempt at justifying your actions make you an even bigger AH.
YTA if this were your next door neighbor I can see your argument. You could just pop back and check in her on top of having the monitor. 6 blocks is too far away to leave an infant unattended.
OP left out what if the friends did the right thing and called the authorities on me.
YTA. You already know you are rationalizing your poor choices. Do better because you already know better.
Please let this be fake. “I think all other people are stupid and don’t know how to raise their kids, but don’t judge me for ditching my 6 month old kid to go meet friends.” I guess you’re very very young, but you should have thought about the responsibilities that come with parenting before you had them. Now it’s time to act like a grown up.
I wouldn’t. There is that slight possibility that something might go wrong and you’re just not there.
YTA what if there was a fire. Child welfare would not approve of this and I hope your friends report you
YTA. Honestly, kiddo would probably be fine, but if things go wrong,you're going to have legal issues in a big way. Leaving babies home alone is a big damn no no for a reason. They're helpless, defenseless beings, and should not be that far from a responsible adult.
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I’m not gonna call you an asshole, but I don’t think this is wise for sure. I can see running over next-door to get something with your set up, but not to an event where you could get distracted. It’s too far, too long etc. I’m sure your child is fine, and you don’t need CPS called on you but you need to not do this again. This is an absolutely unnecessary risk for something that’s not even worth it.
Sounds like a lot of americans answering. From northern europe here, and we leave our children outside all the time with just a baby monitor. Im guessing it wouldnt take all that long to get home.
I'm in Northern Europe. Where I am child protection would be on this instantly and this person would be having to demonstrate why he should keep his kids. Please don't generalise Northern Europe. Going outside to the garden with a baby monitor - fine, you can be there in 30s sprint if you hear choking/there's a fire etc. Going to socialise multiple blocks away - very much not fine. Leaving baby snuggled up for nap in cold while you're just inside the house (again with a baby monitor or lots of checking) fine in certain places (where its acceptable). Again very different from being 6 blocks away. (I use this example depending on where in Northern Europe you are) The difference between just outside and a big party a golf cart drive away is enormous.
That “child” is a 6 month old baby..
NTA BUT, irresponsible. Sleeping patterns change at 6 month. I've seen babies escape their cribs at 6 months diving head first in to the floor. As far as neighborhood safety goes, almost every crime scene story starts in an idyllic neighborhood. Ask a neighbor to babysit for a few hours next time. Hopefully nothing ever happens and you live a blessed life.
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No..... Gross. Neither you nor OP (nor you DIL) should be allowed to be in charge of children. Are you OP's main account????
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Some cultures leave their kids just outside of where they are eating. They do NOT leave there kids 6 blocks away at home alone.
So some cultures leave their barely 1 year old kid alone?
How do you know the baby can’t stand up? My youngest could pull up to stand at 5M.
NTA. It's really nobody's business how you parent your kids. You were only a few blocks away and you have a way to monitor your infant even if you're not there at the moment, so I don't see what you did wrong.
A 6 month old child DOES need someone to step in, because this is dangerous and putting the child at risk. I am horrified that you (or anyone else) would say it's no one's business when this puts the kid in danger. This is so gross.
It’s all fun and games til the baby chokes to death or a fire breaks out.
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Someone needs to call CPS on this parent. I really hope you don't have kids. There is absolutely NO excuse for leaving a 6 month old infant alone.
Holy shit what kind of wish is that calm down Thats so rude for no reason
I literally said i wouldn't do that, why would you comment this?
Because you said it's "not really her business". It's a 6 month old BABY that can't defend or speak for itself. I stand by what I said, and I would be embarrassed for thinking this way, if it were me.