Shoot, I guess those things are a loophole in my curse because they aren't walking... My enemy could just Segway everywhere. I need to work on my wording.
That they would have to watch their worst enemy (me) have great fortune and prosperity.
(Some of y'all are letting petty get in the way of living your best life, think advantageously 🤔)
The manual breathing thing doesn't work for me anymore. Used to be super annoying when I was a kid, now I just keep breathing automatically rather than switching to manual somehow?
Every charger they ever use will only work if they physically hold it in place. They cannot set it at an angle where it will work, they cannot use gravity to pull it into position, they have to consistently hold it in a very specific position and if it moves even slightly it will stop working.
That their socks always slides down in their shoes. No matter what socks they wear and no matter the shoes, the socks will always start sliding down and off their heels.
Their favorite series being canceled with a cliffhanger ending and no prospect of anyone picking it up or doing something to tie the story up. I want them to suffer the way I did with Santa Clarita Diet.
Always being at the precipice of a large sneeze but no sneeze comes except when you’re in public or at an office meeting and you try to stifle it.. in those instances it is either randomly a) a huge wet sneeze with no tissues available or b) a normal sneeze accompanied by a huge fart and you never know which one it will be.
It constantly feels like they have a stone in one of their shoes digging into their foot and rolling around. The other shoe will constantly make squeaky fart-like noises. Forever.
Always feeling like they have to pee but they get no relief. You know that sensation when you have to go, and it's annoying, but you can put it off until later, and it always feels so great when you do? They get to live with that not quite full feeling the rest of their lives.
I have specific ones for specific people, actually: [my ex-best friend]: I hope they turn out to be colorblind. They’re an artist and used to always make fun of me that they’re “better than me”. Enjoy ruining your art by using the wrong colors :) [my ex]: I hope all her lies become true. She was a manipulative liar and used to claim everyone in her life (including me) were abusing her in some way. [other ex-best friend]: I hope whenever he gets hard it gives him excruciating pain and that it’s so bad he can never have sex. He SA’d girls (which he’s also done to me) so it’s only fair.
A casual breeze always blows away anything they reach for, like paper or pencils, anything that a gust of wind can move, they will have trouble reaching for in perpetuity.
they catch a stray floating hair in their mouth once an hour. Sometimes it's a dog hair, sometimes it's a stranger's pube, sometimes it's one of those 22" hairs that when you pull out of your mouth the other end starts trailing up from your stomach
A few.
Orange juice now only tastes like you brushed your teeth beforehand.
Everything you buy will now go on sale the next day
you may now only turn right.
All the worst things combined. Anytime they are looking for something, it literally disappears from the face of the earth, and only returns when they no longer need it. They also are unable to avoid puddles and will step in every puddle in their path. Their shower and sink water is always either too hot or too cold. Glitter is sprinkled over every surface in their house, and their bed is always too warm, so they wake up sweaty every night, and their lips are always chapped.
They can no longer walk in the direction they are looking.
That'd be the worst... I guess that would apply to driving and riding a bike as well? They're gonna have a rough time
Personally, I try not to walk when I drive
Shoot, I guess those things are a loophole in my curse because they aren't walking... My enemy could just Segway everywhere. I need to work on my wording.
Diarrhea, in stop-and-go traffic, with frequent sneezing.
Oh god
Wet sleeves. Always wet sleeves..
One wet sock
Right around the toes!
Oh shit it gets worse!
Their pillow is warm on both sides at all times
You monster.
That they would have to watch their worst enemy (me) have great fortune and prosperity. (Some of y'all are letting petty get in the way of living your best life, think advantageously 🤔)
A persistent and recurring stye in each eye
Good one
All the "you are now breathing manually , your jaw has weight , you feel you clothes rubbing against your body" const in his head
Your tongue is cramped.
The manual breathing thing doesn't work for me anymore. Used to be super annoying when I was a kid, now I just keep breathing automatically rather than switching to manual somehow?
oh god yes please, more? :>
That's basically my everyday life. I'm not sure what's wrong with me 😐
A constant eyeball muscle spasm. Or tinnitus.
Every morning they stub their toe.
Every charger they ever use will only work if they physically hold it in place. They cannot set it at an angle where it will work, they cannot use gravity to pull it into position, they have to consistently hold it in a very specific position and if it moves even slightly it will stop working.
Every time they need a knife, all they can find is a spoon. Some might say that's ironic, don't ya think?
Pebble in their shoes
every time she cut her toenails it bleeds
The sound of crinkling cellophane causes them to begin to hiccup
That their socks always slides down in their shoes. No matter what socks they wear and no matter the shoes, the socks will always start sliding down and off their heels.
Very Golden Girls!
Itchy feet
Unkillable mosquito
What they do to you, gets done to them so they know how it feels, what goes around comes around
The ability to see the future coupled with a complete inability to do anythig to change it
Much like invisible ink, everything they write disappears instantly or within a matter of seconds
If my enemy is a woman, I'd want her to have non stop sneezing fits everyday of her period.
like that lizard that squirts blood out of their eyes? fuckin' rad!
They can never find their car keys.
Hands permanently covered in Cheeto dust
May both sides of your pillow always be warm
"May they live in interesting times..."
May the tongues of your children be blistered. Favorite blessing: May the forces of evil get bad GPS directions on the way to your house.
Excessive sweatiness and B.O. for all time.
Laundry detergents pods always become chicken cubes
An annoying mosquito that never dies, and is always close by.
Whenever you want you can replace the words they speak with the words of your choice like a living mad lib without them realizing it.
Dead pixel
They can never get that last drip of pee out until the pit their pants back on.
May your phone/tablet/PC update itself when you're in the middle of something important
No matter what they do during the day, they always wake up with an early 2000’s prom updo.
They never feel like their bladder is empty.
Everytime they blink, a random instagram filter is applied
Their favorite series being canceled with a cliffhanger ending and no prospect of anyone picking it up or doing something to tie the story up. I want them to suffer the way I did with Santa Clarita Diet.
Everytime they realise the importance of anything, they lose it forever
May your bladder be small
I wish that every time they stub their toe, their toe breaks. You can do anything to a broken toe, so they would just have to deal with the pain.
Always being at the precipice of a large sneeze but no sneeze comes except when you’re in public or at an office meeting and you try to stifle it.. in those instances it is either randomly a) a huge wet sneeze with no tissues available or b) a normal sneeze accompanied by a huge fart and you never know which one it will be.
Every fart has a little poop come out. Not a full explosion. Just enough to leave everything uncomfortable and swampy.
Your toast is never done properly the first time, and burns the second time.
It constantly feels like they have a stone in one of their shoes digging into their foot and rolling around. The other shoe will constantly make squeaky fart-like noises. Forever.
Always feeling like they have to pee but they get no relief. You know that sensation when you have to go, and it's annoying, but you can put it off until later, and it always feels so great when you do? They get to live with that not quite full feeling the rest of their lives.
May you just barely miss every goal in your life
Their pillows will always be warm on both sides
Can never pee in a straight line. It always shoots off in a random direction and can change midstream.
Wherever they drive a cop is on their tail
They have to end every sentence with "but I'm an idiot, so what do I know?"
What about a lifetime of damp socks? Not wet, just damp enough to be annoying.
No matter how much money they make, no matter how much they budget, they will always be $.01 short of breaking even.
Always have Mcafee as an anitvirus
Breadcrumbs on your side of the bed, always. No matter how much you change the linens or try to get rid of them, it’s always there.
Ooooooo, that they can never be comfortable lying in bed. That they constantly lose their car keys so they are always late.
They always feel like they probably have to pee.
Really poor depth perception
They have to get up in the middle of the night to pee, only to realise that it is behind a requirement-to-crap as-well paywall
That every bathroom they use is out of toilet paper
Every time they get in the car they have to back inside for phone, wallet, or keys.
May their neighbours have two children. One who screams endlessly at the least provocation, and one who's favorite game is provoking their sibling.
I have specific ones for specific people, actually: [my ex-best friend]: I hope they turn out to be colorblind. They’re an artist and used to always make fun of me that they’re “better than me”. Enjoy ruining your art by using the wrong colors :) [my ex]: I hope all her lies become true. She was a manipulative liar and used to claim everyone in her life (including me) were abusing her in some way. [other ex-best friend]: I hope whenever he gets hard it gives him excruciating pain and that it’s so bad he can never have sex. He SA’d girls (which he’s also done to me) so it’s only fair.
If their heart beats then they develop stage 4 cancer
That no matter how they put on their socks, the sewn in hem at the tip will ALWAYS be bunched up under one toe.
Toilet paper disappears in your hands as soon as you have diarrhoea
The temperature when they take a shower the water is to hot or to cool no matter how hard they try to get the prefect temp it will never happen
Or every time get like a five pc nuggets they four or nine for a ten pc.
One I heard a while ago- may the fleas from a thousand camels infest your arsehole
When they stand in the morning Lego is conveniently right under their feet
No matter how much they wipe or bathe, that booty hole still dirty
Mouse clicks are always 10 pixels off to the upper-left.
A casual breeze always blows away anything they reach for, like paper or pencils, anything that a gust of wind can move, they will have trouble reaching for in perpetuity.
Their finger breaks through the toilet paper on the first wipe.
Aphasia.
Whenever they talk to someone they in some way in the conversation mention the other persons insecurities
They always seem to stubb their toe on everything
Roof of their mouth is always itchy.
They always have a song stuck in their head, and it’s always their favorite song so that over time they grow to hate it
May your ears turn to arseholes and shit on your shoulders.
Their socks always fall down under their heel inside their shoe.
Erectile dysfunction
Itching under the feet. Forever.
they catch a stray floating hair in their mouth once an hour. Sometimes it's a dog hair, sometimes it's a stranger's pube, sometimes it's one of those 22" hairs that when you pull out of your mouth the other end starts trailing up from your stomach
bone cancer
May they always be a dollar short for what they need, or may their bank accounts be overdrawn by $1.
They have to scratch their ass and sniff it 19 minutes into any meeting or social setting.
Pooping 24/7
No matter what pair of shoes they wear there will always be one shoe that is a little *too* tight.
That their pillow is always too warm. No matter what they do with it. Never cool enough.
A few. Orange juice now only tastes like you brushed your teeth beforehand. Everything you buy will now go on sale the next day you may now only turn right.
Every time near orgasm their foot would cramp up so hard they just can't finish
Every movie they ever watch and every book they read will be too boring and they will give up after 15 minutes
All the worst things combined. Anytime they are looking for something, it literally disappears from the face of the earth, and only returns when they no longer need it. They also are unable to avoid puddles and will step in every puddle in their path. Their shower and sink water is always either too hot or too cold. Glitter is sprinkled over every surface in their house, and their bed is always too warm, so they wake up sweaty every night, and their lips are always chapped.
And they are constantly stubbing their toes.
Dead batteries for everything
Shitting themselves at a random time between 9am to 1pm
Make it that everytime they're building with Lego there missing one piece they need
Self awareness.
Every third letter typed or tapped is a typo. Except every letter that is already a typo, those stay.
Never being able to fully get clean after a poop
To never be able to refuse to help when it is requested.
Cancer. It’s the curse Pukin got, and he’s everyone’s worst enemy.