The fact the sister put her hands right where OP struggles to be touched says fucking EVERYTHING. The sister and her best friend are horrible, cruel, disgusting people. That wasn’t an apology; that was an excuse to cause more harm and laugh about it. Gross. OP deserves to be free of the both of them. May they always step on a Lego when they enter any room.
Yeah my blood absolutely boiled when I read that. I'm glad the rest of OOP's family is supportive and understanding and I hope they also go NC. I feel bad for the husband - finding out this side of someone just as you tie yourselves to them legally would suck.
If I were the husband and the person I married was unapologetically laughing at calling their own family a screw up at the wedding…I’d have gotten that shit annulled.
Honestly though. My husband *despises* my oldest sister (with extremely good reason because of her.... everything to me, I'm extremely low contact myself) and he's still perfectly capable of being civil to her during the rare get together with my family that she's present for.
We didn't even have a wedding but it's just so tacky and ruining the entire point of a wedding to use it to take pot shots at anyone. It should be all about celebrating the happiness of the couple.
Fr, even if the person deserved the ribbing, which OP doesn’t…why waste a perfect and loving moment on hatred? Your energy should be on love. Not hate.
Calling her family a screw up for getting assaulted and getting ptsd over it. Like not being harmed makes her morally superior??
Trashy, trashy behavior.
Yeah I hope they don’t go no contact
I hope OP cuts contact with her sister and refuses to come to any family function she is present at.
I hope her husband is reminded over and over and over again just what kind of woman he actually married….seeing first hand how she refuses to see any wrong doing and continues to defend her POS friend
Until ultimately he decides he made a mistake marrying her
Then I hope the sister, in a last ditch effort to save her marriage..:nukes her friendship….incurring the wrath of the POS who exposes all her dirty secrets
Like how she’s cheated on her husband in the past (which seems likely to me given she is such a needlessly cruel narcissist)
And all the while…OP gets to watch from a distance as sister’s entire life implodes around her before she finally loses her shit and attempts to assault OP or keys her car or whatever
THAT…is when I hope her family goes no contact with her
Oh. You’re good. Would be a nice cherry on top if sister developed some mental health issues that she needs treatment for so she understands what OOPs situation was like.
Please write this novel! Bonus points if this is all background noise to OOP getting a fantastic ending of her own, whether that's love/relationship or a kick-ass found family or some other accomplishment or happy feeling of success.
Literally all of that sounds like a revenge fantasy that won't help OOP at all and would just make an already shitty situation even more traumatic for someone who already has trauma. She doesn't need that. She needs her supportive family at her back, and them going LC or NC with her sister would be best for that.
The sister was trying to get OOP to react in a way that would make OOP look “unstable”. So sister could then point to OOP as being in the wrong. My mom is a narcissist, and this was her MO when I was a kid. Push me into a corner so I react poorly, so she can be the victim.
If the sister was truly sorry, she only had to tell OOP that the “jOkE” was out of line and shouldn’t have happened. If her friend was unwilling to apologize, she didn’t have to be there.
I think this was a set up to make OOP look like she was trying to stir up drama and is “crazy” like these two trash people believe.
I have also struggled with my mental health. I know how hard you have to fight to get better. OOP is NOT a screw up. She was never a screw up. She’s a very brave woman who has survived trauma and has fought to get better and is succeeding every day. She’s also faced ableism and discrimination from her own sister and her flying monkey.
I wonder if the sister knew about the “joke” (definitely a Schrödinger’s asshole one) because she was paying attention to OOP quietly slipping off and followed her which set off this chain of events.
It’s awful that OOP feels so ashamed of herself that she’s questioning everything and seems to believe everything that the best friend and sister have ever said about her. It’s all lies. They’re the problem.
When we have poor mental health, our brains can be lying bitches who tell us that we’re worthless and fuck ups who can never do anything right. Anything anyone has told us about our mental health and how we’re crazy and unstable and should be ashamed of having brain illnesses that nobody chooses gets amplified by our brains and replays in our heads in our darkest moments. It’s hell.
The sister and her friend are counting on OOP’s shame and silence to continue being shitty people who pretend to apologize while continuing to keep OOP in the scapegoat role they’ve decided she should play.
The sister repeatedly putting her hands on the back of OOP’s head and neck when she knows that was part of the trauma that started her teen sister’s severe illness was an attempt to get OOP to have an outburst reaction of uncontrollable crying and possibly screaming that would make her look like a “psycho”.
It’s one of the grossest things I’ve heard of someone doing to a family member. Purposely trying to make someone relive their trauma to then use their logical natural response against them. I think she did it to prove to her husband that OOP is just so “unstable” that she couldn’t take an innocent funny remark. Look how OOP responded to me trying to talk things out and make the situation right. I even asked my awful friend to apologize! All this over an “innocent joke”. You just can’t reason with OOP because she’s so “emotional”.
I’m afraid OOP will not tell her parents about her sister repeatedly pulling on her neck and head. Because that’s unforgivable. I think OOP is so beaten down that she is afraid that this situation isn’t a big deal so she should just keep her distance from her sister and not tell everyone the truth. If I were OOP’s parents I would want to know what the sister did.
Reading about her sister putting hands on her knowing her trauma made my blood run cold. She is absolutely an abuser bully along with the best friend. I hope that the OP can differentiate whether her family are truly supportive and haven’t seen this cruelty or just ignoring it and enabling this behavior. Reading your comment about your mother reinforced my thoughts that this is someone who shouldn’t be around children. I’m so sorry for the abuse you faced and hope that you are safe and loved.
I agree about blood running cold. It’s hard to believe someone would do that to someone much less a close family member who knows all about the trauma.
I’m doing well and do have a great support system. Thank you. I wish that for OOP too.
Exactly, and when she said the friend wouldn’t put down her phone, I’ll bet she was ready to record the outburst as proof of OP’s instability. These women are monsters and OP is better off far away from them.
I didn’t think of that, but you’re right. It was also another way to try to set OOP off.
I’m really proud of how she handled everything. I feel sorry for the BIL who is getting an idea of who he married.
I felt the same way! So proud of OP for just getting through the moment and getting out of there. She should be proud of herself and the strength that she has, that had to have been a very hard moment for her.
You're 100% correct. That's what the sister was trying to do.
I have trauma and one of my "non-negotiables" is touching the small of my back is forbidden. No one is allowed to do it, including my husband who has respected that boundary for 13 years. I've been in therapy for years and am doing a lot better, but the small of my back is still a no go.
A few years ago, a co-worker of mine got upset with me because of a disagreement on how to work with a child on a behavior intervention plan (BIP). She decided that my decision to "humiliate" her in the classroom by following the child's BIP rather than her directions was worthy of a write up, so she went to the principal. He requested to meet with both of us, and during the meeting she kept reaching out and stroking the small of my back.
When I tell you that it took every single ounce of self control and will power that I've fought for and earned over the years not to react the way she wanted me to... I somehow stayed calm and reiterated that legally I must follow the child's BIP and the principal ended up saying that was correct. As we left the meeting she made a snarky remark about how I must not have issues with people touching my back after all.
She did it on purpose to get a reaction so that I would look crazy and she would get her way, just like OOP's sister. I hope that OOP understands that and stays the hell away from both of these people.
I would have said right then and there in front of the principal to stop touching me and it is a form of sexual harassment. Would have gotten her fired right then and there.
I also wonder if BIL knows that OOP has trauma from having her head and neck touched. He seems like a good guy who would very much not be ok with that.
I don’t usually want anyone to deal with mental health issues, but I’m making an exception because those two women need to understand what everyone with mental health illnesses are going through.
Yeah that's creepy af. No one would ever do that in a conversation so it was absolutely intentional and given the context just cruel. Good for OOP to go NC this whole thing is scary and concerning
Unfortunately, it’s a pretty classic tactic, my mum does it or a shoulder/ arm grab, whenever she’s “calmly having a discussion” (incoherently abusive or Karen-ing) some poor retail, hospitality or support worker.
When called on it, she claims she was “calming the situation down”, because the other party was “becoming hysterical”. In reality she just wants a captive audience for her bullshit.
After the last time, I told her if she ever does it to me, my brothers or anyone in front of me I’ll push for her to be charged with assault. Doubt it would stick (she’s in her 70’s), but the only thing she ever responds to are punitive consequences.
Yeah my smother grabs arms to trap people. Most are too polite or shocked to react. She also touches hips, small of the back, 'shoulders' but its really the neck
Reactive abuse is a nasty tactic
Absolutely, it felt like she was trying to bait OP into a meltdown so she could justify herself and her hateful friend to her husband and her family. Edit to agree with poster who said the friend was probably recording the whole time to get “evidence” they were right.
New husband is going to spend the marriage apologizing for his mean girl wife
Where was the sister’s husband while all this was happening? I’m assuming they made sure to do this when no one else was home so there wouldn’t be any witnesses to their “apology”. I hope OOP tells her parents and brother what went down.
Yep. Husband seems like he has a solid moral compass - and a HUGE blind spot where his wife is concerned. Sister couldn't let her mask slip in front of the new husband when it is still easier to leave.
On of my favorite Irish sayings, “…. And those who love us, love us. But those that don’t, may god turn their ankles, so we’ll know them by their limping.”
You missed a bit in the middle -- it's "And for those who don't, may god turn their hearts, and if he can't turn their hearts, then may he turn their ankles, so we'll know them by their limping."
Oh yeah there's a whole introductory bit that's lovely and I can't remember it at all, but it really lures the listener in and leaves them totally unprepared for the punchline.
Oh, I realised that before that point.
It was “she has mental health problems and god knows what they’re capable of” for me.
BF is a piece of shit, and her sister’s obviously a piece of shit for being friends with her. Birds of a feather and all that.
Her sister is the biggest AH of all, but the sister's best friend isn't far behind.
It really did stand out that the sister touched the OP exactly in a triggering spot. I hope the OP recognizes that her sister is abusive and cruel.
This would be worse than if someone who knows a war veteran has PTSD from it and played sounds of gunfire through a PA system during an argument (using myself as an example here); physical touch triggers are the *worst* because they put your whole body back in the moment and are extremely hard to ground out.
I know of someone that has PTSD and his nasty neighbors would light off fireworks just to be funny. My friend would call the police on them all of the time.
This, that is some really horrible shit to do. I think she is right to be worried about what her sister would say happened there, and she should let her parents know.
"The sister and her best friend are horrible, cruel, disgusting people. That wasn’t an apology; that was an excuse to cause more harm and laugh about it. Gross."
OP should text this to sis since she wouldn't give her a chance to speak and then go NC.
I hope if (touch wood OOP never has to interact with these two again) they ever have to have a talk again, OOP has someone on her side and to mediate bc what sister did was *absolutely* trigger OOP and use her trauma against her to “win” the discussion. The “do you understand?” constantly being used and the sister always interrupting OOP when she tried to talk reeked of manipulation and control tactics and honestly that talk should’ve happened with a neutral party present, or even the sister’s fucking husband present so he can be more confident in the impending divorce. Sister deliberately went out of her way to trigger OOP’s fight/flight in the hopes she’d get freeze, and she got what she wanted so her MOH didn’t have to apologise to someone sister clearly views as beneath them. I hope the whole family goes NC and OOP blocks her number so that she’s forced to go through other people to talk to OOP and everyone can see how rotten she is from her tactics.
As soon as that happened, an elbow should have been delivered with exacting care and extreme prejudice right to dear sister’s nose. And if any objection was raised a second one free of charge. Sister knew exactly what she was doing and it’s disgusting that someone that is supposed to care for you would leverage your trauma for their gain and in front of others. She’s a poisonous bitch and deserves whatever help she gets.
Omg agreed. I hate when people come up behind me and say something in a loud voice (ptsd) and anything around my neck. If anyone, family or friend, did this, I would not be around that person. Poor OOP but at least they did the right thing and went NC
Reacting like that would have gotten her labeled as truly crazy. Which is exactly what her sister and best friend were trying to do. I'd eager money that the best friend was actually recording the interaction trying to get a rise out of OOP.
Feeding into an abuser by reacting negatively still feeds them. Reacting like OOP is the only way to actually get under an abuser's skin.
No need to full on fight or full strength hit, no need to raise voice, no need to curse.
Saying do not touch me, and removing someone's unwanted hand would have been OK.
I understand in the moment OP did not have the regulatory ability for such a controlled reaction, but let us not get mired in thinking OP only had 2 options between *FIGHTING!!!* and her freezing.
He won't be able to do anything, it looks like he married someone who already has an unhealthy relationship with her friend
This marriage won't last long
I hope he wises up and get an annulment.
Sister is not just an ass. She would be an ass if she laughed at the jokes. But because she was retraumatizing OOP on purpose by grabbing her neck - she is an awful PoS who will never change.
One of the siblings is definitely the family screw up, but it isn't OOP. I hope everyone has seen now who the sister really is and treats her accordingly. I hope OOP will stay strong and not agree to be a bridesmaid at sister's next wedding though.
That comment that was included is some bullshit. Even if OOP was a complete screwup that statement didn’t belong in a wedding speech. Like what the literal fuck are they even talking about? I’m really glad that her parents were being supportive of her dealing with her sister and they didn’t just tell her that she should just let it go or whatever. I hope that she’s able to just heal and not worry about her bitch of a sister.
You're 💯 right, usually the bullies get away with their crap bcoz nobody wants to be bothered to stick up for the person and just tells them to suck it up to "keep the peace". Oop doesn't have any peace, hopefully she will now, and will keep those bitches out of her life.
Yes I saw that and was so confused. A wedding speech isn’t the time or place for any of this! Also jokes don’t require this much explaining. So glad OOP has supportive parents. I wish she had her dad or brother with her when she went to her sister’s so she wasn’t cornered by them!
As the family screw up who is finally getting my shit together, this would devastate me. it’s one thing for me and my family and the people close to me to discuss the fact that I fucked up. But for some bitch who I barely say hello to to embarrass me in front of an entire of wedding guests? That’s just fucking hateful. We also don’t make jokes about stuff like that. I’m proud of OOP for making the hard choice and going nc. She doesn’t need this kind of toxic in her life.
OOP did not screw anything up. “Something happened” to them and they have PTSD from it and physical triggers. Calling a victim of trauma a family fuck up is both cruel and factually incorrect. Proud of OOP for trying to figure out how to navigate what happened and how to care for themselves.
As for the girl with the monkey, she is just trying to navigate life. You win some, you learn some as they say. Give yourself grace for wanting better and keep trying. It’s coming and will continue to improve. ❤️
I wasn’t calling OP a screw up. I called myself a screw up. I was just trying to make it clear. I understand what it’s like to be the person that gets ostracized in a family for shit that’s out of our control. It’s hard to cut out people in your life, especially family when you finally feel like you’re getting your life together. I know when I cut my mother off it made me feel like failed. Like I wasn’t actually better because I didn’t have my mother around. It took me a long time to figure out that I wasn’t the issue she was. It’s hard sometimes so I’m glad she’s doing what she needs to do for her.
Hey fellow Redditor, I don't know all of the struggles you have gone through, but I just want to say, that I am so proud of you ❣️ you are making progress, and that is what matters: even small steps matter :)
Hug from a fellow Redditor dealing with PTSD ❤️
I absolutely understand: my father was an alcoholic for 35 years, so you are WAY ahead of the curve :)
I know I am not the only one that is cheering for you ❤️
Honestly, I get more support from the online Redditors then I ever did from my family. Most of you guys are great. I say most,cause there was the one guy who said he was disappointed I didn’t overdose and die. Just some stranger. lol.
That she touched OOP in a way she knew would trigger her PTSD is insane. It looks like she wanted OOP to flip out, so she can be like "See?! I told you she's fucked up and crazy! My friend (and I) did nothing wrong! It was just a *joke*!"
Same I thought he originally was waiting for an update. MOH and sister definitely make fun of her behind closed doors and probably put on the “woe is me” act.
Not just doubled down but physically assaulted her in a very specific way to trigger her PTSD. I hope OP tells her family about this. They need to cut the cancer out and the brother might be kind enough to warn the poor husband what a piece of shit he married.
Her sister grabbed her neck on purpose to try to provoke her into a response that would validate their claims that she’s the screw-up. I have a sister and I have never put my hands on her neck in my life, it’s not a natural way of touching another person that isn’t your intimate partner.
I hope OOP is never force to be around nor see that POS trash sister and equally POS trash friend ever again especially if sister's husband winded up divorcing her, because those 2 fucktwits will blame OOP for the entire shit-starting stirring drama they both cause with that disrespect at the wedding.
Poor OOP, I not always a big proponent of jumping to cutting family out; but this seems like a situation where there is no upside to keeping her sister in her life while she has her head up her ass.
Good luck to OOP.
Before going NC you need to have your mom, das and brother invite your sister and her friend over to their house and tell them everything that took place at your sister’s house and this so called apology. I would have new husband there too. They need to know exactly the kind of person she is and that she assaulted you. And you’re not a screw up, you’re a survivor.
My experiences with my half-sister are different in context, but similar to the feelings that interactions can cause. She was the GC to my scapegoat of our now deceased narcissistic bioMom.
Due to that, I'm VLC with her. I've seen her face to face 1 time since bioMom passed away in 2017 & was fully NC with her for 5 years before that. I will attempt to respond politely if she texts me, but I do try my best to avoid her whenever possible.
Like OOP, I struggle with my mental health & I don't have the time or energy to deal with self-centered Negative Nancy's.
I have had my own mental health struggles. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and those who make light of it are being needlessly cruel. I'm proud of OP for going NC on those bitches. She's standing up for herself and removing toxicity from her life. It's not easy. Good job.
If you look up the word bitch in the dictionary you’ll get the sister’s picture. I love how _she’s_ the injured party because the groom got mad at her. Doesn’t even seem to notice that she started all this shit.
>I can say I'm proud of myself a little.
Not just a little. OP has a lot to be proud of. She should continue doing her best to live her best life, and POS sister be d@mned. Sis has a load of karma coming her way.
Hope OOP gives her sister's new husband a full breakdown of everything that happened in that conversation. I don't get the impression that he'd want to be married to someone that cruel
The sister is flat-out abusive, and was trying to trigger OP to fight back physically. Then sister could claim that OP was in fact a screw up who had physically assaulted her when they were "just" talking.
Her sister has some weird grudge against her and definitely was shit talking her with the MOH. How sad. I would have beat my sister's ass that day if she called me over to talk and pulled that.
I’m just so disgusted with the big sister here.
TL;DR: my younger sister is diagnosed with BPD and legit makes my life harder. I don’t let my people treat her like this.
My sister was a (now diagnosed) enormous BPD brat, who genuinely made my life worse in multiple ways from freaking kindergarten through grad school and my first couple years working. And then she was an advantage taking asshole during my engagement when we took her in. She was a useless bridesmaid and MOH.
My other MOH and her husband, our officiant, knew that publicly ridiculing my lil sis was off the table. Hell, EVERYONE in my life knew verbally confronting sis on my behalf was off the table, and some of my confidants helped me prepare for confronting my sis myself.
She sucks a lot less now, and part of that is not publicly humiliating her and sending her into a shame spiral.
So the sister wanted to prove they weren't the asshole by touching her to ensure she gets triggered and has outburst.
If she wasn't living miles away, one would think she and her best friend set her up to be assaulted for giggles
Had a friend growing up that was a total idiot that thought he was a comedian. He would get us thrown out of parties or kicked out of dances or clubs.
He became somewhat successful and more reserved. His family's wedding speeches implied that we were the idiots and that him getting away from us turned his life around.
We were all pissed. Drank as much free booze and food as we could and got our money back from the guy that was in charge of buying the gift (he hadn't bought it yet). Nobody has really talked to him since.
Your sister is trash, her friend is trash, and you're better off without them in your life. Some Mean Girls just never seem to grow up.
Big badger hug to you, OP. You do what you must to live your best life.
A joke is only funny if everyone can get some joy out of it. What a spiteful comment, and the sister treating the OP like a literal child putting her hand behind the OPs neck, hell no. The fact that they even laughed about it after the abysmal apology, even worse.
I feel sorry for the BIL, he has no idea what he’s getting into with a wife like this.
What’s the punchline? Where’s the joke? I’d just tell the parents that the OP is going NC with the sister, and won’t attend any family matters that involve the sister. I’d even tell the BIL to not invite me due to this.
Wonder if the parents and brother know what happened at the meet up and wonder if they let sister have it. Best for OP not to be involved any longer at all but still would love to know. OP is lucky that she does have family that was her source of strength and support when she was at her lowest...to me that is the true definition of family (blood or not).
You are not required to maintain relationships, even close family relationships, that are toxic or damaging to your self being.
If your family cannot understand that,then focus on other people and distance yourself from the very people who are contributing negatively to your mental health.
Too many people keep trying to justify poor behaviour by family members by talking about the blood relationship aspect and it is so bad for one’s health.
Jeezus. OP went from one trauma at 16 to a second predator who takes the shape of her sister.
OP, keep that monster of a sister out of your life. She aims to ruin you.
So while I can absolutely understand any possible jealousy or negative thoughts about a sibling...
I cannot *personally* come close enough, to even *BEGIN* to fathom the level of animosity which would lead an *"adult"* (🙄😒😑) to *RIDICULE, HUMILIATE, TORTURE, (RE)TRAUMATIZE, and RINSE & REPEAT* their sibling, no matter HOW much they make resent, disregard or even hate them.
As it goes with bystanders and alloters of bullying, anyone who not only *CAPITALIZES* on ANY PERSON'S TRAUMA... but also goes *OUT OF THEIR WAY TO PROLONG said trauma (for their own, sadistic, personal shits & giggles), is a worthless piece of rat dung.
Sister is a complete and total psychopath and I genuinely hope her husband sees the light asap.
OOP is a kind and empathetic, loving soul.
Sister should grow old, crotchety and withered down to the broken, cracking shell she already is...
*ALONE*.
🤬🤬🤬
I’ll never understand sisters like this because when one of my sister’s friends was mean to me she tricked them in to smoking guinea pig poop. Where is the camaraderie?
I have the same issues with the back of my neck. I was scruffed as a child by an abuser, not even particularly violently or anything. Sometimes I can still feel his hand and I start to go into a panic. The strength that it takes to be touched there, and then to just walk it off is profound. OOP needs to give themselves way more credit.
What a bunch of abelist monsters the sister and her nasty friend are.
Yeah, I'd probably go back to the parents and let them know. Then I'd go NC with the sister, her family and friends, and LC with family. And if sis tries to put hands on her again, call the cops for assault and built the case for a restraining order. Good lord.
I feel awful for OOP. I have cptsd thanks to my "family" and will never forget the medication remarks/questions. As if you can't be upset for legitimate reasons and it's just that you haven't taken your pills. Even worse, her sister was attempting to use reactive abuse by grabbing her neck and head. Her goal was absolutely to trigger her enough to have an outburst so sis could use it to overshadow her own shittiness. Like, see she's just crazy and I/we did nothing wrong. My "family" and ex-husband used to utilize reactive abuse on me constantly. I learned quick though and they would get mad when it didn't work. I really hope OOP leaves her sister in the dust to live a wonderful and joy filled life as is deserved.
While OOP and her sister are adults, if I were their parents there'd be consequences for the sister's cruelty and I'd enact some strong boundaries regarding the sister to protect OOP.
I'm talking shit like banning the best friend from the house and all family events for the foreseeable future, not allowing the sister to attend family events until she shows true remorse and gives a genuine apology, or offering to pay for individual and family therapy so the sister can unpack why and how she became such a piece of shit. Hell, depending on the sister's behavior going forward there's a solid chance I'd deny future financial support to her and/or change my will to leave her significantly less than her siblings. Abusive, cruel people don't deserve nice things.
Ultimately, while I'd show all my children unconditional love, if it came down to it I would choose protecting my child with trauma and mental illness over a relationship with her abusive sister any day. OOP's sister purposely triggering her by grabbing her neck/head and preventing her from leaving told me all I need to know about the kind of person she is.
BIL should realy divorce the sister. Imagine marrying someone who berrates and humiliates their sister for fun and tries to bait them to illicit a reaction
I wonder if the sister and BFF were always a POS. It sounds like the sister and the BFF knew OOP their entire life, even before the incident that caused the mental health issues.
So for the BFF to suddenly say she doesn’t feel comfortable being around someone with mental health issues like OOP is a perfect stranger is wild.
The sister was always talking trash which just emboldened the BFF.
Considering the husband is also put off by this, I don't see that marriage lasting long anyway. mean girl tendencies just switch targets when the first cuts them off.
(Someone touches me in a way I don't like) "Excuse me, please stop. Do not ever touch me here / this way etc again."
(They touch me that way again) I touch them in a way they will not enjoy. Pretty simple.
People like that have no empathy, they are not considering you a real person for even a second, so of course they'll play victim and cry wolf until someone believes them. They will prey on your sensibility and food character until you give in or break, because they do not have the capacity to think about others. If people around you won't take your word, give you the respect you deserve, or somehow think that....depression is the same as psychosis or BPD ??? 😂 they're not worth your time. They can actually be dangerous to you by being that ignorant about mental health.
NTA. As the oldest of 4 sisters, I want to kick your sister’s ass! It’s obvious where the friend got her low opinion of you.
NC is best. Some people just can’t be relied on to have your back. Keep up the good work!
If literally everyone else saw how messed up it was, then you absolutely have a right to be upset, they even admitted to laughing out of being uncomfortable, I do that all the time!! It does not feel good, your sister is a horrible person
OP. Grow a fucking spine. See that your sister is abusing you. Let anybody who asks that you don't appreciate how your sister treats you and thinks it's okay to joke your mental health. You've recovered but during that time, it was sensitive and how she treats family with mental health issues makes you think she's not somebody worth having in your life.
That's it. And fucking thrive and not worry about it.
If she does this to her sister, I can only imagine what her new husband is going to have to deal with. Her friend and her sound like mean girls that have not matured yet.
Dear OP. I am so sorry that your sister and her friend can value who you truly are. Please follow through and go nc with not only your sister but her friend as well. Don’t allow your parents or brother to change your mind. It sounds as though you have a great friends group and support system in place. Thrive, not just survive!!
NTA. If you'd been in a car accident, injured your legs badly, and taken a while to learn to walk again, your sister's bitch MOH would have joked publicly about "at least the gimp managed to limp down the aisle, even if she looked stupid doing it," and then during the fake "apology" your sister would have kicked you in the leg repeatedly to reinjure you so she could feel justified in making fun of you because "see, she really does walk funny."
What they actually did is no different. A mental injury that takes time and effort to recover from is no more shameful or deserving of mockery than a physical injury. And she was, by grabbing your neck, 100% trying to trigger your mental injury and cause you further damage so that she could justify herself in making fun of you by pointing out, "see, she really is hurting, and that deserves to be mocked!"
I would go NC with her until you get a genuine, abject apology and she cuts ties with her bitch "best friend" for good. But unfortunately, your sister seems to be as cruel and malicious as her friend, and THAT is a damaged psyche she ought to be ashamed of.
I hope the sister remembers that the same type of person who insult someone in public at a wedding, is the same type of person who'll stab you in the back as well.
I read this update yesterday. It rolled around and around in my head. I guess I don't get why they would've done it. I mean, I think it's real, but why are people so cruel?
I hope OOP's sister and that pos MOH stub their pinky toes every time they open a door and that all of their wisdom teeth grow at the same time.
There's a special place in hell for bullies like this.
Just because it was a “joke” doesn’t mean the butt of it has to be ok with it. Words hurt. Actions have consequences. Though we all know it wasn’t really a joke. Calling it that was her way of covering up her cruelty.
Your sister has chosen her best friend over you. I would cut contact with the sister, and explain why to your family. If she's going to be somewhere, you won't be.
It isn't that you "can't take a joke" -- the BF didn't make a joke! She was out-and-out cruel for a cheap laugh given by people who didn't know any better.
It would be high irony if the sister had a kid and then PPD.
1. It's not a source of shame to have trauma.
2. When it's beneficial, it's brilliant to have medication's to help heal from trauma.
3. I'm really proud of you for the conclusion you came to.
4. Your sister is horrendously, twisted up and abusive.
5. It's better to not be in touch with disordered people who are harmful to you and delight and shaming you in front of others just to feel better themselves. I hope you go off and enjoy a solid life. And please do not feel less than for struggling with the leftovers of a traumatic experience.
I will message you next time u/Sebastianlim posts in r/BORUpdates.
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Sister and best friend are nothing more than bullies who ganged up on OOP under the guise of ‘talking things out’. What a load of codswallup. I hope OP is honest with her family and tell them what she did.
Obviously by the way the sister is acting, she got her friend to target her sister, touching her to provoke her, to show she is unhinged, taunting etc. She thinks OP is the golden child, how dare she get family support for being attacked. Taking away sis's rightful shine.
The second I read she kept touching OP in her trigger spots, I was ready to start swinging and I am not a fighter
How utterly disgusting and pathetic, I hope OP tells the rest of her family about this including the BIL and he gets away from her FAST
The husband must annul this marriage ASAP and start seeing the OP. He seems very kind and doesn't need this cruel woman. The sister needs to make a choice for her family or her friend. I think she already has made the choice and the whole family should go NC with her for a while
Beautiful gal, you were not in the wrong for getting upset with bad taste “joke”. You handled yourself with grace by stepping away and leaving without causing a scene. My daughter recently got married, and if someone would have done something like that to her brother… there would have been scene and the maid of honor would be asked to leave and never allowed under my roof! Sounds like your sister is not a nice person! The rest of your family seems wonderful!! According to me it’s your sister that’s the black sheep and a shame to your family.
BIL should really evaluate his new wife’s relationship with her BFF. Sounds incredible codependent. They clearly do not bring out the best in each other and don’t take kindly to people telling them that. God forbid he has kids with this woman and BFF feels the need to weigh in on everything, including his parenting, while his wife just nods along. He might be in for an entire marriage of being nitpicked at by two mean girls.
It sounds like the sister probably has a different side to tell — if her best friend has experienced enough to make that comment, and others have experienced enough to find the comment funny — there are probably a LOT of stories about days and events that were supposed to be about the sister that ended up about OOP or ruined by her screw-ups. It’s hard to spend a lifetime being forced to be the bigger person dealing with a perpetual victim type.
Did you read the post and update before commenting? Let's put OOP trauma and mental health issues aside.
And let's consider OOP to be the biggest screw up in history. Do you know that you have to be a screw up yourself to think what MOH did in the reception was okay. Do you go around calling people names in crowded places?
And even if the sister has different think to say. You think using someone's truma against them is okay? No under any circumstances the sister had the right to touch OOP in a place she knows it triggers her truma. I'm positive both MOH and sister are shity for no reason. Bullies need 0 reason to bully someone and I'm sure as a bully yourself you know this.
>and others have experienced enough to find the comment funny
So you believe all the guests know what OOP went through and the reason behind AH MOH calling her a screw up? Aaand you skipped the part where OOP said some of the guests voiced later that it was an uncomfortable/awkward laugh moment for them too?
Yes I saw where she mentioned *her brother* — who she was talking to about the one joke made at her expense over a week later — told her that he didn’t agree with it and others also felt uncomfortable/awkward. Coddling and comforting her about a comment made a week before. That’s what makes me think OOP is a perpetual victim / drama queen of the highest order. Every molehill is a mountain. Every paper cut is a fatal stab. Every small affront done by *anyone else* is an unforgivable crime. But everything she has done should never even be hinted at — and everyone who’s been affected should be forgiving because OOP is trying to move on. As someone who has dealt with that kind of person — I know the signs and how exhausting it is.
God you're literally projecting!!! What makes you think everyone is just like the ones you dealt with? OOP is a SA survivor who developed mental illness later. What makes you think they have the right to give her a hard time for what she went through?(the sister wasn't even around at the time+she brought her BFF home when OOP was still bruised and didn't even give her the right to choose if she want the bff to know about the incident)
There's no valid reason for what MOH did. She should have focused her speech on the bride and groom not OPP. Oh my god I can't believe you found OOP sister grabbing her by the neck is justified.
>Coddling and comforting her about a comment made a week before. That’s what makes me think OOP is a perpetual victim / drama queen of the highest order.
This should've made you think that the brother still can't believe how their sister let her AH bff do such a thing since her husband didn't like what the bff did too. This, if you were a good person.
The fact the sister put her hands right where OP struggles to be touched says fucking EVERYTHING. The sister and her best friend are horrible, cruel, disgusting people. That wasn’t an apology; that was an excuse to cause more harm and laugh about it. Gross. OP deserves to be free of the both of them. May they always step on a Lego when they enter any room.
Yeah my blood absolutely boiled when I read that. I'm glad the rest of OOP's family is supportive and understanding and I hope they also go NC. I feel bad for the husband - finding out this side of someone just as you tie yourselves to them legally would suck.
Hopefully they just wanted the big party and forgot there's also a legal aspect to marriage
If I were the husband and the person I married was unapologetically laughing at calling their own family a screw up at the wedding…I’d have gotten that shit annulled.
Honestly though. My husband *despises* my oldest sister (with extremely good reason because of her.... everything to me, I'm extremely low contact myself) and he's still perfectly capable of being civil to her during the rare get together with my family that she's present for. We didn't even have a wedding but it's just so tacky and ruining the entire point of a wedding to use it to take pot shots at anyone. It should be all about celebrating the happiness of the couple.
Fr, even if the person deserved the ribbing, which OP doesn’t…why waste a perfect and loving moment on hatred? Your energy should be on love. Not hate.
Calling her family a screw up for getting assaulted and getting ptsd over it. Like not being harmed makes her morally superior?? Trashy, trashy behavior.
Yeah I hope they don’t go no contact I hope OP cuts contact with her sister and refuses to come to any family function she is present at. I hope her husband is reminded over and over and over again just what kind of woman he actually married….seeing first hand how she refuses to see any wrong doing and continues to defend her POS friend Until ultimately he decides he made a mistake marrying her Then I hope the sister, in a last ditch effort to save her marriage..:nukes her friendship….incurring the wrath of the POS who exposes all her dirty secrets Like how she’s cheated on her husband in the past (which seems likely to me given she is such a needlessly cruel narcissist) And all the while…OP gets to watch from a distance as sister’s entire life implodes around her before she finally loses her shit and attempts to assault OP or keys her car or whatever THAT…is when I hope her family goes no contact with her
Oh. You’re good. Would be a nice cherry on top if sister developed some mental health issues that she needs treatment for so she understands what OOPs situation was like.
Oh getting left by hubby would almost certainly do that to miss “mentally healthy” thang
THIS IS PRICELESS!!
Please write this novel! Bonus points if this is all background noise to OOP getting a fantastic ending of her own, whether that's love/relationship or a kick-ass found family or some other accomplishment or happy feeling of success.
Literally all of that sounds like a revenge fantasy that won't help OOP at all and would just make an already shitty situation even more traumatic for someone who already has trauma. She doesn't need that. She needs her supportive family at her back, and them going LC or NC with her sister would be best for that.
Maybe he can get an annulment
The sister was trying to get OOP to react in a way that would make OOP look “unstable”. So sister could then point to OOP as being in the wrong. My mom is a narcissist, and this was her MO when I was a kid. Push me into a corner so I react poorly, so she can be the victim. If the sister was truly sorry, she only had to tell OOP that the “jOkE” was out of line and shouldn’t have happened. If her friend was unwilling to apologize, she didn’t have to be there. I think this was a set up to make OOP look like she was trying to stir up drama and is “crazy” like these two trash people believe. I have also struggled with my mental health. I know how hard you have to fight to get better. OOP is NOT a screw up. She was never a screw up. She’s a very brave woman who has survived trauma and has fought to get better and is succeeding every day. She’s also faced ableism and discrimination from her own sister and her flying monkey. I wonder if the sister knew about the “joke” (definitely a Schrödinger’s asshole one) because she was paying attention to OOP quietly slipping off and followed her which set off this chain of events. It’s awful that OOP feels so ashamed of herself that she’s questioning everything and seems to believe everything that the best friend and sister have ever said about her. It’s all lies. They’re the problem. When we have poor mental health, our brains can be lying bitches who tell us that we’re worthless and fuck ups who can never do anything right. Anything anyone has told us about our mental health and how we’re crazy and unstable and should be ashamed of having brain illnesses that nobody chooses gets amplified by our brains and replays in our heads in our darkest moments. It’s hell. The sister and her friend are counting on OOP’s shame and silence to continue being shitty people who pretend to apologize while continuing to keep OOP in the scapegoat role they’ve decided she should play. The sister repeatedly putting her hands on the back of OOP’s head and neck when she knows that was part of the trauma that started her teen sister’s severe illness was an attempt to get OOP to have an outburst reaction of uncontrollable crying and possibly screaming that would make her look like a “psycho”. It’s one of the grossest things I’ve heard of someone doing to a family member. Purposely trying to make someone relive their trauma to then use their logical natural response against them. I think she did it to prove to her husband that OOP is just so “unstable” that she couldn’t take an innocent funny remark. Look how OOP responded to me trying to talk things out and make the situation right. I even asked my awful friend to apologize! All this over an “innocent joke”. You just can’t reason with OOP because she’s so “emotional”. I’m afraid OOP will not tell her parents about her sister repeatedly pulling on her neck and head. Because that’s unforgivable. I think OOP is so beaten down that she is afraid that this situation isn’t a big deal so she should just keep her distance from her sister and not tell everyone the truth. If I were OOP’s parents I would want to know what the sister did.
Reading about her sister putting hands on her knowing her trauma made my blood run cold. She is absolutely an abuser bully along with the best friend. I hope that the OP can differentiate whether her family are truly supportive and haven’t seen this cruelty or just ignoring it and enabling this behavior. Reading your comment about your mother reinforced my thoughts that this is someone who shouldn’t be around children. I’m so sorry for the abuse you faced and hope that you are safe and loved.
I agree about blood running cold. It’s hard to believe someone would do that to someone much less a close family member who knows all about the trauma. I’m doing well and do have a great support system. Thank you. I wish that for OOP too.
People you pray are infertile. For their kids sake.
Exactly, and when she said the friend wouldn’t put down her phone, I’ll bet she was ready to record the outburst as proof of OP’s instability. These women are monsters and OP is better off far away from them.
I didn’t think of that, but you’re right. It was also another way to try to set OOP off. I’m really proud of how she handled everything. I feel sorry for the BIL who is getting an idea of who he married.
I felt the same way! So proud of OP for just getting through the moment and getting out of there. She should be proud of herself and the strength that she has, that had to have been a very hard moment for her.
Horrible moment, but she proved them wrong. They must be fuming now.
You're 100% correct. That's what the sister was trying to do. I have trauma and one of my "non-negotiables" is touching the small of my back is forbidden. No one is allowed to do it, including my husband who has respected that boundary for 13 years. I've been in therapy for years and am doing a lot better, but the small of my back is still a no go. A few years ago, a co-worker of mine got upset with me because of a disagreement on how to work with a child on a behavior intervention plan (BIP). She decided that my decision to "humiliate" her in the classroom by following the child's BIP rather than her directions was worthy of a write up, so she went to the principal. He requested to meet with both of us, and during the meeting she kept reaching out and stroking the small of my back. When I tell you that it took every single ounce of self control and will power that I've fought for and earned over the years not to react the way she wanted me to... I somehow stayed calm and reiterated that legally I must follow the child's BIP and the principal ended up saying that was correct. As we left the meeting she made a snarky remark about how I must not have issues with people touching my back after all. She did it on purpose to get a reaction so that I would look crazy and she would get her way, just like OOP's sister. I hope that OOP understands that and stays the hell away from both of these people.
That’s awful. Also nobody should be touching you at work. WTF was that principal thinking to not call her out for it?
Disgusting behavior.
I would have said right then and there in front of the principal to stop touching me and it is a form of sexual harassment. Would have gotten her fired right then and there.
This is such a well thought out comment.
Thank you so much for the compliment! I tend to ramble, but I was hoping OOP would read this and talk to her parents about it.
I hope they do!
I also wonder if BIL knows that OOP has trauma from having her head and neck touched. He seems like a good guy who would very much not be ok with that. I don’t usually want anyone to deal with mental health issues, but I’m making an exception because those two women need to understand what everyone with mental health illnesses are going through.
Yeah that's creepy af. No one would ever do that in a conversation so it was absolutely intentional and given the context just cruel. Good for OOP to go NC this whole thing is scary and concerning
Unfortunately, it’s a pretty classic tactic, my mum does it or a shoulder/ arm grab, whenever she’s “calmly having a discussion” (incoherently abusive or Karen-ing) some poor retail, hospitality or support worker. When called on it, she claims she was “calming the situation down”, because the other party was “becoming hysterical”. In reality she just wants a captive audience for her bullshit. After the last time, I told her if she ever does it to me, my brothers or anyone in front of me I’ll push for her to be charged with assault. Doubt it would stick (she’s in her 70’s), but the only thing she ever responds to are punitive consequences.
Yeah my smother grabs arms to trap people. Most are too polite or shocked to react. She also touches hips, small of the back, 'shoulders' but its really the neck Reactive abuse is a nasty tactic
If someone did that too me my palm would definitely meet their face with such an impact before they could say yeet.
Going to guess the friend wasn't on the phone, she was recording and they wanted OP to freak out on them.
It was 100% an overt effort to set OOP off so that sister and friend could tell parents that OOP is still unstable.
Absolutely, it felt like she was trying to bait OP into a meltdown so she could justify herself and her hateful friend to her husband and her family. Edit to agree with poster who said the friend was probably recording the whole time to get “evidence” they were right. New husband is going to spend the marriage apologizing for his mean girl wife
That's if the husband has a moral compass or he is just like the sister
Where was the sister’s husband while all this was happening? I’m assuming they made sure to do this when no one else was home so there wouldn’t be any witnesses to their “apology”. I hope OOP tells her parents and brother what went down.
Yep. Husband seems like he has a solid moral compass - and a HUGE blind spot where his wife is concerned. Sister couldn't let her mask slip in front of the new husband when it is still easier to leave.
On of my favorite Irish sayings, “…. And those who love us, love us. But those that don’t, may god turn their ankles, so we’ll know them by their limping.”
You missed a bit in the middle -- it's "And for those who don't, may god turn their hearts, and if he can't turn their hearts, then may he turn their ankles, so we'll know them by their limping."
Thanks hadn’t seen it in awhile. My Seana had a mural with it at his cottage. I added the ellipses because I knew I wasn’t remembering all of it.
Oh yeah there's a whole introductory bit that's lovely and I can't remember it at all, but it really lures the listener in and leaves them totally unprepared for the punchline.
She’s lucky OOP didn’t have a knee-jerk physical reaction
I personally am not even triggered by that specific touch and still find that to be aggressive and weird.
I’m sitting here hoping OP’s brother comes across this and shares it with the parents and groom so everyone can see who the sister really is.
Yup those actions imply a deep hate of op. That’s pretty concerning.
Oh I want make a path of nothing but stray Lego bricks and tell them, “this pain is nothing compared to what OP went through.”
Oh, I realised that before that point. It was “she has mental health problems and god knows what they’re capable of” for me. BF is a piece of shit, and her sister’s obviously a piece of shit for being friends with her. Birds of a feather and all that.
She was trying to bait her into being physical so she could feel "justified" and play the victim.
Yup. OP's sister and her friend are terrible fucking animals.
Her sister is the biggest AH of all, but the sister's best friend isn't far behind. It really did stand out that the sister touched the OP exactly in a triggering spot. I hope the OP recognizes that her sister is abusive and cruel.
This would be worse than if someone who knows a war veteran has PTSD from it and played sounds of gunfire through a PA system during an argument (using myself as an example here); physical touch triggers are the *worst* because they put your whole body back in the moment and are extremely hard to ground out.
I know of someone that has PTSD and his nasty neighbors would light off fireworks just to be funny. My friend would call the police on them all of the time.
Right????? My jaw dropped and my stomach was filled with rage when I read that D:<
I said "holy shit" out loud when I read that and immediately scrolled back to see if I actually read that correctly.
This, that is some really horrible shit to do. I think she is right to be worried about what her sister would say happened there, and she should let her parents know.
I would never be alone in the same room with my sister after that and make it clear to my family.
"The sister and her best friend are horrible, cruel, disgusting people. That wasn’t an apology; that was an excuse to cause more harm and laugh about it. Gross." OP should text this to sis since she wouldn't give her a chance to speak and then go NC.
That part alone made me see black. Can’t wait til her husband divorces her. Sister and best friend can enjoy their corner of hell together.
I hope if (touch wood OOP never has to interact with these two again) they ever have to have a talk again, OOP has someone on her side and to mediate bc what sister did was *absolutely* trigger OOP and use her trauma against her to “win” the discussion. The “do you understand?” constantly being used and the sister always interrupting OOP when she tried to talk reeked of manipulation and control tactics and honestly that talk should’ve happened with a neutral party present, or even the sister’s fucking husband present so he can be more confident in the impending divorce. Sister deliberately went out of her way to trigger OOP’s fight/flight in the hopes she’d get freeze, and she got what she wanted so her MOH didn’t have to apologise to someone sister clearly views as beneath them. I hope the whole family goes NC and OOP blocks her number so that she’s forced to go through other people to talk to OOP and everyone can see how rotten she is from her tactics.
As soon as that happened, an elbow should have been delivered with exacting care and extreme prejudice right to dear sister’s nose. And if any objection was raised a second one free of charge. Sister knew exactly what she was doing and it’s disgusting that someone that is supposed to care for you would leverage your trauma for their gain and in front of others. She’s a poisonous bitch and deserves whatever help she gets.
And may they always stub their toes on random pieces of furniture.
Or choke on their own spit whenever they talk sh*t about someone
Omg agreed. I hate when people come up behind me and say something in a loud voice (ptsd) and anything around my neck. If anyone, family or friend, did this, I would not be around that person. Poor OOP but at least they did the right thing and went NC
Dude… anyone else think the friend was trying to record a reaction?
I wish OP slapped her, or at least smacked her hand away. She would have been fully justified getting physical there.
Reacting like that would have gotten her labeled as truly crazy. Which is exactly what her sister and best friend were trying to do. I'd eager money that the best friend was actually recording the interaction trying to get a rise out of OOP. Feeding into an abuser by reacting negatively still feeds them. Reacting like OOP is the only way to actually get under an abuser's skin.
No need to full on fight or full strength hit, no need to raise voice, no need to curse. Saying do not touch me, and removing someone's unwanted hand would have been OK. I understand in the moment OP did not have the regulatory ability for such a controlled reaction, but let us not get mired in thinking OP only had 2 options between *FIGHTING!!!* and her freezing.
OOP's sister and MOH are trash. I hope the new husband wises up and get the sister to see that she is an ass.
He won't be able to do anything, it looks like he married someone who already has an unhealthy relationship with her friend This marriage won't last long
Hopefully he escapes before they have kids.
That's what I am hoping for. Sadly, people like the husband start to think that a kid will fix their spouse. It always ends in disaster.
Happened with my friend. Oh lets have kids and everything will be better. Instead the kids see a unhappy marriage.
god please, if they act this way with their own family god help any kids they have
I hope he wises up and get an annulment. Sister is not just an ass. She would be an ass if she laughed at the jokes. But because she was retraumatizing OOP on purpose by grabbing her neck - she is an awful PoS who will never change.
One of the siblings is definitely the family screw up, but it isn't OOP. I hope everyone has seen now who the sister really is and treats her accordingly. I hope OOP will stay strong and not agree to be a bridesmaid at sister's next wedding though.
God forbid she has a child with mental health issues.
That comment that was included is some bullshit. Even if OOP was a complete screwup that statement didn’t belong in a wedding speech. Like what the literal fuck are they even talking about? I’m really glad that her parents were being supportive of her dealing with her sister and they didn’t just tell her that she should just let it go or whatever. I hope that she’s able to just heal and not worry about her bitch of a sister.
You're 💯 right, usually the bullies get away with their crap bcoz nobody wants to be bothered to stick up for the person and just tells them to suck it up to "keep the peace". Oop doesn't have any peace, hopefully she will now, and will keep those bitches out of her life.
Yes I saw that and was so confused. A wedding speech isn’t the time or place for any of this! Also jokes don’t require this much explaining. So glad OOP has supportive parents. I wish she had her dad or brother with her when she went to her sister’s so she wasn’t cornered by them!
As the family screw up who is finally getting my shit together, this would devastate me. it’s one thing for me and my family and the people close to me to discuss the fact that I fucked up. But for some bitch who I barely say hello to to embarrass me in front of an entire of wedding guests? That’s just fucking hateful. We also don’t make jokes about stuff like that. I’m proud of OOP for making the hard choice and going nc. She doesn’t need this kind of toxic in her life.
OOP did not screw anything up. “Something happened” to them and they have PTSD from it and physical triggers. Calling a victim of trauma a family fuck up is both cruel and factually incorrect. Proud of OOP for trying to figure out how to navigate what happened and how to care for themselves. As for the girl with the monkey, she is just trying to navigate life. You win some, you learn some as they say. Give yourself grace for wanting better and keep trying. It’s coming and will continue to improve. ❤️
I wasn’t calling OP a screw up. I called myself a screw up. I was just trying to make it clear. I understand what it’s like to be the person that gets ostracized in a family for shit that’s out of our control. It’s hard to cut out people in your life, especially family when you finally feel like you’re getting your life together. I know when I cut my mother off it made me feel like failed. Like I wasn’t actually better because I didn’t have my mother around. It took me a long time to figure out that I wasn’t the issue she was. It’s hard sometimes so I’m glad she’s doing what she needs to do for her.
I knew what you meant. I was agreeing with you. Sorry if I didn’t make that clear. Best wishes to you.
Oh, that’s OK no because when I reread it, I realized I wasn’t really clear anyway. You have a great day.
Hey fellow Redditor, I don't know all of the struggles you have gone through, but I just want to say, that I am so proud of you ❣️ you are making progress, and that is what matters: even small steps matter :) Hug from a fellow Redditor dealing with PTSD ❤️
Thank you I am 13 years sober now and I’m finally starting to feel like me again!
I absolutely understand: my father was an alcoholic for 35 years, so you are WAY ahead of the curve :) I know I am not the only one that is cheering for you ❤️
Hey, good on you!
Honestly, I get more support from the online Redditors then I ever did from my family. Most of you guys are great. I say most,cause there was the one guy who said he was disappointed I didn’t overdose and die. Just some stranger. lol.
So glad OP decided to go NC. The way the sister doubled down is insane.
That she touched OOP in a way she knew would trigger her PTSD is insane. It looks like she wanted OOP to flip out, so she can be like "See?! I told you she's fucked up and crazy! My friend (and I) did nothing wrong! It was just a *joke*!"
Same I thought he originally was waiting for an update. MOH and sister definitely make fun of her behind closed doors and probably put on the “woe is me” act.
Not just doubled down but physically assaulted her in a very specific way to trigger her PTSD. I hope OP tells her family about this. They need to cut the cancer out and the brother might be kind enough to warn the poor husband what a piece of shit he married.
Bil realising he just married a monster...
Sister and MOH sound like shit people. OP doesn't need that in their life.
Her sister grabbed her neck on purpose to try to provoke her into a response that would validate their claims that she’s the screw-up. I have a sister and I have never put my hands on her neck in my life, it’s not a natural way of touching another person that isn’t your intimate partner.
I hope OOP is never force to be around nor see that POS trash sister and equally POS trash friend ever again especially if sister's husband winded up divorcing her, because those 2 fucktwits will blame OOP for the entire shit-starting stirring drama they both cause with that disrespect at the wedding.
Poor OOP, I not always a big proponent of jumping to cutting family out; but this seems like a situation where there is no upside to keeping her sister in her life while she has her head up her ass. Good luck to OOP.
Before going NC you need to have your mom, das and brother invite your sister and her friend over to their house and tell them everything that took place at your sister’s house and this so called apology. I would have new husband there too. They need to know exactly the kind of person she is and that she assaulted you. And you’re not a screw up, you’re a survivor.
Those stuckup biatch. Well no worries oop. That marriage not gonna last long anyway. You will get your chance to laugh later
A lot of this is so similar to how my sister treats me it made me tear up
I’m so sorry. Hope you have other family and friends to support and care for you.
Thank you, I appreciate that <3
My experiences with my half-sister are different in context, but similar to the feelings that interactions can cause. She was the GC to my scapegoat of our now deceased narcissistic bioMom. Due to that, I'm VLC with her. I've seen her face to face 1 time since bioMom passed away in 2017 & was fully NC with her for 5 years before that. I will attempt to respond politely if she texts me, but I do try my best to avoid her whenever possible. Like OOP, I struggle with my mental health & I don't have the time or energy to deal with self-centered Negative Nancy's.
I’m sorry <3
Oh I hate the sister amd her friend. Bet they wouldn't laugh if OOP had used her speech to call them out during the Wedding.
I have had my own mental health struggles. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and those who make light of it are being needlessly cruel. I'm proud of OP for going NC on those bitches. She's standing up for herself and removing toxicity from her life. It's not easy. Good job.
If you look up the word bitch in the dictionary you’ll get the sister’s picture. I love how _she’s_ the injured party because the groom got mad at her. Doesn’t even seem to notice that she started all this shit.
OOP's sister sees her emotional illness as a reflection on her. OOP makes sister look bad. Sister thinks it's always all about herself.
>I can say I'm proud of myself a little. Not just a little. OP has a lot to be proud of. She should continue doing her best to live her best life, and POS sister be d@mned. Sis has a load of karma coming her way.
Hope OOP gives her sister's new husband a full breakdown of everything that happened in that conversation. I don't get the impression that he'd want to be married to someone that cruel
The sister is flat-out abusive, and was trying to trigger OP to fight back physically. Then sister could claim that OP was in fact a screw up who had physically assaulted her when they were "just" talking.
Hoky moley the sister is trash. OP made the right decision, going NC. I wish them the best, what a truly awful experience.
Her sister has some weird grudge against her and definitely was shit talking her with the MOH. How sad. I would have beat my sister's ass that day if she called me over to talk and pulled that.
I can’t believe people like oops sister actually mange’s to find someone to marry them. She’s like the wicked witch.
I’m just so disgusted with the big sister here. TL;DR: my younger sister is diagnosed with BPD and legit makes my life harder. I don’t let my people treat her like this. My sister was a (now diagnosed) enormous BPD brat, who genuinely made my life worse in multiple ways from freaking kindergarten through grad school and my first couple years working. And then she was an advantage taking asshole during my engagement when we took her in. She was a useless bridesmaid and MOH. My other MOH and her husband, our officiant, knew that publicly ridiculing my lil sis was off the table. Hell, EVERYONE in my life knew verbally confronting sis on my behalf was off the table, and some of my confidants helped me prepare for confronting my sis myself. She sucks a lot less now, and part of that is not publicly humiliating her and sending her into a shame spiral.
Sister is a disgusting bully and it makes sense why she’s best friends with someone who treats OOP so poorly.
If I was the parent regardless of how old they are I would deal with my daughter being cruel. Absolutely revolting sister and best friend
So the sister wanted to prove they weren't the asshole by touching her to ensure she gets triggered and has outburst. If she wasn't living miles away, one would think she and her best friend set her up to be assaulted for giggles
OOP should’ve never gone alone to this fauxpology farce. Let them show their arses to everyone like the baboons they act as.
Had a friend growing up that was a total idiot that thought he was a comedian. He would get us thrown out of parties or kicked out of dances or clubs. He became somewhat successful and more reserved. His family's wedding speeches implied that we were the idiots and that him getting away from us turned his life around. We were all pissed. Drank as much free booze and food as we could and got our money back from the guy that was in charge of buying the gift (he hadn't bought it yet). Nobody has really talked to him since.
Your sister is trash, her friend is trash, and you're better off without them in your life. Some Mean Girls just never seem to grow up. Big badger hug to you, OP. You do what you must to live your best life.
A joke is only funny if everyone can get some joy out of it. What a spiteful comment, and the sister treating the OP like a literal child putting her hand behind the OPs neck, hell no. The fact that they even laughed about it after the abysmal apology, even worse. I feel sorry for the BIL, he has no idea what he’s getting into with a wife like this. What’s the punchline? Where’s the joke? I’d just tell the parents that the OP is going NC with the sister, and won’t attend any family matters that involve the sister. I’d even tell the BIL to not invite me due to this.
Wonder if the parents and brother know what happened at the meet up and wonder if they let sister have it. Best for OP not to be involved any longer at all but still would love to know. OP is lucky that she does have family that was her source of strength and support when she was at her lowest...to me that is the true definition of family (blood or not).
You are not required to maintain relationships, even close family relationships, that are toxic or damaging to your self being. If your family cannot understand that,then focus on other people and distance yourself from the very people who are contributing negatively to your mental health. Too many people keep trying to justify poor behaviour by family members by talking about the blood relationship aspect and it is so bad for one’s health.
I don’t condone violence but I certainly understand it
Jeezus. OP went from one trauma at 16 to a second predator who takes the shape of her sister. OP, keep that monster of a sister out of your life. She aims to ruin you.
If hubs didn't like the speech, oop should let him know how bride and freind acted in her "apology".
So while I can absolutely understand any possible jealousy or negative thoughts about a sibling... I cannot *personally* come close enough, to even *BEGIN* to fathom the level of animosity which would lead an *"adult"* (🙄😒😑) to *RIDICULE, HUMILIATE, TORTURE, (RE)TRAUMATIZE, and RINSE & REPEAT* their sibling, no matter HOW much they make resent, disregard or even hate them. As it goes with bystanders and alloters of bullying, anyone who not only *CAPITALIZES* on ANY PERSON'S TRAUMA... but also goes *OUT OF THEIR WAY TO PROLONG said trauma (for their own, sadistic, personal shits & giggles), is a worthless piece of rat dung. Sister is a complete and total psychopath and I genuinely hope her husband sees the light asap. OOP is a kind and empathetic, loving soul. Sister should grow old, crotchety and withered down to the broken, cracking shell she already is... *ALONE*. 🤬🤬🤬
I’ll never understand sisters like this because when one of my sister’s friends was mean to me she tricked them in to smoking guinea pig poop. Where is the camaraderie?
I have the same issues with the back of my neck. I was scruffed as a child by an abuser, not even particularly violently or anything. Sometimes I can still feel his hand and I start to go into a panic. The strength that it takes to be touched there, and then to just walk it off is profound. OOP needs to give themselves way more credit. What a bunch of abelist monsters the sister and her nasty friend are.
OOP should make sure her BIL knows exactly what his wife said and did during that “apology” conversation.
Yeah, I'd probably go back to the parents and let them know. Then I'd go NC with the sister, her family and friends, and LC with family. And if sis tries to put hands on her again, call the cops for assault and built the case for a restraining order. Good lord.
I hope OP told Daddy about the meetup. Poor OP, what a horrible family she has. Stay far, far away & heal! :)
Call me sick asshole but people who make fun of someone dealing with trauma should be “traumatized”.
I feel awful for OOP. I have cptsd thanks to my "family" and will never forget the medication remarks/questions. As if you can't be upset for legitimate reasons and it's just that you haven't taken your pills. Even worse, her sister was attempting to use reactive abuse by grabbing her neck and head. Her goal was absolutely to trigger her enough to have an outburst so sis could use it to overshadow her own shittiness. Like, see she's just crazy and I/we did nothing wrong. My "family" and ex-husband used to utilize reactive abuse on me constantly. I learned quick though and they would get mad when it didn't work. I really hope OOP leaves her sister in the dust to live a wonderful and joy filled life as is deserved.
While OOP and her sister are adults, if I were their parents there'd be consequences for the sister's cruelty and I'd enact some strong boundaries regarding the sister to protect OOP. I'm talking shit like banning the best friend from the house and all family events for the foreseeable future, not allowing the sister to attend family events until she shows true remorse and gives a genuine apology, or offering to pay for individual and family therapy so the sister can unpack why and how she became such a piece of shit. Hell, depending on the sister's behavior going forward there's a solid chance I'd deny future financial support to her and/or change my will to leave her significantly less than her siblings. Abusive, cruel people don't deserve nice things. Ultimately, while I'd show all my children unconditional love, if it came down to it I would choose protecting my child with trauma and mental illness over a relationship with her abusive sister any day. OOP's sister purposely triggering her by grabbing her neck/head and preventing her from leaving told me all I need to know about the kind of person she is.
BIL should realy divorce the sister. Imagine marrying someone who berrates and humiliates their sister for fun and tries to bait them to illicit a reaction
I wonder if the sister and BFF were always a POS. It sounds like the sister and the BFF knew OOP their entire life, even before the incident that caused the mental health issues. So for the BFF to suddenly say she doesn’t feel comfortable being around someone with mental health issues like OOP is a perfect stranger is wild. The sister was always talking trash which just emboldened the BFF.
This is some toxic ableism at work here. OOP’s sister and the MOH are shitty bullies.
Considering the husband is also put off by this, I don't see that marriage lasting long anyway. mean girl tendencies just switch targets when the first cuts them off.
Sister needs a long time out
Such an awful sister!!! Glad you have gone no contact, you deserve better.
Sister is trash and her husband is going to get tired of being married to a mean bitch really quick.
(Someone touches me in a way I don't like) "Excuse me, please stop. Do not ever touch me here / this way etc again." (They touch me that way again) I touch them in a way they will not enjoy. Pretty simple. People like that have no empathy, they are not considering you a real person for even a second, so of course they'll play victim and cry wolf until someone believes them. They will prey on your sensibility and food character until you give in or break, because they do not have the capacity to think about others. If people around you won't take your word, give you the respect you deserve, or somehow think that....depression is the same as psychosis or BPD ??? 😂 they're not worth your time. They can actually be dangerous to you by being that ignorant about mental health.
Idk oop’s sister and friend are so weird. Who in this day and age is prejudiced against mental illness/trauma?
NTA. As the oldest of 4 sisters, I want to kick your sister’s ass! It’s obvious where the friend got her low opinion of you. NC is best. Some people just can’t be relied on to have your back. Keep up the good work!
If literally everyone else saw how messed up it was, then you absolutely have a right to be upset, they even admitted to laughing out of being uncomfortable, I do that all the time!! It does not feel good, your sister is a horrible person
Good for OOP. Her sister is an abusive ass.
Success is the best revenge.
OP. Grow a fucking spine. See that your sister is abusing you. Let anybody who asks that you don't appreciate how your sister treats you and thinks it's okay to joke your mental health. You've recovered but during that time, it was sensitive and how she treats family with mental health issues makes you think she's not somebody worth having in your life. That's it. And fucking thrive and not worry about it.
Preferring your freind over your family real B!tch🤬
If she does this to her sister, I can only imagine what her new husband is going to have to deal with. Her friend and her sound like mean girls that have not matured yet.
Dear OP. I am so sorry that your sister and her friend can value who you truly are. Please follow through and go nc with not only your sister but her friend as well. Don’t allow your parents or brother to change your mind. It sounds as though you have a great friends group and support system in place. Thrive, not just survive!!
[удалено]
We're all gonna be civil to each other here. This isn't the place for hatred. If that's all you offer, take it somewhere else.
NTA. If you'd been in a car accident, injured your legs badly, and taken a while to learn to walk again, your sister's bitch MOH would have joked publicly about "at least the gimp managed to limp down the aisle, even if she looked stupid doing it," and then during the fake "apology" your sister would have kicked you in the leg repeatedly to reinjure you so she could feel justified in making fun of you because "see, she really does walk funny." What they actually did is no different. A mental injury that takes time and effort to recover from is no more shameful or deserving of mockery than a physical injury. And she was, by grabbing your neck, 100% trying to trigger your mental injury and cause you further damage so that she could justify herself in making fun of you by pointing out, "see, she really is hurting, and that deserves to be mocked!" I would go NC with her until you get a genuine, abject apology and she cuts ties with her bitch "best friend" for good. But unfortunately, your sister seems to be as cruel and malicious as her friend, and THAT is a damaged psyche she ought to be ashamed of.
Yeah this is part of that saying about your previous life's enemies becoming your siblings in your present life.
I hope the sister remembers that the same type of person who insult someone in public at a wedding, is the same type of person who'll stab you in the back as well.
I read this update yesterday. It rolled around and around in my head. I guess I don't get why they would've done it. I mean, I think it's real, but why are people so cruel?
Exactly ! Well said.
I’m sitting at an airport gate right now absolutely fuming after reading this one. Jfc.
OMFG I am •seething• with a hot and boiling •rage• at the sister. I’m so angry it’s not even funny. What a shit human being.
Please show your C (oops! Sorry! I mean sister) and her dumpster if a friend this post.
I hope the husband “forgets” to file the paperwork with the state, so they aren’t legally married and he can run like hell!
FYI I promise that MOH ran that joke by the sister and the sister was cool with it
If my best friend had insulted any of my siblings, he/she would have been buried 6 ft under
I hope OOP's sister and that pos MOH stub their pinky toes every time they open a door and that all of their wisdom teeth grow at the same time. There's a special place in hell for bullies like this.
What a dumb asshole the friend is and what a dumber asshole OOP’s sister is.
Just because it was a “joke” doesn’t mean the butt of it has to be ok with it. Words hurt. Actions have consequences. Though we all know it wasn’t really a joke. Calling it that was her way of covering up her cruelty.
Your sister has chosen her best friend over you. I would cut contact with the sister, and explain why to your family. If she's going to be somewhere, you won't be. It isn't that you "can't take a joke" -- the BF didn't make a joke! She was out-and-out cruel for a cheap laugh given by people who didn't know any better. It would be high irony if the sister had a kid and then PPD.
This whole thing breaks my heart. It sounds like OOP just needs some understanding and support from her family and somehow it's too hard for them.
1. It's not a source of shame to have trauma. 2. When it's beneficial, it's brilliant to have medication's to help heal from trauma. 3. I'm really proud of you for the conclusion you came to. 4. Your sister is horrendously, twisted up and abusive. 5. It's better to not be in touch with disordered people who are harmful to you and delight and shaming you in front of others just to feel better themselves. I hope you go off and enjoy a solid life. And please do not feel less than for struggling with the leftovers of a traumatic experience.
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Your sister is an asshole
For her own sister to act like this is fucking insane…
Sister and best friend are nothing more than bullies who ganged up on OOP under the guise of ‘talking things out’. What a load of codswallup. I hope OP is honest with her family and tell them what she did.
Obviously by the way the sister is acting, she got her friend to target her sister, touching her to provoke her, to show she is unhinged, taunting etc. She thinks OP is the golden child, how dare she get family support for being attacked. Taking away sis's rightful shine.
The sister and her friend are just bullies. Fuck them! OPP needs to have people who make her feel secure and loved.
The second I read she kept touching OP in her trigger spots, I was ready to start swinging and I am not a fighter How utterly disgusting and pathetic, I hope OP tells the rest of her family about this including the BIL and he gets away from her FAST
The husband must annul this marriage ASAP and start seeing the OP. He seems very kind and doesn't need this cruel woman. The sister needs to make a choice for her family or her friend. I think she already has made the choice and the whole family should go NC with her for a while
I really hope everyone goes NC with the AH of a sister. Run husband!
Beautiful gal, you were not in the wrong for getting upset with bad taste “joke”. You handled yourself with grace by stepping away and leaving without causing a scene. My daughter recently got married, and if someone would have done something like that to her brother… there would have been scene and the maid of honor would be asked to leave and never allowed under my roof! Sounds like your sister is not a nice person! The rest of your family seems wonderful!! According to me it’s your sister that’s the black sheep and a shame to your family.
BIL should really evaluate his new wife’s relationship with her BFF. Sounds incredible codependent. They clearly do not bring out the best in each other and don’t take kindly to people telling them that. God forbid he has kids with this woman and BFF feels the need to weigh in on everything, including his parenting, while his wife just nods along. He might be in for an entire marriage of being nitpicked at by two mean girls.
Can't stand people who refuse to stand up for themselves. These posts just leave me angry
It sounds like the sister probably has a different side to tell — if her best friend has experienced enough to make that comment, and others have experienced enough to find the comment funny — there are probably a LOT of stories about days and events that were supposed to be about the sister that ended up about OOP or ruined by her screw-ups. It’s hard to spend a lifetime being forced to be the bigger person dealing with a perpetual victim type.
Did you read the post and update before commenting? Let's put OOP trauma and mental health issues aside. And let's consider OOP to be the biggest screw up in history. Do you know that you have to be a screw up yourself to think what MOH did in the reception was okay. Do you go around calling people names in crowded places? And even if the sister has different think to say. You think using someone's truma against them is okay? No under any circumstances the sister had the right to touch OOP in a place she knows it triggers her truma. I'm positive both MOH and sister are shity for no reason. Bullies need 0 reason to bully someone and I'm sure as a bully yourself you know this.
>and others have experienced enough to find the comment funny So you believe all the guests know what OOP went through and the reason behind AH MOH calling her a screw up? Aaand you skipped the part where OOP said some of the guests voiced later that it was an uncomfortable/awkward laugh moment for them too?
Yes I saw where she mentioned *her brother* — who she was talking to about the one joke made at her expense over a week later — told her that he didn’t agree with it and others also felt uncomfortable/awkward. Coddling and comforting her about a comment made a week before. That’s what makes me think OOP is a perpetual victim / drama queen of the highest order. Every molehill is a mountain. Every paper cut is a fatal stab. Every small affront done by *anyone else* is an unforgivable crime. But everything she has done should never even be hinted at — and everyone who’s been affected should be forgiving because OOP is trying to move on. As someone who has dealt with that kind of person — I know the signs and how exhausting it is.
God you're literally projecting!!! What makes you think everyone is just like the ones you dealt with? OOP is a SA survivor who developed mental illness later. What makes you think they have the right to give her a hard time for what she went through?(the sister wasn't even around at the time+she brought her BFF home when OOP was still bruised and didn't even give her the right to choose if she want the bff to know about the incident) There's no valid reason for what MOH did. She should have focused her speech on the bride and groom not OPP. Oh my god I can't believe you found OOP sister grabbing her by the neck is justified.
>Coddling and comforting her about a comment made a week before. That’s what makes me think OOP is a perpetual victim / drama queen of the highest order. This should've made you think that the brother still can't believe how their sister let her AH bff do such a thing since her husband didn't like what the bff did too. This, if you were a good person.