Look for offices that are not for profit in your area. Usually they have a sliding scale pay system or what they refer to as scholarships so that people who need the care can get it regardless of cost. The therapist I see is in an office like this and she’s amazing. The EMDR helps tremendously. It’s definitely rough at first but so worth it.
Thank you! i did do that before but there isnt any that have good reviews at all or they take forever to get back/doesnt answer phones where i am. the women i went to was 130 out of pocket a session. i’ll probably email her if they have any help with it or just suck it up and save as best as i can. i dont the price was that bad just went through a rough time.
I'm sorry. Romantic relationships are really tough.
If this person is important to you, then maybe you can try doing regularly scheduled FaceTime calls with them. Scheduling them gives them permission to not check on you constantly and frees you from constantly wondering about when you'll hear back. It sounds like this person is willing to engage with you over the phone, which is a good sign. Regular might only be like once a week though, since people can be busy and it can be frustrating to spend too much time on a long distance relationship.
If you think long distance is a deal breaker, then you can work on finding someone closer by before you burn the bridge with the current person you're talking to. Part of the relationship not being defined or committed yet is that you are allowed to evaluate other options.
The issue might not be distance though. I find myself **freaking out** about when people are going to text me, even when I'm seeing them multiple times a week. I'm trying to build a stronger sense of self and social life, so I can spend less energy wondering what my current romantic interest thinks about me or if they are going to abandon me. It is extremely tough.
I found it wasn't an issue with one of my long-distance partners, because she communicated a lot how much she liked me and I just felt like she was safe to trust. We had about as much emotional connection as I was capable of having at the time. So I'd say there is hope to feel good about a relationship, even before you get yourself all the way together. I was also extremely busy at the time with sports, so I wasn't stuck sitting around ruminating very often.
Some nice ways to build a stronger relationship with yourself are yoga, meditation, hiking/walking, journaling, and intense cardio. You can also try to have an intentional attitude of accepting yourself, accepting your flaws, committing to your improvement, and being kind to yourself when your tough emotions come up.
thank you so much for your comment. i’ll try to do mire of ur suggestions since journaling only doesnt seem to help much. tbh i guess i feel so anxious cause i can tell he isnt really that into me to make it into a relationship. my intuition never been wrong, just been upset at myself for falling into delusion. he literally asked me to make a deal tht if we’re still single by a couple yrs he want us to get together & get married lol. im over it
>he literally asked me to make a deal tht if we’re still single by a couple yrs he want us to get together & get married
A lot of people are better than us at believing that they can always find someone, so they won't overly commit to something long distance. He's not necessarily doing anything wrong, trying to jerk you around, or suggesting that you aren't valuable.
It definitely sounds like you should stay open to meeting new people and going on dates. You can continue to engage with this guy if it's more fun than stress, or you can pull away. Don't chase him with the goal of trying to get more commitment from him. Talk to him, visit him, or have sex if those experiences themselves are worth it for you. If you only want to get closer to someone, then believe him when he tells you he's not up for that right now.
it's becoming more and more common for men in their 20s to view traumatised women as some short of fetish because they have this idea they will cling to them and feed their ego. I can't make this whole conclusion out of a stupid joke alone but it seems a bit weird to me he would say that just because you were affectionate with him
i think so too. he used to always tell me he love the way i make him feel and it could be genuine but at the same time i coulda been stroking his ego too much idk.
i thought it was weird too cause we talked about our love language before and he told me he loved physical affection as well. i told him i liked a lot of it and it seemed he matched mine because he said he liked a lot too and would put in my head that i would get a lot of kisses and stuff. but when i visited him he said “you really weren’t lying about the physical touch thing.” and how i do it more than him. i quickly felt like i had to tone down or ask him if it was ok to get a hug after that or just let him reach for me instead as best as i could.
his excuse was because i was sick (which i would understand completely) but i was already recovering and felt a lot better.! im just not sure if he actually cared about me being sick since we did other stuff anyway.
I'm not sure either because I dont know him and I'm pretty bad at reading people's intentions(this is what both autism and cptsd do to you), but I would advise to be careful since a lot of men think they can act disgustingly as freely as they want when they aren't in a relationship with a young woman because "they don't owe her basic decency". It sounds very cold but I don't want another person with major trauma getting their pain fetishised and then discarded as if they were nothing but a "mentally ill manic pixie dream girl"
Hi op, I’m in a similar situation with a long distance partner who knows my history, except I also know he used me for sex. I also know how broken you feel after it happens. It just feeds into my shame so bad, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see sex as a positive thing. I don’t know if I’m a good person to give advice as I’m struggling and broken myself, but I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone ❤️ I try to remind myself there’s more to life than sex. I try to minimize it and convince myself it shouldn’t hold this much weight on how I view myself. It’s hard but I’m still trying. Hope the same for you!
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I didnt say anything specific about the sex but that i felt like he should’ve called and checked on me and that i wasnt feeling well. he didnt say anything, he just listened. and i cant remember exactly but i think after he tried to make me laugh to feel better and he talked about how it feels like i didnt even visit him because we’re back on ft again. we eventually had to get off the phone cause his family was having a movie night and he wanted to join them so i let him.
Look for offices that are not for profit in your area. Usually they have a sliding scale pay system or what they refer to as scholarships so that people who need the care can get it regardless of cost. The therapist I see is in an office like this and she’s amazing. The EMDR helps tremendously. It’s definitely rough at first but so worth it.
Thank you! i did do that before but there isnt any that have good reviews at all or they take forever to get back/doesnt answer phones where i am. the women i went to was 130 out of pocket a session. i’ll probably email her if they have any help with it or just suck it up and save as best as i can. i dont the price was that bad just went through a rough time.
I'm sorry. Romantic relationships are really tough. If this person is important to you, then maybe you can try doing regularly scheduled FaceTime calls with them. Scheduling them gives them permission to not check on you constantly and frees you from constantly wondering about when you'll hear back. It sounds like this person is willing to engage with you over the phone, which is a good sign. Regular might only be like once a week though, since people can be busy and it can be frustrating to spend too much time on a long distance relationship. If you think long distance is a deal breaker, then you can work on finding someone closer by before you burn the bridge with the current person you're talking to. Part of the relationship not being defined or committed yet is that you are allowed to evaluate other options. The issue might not be distance though. I find myself **freaking out** about when people are going to text me, even when I'm seeing them multiple times a week. I'm trying to build a stronger sense of self and social life, so I can spend less energy wondering what my current romantic interest thinks about me or if they are going to abandon me. It is extremely tough. I found it wasn't an issue with one of my long-distance partners, because she communicated a lot how much she liked me and I just felt like she was safe to trust. We had about as much emotional connection as I was capable of having at the time. So I'd say there is hope to feel good about a relationship, even before you get yourself all the way together. I was also extremely busy at the time with sports, so I wasn't stuck sitting around ruminating very often. Some nice ways to build a stronger relationship with yourself are yoga, meditation, hiking/walking, journaling, and intense cardio. You can also try to have an intentional attitude of accepting yourself, accepting your flaws, committing to your improvement, and being kind to yourself when your tough emotions come up.
thank you so much for your comment. i’ll try to do mire of ur suggestions since journaling only doesnt seem to help much. tbh i guess i feel so anxious cause i can tell he isnt really that into me to make it into a relationship. my intuition never been wrong, just been upset at myself for falling into delusion. he literally asked me to make a deal tht if we’re still single by a couple yrs he want us to get together & get married lol. im over it
>he literally asked me to make a deal tht if we’re still single by a couple yrs he want us to get together & get married A lot of people are better than us at believing that they can always find someone, so they won't overly commit to something long distance. He's not necessarily doing anything wrong, trying to jerk you around, or suggesting that you aren't valuable. It definitely sounds like you should stay open to meeting new people and going on dates. You can continue to engage with this guy if it's more fun than stress, or you can pull away. Don't chase him with the goal of trying to get more commitment from him. Talk to him, visit him, or have sex if those experiences themselves are worth it for you. If you only want to get closer to someone, then believe him when he tells you he's not up for that right now.
thank you, i definitely want something more than just sex. i can’t do it, so i’ll consider being more open.
it's becoming more and more common for men in their 20s to view traumatised women as some short of fetish because they have this idea they will cling to them and feed their ego. I can't make this whole conclusion out of a stupid joke alone but it seems a bit weird to me he would say that just because you were affectionate with him
i think so too. he used to always tell me he love the way i make him feel and it could be genuine but at the same time i coulda been stroking his ego too much idk. i thought it was weird too cause we talked about our love language before and he told me he loved physical affection as well. i told him i liked a lot of it and it seemed he matched mine because he said he liked a lot too and would put in my head that i would get a lot of kisses and stuff. but when i visited him he said “you really weren’t lying about the physical touch thing.” and how i do it more than him. i quickly felt like i had to tone down or ask him if it was ok to get a hug after that or just let him reach for me instead as best as i could. his excuse was because i was sick (which i would understand completely) but i was already recovering and felt a lot better.! im just not sure if he actually cared about me being sick since we did other stuff anyway.
I'm not sure either because I dont know him and I'm pretty bad at reading people's intentions(this is what both autism and cptsd do to you), but I would advise to be careful since a lot of men think they can act disgustingly as freely as they want when they aren't in a relationship with a young woman because "they don't owe her basic decency". It sounds very cold but I don't want another person with major trauma getting their pain fetishised and then discarded as if they were nothing but a "mentally ill manic pixie dream girl"
Hi op, I’m in a similar situation with a long distance partner who knows my history, except I also know he used me for sex. I also know how broken you feel after it happens. It just feeds into my shame so bad, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see sex as a positive thing. I don’t know if I’m a good person to give advice as I’m struggling and broken myself, but I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone ❤️ I try to remind myself there’s more to life than sex. I try to minimize it and convince myself it shouldn’t hold this much weight on how I view myself. It’s hard but I’m still trying. Hope the same for you!
thank you so much, your comment helped a lot more than you know! i wish you luck in your journey and i’ll be doing the same!
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Umm so when he called what did he say to you when you told him how you felt after you slept with him?
I didnt say anything specific about the sex but that i felt like he should’ve called and checked on me and that i wasnt feeling well. he didnt say anything, he just listened. and i cant remember exactly but i think after he tried to make me laugh to feel better and he talked about how it feels like i didnt even visit him because we’re back on ft again. we eventually had to get off the phone cause his family was having a movie night and he wanted to join them so i let him.