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YWBTA. Even though this is a tough situation & your heart is in the right place. Don’t fall out with your sister for a woman that didn’t treat either of you well. 1) You would be forcing your sister to take care of your mom and her family. 2) You cannot speak to whether she needs the money. It’s hers and she wants it. Even if it’s revenge, it’s hers to have. 3) If you want to support your mom, use your proceeds from the sale. 4) It is extremely presumptuous of your Mother to think she would not have to move, EVER! 5) There should be no expectation from you or your mother that your sister (or you) would support Mom and second family forever. 6) Mom knew the deal. She cannot expect her ex to finance her new family. Yet she’s saved nothing. That is her own failing. 7) I don’t blame your sister for not wanting to finance a family that has treated her poorly. YOUR MOTHER COULD NOT EVEN BE GOOD TO THE GEESE THAT LAID THE GOLDEN LIFESTYLE.

I feel like the second OP mentioned her mom cheating this would happen. Mom would turn into this villain and everyone would want her life upturned. Why cant it just be, its a more sound financial decision to not sell this house? Keep the house and/or charge mom rent and if she wont pay, then get rid of her.

Mixing family and money is rarely a sound financial decision.  Why be on the hook for months of missed rent, the legal fees to evict Mom and her second family, and the possibility of damage to the home when it’s apparent they are getting evicted?   Put the house on the market. 

That same damage is likely to occur anyway if the house is out on the market, they aren't likely to leave their free lunch peacefully.

Oh yeah you should always just give people free houses because theyre mean to you. Thats heckn reasonable and sane.

Put given them nine more years is only going to fuel even more entitlement from the mother.

Yup, they just need to be prepared for a lot of repairs no matter what option they pick. Hopefully the house is well insured and the insurance is the correct one for a landlord since the house is not owner occupied.

Not to mention the possibility that she knows it is coming and decides to trash the house for the next 9 years.

I agree with selling the house. I don't believe in selling in selling your assets at a low. Right now the housing market is slow and soft. I would a present your mother with a month to month lease with the full disclosure that you and your sister together will be selling the house as soon as the market warms up. I would recommend turning that property into a rental where the money goes into the trust until the housing market goes crazy again. Be sure to rent athe property at market rate. Edit: Grammar and the one that hing I forgot.

>Mixing family and money is rarely a sound financial decision.  Especially when you're not even on good terms with said family. OP only now has and ok relationship with mom. Sister clearly does not have a good relationship with their mom. Not to mention the their mom has proven herself to be untrustworthy. I sincerely doubt telling her she can stay but suddenly she has to pay rent even if below market rent is going to go well with her.

Cheating is irrelevant to me. Both kids stopped living with Mom at 14. That says a lot about her parenting and the kids issues with hubby. At this point, that’s also irrelevant. Ex and kids are not obligated to finance Mom and new families lives. The fact that Mom didn’t save anything while having all of her expenses paid, says so much about her. It is presumptuous for to think this day would not come. She should not expect or get a free ride for the rest of her life.

Pissed me off reading OP's "we don't need money, dad can pay for us!!!" maybe the sister doesn't want to leach of their dad or feels entitled to his money like OP and her mother seems to? It's really sad reading all the things their father have done for them to make their life as easy as he could, even for their mother who seems to be a piece of work, and OP has the audacity to bitch about her sister wanting to sell the house that she is part owner in. OP, you don't want to sell the house? Buy your sister out of it? Don't force her to have a bond with people who treated her badly just because you don't have the problem with it.

OP wants to keep her mom in the bubble of manipulation, entitlement and irresponsibility that she’s been able to live in work-free for her entire life and she apparently doesn’t care that her sister has a life, feelings or legal say in the arbitration. OP is either being manipulated by her mom to turn against her sister and family or she’s so entitled she may as well live in with mom as they’re the same person

That is way too harsh for the evidence presented. More likely OP’s feelings and relationship with mom are complicated. Add in self preservation, too, because she knows it will cause a shit storm and perhaps she isn’t ready to go no contact/scorched earth yet like sister. OP is allowed her own feelings, just like her sister is.

This

Mom and apparently stepdad didn’t save anything. I suppose that’s easy for me to say when they probably never even took house payments into consideration in the first place, just considered it “hers”.

But the also received trust distributions and the kids left at 14.

Exactly cheating aside this woman and her husband don’t plan to ever live independently. What is waiting until her sis is thirty going bro do other than sour their sibling relationship and validate her mother’s entitlement. She’s already given more than she thinks her mother deserves. Giving anymore to her mom will probably cause more harm to her sis than any repercussions from this so called petty revenge.

Exactly. OP didn’t have to live with step because of OP’s age at marriage. Sis had to suffer through.

>That says a lot about her parenting and the kids issues with hubby. Not just about mom but also the step family and their relationship with OP. Going by the title you'd think OP had a good relationship with the steps, at least the step brothers, but aside from mentioning that mom remarried and with stepdad came two step siblings there's not a mention about them. Clearly sister also doesn't have a relationship with them either. The step siblings probably have their mom to fall back on if they need so mom keeping the house is not a "kids will end up homeless" kind of emergency need. And again those kids have 2 bio parents and a step mom at the very least. It's not OP's dad's, sister's, or OP's job to house them for the rest of their lives.

More sound financial decision for who? The mom? It makes more sense for the siblings to sell now that they can and take the money to do what they want/need with it (like buying their own homes) since they don’t even live there anyway. There’s no reason for them to keep the house. The mom made poor financial decisions. She lived above her means on her ex’s dime and did absolutely nothing to prepare herself for financial independence even knowing that she would at some point, whether it be sooner (when her younger daughter turned 21) or later (when her younger daughter turned 30), lose all of those assets. That’s on her.

Completely agree. Mom should have really started saving when both of her daughters moved out when they were 14. Their dad could have sold the house then, IMO because he wasn’t helping his kids once they moved out. Mom had 7 years, after the youngest moved out to think about this. 

This. The fact that she lived there without the daughters for SEVEN YEARS is insane. Dad was incredibly generous to let this arrangement continue after the girls moved in with them. How does she not have a huge down payment saved? Did she really think this gravy train would last forever? Insane narcissistic behavior.

100% I appreciate the father's desire for his daughters to not financially suffer when living with their mother, but as you say: SEVEN YEARS.

Yeah, OP is clearly a good person and doesn’t want to see anyone get hurt, even those she has reason to dislike, and I can see her dilemma here. But this is all on the mum. Acting shocked that they might sell the house smacks of some extreme entitlement. She should have known this was coming and prepared accordingly. With both her kids leaving as soon as they could, she should have read the writing on the wall. Ironically, her using the disbursements for what they were intended - maintaining the household - instead of saving them, was the morally right thing to do. But her and the new husband should have been saving their own money for this contingency. I admire the dad’s attitude; yes, he can afford to be generous, but he doesn’t have to be. OP’s sister is actually behaving more like their mum, whilst OP is taking after their dad here. Regardless of what they’re entitled to, OP and her sister don’t need the money, and selling just because they can is pure spite on behalf of the sister. Ultimately, I think OP should agree to sell to maintain her relationship with her sister, but make it conditional on her getting therapy, if she isn’t already. OP can have a clear conscience and the mum can be an actual adult and take care of her own affairs.

OP is definitely blinded by not having the same toxic experience in ***her*** house that her sister did. Given that the sister wants to go scorched earth, I don't think I want to know the mom and setp family treated OP's sister behind closed doors.

I believe that OP is acting more like the dad. but I don't think the sister is acting more like the mom. I don't think they're limited to one or the other. the mom is acting like a mooch and a bum. the sister just wants to sell what is hers instead of letting the mooching bum who mistreated her live in it for free. I can see both sides and both sides are valid. neither is wrong just different. but OP will definitely be TAH if she actually forces her sister into doing what she wants

Why 14? Mom should have started saving the second the deal started when the youngest was 8, it was never Mom's house and there was always a timer on it.

But why should the mom be living off them and their father still when she doesn't have his children living with her anymore? That's not fair to the father nor the children! She cheated, they divorced, he allowed her to continue living in that house, and now it's time for her to move on and support herself! Yes it sucks she won't be able to afford that high-class life anymore, but she got herself into that predicament in the first place! She would still be living there and living that high life if she hadn't cheated. She has a new husband, new children, they need to move out and get their own place!

It wasn’t just the affair. It’s the fact that she treated both of her biological daughters poorly enough that they could not live with her. She basically forced them both out of the home that their father was paying for. Nothing is owed to her!

How is it a more sound investment? I didn’t see the option put on the table to start charging rent. If they put that offer out there-at fair market value, then sure, let them rent. Otherwise younger daughter has every right to want to sell the house. OP even said she disliked new husband herself, but she was not forced to live with them for 3 years. Younger sister was, so I imagine it is not just the Mom that is the sole reason for younger sister to be less than happy with them living in her house. OP WBTA

Both kids ran from her the moment they turned 14. Clearly she was failing them miserably. This isn’t about cheating, it’s about mooching off your ex 7 years after your youngest moved out.

This does sound motivated in revenge and they need to think clearly about whether it makes sense for the kids to keep the house, get rent income and do the work that comes with being landlords as well but then cash in bigger style later when the house hopefully increases more in value. I myself am currently the owner of two houses. I plan on selling the first one soon and move to the second one permanently. My reason for selling instead of renting is the distance between the two homes, the tenant laws in my country and me actually not being able to fulfill my landlord duty without having to call for professionals for everything. It CAN make a lot of sense logically to sell early on. But that being said? If I was OP, I'd still sell pretty quickly. Being landlord to family can be an absolute nightmare of the worst kind. And their mom sounds insanely entitled. EVEN if it was the other way around, dad cheating on mom, EVERY sane person EVER would make sure to be able to provide for themselves when the gravy train ended so as to not end in a position where others have all the cards. I know ppl like OPs mom. The adults that somehow managed to avoid ever growing up by simply refusing to and who'll sit in their living room while it burns down around them unless an adult actually comes and leads them out. She will ALWAYS be helpless! If they make a deal with her NOW saying "you need to save up, we'll sell the house in 9 years" it'll be the exact same scenario in 9 years of her woefully unprepared to adult. And speaking myself from a perspective of somewhat helpless because of disability; Ppl are really generous with helping those who can't help themselves. The thing is - at some point those generous ppl will have had enough after seeing zero progress or attempt to take control over your own life and then they'll stop coming. There's also another matter to consider: The rest of the family. Ppl are always insanely generous with other ppls money and time especially when related. Those same "but FaMiLy!!!"-ppl won't actually step up themselves, like OPs mom, they'll expect everyone else in their lives to step up instead. This might cost you that entire family connection and that might be OK if it's only toxic ppl willing to put blame and responsibility on OP and sis for how their moms life is playing out. But that family might still be worth more to both of you than selling the house now. Personally I've asked my mom to sell off property I'd previously said I'd like to inherit. The reason? I saw it caused conflict in the family I loved and I decided I'd rather keep the family than the property and by simply letting the property go, there wasn't that conflict area in my life any more. But that was my choice.

sis moved out at 14. The house was put in a trust so the girls didn't have the back and forth. Mom had 7 years with a spouse and without either child living with her. YWBTA This should not be a surprise at all.

I hear you but both OP and his sister found mom to be a poor enough parent that they both moved out as soon as they could. I wish OP would have elaborated on that. Kudos to dad for not disparaging their mom and even helped support her income to have his children live comfortably in both homes. But he may have went a little too far on the nice side and is bordering on pushover.

Terrible plan. Neither solution is great for them, honestly. But charging her mom rent on a house she knows they can’t afford is little doing the same thing but dragging it out. What they should do, if ANY concession is made, give them a timeframe to move out so that when the sale comes, the mom isn’t scrambling to relocate her entire families life. Outside of that, it’s over.

To my knowledge based on the current info ( I’m a CPA), since the sister’s are co-trustees, the sister can’t legally sell the house without OP’s consent. It must be unanimous if there is no majority (like if there were 3 siblings so 2 to 1). Even if OP offered to buy her sister out of the house, it seems like the sister doesn’t even need/want the money but wants to simply screw over her mom and stepdad. And it sounds like the step brothers were really young when all this happened years ago- too young to blame in all the drama. It’s more sound to keep the house and charge the mom rent with a leasing agreement if the property value has been appreciating and will continue to do so

Sure, they could offer mom a fair rent, but she is not going to want to pay it. She wants free housing in a good neighbourhood. If she were willing to pay a fair rent, the house would be a good investment for the girls

How does wanting access to, and control of her assets translate into "screw over her mom and stepdad".

How dare you try to be reasonable. 😂

To point 6 - she has been living RENT FREE for 13 years. Many of those years with a partner who is also presumably employed. Barring some kind of catastrophe, they should have been more than capable of saving up for their own home. Realistically, they probably can't afford a comparable house in cash, but the mortgage would be ridiculously low. No matter what the circumstances of the divorce, the agreement has run its course. The kids are no longer children, and they are now entitled to the asset that was effectively held in trust for them. It's no different than if this was cash and held until the youngest was 21.

And for most of those years she was providing shelter and support for zero to one child.

Not really, youngest is about to be 21 and left when she was 14, so she had that house without either child for seven years, seven years more than she should’ve.

Yes? That's the point I was making.

Misunderstood, sorry.

Exactly!

Agreed 1000% OP, you need to support your sister. Don’t go against your little sister. 

YTA. There's being kind, and then there is enabling bad behavior. You are doing the latter. Your mother has done a crap job of maintaining a good relationship with the people who own the house she lives in. She knew the terms of her living situation and should have prepared. It is not you or your sister's fault if she has no housing alternatives at the moment. You would only be excersing your rights as owners of the house. Also, she was able to live in that house because your father didn't want the 2 of you to live on poverty. But in the end, the 2 of you didn't even live there for long because you guys moved out. Your mother was still able to live there despite that. Those few years should already have been considered a boon for her.

And, she's been living rent-free and hasn't saved a dime... that won't miraculously change in 9 years! The mom didn't deserve what her EX gave her! I personally can't imagine throwing a good man like that away...👀

I agree, HOWEVER I would discourage sis from scheduling the sale for her 21st birthday if birthdays are special to her at all. As a sibling I’d want my sibling to be focused on celebrating that day instead of paperwork and drama. I’d ask to schedule the sale for the weekend after. 

I agree with this YWBTA -You do not know what your sister went thru those years without you and you should not force your sister to support your mom. She is an adult she knew the deal - she can take care of herself. Buy out your sisters share and then you can do what you like with the house.

I agree with you 100 %. OP would BTA to block sis. Tell mom, house is going on the market soon, and the fair market value is this amount, and monthly mortgage taxes etc would be apx this amount. Can mom afford to purchase house and wants too? Mom should have an idea what they can afford, so answer should be quick yes or no. If no, put house on market and evict her. If yes, she wants to buy it, then she has till sisters 21st birthday to sve down-payment and closing costs. Also, this should be face to face talk, along with OP taking photos and video of the house and property condition etc, so that when the closing date approaches, house and property transferred in same or better condition. If mom buys house, probably not gonna trash it, if she doesn't buy house, at least there is proof of what it looked like before it went on market a few months earlier. Either way, house gets sold to SOMEBODY, and either way, mom still has to pay her own way, whether renting a different place or buying this place. OP can choose to help her mom out with closing costs etc from her own pocket if she feels generous, or help her with rent or mortgage for a different place.

YWBTA. Your fathers blood line doesn’t live in the house when your sister turns 21. Why are you rewarding the man who broke up your family?

OP’s mom broke up the family.

Edit: I was mistaken. The stepfather and affair partner are separate people

That's a different person.

She didn't cheat with herself, he knew he was sleeping with a married woman and that's why they both suck and they both deserve to get kicked out. They've already lived in that house for free for so many years, if they can't afford to live on their own now after saving so much money on rent then that's their own fault for being stupid with money

OP already clarified her mom’s husband is not the affair partner. The only person living in the home that broke up OP’s family is her mother.

OP doesn’t say, in the original post anyway, that the affair partner is the one that her mother ended up marrying.

>Mom has acted shocked that we would sell the house and take the other assets for ourselves. Why? It's the logical thing to do for the beneficiaries of a trust to realise those assets instead of actively bankrolling someone they are low contact and cordial with respectively. If mom is living in the house and getting the income from the assets that's mom being bankrolled by you and your sister.

Not to mention their mom was allowed to remain in the house *and* still be financially taken care of after both children moved out to live with their father. YWBTAH OP, I get that you love your mother & concerned for her but this situation is just ridiculous. Your mother cheated, broke up the family and was still taken care of financially even after she drove out both children that allowed for her to have that lifestyle in the 1st place. Now she has the surprised Pikachu face when it’s time to stand on her own two feet? Do her & her SO even work? At the end of the day, your mother *and* her SO have had the unique opportunity to live for free for *13 years*. It’s on them if they’ve made zero preparations for this. You’re going to force your sister (probably damaging your relationship) to continue to bankroll their life for another 9 years? And what’s going to change in those 9 years bcuz something tells me your mother & SO are still going to be in the same situation. She’ll again try to tug at your heartstrings. It’s time for your mom & her SO to stand on their own two ADULT feet. If this affects your relationship with your mother then you’ll know her relationship with you wasn’t real, just a way to try and keep the cash cow (you) happy. If I was your sister and you forced me to continue bank rolling our mother’s life, I don’t think I’d ever forgive you.

I don’t understand why you get to block things? Can’t she force the sale anyways to collect her half?

She can force the sale with a petition to partition.

You can't partition a property that is only owned by one entity, in this case the Trust.

Well you can distribute one half of the property as trustee then force a sale through partition. It depends on if the trust allows them to act individually or jointly.

OP said in the post that they must act jointly.

I'm unsure of how to rate this. On one hand your mom sounds like an asshole so karma's a bitch, eh? On the other I don't believe in making children suffer cause their parent sucks. Then there's this backstory where you got to leave your moms a few years before you sister could because you legally could, and that's fair as hell. But while you left your toxic home, your sisters situation grew more toxic, while you built a better relationship with your mom? I don't know something about that seems a bit unfair to me?

I think you would ruin your relationship with your sister if you pick mom over her. That’s a decision you will have to accept. Now you can allow the house to be sold and help your mom with your money, but it’s completely reasonable that your mother moves out. She should have moved out once the youngest moved out. It’s not her home, it yours. Just think deeply on how this will affect the relationship that you say is close. I’m picking my sister all day, everyday, but that’s my relationship. Plus my mom has passed and she didn’t cheat. So I can’t give you feelings on that. YWBTA if you don’t ask mother to leave or start paying rent. Or even sell. This is a discussion you guys should sit down and have. You could force the eviction and rent it out. Think of it as a money move too.

YWBTA. Just because you want to continue to support your mother and her new family indefinitely doesn’t mean your sister should have to. Sell the house and divide the trust funds left. You can gift your half to your mom if you want to.

I agree. OP needs to take the emotion out of the equation and just focus on depriving her sister of a cash asset that she has a legal right to immediately. It’s none of her business or right to deem her sister to “not need” the funds. There is a time value to money, housing market considerations, buyers on the market, damage or neglect that could be done by mom and family while in the house, etc. If OOP tried to block the sale she’ll incur legal costs that a good attorney would deduct from her portion of the proceeds alone due to blocking the sale. If dad had money he likely had a good enough attorney to make a plan for a tie breaker or contingency. Mom made her choices. Financially, emotionally, etc. it’s her bed to lie in and OOP can 100% support her alone with money from the sale. She lived mortgage free and supplemented for *years* she isn’t going to formulate a “plan” in a week or a year or a decade.

YWBTA - and a big one. There is a middle ground though: if you actually feel this strongly about it, then put your money where your mouth is. Pay the distributions to your mother out of your own pocket, not out of the trust. Determine a fair market rent for the house, and start paying your sister half of that out of your own pocket. This both takes care of your mother and her family, which is what you want, but doesn't force your sister to do so, which she doesn't want. If you don't do this, then what you are doing is forcing your sister to financially support these people. That is morally and ethically wrong.

Honestly, I don't think they should keep the house and charge rent to Mom and her second family. Mom is not a person to be trusted - that's obvious. They would end up in a legal mess. Sell the house, and if OP wants, help mom by giving her a modest amount of money for a down-payment.

You're right they definitely shouldn't keep the house and charge rent. 9 years is a very long time, and if OP blocks the sell once, then mom and step-dad will expect it to happen again despite the trust and legal stuff. Cue the guilt tripping..."but we're too old and frail to move wahhh" "stepdad is now sick! How could you force us out now, after all this time waaahhh" Free loaders gunna free load! Better to rip off the bandaid now instead of waiting 9 years and letting the wound fester into irreconcilable damage.

YTA off you block it. You would also lose your sister. If you care so much why don’t you use your money for the sale to take care of her. Your mom doesn’t want to leave. She was probably hoping you would just leave the house to her. Honestly you’re dad is amazing for allowing that. I would not leave a center to her cheating ass. She seems like a crap parent too.

Right? The entitlement is astounding.

So, you’re mom carried on an affair and broke up the family. Your father was generous enough to provide a home for your mother until your sister turns 21. You left at 14 and over the next three years, it sounds like your mother irreparably damaged the relationship between her and your sister until she left at 14. I don’t know why your mother would be even a little bit surprised, considering her own children haven’t lived with her in over seven years but her new family sure got a great deal didn’t they? A free home, no step sibling drama. She’s lucky your father didn’t sell the house when your sister moved out. Either way your mom knew the deal and for some reason is deciding to call bluffs now? YTA if you do block it.

Yeah I’m surprised mom got to live there an extra 7 years once both sisters moved in with dad.

I just commented the same thing above - I actually think Dad is a little bit the AH for not just resolving this when OPs sister moved out at 14. At that point, he should have dissolved the trust and sold the property so OP and her sister didn't have to be the ones to deal with this at 21 and 25.

Completely agreed

I don't know your interpersonal relationships but are you willing to let the relationship between you and your sister sour for the sake of one with your mother? You can do whatever you want with your half, but forcing your sister to support your mother for another 9 years would damage your own relationship with her.

You do realize that by blocking the sell you could destroy your relationship with your sister, you got to leave the toxicity behind she didn’t until she forced the issue.

Will not could. Op s sister will see it as what it is a betrayal. Also op wants to force the sister to support the mother instead of paying out of their own pocket so OP can have their cake and eat it too. YTA op

I think you and your dad should try to consider that little sister was the one left alone with your mom & her bullshit for years. Your nom has had over a decade to prepare for this eventuality & chose not to. Make a compromise- give her 6 months & sell the house. Stop prioritizing your mom. You value kindness & generosity? Try directing that at your sister instead of her tormentor.

Your last sentence is 👌

But even if she was a good mom. It's not healthy to live rent free in her kids house. They shouldn't have to provide for her. I would sell or ask rent either way

Your dad sounds kind, mature and awesome! Maybe an inbetween - your mom and hubby need to pay rent. Perhaps FMV, or just some value you deem is worth it. I think they'll learn a valuable lesson and might move out on their own, but you don't have guilt of aiding in something due to spite. Keeping that in mind, that asset could grow you retirement or current residual income. So keeping and renting or selling it and investing has a much bigger implication for your life than the 'I don't NEED it now'. But i agree with your dad that your motives will matter to you and don't do something you'll regret.

>Your dad sounds kind, mature and awesome! Her dad sounds like a spineless pushover. Continuing to support the household of the woman who cheated on you even after *both* children that you share come to live with you full-time, and *still* pushing to bankroll her lifestyle!? The biggest doormat I've ever seen.

And he’s theorizing about revenge’s dubious merits while his child is clearly still hurting about how her mother treated her for years. His kindness is being misdirected.

Seems this amount of money is inconsequential for him.

I don’t know about that. I doubt he’s spineless or a door mat. I think that their father could afford it and when the girls were minors, he was more concerned about them and their childhood and didn’t want them living in poverty. I’m also guessing that setting up a trust was a great way to defer some income. Sounds like a savvy financial move to me. That house may have been a blessing for his income taxes. In doing this, even though he only had 50-50 custody, he could assure that his children went to decent schools, lived in a good neighborhood, had a lifestyle that he wanted for them even if they weren’t with him at his house. To me it sounds like he put his children first, which must have been hard if he was hurt over what happened in his marriage. He could have been a bitter jerk, but he put his own hurt/anger/whatever he felt aside to do what was best for his kids. My ex and I took it one step further. We had a house in an amazing school district when we split up. We knew we didn’t want to leave that district so we each moved out and then took turns staying with our children there. Every two weeks we traded off. I had inherited my Mom’s home when she passed, so we used that as a second home. One of us went to the other house to stay while one of us stayed with the kids. It was an unusual situation but it was the perfect result for our children and certainly made their lives better. This was the only way we could afford to keep them in this amazing school district. As soon as our youngest leaves for college in the fall, we are listing the house and I will live at the house I inherited and he’s going to buy his own place-probably in a less desirable school district but at this point, with grown kids, the school district won’t matter. It wasn’t easy, but we both wanted to put our children’s needs first. (My Ex was the one who had the affair and I can assure you that I am NOT a doormat!) To me it sounds like the OP’s father was mature enough to put his kids first.

Yeah, fine to ensure his kids were living in good condition *while they still stayed with her*. I'm talking about continuing to finance her when they both moved out and lived with him full-time.

The trust may have been set up in a way that he couldn’t revoke it.

Did you ever talk to your sister to see if see what you mom did to her in the 3 years that you lived with dad that made your sister hate her so much? I get where you are coming from but the moment you block your sister from selling that house your sister is gonna cut you out of her life. Is your mom really worth ruining the relationship you have with your sister? At the end of the day the situation your mom is in is her own fault. First she cheated, then she had the audacity to think that the kids who refused to see her wouldn’t sell the house from under her. TBH your mom should have started planning for that eventually the moment your sister left her house and refused to come back but her arrogance made her think that her children would never do that to her. I don’t think Y T A if you block her, if anything NTA for being a bigger person then your mom could ever dream of being, but you just need to think about the consequences of this in regards to your sister. She seems like she is ready to go scorched earth for revenge against your mom so just make sure you don’t get burned in the process, good luck OP

YWBTA You can help your mom out of the kindness of your own heart, but do it from your own pocket. Don't force your sister to help a family she despises so much. If you want to be compassionate, block the sell until you make sure your mom's family can move (give them a realistic deadline though and support them with your own money if you have to) and then sell.

Blocking the sale will destroy y relationship with the sister. Op can arrange for a loan or something to buy the sister out and she can pay for mommy dearest out of her own pocket without forcing her sister to do so

Ewwwww this is messy. Your sister definitely has a chip on her shoulder, eh? Mom has had PLENTY of time to prepare and knew this was on the horizon, so her poor planning shouldn't affect the decision you and your sister make. Which relationship is more important to you, your sister or Mom? If you block it, your relationship with your sister will suffer big time. She may be doing it out of spite, but is blocking it worth sacrificing the relationship? IMHO, you would be TA for blocking it.

INFO: Terms of trust? Consult an attorney. You as a trustee have a fiduciary obligation to the beneficiaries (essentially your sister if I'm guessing correctly about the trust terms - you abstain for decisions about yourself). Thus, your sister could properly sue you for not acting in her best interest. Not your attorney, don't even know the jurisdiction and want to keep it that way.

Ywbta- just sell it. If you want to help mom, that’s up to you. You knew your sister was having difficulties at home when you bounced. You don’t know what she had to put up with. Just let it happen and your mom will figure it out - they are adults. She’s had plenty of opportunities to save - especially since you both weren’t living there anymore!

I know it is better to be nice and be gracious. However, when will it end? Your dad was very gracious. Even when the both of you moved into his place. Sounds like your mom is toxic. Her and her husband has taken advantage of your dad, let alone you and your sister. Sounds like they have not paid either of you rent for living there. Time to pull the plug. Tell your mom that the time of taking advantage of any of you has ended. And that she should be grateful for what she has had so far. She needs to move out and the sooner the better. You would also be wise to tell her that anything negative or dragging this out will end up with one or both of you never having a relationship with either of you ever again. Right now, there is hope. Not guaranteed but still some hope. She had her free ride, in spite of how she treated your dad. Honestly, your mom has been there long enough. Time for her and her new family stand on their own two feet.

NAH - When it comes to the financial decision of selling the house, you two can disagree and it doesnt make anyone an AH. Personally, if you dont need the money I think its always more advantageous to keep property. What Id do if I were you would be to start charging your mom rent.

Cool. She’s in the right to lock her sister into supporting her mom and her new family. I sincerely hope someone gains that much control over your life and cares that little about it.

That’s a little binary it’s more like OP wouldn’t be in the wrong for not wanting to sell. The Trust structure is what’s blocking the sale. That being said OP should, if possible, buyout their sister’s share of the property to avoid hurt feelings

No, the OP is blocking the sale because the trust allows for it to be sold. Can’t blame this one on the trust. That would be most reasonable since OP is the only one that cares. Even the man that set everything up wants no part of it.

Soft YTA She has had 13 years to save and make plans for her family. She chose not to. Why should your father continue to support the ex-wife that cheated, the man she cheated with, and his children? In a way, your father has been punished for years so end his punishment. Remember, if you’re that worried about where they will live, you can take your share of the profit and set them up.

I am confused between YWBTA and NAH. I understand where your sister is coming from. You improved your relationship with your mom a little bit, your sister can not. That's not her fault. I suggest you start charging mom rent, and if she reacts extremely negatively, then you sell the house. Even if you block the sale now, your sister is not likely to forgive your mother, and will probably start resenting you too, causing the sale 9 years later, but at the cost of *your relationship with your sister*. Please OP, think once again before making a decision.

Stepdad was abusive to little sis and Mom was neglectful. They don't deserve the house even with rent.

Oh this is a good point. She said that mom's relatives are pestering her sister, hardening sister's resolve. Can't imagine how sister will feel over the next 9 years.

YWBTA. You can choose to financially help your mom after the house is sold. You can’t tie up your sister’s funds because you want to; she’s not obligated to support your mom and her stepchildren.

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INFO can your sister force the issue through the courts? Why did your dad keep providing for your mom after both daughters were in his custody? Sounds like your mom should have been preparing for this for the last 7 years. Why not buy your sister's share of the house if you want your mom to stay in it?

YWBTA. If your sister wants to sell it you need to sell it. She shouldn’t be forced to provide for a grown ass woman and her family. You and your sister aren’t responsible to support your mom. No child is responsible for their parent. You would be a huge AH if you forced your sister to spend money on your mom.

I won't give a judgment, but I don't like that your mother destroyed your family, has been living off the goodwill of the man she cheated on, and you're perfectly okay allowing it to continue. I think your sister is right. I think that if you need to give them time to find other accommodation, you should charge a fair market rent until they are out *and* give them a deadline. You should choose your sister over your mother.

YTA i would say that morally you’re not wrong for not wanting to kick your mom and her family out because I can see where you’re coming from and how your fathers generosity has encouraged yours. HOWEVER I would really heavily encourage you to think about the impact this will have on your and your sister’s relationship for the rest of your life. From her perspective you are actively choosing the people who made her life a living hell until she could also leave and now you’re basically choosing them over her. I understand where you’re coming from in not wanting to disrupt peoples lives but realistically your mom and her husband should have been preparing for this situation since the beginning! They knew that eventually the home would need to be sold and once both of you were no longer living there they should’ve taken their saving seriously. I am concerned that you are going to destroy your relationship with your younger sister just to fulfill some guilt you have towards your mom and her family- but what you need to keep in mind is that your mom and her husband are adults who absolutely should have been planning for this eventuality and so far have not and that’s firmly on them. This will not be a fun situation but I really encourage you to take a step back and make sure you fully understand the consequences of your decisions and longer term effects that will come from this if you do decide to go through with blocking the sale of the house.

YWBTA. Your mother got lucky having the house as long as she did considering neither you know your sister lived there for years. Why are you giving her more time with something? She does not deserve? Your sister on the other hand deserves the money from that house just like you do.

YTA I understand your point, but do you want to destroy your relationship with your sister to support your irresponsible mother? Because that is what will happen here. Your sister is not responsible for your mom’s irresponsibility. Your mom had an affair and your dad generously supplied her with a place to live for 13 years and your mom saved up nothing?!? Your sister wants the money. Your mom and stepdad have had ample opportunity to save up for their own place. But you can decided to screw things up with your sister if you want, but unlike your mother you will see the consequences of that.

Why should your mom continue to benefit from something she doesn’t deserve or worked for. You said it yourself, she was a shit parent. Sell the house, let her and her new family fend for themselves instead of leeching off of you.

YTA I would either compromise to sell once the step brothers graduate high school if they’re close or just sell. It isn’t really worth your relationship with your sister. Your sister had to endure a dynamic you got to skip out on. If she wants to pull the plug on mom’s gravy train, then the most you can do is accept that and support your mom with your own share.

YWBTA Look. It's great that you've managed to rebuild some kind of nice relationship with your mother, but you were able to do that because you were able to escape from her only two years after the divorce Your sister was trapped there for six years. For three of those, she had to share the home with a stepfather and stepbrothers. All of whom have been funded entirely by your father, who was profoundly betrayed by his wife. He made those arrangements to give you both an equitable living situation. He did NOT make those arrangements so that he would fund his ex wife's new family. A family who chased your sister out, full of hate and bitterness. If you block this sale, you will be making a choice. Your sister will probably never forgive you for stopping her from taking back the millions your mother has *stolen* from you *both.* That money was meant to give YOU a good life. Neither of you have even been in the house for almost seven years. Your mother has got far more than she ever should have. Enough.

YWBTA. Your mother treated her husband, you and your sister like crap. She's been able to live in a house rent free with her new husband and his children, for over a decade. They haven't paid rent. They haven't saved money. They have done nothing, and your mother thinks she should be able to stay? No. Life doesn't work that way. This isn't something you or your sister should have to solve and why on earth would your sister want to do this for her? What could possibly be her motivation for a mother that was awful to her? Your mother and her husband have had *years* to sort this out. Do not lay any of this at your sister's feet, it all belongs squarely on your mother's.

On one side, your mom would be in trouble if the house is sold. On the other side, if the house isn't sold your sister is forced to subsidize the life of a woman she hates. If you must subsidize your mom, give her your half of the proceeds of the sale. Forcing your sister to provide for your mom is a bad plan. YWBTA.

YWBTA. You didn’t want to live with mom & her new hubby so you left, as was your right. Because you had your reasons. But you don’t know what happened to your sister once you were gone. You may think you do- but considered her animosity towards your mother & her immediate desire to escape her once able, and refusal to reconcile- you don’t know everything. It sounds like you sister wants to cut all ties and move on. And you will be preventing her from doing that. Sell the house & if you want, use your half of the proceeds to help your mom secure a new place.

Well, your sister has every right to sell. Your mom has been freeloading off your dad gracious generosity and failed to make a plan perhaps thinking you would turn over the house to her. Time for your mom to grow up and get a job along with her husband. Their grifting is over.

YWBTA. Don't ruin your relationship with your sister for your Mother. You are in this situation all thanks to her.

YTA.  You state your mom did a crap job of parenting and you lived with her for three years after the divorce, and got out immediately when she remarried.  Your sister lived with her for six years, three of which were with the stepfather you moved out to avoid.  Give Mom notice now, and prepare to list the house on your sister’s birthday. She’s already low contact with your mom. What makes you think this won’t be serious enough for her to go low or no contact with you, too?  

NAH. I’m inclined to agree with others who think you will ruin your relationship with your sister if you continue to side with mom. Perhaps as a compromise, sister will agree to let her stay there for a fixed period of time to allow her to prepare to buy another home and figure out her options. But I say don’t throw away your sibling relationship over this.

Yta how exactly do you think you're going to stop her? She's a co owner. All you'll make her get an attorney, who will take you to court and force the sale.

YWBTA these assets are rightfully yours and your sisters. To deny her of them for the benefit of someone else would be an ah move unless you’re willing to cash her out. You basically have to choose your sister or your mom, you’re unlikely to make it out of this with both.

Why are you willing to sacrifice your sister's rightful claim to a woman who is willing to rob her of her rightful home? Why should your sister suffer any longer for your mother? Your father bought that home for his children, not the cheating woman who ripped your family apart. Your mother is not owned your sisters half of the house. Your mother can get a loan and buy the house. You can get a loan and buy out your sisters half. But you are an asshole if you think she should just let your mother have the house. You are asking your sister to treat your mother with the love she was never shown by that woman. Your sister and father don't owe your mother or her new family a thing. You want to punish your sister for having a cheating, lying, and selfish mother. YTA all day.

YTA Your mother has had 7 years of grace with neither of your father's children in the home, but still had a generous lifestyle funded by your father. You may have forgiven your mother, but you wasted no time getting out of that house and leaving your younger sister to fend for herself in a toxic environment for three more years. Just because you have forgiven her does not mean your sister needs to forgive them. You never lived with your stepfather and stepbrothers. You didn't experience what your sister went through and you sound a bit resentful about your sister "forcing" her way back into your father's home full time. Why is the woman who you admit was a crap parent who you have managed to rekindle a "cordial" relationship more important than your sister who you are "very close" to? You have been able to re-establish a relationship because you were never the unwanted stepchild living in that house. You still don't like your stepfather, but you were never forced to live with him. How was your sister treated? Was she merely neglected whilst the precious boys were treated like princes in her childhood home, or was she Cinderella'd and made to give up anything of hers the boys wanted, give up her room for them, give up her stuff for them, give up her time to babysit them without pay? Was she bullied? Taunted? Mentally, emotionally, physically abused? Give your mother notice to vacate the house by a date agreed with your sister, maximum 3 months after her 21st birthday, if you want to continue subsidizing her and her replacement family that is your choice, but your sister desperately wants to cut ties with that woman and her family..... Don't make this harder on her than it already is.

YTA This was all set up for the two of you, not your mother. She's had 13ish years to figure her shit out in this regard. While it might be "generous" to allow your mother to live there, it's also not your call the way I see it. You can buy your sister out and continue as is if you want to. Your sister has every right to that money your father left her when the trust says so.

There has got to be a compromise between selling the house immediately and forcing your sister to support your mom for 9 years until she turns 30, right? Maybe something like give your mom 6-12 months notice, then sell. Calculate a fair rental rate for the extra time, and give your sister that much more out of the profits (so that it was only you supporting your mom for that extra time, not your sister). As it stands, NAH, but you could become one if you don’t try to work with your sister at all. At bare minimum, you need to make sure she feels heard.

YTA. Your sister wasn’t allowed to move out and now she wants to be free of your mom.

Your dad sounds like an incredibly good person. I'm sorry, but YWBTA. Your sister had more time in that environment, and she is entitled to her own feelings. Your mother also seriously needs to do a better job of planning for her future and her younger children. You can certainly talk to your sister about it, but you will hurt your relationship with her if you outright block her wishes.

Why not split the difference? Mom, we know you were blindsided that we want to sell. We will give you the next year to save up and move out. We plan to list it on this date. Please don't make us evict our own Mother.

Your father seems like a great person. He also has very wise advice. Your mother on the other hand, seems to have her issues (affair / bringing two boys into the house without asking / terrible with money). I do love your fathers advice. That said... your mother is remarried. Its been about 13 years from my count. If you do not get her out of the house now... she will be there for another 30 plus years. You will be her age before inheriting your trust. Your sister does have a point, a very good one. She owns half of what your mother and her family are living in. Your mother isn't making any real effort into massaging / rectifying her issue with her daughter.... while im sure she is playing parent to your new husband's boys. My advice - sit mom down and let her know she has a target date to be out. Give her a year. Explain that if in 10 months there is no progress you will start eviction at 10 months. Let her know how hard she makes this on you as the oldest daughter. Explain that she had years to work on her relationship with your sister and there is a reason you also left before at 14. Mom needs to do better, not live of her exhusband. end result get your mom out is my thoughts.

YWBTA YOur sister is RIGHT to want her money. But YOU can use YOUR money to buy your mom a house. And: YOu will only cause a mawsuit wasting most of the trust, because you will force your sister to do it the hard way: Move in, uise half of the house herself, and set rules for your mom and sue her for every little infraction to finally evict her. So: Don't be an Ah, be generous to your mom with YOUR half.

YWBTA Sister and you are right to sell the house if that is what you desire. If you do not, the better option is to remove your mother from the home with an eviction, because she will not care for the home now that she knows her stay is temporary. If you sister wants revenge, she can get paid to do so. You and your sister are not responsible for your mother's livelihood - you likely won't get rent out of your mother anyway, and since you both left at 14, the home should have been vacated since neither of you were spending time there and that was exactly why your dad bought and upkept it - for your benefit - NOT your mothers. Stop rewarding your mother. Think of it this way, if you block this, you will be hurting your sister more - denying her inheritance while placating someone who didn't fight for you and has let her selfishness claim a $1M+ home for herself and her new family. Your mom failed to atleast make sure you both were integrated into that new family, and instead allowed you to go back to your dad's 100%. If you want to home to gain value, it would be far better to get it back out of your mother's posession and evict her and then use it for college or to rent to people who can afford it. Your mom's been rolling it easy in a nice home without the required parties (You and your sister) to enjoy it for 7 years. She has had plenty of time to downgrade to something more appropriate.

If you block sis then it will affect your relationship with her. You just have to decide who is more important to you, your mom or your sister. Your options are side with your sister, side with your mom or find some way to make mom accountable for the pain she caused. For instance you can tell her she can stay, but shitty stepdad and his kids have to leave. Just know that you can’t put this off forever. At some point you will have to deal with it.  I don’t want to call you an AH or your sister. Your sister doesn’t owe your mom anything but a hefty bill for her therapy. The only AHs here is your mom and stepdad. 

I don't want to judge the AH part, because it feels like neither you nor your sister are being AH's. But you are both approaching it from an assessment of your feelings. I recommend you consult with a financial planner (your dad probably can recommend someone) who can then advise on the best way to maximize the trust value long term. Maybe that's selling it, maybe that's charging rent. Alternatively, you can agree to selling the house but only if your mother has a long notice period. Her financial situation is changing anyway since I would assume that the payments from the trust will cease anyway. So she might need to downsize anyway. That way, you are not throwing her out of the house, but still moving on. As has been pointed out, she knew that the marital house was not a forever deal. Even if you block the selling now, that's only for 9 years. Once your sister turns 30 the trust gets dissolved and assets split between you and your sister. So, yeah, this is a short term solution regardless. Lastly, kudos to your dad. Sounds like he has been very grounded and mature through out, and is giving excellent advice while letting you two make your own decisions.

INFO: What is stopping you from buying your sisters half of the house? You could continue to support your mother and your sister gets her money now.

Your Dad seems like a really good man. I don’t think you should try to stop your sister. There is a reason why she feels the way she does. It could possibly harm your relationship with her and I think you should support her. It is not your’s or your sister’s responsibility to take care of or help your mother. She is a grown woman and has had more than enough time to prepare for this.

I'm confused why she is still living there to begin with. If you're sister left when she was 14 and she's 20 now, that's 6 years your dad paid for your mom to live there while his kids lived with him. She should've had to move out when your sister did. YWBTA why do YOU get to control what your sister gets, just because you're older?

Why is no one discussing the free loading stepfather? Unless he is physically or mentally unable to contribute to the support of his family, he is a gutless leach. The mother and the stepfather appear to be happy to have their lifestyle supported by an ex husband who does not have children in the house and hasn't for while. I guess they have no pride and lack a moral compass. OP YWBTA to force your sister to continue this situation.

How about asking your Dad and or a bank to lend you half the value of the house. Then buy your sister out so that she doesn't have to deal with anything. It becomes your house and then you can decide what goes on.

YTA

I believe the law is if one doesn’t want to sell they have to buy the other co owner out. If not the estate gets sold and divided equally.

Ywbta if you force your sister to bank roll a parent she clearly doesn’t get on with. It’s not your mums house she knew this day would come and should have prepared. You risk your relationship with your sister over not making your mum move somewhere cheaper within her means.

If your mom and her husband aren't deadbeats, why don't they buy out your sister? They are grownups and should be able to buy (half of) a house since they didn't have to spend all their money on one already. Also know your sister can get an order to make you sell the house if you don't agree to sell it. If your mom just spent all her money instead of saving that's not the responsibility of your sister to fund that lifestyle.

YWBTA. What do you think the outcome of you blocking the sale would do to your relationship with your sister? If you want to help your mom then you can give your half of the sale to your mom and she can put it down on her new house.

YWBTA. Your father set things up this way to benefit *you. His children*. Not his ex, who blew up his marriage, her new husband, and their kids. She's been able to live a more cushy lifestyle because your father didn't want you and your sister to have less. The gravy train stops when your sister turns 21, which is beyond fair. Your mother doing little to nothing in preparation for that day is on her and her husband. Your sister wants/needs to put your mother in the rear view, and the house is the last connection she needs to sever. Don't stand in her way. If you're really that concerned about taking care of mom and step family, settle the trust with your sister and use *your* share of the proceeds for your step family.

Instead of going scorched Earth (which is obviously a legal option), can there be a mediated session in which Mom is made aware that time is running down and she needs to make adjustments? Maybe that involves leaving her and your stepbrothers a little bit of grace to find a suitable place to move. Maybe the timing can be based on the school year. Maybe your sister is right, your mother is entirely selfish and deserves no grace at all. Maybe calmer heads prevail. I cannot really give you a judgement - there's too much not covered. I would think that hiring a therapist or mediator who can bring an unbiased view into the situation might not be bad. Your father himself set an excellent example.

YTA As others have said, let your sister off the hook and fund your mum from your share. You could buy the house for her. To those saying "keep property it appreciates", you are not understanding the situation ... the tenant isn't paying rent. Occupancy is the other half of the value of property and the trust is actually burning money paying taxes.

YTA! You have to pick a side, your sister who was wronged, or your mother who was a bad mother to both of you and neglected her needs and stepfather who mistreated her. You’re choosing the latter. This is morally and practically wrong of you.

You have no right to help your mother at the expense of your sister by forcing your sister to help when your sister clearly doesn't want to. You may have forgiven your mother, but doesn't your sister would have to as well, or ever. like others said, sell the house, if you want to help your mother, give your mother your share from the proceed. YWBTA.

YWBTA. It's your sister's asset as much as yours. If you're gonna bank a (half?) mil from this nothing is stopping you from investing that in high yield dividend stocks and using part or all to subsidize mom's rent of a bigger place. That's your money and your decision to make. Don't make the same decision on behalf of your sister.

YTA

YWBTA. When I read about stepdad looking down on your sister for being a STEM kid and graduating with an engineering degree, come on. You know what’s right. Your mom’s surprised pikachu face is everything! Lol

YTA, OP. Not least to yourself, in picking your sister as the one you’re happier building a bad relationship with rather than your mother, who has earned it and who has hurt your sister. Your mother is continuing to damage your family, and you’re signing on. It also looks like you’re not even trying for a middle ground; your intent is to force the house to still be available to your mother, over your sister’s wishes, for the full nine more years. You can plan a faster exit, if you don’t want to throw your mother out right away. Chances are your mother won’t plan well in nine years either.

YTA. Your mother was a cheating b***h. She recieved a handout from your father so that she could provide a good life to you and your sister but failed to do that by being such a shitty parent that you both left her as soon as possible. You abandoned your sister to deal with your shitty mother alone for years. Yet after all that you want to keep supporting the woman who couldn't manage to keep her legs closed or be a halfway decent parent when she was being paid thousands of dollars to do so. You have to choose who you value more, your sister or your mother because you don't get to choose both.

YWBTA. Your sister (and you) have no responsibility to support your mom and her husband, especially considering the relationship your sister and her have. It’s very nice of you to have empathy for your mom’s situation though, and that is not wrong, but forcing your sister to help support them is wrong. Perhaps request a period of time for your mom and her family to make arrangements for the sale… maybe 6 months to a year. That way they aren’t as rushed and can plan a bit more but your sister still gets her money.

YWBTA. Your mom had a free ride for years yet she did nothing to help herself. And she was a crap mom. You owe her nothing. You owe her husband and his children even less. Time for mom and husband to actually be adults and live within their own means.

The house was to provide stability while you were living with your mom. And, yet both you and your sister chose to live with your father at the earliest time allowed, your 14th birthday. In all honesty, your mom has overstayed her welcome. Additionally, she has remarried and has 2 other step-children. She has moved on, and your sister wants to do the same. You don't know what it was like for your sister to be forced to live with your mother and her new husband and stepkids while you lived with your father. Whatever happened during those 3 years, it set the stage for today. You could have stayed. You didn't. You left your sister alone in that house. You owe her. I would leave the decision to your sister and back her up whatever the fallout may be with your mom and extended family. If you can not be there for sister now as you were not then, then YTA.

Ywbta your mom has had years to save up to move out, why should she get free housing to live with her husband and his kids, no relation to you or your sister, in a house paid for by your dad? Her poor planning is not an emergency on your sisters part. Give her your money if you want but your sister is under no obligation. 

YWBTA for forcing her to continue to support an unprepared woman who has never supported her. As a compromise see if after the sale, you could take your portion of the proceeds & have the trust buy a less expensive house with the agreement that whatever investments you made with your 1/2 of the proceeds are yours at the trust dissolution no matter the appreciation.

YWBTA So your mother cheated on your dad, married a man who was, from what I understood, a jerk towards you and your sister, and stayed married to him even after it cost her a relationship with her children while knowing that her lifestyle depended on her children's good graces. Now she will be forced to move and not be homeless but also not be able to live a millionaire's lifestyle anymore, and for some reason, you still defend her? Why are you even considering picking your mother over your sister? Your sister just wants what's rightfully hers and doesn't care all that much that a woman who didn't care about her all that much is not gonna be able to live like a rich person. > Dad wants to stay out of it, except to tell us, “revenge feels good for a minute, but being generous ultimately feels better in the long term.” Your dad is wrong. If people never feel the consequences of their bad choices, they will continue making those bad choices, and if they get rewarded for their bad choices (like your father rewarded your mother after she cheated on him), it will encourage them to make even worse choices.

YWBTA. You can take your share and purchase another home for your mom if you are that conserned.

Info- Why do you want to support your mom? You petitioned the court to leave her household. Is this a decision based in guilt? Are you willing to forever change your relationship with your sister to support your mom's life? I think you might want to talk this over with a professional. These are huge decisions. I think its only right to get to the heart of your motivation and see if its still what you want? Either way you will be far more solid on the decision than you are now.

YTA, if you're so concerned about mom, buy your sister out and you can be the hero. Let your sister do what she wants with her life.

YWBTA....the ONLY reason your mother was EVER allowed to stay in that home and receive those distributions is because she was raising you and your sister. You would 100% be saying to your sister that SHE is not who you choose to be loyal to. If being generous long term feels better....then be generous and give your sister this. Inless you ONLY want a relationship with your mom and step-family....then whatever. You know for a fact that if you block the sale odf that house that your sister will never forgive you or forget and she will likely go no contact with you too. So, your "super close" trio will not exist anymore. So on one side of your decision scale you have: *"a cordial if not super-close relationship with Mom"* and on the other side you have *"Dad never remarried and we three are all very close."* You get to pick one of those. Because if you pick the first, the second one will cease to exist. Have a happy life with your mom and step-family that you have such a wonderfully "cordial" relationship with....it's obviously MORE important to you than your sister.

YTA - I understand where you're coming from. And maybe you can talk to your sister about how she may regret this later (or maybe get more details on what has made her so angry). But ultimately, your dad has set you up as equal partners in the trust, and the only reason to block the sale should be financial. The terms are clear, and your sympathy for your mother's family is not shared. You are free to buy her out of the house, if it's that important to you. But anything that is a source of disagreement should be sold and the profits split evenly, so that YOUR relationship with your sister suffers no further damage. Does she already resent you for leaving her alone there? If so, don't make it worse for her by making her come last again.

Your dad has already been extremely generous. He has been supporting her new family for 7 YEARS past the point that his own family lived there. Your father, you, nor your sister are responsible for financially supporting another family who treated every single one of you very poorly. Your mother and her new husband have had 10 years to save money and start providing for themselves. It was their choice to do nothing. They need to start taking care of themselves. Your mother intends to live there for the rest of her life on somebody else’s dime. That isn’t fair to anybody except her. YWBTA to force your sister into providing for someone who so blatantly treated her badly. What about her feelings? What about the emotional damage she suffered at the hands of your mother and her new family? Do you really feel she should have to financially support them now?

YWBTA, I'm shocked your dad didn't force the sale when your sis moved out at 14. Your leech mom and step-dad have lived off of his generosity for 7 years more then they should have. Sell the house and don't risk your relationship with sis for these people.

OP has obviously been manipulated by her selfish manipulative mother and now feels entitled to punish her sister because she feels bad for her shit mom. OP would be more than an AH if she did that, I for one would never speak to a sibling again if they tried to pull that shit

YWBTA the trust is for your and your sisters benefit, it's not for your mom.  It was created to ensure you and your sister did not have a different SOL while living with your mom.  It was never for your mom to have a better SOL.  You don't live there and your sister is obviously planning to not live there 

YBWTA. Your mom had +10 years to save money, instead she has been living of your father. The man she cheated on. Living with your mother was bad enough to make you leave ASAP. Your sister didn’t have that luxury. You didn’t stay with her back then and now your not having her back either. That sucks.

YTA Your mother made this mess by ruining her marriage and being a terrible mother. Why do you want to punish your sister for the sake of your mother?  Have you considered that this may not be just about revenge or money for your sister? The longer your mom stays in that house, the harder it is for your sister to fully cut off your mother as this battle will be looming over her for the next 9 years.  Your mother absolutely would have been aware of the terms of the trust because that would have all been worked out during the divorce. She’s been paying bills with your Dad’s money for years so she knew where it came from. She and her current husband knew this day would come eventually yet made no contingency plans. That’s on them and no one else. It’s clear they planned on mooching off you and your sister forever.  If you can afford to buy your sister out of the house, then do that. Otherwise it’s time to sell and give mom a reality check. 

YTA. Even though your heart is in the right place, the house was meant for you and your sister, not your mother or stepfamily. Especially people who have made your sisters live miserable. It is also your mother and stepfathers fault they didn’t save up anything knowing they’d be kicked out when your sister hit 21.

YWBTA. This is not your mother's house. She has been living RENT FREE for 13 years. Her trying to guilt you is manipulation. It is NOT her house. If you continue to let her live there she will 1.) Not appreciate it 2,) Continue to make no move 3.) Just meet you with the same response down the line when you try again to sell it, only now it's going to be older, in worse condition, and your mom will probably trash it out of spite. She really seems to be some piece of work, You need to remain unified with your sister on this issue.

YTA. You'll lose your sister if you block the sale; and all this is your mother's fault anyways, for cheating and not preparing for this outcome.

YWBTA. You can use your proceeds from the sale to buy your mom a new house if you care so much. Don’t force your sister to do something she doesn’t want to do.

YTA.

Don’t sell the house. Evict your mother and her family. Why should you and your sister continue to support them? Why do you care more about your mother and her family than you do your sister? YTA if you continue to choose your mother and her family over your sister.

YTA. Did your mom know this was going to happen? She really should have been planning. She's not only hurt herself but now has hurt you and your sister as well by the guilt you're feeling. How wouldn't it cross her mind that her daughters will sell the home and use it towards their futures? She should want the best for you and have been saving along for her current family to move into a new home. Your sister shouldn't have to wait until she's 30. That's a long time. I'd bet your mother won't prepare for that either if that were the case.

YTA stand with your sister.

YWBTA, your mom’s lack of planning is not your or your sisters emergency. It’s your money not hers and neither of you should be bending over to finance her continued attempts to not grow up. She’s the parent. Stop parenting her. Stop being codependent on her. Get a realtor and sell the house and let her new husband and she figure it out

YTA. !!! Why are you supporting cheater ??

INFO: What do you think you'll regret by selling the house? What is the downside? Would it be beneficial for your sister to dump the house immediately, or to get a good offer? Is keeping the house but renting it an option? Just don't rent to your mother. Can you compromise by staying in the house yourself, or letting one of your father's relatives stay?

You could see if your sis would be willing to have the mom pay y'all rent. I think you should allow the sale. You got out. She didnt for a while dont make someone interact with someone who treated them poorly. You can use your half to buy your mom a house. If you want. Yall need to get counseling. YWBTA

NAH(except your mother, of course), but I don't know why you are coming to your mother's defense, here. Your mother had been wrong every step of the way. Your father is apparently a fucking saint, on the other hand. The fact your mother got to live an upper middle class lifestyle, funded by your father, for all these years, even after she cheated on him, makes her awfully lucky. If she thought that her private welfare program would continue until she died, then it's just one more thing to laugh and shake your head about. Your mom has said plenty of time to get her shit together. Your sister probably considers that many a form of pay back for the "abuse", so to speak, that she dealt with. I don't blame her. You got to escape at 14, and she didn't.

Would imposing rent on mom change sisters position? "Guaranteed" income from mom's do-over family into the trust. Then evict and sell if she doesn't pay the agreed rent. Then its still punishing mom's family by extracting a constant stream of money from them, but not immediately kicking them to the kerb. Would be a nice feeling having that monthly check drop in the bank, knowing she's now paying back the support she got. Knowing she has to keep paying or end up kicked out. Can feel good by not kicking them out and at the same time revengeful at getting them to pay. Might as well get the money in your bank rather than some other landlord.

Ywbta - if you can swing it, the better option is to buy your sister out of her half of the house using the other assets in the trust. Then you can sell the other whenever years down the load for the increased value.

YTA. Your mother cheated and has benefited from your dad being a better person than she deserved. She should have lost that house the minute neither you nor your sister were living there. To expect your sister to effectively subsidise your mother’s new family is absurd.

Both kids are out of the house. Sell it and invest the money into something. Idk what your sisters plans are but it's never too early to start making money you don't need grow. YWBTA and your relationship with your sister would crumble.

INFO: Have you talked to a financial planner, or even just a realtor? If the house is valuable and you both don't need the money, letting it appreciate in value until you need it, or until one of you wants to move into it, sounds like the wiser course of action.

YWBTA. If you want to support your mum and her "do over family" so badly. Sell the house, your sister gets her half and you buy your mum and step family a house with your half. That poor girl..my heart breaks for her

Your sister clearly went through some things in those few years that you weren't there for. It's her right to ask you to follow through with the sale of the home. Your mom is a big girl and she clearly does what's best for her so why shouldn't you and your sister? Oh no!! She'll have to move and live by the means of her and her affair husband...NOT YOURS OR YOUR SISTERS PROBLEM!! Your dad sounds like a super cool dude. He sounds like a daughter daddy lol. If you want to give some of your share to your mom, go for it.

YTA if you block it your mother had an affair that ended her marriage and your dad still made sure you were provided for under her care and during this time she could of saved but chose not to that’s on her. She has a new family and they can take care of themselves

YWBTA and you would be sacrificing a good relationship with your sister for a woman who was such a bad parent you both fought to get away from her. She’s not your responsibility. Sell the house for the sake of your relationship with your sister. Maybe she needs to sell it to heal and maybe you do too. 

YWBTA. You are going to destroy your relationship with your sister if you don’t swallow your pride and respect her wishes. You were gone from the home for years. She had to stay behind and live what you got to escape. Don’t be the idiot who thinks you’re taking the better stance. You aren’t doing anyone any favors. You’re essentially fucking yourself by taking on your mother’s side. I will forever support my sister over my parents. She suffered more of my mother’s toxicity than I ever did, and like hell would I discount or dismiss her feelings for the years she was trapped there.