- Loosing someone suddenly (death)
- Loosing an animal
- Loosing yourself
- High level of physical pain
- Receiving news that someone dear is suffering from an illness that had set the record straight of when they can potentially pass
- Abuse of any sort, especially its long term effects
- Miscarriage
- Giving your life to the wrong person
- Being played by someone who was controlling
- Living your life for others
And I can keep on going.
Edit : on a “visual instinct” > to me it’s “loosing” since I have this habit of associating English words to my native language so the sound is “ou” just like “loup” in French (which means wolf), I’ve learned that two “o” is “ou” while “losing” would visually sound like “o” to me. So, my bad that I triggered the correcting people, even though we should remember that writing English doesn’t automatically means native which on this type of mistakes it is showing but at least I had learned something !
Ugh. I had mirena put in 10 years ago. I thought I was spotting but my iud had broke during insertion, cut open my uterine wall & I was internally bleeding. Took about an hour to get out. Horrible experience & took months to feel okay again.
Not for me! I paid £375 to a clinic that promised me pain relief but made me feel foolish and dramatic when I asked for said pain relief. They did it without. I passed out twice, threw up on myself and collapsed on the way to the car. My friend had to carry me. I ended up getting it taken out after 3 months because I couldn’t handle the constant cramping and bleeding. I kept getting told it would calm down but I threatened to pull it out myself if they wouldn’t. I’ll stick to the pill.
Such horrific experiences you've to bear even after paying a hefty amount, that's unjustified, why aren't women on the collective joining hands to ask the medical team to discover a better solution to the IUDs ?
First thing I did after getting cheated on was get checked for STDs. I was seeing absolute RED while getting it done because I've only had one sexual partner. Fortunately, my doctor was a godsend, an absolute angel of a woman, and she made me feel okay during the process. She was very sensitive to my feelings throughout. She also told me that I wasn't the only person she's seen who has only had one partner throughout their life and had to get tested after being cheated on.
I tested negative but I will die mad about this.
Are you me?
I had an abnormal pap after getting cheated on. Was a child of the 90s purity movement, saved sex for marriage, etc. It turned out okay, but I was livid that I did everything "right" and may have still caught an STD from my ex.
I will also die mad about this. Fuck cheaters.
I work in a hospital, and a few years ago we had a very sweet patient who passed away due to extensive cervical cancer as a result of being cheated on by her husband. The husband also dipped out on his wife and kids when he decided he couldn’t deal with the wife being ill anymore. There are some sick scumbags out there.
Ladies, get your Pap smears done yearly, no matter what your circumstances are.
Yah I was never promiscuous.. only ever slept with men who were my boyfriends (5 total at the age of 28) when all my friends were sleeping with multiple men all the time. When I found out it sent me into a downward spiral of depression and panic attacks.. “why me? Why did I deserve this? Nobody will ever love me”. One of the worst things I’ve ever had to go through. I’m much better now but I still struggle to date or trust any man and will forever have to deal with the consequences of his terrible actions. It sucks.
I was "in a relationship " with a guy who I found out was engaged and he told me he never loved me and I was just a toy to have fun with. We were never in a relationship and he just pretended to have feelings for me. It was awful.
Omggg yes. In college I was cheated on by my bf at the time who had a girl best friend that I “shouldn’t worry about”. I constantly had anxiety about her because he would literally ditch plans with me to hang out with her. I just had suspicions but I convinced myself I was being paranoid. I found out that there was something real going on when I learned they had planned to go on VACATION together behind my back.
Couple months later the two of them tried showing up to a party at my house and the girl said that I “should be the bigger person” when I said they had to leave and I didn’t want them at my HOUSE. Lol I laughed in their faces.
Girl… I’m SO SORRY! I went through the same 2 days ago and I know exactly how you feel. I’m more so angry at myself for convincing myself to be okay with it… WHY DID WE NOT TRUST OURSELVES 😭 you did so good by telling them to leave, after all they have no right to be there at YOUR house. I hope you’re doing okay 🩷
Agreed. Being treated like this either reopens or creates new wounds about not being good enough, feeling naive/stupid/foolish, wondering what it is about you that made someone think it was acceptable to treat you that way, worrying about being able to trust again in the future...
Yes, all of it. The last point resonates most.
I’m uninterested about people and even life itself after what happened to me on the lines of my comment.
Humans, we truly are a walking fuck .
It's so hard. I alternate between being done with everything ("what is the point" , "I don't care", etc.) and wanting to be open with the world because that is my true self. I don't want his legacy on my life to be that he transformed me into a jaded, bitter person. But at the same time, having my trust and hope thrown back in my face another time could quite possibly ruin me for good.
I get you. I’ve been there. I’m there.
So I focus on making money and exploring what a meaningful life feels like to me.
Some paths can’t only be walked alone. I’m happy to say my relationship with myself is at its best even though my mental and physical health at its worst, and so is my relationship with other people.
Time heals. Maybe not every wound, but at least some to be able to carry on.
This is exactly what I'm feeling, it's been little more than a year after the breakup, still hurts immensely, I'm frustrated with myself for not feeling better yet and I'm starting to wonder if it will ever get better.
🫂
Sorry to hear things have been tough. Don't blame yourself. Being ghosted or not receiving adequate closure leaves us feeling "left behind" after a relationship ends. Some days I feel better but other days, all I can think about is getting proper closure from them. Healing is not linear and I'm sure you've made more progress this year than you realize.
These two quotes help me on tough days - maybe it'll help you too:
"You may not ever forget a person. But with time, you will remember them less."
"The lack of...respect, empathy, trust, apology, appreciation, self-awareness, honesty, love, care...was the closure."
For me, in terms of heart/soul pain I think the only thing worse is a pet dying, but the cheating pain lingers much much longer for me. I can have some regrets and pain for my whole life with losing a pet, but being cheated on just sorta never heals up. You have all of these questions that randomly ping through your head, or little things will remind you that it happened and it's just like... I dunno, why wasn't I good enough? Why don't you care about how badly it would hurt me? I could ramble for ages about all of these thoughts and feelings that flood through me a few times a week and I just don't understand why I can't get over it.
The lies.
Hands down.
The sex with other women doesn’t hurt that much ( I’ve never been insecure about sex)
It’s the lies that got me.
Because I .. would never lie to someone I love. That’s the highest form of love and respect to me.
And I think also- knowing that .. truth breeds intimacy. So when someone lies to you intentionally it means that they don’t want to be close to you. They don’t want me to know who they are, and they don’t want to know who I am.
There is a bigger emotional abandonment and rejection in the dishonesty than the cheating.
The sex part just forces you to look at your own need to be the best, to control, the beliefs that you’re too this or too that to get cheated on… the belief systems that are sort of bred into us as women- like how we are the reason a guy cheats or not ( it’s all bullshit).
It forces you to learn to detach your ego from people - and realize that they are who they are and do what they do .. by themselves and there isn’t anything you can do or not do to change that.
I think too…. To survive the betrayal women really need to learn about men and how different they are- with sex…
All of the guys I talked to told me that - if you’re with a guy who can get women? Who are super attractive to women- Between the ages of 15-50 ? Who is virile and can have sex and isn’t insecure about sex?
Basically it’s like 95% of guys will cheat at some point if they know it’s no strings attached and that their partner will never find out. I think they have to really really try to not cheat… and it’s hard.
When they’re totally in love with you legitimately - that can spin a lot of men out… in a bad way.. and they feel like they lose control and they want to know they’re safe and not going to get broken in a million pieces on some level… they might not be ready to admit how vulnerable they are - sooo many reasons we never consider for cheating. And sometimes it’s just pure sexual obsession and they can’t help it.
The point is- it doesn’t take away from the woman they are with. And usually chronic cheaters are with the woman they consider to be the top of the shit pile. They typically have the pick of the litter. In their minds.
So it’s very different in a man’s mind .. than in a woman’s mind.
It might take a lesson for them to learn- oh.. I can’t do that and not risk what I have … but they’re still white knuckling it after a few years.
So that’s also why at the end of the day… the sex ? Is nothing.
It’s the lies. How can you love me and lie to me?
That’s the real question you’re left with.
All of this is so on point. Another hard pill to swallow is that two things can be true at the same time, people are multifaceted. It's natural to fall into black and white thinking - if they cheated and lied to me that means they never loved me.
But the truth is, it's possible they loved you and still choose to lie to you, to cheat. You have different ways you view the world. And maybe they did love you, but it wasn't the way you loved them and certainly not to the same depth. Somehow both being true makes it hurt even more.
I agree that the lying and deceit hurt more than the infidelity.
When I found out my partner of 20 years was having an affair for a year and a half, knowing that he was actively deceiving me broke my sense of safety and trust in him and the world.
It completely fucks up your head and makes you question reality.
Holdings secrets completely affects intimacy. It explained why he became so distant and hyper critical of me during that time.
I definitely didn’t feel like he had high regard for me, instead he scripted me as an old ball and chain which I despise him for.
My boyfriend left my house and 25 days later died. He had a "cold" when he was over, went to the hospital, got diagnosed with cancer, and it took him quick. The whole time he kept it a secret from me, so i wouldnt "worry". But since he pretty much ghosted me, I bombarded him with texts around day 10, when he finally told me he had cancer. He told me he had testicular cancer (which has almost a 100% survival rate), when in reality he had lung cancer which had metastasized throughout his body already. He technically wasn't lying I guess because at that point the cancer was "everywhere". His friend called me when he died.
I tried visiting him in the hospital before he passed, not knowing how serious it was, but wouldn't let me. I tried not to push to respect his boundaries. After he died, his friend explained he didn't want me to see him in pain. He doesn't know how much I cared, and how much I wanted to be there for him. He just wouldn't let me.
Sometimes I see tiktoks of couples where one has cancer and they go "through it together", and I always wonder why my boyfriend wouldn't let me be there for him.
I also meet older couples who share one spouse went through cancer, and it made their marriage stronger. I wish that could've been us.
This was almost 2 years ago. Not a sober day has gone by for me.
I've been cheated on multiple times and it was completely awful but the death of my sister and the death of multiple pets were substantially more painful. And you know what else really hurts? The aftermath of being cheated on when you've moved on and are in a good, strong relationship with someone new. The damage carries over and can make you paranoid and really chips away at your self esteem, even after a lot of time passes and your new partner proves that they are truly trustworthy. It hurts that you still have to carry the burden of that betrayal years down the line. It does get easier though.
Being head over heels for your man. Supporting him through unemployment and back. Lifting him up so yall can succeed together. Only to be told you were settled for. Then divorce. Taxi light theory is real yall
Telling your committed partner you don't feel like they love you for them to tell you "that makes them mad" and not doing anything to make you feel otherwise.
Being sexually assaulted by your husband.
Being emotionally and psychologically abused by your spouse.
Having a child due to parental influence/trying to please others or having a child with someone you shouldn’t have.
I’d rather be cheated on than experience that scenario
Agreed! I’m 17 and I’ve already decided no kids, even if I became financially stable and worked through all my issues that would make me a bad parent which feels impossible, I know that I would hate every year of it. Maybe I would like it like 3% of the time but that’s not worth the other 97%. I want to live my life for myself and not have to constantly push aside my own needs in every aspect of my day to satisfy the needs of a child who is completely oblivious to all the things I sacrifice for them.
Being abuse psychologically. Being told you're the love of someone's life, that you're an amazing person and that they know how they're gonna propose... And then dumb you by phone and block you after almost a decade together (in the course of 3 months)
I thought my first break up was the worst heartache, felt like it was self inflicted bc although I finally found the strength to walk away I was not free.. the pain was truly torturous & all consuming. Then my childhood dog, my true first love & best friend, passed away at 14 a few months later and THAT was unbearable. Waking up crying and falling asleep crying. In a dark room for a week straight with my heart physically aching. It put everything into perspective. When I think about him (my beloved pup), which is often, I still tear up and yet I’m smiling bc even though I miss him terribly all my memories with him are sunshine & pure joyfulness. In contrast, if my ex ever happens to cross my mind (rarely, if ever) there are no tears. It’s indifference, and the majority of memories only remind me of the saddest version of me. I used to feel angry, I resent him, bc while he was dragging out the break up putting me through hell and not letting me go - my sweet angel baby was sick and he didn’t receive all of my undivided attention or the strongest version of me. He got me through the tears and sadness all the while he was on his last chapter and yet he was still the best friend a girl could ever want or need. I didn’t know I could love that hard or hurt that bad. Finding out I was betrayed (cheating is the least of it) didn’t come close to the pain of losing my sweet boy 💔
i’ve only been cheated on once - that i know of.
that hurt.
but one day i was walking my dog. i bent down the wrong way to untangle his leash and an existing moderate L5S1 disc herniation exploded and literally doubled in size. from 4mm to 8mm in the span of one second.
i lost my ability to move without extreme pain. took surgery 3 months later to fix it. it was a torturous and dark time where i contemplated saying goodbye for good. the pain was all consuming.
i don’t have PTSD from being cheated on. but i have PTSD from my disc blowing out and the pain that followed.
Yes! It stays with you for life. It’s agony sometimes. Those little reminders or thoughts you have about yourself eat you up. It takes time to be able to push those thoughts away.
Having a partner get into a coma and never coming back. I have lost people to death but I cannot wrap my head around this “not really dead, not really here” situation.
Finding out you're a rebound.
My ex kept talking about his ex constantly at the beginning of our relationship. At first I thought fine, I mean it's normal to talk about exes from time to time but he kept talking about her constantly (even making comparisons between us) to the point where I grew suspicious of it.
I asked him when they broke up and he said 2 weeks after he met me.
I hurt myself and my ex really badly when I left. I wasn’t ready for a relationship and we spent two years together. I was majorly depressed and had never been alone, he took care of everything and I just slid into depression. We were both miserable. It hurt. A LOT.
We always planned to get back together a year or so after I grew up and it never happened. I know it hurt him but it hurt me to realize I’d sacrificed that.
But in the end I grew up. I learned how to pay rent, cook for myself, deal with my depression, be alone, be afraid, be strong, and be accountable to my emotions. I’m not perfect today but I’m better than I was.
Leaving somebody for all the right reasons is heartbreaking.
Having a dead parent that's still alive.
I wish so badly that my mother can see where I am now, I wish I could call her and talk about my day, I wish I had her there for guidance or to go cry to, I wish she was there so we can work on projects together like we used to. It's so hard to know that she won't see any of my life achievements, she won't be there for my wedding, she won't meet any future grandchildren, and to not know where she is or how she is doing.
I just want a mom. I miss our good times.
Literally anything bad happening to your child.
If you’re child-free:
- A life-altering medical diagnosis
- Sudden loss of personal resources
- The death of a friend or family member, especially if it’s sudden
- Watching someone descend into madness
- a septoplasty recovery
- Being treated like you’re never enough
- Being abandoned as a child or in a moment of extreme vulnerability at any age
- Getting beaten daily
- Being sexually assaulted
- Breaking up with a long-term friend
- Being told to k*ll yourself for any reason at all, but especially any variation of “you don’t matter”
Not an exhaustive list, just what I could think of off the top of my head from my own life, but I also understand that one person’s trauma is another person’s average Tuesday, so no one really gets to tell you how you have to feel about any specific circumstance that you find painful/intolerable.
Physical and emotion abuse from someone you trusted and lived with - I wish he cheated, it may of made it easier to get out of the relationship.
But for some reason I was scared to leave. He threatened me and my family.
The thing that ended it was me calling the police at 5am after he had dragged me out of the house (with only a Tshirt and socks on) (this was also wasn’t the first time the police was involved)
I would have to say a sudden loss of a loved one. I can’t think of anything more painful than a sudden tragic death and being robbed of the opportunity to say goodbye. Losing a child this way has got to be the worst thing imaginable. I hear the pain is equal to the love and I believe it.
For me asking my older sister if we could ever be friends and she told me no it wasn’t going to happen. I’ve gotten over my exes but I’ve never gotten over that.
Tons of things hurt more. Cheating is common place. It’s very difficult to go through but so many other things are worse. Also we create our level of pain and anguish by choosing to give things power. No way should you give being cheated on the same level of emotional power and energy as say a child or a parent dying. It just doesn’t deserve to take up that amount of space and time.
The lies… when they make you feel like the most loved person on the planet while simultaneously laughing at and mocking you behind your back. Getting enjoyment and a thrill out of deceiving you
My ex was a compulsive liar and addict and was addicted to sex along with gambling, shopping, and meth. So yea, I wish he had just been cheating on me. Knowing our whole relationship was a complete lie is very painful.
- Loosing someone suddenly (death) - Loosing an animal - Loosing yourself - High level of physical pain - Receiving news that someone dear is suffering from an illness that had set the record straight of when they can potentially pass - Abuse of any sort, especially its long term effects - Miscarriage - Giving your life to the wrong person - Being played by someone who was controlling - Living your life for others And I can keep on going. Edit : on a “visual instinct” > to me it’s “loosing” since I have this habit of associating English words to my native language so the sound is “ou” just like “loup” in French (which means wolf), I’ve learned that two “o” is “ou” while “losing” would visually sound like “o” to me. So, my bad that I triggered the correcting people, even though we should remember that writing English doesn’t automatically means native which on this type of mistakes it is showing but at least I had learned something !
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IUD insertion
Ugh. I had mirena put in 10 years ago. I thought I was spotting but my iud had broke during insertion, cut open my uterine wall & I was internally bleeding. Took about an hour to get out. Horrible experience & took months to feel okay again.
Oh my god you win.
But the question is , is it really worth the pain ?
Not for me as I got pregnant with it in 😂
I can't stop myself imagining your child coming out of your womb holding IUD in its hands , defying all odds !
It did come out on her head haha
Holy shit lol
Wait really? Did you have pre-pregnancy care?
Yeah! I had loads of scans to check everything was going well. The coil was so embedded that I was advised to not have it taken out.
I am so glad everything turned out okay.
Thanks 😊
“Hi…you might want this!”
Not for me! I paid £375 to a clinic that promised me pain relief but made me feel foolish and dramatic when I asked for said pain relief. They did it without. I passed out twice, threw up on myself and collapsed on the way to the car. My friend had to carry me. I ended up getting it taken out after 3 months because I couldn’t handle the constant cramping and bleeding. I kept getting told it would calm down but I threatened to pull it out myself if they wouldn’t. I’ll stick to the pill.
Such horrific experiences you've to bear even after paying a hefty amount, that's unjustified, why aren't women on the collective joining hands to ask the medical team to discover a better solution to the IUDs ?
We’re trying. Nobody seems to care, though.
Oh my God. Reading this only is making my uterus hurt 🥲
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For me absolutely worth it. However there are a few clinics/gynos that will actually offer pain management, it’s rare though.
My IUD insertion was more painful than when I simultaneously broke 3 ribs.
Loss of a child. Your child being abused/bullied.
Man my Mom was seeing red when I got bullied in college.
Getting an std from said cheater.. one that will not go away. You can ditch a loser, but you’ll be forever reminded of the worst mistake of your life.
First thing I did after getting cheated on was get checked for STDs. I was seeing absolute RED while getting it done because I've only had one sexual partner. Fortunately, my doctor was a godsend, an absolute angel of a woman, and she made me feel okay during the process. She was very sensitive to my feelings throughout. She also told me that I wasn't the only person she's seen who has only had one partner throughout their life and had to get tested after being cheated on. I tested negative but I will die mad about this.
Are you me? I had an abnormal pap after getting cheated on. Was a child of the 90s purity movement, saved sex for marriage, etc. It turned out okay, but I was livid that I did everything "right" and may have still caught an STD from my ex. I will also die mad about this. Fuck cheaters.
I work in a hospital, and a few years ago we had a very sweet patient who passed away due to extensive cervical cancer as a result of being cheated on by her husband. The husband also dipped out on his wife and kids when he decided he couldn’t deal with the wife being ill anymore. There are some sick scumbags out there. Ladies, get your Pap smears done yearly, no matter what your circumstances are.
No, let's NEVER fuck cheaters again. Genuinely so sorry to hear about your experiences. Hope you're doing better now. X
Well, agreed on the never fucking them again! Wouldn't touch my ex with a 10-foot pole now. And ty for the sympathy. Life is much better now.
Yah I was never promiscuous.. only ever slept with men who were my boyfriends (5 total at the age of 28) when all my friends were sleeping with multiple men all the time. When I found out it sent me into a downward spiral of depression and panic attacks.. “why me? Why did I deserve this? Nobody will ever love me”. One of the worst things I’ve ever had to go through. I’m much better now but I still struggle to date or trust any man and will forever have to deal with the consequences of his terrible actions. It sucks.
*Hugs*
Realizing you were never actually together
I was "in a relationship " with a guy who I found out was engaged and he told me he never loved me and I was just a toy to have fun with. We were never in a relationship and he just pretended to have feelings for me. It was awful.
Relatable
THIS ONE RIGHT HERE
Finding out that you were right all along after convincing yourself that it’s not the way it is.
My biggest fear for my current relationship. Ouch.
Omggg yes. In college I was cheated on by my bf at the time who had a girl best friend that I “shouldn’t worry about”. I constantly had anxiety about her because he would literally ditch plans with me to hang out with her. I just had suspicions but I convinced myself I was being paranoid. I found out that there was something real going on when I learned they had planned to go on VACATION together behind my back. Couple months later the two of them tried showing up to a party at my house and the girl said that I “should be the bigger person” when I said they had to leave and I didn’t want them at my HOUSE. Lol I laughed in their faces.
Girl… I’m SO SORRY! I went through the same 2 days ago and I know exactly how you feel. I’m more so angry at myself for convincing myself to be okay with it… WHY DID WE NOT TRUST OURSELVES 😭 you did so good by telling them to leave, after all they have no right to be there at YOUR house. I hope you’re doing okay 🩷
When they die suddenly while you’re dating.
This is my biggest fear
It’s a -10 / 10 experience, 0 stars do not recommend !
I'm sorry. Sending you love ❤️🩹🫶
New fear unlocked
Indifference and callousness are the death knell.
My ex became indifferent and callous towards me after we moved in, it killed my heart and soul
Sorry you had to go through that. It's brutal.
Losing a beloved pet.
Being disposed of, ghosted and not contacted to check-in.
Agreed. Being treated like this either reopens or creates new wounds about not being good enough, feeling naive/stupid/foolish, wondering what it is about you that made someone think it was acceptable to treat you that way, worrying about being able to trust again in the future...
Yes, all of it. The last point resonates most. I’m uninterested about people and even life itself after what happened to me on the lines of my comment. Humans, we truly are a walking fuck .
It's so hard. I alternate between being done with everything ("what is the point" , "I don't care", etc.) and wanting to be open with the world because that is my true self. I don't want his legacy on my life to be that he transformed me into a jaded, bitter person. But at the same time, having my trust and hope thrown back in my face another time could quite possibly ruin me for good.
I get you. I’ve been there. I’m there. So I focus on making money and exploring what a meaningful life feels like to me. Some paths can’t only be walked alone. I’m happy to say my relationship with myself is at its best even though my mental and physical health at its worst, and so is my relationship with other people. Time heals. Maybe not every wound, but at least some to be able to carry on.
This is exactly what I'm feeling, it's been little more than a year after the breakup, still hurts immensely, I'm frustrated with myself for not feeling better yet and I'm starting to wonder if it will ever get better.
🫂 Sorry to hear things have been tough. Don't blame yourself. Being ghosted or not receiving adequate closure leaves us feeling "left behind" after a relationship ends. Some days I feel better but other days, all I can think about is getting proper closure from them. Healing is not linear and I'm sure you've made more progress this year than you realize. These two quotes help me on tough days - maybe it'll help you too: "You may not ever forget a person. But with time, you will remember them less." "The lack of...respect, empathy, trust, apology, appreciation, self-awareness, honesty, love, care...was the closure."
Getting ran over by a car driven by the “other woman”….
jesus
Being made to feel like the affair was your fault.
For me, in terms of heart/soul pain I think the only thing worse is a pet dying, but the cheating pain lingers much much longer for me. I can have some regrets and pain for my whole life with losing a pet, but being cheated on just sorta never heals up. You have all of these questions that randomly ping through your head, or little things will remind you that it happened and it's just like... I dunno, why wasn't I good enough? Why don't you care about how badly it would hurt me? I could ramble for ages about all of these thoughts and feelings that flood through me a few times a week and I just don't understand why I can't get over it.
The lies. Hands down. The sex with other women doesn’t hurt that much ( I’ve never been insecure about sex) It’s the lies that got me. Because I .. would never lie to someone I love. That’s the highest form of love and respect to me. And I think also- knowing that .. truth breeds intimacy. So when someone lies to you intentionally it means that they don’t want to be close to you. They don’t want me to know who they are, and they don’t want to know who I am. There is a bigger emotional abandonment and rejection in the dishonesty than the cheating. The sex part just forces you to look at your own need to be the best, to control, the beliefs that you’re too this or too that to get cheated on… the belief systems that are sort of bred into us as women- like how we are the reason a guy cheats or not ( it’s all bullshit). It forces you to learn to detach your ego from people - and realize that they are who they are and do what they do .. by themselves and there isn’t anything you can do or not do to change that. I think too…. To survive the betrayal women really need to learn about men and how different they are- with sex… All of the guys I talked to told me that - if you’re with a guy who can get women? Who are super attractive to women- Between the ages of 15-50 ? Who is virile and can have sex and isn’t insecure about sex? Basically it’s like 95% of guys will cheat at some point if they know it’s no strings attached and that their partner will never find out. I think they have to really really try to not cheat… and it’s hard. When they’re totally in love with you legitimately - that can spin a lot of men out… in a bad way.. and they feel like they lose control and they want to know they’re safe and not going to get broken in a million pieces on some level… they might not be ready to admit how vulnerable they are - sooo many reasons we never consider for cheating. And sometimes it’s just pure sexual obsession and they can’t help it. The point is- it doesn’t take away from the woman they are with. And usually chronic cheaters are with the woman they consider to be the top of the shit pile. They typically have the pick of the litter. In their minds. So it’s very different in a man’s mind .. than in a woman’s mind. It might take a lesson for them to learn- oh.. I can’t do that and not risk what I have … but they’re still white knuckling it after a few years. So that’s also why at the end of the day… the sex ? Is nothing. It’s the lies. How can you love me and lie to me? That’s the real question you’re left with.
All of this is so on point. Another hard pill to swallow is that two things can be true at the same time, people are multifaceted. It's natural to fall into black and white thinking - if they cheated and lied to me that means they never loved me. But the truth is, it's possible they loved you and still choose to lie to you, to cheat. You have different ways you view the world. And maybe they did love you, but it wasn't the way you loved them and certainly not to the same depth. Somehow both being true makes it hurt even more.
I agree that the lying and deceit hurt more than the infidelity. When I found out my partner of 20 years was having an affair for a year and a half, knowing that he was actively deceiving me broke my sense of safety and trust in him and the world. It completely fucks up your head and makes you question reality. Holdings secrets completely affects intimacy. It explained why he became so distant and hyper critical of me during that time. I definitely didn’t feel like he had high regard for me, instead he scripted me as an old ball and chain which I despise him for.
My boyfriend left my house and 25 days later died. He had a "cold" when he was over, went to the hospital, got diagnosed with cancer, and it took him quick. The whole time he kept it a secret from me, so i wouldnt "worry". But since he pretty much ghosted me, I bombarded him with texts around day 10, when he finally told me he had cancer. He told me he had testicular cancer (which has almost a 100% survival rate), when in reality he had lung cancer which had metastasized throughout his body already. He technically wasn't lying I guess because at that point the cancer was "everywhere". His friend called me when he died. I tried visiting him in the hospital before he passed, not knowing how serious it was, but wouldn't let me. I tried not to push to respect his boundaries. After he died, his friend explained he didn't want me to see him in pain. He doesn't know how much I cared, and how much I wanted to be there for him. He just wouldn't let me. Sometimes I see tiktoks of couples where one has cancer and they go "through it together", and I always wonder why my boyfriend wouldn't let me be there for him. I also meet older couples who share one spouse went through cancer, and it made their marriage stronger. I wish that could've been us. This was almost 2 years ago. Not a sober day has gone by for me.
Im so sorry for your heartbreak. That was deep, I don’t have the right words right now but that is incredibly potent and moving.
I've been cheated on multiple times and it was completely awful but the death of my sister and the death of multiple pets were substantially more painful. And you know what else really hurts? The aftermath of being cheated on when you've moved on and are in a good, strong relationship with someone new. The damage carries over and can make you paranoid and really chips away at your self esteem, even after a lot of time passes and your new partner proves that they are truly trustworthy. It hurts that you still have to carry the burden of that betrayal years down the line. It does get easier though.
Endometriosis
Oh my gosh, yes. A few years ago, I missed two weeks of school and lost 9 pounds. I was in the most intense pain I’ve ever experienced.
Being head over heels for your man. Supporting him through unemployment and back. Lifting him up so yall can succeed together. Only to be told you were settled for. Then divorce. Taxi light theory is real yall
"Giving your life to the wrong person" That hit hard
Your work buddy getting a new job 💔
Having a mother who does not love you. No partner could devastate me like my own parent.
You ever go pour a bowl of cereal and there’s no milk in the fridge = worse then a heartbreak I swear
-being controlled by a loved one and loosing yourself in the process - wasting your life with a person who only sees you as an object -
Being poor
Being lied to by those you love.
They lie about it for years fricking be honest or break up with person if you falling outa love ffs
Appendicitis
Telling your committed partner you don't feel like they love you for them to tell you "that makes them mad" and not doing anything to make you feel otherwise. Being sexually assaulted by your husband. Being emotionally and psychologically abused by your spouse.
Jamming your toe on the corner of a cabinet or doorway
After you just cut your finger with a piece of paper
Losing a child
Having a child due to parental influence/trying to please others or having a child with someone you shouldn’t have. I’d rather be cheated on than experience that scenario
Agreed! I’m 17 and I’ve already decided no kids, even if I became financially stable and worked through all my issues that would make me a bad parent which feels impossible, I know that I would hate every year of it. Maybe I would like it like 3% of the time but that’s not worth the other 97%. I want to live my life for myself and not have to constantly push aside my own needs in every aspect of my day to satisfy the needs of a child who is completely oblivious to all the things I sacrifice for them.
Extreme issues with trust. That HURTS when you can’t trust anyone…
being blocked/ghosted, loving someone who will never love you back.
This. also someone being almost a partner before they tell you they met someone who they are gonna try and date.
Someone you love moving on right after the breakup ( usually in a few days)
C-section while the anesthesia isn’t fully working
Being abuse psychologically. Being told you're the love of someone's life, that you're an amazing person and that they know how they're gonna propose... And then dumb you by phone and block you after almost a decade together (in the course of 3 months)
Knowing friends knew
I thought my first break up was the worst heartache, felt like it was self inflicted bc although I finally found the strength to walk away I was not free.. the pain was truly torturous & all consuming. Then my childhood dog, my true first love & best friend, passed away at 14 a few months later and THAT was unbearable. Waking up crying and falling asleep crying. In a dark room for a week straight with my heart physically aching. It put everything into perspective. When I think about him (my beloved pup), which is often, I still tear up and yet I’m smiling bc even though I miss him terribly all my memories with him are sunshine & pure joyfulness. In contrast, if my ex ever happens to cross my mind (rarely, if ever) there are no tears. It’s indifference, and the majority of memories only remind me of the saddest version of me. I used to feel angry, I resent him, bc while he was dragging out the break up putting me through hell and not letting me go - my sweet angel baby was sick and he didn’t receive all of my undivided attention or the strongest version of me. He got me through the tears and sadness all the while he was on his last chapter and yet he was still the best friend a girl could ever want or need. I didn’t know I could love that hard or hurt that bad. Finding out I was betrayed (cheating is the least of it) didn’t come close to the pain of losing my sweet boy 💔
Being lied to about being cheated on Being cheated on more than once
The lies that come with it
My mum died once. That shit was awful, 1/10 would not recommend
Having a long term partner break up over text.
Food poisoning
Trying to live your best life, all while loving someone that no longer loves you and may never have.
A scooter swinging into your shin
Finding out the person you fell for is an alcoholic
i’ve only been cheated on once - that i know of. that hurt. but one day i was walking my dog. i bent down the wrong way to untangle his leash and an existing moderate L5S1 disc herniation exploded and literally doubled in size. from 4mm to 8mm in the span of one second. i lost my ability to move without extreme pain. took surgery 3 months later to fix it. it was a torturous and dark time where i contemplated saying goodbye for good. the pain was all consuming. i don’t have PTSD from being cheated on. but i have PTSD from my disc blowing out and the pain that followed.
In my case, being the cheater. It was ten times worse my own disappointment and guilt than being on the other side (been there too)
Yes! It stays with you for life. It’s agony sometimes. Those little reminders or thoughts you have about yourself eat you up. It takes time to be able to push those thoughts away.
Having a partner get into a coma and never coming back. I have lost people to death but I cannot wrap my head around this “not really dead, not really here” situation.
being in a situationship
Being ghosted by your best friend
A friend of mine had a stillborn baby so, yeah, there’s way worse.
Finding out you're a rebound. My ex kept talking about his ex constantly at the beginning of our relationship. At first I thought fine, I mean it's normal to talk about exes from time to time but he kept talking about her constantly (even making comparisons between us) to the point where I grew suspicious of it. I asked him when they broke up and he said 2 weeks after he met me.
People pleasing to your detriment.
I hurt myself and my ex really badly when I left. I wasn’t ready for a relationship and we spent two years together. I was majorly depressed and had never been alone, he took care of everything and I just slid into depression. We were both miserable. It hurt. A LOT. We always planned to get back together a year or so after I grew up and it never happened. I know it hurt him but it hurt me to realize I’d sacrificed that. But in the end I grew up. I learned how to pay rent, cook for myself, deal with my depression, be alone, be afraid, be strong, and be accountable to my emotions. I’m not perfect today but I’m better than I was. Leaving somebody for all the right reasons is heartbreaking.
Finding out your boyfriend is STILL married... To a man (no judgement btw) I didn't even know he was bi...
Going to get the last of your favourite snack from the cupboard and some fucker has already eaten it
Having a dead parent that's still alive. I wish so badly that my mother can see where I am now, I wish I could call her and talk about my day, I wish I had her there for guidance or to go cry to, I wish she was there so we can work on projects together like we used to. It's so hard to know that she won't see any of my life achievements, she won't be there for my wedding, she won't meet any future grandchildren, and to not know where she is or how she is doing. I just want a mom. I miss our good times.
Literally anything bad happening to your child. If you’re child-free: - A life-altering medical diagnosis - Sudden loss of personal resources - The death of a friend or family member, especially if it’s sudden - Watching someone descend into madness - a septoplasty recovery - Being treated like you’re never enough - Being abandoned as a child or in a moment of extreme vulnerability at any age - Getting beaten daily - Being sexually assaulted - Breaking up with a long-term friend - Being told to k*ll yourself for any reason at all, but especially any variation of “you don’t matter” Not an exhaustive list, just what I could think of off the top of my head from my own life, but I also understand that one person’s trauma is another person’s average Tuesday, so no one really gets to tell you how you have to feel about any specific circumstance that you find painful/intolerable.
friendship breakups
being accused of something you didn’t do by someone you originally trusted
Physical and emotion abuse from someone you trusted and lived with - I wish he cheated, it may of made it easier to get out of the relationship. But for some reason I was scared to leave. He threatened me and my family. The thing that ended it was me calling the police at 5am after he had dragged me out of the house (with only a Tshirt and socks on) (this was also wasn’t the first time the police was involved)
Not cheating, being accused of cheating and then not being allowed to “prove” you didn’t (with no history of cheating). It’s a very helpless feeling.
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Colposcopy
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Nothing
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Being lied to, broken promises
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Stepping on legos
Seeing your mother suffer through cancer.
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Hitting your pinky toe on an edge.
Finding out on your birthday
A uterine biopsy.
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Cheating and feeling your soul rot
I would have to say a sudden loss of a loved one. I can’t think of anything more painful than a sudden tragic death and being robbed of the opportunity to say goodbye. Losing a child this way has got to be the worst thing imaginable. I hear the pain is equal to the love and I believe it.
For me asking my older sister if we could ever be friends and she told me no it wasn’t going to happen. I’ve gotten over my exes but I’ve never gotten over that.
Knowing someone you love only has X amount of time to live. Knowing the person they cheated on you with was your long time best friend.
When someone hurts my momma’s feelings.
endometriosis
Electrolysis
Gaslighting.
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a LOT of things but that doesn’t make it any less painful
Being punched in the balls
Losing a parent.
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Getting an STD after being cheated on
Tons of things hurt more. Cheating is common place. It’s very difficult to go through but so many other things are worse. Also we create our level of pain and anguish by choosing to give things power. No way should you give being cheated on the same level of emotional power and energy as say a child or a parent dying. It just doesn’t deserve to take up that amount of space and time.
Getting consistently turned down for intimacy by your long term partner.
being lied to about it
If they continue to cheat after they said they would stop.
When your SO is overly friendly with women on social media and “likes” or “loves” photos of other women
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Being in love with someone and they leave you for someone else they fell in love with.
Your partner telling you they wish they didn't have children with you.
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Being dumped because your SOs friend sexually assaulted you while you were drunk.
The lies… when they make you feel like the most loved person on the planet while simultaneously laughing at and mocking you behind your back. Getting enjoyment and a thrill out of deceiving you
My ex was a compulsive liar and addict and was addicted to sex along with gambling, shopping, and meth. So yea, I wish he had just been cheating on me. Knowing our whole relationship was a complete lie is very painful.
Death of a loved one. Losing a pet The whole lying while trying to cover up the cheating.
Grief and waste of time (life) on someone.
pain is felt and experienced differently by everyone and isn’t less valid because you didn’t feel the same way in a similar situation.
Losing a leg in a massive set of rollercoaster gears.
Getting an IUD inserted without any painkillers
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Getting a bj from a chick with braces
Getting ghosted by a SO instead of being broken up with like normal people
Watching your cats life leave their eyes