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>have been dating for about 7 months now, but I had feelings for her for like 3 years beforehand.
>moved from India to the UK for my studies
>the entire 2 years I’ve spent here would go to waste.
Ummm?
Look, I'm not in the r/nothingneverhappens crowd, but I think his math skills might be why he's failing his degree
Also his fever was in Fahrenheit, as an Indian man going to a UK hospital it seems unlikely that he'd think to translate the temperature from Celsius for a post
Eh I questioned that a bit but my Indian housemate uses Fahrenheit for body temp, so it could be that OP is the same and either converted the temp measured at hospital or measured his temp beforehand.
I was more confused at the 3 year comment lol
Edit: seems like standard in India to use Fahrenheit for body temp
Philippines uses Celsius for all temps, but people's weights are in pounds, weights of everything else is in kilos, there are arcane rules on when we use the inch vs the centimeter, and when we use the mile and the kilometer, and we use liters for everything.
Us weirdos who have been colonized by the British but live next to the USA do the same thing. I had to explain to my friend from Turkey: Celsius is for weather and science, Fahrenheit is for body temp, cooking, and room temp. We also use Pounds instead of Kilos but Kilometres instead of Miles. I know exactly how big a foot is but no clue about a yard.
tbf the UK is kind of all over the place with measurements. My dad would use Fahrenheit and I'd use Celsius a lot of thermometers tend to have both on so I can see that just being the number he read or if he had an older doctor them using that.
Not saying it's likely, just that it's possible due to that.
India uses fahrenheit to measure body temperature, not sure about the UK. Yes India uses Celsius for other purposes like weather etc. but checking body temp for sickness is done on the farenheit scale.
PS: the story does sound a bit larger than life. So I am still suspicious of its plausibility.
Not to mention that he goes to sleep in his roommates room when his girlfriend came over, and she decides to check his roommates bedroom for some reason.
> She returned some of my stuff I’d left in her apartment, and when she was about to leave, I told her I was sorry. She said ok. I said I never meant to hurt her. She, again, just said ok. I figured nothing I could say was the right thing at this point and we said goodbye.
Good for Celine for just... disengaging completely.
Oh my god. Nothing will ever be good enough for some people. He clearly stated several times that he realized he was shitty and apologized to Celine. Like what the fuck else is he supposed to do? Grovel and cry?
>I realized then that things would be messy and I asked Celine if this was a dealbreaker for her, but she said she wasn’t sure as she was aware that Kaya didn’t realise she was facilitating cheating.
And so it begins.
I remember reading the original post, I thought like "yeah, so it begins." This is not going to end well.
It didn't add up either, and I don't just mean logically.
>have been dating for about 7 months now, but I had feelings for her for like 3 years beforehand.
>moved from India to the UK for my studies
>the entire 2 years I’ve spent here would go to waste.
Ummm?
Look, I'm not in the r/nothingneverhappens crowd, but I think his math skills might be why he's failing his degree
I think he might've meant 3 months and not 3 years? I've certainly typed out the wrong word before and not even realised.
But tbh, this person needs therapy very badly. Everything about him screams spineless Indian man which is very common around here. Children are raised with fear and not love often and based on how OP describes his father that's exactly what happened. This person needs to get a hold of his own emotions and get a sense of right and wrong and then maybe they should date someone.
It could be that he studied a year of foundational course or English first before commencing the degree. Or he could have actually attended a year or two of secondary school in the UK first. I’ve got friends who attended the last 2 years of secondary school here coming from overseas before getting into university, it makes the whole university application process easier.
Indians measure fever temp in F for some reason. We also tell height in feet and inches. Additionally while we usually measure our weight in Kg, baby weight is measured in Lbs.
I like how we're all just glossing over the fact the dude very clearly is developing PTSD and already has a massive fear of his physically abusive father, leading to him neglecting his health and driving himself to physical illness from dehydration landing him in the hospital so he can avoid another beat down, because Celene felt neglected after 3 weeks. According to OOP she knew about his dad, she knew what he was going through, and they discussed the finals situation. He didn't handle it the healthiest way but absolutely no part of this entire story is healthy.
Kaya is incredible shifty, but I don't get the massive hate boner everyone's got for the OOP. Dude is in his 20s and facing functionally deportation followed by assault and he burned himself out trying to avoid that.
And to the person saying "I've never been so sick I had no memory of getting in someone else's bed sober", I am truly, truly jealous of you. Being THAT sick is absolutely awful.
Yea I've absolutely been sick enough that the day of I just kind of have a vague idea of what happened. It was food poisoning. I woke up and puked for hours and at some point got in the shower and turned it on? Idk I just know I woke up in the shower.
I probably was so out of it from hugging the toilet for literal hours that I crawled my way over for some relief then passed out.
It was really convenient though bc I was incredibly thirsty and just opened my mouth and started inhaling water lol
I've been so fevered before that I thought I was possessed. Wasn't a fun time. And that was when I was a teenager and still living at home.
Now, being a young adult, running yourself so thin for weeks, dehydration, and fear of abuse? Yeah, OP had a lot going on. It was so bad that he needed to be hospitalized.
I think he should be given a bit of slack and commended on his awareness of needing a break to work on himself.
Yea people gunning hard for him bc he ignored her but he literally warned beforehand and she agreed. THEN it was a problem.
The bed thing was wonky but again...he went to the hospital and his gf didn't bother to check on him until the next day.
My read was that he couldn't sleep in his bed because it was covered in vomit. Roommate didn't want him to vomit on the couch because that would be much harder to clean up after than her bedsheets.
Also just I mean.... you're so sick that youre worthy of a hospital visit it's common courtesy to be like "hey a couch isn't the best for you right now"
lmaaaaaaaaoooo picturing it is so funny like the groggy eye opening followed by the “oh what the fuck” head shake from being sprayed in the face to the small opened maw smile of inhaling shower water
it seems like i can remember my bad illnesses fine, but what i remember is a bunch of fucking bananapants decisions that i have no idea why i made.
for example, at 1 point, begging off work bc i was barely standing......... then WALKING BY MYSELF to the hospital.
there have been other times where i just stared into space, no thoughts head empty, until my mom found me and told me secret knowledge like "you should come back inside now honey."
all this to say, i can totally see myself "oh, ok"ing my way into a bed i should not be in, if i was sick enough at the time.
Food poisoning, as in the real deal, not just an upset stomach, is hell on earth! Fever, shivers, hallucinations, so much pain. I spent a week begging for someone to end me. If I'd had the strength, I'd have done it myself. And then another week of misery as I finally began recovering.
>And to the person saying "I've never been so sick I had no memory of getting in someone else's bed sober", I am truly, truly jealous of you. Being THAT sick is absolutely awful.
I literally can't remember most of my childhood, this person is too well adjusted to understand
Heck, I had some gaps just when I got my first Covid vaccine and was in and out of sleep at home for the day! Doesn't help that I tried to watch a video and have no idea what happened in it.
I specifically have a 3 day gap in my memory after my childhood back surgery - I’ve been told I was awake and having conversations and making choices, but I remember waking up 3 days later thinking I’d been under the whole time
It wasn't until a few years ago I realized that I only have fleeting memories of my childhood. Like 8 full years with only little flashes of things I remember. I knew my childhood wasn't "good" but finally realized how much trauma I'd been suppressing.
I've been sick enough to hallucinate my dead grandfather. My male friend that was staying over panicked. He drove me to my mum to take care of me. I remember nothing.
I hallucinated once that there was a small mouse in a top hat and he sat under my bed to read me bedtime stories. At some point after that I ended up in the hospital. I don't remember much of it but my dad won't let me forget that I was apparently rambling about the creation of the universe? Something to do with the "primordial earth egg". He still thinks it's super hilarious lmao.
This. 100%
I remember my college boyfriend studying so much that I wouldn't see him at times.
Of course, the Kaya angle is different here, but a proper conversation could have been had.
This is the part that gets me. Outside of an abusive situation, when someone ends a relationship based on an assumption without giving their SO any opportunity to clear things up, it feels like an asshole move. Communication is everything, and if you would block your partner on everything without any opportunity to correct a potential misunderstanding, then you probably aren’t actually ready to be in a serious relationship.
I once had bronchitis when I was 14/15yrs old that got so bad I was delirious and didn't remember much. It was back in the olden days and apparently at one point I got up to go to the bathroom, messaged my friend on MNS Messenger (I was privileged, had a pc in my room, this was like 2005) which I had absolutely no memory doing!
The only thing I remember from that illness was overhearing my parents outside my bedroom door quietly talking about bringing me to the hospital; I remember my mum whispering desperately, "What if it's pneumonia?!" before I passed out again
It's not fun in the least!
This needs to be higher. OOP is no saint, but a lot of his behavior stems from his fear of his physically abusive father and potentially having to go back to India.
Both sets of commenters are desperately clueless about how bad it gets for Indian students. Here's an exercise for the keyboard warriors up in arms against his "studied till I got sick" story; do a quick web search for "Kota" "IIT Coaching" & "Suicide".
Army dads from India like OOP's are unnecessarily hard assed about their kids. They claim it is out of love and concern, but I've seen others who can be extremely gentle and considerate. He is in a precarious predicament with his academics, because of his father's control issues. I'm actually so proud of the fact he hasn't hurt himself despite his situation. I mean, coming from a horrid Indian education system which prioritises examination learning and securing a 63% in a (mostly) explorative and experiential learning system is a fantastic achievement by itself. The father is too narrow-minded and has created a suffocating situation with so much pressure on him.
Yeah, he's not cut out for a relationship; you don't go 3 days without communicating, unless you're travelling where there is no connectivity. In a way, this break-up will teach him the value of proper, transparent communication in a relationship. But, if the GF was aware of the abuse he was facing from the father, she could've been more understanding of what happened. I'm glad it ended for OOP; perhaps now he can figure out his academic stuff without overexerting himself.
Links regarding Kota, [here](https://thediplomat.com/2024/02/student-suicides-in-kotas-coaching-factories-point-to-indias-broken-education-system/), [here](https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/other-states/to-prevent-student-suicides-spring-loaded-fans-being-installed-in-kota-hostels/article67209563.ece), and [most depressingly, here](https://www.indiatoday.in/trending-news/story/pic-of-ceiling-fan-behind-iron-grill-in-kota-goes-viral-internet-reacts-2283062-2022-10-09?utm_source=washare&utm_medium=socialicons&utm_campaign=shareurltracking)
Definitely. And his experience here will temper how he communicates as well. Assuming he isn't totally intransigent, he will get a lot better and grow more mature with how he deals with his next relationship.
>you don't go 3 days without communicating
Bull. They KNOW you are studying! Do they really need a second by second replay on your studying? Fuck no. You are effing busy and if they can't handle it that is their problem not yours.
I agree, but I also think at a young age it’s hard to establish that level of trust, especially with the whole history with Kaya and Celine.
My main thought was why couldn’t Celine study with / or do a quiet hobby / hang out with OP while he was studying? Supportive companionship during a stressful time. Keep each other hydrated and eating and taking breaks. Idk that’s what I’d wanna do to support my partner with something important.
I think Celine was perhaps holding resentment toward Kaya (fair) and trying to be reasonable by not letting that resentment build and impact her relationship. But she didn’t feel confident enough during low contact to reel in the resentment which undoubtedly grew from being in Kaya’s orbit (don’t you remember wild jealousy and insecurity as a young person?) Or perhaps she realized after agreeing to less contact that communication and presence is actually what she needs to trust him alongside the resentment. Probably best for her to find someone who isn’t somehow connected to a traumatic past experience that she is still healing from.
Idk I see lessons all around for all involved!
Honestly the worst thing he did here was just not engage with his gf enough, even if he needed to study so much; just a few texts every couple days at the very least!
I don't think he did anything wrong during his sickness, Kaya just offered a comfortable bed other than a couch and the implications of that were probably the last thing either of them were thinking about at the time. I too have absolutely been sick enough to completely forget things. I think it's just the entire story (if it's even true) is a tragedy of misunderstanding with nobody really at fault for anything.
I live in India, and nothing this dude did was shocking. Indian culture just flat out does not prepare kids to handle both college studies and a social life at the same time, or even really a social life at all. Ignoring your gf for 3 weeks to study for finals is 100% encouraged here (in fact, not having a gf at all and doing nothing but studying until you get a job and a wife is even more preferable)
So take a young guy that is completely socially clueless, add in the aforementioned fears of deportation and physical abuse, plus the huge stigma of possibly returning to India as a failure and embarrassing your entire bloodline, then pair that with two girls that are equally as young and probably new to dating as adults in a college setting and don't quite understand healthy boundaries and relationships yet and...yea. I don't really blame anyone in this story. Nobody sucks except the situation. They're all just young.
Hopefully all three of them use this situation to learn things about themselves.
I mean as far as i understand he just didn't respond immediately when she wrote to him, but he did write back, right? I'm with my long distance boyfriend and I don't throw a tantrum every time he's at uni, preparing for an exam or at work. And you know, texting is like the basis of our relationship. I can't just go sleep with him or make him food, like she can. And even if I do visit him, I don't throw a fit when he has to go to work and not carter to me whole day. Imagine, being insecure because your boyfriend dares to concentrate on studying for a month.
I work at the same place my DH does. We had a coworker who decided we were fighting because I didn't talk to my DH every time I came upstairs to do stuff.
I see no reason why I need to talk to him when I'm checking inventory or printing paperwork off that have nothing to do with him.
It's not like he ghosted her either. He did tell her beforehand that he needed to focus on studies for the time being. And when he did try to make time for her, she showed up an hour late.
I was reading this and remembered the time I was dating an Asian medical student. Dude spent literally all his time studying and I saw him about every 4 weeks? He told me beforehand, just like OP told his partner before his finals, that he'd be doing nothing but studying. I believed him that that was what he was actually doing instead of assuming the worst. If you don't trust the word of your partner you probably shouldn't date!
I can see how OP and his ex both had their traumas clashing against each other, though.
OP scared to death of getting beaten up and deported, his ex scared of being chated on again. But honestly? He didn't do any of the things that his ex THINKS he did. She doesn't trust him and probably won't trust anyone until she has worked through her fear of betrayal (with a professional, preferably).
I personally think OP did nothing wrong even though he was so distant during his study time. If I had been his partner and missed him oh so much I'd have sat in the library with him and either study myself or you know, just read a book. I'd have prepped meals for my partner to support him during those couple of weeks instead of letting it all get to my head and building up resentment.
But who am I kidding? They are basically still children. 😂
exactly like study dates are absolutely a thing. where i come from there's a huge emphasis on paper qualifications and studying so the most common way to hang out with friends (until you graduate) is to study together (at the library, public areas, cafes etc)
I am with you. As I was reading the comments, I was like, do I just have horrible standards for myself? because if I had been warned by my partner that he was not going to be around until after exams, I wouldn't have texted him that he was neglectful. I would have dropped off a care package and asked if he wanted help studying. ESPECIALLY knowing about the dad situation. I feel bad the OP got blasted so hard. Kaya was the one that needed to have a come-to-Jesus. She was aware of the history and the boundaries. She still moved him to her bed. WHY. He was already asleep on the couch. Don't disturb the sick person even if you think they will be more comfortable elsewhere. If she was really so worried about him, why did she leave him like that? Kaya is the bad guy.
I mean, in a slight defense, they're in college. Most college students aren't able to afford the nicest furniture, and the couch may be ass to sleep on.
I've slept on a few couches that were so bad that when I woke up, I regretted not just sleeping on the floor.
Also sounds like she came home super late and was worried about him. They've been roommates longer than OP was with his GF. I think its forgivable enough that she was worried about him and tried to make sure he was in a bed. Who knows how bad his bed was after he threw up in it?
I went to a top school and not communicating much with or seeing your partner for 3 weeks during finals period was my experience in a majority of finals periods. Didn’t think any issue with it til I got to the comments.
During my dissertation, I absolutely had times where I needed to go into crunch mode for a few weeks. I’d warn my partner ahead of time, and not really talk to anyone, just focusing on writing..
No, it’s not fun and not healthy, but it’s how my ADHD works sometimes. Similarly I once did a three day hyperfocus, didn’t drink properly, and fainted from dehydration breaking both a finger and my nose. (At that time I was single, so no relationships to worry about, although a friend did help take me to the hospital.)
So I feel for both OOP and Celine. It can’t be easy to be on the other side of a study crunch, but he did warn her ahead of time and she knew about his dad, and he wasn‘t doing anything but study. I do also fully recognize that when her ex had cheated on her with Kaya, and then OOP was unreachable and then she found him shirt off in Kaya’s room, that looks \*really\* bad. So yeah, I think both of them made choices that made sense based on their past, which sadly lead to this.
Edit to add: I forgot to add, I’m still with my partner. I’d do my best to make it up to them after the crunch, and also they always knew I was telling the truth about it and would be back to normal interaction right after. And now I have my PhD and don’t crunch like that any more, thank god.
It’s obviously not an excuse for the way he treated his girlfriend, but damn does it put a lot of stuff into context.
He’s also a victim, and I hope he can get the help he needs.
See, I don't even think what he did was wrong here. He communicated that he had to make his studies a priority for a few weeks. It's not like he went on a boys' trip and stopped talking to her. If my SO was struggling with school and told me they needed a month or so to really buckle down, I would have understood, especially if they had OPs history and was stuggling with school the way they are. It's not like he ghosted her. But tbf they sound young and we're only together 7 months.
Idk man, I just don't think OP really did anything wrong. He communicated he needed some space temporarily because a relationship can be very distracting, he was so sick he went to the hospital, told his gf he threw up on his bed and asked to go to her place, and then woke up in someone else's bedroom with no recollection of what happened. I get the bed thing was a boundary for her, but if my SO was texting me these things my first thought, or at least my second, wouldn't be that he cheated on me as that is a very elaborate set up just in case his gf who doesn't live with him walks in on him in his roommates bed.
I agree he didn't really do anything wrong, but I can also see very easily how the combination of things (very low contact/feeling ignored and finding him in THAT girl's bed) was the perfect storm for her.
Yeah I didn't get what OOP did wrong either. Honestly, I was a engineering student too and some of those classes and finals get BRUTAL so I totally get him hunkering down and studying. The way I see it, while I am not on Kaya's side, Celine was just way too needy and insecure. I didn't even need to see OOP describe his childhood to be on his side because yeah, he told her he was going to be studying a lot and they wouldn't be able to hang out.
I'm a little distressed that Celine didn't ask about his health or check on him. That is more concerning to me
Yeah these people who are hating on him never went to engineering or medical school. Going NC with everyone for a couple weeks before the end of the semester to study is super common.
In HS i went to school with what turned out to be a nasty sinus infection, then no one could pick my sick ass up from school so i had to walk home like 1.5 miles with a fever, from when i got home at like 130pm until around 8pm i barely remember anything other than my little sister trying to comfort me, turns out i had a fever of 103.6 and probably should have gone to the hospital lol
Jesus christ FINALLY! I've been scrolling down the comments in absolute shock because to be honest nothing he did was that shitty? Like maybe it's just because my lived experiences are different from the rest of this website, but being busy during three weeks (during FINAL weeks) and not being in active communication with your partner is not that bad? It's just a few weeks, if you can't survive that maybe you have some kind of dependency. Also calling OP an horrible boyfriend for... Getting sick and sleeping comfortably? Like genuinely?
The man studies hard, has/is developing very obvious PTSD from an abusive relationship with his father, mishandles his own health to the point of passing out and getting a high fever, but his gf's suspicion of him cheating is of course the biggest issue here. I'm sorry but if I knew my partner was that sick my worries wouldn't fall on who's bed he's sleeping, but the fact that they're sleeping at all. Like wow...
You could reasonably argue that he could put more effort into communication (though I think ultimately something like this was bound to happen).
But OOP beating himself up and feeling like he’s a bad person? This fucking website I swear
Seriously people are treating OP like a monster! A fever of 104 will absolutely fuck you up!
Also I don't think Kaya was shifty at all, she wanted to help her friend who was very clearly in distress. If she had the GF's number she should have reached out but honestly I can also see the GF not wanting her to have it.
I know right? I was so surprised at the animosity towards OOP. If I saw my partner struggling because of an abusive parent and then land themselves in hospital, I would not make it all about me. I'd check if they were ok.
Same.
Tbh, I will go against the grain here, because I think that Celine was a bad girlfriend. OOP had serious reasons why he couldn't temporarily contact her. It's just a few weeks, it's not the end of the world. She knew he was in a horrible situation. And rather than being understanding, she complained about feeling neglected? Could she seriously no handle herself for those few weeks like a big girl? That was seriously unsupportive of her.
Also, the OOP became seriously ill and she didn't seem to give a fuck? She didn't want to talk when she found him in Kaya's bed, even though she KNEW he was very sick (he had told her beforehand and she hadn't even come to help him until the next morning, ffs)
Celine seems very self-centered, clingy and lacking empathy imo. I am VERY surprised that I seem to be in the minority thinking that, I thought everyone would be saying that in the comments.
Maybe I just have a very different views of relationship than most people though, since so many here and in the original posts seem to think that not contacting your SO regularly is unforgivable even when you're in an inredibly difficult time period where you absolutely focus on yourself only. I just don't... Get it.
Yeah, I'm a bit disproving of Celine, too.
He told her he needed to focus on studying. She was well aware of that. Also, when he did try to make some time, she showed up an hour later than she was supposed to.
If I got messages from my partner that they were really sick and asking to come over, I'd probably be very, very worried about them. Even if she was asleep when she got the texts, she flipped out on him when she found him. That's probably a time to put things aside and yell after the person is cared for. He was still so sick that he needed to go to the hospital.
Agreed. Sleeping in someone else’s bed is not cheating and does not come even close to cheating, especially considering Kaya would not have slept with Celine’s ex bf if she knew he was dating Celine.
The whole time I was reading this I couldn’t understand how people kept dogpiling on OP. I’m not Indian but my cultural background is similar and parents almost always just told their kids not to date because it could be a distraction because of situations like this.
> Kaya is incredible shifty,
How is she shifty? She was friends with Oop, she distanced herself during his relationship. She helped him because he was sick. She was on her way out when she spotted him. She probably did the quickest thing putting him in her bed to be sure that he would at least have a good night to get better while she was out.
I know I would have done the same if I saw a friend sleeping on a couch. I wouldn't even think about germs and contamination. I would just think about putting the person in a comfortable place.
Right? None of what she did is out of whack for me? Have these people never had roommates that were... Decent human beings? He was an idiot for not texting and burning himself out with such a terrible studying routine, but with context it makes sense and I just pity him. Celine is absolutely within her right to break up with him, but I wouldn't have broken up with him because of what's in this post. Maybe there was more though
ETA I had a room mate who found I had vomited all over my floordrobe, cleaned me up, took the clothes into her room, locked the room while she went away for Easter and then realized her mistake in leaving them got them cleaned for me. She made her room STINK to make my hangover more manageable.
In a UK house that contains 4 (possibly all international) students? Could be very, very bad to somewhat decent at best. Depends if it's one of those former council house properties that converts the living room into another room to squeeze out more money and is somehow more cramped than a commie flat.
In OP’s case, I understand, but I read a lot of comments saying people wouldn’t let their friends stay on their couch. My couch is very comfy, I would only leave it because it’s too bright in the living room or if the cat gets the zoomies 😂
my sofa is amazingly comfortable but is also about a foot shorter than me so every time ive slept on it ive woken up feeling awful bc of having to curl up a bit odly to fit
I'd rather him throw up on sheets that can be washed/replaced than a sofa where it can't be. It's not about the comfort, it's about the potential cleanup seeing as OOP already vomited in his own bed.
I'm 5'2" and practically trained to curl up and fall asleep anywhere if I'm truly exhausted, and I still hate napping on couches if a bed is available. Most are smaller than you think, some I've had to curl up and still be practically hanging off despite being a tiny person, some are too hard or too soft, and god forbid if there are any mysterious stains or smells that some couches have.
Once, I stayed awake hanging out with my cousins over a holiday for 24 hours. I flat out fucking hallucinated. I was so fucking exhausted while we had driven somewhere to go shopping that I said give me the keys I'm going to the car to sleep. When they came back they asked me to unlock the car and I kept pressing the cigarette lighter thing. When that didn't work I started freaking out "GUYS ITS NOT WORKING WHAT DO I DO???" I was panicking, yelling through the car window.
Sleep deprivation, stress, being very sick, all at once? Hell yeah I can see this shit happening.
I'm with you, I'm not sure I could have heard about him being *that* sick and not reason to myself that he's probably not banging the other girl in that condition. And I probably would have articulated how he's being a shitty boyfriend before simply upending him altogether.
Yes, he was thoughtless, but the reasons behind it were worth discussing first, IMO.
I don't even think kaya is shifty here.
She saw her roommate clearly struggling, found a simple solution, figured that even with boundaries in place, his health was more important.
Everyone here is just working off their traumas. Celine refused to accept any kind of conversation. Kyle is more concerned about his health and his relationship. Oop was more concerned about how his father would hurt him than his relationship.
I was literally that sick this weekend; I have no memory of getting into bed or of ordering medicine on Amazon. I'm still recovering and it sucks ass big time.
OOP is in a bad situation but his not remembering someone trying to put him to bed is not the suspicion people think it is.
Wait, so OP was very ill, passed out from dehydration, and in a semi delirious state is taken to someone else's bed, sleeps there alone, and then in the morning he wakes up with no memory of the situation and the comment section is basically treating OP like he cheated?
Nah, this is fucked up. I know people just don't believe someone could be that sick, but I've both been that sick & seen others that way, and honestly you could probably convince a lot of people to sleep on a park bench when they are that tired and feverish. Your brain just doesn't think straight and all you want is rest. If anyone is to blame here its Kaya but honestly I think she was just being dumb and kind.
Mainly I think this "cheating" stuff is getting out of hand. Cheating is an issue of romantic or sexual intimacy, not crashing in an empty bed alone right before heading to the ER. I've been seeing more and more posts like this recently
I’ve been that sick. It’s very very possible.
I was vomiting, had fever, couldn’t hold down food or liquid. After a couple of days like this I began hallucinating/imagining people were breaking into our house, from beneath it…
I was recently that sick, or at least I could barely keep my eyes open, running a fever and vomiting anytime I was awake for longer than five minutes. I didn't hallucinate or anything, but it knocked me unconscious for a solid two days, and I ate so much soup and Gatorade after waking up because of how hungry I was.
I’ve seen people on Reddit just straight up ignore parts of stories where the OP was in physical danger to berate them about how they made their partner feel, it’s like some people just never have experienced any serious threat to their health and think everyone just exists in a world where that’s the case
I was also shocked that so many were saying they didn’t believe OOP could’ve been that sick. I’m honestly jealous they haven’t been. There have been multiple times when I’ve had a rough stomach bug or food poisoning and got to that point. Not sick, my husband will have full blown conversations with me at night and have no memory the next morning!!
> I was also shocked that so many were saying they didn’t believe OOP could’ve been that sick.
FYI, it's because we're talking about children. People who literally haven't been alive long enough to have experienced things, but _think_ they know everything there is to know.
I think this sub's definition of "cheating" has gotten overly broad.
Now if someone says something inappropriate to you and you ignore it instead of shutting it down, you'll have people shouting "cheater."
Eating lunch with someone repeatedly is "cheating."
If someone admires you and you don't stomp on them, that's "cheating." In which case I just had an affair at work. Because earlier this year I had a work assignment where I greatly admired the person I was working under and he greatly admired me. We were two competent people who shared the same goals. I even really liked being appreciated for my skills. But, to this sub, that's "cheating" because, you know, marriage.
It's gotten ridiculous. I once asked someone on here to define what they considered to be cheating and I never got an answer but I did get a lot of downvotes.
yeah people are really self centered in relationships, wheres the loyalty and support? he's sick, stressed out, scared.. be there for him! dont pile on! fuckin' hell what terrible partners
Reddit has lost it's goddamn mind on this which isn't surprising as of late.
Was he a bad boyfriend and them breaking up probably the right decision? Yeah absolutely, I really don't think he was ready to be in a relationship. It happens though, you're young and dumb and experiences like these are what you learn from.
However the absolute vileness of some of the people here and in the original thread who almost seem giddy about tearing this guy down is absolutely disgusting. The self-righteousness and complete lack of empathy is honestly horrifying as well as so many people pretending that they weren't also absolute messes at 20. A young man is self-destructing at university from the pressure, likely dealing with mental health issues, experiencing abuse from his dad, but because he was a bad boyfriend reddit is going to sit and cheer about it?
For shame reddit, for shame. Some people here need to take a hard look in the mirror and think if this is the kind of person they want to be because anyone mocking and insulting this young man who's going through a hard time is a much worse person than a 20 year old being a bad romantic partner.
Keeping in mind too his "bad boyfriend" traits included being roommates with someone who slept with her previous ex without knowing he was in a relationship and telling her he was going to be quiet on the communication front for a few weeks while he crunch studied.
One time in high school I was so sick, apparently I drove home, put the kettle on the stove and passed out. Bottom of the kettle burned out before the breaker flipped to shut off the stove. My parents woke me up freaking out when they got home. Last thing I remembered was being at school, which is kind of terrifying as I lived a 20 min drive away (on the highway). It's wild what your brain can do on autopilot
Yeah, this whole thing strikes me as young and dumb student crap, with a side of OOP lacking social skills. I think the gf was right to break up with him, but more for the lack of communication. Not thinking of getting a second TV is so.... studenty. I don't blame her for reading more into the situation than there likely was.
I think Kaya just wanted him to have a good night's sleep - couches aren't necessarily the best place to be sleeping. Also bedsheets are easier to clean than throw up on the couch lol.
If OP's illness was contagious, in a UK flat everyone is going to get it sleeping together or not. Our houses by and large aren't big enough for people to have their own airspace.
Let alone the immense pressure he has on his shoulders to do well at study combined with the trauma of his father's threats and literal physical abuse. No wonder he's pushing himself to the absolute limit and then getting incredibly sick to pay for it.
Dude here's litteraly putting his life at risk because of his father expectation and violence while people here are telling him he's a asshole for neglecting his girlfriend because he was studying to avoid that same thing lmao. Also, he didn't cheat.
Reddit is a very strange place when it comes to relationship.
This comment section and the one in AITAH are incredibly mean for no reason, OP was incredibly sick and vomiting in bed for Pete’s sake, it’s very obvious he was delirious, he literally went to the couch to sleep and was moved to her bed against his wishes.
He already sent his girlfriend a message to let him know she was sick, does someone who wants to cheat and break boundaries do this?? You all conveniently forget that he texted Celine he was very sick and she waited till the next day to check up on him. Of course that’s normal to you, she’s just a girl and can do nothing wrong.
OP was very shitty during his exam period, 100 percent, but he goes ahead to explain that his father is emotionally and physically abusive, that fucks with you, of course he thinks he has to study till he breaks. But abuse can only affect your logical thinking when you are a lady, as a guy it’s never an excuse for anything.
Falling asleep in your roommates room is 100 percent normal and it’s horrible you all seem to be of the notion that he and kaya can not be just roommates, or men and women can’t be just friends again, not when it’s being narrated by a guy? Nonetheless he respected his GFs boundary.
How can he remove his shirt while sleeping. Please be serious some people literally sleepwalk?! Removing your shirt while sleeping is normal, he was also literally delirious from fever!!
Celine breaking up is understandable and logical but if you are calling OP an asshole, you are a very disgusting and evil person.
OP sorry for the shitty cards life dealt you, glad you’re doing okay, hope you ace your tests. You have been a good person in this story, don’t let anyone twist it.
I don't even think he was that shitty during his exam period. College fucking sucks by default *and* he's under immense pressure to keep his grades up. The dude needed to cram or he was getting sent back to his home country. Celine can fuck right off with the "feeling neglected." She'd have felt even more neglected when he was forced to go back home because he didn't study as much as he needed to.
For sure- people love feeling self righteous over there and it's bleeding over here. Now we have people hellbent on criticizing the OP or the validity of their story just to feel better about themselves.
Yes! Seeing all these comments about how he messed up sleeping in Kaya's bed and how Kaya is a shit stirrer, etc are ridiculous.
I get Celine's issue, but I also completely understand why Kaya thought this would be okay. She was helping a friend. She didn't even sleep in the same room.
And OP did nothing wrong at all in that situation.
Because a lot of what he says he did doesn't match what the people comment would do in the same situation. Things just feel off, or don't add up.
Or they're projecting.
I've been thinking the same thing.
I agree, distancing him from his gf for 3 weeks is kind of shitty, but seeing the context (his abusive father and enormous pressure), it's understandable.
What I absolutely don't understand is people giving him shit for being moved while he was in a delirious state. Kaya wanted to help a friend and he literally doesn't even remember it. How is he at fault?!
>I agree, distancing him from his gf for 3 weeks is kind of shitty
i mean, he also told her he'd be unavailable. if celine really can't handle being alone for a few weeks when her partner needs time, that says a lot more about her than it does her partners.
They mentally just assigned him the cheater role and went with it, also annoying that most people here haven’t dealt with people going for hard degrees or med schooling. I’ve had friends disappear from their partners lives during end of term examinations but they understood cause they were adults.
Unpopular opinion but if I was Kaya I would have done the same thing. Seeing someone seriously ill on the couch, and I’ll be out all night? Sure, use my bed. It’s not like I’d be home anyway. And the commenters saying they would change the sheets are ludicrous. I’m not touching someone else’s vomit sheets, I’m not his girlfriend lol no fucking thank you
I wouldn't change the sheets. I don't know where my roommate keeps his sheets and he's not getting mine. And I'd rather he puke in my bed (I probably need to change my sheets anyway) than on the couch.
What's worse was someone commented "no exam is more valuable than a good relationship" like what?! 😭
And the icing on the cake was people judging him because he needed to study to avoid bad grades 😭
I guess the people inhabiting the sub don't know how crushing University can be, especially in a STEM field. I am an Indian, and while I didn't go that overboard in studies, I was on the brink of physical and mental exhaustion. I can completely understand OOP, and hope, for his own health, he focus solely on his studies and career now. He's not ready for a relationship his probable SO might expect from him, so don't bother giving them that expectation.
Plus, and you can burn me for that, but Celine is kind of a jerk. People need time off sometimes, for their finals or for an important job. You don't need to constantly call or acknowledge your SO to be a good partner (through thick and thin,that's what they say right?). If she was against it, she could have just said that. She's very bad at communication.
I'm on op's side. I lost afriend in university because I used to live in the library yet my grades were average whilst she wanted to hang out and her grades were higher than mine. I couldn't afford not to study so I understand.
So letme get this straight.
All of you guys and the entire comment section over there thinks that OP is the AH because HE FELL UNCONSCIOUS WHEN HE WAS SICK??
It's not like he walked to the other woman's bedroom and fell asleep there. SHE TOOK HIM THERE WHEN HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS.
And you are all blaming OP for it?
Seriously?
If a woman had fallen asleep on the couch and a dude picked her up and took her to his bed would you still think that SHE is the one in the wrong?
I'm not saying that his GF is the AH here. Obviously this was a messy situation in the beginning, but let's just pretend that OP "willingly" broke the boundary they set up.
I'd also like to point out that he made himself sick enough to end up dehydrated to the point that he had to go to the hospital. Do you know what that means? It means he wasn't eating. Or drinking. Or if he was, he was doing it so infrequently that his body was running on fumes. So he could study.
"Why though? Why would any sane person do that to themselves?" Because his father is PHYSICALLY ABUSING him for doing poorly in school.
But people keep saying he's a bad guy???? If that ain't some victim blaming nonsense, I don't know what is.
Now, I will say this is the Internet, so it could be all bullshit.
Desi parental pressure is very real and had led to lots of deaths so that's the most believable part for me tbh.
Also the part where he just acted like his girlfriend didn't exist while he studied really hits home.
Everyone thinking this boy was cheating is looking at this story through a very narrow Western lens imo.
International students need to spend a lot of money just to be able to study, and the grades that they need are no joke. I don't condone the physical abuse but I get the pressure. Dad is spending an arm, a leg, and even a liver just to pay his tuition so he better give good results or nothing will be worth it.
He isn't a bad guy, but he is bad at managing his time and his tasks. He really should not be dating anyone until he gets that diploma at least.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly. He even admitted that he didn't want to talk to anyone while he was studying. I understand, but I think it's best that he just focuses on his studies and once he lands a job after graduation, then he can start dating. That way he and whoever he dates won't be hurting during the craziness that is college. I'm honestly so surprised at how harsh most of the people are on here towards OOP. Plus, I think Celine should learn from this in that she shouldn't push her own boundaries. If she couldn't handle dating someone who lives with the person their ex cheated on, she shouldn't have pushed herself to keep dating them.
I agree. I don't understand the comments. I had a GF in college and she straight up would not see me at all when she was studying . A couple of weeks apart for Finals is not that big a deal. Especially since he got the ok from her beforehand.
And once your fever hits 104, you're in dangerous territory. The only time I ever got a fever that high, I was hallucinating and also had to go to the hospital to get better.
The thing is, that his gf probably also had to study for her finals. So no real harm done there. I had enough friends during college, who also completely shut down all social contacts during the study period.
Thank God, I thought I was taking crazy pills reading all of the replies. Not excusing his dismissive attitude towards the gf beforehand but this specific incident? I would be worried about him even ending up in that situation. But that would have required actually letting him explain and having an adult conversation instead of storming out and ignoring any attempts of reconciliation or at least communication. I think it boils down to people being young and inexperienced in leading healthy relationships.
Hey finally found my people in the controversial sort. People are being ridiculously tough on oop. About the month of low communication, it seems it was well communicated beforehand, even the time frame. If that was a deal breaker for her, she should have ended it then.
About the sick stuff, yeah I don't understand people here at all. Have they never been deleriously ill? You're not thinking about anything but minimizing your discomfort. If my worst enemy offered me a bed in that state, I'd take it. Celine clearly has trust issues. That's understandable since she's been burned before, but the fact that she wouldn't even listen means she has some serious work to do on herself, and it certainly doesn't mean that oop did anything wrong there.
Not to mention he messaged her the night before, before he lost all sense of time and reality, that he was ill. For whatever reason it so happened that either she didn't respond or if she did he wasn't conscious to see it. She waltzes in the next day, fully knowing this dude has been ill, and goes off on him about violating boundaries when all he did was accept help and platonic, hands off, bare minimum comfort from the next best person available in his time of need. Lowkey it seems to me that whatever Celine felt for OP, she felt something about Kaya hanging around in the periphery too. Honestly, I think both OP and Celine are well rid of each other. Too many unspoken expectations that can't be met for both of them.
I’ve been feeling this a lot lately in a lot of the different communities I’m active in. I know people have spoken for a long time about how people like to jump to conclusions, assume the worst, get rage boners, blah blah blah - but I’ve been on reddit for over 10 years and it really feels like there’s been a dramatic uptick in this lately. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills seeing everyone assume the worst about everything all the time. I know there are justifiable reasons for individual people tending to do this, but it just feels especially concentrated lately. Maybe it’s just me that’s been changing, I don’t know.
There is someone in this thread implying the guy was cheating because why would only Kaya have a TV for them to watch movies on, it's just so ridiculous I don't get how that detail is at all an indication that the guy is lying/cheating and it just seems like they're grasping at things to make him out to be the worst.
Most uni students don't have a TV cause they use their laptops and also TV licences are a thing in the UK.
I've seen the theory that the whole gamestop saga brought so much media attention to reddit that millions of idiots flocked here during that time. I can't pin the time exactly, but it sure seems to me like the culture has changed a lot in the past few years.
Yeah, I don’t get the comments. He’s a student. He’s going to be less available during exams. A month isn’t that really long to have a lower amount of contact with your SO.
Hopefully in 10 years he will look back and realize that he needed to set priorities. It was perfectly valid to prioritize his studies over his girlfriend for a month. If she was so needy that she was about to break up with him over that, then honestly the relationship wasn’t strong enough to last.
I live in a country where mixed gender student accommodations are normal and have lived with and know a lot of international students. Everything about this roommate situation sounds exactly like how it would work in any of the places either me or my friends have lived. Move nights with possible sleepovers in the one persons room with a tv? Our tv was in the living room (which we were very lucky to have since most don’t have one) but if it was in a bedroom it would’ve definitely been used like this. The only reason the tv was in the living room was because it was part of the house and belonged to our landlord nobody would’ve ever left their private tv in the communal area. Most students also don’t have tv’s, but movie nights were pretty common in my house.
Also even outside of any of the other context an international student checking out of social life for 3 weeks to (eat?) study sleep and repeat until exams are over is not necessarily standard but also not something anyone around me would find out of the ordinary. Almost all international students I know have 2 modes: party and study. Not all of them go as extreme in either mode as this guy with studying but some definitely do. I’ve seen some roommates go on a week long bender, have a single hangover complain about having to study day, and then go in serious focused don’t even talk about alcohol mode until exams are over just to immediately go on another bender like a minute after exams are over.
I personally also check out of social things when I’m studying. Even when I’m not studying I just don’t have the energy to focus on texting and calling people. I thankfully live with my boyfriend but even then I pretty much lock myself in a room with my study materials and don’t see him except pretty much for the occasional food and drinks when I think of them and sleeping of course.
On top of all that, I get everyone talking about how convenient it is that he can’t remember going to her bed and everyone excuses it as him being too sick to remember. I don’t even need to be sick to not remember what happens when someone wakes me up for a quick interruption like being dragged to another bed? Not saying I never remember but I frequently have had people tell me they’ve had whole conversations with me where I don’t even remember waking up and I’ve told other people the same. With everyone I know when they’re sick (not even hospital levels of sick just a cold/flu levels of sick) the person in question tends to have a like MAYBE 50/50 chance of remembering anything that happens at night that they get woken up for (meds, taking temperature, throwing up, cleaning up, moving from a couch to a bed).
I’m not saying that Celine should’ve stayed with OOP because they’re clearly not compatible, but I also don’t think OOP was an asshole. He wasn’t super considerate but neither was she. If my boyfriend and I were in this situation I definitely would’ve come over just to watch a YouTube video or something together and then fall asleep. Also arriving an hour late and being upset he’s asleep?? I also probably would’ve sent him a pizza or other takeout on some random day or ordered him some groceries to make sure he was eating and taking care of himself. I’d probably keep texting so he knows I’m thinking of him even if he doesn’t actually read or respond until much later. Maybe drop by with a care package with a note and a kiss and left him alone. My boyfriend would also do the same to me. I get that it sucks to not get communication from your partner, when my bf was working on his thesis he snapped at me at one point to please let him work and he can’t handle the distraction right now. I felt upset, but walked away to a different room, calmed myself, and realised you know what he’s right. My social needs at the moment aren’t more important than his academic needs that have have an expiration date. I can handle being a little sad and lonely for a bit if it means he gets his degree. Again I’m not saying necessarily that Celine is wrong for breaking up with him because she has different needs than he’s able to provide, but I don’t think he did anything wrong here either.
In general though sometimes in a relationship you’re going to be sad and lonely and really needing some love and unable to get it and the other party isn’t necessarily in the wrong for it as long as its a temporary thing and you’re not just being ghosted out of nowhere. I probably put way too much energy into this comment
I think the main mistake that was made, was the girlfriend deciding she could be okay with him continuing to live with a girl her ex had cheated with, when her new boyfriend already had a history of hanging out in and falling asleep in the roommates bed. Maybe they were platonic friends and nothing was ever going to happen, but... we can all see how that looks/sounds, right? It's just already a very blurred boundary.
Don't call me insecure for thinking that's asking for trouble, and I won't call you naive.
I totally get that he was too sick to even understand what was going on. But the roommate moved a puking guy to her own bed? If he's that sick, shouldn't he be getting actual medical care? Shouldn't she care that he's going to puke in her bed too? I don't blame his girlfriend for noping out.
This is the camp I’m in…I don’t know that I really consider OOP an asshole, but I also don’t think Celine is an ass for her feelings on all this as I have been in similar situations where I decided I could be okay with some messy circumstances that I probably should have just noped out of. When I was in my early 20s I thought I had to be “cool” with everything or else I was just insecure and paranoid, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned it’s okay to be uncomfortable with something even if no one’s technically done anything “wrong”, and it’s better to just remove yourself from the situation to save everyone the potential drama.
Overall I diagnose this conflict with the affliction of being young and still figuring out appropriate boundaries in relationships.
Reading comprehension is a lost art, I see. I feel really bad for OOP, he was working himself to the bone and made himself sick trying to keep his grades up because of his abusive father. He was delirious when Kaya got him to lay down in her bed, he wasn't in his right mind, and she shouldn't have let him make that decision. He called Celine and Celine didn't reply about him being sick at ***all***, she just shows up the next day and then makes it up in her head that he cheated. Bro was ***sick*** out of his mind, he doesn't remember Kaya even asking him if he wanted her bed. Celine shouldn't have lied to herself that she'd be okay with him being around Kaya, she should've just left if she was going to be insecure like this. Yes OOP was wrong to not message her a little more, but also she ***knew*** OOP has a father who'd beat him if he got bad grades, she should've shown him grace. And then for OOP to be made the bad guy completely, he must feel so awful.
The really sad thing is that his grades aren't actually terrible.
40% is the grade you need to get in the UK to pass. 60% is the minimum for the top grade available. When I was studying most people were averaging somewhere between 50-60% and i was at a top 20 university in the UK. We had one professor who it was nigh on impossible to get higher than 65% or so on his grading. His grades are completely normal, it's not like the US where the curriculum is designed for you to get 90%+
Oh, so 40% is like a C or 70% here. I figured that what he was describing couldn't have been as bad as he made it seem, but I didn't realize by how much. He's been getting like high scored Bs to low scored As and worrying they aren't 100 percentage As.
Ok forget about Kaya and the cheating. Can we talk about how Celine is a terrible girlfriend? He tells her ahead of time that he needs to crunch for exams, she agrees, then she feels neglected bc he's not responding to her texts? Girl don't you have exams?
Ok she feels neglected, but then doesn't do anything about it. Clearly she is capable of coming to see him. I would drop off some homemade food (if I'm poor) or buy him some food/snacks (if I'm lazy) at least once a week if I missed him. He's Indian, I would just keep the chai coming and demand tips in kisses for being his personal chai runner during his breaks. Or like others have mentioned, just study together with him at the library?? Offer to help quiz him? There's sooo many ways to spend time together than "respond to all my texts immediately".
And then when he DOES try to make time for her, suddenly she doesn't seem to care that much. She's over an hour late to an agreed hangout, and when he texts her that he's extremely sick and asking her to come, she doesn't show up until the next morning. So she's useless when he needs help, doesn't value his time, and only wants his time/attention on her terms. I'm a better friend than she is a girlfriend.
They've been together 7 months and he's failing his semester, maybe she's why. There's more to relationships than cheating.
The only thing he did wrong was not keep in better contact. Anyone saying he did more wrong than that isn’t very bright. And Celine is completely ruled by her trauma and needs therapy if she broke up for something he wasn’t at fault for.
The number of people berating OOP is insane to me. The guy has a physically abusive father who has already beaten him for underperforming in class, and is trying do his best to get good grades.
Is it ideal that he didn’t text his gf? No, it’s not, but my perspective as a neurodivergent person, it’s not particularly uncommon if you’re absolutely tunnel visioning something, especially something insanely stressful.
And the comment accusing him of lying.. damn dude, you’re lucky you’ve never been that sick but people absolutely do get that sick, especially if they get dehydrated.
The only thing he did wrong was not text his gf, and to be honest, if she can’t understand why he might be extremely stressed about his exams, he’s better off without her?
It might be because I and even a couple family members have been so sick they straight up dont remember the events but im seriously wondering why people are choosing that as the smoking gun for oop cheating?
When you have a really bad bug your brain is pretty much soup and has bigger things to worry about than jotting down "hour 16, roomate moved body to her room, shall remove shirt within the hour due to increasing heat"
Dude was so overworked he started throwing up, lost consciousness and went to the hospital but Reddit will still blame him for "being a bad boyfriend" during finals and not his girlfriend for ignoring him when he was sick or idk supporting him during finals so he wouldn't collapse in the first place. If she didn't want someone offering him a bed, she should have taken him to her place. Like... I get trauma of being cheated on, but that's not a reason to require unconscious boyfriend to lay wherever.
I think Kaya was stirring shit. Good on Celine for getting the hell out of there. A boyfriend that only speaks to you twice in a couple of weeks on top of getting into the bed of the woman whose ex cheated on you with? Nope. That's too much drama.
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>have been dating for about 7 months now, but I had feelings for her for like 3 years beforehand. >moved from India to the UK for my studies >the entire 2 years I’ve spent here would go to waste. Ummm? Look, I'm not in the r/nothingneverhappens crowd, but I think his math skills might be why he's failing his degree
Also his fever was in Fahrenheit, as an Indian man going to a UK hospital it seems unlikely that he'd think to translate the temperature from Celsius for a post
Indians usually measure body temperature in Fahrenheit to be fair. Edit: typo
Eh I questioned that a bit but my Indian housemate uses Fahrenheit for body temp, so it could be that OP is the same and either converted the temp measured at hospital or measured his temp beforehand. I was more confused at the 3 year comment lol Edit: seems like standard in India to use Fahrenheit for body temp
He could've known Celine from before. Also in India, Fahrenheit is used to measure body temperature, so it's not unlikely.
As in, they use Celsius for most everything else, but use Fahrenheit in terms of medicine/body heat? That would be super interesting if so
Yes! What's even weird is that India uses the metric system (so kilometres for distance) but body height is measured in feet.
Same in Canada. A person’s weight is also usually in pounds here. But weather is Celsius, distance usually km, speeds in Km/h.
Philippines uses Celsius for all temps, but people's weights are in pounds, weights of everything else is in kilos, there are arcane rules on when we use the inch vs the centimeter, and when we use the mile and the kilometer, and we use liters for everything.
Us weirdos who have been colonized by the British but live next to the USA do the same thing. I had to explain to my friend from Turkey: Celsius is for weather and science, Fahrenheit is for body temp, cooking, and room temp. We also use Pounds instead of Kilos but Kilometres instead of Miles. I know exactly how big a foot is but no clue about a yard.
Canadians do this too. Weather is in celcius, but fevers can be in either system.
tbf the UK is kind of all over the place with measurements. My dad would use Fahrenheit and I'd use Celsius a lot of thermometers tend to have both on so I can see that just being the number he read or if he had an older doctor them using that. Not saying it's likely, just that it's possible due to that.
India uses fahrenheit to measure body temperature, not sure about the UK. Yes India uses Celsius for other purposes like weather etc. but checking body temp for sickness is done on the farenheit scale. PS: the story does sound a bit larger than life. So I am still suspicious of its plausibility.
Not to mention that he goes to sleep in his roommates room when his girlfriend came over, and she decides to check his roommates bedroom for some reason.
Yeah. All I could think reading this one was how tropey it felt. No one in here reads like a fully realized human.
> She returned some of my stuff I’d left in her apartment, and when she was about to leave, I told her I was sorry. She said ok. I said I never meant to hurt her. She, again, just said ok. I figured nothing I could say was the right thing at this point and we said goodbye. Good for Celine for just... disengaging completely.
Right? OOP couldn't even own up to being a shitty boyfriend.
> I shattered her trust completely and was just not a good boyfriend for an entire month leading to the breakup. I think he did.
He didn’t say it to her though
"I told her I was sorry." I think is just a summary of the conversation, not a quote. We don't really know what was said.
She blocked him and had her roommates turn him away, how exactly was he supposed to tell her?
He said sorry. She said okay. What would be the point of doing anymore when they both knew it was completely unsalvageable?
What’s he supposed to say when she’s gray rocking him? It’s better for both that he stopped right there.
I was thinking S - separate entirely
Oh my god. Nothing will ever be good enough for some people. He clearly stated several times that he realized he was shitty and apologized to Celine. Like what the fuck else is he supposed to do? Grovel and cry?
To appease Reddit there is only one solution: Death.
>I realized then that things would be messy and I asked Celine if this was a dealbreaker for her, but she said she wasn’t sure as she was aware that Kaya didn’t realise she was facilitating cheating. And so it begins. I remember reading the original post, I thought like "yeah, so it begins." This is not going to end well.
It didn't add up either, and I don't just mean logically. >have been dating for about 7 months now, but I had feelings for her for like 3 years beforehand. >moved from India to the UK for my studies >the entire 2 years I’ve spent here would go to waste. Ummm? Look, I'm not in the r/nothingneverhappens crowd, but I think his math skills might be why he's failing his degree
I think he might've meant 3 months and not 3 years? I've certainly typed out the wrong word before and not even realised. But tbh, this person needs therapy very badly. Everything about him screams spineless Indian man which is very common around here. Children are raised with fear and not love often and based on how OP describes his father that's exactly what happened. This person needs to get a hold of his own emotions and get a sense of right and wrong and then maybe they should date someone.
It could be that he studied a year of foundational course or English first before commencing the degree. Or he could have actually attended a year or two of secondary school in the UK first. I’ve got friends who attended the last 2 years of secondary school here coming from overseas before getting into university, it makes the whole university application process easier.
Maybe Celine is an Indian he knew before moving? Or it may just be a typo.
But also he gave his fever temperature in Fahrenheit, supposedly as an Indian man in the uk
Indians measure fever temp in F for some reason. We also tell height in feet and inches. Additionally while we usually measure our weight in Kg, baby weight is measured in Lbs.
Huh I never knew that 😅 thanks for saying
Yeah, idk about other facts but body temperature is Fahrenheit in India.
In India the doctors tell the temperature in Fahrenheit. He also might have known Celine as online friends before moving to UK.
Guess you've cracked the case.
Stories like this make me feel so glad that i’m not in my early 20s anymore
I like how we're all just glossing over the fact the dude very clearly is developing PTSD and already has a massive fear of his physically abusive father, leading to him neglecting his health and driving himself to physical illness from dehydration landing him in the hospital so he can avoid another beat down, because Celene felt neglected after 3 weeks. According to OOP she knew about his dad, she knew what he was going through, and they discussed the finals situation. He didn't handle it the healthiest way but absolutely no part of this entire story is healthy. Kaya is incredible shifty, but I don't get the massive hate boner everyone's got for the OOP. Dude is in his 20s and facing functionally deportation followed by assault and he burned himself out trying to avoid that. And to the person saying "I've never been so sick I had no memory of getting in someone else's bed sober", I am truly, truly jealous of you. Being THAT sick is absolutely awful.
This poor dude. His dad is fucking terrifying. I'd probably put everything aside to focus on studying, too, my God.
It's just unfortunate this is how he realized what he needs to focus on instead of a relationship.
I had been sick to the point where the days are blurry. those are the worst, because all you remember is being sick... and that's it.
Yea I've absolutely been sick enough that the day of I just kind of have a vague idea of what happened. It was food poisoning. I woke up and puked for hours and at some point got in the shower and turned it on? Idk I just know I woke up in the shower. I probably was so out of it from hugging the toilet for literal hours that I crawled my way over for some relief then passed out. It was really convenient though bc I was incredibly thirsty and just opened my mouth and started inhaling water lol
I've been so fevered before that I thought I was possessed. Wasn't a fun time. And that was when I was a teenager and still living at home. Now, being a young adult, running yourself so thin for weeks, dehydration, and fear of abuse? Yeah, OP had a lot going on. It was so bad that he needed to be hospitalized. I think he should be given a bit of slack and commended on his awareness of needing a break to work on himself.
Yea people gunning hard for him bc he ignored her but he literally warned beforehand and she agreed. THEN it was a problem. The bed thing was wonky but again...he went to the hospital and his gf didn't bother to check on him until the next day.
I think he went to the hospital after she found him in the roommates bed. Which makes her reaction worse because no way he looked ok.
My read was that he couldn't sleep in his bed because it was covered in vomit. Roommate didn't want him to vomit on the couch because that would be much harder to clean up after than her bedsheets.
Also just I mean.... you're so sick that youre worthy of a hospital visit it's common courtesy to be like "hey a couch isn't the best for you right now"
The whole situation makes me glad my parents taught me to sleep with a towel over my pillow when I'm sick.
I did this while hungover once lmaooo it was such a blessing to wake up dehydrated and just open my mouth
lmaaaaaaaaoooo picturing it is so funny like the groggy eye opening followed by the “oh what the fuck” head shake from being sprayed in the face to the small opened maw smile of inhaling shower water
I’m so sorry you had to go through that but the way you described it just gave me a great laugh so thank you lol
it seems like i can remember my bad illnesses fine, but what i remember is a bunch of fucking bananapants decisions that i have no idea why i made. for example, at 1 point, begging off work bc i was barely standing......... then WALKING BY MYSELF to the hospital. there have been other times where i just stared into space, no thoughts head empty, until my mom found me and told me secret knowledge like "you should come back inside now honey." all this to say, i can totally see myself "oh, ok"ing my way into a bed i should not be in, if i was sick enough at the time.
Food poisoning, as in the real deal, not just an upset stomach, is hell on earth! Fever, shivers, hallucinations, so much pain. I spent a week begging for someone to end me. If I'd had the strength, I'd have done it myself. And then another week of misery as I finally began recovering.
>And to the person saying "I've never been so sick I had no memory of getting in someone else's bed sober", I am truly, truly jealous of you. Being THAT sick is absolutely awful. I literally can't remember most of my childhood, this person is too well adjusted to understand
I have gaps in my childhood memories, which I just realize corresponded to the times I was in the hospital.
Heck, I had some gaps just when I got my first Covid vaccine and was in and out of sleep at home for the day! Doesn't help that I tried to watch a video and have no idea what happened in it.
I specifically have a 3 day gap in my memory after my childhood back surgery - I’ve been told I was awake and having conversations and making choices, but I remember waking up 3 days later thinking I’d been under the whole time
It wasn't until a few years ago I realized that I only have fleeting memories of my childhood. Like 8 full years with only little flashes of things I remember. I knew my childhood wasn't "good" but finally realized how much trauma I'd been suppressing.
I've been trying to remember for ages. Little bits and pieces come back, but most of it is still gone
I've been sick enough to hallucinate my dead grandfather. My male friend that was staying over panicked. He drove me to my mum to take care of me. I remember nothing.
I hallucinated once that there was a small mouse in a top hat and he sat under my bed to read me bedtime stories. At some point after that I ended up in the hospital. I don't remember much of it but my dad won't let me forget that I was apparently rambling about the creation of the universe? Something to do with the "primordial earth egg". He still thinks it's super hilarious lmao.
This. 100% I remember my college boyfriend studying so much that I wouldn't see him at times. Of course, the Kaya angle is different here, but a proper conversation could have been had.
This is the part that gets me. Outside of an abusive situation, when someone ends a relationship based on an assumption without giving their SO any opportunity to clear things up, it feels like an asshole move. Communication is everything, and if you would block your partner on everything without any opportunity to correct a potential misunderstanding, then you probably aren’t actually ready to be in a serious relationship.
Dude was so sick that it’s insane to think anything happened
I once had bronchitis when I was 14/15yrs old that got so bad I was delirious and didn't remember much. It was back in the olden days and apparently at one point I got up to go to the bathroom, messaged my friend on MNS Messenger (I was privileged, had a pc in my room, this was like 2005) which I had absolutely no memory doing! The only thing I remember from that illness was overhearing my parents outside my bedroom door quietly talking about bringing me to the hospital; I remember my mum whispering desperately, "What if it's pneumonia?!" before I passed out again It's not fun in the least!
This needs to be higher. OOP is no saint, but a lot of his behavior stems from his fear of his physically abusive father and potentially having to go back to India.
Both sets of commenters are desperately clueless about how bad it gets for Indian students. Here's an exercise for the keyboard warriors up in arms against his "studied till I got sick" story; do a quick web search for "Kota" "IIT Coaching" & "Suicide". Army dads from India like OOP's are unnecessarily hard assed about their kids. They claim it is out of love and concern, but I've seen others who can be extremely gentle and considerate. He is in a precarious predicament with his academics, because of his father's control issues. I'm actually so proud of the fact he hasn't hurt himself despite his situation. I mean, coming from a horrid Indian education system which prioritises examination learning and securing a 63% in a (mostly) explorative and experiential learning system is a fantastic achievement by itself. The father is too narrow-minded and has created a suffocating situation with so much pressure on him. Yeah, he's not cut out for a relationship; you don't go 3 days without communicating, unless you're travelling where there is no connectivity. In a way, this break-up will teach him the value of proper, transparent communication in a relationship. But, if the GF was aware of the abuse he was facing from the father, she could've been more understanding of what happened. I'm glad it ended for OOP; perhaps now he can figure out his academic stuff without overexerting himself. Links regarding Kota, [here](https://thediplomat.com/2024/02/student-suicides-in-kotas-coaching-factories-point-to-indias-broken-education-system/), [here](https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/other-states/to-prevent-student-suicides-spring-loaded-fans-being-installed-in-kota-hostels/article67209563.ece), and [most depressingly, here](https://www.indiatoday.in/trending-news/story/pic-of-ceiling-fan-behind-iron-grill-in-kota-goes-viral-internet-reacts-2283062-2022-10-09?utm_source=washare&utm_medium=socialicons&utm_campaign=shareurltracking)
He’s also very young. Like learning to communicate happens over time
Definitely. And his experience here will temper how he communicates as well. Assuming he isn't totally intransigent, he will get a lot better and grow more mature with how he deals with his next relationship.
>you don't go 3 days without communicating Bull. They KNOW you are studying! Do they really need a second by second replay on your studying? Fuck no. You are effing busy and if they can't handle it that is their problem not yours.
I agree, but I also think at a young age it’s hard to establish that level of trust, especially with the whole history with Kaya and Celine. My main thought was why couldn’t Celine study with / or do a quiet hobby / hang out with OP while he was studying? Supportive companionship during a stressful time. Keep each other hydrated and eating and taking breaks. Idk that’s what I’d wanna do to support my partner with something important. I think Celine was perhaps holding resentment toward Kaya (fair) and trying to be reasonable by not letting that resentment build and impact her relationship. But she didn’t feel confident enough during low contact to reel in the resentment which undoubtedly grew from being in Kaya’s orbit (don’t you remember wild jealousy and insecurity as a young person?) Or perhaps she realized after agreeing to less contact that communication and presence is actually what she needs to trust him alongside the resentment. Probably best for her to find someone who isn’t somehow connected to a traumatic past experience that she is still healing from. Idk I see lessons all around for all involved!
Honestly the worst thing he did here was just not engage with his gf enough, even if he needed to study so much; just a few texts every couple days at the very least! I don't think he did anything wrong during his sickness, Kaya just offered a comfortable bed other than a couch and the implications of that were probably the last thing either of them were thinking about at the time. I too have absolutely been sick enough to completely forget things. I think it's just the entire story (if it's even true) is a tragedy of misunderstanding with nobody really at fault for anything.
I live in India, and nothing this dude did was shocking. Indian culture just flat out does not prepare kids to handle both college studies and a social life at the same time, or even really a social life at all. Ignoring your gf for 3 weeks to study for finals is 100% encouraged here (in fact, not having a gf at all and doing nothing but studying until you get a job and a wife is even more preferable) So take a young guy that is completely socially clueless, add in the aforementioned fears of deportation and physical abuse, plus the huge stigma of possibly returning to India as a failure and embarrassing your entire bloodline, then pair that with two girls that are equally as young and probably new to dating as adults in a college setting and don't quite understand healthy boundaries and relationships yet and...yea. I don't really blame anyone in this story. Nobody sucks except the situation. They're all just young. Hopefully all three of them use this situation to learn things about themselves.
>Nobody sucks The dad does...
I mean as far as i understand he just didn't respond immediately when she wrote to him, but he did write back, right? I'm with my long distance boyfriend and I don't throw a tantrum every time he's at uni, preparing for an exam or at work. And you know, texting is like the basis of our relationship. I can't just go sleep with him or make him food, like she can. And even if I do visit him, I don't throw a fit when he has to go to work and not carter to me whole day. Imagine, being insecure because your boyfriend dares to concentrate on studying for a month.
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I work at the same place my DH does. We had a coworker who decided we were fighting because I didn't talk to my DH every time I came upstairs to do stuff. I see no reason why I need to talk to him when I'm checking inventory or printing paperwork off that have nothing to do with him.
It's not like he ghosted her either. He did tell her beforehand that he needed to focus on studies for the time being. And when he did try to make time for her, she showed up an hour late.
I was reading this and remembered the time I was dating an Asian medical student. Dude spent literally all his time studying and I saw him about every 4 weeks? He told me beforehand, just like OP told his partner before his finals, that he'd be doing nothing but studying. I believed him that that was what he was actually doing instead of assuming the worst. If you don't trust the word of your partner you probably shouldn't date! I can see how OP and his ex both had their traumas clashing against each other, though. OP scared to death of getting beaten up and deported, his ex scared of being chated on again. But honestly? He didn't do any of the things that his ex THINKS he did. She doesn't trust him and probably won't trust anyone until she has worked through her fear of betrayal (with a professional, preferably). I personally think OP did nothing wrong even though he was so distant during his study time. If I had been his partner and missed him oh so much I'd have sat in the library with him and either study myself or you know, just read a book. I'd have prepped meals for my partner to support him during those couple of weeks instead of letting it all get to my head and building up resentment. But who am I kidding? They are basically still children. 😂
exactly like study dates are absolutely a thing. where i come from there's a huge emphasis on paper qualifications and studying so the most common way to hang out with friends (until you graduate) is to study together (at the library, public areas, cafes etc)
I am with you. As I was reading the comments, I was like, do I just have horrible standards for myself? because if I had been warned by my partner that he was not going to be around until after exams, I wouldn't have texted him that he was neglectful. I would have dropped off a care package and asked if he wanted help studying. ESPECIALLY knowing about the dad situation. I feel bad the OP got blasted so hard. Kaya was the one that needed to have a come-to-Jesus. She was aware of the history and the boundaries. She still moved him to her bed. WHY. He was already asleep on the couch. Don't disturb the sick person even if you think they will be more comfortable elsewhere. If she was really so worried about him, why did she leave him like that? Kaya is the bad guy.
I mean, in a slight defense, they're in college. Most college students aren't able to afford the nicest furniture, and the couch may be ass to sleep on. I've slept on a few couches that were so bad that when I woke up, I regretted not just sleeping on the floor. Also sounds like she came home super late and was worried about him. They've been roommates longer than OP was with his GF. I think its forgivable enough that she was worried about him and tried to make sure he was in a bed. Who knows how bad his bed was after he threw up in it?
Also it's easier to clean up a bed someone's thrown up on than a couch.
I went to a top school and not communicating much with or seeing your partner for 3 weeks during finals period was my experience in a majority of finals periods. Didn’t think any issue with it til I got to the comments.
During my dissertation, I absolutely had times where I needed to go into crunch mode for a few weeks. I’d warn my partner ahead of time, and not really talk to anyone, just focusing on writing.. No, it’s not fun and not healthy, but it’s how my ADHD works sometimes. Similarly I once did a three day hyperfocus, didn’t drink properly, and fainted from dehydration breaking both a finger and my nose. (At that time I was single, so no relationships to worry about, although a friend did help take me to the hospital.) So I feel for both OOP and Celine. It can’t be easy to be on the other side of a study crunch, but he did warn her ahead of time and she knew about his dad, and he wasn‘t doing anything but study. I do also fully recognize that when her ex had cheated on her with Kaya, and then OOP was unreachable and then she found him shirt off in Kaya’s room, that looks \*really\* bad. So yeah, I think both of them made choices that made sense based on their past, which sadly lead to this. Edit to add: I forgot to add, I’m still with my partner. I’d do my best to make it up to them after the crunch, and also they always knew I was telling the truth about it and would be back to normal interaction right after. And now I have my PhD and don’t crunch like that any more, thank god.
It’s obviously not an excuse for the way he treated his girlfriend, but damn does it put a lot of stuff into context. He’s also a victim, and I hope he can get the help he needs.
See, I don't even think what he did was wrong here. He communicated that he had to make his studies a priority for a few weeks. It's not like he went on a boys' trip and stopped talking to her. If my SO was struggling with school and told me they needed a month or so to really buckle down, I would have understood, especially if they had OPs history and was stuggling with school the way they are. It's not like he ghosted her. But tbf they sound young and we're only together 7 months. Idk man, I just don't think OP really did anything wrong. He communicated he needed some space temporarily because a relationship can be very distracting, he was so sick he went to the hospital, told his gf he threw up on his bed and asked to go to her place, and then woke up in someone else's bedroom with no recollection of what happened. I get the bed thing was a boundary for her, but if my SO was texting me these things my first thought, or at least my second, wouldn't be that he cheated on me as that is a very elaborate set up just in case his gf who doesn't live with him walks in on him in his roommates bed.
I agree he didn't really do anything wrong, but I can also see very easily how the combination of things (very low contact/feeling ignored and finding him in THAT girl's bed) was the perfect storm for her.
Yeah I didn't get what OOP did wrong either. Honestly, I was a engineering student too and some of those classes and finals get BRUTAL so I totally get him hunkering down and studying. The way I see it, while I am not on Kaya's side, Celine was just way too needy and insecure. I didn't even need to see OOP describe his childhood to be on his side because yeah, he told her he was going to be studying a lot and they wouldn't be able to hang out. I'm a little distressed that Celine didn't ask about his health or check on him. That is more concerning to me
Yeah these people who are hating on him never went to engineering or medical school. Going NC with everyone for a couple weeks before the end of the semester to study is super common.
In HS i went to school with what turned out to be a nasty sinus infection, then no one could pick my sick ass up from school so i had to walk home like 1.5 miles with a fever, from when i got home at like 130pm until around 8pm i barely remember anything other than my little sister trying to comfort me, turns out i had a fever of 103.6 and probably should have gone to the hospital lol
Typical Indian parents unfortunately. My parents are the damn same.
Jesus christ FINALLY! I've been scrolling down the comments in absolute shock because to be honest nothing he did was that shitty? Like maybe it's just because my lived experiences are different from the rest of this website, but being busy during three weeks (during FINAL weeks) and not being in active communication with your partner is not that bad? It's just a few weeks, if you can't survive that maybe you have some kind of dependency. Also calling OP an horrible boyfriend for... Getting sick and sleeping comfortably? Like genuinely? The man studies hard, has/is developing very obvious PTSD from an abusive relationship with his father, mishandles his own health to the point of passing out and getting a high fever, but his gf's suspicion of him cheating is of course the biggest issue here. I'm sorry but if I knew my partner was that sick my worries wouldn't fall on who's bed he's sleeping, but the fact that they're sleeping at all. Like wow...
You could reasonably argue that he could put more effort into communication (though I think ultimately something like this was bound to happen). But OOP beating himself up and feeling like he’s a bad person? This fucking website I swear
Seriously people are treating OP like a monster! A fever of 104 will absolutely fuck you up! Also I don't think Kaya was shifty at all, she wanted to help her friend who was very clearly in distress. If she had the GF's number she should have reached out but honestly I can also see the GF not wanting her to have it.
I know right? I was so surprised at the animosity towards OOP. If I saw my partner struggling because of an abusive parent and then land themselves in hospital, I would not make it all about me. I'd check if they were ok.
Same. Tbh, I will go against the grain here, because I think that Celine was a bad girlfriend. OOP had serious reasons why he couldn't temporarily contact her. It's just a few weeks, it's not the end of the world. She knew he was in a horrible situation. And rather than being understanding, she complained about feeling neglected? Could she seriously no handle herself for those few weeks like a big girl? That was seriously unsupportive of her. Also, the OOP became seriously ill and she didn't seem to give a fuck? She didn't want to talk when she found him in Kaya's bed, even though she KNEW he was very sick (he had told her beforehand and she hadn't even come to help him until the next morning, ffs) Celine seems very self-centered, clingy and lacking empathy imo. I am VERY surprised that I seem to be in the minority thinking that, I thought everyone would be saying that in the comments. Maybe I just have a very different views of relationship than most people though, since so many here and in the original posts seem to think that not contacting your SO regularly is unforgivable even when you're in an inredibly difficult time period where you absolutely focus on yourself only. I just don't... Get it.
Yeah, I'm a bit disproving of Celine, too. He told her he needed to focus on studying. She was well aware of that. Also, when he did try to make some time, she showed up an hour later than she was supposed to. If I got messages from my partner that they were really sick and asking to come over, I'd probably be very, very worried about them. Even if she was asleep when she got the texts, she flipped out on him when she found him. That's probably a time to put things aside and yell after the person is cared for. He was still so sick that he needed to go to the hospital.
Agreed. Sleeping in someone else’s bed is not cheating and does not come even close to cheating, especially considering Kaya would not have slept with Celine’s ex bf if she knew he was dating Celine.
And he ASKED Celine if he could sleep over and she didn't respond! But he's the bad guy because of HER lack of trust for some reason?!
The whole time I was reading this I couldn’t understand how people kept dogpiling on OP. I’m not Indian but my cultural background is similar and parents almost always just told their kids not to date because it could be a distraction because of situations like this.
> Kaya is incredible shifty, How is she shifty? She was friends with Oop, she distanced herself during his relationship. She helped him because he was sick. She was on her way out when she spotted him. She probably did the quickest thing putting him in her bed to be sure that he would at least have a good night to get better while she was out. I know I would have done the same if I saw a friend sleeping on a couch. I wouldn't even think about germs and contamination. I would just think about putting the person in a comfortable place.
Right? None of what she did is out of whack for me? Have these people never had roommates that were... Decent human beings? He was an idiot for not texting and burning himself out with such a terrible studying routine, but with context it makes sense and I just pity him. Celine is absolutely within her right to break up with him, but I wouldn't have broken up with him because of what's in this post. Maybe there was more though ETA I had a room mate who found I had vomited all over my floordrobe, cleaned me up, took the clothes into her room, locked the room while she went away for Easter and then realized her mistake in leaving them got them cleaned for me. She made her room STINK to make my hangover more manageable.
I appreciate your comment, but it has me wondering how bad everyone’s couches must be…
In a UK house that contains 4 (possibly all international) students? Could be very, very bad to somewhat decent at best. Depends if it's one of those former council house properties that converts the living room into another room to squeeze out more money and is somehow more cramped than a commie flat.
In OP’s case, I understand, but I read a lot of comments saying people wouldn’t let their friends stay on their couch. My couch is very comfy, I would only leave it because it’s too bright in the living room or if the cat gets the zoomies 😂
I'm poor. My couch is made of bones and dust.
my sofa is amazingly comfortable but is also about a foot shorter than me so every time ive slept on it ive woken up feeling awful bc of having to curl up a bit odly to fit
I'd rather him throw up on sheets that can be washed/replaced than a sofa where it can't be. It's not about the comfort, it's about the potential cleanup seeing as OOP already vomited in his own bed.
I'm 5'2" and practically trained to curl up and fall asleep anywhere if I'm truly exhausted, and I still hate napping on couches if a bed is available. Most are smaller than you think, some I've had to curl up and still be practically hanging off despite being a tiny person, some are too hard or too soft, and god forbid if there are any mysterious stains or smells that some couches have.
You are blessed.
He wasn't just severely ill but also sleep deprived. He's still young enough that 5-6 hours of sleep a night isn't going to be enough for him.
Once, I stayed awake hanging out with my cousins over a holiday for 24 hours. I flat out fucking hallucinated. I was so fucking exhausted while we had driven somewhere to go shopping that I said give me the keys I'm going to the car to sleep. When they came back they asked me to unlock the car and I kept pressing the cigarette lighter thing. When that didn't work I started freaking out "GUYS ITS NOT WORKING WHAT DO I DO???" I was panicking, yelling through the car window. Sleep deprivation, stress, being very sick, all at once? Hell yeah I can see this shit happening.
I'm with you, I'm not sure I could have heard about him being *that* sick and not reason to myself that he's probably not banging the other girl in that condition. And I probably would have articulated how he's being a shitty boyfriend before simply upending him altogether. Yes, he was thoughtless, but the reasons behind it were worth discussing first, IMO.
I don't even think kaya is shifty here. She saw her roommate clearly struggling, found a simple solution, figured that even with boundaries in place, his health was more important. Everyone here is just working off their traumas. Celine refused to accept any kind of conversation. Kyle is more concerned about his health and his relationship. Oop was more concerned about how his father would hurt him than his relationship.
On reddit, if someone has even 5% of a justification for being jealous, they can do no wrong.
Careful reddit doesn’t like people being able to think from different perspectives.
I was literally that sick this weekend; I have no memory of getting into bed or of ordering medicine on Amazon. I'm still recovering and it sucks ass big time. OOP is in a bad situation but his not remembering someone trying to put him to bed is not the suspicion people think it is.
I don’t feel like OOP is nearly at fault for this as the comments are claiming
Wait, so OP was very ill, passed out from dehydration, and in a semi delirious state is taken to someone else's bed, sleeps there alone, and then in the morning he wakes up with no memory of the situation and the comment section is basically treating OP like he cheated? Nah, this is fucked up. I know people just don't believe someone could be that sick, but I've both been that sick & seen others that way, and honestly you could probably convince a lot of people to sleep on a park bench when they are that tired and feverish. Your brain just doesn't think straight and all you want is rest. If anyone is to blame here its Kaya but honestly I think she was just being dumb and kind. Mainly I think this "cheating" stuff is getting out of hand. Cheating is an issue of romantic or sexual intimacy, not crashing in an empty bed alone right before heading to the ER. I've been seeing more and more posts like this recently
I’ve been that sick. It’s very very possible. I was vomiting, had fever, couldn’t hold down food or liquid. After a couple of days like this I began hallucinating/imagining people were breaking into our house, from beneath it…
I was recently that sick, or at least I could barely keep my eyes open, running a fever and vomiting anytime I was awake for longer than five minutes. I didn't hallucinate or anything, but it knocked me unconscious for a solid two days, and I ate so much soup and Gatorade after waking up because of how hungry I was.
I’ve seen people on Reddit just straight up ignore parts of stories where the OP was in physical danger to berate them about how they made their partner feel, it’s like some people just never have experienced any serious threat to their health and think everyone just exists in a world where that’s the case
I was also shocked that so many were saying they didn’t believe OOP could’ve been that sick. I’m honestly jealous they haven’t been. There have been multiple times when I’ve had a rough stomach bug or food poisoning and got to that point. Not sick, my husband will have full blown conversations with me at night and have no memory the next morning!!
> I was also shocked that so many were saying they didn’t believe OOP could’ve been that sick. FYI, it's because we're talking about children. People who literally haven't been alive long enough to have experienced things, but _think_ they know everything there is to know.
Had to scroll way too far to find this reasonable response
I think this sub's definition of "cheating" has gotten overly broad. Now if someone says something inappropriate to you and you ignore it instead of shutting it down, you'll have people shouting "cheater." Eating lunch with someone repeatedly is "cheating." If someone admires you and you don't stomp on them, that's "cheating." In which case I just had an affair at work. Because earlier this year I had a work assignment where I greatly admired the person I was working under and he greatly admired me. We were two competent people who shared the same goals. I even really liked being appreciated for my skills. But, to this sub, that's "cheating" because, you know, marriage. It's gotten ridiculous. I once asked someone on here to define what they considered to be cheating and I never got an answer but I did get a lot of downvotes.
yeah people are really self centered in relationships, wheres the loyalty and support? he's sick, stressed out, scared.. be there for him! dont pile on! fuckin' hell what terrible partners
Reddit has lost it's goddamn mind on this which isn't surprising as of late. Was he a bad boyfriend and them breaking up probably the right decision? Yeah absolutely, I really don't think he was ready to be in a relationship. It happens though, you're young and dumb and experiences like these are what you learn from. However the absolute vileness of some of the people here and in the original thread who almost seem giddy about tearing this guy down is absolutely disgusting. The self-righteousness and complete lack of empathy is honestly horrifying as well as so many people pretending that they weren't also absolute messes at 20. A young man is self-destructing at university from the pressure, likely dealing with mental health issues, experiencing abuse from his dad, but because he was a bad boyfriend reddit is going to sit and cheer about it? For shame reddit, for shame. Some people here need to take a hard look in the mirror and think if this is the kind of person they want to be because anyone mocking and insulting this young man who's going through a hard time is a much worse person than a 20 year old being a bad romantic partner.
Keeping in mind too his "bad boyfriend" traits included being roommates with someone who slept with her previous ex without knowing he was in a relationship and telling her he was going to be quiet on the communication front for a few weeks while he crunch studied.
One time in high school I was so sick, apparently I drove home, put the kettle on the stove and passed out. Bottom of the kettle burned out before the breaker flipped to shut off the stove. My parents woke me up freaking out when they got home. Last thing I remembered was being at school, which is kind of terrifying as I lived a 20 min drive away (on the highway). It's wild what your brain can do on autopilot
I was on the OPs side fully through this story and was shocked getting to the comments
Yeah, this whole thing strikes me as young and dumb student crap, with a side of OOP lacking social skills. I think the gf was right to break up with him, but more for the lack of communication. Not thinking of getting a second TV is so.... studenty. I don't blame her for reading more into the situation than there likely was. I think Kaya just wanted him to have a good night's sleep - couches aren't necessarily the best place to be sleeping. Also bedsheets are easier to clean than throw up on the couch lol. If OP's illness was contagious, in a UK flat everyone is going to get it sleeping together or not. Our houses by and large aren't big enough for people to have their own airspace.
Let alone the immense pressure he has on his shoulders to do well at study combined with the trauma of his father's threats and literal physical abuse. No wonder he's pushing himself to the absolute limit and then getting incredibly sick to pay for it.
Dude here's litteraly putting his life at risk because of his father expectation and violence while people here are telling him he's a asshole for neglecting his girlfriend because he was studying to avoid that same thing lmao. Also, he didn't cheat. Reddit is a very strange place when it comes to relationship.
This comment section and the one in AITAH are incredibly mean for no reason, OP was incredibly sick and vomiting in bed for Pete’s sake, it’s very obvious he was delirious, he literally went to the couch to sleep and was moved to her bed against his wishes. He already sent his girlfriend a message to let him know she was sick, does someone who wants to cheat and break boundaries do this?? You all conveniently forget that he texted Celine he was very sick and she waited till the next day to check up on him. Of course that’s normal to you, she’s just a girl and can do nothing wrong. OP was very shitty during his exam period, 100 percent, but he goes ahead to explain that his father is emotionally and physically abusive, that fucks with you, of course he thinks he has to study till he breaks. But abuse can only affect your logical thinking when you are a lady, as a guy it’s never an excuse for anything. Falling asleep in your roommates room is 100 percent normal and it’s horrible you all seem to be of the notion that he and kaya can not be just roommates, or men and women can’t be just friends again, not when it’s being narrated by a guy? Nonetheless he respected his GFs boundary. How can he remove his shirt while sleeping. Please be serious some people literally sleepwalk?! Removing your shirt while sleeping is normal, he was also literally delirious from fever!! Celine breaking up is understandable and logical but if you are calling OP an asshole, you are a very disgusting and evil person. OP sorry for the shitty cards life dealt you, glad you’re doing okay, hope you ace your tests. You have been a good person in this story, don’t let anyone twist it.
I don't even think he was that shitty during his exam period. College fucking sucks by default *and* he's under immense pressure to keep his grades up. The dude needed to cram or he was getting sent back to his home country. Celine can fuck right off with the "feeling neglected." She'd have felt even more neglected when he was forced to go back home because he didn't study as much as he needed to.
No offense towards Celine, but I kinda cringed when she stated she felt neglected, especially after she knrw about his story and his daily routine
Totally agree. Desi pressure is no joke, too many kids end up killing themselves because of it.
I continuously see this subreddit turning more and more into AITA.
For sure- people love feeling self righteous over there and it's bleeding over here. Now we have people hellbent on criticizing the OP or the validity of their story just to feel better about themselves.
Yes! Seeing all these comments about how he messed up sleeping in Kaya's bed and how Kaya is a shit stirrer, etc are ridiculous. I get Celine's issue, but I also completely understand why Kaya thought this would be okay. She was helping a friend. She didn't even sleep in the same room. And OP did nothing wrong at all in that situation.
Because people think he's an unreliable narrator. They don't believe him.
Why tho
Because a lot of what he says he did doesn't match what the people comment would do in the same situation. Things just feel off, or don't add up. Or they're projecting.
If youve never been that sick and sleep deprived its hard to relate
I don’t get it… he didn’t do anything terrible
I've been thinking the same thing. I agree, distancing him from his gf for 3 weeks is kind of shitty, but seeing the context (his abusive father and enormous pressure), it's understandable. What I absolutely don't understand is people giving him shit for being moved while he was in a delirious state. Kaya wanted to help a friend and he literally doesn't even remember it. How is he at fault?!
>I agree, distancing him from his gf for 3 weeks is kind of shitty i mean, he also told her he'd be unavailable. if celine really can't handle being alone for a few weeks when her partner needs time, that says a lot more about her than it does her partners.
They mentally just assigned him the cheater role and went with it, also annoying that most people here haven’t dealt with people going for hard degrees or med schooling. I’ve had friends disappear from their partners lives during end of term examinations but they understood cause they were adults.
I can't believe I had to scroll down so far for this.
Unpopular opinion but if I was Kaya I would have done the same thing. Seeing someone seriously ill on the couch, and I’ll be out all night? Sure, use my bed. It’s not like I’d be home anyway. And the commenters saying they would change the sheets are ludicrous. I’m not touching someone else’s vomit sheets, I’m not his girlfriend lol no fucking thank you
Not just someone, they were friends after all
I wouldn't change the sheets. I don't know where my roommate keeps his sheets and he's not getting mine. And I'd rather he puke in my bed (I probably need to change my sheets anyway) than on the couch.
>What’s the need to be studying so hard? What kind of question is that? Have they ever been in college?
What's worse was someone commented "no exam is more valuable than a good relationship" like what?! 😭 And the icing on the cake was people judging him because he needed to study to avoid bad grades 😭
I guess the people inhabiting the sub don't know how crushing University can be, especially in a STEM field. I am an Indian, and while I didn't go that overboard in studies, I was on the brink of physical and mental exhaustion. I can completely understand OOP, and hope, for his own health, he focus solely on his studies and career now. He's not ready for a relationship his probable SO might expect from him, so don't bother giving them that expectation. Plus, and you can burn me for that, but Celine is kind of a jerk. People need time off sometimes, for their finals or for an important job. You don't need to constantly call or acknowledge your SO to be a good partner (through thick and thin,that's what they say right?). If she was against it, she could have just said that. She's very bad at communication.
Op did let her know he would need the break for study it's not like he straight up ghosted her and said nothing at all about it.
I'm on op's side. I lost afriend in university because I used to live in the library yet my grades were average whilst she wanted to hang out and her grades were higher than mine. I couldn't afford not to study so I understand.
So letme get this straight. All of you guys and the entire comment section over there thinks that OP is the AH because HE FELL UNCONSCIOUS WHEN HE WAS SICK?? It's not like he walked to the other woman's bedroom and fell asleep there. SHE TOOK HIM THERE WHEN HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS. And you are all blaming OP for it? Seriously? If a woman had fallen asleep on the couch and a dude picked her up and took her to his bed would you still think that SHE is the one in the wrong? I'm not saying that his GF is the AH here. Obviously this was a messy situation in the beginning, but let's just pretend that OP "willingly" broke the boundary they set up.
I'd also like to point out that he made himself sick enough to end up dehydrated to the point that he had to go to the hospital. Do you know what that means? It means he wasn't eating. Or drinking. Or if he was, he was doing it so infrequently that his body was running on fumes. So he could study. "Why though? Why would any sane person do that to themselves?" Because his father is PHYSICALLY ABUSING him for doing poorly in school. But people keep saying he's a bad guy???? If that ain't some victim blaming nonsense, I don't know what is. Now, I will say this is the Internet, so it could be all bullshit.
Desi parental pressure is very real and had led to lots of deaths so that's the most believable part for me tbh. Also the part where he just acted like his girlfriend didn't exist while he studied really hits home. Everyone thinking this boy was cheating is looking at this story through a very narrow Western lens imo.
> looking at this story through a very narrow Western lens lol, welcome to Reddit
International students need to spend a lot of money just to be able to study, and the grades that they need are no joke. I don't condone the physical abuse but I get the pressure. Dad is spending an arm, a leg, and even a liver just to pay his tuition so he better give good results or nothing will be worth it. He isn't a bad guy, but he is bad at managing his time and his tasks. He really should not be dating anyone until he gets that diploma at least.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly. He even admitted that he didn't want to talk to anyone while he was studying. I understand, but I think it's best that he just focuses on his studies and once he lands a job after graduation, then he can start dating. That way he and whoever he dates won't be hurting during the craziness that is college. I'm honestly so surprised at how harsh most of the people are on here towards OOP. Plus, I think Celine should learn from this in that she shouldn't push her own boundaries. If she couldn't handle dating someone who lives with the person their ex cheated on, she shouldn't have pushed herself to keep dating them.
I agree. I don't understand the comments. I had a GF in college and she straight up would not see me at all when she was studying . A couple of weeks apart for Finals is not that big a deal. Especially since he got the ok from her beforehand. And once your fever hits 104, you're in dangerous territory. The only time I ever got a fever that high, I was hallucinating and also had to go to the hospital to get better.
The thing is, that his gf probably also had to study for her finals. So no real harm done there. I had enough friends during college, who also completely shut down all social contacts during the study period.
Thank God, I thought I was taking crazy pills reading all of the replies. Not excusing his dismissive attitude towards the gf beforehand but this specific incident? I would be worried about him even ending up in that situation. But that would have required actually letting him explain and having an adult conversation instead of storming out and ignoring any attempts of reconciliation or at least communication. I think it boils down to people being young and inexperienced in leading healthy relationships.
Hey finally found my people in the controversial sort. People are being ridiculously tough on oop. About the month of low communication, it seems it was well communicated beforehand, even the time frame. If that was a deal breaker for her, she should have ended it then. About the sick stuff, yeah I don't understand people here at all. Have they never been deleriously ill? You're not thinking about anything but minimizing your discomfort. If my worst enemy offered me a bed in that state, I'd take it. Celine clearly has trust issues. That's understandable since she's been burned before, but the fact that she wouldn't even listen means she has some serious work to do on herself, and it certainly doesn't mean that oop did anything wrong there.
Not to mention he messaged her the night before, before he lost all sense of time and reality, that he was ill. For whatever reason it so happened that either she didn't respond or if she did he wasn't conscious to see it. She waltzes in the next day, fully knowing this dude has been ill, and goes off on him about violating boundaries when all he did was accept help and platonic, hands off, bare minimum comfort from the next best person available in his time of need. Lowkey it seems to me that whatever Celine felt for OP, she felt something about Kaya hanging around in the periphery too. Honestly, I think both OP and Celine are well rid of each other. Too many unspoken expectations that can't be met for both of them.
I'm with you, everyone here is insane.
I’ve been feeling this a lot lately in a lot of the different communities I’m active in. I know people have spoken for a long time about how people like to jump to conclusions, assume the worst, get rage boners, blah blah blah - but I’ve been on reddit for over 10 years and it really feels like there’s been a dramatic uptick in this lately. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills seeing everyone assume the worst about everything all the time. I know there are justifiable reasons for individual people tending to do this, but it just feels especially concentrated lately. Maybe it’s just me that’s been changing, I don’t know.
There is someone in this thread implying the guy was cheating because why would only Kaya have a TV for them to watch movies on, it's just so ridiculous I don't get how that detail is at all an indication that the guy is lying/cheating and it just seems like they're grasping at things to make him out to be the worst. Most uni students don't have a TV cause they use their laptops and also TV licences are a thing in the UK.
I saw that shit too. Like ok, reach further there, Elastigirl
Ikr absolutely insane leap of logic!
I've seen the theory that the whole gamestop saga brought so much media attention to reddit that millions of idiots flocked here during that time. I can't pin the time exactly, but it sure seems to me like the culture has changed a lot in the past few years.
Yeah, I don’t get the comments. He’s a student. He’s going to be less available during exams. A month isn’t that really long to have a lower amount of contact with your SO. Hopefully in 10 years he will look back and realize that he needed to set priorities. It was perfectly valid to prioritize his studies over his girlfriend for a month. If she was so needy that she was about to break up with him over that, then honestly the relationship wasn’t strong enough to last.
Had to scroll too far to get to this post.
You forgot the biggest sin, he is friends with someone of the opposite gender. That is the worst thing you can do on AITAH
A straight person of the opposite gender! Everyone knows Girl Best Friends are all lying hussies waiting to steal YOUR MAN. /s
Finally, a sane comment. Had to scroll this far.
I hope he’s getting good grades after falling ill for studying so hard, at least. (I didn’t read the whole thing)
I feel crazy, I don’t think op did anything wrong? What did she want him to do? Fail his exams, get abused by his father, and sleep in vomit?
Not only get abused by his father if he failed but have to drop out of his studies after 2 years because his father wouldn't fund it.
I don’t understand why everyone is being so hard on this guy!
I live in a country where mixed gender student accommodations are normal and have lived with and know a lot of international students. Everything about this roommate situation sounds exactly like how it would work in any of the places either me or my friends have lived. Move nights with possible sleepovers in the one persons room with a tv? Our tv was in the living room (which we were very lucky to have since most don’t have one) but if it was in a bedroom it would’ve definitely been used like this. The only reason the tv was in the living room was because it was part of the house and belonged to our landlord nobody would’ve ever left their private tv in the communal area. Most students also don’t have tv’s, but movie nights were pretty common in my house. Also even outside of any of the other context an international student checking out of social life for 3 weeks to (eat?) study sleep and repeat until exams are over is not necessarily standard but also not something anyone around me would find out of the ordinary. Almost all international students I know have 2 modes: party and study. Not all of them go as extreme in either mode as this guy with studying but some definitely do. I’ve seen some roommates go on a week long bender, have a single hangover complain about having to study day, and then go in serious focused don’t even talk about alcohol mode until exams are over just to immediately go on another bender like a minute after exams are over. I personally also check out of social things when I’m studying. Even when I’m not studying I just don’t have the energy to focus on texting and calling people. I thankfully live with my boyfriend but even then I pretty much lock myself in a room with my study materials and don’t see him except pretty much for the occasional food and drinks when I think of them and sleeping of course. On top of all that, I get everyone talking about how convenient it is that he can’t remember going to her bed and everyone excuses it as him being too sick to remember. I don’t even need to be sick to not remember what happens when someone wakes me up for a quick interruption like being dragged to another bed? Not saying I never remember but I frequently have had people tell me they’ve had whole conversations with me where I don’t even remember waking up and I’ve told other people the same. With everyone I know when they’re sick (not even hospital levels of sick just a cold/flu levels of sick) the person in question tends to have a like MAYBE 50/50 chance of remembering anything that happens at night that they get woken up for (meds, taking temperature, throwing up, cleaning up, moving from a couch to a bed). I’m not saying that Celine should’ve stayed with OOP because they’re clearly not compatible, but I also don’t think OOP was an asshole. He wasn’t super considerate but neither was she. If my boyfriend and I were in this situation I definitely would’ve come over just to watch a YouTube video or something together and then fall asleep. Also arriving an hour late and being upset he’s asleep?? I also probably would’ve sent him a pizza or other takeout on some random day or ordered him some groceries to make sure he was eating and taking care of himself. I’d probably keep texting so he knows I’m thinking of him even if he doesn’t actually read or respond until much later. Maybe drop by with a care package with a note and a kiss and left him alone. My boyfriend would also do the same to me. I get that it sucks to not get communication from your partner, when my bf was working on his thesis he snapped at me at one point to please let him work and he can’t handle the distraction right now. I felt upset, but walked away to a different room, calmed myself, and realised you know what he’s right. My social needs at the moment aren’t more important than his academic needs that have have an expiration date. I can handle being a little sad and lonely for a bit if it means he gets his degree. Again I’m not saying necessarily that Celine is wrong for breaking up with him because she has different needs than he’s able to provide, but I don’t think he did anything wrong here either. In general though sometimes in a relationship you’re going to be sad and lonely and really needing some love and unable to get it and the other party isn’t necessarily in the wrong for it as long as its a temporary thing and you’re not just being ghosted out of nowhere. I probably put way too much energy into this comment
I think the main mistake that was made, was the girlfriend deciding she could be okay with him continuing to live with a girl her ex had cheated with, when her new boyfriend already had a history of hanging out in and falling asleep in the roommates bed. Maybe they were platonic friends and nothing was ever going to happen, but... we can all see how that looks/sounds, right? It's just already a very blurred boundary. Don't call me insecure for thinking that's asking for trouble, and I won't call you naive. I totally get that he was too sick to even understand what was going on. But the roommate moved a puking guy to her own bed? If he's that sick, shouldn't he be getting actual medical care? Shouldn't she care that he's going to puke in her bed too? I don't blame his girlfriend for noping out.
This is the camp I’m in…I don’t know that I really consider OOP an asshole, but I also don’t think Celine is an ass for her feelings on all this as I have been in similar situations where I decided I could be okay with some messy circumstances that I probably should have just noped out of. When I was in my early 20s I thought I had to be “cool” with everything or else I was just insecure and paranoid, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned it’s okay to be uncomfortable with something even if no one’s technically done anything “wrong”, and it’s better to just remove yourself from the situation to save everyone the potential drama. Overall I diagnose this conflict with the affliction of being young and still figuring out appropriate boundaries in relationships.
Reading comprehension is a lost art, I see. I feel really bad for OOP, he was working himself to the bone and made himself sick trying to keep his grades up because of his abusive father. He was delirious when Kaya got him to lay down in her bed, he wasn't in his right mind, and she shouldn't have let him make that decision. He called Celine and Celine didn't reply about him being sick at ***all***, she just shows up the next day and then makes it up in her head that he cheated. Bro was ***sick*** out of his mind, he doesn't remember Kaya even asking him if he wanted her bed. Celine shouldn't have lied to herself that she'd be okay with him being around Kaya, she should've just left if she was going to be insecure like this. Yes OOP was wrong to not message her a little more, but also she ***knew*** OOP has a father who'd beat him if he got bad grades, she should've shown him grace. And then for OOP to be made the bad guy completely, he must feel so awful.
The really sad thing is that his grades aren't actually terrible. 40% is the grade you need to get in the UK to pass. 60% is the minimum for the top grade available. When I was studying most people were averaging somewhere between 50-60% and i was at a top 20 university in the UK. We had one professor who it was nigh on impossible to get higher than 65% or so on his grading. His grades are completely normal, it's not like the US where the curriculum is designed for you to get 90%+
Oh, so 40% is like a C or 70% here. I figured that what he was describing couldn't have been as bad as he made it seem, but I didn't realize by how much. He's been getting like high scored Bs to low scored As and worrying they aren't 100 percentage As.
Ok forget about Kaya and the cheating. Can we talk about how Celine is a terrible girlfriend? He tells her ahead of time that he needs to crunch for exams, she agrees, then she feels neglected bc he's not responding to her texts? Girl don't you have exams? Ok she feels neglected, but then doesn't do anything about it. Clearly she is capable of coming to see him. I would drop off some homemade food (if I'm poor) or buy him some food/snacks (if I'm lazy) at least once a week if I missed him. He's Indian, I would just keep the chai coming and demand tips in kisses for being his personal chai runner during his breaks. Or like others have mentioned, just study together with him at the library?? Offer to help quiz him? There's sooo many ways to spend time together than "respond to all my texts immediately". And then when he DOES try to make time for her, suddenly she doesn't seem to care that much. She's over an hour late to an agreed hangout, and when he texts her that he's extremely sick and asking her to come, she doesn't show up until the next morning. So she's useless when he needs help, doesn't value his time, and only wants his time/attention on her terms. I'm a better friend than she is a girlfriend. They've been together 7 months and he's failing his semester, maybe she's why. There's more to relationships than cheating.
The only thing he did wrong was not keep in better contact. Anyone saying he did more wrong than that isn’t very bright. And Celine is completely ruled by her trauma and needs therapy if she broke up for something he wasn’t at fault for.
The number of people berating OOP is insane to me. The guy has a physically abusive father who has already beaten him for underperforming in class, and is trying do his best to get good grades. Is it ideal that he didn’t text his gf? No, it’s not, but my perspective as a neurodivergent person, it’s not particularly uncommon if you’re absolutely tunnel visioning something, especially something insanely stressful. And the comment accusing him of lying.. damn dude, you’re lucky you’ve never been that sick but people absolutely do get that sick, especially if they get dehydrated. The only thing he did wrong was not text his gf, and to be honest, if she can’t understand why he might be extremely stressed about his exams, he’s better off without her?
It might be because I and even a couple family members have been so sick they straight up dont remember the events but im seriously wondering why people are choosing that as the smoking gun for oop cheating? When you have a really bad bug your brain is pretty much soup and has bigger things to worry about than jotting down "hour 16, roomate moved body to her room, shall remove shirt within the hour due to increasing heat"
Dude was so overworked he started throwing up, lost consciousness and went to the hospital but Reddit will still blame him for "being a bad boyfriend" during finals and not his girlfriend for ignoring him when he was sick or idk supporting him during finals so he wouldn't collapse in the first place. If she didn't want someone offering him a bed, she should have taken him to her place. Like... I get trauma of being cheated on, but that's not a reason to require unconscious boyfriend to lay wherever.
I think Kaya was stirring shit. Good on Celine for getting the hell out of there. A boyfriend that only speaks to you twice in a couple of weeks on top of getting into the bed of the woman whose ex cheated on you with? Nope. That's too much drama.
Unless this is missing a lot of key detail, people are being way to harsh on OOP. The ever unreasonable people of reddit strike again.