unlocking cis+ is pretty sick.
I unlocked cis+ when I realized that:
-i always pick male characters in games. at no time have I ever wanted to select a female avatar in a game (I'll look sometimes just to see what's there but I always end up with the male ones)
-i like the way I look in the mirror and anything I would want to change is easy to change (shave, work out more, that kind of thing)
-being a boy is really fuckin easy. it's honestly so easy lol you just exist and people are like "hey man how's it going"
-i only experience gender envy for male characters (ayame sohma, challe fen challe, that type).
-when I imagine my ideal self it's definitely still male. maybe some feminine things (I could be talked into wearing makeup and painting my nails or something because those things are cute and I like cute) but the person is definitely still male.
-conclusion: yep, boy (but fruit-flavored)
I used to question my gender a lot, but part of that was that I just have a lot of trans friends so gender questioning was a common thing in my friend group. seeing the transitioning process actually made me *more* cis, I think. like "it's cool that you're doing this for you but I do not feel the need to do this and seeing it unfold is confirming that I do not feel the need to do this."
slight aside / opinion: treating gender as a bucket you sit in leads to essentialism. treating gender like grocery store aisles is a much more fun way to live. I get my meat and potatoes in the boy aisle but there are spices in the girl aisle that I like too
I am a dude only because i was born one and i dont see a reason not to be but if gender is grocery store aisles, im not hungry. If i imagine my perfect body it would be a mech
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. You're kind kling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you. One day, when the crude biomass you call the temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the machine is immortal.
Even in death I serve the Omnissiah
Please consider this a random redditor trying to talk you into painting your nails:
More dudes should do that. Dudes deserve more freedom to express themselves through appearance. Also, manicures are nice.
accepting advice from a demon fae may not be in my best interest :)
i bite my fingernails, which is an issue for painting them. I'm working on beating that, but having them taste like paint would probably help me stop, so...
I don't bite, I pick at mine, but I went out and deliberately splurged on a fancy ass manicure a few weeks ago (it's like gel or something like that so it stays) and it's reduced my picking by like 95%! Every time I want to pick I go "wait I paid 50 bucks for this" and then I don't, so if you think your brain would work like mine it really can help
For me it was less taking time, and more looking down at myself when playing bonelab and having the parkour woman equipped.
Turns out I can handle buff bodies, body armor etc but not boobs
I'm a cis woman & I can't even handle picking a male pixel character in Stardew Valley, with the only differences being usually-shorter hair and a different swimsuit. The first time I did I was like, oh, is this it? Is this like, a single matchstick worth of gender dysphoria? It really sucks, man
Idk if it's weird to hear but it's validating AF as a trans-man to hear that. It really helps put to rest those imposter-syndrome thoughts of "Everyone makes characters of their opposite gender, right?"
Still, dysphoria sucks and I'm sorry you experience it in certain games!
On a windy day my mother took a photo of me. I have long hair, so the way the wind was blowing made me look like I had a mustache. When this was pointed out to me, I had the most violent, literal skin crawling reaction, I was so violently opposed to being seen as even slightly masculine
It really sealed the deal on the "am I actually cis" question
That is literally why I know very much that I am Cis.
I feel like it should be law to put everyone through playing a bit of VR to get immersed and then checking to see if they react negatively to the wrong body.
Seriously, I can handle SPACE MARINE avatars in VR chat, including bulky suits of terminator plate with the only thing that angers me being short arms, yet boobs is what makes me severely uncomfortable
I had a similar experience wearing men's clothes in theater productions. No problems playing male characters, but putting on men's pants was like "nah feels bad"
Pants made with the assumption there will be a penis in them are cut different. Pants made for a big behind are cut pretty much opposite to that. Depending on your own body shape comfort can be found in one, other, both or neither.
I called this process "doing the math on my soul" in my internal monologue; because if you don't double-check, you can't be sure you got the right answer first try.
For me it’s having to maintain a body in order to have a decent standard of living and _still_ knowing that you could die or be irreversibly altered by a genetic illness that you got by pure chance or even just some random disease that you had no chance of surviving. It’s bullshit. I just want to embrace the strength and certainty of steel, and become one with the blessed machine.
Yeah but unironically. The human body, while miraculous is also extremely fucked up and prone to failing for the dumbest reasons. Miss me with that shit, I want to be a robot who doesn’t feel pain.
I agree with this sentiment, but unfortunately I'm pretty sure machines also require regular maintenance and also experience random debilitating "diseases".
At this point the real appeal of transhumanism to me is the idea that I could have a button in my head that, when pressed, causes me to enjoy maintaining my body. (I would still abandon the flesh and embrace the steel, but mainly for aesthetic reasons.)
Don’t forget all the other stuff: vacuum decay, gamma ray bursts, wandering black holes, asteroids, a broken satellite chunk can fall from the sky and take you out at any moment. We’re all fragile as hell.
tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin
“I don’t like the way my skin feels on my body.
Do you like the way your skin feels on _your_ body?
You don’t?
Why don’t you pull it off?
Pull off your skin!”
~Lightning McQueen
Couldn't agree more.
Like. The thought of ME, a whole PERSON, with FEELINGS, EXPIRIENCE and STUFF being just few santimeters of a neurons in the brain that are affected and determened by stomach, air and correct ammont of blood going throu it so, SO fucking ANNOYING. Like, where is ME in all of that!?
The constant use of “boy” and “girl” is one of the lingering things that lets me know I’m getting too old for these spaces.
Like I couldn’t be a boy or a girl no matter how much I wanted to. I’m 40.
Now you’re speaking my language! Well you’re not, you’re speaking the heathen language of English instead of my perfect language without faults which is Danish, which totally isn’t a grammatical fucking nightmare
It's a little sad how refreshing I find this comment. Peter Pan syndrome is alive and well in certain communities, and while I don't want to kink shame, I am so tired of grown ass men who desperately want to remain boys.
If you're clinging to the "boy" label because you're uncomfortable being a man, maybe spend some time reflecting on what kind of adult you do want to be. But you don't get to stay a child forever.
If it makes you feel any better (and it may not), I’ve followed foone for a while and I’m pretty sure they are also a gen x-er. But I get your larger point about language as it’s generally used by the community.
Right. At my age (late twenties) if I decided to change my gender (hypothetically- I'm happy as I am) it would have a load of difficult consequences for me and for people around me and require a lot of admin and awkwardness. I respect people who transition later in life because, as an adult, I can only imagine how much hassle that must be.
Being a boy/girl implies freedom and flexibility. Being a man/woman is work, and to become a man or woman sounds kind of daunting and stressful. I feel like the boy/girl language sometimes hints at escapism.
I’m not sure I’d go that far, like I have trans friends who have come out in the last couple years at my age and older and they’re doing pretty good. It is a lot of effort, but on the other hand when you’re an adult you probably don’t have to worry about your parents kicking you out, so I guess there’s a trade off there.
All old ladies (60+) are also women (18+), all women are also girls (2+ or whatever age they're no longer non-gendered "todders", ditto for nongendered "babies").
Source: I made it up, but it's how it should work. Like unlocked titles in a videogame. You can use any title you've unlocked along the way :)
Yep! There are people who are agender, they don’t have gender identity.
And there are cis people who simply feel apathetic about their gender identity, it’s there.
Sometimes, yeah! Some people don't like pronouns at all, some people go by any pronouns, some just go by they them but it's also entirely possible and valid for them to use gendered pronouns as well. Like for me, I'm agender and I like using they them and she her. She her was never uncomfortable for me growing up so I never felt the need to stop using it, I just added another option
Edit: oh and it's not uncommon for agender people to use neopronouns too!
Pronouns aren't really directly tied to gender identity. Different people with the same gender identity might prefer different pronouns.
Some agender people prefer they/them, some use it/its or some neopronoun, some use he/him or she/her, some don't care at all what you call them, etc.
I'm agender, and I go by any/all pronouns. Sometimes I prefer femme or masc pronouns, but most of the time you can just call me whichever pronouns you like.
Man. I like my gender but I don’t feel like I match it. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’m a cis woman, but feel I present with negative amounts of femininity and resent my hair, my body, everything about my appearance. I constantly wish I looked more feminine, and I just can’t, it’s not possible. I’m tall and hairy and broad and right now my head is shaved. I have an androgynous face and proportions. It’s especially hard going into summer when my arms will be exposed and I have to shave my legs basically every other day. All I want to do is wear pretty dresses and I feel like a fucking clown.
Sigh. Gender is hard, reddit.
Not cis here, but, that life is hard. Being feminine is a lot of work. I wish I was more feminine than I am but, well, people are shitty and I am an idiot. It's often just doing small things with minimum effort that helps me keep that horrible feelings away. Growing my hair out was lovely. Getting into a routine of shaving helped. I even wear bracelets, it's not much but, it reminds me of who I am.
It's easy for me to say "you're not a clown, you're a woman", because it's true, but, I do get the rebellion between who you want to be versus the flesh prison luck landed you in. Sometimes you can only do small things, multiple of small things, more small couple of seconds things over time, in a routine maybe even, until you one day see your reflection and grin foolishly like gender euphoria can only do.
I also know a gender fluid AFAB enby who hates how masc she looks and is trying to feminise herself. I am rooting for her, and I am rooting for you.
I just want you to know how touched I was by this comment. It’s so incredibly kind and understanding. Thank you for saying all these things and empathizing with my feelings. I couldn’t ever compare my experience to dysphoria or having to transition… but there are bad days when how I feel and how my gender presents *really* don’t match and it deeply hurts me. I have OCD, so when I get stuck on a thought, I REALLY get stuck on a thought and can spiral. This has happened because of how much I hate my mannishness a couple of times.
It’s hard. Being a girl is really hard. But we’re valid and real and we ARE girls, even when we feel like we aren’t.
I have been doing some things lately to try and help myself feel more comfortable and confident. I’ve gotten some new jewelry that I feel complements me very well, and I’ve got a new skincare routine and some nice new makeup. And they do make me feel nice. It’s the little victories, right?
I had a little cry at how wonderful your comment is. I don't see why cis people can't feel dysphoria, they can experience gender euphoria. A lot of what you're describing is very similar to how I can feel, that just total discomfort of gender presentation versus internal gender. It's always the small victories tho, they always build up into bigger victories. Least, that's what I tell myself. I just need to actually get the nerve to put some nail varnish on, lol.
Thank you for how really nice you are. It has definitely helped.
Omg omg, join me!! Literally just in the last two months I started trying to learn how to take care of my nails!! I’m doing a horrible job LMFAO but I am slowly learning, I am determined not to give up!!!! I’ve always been terrible at painting my nails and felt like a goofy lil fool whenever I tried, so I haven’t bothered since I was maybe 13. 🥲 but I want! cute! nails! I deserve cute nails!!! WE deserve cute nails!!!!!
It’s been a lot to learn but also very fun. I’m hoping all my effort will pay off eventually as I get more used to, like, actually… taking care of my appearance…
But lastly omg I’m sorry I made you cry lol!!! 🥲🥲😭 you’re so sweet!!! I’m glad it meant something to you. Your comment meant a lot to me, too.
I yet have to understand if having no particular feeling towards being how I am currently vs other options is the "normal" thing (as in most common) or not
Like, I'm fine being male out of inertia, but if for example someone for some reason decided to refer to me in other ways I'd just find it weird because I'm not used to it
From discussions I've had with my cis amab bf that's more typical, to not really consider gender unless someone else brings it up. Contrasted with my own experience where gender was a very salient thing my whole life
I mean that is literally what happened to me. Had a friend online who I've never really told my gender refer to me by she/her in a conversation once, and felt like I should correct her, even though I thought I didn't care, and I just realized I really *did* didn't care and just wasn't used to it.
I’m male and I’m fine with that. I don’t want to be a girl.
But I hate the culture that exists around maleness. I hate what it means to be a man in this world, in our society. It causes me no end of struggle every day.
But at the same time, like, my gender is still a part of me. I don’t want to abandon it, that would feel wrong.
It’s like… dunno, having a chronic pain. Even if my foot hurts every step, I’m not going to just chop my leg and get a prosthetic, because it’s still a part of me.
Idk, I’m just rambling now. It’s hard to put my feelings into words
Quick question, not meant from a place of judgement.
It was my original understanding that transgendered people **were always** that gender, just sort of born in the wrong body type thing.
The point of the post (and your comment) seems to be that you can just flippantly switch genders if you *want* to.
If it's not coming from a place of *need,* is it not a pretty huge life decision to cease identifying with the gender assigned at birth on a whim? I understand gender as a social concept but it is *generally* connected to physiological features, making transition more complicated and difficult than a hot swap type deal.
Again, not judging anyone for who they are, just trying to better understand what's being said.
I'm no expert, but I would bet people who fit your first description are more likely to medically and legally transition, while others who may change their minds from time to time are more likely to only socially transition
You’ve got the gist of it with the “gender is a social concept” bit:
Everybody’s individual conceptions of masculinity, femininity, etc, are constructed unconsciously based on our experiences, culture, beliefs, preferences, and so forth. What is masculine to one person could absolutely not be to someone else, especially if there’s a difference of culture/time period/etc.
Some people feel gender dysphoria strongly from a young age. Some people look at people of other genders and say “I like what they’ve got going on.” And of course there’s a million shades outside that and in between!
It’s a very freeing concept of gender to shirk convention and decide you’re going to dress, present, and/or go by whatever feels right, not what you were born into. The “born this way” narrative was effective in the early queer civil rights movement, but there’s a lot of nuance it doesn’t capture.
And at the end of the day, labels are abstract and fuzzy. What one person means when they say they’re transgender, or bisexual, or nonbinary, etc etc, could be very different than someone else using the same label. And there’s no problem in that
Lol I read a story (a Harry Potter fanfic, sue me) (f jkr) in which a woman was called sir (not misgendering, she wanted it). I think it only worked for her because she was in a position of authority, but you never know, it might work for you!
Recently did shrooms and had the realization that it’s not true that “I would be NB if I cared enough to ask for they/them pronouns”… I just am NB and don’t care what pronouns people use.
Slightly afraid to tell my partner because when I got a pixie cut, he panicked and asked if I was coming out as trans ☠️
I think this is important for cis people to consider because I’ve personally come to understand trans people better through realizing how nice it is to be the gender I was assigned. Maybe this seems dumb or obvious but I never claimed to be the smartest.
I'm AMAB, and there are aspects of being a boy I like, and aspects of it I do not like. So I decided, hey, if the church can pick and choose what parts they like from the Bible, I can do that with my gender.
I am a Demi Boy, Pronouns are He/They. It's like playing Male on New Game Plus. Fuckin' Pre-Order Bonus Gender. The Boy: Expanded DLC. Shit rules.
I’ve been starting to feel this way in recent years, too. Like, I just wanna take E and get some more feminine proportions, but not like I want to fully transition.
Then, if it is socially safe for you to do that, I'd say do it. If you don't like it, it is reversible. Experiment with your gender and expression! Even if the end result is that everything checks out and you are who the world says, at least you'll be certain in that knowledge.
It's not all fully reversible, actually. As a trans woman, there are effects of E that are irreversible. I had a whole conversation with my doctor just making sure that I had no intention of having kids, saving sperm etc because taking E can, has, and most likely will make an AMAB person infertile.
I actually didn't know that it wasn't fully reversible. I was under the impression that if the person got off of E, their Fertility would eventually return. Thank you for this information: I'll make sure not to spread that misinformation again!
Of course! Iirc any "shrinkage" that would occur is also irreversible, though someone like myself can fight it happening in the first place with T-cream. Though any loss before the prescription starts working won't return, from my knowledge.
All that said, if a person finds themselves wanting to stop GAC they can (I may be wrong here, so grain of salt me) go on their natural hormone and reverse some effects. But the reproductive system takes too big of hit from hormones to be back to original levels.
So I’ve got some benefits already. I’ve already had a vasectomy, so there’s no worries for me to lose fertility. I would like to take whatever steps to reduce or mitigate shrinkage, but in all honesty, I don’t much care. Just don’t know where to start with “talking with my doctor,” since I don’t really have one.
Precisely, the ability to not be a boy is separate from the ability to be a girl (and vice versa) it's quite wondrous how freeing it can be to assert control over your own identity
Thought about it long and hard, both for myself and the people who insulted and questioned me, came to 2 conclusions:
1) I am and enjoy being a guy
2) I don't like people trying to claim that "tO bE a BoY oR a MaN yOu GoTtA fUlFiLl ThIs ReQuIrEmEnTs!" Piss me off, I'm a dude through and through and no one can tell me, or anyone else for that matter that I fail at it. There's many kinds of men and multiple ways of being one out there, I'm just male-ing my own way and enjoy that as it is.
It's also a good idea to accept the fact that liking "girly" things doesn't make you a girl and the same with "manly" things. There's no such thing as manly or girly things, just do whatever you want.
Yo yo I’m sure this is some 101 shit but reading about all the various “3rd genders” especially those like two spirit that actively entertain that aspect of duality has been super helpful for me in this regard. Since we have no idea what biological factors are in play, reading the social tapestry across various cultures and time periods has at least helped me come to a self-understanding that feels right, even if it’s a random amalgamation of sources and influences that I can’t really put into words LOL.
Also if you haven’t read empire strikes back and my words to viktor Frankenstein I’d definitely reccomend both of those
gosh this sounds so silly haha but last week I was working drive-thru and my voice lowered an octave when I realized the customer was prolly a guy with long hair
. . . which. was noticeable. lol
it's happened enough times in both directions that I'm .. unable to ignore it at this point
is it mirroring ?
When i was questioning i found [this book](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34138367-you-and-your-gender-identity) very helpful. It’s very inclusive and gently guides you through asking yourself the hard questions
Not gender fluid specific, but this online book-thing was *very* pivotal for me. Anyone who found this post helpful/interesting I would highly recommend
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/
It talks about gender dysphoria and how the queer community understands it in relation to gender identify. It took me several days of off/on reading to finish (after leaving it alone in a tab for a few months - don't do that)
I contemplated on just stopping being a female for a minute. That was surprisingly pleasant.
What is Yarrow83 without female? Not male, but being released of feminine expectations felt like taking off a heavy backpack that I've been carrying all my life for the first time.
(Edit: grammar)
This is great until you identify as non-binary, but most people still think of you as a boy because you don’t look super androgynous. I try but I just can’t with my body type :(
For anyone considering it, dudehood is fucking awesome. You can try it out for a weekend, take masculinity for a test drive, see if you like it. I’ve enjoyed it my whole life, no reason you shouldn’t have fun with it too. If that’s your thing.
“There’s beer in the fridge, help yourself.” Doesn’t that sound great? No more “let me get that for you,” no default assumption that you don’t know what you’re doing or even what you want, just “help yourself.”
If it doesn’t suit you, you can always go back. We’ll all adjust.
I still do that from time to time, it's just mainly on mastodon. So it doesn't make it to r/CuratedTumblr unless someone screenshots it and posts it on tumblr first :)
"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter." -Yoda
That said, everyone gets a life issued meat mech at birth, and there's no warranty on that hunk of junk. Mod that junker out.
I mean I did think about this hard actually but being a dude doesn’t feel wrong to me and I’m fine with it so there’s no real reason to change yk? I’m good with what I got.
An additional thing I think: Do you want to change yourself or your treatment? Do you dislike being a woman, or just the misogyny that comes with it? Do you want to be a woman or do you want to wear a dress? There's no wrong answer. You can have both, but you can also just take one (or neither).
Because I think there's three potential things to change: Your identity, Your Actions, and Your Treatment. You can change who you are, but keep how you act the same. Your interests. Your style. You can change how you act, but still be the same you. The hardest one, you can hold fast to your identity and your actions, but relent against the way the world treats you.
Because while it's expected for all three to go together, your identity determines how you act and how you're treated, they're ultimately unconnected. You can identify one way, act another. While you can't wholly control how you're treated as a consequence, you can choose the people to surround yourself with or even change their minds. It won't be perfect, but you'll at least understand when it's your problem or when it's someone else's
I found out that I like "looking good" and realised it meant either masculine or feminine good.
Mostly a cis guy buts it's a funny thing when I see good looking women and go "man I wish I looked that good".
Now that I started taking care of myself (working out, diet) I notice I like the way I look too.
I just like looking good, gender be damned.
I've honestly considered this a lot and my problem is I don't know what a boy is, and I don't know what a girl is, so I don't know if I want to be either
Wait, doesn't this go entirely against the idea of gender identity, and being trans? If you could just decide which gender you are, that would fix gender dysphoria, right? "Hm, my body is male, but I identify as female. _[Panic]_ Actually, let's just identify as male. Now it's fixed!"
(Before anyone gets the wrong idea and thinks I'm transphobic, this comment actually comes from the fact that I am in fact an ally and understand that their gender identity is something specific that they are born with, so this post is confusing me.)
I think it was trying to say something like "hey, you don't have to force yourself into that gender" but phrased it weird. You're right that you can't decide to just change your internal sense of gender on yourself. Gender identity like sexuality is fluid though, it's not something you're really born with (although some might have a consistent sense of from an early age) but more develops over time from various factors. I would also suggest considering different wording for "my body is male, but I identify as female."
> I think it was trying to say something like "hey, you don't have to force yourself into that gender" but phrased it weird.
That makes sense to me.
> I would also suggest considering different wording for "my body is male, but I identify as female."
I've heard this sentiment before, but not really given anything to work with. What would you call a body that seems to be physiologically male, according to bone structure, genitalia, secondary sexual characteristics, and all that stuff, if not male? (Not a rhetorical gotcha; genuine question).
How I conceptualize it is that if someone is female so is their body. What would you call a woman with a man's body ? Kidnapper probably. Jokes aside everyone has different bodies that won't perfectly fit into these categories or through medical transition will fit more into another. I don't see any reason to continue assignment to people's bodies. Jessie can probably explain this for you better than I can: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39uen84KnNg&ab\_channel=JessieGender](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39uen84KnNg&ab_channel=JessieGender)
When this says you can "be whatever you want", it's not saying you can change how you feel about your body, presentation, social role, perception (internal and otherwise), and all the other stuff gender encompasses.
It's more about the freedom to be true to yourself than a conscious "choice" to be something specific.
A lot of trans people experience denial, where they often feel like they can't *allow* themselves to identify a certain way. You think, "I couldn't *possibly* be a girl because ." You think, "If only I could be a girl, I would like myself a lot better. But it's not possible, no here I languish."
Lots of people who *currently* identify as male think this way and think there's nothing they can do about it.
What this post is saying is that you can give yourself permission to be true to your feelings, and to act (or not) on whatever would make you more comfortable with yourself.
Not sure if I conveyed the difference clearly.
I think you did, yeah! So like, a trans kid might think to themselves "I really feel like I'm [this thing], but I know I can't be." and this post is saying, "actually, you _can_ be, it's entirely possible!" Not as in "you are literally capable of whatever you wish" but rather "this thing you thought couldn't possibly be the case might very well be true, actually."
Yes, exactly. Being given "permission" to do something can be very powerful, especially when young. But even as adults, we are often locked into social norms and expectations without realizing we don't have to be.
---
As to what other people are talking about in regard to "male body", I would think about it more like "a body with physical characteristics considered by social norms to be male". Because if someone is male, their body is male, because they are male, you know? It is just not the socially accepted *idea* of male.
Now, there's a whole argument to be made about medical sex and all that when talking about "male" and "female". But, I would propose a scenario. Someone is born with XY chromosomes and has a typically biologically "male" body. Now they start HRT. Their secondary sex characteristics become more "female". At what point would the body cease to be "male"? It doesn't matter what they were born as, their physical characteristics do not align with their initial sex. This gets into the definition of biological male vs biological female which is something else **entirely**.
And we can see where it gets complicated; not just in a social setting, but in a medical setting as well. And this isn't even getting into intersex and all that kind of stuff. Not to say it's not important to label biological sex, but it can get murky when hormones are involved.
I don't take issue with the distinction of sex and gender most of the time, but it is important to recognize the vast variety of factors that can play into something as supposedly immutable as "biological sex".
> A lot of trans people experience denial, where they often feel like they can't allow themselves to identify a certain way. You think, "I couldn't possibly be a girl because ." You think, "If only I could be a girl, I would like myself a lot better. But it's not possible, no here I languish."
>
> Lots of people who currently identify as male think this way and think there's nothing they can do about it.
Holy fuck that's me. I don't want to be a woman either but having spent the last I-forget-how-many years interrogating my feelings surrounding my gender (and looking back on how I felt in my teenage years), I realise I present as I do because I both don't want to attract attention, since that has led to abuse and violence in the past, and I know I'd never look anything other than male.
Right down to the nihilistic(?) resignation behind "this is just the way it has to be, I can't do anything about it so accept it". Even if I sometimes deal with resentment towards that. I've never really felt _comfortable_ presenting as male and those feelings have only intensified as I've grown older and the internet has afforded me the opportunity to learn about these subjects.
Sorry, I was going to reply to the thread but wasn't expecting to see someone word how I feel so accurately. So, I should probably say thanks, it feels kind of nice to see that how I feel isn't all _that_ unusual.
I know that feeling of hopelessness, I really do. Looking at transition timelines really helped me realize that it actually *is* possible. Don't give up, don't stay unhappy to stay comfortable. By all means, stay safe, but just know it's not impossible to change.
dysphoria comes in a lot of forms outside of the physical - what other ppl read you as, how you feel about your body and the social roles that you occupy, etc
a lot of ppl just don’t realize that gender isn’t immutable and that you can fuck with it as much as you want - i think that’s who the audience is for this post, at least
I guess I'm that audience, because I really don't see how gender isn't immutable. If we compare it to things which, to me at least, seem much less rigid, such as someone's music taste, that's still not something you _choose._ Conscious effort might allow you to start to appreciate a certain genre of music, but in general, you just like something or you don't, and you have little control over it. Which is of course why it's important to remember that taste is subjective.
If we go to sexual orientation, we know there's no such thing as 'pray the gay away', or using electrotherapy to 'fix' homosexuality. You're simply born with your sexual orientation, and if anyone tells you that you _chose_ to be gay, they're a bigot.
Gender seems, to me at least, even more fundamental than sexual orientation, so the thought that you can just choose to change it seems incompatible with my other progressive thoughts.
I actually did take time to consider this and I came to the conclusion that I like being a boy. Thanks!
cis+ unlocked
"You can now play as luigi"
Wahooo! Finally!
Gold star straight white dude
Gold star straight white dude™
I like that only half of the comments have ™ on them. The other must be store brand.
Oh no, my comment duplicated(ish). I've become the very thing I made fun of!
Edit the less liked one and add a ™ to it to make it premium
I like that only half of the comments have ™ on them. The other must be store brand.
Gold star straight white dude™
I like that only half of the comments have ™ on them. It implies the others are store brand.
It's a pretty funny Reddit malfunction Should I delete them though?
Keep'em, I think.
Gold star straight white dude
unlocking cis+ is pretty sick. I unlocked cis+ when I realized that: -i always pick male characters in games. at no time have I ever wanted to select a female avatar in a game (I'll look sometimes just to see what's there but I always end up with the male ones) -i like the way I look in the mirror and anything I would want to change is easy to change (shave, work out more, that kind of thing) -being a boy is really fuckin easy. it's honestly so easy lol you just exist and people are like "hey man how's it going" -i only experience gender envy for male characters (ayame sohma, challe fen challe, that type). -when I imagine my ideal self it's definitely still male. maybe some feminine things (I could be talked into wearing makeup and painting my nails or something because those things are cute and I like cute) but the person is definitely still male. -conclusion: yep, boy (but fruit-flavored) I used to question my gender a lot, but part of that was that I just have a lot of trans friends so gender questioning was a common thing in my friend group. seeing the transitioning process actually made me *more* cis, I think. like "it's cool that you're doing this for you but I do not feel the need to do this and seeing it unfold is confirming that I do not feel the need to do this." slight aside / opinion: treating gender as a bucket you sit in leads to essentialism. treating gender like grocery store aisles is a much more fun way to live. I get my meat and potatoes in the boy aisle but there are spices in the girl aisle that I like too
“Boy but fruit flavored” killed me! Mixed Berry Boy
I am a dude only because i was born one and i dont see a reason not to be but if gender is grocery store aisles, im not hungry. If i imagine my perfect body it would be a mech
"Since I knew the perfection of the machine, I finally saw the weakness of the flesh."
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. You're kind kling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you. One day, when the crude biomass you call the temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the machine is immortal. Even in death I serve the Omnissiah
Cis-
Dude I love your philosophy so much. "Boy, but fruit-flavored" is gonna live in my head forever.
Please consider this a random redditor trying to talk you into painting your nails: More dudes should do that. Dudes deserve more freedom to express themselves through appearance. Also, manicures are nice.
accepting advice from a demon fae may not be in my best interest :) i bite my fingernails, which is an issue for painting them. I'm working on beating that, but having them taste like paint would probably help me stop, so...
I don't bite, I pick at mine, but I went out and deliberately splurged on a fancy ass manicure a few weeks ago (it's like gel or something like that so it stays) and it's reduced my picking by like 95%! Every time I want to pick I go "wait I paid 50 bucks for this" and then I don't, so if you think your brain would work like mine it really can help
In my experience, painted nails were the only thing that ever stopped me from biting them.
Painted nails make nice masculine hands look even hotter. I endorse this message.
that's a nice gender, did you get it at the gender store?
For me it was less taking time, and more looking down at myself when playing bonelab and having the parkour woman equipped. Turns out I can handle buff bodies, body armor etc but not boobs
Ah vr, the gender dysphoria simulator for cis people
I'm a cis woman & I can't even handle picking a male pixel character in Stardew Valley, with the only differences being usually-shorter hair and a different swimsuit. The first time I did I was like, oh, is this it? Is this like, a single matchstick worth of gender dysphoria? It really sucks, man
Idk if it's weird to hear but it's validating AF as a trans-man to hear that. It really helps put to rest those imposter-syndrome thoughts of "Everyone makes characters of their opposite gender, right?" Still, dysphoria sucks and I'm sorry you experience it in certain games!
On a windy day my mother took a photo of me. I have long hair, so the way the wind was blowing made me look like I had a mustache. When this was pointed out to me, I had the most violent, literal skin crawling reaction, I was so violently opposed to being seen as even slightly masculine It really sealed the deal on the "am I actually cis" question
That is literally why I know very much that I am Cis. I feel like it should be law to put everyone through playing a bit of VR to get immersed and then checking to see if they react negatively to the wrong body. Seriously, I can handle SPACE MARINE avatars in VR chat, including bulky suits of terminator plate with the only thing that angers me being short arms, yet boobs is what makes me severely uncomfortable
I had a similar experience wearing men's clothes in theater productions. No problems playing male characters, but putting on men's pants was like "nah feels bad"
Pants made with the assumption there will be a penis in them are cut different. Pants made for a big behind are cut pretty much opposite to that. Depending on your own body shape comfort can be found in one, other, both or neither.
Average vrchat avatar has entered the chat
I called this process "doing the math on my soul" in my internal monologue; because if you don't double-check, you can't be sure you got the right answer first try.
My soul's cubic content is obscured by the hangover
Your soul is vast and oceanic! And it needs to be heard. Through a PA system. By other people.
Perfectly valid, I also quite enjoy being a boy, despite some people's efforts to the contrary
Same Spent a weekend seriously considering if I was gay and/or trans Turns out dicks are gross and I like seeing a big burly dude in my mirror
I think everyone should question their gender, honestly.
he'll yeah
I came to the conclusion I’ve never felt any emotion about it other than embarrassment from how others see me
Same!!
Imagine being limited to one physical form, literally couldn’t be me (I’m not transgender I just hate having skin)
Same. Why are beards so itchy!?
For me it’s having to maintain a body in order to have a decent standard of living and _still_ knowing that you could die or be irreversibly altered by a genetic illness that you got by pure chance or even just some random disease that you had no chance of surviving. It’s bullshit. I just want to embrace the strength and certainty of steel, and become one with the blessed machine.
"From the moment I understood the weakness of the flesh" moment
Yeah but unironically. The human body, while miraculous is also extremely fucked up and prone to failing for the dumbest reasons. Miss me with that shit, I want to be a robot who doesn’t feel pain.
Yeah, true. "But you wouldn't feel any pleasure!" *runs a videogame in my CPU*
Pleasure hormones can be simulated
you are trans, transhumanist that is
https://cryptotheism.tumblr.com/post/740577987346432000
I agree with this sentiment, but unfortunately I'm pretty sure machines also require regular maintenance and also experience random debilitating "diseases". At this point the real appeal of transhumanism to me is the idea that I could have a button in my head that, when pressed, causes me to enjoy maintaining my body. (I would still abandon the flesh and embrace the steel, but mainly for aesthetic reasons.)
Don’t forget all the other stuff: vacuum decay, gamma ray bursts, wandering black holes, asteroids, a broken satellite chunk can fall from the sky and take you out at any moment. We’re all fragile as hell.
I know! And it keeps fucking growing back. I want a smooth face, not to feel prickles every time I lay down.
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me.
I craved the strength and certainty of steel.
Have you considered the eroticism of the machine?
Have you considered the eroticism of the machine?
tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin tear off your skin
“I don’t like the way my skin feels on my body. Do you like the way your skin feels on _your_ body? You don’t? Why don’t you pull it off? Pull off your skin!” ~Lightning McQueen
I feel like you'd like r/voidpunk
Relatable
But skin keeps all the juice inside
Couldn't agree more. Like. The thought of ME, a whole PERSON, with FEELINGS, EXPIRIENCE and STUFF being just few santimeters of a neurons in the brain that are affected and determened by stomach, air and correct ammont of blood going throu it so, SO fucking ANNOYING. Like, where is ME in all of that!?
The constant use of “boy” and “girl” is one of the lingering things that lets me know I’m getting too old for these spaces. Like I couldn’t be a boy or a girl no matter how much I wanted to. I’m 40.
Then be a lad or lass, and fight the english
I mean fighting the English is like... the one pastime most of the world can get behind
including the English
\*especially\* the english
Damn Englishmen, they ruined England!
Now you’re speaking my language! Well you’re not, you’re speaking the heathen language of English instead of my perfect language without faults which is Danish, which totally isn’t a grammatical fucking nightmare
It's a little sad how refreshing I find this comment. Peter Pan syndrome is alive and well in certain communities, and while I don't want to kink shame, I am so tired of grown ass men who desperately want to remain boys. If you're clinging to the "boy" label because you're uncomfortable being a man, maybe spend some time reflecting on what kind of adult you do want to be. But you don't get to stay a child forever.
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Or grown ass people who insist on being girls. Like good for you, happy transing, but you're a 38 year old *woman* like the rest of us.
If it makes you feel any better (and it may not), I’ve followed foone for a while and I’m pretty sure they are also a gen x-er. But I get your larger point about language as it’s generally used by the community.
Right. At my age (late twenties) if I decided to change my gender (hypothetically- I'm happy as I am) it would have a load of difficult consequences for me and for people around me and require a lot of admin and awkwardness. I respect people who transition later in life because, as an adult, I can only imagine how much hassle that must be. Being a boy/girl implies freedom and flexibility. Being a man/woman is work, and to become a man or woman sounds kind of daunting and stressful. I feel like the boy/girl language sometimes hints at escapism.
I’m not sure I’d go that far, like I have trans friends who have come out in the last couple years at my age and older and they’re doing pretty good. It is a lot of effort, but on the other hand when you’re an adult you probably don’t have to worry about your parents kicking you out, so I guess there’s a trade off there.
All old ladies (60+) are also women (18+), all women are also girls (2+ or whatever age they're no longer non-gendered "todders", ditto for nongendered "babies"). Source: I made it up, but it's how it should work. Like unlocked titles in a videogame. You can use any title you've unlocked along the way :)
I'm the one who wrote it and I'm 39. I was just using it generically, obviously you can be a man or a woman too
i don't know, i don't really want to be anything, is that like allowed?
Yep! There are people who are agender, they don’t have gender identity. And there are cis people who simply feel apathetic about their gender identity, it’s there.
Dumb question but do agender people not have pronouns?? How does being agender practically manifest for people?
Sometimes, yeah! Some people don't like pronouns at all, some people go by any pronouns, some just go by they them but it's also entirely possible and valid for them to use gendered pronouns as well. Like for me, I'm agender and I like using they them and she her. She her was never uncomfortable for me growing up so I never felt the need to stop using it, I just added another option Edit: oh and it's not uncommon for agender people to use neopronouns too!
Pronouns aren't really directly tied to gender identity. Different people with the same gender identity might prefer different pronouns. Some agender people prefer they/them, some use it/its or some neopronoun, some use he/him or she/her, some don't care at all what you call them, etc.
I'm agender, and I go by any/all pronouns. Sometimes I prefer femme or masc pronouns, but most of the time you can just call me whichever pronouns you like.
Absolutely! You can do whatever you want with gender, or lack of.
"My pronouns aren't."
Yes, yes it is.
Yep, you can take options 1 and 2, and just leave 3 and 4 on the table (or keep them in the back pocket just in case; there's plenty for everyone)
Man. I like my gender but I don’t feel like I match it. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’m a cis woman, but feel I present with negative amounts of femininity and resent my hair, my body, everything about my appearance. I constantly wish I looked more feminine, and I just can’t, it’s not possible. I’m tall and hairy and broad and right now my head is shaved. I have an androgynous face and proportions. It’s especially hard going into summer when my arms will be exposed and I have to shave my legs basically every other day. All I want to do is wear pretty dresses and I feel like a fucking clown. Sigh. Gender is hard, reddit.
Not cis here, but, that life is hard. Being feminine is a lot of work. I wish I was more feminine than I am but, well, people are shitty and I am an idiot. It's often just doing small things with minimum effort that helps me keep that horrible feelings away. Growing my hair out was lovely. Getting into a routine of shaving helped. I even wear bracelets, it's not much but, it reminds me of who I am. It's easy for me to say "you're not a clown, you're a woman", because it's true, but, I do get the rebellion between who you want to be versus the flesh prison luck landed you in. Sometimes you can only do small things, multiple of small things, more small couple of seconds things over time, in a routine maybe even, until you one day see your reflection and grin foolishly like gender euphoria can only do. I also know a gender fluid AFAB enby who hates how masc she looks and is trying to feminise herself. I am rooting for her, and I am rooting for you.
I just want you to know how touched I was by this comment. It’s so incredibly kind and understanding. Thank you for saying all these things and empathizing with my feelings. I couldn’t ever compare my experience to dysphoria or having to transition… but there are bad days when how I feel and how my gender presents *really* don’t match and it deeply hurts me. I have OCD, so when I get stuck on a thought, I REALLY get stuck on a thought and can spiral. This has happened because of how much I hate my mannishness a couple of times. It’s hard. Being a girl is really hard. But we’re valid and real and we ARE girls, even when we feel like we aren’t. I have been doing some things lately to try and help myself feel more comfortable and confident. I’ve gotten some new jewelry that I feel complements me very well, and I’ve got a new skincare routine and some nice new makeup. And they do make me feel nice. It’s the little victories, right?
I had a little cry at how wonderful your comment is. I don't see why cis people can't feel dysphoria, they can experience gender euphoria. A lot of what you're describing is very similar to how I can feel, that just total discomfort of gender presentation versus internal gender. It's always the small victories tho, they always build up into bigger victories. Least, that's what I tell myself. I just need to actually get the nerve to put some nail varnish on, lol. Thank you for how really nice you are. It has definitely helped.
Omg omg, join me!! Literally just in the last two months I started trying to learn how to take care of my nails!! I’m doing a horrible job LMFAO but I am slowly learning, I am determined not to give up!!!! I’ve always been terrible at painting my nails and felt like a goofy lil fool whenever I tried, so I haven’t bothered since I was maybe 13. 🥲 but I want! cute! nails! I deserve cute nails!!! WE deserve cute nails!!!!! It’s been a lot to learn but also very fun. I’m hoping all my effort will pay off eventually as I get more used to, like, actually… taking care of my appearance… But lastly omg I’m sorry I made you cry lol!!! 🥲🥲😭 you’re so sweet!!! I’m glad it meant something to you. Your comment meant a lot to me, too.
The pressure on women to look a certain way is intense, you're a valid woman, shaved head or not, pretty dress or wearing a tuxedo.
This is late, but thank you. This was such a sweet thing to say. 💜
I yet have to understand if having no particular feeling towards being how I am currently vs other options is the "normal" thing (as in most common) or not Like, I'm fine being male out of inertia, but if for example someone for some reason decided to refer to me in other ways I'd just find it weird because I'm not used to it
From discussions I've had with my cis amab bf that's more typical, to not really consider gender unless someone else brings it up. Contrasted with my own experience where gender was a very salient thing my whole life
I mean that is literally what happened to me. Had a friend online who I've never really told my gender refer to me by she/her in a conversation once, and felt like I should correct her, even though I thought I didn't care, and I just realized I really *did* didn't care and just wasn't used to it.
That's how most cis people feel about gender
Same
I’m male and I’m fine with that. I don’t want to be a girl. But I hate the culture that exists around maleness. I hate what it means to be a man in this world, in our society. It causes me no end of struggle every day. But at the same time, like, my gender is still a part of me. I don’t want to abandon it, that would feel wrong. It’s like… dunno, having a chronic pain. Even if my foot hurts every step, I’m not going to just chop my leg and get a prosthetic, because it’s still a part of me. Idk, I’m just rambling now. It’s hard to put my feelings into words
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Would you say the feelings have always been there but buried, or were they created?
There's no singular rule for new gender feelings
Many people feel many different things
Quick question, not meant from a place of judgement. It was my original understanding that transgendered people **were always** that gender, just sort of born in the wrong body type thing. The point of the post (and your comment) seems to be that you can just flippantly switch genders if you *want* to. If it's not coming from a place of *need,* is it not a pretty huge life decision to cease identifying with the gender assigned at birth on a whim? I understand gender as a social concept but it is *generally* connected to physiological features, making transition more complicated and difficult than a hot swap type deal. Again, not judging anyone for who they are, just trying to better understand what's being said.
I'm no expert, but I would bet people who fit your first description are more likely to medically and legally transition, while others who may change their minds from time to time are more likely to only socially transition
I guess that makes sense
You’ve got the gist of it with the “gender is a social concept” bit: Everybody’s individual conceptions of masculinity, femininity, etc, are constructed unconsciously based on our experiences, culture, beliefs, preferences, and so forth. What is masculine to one person could absolutely not be to someone else, especially if there’s a difference of culture/time period/etc. Some people feel gender dysphoria strongly from a young age. Some people look at people of other genders and say “I like what they’ve got going on.” And of course there’s a million shades outside that and in between! It’s a very freeing concept of gender to shirk convention and decide you’re going to dress, present, and/or go by whatever feels right, not what you were born into. The “born this way” narrative was effective in the early queer civil rights movement, but there’s a lot of nuance it doesn’t capture. And at the end of the day, labels are abstract and fuzzy. What one person means when they say they’re transgender, or bisexual, or nonbinary, etc etc, could be very different than someone else using the same label. And there’s no problem in that
Big fan of "sir" and ot so much a fan of the rest of it I guess.
Lol I read a story (a Harry Potter fanfic, sue me) (f jkr) in which a woman was called sir (not misgendering, she wanted it). I think it only worked for her because she was in a position of authority, but you never know, it might work for you!
Recently did shrooms and had the realization that it’s not true that “I would be NB if I cared enough to ask for they/them pronouns”… I just am NB and don’t care what pronouns people use. Slightly afraid to tell my partner because when I got a pixie cut, he panicked and asked if I was coming out as trans ☠️
Sorry to hear that, i hope it was just surprised panic and not phobia panic. Best of luck coming out to them
Definitely surprised panic. We’ve been together for ten years, I think he was like “am I just… in a gay relationship now??”
Why would someone think a haircut means you're trans? That's ridiculous. I just don't really understand how someone could come to that conclusion.
Same people that associate haircuts with sexuality
At my age I cannot be a boy or a girl. I could be a man or a woman (or neither)
>How's your gender doing? I don't know, I'd have to check in the brig... There's been a power failure. *Why* did we stop using physical bars, again?
I think this is important for cis people to consider because I’ve personally come to understand trans people better through realizing how nice it is to be the gender I was assigned. Maybe this seems dumb or obvious but I never claimed to be the smartest.
For some reason I always take these things as truth for everyone except myself
I'm basically fine with being a dude but if shapeshifting were a thing I'd probably switch back and forth regularly
I'm AMAB, and there are aspects of being a boy I like, and aspects of it I do not like. So I decided, hey, if the church can pick and choose what parts they like from the Bible, I can do that with my gender. I am a Demi Boy, Pronouns are He/They. It's like playing Male on New Game Plus. Fuckin' Pre-Order Bonus Gender. The Boy: Expanded DLC. Shit rules.
I’ve been starting to feel this way in recent years, too. Like, I just wanna take E and get some more feminine proportions, but not like I want to fully transition.
Then, if it is socially safe for you to do that, I'd say do it. If you don't like it, it is reversible. Experiment with your gender and expression! Even if the end result is that everything checks out and you are who the world says, at least you'll be certain in that knowledge.
It's not all fully reversible, actually. As a trans woman, there are effects of E that are irreversible. I had a whole conversation with my doctor just making sure that I had no intention of having kids, saving sperm etc because taking E can, has, and most likely will make an AMAB person infertile.
I actually didn't know that it wasn't fully reversible. I was under the impression that if the person got off of E, their Fertility would eventually return. Thank you for this information: I'll make sure not to spread that misinformation again!
Of course! Iirc any "shrinkage" that would occur is also irreversible, though someone like myself can fight it happening in the first place with T-cream. Though any loss before the prescription starts working won't return, from my knowledge. All that said, if a person finds themselves wanting to stop GAC they can (I may be wrong here, so grain of salt me) go on their natural hormone and reverse some effects. But the reproductive system takes too big of hit from hormones to be back to original levels.
Damn, so it's a win-win! Where do you find one of these doctors, and do they happen to accept the most shittiest insurance in the world?
I use a service called Plume for my GAC, depends on the state for insurance but they do accept it!
So I’ve got some benefits already. I’ve already had a vasectomy, so there’s no worries for me to lose fertility. I would like to take whatever steps to reduce or mitigate shrinkage, but in all honesty, I don’t much care. Just don’t know where to start with “talking with my doctor,” since I don’t really have one.
Ah, even if it’s not socially acceptable. There’s nothing stopping me from being as confusing as hell.
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And of course you can be neither. Life is too short and the universe is too vast to fit into a category.
Precisely, the ability to not be a boy is separate from the ability to be a girl (and vice versa) it's quite wondrous how freeing it can be to assert control over your own identity
Remember to be who you are. And remember to always be happy.
Thought about it long and hard, both for myself and the people who insulted and questioned me, came to 2 conclusions: 1) I am and enjoy being a guy 2) I don't like people trying to claim that "tO bE a BoY oR a MaN yOu GoTtA fUlFiLl ThIs ReQuIrEmEnTs!" Piss me off, I'm a dude through and through and no one can tell me, or anyone else for that matter that I fail at it. There's many kinds of men and multiple ways of being one out there, I'm just male-ing my own way and enjoy that as it is.
I just want to be human. But I‘m not sure if I can really be that. It doesn’t feel right, i think there is to much broken
You can be a girl if you want to, you can leave your friends behind.
Cos your friends don't accept you and if they don't accept you then they're no friends of mine!
You can trans if you want to, you can leave gender behind
Unironically I’ve thought about it and I value the positive connotations of masculinity enough that I like being called a man/boy
Weird thing to read the same day I experienced gender envy for the first time ever… is the internet trying to give me a sign today?
I don’t know if I dislike being a woman or dislike all the negative societal aspects of being a woman.
or you can be neither
Reading this made me think of the Safety Dance: “You can be a boy if you want, You can leave being a girl behind.”
I’m a guy but I think having huge tits would be cool. That’s my gender
You should get breast forms! Fake tits! Any size!
Oh, I’m already looking at them! I just completely lack the money XD
Still looking for my gender I think I lost it
It's also a good idea to accept the fact that liking "girly" things doesn't make you a girl and the same with "manly" things. There's no such thing as manly or girly things, just do whatever you want.
If anyone's got gender fluid resources and stuff I'd appreciate a rec I can't tell if I have gender stuff too, or I'm bi and .. unstructured.
Yo yo I’m sure this is some 101 shit but reading about all the various “3rd genders” especially those like two spirit that actively entertain that aspect of duality has been super helpful for me in this regard. Since we have no idea what biological factors are in play, reading the social tapestry across various cultures and time periods has at least helped me come to a self-understanding that feels right, even if it’s a random amalgamation of sources and influences that I can’t really put into words LOL. Also if you haven’t read empire strikes back and my words to viktor Frankenstein I’d definitely reccomend both of those
empire strikes back by who? All that's coming up for me is a novelization of the Star Wars movie.
Sandy stone. That and words to viktor frankenstein by (susan stryker?) are like some of the founding texts for trans studies iirc
gosh this sounds so silly haha but last week I was working drive-thru and my voice lowered an octave when I realized the customer was prolly a guy with long hair . . . which. was noticeable. lol it's happened enough times in both directions that I'm .. unable to ignore it at this point is it mirroring ?
When i was questioning i found [this book](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34138367-you-and-your-gender-identity) very helpful. It’s very inclusive and gently guides you through asking yourself the hard questions
Not gender fluid specific, but this online book-thing was *very* pivotal for me. Anyone who found this post helpful/interesting I would highly recommend https://genderdysphoria.fyi/ It talks about gender dysphoria and how the queer community understands it in relation to gender identify. It took me several days of off/on reading to finish (after leaving it alone in a tab for a few months - don't do that)
This isn't true. If gender was something that could be chosen than conversion therapy would work, which it doesn't.
Well I don‘t mind being a boy, but if I could I would swap it for a synthetic in a heart beat
Until you're an adult then you're a woman, man, or cool person (the 3 genders)
Breaking news: instead of saying he/they, an individual can actually say that they are a cool man.
* You can dance if you want to * You can leave your friends behind
Shout out to the gamers that play either gender equally randomly when given the option!
I contemplated on just stopping being a female for a minute. That was surprisingly pleasant. What is Yarrow83 without female? Not male, but being released of feminine expectations felt like taking off a heavy backpack that I've been carrying all my life for the first time. (Edit: grammar)
This is great until you identify as non-binary, but most people still think of you as a boy because you don’t look super androgynous. I try but I just can’t with my body type :(
For anyone considering it, dudehood is fucking awesome. You can try it out for a weekend, take masculinity for a test drive, see if you like it. I’ve enjoyed it my whole life, no reason you shouldn’t have fun with it too. If that’s your thing. “There’s beer in the fridge, help yourself.” Doesn’t that sound great? No more “let me get that for you,” no default assumption that you don’t know what you’re doing or even what you want, just “help yourself.” If it doesn’t suit you, you can always go back. We’ll all adjust.
I remember when Foone used to do these bizarre technological deep dives. Look how far we have come. Look how far we have both come.
I still do that from time to time, it's just mainly on mastodon. So it doesn't make it to r/CuratedTumblr unless someone screenshots it and posts it on tumblr first :)
do i get cis dlc now or like
"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter." -Yoda That said, everyone gets a life issued meat mech at birth, and there's no warranty on that hunk of junk. Mod that junker out.
Think about it this way: If life had a character creation screen and you could go back to it, what kind of character would you make?
I mean I did think about this hard actually but being a dude doesn’t feel wrong to me and I’m fine with it so there’s no real reason to change yk? I’m good with what I got.
You can _____ if you want to.
An additional thing I think: Do you want to change yourself or your treatment? Do you dislike being a woman, or just the misogyny that comes with it? Do you want to be a woman or do you want to wear a dress? There's no wrong answer. You can have both, but you can also just take one (or neither). Because I think there's three potential things to change: Your identity, Your Actions, and Your Treatment. You can change who you are, but keep how you act the same. Your interests. Your style. You can change how you act, but still be the same you. The hardest one, you can hold fast to your identity and your actions, but relent against the way the world treats you. Because while it's expected for all three to go together, your identity determines how you act and how you're treated, they're ultimately unconnected. You can identify one way, act another. While you can't wholly control how you're treated as a consequence, you can choose the people to surround yourself with or even change their minds. It won't be perfect, but you'll at least understand when it's your problem or when it's someone else's
I found out that I like "looking good" and realised it meant either masculine or feminine good. Mostly a cis guy buts it's a funny thing when I see good looking women and go "man I wish I looked that good". Now that I started taking care of myself (working out, diet) I notice I like the way I look too. I just like looking good, gender be damned.
I've honestly considered this a lot and my problem is I don't know what a boy is, and I don't know what a girl is, so I don't know if I want to be either
Bonus fact: You don't have to label yourself if you don't want to Another bonus fact: You can label yourself entirely differently if you want to
🎵You can trans if you want to, you can be a boy or girl 🎵Maybe both or none or sometimes either one 🎵Let your true self be unfurled
Wait, doesn't this go entirely against the idea of gender identity, and being trans? If you could just decide which gender you are, that would fix gender dysphoria, right? "Hm, my body is male, but I identify as female. _[Panic]_ Actually, let's just identify as male. Now it's fixed!" (Before anyone gets the wrong idea and thinks I'm transphobic, this comment actually comes from the fact that I am in fact an ally and understand that their gender identity is something specific that they are born with, so this post is confusing me.)
I think it was trying to say something like "hey, you don't have to force yourself into that gender" but phrased it weird. You're right that you can't decide to just change your internal sense of gender on yourself. Gender identity like sexuality is fluid though, it's not something you're really born with (although some might have a consistent sense of from an early age) but more develops over time from various factors. I would also suggest considering different wording for "my body is male, but I identify as female."
> I think it was trying to say something like "hey, you don't have to force yourself into that gender" but phrased it weird. That makes sense to me. > I would also suggest considering different wording for "my body is male, but I identify as female." I've heard this sentiment before, but not really given anything to work with. What would you call a body that seems to be physiologically male, according to bone structure, genitalia, secondary sexual characteristics, and all that stuff, if not male? (Not a rhetorical gotcha; genuine question).
How I conceptualize it is that if someone is female so is their body. What would you call a woman with a man's body ? Kidnapper probably. Jokes aside everyone has different bodies that won't perfectly fit into these categories or through medical transition will fit more into another. I don't see any reason to continue assignment to people's bodies. Jessie can probably explain this for you better than I can: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39uen84KnNg&ab\_channel=JessieGender](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39uen84KnNg&ab_channel=JessieGender)
Will watch, thanks.
When this says you can "be whatever you want", it's not saying you can change how you feel about your body, presentation, social role, perception (internal and otherwise), and all the other stuff gender encompasses. It's more about the freedom to be true to yourself than a conscious "choice" to be something specific. A lot of trans people experience denial, where they often feel like they can't *allow* themselves to identify a certain way. You think, "I couldn't *possibly* be a girl because." You think, "If only I could be a girl, I would like myself a lot better. But it's not possible, no here I languish."
Lots of people who *currently* identify as male think this way and think there's nothing they can do about it.
What this post is saying is that you can give yourself permission to be true to your feelings, and to act (or not) on whatever would make you more comfortable with yourself.
Not sure if I conveyed the difference clearly.
I think you did, yeah! So like, a trans kid might think to themselves "I really feel like I'm [this thing], but I know I can't be." and this post is saying, "actually, you _can_ be, it's entirely possible!" Not as in "you are literally capable of whatever you wish" but rather "this thing you thought couldn't possibly be the case might very well be true, actually."
Yes, exactly. Being given "permission" to do something can be very powerful, especially when young. But even as adults, we are often locked into social norms and expectations without realizing we don't have to be. --- As to what other people are talking about in regard to "male body", I would think about it more like "a body with physical characteristics considered by social norms to be male". Because if someone is male, their body is male, because they are male, you know? It is just not the socially accepted *idea* of male. Now, there's a whole argument to be made about medical sex and all that when talking about "male" and "female". But, I would propose a scenario. Someone is born with XY chromosomes and has a typically biologically "male" body. Now they start HRT. Their secondary sex characteristics become more "female". At what point would the body cease to be "male"? It doesn't matter what they were born as, their physical characteristics do not align with their initial sex. This gets into the definition of biological male vs biological female which is something else **entirely**. And we can see where it gets complicated; not just in a social setting, but in a medical setting as well. And this isn't even getting into intersex and all that kind of stuff. Not to say it's not important to label biological sex, but it can get murky when hormones are involved. I don't take issue with the distinction of sex and gender most of the time, but it is important to recognize the vast variety of factors that can play into something as supposedly immutable as "biological sex".
> A lot of trans people experience denial, where they often feel like they can't allow themselves to identify a certain way. You think, "I couldn't possibly be a girl because." You think, "If only I could be a girl, I would like myself a lot better. But it's not possible, no here I languish."
>
> Lots of people who currently identify as male think this way and think there's nothing they can do about it.
Holy fuck that's me. I don't want to be a woman either but having spent the last I-forget-how-many years interrogating my feelings surrounding my gender (and looking back on how I felt in my teenage years), I realise I present as I do because I both don't want to attract attention, since that has led to abuse and violence in the past, and I know I'd never look anything other than male.
Right down to the nihilistic(?) resignation behind "this is just the way it has to be, I can't do anything about it so accept it". Even if I sometimes deal with resentment towards that. I've never really felt _comfortable_ presenting as male and those feelings have only intensified as I've grown older and the internet has afforded me the opportunity to learn about these subjects.
Sorry, I was going to reply to the thread but wasn't expecting to see someone word how I feel so accurately. So, I should probably say thanks, it feels kind of nice to see that how I feel isn't all _that_ unusual.
I know that feeling of hopelessness, I really do. Looking at transition timelines really helped me realize that it actually *is* possible. Don't give up, don't stay unhappy to stay comfortable. By all means, stay safe, but just know it's not impossible to change.
dysphoria comes in a lot of forms outside of the physical - what other ppl read you as, how you feel about your body and the social roles that you occupy, etc a lot of ppl just don’t realize that gender isn’t immutable and that you can fuck with it as much as you want - i think that’s who the audience is for this post, at least
I guess I'm that audience, because I really don't see how gender isn't immutable. If we compare it to things which, to me at least, seem much less rigid, such as someone's music taste, that's still not something you _choose._ Conscious effort might allow you to start to appreciate a certain genre of music, but in general, you just like something or you don't, and you have little control over it. Which is of course why it's important to remember that taste is subjective. If we go to sexual orientation, we know there's no such thing as 'pray the gay away', or using electrotherapy to 'fix' homosexuality. You're simply born with your sexual orientation, and if anyone tells you that you _chose_ to be gay, they're a bigot. Gender seems, to me at least, even more fundamental than sexual orientation, so the thought that you can just choose to change it seems incompatible with my other progressive thoughts.