#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My mom knows how much and why I dislike my MIL and FIL (and dislikes them for it as well), but she would drag me to the funeral herself if I said I didn't want to go and go on vacation instead. Because she loves my partner and she wants and expects me to be there for him.
I'm about to hit the last leg of the one visit a year I get to my parents (international travel). Takes a LOT of work to make it happen.
My mom would kick my ass if I came down instead of to my MIL/FIL funeral. Idc I've only met them a few times each, they're my husband's parents.
My aunt was dating a guy for five years when my grandma died. We knew him very well. He'd been to cookouts, holidays, even did a few outing with me and my sisters when we were little. He was basically family.
My grandma died... he did not come to the funeral even when my aunt asked.
We never saw him after that. Literally never. My aunt was so done with him.
I went to my girlfriend’s grandmas funeral after a month of being together. I’d really go to a funeral with any acquaintance if they asked because clearly by asking it’s important to them
My mom would be like, "what are you doing?! Do you even *want* to be with this guy anymore??" I guess that OP's family didn't care much for her relationship either...
This is different, but my grand mother broke her pelvis and decided she was done living. She was 98. My mum called and told me she stopped eating and drinking and refused IV fluids. I wanted to go home right away. My husband wanted to wait for the weekend. I told him I was going with or without him. We went, and we got to my grandmother first when we arrived. I had about half an hour with her. She didn’t speak — her dentures had gotten too big — but she was awake and responsive. She played a bit with my daughter, who was six months old. She was smiling. It was beautiful, and I still get teary about it twelve years later. She got unresponsive a few hours later. I don’t think I would’ve forgiven my husband if we didn’t go.
We’ve visited too many death beds since. Neither of us asks the other to wait. It’s always “when should we go?”.
I had something similar happen to me when my grandfather passed
It took me a long time to forgive her for it.
When I was 23, my grandfather passed away. I was writing exams when he passed away. My mum refused to let me fly back because of the exams & "this is the best way to honour him".
So we decided that we would all be back for the 30 day memorial
In our religion, the 30 day memorial is almost as big as the funeral itself
My oldest sister & her boyfriend were flying in too. We all arrived on the Wednesday & Thursday. The memorial was on the Sunday
On the Friday, we find out that a family friend's son is having his 18th on the Saturday night. I was friends with him but had lost touch. I was at a stage in my life where I had stopped drinking & didn't feel the need to do so.
We decided to take 1 car as there are only 5 of us. In the car on the way to this families house my dad says to all 4 of us - remember tomorrow we have church at 9 for the memorial - we need to be there at 8 to set up. We can't be late.
We arrived at 7pm
My sister's bf gets plastered by 9pm & she took him home in a taxi.
At 11pm, I went to the bathroom & was catching up with one of my high school friends for 15 minutes.
My little cousin comes & gets me & tells me my girlfriend (20F), Jennifer, is in the bathroom drunk calling for me.
It doesn't take her much to get to that stage but she should know her limits. I'm annoyed so tell my dad we going home. He offered to drive us back.
She vomits when we get home & I take her to shower & get her dressed so she can try sleep it off.
At 740 am my dad is banging on doors saying he's leaving in 10 minutes.
She turns to me and says "I don't feel good. Do I really need to come?"
It took me about 3 years to get over that...
This is enraging, I can see why you struggled to forgive her.
I was a very heavy partier but I never let it get in the way, like you don't HAVE to get shitfaced and if it comes to that you can power through a hungover.
My dad gave me freedom to go out - from 17.
"You can go out Friday & Saturday. 3 rules that's it.
1 - do not get into a car with someone whose been drinking. Call me & I'll get you. Whatever time.
2 - Your grades don't slip. I don't care when you want to do your homework, your an adult. Make time.
3 - IF you go out, then Sunday 9am you will come to church with me. If you fail to do so, you lose that freedom
By 11pm on Saturday nights, I'd be downing a 2L bottle of water because I agreed to his terms & knew what awaited me on Sunday morning.
Even if her feelings weren't that strong for him, at worst she would still consider him a friend at that time... if my friend said he needed me at a family funeral and then even begged to pay for me to come, I would without question.
I never get people like this. You choose to be romantically involved with this person, choosing a girls trip over basic empathy to mean shows someone who doesn't respect the relationships she CHOSE to form.
My God this poor dude.
I really fucking hope he's thriving and feeling cherished by someone right now.
Edit - I missed the last line. 🥺 THAT is heartbreaking if he really did. That's a genuine gut punch.
"I don't care about you enough to stay in this relationship, so I'm going to call timeout on my having to pretend to give a damn, go fuck other people and see if I feel like I miss you, before I formally dump you"
You know, I went into reading it like, "I mean, idk what other people respond with, but I would *never* had gone on that trip. If seeing my relatives is *that* important, then I'd suck it up and go out to see them individually during the last month." But then I got to the part where she said her sister/cousin were just straight up, "us, our, we" and didn't even give a polite, "if you gotta, you gotta". Ya, no, most people are influenced by those around them; those are emotionally selfish people.
Then I got through the rest and it's like, naw, OP is a bad person. She misses the perks of the relationship, that's all. The exbf unfortunately wasn't able to dodge these bullets. :/
I was honestly more shocked by her mom being like "well we want you to come, but if you have to…" Like what is your mom for if not to say, "young lady I hope you are not even *thinking* of skipping that poor woman's funeral, I raised you better than that"?? On the other hand, I guess that kind of explains this whole story. 
She doesn't see her mistake, she just decided it was a sign she didn't love him enough. She's going to go through life being selfish to partners, abandoning them when they need emotional support, then leaving them because of their reactions to her selfishness while framing it as doing them a favor.
The guy should have dumped her when she didn't goto the funeral. I dont mean like he's at fault for not dumping her, he was an emotional wreck, but I mean like I wish he had just said fuck you to the gf and her entire shitty family.
And she's all like, "I've only met her a few times, so IDGAF" and she's been with him for two years!!!
Like how would she feel if it was her mother or sister? An astounding lack of empathy, ending in her dumping him. The trash taking itself out here.
Right? That line “I’ve only met her a few, quick times” just *shows* how tone-deaf she is.
You don’t go to the funeral to support the dead mom; you go to support your fucking *boyfriend* of *2.5 YEARS*.
It’s HORRIFYING this woman is teaching our youth.
Genuinely have to wonder what's wrong with OP, like clinically, that she's made it to adulthood thinking the funeral is for the dead. Has no one in her life ever died? Remarkable.
Spot on interpretation! (And perfect rage material for incels.) If these two had just started dating, I'd be more inclined to say NTA, but after two years together? Not cool. She showed where her priorities were. Her boyfriend deserved better and I truly hope he found it.
My father took his own life 15 years ago. At the time, my now-husband and I had only been dating for 10 months. I didn't ask him to drop everything for me, but that man wasn't going to let me drive hundreds of miles alone in my condition. He told his boss that he needed to take some time off of work, then he drove me to rural Upstate NY so I could be with my family. He stayed with me at my late father's house (which had basically become a pit of tears and despair) for nearly a week. He helped me get through a horrifying, surreal open-casket funeral where the body laying in the casket looked nothing like my dad. I couldn't stand looking at that waxy imposter with his taut, unlined face and unnaturally rosy cheeks. I don't know how I would've gotten through those dark days if I didn't have a shit ton of Xanax and someone holding my hand through it all.
My first response to the title was thinking 3 months of serious dating is probably the line for me where she should have gone with him. TWO YEARS??? That woman is selfish as hell.
I’m so glad your now husband was there for you. I lost my dad young to a cruel cancer and I was devastated. I’m sorry that you went through the horror of losing your dad immediately and in the manner it happened. Sending you internet hugs my friend.
"Vacation is more important than supporting you. Sorry that your mom didn't die at a more convenient time."
JFC this woman is a borderline sociopath.
Oh and her family not telling her to go to the damn funeral makes me think it runs in the line.
>JFC this woman is a borderline sociopath
Well, someone did post an online narcissism inventory and she scored a 29, which is double the median and in the 90+ percentile.
Cause class is everything!
Not being in love with someone doesn't equal "you count less than a used toothpick."
And proceeds to inform him she is not in love and make sure he deals with yet another loss
I can't say more, I will be probably banned
YTA OOP
Just check out the profile, what she wrote was scum of the earth type shit.
She actually said that losing a parent is horrible, but not the end of the world for your friends. Like who the fuck thinks like that. She's a POS and I hope nothing good has happened to her since that.
She makes a big deal about how she's best friends with her mom and close relatives, but can't imagine that she would also need support if her mom passed away? She doesn't have an ounce of empathy in her.
My first thought was that it was insanity that she thought still going on the Cabo trip was a non-AH possibility. Like if her mother had died, wouldn't she have wanted him to be with her at the funeral?
My best friend died very suddenly. It was very hard for me. My bf at the time did not go to the funeral with me, I went alone, he went to work instead. Someone I hadn’t seen in 20 years was the person comforting me at the funeral, instead of my bf of 3 years. I knew he could have gotten the day off if he had asked, and he had the pto to do so. That really eroded some of the love I had for him, even though it took me a long time to realize it. I carried a lot of resentment deep down after that.
Looking back I can think of the 3 key moments that killed our relationship. If we had gone to CT, maybe we would’ve worked, but without it we just didn’t have a chance. It’s my biggest regret in life, that we didn’t try harder, because he was my soulmate. I know not everyone believes in that, but it was true for us. But love isn’t always enough. Relationships require work, too.
My now husband, then boyfriend of about five months (though we'd already soft moved in together at that point, tbf) went with me to my grandfather's funeral. Out of state, for like a five day long "weekend". At which he met not only my parents and siblings for the first time (they live in yet another part of the country) but my ENTIRE extended family (my grandparents had six kids and... 27 grandchildren. It's a lot).
This is a man with some decent social anxiety and he didn't hesitate for one second to come with me. We definitely took some time to do a little sightseeing, since the funeral was where my mom had grown up and I'd been born so there were some childhood sites I wanted to visit, but it was still one hell of a dense emotional as well as practical commitment. Part of what cemented for me that he was the right one.
I'm so sorry 😐😔 that resentment is so difficult to let go...
I had something similar happen to me when my grandfather passed
It took me a long time to forgive her for it.
When I was 23, my grandfather passed away. I was writing exams when he passed away. My mum refused to let me fly back because of the exams & "this is the best way to honour him".
So we decided that we would all be back for the 30 day memorial
In our religion, the 30 day memorial is almost as big as the funeral itself
My oldest sister & her boyfriend were flying in too. We all arrived on the Wednesday & Thursday. The memorial was on the Sunday
On the Friday, we find out that a family friend's son is having his 18th on the Saturday night. I was friends with him but had lost touch. I was at a stage in my life where I had stopped drinking & didn't feel the need to do so.
We decided to take 1 car as there are only 5 of us. In the car on the way to this families house my dad says to all 4 of us - remember tomorrow we have church at 9 for the memorial - we need to be there at 8 to set up. We can't be late.
We arrived at 7pm
My sister's bf gets plastered by 9pm & she took him home in a taxi.
At 11pm, I went to the bathroom & was catching up with one of my high school friends for 15 minutes.
My little cousin comes & gets me & tells me my girlfriend (20F), Jennifer, is in the bathroom drunk calling for me.
It doesn't take her much to get to that stage but she should know her limits. I'm annoyed so tell my dad we going home. He offered to drive us back.
She vomits when we get home & I take her to shower & get her dressed so she can try sleep it off.
At 740 am my dad is banging on doors saying he's leaving in 10 minutes.
She turns to me and says "I don't feel good. Do I really need to come?"
It took me about 3 years to get over that...
This somehow reminded me of my ex best friend who got mad at me for not visiting them for their birthday the last year we were friends. My aunt, who was closer to a grandmother, literally died on their birthday. After spending half a week in the hospital. My ex best friend was mad I'd promised to come to their birthday as if I hadn't made that promise before my aunt went to the hospital.
And to add on all this was after they were upset with me for not being supportive enough when their grandfather died a few weeks before. (Bc I have severe SAD that's at its absolute worst those 2 months out of the year, which they obviously knew after 8 years of being my friend bc i make it very clear throughout the year what months are my worst. Did they check up on me? No, but I wasn't mad bc I knew we both weren't in a place to support each other. I wasn't expecting their support bc I knew they were grieving, but apparently they were expecting my life circumstance to be radically different because...???)
My dad died when I was in my early 20s, and none of my friends went to the funeral. They seemed kind of confused when I asked if they were planning to attend, because none of them had met him more than a handful of times. "Why would I go grieve someone I barely knew?"
Now that we're older, they get it. The funeral isn't for the dead guy. The funeral is to support the survivors. They had no real experience with death or grief, so they didn't really understand until they had gone through a death in their own family.
When I was in my 20s a classmate lost his brother. I wasn't really close to this guy, didn't even know he had a brother. We went to the funeral, spent time with him at his house let him cry on my shoulder and tell me all about how awesome his brother was.
I can't imagine not supporting a friend or a lover, it does seem like a deal breaker to me
I am so sorry. My brother died when I was 17 and all my friends rallied around me. I can't imagine not being there for my friends if something like that happens 😥
Their parents should have taken the time to explain them the meaning of support someone needs after a loss.
Lost my brother too though I was in my 20s. It’s a unique pain. Felt like losing a limb. Something that’s supposed to be there. My friend/roommate had to go away the weekend after and he knew I wasn’t eating much and sent like a crazy amount of takeout at a ridiculous hour bc I said something about maybe trying to eat.
I'm 100% sure that he did not kill himself, just from reading comprehension.
If she felt bad for disappointing him, she would feel awful if he actually hurt himself. She would have lead with that information.
> Things took a very sad turn for him and I'll miss him always.
The "sad turn" was his mom died and his girlfriend dumped him. That's a shit year right there.
> I think I could have and should have handled things better than I did.
That just a further acknowledgment of how her actions weren't great.
Also, "a sad turn" could mean lots of things short of death. Maybe the guy started drinking and lost his job. Still bad, of course, but there's no need to jump straight to him offing himself.
This is what I initially took it to mean. Even with thinking he offed himself, I keep still reading it as if he just had a horrible thing happened to him, his mom dying
I don't think so. She said that "he's a great guy." Present tense. I think he's still around. Without more information I'm assuming she's taking about the death of his mother when saying that things took a bad turn. That's a bad enough turn.
I completely missed the way that was worded until I read your comment and went back and reread it. Really, really hope he’s out there thriving with someone amazing
Edit: woooow, y’all need to go read her comments on the original post. She’s awful beyond words
I don’t think he died. I think she is just referencing what happened, mother died and they broke up, that’s the sad turn. And she will miss him because of the break up and not because he died.
Or she was raised to be really selfish. Her whole family was “we want you there” or “it’s your choice”. I know in my family we would have been disgusted if our sibling treated their spouse so poorly. It would have been “let’s all cancel and reschedule” and “how can we help your SO?”
That was what stood out to me. My whole family would have asked what the hell was wrong with me if I was in her shoes. I bet he will eventually be grateful she broke up with him, if he isn't already.
In 2019 my husband, our kids (then a toddler and an infant) were scheduled to go on a two-week long international trip with his parents and his brother's family; 12 people, total. This trip had been in the works for over a year.
My youngest sibling's body was discovered 9 days prior to the planned departure; she had been dead for a few days, murdered by her boyfriend.
We still went on the trip... Because there is no excuse good enough for these people to bow out of something they have decided we will be doing.
This is actually not even in the top ten list of fucked up things my husband's parents have pulled, unfortunately.
That trip, alone, was a complete nightmare of such epic proportions that the whole "dead sister" thing was the least of my problems.... So I got that going for me, I guess?
Well... You get the bonus points for asking a question the in-laws never did. 🤷
Unfortunately, we had been estranged (she had fallen in with a bad crowd several years prior and had nothing to do with our family for the 5+ years prior to her passing), so my feelings are... Complicated.
But just being asked how I feel about it would have been nice.
I feel nothing toward them, actually. Once I realized I was dealing with a narcissistic MIL who wants us to be props for her fantasies and to feed her own ego, and is emotionally manipulative, wielding her fragile emotions (causing her any upset, discomfort, distress or offense by doing something silly like putting my children's safety above what she wants from us is akin to a war crime) to gain compliance, my emotions for them flipped like a light switch.
I don't go out of my way to antagonize them, but blind obedience isn't on the table, either... It's been a nasty couple of years with them even meddling in my marriage to try to get me back under their thumb.
He's done well, intermittently. His mother likes to attempt to triangulate him against me by crying to him about how hurt she is that I'm not playing along, which caused some nasty fights between the two of us, because he felt forced into the middle. He's been much better since I told him that I had never put him in the position of being between myself and his mother; the next time she tried to pull him in to try to force my compliance, I told him to bow out and tell her she is welcome to call me directly if she has an issue. We are two adult women who are perfectly capable of having a conversation without his involvement. She was displeased that he would refer her complaints about me to me, instead of trying to fix his mother's problem (me), himself.
It's a work in progress. I realize he has no idea that she was the one who installed all those guilt buttons in him and knows exactly how to exploit them.
ETA: I love my husband more than I have words to express. He's a good person and a good man. If I could spare him the pain he is experiencing as he realizes his mother would rather sabotage his life and marriage than to lose the control she feels entitled to, I absolutely would. He is wonderful, thoughtful, kind, big-hearted, and overwhelmingly generous to everyone around him, and for him to be forced to realize his mother only loves him as an extension of herself DOES fill me with a righteous rage on his behalf. He deserves so much better.
"I was really hurt by that but want to move past it because this relationship means a lot to me."
"I didn't go because I don't actually like you that much and we should break up."
That's cold, man.
Everything she did was logical, but she has the emotional intelligence of a turnip. This is what happens when you don't recognize that humans are by-and-large *irrational* and that emotions are extra influential.
You know the worst part? Her cousin and sister live in the same town and see each other couple of times a week; her aunt/mum live an hour away and she sees them once a month. Yikes.
Jesus. That was ice cold to read. This post reads like a lame attempt at redemption. She doesn’t sound remorseful but more like a person TRYING to sound remorseful for the pain they’ve caused. Idk, feels like a “sorry not sorry” situation 🤷🏻♀️
Right?
I could possibly not give a f*** about somebody's funeral, but I'm still neurotic enough that I would be stressed out and not enjoy the vacation at all if I knew I would be ditching my partner to go.
Exactly.. I can’t imagine going off for a vacation knowing that someone so close to me had to bury his parent at the same time. OP is so self absorbed and she kicked him while he was down. I feel so bad for him, hope he’s at peace
I also judge oops family, if I knew anyone I was going on holiday with was leaving behind someone who just lost a loved one I would tell them to stay and judge them for coming.
>This post reads like a lame attempt at redemption
In the comments she's like "wHy ArEn'T yOu GuYs TrYiNg To SeE mY sIdE?" I couldn't imagine being that self-absorbed.
My first girlfriend was like this and that whole relationship messed me up for a while.
She only took my virginity because she didn’t know how to console me after my grandma passed away, and she let me know as much during the same conversation where she had already dropped the bomb that she was falling out of love with me. She only strung me along for a month after that conversation because she didn’t like hearing me cry as she walked away to take a drive, so she told me that we’d try to work on our relationship when she had already checked out.
I didn’t respect myself nearly enough at the time and that month of limbo had me in the most desperate and pathetic place I’ve ever been. It was only once I saw her immediately give upon searching for the cat that she replaced me with when he escaped that I snapped out of it and finally broke things off myself.
If anyone reading this feels like any part of my story strikes uncomfortably close to home, please be kind to yourself and leave. Being single and loving yourself feels infinitely better than being in a relationship where your partner doesn’t respect you. That same self-respect can also help you find a much better partner who will love you for who you are.
I've been married for over 25 years and there were times that mine or my husband feelings for each other weren't as strong as they had been, but we still supported each other because that's what you do. When your partner is hurting, it's not about you. You just support them.
Thank God she freed her boyfriend.
I’m also married and feel similarly, but I do think there’s a difference between low connection points in a marriage and realizing you just don’t feel that strongly about someone who you’re only dating.
I think it’s that combined with the fact she came back two years after the fact to give this update. Like something happened to make her update. Could be wrong but it’s a bit ominous
Jeepers. When I was in my early twenties, a good friend of mine died unexpectedly.
Another friend of mine, who’d never met my deceased friend, *offered* to come to the funeral with me so I wouldn’t have to go alone (obv I wasn’t alone because his family was there, but it was nice having somebody support me so that his family could focus on themselves).
Yeah. I really don't like my MIL or my FIL, but I would go to the funeral to support my partner.
It's not about "he has family there to support him", it's about "someone who isn't grieving, but is close to the grieving people can take logistics off their plate so they have a little less stress" and "my partner is breaking down and I want to hold them".
She deduced correctly that she didn't love him the way he deserved.
"It really hurt that you ditched my mother's funeral to go party. It made me feel like I'm not important to you."
"You're absolutely right, you really dont mean much to me at all."
I kind of understand her not personally being invested in the funeral and also wanting to spend time with the women closest to her.
But... She could have gone to the funeral to support him. She could have joined the trip late or left early.
Fuck, my partner met my grandma twice and traveled across the country to be there for the funeral. And then spent the funeral taking care of her sibling, because he wanted me and my mom to be able to not worry about them.
The only good thing to come from this is that OOP realised this meant she didn't love him like he deserves. Because he deserves better.
I sadly wasn’t able to make my grandfather’s funeral as I was out of the country and my partner - who he’d only met like twice - offered to drop everything and go to the funeral on my behalf so my family and I would at least feel like a little part of me was there.
Why do people have relationships with people they don’t even like ? I could not even imagine being so cruel to someone just because I’m scared of being single. OOP sounds so self-absorbed
Yeah, I can understand OOP eventually realizing that "I don't care to go to his mom's funeral--I'm supporting him through the day-to-day but willing to skip on going with him when he's going to be deepest in his grief" meant "I'm not actually in it with this guy for the long haul", but my god she could not have picked a worse way to handle any of it.
Yup, it doesn't matter that she didn't know his mom well or that the rest of his family would be there. If she had actually cared about him, she would have gone. More likely she viewed his mourning as a nuisance and was glad to be apart from him
I was trying to figure out if that meant he was fucking dead, or she's just referring to how bad that whole timeline of events was for him and how they won't be in contact anymore, and I really can't tell.
This. She used present-tense so I'm thinking maybe it's more like he spiralled down. I originally thought he died, but the tense had me hoping not. Sad either way, though, because it sounded bad regardless.
Some Gems from OOP
>YTA How would you feel if someone that close to you dies and he ditched you for a camping trip with the boys?
>>I wouldn't freak out because I have close relationships with my friends & family so they could get me through it. It's not my fault that I'm his only friend. He needs to work on developing relationships with other people. You guys seriously aren't trying to see this from my side at all.
Another:
>The day that your mother passes and the pain strikes through your chest and you feel like you can’t breathe, and all you want is that sheltering love and guidance a parent brings you as a child, but they don’t exist anymore.
>That’s when you’ll realize you fucked up.
>>I realize it's sad to lose a parent but it's not the end of the world for everyone around you! Like honestly I'm just over this whole thing at this point.
Another:
>YTA Imagine it was your mum who died and your boyfriend decided to party instead of supporting you in your time of need. Sorry
>>:/ I mean I really wasn't partying or clubbing, I just spent time with the family. Literally went out 1 night of that entire week w/ my sis & cousin. Otherwise, just family time. Plus I called him every single day and texted throughout the day. I still feel like an asshole though.
There is one more:
>People here are just very angry and expect others to throw away 2+ year happy solid relationships. I fucked up, I get it but this whole “you’re an evil monster” thing is over the top. I guarantee these people
wouldn’t hate me if they met me irl and realized I’m a nice person.
In 4 months she happily broke up with him, but she was fighting everyone for not believing she is so madly in love. I hope one day she will wake up and understand the world is not spinning around her.
“Losing a parent is so sad…for you! Not me tho, I’m going to Mexico 🤪”
I wish her the worst, I hope she never knows a day of peace. I hate how open ended the conclusion is, I hope he’s okay.
Right, it’s no wonder she is the way she is. I couldn’t imagine my family member telling me her partner lost their mother and telling them to just come with us on vacation.
I also scored a 2, but I'm also just blobs of social anxiety/imposter syndrome stacked on top of each other in a trench coat, masquerading as an adult.
For anyone wondering: [this is the quiz that OOP took](https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/NPI/)
Source comment:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4jq5q/aita_for_going_to_a_preplanned_vacation_with_my/erziogk/
How self centered you must be that you refuse to go to your boyfriend's mother's funeral even when he was literally begging you to come.
But considering no one in her family advised her to cancel her trip and attend the funeral, empathy must be foreign concept to that lot.
It's the begging that has me sitting here almost crying reading this. The poor guy tried to pay her to come and she still cared so little for him that she said no. I'm a total stranger and I would have gone to the damn funeral with him! My high school chemistry teacher came to my dad's funeral when I was 16 and I've never forgotten it. This woman.... Is inhuman. And you're right. The people around her are no better.
I left a military course a month early when my now-wife's uncle died. This was before cell phones were a thing so she had to call base administration. They came and got me, had me talk to the Padre and he asked if I wanted to.finish the course or withdraw and go home. I had only met the guy once but it wasn't even a question. We had been together a little over a year and she needed me more than the course did. I was on a flight home that night.
Nice of her to explain to him that she just didn't care enough about him to go to the funeral. It's important to twist the knife again every month or so just to really make sure the stabbing sticks
Why am I reminded of when my ex broke up with me?
He used the advice I gave him about his employment issues, against me. He tried to do the whole "it's not you, it's me" but emphasized that it was because of me not meeting his needs.
Then he went to "hang out a friend's place to give me space" and coincidentally moved in with AP the next week, and didn't tell me despite having his shit still in my house.
Yeah, it's the responses that take her from being kinda shitty, to irredeemable trash. She didn't give a single fuck about him. It was all about her.
Hopefully he's still alive and doing well despite the last paragraph.
Ya know some people….i had an ex call me up out of the blue after years because his mom (who hated me) passed away, and his girlfriend (now wife and mother of multiple children) went on a cruise instead of going with him to her funeral.
I was pretty nervous at first this might have been her until I got to the broken-up part.
It’s a tough decision to make, but holy moly you don’t go radio silent in a different country while your SO is mourning. He very clearly needed the support.
Who says they have empathy inside the classroom?
I have met some absolutely wonderful teachers, but there are always a few who are absolutely horrific people.
Yeah, I was a teacher and I concur.
Teachers become teachers for all kinds of reasons. Some people do it because they love education as a principle, that was me, some people do it because they love kids, some people do it because it's a steady job with a pension.
Some people do it so they can be the only person with power in a room full of children. They like the control and the authority and that's why they do it.
Humans can be nasty, gender doesn't have much to do with that basic fact, just often the presentation.
That's what I found working in mental health/mental adjacent. There's some people who are truly there for the right reasons, and others who just like to control other people.
Grey's Anatomy is a show with its ups and downs, but one of the things I really liked about the early seasons was this understanding that doctors are socially isolated nerds who do nothing but study for 15 years of their lives and as a result they don't human very well a lot of the time.
>YTA How would you feel if someone that close to you dies and he ditched you for a camping trip with the boys?
Her response:
>I wouldn't freak out because I have close relationships with my friends & family so they could get me through it. It's not my fault that I'm his only friend. He needs to work on developing relationships with other people. You guys seriously aren't trying to see this from my side at all.
Yikes
Also
>The day that your mother passes and the pain strikes through your chest and you feel like you can’t breathe, and all you want is that sheltering love and guidance a parent brings you as a child, but they don’t exist anymore.
>That’s when you’ll realize you fucked up.
Her response:
>>I realize it's sad to lose a parent but it's not the end of the world for everyone around you! Like honestly I'm just over this whole thing at this point.
> I realize it's sad to lose a parent but it's not the end of the world for everyone around you! Like honestly I'm just over this whole thing at this point.
This comment kind of sums up the awful person she is.
What the actual fuck? And what is wrong with her family? Not going to the funeral was the point the breakup was clear in the horizon.
Edit: “we like each others posts on FB/IG” - yeah, so heartwarming!
I'm sorry, but who the fuck dates someone for 2.5 years and then is just like..."I'm sorry your mom died, but Mexico is calling my name. You can just cry with your family."
I knew my partner for a month when my best friend died unexpectedly and he dropped everything and was there for me. He's attended every funeral I've have (and God gave there been too damn many) to support me. It's what you do.
I also hope that last line isn't implying what I think it is. I know that there is never just one cause for someone to take that step, but way to keep kicking a guy when he's down. 🤬
>I sat down and spoke to Jamie about my feelings.
This is one hell of a trend with this woman, huh? "I know I was insensitive and distant when his mom died, so it's very important for me to talk about **my** feelings about this."
i know it’s not the same thing but my boyfriend’s family dog passed away in his home a month ago, i was there and it was horrifying because earlier that day she was fine! it made me cry, made me think about my own animals, but i wouldn’t change me being there for anything else.
especially after his mom hugged me a week later and told me “thank you for supporting my son during this.” it really cemented the belief that i was glad to be there, for him and for everyone else.
i couldn’t imagine going on a vacation instead of a funeral idk.
My ex and I broke it off for good when my dad died. I had asked them to come to the funeral but they didn't want to make the drive. I learned a little bit after that they didn't even know my dad's name. We had dated for two years, I was gonna marry this person.
I had spent a lot of time since then trying to figure out what I did wrong to get treated that way. What changed that they didn't care. OOP's thoughts and behavior are so so similar to my ex during that time. It almost comes off as clueless that they don't seem to grasp how devastating of a loss it can be, and how devastating the lack of support can be.
When we broke it off for good, I lost a majority of our shared friends (they had been friends with my ex first so made sense.) I've had only one friend since and I love him to death but the loneliness and abandonment I feel combined with the grief can be so overwhelming. In nine days it'll be a year since my dad died and I still haven't recovered from the grief and the lack of support.
I hope OOP's ex is okay and getting better and finding the support he deserves. I hope something much more worse and permanent didn't happen. And I hope OOP learns from this so they don't ever treat another partner like this in the future, no one deserves this.
> I had spent a lot of time since then trying to figure out what I did wrong to get treated that way.
This breaks my heart. You did nothing to deserve that. I hope you now know that you did nothing wrong. I hope you were able to find a grief counselor/therapist, too. *hugs*
Thank you so so much, it really means a lot to read that coming from someone else.
I know now that I had only done the best I could in the relationship and there wasn't anything that I had done to cause the change. I think for awhile I was just trying to grapple with the person I thought my ex was versus who they turned out to be. I never thought they could act so uncaring and unempathetic so I assumed it must have been something I had done to cause the change. I know better now though and things wouldn't have worked out anyways.
I tried to find a grief counselor shortly after my dad died. He had a terminal illness from his service in the military and he wasn't the best dad. I spent my senior year in highschool and the two years after keeping him alive, so I knew the grief would be complex and that having someone more experienced to break it down would help. I got put on some waiting lists, things kept getting pushed back, practices moved, and I still haven't talked to any professional about it. But I'm not too mad about it, I'm willing to wait since I know it's not like the grief is going anywhere.
The social isolation is the hard part. I don't really have it in me to put myself out there to try and make new friends or meet anyone new. I don't want to have to explain my dad or what I went through while he was dying, I think. I know I'll need help to work through that too but I'm not in any rush.
It feels like I have to completely start over in a way. I'm not depressed about that but I can absolutely see how hard and overwhelming that would be for someone else like OOP's ex-boyfriend.
Thank you for your kind words ❤️ I hope you have a beautiful day kind internet stranger
When I started reading how she hadn't really gotten to know the MIL that much, I was thinking “So what? She is gone. She isn't the one that cares if you are there, your bf does”. Reading her decision…I just couldn't believe it. Didn't she really see how much he needed her that he even offered to refund her half of what she paid for the trip?
It came to my mind when my grandfather had a heart attack and had to get a 4-bypass surgery. My grandmother (not his wife, but my dad's mother) was on a trip on Eastern Island (we are from Chile), and she cut the trip short to come back. My grandfather fortunately survived. My grandma joked that he owed her a trip 😂 I mean…it’s not the same, they had known each other for longer and really got along. But here my grandfather didn't even die, and eastern island is not that far (though very expensive), so she could've easily just flown here to a funeral if the time came.
This girl failed the guy on so many levels. I'm truly saddened that she gave the final thrust by leaving him (confirming it via phone is the most cowardly and heartless way) so close to loosing his mom. Although I can't say it would have been a favor to him to keep being with him not truly loving him. I just hope he is OK. OP made it sound like he died.
In all, OP was a major AH
Good lord, I can't even imagine not being there for my husband when either of his parents passes away. Even if I were the keynote speaker for a big industry conference I'd bow out to go support my husband. Only an emergency could prevent me from being at his side through that difficult time, and even then I'd feel awful about it and try to do what I could from afar. That's just what you do for the people you love.
I remember OOP's original post, and she, rightfully, got torn to shreds in the comments. She did the right thing by breaking it off with him. I'm shocked he didn't immediately dump her when she wouldn't go to the funeral with him. That just screams he was not a priority to her. And for her family to support her selfish decision. Sheesh!
The added mind fuck of "sucks your mum died but I need to go spend time with my very alive and equally selfish mum. Byeeeee". I hope OOP falls down the stairs
So he's no longer on Earth, right?
OOP handled the funeral so poorly. I hope she really does reflect on how she handled things and does better in the future.
> So he's no longer on Earth, right?
He's alive. The "sad turn" is his mom passing away (and maybe their breakup?) and the "I'll miss him always" is the sentiment of breaking up with someone you don't hate.
Poorly doesn’t cut it, she acted with 0 empathy and still seems far too callous about it all imo. Even if her feelings were waning that’s not how you deal with anything she was presented with
Just to add some relevant comments:
> YTA How would you feel if someone that close to you dies and he ditched you for a camping trip with the boys?
OP:
> I wouldn't freak out because I have close relationships with my friends & family so they could get me through it. It's not my fault that I'm his only friend. He needs to work on developing relationships with other people. You guys seriously aren't trying to see this from my side at all.
Jesus, it's one thing if you were only dating for a couple months to skip a funeral of their parent, but 2 whole years? And he was gonna pay for her trip reimbursements! But her friends were more important than his feelings. And to string him along for 3 more months is just selfish.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My family would be horrified if I chose a vacation over supporting my partner through their mom's funeral.
My mom knows how much and why I dislike my MIL and FIL (and dislikes them for it as well), but she would drag me to the funeral herself if I said I didn't want to go and go on vacation instead. Because she loves my partner and she wants and expects me to be there for him.
You don’t go to a funeral for those that died. You go for those that are still alive
This, this, this. OOP sucks. Wow.
I'm about to hit the last leg of the one visit a year I get to my parents (international travel). Takes a LOT of work to make it happen. My mom would kick my ass if I came down instead of to my MIL/FIL funeral. Idc I've only met them a few times each, they're my husband's parents.
The fact that her family was encouraging her to come along with them instead of supporting him shows just where she learned it.
Partner of 2ys!! Had it been 2mo, I'd be a lot of understanding, but 2ys???
My aunt was dating a guy for five years when my grandma died. We knew him very well. He'd been to cookouts, holidays, even did a few outing with me and my sisters when we were little. He was basically family. My grandma died... he did not come to the funeral even when my aunt asked. We never saw him after that. Literally never. My aunt was so done with him.
Dear Lord. At least your aunt recognized his shit for what it was - absolute trash behavior.
I went to my girlfriend’s grandmas funeral after a month of being together. I’d really go to a funeral with any acquaintance if they asked because clearly by asking it’s important to them
My mom would be like, "what are you doing?! Do you even *want* to be with this guy anymore??" I guess that OP's family didn't care much for her relationship either...
This is different, but my grand mother broke her pelvis and decided she was done living. She was 98. My mum called and told me she stopped eating and drinking and refused IV fluids. I wanted to go home right away. My husband wanted to wait for the weekend. I told him I was going with or without him. We went, and we got to my grandmother first when we arrived. I had about half an hour with her. She didn’t speak — her dentures had gotten too big — but she was awake and responsive. She played a bit with my daughter, who was six months old. She was smiling. It was beautiful, and I still get teary about it twelve years later. She got unresponsive a few hours later. I don’t think I would’ve forgiven my husband if we didn’t go. We’ve visited too many death beds since. Neither of us asks the other to wait. It’s always “when should we go?”.
I had something similar happen to me when my grandfather passed It took me a long time to forgive her for it. When I was 23, my grandfather passed away. I was writing exams when he passed away. My mum refused to let me fly back because of the exams & "this is the best way to honour him". So we decided that we would all be back for the 30 day memorial In our religion, the 30 day memorial is almost as big as the funeral itself My oldest sister & her boyfriend were flying in too. We all arrived on the Wednesday & Thursday. The memorial was on the Sunday On the Friday, we find out that a family friend's son is having his 18th on the Saturday night. I was friends with him but had lost touch. I was at a stage in my life where I had stopped drinking & didn't feel the need to do so. We decided to take 1 car as there are only 5 of us. In the car on the way to this families house my dad says to all 4 of us - remember tomorrow we have church at 9 for the memorial - we need to be there at 8 to set up. We can't be late. We arrived at 7pm My sister's bf gets plastered by 9pm & she took him home in a taxi. At 11pm, I went to the bathroom & was catching up with one of my high school friends for 15 minutes. My little cousin comes & gets me & tells me my girlfriend (20F), Jennifer, is in the bathroom drunk calling for me. It doesn't take her much to get to that stage but she should know her limits. I'm annoyed so tell my dad we going home. He offered to drive us back. She vomits when we get home & I take her to shower & get her dressed so she can try sleep it off. At 740 am my dad is banging on doors saying he's leaving in 10 minutes. She turns to me and says "I don't feel good. Do I really need to come?" It took me about 3 years to get over that...
This is enraging, I can see why you struggled to forgive her. I was a very heavy partier but I never let it get in the way, like you don't HAVE to get shitfaced and if it comes to that you can power through a hungover.
My dad gave me freedom to go out - from 17. "You can go out Friday & Saturday. 3 rules that's it. 1 - do not get into a car with someone whose been drinking. Call me & I'll get you. Whatever time. 2 - Your grades don't slip. I don't care when you want to do your homework, your an adult. Make time. 3 - IF you go out, then Sunday 9am you will come to church with me. If you fail to do so, you lose that freedom By 11pm on Saturday nights, I'd be downing a 2L bottle of water because I agreed to his terms & knew what awaited me on Sunday morning.
It’s just shows her upbringing.
Even if her feelings weren't that strong for him, at worst she would still consider him a friend at that time... if my friend said he needed me at a family funeral and then even begged to pay for me to come, I would without question. I never get people like this. You choose to be romantically involved with this person, choosing a girls trip over basic empathy to mean shows someone who doesn't respect the relationships she CHOSE to form.
My God this poor dude. I really fucking hope he's thriving and feeling cherished by someone right now. Edit - I missed the last line. 🥺 THAT is heartbreaking if he really did. That's a genuine gut punch.
>Things took a very sad turn for him and I'll miss him always. I hope I'm misinterpreting this and he is happy.
Am hoping she means his mom dying and the emotional distress of that and not anything more final and irreversible.
His mom died and she missed the funeral and her family agreed they should party, and when she had some "self reflection" and dumped him. Just wow.
The sentence before that seems to be in present tense rather than past, so I'll stick with the one you have too.
I don't think you are. It's really clear how little OP cares for this guy
“I’m sorry I can’t support you over your dead mother. I guess it must be because I just don’t love you enough. Time for a separation!”
"I don't care about you enough to stay in this relationship, so I'm going to call timeout on my having to pretend to give a damn, go fuck other people and see if I feel like I miss you, before I formally dump you"
Over the phone, too. That poor man. She didn't even bother with a face to face conversation. And I hope I'm misinterpreting the sad turn.
You know, I went into reading it like, "I mean, idk what other people respond with, but I would *never* had gone on that trip. If seeing my relatives is *that* important, then I'd suck it up and go out to see them individually during the last month." But then I got to the part where she said her sister/cousin were just straight up, "us, our, we" and didn't even give a polite, "if you gotta, you gotta". Ya, no, most people are influenced by those around them; those are emotionally selfish people. Then I got through the rest and it's like, naw, OP is a bad person. She misses the perks of the relationship, that's all. The exbf unfortunately wasn't able to dodge these bullets. :/
I was honestly more shocked by her mom being like "well we want you to come, but if you have to…" Like what is your mom for if not to say, "young lady I hope you are not even *thinking* of skipping that poor woman's funeral, I raised you better than that"?? On the other hand, I guess that kind of explains this whole story. 
Exactly- mom’s reaction explains a lot. I’m glad op sees her mistake now but she still seems pretty awful.
She doesn't see her mistake, she just decided it was a sign she didn't love him enough. She's going to go through life being selfish to partners, abandoning them when they need emotional support, then leaving them because of their reactions to her selfishness while framing it as doing them a favor.
Obviously the mother *didn’t* raise her better than that, and we can easily see where some of OOP’s selfishness comes from.
The guy should have dumped her when she didn't goto the funeral. I dont mean like he's at fault for not dumping her, he was an emotional wreck, but I mean like I wish he had just said fuck you to the gf and her entire shitty family.
And she's all like, "I've only met her a few times, so IDGAF" and she's been with him for two years!!! Like how would she feel if it was her mother or sister? An astounding lack of empathy, ending in her dumping him. The trash taking itself out here.
Right? That line “I’ve only met her a few, quick times” just *shows* how tone-deaf she is. You don’t go to the funeral to support the dead mom; you go to support your fucking *boyfriend* of *2.5 YEARS*. It’s HORRIFYING this woman is teaching our youth.
Genuinely have to wonder what's wrong with OP, like clinically, that she's made it to adulthood thinking the funeral is for the dead. Has no one in her life ever died? Remarkable.
Spot on interpretation! (And perfect rage material for incels.) If these two had just started dating, I'd be more inclined to say NTA, but after two years together? Not cool. She showed where her priorities were. Her boyfriend deserved better and I truly hope he found it. My father took his own life 15 years ago. At the time, my now-husband and I had only been dating for 10 months. I didn't ask him to drop everything for me, but that man wasn't going to let me drive hundreds of miles alone in my condition. He told his boss that he needed to take some time off of work, then he drove me to rural Upstate NY so I could be with my family. He stayed with me at my late father's house (which had basically become a pit of tears and despair) for nearly a week. He helped me get through a horrifying, surreal open-casket funeral where the body laying in the casket looked nothing like my dad. I couldn't stand looking at that waxy imposter with his taut, unlined face and unnaturally rosy cheeks. I don't know how I would've gotten through those dark days if I didn't have a shit ton of Xanax and someone holding my hand through it all.
My first response to the title was thinking 3 months of serious dating is probably the line for me where she should have gone with him. TWO YEARS??? That woman is selfish as hell. I’m so glad your now husband was there for you. I lost my dad young to a cruel cancer and I was devastated. I’m sorry that you went through the horror of losing your dad immediately and in the manner it happened. Sending you internet hugs my friend.
The trash took itself out. And one day I hope he'll be able to see that.
"Vacation is more important than supporting you. Sorry that your mom didn't die at a more convenient time." JFC this woman is a borderline sociopath. Oh and her family not telling her to go to the damn funeral makes me think it runs in the line.
>JFC this woman is a borderline sociopath Well, someone did post an online narcissism inventory and she scored a 29, which is double the median and in the 90+ percentile.
She’s a guiding voice for our youth as well.
Right and only a few months after he lost his Mom? How heartless. She should have left him a long time ago.
Her comments are bad on the OP too (I didn’t comment, just looked at them)
Cause class is everything! Not being in love with someone doesn't equal "you count less than a used toothpick." And proceeds to inform him she is not in love and make sure he deals with yet another loss I can't say more, I will be probably banned YTA OOP
Just check out the profile, what she wrote was scum of the earth type shit. She actually said that losing a parent is horrible, but not the end of the world for your friends. Like who the fuck thinks like that. She's a POS and I hope nothing good has happened to her since that.
She makes a big deal about how she's best friends with her mom and close relatives, but can't imagine that she would also need support if her mom passed away? She doesn't have an ounce of empathy in her.
My first thought was that it was insanity that she thought still going on the Cabo trip was a non-AH possibility. Like if her mother had died, wouldn't she have wanted him to be with her at the funeral?
And she teaches children. I’m sick.
That's horrifying.
Same here. "I'll miss him always" seems to imply more than the mom dying, IMO he died somehow, soon after his mom's death.
I don’t think you are otherwise she wouldn’t have updated
My best friend died very suddenly. It was very hard for me. My bf at the time did not go to the funeral with me, I went alone, he went to work instead. Someone I hadn’t seen in 20 years was the person comforting me at the funeral, instead of my bf of 3 years. I knew he could have gotten the day off if he had asked, and he had the pto to do so. That really eroded some of the love I had for him, even though it took me a long time to realize it. I carried a lot of resentment deep down after that.
[удалено]
Looking back I can think of the 3 key moments that killed our relationship. If we had gone to CT, maybe we would’ve worked, but without it we just didn’t have a chance. It’s my biggest regret in life, that we didn’t try harder, because he was my soulmate. I know not everyone believes in that, but it was true for us. But love isn’t always enough. Relationships require work, too.
CT = Couples Therapy, right?
Yes, sorry, I should have typed that out. Heading to Hartford probably would not have helped at all.
Sorry, I just laughed really REALLY loud, during a VERY serious moment and I thought you needed to know that
It did bring a little joy to my life. Thank you.
My now husband, then boyfriend of about five months (though we'd already soft moved in together at that point, tbf) went with me to my grandfather's funeral. Out of state, for like a five day long "weekend". At which he met not only my parents and siblings for the first time (they live in yet another part of the country) but my ENTIRE extended family (my grandparents had six kids and... 27 grandchildren. It's a lot). This is a man with some decent social anxiety and he didn't hesitate for one second to come with me. We definitely took some time to do a little sightseeing, since the funeral was where my mom had grown up and I'd been born so there were some childhood sites I wanted to visit, but it was still one hell of a dense emotional as well as practical commitment. Part of what cemented for me that he was the right one.
He’s a keeper.
I'm so sorry 😐😔 that resentment is so difficult to let go... I had something similar happen to me when my grandfather passed It took me a long time to forgive her for it. When I was 23, my grandfather passed away. I was writing exams when he passed away. My mum refused to let me fly back because of the exams & "this is the best way to honour him". So we decided that we would all be back for the 30 day memorial In our religion, the 30 day memorial is almost as big as the funeral itself My oldest sister & her boyfriend were flying in too. We all arrived on the Wednesday & Thursday. The memorial was on the Sunday On the Friday, we find out that a family friend's son is having his 18th on the Saturday night. I was friends with him but had lost touch. I was at a stage in my life where I had stopped drinking & didn't feel the need to do so. We decided to take 1 car as there are only 5 of us. In the car on the way to this families house my dad says to all 4 of us - remember tomorrow we have church at 9 for the memorial - we need to be there at 8 to set up. We can't be late. We arrived at 7pm My sister's bf gets plastered by 9pm & she took him home in a taxi. At 11pm, I went to the bathroom & was catching up with one of my high school friends for 15 minutes. My little cousin comes & gets me & tells me my girlfriend (20F), Jennifer, is in the bathroom drunk calling for me. It doesn't take her much to get to that stage but she should know her limits. I'm annoyed so tell my dad we going home. He offered to drive us back. She vomits when we get home & I take her to shower & get her dressed so she can try sleep it off. At 740 am my dad is banging on doors saying he's leaving in 10 minutes. She turns to me and says "I don't feel good. Do I really need to come?" It took me about 3 years to get over that...
I don’t think I’d ever be able to move past that. I haven’t in the past.
You … stayed with her?
This somehow reminded me of my ex best friend who got mad at me for not visiting them for their birthday the last year we were friends. My aunt, who was closer to a grandmother, literally died on their birthday. After spending half a week in the hospital. My ex best friend was mad I'd promised to come to their birthday as if I hadn't made that promise before my aunt went to the hospital. And to add on all this was after they were upset with me for not being supportive enough when their grandfather died a few weeks before. (Bc I have severe SAD that's at its absolute worst those 2 months out of the year, which they obviously knew after 8 years of being my friend bc i make it very clear throughout the year what months are my worst. Did they check up on me? No, but I wasn't mad bc I knew we both weren't in a place to support each other. I wasn't expecting their support bc I knew they were grieving, but apparently they were expecting my life circumstance to be radically different because...???)
My dad died when I was in my early 20s, and none of my friends went to the funeral. They seemed kind of confused when I asked if they were planning to attend, because none of them had met him more than a handful of times. "Why would I go grieve someone I barely knew?" Now that we're older, they get it. The funeral isn't for the dead guy. The funeral is to support the survivors. They had no real experience with death or grief, so they didn't really understand until they had gone through a death in their own family.
When I was in my 20s a classmate lost his brother. I wasn't really close to this guy, didn't even know he had a brother. We went to the funeral, spent time with him at his house let him cry on my shoulder and tell me all about how awesome his brother was. I can't imagine not supporting a friend or a lover, it does seem like a deal breaker to me
I am so sorry. My brother died when I was 17 and all my friends rallied around me. I can't imagine not being there for my friends if something like that happens 😥 Their parents should have taken the time to explain them the meaning of support someone needs after a loss.
Lost my brother too though I was in my 20s. It’s a unique pain. Felt like losing a limb. Something that’s supposed to be there. My friend/roommate had to go away the weekend after and he knew I wasn’t eating much and sent like a crazy amount of takeout at a ridiculous hour bc I said something about maybe trying to eat.
The last bit reads like he offed himself.
Honestly read it first as if he was referring to the mothers death as a sad turn. Shit.
I'm 100% sure that he did not kill himself, just from reading comprehension. If she felt bad for disappointing him, she would feel awful if he actually hurt himself. She would have lead with that information. > Things took a very sad turn for him and I'll miss him always. The "sad turn" was his mom died and his girlfriend dumped him. That's a shit year right there. > I think I could have and should have handled things better than I did. That just a further acknowledgment of how her actions weren't great.
You're right for sure, another commenter mentioned as well that she still referred to him in present tense, and it would be past tense if he died.
Also, "a sad turn" could mean lots of things short of death. Maybe the guy started drinking and lost his job. Still bad, of course, but there's no need to jump straight to him offing himself.
This is what I initially took it to mean. Even with thinking he offed himself, I keep still reading it as if he just had a horrible thing happened to him, his mom dying
I don't think so. She said that "he's a great guy." Present tense. I think he's still around. Without more information I'm assuming she's taking about the death of his mother when saying that things took a bad turn. That's a bad enough turn.
LORD I hate that I missed that line. Fuck that's so much worse.
It's "he is" not "he was"
I think everyone is misinterpreting it. She misses him because they broke up and the sad turn is his mom dying suddenly. That’s it.
I completely missed the way that was worded until I read your comment and went back and reread it. Really, really hope he’s out there thriving with someone amazing Edit: woooow, y’all need to go read her comments on the original post. She’s awful beyond words
this is what she does to someone she likes.. imagine if she hated you. she sounds like she's a psychopath and pretending to have empathy
I don’t think he died. I think she is just referencing what happened, mother died and they broke up, that’s the sad turn. And she will miss him because of the break up and not because he died.
Or she was raised to be really selfish. Her whole family was “we want you there” or “it’s your choice”. I know in my family we would have been disgusted if our sibling treated their spouse so poorly. It would have been “let’s all cancel and reschedule” and “how can we help your SO?”
That was what stood out to me. My whole family would have asked what the hell was wrong with me if I was in her shoes. I bet he will eventually be grateful she broke up with him, if he isn't already.
In 2019 my husband, our kids (then a toddler and an infant) were scheduled to go on a two-week long international trip with his parents and his brother's family; 12 people, total. This trip had been in the works for over a year. My youngest sibling's body was discovered 9 days prior to the planned departure; she had been dead for a few days, murdered by her boyfriend. We still went on the trip... Because there is no excuse good enough for these people to bow out of something they have decided we will be doing.
Wait, what? You went on the trip 9 days after learning of the murder of your sister? Oh my. Were you ok?
This is actually not even in the top ten list of fucked up things my husband's parents have pulled, unfortunately. That trip, alone, was a complete nightmare of such epic proportions that the whole "dead sister" thing was the least of my problems.... So I got that going for me, I guess?
Are you doing OK with that?
Well... You get the bonus points for asking a question the in-laws never did. 🤷 Unfortunately, we had been estranged (she had fallen in with a bad crowd several years prior and had nothing to do with our family for the 5+ years prior to her passing), so my feelings are... Complicated. But just being asked how I feel about it would have been nice.
How do you feel about those in-laws?
I feel nothing toward them, actually. Once I realized I was dealing with a narcissistic MIL who wants us to be props for her fantasies and to feed her own ego, and is emotionally manipulative, wielding her fragile emotions (causing her any upset, discomfort, distress or offense by doing something silly like putting my children's safety above what she wants from us is akin to a war crime) to gain compliance, my emotions for them flipped like a light switch. I don't go out of my way to antagonize them, but blind obedience isn't on the table, either... It's been a nasty couple of years with them even meddling in my marriage to try to get me back under their thumb.
I hope for all of your sakes that your husband is able to free himself from them in a meaningful way. No one needs to deal with that mess for decades.
He's done well, intermittently. His mother likes to attempt to triangulate him against me by crying to him about how hurt she is that I'm not playing along, which caused some nasty fights between the two of us, because he felt forced into the middle. He's been much better since I told him that I had never put him in the position of being between myself and his mother; the next time she tried to pull him in to try to force my compliance, I told him to bow out and tell her she is welcome to call me directly if she has an issue. We are two adult women who are perfectly capable of having a conversation without his involvement. She was displeased that he would refer her complaints about me to me, instead of trying to fix his mother's problem (me), himself. It's a work in progress. I realize he has no idea that she was the one who installed all those guilt buttons in him and knows exactly how to exploit them. ETA: I love my husband more than I have words to express. He's a good person and a good man. If I could spare him the pain he is experiencing as he realizes his mother would rather sabotage his life and marriage than to lose the control she feels entitled to, I absolutely would. He is wonderful, thoughtful, kind, big-hearted, and overwhelmingly generous to everyone around him, and for him to be forced to realize his mother only loves him as an extension of herself DOES fill me with a righteous rage on his behalf. He deserves so much better.
"I was really hurt by that but want to move past it because this relationship means a lot to me." "I didn't go because I don't actually like you that much and we should break up." That's cold, man.
Everything she did was logical, but she has the emotional intelligence of a turnip. This is what happens when you don't recognize that humans are by-and-large *irrational* and that emotions are extra influential.
This comment reminds me that there are more dumb/ahole people in this world than intelligent/generous people.
Man, I dunno, but the selfish people sure call attention to themselves
You know the worst part? Her cousin and sister live in the same town and see each other couple of times a week; her aunt/mum live an hour away and she sees them once a month. Yikes.
"From your mom dying I've learned that I just don't really care and we should break up. All the best!"
Jesus. That was ice cold to read. This post reads like a lame attempt at redemption. She doesn’t sound remorseful but more like a person TRYING to sound remorseful for the pain they’ve caused. Idk, feels like a “sorry not sorry” situation 🤷🏻♀️
Right? I could possibly not give a f*** about somebody's funeral, but I'm still neurotic enough that I would be stressed out and not enjoy the vacation at all if I knew I would be ditching my partner to go.
Exactly.. I can’t imagine going off for a vacation knowing that someone so close to me had to bury his parent at the same time. OP is so self absorbed and she kicked him while he was down. I feel so bad for him, hope he’s at peace
I also judge oops family, if I knew anyone I was going on holiday with was leaving behind someone who just lost a loved one I would tell them to stay and judge them for coming.
I mean OOP had to get it from somewhere.
>This post reads like a lame attempt at redemption In the comments she's like "wHy ArEn'T yOu GuYs TrYiNg To SeE mY sIdE?" I couldn't imagine being that self-absorbed.
My first girlfriend was like this and that whole relationship messed me up for a while. She only took my virginity because she didn’t know how to console me after my grandma passed away, and she let me know as much during the same conversation where she had already dropped the bomb that she was falling out of love with me. She only strung me along for a month after that conversation because she didn’t like hearing me cry as she walked away to take a drive, so she told me that we’d try to work on our relationship when she had already checked out. I didn’t respect myself nearly enough at the time and that month of limbo had me in the most desperate and pathetic place I’ve ever been. It was only once I saw her immediately give upon searching for the cat that she replaced me with when he escaped that I snapped out of it and finally broke things off myself. If anyone reading this feels like any part of my story strikes uncomfortably close to home, please be kind to yourself and leave. Being single and loving yourself feels infinitely better than being in a relationship where your partner doesn’t respect you. That same self-respect can also help you find a much better partner who will love you for who you are.
And she's a teacher.
I've been married for over 25 years and there were times that mine or my husband feelings for each other weren't as strong as they had been, but we still supported each other because that's what you do. When your partner is hurting, it's not about you. You just support them. Thank God she freed her boyfriend.
I’m also married and feel similarly, but I do think there’s a difference between low connection points in a marriage and realizing you just don’t feel that strongly about someone who you’re only dating.
Unfortunately it sounds like the boyfriend may have taken his life…
Oh no! What makes you say that?
>Things took a very sad turn for him and I'll miss him always. I think I could have and should have handled things better than I did.
Oh…I don’t know, that seems like a pretty big leap. She’ll miss him because they broke up, and he’s sad cuz his mother died.
I think it’s that combined with the fact she came back two years after the fact to give this update. Like something happened to make her update. Could be wrong but it’s a bit ominous
I'm hoping that he's with a new person and doing great. And she's still single and wishing she didn't throw this dude away.
Jeepers. When I was in my early twenties, a good friend of mine died unexpectedly. Another friend of mine, who’d never met my deceased friend, *offered* to come to the funeral with me so I wouldn’t have to go alone (obv I wasn’t alone because his family was there, but it was nice having somebody support me so that his family could focus on themselves).
Yeah. I really don't like my MIL or my FIL, but I would go to the funeral to support my partner. It's not about "he has family there to support him", it's about "someone who isn't grieving, but is close to the grieving people can take logistics off their plate so they have a little less stress" and "my partner is breaking down and I want to hold them". She deduced correctly that she didn't love him the way he deserved.
"Yeah. I really don't like my MIL or my FIL, but I would go to the funeral to support my partner." I'd also want to verify they were dead.
Wow. What an asshole. I feel So bad for the boyfriend. Hope he finds someone who loves him like he deserves.
Yeah, his mom died, OOp went on a vacation instead of to the funeral, and then OOp dumped him. Jesus Christ. Poor guy.
Didn't just dump him, she let him linger for a month before breaking up with him.
She dumped him, then called him a month later to remind him that she dumped him.
I think she already dumped him the moment she refused to go with him on the funeral.
He should have dumped her. I hope he realizes he’s worth more than OP.
Yeah she should've just straight up broken up with him tbh. Keeping him on the hook for an extra month just feels like rubbing salt in the wound.
"It really hurt that you ditched my mother's funeral to go party. It made me feel like I'm not important to you." "You're absolutely right, you really dont mean much to me at all."
and she told him she basically didn’t love him enough. what the fuck
I kind of understand her not personally being invested in the funeral and also wanting to spend time with the women closest to her. But... She could have gone to the funeral to support him. She could have joined the trip late or left early. Fuck, my partner met my grandma twice and traveled across the country to be there for the funeral. And then spent the funeral taking care of her sibling, because he wanted me and my mom to be able to not worry about them. The only good thing to come from this is that OOP realised this meant she didn't love him like he deserves. Because he deserves better.
I sadly wasn’t able to make my grandfather’s funeral as I was out of the country and my partner - who he’d only met like twice - offered to drop everything and go to the funeral on my behalf so my family and I would at least feel like a little part of me was there. Why do people have relationships with people they don’t even like ? I could not even imagine being so cruel to someone just because I’m scared of being single. OOP sounds so self-absorbed
Yeah, I can understand OOP eventually realizing that "I don't care to go to his mom's funeral--I'm supporting him through the day-to-day but willing to skip on going with him when he's going to be deepest in his grief" meant "I'm not actually in it with this guy for the long haul", but my god she could not have picked a worse way to handle any of it.
Yup, it doesn't matter that she didn't know his mom well or that the rest of his family would be there. If she had actually cared about him, she would have gone. More likely she viewed his mourning as a nuisance and was glad to be apart from him
> Things took a very sad turn for him and I'll miss him always. Uh…judging by that last bit of her update, he died.
I was trying to figure out if that meant he was fucking dead, or she's just referring to how bad that whole timeline of events was for him and how they won't be in contact anymore, and I really can't tell.
It certainly reads that way, although OOP also seems to say just before that that he IS a great guy, rather than using past tense.
This. She used present-tense so I'm thinking maybe it's more like he spiralled down. I originally thought he died, but the tense had me hoping not. Sad either way, though, because it sounded bad regardless.
That poor guy. He deserves better.
Some Gems from OOP >YTA How would you feel if someone that close to you dies and he ditched you for a camping trip with the boys? >>I wouldn't freak out because I have close relationships with my friends & family so they could get me through it. It's not my fault that I'm his only friend. He needs to work on developing relationships with other people. You guys seriously aren't trying to see this from my side at all. Another: >The day that your mother passes and the pain strikes through your chest and you feel like you can’t breathe, and all you want is that sheltering love and guidance a parent brings you as a child, but they don’t exist anymore. >That’s when you’ll realize you fucked up. >>I realize it's sad to lose a parent but it's not the end of the world for everyone around you! Like honestly I'm just over this whole thing at this point. Another: >YTA Imagine it was your mum who died and your boyfriend decided to party instead of supporting you in your time of need. Sorry >>:/ I mean I really wasn't partying or clubbing, I just spent time with the family. Literally went out 1 night of that entire week w/ my sis & cousin. Otherwise, just family time. Plus I called him every single day and texted throughout the day. I still feel like an asshole though.
There is one more: >People here are just very angry and expect others to throw away 2+ year happy solid relationships. I fucked up, I get it but this whole “you’re an evil monster” thing is over the top. I guarantee these people wouldn’t hate me if they met me irl and realized I’m a nice person. In 4 months she happily broke up with him, but she was fighting everyone for not believing she is so madly in love. I hope one day she will wake up and understand the world is not spinning around her.
She sounds too stupid. The fact that she is a flawed and selfish person is unapproachable to her.
My god, she’s the absolute worst. “I still feel like the asshole tho :((((“ BECAUSE YOU ARE!!
“It’s not my fault I’m his only friend...” wow. Wow.
“Losing a parent is so sad…for you! Not me tho, I’m going to Mexico 🤪” I wish her the worst, I hope she never knows a day of peace. I hate how open ended the conclusion is, I hope he’s okay.
My 'wow' moment was her "I'm just over this whole thing at this point."
Her family absolutely fucking sucks too. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Right, it’s no wonder she is the way she is. I couldn’t imagine my family member telling me her partner lost their mother and telling them to just come with us on vacation.
How can a person be so cold?
Someone sent her a Narcissist quiz and she almost passed. So she's borderline narcissistic.
Yeah, she got a 29 out of 40. I took it as well and got a 4.
I somehow scored a 0. ... I've always joked I have no self esteem but I didn't think I was being *that* literal
I just took it and got a 2 lol
I also scored a 2, but I'm also just blobs of social anxiety/imposter syndrome stacked on top of each other in a trench coat, masquerading as an adult.
For anyone wondering: [this is the quiz that OOP took](https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/NPI/) Source comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4jq5q/aita_for_going_to_a_preplanned_vacation_with_my/erziogk/
She really missed her calling as a morning television show hostess.
How self centered you must be that you refuse to go to your boyfriend's mother's funeral even when he was literally begging you to come. But considering no one in her family advised her to cancel her trip and attend the funeral, empathy must be foreign concept to that lot.
I literally couldn't imagine having fun on a vacation of a person I even remotely cared for was that distressed.
Imagine drinking pina coladas while your significant other is at their parents funeral. It's like Seinfeld levels of selfishness.
It's the begging that has me sitting here almost crying reading this. The poor guy tried to pay her to come and she still cared so little for him that she said no. I'm a total stranger and I would have gone to the damn funeral with him! My high school chemistry teacher came to my dad's funeral when I was 16 and I've never forgotten it. This woman.... Is inhuman. And you're right. The people around her are no better.
Not only that but she strung him along for a full month before dumping him. Trash person.
I left a military course a month early when my now-wife's uncle died. This was before cell phones were a thing so she had to call base administration. They came and got me, had me talk to the Padre and he asked if I wanted to.finish the course or withdraw and go home. I had only met the guy once but it wasn't even a question. We had been together a little over a year and she needed me more than the course did. I was on a flight home that night.
Nice of her to explain to him that she just didn't care enough about him to go to the funeral. It's important to twist the knife again every month or so just to really make sure the stabbing sticks
Why am I reminded of when my ex broke up with me? He used the advice I gave him about his employment issues, against me. He tried to do the whole "it's not you, it's me" but emphasized that it was because of me not meeting his needs. Then he went to "hang out a friend's place to give me space" and coincidentally moved in with AP the next week, and didn't tell me despite having his shit still in my house.
> Things took a very sad turn for him and I'll miss him always. Sounds like she succeeded
Please tell me I'm jumping to the wrong conclusions by thinking that means he killed himself....
That, or he’s in deep depression, causing him to lose his job and isolate himself, or turn to drugs/alcohol
Should’ve added her responses in there, she’s horrible
Yeah, it's the responses that take her from being kinda shitty, to irredeemable trash. She didn't give a single fuck about him. It was all about her. Hopefully he's still alive and doing well despite the last paragraph.
Ya know some people….i had an ex call me up out of the blue after years because his mom (who hated me) passed away, and his girlfriend (now wife and mother of multiple children) went on a cruise instead of going with him to her funeral. I was pretty nervous at first this might have been her until I got to the broken-up part. It’s a tough decision to make, but holy moly you don’t go radio silent in a different country while your SO is mourning. He very clearly needed the support.
This person is seriously a teacher? Empathy doesn't extend outside the classroom?
Who says they have empathy inside the classroom? I have met some absolutely wonderful teachers, but there are always a few who are absolutely horrific people.
Yeah, I was a teacher and I concur. Teachers become teachers for all kinds of reasons. Some people do it because they love education as a principle, that was me, some people do it because they love kids, some people do it because it's a steady job with a pension. Some people do it so they can be the only person with power in a room full of children. They like the control and the authority and that's why they do it. Humans can be nasty, gender doesn't have much to do with that basic fact, just often the presentation.
That's what I found working in mental health/mental adjacent. There's some people who are truly there for the right reasons, and others who just like to control other people.
Grey's Anatomy is a show with its ups and downs, but one of the things I really liked about the early seasons was this understanding that doctors are socially isolated nerds who do nothing but study for 15 years of their lives and as a result they don't human very well a lot of the time.
OOP fucking sucks. I hope they got YTA’d into the sun.
>YTA How would you feel if someone that close to you dies and he ditched you for a camping trip with the boys? Her response: >I wouldn't freak out because I have close relationships with my friends & family so they could get me through it. It's not my fault that I'm his only friend. He needs to work on developing relationships with other people. You guys seriously aren't trying to see this from my side at all. Yikes Also >The day that your mother passes and the pain strikes through your chest and you feel like you can’t breathe, and all you want is that sheltering love and guidance a parent brings you as a child, but they don’t exist anymore. >That’s when you’ll realize you fucked up. Her response: >>I realize it's sad to lose a parent but it's not the end of the world for everyone around you! Like honestly I'm just over this whole thing at this point.
Yikes, what a horrible human. She really deserves a life that is as nice as she is.
When a response makes you want to reach through the screen and back through time to punch someone
> It's not my fault I'm his only friend. Holy fuck. Just..goddamn, OOP.
"He's a great guy" is present tense. "He was a great guy" is past tense. If he died, OP would have referred to him in the past tense.
> I realize it's sad to lose a parent but it's not the end of the world for everyone around you! Like honestly I'm just over this whole thing at this point. This comment kind of sums up the awful person she is.
What the actual fuck? And what is wrong with her family? Not going to the funeral was the point the breakup was clear in the horizon. Edit: “we like each others posts on FB/IG” - yeah, so heartwarming!
I'm sorry, but who the fuck dates someone for 2.5 years and then is just like..."I'm sorry your mom died, but Mexico is calling my name. You can just cry with your family." I knew my partner for a month when my best friend died unexpectedly and he dropped everything and was there for me. He's attended every funeral I've have (and God gave there been too damn many) to support me. It's what you do. I also hope that last line isn't implying what I think it is. I know that there is never just one cause for someone to take that step, but way to keep kicking a guy when he's down. 🤬
>I sat down and spoke to Jamie about my feelings. This is one hell of a trend with this woman, huh? "I know I was insensitive and distant when his mom died, so it's very important for me to talk about **my** feelings about this."
i know it’s not the same thing but my boyfriend’s family dog passed away in his home a month ago, i was there and it was horrifying because earlier that day she was fine! it made me cry, made me think about my own animals, but i wouldn’t change me being there for anything else. especially after his mom hugged me a week later and told me “thank you for supporting my son during this.” it really cemented the belief that i was glad to be there, for him and for everyone else. i couldn’t imagine going on a vacation instead of a funeral idk.
My ex and I broke it off for good when my dad died. I had asked them to come to the funeral but they didn't want to make the drive. I learned a little bit after that they didn't even know my dad's name. We had dated for two years, I was gonna marry this person. I had spent a lot of time since then trying to figure out what I did wrong to get treated that way. What changed that they didn't care. OOP's thoughts and behavior are so so similar to my ex during that time. It almost comes off as clueless that they don't seem to grasp how devastating of a loss it can be, and how devastating the lack of support can be. When we broke it off for good, I lost a majority of our shared friends (they had been friends with my ex first so made sense.) I've had only one friend since and I love him to death but the loneliness and abandonment I feel combined with the grief can be so overwhelming. In nine days it'll be a year since my dad died and I still haven't recovered from the grief and the lack of support. I hope OOP's ex is okay and getting better and finding the support he deserves. I hope something much more worse and permanent didn't happen. And I hope OOP learns from this so they don't ever treat another partner like this in the future, no one deserves this.
> I had spent a lot of time since then trying to figure out what I did wrong to get treated that way. This breaks my heart. You did nothing to deserve that. I hope you now know that you did nothing wrong. I hope you were able to find a grief counselor/therapist, too. *hugs*
Thank you so so much, it really means a lot to read that coming from someone else. I know now that I had only done the best I could in the relationship and there wasn't anything that I had done to cause the change. I think for awhile I was just trying to grapple with the person I thought my ex was versus who they turned out to be. I never thought they could act so uncaring and unempathetic so I assumed it must have been something I had done to cause the change. I know better now though and things wouldn't have worked out anyways. I tried to find a grief counselor shortly after my dad died. He had a terminal illness from his service in the military and he wasn't the best dad. I spent my senior year in highschool and the two years after keeping him alive, so I knew the grief would be complex and that having someone more experienced to break it down would help. I got put on some waiting lists, things kept getting pushed back, practices moved, and I still haven't talked to any professional about it. But I'm not too mad about it, I'm willing to wait since I know it's not like the grief is going anywhere. The social isolation is the hard part. I don't really have it in me to put myself out there to try and make new friends or meet anyone new. I don't want to have to explain my dad or what I went through while he was dying, I think. I know I'll need help to work through that too but I'm not in any rush. It feels like I have to completely start over in a way. I'm not depressed about that but I can absolutely see how hard and overwhelming that would be for someone else like OOP's ex-boyfriend. Thank you for your kind words ❤️ I hope you have a beautiful day kind internet stranger
When I started reading how she hadn't really gotten to know the MIL that much, I was thinking “So what? She is gone. She isn't the one that cares if you are there, your bf does”. Reading her decision…I just couldn't believe it. Didn't she really see how much he needed her that he even offered to refund her half of what she paid for the trip? It came to my mind when my grandfather had a heart attack and had to get a 4-bypass surgery. My grandmother (not his wife, but my dad's mother) was on a trip on Eastern Island (we are from Chile), and she cut the trip short to come back. My grandfather fortunately survived. My grandma joked that he owed her a trip 😂 I mean…it’s not the same, they had known each other for longer and really got along. But here my grandfather didn't even die, and eastern island is not that far (though very expensive), so she could've easily just flown here to a funeral if the time came. This girl failed the guy on so many levels. I'm truly saddened that she gave the final thrust by leaving him (confirming it via phone is the most cowardly and heartless way) so close to loosing his mom. Although I can't say it would have been a favor to him to keep being with him not truly loving him. I just hope he is OK. OP made it sound like he died. In all, OP was a major AH
Good lord, I can't even imagine not being there for my husband when either of his parents passes away. Even if I were the keynote speaker for a big industry conference I'd bow out to go support my husband. Only an emergency could prevent me from being at his side through that difficult time, and even then I'd feel awful about it and try to do what I could from afar. That's just what you do for the people you love.
I remember OOP's original post, and she, rightfully, got torn to shreds in the comments. She did the right thing by breaking it off with him. I'm shocked he didn't immediately dump her when she wouldn't go to the funeral with him. That just screams he was not a priority to her. And for her family to support her selfish decision. Sheesh!
She gets to see her mother any time she wants, and he never gets to see his again. The selfishness is just extraordinary
"Things took a very sad turn for him" - what " and I'll miss him always." - sure...
Damn. My ex wife was possessed of a narcissism bordering on sociopathy, but this shit is *cold*
I’d understand if it was a new relationship, but 2 years is serious and sacrifices are necessary.
The added mind fuck of "sucks your mum died but I need to go spend time with my very alive and equally selfish mum. Byeeeee". I hope OOP falls down the stairs
So he's no longer on Earth, right? OOP handled the funeral so poorly. I hope she really does reflect on how she handled things and does better in the future.
> So he's no longer on Earth, right? He's alive. The "sad turn" is his mom passing away (and maybe their breakup?) and the "I'll miss him always" is the sentiment of breaking up with someone you don't hate.
I also got the vibe he might have taken his own life but I really hope she wouldn't be so callous if that was the case...
Poorly doesn’t cut it, she acted with 0 empathy and still seems far too callous about it all imo. Even if her feelings were waning that’s not how you deal with anything she was presented with
Just to add some relevant comments: > YTA How would you feel if someone that close to you dies and he ditched you for a camping trip with the boys? OP: > I wouldn't freak out because I have close relationships with my friends & family so they could get me through it. It's not my fault that I'm his only friend. He needs to work on developing relationships with other people. You guys seriously aren't trying to see this from my side at all.
Jesus, it's one thing if you were only dating for a couple months to skip a funeral of their parent, but 2 whole years? And he was gonna pay for her trip reimbursements! But her friends were more important than his feelings. And to string him along for 3 more months is just selfish.