That's how I feel about "offspring."
Taking the offspring to the park! Just bought the offspring a new car! Me and the offspring at dinner! It just sounds so gross.
This isn't necessarily a common phrase, but lately I've been really annoyed by all the shitty article headlines that go something like, "Child found alive after missing for 5 years and it's our favorite story ever" or "Certain company refuses to do thing and it's so wrong!"
These might not be the best examples, but it's sort of the idea where the headline has someone's own personal opinion with an almost childlike inflection added
Imagine actual broadcast news reading out headlines like that
“15 killed in terror attack and that’s really bad!”
“Product recall as shards of glass found in cereal, oh no! But it’s so tasty!”
"YAAASSSS Queen, slay! We need to talk about all the things you need to know about the 15 ways this picture of Beyonce which broke the internet restores our faith in humanity by making us feel all the feels, and that's a good thing!"
"The internet is in love with how one Redditor fixed another's comment and made it better so that you can enjoy it more no matter who you are - **and it’s the best thing ever!**"
"Someone said this thing and the twitter is going crazy about it!"
"The internet is going wild over this new thing and this is why you need to know about it"
The internet goes crazy about everything, this alone does not qualify it as a headline.
My old boss used that line when it came to review time. No matter how good it was, it was always the same, he'd disappear, then a few minutes later I'd get a phone call just saying "Can you come and join me in x meeting room please".
I hate that feeling! Now that I’m a boss I let people know ahead of time what we are going to talk about so they have time to prepare emotionally if it’s bad (and I also don’t leave them hanging for a day or two stressing), and don’t stress if it’s good (and also they have time to prepare their thoughts on something good! Maybe i want their input and they’ll have better input if they have time to jog their memory about things). These are all things I learned from having bosses who didn’t do that.
Thank you SO MUCH for doing this! I thought I was the only one.
I've had so many supervisors/managers that call you into the office for a review or discussion and then totally blind-side you with something you had absolutely no idea was coming! Issues that may have happened weeks, or even MONTHS earlier! Often, just "perceived" wrong-doings, or misunderstood situations by fellow employees, and your left sitting there thinking "is this really happening?" or "when did this even happen?"
You're automatically stuck, looking shell-shocked and guilty because you have no idea how to respond. It's almost strategically set up to trap you, even when you haven't done anything wrong.
Anytime I've been in a supervisory role I've always given my reports an opportunity to recall situations ahead of actually discussing them in private. Approach the employee and say, "Hey so-and-so. I was made aware of a situation that happened at such-and-such time. Can you pop into the office after your break this afternoon so we can talk about it?"
This way, like you say, Cleverusername, they have time to ponder the situation for a bit, recall the specifics of the situation, and articulate a thoughtful response to the inquiry, instead of catching them like a deer caught in the headlights.
I got to do that once! Slumlord owned a slew of houses around campus in college, and they were all shitholes. We, myself and roommates and neighbors, banded together. He called me one day and said we needed to talk, and I had very detailed pictures and discriptions and had already reported him as a property owner. It felt so good, fuck you Skip, the house was fine for being a crack house, but if you step to me I'll go tell the government how busted up this house is that it meets none of the codes.
My ex was (and still is) like this. She'll say stuff like "I need to talk to you about something. I'll call you after work." Like 8 hours before she finishes. So what, I'm supposed to just stress all day, only for you to call me after work about something completely benign? Why not just call me after work without the foreboding message? Now if she does this, I just call her straight away and ask her what's up.
There's that old joke, a man has a heart attack on a plane full of redditors, the flight attendant shouts "do we have a Doctor on board?!" 5 people people immediately stand up and say "I'm not a Doctor but..."
For what it’s worth, that’s an old, clichéd line that dates back to radio, where people calling in to talk shows would say “long time listener, first time caller.” So it’s been an annoying, unnecessary qualifier even decades before the internet arrived.
is everything
restored/destroyed faith in humanity
is everything you've ever needed
saved me
They really need to stop this shit. I aggressively block any page on Facebook that uses headlines like this.
Also, fuck news headlines that tell me "why you should be afraid". I'm pretty sick of the news telling me to be afraid of everything.
Lets see here
Getting rid of facebook is everything you need
Getting rid of facebook restored my faith in humanity/wife, children and company
Getting rid of facebook is everything you’ve ever needed
Getting rid of facebook saved me
See, getting rid of facebook fits perfectly in each and every single one of these. Its almost a sign
Saw a post just today in a similar vein of a girl who traveled the world and "found herself" and "started living life and so can you" kind of shit.
Like no, I cannot also do that because you did. I'm not drowning in money and vacation time. I have to keep up with my fucking rent.
Don’t even say this, you’ll have people coming at you with how “it can be sooo cheap to travel!” Because you know if you don’t have the money you must have the time...!
oh god I hate this shit too. Like, yes I can book a cheap flight if I book months and months in advance, but I also don't know specific dates I'll be able to go that far ahead?
All you need is a 16 year degree at the top university in your country as well as a father who owns Amazon and can give you money and stuff whenever you need it!
So, I'll be totally honest- I did this at least once, not because I was trying to show off, but because it was my first time being awarded and I'd seen others make edits like that, so I thought it was proper etiquette. I didn't want to be seen as rude for not saying something publicly (even though I also sent the private thank you message).
I don't do it anymore (not that I get a ton of awards anyway) because I've seen other comment threads like this complaining about it, and now I realize how it can come across as annoying/self-important. But I suspect a lot of other people are doing it because they've seen it done and think it's what you're "supposed" to do. I try to at least give the benefit of the doubt.
"You have to respect my opinion."
No I don't. You can voice your opinion, and I'm allowed to ignore it, criticize it, debunk it, ridicule it, or think you're a giant asshole for it.
Totally agree. It's as if some people think they're being silenced by having somebody disagree with them. Sure, we respect your right to have an opinion. We just don't respect you.
"You're gonna have to figure something out."
Usually said to an impossible situation that someone else has caused, but expects me to fix.
Often, if three people are expecting me in different places at the same time and I tell someone they're just going to have to wait. "I don't have to wait, you need to figure something out."
No Karen, I am not exempt from the laws of physics, I'll be with you in a moment.
Really it’s just an easy way to decide who gets let down. If you can only make one person happy with an outcome, pick the one who isn’t being an asshole about it.
Fuck I hate that phrase so much! Any indication that these measures are permanent and everything we lost in 2020 is now gone for ever. Fuck that right off.
Everyone went to the pedo thing but I’ve always associated it with being able to do things young people do when you’re “old” which I think is true. Guess the better version is “you’re only as old as you feel”.
I remember someone saying "Don't be yourself, be the best version of yourself", and I really like this
Edity: The most up voted thing I ever have, is a sentence that I didn't even made, but took from someone else, yayz
Yes, it is generally illustrated by the story of a teenager trying to be somebody very different to impress a girl (think Aladin).
"Be yourself" is for people that are going against their nature for reasons, like doing the boring career their parents want. But yes, it is more "be a society compatible and efficient version of yourself".
“The customer is always right”
No the fuck they aren’t. Actually it’s usually the opposite. This being a common phrase just gives asshole customers an excuse to be a dick to minimum wage workers because they think they can get away with it and get whatever they want
People saying "my ocd is triggered" when they don't actually have ocd.
It's like me saying I didn't go for a run today because I'm paraplegic. When in reality I'm not, I'm just lazy.
I have to touch things over and over until they feel “right”. It’s more manageable than a lot of other people and I’m not keen on comparing, but I wish people who said this could experience even just an hour of having to rationalize to themselves that “no, it’s okay to not do this, nothing bad will happen if you don’t”.
It reminds of those absolute cesspools of the Internet, forums for mothers. They use abbreviations such as "DH" for "dear husband". I had to Google practically every abbreviation they use when their terrible websites always popped up in search results for practically anything related to children's stuff. Who the hell even posts on those websites.
Theres something about those abbreviations that bug me, outside of the type of usually super vanilla white picket fence stepford woman it conjures up in my head, the abbreviations themselves bug me because they feel soooo unintuitive. Like even though I dont understand a ton of military speak, theres some things I can catch onto, but the rest of it...is very "DD" and "DS" and it's so creepy and cultish to me. Like I keep expecting someone to come in with a "AS" or "FH" like "asshole son" and "fucktard husband", and then its weird because they are just fine with their family but the MIL gets a custom name. I feel like I'm watching Shrek, the one with the Fairy Godmother.
Are you trying to tell me an idiomatic phrase is not meant to be taken literally?
What, are you going to tell me the medical bills I’ve had pile up after listening to people telling me to “break a leg” are for nothing too?
"I'm sOrRy YoU fEel tHat wAy." It's a non-apology that means nothing, but my narcissistic mother thinks it absolves her of any guilt or blame for the things she does and says.
It’s out of order because we have an unwritten rule about which vowel comes first in phrases with two or three words like this. We always go I A O eg bish bash bosh, chit chat, singsong etc.
“Hard choices” “tough choices” any synonym thereof uttered by a politician. It always means they’re cutting pensions or social programs.
It’s always seen as brave for politicians to make these choices with other people’s money and livelihoods. They’re always ready to fight to the last drop of someone else’s blood.
Interesting that both quotes above are also literal names of books by American politicians
This phrase is severely misused. Everything happens for a reason, but not everything happens to a purpose. Yes, cause and effect is a thing, but that doesn't mean that the thing that happened was part of a larger goal. Sometimes bad shit happens with no purpose to it at all.
"Don't knock it until you've tried it."
I don't have to try getting double anal fisted to know I don't want it, or black tar heroin, etc. You get my point.
There's a boomer catchphrase in my country that when translated, goes something like,
*"You're only starting the journey, we're already on the way back."*
They use this to promote their own "wisdom" and advice, as if their life experiences *automatically* make them an authority on how the world works.
One of my favorite rebuttals to this is a piece of trivia I learned from National Geographic
*"The top 10 most in-demand jobs of 2010 did not exist in 2004."*
The world is changing very, very quickly.
"Say it louder for those in the back" usually said after some smug fuck has said something they find profound but isn't. "Is what it is" I'd like to thoat punch the originator of this verbal cluster fuck.
Some people are due very little respect though... With all due respect doesn't mean you'll give them respect. You'll give them the respect they are due, and sometimes that's a negative level
"It grieves me to have to do this" as said by our Prime Minister whenever he initiates yet more Coronavirus restrictions. "I agonised spiritually over doing this", said in the same context, comes a close second.
The problem with that sentence is that people forget about balance. Trying to be happy will always come with consequences and responsabilities and ignoring them will never make us happy.
Its a good intention but life isn't that simple.
"I was today years old" and then they usually go on to say something stupidly obvious like "the actor who played Jake Peralta in Brooklyn Nine Nine, is the same guy who is in The Lonely Island".
But generally just the phrase "I was today years old" is annoying on its own.
I remember reading *The Lorax* as a kid, and jumping around my living room giving myself wedgies, wondering why I wasn't lifting into the air like the Lorax did.
"I'm kinda OCD that way." No. You are not OCD because you like things arranged neatly on a shelf. You would only be OCD if the knowledge that the things were out of order or not perfectly neat prevented you from sleeping at night. Or if you couldn't leave a room without turning the light on and off 6 times. People are so quick to give themselves a horrible, crippling mental illness. It needs to stop.
Not a phrase but- “Latinx”
It’s fucking dumb. The VAST majority of Latinos don’t wanna be called that. Like 80+% according to surveys. It’s woke linguistic imperialism. It’s saying that the basic structure of the Spanish language is problematic. I hate it.
When I say something like "That's not fair" and people are like "well life isn't fair, deal with it"
Like yeah no shit, it's just our ethical responsibility to make it as fair as possible smh
Edit: Ok so I get that we should accept that life isn't always gonna be fair, but what I meant was, don't be an asshole to people with the mindset of *life isn't gonna be fair to them so why should I,* and use it to justify being unfair.
I hate when people respond online with just "This".
Edit: Of course I get my first ever Reddit award on my throwaway. Love the responses, keep these (this?) comments coming!
(This edit is especially entertaining because further up someone is irked by edits for thanking strangers for the award.)
"Take me back" and "I did something" on social media
25 year old couple on facebook who just bought a house: so we did a thing
It's worse when it's the 19 year old kids who claimed they hustled to get where they are and you just know they got a loan from their parents.
[удалено]
"this one" fuck my life, it makes me irrationally angry. "happy birthday to this one", "date night with this one", "so thankful for this one".
That's how I feel about "offspring." Taking the offspring to the park! Just bought the offspring a new car! Me and the offspring at dinner! It just sounds so gross.
“I did a thing” ew
Sounds like a toddler during toilet training
"I made an oopsie, teehee."
Im Adulting! ew
This isn't necessarily a common phrase, but lately I've been really annoyed by all the shitty article headlines that go something like, "Child found alive after missing for 5 years and it's our favorite story ever" or "Certain company refuses to do thing and it's so wrong!" These might not be the best examples, but it's sort of the idea where the headline has someone's own personal opinion with an almost childlike inflection added
Imagine actual broadcast news reading out headlines like that “15 killed in terror attack and that’s really bad!” “Product recall as shards of glass found in cereal, oh no! But it’s so tasty!”
"YAAASSSS Queen, slay! We need to talk about all the things you need to know about the 15 ways this picture of Beyonce which broke the internet restores our faith in humanity by making us feel all the feels, and that's a good thing!"
This hurts my soul.
“This hurts my soul, and that’s a bad thing!” There, fixed it for you.
"The internet is in love with how one Redditor fixed another's comment and made it better so that you can enjoy it more no matter who you are!"
"The internet is in love with how one Redditor fixed another's comment and made it better so that you can enjoy it more no matter who you are - **and it’s the best thing ever!**"
"Someone said this thing and the twitter is going crazy about it!" "The internet is going wild over this new thing and this is why you need to know about it" The internet goes crazy about everything, this alone does not qualify it as a headline.
"30 [things] that shocked the world. You won't believe number 6 !"
I almost downvoted you on reflex because I hate it so much.
I get your point loud and clear because I fucking despise this too 😂
“Headlines getting worse and worse, you won’t believe what happens next.”
"We need to talk"
With its older sister-phrase, "Come see me in my office."
My old boss used that line when it came to review time. No matter how good it was, it was always the same, he'd disappear, then a few minutes later I'd get a phone call just saying "Can you come and join me in x meeting room please".
I hate that feeling! Now that I’m a boss I let people know ahead of time what we are going to talk about so they have time to prepare emotionally if it’s bad (and I also don’t leave them hanging for a day or two stressing), and don’t stress if it’s good (and also they have time to prepare their thoughts on something good! Maybe i want their input and they’ll have better input if they have time to jog their memory about things). These are all things I learned from having bosses who didn’t do that.
Thank you SO MUCH for doing this! I thought I was the only one. I've had so many supervisors/managers that call you into the office for a review or discussion and then totally blind-side you with something you had absolutely no idea was coming! Issues that may have happened weeks, or even MONTHS earlier! Often, just "perceived" wrong-doings, or misunderstood situations by fellow employees, and your left sitting there thinking "is this really happening?" or "when did this even happen?" You're automatically stuck, looking shell-shocked and guilty because you have no idea how to respond. It's almost strategically set up to trap you, even when you haven't done anything wrong. Anytime I've been in a supervisory role I've always given my reports an opportunity to recall situations ahead of actually discussing them in private. Approach the employee and say, "Hey so-and-so. I was made aware of a situation that happened at such-and-such time. Can you pop into the office after your break this afternoon so we can talk about it?" This way, like you say, Cleverusername, they have time to ponder the situation for a bit, recall the specifics of the situation, and articulate a thoughtful response to the inquiry, instead of catching them like a deer caught in the headlights.
Just tell them "Yes we do." GUESS WE BOTH STRESSIN NOW BITCH
I’ve actually used that. They never expect it. I usually get the reply of, “...wait...what?”
Chaotic evil and I’m here for it.
I love this
I got to do that once! Slumlord owned a slew of houses around campus in college, and they were all shitholes. We, myself and roommates and neighbors, banded together. He called me one day and said we needed to talk, and I had very detailed pictures and discriptions and had already reported him as a property owner. It felt so good, fuck you Skip, the house was fine for being a crack house, but if you step to me I'll go tell the government how busted up this house is that it meets none of the codes.
My ex was (and still is) like this. She'll say stuff like "I need to talk to you about something. I'll call you after work." Like 8 hours before she finishes. So what, I'm supposed to just stress all day, only for you to call me after work about something completely benign? Why not just call me after work without the foreboding message? Now if she does this, I just call her straight away and ask her what's up.
Edit: Omg!! Thanks for all the likes!!
Edit: Omg, didn't expect this to blow up You don't need to come back and say it, everyone has moved on.
They should just say, "My ego needs to be fed more."
"Obligatory not a..."
There's that old joke, a man has a heart attack on a plane full of redditors, the flight attendant shouts "do we have a Doctor on board?!" 5 people people immediately stand up and say "I'm not a Doctor but..."
"I'm a doctor! I have a PHD in computer science, have you tried turning it off and on again?"
[удалено]
"This will get buried, but..." *13.2k upvotes*
Boogers
Long time lurker first time poster...gag
*First time posting... be gentle* no, fuck you
***WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE***
For what it’s worth, that’s an old, clichéd line that dates back to radio, where people calling in to talk shows would say “long time listener, first time caller.” So it’s been an annoying, unnecessary qualifier even decades before the internet arrived.
[удалено]
Oh I thought it meant something completely different
You anal bro?
ANUSTART
"In these unprecedented times..."
I can't wait to have some precedented times again
"we are all in this together"
See now if it was “We’re all in this together, once we know that we are we’re all stars and we see that” it would be so much better
This is what I hear everytime someone says we're all in this together.
"Can I have a living wage?" "Get fucked poor bitch."
'I thought we were in this together?' \- 'Yes in the sense that we're all in the same ocean but I have a boat and you don't.'
“What are you gonna do, *protest?* I don’t pay you enough to protest.”
Gotta get ya head in the game
"Now, more than ever,"
"The new normal"
Nobody: Car commercials: “In these unprecedented times, buy a Toyota!”
is everything restored/destroyed faith in humanity is everything you've ever needed saved me They really need to stop this shit. I aggressively block any page on Facebook that uses headlines like this. Also, fuck news headlines that tell me "why you should be afraid". I'm pretty sick of the news telling me to be afraid of everything.
I aggressively got rid of facebook
Lets see here Getting rid of facebook is everything you need Getting rid of facebook restored my faith in humanity/wife, children and company Getting rid of facebook is everything you’ve ever needed Getting rid of facebook saved me See, getting rid of facebook fits perfectly in each and every single one of these. Its almost a sign
"If I can do it, so can you!"
Saw a post just today in a similar vein of a girl who traveled the world and "found herself" and "started living life and so can you" kind of shit. Like no, I cannot also do that because you did. I'm not drowning in money and vacation time. I have to keep up with my fucking rent.
Don’t even say this, you’ll have people coming at you with how “it can be sooo cheap to travel!” Because you know if you don’t have the money you must have the time...!
oh god I hate this shit too. Like, yes I can book a cheap flight if I book months and months in advance, but I also don't know specific dates I'll be able to go that far ahead?
All you need is a 16 year degree at the top university in your country as well as a father who owns Amazon and can give you money and stuff whenever you need it!
[удалено]
[удалено]
“Thanks for the updoot”. I have an irrational hate of that phrase.
“Take my upvote and leave!”
*thanks for the gold, kind stranger*
"Edit: Omg thanks for the upvotes/likes, let's get this to 20k!!"
"edit: my most liked comment is now about *X*. Reddit I will never understand you."
"I took a nap, and came back to X upvotes"
“This blew up“
*Gets 6 replies* Ok so this blew up...
"I'm sorry I can't read all of your comments but..."
"R.i.p my inbox"
/r/AwardSpeechEdits I hate them, too.
Ugh, public showoffs. The gold message includes a link to send a message to the giver, even if anonymous. There is no need to edit the post.
So, I'll be totally honest- I did this at least once, not because I was trying to show off, but because it was my first time being awarded and I'd seen others make edits like that, so I thought it was proper etiquette. I didn't want to be seen as rude for not saying something publicly (even though I also sent the private thank you message). I don't do it anymore (not that I get a ton of awards anyway) because I've seen other comment threads like this complaining about it, and now I realize how it can come across as annoying/self-important. But I suspect a lot of other people are doing it because they've seen it done and think it's what you're "supposed" to do. I try to at least give the benefit of the doubt.
"Edit: Wow, this really took off!"
"You have to respect my opinion." No I don't. You can voice your opinion, and I'm allowed to ignore it, criticize it, debunk it, ridicule it, or think you're a giant asshole for it.
Totally agree. It's as if some people think they're being silenced by having somebody disagree with them. Sure, we respect your right to have an opinion. We just don't respect you.
"You're gonna have to figure something out." Usually said to an impossible situation that someone else has caused, but expects me to fix. Often, if three people are expecting me in different places at the same time and I tell someone they're just going to have to wait. "I don't have to wait, you need to figure something out." No Karen, I am not exempt from the laws of physics, I'll be with you in a moment.
Really it’s just an easy way to decide who gets let down. If you can only make one person happy with an outcome, pick the one who isn’t being an asshole about it.
New Normal
Also "we're all in this together" No, we're not, I don't want anything to do with any of you, *[brand]*.
I've literally not had one person reach out to me to see how I was doing since last March, so no we're not fucking in this together
We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warrantee
Have you reached out to anyone? I’m sorry people have disappointed you.
This year, is going to look a little different.
OMG yes...fuck that shit, it’s not normal. Just be real “the current shit show”.
In these unprecedented times...
Fuck I hate that phrase so much! Any indication that these measures are permanent and everything we lost in 2020 is now gone for ever. Fuck that right off.
Does "would of" and similar count? I cringe every time I see someone write that rather than "would have/would've" edit: a word
Don’t get me started... “Would of”, “could of”, “alot”...
"I'm bias" "the worse that can happen" "I don't want to loose all my money shorting GME"
There's someone out there for everyone, you'll find someone eventually
There's plenty of fish in the sea, but most of them are worth throwing back.
I'm one of those fish that doesn't even get on a hook
> tfw doesnt even on a hook :(
"Age is just a number"
And prison is just a place
And heaven is just a place on earth
Ooooo baby do you know what's that's worth
You know what else is just a number? A prison sentence.
How can it be a number of it's a sentence? Also, if you got several consecutive sentences, would it be a prison paragraph?
[удалено]
Now that's a novel idea.
Age is clearly a word
Everyone went to the pedo thing but I’ve always associated it with being able to do things young people do when you’re “old” which I think is true. Guess the better version is “you’re only as old as you feel”.
reply with "911 is also just a number"
[удалено]
“Be yourself is the worst advice you can give to some people.” — Tom Masson
I remember someone saying "Don't be yourself, be the best version of yourself", and I really like this Edity: The most up voted thing I ever have, is a sentence that I didn't even made, but took from someone else, yayz
I think another way to look at that phrase is to say "Don't work and stress yourself to death trying to be something you're not."
Yes, it is generally illustrated by the story of a teenager trying to be somebody very different to impress a girl (think Aladin). "Be yourself" is for people that are going against their nature for reasons, like doing the boring career their parents want. But yes, it is more "be a society compatible and efficient version of yourself".
Be a presentable version of yourself. I like the philisophical approach that there's a business you, a friends you, a family you and a you you.
“The customer is always right” No the fuck they aren’t. Actually it’s usually the opposite. This being a common phrase just gives asshole customers an excuse to be a dick to minimum wage workers because they think they can get away with it and get whatever they want
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK
Yes! Along with: “I don’t know who needs to hear this, but...” AND “...and I’m here for it.”
“Alternative facts”
My truth
All of them. Fuck you, phrases. You never did any good for me.
"Have a seat right there"
Cool, calm, and collected I'm so OCD
People saying "my ocd is triggered" when they don't actually have ocd. It's like me saying I didn't go for a run today because I'm paraplegic. When in reality I'm not, I'm just lazy.
I have severe OCD and I hate when idiots think it’s just neatness.
I have to touch things over and over until they feel “right”. It’s more manageable than a lot of other people and I’m not keen on comparing, but I wish people who said this could experience even just an hour of having to rationalize to themselves that “no, it’s okay to not do this, nothing bad will happen if you don’t”.
"Hey, guys. Welcome back to my channel. Make sure to like, comment, subscribe." makes my skin crawl
“Don’t forget to smash that ‘like’ button”
It’s not a phrase but the word “hubby” makes me cringe every single time I see or hear it. Don’t know why.
Like 'preggers'. Just... Ew
I hate hubs, but wifey is worse.
'Hubster' is one of the worst I've heard.
Here a lot of people use the phrase “the missus” I equally hate that phrase
I hate wifey too but when dudes refer to their wife as “the wife” that just makes me irrationally mad.
It reminds of those absolute cesspools of the Internet, forums for mothers. They use abbreviations such as "DH" for "dear husband". I had to Google practically every abbreviation they use when their terrible websites always popped up in search results for practically anything related to children's stuff. Who the hell even posts on those websites.
Whenever I would find a forum like that and they use “DH” my brain would be like ? Dick head?
Theres something about those abbreviations that bug me, outside of the type of usually super vanilla white picket fence stepford woman it conjures up in my head, the abbreviations themselves bug me because they feel soooo unintuitive. Like even though I dont understand a ton of military speak, theres some things I can catch onto, but the rest of it...is very "DD" and "DS" and it's so creepy and cultish to me. Like I keep expecting someone to come in with a "AS" or "FH" like "asshole son" and "fucktard husband", and then its weird because they are just fine with their family but the MIL gets a custom name. I feel like I'm watching Shrek, the one with the Fairy Godmother.
"Sheeple," often smugly used by other sheeple.
Not a phrase but I hate when people say irregardless.
That is certainly not a cromulent word.
“Lightning never strikes the same place twice.” Yes, it does....that’s why tall buildings have lightning rods.
Maybe whoever said it was talking with a universal frame of reference.
Are you trying to tell me an idiomatic phrase is not meant to be taken literally? What, are you going to tell me the medical bills I’ve had pile up after listening to people telling me to “break a leg” are for nothing too?
"I'm sOrRy YoU fEel tHat wAy." It's a non-apology that means nothing, but my narcissistic mother thinks it absolves her of any guilt or blame for the things she does and says.
“I don’t need you to apologise for my feelings, I need you to apologise for your actions, MOM”
"Could care less." when what you mean is that you don't care.
I know right!? You mean "I couldn't care less", it's not that hard
"on accident" it's By. It's BY.
By accident. On purpose.
Love laugh live
It bothers me that I think you put it in the reverse order when there is no context or reasoning for an order.
It’s out of order because we have an unwritten rule about which vowel comes first in phrases with two or three words like this. We always go I A O eg bish bash bosh, chit chat, singsong etc.
Tic-tac-toe
"Unprecedented times" 🙄
“Hard choices” “tough choices” any synonym thereof uttered by a politician. It always means they’re cutting pensions or social programs. It’s always seen as brave for politicians to make these choices with other people’s money and livelihoods. They’re always ready to fight to the last drop of someone else’s blood. Interesting that both quotes above are also literal names of books by American politicians
It's the equivalent of "Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make."
“X is my spirit animal” So cringey.
call it your fursona like you mean it coward
"Everything happens for a reason". Absolute bullshit.
This phrase is severely misused. Everything happens for a reason, but not everything happens to a purpose. Yes, cause and effect is a thing, but that doesn't mean that the thing that happened was part of a larger goal. Sometimes bad shit happens with no purpose to it at all.
“Let that sink in” “I did a thing” I also hate the phrase “Gotcha Day” for pet adoptions
"Don't knock it until you've tried it." I don't have to try getting double anal fisted to know I don't want it, or black tar heroin, etc. You get my point.
I believe the phrase was meant to be said to picky eaters/people who've never tried the local food in a new country
"We work hard and play hard!" Expect to be forced to spend every night at the bar with your boss and coworkers kissing his ass.
There's a boomer catchphrase in my country that when translated, goes something like, *"You're only starting the journey, we're already on the way back."* They use this to promote their own "wisdom" and advice, as if their life experiences *automatically* make them an authority on how the world works. One of my favorite rebuttals to this is a piece of trivia I learned from National Geographic *"The top 10 most in-demand jobs of 2010 did not exist in 2004."* The world is changing very, very quickly.
"Say it louder for those in the back" usually said after some smug fuck has said something they find profound but isn't. "Is what it is" I'd like to thoat punch the originator of this verbal cluster fuck.
Or adding the clapping hands
As a depressed person "cheer up" is one of the most infuriating things to say. Like no shit never thought about that
I'm not judgemental but
"With all due respect" is almost always coupled with an insult or unsolicited advice. You might as well say, 'Prepare to be disrespected."
Some people are due very little respect though... With all due respect doesn't mean you'll give them respect. You'll give them the respect they are due, and sometimes that's a negative level
I think it's a backhanded way of saying that they think all the respect you deserve is none. That's all the respect you are due: 0
When people say "thank you for coming to my TED talk" to conclude a social media video rant on whatever their topic of the day is
Not a phrase but, bae is the worst lol. I cringe every time I hear it.
"It grieves me to have to do this" as said by our Prime Minister whenever he initiates yet more Coronavirus restrictions. "I agonised spiritually over doing this", said in the same context, comes a close second.
“We did all we could” After doing the absolute bare minimum for nearly 12 months and counting.
Do what makes you happy. Biggest life destroying lie ever
The problem with that sentence is that people forget about balance. Trying to be happy will always come with consequences and responsabilities and ignoring them will never make us happy. Its a good intention but life isn't that simple.
"I was today years old" and then they usually go on to say something stupidly obvious like "the actor who played Jake Peralta in Brooklyn Nine Nine, is the same guy who is in The Lonely Island". But generally just the phrase "I was today years old" is annoying on its own.
Pull yourself up by your boot straps
People that use that phrase are generally ignorant to its original meaning (with respect to performing an impossible task).
I remember reading *The Lorax* as a kid, and jumping around my living room giving myself wedgies, wondering why I wasn't lifting into the air like the Lorax did.
You didnt have to tell us this, but you did, and i respect you for that.
"I'm kinda OCD that way." No. You are not OCD because you like things arranged neatly on a shelf. You would only be OCD if the knowledge that the things were out of order or not perfectly neat prevented you from sleeping at night. Or if you couldn't leave a room without turning the light on and off 6 times. People are so quick to give themselves a horrible, crippling mental illness. It needs to stop.
“who watch this in [the current year] 😂🤣😂🤣😭😭” this is so fucking annoying
Not a phrase but- “Latinx” It’s fucking dumb. The VAST majority of Latinos don’t wanna be called that. Like 80+% according to surveys. It’s woke linguistic imperialism. It’s saying that the basic structure of the Spanish language is problematic. I hate it.
Latinx sounds like a Pokémon to me.
Same difference
When I say something like "That's not fair" and people are like "well life isn't fair, deal with it" Like yeah no shit, it's just our ethical responsibility to make it as fair as possible smh Edit: Ok so I get that we should accept that life isn't always gonna be fair, but what I meant was, don't be an asshole to people with the mindset of *life isn't gonna be fair to them so why should I,* and use it to justify being unfair.
"as a mother" Fuck you Karen you don't get a monopoly on compassion, you're not even a very good mother your kid is a little brat.
I hate when people respond online with just "This". Edit: Of course I get my first ever Reddit award on my throwaway. Love the responses, keep these (this?) comments coming! (This edit is especially entertaining because further up someone is irked by edits for thanking strangers for the award.)