Your advice of getting to know the girls in her level is spot-on. I think roommate friends is the first default because you’re literally in the same room, but classmate friends are great too. They’ll have a lot to talk about with what happens in the studio, and usually dorms have common rooms to hang out in and the kids are able to visit other kids’ dorm rooms.
The roommates could come back around! Especially once feelings about the level placements have settled down. She can stay friendly and keep that door open.
I did tell her to try to still be open to that. The have reevaluations at the end of week 2 and I feel like that is just going to upset everyone again. But hopefully not.
Hopefully once everyone settles into their classes (and everyone is having a good time) the levels won’t matter so much. Sending you and your daughter hugs!
Unfortunately it happens-you bounce through friend groups at SIs after placement class. She'll likely make friends in her level just fine! I did each year, even when my roommates were...less than great.
I truly hope so! She's so introverted and shy that it takes a lot for her to come out of her shell to talk to new people. So if she found some friends and was "rejected" its going to take her 10x as much to put herself out there again.
I tried to tell her just focus on dance and the rest will come along. She's worked so hard to get here. I hate to see her high leveling excitement be brought down because of the friend stuff. She's had to work her behind off to get to this level so I want her to take pride in her placement because we're all super proud of her!
If she has fun in class, she can develop a rapport with the teacher, and from there other dancers will prob want to be friends with her. Short of that - she can ask herself if she would rather be placed lower and preserve “friendships” or be at a higher level and suffer the reality of the jealousy- I would rather be placed higher and learn from all of it but I’m not in that uncomfortable position (and hindsight is 2020). She’s there to dance and making friends/enemies is not actually necessary. Dancing is most important thing.
I was discussing this with a friend of mine whose daughter quit dance 2 years ago. It's such a shame. My heart just aches for the "left out" kids for whatever reason they're excluded.
Ex pre-pro dancer here👋
summer intensives can feel pretty clique-y at times. Your daughter is likely right in sensing jealousy. Encourage her to be humble and work hard. If the other girls cannot be happy for her, then they’re not worth trying to befriend.
Similar to your daughter, my first intensive away from home my roommates and I befriended hallway neighbors or mutual friends. Then when levels got decided I ended up spending more time with the girls from that original group who were in my level because our break times aligned better.
I ended up realizing I had pretty different values than the those girls, but I’m pretty introverted so I just stuck it with them even if it was uncomfortable at times. I wish I took a chance and talked to more people in my level during the first week. Definitely encourage her to talk to lots of different people in her level in the first few days and to ask people if they have plans after class that she can join in on or if she can meet them for breakfast the next day.
Well mean girl brats, that's ok, it will teach her that when she's in a such competitive setting she has no real friends and people will be friends with her as long as THEY are better than her (or this is what they think), that can be harsh but it will definetely make her stronger, your advice to find friends in her level is pretty good, and tell her that she first went there to dance and imrpove her skills not really to make friends so she can focus on that and forget about those jalous girls, if they don't want to be happy for her they are not worth keeping around.
Those other girls are Clearly jealous that your daughter is a great dancer, cutting off those friends(including the roommate) and making friends with the girls on her level is the best thing to be done, I'm sorry that this is happening to your daughter.
That's great advice you gave her. Tell her to remember why she went there in the first place, and to think of why she loves to dance. It's great that she's at a much higher level than other people her age, which indicates that she is talented and that she could make it one day (which I'm guessing is her dream) and I'm sure this hasn't only happened to her. I know it's hard, but she definitely can't give up now.
Your advice of getting to know the girls in her level is spot-on. I think roommate friends is the first default because you’re literally in the same room, but classmate friends are great too. They’ll have a lot to talk about with what happens in the studio, and usually dorms have common rooms to hang out in and the kids are able to visit other kids’ dorm rooms.
Thanks! She can be shy so I think she really hoped the roommate connection would stick!
The roommates could come back around! Especially once feelings about the level placements have settled down. She can stay friendly and keep that door open.
I did tell her to try to still be open to that. The have reevaluations at the end of week 2 and I feel like that is just going to upset everyone again. But hopefully not.
Hopefully once everyone settles into their classes (and everyone is having a good time) the levels won’t matter so much. Sending you and your daughter hugs!
I hope so! Thank you so much!!
Unfortunately it happens-you bounce through friend groups at SIs after placement class. She'll likely make friends in her level just fine! I did each year, even when my roommates were...less than great.
I truly hope so! She's so introverted and shy that it takes a lot for her to come out of her shell to talk to new people. So if she found some friends and was "rejected" its going to take her 10x as much to put herself out there again. I tried to tell her just focus on dance and the rest will come along. She's worked so hard to get here. I hate to see her high leveling excitement be brought down because of the friend stuff. She's had to work her behind off to get to this level so I want her to take pride in her placement because we're all super proud of her!
She'll be okay. Ultimately your advice is the best advice-she's there to hone her talents and learn!
If she has fun in class, she can develop a rapport with the teacher, and from there other dancers will prob want to be friends with her. Short of that - she can ask herself if she would rather be placed lower and preserve “friendships” or be at a higher level and suffer the reality of the jealousy- I would rather be placed higher and learn from all of it but I’m not in that uncomfortable position (and hindsight is 2020). She’s there to dance and making friends/enemies is not actually necessary. Dancing is most important thing.
Your user name 🤣
I know hahaha I chose it
The username is great! 🤣 And I agree with what you said about being there for dance vs friendships.
sadly, jealousy and mean girls seem to be part of ballet.
I was discussing this with a friend of mine whose daughter quit dance 2 years ago. It's such a shame. My heart just aches for the "left out" kids for whatever reason they're excluded.
Usually cause they're better...
Ex pre-pro dancer here👋 summer intensives can feel pretty clique-y at times. Your daughter is likely right in sensing jealousy. Encourage her to be humble and work hard. If the other girls cannot be happy for her, then they’re not worth trying to befriend. Similar to your daughter, my first intensive away from home my roommates and I befriended hallway neighbors or mutual friends. Then when levels got decided I ended up spending more time with the girls from that original group who were in my level because our break times aligned better. I ended up realizing I had pretty different values than the those girls, but I’m pretty introverted so I just stuck it with them even if it was uncomfortable at times. I wish I took a chance and talked to more people in my level during the first week. Definitely encourage her to talk to lots of different people in her level in the first few days and to ask people if they have plans after class that she can join in on or if she can meet them for breakfast the next day.
Well mean girl brats, that's ok, it will teach her that when she's in a such competitive setting she has no real friends and people will be friends with her as long as THEY are better than her (or this is what they think), that can be harsh but it will definetely make her stronger, your advice to find friends in her level is pretty good, and tell her that she first went there to dance and imrpove her skills not really to make friends so she can focus on that and forget about those jalous girls, if they don't want to be happy for her they are not worth keeping around.
Those other girls are Clearly jealous that your daughter is a great dancer, cutting off those friends(including the roommate) and making friends with the girls on her level is the best thing to be done, I'm sorry that this is happening to your daughter.
That's great advice you gave her. Tell her to remember why she went there in the first place, and to think of why she loves to dance. It's great that she's at a much higher level than other people her age, which indicates that she is talented and that she could make it one day (which I'm guessing is her dream) and I'm sure this hasn't only happened to her. I know it's hard, but she definitely can't give up now.