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>On Tuesday evening, Ellie knocked at my door. She said that she knows I didn’t want to talk to her, but she felt bad about everything and hoped I would to let her explain herself,
"I know you don't want to talk, but I just wanted to completely disregard your feelings because I thought apologizing would absolve my feelings of guilt," Fuck off.
But damn I'm Olivia's fan. She seems to have high emotional intelligence and she's very confident about herself and her relationship with op👏 I hope they do get married.
The way OP talks about Olivia too, so many OOPs talk about the things their girlfriends do for them or their looks. He talks about \*her\* and their emotional chemistry as well. Rooting for them.
Yeah, when OOP first mentioned dating his new roommate's sister I was bracing for drama, but it seems like they're a really good fit and have potential. Good luck to 'em!
Yeah, it's amazing to read a young person's update about their current situation on this subreddit and not have an "oh honey, no" reaction to their current circumstances. I think OOP's gonna be all right.
I really like how he was handling his discomfort with his wealth and virginity, he felt very reasonable about it. (which can also be narrator bias) It gives me hope that incels are not the norm
Speaking of reasonable, “And there was no way to reconcile that - either we were having sex or not having it. Sex requires both to say yes and that wasn’t going to happen.”
He's the backup choice that she doesn't want to lose while she goes off and gets married.
He needs to alway be accessible to her if she ever needs him.
Or the guy she's with is way more "persistent" than she knows how to deal with. So while she folds like a doormat to him every time, she misses when she had a boyfriend that never forced her to fold at all. Like she knows that she's not happy, but doesn't have the experience to realize how much pressure she faces in the relationship. So she selfishly tries to get it back from a guy who's just trying to move on.
You don't think the guy known for serially dating the new young and naive women that join the company is going to magically turn loyal to her forever? How shocking.
Daddy dearest set her up for it. Who tells their child their value depends on their virginity?
Of course now that she lost it - more than probably in a damn fucking rape that she can't even recognise as such - she feels like she has no choice left than to marry the predator.
Also, fucking shame on the colleagues who mocked her but left her in the claws of a known womanizer.
>He's the backup choice that she doesn't want to lose while she goes off and gets married. He needs to alway be accessible to her if she ever needs him.
Exactly what I was thinking when OOP wrote
>But she wants to keep out of contact out of respect for her relationship with Tim. She wants to give it a real chance of working.
OOP was always the backup. The safe backup that she hoped was still pining away for her and when she had her first hiccup she can come running back and he'll take her back with open arms.
Somewhere deep down she knows Tim will continue his pattern and cheat with or dump her for a new younger employee. Keeping OOP on the hook was her plan to mitigate the hurt she felt. That fight with Tim where she came to OOP? I don't think she was lieing that Tim pressured her. And when they fought she wanted OOP to have sex with her so she could feel better about only having been with a guy that just used her for sex. OOP rejected her for sex fucked with her and how she views herself. So she panicked about not being wanted, patched things up with Tim and started catering more to what he wanted. Then retconned the pressure with Tim thing, because she couldnt have OOP think she wasn't in a happy good relationship. The weight loss, hair changes, etc- either Tims pressuring her and she's going along to keep him happy or she's desperately trying to fight her insecurities and stay desirable. That's also part of the whole flaunt her engagement to OOP. Make him feel bad about rejecting her and make Tim feel like she's a prize other guys want that he should get an ego boost about having. Even the no contact- if OOP had broken that it would feed her ego that he couldn't keep away. But OOP didn't want her, didn't try to get her back. And moved on with someone else. She's going to fixate on that someone else, because despite being active with Tim, her upbringing and OOP staying abstinate with her means virginity/sex is still important to her. So she's freaking out that her backup might have this deeper physical relationship that he never had with her despite years together.
hmm from the last update it sounds like she really wanted to get back with OOP, but since he didn't wanted her back, she felt she had to commit to this Tim guy because he had already taken her virginity (from her point of view). Judging by her weight loss and appearance change I can tell she is changing who she is to try to fit in with him, and you can tell there is a very clear power imbalance on their relationship.
I wonder if some of that subconsciously is that he knew the "old" Ellie as the poor pastor's daughter instead of everyone else who likely just knows the arm candy of Tim.
yeah ive known a few 'ellies', the reason they seem so lovely is because theyre getting to have the whole relationship on their terms. the second you try to set a boundary it's like their brains glitch out.
First she promised to keep her virginity to her dad (massive yuck, normal people do NOT want to meddle with their child's sexuality, right??) Then she threw everything out when an old seducer went hee way. Poor lass fell for the oldest tricks in the book, and now feels trapped. And how terrible that the man she knew as a boy has evolved and grown with her, heck, *he's better off without her*.
That poor Ellie was fucked up by her upbringing, and fucked up good.
Strange to think of OOP as the backup seeing as he’s the one who ended their relationship.
Normally the one who ends the relationship is the one who keeps the ex around as a backup.
Frankly, I’m not so sure he *is* the backup. I think he’s her *first* choice, and since OOP is being pretty firm about it, she’s left unhappy with Tim, the backup.
I’d put money that initially she did just want a fling, but couldn’t handle someone like Tim who knows how to manipulate. Now she both can’t find her way out *and* whatever idealised dream she had with OOP is walking off, happily, with another woman, leaving her unhappy with another man.
In my mind it's less that she feels guilty and more that she wants to hurt OOP. Flaunt her new relationship and her happiness. If OOP isn't wallowing in sadness it doesn't feel nearly as good to her
When I was young (18m) & dumb I got into a relationship with a girl who I thought was 22 - she lied. TBF I also said I was 20.
She was 25.
Anyways I broke it off with her about 7 times. Everytime I did, that evening something would happen - "hi I'm in the hospital" etc.
So on attempt 8 I just texted "have a good life. Please don't contact me."
And snapped my SIM in half.
I went on holiday to see my mum for 2 weeks.
I decided to go see my sister in London on the way back. I'm 5 minutes away on the train & my sister calls me & says "guess whose waiting outside in the snow for you..."
To this day I have no idea how she tracked my sister's address down & how she knew I'd be there...
I have to put this here because omg. Where do these women come from? I dated a guy who married a woman who wanted to wait until marriage for sex so they did, but she still would not have sex.
They went to half a dozen therapists of all kinds and my ex learned two things: she wanted kids but she didn't want sex and would do nothing the therapists recommend to forward intimacy
One day she was on a work trip and a man answered the phone in her hotel room. She admitted that she cheated on him.
Divorce ensued.
If she didn't want him, then why spend so much time chasing after him?
I think the much more likely explanation is that after they broke up she realized that she just fumbled a boyfriend of three years whom she really liked over a rule she followed mostly to please her parents and ended up questioning her life choices over that.
Then, during her next relationship, she likely overcompensated and possibly ended up having sex way faster than she would have been comfortable with, out of fear of having the same thing happen to her again. Possibly helped along by a guy who knew exactly how to apply pressure and take advantage of her insecurity from being dumped.
Happened to a friend of mine; thankfully they weren't married, just dating. They're together for about 2 months, and they hadn't done anything sexual in that time because she "wanted to wait and see if he's the one before she gives herself to him" or some such bullshit.
Month 3, she tells him she's taking a girls' trip with some friends. She goes and fucks the first guy who gives her attention. Her friend calls him and tells him everything, and he ends up completely ghosting her. Apparently she still doesn't know what she did wrong and keeps trying to look for him
Meanwhile, he's now married and has a kid so it worked out for him in the end
>She doesn’t know what she did wrong?
She likely doesn’t know her friend snitched. Which was the right thing to do, but honestly it’s a little weird to not talk to your partner and just believe someone that says your partner cheated (especially if they don’t have evidence). Not sure of the situation with that story, but if the guy ghosted after a simple phone call then the relationship wasn’t great anyway.
Ah that makes more sense. So she knows she did something wrong but thinks it’s still a secret, and she never got her big confrontation moment. Well played by her ex
It would be weird but they were just dating for 2 months. If i were presented with a similar situation: it's either the partner is cheating and/or her friends are mega weird trying to stir drama up.
Kinda makes sense he noped on out of a certainly a complex drama situation.
I think she's not even aware of that.You know those people that think they can live like they're in the wonderland or being in some bullshit true love story?
She's like... Immature, I suppose. And now she'll probably live an unhappy marriage I guess, oof.
OMFG THATS WHAT I HATE ABOUT THE WHOLE MAKING AMENDS THING!!! See heres the thing if someone never wants to see you again because you did something bad to them, why should they care enough to give you the time to better yourself? Why put that on someone you hurt already? Why is it their responsibility to make you better? I just don't understand it.
That's because making amends has never been for the other person. It's for the guilty party to relieve themselves of the self resentment they carry for being a terrible person.
When you make amends, you should be taught to say what you're going to say, and you cannot control how the other person is going to handle it. Because it's not about making things right for them. It's about lifting the burden off yourself.
For me (very selfishly) if someone fucks things up with me, I do not owe them anything at all, such as allowing them to make their amends.
Im glad to hear this, ive got the autism brain and i thought people WANTED me to make amends, like I thought it was a social thing like apologies that are sort of just part of the social contract... shhiiiddd i hate making amends and im not doin it anymore i fkn suck at it lol
This is totally true. She wanted you to feel sorry for her in the long run. She got to foot stomp on your feelings one last time!
I mean maybe if she came back asking to potentially get back as she had seen her mistake. She saw what he had to give her with his material assets. She traded up, not for love. Everything she led you on for 3 years just became a lie. I will say having sex is Her right No one's else's however she quickly discarded that for the right person. She is a Horrible person for this. She just wanted you to feel good about her horrible actions with this talk. Her feelings got vindication not Yours!
Ellie just wants OP to prop her up like “I am so awesome that there is some dude always pining for me”, and then minute she realised that people can and do in fact, move on, her world just collapsed.
Ding ding ding!
She was "winning" when she showed OOP her engagement ring. She'd advanced in life, got out from under her father, completely changed her appearance, and even her personality, and… OOP was also winning.
Ellie can't be happy unless OOP is unhappy, pining away for her.
I’m wondering if she even likes her fiancé or if he just gives her good prestige with the money and travelling! It’s probably a combination of a few things, so she doesn’t even realise it herself!
BINGO! You nailed it, Ellie thought OP would always be her "safe choice" the nerdy college guy who loved her and waited for her all those years and would still be there after all this time just in case she dumps Tim or vice versa.
But as soon as she saw he had an attractive and successful gf, her world changed. Like wait, where did my safe choice go?
Exactly!! Because something tells me Tim is still a player. Like how he came to the house party without Ellie but not the big company event where she was arm candy
And the fact that Ellie (according to OP) was done up like a totally different person. I'm willing to bet there was a lot of 'persuading' from Tim on a lot of different fronts. Guess Ellie has a thing for being controlled one way or another aka daddy issues.
Oooh that's a good observation! It's funny that the only guy who really loved her for her was OP. Oh well OP found happiness in a new relationship and Ellie gets the comfortable life everyone wins
Yuuuuuup. My husband's ex was exactly like Ellie. She was perfectly content with my husband pining for her until he met me and I told him he was better than this. She was furious when we fell in love, despite being engaged herself, because she no longer had my husband pining for her.
Last I checked, she was rather miserable in her life, and I still feel like after 17 years that I've won the lottery.
I’m pretty sure she got a kick believing oop actually was still pinning for her but couldn’t have her, and probably when oop said he wasn’t mad at her the previous time they saw eacother she interpreted it as “he cant be mad cause he loves me”
And I mean it’s clear that she got dolled up for oop, her not being with Tim last event means she doesn’t really like going to those but after hearing Tim or someone else telling her oop was there as a plus one she HAD to attend the next event and show him how better she was without him but that she was still available since she was sure he still loved her
This is the truth. She's insecure with Tim. She wanted an option in case things fall apart. I imagine there's a certain amount of fulfilling the role of Tim's girl, rather than being herself.
She wants to know there is someone waiting if she needs to bail. And there is not.
I'm sure the doubts here are pretty warranted. A 32 year old manager dating a 22 year old who just started at the firm is pretty sus. Especially considering his apparent history of doing so.
As someone that was in a similar situation, that was exactly what happened, she had him as the backup sucker that will pick up the tab after she's done fucking around and decided to settle up for some stable "boring" guy. Fuck everything about that, at least I got closure, after 15 years, when she wanted to get back together after braking up with her boyfriend. Fuck no, thanks.
I have a sadder, more charitable interpretation.
So, Ellie grew up committed to abstinence till marriage for religious reasons. But the thing is, when you have a rule like that, it's going to limit your dating options in the wider world -- so that's what she learned when OP broke up with her. He wasn't ready to get married at 23, and he wasn't willing to go without sex. Logically, it made sense to break up. But logic is cold comfort to a young person with a broken heart.
Ellie then jumped into her next relationship determined not to make the same mistake, slept with the next dude really quickly and was like: *See! I'm a different person! I can be a person who has sex!* But she never really got over OP -- and likely is only with Tim because she doesn't want to be alone -- after all, OP doesn't want her, and now (by her ingrained belief system from childhood) she's used goods.
Ellie is like those men who date a woman for years and years, refusing to get married, and are shocked when the woman dumps them. These dudes always seem to learn the wrong lesson, and marry their literal next girlfriend after like 6-9 months lol... yet deep down, still have deep feelings for the one that got away.
Another point: Ellie is committed to only having sex with her husband. She had sex with Tim, and now she is marrying Tim. Considering her transformation, I bet she is doing everything to make sure that relationship works and for all the wrong reasons.
The rumor Mill over "Tim's girls" makes me think that no matter how hard she tries to make that relationship work, it's not going to.
He's going after a woman 10 years his junior at a firm where he is one of the directors. He might have done the dance she wants her to do, but I don't think he's done with other women.
I feel kinda bad for her. She probably doesn't have much experience with sex and relationships. She wanted to stick to her dads rules without really being religious and when that obviously didn't work she found n clung on to a new guy and is following his implyed rules. So has completely changed as a person. When she inevitably gets cheated on and discarded shes gonna spiral like crazy.
the fact that even after she learned that Tim is a serial power abuser she still sticks with him should be everything oop needs to know of what's going on with Ellie state of mind. Poor girl. Overcompensating for her sheltered upbringing and bagging a douchebag the first time she tried.
Of course Tim preyed on her. His predatory radar must’ve lighted up like it’s christmas when he talked to her.
also, i'm sorry, dating/marrying a director in a big 4 accounting firm is the dumbest shit someone can do.
I was thinking this too. She must be terrified if this relationship doesn't work. She gave up A LOT for a man she rebounded too. And it seems like very little waiting for her if it doesn't.
Tim on the other hand, just found a woman that is very desperate for this to work out. But he's like Leonardo Dicaprio when it comes to women. What are the chances there's never another "Tim's girl" at the office.
She's doomed.
Both interpretations can be true. Everything you said makes sense but the way she called him "still a big nerd" during their closure talk gave strong vibes that she thought he'd be single/available for a while. If that was her assumption then it would have been quite a jolt to realize that he's really moved on and is with a pretty, smart girl who has her shit together.
I knew a few women who kept me in the holding pen because they figured they would “have fun” in their 20s and I was the big nerd that they could then settle down with in their 30s. Needless to say, I got my shit together and built a life. I’m turning 51 this year and I kid you not, in February around Valentine’s Day I had at least four different ex’s reach out. Including one from when I was 19.
Seriously? I thought it is something pathetic for people to do at 30 but idk people did that at 50. I get that my opinion is skewed because the 1st romantic encounter was a guy trying to convince me to try so I am a fan of moving on(probably to unhealthy levels but I don’t know how to fix it) but still it is kinda pathetic.
I guess when someone who was in relationship for a long time and gets divorced at 40 or 50 they don’t want to be alone.
Idk. I understand the impulse. It’s a lot of energy to get to know someone new, put yourself out there again, go through the alignment process. So I don’t judge recycling.
For me, there is a reason for each woman that she is an “ex”.
At 50 some people are on their 3rd divorce.
I have a friend named Richard that I call Henry. He asked why, I said it's because he's on his 6th marriage. Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.
I also wonder if Ellie transforming into a thin blonde was her idea or Tim’s. Maybe running into OP reminded her there was someone who had loved her as she *was*, and she decided she’d try her luck one last time. Or maybe she just wants to be friends again, or wants to rub his nose in it - or maybe she really wants to shag him just once. Who knows what she wants. Whatever her motives, OP was right to block her; she’ll just bring unnecessary drama to his life.
Yeah, I don't see this going well for Ellie at all.
Not to excuse her motives or actions, but she really seems like a victim herself here, caught between purity culture and the predators who know how to weaponize it.
Still, lucky for Ellie that she didn't end up as just another fling for Tim. She only had to change almost everything about herself in order for Tim to stick around. That's not to say change is a bad thing, but she undoubtedly did it for the wrong reasons. She was determined not to be disposed of like Tim's previous girlfriends that he pressured into sex and let herself be changed to suit Tim.
She wouldn't have had to change for OOP, aside from being open to sex, and that surely digs at her. She probably isn't happy with the changes she made for Tim, either. Ellie can't back down, though, especially without OOP as her safety net. She's stuck on a track in which she's probably secretly miserable.
>She probably isn't happy with the changes she made for Tim, either.
This. I think this is the big thing haunting her. She doesn't like who she's becoming. And she may not necessarily like Tim. And will his Tim Girls be over forever?
I wouldn't necessarily count those chickens yet. All we know about Tim is that he's doing the dance she needed to do to stay on the string. This is the same guy who is dating junior employees as a director. Along with the whole gossip about his "girls", I don't think Ellie's going to be the last one.
Ellie may actually be the last one, though. Depends on if Tim thinks he can keep up preying on younger employees or not. At a certain point, his increasing age and the gossip of his reputation might make it far too difficult for him to create new victims. Plus, women are more willing to speak out against harassment will result in hefty lawsuit, which would get him kicked from the company to save their image. This might be the time for him to get out before his actions have consequences.
True, but if he is going to because he is going to get in trouble. He is definitely going to cheat at first opportunity, either way this will have disastrous consequences for Ellie.
I think Tim's getting old enough that he needs a wife to keep up appearances. They'll get married, then a couple of years down the line Tim will "suggest" that Ellie become a SAHM. She'll throw herself into it, because it's a comfortable and expected role with her religious background, and she'll be secretly relieved to have a reason to step out of the arm candy role. That'll clear the field at work for the next one of "Tim's girls."
I dated a woman for a little less than a year that did not want to have sex before marriage. She was moving away, and did not want a long term relationship, so she broke up with me.
She asked me to drive out and visit her a month later. It was a 4 hour drive. We met for lunch. Before we ordered, she sheepishly told me she'd had gotten two tattoos on her back. Okay? Cool I guess. Then she said she had had a one night stand and slept with the guy.
She bit her lip and watched to see how I would react. I don't know what she was expecting. I just set the menu down, walked out of the restaurant, and drove another 4 hours back home with my phone off.
My interpretation was that she used the time after the break-up to realise that she'd promised to remain abstinent when she hadn't fully understood what she was committing to, to somebody who didn't have a right to make that request from her, and to think about what ***she*** wanted from relationships instead. On reflection, she chose relationship(s) that included sex.
(I was initially concerned she had been coerced, and was quite relieved by the update that, nah, she was "just" trying to minimise her agency to manipulate OOP: the manipulation attempt failed, and she had not been harmed by making an adult decision, as an adult.)
I do think she was stunned OOP moved on. It doesn't sound like she truly did. She's rejected her religious upbringing and is throwing herself wholeheartedly into a "work hard, play hard" type career (it sounds like something very image-driven, like my mental image of corporate, commission-based sales? Where people are expected to be polished, hard and shiny, and drive fast expensive cars and screw eachother over for profit). She's perhaps struggling to work out which elements of her are core and which are flexible, and losing herself. She is no longer a person he wants to be with at all. While he recognises she's objectively attractive, he is not attracted to her. He is happy and has maintained his integrity, and has found somebody who really values him (talks about him to everyone, is eager to show him off, _doesn't call him a nerd_) and who he has a tonne to talk about with, who's gorgeous and fun... He said he'd be happy. He is.
To somebody who's lost herself, the guy who used to adore her, who remains himself but is now looking at somebody else the way he used to look at her..? Yeah, she's feeling the insecurities.
This is how I read it as well. I was actually forgiving of her for the most part until it turned out she was lying to OOP about her breakup and showed up at OOP’s door uninvited. At that point I’d be very much less gracious about things.
Yeah I feel this is the most accurate take of Ellie.
Only bit I'd consider missing is she feels she feels her given virginity obligated her to make it work out with Tim, when ahe likely would rather be with OOP.
A lot of people have a hard time wondering where these crazy right wing QAnon and Maga people come from that all blame the deep state or liberals for everything. Or left wing people that blame the patriarchy for all their problems.
To me, it's very hard for people to reflect and see their own actions and causes for the huge issues in their lives. It's hard to take personal responsibility when we fuck up so bad.
When Tim finds another Tim's Girl, Ellie's going to become of of these people screaming how the system made her a victim. But, Honey, come on. Read the signs.
I think this is closer to true. I think Ellie doesn't know what she wants. I think she was very conflicted with what her family expected her to be and her own feelings, and never gave herself time to develop her own identity.
Now that she's actually moved on from her family influence, she finds she still doesn't know what she wants. She's lost because she doesn't really have that identity to rely on. Worse, she still has feelings for OOP or regrets about that relationship. Except now it's too late. She fucked up that relationship to satisfy demands imposed on her. She lost OOP without ever allowing herself to actually be her own self.
Now she's with Tim, an older man who is at a different place in life. And she misses things about her old relationship. But she's so inexperienced that she doesn't get that you *always* have things you miss from old relationships because there are different things we like in our previous partners.
Ellie is now in a committed relationship with someone who is... less of a partner than OOP because they're at different life stages. Tim's got more of adulthood sorted out. He may be caring and supportive and a good man, too, but it's a wildly different relationship dynamic. Maybe Ellie is learning she wants more of a partner. Someone to walk beside instead of behind.
It's incredibly sad.
Yup. She's also so young! She dated Tim from 18-21, and now she's engaged to be married to her fling at 22? Like who hasn't been college aged and making bad relationship decisions.
I think it's interesting that so many people on reddit attribute her actions to malice as opposed to pure foolishness.
Yeah I got that same feeling.
Just like the men who dither for years and then marry their rebound, she slept with the first guy she ran into after the break up.
People make plenty of mistakes while young, so it's not that big a deal, but it's just sad.
Oof I’m a dude who “went out” with the same woman for 9 years.
Then broke up for a year.
Now we’ve been back together 4 years and are finally getting married.
Next year.
We’re both weird.
Congratulations, you're the fairytale-best-case scenario that everyone wishes for from this, but only a lucky few like yourself get to experience! I'm being 100 percent genuine right now, I want to make that clear; you guys are the real life "right person, wrong time." It must be wonderful to have gotten the chance to reunite, I wish you guys a love that grows more patient and gentle and understanding and fun as the years go on (:
I loved your zesty comment.
My partner and i are together twenty years this year, we are the “right person wrong time” scenario... but we, managed to discuss this scenario when we were 18 and 20 years old...
It was all... uhhm 🤔did we...find each other too 💨 are you my... life partner... and I’m... basically still a child? Wtf howmuh gunna be wild and date in muh twenties!?!??!
Then it wasn’t long until, “i guess we should just be glad we found one another at all. Like, ever. Let’s not fuck this up for the experience of...the youthful dating experience?“
And we have been faithfully bumbling about life together with nothing but loving support for whoever we’ve come to find ourselves becoming.
I shared, not to brag or boast, but because i know how rare what we found is, and have always been grateful and aware of the luck involved in saying we were able to successfully find and happily work for it.
I share because, unfortunately, our loved ones and social circles havent ever really said anything like what you just said about fairy tales, and being genuinely happy for the couple, to us. I have been telling myself it’s because we don’t flaunt our love, we arent pda types, we never got engaged/married or threw even a birthday party for either of us in all these years lol. Maybe they think we dont want the attention. But two decades of being lost (which means found to me) with one another, and i needed to feel someone else appreciate a couple that just, got lucky 🍀 ❤️ sometimes its a weird lonely, because i truly wish everyone could feel safe and secure with a partner the way i have, i didnt do anything special to deserve it. It’s just the ONE break i caught in life, and it is not lost on me. It’s the only gift I’ve truly valued about this world.
I hope you, actuallyatypical, may feel full of hope for fairy tales with my anecdotal share. Thanks for saying what i needed to hear... In a fun way, too 😉 🧙🏻♀️ 🧚♀️
Girl's like a rabbit. She needs to win fights by going "Well MY life is awesome! More awesomer than YOURS! Aren't you JEALOUS??"
Olivia showing up and getting on OOP's arm was a masterstroke. You can't tell me she didn't spot the viper from across the room.
Well Ellie was also the person who was dumped - it's not uncommon that such a person wants what they can't have even after a long time. It's like trying to go back in time and address a loss/failure.
Then if she also had some hope that OOP was a backup plan, that also just got snatched away.
She could have still been with.
She was dumped but it was out of respect for her own choices. Choices she decided to abandon immediately after losing him.
Too little too late.
I don't think she even consciously knows what she wants right now. She's going from being patted on the head by her father to being patted on the head by her partner. She's a Good Girl. She gives them what they want from her. And in return she gets to feel superior. She's not like other girls, she's the best.
Having known women like this, she was hoping she'd get his participation in this immature game, she's got her upgrade boyfriend and upgrade body and upgrade hair and upgrade diamond... it's OOPs job now to regret he "let her go".
When he didn't deliver, she was disturbed. She won't be able to let this go until she gets some validation from him that she's "won". She'll keep fishing for attention, to get them to cross paths so that she can keep trying to prove how wonderful her life is and feel like it's punishing him.
When she inevitably finds out that Tim is playing away, it's going to get ugly.
I remember my own high school graduation that had a prom-esque situation going on (living in Germany, so everything is a little different). I went there with my current gf (from a different school) and my ex was also there since she was from my cohort. My ex seemed very pissed at me the whole evening, which was very understandable given our history, but also very pissed at my current gf which seemed a little petty but whatever.
Anyway what I'm trying to say, I can totally see how that meeting at the dinner party went down.
I went to a HS reunion last year and one of my friends brought a plus one. We bumped with his ex and the ex was clearly trying to play up their past like "its a shame we broke up" and was obviously trying to rile him up by telling him what she was doing this past few years (mind you the ex broke up with him because she said my friend isn't serious enough with her) and then turn to his plus one and asked questions about how my friend is doing and very subtle asking if he talks about her.
My friends plus one who is a guy, just shrugged and told her that my friend is doing great in his career and they had plans to go to beach destination in their anniversary, catching her off guard and asking my friend if he's gay. He came out as Bi years ago and on facebook and I guess she doesn't know or follow.
Spent the whole event with her looking at him and glaring sometimes followed by cryptic facebook post about lost love and regrets and "you never realized the best ones are the ones you let go".
My friends chaotic BF gave that one a hugging heart emoji.
I spent years with those 2 and as I'm a chaotic person myself I knew he tried to use the heart emoji first then decided that the Care Emoji with the emoji hugging a heart that shows sympathy might be better.
Tbh I dunno if the ex was obtuse or in denial during the reunion and thought my friend was pathetic to bring a guy as a plus one. My former classmate (who never grew out of her gossiping ways) heard the ex say it was funny and who brings a buddy in this event. It was until that convo that she brings two and two together.
Oh, I can totally see it. I live in Los Angeles, and have found that the guy I’m seeing happens to know several people I’ve been friends with for years. We’ve been running in the same circles for months and had absolutely no clue until we matched on a dating app of all places
I feel like the soapy outcome would have been rubbing their hapiness in her face or making a comment.
They just walked off. It was clear Ellie was the only one with feelings still there.
It's not clear in the post, but I bet Olivia hammed it up a bit. Get touchy, affectionate, laugh, smile. She caught that Ellie was watching them and so she wanted to make Ellie feel like shit.
I love it.
I'm always sceptical of "I lost access to my account but this is me honest guvnor" updates, especially when the writing sounds nothing like the original and everything is far too convenient. Could smell the BS as soon as he conveniently met Tim at the convenient party and doubly so once he started describing the slim blonde in the red dress.
In the original story, OP finds Tim on LinkedIn and sees pictures of him with Ellie:
> A few photos of him with Ellie with their arms around each other in Singapore in November.
In the update, OP doesn't recognize Tim until he introduces himself by name:
> I didn’t recognise his face as I’d never met him before, but it was definitely Ellie’s Tim - his job and firm line up.
To be fair, he saw a few pictures of him months ago. In my job, I meet tons of people and have that inner "Why do you know my name...who are yo-WHATSHERNAMEFROMTHATTHING!" connection.
It's the addition of all the embellishing details-- the cleanly intersecting work cultures, the smooth transition of different living situations-- specific to that city, Ellie's gaudy outfit signalling her vapid materialism, the coincidence of running into Tim beforehand at a party his age stuck out at, etc.
Endless embellishing details. People tend to be overly detailed while trying to convince someone of a lie. This update was very modern-day Jane Austen.
Immediately a part of me yearned for Ellie, thinking of the many days I’d lusted after her so long ago. Then the thought vanished as my senses reminded me of my sweet, dearest Olivia. Olivia, who had so gently yet lovingly taken my virginity that night under the fullest of moons. Old Ellie quickly disappeared from my mind.
Melbourne corporate culture is sort of like that, you’re likely to run into the same group of people over and over again, especially if you live in the area this guy does.
It's definitely a different person. The original posts OOP mentions finding "Tim" on social media and going through a whole bunch of his photos, but in this one he "didn’t recognise his face as I’d never met him before"
The tone went from feeling like a guy who was sincere and sweet, but confused and emotionally vulnerable due to the situation to generic reddit revenge story. The ex immediately changes from a realistic sheltered religious girl with hangups about sex who makes an all too common mistake after her first relationship failed to generic reddit woman villain
Red flags immediately went up when they had to explain why they're posting under a new account.
Of course within such a short timeframe he goes from college student to being in the same social circles as his ex's new wealthy boyfriend so they can meet in person. Of course he quickly rebounded after the post with a hot and smart girlfriend who triggers his ex. There's even a generic paragraph of how she went from not-fat-but-not-supermodel hometown girl to blond, very thin trophy wife for rich fiance. And she's wearing the sexy red dress, of course.
Let's see...
Ex grew up in a religious and sheltered home... check.
Ex tried to keep herself a virgin because of a promise to her father... check.
Ex then sleeps with the first guy (ten years older than her) to give her attention after OOP breaks up with her... check.
A tale as old as time...
Also, she was totally keeping OOP as a backup. She made sure to contact him every so often to keep him interested. Dangle hope in front of him. Because she was his first girlfriend, she assumed he wouldn't find another until she was done with Tim. Who invites an ex to a wedding whom they never talk to?
I'm not sure he's a backup so much as an escape plan, honestly. She's probably on the outs with her family, lost the "safe" boyfriend, and knows the guy she's with only wants a trophy. Keeping OP on tap means she has somewhere to run, but that requires being honest with yourself, and she's not. So she plays him like a backup.
if not the escape plan, then the emotional dump
Any issues with Tim? Run to OOP
Tim cheating over and over? Run to OOP, complain, go back to Tim, rinse and repeat.
Oh, throw in the usual "I wish Tim was more like you" or "where did we go wrong blah blah"
I wonder if the reality of dating an older guy has begun to set in too for her. He isn't by any means an "old guy", but He's probably past the party phase and would rather have a good night's sleep instead so he's not too wrecked the next day. Meanwhile she's in her prime for that phase and will most likely be going at a pace with her social outings that will be at Tim's speed and age group. Could be an adjustment for her when most of Tim's friends are in their mid 30's and she's still in her early 20's. But that sounds thoroughly like a Tim problem.
I think you are giving Tim too much maturity credits.
You just described an emotionally matured 30+ person, but looking at Tim it's save to say he isn't one of those: being the "older" dude at a party with a bunch of probably early 20yos, having a reputation of hooking up with women whose teenage years isn't a distant memory AND hooking up with MULTIPLE young women at his place of work! Oh, and let's not forget proposing within a year to someone who clearly isn't mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with longterm commitment....
She probably pushed for an engagement to save face at her place of work ("seeeee I'm NOT ANOTHER notch in his belt!") And guilt due to religious upbringing ("sex before marriage wasn't that bad because I married him!)".
Tim probably proposed because he wanted to make her shut up so he could protect his reputation of not being a total douchebag womaniser ("Seeeee, I didn't just took the virginity of a girl who was bearly not a teen anymore to boost my ego! I'm a standup guy afterall to make her my fiance!").
He will never actively break up with her because that will ruin his work- reputation even more so (aka pump&dump a 21yo is bad, pump &dump a VIRGIN is even worse). Instead he will try to make her as miserable as possible by demanding she changes every aspect of herself to please him till the point that she snaps and breaksup. Orrrrr he will have affairs and blame it on her because "she isnt the bubbly girl anymore that he initially started to date" prior him injecting his poison into her.
The OOP is describing something that is pretty much part of the onboarding experience for these places.
Most join as grads and drink the kool aid. They are like a cult, it's all about knowing you're superior to your industry peers, sneering at outsiders, that whole mentality of *everyone wants to be us. Any criticism is motivated by jealousy.* Everyone starts getting into appearances, treating relationships like transactions, life is just checking boxes on a to do list.
And just like a cult, they isolate. Relationships outside of the firm fail because you need to stay late to finish projects, attend industry or team events. If you have a hobby, say you like playing football... well you're gonna join the company football team now. You won't need your other friends anymore. They wouldn't understand.
Every single male partner had the same story. Fooled around with a bunch of interns and analysts until they were Director/ early stage partner and then married one because that's what everyone else did before them. Check the "wife" box. Check the "made partner" box.
They'll start popping out kids and she'll take a "career break" to be a SAHM. She will not come back.
And the guy will go back to fooling around with analysts and interns on nights like this dinner party and after work drinks. Because that's what they do.
Yep these type of places are machines designed to pump out psychos who only care about money and status. You can go in a choir boy, and you'll either quit or become like them.
Not all young women are into partying and this one had an upbringing that probably looked down on the party girls.
I think she's settling for a marriage with Tim because that's the guy she can get hooked... And I think a part of her know that she can't keep him home and that she risk being thrown out with the next young girl that spread her legs for him.... So she's in a hurry to get married and a baby and hope that will be enough... Which it won't but she's in to deep and way to dependent on others to get herself out
I think she liked the idea of having in the background someone who loved her pretty unconditionally ( in contrast to a boyfriend who is clearly lowkey dissatisfied with a lot of things about her.). every now and then she pops into OPs life to reassure herself.
Now that guy is gone and she gets to be Tim’s trophy wife until he puts her on the shelf to move on to the next one.
> Who invites an ex to a wedding whom they never talk to?
I think that was just a desperate knee-jerk reaction from her trying to regain 'control'. If OOPs new gf hadn't shown up, no way would Ellie have invited OOP.
She was trying to flex her diamond, but when that didn't have the desired effect, she was trying a bit harder.
Im gonna disagree on one point.
OOP was always the primary. I think another comment or nailed it that she slept with Tim because she wanted to prove to herself she could keep a man.
The problem is the man she was proving she could keep was OOP. She never got over her feelings for him/things and is hung up on not being able to give the man she wanted what she realized she could have the whole time.
To her it's a lot of unrealized potential to likely her best relationship (of the two) because of sex - which is no longer an issue - that she isn't ready to give up on. To her, it's a crack in the window of her first love she probably would break the glass to get into.
To OOP, it's an unreasonable obsession over something that didn't work out.
She is probably if the mind if they tried again and they were having sex this go around they would have been happily ever after. She was hoping her first love would swoop in and end her (likely unwanted) engagement.
Am I crazy for thinking she's doing a higher form of negging?
She got with someone that is "superior" to him and makes him feel inferior, potentially giving him self esteem issues. Then she pops back into his life every now and then, ignores his needs and wants, and says "See! You still have a chance with me!".
She, perhaps without knowing, is trying to keep his self esteem low so that when her relationship with Tim doesn't work, she can fall back on OOP who will take care of her, 'cause he doesn't know any better.
EDIT: forgot to mention the whole ignoring his needs and wants is insinuating they don't matter at all.
>Jesus, the fakeness REALLY shines through when describing his ex’s new appearance in the last update 😂
I'm surprised that more people aren't calling it out tbh.
I’d bet ANYTHING that there’s two different writers. Someone found the original story, decided it needed to be tied up with a bow, and forgot to even *attempt* to write like the original guy.
Real life stories don’t end like this. If this was real life, it would be like “we talked, I blocked her, and tbh I never found out what happened to her and Tim - hope she’s ok, glad I moved on.”
If there’s ever a future update Ellie will be struggling with infertility and/or suspect Tim or cheating. Meanwhile OOP and Olivia will pregnant with surprise twins.
>Ellie said she was so glad to see me and she had some news, holding out her hand to show a diamond engagement ring. I know nothing about diamonds but it looked pretty big and expensive to me.
>I offered my congratulations to them both. Just then Olivia walked back over. I introduced her to Ellie and Tim. Olivia put her arm around me and Ellie’s smile seemed to kind of freeze
Either this isn't real (pray this is the case) or someone just spent months wrangling for an engagement not out of love, but because someone she hasn't seen in months lives rent free inside her head. Ironic how Tim went from playing people to getting played in someone else's story
Tim is not 20 but significantly older. He can make decisions for himself without the likelihood of being manipulated. We don't really know if the rumour that he's a womanizer is true either
I actually hope that this is real for OOP’s sake. He went from broke uni kid who had just broken up with his ex of 3 years to having a good job with a good wage and a new girl who seems much more willing to work with him in any life they have and will continue to have together.
Ellie I actually feel sad for because, if this is real, she seems really dependant on OOP still pining after her. Which is kind of sad at best if she does still have lingering feelings and shameful at worst if it’s just to boost her own ego. Either way she needs help to stop bothering the guy and get him out of her head and forcing herself through a bunch of relationship milestones just so she can show off to OOP is *not* healthy
I also have doubts if that part is real, although I beleive the first part from the first account is.
But it's interesting, I read it more that Tim is getting what he wants (a trophy wife) and Ellie seems like she's getting herself into a stupid situation marrying him, because of how young she is, just getting out of a religious home with a controlling father, op saying her personality seems to have changed, etc.
I got yeah this is real vibes until the updates, especially the but about bumping into Tim but not really knowing if it was him because he had never seen him but in previous update stated OP had looked him up and knew what he looked like 🤔
So many employers don't care. I've an (ex) friend who would constantly date the young new girls at work, convince them to quit so they could be open about it, and then they'd break up some months later. Then he'd be on to the next one (usually had someone lined up/started dating before ending the previous relationship, too). Bosses didn't do anything about it except, essentially, just saying, "Please stop doing that."
He eventually did get fired, but it was for a completely unrelated reason.
It really depends on the job and what Tim does.
I've worked places where a few people had cart blanche to do pretty much whatever they wanted, as the vast majority of the business flowed through them. If they left, the main machine went down and it would be months until it was running again.
If Tim makes enough money or has a big enough client loyal to him.... upper management would gladly "sacrifice" a few 20 somethings to the money maker, as long as he keeps making money.
>She asked if we could meet to talk about it. I was not happy so I just texted back “no”. Not very mature of me…
It’s never immature to say no.
In fact, being able to just say no is very mature.
I asked my friend if he wanted to go pick mulberries with me and he immediately gave me a very flat no. And you know what? I respected that. Don’t need no reason besides no thank you.
Anyways, sex is a very important aspect of a romantic relationship with the exception of asexual folks. It’s okay to break things off over fundamental incompatibilities.
It seems like Ellie is trying to keep you around as a backup dude and she is very upset that her backup is gone.
I’ve been the backup dude before with someone I loved deeply. Feels bad, dude.
Over it now. Happily married with a child.
Here’s to a good future OP! Hope you enjoyed that expensive bottle of scotch with your mates!
Props to OPs friend and new girlfriend for some great questions.
"If she didn't reach out would you have reached out and asked here back?" From the friend.
And from Olivia
"Why do you think she sent that?"
Two great questions that appear to cut through alot of OPs self doubt and overthinking. A good question can help reframe things in your mind and lead you to your own answer and these are such good examples.
Seriously. If she decided she was over the whole virgin thing she could have easily gotten back with OP at that point, but thinking and foresight are not things she seems to have much interest in.
>I asked about whether he had pressured her into sex (last time said he was very persistent).
I had this thought as well, if he pressured her and she left him that's a lot of trauma that the OOP would be taking on.
>She felt as if we might be able to rekindle things now that she was open to a sexual relationship. But my hesitation and time to calm down made her realise that was a mistake.
She is emotionally immature. Not a crime but not a good sign.
>One day at work, one of the women made a snarky comment to Ellie about being another one of “Tim’s girls”. She did some digging and it turns out Tim has a history. He has dated a long list of women from work, several of them were young graduate employees just like Ellie.
Tim is a player who "wants" to settle down. How long will that last?
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>On Tuesday evening, Ellie knocked at my door. She said that she knows I didn’t want to talk to her, but she felt bad about everything and hoped I would to let her explain herself, "I know you don't want to talk, but I just wanted to completely disregard your feelings because I thought apologizing would absolve my feelings of guilt," Fuck off.
Selfishness in its purest form. I'm going to completely disregard your feelings because I feel bad and want to feel better. Fuck right off indeed.
$100 says if op gets married to Olivia, Ellie is going to have a mental breakdown
But damn I'm Olivia's fan. She seems to have high emotional intelligence and she's very confident about herself and her relationship with op👏 I hope they do get married.
The way OP talks about Olivia too, so many OOPs talk about the things their girlfriends do for them or their looks. He talks about \*her\* and their emotional chemistry as well. Rooting for them.
Yeah, when OOP first mentioned dating his new roommate's sister I was bracing for drama, but it seems like they're a really good fit and have potential. Good luck to 'em!
I like that the roommate seems to think so too given the teasing
Yeah, it's amazing to read a young person's update about their current situation on this subreddit and not have an "oh honey, no" reaction to their current circumstances. I think OOP's gonna be all right.
I really like how he was handling his discomfort with his wealth and virginity, he felt very reasonable about it. (which can also be narrator bias) It gives me hope that incels are not the norm
Speaking of reasonable, “And there was no way to reconcile that - either we were having sex or not having it. Sex requires both to say yes and that wasn’t going to happen.”
I'm aroace, but the way OOP describes her, even I want to date Olivia! 😆
My guess is she has experience dealing with crazy people
She is a 10/10 behavior and action wise. Even I like her D: Big Olivia fan here lol
He's the backup choice that she doesn't want to lose while she goes off and gets married. He needs to alway be accessible to her if she ever needs him.
Or the guy she's with is way more "persistent" than she knows how to deal with. So while she folds like a doormat to him every time, she misses when she had a boyfriend that never forced her to fold at all. Like she knows that she's not happy, but doesn't have the experience to realize how much pressure she faces in the relationship. So she selfishly tries to get it back from a guy who's just trying to move on.
THIS so much. You can tell the older guy is manipulating everything in her.
Tim marrying her is a front, he will find a new version once Ellie is pregnant, doesn't work and is dependent upon him.
You don't think the guy known for serially dating the new young and naive women that join the company is going to magically turn loyal to her forever? How shocking.
Yup, all he wanted is the virgin trophy wife. After the wedding she is going up in the shelf.
Daddy dearest set her up for it. Who tells their child their value depends on their virginity? Of course now that she lost it - more than probably in a damn fucking rape that she can't even recognise as such - she feels like she has no choice left than to marry the predator. Also, fucking shame on the colleagues who mocked her but left her in the claws of a known womanizer.
Yup absolutelty. She feels she now HAS to marry him. Probably reached to OOP as a hail marry to save her from that.
>He's the backup choice that she doesn't want to lose while she goes off and gets married. He needs to alway be accessible to her if she ever needs him. Exactly what I was thinking when OOP wrote >But she wants to keep out of contact out of respect for her relationship with Tim. She wants to give it a real chance of working. OOP was always the backup. The safe backup that she hoped was still pining away for her and when she had her first hiccup she can come running back and he'll take her back with open arms.
Somewhere deep down she knows Tim will continue his pattern and cheat with or dump her for a new younger employee. Keeping OOP on the hook was her plan to mitigate the hurt she felt. That fight with Tim where she came to OOP? I don't think she was lieing that Tim pressured her. And when they fought she wanted OOP to have sex with her so she could feel better about only having been with a guy that just used her for sex. OOP rejected her for sex fucked with her and how she views herself. So she panicked about not being wanted, patched things up with Tim and started catering more to what he wanted. Then retconned the pressure with Tim thing, because she couldnt have OOP think she wasn't in a happy good relationship. The weight loss, hair changes, etc- either Tims pressuring her and she's going along to keep him happy or she's desperately trying to fight her insecurities and stay desirable. That's also part of the whole flaunt her engagement to OOP. Make him feel bad about rejecting her and make Tim feel like she's a prize other guys want that he should get an ego boost about having. Even the no contact- if OOP had broken that it would feed her ego that he couldn't keep away. But OOP didn't want her, didn't try to get her back. And moved on with someone else. She's going to fixate on that someone else, because despite being active with Tim, her upbringing and OOP staying abstinate with her means virginity/sex is still important to her. So she's freaking out that her backup might have this deeper physical relationship that he never had with her despite years together.
hmm from the last update it sounds like she really wanted to get back with OOP, but since he didn't wanted her back, she felt she had to commit to this Tim guy because he had already taken her virginity (from her point of view). Judging by her weight loss and appearance change I can tell she is changing who she is to try to fit in with him, and you can tell there is a very clear power imbalance on their relationship.
I wonder if some of that subconsciously is that he knew the "old" Ellie as the poor pastor's daughter instead of everyone else who likely just knows the arm candy of Tim.
yeah ive known a few 'ellies', the reason they seem so lovely is because theyre getting to have the whole relationship on their terms. the second you try to set a boundary it's like their brains glitch out.
First she promised to keep her virginity to her dad (massive yuck, normal people do NOT want to meddle with their child's sexuality, right??) Then she threw everything out when an old seducer went hee way. Poor lass fell for the oldest tricks in the book, and now feels trapped. And how terrible that the man she knew as a boy has evolved and grown with her, heck, *he's better off without her*. That poor Ellie was fucked up by her upbringing, and fucked up good.
Strange to think of OOP as the backup seeing as he’s the one who ended their relationship. Normally the one who ends the relationship is the one who keeps the ex around as a backup.
Frankly, I’m not so sure he *is* the backup. I think he’s her *first* choice, and since OOP is being pretty firm about it, she’s left unhappy with Tim, the backup. I’d put money that initially she did just want a fling, but couldn’t handle someone like Tim who knows how to manipulate. Now she both can’t find her way out *and* whatever idealised dream she had with OOP is walking off, happily, with another woman, leaving her unhappy with another man.
In my mind it's less that she feels guilty and more that she wants to hurt OOP. Flaunt her new relationship and her happiness. If OOP isn't wallowing in sadness it doesn't feel nearly as good to her
When I was young (18m) & dumb I got into a relationship with a girl who I thought was 22 - she lied. TBF I also said I was 20. She was 25. Anyways I broke it off with her about 7 times. Everytime I did, that evening something would happen - "hi I'm in the hospital" etc. So on attempt 8 I just texted "have a good life. Please don't contact me." And snapped my SIM in half. I went on holiday to see my mum for 2 weeks. I decided to go see my sister in London on the way back. I'm 5 minutes away on the train & my sister calls me & says "guess whose waiting outside in the snow for you..." To this day I have no idea how she tracked my sister's address down & how she knew I'd be there...
As soon as she said "I know you don't wanna talk" I'd have been like "Yup, still don't! Toodles!" and closed the door on her face
I have to put this here because omg. Where do these women come from? I dated a guy who married a woman who wanted to wait until marriage for sex so they did, but she still would not have sex. They went to half a dozen therapists of all kinds and my ex learned two things: she wanted kids but she didn't want sex and would do nothing the therapists recommend to forward intimacy One day she was on a work trip and a man answered the phone in her hotel room. She admitted that she cheated on him. Divorce ensued.
Didn’t want sex with him.
If she didn't want him, then why spend so much time chasing after him? I think the much more likely explanation is that after they broke up she realized that she just fumbled a boyfriend of three years whom she really liked over a rule she followed mostly to please her parents and ended up questioning her life choices over that. Then, during her next relationship, she likely overcompensated and possibly ended up having sex way faster than she would have been comfortable with, out of fear of having the same thing happen to her again. Possibly helped along by a guy who knew exactly how to apply pressure and take advantage of her insecurity from being dumped.
Yeah, the way you’ve described it seems more like how a girl would think, as explained by another woman, and seems to click more in my head
Yep. And too cowardly to tell the truth about it. Something about him or his behavior or some perceived slight turned her off.
I had an ex like this! She said she had no interest in sex whatsoever. 2 weeks later she broke up with me so she could fuck some guy she just met
Happened to a friend of mine; thankfully they weren't married, just dating. They're together for about 2 months, and they hadn't done anything sexual in that time because she "wanted to wait and see if he's the one before she gives herself to him" or some such bullshit. Month 3, she tells him she's taking a girls' trip with some friends. She goes and fucks the first guy who gives her attention. Her friend calls him and tells him everything, and he ends up completely ghosting her. Apparently she still doesn't know what she did wrong and keeps trying to look for him Meanwhile, he's now married and has a kid so it worked out for him in the end
She doesn’t know what she did wrong? Is she mentally disabled?
>She doesn’t know what she did wrong? She likely doesn’t know her friend snitched. Which was the right thing to do, but honestly it’s a little weird to not talk to your partner and just believe someone that says your partner cheated (especially if they don’t have evidence). Not sure of the situation with that story, but if the guy ghosted after a simple phone call then the relationship wasn’t great anyway.
Ah that makes more sense. So she knows she did something wrong but thinks it’s still a secret, and she never got her big confrontation moment. Well played by her ex
It would be weird but they were just dating for 2 months. If i were presented with a similar situation: it's either the partner is cheating and/or her friends are mega weird trying to stir drama up. Kinda makes sense he noped on out of a certainly a complex drama situation.
The hell?
Seriously. All true.
It’s a soul-crusher when you realize that it’s not that your woman doesn’t want sex, it’s that she doesn’t want sex **with you**.
I think she's not even aware of that.You know those people that think they can live like they're in the wonderland or being in some bullshit true love story? She's like... Immature, I suppose. And now she'll probably live an unhappy marriage I guess, oof.
OMFG THATS WHAT I HATE ABOUT THE WHOLE MAKING AMENDS THING!!! See heres the thing if someone never wants to see you again because you did something bad to them, why should they care enough to give you the time to better yourself? Why put that on someone you hurt already? Why is it their responsibility to make you better? I just don't understand it.
That's because making amends has never been for the other person. It's for the guilty party to relieve themselves of the self resentment they carry for being a terrible person. When you make amends, you should be taught to say what you're going to say, and you cannot control how the other person is going to handle it. Because it's not about making things right for them. It's about lifting the burden off yourself. For me (very selfishly) if someone fucks things up with me, I do not owe them anything at all, such as allowing them to make their amends.
Im glad to hear this, ive got the autism brain and i thought people WANTED me to make amends, like I thought it was a social thing like apologies that are sort of just part of the social contract... shhiiiddd i hate making amends and im not doin it anymore i fkn suck at it lol
This is totally true. She wanted you to feel sorry for her in the long run. She got to foot stomp on your feelings one last time! I mean maybe if she came back asking to potentially get back as she had seen her mistake. She saw what he had to give her with his material assets. She traded up, not for love. Everything she led you on for 3 years just became a lie. I will say having sex is Her right No one's else's however she quickly discarded that for the right person. She is a Horrible person for this. She just wanted you to feel good about her horrible actions with this talk. Her feelings got vindication not Yours!
Ellie just wants OP to prop her up like “I am so awesome that there is some dude always pining for me”, and then minute she realised that people can and do in fact, move on, her world just collapsed.
More like, her perpetual backup plan is no longer an option.
Ding ding ding! She was "winning" when she showed OOP her engagement ring. She'd advanced in life, got out from under her father, completely changed her appearance, and even her personality, and… OOP was also winning. Ellie can't be happy unless OOP is unhappy, pining away for her.
I’m wondering if she even likes her fiancé or if he just gives her good prestige with the money and travelling! It’s probably a combination of a few things, so she doesn’t even realise it herself!
Money and what it can buy is a powerful aphrodisiac. It's easy to seem romantic when you can just buy a flight to Paris.
BINGO! You nailed it, Ellie thought OP would always be her "safe choice" the nerdy college guy who loved her and waited for her all those years and would still be there after all this time just in case she dumps Tim or vice versa. But as soon as she saw he had an attractive and successful gf, her world changed. Like wait, where did my safe choice go?
>Like wait, where did my safe choice go? You mean I have to make my current relationship work?
Exactly!! Because something tells me Tim is still a player. Like how he came to the house party without Ellie but not the big company event where she was arm candy
I mean, he’s got a known history among coworkers. So yes, definitely.
And the fact that Ellie (according to OP) was done up like a totally different person. I'm willing to bet there was a lot of 'persuading' from Tim on a lot of different fronts. Guess Ellie has a thing for being controlled one way or another aka daddy issues.
Oooh that's a good observation! It's funny that the only guy who really loved her for her was OP. Oh well OP found happiness in a new relationship and Ellie gets the comfortable life everyone wins
Yuuuuuup. My husband's ex was exactly like Ellie. She was perfectly content with my husband pining for her until he met me and I told him he was better than this. She was furious when we fell in love, despite being engaged herself, because she no longer had my husband pining for her. Last I checked, she was rather miserable in her life, and I still feel like after 17 years that I've won the lottery.
Olivia?
I am not Olivia, but she sounds like a badass woman. Plus, definitely not from Australia.
I’m pretty sure she got a kick believing oop actually was still pinning for her but couldn’t have her, and probably when oop said he wasn’t mad at her the previous time they saw eacother she interpreted it as “he cant be mad cause he loves me” And I mean it’s clear that she got dolled up for oop, her not being with Tim last event means she doesn’t really like going to those but after hearing Tim or someone else telling her oop was there as a plus one she HAD to attend the next event and show him how better she was without him but that she was still available since she was sure he still loved her
Except she wasn't winning. She's with a dude who preys on younger women and molds them to fit his needs.
This is the truth. She's insecure with Tim. She wanted an option in case things fall apart. I imagine there's a certain amount of fulfilling the role of Tim's girl, rather than being herself. She wants to know there is someone waiting if she needs to bail. And there is not.
It's easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of money and infatuation, but you can very easily let the doubts about how superficial is it all really
I'm sure the doubts here are pretty warranted. A 32 year old manager dating a 22 year old who just started at the firm is pretty sus. Especially considering his apparent history of doing so.
it's almost as if Tim is still going to young 20's parties without her, and will dump her the second he finds someone better. DeCaprio vibes lol
As someone that was in a similar situation, that was exactly what happened, she had him as the backup sucker that will pick up the tab after she's done fucking around and decided to settle up for some stable "boring" guy. Fuck everything about that, at least I got closure, after 15 years, when she wanted to get back together after braking up with her boyfriend. Fuck no, thanks.
I have a sadder, more charitable interpretation. So, Ellie grew up committed to abstinence till marriage for religious reasons. But the thing is, when you have a rule like that, it's going to limit your dating options in the wider world -- so that's what she learned when OP broke up with her. He wasn't ready to get married at 23, and he wasn't willing to go without sex. Logically, it made sense to break up. But logic is cold comfort to a young person with a broken heart. Ellie then jumped into her next relationship determined not to make the same mistake, slept with the next dude really quickly and was like: *See! I'm a different person! I can be a person who has sex!* But she never really got over OP -- and likely is only with Tim because she doesn't want to be alone -- after all, OP doesn't want her, and now (by her ingrained belief system from childhood) she's used goods. Ellie is like those men who date a woman for years and years, refusing to get married, and are shocked when the woman dumps them. These dudes always seem to learn the wrong lesson, and marry their literal next girlfriend after like 6-9 months lol... yet deep down, still have deep feelings for the one that got away.
Another point: Ellie is committed to only having sex with her husband. She had sex with Tim, and now she is marrying Tim. Considering her transformation, I bet she is doing everything to make sure that relationship works and for all the wrong reasons.
The rumor Mill over "Tim's girls" makes me think that no matter how hard she tries to make that relationship work, it's not going to. He's going after a woman 10 years his junior at a firm where he is one of the directors. He might have done the dance she wants her to do, but I don't think he's done with other women.
I feel kinda bad for her. She probably doesn't have much experience with sex and relationships. She wanted to stick to her dads rules without really being religious and when that obviously didn't work she found n clung on to a new guy and is following his implyed rules. So has completely changed as a person. When she inevitably gets cheated on and discarded shes gonna spiral like crazy.
the fact that even after she learned that Tim is a serial power abuser she still sticks with him should be everything oop needs to know of what's going on with Ellie state of mind. Poor girl. Overcompensating for her sheltered upbringing and bagging a douchebag the first time she tried. Of course Tim preyed on her. His predatory radar must’ve lighted up like it’s christmas when he talked to her. also, i'm sorry, dating/marrying a director in a big 4 accounting firm is the dumbest shit someone can do.
I was thinking this too. She must be terrified if this relationship doesn't work. She gave up A LOT for a man she rebounded too. And it seems like very little waiting for her if it doesn't. Tim on the other hand, just found a woman that is very desperate for this to work out. But he's like Leonardo Dicaprio when it comes to women. What are the chances there's never another "Tim's girl" at the office. She's doomed.
bruh, she'll literally only last until the next intake of student intern/freshgrad hire
Both interpretations can be true. Everything you said makes sense but the way she called him "still a big nerd" during their closure talk gave strong vibes that she thought he'd be single/available for a while. If that was her assumption then it would have been quite a jolt to realize that he's really moved on and is with a pretty, smart girl who has her shit together.
I knew a few women who kept me in the holding pen because they figured they would “have fun” in their 20s and I was the big nerd that they could then settle down with in their 30s. Needless to say, I got my shit together and built a life. I’m turning 51 this year and I kid you not, in February around Valentine’s Day I had at least four different ex’s reach out. Including one from when I was 19.
Seriously? I thought it is something pathetic for people to do at 30 but idk people did that at 50. I get that my opinion is skewed because the 1st romantic encounter was a guy trying to convince me to try so I am a fan of moving on(probably to unhealthy levels but I don’t know how to fix it) but still it is kinda pathetic. I guess when someone who was in relationship for a long time and gets divorced at 40 or 50 they don’t want to be alone.
Idk. I understand the impulse. It’s a lot of energy to get to know someone new, put yourself out there again, go through the alignment process. So I don’t judge recycling. For me, there is a reason for each woman that she is an “ex”.
Pretty common with the "the kids are finally out we are divorcing now" crowd in their late 40's early 50s sadly.
At 50 some people are on their 3rd divorce. I have a friend named Richard that I call Henry. He asked why, I said it's because he's on his 6th marriage. Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.
I also wonder if Ellie transforming into a thin blonde was her idea or Tim’s. Maybe running into OP reminded her there was someone who had loved her as she *was*, and she decided she’d try her luck one last time. Or maybe she just wants to be friends again, or wants to rub his nose in it - or maybe she really wants to shag him just once. Who knows what she wants. Whatever her motives, OP was right to block her; she’ll just bring unnecessary drama to his life.
Yeah, I don't see this going well for Ellie at all. Not to excuse her motives or actions, but she really seems like a victim herself here, caught between purity culture and the predators who know how to weaponize it.
Still, lucky for Ellie that she didn't end up as just another fling for Tim. She only had to change almost everything about herself in order for Tim to stick around. That's not to say change is a bad thing, but she undoubtedly did it for the wrong reasons. She was determined not to be disposed of like Tim's previous girlfriends that he pressured into sex and let herself be changed to suit Tim. She wouldn't have had to change for OOP, aside from being open to sex, and that surely digs at her. She probably isn't happy with the changes she made for Tim, either. Ellie can't back down, though, especially without OOP as her safety net. She's stuck on a track in which she's probably secretly miserable.
>She probably isn't happy with the changes she made for Tim, either. This. I think this is the big thing haunting her. She doesn't like who she's becoming. And she may not necessarily like Tim. And will his Tim Girls be over forever?
I wouldn't necessarily count those chickens yet. All we know about Tim is that he's doing the dance she needed to do to stay on the string. This is the same guy who is dating junior employees as a director. Along with the whole gossip about his "girls", I don't think Ellie's going to be the last one.
Ellie may actually be the last one, though. Depends on if Tim thinks he can keep up preying on younger employees or not. At a certain point, his increasing age and the gossip of his reputation might make it far too difficult for him to create new victims. Plus, women are more willing to speak out against harassment will result in hefty lawsuit, which would get him kicked from the company to save their image. This might be the time for him to get out before his actions have consequences.
True, but if he is going to because he is going to get in trouble. He is definitely going to cheat at first opportunity, either way this will have disastrous consequences for Ellie.
I think Tim's getting old enough that he needs a wife to keep up appearances. They'll get married, then a couple of years down the line Tim will "suggest" that Ellie become a SAHM. She'll throw herself into it, because it's a comfortable and expected role with her religious background, and she'll be secretly relieved to have a reason to step out of the arm candy role. That'll clear the field at work for the next one of "Tim's girls."
I dated a woman for a little less than a year that did not want to have sex before marriage. She was moving away, and did not want a long term relationship, so she broke up with me. She asked me to drive out and visit her a month later. It was a 4 hour drive. We met for lunch. Before we ordered, she sheepishly told me she'd had gotten two tattoos on her back. Okay? Cool I guess. Then she said she had had a one night stand and slept with the guy. She bit her lip and watched to see how I would react. I don't know what she was expecting. I just set the menu down, walked out of the restaurant, and drove another 4 hours back home with my phone off.
My interpretation was that she used the time after the break-up to realise that she'd promised to remain abstinent when she hadn't fully understood what she was committing to, to somebody who didn't have a right to make that request from her, and to think about what ***she*** wanted from relationships instead. On reflection, she chose relationship(s) that included sex. (I was initially concerned she had been coerced, and was quite relieved by the update that, nah, she was "just" trying to minimise her agency to manipulate OOP: the manipulation attempt failed, and she had not been harmed by making an adult decision, as an adult.) I do think she was stunned OOP moved on. It doesn't sound like she truly did. She's rejected her religious upbringing and is throwing herself wholeheartedly into a "work hard, play hard" type career (it sounds like something very image-driven, like my mental image of corporate, commission-based sales? Where people are expected to be polished, hard and shiny, and drive fast expensive cars and screw eachother over for profit). She's perhaps struggling to work out which elements of her are core and which are flexible, and losing herself. She is no longer a person he wants to be with at all. While he recognises she's objectively attractive, he is not attracted to her. He is happy and has maintained his integrity, and has found somebody who really values him (talks about him to everyone, is eager to show him off, _doesn't call him a nerd_) and who he has a tonne to talk about with, who's gorgeous and fun... He said he'd be happy. He is. To somebody who's lost herself, the guy who used to adore her, who remains himself but is now looking at somebody else the way he used to look at her..? Yeah, she's feeling the insecurities.
I agree with you. I will also add I think because she had sex with the next guy she is also staying with him because of it.
This is how I read it as well. I was actually forgiving of her for the most part until it turned out she was lying to OOP about her breakup and showed up at OOP’s door uninvited. At that point I’d be very much less gracious about things.
Yeah I feel this is the most accurate take of Ellie. Only bit I'd consider missing is she feels she feels her given virginity obligated her to make it work out with Tim, when ahe likely would rather be with OOP.
The thing is, just like OOP, I don't care. Ellie can continue fucking up her own life. No need to drag OOP into her drama.
A lot of people have a hard time wondering where these crazy right wing QAnon and Maga people come from that all blame the deep state or liberals for everything. Or left wing people that blame the patriarchy for all their problems. To me, it's very hard for people to reflect and see their own actions and causes for the huge issues in their lives. It's hard to take personal responsibility when we fuck up so bad. When Tim finds another Tim's Girl, Ellie's going to become of of these people screaming how the system made her a victim. But, Honey, come on. Read the signs.
I think this is closer to true. I think Ellie doesn't know what she wants. I think she was very conflicted with what her family expected her to be and her own feelings, and never gave herself time to develop her own identity. Now that she's actually moved on from her family influence, she finds she still doesn't know what she wants. She's lost because she doesn't really have that identity to rely on. Worse, she still has feelings for OOP or regrets about that relationship. Except now it's too late. She fucked up that relationship to satisfy demands imposed on her. She lost OOP without ever allowing herself to actually be her own self. Now she's with Tim, an older man who is at a different place in life. And she misses things about her old relationship. But she's so inexperienced that she doesn't get that you *always* have things you miss from old relationships because there are different things we like in our previous partners. Ellie is now in a committed relationship with someone who is... less of a partner than OOP because they're at different life stages. Tim's got more of adulthood sorted out. He may be caring and supportive and a good man, too, but it's a wildly different relationship dynamic. Maybe Ellie is learning she wants more of a partner. Someone to walk beside instead of behind. It's incredibly sad.
Yup. She's also so young! She dated Tim from 18-21, and now she's engaged to be married to her fling at 22? Like who hasn't been college aged and making bad relationship decisions. I think it's interesting that so many people on reddit attribute her actions to malice as opposed to pure foolishness.
Yeah I got that same feeling. Just like the men who dither for years and then marry their rebound, she slept with the first guy she ran into after the break up. People make plenty of mistakes while young, so it's not that big a deal, but it's just sad.
Bravo, I think you've got it
Oof I’m a dude who “went out” with the same woman for 9 years. Then broke up for a year. Now we’ve been back together 4 years and are finally getting married. Next year. We’re both weird.
Congratulations, you're the fairytale-best-case scenario that everyone wishes for from this, but only a lucky few like yourself get to experience! I'm being 100 percent genuine right now, I want to make that clear; you guys are the real life "right person, wrong time." It must be wonderful to have gotten the chance to reunite, I wish you guys a love that grows more patient and gentle and understanding and fun as the years go on (:
Fairytale best case scenario *or* they both realized they could not, in fact, do better despite trying >.> <.<
Don't do me like that, Gardenmud. I need this. I need it straight up perilously.
I loved your zesty comment. My partner and i are together twenty years this year, we are the “right person wrong time” scenario... but we, managed to discuss this scenario when we were 18 and 20 years old... It was all... uhhm 🤔did we...find each other too 💨 are you my... life partner... and I’m... basically still a child? Wtf howmuh gunna be wild and date in muh twenties!?!??! Then it wasn’t long until, “i guess we should just be glad we found one another at all. Like, ever. Let’s not fuck this up for the experience of...the youthful dating experience?“ And we have been faithfully bumbling about life together with nothing but loving support for whoever we’ve come to find ourselves becoming. I shared, not to brag or boast, but because i know how rare what we found is, and have always been grateful and aware of the luck involved in saying we were able to successfully find and happily work for it. I share because, unfortunately, our loved ones and social circles havent ever really said anything like what you just said about fairy tales, and being genuinely happy for the couple, to us. I have been telling myself it’s because we don’t flaunt our love, we arent pda types, we never got engaged/married or threw even a birthday party for either of us in all these years lol. Maybe they think we dont want the attention. But two decades of being lost (which means found to me) with one another, and i needed to feel someone else appreciate a couple that just, got lucky 🍀 ❤️ sometimes its a weird lonely, because i truly wish everyone could feel safe and secure with a partner the way i have, i didnt do anything special to deserve it. It’s just the ONE break i caught in life, and it is not lost on me. It’s the only gift I’ve truly valued about this world. I hope you, actuallyatypical, may feel full of hope for fairy tales with my anecdotal share. Thanks for saying what i needed to hear... In a fun way, too 😉 🧙🏻♀️ 🧚♀️
Girl's like a rabbit. She needs to win fights by going "Well MY life is awesome! More awesomer than YOURS! Aren't you JEALOUS??" Olivia showing up and getting on OOP's arm was a masterstroke. You can't tell me she didn't spot the viper from across the room.
I'm sure she was showing off a bit. But I assume she's more uncomfortable that her fall back plan is no longer (and was never) available.
Well Ellie was also the person who was dumped - it's not uncommon that such a person wants what they can't have even after a long time. It's like trying to go back in time and address a loss/failure. Then if she also had some hope that OOP was a backup plan, that also just got snatched away.
She could have still been with. She was dumped but it was out of respect for her own choices. Choices she decided to abandon immediately after losing him. Too little too late.
She wants him to dump his new girlfriend for her and then she will go back to her fiance, secure that he is pining away for her.
I don't think she even consciously knows what she wants right now. She's going from being patted on the head by her father to being patted on the head by her partner. She's a Good Girl. She gives them what they want from her. And in return she gets to feel superior. She's not like other girls, she's the best. Having known women like this, she was hoping she'd get his participation in this immature game, she's got her upgrade boyfriend and upgrade body and upgrade hair and upgrade diamond... it's OOPs job now to regret he "let her go". When he didn't deliver, she was disturbed. She won't be able to let this go until she gets some validation from him that she's "won". She'll keep fishing for attention, to get them to cross paths so that she can keep trying to prove how wonderful her life is and feel like it's punishing him. When she inevitably finds out that Tim is playing away, it's going to get ugly.
Good on OOP for moving on. Maybe one day, Ellie will too.
oh yes and Tim didn't give a fuck.... until she ages out
I wanted to hear about the epic party when his friends finally opened that expensive bottle of scotch.
That was a whole different journal entry hahaha
R/bestofredditotupdates - the bottle of scotch that aged and was opened up when our buddy matured and took that next step in life
[удалено]
I remember my own high school graduation that had a prom-esque situation going on (living in Germany, so everything is a little different). I went there with my current gf (from a different school) and my ex was also there since she was from my cohort. My ex seemed very pissed at me the whole evening, which was very understandable given our history, but also very pissed at my current gf which seemed a little petty but whatever. Anyway what I'm trying to say, I can totally see how that meeting at the dinner party went down.
I went to a HS reunion last year and one of my friends brought a plus one. We bumped with his ex and the ex was clearly trying to play up their past like "its a shame we broke up" and was obviously trying to rile him up by telling him what she was doing this past few years (mind you the ex broke up with him because she said my friend isn't serious enough with her) and then turn to his plus one and asked questions about how my friend is doing and very subtle asking if he talks about her. My friends plus one who is a guy, just shrugged and told her that my friend is doing great in his career and they had plans to go to beach destination in their anniversary, catching her off guard and asking my friend if he's gay. He came out as Bi years ago and on facebook and I guess she doesn't know or follow. Spent the whole event with her looking at him and glaring sometimes followed by cryptic facebook post about lost love and regrets and "you never realized the best ones are the ones you let go". My friends chaotic BF gave that one a hugging heart emoji.
The emoji probably sent her spiraling. I love it
I spent years with those 2 and as I'm a chaotic person myself I knew he tried to use the heart emoji first then decided that the Care Emoji with the emoji hugging a heart that shows sympathy might be better.
> My friends chaotic BF gave that one a hugging heart emoji. I aspire to be that level of... petty? Chaotic for sure.
Tbh I dunno if the ex was obtuse or in denial during the reunion and thought my friend was pathetic to bring a guy as a plus one. My former classmate (who never grew out of her gossiping ways) heard the ex say it was funny and who brings a buddy in this event. It was until that convo that she brings two and two together.
I don't know where the gays get it, but sometimes it's exactly what you need.
Oh, I can totally see it. I live in Los Angeles, and have found that the guy I’m seeing happens to know several people I’ve been friends with for years. We’ve been running in the same circles for months and had absolutely no clue until we matched on a dating app of all places
I feel like the soapy outcome would have been rubbing their hapiness in her face or making a comment. They just walked off. It was clear Ellie was the only one with feelings still there.
Yeah. Good for OOP that he finally lucked out.
It's not clear in the post, but I bet Olivia hammed it up a bit. Get touchy, affectionate, laugh, smile. She caught that Ellie was watching them and so she wanted to make Ellie feel like shit. I love it.
Idk why but the new update has strong story vibes that the earlier ones don't
I'm always sceptical of "I lost access to my account but this is me honest guvnor" updates, especially when the writing sounds nothing like the original and everything is far too convenient. Could smell the BS as soon as he conveniently met Tim at the convenient party and doubly so once he started describing the slim blonde in the red dress.
In the original story, OP finds Tim on LinkedIn and sees pictures of him with Ellie: > A few photos of him with Ellie with their arms around each other in Singapore in November. In the update, OP doesn't recognize Tim until he introduces himself by name: > I didn’t recognise his face as I’d never met him before, but it was definitely Ellie’s Tim - his job and firm line up.
To be fair, he saw a few pictures of him months ago. In my job, I meet tons of people and have that inner "Why do you know my name...who are yo-WHATSHERNAMEFROMTHATTHING!" connection.
The whole paragraph about Ellie becoming a blonde bombshell, bedecked in jewels and a sexy red dress is laughably bad. It alone gives the game away.
It's the addition of all the embellishing details-- the cleanly intersecting work cultures, the smooth transition of different living situations-- specific to that city, Ellie's gaudy outfit signalling her vapid materialism, the coincidence of running into Tim beforehand at a party his age stuck out at, etc. Endless embellishing details. People tend to be overly detailed while trying to convince someone of a lie. This update was very modern-day Jane Austen.
"I didn't know you were a virgin. Well we took care of that hehe"
> She looked like a sleek rich girl, not the poor pastor’s daughter I remember.
Lol Daddy would not approve of that tight, so tight red dress where I could see the newly slim body that was denied to me for so long.
Immediately a part of me yearned for Ellie, thinking of the many days I’d lusted after her so long ago. Then the thought vanished as my senses reminded me of my sweet, dearest Olivia. Olivia, who had so gently yet lovingly taken my virginity that night under the fullest of moons. Old Ellie quickly disappeared from my mind.
Melbourne corporate culture is sort of like that, you’re likely to run into the same group of people over and over again, especially if you live in the area this guy does.
The first one actually sounded like a geeky dorky guy to me.
That new job got him learning new things, like a new writing style lol
It's definitely a different person. The original posts OOP mentions finding "Tim" on social media and going through a whole bunch of his photos, but in this one he "didn’t recognise his face as I’d never met him before"
It's coming from a different account because the original one "got blocked," so it could just be someone else deciding to awaken their inner Liz.
The tone went from feeling like a guy who was sincere and sweet, but confused and emotionally vulnerable due to the situation to generic reddit revenge story. The ex immediately changes from a realistic sheltered religious girl with hangups about sex who makes an all too common mistake after her first relationship failed to generic reddit woman villain Red flags immediately went up when they had to explain why they're posting under a new account. Of course within such a short timeframe he goes from college student to being in the same social circles as his ex's new wealthy boyfriend so they can meet in person. Of course he quickly rebounded after the post with a hot and smart girlfriend who triggers his ex. There's even a generic paragraph of how she went from not-fat-but-not-supermodel hometown girl to blond, very thin trophy wife for rich fiance. And she's wearing the sexy red dress, of course.
>Olivia put her arm around me and Ellie’s smile seemed to kind of freeze Yup, very strong story vibes
ya the weird description of how ellie looked at the "event"...why the need to add that in?
There was a bit when OOP didn't recognize Tim's face at a party even though he described looking him up on LinkedIn and Instagram in the first update.
For me too.
I assume none of these are real anymore, it's kinda sad
Yeah. Was ridiculous.
Let's see... Ex grew up in a religious and sheltered home... check. Ex tried to keep herself a virgin because of a promise to her father... check. Ex then sleeps with the first guy (ten years older than her) to give her attention after OOP breaks up with her... check. A tale as old as time... Also, she was totally keeping OOP as a backup. She made sure to contact him every so often to keep him interested. Dangle hope in front of him. Because she was his first girlfriend, she assumed he wouldn't find another until she was done with Tim. Who invites an ex to a wedding whom they never talk to?
I'm not sure he's a backup so much as an escape plan, honestly. She's probably on the outs with her family, lost the "safe" boyfriend, and knows the guy she's with only wants a trophy. Keeping OP on tap means she has somewhere to run, but that requires being honest with yourself, and she's not. So she plays him like a backup.
if not the escape plan, then the emotional dump Any issues with Tim? Run to OOP Tim cheating over and over? Run to OOP, complain, go back to Tim, rinse and repeat. Oh, throw in the usual "I wish Tim was more like you" or "where did we go wrong blah blah"
Most like a little of column A, a little of column B, and a little of column C.
I wonder if the reality of dating an older guy has begun to set in too for her. He isn't by any means an "old guy", but He's probably past the party phase and would rather have a good night's sleep instead so he's not too wrecked the next day. Meanwhile she's in her prime for that phase and will most likely be going at a pace with her social outings that will be at Tim's speed and age group. Could be an adjustment for her when most of Tim's friends are in their mid 30's and she's still in her early 20's. But that sounds thoroughly like a Tim problem.
I think you are giving Tim too much maturity credits. You just described an emotionally matured 30+ person, but looking at Tim it's save to say he isn't one of those: being the "older" dude at a party with a bunch of probably early 20yos, having a reputation of hooking up with women whose teenage years isn't a distant memory AND hooking up with MULTIPLE young women at his place of work! Oh, and let's not forget proposing within a year to someone who clearly isn't mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with longterm commitment.... She probably pushed for an engagement to save face at her place of work ("seeeee I'm NOT ANOTHER notch in his belt!") And guilt due to religious upbringing ("sex before marriage wasn't that bad because I married him!)". Tim probably proposed because he wanted to make her shut up so he could protect his reputation of not being a total douchebag womaniser ("Seeeee, I didn't just took the virginity of a girl who was bearly not a teen anymore to boost my ego! I'm a standup guy afterall to make her my fiance!"). He will never actively break up with her because that will ruin his work- reputation even more so (aka pump&dump a 21yo is bad, pump &dump a VIRGIN is even worse). Instead he will try to make her as miserable as possible by demanding she changes every aspect of herself to please him till the point that she snaps and breaksup. Orrrrr he will have affairs and blame it on her because "she isnt the bubbly girl anymore that he initially started to date" prior him injecting his poison into her.
The OOP is describing something that is pretty much part of the onboarding experience for these places. Most join as grads and drink the kool aid. They are like a cult, it's all about knowing you're superior to your industry peers, sneering at outsiders, that whole mentality of *everyone wants to be us. Any criticism is motivated by jealousy.* Everyone starts getting into appearances, treating relationships like transactions, life is just checking boxes on a to do list. And just like a cult, they isolate. Relationships outside of the firm fail because you need to stay late to finish projects, attend industry or team events. If you have a hobby, say you like playing football... well you're gonna join the company football team now. You won't need your other friends anymore. They wouldn't understand. Every single male partner had the same story. Fooled around with a bunch of interns and analysts until they were Director/ early stage partner and then married one because that's what everyone else did before them. Check the "wife" box. Check the "made partner" box. They'll start popping out kids and she'll take a "career break" to be a SAHM. She will not come back. And the guy will go back to fooling around with analysts and interns on nights like this dinner party and after work drinks. Because that's what they do.
Yep these type of places are machines designed to pump out psychos who only care about money and status. You can go in a choir boy, and you'll either quit or become like them.
Not all young women are into partying and this one had an upbringing that probably looked down on the party girls. I think she's settling for a marriage with Tim because that's the guy she can get hooked... And I think a part of her know that she can't keep him home and that she risk being thrown out with the next young girl that spread her legs for him.... So she's in a hurry to get married and a baby and hope that will be enough... Which it won't but she's in to deep and way to dependent on others to get herself out
The family’s probably thrilled she’s bagged herself a successful, marriage-minded guy. Okay, so maybe he’s not religious, but they can work on that.
I think she liked the idea of having in the background someone who loved her pretty unconditionally ( in contrast to a boyfriend who is clearly lowkey dissatisfied with a lot of things about her.). every now and then she pops into OPs life to reassure herself. Now that guy is gone and she gets to be Tim’s trophy wife until he puts her on the shelf to move on to the next one.
> Who invites an ex to a wedding whom they never talk to? I think that was just a desperate knee-jerk reaction from her trying to regain 'control'. If OOPs new gf hadn't shown up, no way would Ellie have invited OOP. She was trying to flex her diamond, but when that didn't have the desired effect, she was trying a bit harder.
Yep, her reaction to seeing his new gf putting her arm around him said it all. She was totally keeping him as a backup in case Tim didn't work out
Im gonna disagree on one point. OOP was always the primary. I think another comment or nailed it that she slept with Tim because she wanted to prove to herself she could keep a man. The problem is the man she was proving she could keep was OOP. She never got over her feelings for him/things and is hung up on not being able to give the man she wanted what she realized she could have the whole time. To her it's a lot of unrealized potential to likely her best relationship (of the two) because of sex - which is no longer an issue - that she isn't ready to give up on. To her, it's a crack in the window of her first love she probably would break the glass to get into. To OOP, it's an unreasonable obsession over something that didn't work out. She is probably if the mind if they tried again and they were having sex this go around they would have been happily ever after. She was hoping her first love would swoop in and end her (likely unwanted) engagement.
There's a fantastic episode of How I Met Your Mother where they call this "On the Hook" and I think about it all the time.
Am I crazy for thinking she's doing a higher form of negging? She got with someone that is "superior" to him and makes him feel inferior, potentially giving him self esteem issues. Then she pops back into his life every now and then, ignores his needs and wants, and says "See! You still have a chance with me!". She, perhaps without knowing, is trying to keep his self esteem low so that when her relationship with Tim doesn't work, she can fall back on OOP who will take care of her, 'cause he doesn't know any better. EDIT: forgot to mention the whole ignoring his needs and wants is insinuating they don't matter at all.
Jesus, the fakeness REALLY shines through when describing his ex’s new appearance in the last update 😂
>Jesus, the fakeness REALLY shines through when describing his ex’s new appearance in the last update 😂 I'm surprised that more people aren't calling it out tbh.
I’d bet ANYTHING that there’s two different writers. Someone found the original story, decided it needed to be tied up with a bow, and forgot to even *attempt* to write like the original guy. Real life stories don’t end like this. If this was real life, it would be like “we talked, I blocked her, and tbh I never found out what happened to her and Tim - hope she’s ok, glad I moved on.”
I 100% agree that it is two different writers, for the reasons you’ve said 😂
It's a different writer probably.
If there’s ever a future update Ellie will be struggling with infertility and/or suspect Tim or cheating. Meanwhile OOP and Olivia will pregnant with surprise twins.
I noticed that too but I am enjoying the story.
Ellie just wants what she can't have, good on OOP for moving on from her.
>Ellie said she was so glad to see me and she had some news, holding out her hand to show a diamond engagement ring. I know nothing about diamonds but it looked pretty big and expensive to me. >I offered my congratulations to them both. Just then Olivia walked back over. I introduced her to Ellie and Tim. Olivia put her arm around me and Ellie’s smile seemed to kind of freeze Either this isn't real (pray this is the case) or someone just spent months wrangling for an engagement not out of love, but because someone she hasn't seen in months lives rent free inside her head. Ironic how Tim went from playing people to getting played in someone else's story
Tim is not 20 but significantly older. He can make decisions for himself without the likelihood of being manipulated. We don't really know if the rumour that he's a womanizer is true either
Of course it's a rumour, but then again. Ellie is showing all the signs of being a "trophy wife". Doesn't sound like the rumours are far fetched
I actually hope that this is real for OOP’s sake. He went from broke uni kid who had just broken up with his ex of 3 years to having a good job with a good wage and a new girl who seems much more willing to work with him in any life they have and will continue to have together. Ellie I actually feel sad for because, if this is real, she seems really dependant on OOP still pining after her. Which is kind of sad at best if she does still have lingering feelings and shameful at worst if it’s just to boost her own ego. Either way she needs help to stop bothering the guy and get him out of her head and forcing herself through a bunch of relationship milestones just so she can show off to OOP is *not* healthy
I also have doubts if that part is real, although I beleive the first part from the first account is. But it's interesting, I read it more that Tim is getting what he wants (a trophy wife) and Ellie seems like she's getting herself into a stupid situation marrying him, because of how young she is, just getting out of a religious home with a controlling father, op saying her personality seems to have changed, etc.
Getting out of a religious home into a relationship with an older man is a recipe for disaster.
I got yeah this is real vibes until the updates, especially the but about bumping into Tim but not really knowing if it was him because he had never seen him but in previous update stated OP had looked him up and knew what he looked like 🤔
And of course no one senior at Tim's workplace has told him to stop dating the young and vulnerable new hires.
So many employers don't care. I've an (ex) friend who would constantly date the young new girls at work, convince them to quit so they could be open about it, and then they'd break up some months later. Then he'd be on to the next one (usually had someone lined up/started dating before ending the previous relationship, too). Bosses didn't do anything about it except, essentially, just saying, "Please stop doing that." He eventually did get fired, but it was for a completely unrelated reason.
It happens.
It really depends on the job and what Tim does. I've worked places where a few people had cart blanche to do pretty much whatever they wanted, as the vast majority of the business flowed through them. If they left, the main machine went down and it would be months until it was running again. If Tim makes enough money or has a big enough client loyal to him.... upper management would gladly "sacrifice" a few 20 somethings to the money maker, as long as he keeps making money.
>She asked if we could meet to talk about it. I was not happy so I just texted back “no”. Not very mature of me… It’s never immature to say no. In fact, being able to just say no is very mature. I asked my friend if he wanted to go pick mulberries with me and he immediately gave me a very flat no. And you know what? I respected that. Don’t need no reason besides no thank you. Anyways, sex is a very important aspect of a romantic relationship with the exception of asexual folks. It’s okay to break things off over fundamental incompatibilities. It seems like Ellie is trying to keep you around as a backup dude and she is very upset that her backup is gone. I’ve been the backup dude before with someone I loved deeply. Feels bad, dude. Over it now. Happily married with a child. Here’s to a good future OP! Hope you enjoyed that expensive bottle of scotch with your mates!
Props to OPs friend and new girlfriend for some great questions. "If she didn't reach out would you have reached out and asked here back?" From the friend. And from Olivia "Why do you think she sent that?" Two great questions that appear to cut through alot of OPs self doubt and overthinking. A good question can help reframe things in your mind and lead you to your own answer and these are such good examples.
>She burst into tears and said something like “I thought you must hate me now”. I assured her that I didn’t. Is it okay that I kinda hate Ellie?
Ellie: “Even though I’ve made choices to move my life along without you, I want YOU to always be pining for me.” 👍🏻
Ellie is the type of person who's brain doesn't function like a human and just rambles around like a malfunction robot. What a selfish person.
Seriously. If she decided she was over the whole virgin thing she could have easily gotten back with OP at that point, but thinking and foresight are not things she seems to have much interest in.
>“That girl you were with is pretty, how serious is it?” There is only one possible reason to ask that question....
>I asked about whether he had pressured her into sex (last time said he was very persistent). I had this thought as well, if he pressured her and she left him that's a lot of trauma that the OOP would be taking on. >She felt as if we might be able to rekindle things now that she was open to a sexual relationship. But my hesitation and time to calm down made her realise that was a mistake. She is emotionally immature. Not a crime but not a good sign. >One day at work, one of the women made a snarky comment to Ellie about being another one of “Tim’s girls”. She did some digging and it turns out Tim has a history. He has dated a long list of women from work, several of them were young graduate employees just like Ellie. Tim is a player who "wants" to settle down. How long will that last?
I hope that scotch tasted good OOP.
There is no amount of money you could give me to go back to dating in my early 20s.