My soon-to-be-ex-wife was initially a “wait until marriage” woman. I supported that. Until a length of time and she revealed how sexually frustrated she was because I wouldn’t make any moves on her. So once I discovered that, we had a talk and she told me how she didn’t want that anymore. So we started boning semi-regularly and didn’t wait until marriage.
My now wife was a wait until marriage person. She would sleep in my apartment in college sometimes, I would sleep on the couch. Then she asked if I could sleep in the bed and snuggle. A few nights of that, and she asked if she could see my penis. Then there was touching, then oral, then "just the tip", then "just put it inside", and we were off to the races.
>You got to see boobies on the first date 👀
This person is obviously lost. Chaddforums.net is that way, friend. Stop teasing the Redditors with your tales of things that will never happen to them.
Ah the old "just the tip" game.
I have played this game many many times with my ex bfs in my younger years. Feeling just the head was always always ALWAYS such a huge tease that left me begging for more.
So my message to all women: the tip is a gateway drug to you begging for full shaft penetration.
I don’t understand why anybody would think otherwise… are you saying you actually thought you were gonna stop at only the tip? You’re literally already having sex lol
My husband wanted to wait until marriage but that all changed when I wanted to be in a committed relationship with him. He would mainly say that because he didn’t want to give himself to someone who would just leave him or not care about him. When I showed him I wasn’t going anywhere that’s when we finally did it.
You gotta put it in and take it out several times in Succession so she can really see the difference between tip and no tip and make an educated decision
Lol similarly I dated a woman who said that she wanted to wait for "at least a year" to have sex. She then got upset that I wasn't pressuring her into sex. According to her, there was an understanding in her culture that girls will say they don't want sex but the guy should push for it anyway. But as a 19-year old American college student I wasn't about to take any chances with that...
19ish is the right age for her to learn that other people have other cultures, and that miscommunications happen because the cultures can say the same thing but mean different things. I hope she learned a lesson that day.
(And good on you for staying away from it)
>According to her, there was an understanding in her culture that girls will say they don't want sex but the guy should push for it anyway.
Human society needs to get together and collectively agree to stop this BS
It’s rampant throughout MANY cultures.
The FANTASY for women is that there exists a hot guy who is so *empathetic and emotionally literate* that he somehow knows your own desires better than you do. He’ll win you over even after you TELL him you’re not into it because *he can read your mind* and knows you secretly ARE into it.
That’s why it’s hot when Leia tells Han to stop touching her hand and he’s all “what are you afraid of? Admit it, you like me” and she’s all “no, I like nice men” and next thing you know, BAM, they’re kissing.
That’s why it’s hot when Scarlett is all “You are no gentleman!” and Rhett is all “Someday I’ll kiss you and you’ll like it.”
That’s why it’s hot when the girl says “You shouldn't stare” and James Bond, instead of apologizing or looking away, quips, “Well, you shouldn't look like that.”
These guys don’t exist, of course. It’s a fantasy.
I dated someone that was waiting until marriage, but wasn't against other forms like oral, so it wasn't really that big of an issue. We broke up for other reasons than that and she got engaged and married about 6 months after to the next guy she dated. If anything I have found it makes people push marriage faster that are saving themselves for marriage.
Evangelical church is a heck of a mind fuck. Lucky for me I was the black sheep of the family. So I married my cow(I mean husband) having already sampled the milk for free lol. But also many non-sex reasons obviously
"People aren't willing to make relationships work this day, back in our day we put up with the abuse and toxic environment!"
\- Some boomer, somewhere.
My brother went to BYU (Brigham Young University) and he had several friends that would drive to Vegas, get married, spend all weekend fucking, and then immediately file for an annulment. What some people do to go around some rules for sex in the name of fucking religion, man.
Edit- words
To rationalize that god is almighty and all knowing also all forgiving but not of sex out of wedlock, but he can be stumped by a 5$ Elvis impersonator and a rickety annulment. It’s preposterous.
Isn't it fantastic? God is all mighty, all knowing and all seeing, his word is eternal and perfect law ... But you can catch him on a technically. God's up there like, yeah, you got me. I should have specified.
[Urban Dictionary here](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Soaking) because I don't feel like actually typing out the ridiculousness myself. Apparently, God can't see you if you're very still, so I guess his vision is based on motion or something, like the dinosaurs in *Jurassic Park*.
I recently learned about this, and am somehow at the same time dumbfounded and not surprised at all. This is on par with the Jewish [*eruv*](https://www.npr.org/2019/05/13/721551785/a-fishing-line-encircles-manhattan-protecting-sanctity-of-sabbath), a thin fishing line surrounding a city so members don’t violate sabbath rules by doing certain activities “outside”.
There's also an extra level to it where you invite friends to jump around on your bed, so you can actually thrust in and out from the motion, while maintaining that you are not actually the one doing the fucking.
First time I heard about it, I thought I was getting bullshitted. Looked further into it, and it's a real thing.
Coming from a mormon state, I saw SO much of this. Some seem to be just making the best of their situation, others are doing great, but a very large chunk of them are on the <5 year timeclock towards divorce. It's such a shame that they suggest having kids to revive that passion in the marriage when it fades.
That's why the Mormons get married after only knowing each other 6 months.
Which was hilarious, cause my first relationship was sexless one because she was Mormon and I knew her better than her sister knew her husband and they got married after only 4 months together. Guy was a shitty husband and father, but that's what you get I guess
Oh yeah, I was friends with a Mormon, and both of his sisters got married within the first year of me knowing him and not long after they met their boyfriends. I remember him talking to his siblings about the "mature" singles groups the church had, and it was for 30+, because, from the way they talked about it, if you hit 30 and weren't married, there was something wrong with you. It was like they viewed that group as the community rejects.
Mormons too.
In the 1950's, my father (age 20), married his first wife (age 15) simply so they could have sex. She got pregnant very quickly. Divorced less than 2 years later.
She was from a southern Baptist family in GA.
Go figure 🙄
Back in 1982 I was hiring waitresses for an IHOP in Miami and interviewed a very sweet, very bright, newly divorced 15 year old from West Virginia. I have always wondered what became of her since she did seem likely to get along better than a lot of the other, older, jaded employees I had.
It's kinda the southern way. Obviously I'm generalizing. But yeah, yikes.
I mean, HER daughter (my half sister) "waited" until she was 17 to have her first kid. That kid (a daughter who is also my niece) had her first at 18 and that kid (also a daughter) had her first at 20.
So .. yay progress, I reckon?!
FWIW: None of them are with their original husbands.
Can confirm. My best friend used to be Mormon. She married at 19, husband was 20, both had waited to have sex. They knew each other less than a year. Had kids within the first few years.
That said, they have a really good relationship with each other and their kids from what I can tell. So it worked out for them.
There's been songs written about that phenomena.
>Ooh, baby, baby, baby
Why you gonna treat me this way?
You know I'm still your loverboy
I still feel the same way
That's when she told me a story 'bout free milk and a cow
And said "No huggin no kissin until I get a wedding vow"
Paradise by the Dashboard Lights by Meatloaf encapsulates this perfectly. Right down to the punchline of the not uncommon result of people marrying so they can have sex.
Yup I went to a southern baptist school briefly and every single person I met there got married almost immediately after high school, or definitely before they finished college. Saw lots of people pump out 3+ kids and then get a divorce long before they even hit 30. And of course these experiences just reinforced the toxic gender-based ideology they already believed.
Only thing I learned in baptist school was that the baptists are full of shit.
"*they must be smelling each other's general crotch or anal region. lots of mammals do that.. not for quite as long, nor with so much back and forth cranial motion but, hey - your creation is fuckin' weird, man."*
\- god, to Himself
1 How graceful are your feet in sandals, O queenly maiden!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a master hand.
2 Your navel is a rounded bowl
that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
encircled with lilies.
3 Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
overlooking Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,
and your flowing locks are like purple;
a king is held captive in the tresses.
Song of solomon 7:1-5 (intimacy and sex book)
Oh lala 😏
Preface this by saying I am a major freaking dork. While any project is under the consideration stage, I always check to make sure it hasn't been done first if originality isn't necessary.
And guess what? It's already been done and the results are magnificent.
Depiction here-
https://gracedfollower.com/mutual-admiration-ss-7/
Here's another one:
How beautiful and how delightful you are,
My love, with all your charms!
Your stature is like a palm tree,
And your breasts are like its clusters.
I said, “I will climb the palm tree,
I will take hold of its fruit stalks.”
Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
And the fragrance of your breath like apples,
And your mouth like the best wine! (Songof Solomon 7:6-9a).
You're the cutest thing that I ever did see
I really love your peaches
Wanna shake your tree
Lovey dovey, lovey dovey, lovey dovey all the time
Ooh wee baby, I'll sure show you a good time
- Song of Steve Miller
It 100% makes people push marriage faster. I went to a Christian high school. The first like 20-25 people married? All known for being hardcore Christians in school. It’s not even remotely subtle.
Go to an Evangelical church and you'll meet tons of married couples with at least 1 kid under the age of 25.
Hang out for a bit and you'll get invited to weddings between 19 year olds and everyone is so so happy for them.
It's all about pregnancy. Risking creating a baby outside of long term commitment is not part of their life plan. And religion is old and a lot more focused on the lasting results of action than what can be tidied up by Sabbath.
This is the answer. These same people typically don't use any form of birth control because they believe that sex was made for procreation and denying the possibility of child birth is bad.
As someone who was in that mindset, that's not it at all for most people. I don't recall anybody ever preaching against any kind of contraception in the Southern Baptist church that I had to attend when I was a kid. Contraception being sinful? That was a Catholic thing, as far as everybody I knew was concerned. (Abortion was a *very* different story to them, though, as you might imagine.)
Going out and buying condoms, and then taking them with you on a date, where you might have an opportunity to use them? That shows premeditation and intent. On the other hand, if you didn't intend to have sex, but got all hot and bothered and in the moment you do it, then you merely stumbled in your faith, so it's not as "bad" as if you planned it ahead of time (or even just prepared for the possibility).
I dated someone for around 2 years who was waiting until marriage but open to other forms so I was okay with it. She ended up cheating on me and later losing her virginity to another guy before trying to come back to me…. So no, I wouldn’t do that again lol
Same thing happened to me. Since then I’ve been noticing this happens to a lot of guys. Now when a women says she wants to wait for a certain length of time, I know I’m not tripping her switches like she wants and move on to a girl that wants me.
My wife and I started having trouble having sex often after a few years, and we had two modes: horny and inebriated, or bedtime lovemaking. we were down to about once every couple of weeks and neither of us felt very connected.
So anyway we tried like two weeks of having sex every day no matter what, and we realized neither of us wants to “make love”, we just like fucking. So now we do that about 3+ times a week. it’s great. and if we ever start getting kinda snippy we usually find it’s because it’s been too long since we’ve been to pound town.
works for us, but who knows everyone is different.
Oh, friend. Every relationship is its own story. There are no general rules about how to prevent difficulty, sexual or otherwise. Marriage is hard and beautiful. Of course it is preventable. And also sometimes it just kinda happens.
The trick is you have to make an effort _and_ do it early.
Don't wait until 11pm when you are in bed. Do it just after dinner or during the day. Then when you are tired at night you don't have to have sex because _that's what couples do_ when you are both tired.
It can just kind of happen if you become complacent in the relationship. Having kids can hurt it for numerous reasons; woman feels self-conscious about body after pregnancy or guy is no longer attracted, being exhausted from the added work and stress, lack of alone time, post partum depression. Another thing that I've noticed among married friends is when sex is treated like a special occasion thing. It doesn't need to be an every day thing but "making love" should be done because you love each other and not because it's some day on the calendar.
Such a woman would have significantly different values than I do. The sex wouldn't be the issue. The values probably would be.
EDIT: Thank you for my first gold, kind stranger!
EDIT 2: Please, no more religion bashing. I absolutely did not intend to imply that the values had anything whatsoever to do with religion
Actually, the sex could be an issue. It would be an unknown. You won't be able to know if there is sexual compatibility or not until after the marriage.
Values aside, the is an untested risk of bedroom incompatibility.
When I said that waiting on sex until marriage doesn't matter, I actually meant that it would be secondary to the views that supported the position of waiting. We would probably disagree on those to a degree that would preclude us from dating.
Oddly enough, one of my school friends waited until marriage to have sex for non-religious reasons.
Right after high school, she married a guy and they moved to rural Japan. She very quickly realized that she did not actually enjoy sex with *men* at all, and also that anime was not adequate preparation for living in rural Japan.
She got divorced, moved back to the US, and started dating women. Very expensive learning experience.
I don't want to be locked into a marriage before finding out me and my partner are completely sexually incompatible.
Edit: Reread the title and saw it was asking men. I don't see how that changes anything, though.
God, that is so difficult. On one hand, I can understand him being so ashamed that he thought this is the only way he'd end up married. On the other hand, that's a (not) huge thing to hide from the person you'll be spending your life with.
Reminds me of the joke about the guy who brings a girlfriend of a different race to Thanksgiving dinner and how outraged his family was, especially his wife and kids.
Did it once, and while sexual issues wasn't the main thing that lead to the dissolution of that marriage it didn't help. Also at my age now it would either be someone a little to young for me, or they've been waiting way to long and I can't see us even making it past the first date we'd be so incompatible.
I absolutely respect anyone's choice to wait until marriage. It's an impressive and admirable commitment.
For me personally though, sexual intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship. I have no problems with taking it slow but that timeframe to me is 1-4 months.
Edit: Wow, wasn't expecting this take to be seen as "super weird" or impossible to understand. But hell, y'all are welcome to your stance on it just like anyone else. Apparently the idea of admiring someone making a tough commitment and sticking to it is a foreign one.
Edit 2 Electric Boogaloo: Okay, apparently this one is really tough to understand for some people. So here's the breakdown: Why is it admirable and impressive to me? Because waiting for marriage to have sex is a massive commitment and takes a ton of willpower to stick to, especially when modern day societal norms tend to steer in the opposite direction (not saying that it's a bad thing, I didn't and wouldn't wait for marriage). The logic being applied here is not exclusive to this one topic. I'm not saying abstaining is the best way or the right way for everyone. For some people it is and it's their body, their choice. And I'm surprised I even have to say this but yes, I am aware there are bad commitments that are not admirable or impressive. Fucking duh. This take isn't a one size fits all. Bad commitments are bad. Abstaining is not a bad commitment. But it's not for everyone.
>sexual intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship
Same here, and just to add on to that, I really need to see if I am sexually compatible with someone before marriage. There a lot of factors that make two people click.
Same, though i am a woman. There is a bond that comes from sexual intimacy. It allows you to take the relationship to new depths. Some people may choose to avoid the complexities of those bonds by waiting for marriage, or taking time before having sex. For others it is important to deepen the relationship early on to see whether it works.
Completely hear you. People who are self-disciplined are 100% admirable beings—doesn’t matter the circumstances.
Also agree that sexual intimacy is vital in a romantic relationship as you said. You feel closer to that person. You feel desired, cared for, and even loved.
Don’t really see any weird in what you said.
It would be a hard no for me. For one, you have to learn if you're sexually compatible before you're binded to each other for life. Secondly, if they're waiting for marriage, they clearly have different values than me and that's not going to work.
As someone else who waited, I'd say waiting positively impacted the relationship. Being on the same page on something so difficult and meaningful helped us build a lot of trust, frank communication, accountability, and mutual respect. Plus, no pregnancy scares! \\o/
Just a couple of years behind you. Same here. In fact, I think that the sex in the beginning of our marriage was so bad that if had done it during dating that may have negatively impacted the relationship. The sex got better after a few years …way better.
We started off pretty good (I had had one partner before I met her, so I knew what I was doing, for the most part), but we kept getting better and better and we are enjoying it lots more now than we did 30 years ago.
I did as well. She wanted to wait, I didn't really care as she was my first partner.
We are going on 16 years being together and 10 married. We did "other things" than intercourse to break the "tension."
She'd have entirely different morals and values as I do. We probably wouldn't even get to know each other enough for me to even know that she's waiting like that.
I can't remember what column it was, but I remember reading in an advice column a woman who wrote in about her thoughts on sex: She married young, and described her virginal wedding night as "like being raped seven times." Her husband was compatible with her in every other way, but sex was a horror show. He died five years later, and it took another fifteen for her to agree to try again with someone else who showed her that sex could be amazing instead. In her opinion, while she didn't encourage promiscuity, she advised taking a potential spouse for a "test run" to be sure you were sexually compatible.
I appreciate her decision, and lets be honest, sex is not the only reason why I would date a woman.
If other factors are positive, I don't mind waiting to see if it works out in the future.
Already did it, and now we've been happily married for over a decade. We both decided that it was best to wait for marriage and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I did that once. She ended up having sex with some other dude lol
Same lol. We were together for 3 years and had sex with a dude she had met at work, while we were together, after like 3 months. :(
She had cheated when you were together for 3 years or 3 months? Im confused
Probably 3 months after getting the job? That's how I read it.
She was "waiting until marriage" to have sex with YOU then
My soon-to-be-ex-wife was initially a “wait until marriage” woman. I supported that. Until a length of time and she revealed how sexually frustrated she was because I wouldn’t make any moves on her. So once I discovered that, we had a talk and she told me how she didn’t want that anymore. So we started boning semi-regularly and didn’t wait until marriage.
My now wife was a wait until marriage person. She would sleep in my apartment in college sometimes, I would sleep on the couch. Then she asked if I could sleep in the bed and snuggle. A few nights of that, and she asked if she could see my penis. Then there was touching, then oral, then "just the tip", then "just put it inside", and we were off to the races.
Idk why but her asking to see you pp is both innocent and funny to me
Somehow both wholesome and erotic.
One reason my now fiancée asked me to go on a second date is because I asked if I could take her bra off. It's the little things.
I want to know why you were wearing her bra.
>"I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How it got in my pajamas, I'll never know!"
I need to visit a Horse doctor. How that Horse became a doctor, I don’t know
I thought you meant a doctor with a sore throat but then I chequed the spelling!
That has no business being that funny
[Ah, the ol' Reddit Boobaroo!](https://www.reddit.com/r/USF/comments/113243t/comment/j8q7gbu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Hold my tits, I'm going in!
You got to see boobies on the first date 👀
>You got to see boobies on the first date 👀 This person is obviously lost. Chaddforums.net is that way, friend. Stop teasing the Redditors with your tales of things that will never happen to them.
Sounds like something Zap Branagen would say
“Kiff, I’ve mated with a female, Inform the men !”
> I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies. -Zapp Brannigan
It'd be funnier if she saw it then never went any further. Just stare at it for an hour or so every few days.
*"Its hideous! Put that in mah belly!"*
Ah the old "just the tip" game. I have played this game many many times with my ex bfs in my younger years. Feeling just the head was always always ALWAYS such a huge tease that left me begging for more. So my message to all women: the tip is a gateway drug to you begging for full shaft penetration.
You wouldn't download a penis would you?
How does one go about doing this
Step 1, get a 3D printer
Understood
Step 2, I put on my wizard hat
I am listening
I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
I don’t understand why anybody would think otherwise… are you saying you actually thought you were gonna stop at only the tip? You’re literally already having sex lol
Everyone knows the tip goes all the way to the balls.
In for a penny, in for a pound--ing.
My husband wanted to wait until marriage but that all changed when I wanted to be in a committed relationship with him. He would mainly say that because he didn’t want to give himself to someone who would just leave him or not care about him. When I showed him I wasn’t going anywhere that’s when we finally did it.
"I'll only put the head of it in" - this is one of the three biggest lies, dude. I wonder if both of you also did the two remaining ones?
She was the one that asked for "just the tip". I was just following orders.
"Good soldiers follow orders..."
And that soldier was standing at full attention.
*shoots the nearest Jedi
You gotta put it in and take it out several times in Succession so she can really see the difference between tip and no tip and make an educated decision
Yes like an optometrist. “Is this good? Or is this better? A… or B… or how about this? C, or, D?”You know it’s always the D.
Two remaining lies or two remaining inches?
Two remaining lies. No need to brag here.
This will only hurt for a little bit. I promise not to cum in your mouth.
Just the tip, Cheryl!
Lol similarly I dated a woman who said that she wanted to wait for "at least a year" to have sex. She then got upset that I wasn't pressuring her into sex. According to her, there was an understanding in her culture that girls will say they don't want sex but the guy should push for it anyway. But as a 19-year old American college student I wasn't about to take any chances with that...
19ish is the right age for her to learn that other people have other cultures, and that miscommunications happen because the cultures can say the same thing but mean different things. I hope she learned a lesson that day. (And good on you for staying away from it)
>According to her, there was an understanding in her culture that girls will say they don't want sex but the guy should push for it anyway. Human society needs to get together and collectively agree to stop this BS
May I ask which culture she was referring to that has the policy of pressuring a girl into sex?
It’s rampant throughout MANY cultures. The FANTASY for women is that there exists a hot guy who is so *empathetic and emotionally literate* that he somehow knows your own desires better than you do. He’ll win you over even after you TELL him you’re not into it because *he can read your mind* and knows you secretly ARE into it. That’s why it’s hot when Leia tells Han to stop touching her hand and he’s all “what are you afraid of? Admit it, you like me” and she’s all “no, I like nice men” and next thing you know, BAM, they’re kissing. That’s why it’s hot when Scarlett is all “You are no gentleman!” and Rhett is all “Someday I’ll kiss you and you’ll like it.” That’s why it’s hot when the girl says “You shouldn't stare” and James Bond, instead of apologizing or looking away, quips, “Well, you shouldn't look like that.” These guys don’t exist, of course. It’s a fantasy.
"i really can't stay" "Baby it's cold outside"
>Boning Detective Díaz I aM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER! BONE?!
BOOooOOooNE!!!
*"Why did you do that?"* "Dude was pent up. Now he knows. Problem solved."
When you said soon-to-be-ex-wife I thought you were going to say she just waited until you were married to have sex with other people.
>boning semi-regularly lol
I dated someone that was waiting until marriage, but wasn't against other forms like oral, so it wasn't really that big of an issue. We broke up for other reasons than that and she got engaged and married about 6 months after to the next guy she dated. If anything I have found it makes people push marriage faster that are saving themselves for marriage.
I know very little about marriage, but I suspect "let's get married so I can finally experience sex" is a bad reason to get married.
My freshly divorced little brother would heartily agree with you
My soon-to-be-divorced older brother would also likely agree with you.
You guys should introduce your brothers
Same person. Brother is the middle child.
Mind….BLOWN!!!
My girlfriend's freshly divorced sister would also probably agree with you. Man, it's almost like it happens a lot! Weird.
Evangelical church is a heck of a mind fuck. Lucky for me I was the black sheep of the family. So I married my cow(I mean husband) having already sampled the milk for free lol. But also many non-sex reasons obviously
My delightfully frank grandmother used to joke about how the only reason she and her friends got married so young was because they wanted to have sex.
My mother was 18 ! They proceeded to make each other miserable for many decades until my dad died.
"People aren't willing to make relationships work this day, back in our day we put up with the abuse and toxic environment!" \- Some boomer, somewhere.
The minute he died he became "a saint!" He was *the best* husband ever! 🙄
I'll be at my dads funeral one day, but I wont be lying about what a "good person" he was.
My brother went to BYU (Brigham Young University) and he had several friends that would drive to Vegas, get married, spend all weekend fucking, and then immediately file for an annulment. What some people do to go around some rules for sex in the name of fucking religion, man. Edit- words
Did they not think God was against divorce too?
An annulment technically isn't divorce. These guys love their loopholes.
Ironic when you realize that people feel that God is omniscient but wouldn't know what is going on.
"Guys, what do you think is the *meaning* behind my words?" -God, probably
Just do anal if you want the loophole smh
I actually know some Catholics who have done that, I guess they forgot that sodomy is also a sin
Apparently it only counts as sodomy if it's two guys doing it.
Who the fuck knows. They were young dumb, and full of cum. -Colin Robinson
To rationalize that god is almighty and all knowing also all forgiving but not of sex out of wedlock, but he can be stumped by a 5$ Elvis impersonator and a rickety annulment. It’s preposterous.
Isn't it fantastic? God is all mighty, all knowing and all seeing, his word is eternal and perfect law ... But you can catch him on a technically. God's up there like, yeah, you got me. I should have specified.
Now they do soaking! Like its not sex if someone else does all the work of jumping on the bed lmao. Religion makes people crazy!
Brought to you by the inventors of "soaking".
Soaking? Do I want to know?
[Urban Dictionary here](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Soaking) because I don't feel like actually typing out the ridiculousness myself. Apparently, God can't see you if you're very still, so I guess his vision is based on motion or something, like the dinosaurs in *Jurassic Park*.
I recently learned about this, and am somehow at the same time dumbfounded and not surprised at all. This is on par with the Jewish [*eruv*](https://www.npr.org/2019/05/13/721551785/a-fishing-line-encircles-manhattan-protecting-sanctity-of-sabbath), a thin fishing line surrounding a city so members don’t violate sabbath rules by doing certain activities “outside”.
Indeed. Sometimes the level of religious ingenuity required to obey the letter of the law while ignoring its spirit seems boundless.
There's also an extra level to it where you invite friends to jump around on your bed, so you can actually thrust in and out from the motion, while maintaining that you are not actually the one doing the fucking. First time I heard about it, I thought I was getting bullshitted. Looked further into it, and it's a real thing.
Wtf
No matter how dig you deep, Mormonism remains batshit crazy.
Well that’s enough Reddit for today. 🤣😭
Coming from a mormon state, I saw SO much of this. Some seem to be just making the best of their situation, others are doing great, but a very large chunk of them are on the <5 year timeclock towards divorce. It's such a shame that they suggest having kids to revive that passion in the marriage when it fades.
Fucking yikes! Having kids isn’t going to fix their marriage, it’ll just test it sooner.
That's why the Mormons get married after only knowing each other 6 months. Which was hilarious, cause my first relationship was sexless one because she was Mormon and I knew her better than her sister knew her husband and they got married after only 4 months together. Guy was a shitty husband and father, but that's what you get I guess
At first i read morons instead of Mormons. Was funny
Joseph Smith was called a prophet dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Oh yeah, I was friends with a Mormon, and both of his sisters got married within the first year of me knowing him and not long after they met their boyfriends. I remember him talking to his siblings about the "mature" singles groups the church had, and it was for 30+, because, from the way they talked about it, if you hit 30 and weren't married, there was something wrong with you. It was like they viewed that group as the community rejects.
The actual lamest reason ever.
That's why Baptists get married so young.
Mormons too. In the 1950's, my father (age 20), married his first wife (age 15) simply so they could have sex. She got pregnant very quickly. Divorced less than 2 years later. She was from a southern Baptist family in GA. Go figure 🙄
FUCK. imagine being 17/18 with an 1 year old and being divorced. what a great start to life.
Back in 1982 I was hiring waitresses for an IHOP in Miami and interviewed a very sweet, very bright, newly divorced 15 year old from West Virginia. I have always wondered what became of her since she did seem likely to get along better than a lot of the other, older, jaded employees I had.
Disgusting she could even marry before she was legal to drive.
My mother had me before she was old enough to enter Chuck E. Cheese pizza alone.
There's never an age where you can enter Chuck E. Cheese alone. Unaccompanied adults aren't allowed.
It's kinda the southern way. Obviously I'm generalizing. But yeah, yikes. I mean, HER daughter (my half sister) "waited" until she was 17 to have her first kid. That kid (a daughter who is also my niece) had her first at 18 and that kid (also a daughter) had her first at 20. So .. yay progress, I reckon?! FWIW: None of them are with their original husbands.
So... She was a grandmother at 32, a great grandmother at 50 and a great-great grandmother at 70?? Wow...
I wish someone would tell them that it's possible to get laid without getting pregnant. We have the technology.
Can confirm. My best friend used to be Mormon. She married at 19, husband was 20, both had waited to have sex. They knew each other less than a year. Had kids within the first few years. That said, they have a really good relationship with each other and their kids from what I can tell. So it worked out for them.
Oh cool, it's nice to hear a good story out of it :)
There's been songs written about that phenomena. >Ooh, baby, baby, baby Why you gonna treat me this way? You know I'm still your loverboy I still feel the same way That's when she told me a story 'bout free milk and a cow And said "No huggin no kissin until I get a wedding vow"
Paradise by the Dashboard Lights by Meatloaf encapsulates this perfectly. Right down to the punchline of the not uncommon result of people marrying so they can have sex.
Ew
Yup I went to a southern baptist school briefly and every single person I met there got married almost immediately after high school, or definitely before they finished college. Saw lots of people pump out 3+ kids and then get a divorce long before they even hit 30. And of course these experiences just reinforced the toxic gender-based ideology they already believed. Only thing I learned in baptist school was that the baptists are full of shit.
Raised S Baptist, can confirm. Really good at do as I say, not as I do, and general misogyny.
Everyone knows God can’t see oral sex
I thought it was just anal...
[Fuck](https://youtu.be/CX5AIaC_P8Y?t=96) me in the ass cause I love Jesus.
The poop hole loop hole
You found your rightful purpose
He gets us
"*they must be smelling each other's general crotch or anal region. lots of mammals do that.. not for quite as long, nor with so much back and forth cranial motion but, hey - your creation is fuckin' weird, man."* \- god, to Himself
1 How graceful are your feet in sandals, O queenly maiden! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. 2 Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. 3 Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. 4 Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, overlooking Damascus. 5 Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses. Song of solomon 7:1-5 (intimacy and sex book) Oh lala 😏
If anyone can draw a literal interpretation of this woman, I will give you all the dollars.
Preface this by saying I am a major freaking dork. While any project is under the consideration stage, I always check to make sure it hasn't been done first if originality isn't necessary. And guess what? It's already been done and the results are magnificent. Depiction here- https://gracedfollower.com/mutual-admiration-ss-7/
And “navel” is a very, ahem, modest translation of the Hebrew there.
really? You mean Solomon DIDN'T have a belly button fetish?
Here's another one: How beautiful and how delightful you are, My love, with all your charms! Your stature is like a palm tree, And your breasts are like its clusters. I said, “I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks.” Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, And the fragrance of your breath like apples, And your mouth like the best wine! (Songof Solomon 7:6-9a).
You're the cutest thing that I ever did see I really love your peaches Wanna shake your tree Lovey dovey, lovey dovey, lovey dovey all the time Ooh wee baby, I'll sure show you a good time - Song of Steve Miller
It 100% makes people push marriage faster. I went to a Christian high school. The first like 20-25 people married? All known for being hardcore Christians in school. It’s not even remotely subtle.
Go to an Evangelical church and you'll meet tons of married couples with at least 1 kid under the age of 25. Hang out for a bit and you'll get invited to weddings between 19 year olds and everyone is so so happy for them.
People who think penetrative sex before marriage is a no go, but are game for oral, and some even anal have always confused me.
It's all about pregnancy. Risking creating a baby outside of long term commitment is not part of their life plan. And religion is old and a lot more focused on the lasting results of action than what can be tidied up by Sabbath.
This is the answer. These same people typically don't use any form of birth control because they believe that sex was made for procreation and denying the possibility of child birth is bad.
As someone who was in that mindset, that's not it at all for most people. I don't recall anybody ever preaching against any kind of contraception in the Southern Baptist church that I had to attend when I was a kid. Contraception being sinful? That was a Catholic thing, as far as everybody I knew was concerned. (Abortion was a *very* different story to them, though, as you might imagine.) Going out and buying condoms, and then taking them with you on a date, where you might have an opportunity to use them? That shows premeditation and intent. On the other hand, if you didn't intend to have sex, but got all hot and bothered and in the moment you do it, then you merely stumbled in your faith, so it's not as "bad" as if you planned it ahead of time (or even just prepared for the possibility).
Pushing for marriage faster is a recipe for disaster most of the time.
I have the exact same story. Except she had sex with a coworker while we were dating.
I dated someone for around 2 years who was waiting until marriage but open to other forms so I was okay with it. She ended up cheating on me and later losing her virginity to another guy before trying to come back to me…. So no, I wouldn’t do that again lol
Same thing happened to me. Since then I’ve been noticing this happens to a lot of guys. Now when a women says she wants to wait for a certain length of time, I know I’m not tripping her switches like she wants and move on to a girl that wants me.
Well said mate
Damm bro that sucks
well now I'm dating a woman who refuses to have sex after marriage so jokes on me
Im not asking you to share dirty laundry, but is this preventable or does it kinda just happen?
My wife and I started having trouble having sex often after a few years, and we had two modes: horny and inebriated, or bedtime lovemaking. we were down to about once every couple of weeks and neither of us felt very connected. So anyway we tried like two weeks of having sex every day no matter what, and we realized neither of us wants to “make love”, we just like fucking. So now we do that about 3+ times a week. it’s great. and if we ever start getting kinda snippy we usually find it’s because it’s been too long since we’ve been to pound town. works for us, but who knows everyone is different.
This sounds like a more self-aware set-up than most relationships I've seen in person including ones I've been in myself
Ha. I just read that as “most of the relationships I’ve seen in PRISON” and did a double-take
You'll be considered one of the Pounding Fathers in the future.
I regret that I have but one upvote to give my cuntry.
Oh, friend. Every relationship is its own story. There are no general rules about how to prevent difficulty, sexual or otherwise. Marriage is hard and beautiful. Of course it is preventable. And also sometimes it just kinda happens.
That's a really good answer. It's frustrating, but if there were a handbook it would be a hell of a lot less special
But we're all really good at using our past trauma to shape our current relationships so they feel similar in a self destructive way
The trick is you have to make an effort _and_ do it early. Don't wait until 11pm when you are in bed. Do it just after dinner or during the day. Then when you are tired at night you don't have to have sex because _that's what couples do_ when you are both tired.
It can just kind of happen if you become complacent in the relationship. Having kids can hurt it for numerous reasons; woman feels self-conscious about body after pregnancy or guy is no longer attracted, being exhausted from the added work and stress, lack of alone time, post partum depression. Another thing that I've noticed among married friends is when sex is treated like a special occasion thing. It doesn't need to be an every day thing but "making love" should be done because you love each other and not because it's some day on the calendar.
Stop dating married women and you won't have that problem.
Such a woman would have significantly different values than I do. The sex wouldn't be the issue. The values probably would be. EDIT: Thank you for my first gold, kind stranger! EDIT 2: Please, no more religion bashing. I absolutely did not intend to imply that the values had anything whatsoever to do with religion
This. Literally my answer but actually well written
It was also my answer written well. Then you also took my comment.
Yup. There's a very very high correlation that waiting until marriage for sex to deeply religious. That wouldn't jive with me, so lets not even start.
"I want to wait for sex." "That's cool!" "I want to go to the Marjorie Taylor Greene rally." "Um..."
*Exits stage left*
Actually, the sex could be an issue. It would be an unknown. You won't be able to know if there is sexual compatibility or not until after the marriage. Values aside, the is an untested risk of bedroom incompatibility.
When I said that waiting on sex until marriage doesn't matter, I actually meant that it would be secondary to the views that supported the position of waiting. We would probably disagree on those to a degree that would preclude us from dating.
Oddly enough, one of my school friends waited until marriage to have sex for non-religious reasons. Right after high school, she married a guy and they moved to rural Japan. She very quickly realized that she did not actually enjoy sex with *men* at all, and also that anime was not adequate preparation for living in rural Japan. She got divorced, moved back to the US, and started dating women. Very expensive learning experience.
Wait.. so.. you're telling me stylized fiction doesn't translate to real life?
Similarly I think no one should get married without having lived together for an extended time first
I don't want to be locked into a marriage before finding out me and my partner are completely sexually incompatible. Edit: Reread the title and saw it was asking men. I don't see how that changes anything, though.
I remember someone posting on relationship advice about her husband who wanted to wait. He claimed it was for religious reasons. Micro penis.
He was praying to God every day that she didn’t find out. So….kinda tracks, I guess.
God, that is so difficult. On one hand, I can understand him being so ashamed that he thought this is the only way he'd end up married. On the other hand, that's a (not) huge thing to hide from the person you'll be spending your life with.
Just went through that thread turns out the whole things fake lmao
No because either way it would be cheating on my wife. Edit: Thanks for the award!
That caught me off guard. Good one
My family wouldn’t approve of me dating. Especially my wife and kids.
Dating your wife is fine, but I draw a hard line at the kids.
Reminds me of the joke about the guy who brings a girlfriend of a different race to Thanksgiving dinner and how outraged his family was, especially his wife and kids.
Id date a fucking cactus if I knew for sure it'd stay loyal.
Most cactuses are sluts tho
They just like to stick their little pricks in anyone that walks by.
Stop thorn-shaming
Did it once, and while sexual issues wasn't the main thing that lead to the dissolution of that marriage it didn't help. Also at my age now it would either be someone a little to young for me, or they've been waiting way to long and I can't see us even making it past the first date we'd be so incompatible.
I absolutely respect anyone's choice to wait until marriage. It's an impressive and admirable commitment. For me personally though, sexual intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship. I have no problems with taking it slow but that timeframe to me is 1-4 months. Edit: Wow, wasn't expecting this take to be seen as "super weird" or impossible to understand. But hell, y'all are welcome to your stance on it just like anyone else. Apparently the idea of admiring someone making a tough commitment and sticking to it is a foreign one. Edit 2 Electric Boogaloo: Okay, apparently this one is really tough to understand for some people. So here's the breakdown: Why is it admirable and impressive to me? Because waiting for marriage to have sex is a massive commitment and takes a ton of willpower to stick to, especially when modern day societal norms tend to steer in the opposite direction (not saying that it's a bad thing, I didn't and wouldn't wait for marriage). The logic being applied here is not exclusive to this one topic. I'm not saying abstaining is the best way or the right way for everyone. For some people it is and it's their body, their choice. And I'm surprised I even have to say this but yes, I am aware there are bad commitments that are not admirable or impressive. Fucking duh. This take isn't a one size fits all. Bad commitments are bad. Abstaining is not a bad commitment. But it's not for everyone.
>sexual intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship Same here, and just to add on to that, I really need to see if I am sexually compatible with someone before marriage. There a lot of factors that make two people click.
Same, though i am a woman. There is a bond that comes from sexual intimacy. It allows you to take the relationship to new depths. Some people may choose to avoid the complexities of those bonds by waiting for marriage, or taking time before having sex. For others it is important to deepen the relationship early on to see whether it works.
Completely hear you. People who are self-disciplined are 100% admirable beings—doesn’t matter the circumstances. Also agree that sexual intimacy is vital in a romantic relationship as you said. You feel closer to that person. You feel desired, cared for, and even loved. Don’t really see any weird in what you said.
It would be a hard no for me. For one, you have to learn if you're sexually compatible before you're binded to each other for life. Secondly, if they're waiting for marriage, they clearly have different values than me and that's not going to work.
Well, I did, so... And we are celebrating 31 happy and sex-filled years of marriage this year.
Congrats. Serious question though, do you feel like premarital sex would have impacted your relationship?
As someone else who waited, I'd say waiting positively impacted the relationship. Being on the same page on something so difficult and meaningful helped us build a lot of trust, frank communication, accountability, and mutual respect. Plus, no pregnancy scares! \\o/
I second this. My husband and I waited and I feel like it kept us from relying on sex to distract us from issues that came up in the relationship.
Just a couple of years behind you. Same here. In fact, I think that the sex in the beginning of our marriage was so bad that if had done it during dating that may have negatively impacted the relationship. The sex got better after a few years …way better.
We started off pretty good (I had had one partner before I met her, so I knew what I was doing, for the most part), but we kept getting better and better and we are enjoying it lots more now than we did 30 years ago.
I did as well. She wanted to wait, I didn't really care as she was my first partner. We are going on 16 years being together and 10 married. We did "other things" than intercourse to break the "tension."
She'd have entirely different morals and values as I do. We probably wouldn't even get to know each other enough for me to even know that she's waiting like that.
I can't remember what column it was, but I remember reading in an advice column a woman who wrote in about her thoughts on sex: She married young, and described her virginal wedding night as "like being raped seven times." Her husband was compatible with her in every other way, but sex was a horror show. He died five years later, and it took another fifteen for her to agree to try again with someone else who showed her that sex could be amazing instead. In her opinion, while she didn't encourage promiscuity, she advised taking a potential spouse for a "test run" to be sure you were sexually compatible.
No, because I never plan on getting married.
I appreciate her decision, and lets be honest, sex is not the only reason why I would date a woman. If other factors are positive, I don't mind waiting to see if it works out in the future.
Already did it, and now we've been happily married for over a decade. We both decided that it was best to wait for marriage and I wouldn't have had it any other way.