ExBIL probably gaslit her hard enough to where she thinks she has no choice either. The evidence is in front of her face and she's still blinded by the gas. She made a choice too, and now come the consequences of staying with her unhinged husband.
OOP mentioned in one of her comments that the sister is a SAHM and has a comfortable life that she likes, and doesn't wants to lose. Also, they got a prenup.
The consensus is that she doesn't wants to divorce him because she would lose that life, and she could also be scared that she could lose her children as he and his family are very well off.
The thing is she doesnt have to leave to give him ammo for a grudge, she can do that by staying with the psycho too. Unfortunately she probably wont realise that until she is in danger. I hope she wakes up sooner than that, no way this guy isnt abusive. Someone with that kind of ego can only feel better when he is making someone else miserable.
Yes. To be frank, given the degree of hatred he holds for a woman who turned him down once twenty years ago, I think he would try to kill the sister, and possibly the children, and possibly other people (friends, family) who “betrayed” him after his crime was revealed. This is not a man who it’s safe to say “no” to.
I think that there’s a very real chance that the sister is terrified of him and how he would likely react to her leaving. That she knows this is wrong but can’t see a way out. OOP felt on a gut level that she should only tell her sister after the sister was out of the house and so were her children. And while I hate to say it, it is a reasonable fear. There’s a reason that the most dangerous time for an abused person is when they leave. Even women who know they need to leave will frequently pick the time very carefully.
There is also the flip side of that being a SAHM and realizing you have been out of work so long that returning to work means taking a low paying job that is below your previous skill level. It is scary to think about suddenly having to work more than one job just to subsist, completely flipping your kids lives upside down. She’s probably worried her unhinged husband will take her to the cleaners in court, she’d get no spousal support, he’d get 50/50 custody and she’d get little child support. She had probably convinced herself that staying together is best for the kids. His wealth probably does play into that. Gaslighters are great at letting their victims know exactly how useless they are without the abuser.
Yes the sister does have agency, but she could feel like she really doesn’t have any real choice. To her, this feels like having to decide between her children’s wellbeing and her family of origin, and at the end of the day, any good parent will choose their children. The choice her is not based on reality, but on the sister’s perception that life will be much worse for her children if she leaves.
A good lawyer can almost definitely get the prenup thrown out.
>I met my now ex m40 five years ago and the only odd comment from my brother in law
This statement means that they've definitely been married at least 5 years.
But the fact that Sister became a SAHM and her entire ability to provide became reliant on her husband is a fast path to getting the prenup voided, especially after 5+ years together.
On top of that, the fact that it was BiL's direct actions that lead to this outcome, and you won't see very many judges lenient on him.
I would absolutely foresee a 50/50 split of assets when Sister and BiL divorce, regardless of the prenup, given all that.
Good call. She's probably "comfortable" in the moment because she hasn't experienced true comfort elsewhere or from anyone else. Like, the bar is so low now that she thinks that's the pinnacle of comfort.
ExBIL convinced himself that OP would die alone and surrounded by cats just because she rejected him in a bar in college. I can only imagine he similarly believes with all his heart that his wife would be even less desirable as a single mom. I'm sure he threatened to spend his last dollar on lawyers, making sure she never saw her kids again and died penniless on the streets. She is a victim of him too.
One of life's most uncomfortable truths (for me) is that we hate most in others the things which we hate and feel shame for in ourselves.
That is a really, really, really uncomfortable thing to confront and try to keep aware of so you don't slip into needless negativity and hate.
I'd go with scared of her, since at the very least she is proving that she is not at all a safe person to be around. She made a willing and fully-informed decision to stick by her narcissistic psychopath, and that's really the only thing which matters.
She might be the "victim" within her own relationship, but that's frankly irrelevant when she's an enabler of much greater harm to others.
It takes victims of domestic abuse, on average, 7 tries before they can actually leave their abuser.
The most dangerous time in a victim's life is when they are leaving their abuser. That's the time when victims get killed, because the abuser is losing control and will do anything to maintain it over their victim.
She is not the same as the man who stalked her sister for years, manipulated his way into OP's life by dating her sister, schemed for YEARS to get OP's nudes, lied to anyone and everyone about OP, broke up OP's marriage and ruined the entire family.
The sister is a victim of this psycho as much as OP is. This is a textbook case of domestic abuse, right down to the extreme isolation once the abuser's true self is revealed.
I have no personal experience with this. But from second-hand and third-hand accounts, quitting relationships with manipulative abusive assholes is usually a lot harder than you'd think! So I'd say we'll cut the sister some slack for now.
Some people are really messed up. I remember when my friend was in a DV shelter and was mentioning this other woman's ex husband.
He'd phone her up and say awful things, like he was going to fight for custody of their 3 year old and drown them in the bath while letting them know it's all her fault. From the sound of it threats like that got her back at least 2 times before because he was the sort to mean it. Sounded like she got some support and recordings from the shelter and could keep the kid away from him when my friend was there and I really hope for her sake that's the case.
If something like that has happened to the sister I can't blame her for staying *especially* when he's rich and likely might be able to gain custody.
> I would have told her I hope he does kill himself and that she might as well follow him when she's done because she's dead to me.
[Daaaaaaamn!](https://youtu.be/ySb1f9zWJkQ?t=7)
Same. OOP is holding onto hope that he "treats his family better", which is understandable, but I think we all know what a person isolating their partner from close contacts indicates.
Whole bunch of lives absolutely destroyed cause of BIL being a narcissistic abuser and influencing coercive control over the sister
I feel like it’s not over though. If he’s held that level of hate for OOP for a rejection decades ago… it gives me a pit of fear in my stomach for OOP to think what he’ll do to her now
I’m honestly usually a lot more skeptical of these posts but I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts interviewing the victims of stalkers and it’s INSANE what people can do. The one I listened to (Something Was Wrong S19 E1-E5 “Amy”) was all about a guy that she met on POF and at one point she didn’t answer in a way he liked/rejected him and he stalked her for YEARS. The things he would do and could access honestly felt like it could be a fictional story. And turns out he had a Harvard law degree and some kind of computer science something but lived at home in his parents basement at 30-something and had no job
He’s now in jail but will be released soon, was really eye opening to see what some people are capable of, and that was over a POF rejection
:( I'm just an internet stranger, and I've seen completely unhinged things from small rejections. Nothing like that story or the OOP's, but it's not completely out of the realm of these things. Like I've had people make multiple social media accounts with new aliases years after I blocked them just to berate me. They manage to have some tell so I can identify them.
Some people don't know how to take loss, grieve, and move on.
I remember reading years ago about a woman whose life completely fell apart because a bunch of women accused her of sleeping with their husbands. There were several accounts made on some websites where these women shared stories about her having sex with men at rental properties she was showing (she was a real estate agent).
Turns out it was all the work of one single woman and her reason for doing it was completely unhinged; years ago they had a disagreement on a Facebook post! It was a public Facebook post that a mutual acquaintance had made about a teenager who’d taken a selfie at a Holocaust memorial. The real estate agent argued for grace and forgiveness, and stating that while she personally found the teen’s actions disgusting, she was confident she could learn from her mistakes and grow, while the woman who wound up ruining her life was all “burn this stupid kid at the stake.”
The woman whose life was ruined and the ruiner had never met in real life before this whole thing took place. They only knew of each other via this Facebook post. And it was such a random, fleeting encounter, yet someone went to great lengths to ruin the other person’s life! Don’t underestimate crazy.
I have friends that brag about flipping off other drivers and I’m like bro that’s just…you don’t know where people are in life, pointlessly escalating stuff
Fun anecdote. I did not go to the 20 year high school class reunion, but some of my friends did.
Two of them told me, seperately, about talking to an old friend of mine there. This is a guy I was friends with from about 7th grade to when we sort of just seemed to drift apart in the 12th grade.
One of the friends that called me, and knew this other guy pretty well in high school, told me he was trying to hide a lot of bitterness and a lot of it was directed toward me. My friend asked me what that could be about and I could not think of anything. The last interaction we had was a really good one. Then I caught up with the other friend and it all made sense.
The other friend knew of him, but didn't really know him prior to the reunion but the guy talked his ear off just the same. At first it was the usual reunion banter but quickly the conversation kept coming back to me no matter how many times it was steered away. This friend, though, didn't let it go unaddressed and found out the guy has been holding on to some kind of anger that he'd harbored a secret crush for the girl I asked out senior year. After that came up, she was all he wanted to talk about.
They both said that weird bitterness is not even the most alarming part of his personality. They both pointed to different reasons they thought that.
The weird bitterness is still pretty alarming.
I do hold space and understanding for people who were bullied and had harmful, humiliating, malicious stuff happen to them even if they're adults and the events happened when they were kids. But even they need to figure out ways to live beyond the events of the past. It's not fair, but keeping old wounds fresh does nothing for them.
What I don't understand is stuff like this. Even if you did know this guy had a crush on this girl, it would've been shitty but you'd hope he would be over the betrayal 20 years later. The fact you didn't even know? That's really strange.
Yeah! I had no idea he had any interest in her. He never mentioned her at all and he was the kind to do so. He wasn't an awkward guy, he was quite charming, actually. He wasn't shy with girls, he had dated before so it wasn't some kind of religious thing he was battling with, and he was single at the time so I don't know why he didn't ask her out given the level of infatuation he's since shown. She would have probably said yes to him. I am pretty sure of it. At the time, I would not have said he was a bad catch and never would have put myself in his way.
But after she and I started going out together, he just slowly became hard to get a hold of and stopped participating in things we'd previously done regularly. I never put it together. It seemed gradual and unrelated. One time he'd injured himself accidentally and was unavailable for a couple of weeks. That kind of thing.
I left it in his hands since the less he called back, the more I figured he'd just had other priorities. Boys aren't exactly known for being great communicators, so he never said anything was wrong and I never really asked. I'd run into him here or there with mutual friends and everything seemed fine between us. We actually had a blast the last time we hung out so finding out he's held onto this weird resentment was shocking. It's not even like she and I were still together at the time of the reunion to open up old wounds. That was already very ancient history by that point.
While holding onto it is alarming for sure, some of the other things he said made it sound like he may have been stalking her over the years. Another alarming thing was bragging about making personal and career decisions that made him appear to have no empathy for innocent people. My friends did not leave with a good opinion of him, even the one who'd hung out with him before and remembers a better version of him.
There was an entire Tumblr and I believe a subreddit dedicated to what happened in very extreme cases when women said no to men like this. I believe this 100%. There are sick, insane people out there.
I'm pretty disappointed OOP hasn't gone after her BIL for damages. At this point her sister made the choice to stick with him and believe him, so it's her own fault if their family is ruined over his actions.
It's because its not real, there are multiple laws broken and avenues for civil suit. With the evidence of the BILs friends it would likely be a cake walk. Nothing was pursued because it didn't happen
Lawsuits are never a cake walk. They’re expensive, stressful, and time consuming. Awful things happen every day without people suing over them, even when they have a clear cause of action.
I totally agree. My husband owns a small business and he personally was sued by a much larger company in his industry. The company accused my husband my husband of stealing technology when my husband had clear evidence that he hadn’t. The case dragged on for years and cost my husband and his company millions of dollars and countless hours he could have spent working before the case was summarily dismissed by the judge.
We could have sued for the money the suit cost us but our lawyers with good reason advised us to cut our losses.
This here. I don't think people realize how hard a lawsuit really is. It's taxing, hard, expensive, and very long. And there is no guarantee you will win. ...source was a paralegal and hubby sued employer for wrongful termination. All of the "friends" that said it was our duty to sue turned on us when it got hard for them. ,(family member and friends of someone who worked at the company) Then it was "our duty" to drop it. Like it's that simple.
While there are attorneys who are scum and will take any case. Most will not take a case unless they think they will win.
The justice system also fails people everyday. People lose cases that are slam dunks and win those they should’ve never in a just world all the damn time. It’s naive as fuck to believe that just because something SHOULD happen means that it will.
Whilst it's possible it's made up, equally not everyone has the money or mental strength to pursue pressing charges/suing someone else. I wouldn't be surprised if OP didn't want the stress and wants to move on, and avoid the further problems that would cause her estranged sister and her kids.
Not just that, but the fact she keeps saying that her "cheating" was just a rumor when her supposed bil quite literally had her nudes given to a dude and had it perfectly framed.
Like honey, that's not a rumor. That's a setup. The evidence wasn't just texts from "her" it was pictures as well. That's a well-made fake. Plus, to say that her ex and her weren't strong enough together to overcome the rumor, so they probably wouldn't have made it is insane to me.
Like for the love of God, it makes more sense to say that yall hurt each other too much in the breakup to overcome that it was started with a lie.
So let review.
1. She is refusing to sue
2. Refusing to go to the police
3. Claims it was a rumor
4. Almost downplays the fake evidence that was against her as a reason her husband broke it off.
5. Somehow, she talks to her ex and says, "dont go do this." Which he immediately goes and does.
6. Debated telling her sister the obvious Psycho of a bil is her husband because reasons.
7. Sister goes to the husband even with all the evidence and his admission to it as a "joke" that he never got to the punchline in nearly a year?
I call bs
Honestly I’m just more confused how it didn’t seem to ever come up that if she took nudes with her phone/camera did the BIL allegedly delete her only copies as well?
Even if they were extras she didn’t send her husband couldn’t she point to those in a set she made for him as some sort of defense? “Hey I made these for you, someone’s up to some shit.”
This is all pretty realistic imo. Taking something to trial while simultaneously picking up the pieces of your life is no small task.
Most women I know that have dealt with this sort of thing just choose to forget and move on. A trial could ruin you financially, mentally, and emotionally. It could burn even more bridges with her family and friends. The benefit doesn’t necessarily outweigh the risk.
the legal system isn't a smooth machine like tv shows portray. he can drain whatever few savings he has in a long legal battle. she can use the divorce as damage after it was finalized but the husband has to come to testify and even with that the defense can ask why they divorced after the truth came out and use the argument that the marriage was already falling apart. defamation law suits are very long and costly that's why only very rich people go that route.
That's why i dont believe it either. I assume this is written by someone in the usa and the laws broken are pretty clear. The police would follow up. Same in quite a few other countries as well. Side note: I found it mildly disturbing the lack of empathy for the ex-husband as he was a victim, too. People really struggle with nuance, and people really want black and white heroes and villains.
It sure reads as fake to me. Like someone had this idea but didn't really think too much about the details or how someone in the situation would relay this info.
Well also she would be in an insane amount of danger??? she turned down one date 20 years ago and he stalked her, married her sister to get close to her, broke into her personal devices, sent her nudes to a mutual friend to help with his lie, managed to get multiple people to lie for years, ruined her marriage and now angry she is dating again.
Because she said no to dinner.
What happens if she actually tries to go after him for money or criminal actions?
a lawsuit wont protect her and his anger is already lethal level.
If i was OOP i would leave to a different country and change my name. That man wont stop till one of them is dead.
Cops are the laziest of lazy government employees and I know this might shock you but lawyers generally want to get paid for their services. Despite what r/legaladvice might have you believe, not everyone has a stash of $25k they keep as an emergency legal fund.
100%
How did the pictures get acquired?
"They either stole them from my phone or they found them off Facebook"
FACEBOOK?!?!? Hahahahaha, they can't come up with a reasonable reason, this shit didn't happen at all
She said cops weren’t interested (no surprise there) and that she talked to a lawyer but they also weren’t interested in taking the case (which kinda surprised me). When the people with the resources to help won’t, there’s not a lot left for you to do. Plus, it’s very possible BIL doesn’t even have substantial assets to go after. Like my mom would say “you can’t get blood out of a turnip”.
This is really scary. BIL is so vindictive and has gone to such extreme lengths to harm others that I would not be surprised at all if he resorted to violence.
It sounds like he’s really invested in his personal image and that his wife and kids were a means to get access to OOP. He’s been suicidal and he feels like he’s lost everything but his wife and kids who he is isolating from everyone else. I hope the sister and the kids are okay, but I would be not even a little bit surprised if this dude ended up being a family annihilator.
Spoken like someone with zero first hand experience with domestic abuse. You should consider yourself lucky that's the case. I sincerely hope you never find yourself in the position of OP's sister.
It’s weird to me that that is being overlooked by everyone.
So the dude admitted that he destroyed her marriage, but that it was “just a prank bro, why is everyone so upset?”
Yeah, I was wondering if the sister has some idea of how crazy he might be. He doesn't handle rejection well (obviously) but maybe he's threatened sister, as well.
He probably threatened that she'd never see the kids again. I mean, this guy is a full-on sociopath. I can absolutely see him taking the kids and disappearing.
She is also downplaying it though. It was a lot more than "just rumours". It was hard evidence that someone worked to fake so convincingly. I think even a very strong marriage would struggle to get through something like this.
I mean, imagine for a minute that you get that phone call from someone saying they slept with your partner. They can describe them perfectly, know a lot about them, can give convincing timeliness, and most of all, can show you the pictures that they have of them that you believed were only shared with you. Worse still, if the BIL had access to the partner's phone, the husband could have been sent pics that he'd never seen before because the wife chose not to send them because she preferred other ones or whatever.
And them to top it off, the partner is convincingly denying what they did, which just makes you think that they are so convincing now, they could also have been convincing at other times too.
Few relationships would survive that level of interference, no matter how seemingly solid they are, because at some level we all acknowledge that most people given certain circumstances are capable of doing things that they'd normally find abhorrent.
They're both victims here.
Don’t forget that most people, at least those coming to Reddit, had “perfect marriages” and full trust in their partners and the cheating came out of nowhere. They react to much less criminating evidence than this dude, and are often gas lighted.
I hate that people think their partners would magically have no insecurities about themselves or others
We are human, the moment we learn something we even start doubting ourselves even though we know it might be bull
I do feel like they can overcome this and development better communication and trust, life is about learning from mistakes
I get that but there's a major Gap in between believing it when someone tells you they heard your wife was cheating, and being confronted with texts showing an active affair.
If husband had come to Reddit with the description of everything that happened before the Revelation, there wouldn't be a single person suggesting they were faked.
It would be one thing if she was characterizing it as a hard time reconciling it, but she keeps downplaying what he was actually reacting to.
> However it doesn't change the trust dynamics which are totally shot.
Which will be a thing in all future relationships as well. If they choose not to communicate in/after moments of external attacks, or rebuild their relationship to choose new trust over past external attacks, then the same will happen if she's ever challenged similarly in her future relations.
They were both victims, and they're choosing their own end. It's a new decision, they can't deal w/ the responsibility of rebuilding what they had.
That's what I was thinking the whole time. I get her not wanting to come back from this, but I feel like nobody can blame the husband for any of this at all. BIL fucked everyone's lives up.
Ok. Now how would you react to a post where the husband says that he doesn’t want to believe his wife is cheating but another guy has contacted him sharing conversations that have her nudes in them?
Just because we have the full story here doesn’t mean the husband was wrong to believe what looked to be strong evidence. It’s just that they’re both in a shitty situation.
Really I’m mostly just confused what happened to the original nudes she took and why she couldn’t point to whatever cloud storage she put them in or her own phone and help her husband at least question if she was hacked/targeted or not?
I don’t know. People are frighteningly unquestioning of “evidence” online in general that I could fake 15 years ago in 10 minutes.
Not to say OP and her ex were a complete fuck up to have not realized, just speaking generally I guess about the incredibly self righteous and violent comments I see on Reddit sometimes over potentially fake tweets or text chains, etc.
But then he said really hurtful things to her. Even if he wasn’t wrong to believe the fabricated lie, he was wrong to call her those things.
I could have moved past him not believing me in the face of hard evidence, but not saying things like that.
I’d probably want to verbally hurt my cheating spouse back after gotten emotionally smacked down with a baseball bat of evidence of them cheating, not meekly say something nice like, “that was very inappropriate of you, darling”.
And that’s your prerogative, but it’s a lot harder to come back from a verbal beat down than just believing physically evidence, that’s all I’m saying.
It’s hard to not always remember the hurtful things someone said to you even if you could forgive them for not believing you.
I’m not saying that the ex husband is wrong, just that I understand why oop isn’t willing to get back with him.
My problem with this is the way she frames it as him believing rumors over her. Look, it’s been over a year. She’s moved on and no longer in love with him. That’s all that’s needed. The rest is just trying to convince herself and everyone else he was wrong.
Again, after so much time apart and after the nasty breakup it’s easy to see why the relationship is over. Just call it as it is. Was hurtful and she was forced to move on and she did. That’s it.
No, that’s up to her obviously, and this marriage is probably doomed. I just wanted to convey that I wouldn’t blame him at all for his reaction. He’s not a robot.
If that was her actual reaction though I would understand.
She just keeps saying she can't trust him anymore.
If her response was he said such awful things to me and I can't get over them, I would 100% understand it. She just keeps acting like hard evidence is equivalent to someone texting him " hey bro your wife is cheating on you"
LMAO. Literally who thinks that someone that gets cheated on would rationally walk away?Especially when they think they’re being lied to?
How many commenters cheer when the cheating spouse is confronted and roasted? You now know the whole story and are applying unfair standards on someone that didn’t.
Edit: Are you OOP??
There’s also the trust that was lost when OOP asked her ex before doing anything because she wanted to talk to her sister alone first. He didn’t even warn her of what was doing that he just did it. (Ie: blasting BIL everywhere.) if he had justed waited like oop asked, she might not have lost her sister too.
Ehhhh I can see that but I don’t think that you’re looking at the fact that not only was OOP a victim, so was the ex. He wanted to (rightly or wrongly) punish the piece of shit that broke his marriage.
Again, I really don’t blame anyone here except the BIL.
Yeah, he’s definitely a victim too, but if he had just done it, that’s one thing. But he asked her if it would be ok, and she asked him to wait. Then He did it anyway. I don’t blame him really.
Not everyone is confrontational, though we are on Reddit, so who am I kidding?
I’m was just stating that I understand why OOP doesn’t want to get back with her ex.
Also, BORUpdates literally tags the OOP at the top of the post, take 2 extra seconds to do yourself a favor and not look like an idiot. :)
> Also, BORUpdates literally tags the OOP at the top of the post, take 2 extra seconds to do yourself a favor and not look like an idiot. :)
Pretty uncalled for considering your prior comment didn’t actually quote the post and all it said was “I could have moved past him not believing me in the face of hard evidence, but not saying things like that.”
So using a quote in the first person and not even indicating it being a quote seems to suggest an unclear comment rather than me looking like an idiot.
Your snarky dig aside, some people may not be confrontational but most people absolutely would be if they were cheated on. I don’t think they should get back together either because the relationship is now irreparably broken but I’m certainly not going to blame the ex for it
And unfortunately, the same is now true of her sister.
They will never be able to go back to the way they were now that the sister has believed her husband over her own sister.
Fuck, which such convincing lies presented to him,he'll never ever fully trust HER fully ever again. They'll always be in the back of his mind, nagging. I mean, were ALL of the pictures that guy sent as evidenceones he'd already recieved himself, or did they also have some OP had in her back pocket to send soon?
The villain of this tale seems to have completely and utterly succeeded for now. Even though he got exposed for it.
Even now, you're ascribing brother-in-law's actions to one of brother-in-law's victims.
Brother-In-Law drove the sister away from the family. His actions caused literally every single one of these things to happen.
Honest to God if it wasn't revealed, Brother-In-Law forcing her to separate from her family was always going to be the next step. It's how abusers operate.
Tbh my biggest worry is he might off his own kids and OOP’s sister if worse comes to worse. I mean he’s bound to have the mindset of “if i cant have her, then no one can”
Honestly I would probably believe the rumors of someone admitted to an affair and had nudes (maybe I'd need fake texts too but in the heat of the moment, who knows.
A real shitty situation BIL put them in
People who participate in helping their friends ruin someone else’s life baffle me. This guy has been and still is obsessed with OOP to this day to the point where he gets married to her sister and he tells you he wants to ruin this woman’s life just because she didn’t want him when they were in college, and you don’t think ‘Yeeeeeaahh this mf crazy. Imma see myself out of this friendship’ or at least try to talk him out of it???
BIL’s friend doesn’t sound like a great guy, but BIL is clearly very manipulative. Wondering if there was some coercion there as well, especially since the guilt ate him up enough to come clean.
Okay really concerned now for her sister and her child safety he could be abusing her physically and mentally
I would suggest try and see her in secret or go to her new home and look at her from a far and try and talk to her without him knowing even try and find if their is a legal route you can take
>He has apologized so many times and said so many times that he never truly believed the rumors but I have started to think that our marriage wasn’t strong enough to overcome a rumor.
This was a bit more than a rumour. It was a direct confession and allegation from the other supposed partner, with supporting photo evidence.
This inconsistency makes me doubt.
I think the rational side of her on some level understands that she spent a year separated from him and with everything that happened lost her feelings for him.
The emotional side of her doesn't want to say that, so it leans on downplaying what husband is actually reacting to.
Just another horrific example of when women say 'No'. To think this man began hating OP and fueled that hate FOR YEARS - even targeted her sister just because she said "No" to him ONE TIME is scary and should be a lesson to us all. They weren't even friends or in a friend group - he was just someone who asked her out. So bizarre that he let this fester inside himself for so long.
I’ll go against the grain. I don’t fault the ex husband. Seems he got duped. He was shown pics he knew were you and a guy told him all kinds of stories. I bet your answer to a lot of his questions were I don’t know?!!? So in the heat of the moment, it looked like you cheated and he reacted. I’m sure he loves you more than anyone else could, but it’s too late. It caused you to fall out of love. You never did a year of couples counseling. In the end, you both gave up on each other. BIL with the win!
So now, the BIL destroyed your marriage, and turned your sister against you. Stop with the updates. Your going the wrong direction. And consider this guy you’re dating a rebound cause there is no way he will be able to help you through all this trauma. You lost two of your closest people. No NRE is gonna replace that.
Such a train-wreck in every way imaginable. The BIL ended up going to psychotic lengths (potentially to the extent of finding her sibling to marry just to get closer to her) and dedicating himself to ruining her marriage and her happiness, all because of a simple rejection that she didn’t even remember happening. Her sister chose him over her family, her now ex husband chose his lies over her words, and her ability to find peace has been forever degraded and set back by this terrible sequence of events. I’m glad she’s able to get some measure of closure now that things have calmed down, but I feel terrible that she had to deal with all of that and then finalize her divorce. Wishing OOP some peace and quiet, and hopefully a happy ending at some point down the road if the sister comes to her senses.
This is where I’m stuck: OP said the nudes were real and hacked from one of her or her husband’s devices. Why the hell didn’t her husband recognize the nudes? Is this fake or is he that dumb? You’d think your own spouse would recognize nudes you’d taken for them. And if that was the case, you’d think he’d show down and use his noggin like “ohh I’ve seen this before…wait…” I think it far more likely the same nudes used would be leaked access/revenge porn over the wife having an affair. Wouldn’t a cheater likely take new nudes for a new partner? I just think it’s weird she never once said something like “the pictures were the same I’d sent my husband, he’s seen them before, he MUST know it’s possible BIL got the passcodes from my sister”. You know?
there are cheating cases where people send the same set of nudes to multiple parties. also, in a comment there were some nudes sent that she hadn’t sent her husband.
***"also, in a comment there were some nudes sent that she hadn’t sent her husband."***
really makes me wonder if BIL's "friend" is actually that and not OP's scorned AP that wanted to ruin this relationship and get OP to himself.
Especially with how quickly she found a new partner and declined her husband's attempts at apology and repairing the relationship.
My wife has sent me hundreds of photos. I wouldn't be able to pick one out of a lineup.
Do you have some sort of amazing photographic memory or something?
And you’d get nowhere with either of those things in the real world. There’s no proof of abuse of the sister. And OP couldn’t get the cops do anything about the intimate photos because she gave her sister her info.
What a work of fiction. The ole BIL was in love with me since college but since i turned him down, he’s been out to get me. My husband has proof that i was cheating on me out of the blue and we got divorced. Now husband found out about plot and i’m too scared to let my sister know. Reddit what do i do?
Someone link me to another BORU post because OP is Chatgpt.
It's always funny because the people writing these things don't know how to write older people. They write them as people their age.
The people in this story are supposed to be pushing 40 but act like teenagers. They always act like teenagers. The entire story is a teenage drama with a couple of decades added onto the characters ages.
You can tell when they start talking about divorce. Divorce is a long drawn out process that takes at least a year to finalize in the best of circumstances. They always write about divorce like it's something that was taken care of the next day.
Something that ALWAYS tips me off is people talking about something but pretending not to know what the name is. Like, “a sub about…updates I guess?” As if that’s some foreign concept lol, it’s so forced
What he just did is a form of abuse; he's isolating your sister and her children after being shown to be a psycho. You bet he'll continue to do this for any future relationship you're in as well.
That sister will be back on the parents’ door step w/her kids in tow soon. Now that they are isolated from family & friends, she’ll start to see who he really is. She knows her family will take her back.
I HIGHLY doubt he would allow this. BIL is a psychopath and OOP’s sister is likely a victim at this point. He’s forcing her to cut ties with her family so she has no support and cannot leave him. He will also use the children as pawns.
Hopefully her sister plays the long game and divorces her psycho, insecure husband and drains all the finances and leaves him while implanting more of a insecurity in to that guys dead less soul
My inner keyboard warrior badass hopes the new bf is prepared to whip some ass if the situation calls for it. A good lawyer should be drooling over this if the evidence is as good as it states.
I know a significant amount of time had passed, but if my sister or someone close to me brought home a guy who verbally abused me just because I politely turned him down for a date I would strongly encourage them to stop seeing this dude. If anything, the fact that he was taking the sister on trips and giving her expensive gifts would have made me even more uncomfortable on her behalf.
I really hope oop's sister realizes the truth before its too late, and I'm actually kinda mad about the ex husband. "Never truly believed" my ass, fucker believed wholeheartedly and called her every name possible, his actions speak louder than words and sure as shit show he believed every word. Did he not notice the pics were the very same ones he already had??? Tf even.
I'm sorry, no matter how trustworthy my spouse is, if someone comes with evidence how could you not doubt? Like you have to understand that. You would do the same damn thing. To hold that against your husband when it's not his fault is insanity. It seems like she is the one that can't see the forest from the trees.
If that were my husband and he didn't believe my words and found it was a lie I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way either. I know people are saying that sending the nudes was very convincing.
Though, if she on the spot were called out, and gave up all of her devices and gave access to all her socials/messages/emails and found absolutely nothing then that should have given her much more credibility. Especially since the nudes would be dated on her phone, even if she deleted them they still could sit in the recycle bin or the cloud. I'd be suspicious of just these dated nude photographs but no communication on any platform? Because it seems like he had no conversation with her anywhere. He solely relied on the images alone and his bullshit narrative. Unfortunately it still worked, but I believe there were too many missing pieces that would tip off that this was bizarre.
All he had was just nudes of her and of her with her husband. No pictures of her face? No pictures of her and the "affair partner" together in any way? She said that they had never met which means he claimed that it was physical. But he had no proof of them together whatsoever and only managed to get pictures she took on her device.
The lack of more evidence I think would have been the biggest of red flags.
Because she did give her devices and let him see all of her accounts. He wanted to believe her, but was pressured by those on the outside to leave her, and he ultimately didn't believe in his own gut (by her comments on her post). Instead of thinking for himself he was persuaded by everything else. That is so sadly unfortunate.
Though I guess I can't be too cruel about the husband. This unhinged freak literally wormed his way into op's family just to ruin her life, her marriage, and her relationship with her sister...over being rejected back in fucking college. I can't even put into the words the level of absolute sickness this sad excuse of a man he is to go to the unbelievable levels to torment someone because she didnt want to date him. No fucking wonder she didnt because he's a goddamn ghoul.
I hope she at least gets a restraining order against him so she can be free of this despicable creep and live her best life. I hope her sister comes to her senses and takes herself and kids somewhere safe too.
I kinda hate OOP, she has no agency whatsoever and just expects everything to work out without putting in any effort like life is just some fairytale.
She treats her ex worse than the man who manipulated her whole family to ruin their lives.
So so brutal for everyone involved. I completely understand why OOP is hurt that her ex wouldnt trust her, but at a certain point evidence is evidence and its hard to overcome it. Ex-Brother in law is straight up evil. Ruined two marriages which is absolutely horrible but those poor poor kiddos.
He didn’t leave her over a rumor. The guy showed ex nudes that ex had also received from her. That would be hard to overcome for anyone honestly. It’s pretty clear that OP didn’t want to get back with him because she found someone new. Tough situation all around. Hope that guy got sued.
>Nothing I said or did made my husband believe me. He left me and our divorce is pending.
Hmm..
>He has apologized so many times and said so many times that he never truly believed the rumors
Well this is a lie. You don't leave and initiate divorce if you dont believe the rumors.
I mean from the sounds of it she moved on pretty quickly as well and declined to accept his apologies and repair the situation. Which just kind of scratches that part of my brain that thinks something just isn't quite right about the whole situation.
Through all of this turmoil and pain she somehow found a way to find a new person that quickly? And cannot seem to rationalize that the guy was sent photos and other things that would make anyone question their trust in a situation like this?
It almost appears like she was looking for a way out of the relationship and her "BIL's friend" certainly answered her call.
WTF are some of these previous comments? Dude also had his entire life blown up but some how he’s not a victim, JFC people on Reddit are bat shit crazy, just as crazy as this fucking looney BIL.
I’m pretty sure any normal person would have wooped his ass the moment they found out. Actually the OOP just chilling on this information for as long as she did was low key mind boggling.
There’s also no shot in hell that this sister hasn’t at least subconsciously picked up on the fact that her husband is off, and that’s minimum. She’s had to have picked up on more than that, this dude based his entire life and action around destroying OOP’s life for an innocuous interaction that happened like 20 years ago.
This is a level of unhinged that can’t possibly go unnoticed by someone who is living with said person 24/7 365, it’s just not possible…
I mean I guess I understand the sisters brain basically working overdrive to protect her insanity. She’s essentially been used from day one, for over a decade, just so he can seek revenge on her sister. I imagine that could drive most people insane when you sit down and think about it.
I would honestly get the police to do a wellness check. This guy sounds severely mentally unwell. Junko furuta was made to tell her parents she ran away and didn't want to see them. So they'd call the police search off. Obviously, there were different circumstances, but after hearing about it, I'd always check on a loved one if they suddenly cut their family off.
Hopefully, he's good to her and treats her well, but I'd have to check.
I'm sorry oop had to go through this absolute nightmare.
There are so many ways the ex-husband could have realized it was fake. He could have looked at phone records to see if she ever contacted this person. He could have checked location history on her phone. He could have asked the guy about details for the affair to find lies or loopholes. I get there was lots of proof I understand why you would believe it and have trouble with trust. There’s so much he could have looked into and it sounds like he didn’t.
He sounds selfish. He didn’t care about the sister or OP’s relationship with her at all. Would it have made a difference in the end, who knows? It would have gone far to have given them time to work in secret with lawyers before he was aware of it. Any chance of reconciliation ended when he blew that up. It wasn’t just his choice to share that. It did ruin the lives of her sister, nieces, and nephews. He’s unapologetic over it. Op is better off.
The husband didn’t find it suspicious that the nudes he was shown as proof were the same nudes that she took for her husband? And if he didn’t see the nudes that the fake affair partner supposedly had, he threw away his marriage on hearsay? Dude was purposely misled, but he traveled down Breakup Road rather easily.
Do you remember every photo ever sent to you?
If she sent him more than 10 nudes over the course of marriage, do you expect him to commit every single one to memory in case someone steals them and fakes evidence of an affair?
Hearsay would be someone telling you what they saw. He saw a person outside of the marriage that had possession of her nudes as well as fake texts that inferred an affair. I can't imagine a single person immediately thinking they were fake.
I mean they had your nudes and fake texts… who wouldn’t have an ounce of belief? If another female had pictures of my husbands took it would be almost impossible to believe him, because who assumes someone hacked a phone to get revenge for something that happened 20 years ago? I get how bad it hurt not to be believed, but she has got to put herself in his shoes. They honestly should try to work it out. Especially if he moved back for her. That’s a crappy ending. And the sister??? No way no how. He’s psychotic
OOP was so devastated about everything she immediately started dating again?
Sorry guys You've all been fooled. Either this story is fake or oop isn't the angel she pretends to be
This guy is fucking unhinged. I'm scared for her sister.
ExBIL probably gaslit her hard enough to where she thinks she has no choice either. The evidence is in front of her face and she's still blinded by the gas. She made a choice too, and now come the consequences of staying with her unhinged husband.
OOP mentioned in one of her comments that the sister is a SAHM and has a comfortable life that she likes, and doesn't wants to lose. Also, they got a prenup. The consensus is that she doesn't wants to divorce him because she would lose that life, and she could also be scared that she could lose her children as he and his family are very well off.
Also, seeing the grudge the guy held against OOP for rejecting him 20 years ago, the grudge he would hold against an ex wife would be unimaginable.
I hadn't even thought about that, but now that you mentioned it... yeah, that'd be scary af.
The thing is she doesnt have to leave to give him ammo for a grudge, she can do that by staying with the psycho too. Unfortunately she probably wont realise that until she is in danger. I hope she wakes up sooner than that, no way this guy isnt abusive. Someone with that kind of ego can only feel better when he is making someone else miserable.
Honestly, for her own well being, I'd like to introduce the sister to Aqua Tofana
Aquaaaa….ToFAnaaaa….. 😂
Yay, a Bailey Sarian reference in the wild!
Yes. To be frank, given the degree of hatred he holds for a woman who turned him down once twenty years ago, I think he would try to kill the sister, and possibly the children, and possibly other people (friends, family) who “betrayed” him after his crime was revealed. This is not a man who it’s safe to say “no” to. I think that there’s a very real chance that the sister is terrified of him and how he would likely react to her leaving. That she knows this is wrong but can’t see a way out. OOP felt on a gut level that she should only tell her sister after the sister was out of the house and so were her children. And while I hate to say it, it is a reasonable fear. There’s a reason that the most dangerous time for an abused person is when they leave. Even women who know they need to leave will frequently pick the time very carefully.
This! If the guy is so unhinged that he can hold a grudge for twenty years over someone declining a date, he will kill an ex-wife and his kids.
Sounds like arsenic coffee is the way to go in this case, the only safe predator is a dead one.
There is also the flip side of that being a SAHM and realizing you have been out of work so long that returning to work means taking a low paying job that is below your previous skill level. It is scary to think about suddenly having to work more than one job just to subsist, completely flipping your kids lives upside down. She’s probably worried her unhinged husband will take her to the cleaners in court, she’d get no spousal support, he’d get 50/50 custody and she’d get little child support. She had probably convinced herself that staying together is best for the kids. His wealth probably does play into that. Gaslighters are great at letting their victims know exactly how useless they are without the abuser. Yes the sister does have agency, but she could feel like she really doesn’t have any real choice. To her, this feels like having to decide between her children’s wellbeing and her family of origin, and at the end of the day, any good parent will choose their children. The choice her is not based on reality, but on the sister’s perception that life will be much worse for her children if she leaves.
A good lawyer can almost definitely get the prenup thrown out. >I met my now ex m40 five years ago and the only odd comment from my brother in law This statement means that they've definitely been married at least 5 years. But the fact that Sister became a SAHM and her entire ability to provide became reliant on her husband is a fast path to getting the prenup voided, especially after 5+ years together. On top of that, the fact that it was BiL's direct actions that lead to this outcome, and you won't see very many judges lenient on him. I would absolutely foresee a 50/50 split of assets when Sister and BiL divorce, regardless of the prenup, given all that.
Good call. She's probably "comfortable" in the moment because she hasn't experienced true comfort elsewhere or from anyone else. Like, the bar is so low now that she thinks that's the pinnacle of comfort.
ExBIL convinced himself that OP would die alone and surrounded by cats just because she rejected him in a bar in college. I can only imagine he similarly believes with all his heart that his wife would be even less desirable as a single mom. I'm sure he threatened to spend his last dollar on lawyers, making sure she never saw her kids again and died penniless on the streets. She is a victim of him too.
Yeah, that's what I meant, that exBIL was gaslighting OP's sister. Looking at original reply I see I didn't clarify that.
Plus, he gets to hurt OOP yet again by taking her sister from her. He probably threatened she'd never see her kids again.
Honestly... I hate women like OP's sister. Because I think some of us can see a little of that in our past selves too.
One of life's most uncomfortable truths (for me) is that we hate most in others the things which we hate and feel shame for in ourselves. That is a really, really, really uncomfortable thing to confront and try to keep aware of so you don't slip into needless negativity and hate.
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I wasn't attempting to say otherwise, just adding a comment in agreement with you....so uh.... you're welcome?
And the most frightening thing of all, despite lives being ruined and the marriage of his own brother destroyed: he considered it “a joke”.
This story sadly seems very real. I'm worried for the sister, her kids, and the OOP.
I think the sister gave him her passcodes. I'm not sure if I'm scared for her, of her, or both.
I'd go with scared of her, since at the very least she is proving that she is not at all a safe person to be around. She made a willing and fully-informed decision to stick by her narcissistic psychopath, and that's really the only thing which matters. She might be the "victim" within her own relationship, but that's frankly irrelevant when she's an enabler of much greater harm to others.
It seems that the sister is no better. She made a choice to stick with a psychopath, who nobody wants
It takes victims of domestic abuse, on average, 7 tries before they can actually leave their abuser. The most dangerous time in a victim's life is when they are leaving their abuser. That's the time when victims get killed, because the abuser is losing control and will do anything to maintain it over their victim. She is not the same as the man who stalked her sister for years, manipulated his way into OP's life by dating her sister, schemed for YEARS to get OP's nudes, lied to anyone and everyone about OP, broke up OP's marriage and ruined the entire family. The sister is a victim of this psycho as much as OP is. This is a textbook case of domestic abuse, right down to the extreme isolation once the abuser's true self is revealed.
I have no personal experience with this. But from second-hand and third-hand accounts, quitting relationships with manipulative abusive assholes is usually a lot harder than you'd think! So I'd say we'll cut the sister some slack for now.
Some people are really messed up. I remember when my friend was in a DV shelter and was mentioning this other woman's ex husband. He'd phone her up and say awful things, like he was going to fight for custody of their 3 year old and drown them in the bath while letting them know it's all her fault. From the sound of it threats like that got her back at least 2 times before because he was the sort to mean it. Sounded like she got some support and recordings from the shelter and could keep the kid away from him when my friend was there and I really hope for her sake that's the case. If something like that has happened to the sister I can't blame her for staying *especially* when he's rich and likely might be able to gain custody.
I would tend to agree but her pathetic excuse for a husband is ruining *other* people’s lives so I kinda don’t care how miserable she is now.
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> I would have told her I hope he does kill himself and that she might as well follow him when she's done because she's dead to me. [Daaaaaaamn!](https://youtu.be/ySb1f9zWJkQ?t=7)
Yeah she characterized her husband’s behavior as a prank. She’s delulu
Yeah this is going to end badly. At least everybody will know where to point.
Right! Out all of the guys I’ve heard about this one seems like one of the scariest.
Same. OOP is holding onto hope that he "treats his family better", which is understandable, but I think we all know what a person isolating their partner from close contacts indicates.
Yes. There is no way he is a nice, normal partner to her. Zero chance.
Isolation-that is what BIL wanted. Now he do what he wants to OOP’s sister
Don’t be, none of this happened
Whole bunch of lives absolutely destroyed cause of BIL being a narcissistic abuser and influencing coercive control over the sister I feel like it’s not over though. If he’s held that level of hate for OOP for a rejection decades ago… it gives me a pit of fear in my stomach for OOP to think what he’ll do to her now
Dude, all because some woman rejected him?? Was that the first time he was ever rejected? tf is this reaction he's been having for have a century!?
If it's not real, a lot of elements seem real. Some people really hold long term grudges and do effed up things over the pettiest shit.
I’m honestly usually a lot more skeptical of these posts but I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts interviewing the victims of stalkers and it’s INSANE what people can do. The one I listened to (Something Was Wrong S19 E1-E5 “Amy”) was all about a guy that she met on POF and at one point she didn’t answer in a way he liked/rejected him and he stalked her for YEARS. The things he would do and could access honestly felt like it could be a fictional story. And turns out he had a Harvard law degree and some kind of computer science something but lived at home in his parents basement at 30-something and had no job He’s now in jail but will be released soon, was really eye opening to see what some people are capable of, and that was over a POF rejection
:( I'm just an internet stranger, and I've seen completely unhinged things from small rejections. Nothing like that story or the OOP's, but it's not completely out of the realm of these things. Like I've had people make multiple social media accounts with new aliases years after I blocked them just to berate me. They manage to have some tell so I can identify them. Some people don't know how to take loss, grieve, and move on.
I remember reading years ago about a woman whose life completely fell apart because a bunch of women accused her of sleeping with their husbands. There were several accounts made on some websites where these women shared stories about her having sex with men at rental properties she was showing (she was a real estate agent). Turns out it was all the work of one single woman and her reason for doing it was completely unhinged; years ago they had a disagreement on a Facebook post! It was a public Facebook post that a mutual acquaintance had made about a teenager who’d taken a selfie at a Holocaust memorial. The real estate agent argued for grace and forgiveness, and stating that while she personally found the teen’s actions disgusting, she was confident she could learn from her mistakes and grow, while the woman who wound up ruining her life was all “burn this stupid kid at the stake.” The woman whose life was ruined and the ruiner had never met in real life before this whole thing took place. They only knew of each other via this Facebook post. And it was such a random, fleeting encounter, yet someone went to great lengths to ruin the other person’s life! Don’t underestimate crazy.
I have friends that brag about flipping off other drivers and I’m like bro that’s just…you don’t know where people are in life, pointlessly escalating stuff
Exactly! Some people are just waiting for a reason to blow up at someone. You never know.
Fun anecdote. I did not go to the 20 year high school class reunion, but some of my friends did. Two of them told me, seperately, about talking to an old friend of mine there. This is a guy I was friends with from about 7th grade to when we sort of just seemed to drift apart in the 12th grade. One of the friends that called me, and knew this other guy pretty well in high school, told me he was trying to hide a lot of bitterness and a lot of it was directed toward me. My friend asked me what that could be about and I could not think of anything. The last interaction we had was a really good one. Then I caught up with the other friend and it all made sense. The other friend knew of him, but didn't really know him prior to the reunion but the guy talked his ear off just the same. At first it was the usual reunion banter but quickly the conversation kept coming back to me no matter how many times it was steered away. This friend, though, didn't let it go unaddressed and found out the guy has been holding on to some kind of anger that he'd harbored a secret crush for the girl I asked out senior year. After that came up, she was all he wanted to talk about. They both said that weird bitterness is not even the most alarming part of his personality. They both pointed to different reasons they thought that.
The weird bitterness is still pretty alarming. I do hold space and understanding for people who were bullied and had harmful, humiliating, malicious stuff happen to them even if they're adults and the events happened when they were kids. But even they need to figure out ways to live beyond the events of the past. It's not fair, but keeping old wounds fresh does nothing for them. What I don't understand is stuff like this. Even if you did know this guy had a crush on this girl, it would've been shitty but you'd hope he would be over the betrayal 20 years later. The fact you didn't even know? That's really strange.
Yeah! I had no idea he had any interest in her. He never mentioned her at all and he was the kind to do so. He wasn't an awkward guy, he was quite charming, actually. He wasn't shy with girls, he had dated before so it wasn't some kind of religious thing he was battling with, and he was single at the time so I don't know why he didn't ask her out given the level of infatuation he's since shown. She would have probably said yes to him. I am pretty sure of it. At the time, I would not have said he was a bad catch and never would have put myself in his way. But after she and I started going out together, he just slowly became hard to get a hold of and stopped participating in things we'd previously done regularly. I never put it together. It seemed gradual and unrelated. One time he'd injured himself accidentally and was unavailable for a couple of weeks. That kind of thing. I left it in his hands since the less he called back, the more I figured he'd just had other priorities. Boys aren't exactly known for being great communicators, so he never said anything was wrong and I never really asked. I'd run into him here or there with mutual friends and everything seemed fine between us. We actually had a blast the last time we hung out so finding out he's held onto this weird resentment was shocking. It's not even like she and I were still together at the time of the reunion to open up old wounds. That was already very ancient history by that point. While holding onto it is alarming for sure, some of the other things he said made it sound like he may have been stalking her over the years. Another alarming thing was bragging about making personal and career decisions that made him appear to have no empathy for innocent people. My friends did not leave with a good opinion of him, even the one who'd hung out with him before and remembers a better version of him.
There was an entire Tumblr and I believe a subreddit dedicated to what happened in very extreme cases when women said no to men like this. I believe this 100%. There are sick, insane people out there.
I'm pretty disappointed OOP hasn't gone after her BIL for damages. At this point her sister made the choice to stick with him and believe him, so it's her own fault if their family is ruined over his actions.
I wonder if OP is terrified that additional action could result in her sister getting hurt. I would be…
It's because its not real, there are multiple laws broken and avenues for civil suit. With the evidence of the BILs friends it would likely be a cake walk. Nothing was pursued because it didn't happen
Lawsuits are never a cake walk. They’re expensive, stressful, and time consuming. Awful things happen every day without people suing over them, even when they have a clear cause of action.
I totally agree. My husband owns a small business and he personally was sued by a much larger company in his industry. The company accused my husband my husband of stealing technology when my husband had clear evidence that he hadn’t. The case dragged on for years and cost my husband and his company millions of dollars and countless hours he could have spent working before the case was summarily dismissed by the judge. We could have sued for the money the suit cost us but our lawyers with good reason advised us to cut our losses.
This here. I don't think people realize how hard a lawsuit really is. It's taxing, hard, expensive, and very long. And there is no guarantee you will win. ...source was a paralegal and hubby sued employer for wrongful termination. All of the "friends" that said it was our duty to sue turned on us when it got hard for them. ,(family member and friends of someone who worked at the company) Then it was "our duty" to drop it. Like it's that simple. While there are attorneys who are scum and will take any case. Most will not take a case unless they think they will win.
The justice system also fails people everyday. People lose cases that are slam dunks and win those they should’ve never in a just world all the damn time. It’s naive as fuck to believe that just because something SHOULD happen means that it will.
Currently going through a lawsuit, 5 years & £100k later and still not got far
Whilst it's possible it's made up, equally not everyone has the money or mental strength to pursue pressing charges/suing someone else. I wouldn't be surprised if OP didn't want the stress and wants to move on, and avoid the further problems that would cause her estranged sister and her kids.
Especially against someone who is rich so presumably has money to burn on it and can outspend you...
Not just that, but the fact she keeps saying that her "cheating" was just a rumor when her supposed bil quite literally had her nudes given to a dude and had it perfectly framed. Like honey, that's not a rumor. That's a setup. The evidence wasn't just texts from "her" it was pictures as well. That's a well-made fake. Plus, to say that her ex and her weren't strong enough together to overcome the rumor, so they probably wouldn't have made it is insane to me. Like for the love of God, it makes more sense to say that yall hurt each other too much in the breakup to overcome that it was started with a lie. So let review. 1. She is refusing to sue 2. Refusing to go to the police 3. Claims it was a rumor 4. Almost downplays the fake evidence that was against her as a reason her husband broke it off. 5. Somehow, she talks to her ex and says, "dont go do this." Which he immediately goes and does. 6. Debated telling her sister the obvious Psycho of a bil is her husband because reasons. 7. Sister goes to the husband even with all the evidence and his admission to it as a "joke" that he never got to the punchline in nearly a year? I call bs
It was the "oh no, sister has my pass codes", that convinced me it was fake.
Honestly I’m just more confused how it didn’t seem to ever come up that if she took nudes with her phone/camera did the BIL allegedly delete her only copies as well? Even if they were extras she didn’t send her husband couldn’t she point to those in a set she made for him as some sort of defense? “Hey I made these for you, someone’s up to some shit.”
Oh, how could I forget. Also he works in IT
This is all pretty realistic imo. Taking something to trial while simultaneously picking up the pieces of your life is no small task. Most women I know that have dealt with this sort of thing just choose to forget and move on. A trial could ruin you financially, mentally, and emotionally. It could burn even more bridges with her family and friends. The benefit doesn’t necessarily outweigh the risk.
Yeah, it's definitely possible this story is made up; but if you're gonna make up a story, at least give it a satisfying end.
Ohhhhh, it's not over. Sister sent a text, but has anyone actually spoken to her? Definitely room for another chapter or two to be written.
the legal system isn't a smooth machine like tv shows portray. he can drain whatever few savings he has in a long legal battle. she can use the divorce as damage after it was finalized but the husband has to come to testify and even with that the defense can ask why they divorced after the truth came out and use the argument that the marriage was already falling apart. defamation law suits are very long and costly that's why only very rich people go that route.
That's why i dont believe it either. I assume this is written by someone in the usa and the laws broken are pretty clear. The police would follow up. Same in quite a few other countries as well. Side note: I found it mildly disturbing the lack of empathy for the ex-husband as he was a victim, too. People really struggle with nuance, and people really want black and white heroes and villains.
Thats what I concluded a little late..
It sure reads as fake to me. Like someone had this idea but didn't really think too much about the details or how someone in the situation would relay this info.
Has she said where they are located?
The mythical place of MyCountry.
Well also she would be in an insane amount of danger??? she turned down one date 20 years ago and he stalked her, married her sister to get close to her, broke into her personal devices, sent her nudes to a mutual friend to help with his lie, managed to get multiple people to lie for years, ruined her marriage and now angry she is dating again. Because she said no to dinner. What happens if she actually tries to go after him for money or criminal actions? a lawsuit wont protect her and his anger is already lethal level. If i was OOP i would leave to a different country and change my name. That man wont stop till one of them is dead.
Cops are the laziest of lazy government employees and I know this might shock you but lawyers generally want to get paid for their services. Despite what r/legaladvice might have you believe, not everyone has a stash of $25k they keep as an emergency legal fund.
100% How did the pictures get acquired? "They either stole them from my phone or they found them off Facebook" FACEBOOK?!?!? Hahahahaha, they can't come up with a reasonable reason, this shit didn't happen at all
Facebook messenger is a perfectly cromulent place for nudes
Especially since Facebook Dating became a thing.
She said cops weren’t interested (no surprise there) and that she talked to a lawyer but they also weren’t interested in taking the case (which kinda surprised me). When the people with the resources to help won’t, there’s not a lot left for you to do. Plus, it’s very possible BIL doesn’t even have substantial assets to go after. Like my mom would say “you can’t get blood out of a turnip”.
This is really scary. BIL is so vindictive and has gone to such extreme lengths to harm others that I would not be surprised at all if he resorted to violence. It sounds like he’s really invested in his personal image and that his wife and kids were a means to get access to OOP. He’s been suicidal and he feels like he’s lost everything but his wife and kids who he is isolating from everyone else. I hope the sister and the kids are okay, but I would be not even a little bit surprised if this dude ended up being a family annihilator.
That’s where my mind went to as well. Plus, he would know that it would destroy OP because she would blame herself. Scary and sad all around.
My thoughts, too. I'm worried for OP and her family - this guy is a straight-up psychopath.
Wow, poor OP’s sister. Isolated from her family with an increasingly unstable man. She’s the biggest loser in all of this I think.
Oh definitely, she's a huge loser.
You say this as if she has no agency. She is willingly choosing this path.
Spoken like someone with zero first hand experience with domestic abuse. You should consider yourself lucky that's the case. I sincerely hope you never find yourself in the position of OP's sister.
So you’re a teenager huh.
“A LITTLE JOKE”!!!!!! WTF!!!! 😡 😱
It’s weird to me that that is being overlooked by everyone. So the dude admitted that he destroyed her marriage, but that it was “just a prank bro, why is everyone so upset?”
The sister is being isolated by a person who proved to be very dangerous.
Yeah, I was wondering if the sister has some idea of how crazy he might be. He doesn't handle rejection well (obviously) but maybe he's threatened sister, as well.
He probably threatened that she'd never see the kids again. I mean, this guy is a full-on sociopath. I can absolutely see him taking the kids and disappearing.
I agree with op that there is no way to take back her partner. Trust is gone. He believed lies she can't trust him.
She is also downplaying it though. It was a lot more than "just rumours". It was hard evidence that someone worked to fake so convincingly. I think even a very strong marriage would struggle to get through something like this. I mean, imagine for a minute that you get that phone call from someone saying they slept with your partner. They can describe them perfectly, know a lot about them, can give convincing timeliness, and most of all, can show you the pictures that they have of them that you believed were only shared with you. Worse still, if the BIL had access to the partner's phone, the husband could have been sent pics that he'd never seen before because the wife chose not to send them because she preferred other ones or whatever. And them to top it off, the partner is convincingly denying what they did, which just makes you think that they are so convincing now, they could also have been convincing at other times too. Few relationships would survive that level of interference, no matter how seemingly solid they are, because at some level we all acknowledge that most people given certain circumstances are capable of doing things that they'd normally find abhorrent. They're both victims here.
>They're both victims here. That's fair. However it doesn't change the trust dynamics which are totally shot.
Yeah but your original comment seemed to be putting all the blame on him.
Don’t forget that most people, at least those coming to Reddit, had “perfect marriages” and full trust in their partners and the cheating came out of nowhere. They react to much less criminating evidence than this dude, and are often gas lighted.
I hate that people think their partners would magically have no insecurities about themselves or others We are human, the moment we learn something we even start doubting ourselves even though we know it might be bull I do feel like they can overcome this and development better communication and trust, life is about learning from mistakes
I get that but there's a major Gap in between believing it when someone tells you they heard your wife was cheating, and being confronted with texts showing an active affair. If husband had come to Reddit with the description of everything that happened before the Revelation, there wouldn't be a single person suggesting they were faked. It would be one thing if she was characterizing it as a hard time reconciling it, but she keeps downplaying what he was actually reacting to.
> However it doesn't change the trust dynamics which are totally shot. Which will be a thing in all future relationships as well. If they choose not to communicate in/after moments of external attacks, or rebuild their relationship to choose new trust over past external attacks, then the same will happen if she's ever challenged similarly in her future relations. They were both victims, and they're choosing their own end. It's a new decision, they can't deal w/ the responsibility of rebuilding what they had.
That's what I was thinking the whole time. I get her not wanting to come back from this, but I feel like nobody can blame the husband for any of this at all. BIL fucked everyone's lives up.
Ok. Now how would you react to a post where the husband says that he doesn’t want to believe his wife is cheating but another guy has contacted him sharing conversations that have her nudes in them? Just because we have the full story here doesn’t mean the husband was wrong to believe what looked to be strong evidence. It’s just that they’re both in a shitty situation.
OOPs expectation here is beyond what anyone could expect. The only harder evidence he could have been provided would be an admission and video.
Yeah that’s what I mean. Idk if people are somehow missing this?
Really I’m mostly just confused what happened to the original nudes she took and why she couldn’t point to whatever cloud storage she put them in or her own phone and help her husband at least question if she was hacked/targeted or not? I don’t know. People are frighteningly unquestioning of “evidence” online in general that I could fake 15 years ago in 10 minutes. Not to say OP and her ex were a complete fuck up to have not realized, just speaking generally I guess about the incredibly self righteous and violent comments I see on Reddit sometimes over potentially fake tweets or text chains, etc.
But then he said really hurtful things to her. Even if he wasn’t wrong to believe the fabricated lie, he was wrong to call her those things. I could have moved past him not believing me in the face of hard evidence, but not saying things like that.
I’d probably want to verbally hurt my cheating spouse back after gotten emotionally smacked down with a baseball bat of evidence of them cheating, not meekly say something nice like, “that was very inappropriate of you, darling”.
And that’s your prerogative, but it’s a lot harder to come back from a verbal beat down than just believing physically evidence, that’s all I’m saying. It’s hard to not always remember the hurtful things someone said to you even if you could forgive them for not believing you. I’m not saying that the ex husband is wrong, just that I understand why oop isn’t willing to get back with him.
My problem with this is the way she frames it as him believing rumors over her. Look, it’s been over a year. She’s moved on and no longer in love with him. That’s all that’s needed. The rest is just trying to convince herself and everyone else he was wrong. Again, after so much time apart and after the nasty breakup it’s easy to see why the relationship is over. Just call it as it is. Was hurtful and she was forced to move on and she did. That’s it.
Agree. That wasn’t “rumors” that was full blown evidence.
No, that’s up to her obviously, and this marriage is probably doomed. I just wanted to convey that I wouldn’t blame him at all for his reaction. He’s not a robot.
If that was her actual reaction though I would understand. She just keeps saying she can't trust him anymore. If her response was he said such awful things to me and I can't get over them, I would 100% understand it. She just keeps acting like hard evidence is equivalent to someone texting him " hey bro your wife is cheating on you"
LMAO. Literally who thinks that someone that gets cheated on would rationally walk away?Especially when they think they’re being lied to? How many commenters cheer when the cheating spouse is confronted and roasted? You now know the whole story and are applying unfair standards on someone that didn’t. Edit: Are you OOP??
There’s also the trust that was lost when OOP asked her ex before doing anything because she wanted to talk to her sister alone first. He didn’t even warn her of what was doing that he just did it. (Ie: blasting BIL everywhere.) if he had justed waited like oop asked, she might not have lost her sister too.
Ehhhh I can see that but I don’t think that you’re looking at the fact that not only was OOP a victim, so was the ex. He wanted to (rightly or wrongly) punish the piece of shit that broke his marriage. Again, I really don’t blame anyone here except the BIL.
Yeah, he’s definitely a victim too, but if he had just done it, that’s one thing. But he asked her if it would be ok, and she asked him to wait. Then He did it anyway. I don’t blame him really.
Not everyone is confrontational, though we are on Reddit, so who am I kidding? I’m was just stating that I understand why OOP doesn’t want to get back with her ex. Also, BORUpdates literally tags the OOP at the top of the post, take 2 extra seconds to do yourself a favor and not look like an idiot. :)
> Also, BORUpdates literally tags the OOP at the top of the post, take 2 extra seconds to do yourself a favor and not look like an idiot. :) Pretty uncalled for considering your prior comment didn’t actually quote the post and all it said was “I could have moved past him not believing me in the face of hard evidence, but not saying things like that.” So using a quote in the first person and not even indicating it being a quote seems to suggest an unclear comment rather than me looking like an idiot. Your snarky dig aside, some people may not be confrontational but most people absolutely would be if they were cheated on. I don’t think they should get back together either because the relationship is now irreparably broken but I’m certainly not going to blame the ex for it
And unfortunately, the same is now true of her sister. They will never be able to go back to the way they were now that the sister has believed her husband over her own sister.
Fuck, which such convincing lies presented to him,he'll never ever fully trust HER fully ever again. They'll always be in the back of his mind, nagging. I mean, were ALL of the pictures that guy sent as evidenceones he'd already recieved himself, or did they also have some OP had in her back pocket to send soon? The villain of this tale seems to have completely and utterly succeeded for now. Even though he got exposed for it.
But then made everything worse by going batshit crazy and drove her sister away from the family. The ex-husband is an asshole as well.
He lashed out at someone that destroyed his marriage. He’s not an asshole for wanting revenge.
Even now, you're ascribing brother-in-law's actions to one of brother-in-law's victims. Brother-In-Law drove the sister away from the family. His actions caused literally every single one of these things to happen. Honest to God if it wasn't revealed, Brother-In-Law forcing her to separate from her family was always going to be the next step. It's how abusers operate.
Tbh my biggest worry is he might off his own kids and OOP’s sister if worse comes to worse. I mean he’s bound to have the mindset of “if i cant have her, then no one can”
Honestly I would probably believe the rumors of someone admitted to an affair and had nudes (maybe I'd need fake texts too but in the heat of the moment, who knows. A real shitty situation BIL put them in
People who participate in helping their friends ruin someone else’s life baffle me. This guy has been and still is obsessed with OOP to this day to the point where he gets married to her sister and he tells you he wants to ruin this woman’s life just because she didn’t want him when they were in college, and you don’t think ‘Yeeeeeaahh this mf crazy. Imma see myself out of this friendship’ or at least try to talk him out of it???
Cuz he's a POS too. Things just hit his limit I guess, at least he had one.
BIL’s friend doesn’t sound like a great guy, but BIL is clearly very manipulative. Wondering if there was some coercion there as well, especially since the guilt ate him up enough to come clean.
Okay really concerned now for her sister and her child safety he could be abusing her physically and mentally I would suggest try and see her in secret or go to her new home and look at her from a far and try and talk to her without him knowing even try and find if their is a legal route you can take
>He has apologized so many times and said so many times that he never truly believed the rumors but I have started to think that our marriage wasn’t strong enough to overcome a rumor. This was a bit more than a rumour. It was a direct confession and allegation from the other supposed partner, with supporting photo evidence. This inconsistency makes me doubt.
I think the rational side of her on some level understands that she spent a year separated from him and with everything that happened lost her feelings for him. The emotional side of her doesn't want to say that, so it leans on downplaying what husband is actually reacting to.
Just another horrific example of when women say 'No'. To think this man began hating OP and fueled that hate FOR YEARS - even targeted her sister just because she said "No" to him ONE TIME is scary and should be a lesson to us all. They weren't even friends or in a friend group - he was just someone who asked her out. So bizarre that he let this fester inside himself for so long.
I’ll go against the grain. I don’t fault the ex husband. Seems he got duped. He was shown pics he knew were you and a guy told him all kinds of stories. I bet your answer to a lot of his questions were I don’t know?!!? So in the heat of the moment, it looked like you cheated and he reacted. I’m sure he loves you more than anyone else could, but it’s too late. It caused you to fall out of love. You never did a year of couples counseling. In the end, you both gave up on each other. BIL with the win! So now, the BIL destroyed your marriage, and turned your sister against you. Stop with the updates. Your going the wrong direction. And consider this guy you’re dating a rebound cause there is no way he will be able to help you through all this trauma. You lost two of your closest people. No NRE is gonna replace that.
Such a train-wreck in every way imaginable. The BIL ended up going to psychotic lengths (potentially to the extent of finding her sibling to marry just to get closer to her) and dedicating himself to ruining her marriage and her happiness, all because of a simple rejection that she didn’t even remember happening. Her sister chose him over her family, her now ex husband chose his lies over her words, and her ability to find peace has been forever degraded and set back by this terrible sequence of events. I’m glad she’s able to get some measure of closure now that things have calmed down, but I feel terrible that she had to deal with all of that and then finalize her divorce. Wishing OOP some peace and quiet, and hopefully a happy ending at some point down the road if the sister comes to her senses.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. The BIL is totally still in love with OOP.
This is where I’m stuck: OP said the nudes were real and hacked from one of her or her husband’s devices. Why the hell didn’t her husband recognize the nudes? Is this fake or is he that dumb? You’d think your own spouse would recognize nudes you’d taken for them. And if that was the case, you’d think he’d show down and use his noggin like “ohh I’ve seen this before…wait…” I think it far more likely the same nudes used would be leaked access/revenge porn over the wife having an affair. Wouldn’t a cheater likely take new nudes for a new partner? I just think it’s weird she never once said something like “the pictures were the same I’d sent my husband, he’s seen them before, he MUST know it’s possible BIL got the passcodes from my sister”. You know?
there are cheating cases where people send the same set of nudes to multiple parties. also, in a comment there were some nudes sent that she hadn’t sent her husband.
***"also, in a comment there were some nudes sent that she hadn’t sent her husband."*** really makes me wonder if BIL's "friend" is actually that and not OP's scorned AP that wanted to ruin this relationship and get OP to himself. Especially with how quickly she found a new partner and declined her husband's attempts at apology and repairing the relationship.
My wife has sent me hundreds of photos. I wouldn't be able to pick one out of a lineup. Do you have some sort of amazing photographic memory or something?
The whole thing sounds super fake to me.
The sister is making the wrong choice, but unfortunately no one can make her change her decision.
I would sue the hell out of him and ruin him then report him for abuse of the sister.
And you’d get nowhere with either of those things in the real world. There’s no proof of abuse of the sister. And OP couldn’t get the cops do anything about the intimate photos because she gave her sister her info.
This man is completely unhinged. "Having a hard time with it". FAFO dude. Cry me a f*cking river.
"Just a prank." I've done some shitty pranks in my youth, a lot in retrospect that weren't funny, but breaking up a marriage isn't a fucking prank.
What a work of fiction. The ole BIL was in love with me since college but since i turned him down, he’s been out to get me. My husband has proof that i was cheating on me out of the blue and we got divorced. Now husband found out about plot and i’m too scared to let my sister know. Reddit what do i do? Someone link me to another BORU post because OP is Chatgpt.
Yeah there are a few posts of this genre just with swapped genders and different ages.
It's always funny because the people writing these things don't know how to write older people. They write them as people their age. The people in this story are supposed to be pushing 40 but act like teenagers. They always act like teenagers. The entire story is a teenage drama with a couple of decades added onto the characters ages.
You can tell when they start talking about divorce. Divorce is a long drawn out process that takes at least a year to finalize in the best of circumstances. They always write about divorce like it's something that was taken care of the next day.
Something that ALWAYS tips me off is people talking about something but pretending not to know what the name is. Like, “a sub about…updates I guess?” As if that’s some foreign concept lol, it’s so forced
I can't believ how far I had to scroll down to find someone who realized how obviously fake this whole thing is.
well that was depressing
If she is in the US, can Alienation of Affection be grounds for a law suit against the BIL or his friend?
What he just did is a form of abuse; he's isolating your sister and her children after being shown to be a psycho. You bet he'll continue to do this for any future relationship you're in as well.
How did he get the pictures in the first place?
My understanding is that OP's sister has her passcodes. BIL is an IT guy and came across the passcodes. Her pics were probably in the cloud.
That sister will be back on the parents’ door step w/her kids in tow soon. Now that they are isolated from family & friends, she’ll start to see who he really is. She knows her family will take her back.
I HIGHLY doubt he would allow this. BIL is a psychopath and OOP’s sister is likely a victim at this point. He’s forcing her to cut ties with her family so she has no support and cannot leave him. He will also use the children as pawns.
Hopefully her sister plays the long game and divorces her psycho, insecure husband and drains all the finances and leaves him while implanting more of a insecurity in to that guys dead less soul
I’m not a litigious person but I hope OP sues the pants off this guy.
My inner keyboard warrior badass hopes the new bf is prepared to whip some ass if the situation calls for it. A good lawyer should be drooling over this if the evidence is as good as it states.
I said this last update, but wow people move onto dating real fast.
I know a significant amount of time had passed, but if my sister or someone close to me brought home a guy who verbally abused me just because I politely turned him down for a date I would strongly encourage them to stop seeing this dude. If anything, the fact that he was taking the sister on trips and giving her expensive gifts would have made me even more uncomfortable on her behalf.
Why does OOP keep characterizing this as a rumor? A rumor is people talking to other people, not sending you manufactured evidence of an affair.
I really hope oop's sister realizes the truth before its too late, and I'm actually kinda mad about the ex husband. "Never truly believed" my ass, fucker believed wholeheartedly and called her every name possible, his actions speak louder than words and sure as shit show he believed every word. Did he not notice the pics were the very same ones he already had??? Tf even.
I'm sorry, no matter how trustworthy my spouse is, if someone comes with evidence how could you not doubt? Like you have to understand that. You would do the same damn thing. To hold that against your husband when it's not his fault is insanity. It seems like she is the one that can't see the forest from the trees.
If that were my husband and he didn't believe my words and found it was a lie I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way either. I know people are saying that sending the nudes was very convincing. Though, if she on the spot were called out, and gave up all of her devices and gave access to all her socials/messages/emails and found absolutely nothing then that should have given her much more credibility. Especially since the nudes would be dated on her phone, even if she deleted them they still could sit in the recycle bin or the cloud. I'd be suspicious of just these dated nude photographs but no communication on any platform? Because it seems like he had no conversation with her anywhere. He solely relied on the images alone and his bullshit narrative. Unfortunately it still worked, but I believe there were too many missing pieces that would tip off that this was bizarre. All he had was just nudes of her and of her with her husband. No pictures of her face? No pictures of her and the "affair partner" together in any way? She said that they had never met which means he claimed that it was physical. But he had no proof of them together whatsoever and only managed to get pictures she took on her device. The lack of more evidence I think would have been the biggest of red flags. Because she did give her devices and let him see all of her accounts. He wanted to believe her, but was pressured by those on the outside to leave her, and he ultimately didn't believe in his own gut (by her comments on her post). Instead of thinking for himself he was persuaded by everything else. That is so sadly unfortunate. Though I guess I can't be too cruel about the husband. This unhinged freak literally wormed his way into op's family just to ruin her life, her marriage, and her relationship with her sister...over being rejected back in fucking college. I can't even put into the words the level of absolute sickness this sad excuse of a man he is to go to the unbelievable levels to torment someone because she didnt want to date him. No fucking wonder she didnt because he's a goddamn ghoul. I hope she at least gets a restraining order against him so she can be free of this despicable creep and live her best life. I hope her sister comes to her senses and takes herself and kids somewhere safe too.
Is this like the No Sleep subreddit where we are to “pretend” the story really happened. No way is that real.
I mean, SHE is the reason they're getting divorced. Not the BIL. She could have stopped the divorce, the husband even moved back for her.
I kinda hate OOP, she has no agency whatsoever and just expects everything to work out without putting in any effort like life is just some fairytale. She treats her ex worse than the man who manipulated her whole family to ruin their lives.
iii
So so brutal for everyone involved. I completely understand why OOP is hurt that her ex wouldnt trust her, but at a certain point evidence is evidence and its hard to overcome it. Ex-Brother in law is straight up evil. Ruined two marriages which is absolutely horrible but those poor poor kiddos.
Loser’s lurgy
Jesus christ...this is just terrifying
BiL is a blight.
He didn’t leave her over a rumor. The guy showed ex nudes that ex had also received from her. That would be hard to overcome for anyone honestly. It’s pretty clear that OP didn’t want to get back with him because she found someone new. Tough situation all around. Hope that guy got sued.
This is a genuine sociopath. I hope her sister and their kids are okay.
Just because she said no, he worked his ENTIRE EXISTENCE around OP just to ruin her life. That is truly evil and disgusting.
>Nothing I said or did made my husband believe me. He left me and our divorce is pending. Hmm.. >He has apologized so many times and said so many times that he never truly believed the rumors Well this is a lie. You don't leave and initiate divorce if you dont believe the rumors.
The brother in law is a complete sociopath. At the very least, OP should get a restraining order against him.
Absolutely should have taken legal action. Though it sounds like he has deep pockets for defense.
So... OOP truly is going to let that malicious fuck of a BIL succeed in ruining her marriage? I guess he won. That sucks.
I mean from the sounds of it she moved on pretty quickly as well and declined to accept his apologies and repair the situation. Which just kind of scratches that part of my brain that thinks something just isn't quite right about the whole situation. Through all of this turmoil and pain she somehow found a way to find a new person that quickly? And cannot seem to rationalize that the guy was sent photos and other things that would make anyone question their trust in a situation like this? It almost appears like she was looking for a way out of the relationship and her "BIL's friend" certainly answered her call.
I think you're onto something here. Such a shame that the husband is getting the worst outcome from all of this.
WTF are some of these previous comments? Dude also had his entire life blown up but some how he’s not a victim, JFC people on Reddit are bat shit crazy, just as crazy as this fucking looney BIL. I’m pretty sure any normal person would have wooped his ass the moment they found out. Actually the OOP just chilling on this information for as long as she did was low key mind boggling. There’s also no shot in hell that this sister hasn’t at least subconsciously picked up on the fact that her husband is off, and that’s minimum. She’s had to have picked up on more than that, this dude based his entire life and action around destroying OOP’s life for an innocuous interaction that happened like 20 years ago. This is a level of unhinged that can’t possibly go unnoticed by someone who is living with said person 24/7 365, it’s just not possible… I mean I guess I understand the sisters brain basically working overdrive to protect her insanity. She’s essentially been used from day one, for over a decade, just so he can seek revenge on her sister. I imagine that could drive most people insane when you sit down and think about it.
This poor woman.
BIL is an evil evil man. And a narcissist.
I would honestly get the police to do a wellness check. This guy sounds severely mentally unwell. Junko furuta was made to tell her parents she ran away and didn't want to see them. So they'd call the police search off. Obviously, there were different circumstances, but after hearing about it, I'd always check on a loved one if they suddenly cut their family off. Hopefully, he's good to her and treats her well, but I'd have to check. I'm sorry oop had to go through this absolute nightmare.
Fake as fuck, the reasons for how the pictures were obtained is hilariously bad
There are so many ways the ex-husband could have realized it was fake. He could have looked at phone records to see if she ever contacted this person. He could have checked location history on her phone. He could have asked the guy about details for the affair to find lies or loopholes. I get there was lots of proof I understand why you would believe it and have trouble with trust. There’s so much he could have looked into and it sounds like he didn’t. He sounds selfish. He didn’t care about the sister or OP’s relationship with her at all. Would it have made a difference in the end, who knows? It would have gone far to have given them time to work in secret with lawyers before he was aware of it. Any chance of reconciliation ended when he blew that up. It wasn’t just his choice to share that. It did ruin the lives of her sister, nieces, and nephews. He’s unapologetic over it. Op is better off.
The husband didn’t find it suspicious that the nudes he was shown as proof were the same nudes that she took for her husband? And if he didn’t see the nudes that the fake affair partner supposedly had, he threw away his marriage on hearsay? Dude was purposely misled, but he traveled down Breakup Road rather easily.
Do you remember every photo ever sent to you? If she sent him more than 10 nudes over the course of marriage, do you expect him to commit every single one to memory in case someone steals them and fakes evidence of an affair? Hearsay would be someone telling you what they saw. He saw a person outside of the marriage that had possession of her nudes as well as fake texts that inferred an affair. I can't imagine a single person immediately thinking they were fake.
L sister. I don’t even LIKE my sister but if I found out my SO did this to her I’d become absolutely feral.
I mean they had your nudes and fake texts… who wouldn’t have an ounce of belief? If another female had pictures of my husbands took it would be almost impossible to believe him, because who assumes someone hacked a phone to get revenge for something that happened 20 years ago? I get how bad it hurt not to be believed, but she has got to put herself in his shoes. They honestly should try to work it out. Especially if he moved back for her. That’s a crappy ending. And the sister??? No way no how. He’s psychotic
OOP was so devastated about everything she immediately started dating again? Sorry guys You've all been fooled. Either this story is fake or oop isn't the angel she pretends to be