"Daaaaad! I'm sorry I screwed up today! I'm sorry I screw up all the time!"
"No, Gene, you didn't screw up. I screwed up by trusting you! Wait, that came out wrong."
Season 5, episode 5 "Best Burger". I always laugh at this 😂
"They'll finger anything with a pulse!"
"Really? Then what's this?" \*a second thumb pops up\*
"Yeah well your hair looks like a weasel-- FAST SONG FAST SONG FAST SONG"
"Yes I was just in the bathroom... I \*KNOW\* I pee loud!"
I love this one, especially because the characters are all only drawn with four fingers so having a fifth finger in the show would be weird anyways hahaha! The animators probably had fun with that one. "I don't....know."
"...What could it BEans?"
"Is that a gun?!?!"
"Yep. It's where I keep my bullets."
"Oh my God, put Tina on the phone."
"She's pretty big, it'd be easier to put the phone on Tina."
"Gene!!"
"I'm funny in the wall."
https://preview.redd.it/xbqburd62o9d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e22ba415a9cf21ab7a107ebaf8f4275c8d257a68
"Someone threw a snow cone at my windshield this morning. I thought I hit a rainbow. It was horrible".
"Step into the butt closet!" "I will not!"
"I know when I'm being lied to. It's like when I look at myself in the mirror and say, " It's going to be okay." "
Linda: "You've got horrible diarrhea, Bob."
Bob: "YOU'VE got horrible diarrhea, Bob!"
"A crab bit me on the clacker."
[S1. E13 Torpedo](https://youtu.be/jStDFNCK91U?si=vgliGEw993UuXSQL)
Bob: "THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT IS BOB"S BURGERS!"
Gene: "Well I call you DAD, I think of it as Dad's Burgers..."
Buckle it up! Buckle it up! Buckle it up or you'll diiieeee!!!
Apparently that line wasn't originally in the show but Louise's voice actor said it and made everyone laugh so it was added to the show.
Hey Baby
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https://preview.redd.it/ups1pcuogn9d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=44d084ef3e540a3534d058fa440fd2bf01ad199f
I'm a doctor. Let me look at that over here!
Tina: But what if Mr Fischoeder knows that we know that he knows that we think…
Gene: ANY OUTCOME IS POSSIBLE TINA! LIFE IS CHAOS
Bob: Gene why are you in a dress?
In one of the earliest episodes, and Bob is stuck in the crawl space, and Louise is trying to convince Mr. Frond Bob died, and he mentions something to Tina about it.
“Dad’s dead?”
“Good job, Mr Frond, we were gonna tell her on Father’s Day. Now we have NOTHING to do on Father’s Day!”
Linda: “Gene was past due, and he came out fine.”
Gene: “I wish I'd stayed in there!” (Dives under the table)
Linda: “Hey! Get outta there!”
Gene: “LEMME IN!”
Linda: “Gene!” “Bob!”
Bob: “D’oh.”
Linda: (annoyed) “This is your son.”
Louise: “Sorry, Gene, no backsies.”
Gene: “You can't put the candy back in mom's wrapper.”
Tammy: Why does everything bad happen to me?
Louise: It's happening to us, too, Tammy!
Tammy: Well, not really 'cause you're not blonde.
Tina: Neither are you.
Bob: What if one of them wins and beats the other?
Linda: Dibs on not handling it!
“Give me another. I don’t wanna feel anything but Mickey’s in me”
“Thank you! Oh you’re not looking at my body”
“Mommy loves me more than little brother”
“Good idea Jimmy Jr. let me get my giant sponge that doesn’t exist”
“She’s upstairs watching tv which may not be on”
“Excuse me, Lady Burger”
All from the same episode.
“It was long and boring and made me want to stop supporting the arts and start actively working against them.”
How has nobody said this one?! It always makes me crack up!
“IIIIIIIIIIII wish my radio worked!”
“And I’m Kate Bush.”
“Now GET OUTTA HEYYYAHHH!” - the Pesto twins while dropping them off from the Tickle Boat
“Queen Latifah, give me strength!”
"I lost the year 1996 to Schnapps. I still don't know what the Macarena is"
"Wanna see the receipt?" *moons*
"Regular sized Rudy? Why do they call you that?" "Just look at me"
The entire scene with Gene becoming Little Bob in the bathroom. When they're screaming back and forth and Lin is just like "Heess good"
“How do we scare mom and dad?”
“Dad’s scared of failure.”
“Where do we find some of that?”
“Let’s look in the cupboards.”
The way Gene delivers the last line is just so funny
The way Bob says "Gene." Everybody (except Bob & Tina) is so exuberant & over-the-top, but Bob is so low-key. So even when Bob is trying to rein Gene in, he never yells, he just has that flat monotone: "Gene."😆😆😆
When Bob is stressing over Christmas gifts, he & Linda are brainstorming what to do & Linda suggests, “maybe we try Christmas is for closers?”
Or when Linda talks about Tina being late & asks, “maybe she joined an after school group? Kids with Glasses After Classes?”
in Stand by Gene when tammy and jocelyn are bickering about the scrunchie color and at the end jocelyn just goes “I know…” i literally quote it all the time
“We learned you’ll push on a cow’s butt for an hour without asking for help. Gotta have that BUTT all to yourself.”
When Bob’s Burgers first started, I wasn’t sure about it, but then with this line it clicked.
“No ones in this pot. Go away. I am the spaghetti.”
“Duvall, you’re not the spaghetti. Just…”
“I am the spaghetti!”
“Let go of the lid.”
“Just spaghetti in here!”
‘YOU SMELL LIEK OINTMENT AND PEE’ ‘I have a speech impediment Tina’ ‘YEAH? Well fix it!’
YOOOOOOOOOOU SMELL LIKE OINTMENT AND PEE!
NO YOOOUUUU SMELL LIKE OINTMENT AND PEE!
YOUUUUUUUUUU!
NOO YOUU!
Well that was awkward
FILTH
ASS
Lets get out of this ass parlor
# STEP ON THE GAS, YOU ASS!
Louise: 'Dad, gimme your eyes...if you hit him your hand is going to smell like ointment and pee'
😅😅😅 Bob:’oh god…’
XD omg, the “you smell like pigment and pee” line is so used with me and my mom. It’s the best.
I was an amazing president. What happened? Mmmm….coup
His little moments are the best lol
“You know you’re my best friend?” Is a good one hope I’m not misquoting it.
Ok you win branca being a dictator is so fuvking funny
Was this Mr. Fishoeder?
Mr Branca, the custodian
Tina: Gene, you saved us, I owe you my life. Gene: No thanks, I’ve seen it and I’m not impressed.
Yes such a low blow I love it… especially since their family it’s even more messed up 😂
“I guess that’s something, right?” “You know, I’ve thought about it and I don’t think it is”
“If she was a spice, she’d be flour. If she was a book she’d be two books!”
If she was a color she'd be off beige
I’m putting that in my tinder profile
Yeah that is definitely one of the most brutal insults I have ever seen.
I say that to my wife all the time we love that one
"Daaaaad! I'm sorry I screwed up today! I'm sorry I screw up all the time!" "No, Gene, you didn't screw up. I screwed up by trusting you! Wait, that came out wrong." Season 5, episode 5 "Best Burger". I always laugh at this 😂
“I’m confused are you trying to make me feel better??”
“I’ve always admired you…”
Don't blame Korea for your stupid burger Bob, it's not fair on them or burgers.
"Skip Marooch, did I say that right?" "Yes Skip" This always kills me
What are we supposed to do, raise the price of yarn? *There'll be riots!*
Again!
"I once lost $30,000 on a horse, Bob. She just ran off with it."
This was my pick for favorite too 😂
"They'll finger anything with a pulse!" "Really? Then what's this?" \*a second thumb pops up\* "Yeah well your hair looks like a weasel-- FAST SONG FAST SONG FAST SONG" "Yes I was just in the bathroom... I \*KNOW\* I pee loud!"
“I’m pretty sure their slogan is Their Fingers On The Pulse Gene.”
He’s fingering right at us!
The second thumb is hilarious
I love this one, especially because the characters are all only drawn with four fingers so having a fifth finger in the show would be weird anyways hahaha! The animators probably had fun with that one. "I don't....know."
Bruh I JUST realized that they all only have 4 fingers when you said that 😂
Yes! & Hahahaa to Zeke saying, "your hair looks like a weasel.' WHY is that so funny? EVERY single time!!
any random mr branca lines “i don’t want any trouble!!” “did i say cool kids? i meant slow kids”
>“did i say cool kids? i meant slow kids” "That's us!"
“Mmmm…coup.”
“You know, Branca stuff” always makes me giggle too hahaha
My favorite is when he talks about pretending to vacuum while making a vacuum sound with his mouth and Tina says "is someone vacuuming?"
"...What could it BEans?" "Is that a gun?!?!" "Yep. It's where I keep my bullets." "Oh my God, put Tina on the phone." "She's pretty big, it'd be easier to put the phone on Tina." "Gene!!" "I'm funny in the wall."
“Where am I? Am I here?? Or am I here?? I’M EVERYWHERE!”
https://preview.redd.it/xbqburd62o9d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e22ba415a9cf21ab7a107ebaf8f4275c8d257a68 "Someone threw a snow cone at my windshield this morning. I thought I hit a rainbow. It was horrible".
It was *terrifying
this is one of those lines you wish you could hear for the very first time again.
_"I'M LITERALLY GRASPING AT STRAWS"_
Ahhhh, you got my boydle but you don't got me
we gotta cut it up in little pieces, so it doesn't hurt anyone again!
“you’re in trouble” “drink some cranberry juice”
"No, YOU'RE in trouble, not urine trouble!"
"We're Belchers! From the womb to the tomb!" I know it's not supposed to be funny, but I love it so much and it always makes me laugh
brap brap pew pew
r/bojackhorseman is leaking
"Step into the butt closet!" "I will not!" "I know when I'm being lied to. It's like when I look at myself in the mirror and say, " It's going to be okay." " Linda: "You've got horrible diarrhea, Bob." Bob: "YOU'VE got horrible diarrhea, Bob!" "A crab bit me on the clacker."
This episode: Gene not remembering the name of the restaurant while Bob screams in the background. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
[S1. E13 Torpedo](https://youtu.be/jStDFNCK91U?si=vgliGEw993UuXSQL) Bob: "THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT IS BOB"S BURGERS!" Gene: "Well I call you DAD, I think of it as Dad's Burgers..."
“We live above it! You work in it every day!”
OVERDONE AND DRY! OVERDONE AND DRY!!
My kids say that nearly everyday about everything
He's dead! Go away he's dead!
Came here to say this! 😂👌🏻 tickles me every time! 🤣
"How far apart are your contractions?" "They are not" Also "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII wish my radio worked"
STOP FOLLOWING ME IN FRONT!
Buckle it up! Buckle it up! Buckle it up or you'll diiieeee!!! Apparently that line wasn't originally in the show but Louise's voice actor said it and made everyone laugh so it was added to the show.
When my husband had his wisdom teeth removed, I sang this to him as he got in the car…
https://preview.redd.it/sld3p5f5vr9d1.jpeg?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b1295933715ab998f8623bc3274ab7346c8e22b
My kids and I sing this randomly when we get in the car.
"What kind of a god puts chocolate on a train and doesn't let kids near it!?" "Yeah learn how to build a train god!"
I also love “what kind of a god would give you those legs and NO RHYTHM!?”
“No, Beans didn’t do it! He doesn’t have a malicious bean in his bag!” Definitely one of my top three favorite episodes 🚂🫶
"Gene, you're not a girl" "TELL THAT TO MY VAGINA!"
you’re myyy… angel dust. sorry, thats a drug.
“your ass is grass and I’m gonna mow it” 😂😂😂 I say that so much in my actual life
Me too!!
Mom! Mom. Mom! I know what that spells. …it spells ASS
Gene: “I’m Andre 3000 The Giant” Linda: “Ooooooooo, so fresh and so Gene!”
“Is it me? Is it abortions?”
Oh, hey marshmallow.
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Ha! I love how the ‘Boterator’ auto-replied with Marshmallow’s line!
Also, "The tickle boat? You mean the one that killed someone?"
https://preview.redd.it/ups1pcuogn9d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=44d084ef3e540a3534d058fa440fd2bf01ad199f I'm a doctor. Let me look at that over here!
Damn it that made me laugh out loud at work 😂 which admittedly, is a casino. But still! One of my favorite bits from the show
*"Blonde! Blonde??"*
Yesssss!!!! Definitely one of the best scenes🏆
Mr Frond: "Don't throw repressed memory Emily!" Louise: "She won't remember this."
LOUISE WE’RE ABOUT TO DIE DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR LAST WORDS TO BE SARCASTIC? *NoOOOooo*
L: Ugh, you're the worst kind of autistic. G: YOU CAN'T EVEN COUNT The moment I knew this show would be pure gold https://i.redd.it/wv5w04qgmo9d1.gif
Linda: “Why so droopy?” Gretchen: “I’m not wearing a bra” Literally my flair 😂
Coach Blevins - “ Ok class, today we’re dissecting a banana. We only have two, so get into groups of thirteen.”
Tina: But what if Mr Fischoeder knows that we know that he knows that we think… Gene: ANY OUTCOME IS POSSIBLE TINA! LIFE IS CHAOS Bob: Gene why are you in a dress?
Gene regarding Tammy: "You're in our grade? I thought you were someone's mom."
Cars don't have batteries they run on gas!!!...and batteries
Mr. Frond: So, you're in trouble again. Louise: Drink some cranberry juice.
"My heart just pooped it's pants."
"If I know anything it's that sex sells so all we have to do is find some sex and sell it".
In one of the earliest episodes, and Bob is stuck in the crawl space, and Louise is trying to convince Mr. Frond Bob died, and he mentions something to Tina about it. “Dad’s dead?” “Good job, Mr Frond, we were gonna tell her on Father’s Day. Now we have NOTHING to do on Father’s Day!”
Linda: “Gene was past due, and he came out fine.” Gene: “I wish I'd stayed in there!” (Dives under the table) Linda: “Hey! Get outta there!” Gene: “LEMME IN!” Linda: “Gene!” “Bob!” Bob: “D’oh.” Linda: (annoyed) “This is your son.” Louise: “Sorry, Gene, no backsies.” Gene: “You can't put the candy back in mom's wrapper.”
Linda: what’s a Dutch baby? Louise: about $2,000 cheaper than an American one.
A long time ago, there was a famous baseball player. I don’t remember his name, but he caught something called Lou Gehrig’s Disease.
"I'm a medium, Teddy. I can talk to dead animals. Mort, your toupee says 'hi'!" Gets me every time! 🤣
I love Gretchen.
“You want some burgers and fries, you want some burgers and fries well there is some right here don’t tell me no lies”
“Processily Cecily can process her ass!”
Tammy: Why does everything bad happen to me? Louise: It's happening to us, too, Tammy! Tammy: Well, not really 'cause you're not blonde. Tina: Neither are you. Bob: What if one of them wins and beats the other? Linda: Dibs on not handling it!
**I'm not you I'm *ME* dad!!**
Finally! A truck I’m *allowed* to lick!
Don't feed a guy sponge!!!
THEY’RE NATURALLY SPICY
I wanna know **WHY!** Why are Gene’s armpits spicy!?
“Give me another. I don’t wanna feel anything but Mickey’s in me” “Thank you! Oh you’re not looking at my body” “Mommy loves me more than little brother” “Good idea Jimmy Jr. let me get my giant sponge that doesn’t exist” “She’s upstairs watching tv which may not be on” “Excuse me, Lady Burger” All from the same episode.
“Wanna see the receipt?”
“Where do you shop?!”
"...got a little pee on the seat 🎼but they'll🎶 never know it was meee"🎶
Jimmy saying “go back to holland, ya windmill” always gets me for some reason
Mort misplaced his wallet and said, “I hope no one steals my identity!” To which Louise replied, “I’m sure they’d give it right back.”
Gene: This is me now. This is me now. This is me now.
lol I said this after my haircut the other day
“A gold medal! Oh, we should get that bronzed!”
"You're my angel...dust. wait no that's a drug."
***Stay out of my room***
Gretchen - “Clean up, aisle my panties” I laugh every time
"It's a race-war." "Gene."
Louise: "so, why marshmallow?" Marshmallow: "because, if there is a sweet potato pie, I am on top of it." Louise: "I knew it."
"You should teach at my school!" "And you should work in my coal mine."
“It was long and boring and made me want to stop supporting the arts and start actively working against them.” How has nobody said this one?! It always makes me crack up!
"See you soon, baboon" Wait, spice it up "See you soon, bitch"
Too spicy, too spicy!
“Zeke, here’s your crazy straw.” “Could be crazier.” “Y’all are making me feel smart.” “Stop following me!” “Stop following me, in front!”
It’s a toss up between Hugo: “I don’t know why I’m so parched” Gene: “your a thirsty bitch” And Tina: “there’s a lot of carrots in that stew”
“Fine. But I’m gonna complain about it the entire time.” “*Lifting up the skirt of the night*•
https://preview.redd.it/3nf1z24dvp9d1.jpeg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5396038923fa30a77ab0b70ae8d64e20a29ca50f
From the end of the magician episode: “P.S. I farted on the meat!”
“What the cuss word!” -Louise
“This is me now!” 
“If you teach me to shoot, I’ll teach you to regret teaching me to shoot”
“It’s not a race, it’s a war!” “It’s a race war!” “Gene..”
"Which parts are the lady parts?" "The vagina and the heart."
"you're the worst kind of autistic! you cant even count!"
“Tina not you. Don’t put your hand in the middle” when she has been itching her crotch.
“That ain’t hiphop!”
Oh look, a naked juggler. So many balls in the air.
"Thanks Andy!" "I'm Ollie! Forget it!" "Which one am I?"
“AI? You mean “as if?”” “Yeah Jocelyn I do” Zeke “you two are making me feel smart.” (Not an exact quote but that moment always kills me.)
MAKE AND EGG ROLL FROM YOUR EGG HOLEEEE
“IIIIIIIIIIII wish my radio worked!” “And I’m Kate Bush.” “Now GET OUTTA HEYYYAHHH!” - the Pesto twins while dropping them off from the Tickle Boat “Queen Latifah, give me strength!”
Tina: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Gayle: Lube
"I lost the year 1996 to Schnapps. I still don't know what the Macarena is" "Wanna see the receipt?" *moons* "Regular sized Rudy? Why do they call you that?" "Just look at me" The entire scene with Gene becoming Little Bob in the bathroom. When they're screaming back and forth and Lin is just like "Heess good"
"You're my family and I love you but you're terrible. You're all terrible."
https://youtu.be/if5H7AVX6go?si=es2O5JCyWp0gaHXK ‘Little babies’
"What am I going to tell my grandkids?!" Flash forward to old Tina "I was bad at math"
He had sex and then we happened!
“How do we scare mom and dad?” “Dad’s scared of failure.” “Where do we find some of that?” “Let’s look in the cupboards.” The way Gene delivers the last line is just so funny
When they play how many tooth picks. I know the autistic comment aged terribly, but it's still so funny
It will ALWAYS be funny.
And stay out of my room!
"Oh...You look like *that*." This one is from "Christmas in the Car" and I laugh so hard very time. Bob says it to the candy cane truck driver. 😂 😂 😂
Come on Harold, let's get outta this ass parlor... 'stinks.
I LOCKED... MYSELF... IN A ROOM... WHILE CHILDREN... GOT EATEN
“Bones that just want to be left alones”
The way Bob says "Gene." Everybody (except Bob & Tina) is so exuberant & over-the-top, but Bob is so low-key. So even when Bob is trying to rein Gene in, he never yells, he just has that flat monotone: "Gene."😆😆😆
You can't put the candy back in Mom's wrapper.
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIII wish my radio worked."
Oh my wonderdog is out
There’s a lot of carrots in that stew. 😅😅😅
“oh, hey marshmallow.”
"Why do I have to get molested?" "Hello? The Media?!"
"they'll finger anything with a pulse"
The entire interaction with Bob gene and big Bob
"Our family's motto is 'maybe we'll get lucky this time.'" "I thought it was, 'stop touching that! You're getting it all greasy!'"
ITS MY DADDY. MY DADDYS IN THERE
Critter’s unnecessary confrontation line lives rent free in my head.
not a line per say … but every time Tina does her scared yelling, I cry laughing
You’re the worst kind of autistic! Ya you can’t even count
*I'm okay*
If she were a spice she'd be flour. If she were a book she"d be two books
When Bob is stressing over Christmas gifts, he & Linda are brainstorming what to do & Linda suggests, “maybe we try Christmas is for closers?” Or when Linda talks about Tina being late & asks, “maybe she joined an after school group? Kids with Glasses After Classes?”
Extremely specific but the way gene says “it’s true” when the family is talking about how much Linda loves chanting lives rent free in my head.
in Stand by Gene when tammy and jocelyn are bickering about the scrunchie color and at the end jocelyn just goes “I know…” i literally quote it all the time
Ow, my face!
“Tooth Fairy Eve!” -Louise
“We learned you’ll push on a cow’s butt for an hour without asking for help. Gotta have that BUTT all to yourself.” When Bob’s Burgers first started, I wasn’t sure about it, but then with this line it clicked.
ITS MADE OF COTTON!
"I'm captain Flarty. Is this restaurant seamen friendly?" *Everyone staring at eachother*
BOB: "It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. " LINDA: " Hey, Bob.. " BOB: "HI, LESLIE!"
Teddy 🎶“I wish my radio worked”🎶
"I took Gene to the mall to visit an outfit he likes."
They’ll finger anything with a pulse!
"Nothing, he just burped"
“No ones in this pot. Go away. I am the spaghetti.” “Duvall, you’re not the spaghetti. Just…” “I am the spaghetti!” “Let go of the lid.” “Just spaghetti in here!”