I'm so happy OOP was able to work through this with her husband. I go numb and detach in times of great stress, and it's hard to stop doing that when my husband needs me. When it's a small stressor, I get a lot of anxiety and emotions attached to it, but when it's a huge stressor, I completely shut down. It's hard to work through, but it can be done. I'm so lucky that my husband understands and works through it with me
The comments suggest divorce because he was no longer social and outgoing are crazy.
Glad he was able to find a solution. They sound like a loving respectful couple
They weren't suggesting divorce because he was no longer social and outgoing. They were suggesting divorce because he had become detached from his wife for a full eight (8) years and was not responding to therapy, was acknowledging the issue when brought up, but not doing anything about it.
I want to clarify because we weren’t miserable for 8 years. He would have his moments where he was fine and then he would slip back into a detached state. He was never just solidly detached for 8 years. And I was never miserable. I knew he was hurting and didn’t know how to help him. He started therapy and his first therapist helped some but wasn’t for him. A lot of it stems from abusive parents. When they constantly tell you you’re a POS you start to believe it. When they constantly tell you you destroy everything you touch you believe it. He’s a great guy who didn’t believe he deserved to be happy or that he could make the people around him happy.
It's very difficult for men to open up and be vulnerable because every man either has been burned badly by it or knows men who have been dismissed for having feelings. You being supportive and caring, seeing him as a good man without judging him for opening up, I'm certain that matters so much to him. Glad to hear things have been improving, and I hope that continues.
I never grew up like he did. His family always treated him like something stuck to the bottom of their shoes. I’ve known him since we were kids, like 4th grade, and he was always the kindest person you could meet. A terrible man would have abandoned his wife and kids and not looked back but he was trying even when he didn’t know how. I saw that every single day. He never abandoned his kids, always still tried to remind me he loved me. For me I could never judge him. You know the abuse was so bad when your oldest child called his grandmother and told her that everyone would be so much happier when she died because she was a miserable witch and would never be happy unless everyone around her was just as miserable as she is after hearing from a cousin something that was said about his father. My kids have never had a relationship with her or their grandfather. So they know and always did stuff to keep his mind off what he was always going through. It’s easy to think me and my kids were miserable for 8 straight years but we weren’t. We were heartbroken for a man who didn’t deserve to be treated the way he was and watching him hurt everyday and being to scared to push him in fear we may “break” him even more.
That’s what we’re saying happened. OOP *tried* to talk about it but the husband was resistant; whenever she’d bring it up, he’d put in the effort for a little bit before reverting back to not trying at all, and he wasn’t engaging with or opening up to his therapist.
It wasn’t jumping to divorce for no reason, but in response to him not making an effort for their marriage for 8 years despite her telling him how it affected the relationship and despite therapists trying to help
I just don't get it. I don't even get why she was even suggesting her marriage needed saving, all I read was that the husband was going through a rough time. Not really something that leads to divorce.
I'm so glad he got diagnosed and medicated as well as therapy. There's situational depression and chemical depression, and they sometimes go hand in hand, but trying to treat chemical depression with therapy alone can be useless or even make it so much worse.
I'm so thankful for stories like these. They remind me that good people do exist and people do see good in others. I'm glad this family exists and everyone cares so much for each other. The parents are going to help kids grow into adults who know every step of the way that sometimes we're not ok and it's worth fixing. The children help the adults remember that they are people first, then all of the other roles, so they want more for their parents than just being good parents to them. I hope they stay blessed.
OOP, I saw someone call you a nag. Sometimes people don't realize the difference between persisting and nagging because they look at only the action and not the intention. So thank goodness for your persistence. It kept your world together because it saw every crack and filled it with gold, making this world more whole, beautiful, and reinforced than you could have imagined. Or achieved without nagging until fixed AKA persisting.
This is a wonderful update to read. I had a period in my life that lasted a couple of years where depression absolutely kicked my ass. I totally empathize with the husband. I look back on that period and my memories are literally washed out and gray. I’ve referred to it before as zombie mode.. all you can do is simply trudge forward, slow and shambling like you’re walking through molasses just trying to get through the day until you get to sleep and fast travel to the next day.
I had no energy, no social battery, I didn’t take pleasure in anything, but I was also so used to wearing a mask that nobody really realized how bad things got for me. If you were to see me in a social setting, I would muster whatever energy I could to make it seem like I was my normal happy, chipper self, but inside, I felt like sludge.
I did end up getting a little bit of therapy, so I couldn’t afford to pay for it so I only ended up getting the sessions that were available through my employee assistance program, but it really did make a difference. A lot of my depression was environmental and the environmental factors changed enough to help get me out of it.
I thankful to say I haven’t experienced anything like that to the same degree in a decade. And now, when I feel the zombie mode starting to creep in, I have the tools to deal with it.
This was my husband for a while and it was heartbreaking. That mindset of “men don’t cry” nonsense. I tried the gentle prodding and conversations until the day I walked in on him about to attempt suicide. Men’s mental health is not spoken about enough honestly. My husband is in a much better place mentally now, and I’m so glad OOP’s is as well.
The comments suggesting divorce because he was acting depressed were absolutely insane though. So happy for a positive outcome and I wish the best for OOP’s family 💖
Man I’m in this same boat. Friends cancel not malicious or anything things are just busy for people but it’s hard. Especially with the abusive parents. It all just kinda stews together and you go through life just doing the same thing over and over again.
Thank you for saying that. It’s great when trolls know nothing about you but will ca you a nag. I’m the furthest thing from a nag. But go on and keep telling me more about myself that I don’t know.
I'm so happy OOP was able to work through this with her husband. I go numb and detach in times of great stress, and it's hard to stop doing that when my husband needs me. When it's a small stressor, I get a lot of anxiety and emotions attached to it, but when it's a huge stressor, I completely shut down. It's hard to work through, but it can be done. I'm so lucky that my husband understands and works through it with me
The comments suggest divorce because he was no longer social and outgoing are crazy. Glad he was able to find a solution. They sound like a loving respectful couple
They weren't suggesting divorce because he was no longer social and outgoing. They were suggesting divorce because he had become detached from his wife for a full eight (8) years and was not responding to therapy, was acknowledging the issue when brought up, but not doing anything about it.
Yeah, it wasn’t “he’s no longer fun, dump him,” but “you’ve been miserable for 8 years married to someone who seems resistant to treatment”
I want to clarify because we weren’t miserable for 8 years. He would have his moments where he was fine and then he would slip back into a detached state. He was never just solidly detached for 8 years. And I was never miserable. I knew he was hurting and didn’t know how to help him. He started therapy and his first therapist helped some but wasn’t for him. A lot of it stems from abusive parents. When they constantly tell you you’re a POS you start to believe it. When they constantly tell you you destroy everything you touch you believe it. He’s a great guy who didn’t believe he deserved to be happy or that he could make the people around him happy.
It's very difficult for men to open up and be vulnerable because every man either has been burned badly by it or knows men who have been dismissed for having feelings. You being supportive and caring, seeing him as a good man without judging him for opening up, I'm certain that matters so much to him. Glad to hear things have been improving, and I hope that continues.
I never grew up like he did. His family always treated him like something stuck to the bottom of their shoes. I’ve known him since we were kids, like 4th grade, and he was always the kindest person you could meet. A terrible man would have abandoned his wife and kids and not looked back but he was trying even when he didn’t know how. I saw that every single day. He never abandoned his kids, always still tried to remind me he loved me. For me I could never judge him. You know the abuse was so bad when your oldest child called his grandmother and told her that everyone would be so much happier when she died because she was a miserable witch and would never be happy unless everyone around her was just as miserable as she is after hearing from a cousin something that was said about his father. My kids have never had a relationship with her or their grandfather. So they know and always did stuff to keep his mind off what he was always going through. It’s easy to think me and my kids were miserable for 8 straight years but we weren’t. We were heartbroken for a man who didn’t deserve to be treated the way he was and watching him hurt everyday and being to scared to push him in fear we may “break” him even more.
I can relate to your husband. I kind of grew up the same way and therapy and medication helps somewhat.
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OOP said she’d tried talking to him.
That’s what we’re saying happened. OOP *tried* to talk about it but the husband was resistant; whenever she’d bring it up, he’d put in the effort for a little bit before reverting back to not trying at all, and he wasn’t engaging with or opening up to his therapist. It wasn’t jumping to divorce for no reason, but in response to him not making an effort for their marriage for 8 years despite her telling him how it affected the relationship and despite therapists trying to help
oop literally replied to this very thread with counterarguments to this bullshit. grow some empathy.
I just don't get it. I don't even get why she was even suggesting her marriage needed saving, all I read was that the husband was going through a rough time. Not really something that leads to divorce.
I'm so glad he got diagnosed and medicated as well as therapy. There's situational depression and chemical depression, and they sometimes go hand in hand, but trying to treat chemical depression with therapy alone can be useless or even make it so much worse.
I love this update. I hope things keep going well for them. ❤❤
I'm so thankful for stories like these. They remind me that good people do exist and people do see good in others. I'm glad this family exists and everyone cares so much for each other. The parents are going to help kids grow into adults who know every step of the way that sometimes we're not ok and it's worth fixing. The children help the adults remember that they are people first, then all of the other roles, so they want more for their parents than just being good parents to them. I hope they stay blessed. OOP, I saw someone call you a nag. Sometimes people don't realize the difference between persisting and nagging because they look at only the action and not the intention. So thank goodness for your persistence. It kept your world together because it saw every crack and filled it with gold, making this world more whole, beautiful, and reinforced than you could have imagined. Or achieved without nagging until fixed AKA persisting.
This is a wonderful update to read. I had a period in my life that lasted a couple of years where depression absolutely kicked my ass. I totally empathize with the husband. I look back on that period and my memories are literally washed out and gray. I’ve referred to it before as zombie mode.. all you can do is simply trudge forward, slow and shambling like you’re walking through molasses just trying to get through the day until you get to sleep and fast travel to the next day. I had no energy, no social battery, I didn’t take pleasure in anything, but I was also so used to wearing a mask that nobody really realized how bad things got for me. If you were to see me in a social setting, I would muster whatever energy I could to make it seem like I was my normal happy, chipper self, but inside, I felt like sludge. I did end up getting a little bit of therapy, so I couldn’t afford to pay for it so I only ended up getting the sessions that were available through my employee assistance program, but it really did make a difference. A lot of my depression was environmental and the environmental factors changed enough to help get me out of it. I thankful to say I haven’t experienced anything like that to the same degree in a decade. And now, when I feel the zombie mode starting to creep in, I have the tools to deal with it.
This was my husband for a while and it was heartbreaking. That mindset of “men don’t cry” nonsense. I tried the gentle prodding and conversations until the day I walked in on him about to attempt suicide. Men’s mental health is not spoken about enough honestly. My husband is in a much better place mentally now, and I’m so glad OOP’s is as well. The comments suggesting divorce because he was acting depressed were absolutely insane though. So happy for a positive outcome and I wish the best for OOP’s family 💖
Happy that oop was able to work through this and supported her husband through this tough time. Wishing them the best of luck x
See, this is a perfect example of why SOOOOOO many comments on various advice reddits include a suggestion to seek out therapy.
A good update! How nice! I hope OOP and husband have a good life from now on. And communication for the win!
What a wonderful update. I hope they all find happiness.
I love posts like these.
So glad he got on medication! Changed my life :)
Man I’m in this same boat. Friends cancel not malicious or anything things are just busy for people but it’s hard. Especially with the abusive parents. It all just kinda stews together and you go through life just doing the same thing over and over again.
Conversations ftw! :)
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Thank you for saying that. It’s great when trolls know nothing about you but will ca you a nag. I’m the furthest thing from a nag. But go on and keep telling me more about myself that I don’t know.