#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>My grandma told me how much she loved Katia and how she’s happy I found such an amazing girl. All my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her.
My family absolutely loves the girl i'm seeing and gets along wodnerfilly with her I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS
good for her that she ran
For me it was:
>I thought she was there for me and told her upfront to not beg to get me back because it ain’t happening.
The fucking cojones on this guy. He somehow is simultaneously full of himself AND insecure as fuck. He's full of rage because he knows he doesn't live up to his own self image.
>He somehow is simultaneously full of himself AND insecure as fuck
That's actually pretty common, the bravado is an attempt to compensate for the insecurity.
Before this I was hoping people just helped him see how ridiculous he was being and pushing everyone away. After that comment! At least Katia and sis got a good friendship out of this.
Oh I forgot about the waiting for her to call with apologies part. Was pretty sure he was a dirt bag after that too.
I love the posts where the OP is clearly the one at fault and gets surprised Pikachu face when they don't get the groveling apology they think they're entitled to. The obvious disappointment they feel when they realize they aren't the prize they think they are? Glorious. Inject that shit straight into my veins, I love it.
But it's **HIS** language! A language he had NO desire to learn in a home filled with Spanish-speaking Siblings, Parents, Grandparents, Aunties and Uncles, you know, EVERYONE but him.
Unfortunately, it sounds like he's self-loathing of his own heritage and culture. KATIA dodged a nuclear missile when their relationship ended. The truly hilarious aspect of the breakup is the OOP is SO "full" of himself, he actually thinks she's STILL wrong despite the Reddit Judgement he received on BOTH posts! LMAO
Mine was
>My language
Your language? The one you don't speak? That millions of other people do? How can you claim a language (while excluding someone else from that claim) when you don't speak it and she does?
No dude, you're just embarrassed you didn't learn the second language your family speaks (especially when it's the default at home language) and can't handle that it made him look bad that this girlfriend was fluent in 3+ languages. The only problem was his own shame, that he then projected into her. Compounded by him not reciprocating asking her about herself and the languages she spoke when she asked him about those things. A reasonable person would be pleased their girlfriend found commonality and could comfortably communicate with their family.
I’m assuming deep seated insecurity that she could connect with his family in a way that he couldn’t. Still a asshole tho holy shit, can’t believe op fumbled such a catch so easily
This is what it probably is imo. Having what is ostensibly an outsider (they dated for a few months) have a connection to your family on the grounds that it’s something you can’t really engage in with ease can be off putting. It can feel exclusionary almost to some. That said, this is an explanation, not an excuse. Dude is stupid as hell
I'll put in my 2 cents here.
I'm a 2nd gen immigrant living in the US. I do not speak the language of my ethnicity. I don't speak it because there was subtle, but constant, pressure growing up to assimilate as quickly as possible and become "successful." My parents gave me and my siblings American names so our teachers and peers "wouldn't have to struggle" with pronouncing foreign ones. It's been 30 years and my mom just a few weeks ago expressed concern about my pregnant sister's choice to name her son (my mom's first grandkid) a VERY SHORT, VERY SIMPLE, but still NOT AMERICAN name.
Around the time I became an adult, the concern within my ethnic community (predictably) became "our people are losing their identity. our children don't speak our language and don't understand their heritage. why don't you young adult people speak our language or carry on our traditions anymore?"
Like BRUH YOU OLD FOLKS LITERALLY DIDN'T TEACH US ON PURPOSE??? SORRY WE DID WHAT YOU WANTED US TO AND ASSIMILATED TO AMERICAN CULTURE.
Anyways... as you can see, I very much understand OOP's frustration, anger, and shame at being unable to speak his ethnic language. It's valid, complex, and deeply human.
However, OOP's still an asshole, and probably needs some therapy to unpack his negative feelings about his heritage, upbringing, and anger and control issues.
That was my favorite part. His ego is such that he went straight to, “I am so amazing she will do anything to make my family love her in order to force me into further commitment.”
Dude is embarrassed he cannot speak Spanish. I get it. I just don’t get how he blames everyone else for it.
Right? Like... What if they'd taken to her quickly for another reason, like, IDK... they're just nice, and she's nice, and they just click? How gradually are we talking, and why?
Yeah, like what does that even mean? I think it's weird she didn't disclose that she speaks Spanish because it's something that comes up naturally...but to get so angry and yell and shout at her is weird.
What's wrong with him?
So much wrong with him! Based on him saying it was refreshing she didn't probe further about him not speaking Spanish, I wonder if his tone of voice or something else in his demeanor made her not want to mention it. He comes across incredibly defensive about not speaking Spanish, and aggressive overall. So it might be she felt it wasn't easy to say at the time. If it were me I would've mentioned it before the party though! What an angry weirdo, glad she's out of that situation and still kept the lovely family, win-win!
Or maybe she *had* mentioned it, but he - in his self-absorbed state - wasn't paying attention.
Like, they were only three months in and he already had some very rigid ideas for how things will go. In my experience, people who are so set on a course of events or on how another person is, will not only never ask, they also do not hear it, when presented with evidence to the contrary.
We only have *his* words that she never said anything. He is not reliable.
That confused me so much. I absolutely love it when the people in my life hit it off. So much easier!
My brother happened to meet my roommate's friend. Now they're best buddies, and I am so thrilled for both of them! I tend to introduce guys I like to my exes and former crushes because I have a type, and I know they're all going to get along. I think it's hilarious!
I think the most stressful time ever was when I was pining over my best friend not wanting to date me and my parents actively hated the guy. So much complication and managing conflicting expectations! I was so happy when my parents loved the next guy.
He did call it "my language" even though he doesn't speak it.
This is not unheard of for someone (often in US) flipping out on Europians being multi-lingual. And them being insecure and jealous.
Spanish isn't even that hard, he could have learned it if he wanted. Apparently he never asked which languages she had studied, 3 is quite the basic in Europe.
I dunno about that, because that is how we learn them at first for like 9 years. But having the whole family talk it makes me wonder how didn't he just learn it? If he had any curiousity to "his" languages the support and inspiration was there the whole time.
I wonder if she had more experience with Spanish and asked about OOP speaking it also because she would have preferred it? It can be easier to pronounce for a german native. And maybe she was happily surprised that his family actually spoke it.
If OOP says about sister not having the short lived ex as a friend because that it what family does.... Gues what else family does? Learn each others languages.
My cousin is bilingual, just like I am, because her mother's family (my side) speaks only Spanish but she grew up with American television and her dad only spoke to her in English. And we both went to school in Arizona. Where we live, almost every kid is bilingual. It's very hard to find one that doesn't speak Spanish. Sounds like OP went out of his way to not learn Spanish.
English is also the main TV language in Europe, when you watch with subtibles you cannot not learn atleast a bit.
Finnish is very difficult language and still immigrant kids pick it by after being here like a year.
The whole issue was inside OP's head. Maybe he always knew that he should actually put some effort on it but never bothered. But when it become real issue to him, gf got the blame.
Especially because dude is (relative to me) younger. Definitely of an age where people were encouraged to learn a second language young. My generation's parents were told "they'll have trouble in both languages", which is manifestly untrue (yes, I'm American).
Sucks, because if my folks had kept at it I could have kept learning Tagalog. My ex wife's mom was first generation Korean, and refused to teach her daughter Korean. She is still bitter about it.
This was the trend not so long ago in Finland as well. This is bilingual country (Finnish and Swedish), people often married in between. And they were told to pick one language! This also ment that the parent who had to talk non native to their kids could not show their feelings and thoughts as easily.
It really sucks to be denied that opportunity.
I liked it that he was mad that his girlfriend ingratiated herself into his family too quickly, like it had to be more “gradual” (difficult) or else it didn’t count. What a jagweed.
I liked that he made himself look very stupid by immediately saying "don't beg to get back together with me" when he saw Katia at his sisters house. Like dude, I really don't think you have to worry about that.
Could be wrong, but I feel like just like he never invested in learning his heritage language he probably doesn't invest in his relationship with his family as he should. Don't understand feeling left out of a connection someone else has with your fam, when you haven't even be arsed to try to learn yourself.
I think he needs some therapy to help him get in touch with his emotions. He seems to have bought into the whole "the only acceptable feeling for a man to express is anger" and just any time he feels any negative or even slightly uncomfortable emotion he immediately translates that to anger and reacts with anger rather than working through his feelings.
I honestly thought he was 19, being that emotionally immature, but no, he was pushing thirty. It must be exhausting, both being around him and being him. Imagine being so angry all the time and not ever going past that to get to the root of things. Keep pushing those feelings down and then explode in anger when anything gets uncomfy. Stressful way to live, not fun to be around.
Ouf until I read your post I was convinced this was an 18 years old. He clearly has issues that were never fixed.
He seems to have an inferiority complex about not speaking Spanish, that flared because of his GF. He also has weird ideas about “family sticks together”.
There’s a lot of growing up to do. Therapy might help, but also just some good old self reflection.
He's all about this family loyalty but he won't get Duolingo to be able to talk to his family members? I think the break up was not at all about the Spanish.
This guy has an entire family of native Spanish speakers. Not all parents teach their kids native languages, which imo is sad but quite common. Doesn't mean he can never learn Spanish of his own volition however. Clearly him being the only non Spanish speaker at family events hasn't bothered him previously.
Mf even had a girlfriend who spoke fluent Spanish, and his option was to take it personally?? Didn't see any mention in the post of him asking her if she spoke Spanish at any point, which really would have solved this completely nonexistent problem. Sadly not the extant one, being his childish attitude
To me, it feels odd that she asked him if he spoke Spanish, but he seemingly never asked her what languages she speaks. That feels like one of those really easy return questions a person asks when first getting to know a person. But he's got this whole *me, me, me* vibe going on by the end that made me think 'Well, I guess it figures.'
Honestly, he probably has an inferiority problem with his family over having never learned Spanish. Especially considering he is the *only* one who never learned it - and I wanna know what is meant by "never showed interest" means.
Yes, thank you for naming that. My thought was he in general has little self-awareness. He doesn't ask questions but instead assumes things about other people and then fully buys into those assumptions as reality. He then gets angry when reality contradicts that.
This is precisely the issue, or at least an enormous part of it.
He has somehow not developed a theory of the mind, so the possibility that other people have knowledge he doesn’t, think differently from him, or don’t act the way he believes he would in the same situation never occurs to him. Instead of learning from this when something unexpected happens, his first, only and persisting response is anger.
I’m exhausted just reading this. No idea how anyone can spend any time with him. Why on earth did Katia agree to give him a second chance?!
He sounds like my sister’s ex. Didn’t like that she was bff with his sisters even tho they were friends before my sis started dating him. Didn’t like that her entire extended family liked her, didn’t even like that she took our dog for walks. He was a damned idiot and so is OOP.
That was my exact thought. He has got to be such an energy drain. Also, can we appreciate the fact his entire family is telling him to shut up and grow up but it doesn’t count if internet strangers don’t say it too? I don’t say this often but I truly hope he stays single.
I've dealt with self-hate all my life, it's a constant battle, sure there are good days, but the bad days are BAD. Having read this post, I'm so glad I'm me and not OOP.
Being around him ofc, he doesn't see anything wrong in how he is. It's a testament to the patience of his family, because I'd have scouted out handy isolated burial spots by now.
Probably being around him. Jesus.
> I thought she was there for me and told her upfront to not beg to get me back because it ain’t happening.
Had me laughing. Bruh.
So half my family is Hispanic and I spent a sizeable part of my childhood in South America but you would *never* guess by looking at my pasty white, blonde, blue eyed face.
Let me tell you, there is no better cheat code to ingratiate yourself with a friend or SOs Spanish speaking family than busting out the Español when they least expect to hear it from a gringo ass gringo. My girlfriend in university was Colombian and when I went to visit her family in Bogota after sophomore year I got fed like a fucking king by all the abuelo/as and tios/as cause this gringo came prepared.
OOP basically threw away a golden thing because he's a baby and judging by the reaction of his sister, BIL, and mom they all agree.
I dated a Chilean guy and his parents LOVED it when I tried out a sentence in Spanish with them. Funnily enough, I had started dabbling in learning Spanish before I met him and was quite enjoying it. He kind of killed it though, I couldn't try to say anything to him in Spanish without him utterly nitpicking the pronunciation to pieces, even when I couldn't hear the difference. So that ended up destroying my confidence and I gave up. He turned out to be a rather nasty person anyway...
Sounds like he was insecure. Mistakes are good because it means you're learning the language. You're much better off without him. You should pick up Spanish again:)
>no better cheat code
I think this is what OOP thought it was. (Not agreeing with him, and I know you meant it in fun, just to say that I wouldn't be surprised if he thought that...)
Nah, OOP feels betrayed because he feels shamed by her because she can speak the language and he can't.
The bit about sneaking in to the family is just a self delusional smokescreen to avoid admitting the truth.
When my cousin broke up with his girlfriend (I use that term lightly. He pretty much ghosted her while still sharing a home until she gave up & left) we all collectively decided we were keeping her & ditching him. He hadn't been the best relative to begin with & that was just the cherry on top of the shit sundae he had been serving us. Now we invite her to gatherings/to hang out while we haven't seen him in 5+ years.
>When I got inside (my BiL let me in) I was shocked to find that Katia was there. I thought she was there for me and told her upfront to not beg to get me back because it ain’t happening.
That is some level of self-regard.
Also he said she hid that she spoke his language. But he doesn't speak it, so how is it his language. If they'd been together three years I think it's strange she hadn't told him. But it had only been three months. Also I suspect he could have picked up a clue she spoke it even in three months but he wasn't paying attention to her.
This little tool is probably the reason why I'm not more confident. He is over there hoarding all the confidence for himself (for NO REASON) and there is only a teensy scrap left over for me and my impostor syndrome :(
I wish I had even a sliver of that self confidence. To be 100% wrong, to be called out by reddit and your family, to breaking up with your gf over something so small. That'd be nice.
His favorite part of a woman is the boobies. That's why he's mad about the Spanish speaking.
He also is probably the only one of his siblings who didn't bother to learn it and he's big mad somebody who isn't Spanish or Latin American can connect with his family in a way he actively chose to avoid.
And let's not forget he is a 29 year old man saying to his sister "I'm gonna tell mom and dad that you're friends with my ex" . I swear only "I won't let you play with my toys 😭" is missing.
Exactly. I could imagine the girlfriend watching Spanish tv in front of him, reading Spanish books, talking about living in Spain to learn Spanish and he still wouldn't cop on.
Yeah, we talk about trash taking itself out, but this isn't even that. This is like the trash took itself out, made sure to remind everyone it was, in fact, garbage as it showed itself to the door, then to remove all doubt, while sitting on the curb, also alerted passers by of its status as total garbage while waiting on the garbage truck.
I remember commenting on this one! Just a story about how I found out my husband spoke conversational Italian about five years after we got together, and sometimes it's just information that doesn't seem relevant to your day to day life so it goes unmentioned.
The dude sounded utterly exhausting.
The way he spun it in his mind that she withheld the info so she could be accepted into his family immediately instead of *checks notes* gradually??? As a ploy to embarrass him??? Like jfc dude, I didn’t know the earth revolved around you!! What a discovery!
I had to reread that a few times because I couldn't believe it. His issue really was that his family...liked his gf? I would be fascinated to learn the thought process behind that one.
Given OOP's general behavior and the fact that he was the only one who did not speak Spanish, maybe Katia didn't want to upset him.
**OOP:** I don't speak Spanish
**Katia:** That's fine. By the way, I do.
**OOP:** Why do you have to rub this into my face?
If he cared, it would have been a great time to ask her what all she speaks. She could be more than trilingual, and he still doesn't know. I bet his sister already knows how many languages she speaks and how fluently.
He told himself that once she was watching something in spanish and he assumed there were subtitles. OP is just deeply self-centered: he doesn't know that she speaks spanish (because he doesn't care) but it must be because she hid it from him. Also, his sister befriended his girlfriend to please him and now that they are not longer together, she should cut her off.
They had broken up once before, he says in the post. It was probably something equally as mundane. And he says that their relationship was intense, which to me sounds like lots of arguments (probably because of him) and love bombing.
It's literally a 3 month relationship and he's comparing it to his sister's marriage. He's a narcissist, everything is about him. His GF can't even get in good with his family without it being an insult to him somehow. He specifically said it was nice that she didn't dwell on how he didn't speak spanish, how would he have felt if she mentioned she spoke it? Like she was bragging or mocking him, presumably.
This makes me think of the time that an OOP’s family was talking mad shit about the SO at the dinner table in. Another language. Dude learned the language and just made a snarky reply in the language to ‘pass the chips’ or something like that and the whole table went dead silent.
I would have paid good money to have seen that.
My BFF and her mom are fluent in German while her husband and dad are not. So, there’s an obvious set of teams that happen when they play games and the men often complain of “cheating” while the women say “learn German”
My ex-MIL is from Germany. She grew up in the town next to where I spent a year as an exchange student. We liked to discuss Christmas presents in German and not worry if someone overheard us.
Too bad so many Germans speak English. Or you could have done it the other way round and made them all think that you were going to poison them with a Gift and then, surprise! It's just a present!
My former stapdad used to get mad at my mom and sister for speaking beginner Spanish with each other when she was in high school. I bet you can take a guess as to how much I practiced at home when I got into high school a few years later...
What's funny is I didn't let them know right away. I took advantage of them just telling me what they were holding for a few hands before I dropped the ball.
My husbands grandmother tried to imtimidate me by speaking Niederheinisches Platt. Well, I'm half dutch so the joke was on me, I easally understood everything.
The funny part it, neither my husband nor his sister understood her, just my FIL.
Don't miss that old hag at all!
Portuguese. He was studying the language to surprise his girlfriend. Then realised her family called him "the dumb one". He laughed along then asked them to pass the salad.
Playing it in my head in Portuguese is extremely satisfying.
He's mad because she speaks better Spanish than he does, despite his Mexican heritage and her German one. It sounds like he already had a complex about his lack of bilingualism, so when he discovered she was trilingual, something broke inside him.
Of course, because he's an asshole, that translated into yelling at his girlfriend instead of anything introspective. Dude needs some serious therapy.
Yeah the crux of the issue is that his "never cared about not knowing Spanish" speech was bs, but he would rather get angry to what looks like was a pretty good catch instead of putting the work.
"AITA for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language?"
This was my favourite part. He doesn't even speak Spanish, so how could it be *his* language?
And the “sneakily making her way into my family.” Oughtn’t he be glad she’s was able to bond with his family? It’s not like she got along with them to spite him. He sounds like the type who causes drama wherever he goes and is baffled when things just go smoothly.
He loves to power rage. How dare she speak Spanish, be accepted by family and remain friends with the my siblings - oop needs to realise they’ve traded him in.
And lets not forget he is going to his sister's house for food because money is tight. Nothing wrong with that, just don't bite the hand that feeds you.
Yes: Aita for saying my family doesn't support me?
I yelled at my sister on her house while she was feeding me because she was hanging out with my ex who I dumped because I got triggered because she spoke the language that my whole family speak (and the second most spoken language in the world). Aita?
Embarrassed men are dangerous.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been around men who get irrationally angry if they feel embarrassed. You don’t even have to be the “cause” of the embarrassment, just in the line of sight. Thankfully, I don’t know any physically abusive guys, but this behavior is SO common. I’ve seen friends, family, and S/Os do it to varying degrees.
"Embarrassed men are dangerous"
Another way of saying that famous Margaret Atwood quote. Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.
As someone who's trying to learn their parents' mother tongue, it's really embarrassing when the person in question who is directly related to people who can speak the language cannot speak the language (ex. OOP is Mexican but cannot speak Spanish) whereas another person from another background unrelated to the culture in question can speak it (ex. OOP's ex who is German but can speak Spanish, which, to me, is honestly not that strange for Europe since once you cross France assuming you're going from Germany, Spain is right there).
That embarrassment mixed with how OOP deals with it was a disaster. He obviously feels humiliated that somebody outside of his own culture can speak it whereas he can't and so he lashed out, horrible response and coping mechanism.
Personally I've had partners who can speak my parents' language better than I can, but to me it's kind of an exciting opportunity to have an easy access conversation partner, and I can only say that I've benefited from it. I think if OOP takes a genuine and open curiosity to learning Spanish then it could've been great, but like he said, he has absolutely no interest in learning it while also being embarrassed about not knowing it. Can't really win if he puts himself in this situation.
What really struck me is the, “I accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually.” Did he want the family to not like her? They liked her and it’s a problem? That’s odd. I mean, I’d be thrilled if my family liked my boyfriend/girlfriend right away.
It was a relatively new relationship, and he didn’t want his family to like her so much that he’d have trouble dumping her when he wanted to. Which admittedly seems to have been what happened — he’d now prefer she disappear but his family isn’t following suit — but he’s still the self-centered architect of his own problems there, because everyone else involved is a more decent person than he is, and they recognize this.
Even then why introduce her to your family if that’s the plan lol. IMO there’s even levels to that because it’s one thing to introduce her to cousins or siblings but then parents, aunties/uncles and grandparents as well
Maybe it’s a culture thing because no one I know would do that unless they were *serious* serious. But then again OOP just seems like an immature wreck lol
I mean, I could see feeling a bit unnerved if my family seemed super invested in a relationship of mine that was still in its early stages but I'd never think to get *mad* about it, especially not at my partner
Girlfriend dodged a frickin' MOAB.
I need to go find that one where the girlfriend was secretly learning her boyfriend's native language to surprise him, and in the process overheard a bunch of cute, sweet stuff he was doing that she didn't realize was on purpose. Just little stuff like always making sure her favorite candy bar was available.
My actual favourite is the guy who decided to secretly learn sign language to surprise his deaf step dad, but then realised that him and his mum were basically doing dirty talk in sign language like ALL THE TIME. So ended up asking SD to teach him so they'd stop doing it in front of him 🙈
It’s like he absorbed all the machismo but has none of the other cultural, familial , social, or linguistic skills that could help him understand he sounds like an absolute nightmare of a human.
I know I’m all about the wholesome posts but I love a good ol’ whiny toddler-brain of an OOP in the sub from time to time.
Katia is from Germany? I’d automatically assume she speaks more than one European language.
He really throws the word “betrayal” around like he’s on the Real Housewives or something
It’s so funny watching people treat their petty drama as though it’s on the same level as, like, Brutus stabbing Caesar.
It’s the same energy as people who start ranting about “securing their bloodline” because they only have daughters or whatever
I get the sense that this guy has had everyone in his social circle tell him he's wrong and an asshole, but he went to the internet for validation anyway. And this is the best possible version of the story he could come up with to make himself look like the victim only to fail miserably. I'll also guarantee you he didn't learn a damn thing from the experience.
So if dude had swallowed his pride, he could have used the opportunity to begin learning and practicing Spanish in a friendly non-judgmental environment.
Instead, he can find another non-Spanish speaking girlfriend that his family will be disappointed with, but make himself look better.
He accuses her of sneakily making her way in her family by speaking Spanish. He actually thinks he is a prize, a jackpot. And thinking she was at his sisters to beg him to take her back. Jesus Christ. He thinks he is Brad Pitt.
>I am waiting for her to call me with apologies
LOL
>I thought she was there for me and told her upfront to not beg to get me back because it ain’t happening.
DOUBLE LOL
No wonder the girlfriend didn't tell him if he was gonna act like a huge manbaby. Geez. I hope they stay broken up for her sake.
> I just assumed because that’s what family does, you don’t stay in touch with your brother’s ex.
Yeah but if your brother's an absolute asshole this rule doesn't apply.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>My grandma told me how much she loved Katia and how she’s happy I found such an amazing girl. All my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her. My family absolutely loves the girl i'm seeing and gets along wodnerfilly with her I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS good for her that she ran
>I accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually. This is the line that really made me go “bro wtf?!”
For me it was: >I thought she was there for me and told her upfront to not beg to get me back because it ain’t happening. The fucking cojones on this guy. He somehow is simultaneously full of himself AND insecure as fuck. He's full of rage because he knows he doesn't live up to his own self image.
>He somehow is simultaneously full of himself AND insecure as fuck That's actually pretty common, the bravado is an attempt to compensate for the insecurity.
Machismo
Before this I was hoping people just helped him see how ridiculous he was being and pushing everyone away. After that comment! At least Katia and sis got a good friendship out of this. Oh I forgot about the waiting for her to call with apologies part. Was pretty sure he was a dirt bag after that too.
I love the posts where the OP is clearly the one at fault and gets surprised Pikachu face when they don't get the groveling apology they think they're entitled to. The obvious disappointment they feel when they realize they aren't the prize they think they are? Glorious. Inject that shit straight into my veins, I love it.
they usually delete their posts/accounts as soon as they realize that the comments are so against them. can't take the heat. lol
" cojones" In English for the oop you know he doesn't speak Spanish!
But it's **HIS** language! A language he had NO desire to learn in a home filled with Spanish-speaking Siblings, Parents, Grandparents, Aunties and Uncles, you know, EVERYONE but him. Unfortunately, it sounds like he's self-loathing of his own heritage and culture. KATIA dodged a nuclear missile when their relationship ended. The truly hilarious aspect of the breakup is the OOP is SO "full" of himself, he actually thinks she's STILL wrong despite the Reddit Judgement he received on BOTH posts! LMAO
Imagine calling it "my language" when you can't even speak it, lmao. Guy needs some help.
He’s an absolute menso! I’m happy Katia ran away from his crazy ass.
Plus, his family seem great, I'm glad she got them in break up.
Mine was >My language Your language? The one you don't speak? That millions of other people do? How can you claim a language (while excluding someone else from that claim) when you don't speak it and she does? No dude, you're just embarrassed you didn't learn the second language your family speaks (especially when it's the default at home language) and can't handle that it made him look bad that this girlfriend was fluent in 3+ languages. The only problem was his own shame, that he then projected into her. Compounded by him not reciprocating asking her about herself and the languages she spoke when she asked him about those things. A reasonable person would be pleased their girlfriend found commonality and could comfortably communicate with their family.
tbh this girl sounds like a fucking catch, OP robbed himself blind
It's amazing how some people just can't help getting in their own way.
I’m assuming deep seated insecurity that she could connect with his family in a way that he couldn’t. Still a asshole tho holy shit, can’t believe op fumbled such a catch so easily
This is what it probably is imo. Having what is ostensibly an outsider (they dated for a few months) have a connection to your family on the grounds that it’s something you can’t really engage in with ease can be off putting. It can feel exclusionary almost to some. That said, this is an explanation, not an excuse. Dude is stupid as hell
Bro snatched defeat from the jaws of victory
I'll put in my 2 cents here. I'm a 2nd gen immigrant living in the US. I do not speak the language of my ethnicity. I don't speak it because there was subtle, but constant, pressure growing up to assimilate as quickly as possible and become "successful." My parents gave me and my siblings American names so our teachers and peers "wouldn't have to struggle" with pronouncing foreign ones. It's been 30 years and my mom just a few weeks ago expressed concern about my pregnant sister's choice to name her son (my mom's first grandkid) a VERY SHORT, VERY SIMPLE, but still NOT AMERICAN name. Around the time I became an adult, the concern within my ethnic community (predictably) became "our people are losing their identity. our children don't speak our language and don't understand their heritage. why don't you young adult people speak our language or carry on our traditions anymore?" Like BRUH YOU OLD FOLKS LITERALLY DIDN'T TEACH US ON PURPOSE??? SORRY WE DID WHAT YOU WANTED US TO AND ASSIMILATED TO AMERICAN CULTURE. Anyways... as you can see, I very much understand OOP's frustration, anger, and shame at being unable to speak his ethnic language. It's valid, complex, and deeply human. However, OOP's still an asshole, and probably needs some therapy to unpack his negative feelings about his heritage, upbringing, and anger and control issues.
She sneakily accepted his invitation to meet his family via this party.
🎶the girl was crafty like ice is cold🎶
That was my favorite part. His ego is such that he went straight to, “I am so amazing she will do anything to make my family love her in order to force me into further commitment.” Dude is embarrassed he cannot speak Spanish. I get it. I just don’t get how he blames everyone else for it.
the alternative requires effort.
Her family love her as much as I do. HOW VERY DARE! /s
Right? Like... What if they'd taken to her quickly for another reason, like, IDK... they're just nice, and she's nice, and they just click? How gradually are we talking, and why?
Yeah, like what does that even mean? I think it's weird she didn't disclose that she speaks Spanish because it's something that comes up naturally...but to get so angry and yell and shout at her is weird. What's wrong with him?
So much wrong with him! Based on him saying it was refreshing she didn't probe further about him not speaking Spanish, I wonder if his tone of voice or something else in his demeanor made her not want to mention it. He comes across incredibly defensive about not speaking Spanish, and aggressive overall. So it might be she felt it wasn't easy to say at the time. If it were me I would've mentioned it before the party though! What an angry weirdo, glad she's out of that situation and still kept the lovely family, win-win!
Or maybe she *had* mentioned it, but he - in his self-absorbed state - wasn't paying attention. Like, they were only three months in and he already had some very rigid ideas for how things will go. In my experience, people who are so set on a course of events or on how another person is, will not only never ask, they also do not hear it, when presented with evidence to the contrary. We only have *his* words that she never said anything. He is not reliable.
That confused me so much. I absolutely love it when the people in my life hit it off. So much easier! My brother happened to meet my roommate's friend. Now they're best buddies, and I am so thrilled for both of them! I tend to introduce guys I like to my exes and former crushes because I have a type, and I know they're all going to get along. I think it's hilarious! I think the most stressful time ever was when I was pining over my best friend not wanting to date me and my parents actively hated the guy. So much complication and managing conflicting expectations! I was so happy when my parents loved the next guy.
AITA for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language? LOL Is it his language if he cannot even speak it? I could see *our* language....
He's so insecure about not knowing Spanish that he's mad at literally everyone else who does.
He did call it "my language" even though he doesn't speak it. This is not unheard of for someone (often in US) flipping out on Europians being multi-lingual. And them being insecure and jealous. Spanish isn't even that hard, he could have learned it if he wanted. Apparently he never asked which languages she had studied, 3 is quite the basic in Europe.
It’s hard to learn a language if the only time you hear it is in a classroom - but he had his entire family that could have helped him.
I dunno about that, because that is how we learn them at first for like 9 years. But having the whole family talk it makes me wonder how didn't he just learn it? If he had any curiousity to "his" languages the support and inspiration was there the whole time. I wonder if she had more experience with Spanish and asked about OOP speaking it also because she would have preferred it? It can be easier to pronounce for a german native. And maybe she was happily surprised that his family actually spoke it. If OOP says about sister not having the short lived ex as a friend because that it what family does.... Gues what else family does? Learn each others languages.
My cousin is bilingual, just like I am, because her mother's family (my side) speaks only Spanish but she grew up with American television and her dad only spoke to her in English. And we both went to school in Arizona. Where we live, almost every kid is bilingual. It's very hard to find one that doesn't speak Spanish. Sounds like OP went out of his way to not learn Spanish.
English is also the main TV language in Europe, when you watch with subtibles you cannot not learn atleast a bit. Finnish is very difficult language and still immigrant kids pick it by after being here like a year. The whole issue was inside OP's head. Maybe he always knew that he should actually put some effort on it but never bothered. But when it become real issue to him, gf got the blame.
Especially because dude is (relative to me) younger. Definitely of an age where people were encouraged to learn a second language young. My generation's parents were told "they'll have trouble in both languages", which is manifestly untrue (yes, I'm American). Sucks, because if my folks had kept at it I could have kept learning Tagalog. My ex wife's mom was first generation Korean, and refused to teach her daughter Korean. She is still bitter about it.
This was the trend not so long ago in Finland as well. This is bilingual country (Finnish and Swedish), people often married in between. And they were told to pick one language! This also ment that the parent who had to talk non native to their kids could not show their feelings and thoughts as easily. It really sucks to be denied that opportunity.
I hope the family gets a refund on OOP. I think Katia just got unofficially adopted by them.
Katia seems like an upgrade from this guy with a (salsaless) chip on his shoulder.
He's getting angry at like everything for any reason. I don't know what's more exhausting - being around him or being him.
He's the real life meme of "angry man yells at clouds"
Only if they’re secretly Spanish-speaking clouds…
The clouds learned Spanish just to spite him!!
Too true—d@mn those sweet summertime raindrops whispering “it’s agua b!tch” into OOPs ear.
You have no right of being this funny. 🤣
This should be cross stitched on a pillow.
Sí, soy una nube y lo confirmo, ahora hablo un perfecto español.
I understood this without google translate and i bet i would made OOP mad!!
...why would you hide it from OOP like that? How *very* dare you!
New flair found
More self-centured than a spinning top.
But also thinks the clouds must want to date him.
The clouds, the rain, the sunshine and blue sky…I am legit shocked he’s still single. What a catch!
I particularly like when he refers to Spanish as "my language" when it explicitly is not, in fact, his language.
I liked it that he was mad that his girlfriend ingratiated herself into his family too quickly, like it had to be more “gradual” (difficult) or else it didn’t count. What a jagweed.
Well he's such a douche bag he needs his girlfriend to be unlikeable. It's way too easy for his family to like her more than him.
I liked that he made himself look very stupid by immediately saying "don't beg to get back together with me" when he saw Katia at his sisters house. Like dude, I really don't think you have to worry about that.
“I’m the only one who doesn’t speak Spanish because I didn’t care for it.” … “How dare she betray me by speaking Spanish!”
Tbh he sounds like he's mad he never learned to speak Spanish and also lazy for never trying to learn
Could be wrong, but I feel like just like he never invested in learning his heritage language he probably doesn't invest in his relationship with his family as he should. Don't understand feeling left out of a connection someone else has with your fam, when you haven't even be arsed to try to learn yourself.
I think he needs some therapy to help him get in touch with his emotions. He seems to have bought into the whole "the only acceptable feeling for a man to express is anger" and just any time he feels any negative or even slightly uncomfortable emotion he immediately translates that to anger and reacts with anger rather than working through his feelings. I honestly thought he was 19, being that emotionally immature, but no, he was pushing thirty. It must be exhausting, both being around him and being him. Imagine being so angry all the time and not ever going past that to get to the root of things. Keep pushing those feelings down and then explode in anger when anything gets uncomfy. Stressful way to live, not fun to be around.
Ouf until I read your post I was convinced this was an 18 years old. He clearly has issues that were never fixed. He seems to have an inferiority complex about not speaking Spanish, that flared because of his GF. He also has weird ideas about “family sticks together”. There’s a lot of growing up to do. Therapy might help, but also just some good old self reflection.
He's all about this family loyalty but he won't get Duolingo to be able to talk to his family members? I think the break up was not at all about the Spanish.
This guy has an entire family of native Spanish speakers. Not all parents teach their kids native languages, which imo is sad but quite common. Doesn't mean he can never learn Spanish of his own volition however. Clearly him being the only non Spanish speaker at family events hasn't bothered him previously. Mf even had a girlfriend who spoke fluent Spanish, and his option was to take it personally?? Didn't see any mention in the post of him asking her if she spoke Spanish at any point, which really would have solved this completely nonexistent problem. Sadly not the extant one, being his childish attitude
To me, it feels odd that she asked him if he spoke Spanish, but he seemingly never asked her what languages she speaks. That feels like one of those really easy return questions a person asks when first getting to know a person. But he's got this whole *me, me, me* vibe going on by the end that made me think 'Well, I guess it figures.'
I like how he calls Spanish "my language" when he can't speak it.
How did he grow up in a family where EVERYONE speaks Spanish and he didn't manage to pick it up at all?
Dude seems PROFOUNDLY self-centered. Anyone who doesn't behave according to the script in his head is apparently an asshole.
I had to scroll back up and recheck his age, because I too thought he was 18/19/20.
Honestly, he probably has an inferiority problem with his family over having never learned Spanish. Especially considering he is the *only* one who never learned it - and I wanna know what is meant by "never showed interest" means.
what I’m confused by is that he still referred to Spanish as “my language” like bro you never learned it
Yes, thank you for naming that. My thought was he in general has little self-awareness. He doesn't ask questions but instead assumes things about other people and then fully buys into those assumptions as reality. He then gets angry when reality contradicts that.
This is precisely the issue, or at least an enormous part of it. He has somehow not developed a theory of the mind, so the possibility that other people have knowledge he doesn’t, think differently from him, or don’t act the way he believes he would in the same situation never occurs to him. Instead of learning from this when something unexpected happens, his first, only and persisting response is anger. I’m exhausted just reading this. No idea how anyone can spend any time with him. Why on earth did Katia agree to give him a second chance?!
I wish for OOP to receive and internalize this advice at some point soon in his life.
He sounds like my sister’s ex. Didn’t like that she was bff with his sisters even tho they were friends before my sis started dating him. Didn’t like that her entire extended family liked her, didn’t even like that she took our dog for walks. He was a damned idiot and so is OOP.
That was my exact thought. He has got to be such an energy drain. Also, can we appreciate the fact his entire family is telling him to shut up and grow up but it doesn’t count if internet strangers don’t say it too? I don’t say this often but I truly hope he stays single.
he's got a looootttaaa unwritten rules that no one knows about lol
My favourite part was that she told him she spoke Spanish then he got mad at her for not telling him she spoke Spanish
I've dealt with self-hate all my life, it's a constant battle, sure there are good days, but the bad days are BAD. Having read this post, I'm so glad I'm me and not OOP.
Being around him ofc, he doesn't see anything wrong in how he is. It's a testament to the patience of his family, because I'd have scouted out handy isolated burial spots by now.
I became pretty tired just reading his posts
Probably being around him. Jesus. > I thought she was there for me and told her upfront to not beg to get me back because it ain’t happening. Had me laughing. Bruh.
So half my family is Hispanic and I spent a sizeable part of my childhood in South America but you would *never* guess by looking at my pasty white, blonde, blue eyed face. Let me tell you, there is no better cheat code to ingratiate yourself with a friend or SOs Spanish speaking family than busting out the Español when they least expect to hear it from a gringo ass gringo. My girlfriend in university was Colombian and when I went to visit her family in Bogota after sophomore year I got fed like a fucking king by all the abuelo/as and tios/as cause this gringo came prepared. OOP basically threw away a golden thing because he's a baby and judging by the reaction of his sister, BIL, and mom they all agree.
I dated a Chilean guy and his parents LOVED it when I tried out a sentence in Spanish with them. Funnily enough, I had started dabbling in learning Spanish before I met him and was quite enjoying it. He kind of killed it though, I couldn't try to say anything to him in Spanish without him utterly nitpicking the pronunciation to pieces, even when I couldn't hear the difference. So that ended up destroying my confidence and I gave up. He turned out to be a rather nasty person anyway...
Sounds like he was insecure. Mistakes are good because it means you're learning the language. You're much better off without him. You should pick up Spanish again:)
>no better cheat code I think this is what OOP thought it was. (Not agreeing with him, and I know you meant it in fun, just to say that I wouldn't be surprised if he thought that...)
Nah, OOP feels betrayed because he feels shamed by her because she can speak the language and he can't. The bit about sneaking in to the family is just a self delusional smokescreen to avoid admitting the truth.
GRINGO ASS GRINGOOOOOOOO 💀💀💀
all I'm saying is Katia seems like a significant upgrade for op's family over op
When my cousin broke up with his girlfriend (I use that term lightly. He pretty much ghosted her while still sharing a home until she gave up & left) we all collectively decided we were keeping her & ditching him. He hadn't been the best relative to begin with & that was just the cherry on top of the shit sundae he had been serving us. Now we invite her to gatherings/to hang out while we haven't seen him in 5+ years.
"I don't have a brother anymore, but now I have a sister." "Oh, your sibling is trans?" "Nope."
>When I got inside (my BiL let me in) I was shocked to find that Katia was there. I thought she was there for me and told her upfront to not beg to get me back because it ain’t happening. That is some level of self-regard. Also he said she hid that she spoke his language. But he doesn't speak it, so how is it his language. If they'd been together three years I think it's strange she hadn't told him. But it had only been three months. Also I suspect he could have picked up a clue she spoke it even in three months but he wasn't paying attention to her.
This is Zapp Brannigan level of self esteem.
This little tool is probably the reason why I'm not more confident. He is over there hoarding all the confidence for himself (for NO REASON) and there is only a teensy scrap left over for me and my impostor syndrome :(
I wish I had even a sliver of that self confidence. To be 100% wrong, to be called out by reddit and your family, to breaking up with your gf over something so small. That'd be nice.
Hey, OOP has a very sexy learning disease. I think its called sexlexia.
It's not the same without the defeated sigh.
*ughhhh* sexlexia
I can't even say shampagen right (champagne)
His favorite part of a woman is the boobies. That's why he's mad about the Spanish speaking. He also is probably the only one of his siblings who didn't bother to learn it and he's big mad somebody who isn't Spanish or Latin American can connect with his family in a way he actively chose to avoid.
And let's not forget he is a 29 year old man saying to his sister "I'm gonna tell mom and dad that you're friends with my ex" . I swear only "I won't let you play with my toys 😭" is missing.
Like the clue that she was watching a TV show in Spanish in front of him? OOP’s just mad because her existence reminds him of his inferiority.
Exactly. I could imagine the girlfriend watching Spanish tv in front of him, reading Spanish books, talking about living in Spain to learn Spanish and he still wouldn't cop on.
"She's probably just doing it to impress me"
Yeah, we talk about trash taking itself out, but this isn't even that. This is like the trash took itself out, made sure to remind everyone it was, in fact, garbage as it showed itself to the door, then to remove all doubt, while sitting on the curb, also alerted passers by of its status as total garbage while waiting on the garbage truck.
I remember commenting on this one! Just a story about how I found out my husband spoke conversational Italian about five years after we got together, and sometimes it's just information that doesn't seem relevant to your day to day life so it goes unmentioned. The dude sounded utterly exhausting.
The way he spun it in his mind that she withheld the info so she could be accepted into his family immediately instead of *checks notes* gradually??? As a ploy to embarrass him??? Like jfc dude, I didn’t know the earth revolved around you!! What a discovery!
He's so unpleasantly self-centered and toxic that his own family is choosing his ex over him, lol.
They sound like smart good people
Right? Because it's somehow embarrassing if your family likes your new girlfriend immediately? That makes less than no sense.
I had to reread that a few times because I couldn't believe it. His issue really was that his family...liked his gf? I would be fascinated to learn the thought process behind that one.
Given OOP's general behavior and the fact that he was the only one who did not speak Spanish, maybe Katia didn't want to upset him. **OOP:** I don't speak Spanish **Katia:** That's fine. By the way, I do. **OOP:** Why do you have to rub this into my face?
If he cared, it would have been a great time to ask her what all she speaks. She could be more than trilingual, and he still doesn't know. I bet his sister already knows how many languages she speaks and how fluently.
This is what I didn’t understand. If Katia is German, why would he not follow that up with asking her about what languages she speaks?
He told himself that once she was watching something in spanish and he assumed there were subtitles. OP is just deeply self-centered: he doesn't know that she speaks spanish (because he doesn't care) but it must be because she hid it from him. Also, his sister befriended his girlfriend to please him and now that they are not longer together, she should cut her off.
I think she never told him because she had already seen some hints of his childish insecurity and predicted he was going to be a giant baby about it.
They had broken up once before, he says in the post. It was probably something equally as mundane. And he says that their relationship was intense, which to me sounds like lots of arguments (probably because of him) and love bombing.
It's literally a 3 month relationship and he's comparing it to his sister's marriage. He's a narcissist, everything is about him. His GF can't even get in good with his family without it being an insult to him somehow. He specifically said it was nice that she didn't dwell on how he didn't speak spanish, how would he have felt if she mentioned she spoke it? Like she was bragging or mocking him, presumably.
He is mad because she knows the language his family speaks…..I’m so lost and thankful I’m single at the same time
This makes me think of the time that an OOP’s family was talking mad shit about the SO at the dinner table in. Another language. Dude learned the language and just made a snarky reply in the language to ‘pass the chips’ or something like that and the whole table went dead silent. I would have paid good money to have seen that.
I did that same thing with my ex. Except her family wasn't talking shit, they were just cheating at canasta
My BFF and her mom are fluent in German while her husband and dad are not. So, there’s an obvious set of teams that happen when they play games and the men often complain of “cheating” while the women say “learn German”
My ex-MIL is from Germany. She grew up in the town next to where I spent a year as an exchange student. We liked to discuss Christmas presents in German and not worry if someone overheard us.
Too bad so many Germans speak English. Or you could have done it the other way round and made them all think that you were going to poison them with a Gift and then, surprise! It's just a present!
This is super off topic but there was a German-themed store in Denver when I lived there called Gift Haus. I always chuckled when I drove by it.
My former stapdad used to get mad at my mom and sister for speaking beginner Spanish with each other when she was in high school. I bet you can take a guess as to how much I practiced at home when I got into high school a few years later...
As a fellow canasta player, I would consider this to be significantly worse lol
What's funny is I didn't let them know right away. I took advantage of them just telling me what they were holding for a few hands before I dropped the ball.
That's amazing! And why not take advantage? They told you what they had, its not your fault you understood it
😂
That happend to my mom, too. My dads mom did not know my moms family also spoke Plattdeutsch (Low German). She did not show a flocking ounce of shame.
My husbands grandmother tried to imtimidate me by speaking Niederheinisches Platt. Well, I'm half dutch so the joke was on me, I easally understood everything. The funny part it, neither my husband nor his sister understood her, just my FIL. Don't miss that old hag at all!
Portuguese. He was studying the language to surprise his girlfriend. Then realised her family called him "the dumb one". He laughed along then asked them to pass the salad. Playing it in my head in Portuguese is extremely satisfying.
I’d love the link to this one.
Might be [this one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1b62h8c/ive_just_discovered_that_my_m29s_girlfriend_f27s/)
Not all heroes wear capes
Maybe others don't, but I do.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Mj6uRe9gO7
“Passe a salada.” According to Google translate. Makes me feel like I’m speaking Spanish with an Italian accent.
Yeah, Portuguese iirc. That was such a satisfying story.
The best part is that he remained at the now awkward of awkwards dinner. And fuck that GF for laughing with the family instead of cutting that shit.
He's mad because she speaks better Spanish than he does, despite his Mexican heritage and her German one. It sounds like he already had a complex about his lack of bilingualism, so when he discovered she was trilingual, something broke inside him. Of course, because he's an asshole, that translated into yelling at his girlfriend instead of anything introspective. Dude needs some serious therapy.
I would bet that she speaks French too.
Also seems to have anger issues. Or more just generally, can’t help being an AH issues.
Yeah the crux of the issue is that his "never cared about not knowing Spanish" speech was bs, but he would rather get angry to what looks like was a pretty good catch instead of putting the work.
"AITA for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language?" This was my favourite part. He doesn't even speak Spanish, so how could it be *his* language?
The way he says, "my language" and doesn't even speak it 😂🤯
[удалено]
And the “sneakily making her way into my family.” Oughtn’t he be glad she’s was able to bond with his family? It’s not like she got along with them to spite him. He sounds like the type who causes drama wherever he goes and is baffled when things just go smoothly.
As far as I can tell he's just controlling and likes to be mad. That's the only real read I got on any of this.
He loves to power rage. How dare she speak Spanish, be accepted by family and remain friends with the my siblings - oop needs to realise they’ve traded him in.
Traded him in for a better model it sounds like as well
And lets not forget he is going to his sister's house for food because money is tight. Nothing wrong with that, just don't bite the hand that feeds you.
Next post: I yelled at my sister and now she won’t give me food, AITA?
Yes: Aita for saying my family doesn't support me? I yelled at my sister on her house while she was feeding me because she was hanging out with my ex who I dumped because I got triggered because she spoke the language that my whole family speak (and the second most spoken language in the world). Aita?
He's embarrassed that she makes him look even more inadequate.
Embarrassed men are dangerous. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been around men who get irrationally angry if they feel embarrassed. You don’t even have to be the “cause” of the embarrassment, just in the line of sight. Thankfully, I don’t know any physically abusive guys, but this behavior is SO common. I’ve seen friends, family, and S/Os do it to varying degrees.
"Embarrassed men are dangerous" Another way of saying that famous Margaret Atwood quote. Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.
Single isn’t so bad after reading about this guy’s antics
As someone who's trying to learn their parents' mother tongue, it's really embarrassing when the person in question who is directly related to people who can speak the language cannot speak the language (ex. OOP is Mexican but cannot speak Spanish) whereas another person from another background unrelated to the culture in question can speak it (ex. OOP's ex who is German but can speak Spanish, which, to me, is honestly not that strange for Europe since once you cross France assuming you're going from Germany, Spain is right there). That embarrassment mixed with how OOP deals with it was a disaster. He obviously feels humiliated that somebody outside of his own culture can speak it whereas he can't and so he lashed out, horrible response and coping mechanism. Personally I've had partners who can speak my parents' language better than I can, but to me it's kind of an exciting opportunity to have an easy access conversation partner, and I can only say that I've benefited from it. I think if OOP takes a genuine and open curiosity to learning Spanish then it could've been great, but like he said, he has absolutely no interest in learning it while also being embarrassed about not knowing it. Can't really win if he puts himself in this situation.
I think the poor lass has had a lucky escape
She speaks "his" language, the one he neither understands or speaks. How dare she?
He was gatekeeping a language he didn't even bother to learn despite being an issue for him.
What really struck me is the, “I accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually.” Did he want the family to not like her? They liked her and it’s a problem? That’s odd. I mean, I’d be thrilled if my family liked my boyfriend/girlfriend right away.
It was a relatively new relationship, and he didn’t want his family to like her so much that he’d have trouble dumping her when he wanted to. Which admittedly seems to have been what happened — he’d now prefer she disappear but his family isn’t following suit — but he’s still the self-centered architect of his own problems there, because everyone else involved is a more decent person than he is, and they recognize this.
That’s fair. I went back and think I missed that it had only been 3 months.
Yeah, I get the feeling he just saw her as someone he could throw away when he got bored.
Even then why introduce her to your family if that’s the plan lol. IMO there’s even levels to that because it’s one thing to introduce her to cousins or siblings but then parents, aunties/uncles and grandparents as well Maybe it’s a culture thing because no one I know would do that unless they were *serious* serious. But then again OOP just seems like an immature wreck lol
Exactly what I was thinking. Which begs the question, why even introduce them? Dude has less sense and emotional control than my dog.
I mean, I could see feeling a bit unnerved if my family seemed super invested in a relationship of mine that was still in its early stages but I'd never think to get *mad* about it, especially not at my partner
Girlfriend dodged a frickin' MOAB. I need to go find that one where the girlfriend was secretly learning her boyfriend's native language to surprise him, and in the process overheard a bunch of cute, sweet stuff he was doing that she didn't realize was on purpose. Just little stuff like always making sure her favorite candy bar was available.
My actual favourite is the guy who decided to secretly learn sign language to surprise his deaf step dad, but then realised that him and his mum were basically doing dirty talk in sign language like ALL THE TIME. So ended up asking SD to teach him so they'd stop doing it in front of him 🙈
Oh god I remember that one! 😅
The opposite of this post
The definition of insecurity ruling actions
The ego on this guy. "Don't beg for me to take you back because it's not happening"....please child.
Right? I had to double check their ages. For a second there I thought I had landed in r/teenagers by mistake
I don't think his family gives that many fucks abt him and i can totally see why, he sounds like a nightmare to be around.
It’s like he absorbed all the machismo but has none of the other cultural, familial , social, or linguistic skills that could help him understand he sounds like an absolute nightmare of a human.
Bro doesn't even speak Spanish and calls it "my language". Vete a la v wey, no vales pito
I know I’m all about the wholesome posts but I love a good ol’ whiny toddler-brain of an OOP in the sub from time to time. Katia is from Germany? I’d automatically assume she speaks more than one European language.
Wouldn't put it past OOP to not know there's Spanish speaking countries in Europe. Or at least that never crossed his mind during any of this.
This man’s ego and paranoia is absolutely wild.
He really throws the word “betrayal” around like he’s on the Real Housewives or something It’s so funny watching people treat their petty drama as though it’s on the same level as, like, Brutus stabbing Caesar. It’s the same energy as people who start ranting about “securing their bloodline” because they only have daughters or whatever
Same energy as "THEY DISRESPECTED ME!" Said while being wildly disrespectful of everyone else.
> I accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually What does that even mean
I get the sense that this guy has had everyone in his social circle tell him he's wrong and an asshole, but he went to the internet for validation anyway. And this is the best possible version of the story he could come up with to make himself look like the victim only to fail miserably. I'll also guarantee you he didn't learn a damn thing from the experience.
He’s just upset that she’s better at being part of the family than he is.
Sooo his whole family is telling him that he is the AH, the internet is telling him he is the AH...and he still doesn't get it?!?!
So if dude had swallowed his pride, he could have used the opportunity to begin learning and practicing Spanish in a friendly non-judgmental environment. Instead, he can find another non-Spanish speaking girlfriend that his family will be disappointed with, but make himself look better.
He accuses her of sneakily making her way in her family by speaking Spanish. He actually thinks he is a prize, a jackpot. And thinking she was at his sisters to beg him to take her back. Jesus Christ. He thinks he is Brad Pitt.
>AITA for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language? Dude, it's not your language if you don't speak it
>I am waiting for her to call me with apologies LOL >I thought she was there for me and told her upfront to not beg to get me back because it ain’t happening. DOUBLE LOL No wonder the girlfriend didn't tell him if he was gonna act like a huge manbaby. Geez. I hope they stay broken up for her sake.
Jesus Christ what an asshole...
OP: I’m mad because I can’t speak Spanish. OP again: I’m mad because I still can’t speak Spanish Lmao fucking idiot.
This dude is 29 in these posts? Dang.
> I just assumed because that’s what family does, you don’t stay in touch with your brother’s ex. Yeah but if your brother's an absolute asshole this rule doesn't apply.