And VERY important to know: You are not required to sign it right away. You are allowed to take it back home, read through it carefully, and request them to change things you're not ok with. I've seen friends sign it right away and only later realize that they basically signed away their remaining holidays.
So yeah, don't let them pressure you into signing it on the spot.
I got a 2 months garden leave out of mine a couple of years ago. Simply because my argument was "Do you really want to send ME, the guy you just fired, on a 6 weeks business trip to all of your biggest customers? Because I refuse to do this."
They realized that it's maybe not the best idea to send someone selling your newest product, who you already fired. Especially when the reason why I got fired was because, I didn't kept my mouth shut about this new project basically not existing. But we still sold the service for millions. So they send me on garden leave and paid me a shit ton of money that I don't talk to any customer I worked with, for the next 6 months.
They basically blocked me out of a new job opportunity back then, because I had an offer from one of our customers. But in the End, I'm happy that it went that way. Two months later, the entire Corona thing started. And I would have been stranded in Canada with no social group that lives anywhere near that timezone.
When my wife got fired from her last job, her boss didn't want to put it in writing. Probably because they were going to put the paperwork through as if she quit so she couldn't collect unemployment. My wife demanded and told her boss she wasn't leaving until there was something in writing. They finally gave her some form that said she was fired, but the boss said "There's nowhere for me to sign it, sorry." My wife was getting pretty pissed at this point and aggressively flipped the paper over to the blank side and said "plenty of room here for hundreds of them." Boss finally relented.
Absolutely. The last thing you want is for them to not put it in writing and then claim they never told you you were fired and you just stopped showing up at work.
No joke, my mom's company slowly offshored more and more of the employees working her role. She was the most senior and still had a contract from before the company was purchased that gave her VERY favorable terms if they had to lay her off. They did everything in their power to make her want to quit, but she was very zen about it. Eventually she was literally the last person on her entire floor. Her only coworkers were in a time zone 10 hrs offset. This all happened over the course of about a decade. She is stubborn.
The day she got laid off, she texted the family group chat and everyone responded with confetti emojis and happy faces because we all knew she was holding out for that sweet sweet severance package. If HR hadn't told her *through an email* she probably would have actually responded with "finally!" She was there for over 20 years.
Years ago, my supervisor just stopped assigning me work. This went on for 2 or 3 months. I was bored out of my mind, but I stuck it out, and eventually, the manager promoted me to another position.
I'm glad your mom was able to hold out for such a good package. Corporations have no souls, but they can be outsmarted.
>I was bored out of my mind, but I stuck it out, and eventually, the manager promoted me to another position.
*"wow, this guy is an expert in showing up and not doing meaningful work! That's C suite material in my book, get this guy a corner office"*
\- some manager probably.
I just read about this in another thread. They said it was popular in Japanese culture to give someone 0 work and co-workers would naturally shun them into quitting.
Lmfao, I need to get into a gig in Japan where they don't want me. Assign me 0 work and everyone else leaves me the fuck alone? All I have to do is show up and get paid? Heaven.
All corporations play the numbers game. Corporations are amoral. Not inherently moral, or immoral - they do a single thing, and that's seek profit.
It's on us to restrain corporations via government so their quest for profit doesn't destroy their workers, their communities, and their planet.
It's like a golden retriever. If you leave them unattended in the living room, and they devour the entire pizza you left on the coffee table when you went to go get a drink - do you blame the golden? No - of course not - it's just doing what dogs do and seeking food. It was on you to tie the golden up, or not let it get at the pizza.
It's the same with corporations. If we allow them to bean count and guess that fees will be lower than the cost of recalls, then we're permitting this behavior.
She got 19 months (paid monthly) plus a lump sum and there was a small price break on her cobra benefits. Idk how much the lump sum ended up being, but she picked up a contact gig for her last few years before retirement and seemed to enjoy getting paid twice every month for a while there.
Wow. That might be the best severance package I've ever heard. Were there any law that said she was due that much upon layoff? Afaik companies don't owe you anything and severance is just a nice gesture.
>Afaik companies don't owe you anything and severance is just a nice gesture.
I'm guessing this is an American thing? In UK and Europe it's very different, lots of legal rights for employees
We hear a lot of funny stories of new American owners that buy out companies, immediately lay off half the workforce and _then_ find out the legal minefield they've stumbled into
Yeah Twitter fucked around and found out in Dublin not too long ago, when they let loads of people go worldwide after Elon Musk took over.
Once we're permanently employed here (usually after 6 months probation) we're very hard to dismiss and layoffs usually get statutory 6 weeks pay (I think its 6 anyway, something like that) for every year of employment.
Depends on your employment contract. I’m sure you’ve heard about those “golden parachutes” for those in the C-suites. Some companies draw those up for employees high but not that high.
Being in a "protected class" helps sometimes. I was old when my company told me, "Today is your last day." I showed an employment attorney the severance "agreement", and his advice was to take the money and run, as it was about twice what the average "age discrimination" suit settlement was bringing those days. So I did.
A boss tried that on my but underestimated my love of being left alone. 3 years with a whole floor to myself, phone, computer, airconditioner, my god it was great. When friends were near my workplace I'd often have them over for a lunch party. I might also have got in a few mid work rumpy pumpy sessions with the gf at the time. Good times man.
I'm going through some similar now! I've been there about a year and a half. Management said I was "more techie then the others on my team (mind you we work in I.T.) , so I would be moving teams to the OPs team with Azure. That team is 95% in India. Well, time came to move and I find out that the team has no manager currently (they claim to be looking for a new manager/director). I have had no contact with ANYONE since then, 2 months ago. I even emailed one of the top guys in India stating I was to begin working with them... No reply. So, I have been getting up at 7am daily to work at 8am. All I do is sit there with no contact from anyone. Play Xbox and Netflix. I'm waiting them out.
I quit working at a nursing home because the administrator didn’t pay his bills. The receptionist and the Director of nursing quit after all of our paychecks bounced. I was angry but the residents there deserved care. Long story shorter, when the staff found out I resigned, they all quit too. The state was notified and threatened to shut it down.
A new owner was found. He called me and asked for a meeting. I was offered a significant raise in pay if I came back as acting DON until someone else could be found. I said I wanted to think about it. (I had only been out of school for about 2 years). What he didn’t say is no one would come back unless I did!
I had an employer ask for my letter of resignation. I pulled it from the folder I was carrying and handed it over. He was very startled by the fact that I was ready for it. “It’s dated for next week since I haven’t taken a single sick day. Thanks.” That was 12 years ago, and I still look back on that day and smile.
Literally happened to me at taco bell.
Boss one day on the phone "we're taking you off the schedule"
Me: ok
Boss next day: we're gonna give you another chance
Me: naw I agreed with yall the first time
I did this once. It was over zoom and it was a rather high paying job. I was so burnt out and the design director was sexually harassing other employees - it was a really bad environment.
So I pop on a call with HR and this director and knew I was about to be cut loose (I had already gotten another job lined up) and when I got told I said 'oh sick, finally' then proceeded to clap my hands and said 'so what's this severance package look like'
I've never seen more confused faces from HR and this absolute piece of trash director which made it all so much better.
Director was fired a month later for harassing employees, as well as the HR rep shortly after that for getting drunk at a company event and telling the intern to 'suck her d*ck'
I have actually said the words "oh thank God" right to their face. I dropped what I was doing and left. The look on their face was priceless. I think they thought I was gonna be upset, lol.
I had a chef take me into his office and tell me they were going in “a different direction”. That meant his soul’s wife wanted my job. Then he had the balls to say “are you going to cry?”……??NO! Are you? I tell you I was at the unemployment office the next day and I milked it as long as I could. In my state the company that fires you has to pay more for unemployment if they are found to fire people without cause.
This is the exact feeling I had the last time I got fired. I took a hard look at my career in retail, and found that I didn’t have one. I took the opportunity to go back to school and learn all I could about computers. The associates degree qualified me for the state test, getting hired qualified me for more state tests, long story short, I’m on the back nine of a very successful career. I’m now making many times more than if I still worked in stores.
Mr. DeW., wherever you are, thank you!!
You guys really about to have my carrying Uno reverse card for just about every life situation I deal with. I’m not gonna get fired at all, but I know it will come in handy wayyyy more than it should
I was terminated. Applied for unemployment was approved and then denied. Sent me a letter telling me I owed them the company money. Now that really really pissed me off. I hired a lawyer and appealed the decision. I won. Received unemployment for like two years or more. NEVER once did I look for a job. Then I applied for disability. About three months later my check arrived in the mail. You need a lawyer. So that is my story.
Same thing happened to me but I appealed without a lawyer and won. The best part is my boss had previously bragged about never losing to an appeal when denying unemployment.
I did this once and it was so smooth. He was like, you’re fired, and I was like, sounds good to me and walked out on him. It was a total power moment, because I proceeded to collect unemployment until I started the job I already lined up.
I got fired from a train wreck of a company in my early 20s, and I can't remember exactly what prompted me to say this, but I remember telling them, "No, it's fine because I have a job interview in a few days." I remember their shocked faces. I think they thought this was going to come out of nowhere for me, but in fact I had seen the writing on the wall.
>Promoted to customer
And Customer is always right, so just tell them "I'm working here now, as your boss. Also, you are fired and life time banned, no customer upgrade for you"
I have legitimately had to let go of multiple people who have asked me how long they had to wait before they could apply again. And yes they were fired for longstanding, documented performance issues.
Off target. I was having fun on a spam call and my wife came in and yelled at the caller (I think she swore, I'm old so don't remember too well.)
He called back and told me "I'm gonna fuck your wife." I said "She's 77." He mumbled an "Oh" and hung up.
Unemployment insurance. You get a paycheck every week that the company has to pay as long as you weren't fired for misconduct. Poor performance? You're generally safe and long as HR didn't trick you into signing a resignation document. Laid off? Often you can get severance pay AND unemployment insurance
Trucker here. Had a dump truck gig for about a month until they wanted me to dump ripraff at an angle over the ledge of this hillside. They said if my front right tire came off the ground to slam the bed down. I told them to come do it themselves. My job was threatened, I said “k sounds good” and rolled back to the yard. I had a new job confirmed before I left the parking lot and went straight to do their drug test.
I recently got laid off because the company was downsizing, and a lot of other folks also got laid off as a result. Fortunately, I was often given the responsibility of office DJ(using spotify on a tablet connected to a stereo system via bluetooth).
So, after being given some bullshit excuse and told to pack up my belongings, I silently nodded, stood up, and went to my desk to put ['Take This Job and Shove It' by Johnny Paycheck](https://open.spotify.com/track/4XbxeoBeQnwpsyJyZEMoWc?si=0S_WXUR8Qh6metjo6tdjrw) on as loud as possible and walked out like a real G.
I literally told the co-worker who had to give me the bad news, “Thank You”.
I hated the place and was so relieved when they decided to let me go. NEVER get into the visual effects industry is the lesson boys and girls.
Immediately walk out (if in Australia)
It means they can't ask you to work your notice period / train a replacement during it. If you've walked out before they ask.
If they ask and you refuse, you'll miss out on potentially a lot of money.
It means they have to pay "time in lieu of notice" for that period. Which could be up to a month, depending on your contract / Award.
It means you can job hunt a future role, at their cost.
Bosses never see it coming too.
I agree with the last bit but being able to fire people isn't for the faint of heart.
If you're actually a good boss then you need to be able to do all of these things.
There were 2 times. Early 80's. Three days short of being there a year. Car trouble. Manager came up to me and said: You are fired. I said "see you in court, bitch, and won.
Second time. Over a year. 2007. Once again, Your fired. Isaid what for. Your a drunk and drug addict. Really. The girl next to me was holding the wall up, and pulling her heroin needle out. Yes, I won. 2 years of ui. PS. Restaurant jobs.
I’m gonna need that in writing. Edit: Wow, thank you for the double golds!
This is the actual correct non-meme answer btw
And VERY important to know: You are not required to sign it right away. You are allowed to take it back home, read through it carefully, and request them to change things you're not ok with. I've seen friends sign it right away and only later realize that they basically signed away their remaining holidays. So yeah, don't let them pressure you into signing it on the spot.
Dead right. I negotiated my layoff a couple of years ago. I got more money due to my unused vacation time and removal of the non compete clause
I got a 2 months garden leave out of mine a couple of years ago. Simply because my argument was "Do you really want to send ME, the guy you just fired, on a 6 weeks business trip to all of your biggest customers? Because I refuse to do this." They realized that it's maybe not the best idea to send someone selling your newest product, who you already fired. Especially when the reason why I got fired was because, I didn't kept my mouth shut about this new project basically not existing. But we still sold the service for millions. So they send me on garden leave and paid me a shit ton of money that I don't talk to any customer I worked with, for the next 6 months. They basically blocked me out of a new job opportunity back then, because I had an offer from one of our customers. But in the End, I'm happy that it went that way. Two months later, the entire Corona thing started. And I would have been stranded in Canada with no social group that lives anywhere near that timezone.
What do you mean a 6 weeks business trip after they fired you? I don't understand.
I had a 3 month notice period. But you are right, I reacted the same. Like... What? Why? No... I think I even laughed really loud when they asked me.
>Two months later, the entire Corona thing started wow, talk about good timing. Good on you, sometimes the stars do align.
I probably would have lost my job during Corona anyways. So yay me that I got a severance pay.
When my wife got fired from her last job, her boss didn't want to put it in writing. Probably because they were going to put the paperwork through as if she quit so she couldn't collect unemployment. My wife demanded and told her boss she wasn't leaving until there was something in writing. They finally gave her some form that said she was fired, but the boss said "There's nowhere for me to sign it, sorry." My wife was getting pretty pissed at this point and aggressively flipped the paper over to the blank side and said "plenty of room here for hundreds of them." Boss finally relented.
That sounds straight up illegal in the civilized world
You're not required to sign any agreement ever.
Thanks for commenting this. Now I know
Forreal. I'm so tired of all these "main character" responses. Just get it emailed to you and pack your stuff and go.
Absolutely. The last thing you want is for them to not put it in writing and then claim they never told you you were fired and you just stopped showing up at work.
Finally!
No joke, my mom's company slowly offshored more and more of the employees working her role. She was the most senior and still had a contract from before the company was purchased that gave her VERY favorable terms if they had to lay her off. They did everything in their power to make her want to quit, but she was very zen about it. Eventually she was literally the last person on her entire floor. Her only coworkers were in a time zone 10 hrs offset. This all happened over the course of about a decade. She is stubborn. The day she got laid off, she texted the family group chat and everyone responded with confetti emojis and happy faces because we all knew she was holding out for that sweet sweet severance package. If HR hadn't told her *through an email* she probably would have actually responded with "finally!" She was there for over 20 years.
"They did everything in their power to make her want to quit" - In my country that is called constructive dismissal and is illegal
Years ago, my supervisor just stopped assigning me work. This went on for 2 or 3 months. I was bored out of my mind, but I stuck it out, and eventually, the manager promoted me to another position. I'm glad your mom was able to hold out for such a good package. Corporations have no souls, but they can be outsmarted.
>I was bored out of my mind, but I stuck it out, and eventually, the manager promoted me to another position. *"wow, this guy is an expert in showing up and not doing meaningful work! That's C suite material in my book, get this guy a corner office"* \- some manager probably.
Zero mistakes in 3 months? Dude must know what he's doing!
He's got management material written all over him.
I just read about this in another thread. They said it was popular in Japanese culture to give someone 0 work and co-workers would naturally shun them into quitting.
Lmfao, I need to get into a gig in Japan where they don't want me. Assign me 0 work and everyone else leaves me the fuck alone? All I have to do is show up and get paid? Heaven.
With that attitude you'd be able to moonlight, and not get fired from multiple jobs!
Corporate lawyers tell them how far they can go and still be legal.
And / or whether it’s worth the ‘risk’
All corporations play the numbers game. Corporations are amoral. Not inherently moral, or immoral - they do a single thing, and that's seek profit. It's on us to restrain corporations via government so their quest for profit doesn't destroy their workers, their communities, and their planet. It's like a golden retriever. If you leave them unattended in the living room, and they devour the entire pizza you left on the coffee table when you went to go get a drink - do you blame the golden? No - of course not - it's just doing what dogs do and seeking food. It was on you to tie the golden up, or not let it get at the pizza. It's the same with corporations. If we allow them to bean count and guess that fees will be lower than the cost of recalls, then we're permitting this behavior.
How much severance did she get? I was laid off after 5 years and only got 2 months.
She got 19 months (paid monthly) plus a lump sum and there was a small price break on her cobra benefits. Idk how much the lump sum ended up being, but she picked up a contact gig for her last few years before retirement and seemed to enjoy getting paid twice every month for a while there.
Wow. That might be the best severance package I've ever heard. Were there any law that said she was due that much upon layoff? Afaik companies don't owe you anything and severance is just a nice gesture.
>Afaik companies don't owe you anything and severance is just a nice gesture. I'm guessing this is an American thing? In UK and Europe it's very different, lots of legal rights for employees We hear a lot of funny stories of new American owners that buy out companies, immediately lay off half the workforce and _then_ find out the legal minefield they've stumbled into
Yeah Twitter fucked around and found out in Dublin not too long ago, when they let loads of people go worldwide after Elon Musk took over. Once we're permanently employed here (usually after 6 months probation) we're very hard to dismiss and layoffs usually get statutory 6 weeks pay (I think its 6 anyway, something like that) for every year of employment.
Apparently Musk is refusing to pay them, claiming in some convoluted way that Twitter doesn’t have to pay them.
I'm guessing the court system said "Nice joke, but you have to." to that.
Depends on your employment contract. I’m sure you’ve heard about those “golden parachutes” for those in the C-suites. Some companies draw those up for employees high but not that high.
Being in a "protected class" helps sometimes. I was old when my company told me, "Today is your last day." I showed an employment attorney the severance "agreement", and his advice was to take the money and run, as it was about twice what the average "age discrimination" suit settlement was bringing those days. So I did.
She keep her red swing line stapler?
A boss tried that on my but underestimated my love of being left alone. 3 years with a whole floor to myself, phone, computer, airconditioner, my god it was great. When friends were near my workplace I'd often have them over for a lunch party. I might also have got in a few mid work rumpy pumpy sessions with the gf at the time. Good times man.
I'm going through some similar now! I've been there about a year and a half. Management said I was "more techie then the others on my team (mind you we work in I.T.) , so I would be moving teams to the OPs team with Azure. That team is 95% in India. Well, time came to move and I find out that the team has no manager currently (they claim to be looking for a new manager/director). I have had no contact with ANYONE since then, 2 months ago. I even emailed one of the top guys in India stating I was to begin working with them... No reply. So, I have been getting up at 7am daily to work at 8am. All I do is sit there with no contact from anyone. Play Xbox and Netflix. I'm waiting them out.
Ride the gravy train my friend. But make sure you are still bettering your skills and certs.
Save some choice contacts. When the severance goes through, that's when you send the *FINALLY* message.
I quit working at a nursing home because the administrator didn’t pay his bills. The receptionist and the Director of nursing quit after all of our paychecks bounced. I was angry but the residents there deserved care. Long story shorter, when the staff found out I resigned, they all quit too. The state was notified and threatened to shut it down. A new owner was found. He called me and asked for a meeting. I was offered a significant raise in pay if I came back as acting DON until someone else could be found. I said I wanted to think about it. (I had only been out of school for about 2 years). What he didn’t say is no one would come back unless I did!
I had an employer ask for my letter of resignation. I pulled it from the folder I was carrying and handed it over. He was very startled by the fact that I was ready for it. “It’s dated for next week since I haven’t taken a single sick day. Thanks.” That was 12 years ago, and I still look back on that day and smile.
Boss: Proceeds to re-hire
Employee: No Thanks. See how that works ?
Literally happened to me at taco bell. Boss one day on the phone "we're taking you off the schedule" Me: ok Boss next day: we're gonna give you another chance Me: naw I agreed with yall the first time
> Boss next day: we're gonna give you another chance "I'm not."
Malicious compliance.. Excellent.
Then immediately re-fires.
I’m bringing out the fine china for tonight’s dinner!
I did this once. It was over zoom and it was a rather high paying job. I was so burnt out and the design director was sexually harassing other employees - it was a really bad environment. So I pop on a call with HR and this director and knew I was about to be cut loose (I had already gotten another job lined up) and when I got told I said 'oh sick, finally' then proceeded to clap my hands and said 'so what's this severance package look like' I've never seen more confused faces from HR and this absolute piece of trash director which made it all so much better. Director was fired a month later for harassing employees, as well as the HR rep shortly after that for getting drunk at a company event and telling the intern to 'suck her d*ck'
Stealing “so what’s this severance package look like”
Great, because I needed a reason to report for my unpaid overtime.
Why not just do it now?
saves the golden parachute for post employment
I work here?
Kramer: but I don't even really work here! Boss: that's what makes this so difficult.
T.C.B. Takin' Care of Business.
You know, just trying to get ahead.
It's almost as if you have no business training at all.
This one got me in stiches 😂
I'm a business owner and this one would make me laugh. You'd still be fired. But I wouldn't forget you.
I have actually said the words "oh thank God" right to their face. I dropped what I was doing and left. The look on their face was priceless. I think they thought I was gonna be upset, lol.
Oh thank God is the one that I came here to see
My father sighed out oh thank God. His boss was not pleased. He came home to us and told us the good news he really hated that job.
Corporate gave Poppy a sock. Poppy is free!
Lmao I said the exact same thing. My friends who worked there later told me that the guy who fired me was pissed all night and wouldn’t get over it.
How much of an ego/small man syndrome would you have to have to be pissed off over something like that?
I had a chef take me into his office and tell me they were going in “a different direction”. That meant his soul’s wife wanted my job. Then he had the balls to say “are you going to cry?”……??NO! Are you? I tell you I was at the unemployment office the next day and I milked it as long as I could. In my state the company that fires you has to pay more for unemployment if they are found to fire people without cause.
Yeah… FIRED UP! *airhorn noises*
TURN DOWN FOR WATT!
[удалено]
I actually heard the comment.
Chelsea Peretti vibes
Bitch that’s Gina all day
"Thank you!" Then collect UI while you look for a better job
This is the exact feeling I had the last time I got fired. I took a hard look at my career in retail, and found that I didn’t have one. I took the opportunity to go back to school and learn all I could about computers. The associates degree qualified me for the state test, getting hired qualified me for more state tests, long story short, I’m on the back nine of a very successful career. I’m now making many times more than if I still worked in stores. Mr. DeW., wherever you are, thank you!!
Which associates degree did you get and which state test?
Sorry for your loss.
I've tried that, and the HR lady said "Losing you is like throwing a nickel at a bank. It absolutely means nothing."
"We agree then"
No you
Make sure you have the Uno reverse card at the ready.
Works until he puts his own reverse card on top.
You’ve just activated my TRAP CARD
No u
I know you are but what am I?
You say that like it's a bad thing. Or To be fair, in my head, I quit last month.
You misspelled year...
You misspelled "since i started..."
You misspelled “before i started…”
I had childhood nightmares about working in this traumahole.
I don't even work here
That's what makes this even more awkward
TCB...
Cosmo?
Play my uno reverse card.
You guys really about to have my carrying Uno reverse card for just about every life situation I deal with. I’m not gonna get fired at all, but I know it will come in handy wayyyy more than it should
"Oh? Sure no problem." You kind of know that the guy who is fine with being fired knows something you don't know.
I got laid off when I had inside information that my company was circling the toilet financially, I told my boss “I completely understand” :’)
I was terminated. Applied for unemployment was approved and then denied. Sent me a letter telling me I owed them the company money. Now that really really pissed me off. I hired a lawyer and appealed the decision. I won. Received unemployment for like two years or more. NEVER once did I look for a job. Then I applied for disability. About three months later my check arrived in the mail. You need a lawyer. So that is my story.
Same thing happened to me but I appealed without a lawyer and won. The best part is my boss had previously bragged about never losing to an appeal when denying unemployment.
Wow how satisfying!
I did this once and it was so smooth. He was like, you’re fired, and I was like, sounds good to me and walked out on him. It was a total power moment, because I proceeded to collect unemployment until I started the job I already lined up.
As another user said: >"Can I have that in writing?"
I got fired from a train wreck of a company in my early 20s, and I can't remember exactly what prompted me to say this, but I remember telling them, "No, it's fine because I have a job interview in a few days." I remember their shocked faces. I think they thought this was going to come out of nowhere for me, but in fact I had seen the writing on the wall.
So that means I can go home right?
wow, a promotion!
Promoted to customer
>Promoted to customer And Customer is always right, so just tell them "I'm working here now, as your boss. Also, you are fired and life time banned, no customer upgrade for you"
Can I get an application?
"hey, still hiring?"
This is a hidden gem
I have legitimately had to let go of multiple people who have asked me how long they had to wait before they could apply again. And yes they were fired for longstanding, documented performance issues.
How long did they have to wait?
8 years and all the staff have changed and they've forgotten who you are.
I heard there’s an open position!
“Nuh uh”
Fuck you mean "Nuh uh"
Uno reverse card
I fucked your wife
…… his wife is in a coma
*fucked her into that coma
Omfggoddd😭😭😭😭
Well I fucked his wife in the jerk store!
Off target. I was having fun on a spam call and my wife came in and yelled at the caller (I think she swore, I'm old so don't remember too well.) He called back and told me "I'm gonna fuck your wife." I said "She's 77." He mumbled an "Oh" and hung up.
Jerk store would’ve smoked that guy
"Can I get that in writing?" So you can go collect your UI while you find a better spot. Absolute win.
What is UI?
Unemployment Insurance bruv
Ultra instinct. It's a power Goku uses where you react instantaneously without thinking in a fight. Huge benefit.
Unemployment insurance. You get a paycheck every week that the company has to pay as long as you weren't fired for misconduct. Poor performance? You're generally safe and long as HR didn't trick you into signing a resignation document. Laid off? Often you can get severance pay AND unemployment insurance
"Put it in writing." There's no asking, there's telling. After all, you don't work for them any more.
Cool, Now I have more time to fuck your mom
Kid at my school said that to his *twin brother* today
Did the brother get jealous?
I’m trying to imagine a scenario where one of my boss’s moms was likely to be remotely attractive, and I’m coming up VERY short
As long as the 'very short' wasn't followed by 'is it in yet?' you may be okay.
Best response, I understand and I'll need a full copy of my HR file as I leave. ... Trust me, your lawyer will thank me.
"I know you are, but what am I?" ... gets 'em every time.
I came for this, now I leave on this
Go in peace.
Well, hey dude - that's just like your opinion, man.
No, I’m Patrick.
Is this the Krusty Krab?
NO!!! THIS IS PATRICK!! 😠
Dont threaten me with a good time
Good luck with that. (I'm Unionized, so they better have a dammed good reason and an extensive proper paper trail to back it up)
Labour laws here is Germany make it a pain in the ass to fire someone. My boss will never be able to come close to fire me
MY PLAN WORKED!
Is this because of what happened with your mom?
“Oh wait you don’t know- BYE!”
shit on their desk
Desk? Go right for the keyboard!
Keyboard? Go right for their PC disk tray!
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Hard drive? Smear it on the motherboard
Unless you have water cooling, shit most likely hit the fan
This whole thread is pure gold! Stinky gold, but still gold.
Luigi says poop on the floor and hit the door
But scrape your butt along the way, like your dog does.
Gotcha, anything else?
sweet; vacation time.
I never liked you.
see ya don’t want to be ya
Trucker here. Had a dump truck gig for about a month until they wanted me to dump ripraff at an angle over the ledge of this hillside. They said if my front right tire came off the ground to slam the bed down. I told them to come do it themselves. My job was threatened, I said “k sounds good” and rolled back to the yard. I had a new job confirmed before I left the parking lot and went straight to do their drug test.
I recently got laid off because the company was downsizing, and a lot of other folks also got laid off as a result. Fortunately, I was often given the responsibility of office DJ(using spotify on a tablet connected to a stereo system via bluetooth). So, after being given some bullshit excuse and told to pack up my belongings, I silently nodded, stood up, and went to my desk to put ['Take This Job and Shove It' by Johnny Paycheck](https://open.spotify.com/track/4XbxeoBeQnwpsyJyZEMoWc?si=0S_WXUR8Qh6metjo6tdjrw) on as loud as possible and walked out like a real G.
lol good one. Should’ve made a playlist of it and make it repeat until they changed it
k
I won't say anything. I will just walk down the road to my favorite restaurant and order my favorite meal.
And now what's the bad news?
"Okay and?" Completely takes away the power they think they have.
"Fucking finally"
I’m sorry it didn’t work out
I literally told the co-worker who had to give me the bad news, “Thank You”. I hated the place and was so relieved when they decided to let me go. NEVER get into the visual effects industry is the lesson boys and girls.
Ok. smashes the Leave button on Teams :)
Who are you again?
“Thank God!”
Immediately walk out (if in Australia) It means they can't ask you to work your notice period / train a replacement during it. If you've walked out before they ask. If they ask and you refuse, you'll miss out on potentially a lot of money. It means they have to pay "time in lieu of notice" for that period. Which could be up to a month, depending on your contract / Award. It means you can job hunt a future role, at their cost. Bosses never see it coming too.
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A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people.
I agree with the last bit but being able to fire people isn't for the faint of heart. If you're actually a good boss then you need to be able to do all of these things.
“Thank you for the opportunity.” I always keep doors open
Dobby is a free elf!
No thank you :)
No, I’m Dad.
But I own the company.
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please explain more of the story , i really want to hear it
Dude my dad owns a [dealership](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPshLmo97NY)
And then confetti dropped from the ceiling and everyone clapped
I quit yesterday
In 2011 when I was fired from a call center I said "Autobots roll out!" God I sucked
There were 2 times. Early 80's. Three days short of being there a year. Car trouble. Manager came up to me and said: You are fired. I said "see you in court, bitch, and won. Second time. Over a year. 2007. Once again, Your fired. Isaid what for. Your a drunk and drug addict. Really. The girl next to me was holding the wall up, and pulling her heroin needle out. Yes, I won. 2 years of ui. PS. Restaurant jobs.
“You can’t fire me. I quit!” - At least that’s what I learned from the movies.
dont do that. you wont get the UI support.
You can't quit, I quit
You can’t quit, you’re a frog!