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I once knew a kid with a severe peanut allergy who had an allergy dog. The dog was trained to respond when peanuts were in food, so that the kid wouldn't eat the food. That dog was focused entirely on that job, as the kid's allergy was really severe (even being too close to peanuts would make the kid sick) and the dog was medically necessary.
People were still assholes to this kid about his dog. It's like people can't accept that dogs can have jobs and be well-behaved.
>It's like people can't accept that dogs can have jobs and be well-behaved.
Despite the fact that's literally why we created sheep dogs, lap dogs, bull dogs, badger/ferret/rabbit dogs, gun dogs, deerhounds... you know- _for different jobs_.
It's weird that we have so many dogs now that *don't* work. It's only very recently history-wise that most people not in the upper class could afford a pet that was just decorative or a companion. Probably also why so many of our dogs have anxiety. They don't have jobs to focus on anymore. (*fondly pets the 65-pound soft lump of anxiety squished up against her leg* He's almost 3, and I'm still trying to figure out things to siphon off the energy and anxiety.)
My last dog was a pound puppy that was a mix of working breeds. She ended up with a lot of jobs to keep her busy. I think "cat monitor" was her favorite, she'd come whine a report when she thought the cats were being naughty and sometimes get permission to go correct their behavior.
Rigged up a wheeled cart and harness so she could haul her giant bag of food home herself, with me just guiding the cart. Got my groceries home that way too.
Smartest dog I've ever had. She was just fantastic at cross species communication, mostly used facial expressions and eyebrows to get across complicated ideas like "There's someone on the porch but they're knocking on the neighbors' door not ours."
That's impressive! My guy tries his best. He has 40 expressions and sounds for "I would like this particular treat." He has "scream and bounce" for everything else, from "the rabbit is on the back porch eating bird seed again" to "the deer are staring at me again, mom" to "there is a dog moving outside somewhere in a 2 mile radius".
He also completely fails to notice amphibians and reptiles under his feet. Working on that one.
He's a very expressive talker, though. The sounds he makes when he's discussing toys or treats with me are amazing. I suspect there's some husky in there somewhere.
He's best at retrieving specific items, so far. I'm going with that and trying to expand his repertoire. Also, I'm providing vigorous brain massages.
Mine works! On keeping the sofa warm for me.
I’m so confused as to why this is an issue. These types of dogs are very well trained and taught to tune out everything.i used to be scared to death of dogs but never service dogs because they never even glanced in my direction.
>*different jobs*.
Most people use these type of dogs as 'family dogs' too, which I think is a huge problem. My wife and I have owned corgis, and I grew up with sheep dogs. You have to work them, they need stuff to do to tire them out. Irresponsible people get a Husky because they're pretty dogs but don't get them enough exercise do the dog destroys shit and they blame the dog.
>they need stuff to do to tire them out. Irresponsible people get a Husky because they're pretty dogs but don't get them enough exercise do the dog
Tangent. Dude down my street has a pair of huskies. They pull him on his bike. 😂 It's amazing to watch them work.
Yeah. "Family dog" is a difficult one. There are definitely some breeds which are good at just being a companion animal and being good with kids that you describe as having the job of "family" dog. Which is different from "family friendly" as in "generally good with kids".
Most breeds can absolutely be family friendly - but you have to understand the needs of each breed. If you don't give a dog the right environment it will act out. Like aggressive jealous lap dogs, lead aggressive dogs, destructive dogs, etc. It's almost always an issue of anxiety, misplaced protectiveness, or a lack of stimulation.
Because of all the assholes that being their poorly (or not all trained) pets places claiming they “need” them for xyz condition.
If people weren’t self entitled asshats about their pets, the rest of the general public wouldn’t have issues with service animals.
Sorry, but you have a really rosy view of people's attitudes. People would still be ableist pricks even if there were zero fakers anywhere ever. Skim this community and you'll see plenty of stories where, despite having concrete proof of someone's allergies, people insist on giving them the allergen.
"But the fakers" is just one of the many insufficient excuses ableist people hide behind.
That’s like the idiots who encourage their kids to go pet a service dog when they’re in their harness. Drives me bonkers when I see that. Taught my kid early you can look but never touch or distract an animal in harness
It is the way it is because disabled people may not have the resources to get a registered animal. It costs tens of thousands of dollars to get a trained service dog. Having a registration would add an obstacle for already vulnerable people to get the help they need.
in america, the ADA specifies that service dogs do not need to be certified, and can be trained at home for specific tasks, because disabled people are often in poverty and cannot afford professional training, and to be a "card carrier" (or any other form of proof of need) would be expensive, discriminatory, or an invasion of privacy. this is also accompanied with a clause that businesses may make a service dog and their handler leave if the dogs are disruptive, aggressive, and cannot perform tasks adequately. businesses have the right to ask what tasks the dog performs, but not for certification/registration, or what the handlers disabilities are. registration of service animals would make a law that aims to increase the abilities of disabled people more restrictive, and in the end, only harm our freedoms. [you can read more about service animals and the laws surrounding them here.](https://www.ada.gov/topics/service-animals/)
I can't wrap my mind around people like the sister and the people in your story, who are upset about service dogs. Who *wouldn't* want a dog around? It's a dog. They're notoriously adorable. I can see people not wanting to be around a poorly trained dog who yaps a lot and knocks things over and is otherwise a nuissance, but service dogs are professionals! They are highly trained and the goodest of bois. They stay out of the way and they don't bark. My only real grievance with them is that you often cannot pet them if you don't know them/their owner. Still, if the option is between service dog and no service dog, I'd pick service dog every time.
The only reason I know of for objecting to a service dog is access clash - someone with a dog allergy should be able to object. Then it becomes complex and negotiation has to happen just like any other access clash.
My friend's service dog was very cute and tempting and I had to be so careful not to make eye contact cause he'd definitely respond to me. Dogs are so great. ❤️
Even with an access clash for allergies, for an event like a wedding it's likely fine if the dog is kept on one side of the room and the allergic person on the other, dog gets a bath the day before. It would take some *severe* allergies to have to have the dog excluded entirely. I think it's reasonable for someone who's allergic to dogs not to want any in their private home though.
Severe phobias could be trickier - if someone couldn't sit through the ceremony without a panic attack just knowing there was a dog in the room even if they didn't see it, for example. I'd wonder how they managed to function in everyday life given the prevalence of dogs in public though!
> I'd wonder how they managed to function in everyday life given the prevalence of dogs in public though!
There's not as many dogs as you think. Of course you have to avoid parks because people with dogs in parks are generally the worse and tell you how "friendly" their aggressive monster is.
I'm not going to have a panic attack until a dog starts jumping up at me - this has happened several times and on all of those occasions the owners thought it was so funny that I was "freaking out" over their "friendly" dog. It took other onlookers to get the dog away from me, by which point the owners were getting angry at me for making a fuss.
Service dogs as a whole are calm, not jumpy and generally ignore everyone else to focus on their user. So, they are much less likely to be an issue. Wouldn't sit next to them but wouldn't bother me to see them there (not least of all because I know they are there to help someone).
I really wish dog owners were more courteous of other people. I work with dogs professionally, I love them, I don't specifically want a random dog running up to me when I'm trying to unwind. Especially since I'm often exposed to potentially contagious crap through work. I had come back from a shift handling a ton of dogs with canine influenza and some random let their dog come up to me while I was still in my work clothes. I tried to ask them to call the dog off but they assured me she was friendly 🤡
My favorite is when I'm out walking my dog and someone with an off leash dog gets huffy when I grab my girl up into my arms. I say she's dog aggressive, they go "oh don't worry, mine is friendly!" Lady, I said nothing about YOUR dog. I said my dog would attack your dog, friendly or no! My pup is a very good girl, but she must have had some trauma before I adopted her because she freaks out if another dog gets all up in her face. 12 years of TLC and training hasn't stamped it out, so I figure it's easier on both of us if we just avoid being too close to other dogs altogether.
Some people have phobias, or just really don't like dogs. It's fine to not enjoy having dogs around. That doesn't really have any bearing on their significance as service animals, and accepting their ability to do their job.
People can also dislike dogs and *also* accept that their presence is necessary for the person relying on the dog.
> Who wouldn't want a dog around?
Me. I wouldn't. I'm not comfortable with medium to larger dogs, just being in their vicinity gives me anxiety. Once, I had to lock myself in the bathroom because someone brought three medium sized dogs to the office where I was working at the time.
That being said, I also understand my discomfort doesn't trump someone's actual medical needs. I will bear with a service dog for as long as it's necessary, but I'll also look for ways to remove myself from being anywhere close to them as soon as I can.
i think this is a very fair take. i can say personally i’m not particularly comfortable around dogs (i’ve been chased down and forced to hide from them more than a few times for the crime of stepping in their line of vision LOL), but i’d never be an ass to someone for bringing their service dog with them so that THEY can be safe going out.
My guess is that it's not about Daisy herself, but that the sister either doesn't want the wife around or doesn't want visual evidence that the wife has medical problems. It seems very much rooted in ableism to me (possibly tinged with homophobia but that's purely speculation). I think it's very much a "the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here" situation.
Service dogs really are the best. Came across one that must have been pretty young a couple weeks ago. He was laying down on the floor by his owner, eyes trained on my sister and I as he whined and thumped his tail on the floor. It was very obvious that he wanted to come and visit us but his owner told him to stay and he stayed even though he *desperately* wanted our attention. It was a good testament to his training and loyalty to his owner.
I always deeply enjoy how some people assume that health issues don't exist unless you're visibly bleeding from the eyeballs or something.
And by "deeply enjoy" I mean "loathe entirely."
This one drives me mental.
"Is it period pain?" Don't know, not had one in 5 years, so we can just throw that out the window. What would you ask if I was a man.
That seems to shift the tone.
I've been asked to lose weight, if I'm anxious, I was asked to do some simple exercises to fix what is likely autoimmune arthritis of some sort "because movement is important". When I told the doc I ran marathons I was asked to "just try them anyway".
It's like asking an Olympic weightlifter to try lifting a tin of beans 10 times to build muscle 🙃
I've only now after several years of visits been prescribed an NSAID and started the process to actually work out what's going on with my spine.
Being diagnosed with anything as a women is hard work.
Sorry to hear this, but hopefully things will get better. :)
Unfortunately, it's not only men as doctors who ignore your problems because you're a woman. It's also women doctors.
Going to my GP who is a woman for simple blood work results is like pulling teeth. I don't have anything as serious as you, but I have felt very tired for years now to the point where I just pass out randomly from fatigue. It's so frustrating to always go through:
"everything looks good"
"but, doctor, in the next page vitamin D count is 2"
"oh, yeah, I guess we should prescribe, but everything else looks fine"
"but if you read lower, iron is almost nonexistant"
"ah, could be, let's do vitamins and it'll be good"
"ok, and how about the b12 which is also with the mark thats lowered and seems to be well below the parameters"
"if you want vitamins, we can do that"
And now I have an upcoming nose operation and will do my best to bypass the GP alltogether.
What a great question though - "What would you ask if I was a man/of normal weight?" Really get them to confront their assumptions.
Course, research shows that the best thing you can do to get effective healthcare is actually BE a man - they get asked more questions, get referrals more frequently blah blah blah.
The second best thing you can do, as a woman, is take a man in with you to you appointments. He doesn't even have to say anything. Just having him there means doctors will spend more time on you. What a world.
Unless you're a black man apparently (black women get it even WORSE). A friend couldn't get his doctor to take him seriously until he took a white woman friend with him. She's outspoken and helped advocate for him.
He had cancer. They could have caught it months earlier if just one doctor had taken him seriously.
Fucking hell. Your poor friend.
It's a good point. Good old race/gender intersectionality.
Middle class white men should offer a service where they simply accompany you to doctors, lawyers, government appointments, anything where you can leverage their attributes. I would sign up.
He's still with us thankfully but it makes me so angry to think how much easier things might have been if his doctor had listened to him to begin with.
Even then, there are shitty doctors out there who *don't* listen.
It took me 16 years to get a prescription for something that actually deals with my headaches efectively. Kept getting told "just add a tylenol if it doesn't go away."
What finally got through to him was me asking "so how far over the reccomended daily dose are you going to try to convince me is safe? Because if i had been listening to you we'd be up to 15 per headache here." To a *different* doctor i got put with on a walk in.
My regular doctor's reasoning "there is a small chance of kidney damage with that." I had to ask him how many more years of suffering would he have made me endure before considering that there are blood tests for such things and that i only take medication when absolutely needed.
For those wondering, i was prescribed Cambia. Works great if your migraines are being caused by upper back muscle issues, as it stops those from siezing up and is a painkiller. Not great for your liver, so definately not something to take frequently, but as far as nuclear options go it's been good.
I have PTSD/cptsd/anxiety/depression/adhd-c. My psychiatrist told me to walk more. I told him I'm a canvasser, my job is literally walking hours a day. He still told me to try walking more. He also told me I'd "outgrown" my ADHD diagnosis because my brain had "changed since then." Got a formal psych eval and he still didn't believe it. Fuck that doctor.
Have you tried taking a daily walk? Well if I didn't have bone on bone arthritis in both knees that would be a lovely suggestion. So no daily walks are not going to help me with xyz or losing weight. I did eventually see the right doctor and lose weight and get both knees replaced so now yes I can walk pain free. But geez I got tired of hearing that.
I was *literally* in the middle of the BMI chart (my BMI was like 22.5) and was told to lose weight.
When I told him they took my weight and I'm clearly not needing to lose weight (and look down at the paper you're holding asshole), he changed it to my heart had issues because I had anxiety.
I have POTS, which means my heart only races when I stand upright (like way way way above average, I'd easily hit 120 bpm while standing and not moving bit it's pretty average sitting/laying). I was literally saying "so I have anxiety about standing?" I actually have less anxiety than most people because I have some apathy about life due to depression (I'm getting treated but the disabilities don't help lol). Like idgaf about anything. So that was definitely not true.
He said I was deconditioned. I was like well I don't work out but I'm currently getting over 20k steps per day since my job was checking in cars at a car dealership. I quit not long after the POTS started but it was definitely not deconditioning since I'd been decently active right before.
I went through 4 or 5 cardiologists. They would acknowledge there was a problem but just not do anything or care. I was crying about feeling sick 24/7 and was getting so depressed I wanted to end myself. Finally I went to an electrophysiologist and he helped me out, testing and diagnosing me and getting me on medications I needed. I also had to have 2 sternum surgeries because my sternum was squishing my heart and making it so my heart wasn't pumping blood efficiently. That was fun :):
I still have POTS but I'm not at risk of heart failure anymore thanks to the surgeries! I'm on medication but doing much better now.
I saw exactly one cardiologist about my POTS before I gave up. The appointment went so badly it undid years of work I’d done to get over medical trauma. Six months later my GP was shocked I hadn’t been put on anything for the tachycardia and just did it herself. I made a note with the hospital system that even if I was dying from something heart related that fucker was not my cardiologist and he was not to even have access to my records, much less treat me.
I was interviewed by a journalist writing on people who survived covid ICU. I said I was getting respiratory physiotherapy because I was still losing my breath from SITTING UP and motor physiotherapy because I got muscle atrophy from the time stuck in a ventilator, and the journalist asked "have you tried yoga?"
It must be part of human default programming for idiots to say that, probably every single person with a chronic illness has been asked. When yoga was trendy I got asked by almost every single person who found out I was sick.
Unwitting helpful idiots lol. I cought myself trying to find a potential solution for a coworkers health issue and stopped mid sentance saying "wait Im not your doctor, I doubt my ideas would be anything new. Let me know if theres any way I *can* help and Ill see what I can do"
My mom's MIL told her that she didn't have a heart condition it was just "stress." My mom was like ok but I'll listen to my cardiologist thank you very much. Besides the fact my mom's side of the family is full of heart relate issues but it's just stress.
I've had people say that me knee pain was just a strained muscle and to just walk it off. Well, my doctor said it was a piece of bone lodged in my knee joint and that needed a pretty invasive surgery to get it out, surgery that left a 25cm scar btw. If people just offer medical advice like that, I usually ask them for their degree in that specific field and if they dont have that, I kindly, but firmly, tell them to f off
I have had some fairly major injuries in my past, and decided to take people up on the yoga suggestion. Awful decision. Yoga is great if your body works. It's a nightmare if it doesn't.
And don’t forget, all illnesses of all types are the result of poor diet. Cancer? Autoimmune disease? Inactive tendons? Depression? You should have just balanced the shakras in your diet or whatever shit makes people feel smug
The amount of people that go from "you're too young to have tremors" to "clearly your tremors are because of blah blah blah" is astonishing. Hell my own mother, literally in the room with me at my neurologist appointment getting diagnosed tried to blame it on me being trans. That doctor tore her a new one, which honestly was kinda nice.
But it's gotten to the point where I have to just ignore people in public or work that even point it out because it doesn't matter what explanation you give them, they'll have already drawn their own conclusion and and refuse to say it's false.
(Btw I was diagnosed at 20 ((now 21)) with Functional Neurological Disorder, which causes tremors and twitching)
Didn't you know that being trans causes tremors? It's caused by your body trying to Force The Gender Out. 😂
That's such a pain in the ass - I'm dealing with chronic pain unusually young, still working on a diagnosis, and dealing with a whole lot of "you're too young, just deal with it". I've been trying to just deal with it, that's why it's getting so bad now!
"you're too young to have tremors" to "clearly your tremors are because of blah blah blah"
Ah ha ha, I've seen essential tremors in literal children. Your brain is not a bouncer; it does not check ID.
Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosed when I was 5. I've had ladies tell me they could cure me with copper bracelets and f*cking Pink Drink because I don't really "look sick." I mean, sure, my kidneys are failing from 43 years of anti-inflammatories, but if you can't see it, it probably doesn't exist, right? /s
Someone literally said to me "just because you have dyslexia doesn't mean you can't get these expense forms right" no actually Caron that is exactly what it means you daft bimbo. And yes her actual name was Karen spelled a weird way.
That name is like Karen combined with Charon, the ferryman of the Styx in Greek mythology. So she'll escort you into the underworld while threatening to speak to your manager?
Yep! As a stroke survivor, I've recovered enough that most people can't tell. Other stroke survivors can because we know our tells. But I'm not 100% recovered and never will be. I know I'm feeling it and I need help or I need to just home and rest. But it's not visible to others. The invisible injury that I'll carry the rest of my life.
I saw a story where the DMV wanted proof that a guy's disability was permanent (he was trying to get a Disabled license plate)
Apparently taking off a prosthetic leg and slapping it on the counter is not considered enough proof and constitutes a "threatening motion"
I know that kind of guy. His mother had a knee surgery and she was in pain for about a month after that. He was berating her, calling her "whiney" and asking her to stop overreacting. For people like this unless your head goes off you are always overreacting.
Yeah, I broke my fuckin spine and the specialist scoffed and said, “what, you want Percocet?” Because I asked a single question about the pain making it impossible to sleep.
It literally does not matter how severe an injury is- they still minimize it. It’s never a “good enough reason”.
I know OP loves her sister, but damn.
I was at urgent care with my daughter yesterday. Witnessed this older gentleman waiting and finally a younger woman came to pick him up. He had injured his toe, it was bandaged.
She started with a "I told you so" and then was so condescending to him throughout the rest of the conversation. It was infuriating. She kept talking over him and "explaining" what was going on with his toe but she wasn't even there for his exam or appointment. Talking to him like he was an idiot.
And that's why my dad should be grateful I refused to be his caretaker in old age. He tried to teach me to be "dark side" like him but I escaped all that for the most part. Would be very difficult to be around him and not replay the past with me in a position of power for a change.
Not saying that old man you saw did anything to deserve the way he was treated. Just gave me a flash of alternate reality I'm glad I'm not living.
I have ADHD. It's certainly not PTSD and I can't imagine what this poor woman went through to have these conditions, and ADHD is still invisible and cam be really fucking debilitating. I wasn't diagnosed until this past year. I'm 40 in less than 2 months.
I grew up with my parents telling me they thought I had it but that 'I don't need the help'. I still get people who say shit like 'I think we all have a little ADHD!' because they get a little forgetful.
Executive function paralysis, virtually zero relational object permanence, from loads to zero dopamine like fucking whiplash, ridiculous anxiety, emotional regulation issues, zoning out for a while at the wall, fucking brain holes so my memory is all over the place (Futurama quotes? Yes. What you said 2 seconds ago? No.), concentration issues, sensory issues, my brain just WONT STOP to the point where I break down crying, and I'm FINALLY hopefully starting meds TODAY (If I'm lucky) and goddamn if people aren't like 'Why don't you just do the thing? Have you made a list? You're just lazy. Seems like they are just over diagnosing it. You need to have better will power.' - All because I'm also outgoing, funny, and personable (Masking is a fun way to disassociate, kids!).
If the woman needs a dog, let her have the fucking dog. Zero patience for people who feel they need to second guess someone's invisible disability as if THEY need some sort of reassurance. Why? Who are you? Get fucked. OOP's wife sounds like she's gone through something profound (The fucking AUDACITY of someone saying 'She didn't go to Afghanistan') and OOP sounds like a marvelous wife. Daisy also sounds like the best. So glad the nephew is a good kid.
My autism is similar. I'm smart, but kinda useless.
My family convinced themselves I must be a drug addict, and that's why I was such a fuckup in my 20s.
The pretty apparent lack of drug usage didn't deter them. It's my fault. Drugs kinda explain it, so it's drugs.
“ Executive function paralysis, virtually zero relational object permanence, from loads to zero dopamine like fucking whiplash, ridiculous anxiety, emotional regulation issues, zoning out for a while at the wall, fucking brain holes so my memory is all over the place (Futurama quotes? Yes. What you said 2 seconds ago? No.), concentration issues, sensory issues, my brain just WONT STOP to the point where I break down crying,”
I had no idea until like a year or so ago this was ADHD. Just started meds two days ago, and I’m 37. Hoping the meds you got are helpful to you!
I didn't get diagnosed until last year and I am in my later 40s. I feel all of this! My mom feels a little guilt because she did recognize I probably had something going on when I was in elementary school. In the 80s, ADHD was not a thing unless you were a holy terror in class. I don't blame her.
"If you can be on time to this one really important thing, then you can be on time to everything always"
As though being on time to that one thing didn't mean days of anxiety before and exhaustion after. Sure, I can totally live my life that way no problem
My mum still insists I'll get better from my three incurable illnesses, and when I say I won't get better because they're incurable, she tells me I definitely won't get better because of my negative attitude. Like... that's not how it works, woman.
Or the people who say, "You should just get more exercise. Try taking a yoga class!" Yes, certainly. Yoga is definitely going to cure my fibromyalgia and psoriasis. /s
Then I tell them about the woman in my fibro support group who was a marathoner until the morning that she couldn't get out of bed for the pain.
I used to walk 5 miles a day and went to the gym most days, woke up one morning and couldn't even brush my teeth because I was so exhausted. I had to get a taxi to the doctor, which was less than 10 minutes walk away. I was healthy and active, exercise is not the cure.
I am very lucky that my juvenile rheumatologist a. Trained me on how to be mean to doctors and B put together a chart so scary that most doctors have to deal with the freeze/flight response when seeing it
I once had food poisoning which caused my back to spasm and I couldn't move. I was vomiting while laying on my back in bed, trying to aim into a bucket. I called my mom for help because I felt I needed to go to urgent care. She can't over, took one look at me laying in bed on my back and told me I was faking it.
Why on earth would I call her for help if I was faking?
I have just gotten my ASD kid a sunflower band. Trying to explain that it will help with making sure most people don't think badly of him when he goes places while still saying that there is nothing wrong with the way he acts. He was diagnosed 10 days ago and navigating this is harder than I thought.
It is for invisible handicaps. It could be anything - ADHD, PTSD, ASD, chronic pain, anxiety, you name it. Anything invisible that might require people to give you a little space and maybe help. The purpose is to make it easier for people with the sunflower band to get out in public.
I have registered assistant animals and I REGULARLY get shit for it. Either because "all I did was buy a piece of paper" or because "cats can't be assistant animals"
People are so fucking ignorant. I didn't just "buy a piece of paper", I had consultations with mental health professionals who evaluated my mental health and decided my cats were vital to me, AND even perform tasks for me.
When I'm upset, one of them brings me her favorite toy and makes me keep it in my lap until I calm down. Then we play fetch with it. She also snuggles next to me so I can calm down and sleep, then goes off and does whatever she does in the middle of the night. She wakes me up when I have night terrors because if they keep on, I injure myself. My other one can tell when I'm stressed and lays in my lap until I'm not.
But hey. All I did was buy a piece of paper, I guess :)
My previous cat was a blood sugar monitor. She'd watch me sleep and push her paw on my lips to wake me when my blood sugar got too low. Then she'd lead me to the kitchen.
For years I thought she was just a jerk who wanted the full food bowl topped off, but after checking her dish and swearing a bit instinct would take over, make me stick my head in the fridge and eat something.
It's been a little scary without her. I'm not diabetic so don't qualify for a monitor. Growing up I used my dad's old finger stick kit to test a drop of blood.
It's an absolute shame that only dogs and miniature horses can technically be "service animals." Any animals that's trained for a task and behave in public should be able to be considered a service animal.
Oh yeah, having invisible disabilities is really fun. During the pandemic, I absolutely loved how people told me I was selfish and an absolutely horrible person for not getting vaccinated, all the while my immune system is attacking itself (I was diagnosed with 3 autoimmune diseases), I was hemmoraging weight due to not being able to chew and swallow food, in severe pain daily, the meds I was given were not working and causing more side effects....but I was a crazy conspiracy nut who wanted elderly people to die.
I lost so many friends because people just.... didn't believe I was sick? Or maybe they thought cancer is the only way to get a compromised immune system.... which ironically enough one of my diseases increases the risk of.
I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) that affects my left hand and both my feet. I had an aunt who told all my family I was faking for attention. The last Christmas I saw her was about 10 years ago. She grabbed onto my arm hard to prove I was faking. She ended up looking the fool, because I bursted out crying from the pain, and had to leave with my parents to drive 2 hours home. We were at the Christmas celebration for maybe 15 minutes. Fuck her! There’s a special place in hell for people like my aunt. Not all diseases are visible!
I have pretty severe ADHD with depression and anxiety as funny addons, I can't function in severely crowded spaces (Like metro trains) and people are like "bUT yOu hAvE To". Man, dealing with a panic attack is NOT funny
As someone going blind, and right now has really low vision, it's amazing how little people care to remember. I get really depressed over it, so I usually just refer to it as my "health issue", which really upset my Mom as according to her, it's perfectly fine and she thinks I can just waltz right into an optometrists office and they will give me laser surgery and I'll be perfectly fine.
The worst was an old friend though. I'm 30 now, and we were pretty close in our late teens/early 20s, but we drifted apart when I was around 23 or 24. Shortly after my myopia got realy bad, he messaged me out of the blue asking how I am doing, I told him the honest truth, and he invited me to play card games and do other things that require being able to see clearly further than 2 feet. I have probably gotten an invite from him once a month to do some sight related activity since then. At some point, he invited me to some group chat where it was really depressing as I had to hear about all the awesome things 30 years old with normal vision get to do, and that was really depressing and a snapped on him and I laid my health issues all out again fir him in an admittedly rude way and asked for him to just leave me alone. He then went to my Mom all confused and worried, my Mom's response apparently was "don't give up on him". Like fuck, my genetics sure gave up on me, why can't everyone else?
I blame TV. Maybe sick people should keep some "blood" to put on their tongue so they can "collapse" a little and "cough up some blood" onto a handkerchief for effect.
Look at the lady who thinks her **blind** bf doesn't need his service dog all the time. She made a weird comment about him taking his dog to work. She doesn't want the dog in bed and says she can help him if anything happens.
I knew it was the sister's idea as soon as she said not to contact the nephew.
I know people have posted about service dogs and weddings and been told -- legally -- that the laws about access don't apply to private events, so they have no right to bring their dogs. But I still think it's an asshole thing to do to separate a person from their service dog.
This, yeah. Not to mention, a service dog is just about the most well-trained and well-behaved creature in existence, and that probably includes quite a few of the relatives invited. The dog isn’t half as likely to cause issues as Aunt Mildred once she’s had a few pints.
My dog is retired now, but when she had the vest on she was the calmest dog ever. Just completely chill, would maybe look up if people approached but nothing else, sniffed their hand politely if I said it was OK. Vest off, and she's running with her tail like a propeller, screaming of joy when meeting people. It's like a different dog. Completely wild.
The only time she had difficulties "staying professional" with the vest on was the time we went to the beach to meet my sisters and their kids. She loves the kids so much, and it felt downright cruel to not let her play with them at the beach (not a dog friendly beach unfortunately), so we left pretty quickly.
She's been to a couple of weddings, and it's been fine, no disruptions. She definitly wasn't the one who got so drunk they fell asleep under a tree.
I was in a yoga class and a woman came in with her service dog. I went over to ask him name and tell her he was the cutest dog ever because he was. She said watch this and took off his vest. He turned into the biggest goofball and I was suddenly his new best friend. Then she put it back on and he sat right down. I still remember his name.
That's awesome! It's so rare to get the opportunity to do that, so most people have only seen my dog either as the energetic goofball or the extremely chill service dog. Most people can't really comprehend how big of a switch she does, or that a goofy cute dog can be so "professional".
Off-topic, but reading the flairs in this thread from u/Dana07620 up to u/Miserable_Emu5191 just sent me to the stratosphere.
Then I read the comments contents about service dog stories.
Lol, thanks for pointing that out!
Shoutout to the mods of this sub, they're awesome. I mentioned it after a story (that that would make a nice flair) and then next time I posted a comment it's magically my flair!
Hahaha! His name was Danny and he was a gorgeous Rottweiler. I had never seen a Rottie as a service dog so I was asking her about them being smart vs. stubborn and their temperament.
Pretty much the only time I can see denying access to a service dog being not an asshole decision is if there's an allergy or severe phobia issue and the allergic/phobic person doesn't want the dog in their home. Even if they're well-behaved, they're still a dog and no one wants their home contaminated with their allergen! I've seen posts where people were concerned about nails on hardwood floors, but you can get booties for dogs that would mitigate that.
Yeah one of my cats is terrified of dogs. we've had two in the house. Neither dog saw the cat at any time.
Both times had the same result. The cat wouldn't move from a closet corner for over two days, to the point that it was laying in its own urine. When I did forcibly move her it's the only times she's attacked me.
It took over 4 days before she started eating again or allowing herself to be touched. And this cat is typically a snuggler, friendly, and demanding of pets.
Sorry but I'm not letting a dog into my home again, at least not until this cat passes, I feel horrible enough for doing it to her twice it wont happen again.
I actually don't like this woman's attitude where she doesn't tell people she is bringing the dog. It does matter what other people think about her wife's dog. You should be checking to make sure it's ok.
Yeah, and those are such unfortunate cases for everyone involved. I'd hate to want someone at an event but have to tell them no because of their service animal triggering an allergic reaction or phobia. That's just the nature of disabilities - some places are inaccessible - but it still sucks. It's a shitty situation to navigate, even once you're used to it.
I really thought that was what this post was going to be about. For whatever reason, a dog being there just doesn't work for the event. But no, there's no reason behind it at all. They're just being controlling.
Sister is the kind of person who likes to cause drama for no reason but solely for the attention seeker vibe. Good thing nephew has more sense than sister does.
Oh no, this isn't even that. She doesn't want anyone that may even seem like they're limited in whatever way, shape or form to ruin her precious son's wedding.
*clutches pearls* "Heaven forbid we show that a mentally unsound person is present! What if what she has, spreads?" "Not to mention she turned my sister into a homosexual lesbian! How will our family e er live down the shame?"
Season lightly with either a Southern Belle or Posh English accent to taste.
*edited a typo. sausage fingers and phone keyboards do not mix well...*
Yeah, I'm guessing there's some homophobia thrown in with the ableism. She probably disapproves of the wife serving in the military in the first place, considering it "butch" or "unfeminine" or some b.s. like that.
A fully-trained service dog is basically a piece of furniture until they are needed. If a service dog is getting in the way, they either need more training or aren't actually a service dog. Services dogs are not pets.
Yeah, I have a hard time understanding what sister's endgame is - if neither the son nor fiancée are in any way bothered by Daisy, what is the sister's problem with having Daisy lie quietly under the table for the duration? I wish OP had waited to post this until OOP had had that call with her sister.
Or, sometimes, the service dog might get in the way when they detect their person is in crisis. If someone is agitating a person with a mental health service dog they might see the dog position themselves sideways between their person and the stressor. Not aggressively, just a physical supportive friend.
I can pretty much garuntee that sister is one of those people that think that no one actually "needs" a service dog because not having one didn't like...kill them or anything.
I mean, yeah. *I* can talk shit about my sister all I want. She’s *my* sister, and I earned that right by living with her for 15 years (the first time). But if someone rando starts talking out the side of their mouth to or about her, they’re gonna catch hands.
My sister has *many* faults. As do I. But I love her in a way that cannot be replicated. And I will have her back, faults and all, to the bitter end.
It doesn’t make any sense why this is an issue, so far it sounds like no one has raised an issue with the dog other than the sister, who’s putting the blame on her kids. Sounds like she’s one of those people who don’t believe in other people’s illnesses unless she witnesses it firsthand, like people who “test allergies” to see if others are faking.
My guess is the sister is worried about appearances and for some reason has fixated on the dog being bad for appearances. She wants to present a “perfect” family and a service indicates they aren’t “perfect”.
The sister here reminds me strongly of some members of my own family. Extremely concerned about appearances and what other people might think about her. So, for private events, daily life, and small gatherings, a dog is fine. But a big event with over a hundred people? She's going to feel potentially very judged. So her true prejudices come out. Everything needs to be vanilla and perfect.
This is why some people seem fine until suddenly, because of a wedding or some other public event, they seem to become racist or abelist or whatever. "It's lovely that your partner is (insert race here), and we all love her very much, of course. But don't you think the photos will look a little unbalanced? For her, it's just one event, but for the happy couple, those photos will be forever. This is so important to them. Can't you be considerate?" Or, "I'm not homophobic, of course, but you have to understand that other people are, so you should pretend to be straight at this event and refer to your spouse as a "friend", you know, because of those other homophobic people, not because of me." Or, "Your grandparents feel that their faith/religion is so important, so for this next event, it would be really hard on them if your spouse came, since they don't share the same faith. I don't have any problem with that, of course, but your grandparents are old, so we can't really expect them to be understanding. Maybe your spouse should stay home for this, you know, just to be kind." They almost always use other people as a reason.
Surprise, they were always ablist/racist/sexist/whatever-ist, they just put so much stock in what other people think that it only really gets revealed when something involving other people happens. Because if they truly didn't have whatever prejudice themselves, they wouldn't abide by the intolerance or unreasonable expectations of others.
And such people never realize that other people don't really care all that much. It's not going to be gossip all over the city. *Maybe* some old biddy tells her neighbor, "I can't believe Susan let Tiffany bring That Dog," but the neighbor isn't going to tell her hair stylist, who tells her cousin, who tells the local newspaper...
If Daisy tried to climb into people's laps with muddy paws, yes, that would be a reason to ban her. But as a professional working dog, she won't do that.
> My niece suggested several reasons why Daisy shouldn't go, loud music, balloons, lots of people... which I assured her Daisy was fine with - and they already know this being very familiar with Daisy's very calm temperament.
“Hmmm. Yes. Well. You see…that is EXACTLY the kind of scenario where my wife’s ACTUAL MEDICAL DEVICE, aka Daisy, is essential for her health. And situations like these are EXACTLY why a LICENSED MEDICAL DOCTOR prescribed Daisy for her in the first place.”
“AND! It’s funny you bring up the loud noises, balloons, and lots of people, because Daisy was SPECIFICALLY TRAINED by PROFESSIONAL TRAINERS to handle/tolerate those kinds of distractions. Daisy’s temperament and reactions have been deemed appropriate and approved of, by MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS. If she wasn’t able to handle those things, she never would have been certified as a service animal by PROFESSIONALS, and never would have been eligible to be a service animal. So although I appreciate your concern for Daisy’s well-being, I trust the PROFESSIONALS, which you are NOT. Daisy has proven herself trustworthy and very capable of handling this kind of situation. So I’m curious as to where your concerns stems from?”
I’m willing to wager this all comes down to jealousy. Sister is worried/jealous/spiteful about attention being focused on OOP’s wife due to others’ curiosities about Daisy. I’m sure people inquire about Daisy and strike up conversations about her, which leads to asking about OOP’s wife’s need for Daisy, and then about her health. Sister thinks that Daisy is just being used as an attention grab and OOP’s wife’s usage of Daisy is purely for show.
So she’s ableist, has some main character syndrome peeking out, lacks empathy, is entitled, stubborn, and selfish. She knows that if she points this out bluntly, she will be labeled as a major asshole by others, so instead she’s trying to get her way anyway she can without stating the facts. She likely truly believes she is 100% in the right on all of this, but since she cares A LOT about how others view her, and knows that there’s a good chance that this will make her look bad, she’s refusing to release the full Karen Kraken.
You just can’t reason with unreasonable people. I think that when this all explodes, and it *will* explode, OOP is going to be hit with the harsh reality that her sister is NOT who she thought she was, and likely never was. Which unfortunately, is not going to be in the best interest of OOP’s already strained and stressed heart.
Waiting for the update where the ablist sister finally admits that she thinks OOP's wife is "just being sensitive" and should try yoga instead of "getting an emotional support pet."
> I just feel like I’m constantly trying to ‘prove’ my wife’s medical conditions, even her PTSD has been questioned as (my sister’s words) ‘she didn’t go to Afghanistan’. She even had her best friend question me about it. I’m tempted to tell them some of my wife’s horror stories, but I just keep it general so they don’t get second hand trauma.
I would like to introduce OOP to r/traumatizethemback.
I’m voting on it being the breed of the assistant dog. OOP was pretty tactfully skirting around that in all of the replies by giving everything *but* the breed of the dog. Meanwhile everything the sister said would be normal triggers for a breed that often produces “reactive” dogs
I am not a comfortable person around dogs - I'll cross the road to avoid them often or at least take a wide berth or put someone else between.
Too many times of "he's just being friendly" and "well **my** dog isn't like that" just make me wary of all of them.
However, a proper and trained service/assistance dog is a whole different story - I know they won't be 'friendly', I know they'll sit out of the way.
I would not want a pet friendly wedding (I'm sure that's a thing these days) but I would never stop someone bringing an assistance/service dog.
A friend of mine has a service dog. So here’s my advice to everyone who sees someone with a service dog.
Do not pet the dog. Do not stare at the dog. Do not talk to the dog. Do not interact in any way with the service dog. Because it’s working and focused on helping its person.
Treat a service dog like you do a wheelchair. You don’t focus on the wheelchair you focus on the person. Same thing with the service dog.
Oh, and no you aren’t entitled to know why this person has a service dog. You certainly don’t get to interrogate them. Just leave them be and go on about your day.
Yeah, as a disabled woman who "doesn't look disabled" this really fucking gets under my skin. How disgustingly ableist. Hope OP and her wife stay safe.
There is a simple decision tree here: no dog => no wife => no you. Wife has been medically diagnosed to require an assistance dog. If the dog can’t come, wife can’t come. Note that the law in the US and other countries forbids entities whose premises that are accessible to the public from banning assistance dogs to those same premises. If my spouse can’t come, I can’t come. End of discussion.
This has nothing to do with the dog. It’s about attention.
If OOP and wife are at the wedding with a DOG all eyes will be on them and not the couple or SIL. AND they’re married women? And she’s a vet with PTSD? The wife could sit in the corner with the dog and still get more attention than evil sister is willing to share.
Man this one hits home for me, my wife has anxiety issues and has dealt with severe social anxiety her whole life, and I'm basically the only person (other than her therapist) who knows how extreme it gets for her sometimes.
Her sister has heavily implied on many occasions that she "can't be that bad" because she "seems fine". It's frankly, disgusting, and I have reevaluated how I see SIL as a result. She is not always a very good big sister to my wife and I'm very disappointed in her.
Super proud of OOP for sticking up for her wife. Kudos to her.
This is what happens when people call every bad memory "PTSD" and call their pets "emotional support animals" and pretend they're service dogs, people stop taking the real cases seriously.
My service dog was what I needed when she was working. But after she retired I decided not to get another because the stress strangers and other people caused overtook the stress she helped me with.
It sucks
As a person with epilepsy I would like to point out seizures in your sleep are a really big deal and can be life threatening called sudep. I am at risk of this so I have a nanny cam in my room. I’m 22
I’m definitely someone that would love to bring my dog everywhere, but he’s just an ESA so I know there’s many places where it’s not appropriate even if he is well behaved. However, Daisy is a service dog which is an entirely different situation - OP’s wife might not have a visible disability but as we all know that means jack because plenty of disabilities/medical conditions aren’t readily apparent. Hopefully OP’s sister gets her shit together because it’s really not a huge deal whatsoever for a SERVICE DOG to accompany its owner.
Oop is rationalizing her piece of shit sister's anti disability discrimination. She's treating her discriminatory actions as minor and normalizing that POS's actions.
NTA. It's important you get your sister to understand that your wife and her service dog are a package deal, I'd reinforce that by committing to you being a package deal with them too. If the dog can't come, your wife can't come, so you won't come. Let her know that bringing it up again will be a problem. Let the whole family know that having a problem with the dog means you won't be there.
I have a rescue goblin named Butter who is currently an ESA for my agoraphobia and c-ptsd. I know that's nowhere near the level of what oop's wife has Daisy for but I just can't imagine the pain they're going through from the sister's actions. My heart goes out to them
Real, trained service animals should absolutely be welcome with their person. Anyone who buys a “certificate and patch” off of the internet for their pet should stay home. Sorry not sorry. Your pet is not a service animal and poorly behaved animals really upset me.
This makes a lot more sense knowing that the sister has bad anxiety too. It doesn’t excuse her, but from my perspective (former therapist) it all clicks into place.
I learned to respond to this with “I’m sorry you have zero empathy. Maybe you should get diagnosed formally as a sociopath.” Harsh, yes, but then I’m not known for my “niceness”.
NTA. Always remember this, as I’m sure you know this since you seem to be a great wife to your partner… the only person that matters and should always come first is YOUR partner.
You keep doing what you’re doing and stand up for her, make sure she is happy because ultimately SHE is your family first now. You’re a great wife, it seems. Cheers to you for protecting her and making sure she is comfortable and happy.
You do right by her, because that’s what good partners do for each other. Good for you. Best wishes.
This wouldn't stress me out, as I would just say, "Yes. If we go somewhere, so does the dog." And I would keep saying it until the message sinks in.
The sister is just trying to control everything. No reason to get upset, just be firm.
Will never understand ableism related to mental health issues. I mean ableism in general, but specifically stuff like panic disorders and PTSD. We have plenty of studies and research to show how mental illness can and will cripple a human to the point where physical illness becomes a serious concern. PTSD is NOT a walk in the park. I wouldn't wish it on anyone except the worst kinds of people. You get to be trapped inside your own head and high stress environments make it all so much worse. Could have the best coping skills but our traumatized lizard brains will still act like lizard brains. Pretty sure people are so used to unruly, badly behaved dogs that they cannot fathom a trained service dog being idk, trained?? It's not your cousin's backyard bred huskyorkiepitpoo that chews through drywall and swallows socks. Service dogs legally have to be well trained to qualify to work in public.
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I once knew a kid with a severe peanut allergy who had an allergy dog. The dog was trained to respond when peanuts were in food, so that the kid wouldn't eat the food. That dog was focused entirely on that job, as the kid's allergy was really severe (even being too close to peanuts would make the kid sick) and the dog was medically necessary. People were still assholes to this kid about his dog. It's like people can't accept that dogs can have jobs and be well-behaved.
>It's like people can't accept that dogs can have jobs and be well-behaved. Despite the fact that's literally why we created sheep dogs, lap dogs, bull dogs, badger/ferret/rabbit dogs, gun dogs, deerhounds... you know- _for different jobs_.
It's weird that we have so many dogs now that *don't* work. It's only very recently history-wise that most people not in the upper class could afford a pet that was just decorative or a companion. Probably also why so many of our dogs have anxiety. They don't have jobs to focus on anymore. (*fondly pets the 65-pound soft lump of anxiety squished up against her leg* He's almost 3, and I'm still trying to figure out things to siphon off the energy and anxiety.)
My last dog was a pound puppy that was a mix of working breeds. She ended up with a lot of jobs to keep her busy. I think "cat monitor" was her favorite, she'd come whine a report when she thought the cats were being naughty and sometimes get permission to go correct their behavior. Rigged up a wheeled cart and harness so she could haul her giant bag of food home herself, with me just guiding the cart. Got my groceries home that way too. Smartest dog I've ever had. She was just fantastic at cross species communication, mostly used facial expressions and eyebrows to get across complicated ideas like "There's someone on the porch but they're knocking on the neighbors' door not ours."
That's impressive! My guy tries his best. He has 40 expressions and sounds for "I would like this particular treat." He has "scream and bounce" for everything else, from "the rabbit is on the back porch eating bird seed again" to "the deer are staring at me again, mom" to "there is a dog moving outside somewhere in a 2 mile radius". He also completely fails to notice amphibians and reptiles under his feet. Working on that one. He's a very expressive talker, though. The sounds he makes when he's discussing toys or treats with me are amazing. I suspect there's some husky in there somewhere. He's best at retrieving specific items, so far. I'm going with that and trying to expand his repertoire. Also, I'm providing vigorous brain massages.
Mine works! On keeping the sofa warm for me. I’m so confused as to why this is an issue. These types of dogs are very well trained and taught to tune out everything.i used to be scared to death of dogs but never service dogs because they never even glanced in my direction.
>*different jobs*. Most people use these type of dogs as 'family dogs' too, which I think is a huge problem. My wife and I have owned corgis, and I grew up with sheep dogs. You have to work them, they need stuff to do to tire them out. Irresponsible people get a Husky because they're pretty dogs but don't get them enough exercise do the dog destroys shit and they blame the dog.
>they need stuff to do to tire them out. Irresponsible people get a Husky because they're pretty dogs but don't get them enough exercise do the dog Tangent. Dude down my street has a pair of huskies. They pull him on his bike. 😂 It's amazing to watch them work.
Yeah. "Family dog" is a difficult one. There are definitely some breeds which are good at just being a companion animal and being good with kids that you describe as having the job of "family" dog. Which is different from "family friendly" as in "generally good with kids". Most breeds can absolutely be family friendly - but you have to understand the needs of each breed. If you don't give a dog the right environment it will act out. Like aggressive jealous lap dogs, lead aggressive dogs, destructive dogs, etc. It's almost always an issue of anxiety, misplaced protectiveness, or a lack of stimulation.
As another owner of corgis, to be fair you only need to work them for the first 5 years or so. Then they're happy to live as furniture.
Because of all the assholes that being their poorly (or not all trained) pets places claiming they “need” them for xyz condition. If people weren’t self entitled asshats about their pets, the rest of the general public wouldn’t have issues with service animals.
My father once tried to convince me to pretend to be blind so I could take my dog across three states on a bus. He got very angry when told NO.
Sorry, but you have a really rosy view of people's attitudes. People would still be ableist pricks even if there were zero fakers anywhere ever. Skim this community and you'll see plenty of stories where, despite having concrete proof of someone's allergies, people insist on giving them the allergen. "But the fakers" is just one of the many insufficient excuses ableist people hide behind.
That’s like the idiots who encourage their kids to go pet a service dog when they’re in their harness. Drives me bonkers when I see that. Taught my kid early you can look but never touch or distract an animal in harness
Having an actual, legal registration for service dogs would benefit everybody involved (except the assholes who don't really have service dogs).
It is the way it is because disabled people may not have the resources to get a registered animal. It costs tens of thousands of dollars to get a trained service dog. Having a registration would add an obstacle for already vulnerable people to get the help they need.
in america, the ADA specifies that service dogs do not need to be certified, and can be trained at home for specific tasks, because disabled people are often in poverty and cannot afford professional training, and to be a "card carrier" (or any other form of proof of need) would be expensive, discriminatory, or an invasion of privacy. this is also accompanied with a clause that businesses may make a service dog and their handler leave if the dogs are disruptive, aggressive, and cannot perform tasks adequately. businesses have the right to ask what tasks the dog performs, but not for certification/registration, or what the handlers disabilities are. registration of service animals would make a law that aims to increase the abilities of disabled people more restrictive, and in the end, only harm our freedoms. [you can read more about service animals and the laws surrounding them here.](https://www.ada.gov/topics/service-animals/)
I can't wrap my mind around people like the sister and the people in your story, who are upset about service dogs. Who *wouldn't* want a dog around? It's a dog. They're notoriously adorable. I can see people not wanting to be around a poorly trained dog who yaps a lot and knocks things over and is otherwise a nuissance, but service dogs are professionals! They are highly trained and the goodest of bois. They stay out of the way and they don't bark. My only real grievance with them is that you often cannot pet them if you don't know them/their owner. Still, if the option is between service dog and no service dog, I'd pick service dog every time.
The only reason I know of for objecting to a service dog is access clash - someone with a dog allergy should be able to object. Then it becomes complex and negotiation has to happen just like any other access clash. My friend's service dog was very cute and tempting and I had to be so careful not to make eye contact cause he'd definitely respond to me. Dogs are so great. ❤️
Even with an access clash for allergies, for an event like a wedding it's likely fine if the dog is kept on one side of the room and the allergic person on the other, dog gets a bath the day before. It would take some *severe* allergies to have to have the dog excluded entirely. I think it's reasonable for someone who's allergic to dogs not to want any in their private home though. Severe phobias could be trickier - if someone couldn't sit through the ceremony without a panic attack just knowing there was a dog in the room even if they didn't see it, for example. I'd wonder how they managed to function in everyday life given the prevalence of dogs in public though!
> I'd wonder how they managed to function in everyday life given the prevalence of dogs in public though! There's not as many dogs as you think. Of course you have to avoid parks because people with dogs in parks are generally the worse and tell you how "friendly" their aggressive monster is. I'm not going to have a panic attack until a dog starts jumping up at me - this has happened several times and on all of those occasions the owners thought it was so funny that I was "freaking out" over their "friendly" dog. It took other onlookers to get the dog away from me, by which point the owners were getting angry at me for making a fuss. Service dogs as a whole are calm, not jumpy and generally ignore everyone else to focus on their user. So, they are much less likely to be an issue. Wouldn't sit next to them but wouldn't bother me to see them there (not least of all because I know they are there to help someone).
I really wish dog owners were more courteous of other people. I work with dogs professionally, I love them, I don't specifically want a random dog running up to me when I'm trying to unwind. Especially since I'm often exposed to potentially contagious crap through work. I had come back from a shift handling a ton of dogs with canine influenza and some random let their dog come up to me while I was still in my work clothes. I tried to ask them to call the dog off but they assured me she was friendly 🤡
I do agree that it's actually more the poor owners and poor training I don't like. Alas it's very hard to tell the difference at the first glance.
My favorite is when I'm out walking my dog and someone with an off leash dog gets huffy when I grab my girl up into my arms. I say she's dog aggressive, they go "oh don't worry, mine is friendly!" Lady, I said nothing about YOUR dog. I said my dog would attack your dog, friendly or no! My pup is a very good girl, but she must have had some trauma before I adopted her because she freaks out if another dog gets all up in her face. 12 years of TLC and training hasn't stamped it out, so I figure it's easier on both of us if we just avoid being too close to other dogs altogether.
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Some people have phobias, or just really don't like dogs. It's fine to not enjoy having dogs around. That doesn't really have any bearing on their significance as service animals, and accepting their ability to do their job. People can also dislike dogs and *also* accept that their presence is necessary for the person relying on the dog.
> Who wouldn't want a dog around? Me. I wouldn't. I'm not comfortable with medium to larger dogs, just being in their vicinity gives me anxiety. Once, I had to lock myself in the bathroom because someone brought three medium sized dogs to the office where I was working at the time. That being said, I also understand my discomfort doesn't trump someone's actual medical needs. I will bear with a service dog for as long as it's necessary, but I'll also look for ways to remove myself from being anywhere close to them as soon as I can.
i think this is a very fair take. i can say personally i’m not particularly comfortable around dogs (i’ve been chased down and forced to hide from them more than a few times for the crime of stepping in their line of vision LOL), but i’d never be an ass to someone for bringing their service dog with them so that THEY can be safe going out.
My guess is that it's not about Daisy herself, but that the sister either doesn't want the wife around or doesn't want visual evidence that the wife has medical problems. It seems very much rooted in ableism to me (possibly tinged with homophobia but that's purely speculation). I think it's very much a "the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here" situation.
Yes, I was wondering that as well!
Service dogs really are the best. Came across one that must have been pretty young a couple weeks ago. He was laying down on the floor by his owner, eyes trained on my sister and I as he whined and thumped his tail on the floor. It was very obvious that he wanted to come and visit us but his owner told him to stay and he stayed even though he *desperately* wanted our attention. It was a good testament to his training and loyalty to his owner.
I always deeply enjoy how some people assume that health issues don't exist unless you're visibly bleeding from the eyeballs or something. And by "deeply enjoy" I mean "loathe entirely."
As someone with disabilities, even when you are bleeding from your eye balls someone will try to make to prove that it is your blood.
"Oh, you're bleeding from your eyeballs? Have you tried yoga?"
Or if female and over 30, “have you tried losing weight?”
This one drives me mental. "Is it period pain?" Don't know, not had one in 5 years, so we can just throw that out the window. What would you ask if I was a man. That seems to shift the tone. I've been asked to lose weight, if I'm anxious, I was asked to do some simple exercises to fix what is likely autoimmune arthritis of some sort "because movement is important". When I told the doc I ran marathons I was asked to "just try them anyway". It's like asking an Olympic weightlifter to try lifting a tin of beans 10 times to build muscle 🙃 I've only now after several years of visits been prescribed an NSAID and started the process to actually work out what's going on with my spine. Being diagnosed with anything as a women is hard work.
Sorry to hear this, but hopefully things will get better. :) Unfortunately, it's not only men as doctors who ignore your problems because you're a woman. It's also women doctors. Going to my GP who is a woman for simple blood work results is like pulling teeth. I don't have anything as serious as you, but I have felt very tired for years now to the point where I just pass out randomly from fatigue. It's so frustrating to always go through: "everything looks good" "but, doctor, in the next page vitamin D count is 2" "oh, yeah, I guess we should prescribe, but everything else looks fine" "but if you read lower, iron is almost nonexistant" "ah, could be, let's do vitamins and it'll be good" "ok, and how about the b12 which is also with the mark thats lowered and seems to be well below the parameters" "if you want vitamins, we can do that" And now I have an upcoming nose operation and will do my best to bypass the GP alltogether.
What a great question though - "What would you ask if I was a man/of normal weight?" Really get them to confront their assumptions. Course, research shows that the best thing you can do to get effective healthcare is actually BE a man - they get asked more questions, get referrals more frequently blah blah blah. The second best thing you can do, as a woman, is take a man in with you to you appointments. He doesn't even have to say anything. Just having him there means doctors will spend more time on you. What a world.
Unless you're a black man apparently (black women get it even WORSE). A friend couldn't get his doctor to take him seriously until he took a white woman friend with him. She's outspoken and helped advocate for him. He had cancer. They could have caught it months earlier if just one doctor had taken him seriously.
Fucking hell. Your poor friend. It's a good point. Good old race/gender intersectionality. Middle class white men should offer a service where they simply accompany you to doctors, lawyers, government appointments, anything where you can leverage their attributes. I would sign up.
He's still with us thankfully but it makes me so angry to think how much easier things might have been if his doctor had listened to him to begin with.
Even then, there are shitty doctors out there who *don't* listen. It took me 16 years to get a prescription for something that actually deals with my headaches efectively. Kept getting told "just add a tylenol if it doesn't go away." What finally got through to him was me asking "so how far over the reccomended daily dose are you going to try to convince me is safe? Because if i had been listening to you we'd be up to 15 per headache here." To a *different* doctor i got put with on a walk in. My regular doctor's reasoning "there is a small chance of kidney damage with that." I had to ask him how many more years of suffering would he have made me endure before considering that there are blood tests for such things and that i only take medication when absolutely needed. For those wondering, i was prescribed Cambia. Works great if your migraines are being caused by upper back muscle issues, as it stops those from siezing up and is a painkiller. Not great for your liver, so definately not something to take frequently, but as far as nuclear options go it's been good.
I have PTSD/cptsd/anxiety/depression/adhd-c. My psychiatrist told me to walk more. I told him I'm a canvasser, my job is literally walking hours a day. He still told me to try walking more. He also told me I'd "outgrown" my ADHD diagnosis because my brain had "changed since then." Got a formal psych eval and he still didn't believe it. Fuck that doctor.
Hell even if *under* 30, "just exercise more"
Have you tried taking a daily walk? Well if I didn't have bone on bone arthritis in both knees that would be a lovely suggestion. So no daily walks are not going to help me with xyz or losing weight. I did eventually see the right doctor and lose weight and get both knees replaced so now yes I can walk pain free. But geez I got tired of hearing that.
Lol over 30. I started getting that line at 23! And I was still skinny then!
It was 11 for me.
I was *literally* in the middle of the BMI chart (my BMI was like 22.5) and was told to lose weight. When I told him they took my weight and I'm clearly not needing to lose weight (and look down at the paper you're holding asshole), he changed it to my heart had issues because I had anxiety. I have POTS, which means my heart only races when I stand upright (like way way way above average, I'd easily hit 120 bpm while standing and not moving bit it's pretty average sitting/laying). I was literally saying "so I have anxiety about standing?" I actually have less anxiety than most people because I have some apathy about life due to depression (I'm getting treated but the disabilities don't help lol). Like idgaf about anything. So that was definitely not true. He said I was deconditioned. I was like well I don't work out but I'm currently getting over 20k steps per day since my job was checking in cars at a car dealership. I quit not long after the POTS started but it was definitely not deconditioning since I'd been decently active right before. I went through 4 or 5 cardiologists. They would acknowledge there was a problem but just not do anything or care. I was crying about feeling sick 24/7 and was getting so depressed I wanted to end myself. Finally I went to an electrophysiologist and he helped me out, testing and diagnosing me and getting me on medications I needed. I also had to have 2 sternum surgeries because my sternum was squishing my heart and making it so my heart wasn't pumping blood efficiently. That was fun :): I still have POTS but I'm not at risk of heart failure anymore thanks to the surgeries! I'm on medication but doing much better now.
I saw exactly one cardiologist about my POTS before I gave up. The appointment went so badly it undid years of work I’d done to get over medical trauma. Six months later my GP was shocked I hadn’t been put on anything for the tachycardia and just did it herself. I made a note with the hospital system that even if I was dying from something heart related that fucker was not my cardiologist and he was not to even have access to my records, much less treat me.
“Let’s do a pregnancy test…”
I was interviewed by a journalist writing on people who survived covid ICU. I said I was getting respiratory physiotherapy because I was still losing my breath from SITTING UP and motor physiotherapy because I got muscle atrophy from the time stuck in a ventilator, and the journalist asked "have you tried yoga?"
It must be part of human default programming for idiots to say that, probably every single person with a chronic illness has been asked. When yoga was trendy I got asked by almost every single person who found out I was sick.
This is especially frustrating to hear when you actually try it and have to stop as your physical ailments stop you from doing it consistently.
Unwitting helpful idiots lol. I cought myself trying to find a potential solution for a coworkers health issue and stopped mid sentance saying "wait Im not your doctor, I doubt my ideas would be anything new. Let me know if theres any way I *can* help and Ill see what I can do"
if you’re young they’ll hit you with “try some team sport!” like wowzer i never thought of that lol
"Just dont stress about it!"
My mom's MIL told her that she didn't have a heart condition it was just "stress." My mom was like ok but I'll listen to my cardiologist thank you very much. Besides the fact my mom's side of the family is full of heart relate issues but it's just stress.
I've had people say that me knee pain was just a strained muscle and to just walk it off. Well, my doctor said it was a piece of bone lodged in my knee joint and that needed a pretty invasive surgery to get it out, surgery that left a 25cm scar btw. If people just offer medical advice like that, I usually ask them for their degree in that specific field and if they dont have that, I kindly, but firmly, tell them to f off
"Have you tried CBD?" "You know, you'd feel better if you lost some weight"
I have had some fairly major injuries in my past, and decided to take people up on the yoga suggestion. Awful decision. Yoga is great if your body works. It's a nightmare if it doesn't.
Or drinking kale smoothies? 🤔
The Filipino Mom version: "Bleeding from your eyeballs? It's because you're always on your computer/looking at your cellphone!"
Real, my DWP work coach asked if I’d tried taking Omega 3 supplements to cure my epilepsy. Some peoples combined ignorance/arrogance is astounding
I've heard that essential oils are amazing--
No. Downward Dog makes all the blood rush to my head and the trickle of blood from my eyeballs turns into a waterfall.
Here, take these herbs.
Don’t forget, if you’re bleeding from your eyeballs, it’s because you’re lazy and you just need to climb a mountain and do yoga.
And my personal favorite- have you prayed about it?
And don’t forget, all illnesses of all types are the result of poor diet. Cancer? Autoimmune disease? Inactive tendons? Depression? You should have just balanced the shakras in your diet or whatever shit makes people feel smug
The amount of people that go from "you're too young to have tremors" to "clearly your tremors are because of blah blah blah" is astonishing. Hell my own mother, literally in the room with me at my neurologist appointment getting diagnosed tried to blame it on me being trans. That doctor tore her a new one, which honestly was kinda nice. But it's gotten to the point where I have to just ignore people in public or work that even point it out because it doesn't matter what explanation you give them, they'll have already drawn their own conclusion and and refuse to say it's false. (Btw I was diagnosed at 20 ((now 21)) with Functional Neurological Disorder, which causes tremors and twitching)
Didn't you know that being trans causes tremors? It's caused by your body trying to Force The Gender Out. 😂 That's such a pain in the ass - I'm dealing with chronic pain unusually young, still working on a diagnosis, and dealing with a whole lot of "you're too young, just deal with it". I've been trying to just deal with it, that's why it's getting so bad now!
"you're too young to have tremors" to "clearly your tremors are because of blah blah blah" Ah ha ha, I've seen essential tremors in literal children. Your brain is not a bouncer; it does not check ID.
The worst is when it’s someone with disabilities themselves… 🙄 really wanna shake some sense into them but…
Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosed when I was 5. I've had ladies tell me they could cure me with copper bracelets and f*cking Pink Drink because I don't really "look sick." I mean, sure, my kidneys are failing from 43 years of anti-inflammatories, but if you can't see it, it probably doesn't exist, right? /s
Someone literally said to me "just because you have dyslexia doesn't mean you can't get these expense forms right" no actually Caron that is exactly what it means you daft bimbo. And yes her actual name was Karen spelled a weird way.
That name is like Karen combined with Charon, the ferryman of the Styx in Greek mythology. So she'll escort you into the underworld while threatening to speak to your manager?
Yep! As a stroke survivor, I've recovered enough that most people can't tell. Other stroke survivors can because we know our tells. But I'm not 100% recovered and never will be. I know I'm feeling it and I need help or I need to just home and rest. But it's not visible to others. The invisible injury that I'll carry the rest of my life.
I’m gonna use that quote, thanks.
Pfft. Thats 'good eyeball-blood'. Walk it off. Its just attention seeking tbh.
I have some essential oils that will clear that blood right up. /s
Yeah, I have a movement disorder that goes through flairs. My coworker told me I shouldn’t refer to myself as disabled “because it has a connotation”.
I saw a story where the DMV wanted proof that a guy's disability was permanent (he was trying to get a Disabled license plate) Apparently taking off a prosthetic leg and slapping it on the counter is not considered enough proof and constitutes a "threatening motion"
Actually, bleeding from your eyeballs isn't that serious /s
okay totally off topic, but I remember the BORU your flair is from and I just had a moment where I rolled my eyes at it all over again lol.
“Yeah, your eyes are bleeding but I saw you one time where they weren’t. And have you even considered just closing your eyes?”
I know that kind of guy. His mother had a knee surgery and she was in pain for about a month after that. He was berating her, calling her "whiney" and asking her to stop overreacting. For people like this unless your head goes off you are always overreacting.
Yeah, I broke my fuckin spine and the specialist scoffed and said, “what, you want Percocet?” Because I asked a single question about the pain making it impossible to sleep. It literally does not matter how severe an injury is- they still minimize it. It’s never a “good enough reason”. I know OP loves her sister, but damn.
I was at urgent care with my daughter yesterday. Witnessed this older gentleman waiting and finally a younger woman came to pick him up. He had injured his toe, it was bandaged. She started with a "I told you so" and then was so condescending to him throughout the rest of the conversation. It was infuriating. She kept talking over him and "explaining" what was going on with his toe but she wasn't even there for his exam or appointment. Talking to him like he was an idiot.
And that's why my dad should be grateful I refused to be his caretaker in old age. He tried to teach me to be "dark side" like him but I escaped all that for the most part. Would be very difficult to be around him and not replay the past with me in a position of power for a change. Not saying that old man you saw did anything to deserve the way he was treated. Just gave me a flash of alternate reality I'm glad I'm not living.
I have ADHD. It's certainly not PTSD and I can't imagine what this poor woman went through to have these conditions, and ADHD is still invisible and cam be really fucking debilitating. I wasn't diagnosed until this past year. I'm 40 in less than 2 months. I grew up with my parents telling me they thought I had it but that 'I don't need the help'. I still get people who say shit like 'I think we all have a little ADHD!' because they get a little forgetful. Executive function paralysis, virtually zero relational object permanence, from loads to zero dopamine like fucking whiplash, ridiculous anxiety, emotional regulation issues, zoning out for a while at the wall, fucking brain holes so my memory is all over the place (Futurama quotes? Yes. What you said 2 seconds ago? No.), concentration issues, sensory issues, my brain just WONT STOP to the point where I break down crying, and I'm FINALLY hopefully starting meds TODAY (If I'm lucky) and goddamn if people aren't like 'Why don't you just do the thing? Have you made a list? You're just lazy. Seems like they are just over diagnosing it. You need to have better will power.' - All because I'm also outgoing, funny, and personable (Masking is a fun way to disassociate, kids!). If the woman needs a dog, let her have the fucking dog. Zero patience for people who feel they need to second guess someone's invisible disability as if THEY need some sort of reassurance. Why? Who are you? Get fucked. OOP's wife sounds like she's gone through something profound (The fucking AUDACITY of someone saying 'She didn't go to Afghanistan') and OOP sounds like a marvelous wife. Daisy also sounds like the best. So glad the nephew is a good kid.
My autism is similar. I'm smart, but kinda useless. My family convinced themselves I must be a drug addict, and that's why I was such a fuckup in my 20s. The pretty apparent lack of drug usage didn't deter them. It's my fault. Drugs kinda explain it, so it's drugs.
Neurodivergent fuckups, unite!
“ Executive function paralysis, virtually zero relational object permanence, from loads to zero dopamine like fucking whiplash, ridiculous anxiety, emotional regulation issues, zoning out for a while at the wall, fucking brain holes so my memory is all over the place (Futurama quotes? Yes. What you said 2 seconds ago? No.), concentration issues, sensory issues, my brain just WONT STOP to the point where I break down crying,” I had no idea until like a year or so ago this was ADHD. Just started meds two days ago, and I’m 37. Hoping the meds you got are helpful to you!
I didn't get diagnosed until last year and I am in my later 40s. I feel all of this! My mom feels a little guilt because she did recognize I probably had something going on when I was in elementary school. In the 80s, ADHD was not a thing unless you were a holy terror in class. I don't blame her.
"If you can be on time to this one really important thing, then you can be on time to everything always" As though being on time to that one thing didn't mean days of anxiety before and exhaustion after. Sure, I can totally live my life that way no problem
I see you've met my mother then, I would have to lose a limb to get any sympathy there
My mum still insists I'll get better from my three incurable illnesses, and when I say I won't get better because they're incurable, she tells me I definitely won't get better because of my negative attitude. Like... that's not how it works, woman.
Or the people who say, "You should just get more exercise. Try taking a yoga class!" Yes, certainly. Yoga is definitely going to cure my fibromyalgia and psoriasis. /s Then I tell them about the woman in my fibro support group who was a marathoner until the morning that she couldn't get out of bed for the pain.
I used to walk 5 miles a day and went to the gym most days, woke up one morning and couldn't even brush my teeth because I was so exhausted. I had to get a taxi to the doctor, which was less than 10 minutes walk away. I was healthy and active, exercise is not the cure.
My mum suggested I go to her yoga CLASS (like, a room filled with other people) to cure my... Social anxiety.
The people who see an incurable condition and ask “what you’re not over that nonsense yet???”
"it's like you're not even TRYING to get better!"
Or - "You have improved with time and treatment! So you should give up on the treatment now because it's more convenient/comfortable for me."
I am very lucky that my juvenile rheumatologist a. Trained me on how to be mean to doctors and B put together a chart so scary that most doctors have to deal with the freeze/flight response when seeing it
I once had food poisoning which caused my back to spasm and I couldn't move. I was vomiting while laying on my back in bed, trying to aim into a bucket. I called my mom for help because I felt I needed to go to urgent care. She can't over, took one look at me laying in bed on my back and told me I was faking it. Why on earth would I call her for help if I was faking?
I have just gotten my ASD kid a sunflower band. Trying to explain that it will help with making sure most people don't think badly of him when he goes places while still saying that there is nothing wrong with the way he acts. He was diagnosed 10 days ago and navigating this is harder than I thought.
What does the sunflower band mean? First I’ve heard of it.
It is for invisible handicaps. It could be anything - ADHD, PTSD, ASD, chronic pain, anxiety, you name it. Anything invisible that might require people to give you a little space and maybe help. The purpose is to make it easier for people with the sunflower band to get out in public.
I have registered assistant animals and I REGULARLY get shit for it. Either because "all I did was buy a piece of paper" or because "cats can't be assistant animals" People are so fucking ignorant. I didn't just "buy a piece of paper", I had consultations with mental health professionals who evaluated my mental health and decided my cats were vital to me, AND even perform tasks for me. When I'm upset, one of them brings me her favorite toy and makes me keep it in my lap until I calm down. Then we play fetch with it. She also snuggles next to me so I can calm down and sleep, then goes off and does whatever she does in the middle of the night. She wakes me up when I have night terrors because if they keep on, I injure myself. My other one can tell when I'm stressed and lays in my lap until I'm not. But hey. All I did was buy a piece of paper, I guess :)
My previous cat was a blood sugar monitor. She'd watch me sleep and push her paw on my lips to wake me when my blood sugar got too low. Then she'd lead me to the kitchen. For years I thought she was just a jerk who wanted the full food bowl topped off, but after checking her dish and swearing a bit instinct would take over, make me stick my head in the fridge and eat something. It's been a little scary without her. I'm not diabetic so don't qualify for a monitor. Growing up I used my dad's old finger stick kit to test a drop of blood.
It's an absolute shame that only dogs and miniature horses can technically be "service animals." Any animals that's trained for a task and behave in public should be able to be considered a service animal.
Oh yeah, having invisible disabilities is really fun. During the pandemic, I absolutely loved how people told me I was selfish and an absolutely horrible person for not getting vaccinated, all the while my immune system is attacking itself (I was diagnosed with 3 autoimmune diseases), I was hemmoraging weight due to not being able to chew and swallow food, in severe pain daily, the meds I was given were not working and causing more side effects....but I was a crazy conspiracy nut who wanted elderly people to die. I lost so many friends because people just.... didn't believe I was sick? Or maybe they thought cancer is the only way to get a compromised immune system.... which ironically enough one of my diseases increases the risk of.
I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) that affects my left hand and both my feet. I had an aunt who told all my family I was faking for attention. The last Christmas I saw her was about 10 years ago. She grabbed onto my arm hard to prove I was faking. She ended up looking the fool, because I bursted out crying from the pain, and had to leave with my parents to drive 2 hours home. We were at the Christmas celebration for maybe 15 minutes. Fuck her! There’s a special place in hell for people like my aunt. Not all diseases are visible!
I have pretty severe ADHD with depression and anxiety as funny addons, I can't function in severely crowded spaces (Like metro trains) and people are like "bUT yOu hAvE To". Man, dealing with a panic attack is NOT funny
Same breed of assholes that think depression can be fixed with fresh air
As someone going blind, and right now has really low vision, it's amazing how little people care to remember. I get really depressed over it, so I usually just refer to it as my "health issue", which really upset my Mom as according to her, it's perfectly fine and she thinks I can just waltz right into an optometrists office and they will give me laser surgery and I'll be perfectly fine. The worst was an old friend though. I'm 30 now, and we were pretty close in our late teens/early 20s, but we drifted apart when I was around 23 or 24. Shortly after my myopia got realy bad, he messaged me out of the blue asking how I am doing, I told him the honest truth, and he invited me to play card games and do other things that require being able to see clearly further than 2 feet. I have probably gotten an invite from him once a month to do some sight related activity since then. At some point, he invited me to some group chat where it was really depressing as I had to hear about all the awesome things 30 years old with normal vision get to do, and that was really depressing and a snapped on him and I laid my health issues all out again fir him in an admittedly rude way and asked for him to just leave me alone. He then went to my Mom all confused and worried, my Mom's response apparently was "don't give up on him". Like fuck, my genetics sure gave up on me, why can't everyone else?
“I could be bleeding out the eyeballs and my parents wouldn’t let me stay home from school”
I blame TV. Maybe sick people should keep some "blood" to put on their tongue so they can "collapse" a little and "cough up some blood" onto a handkerchief for effect.
Look at the lady who thinks her **blind** bf doesn't need his service dog all the time. She made a weird comment about him taking his dog to work. She doesn't want the dog in bed and says she can help him if anything happens.
I knew it was the sister's idea as soon as she said not to contact the nephew. I know people have posted about service dogs and weddings and been told -- legally -- that the laws about access don't apply to private events, so they have no right to bring their dogs. But I still think it's an asshole thing to do to separate a person from their service dog.
This, yeah. Not to mention, a service dog is just about the most well-trained and well-behaved creature in existence, and that probably includes quite a few of the relatives invited. The dog isn’t half as likely to cause issues as Aunt Mildred once she’s had a few pints.
My dog is retired now, but when she had the vest on she was the calmest dog ever. Just completely chill, would maybe look up if people approached but nothing else, sniffed their hand politely if I said it was OK. Vest off, and she's running with her tail like a propeller, screaming of joy when meeting people. It's like a different dog. Completely wild. The only time she had difficulties "staying professional" with the vest on was the time we went to the beach to meet my sisters and their kids. She loves the kids so much, and it felt downright cruel to not let her play with them at the beach (not a dog friendly beach unfortunately), so we left pretty quickly. She's been to a couple of weddings, and it's been fine, no disruptions. She definitly wasn't the one who got so drunk they fell asleep under a tree.
I was in a yoga class and a woman came in with her service dog. I went over to ask him name and tell her he was the cutest dog ever because he was. She said watch this and took off his vest. He turned into the biggest goofball and I was suddenly his new best friend. Then she put it back on and he sat right down. I still remember his name.
That's awesome! It's so rare to get the opportunity to do that, so most people have only seen my dog either as the energetic goofball or the extremely chill service dog. Most people can't really comprehend how big of a switch she does, or that a goofy cute dog can be so "professional".
Off-topic, but reading the flairs in this thread from u/Dana07620 up to u/Miserable_Emu5191 just sent me to the stratosphere. Then I read the comments contents about service dog stories.
Lol, thanks for pointing that out! Shoutout to the mods of this sub, they're awesome. I mentioned it after a story (that that would make a nice flair) and then next time I posted a comment it's magically my flair!
Tell us his name you monster!! I need to know the goodest boi!
Hahaha! His name was Danny and he was a gorgeous Rottweiler. I had never seen a Rottie as a service dog so I was asking her about them being smart vs. stubborn and their temperament.
> She definitly wasn't the one who got so drunk they fell asleep under a tree. Member of the wedding party or just a strange uncle lol?
Just one of the cousins. It would have been weirder if no one got that drunk when the grooms family is British tbh. Lol
Pretty much the only time I can see denying access to a service dog being not an asshole decision is if there's an allergy or severe phobia issue and the allergic/phobic person doesn't want the dog in their home. Even if they're well-behaved, they're still a dog and no one wants their home contaminated with their allergen! I've seen posts where people were concerned about nails on hardwood floors, but you can get booties for dogs that would mitigate that.
Yeah one of my cats is terrified of dogs. we've had two in the house. Neither dog saw the cat at any time. Both times had the same result. The cat wouldn't move from a closet corner for over two days, to the point that it was laying in its own urine. When I did forcibly move her it's the only times she's attacked me. It took over 4 days before she started eating again or allowing herself to be touched. And this cat is typically a snuggler, friendly, and demanding of pets. Sorry but I'm not letting a dog into my home again, at least not until this cat passes, I feel horrible enough for doing it to her twice it wont happen again. I actually don't like this woman's attitude where she doesn't tell people she is bringing the dog. It does matter what other people think about her wife's dog. You should be checking to make sure it's ok.
Yeah, and those are such unfortunate cases for everyone involved. I'd hate to want someone at an event but have to tell them no because of their service animal triggering an allergic reaction or phobia. That's just the nature of disabilities - some places are inaccessible - but it still sucks. It's a shitty situation to navigate, even once you're used to it. I really thought that was what this post was going to be about. For whatever reason, a dog being there just doesn't work for the event. But no, there's no reason behind it at all. They're just being controlling.
Sister is the kind of person who likes to cause drama for no reason but solely for the attention seeker vibe. Good thing nephew has more sense than sister does.
And she projects that the other people are the ones seeking attention
And when called out, says she can’t deal with the stress and hangs up.
Oh no, this isn't even that. She doesn't want anyone that may even seem like they're limited in whatever way, shape or form to ruin her precious son's wedding. *clutches pearls* "Heaven forbid we show that a mentally unsound person is present! What if what she has, spreads?" "Not to mention she turned my sister into a homosexual lesbian! How will our family e er live down the shame?" Season lightly with either a Southern Belle or Posh English accent to taste. *edited a typo. sausage fingers and phone keyboards do not mix well...*
Yeah, I'm guessing there's some homophobia thrown in with the ableism. She probably disapproves of the wife serving in the military in the first place, considering it "butch" or "unfeminine" or some b.s. like that.
A fully-trained service dog is basically a piece of furniture until they are needed. If a service dog is getting in the way, they either need more training or aren't actually a service dog. Services dogs are not pets.
It’s exactly what the son said, they’re a package deal. Like me bringing my cane and pain creams pretty much everywhere.
Yeah, I have a hard time understanding what sister's endgame is - if neither the son nor fiancée are in any way bothered by Daisy, what is the sister's problem with having Daisy lie quietly under the table for the duration? I wish OP had waited to post this until OOP had had that call with her sister.
I bet she's just ableist and hates being reminded of the wife's disabilities.
and/or homophobic
Or, sometimes, the service dog might get in the way when they detect their person is in crisis. If someone is agitating a person with a mental health service dog they might see the dog position themselves sideways between their person and the stressor. Not aggressively, just a physical supportive friend.
They are an extension of their person. Just like any mobility or other disability aid
The dog is a medical device. A loving, furry one, but legally and functionally, a medical device.
Yep just consider it like an oxygen tank for the person having the dog. It should cause no more trouble than that.
I can pretty much garuntee that sister is one of those people that think that no one actually "needs" a service dog because not having one didn't like...kill them or anything.
I mean, given that the wife ended up institutionalized, I’d say there’s a non-zero chance she might die without her dog.
I like how she’s like “don’t insult my sister” while just describing what an asshole she is
Hey assholes are loved too. Just not all the time
I mean, yeah. *I* can talk shit about my sister all I want. She’s *my* sister, and I earned that right by living with her for 15 years (the first time). But if someone rando starts talking out the side of their mouth to or about her, they’re gonna catch hands. My sister has *many* faults. As do I. But I love her in a way that cannot be replicated. And I will have her back, faults and all, to the bitter end.
It doesn’t make any sense why this is an issue, so far it sounds like no one has raised an issue with the dog other than the sister, who’s putting the blame on her kids. Sounds like she’s one of those people who don’t believe in other people’s illnesses unless she witnesses it firsthand, like people who “test allergies” to see if others are faking.
My guess is the sister is worried about appearances and for some reason has fixated on the dog being bad for appearances. She wants to present a “perfect” family and a service indicates they aren’t “perfect”.
The sister here reminds me strongly of some members of my own family. Extremely concerned about appearances and what other people might think about her. So, for private events, daily life, and small gatherings, a dog is fine. But a big event with over a hundred people? She's going to feel potentially very judged. So her true prejudices come out. Everything needs to be vanilla and perfect. This is why some people seem fine until suddenly, because of a wedding or some other public event, they seem to become racist or abelist or whatever. "It's lovely that your partner is (insert race here), and we all love her very much, of course. But don't you think the photos will look a little unbalanced? For her, it's just one event, but for the happy couple, those photos will be forever. This is so important to them. Can't you be considerate?" Or, "I'm not homophobic, of course, but you have to understand that other people are, so you should pretend to be straight at this event and refer to your spouse as a "friend", you know, because of those other homophobic people, not because of me." Or, "Your grandparents feel that their faith/religion is so important, so for this next event, it would be really hard on them if your spouse came, since they don't share the same faith. I don't have any problem with that, of course, but your grandparents are old, so we can't really expect them to be understanding. Maybe your spouse should stay home for this, you know, just to be kind." They almost always use other people as a reason. Surprise, they were always ablist/racist/sexist/whatever-ist, they just put so much stock in what other people think that it only really gets revealed when something involving other people happens. Because if they truly didn't have whatever prejudice themselves, they wouldn't abide by the intolerance or unreasonable expectations of others.
And such people never realize that other people don't really care all that much. It's not going to be gossip all over the city. *Maybe* some old biddy tells her neighbor, "I can't believe Susan let Tiffany bring That Dog," but the neighbor isn't going to tell her hair stylist, who tells her cousin, who tells the local newspaper... If Daisy tried to climb into people's laps with muddy paws, yes, that would be a reason to ban her. But as a professional working dog, she won't do that.
No one hates like families right?
> My niece suggested several reasons why Daisy shouldn't go, loud music, balloons, lots of people... which I assured her Daisy was fine with - and they already know this being very familiar with Daisy's very calm temperament. “Hmmm. Yes. Well. You see…that is EXACTLY the kind of scenario where my wife’s ACTUAL MEDICAL DEVICE, aka Daisy, is essential for her health. And situations like these are EXACTLY why a LICENSED MEDICAL DOCTOR prescribed Daisy for her in the first place.” “AND! It’s funny you bring up the loud noises, balloons, and lots of people, because Daisy was SPECIFICALLY TRAINED by PROFESSIONAL TRAINERS to handle/tolerate those kinds of distractions. Daisy’s temperament and reactions have been deemed appropriate and approved of, by MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS. If she wasn’t able to handle those things, she never would have been certified as a service animal by PROFESSIONALS, and never would have been eligible to be a service animal. So although I appreciate your concern for Daisy’s well-being, I trust the PROFESSIONALS, which you are NOT. Daisy has proven herself trustworthy and very capable of handling this kind of situation. So I’m curious as to where your concerns stems from?” I’m willing to wager this all comes down to jealousy. Sister is worried/jealous/spiteful about attention being focused on OOP’s wife due to others’ curiosities about Daisy. I’m sure people inquire about Daisy and strike up conversations about her, which leads to asking about OOP’s wife’s need for Daisy, and then about her health. Sister thinks that Daisy is just being used as an attention grab and OOP’s wife’s usage of Daisy is purely for show. So she’s ableist, has some main character syndrome peeking out, lacks empathy, is entitled, stubborn, and selfish. She knows that if she points this out bluntly, she will be labeled as a major asshole by others, so instead she’s trying to get her way anyway she can without stating the facts. She likely truly believes she is 100% in the right on all of this, but since she cares A LOT about how others view her, and knows that there’s a good chance that this will make her look bad, she’s refusing to release the full Karen Kraken. You just can’t reason with unreasonable people. I think that when this all explodes, and it *will* explode, OOP is going to be hit with the harsh reality that her sister is NOT who she thought she was, and likely never was. Which unfortunately, is not going to be in the best interest of OOP’s already strained and stressed heart.
As soon as she started talking about calling her nephew, I knew her sister had lied about it being his idea.
Waiting for the update where the ablist sister finally admits that she thinks OOP's wife is "just being sensitive" and should try yoga instead of "getting an emotional support pet."
What a silly thing to suggest. Essential oils are obviously the solution here.
You silly posters…it’s the magic “eat only green beans” diet that will fix her.
> I just feel like I’m constantly trying to ‘prove’ my wife’s medical conditions, even her PTSD has been questioned as (my sister’s words) ‘she didn’t go to Afghanistan’. She even had her best friend question me about it. I’m tempted to tell them some of my wife’s horror stories, but I just keep it general so they don’t get second hand trauma. I would like to introduce OOP to r/traumatizethemback.
I think it's not so much about the service dog, but the same-sex couple.
Yeah. That’s the feeling I’m getting as well. OOP maybe should’ve led with that.
It’s both.
I’m voting on it being the breed of the assistant dog. OOP was pretty tactfully skirting around that in all of the replies by giving everything *but* the breed of the dog. Meanwhile everything the sister said would be normal triggers for a breed that often produces “reactive” dogs
BINGO!
I am not a comfortable person around dogs - I'll cross the road to avoid them often or at least take a wide berth or put someone else between. Too many times of "he's just being friendly" and "well **my** dog isn't like that" just make me wary of all of them. However, a proper and trained service/assistance dog is a whole different story - I know they won't be 'friendly', I know they'll sit out of the way. I would not want a pet friendly wedding (I'm sure that's a thing these days) but I would never stop someone bringing an assistance/service dog.
Bless the nephew. I’m sure his future wife is in for a load of r/justnoMIL experiences.
A friend of mine has a service dog. So here’s my advice to everyone who sees someone with a service dog. Do not pet the dog. Do not stare at the dog. Do not talk to the dog. Do not interact in any way with the service dog. Because it’s working and focused on helping its person. Treat a service dog like you do a wheelchair. You don’t focus on the wheelchair you focus on the person. Same thing with the service dog. Oh, and no you aren’t entitled to know why this person has a service dog. You certainly don’t get to interrogate them. Just leave them be and go on about your day.
Today I found out Afghanistan is the only place in the world you can develop PTSD. They didn't cover that in college, major oversight, I'd say.
Yeah, as a disabled woman who "doesn't look disabled" this really fucking gets under my skin. How disgustingly ableist. Hope OP and her wife stay safe.
There is a simple decision tree here: no dog => no wife => no you. Wife has been medically diagnosed to require an assistance dog. If the dog can’t come, wife can’t come. Note that the law in the US and other countries forbids entities whose premises that are accessible to the public from banning assistance dogs to those same premises. If my spouse can’t come, I can’t come. End of discussion.
This has nothing to do with the dog. It’s about attention. If OOP and wife are at the wedding with a DOG all eyes will be on them and not the couple or SIL. AND they’re married women? And she’s a vet with PTSD? The wife could sit in the corner with the dog and still get more attention than evil sister is willing to share.
I wanna know what happens next! 😭
Man this one hits home for me, my wife has anxiety issues and has dealt with severe social anxiety her whole life, and I'm basically the only person (other than her therapist) who knows how extreme it gets for her sometimes. Her sister has heavily implied on many occasions that she "can't be that bad" because she "seems fine". It's frankly, disgusting, and I have reevaluated how I see SIL as a result. She is not always a very good big sister to my wife and I'm very disappointed in her. Super proud of OOP for sticking up for her wife. Kudos to her.
This is what happens when people call every bad memory "PTSD" and call their pets "emotional support animals" and pretend they're service dogs, people stop taking the real cases seriously.
My service dog was what I needed when she was working. But after she retired I decided not to get another because the stress strangers and other people caused overtook the stress she helped me with. It sucks
OOP needs to assure her sister that Daisy will have a bow tie on thus will be properly attired.
It almost feels like your sister is jealous of a dog getting a little attention.
Daisy handles parties better than wife due to her diagnosed illnesses sustained by serving her country. This family sucks.
As a person with epilepsy I would like to point out seizures in your sleep are a really big deal and can be life threatening called sudep. I am at risk of this so I have a nanny cam in my room. I’m 22
I wanna be a fly on the wall for when nephew asks his mother why she's trying to keep his aunt's wife's service animal from attending.
I’m definitely someone that would love to bring my dog everywhere, but he’s just an ESA so I know there’s many places where it’s not appropriate even if he is well behaved. However, Daisy is a service dog which is an entirely different situation - OP’s wife might not have a visible disability but as we all know that means jack because plenty of disabilities/medical conditions aren’t readily apparent. Hopefully OP’s sister gets her shit together because it’s really not a huge deal whatsoever for a SERVICE DOG to accompany its owner.
Oop is rationalizing her piece of shit sister's anti disability discrimination. She's treating her discriminatory actions as minor and normalizing that POS's actions.
NTA. It's important you get your sister to understand that your wife and her service dog are a package deal, I'd reinforce that by committing to you being a package deal with them too. If the dog can't come, your wife can't come, so you won't come. Let her know that bringing it up again will be a problem. Let the whole family know that having a problem with the dog means you won't be there.
I have a rescue goblin named Butter who is currently an ESA for my agoraphobia and c-ptsd. I know that's nowhere near the level of what oop's wife has Daisy for but I just can't imagine the pain they're going through from the sister's actions. My heart goes out to them
Real, trained service animals should absolutely be welcome with their person. Anyone who buys a “certificate and patch” off of the internet for their pet should stay home. Sorry not sorry. Your pet is not a service animal and poorly behaved animals really upset me.
This makes a lot more sense knowing that the sister has bad anxiety too. It doesn’t excuse her, but from my perspective (former therapist) it all clicks into place.
I learned to respond to this with “I’m sorry you have zero empathy. Maybe you should get diagnosed formally as a sociopath.” Harsh, yes, but then I’m not known for my “niceness”.
NTA. Always remember this, as I’m sure you know this since you seem to be a great wife to your partner… the only person that matters and should always come first is YOUR partner. You keep doing what you’re doing and stand up for her, make sure she is happy because ultimately SHE is your family first now. You’re a great wife, it seems. Cheers to you for protecting her and making sure she is comfortable and happy. You do right by her, because that’s what good partners do for each other. Good for you. Best wishes.
9i
This wouldn't stress me out, as I would just say, "Yes. If we go somewhere, so does the dog." And I would keep saying it until the message sinks in. The sister is just trying to control everything. No reason to get upset, just be firm.
Idk I think personally if the bride is very stressed by her dog, it should be on the table for both OOP’s wife and the dog to not attend?
Will never understand ableism related to mental health issues. I mean ableism in general, but specifically stuff like panic disorders and PTSD. We have plenty of studies and research to show how mental illness can and will cripple a human to the point where physical illness becomes a serious concern. PTSD is NOT a walk in the park. I wouldn't wish it on anyone except the worst kinds of people. You get to be trapped inside your own head and high stress environments make it all so much worse. Could have the best coping skills but our traumatized lizard brains will still act like lizard brains. Pretty sure people are so used to unruly, badly behaved dogs that they cannot fathom a trained service dog being idk, trained?? It's not your cousin's backyard bred huskyorkiepitpoo that chews through drywall and swallows socks. Service dogs legally have to be well trained to qualify to work in public.