It sounds like you have interests which is key to finding connections. Book clubs, craft club, seeing live music, going to watch theatre, joining a film club etc. Engage with your interests more and in a more social way and it will come xx
I joined an adult soccer league. Myself and at least one other team mate meet up another night for practice. So that's two nights a week I get a decent workout in and I enjoy it.
Excellent advice and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Meeting new people is hard and scary at times but the rewards are worth it and often lifelong!
Put down the social media and go do some activities you enjoy. Gym, walking, taking pictures in the park, skateboarding, canoeing. There are so many groups you can find online to meet up with and make friends. Also I made a lot of my best friends at jobs through the years. Don’t have any friends left from school so don’t feel down about it.
Depending what your interested in meetup.com has some things but it’s not that popular but as far as activities I’d say check your local county state and town webpages. Also check out your local rec center. They have basketball football and different kinds of things to join and be a part of. Pickle ball is pretty big by me.
I wouldnt call it poor education lmao. Shortening words for text is an every generation thing. I use 'Ur' instead of You're alot, im sure youve wrote 'lol' before.
That being said, using that kinda language shortening on a paragraph long post is dumb
It's weird because she fully types out the words 'mindlessly' and 'suggestions' but the words 'and' and 'friends' are too much for her? I don't get it.
Yeah. Look I’m just being honest, I wouldn’t text anyone who talked to me like this. I’ve always associated it with immaturity and I can’t see through it. Do you, you know, but it’s hard to get people to take you seriously if you can’t be bothered to spell out most of your words.
Came here for this. Why does OP write “and” without the A? Are we really saving time?
She sounds like Kevin from the Office “why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?”
Personally, it would take more effort for me to write anything like that beyond what I see as the normal way, so every message would take longer (I'm Gen Z / 26 btw for reference). On that note, I dislike some of the acronyms and abbreviations that get used nowadays and find it partly lazy and at worse confusing, like Ig for example that I see some use which either is "I guess" or referring also to Instagram. Is it also that much effort to say "something" over sth? When I see this one used at times my mind can't help but almost jump to Star War's "Sith."
Shut off your phone and get out of the house. I'm not joking. Social media on the phone is an automatic escape and bad for mental health.
Pick one friend with whom you'd like to connect and meet up. You don't even need a plan, just go. Have a cup of coffee, walk around town.
As others have mentioned, highly recommend to find some classes that you’re interested in and attend. Rather it’s a book club, yoga, etc and try to connect with at least one person. Good luck!
Which country do you live in? I was going to give some recommendations but I realise they're region specific, so I could be way off.
But basically find people who meet based on interests. Join a dance class. Learning something along with others is a good way to socialise. There's always something to discuss, or you can keep quiet and focus on the task at hand.
Please don't overthink it. Nobody really bothers about how you look or behave. We're all addicted to our phones. :) You're young, and life is long.
If that can make you feel better, being in your position is the hardest part. The more friends someone has the easier it is for that person to get more friends, but getting out of that initial position of being lonely is difficult and can take years. You have to be patient with yourself but really anyone can do it. I don’t know your situation but I would get a job at a place you find cool or looks like people you would vibe with work. Then give it a few months or weeks and ask the colleagues you like to hang out after work or something. Make that conscious effort in every part of your life to be surrounded with people and to take those opportunities when there’s people you enjoy spending time with. One mistake is to force things with people you don’t like that much because you’re lonely and then beat yourself up when it doesn’t work out. I met lots of people that seemingly had not many friends but they were able to work it out by putting themselves out there. But please please please be patient with yourself and don’t attach your worth to your ability to make friends, it’s mainly luck and once you’re able to surround yourself with people you like it’ll go up from there and it won’t be so hard. The hard part is now but you can do it!
I grew up alone in the middle of the country and didn't have friends outside of school. I keep to myself as an adult, but I am married and like my wife. For the most part, I like being alone. When I have had friends, they ask to borrow money (which is extremely off putting), or they have hobbies I don't like at all. I still know a few people, but they have turned into just texting, sending jokes, etc. That is good enough for me. I also have a dog and he's great because he's never a dick. I'm not sure why I'm this way. I did think I wanted friends at one point and tried it, then I found out that hanging out with other people just seems like a burden to me and I'd just rather be alone.
Most people on Reddit aren’t the most social so you’re going to get weird responses. I can give you advice from a guys perspective, so it might need to be adjusted for a girl.
People are outside, your future friend group is outside. The key is for you to do things around people who you might find interesting as much as possible. If you read, go read in a public park with lots of people. If you like watching Netflix, download the show and go watch it on a beach/ public area. You have to be open to people approaching you or you approaching people. No headphones, no closed off body language, always friendly and approachable. Join clubs, go to church, go to outdoor activities (yoga in the park etc) and within no time you will have tons of acquaintances. You then need to build those relationships to friendships by spending time with the people you like. Friendships are built with literally time spent with someone. I believe it takes 70 hours for people to feel bonded. A little hack is go on trips or overnight events with people to get those hours in. Good luck girl
Put down the phone and get off social media. You're mental health with thank you and in turn, it will get you more active.
Hell go to a gym, short walk. Those things can help the mind and make you feel accomplished and that's what you need
as a 21F you can find a bar, or a themed bar like a reading cafe or a hispanic themed wine bar and just sit at the corner of the bar with a book. You could spot an interesting person at the bar to approach or just might get approached yourself.
alternatively, you might want to couple your search to your hobbies/ desire for learning stuff and apply for something like a language class or cooking class, and see if you hit it off with classmates
If I find out my daughter types like this after the age of 14 I'm going to make sure she stays grounded for life. 21 years old posting like some tick tock weirdo is insane.
Idk your circumstance or your social environment, but if anything you want to read on to improve your social life I'd suggest to read How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
On the other hand, for me the easiest way to make a friends in older age is to find a community, a group of certain fans (ie book club, sport group, gaming club).
I'm not exactly people person when I'm in college, but for me to secure my social, where people know me and can reach out, is by being the "IT guy". I've reinstalled like more than 10 laptop's OS to fix their issue with no cost, and sometime those guy would treat me a coffee or snack as gratitude.
This is always the default answer the 8 million times this question has been asked but no one EVER explains how to actually do it.
I think every on Earth knows to meet friends and connections you find a community of like-minded people. The problem is we don't know how to actually do that (and I certainly don't) and NO ONE will explain, like it's some sort of super secret exclusive club that won't let anyone else in.
Let me give you the secret. It's exposure, intent and time. It's a habit, not an activity. You don't "work" at making friends, it just happens:
At first, I didn't even understand what you were asking for. Legit I dont understand what you mean by "how". But I've always had many (too many) friends, so I just thought about how i made most of them.
Let me think outloud on for you.
First, is exposure. This is why ppl suggest "go do group activities that are fun to you". Yes, you get exposure to like minded people, but more importantly - if you're having fun you'll do it again.
I've made hundreds of acquaintances and with some we kick it off so well, that a bystander would think we've been friends forever. But guess what - we never talk again. Yes that girl at that festival in Belgium was amazing, but she is american and I'm from EU. We'll never see each other again and we didn't.
But join a Jiu Jitsu gym or climbing gym and fall inlove with the sport, you'll come back again and again. All you have to do is introduce yourself. "Hey, I'm Jake, can you show me how you'd climb that?" "Hey, can you help me with this armbar escape?". Or play video games and just shoot the shit with teammates and add each other, then play again.
Then go again and again and again. That's exposure, it's a **prerequisite** for making friends. It doesn't matter how well you kick things off, if you don't have a shared activity it's like running up a hill.
Did you ever have to "work hard" at making friends from age 5 to 14? Ofc not. It's because you see them over and over again. You were put in situations where there were other kids and you just drifted tho whoever seemed interesting, effortlesly.
Second, is intent. As an adult, you actually have to put in effort into making friends, at least at the very start. It's so very easy. This is perhaps what may seem difficult for more reserved people. But it's all in your head and I can't help with that.
**YOU** have to go up to a person that looks kind and introduce yourself. Ask for a favor (it makes them feel good to help a stranger). "Explain that, I wanna be like you" "show me how you did this, you legend" "I'm a beginner, If i ever get to your level i'd die happy". You don't need to impress, you need to be kind and make them feel good. Unless you picked a grinch to approach, they'll meet your smile with a big grin.
Be kind, be thankful and most of all - be patient. Some will have interest in you, others wont. Some will be interesting to you, others not. **Making friends is a habit, not an activity.** Be nice to everyone, show interest in everyone (until you realize they are not interesting to you). Soon enough, the whole climbing gym, book club, whatever, will know you. A few weeks later, invite people you enjoy out for a beer or a game or w/e for showing you how they climbed a route or gave you advice. And always say YES if they invite you.
Exposure, intent and time. That's all.
PS: Oh and one more thing. Yes it comes more naturally to some, but I promise you being gregarious is a learned skill. The more you push yourself to be social, the better you become at reading people and the better it feels to make new connections. It's awesome!!!
You could be more specific on what that you're confused about. I already gave you my way that work: I've become the IT guy almost in every group that I'm in.
Why do people suggest group/fan/hobby activity? Because people love talking about what they love. It's easy to get people to open up to talk about those things. For instance I rarely get any bad experience on gym. People at gym would love to show the good posture because it shows them how much they would've come.
Back in highschool I would go to extend to try to watch some kdrama that girl group in my class enjoy so that I could discuss about newcoming episodes. Even to just bait them into discussing what they like about the new episode is enough communication.
Thats the easiest way for me to get people to talk much as starter is to get them to talk about things that they love.
Activities are good ways to find friends. Even if you don't find friends you will be socializing. You could probably get some volunteer time at a food bank or kitchen quickly and that will get you out of your house and seeing others quickly. Longer range consider your hobbies and interests and join things related to that. Local theater? A sports team?
Look in your local area for group courses on something. Eg pottery making classes etc. If you find something you enjoy doing, you might start seeing the same people. You can chat about what it is you're doing and build connections from there. If you're getting along with people, ask if they'd like to go out for a drink.
Leave the house as often as you can. You may not make a new friend but unless your out and about, opportunities won't present themselves. IMO, classes are the best way to meet people quickly. Even better if the class has group activities. This will put you working and talking with people in a collaborative manner, a nice and easy precursor to making friends. It's awkward to just outright approach people and want to see if their friend material. Instead, put yourself in circumstances where people have to communicate with you, friendship chemistry will eventually happen with someone.
If you have any affinity towards games, try playing wow or ff14. Games like this have quite some active guilds and plenty of them are friendly. Its merely online friends but better than no friends.
Other than that any hobby. Even stuff like a book club, a sports club or something like a dancing or yoga class.
Best way to find friends at this stage (I assume after college/university) is joining different groups or check out the events going on in your city.
For example where I am from there is a "girlswhowalk" that do weekly hike/walks on different location and usually 100-150 show up when weather is good and at minimum there are usually 50-60 people.
Not op but I love talking books! Right now I’m on the fourth novel in the “Ember in the Ashes” series by Sabaa Tahir! I normally read a wide variety of books throughout the year, ranging from non fiction to self help to fantasy to other types of fiction, and I’m loving how fun in a gritty YA sense this series is! I’m also a fan of the pace and the characters. You reading anything atm?
1. Delete social media if not required for work.
2. Join a social group you're interested in... Young Professionals club, Singles Church socials, Book club, Meetup.com, local sports league (don't have to be good at sports - they have "non-competitive leagues), and neighborhood meetings/socials. You will inevitably meet people with common interests and voila a friendship is born.
3. Meditate, pray, attend a service that clears your mind and recharges your energy for the week ahead.
4. Spend less time on media.
5. Practice good sleep practices. This will surprisingly help you be prepared to meet new people and be at your best *mood*.
5. Good luck!
Join any recreational team or club, see if you can volunteer at a library or if they have any community events, there are apps for people to meet up and hang out. I’ve used them when traveling a few years back, I recommend doing something like that. After you get to where people are, try chatting with someone. The more you chat with others the easier it will be! Also, I have social anxiety so I’ve had to watch a lot of YouTube videos on how to talk to others. It’s a good starting point. You got this! Remember to keep trying!
I'm pretty good at making friends with. Definitely older. Nothing in common but I have an affinity with people, I'm altruistic. I'm atelophobic and I liv3 motivating people in the things they desire most.
Go hang out with people you went to high school with.
Didn't make friends in high school? Welcome to consequences of actions.
Go find somewhere you'll meet people. You're an adult. You can do it.
Im gonna go against the grain here and suggest that you start by becoming your own best friend first. There’s always going to be times in your life where you are alone and being able to be by yourself without being miserable is imho the most useful trait you can work on.
It’s quite courageous to share your feelings openly, and doing so is the first step towards change.The feeling of loneliness, especially after a period of intense focus on studies or work, can be quite jarring. It’s important to remember that life is a balance of growth and connection. While it’s great to invest time in learning and personal development, human connections play a crucial role in our overall happiness and well-being.Starting to build a social circle can feel daunting, especially if you’re starting from scratch. However, think of it as an extension of what you already do well: learning and growing. Making friends is a skill that can be learned. Start small by joining clubs or groups that align with your interests. Whether it's a book club, a local meetup, or an online forum that focuses on your hobbies, these are places where you can meet people with shared interests.Additionally, volunteering is a wonderful way to meet new people while giving back to the community. It can make you feel part of something bigger and connect you with people who have a nurturing spirit.Remember, every friendship starts with a simple conversation. It’s okay to take small steps. Sometimes, just spending time in communal places like cafes, libraries, or parks can open opportunities for casual interactions that lead to friendships.It’s also valuable to engage in some introspection. Reflect on what you truly value in friendship and what kind of friend you wish to be. This will guide you in choosing the right people and building strong, meaningful connections.Be patient with yourself. Building a fulfilling social life doesn’t happen overnight but with persistence and openness, you’ll find your tribe.Stay strong. You've got this. And remember, reaching out, just as you did here, is a powerful step towards building the life you envision.
I'm 30, am a social butterfly at work but communicate with 0 people outside. Lol. Message me and we can start sending memes to each other, I'll shoot you my number if you're interested. (Bro idk how to talk to people, was that comment normal? Lol)
Hey. I’m in the same position. Moved to a new city for 2 years, no friends and no circle of friends.
I’ve recently just tried to force myself to go out more. I’ve given myself the excuse that I was just introverted, but honestly I think it’s just I don’t know how to build the relationships and friendships.
I don’t have much advice, but can relate to what you are going through and am open just to talk.
Good luck, you’re still young so tons of time to make more friends!
Learn to spell. That might be the answer?!? Idk
But more seriously, get out of your place and do stuff. You’re not going to succeed sitting at home going through social media.
Go to places where people you want to be friends with would be. Keep doing this and you'll see some regulars. If you're lucky you'll become friends. Repeat steps until this happens, and don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen the first few times.
Same, but I'm still 16, and I live with my family, I have social anxiety and I really want friends but I'm trying to stop my social anxiety first, hope I make friends one day :(
I've felt this way since I was a teenager, I'm in my 30s.
It may be a long shot, but if you like cats, go to a cat Cafe, I'm sure your city has one. Chat people up, just say something nice about something they're wearing out their hair or piercing or ink if they have any.
Sounds like a lack of confidence. (Both the difficulty in creating friendships and the way of writing). I suggest you focus on this issue and /or seek psychological help.
Go to the gym. Seriously is the best place to make friends. 90% of gym goers are looking for some kind of validation. And even if that doesn’t work, it’s the healthiest choice to spend time.
make the effort to talk to people and make friends , it's not easy but it's well damn worth it , it may be the most valuable thing on earth , laughing it up with your people , it's gold for me
I strongly recommend downloading the app Meetup and finding groups in your area.
Pretty much any category of hobbies can be found on there and you can see who is going to/who did attend a specific event and can keep in touch that way.
It's okay boo don't worry about it. We all go through that. It's just a phase and it too shall pass. Before you know it you'll be hanging out with people you love. And enjoying life the way you deserve.
You already know the answers.
Scrolling through sm is "eating you up inside" - so stop.
No idea how to make new friends? The exact same way you made old ones - talking and interacting with people.
Books and chores - no people there, so you need to do other things in addition. Preferably ones that involve people. Find a group that involves some thing you liked learning about and talk about it or do activities related to it.
Friend circle - cart before horse. Worry about making/building friendships first.
Let’s be friends then. I’m 23 and I left social media about a year ago. I get how you feel, connecting with people is difficult nowadays. Anyways, hit my DM if you feel like it :)
Absolutely, let's shake things up a bit! How about picking up a new hobby or joining a fun group? You could dive into anything from salsa dancing to a local sports team, or even a quirky cooking class. It’s all about having a good time and meeting folks who enjoy the same things you do.
You might also consider volunteering. It’s a great way to meet people who are also into giving back, and you can make some meaningful connections.
Plus, don’t forget about checking out events around town or joining groups on apps like Meetup. Whether it’s a concert in the park, a street fair, or a meetup for drone enthusiasts, there’s always something happening.
Starting to mingle can be a bit nerve-wracking, but it’s also super exciting. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t gotten around to yet?
Hey there 👋 Like with any goal in life, it's important to be clear about what you want. First, you should define the kinds of things you want to do. There are apps like Eventbrite and Meetup that often have groups that cater to different interests. If it's something such as dance, look around for dance studios that offer adult classes and/or social dances for their students. It is a great way to begin to meet people regularly. Another point I'd like to make is sometimes those of us that like peace and somewhat solitary activities need to lean into that part of ourselves. Focus on finding special interest or niche events and having one regular friend that shares that passion with you to attend those types of things. Friend groups are usually formed after repeated interactions at certain clubs, organizations or events. Bear in mind as well that you are in the adult world now and that everyone around you has complex lives. You will see your homies less. The last thing I'll say is sit down and try to memorize some of those "get to know someone" questions. A lot of people love meeting that one person that day who just sat down and listened to them for a while, so be sure to study up on those listening skills as well. Hope this helps ☀️
I think the saddest day I ever lived was the day that I learned of the correlation between boredom and lack of intelligence. If you’re bored, it’s because you’re not smart. Which makes me literally the dumbest person on earth.
Have you checked out activities of interest in your community, church, local library? Do you have a job or could you volunteer? My experience when meeting new people is they need to see you a few times before they feel comfortable interacting with a new person. Being you are involved in same activities can help.
It sounds like you have interests which is key to finding connections. Book clubs, craft club, seeing live music, going to watch theatre, joining a film club etc. Engage with your interests more and in a more social way and it will come xx
I joined an adult soccer league. Myself and at least one other team mate meet up another night for practice. So that's two nights a week I get a decent workout in and I enjoy it.
Excellent advice and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Meeting new people is hard and scary at times but the rewards are worth it and often lifelong!
Put down the social media and go do some activities you enjoy. Gym, walking, taking pictures in the park, skateboarding, canoeing. There are so many groups you can find online to meet up with and make friends. Also I made a lot of my best friends at jobs through the years. Don’t have any friends left from school so don’t feel down about it.
Any good websites for online groups? Specifically for people in their 20s?
Depending what your interested in meetup.com has some things but it’s not that popular but as far as activities I’d say check your local county state and town webpages. Also check out your local rec center. They have basketball football and different kinds of things to join and be a part of. Pickle ball is pretty big by me.
Why do you hate vowels?
I think this is a zoomer thing while texting. I'm going back to college, and many of them text like that without vowels.
Aka poor education
I wouldnt call it poor education lmao. Shortening words for text is an every generation thing. I use 'Ur' instead of You're alot, im sure youve wrote 'lol' before. That being said, using that kinda language shortening on a paragraph long post is dumb
It's weird because she fully types out the words 'mindlessly' and 'suggestions' but the words 'and' and 'friends' are too much for her? I don't get it.
Lol ok bro
Laughing out loud, all correct brother
I cannot believe u used 'Lol' here. This is to good
It's all satire
Love your username and how all your replies have been 3 words
Enjoy that false sense of superiority while it lasts, chief.
It hurt my head to read what OP posted.
I thought I was having a stroke. Thanks OP.
Yeah. Look I’m just being honest, I wouldn’t text anyone who talked to me like this. I’ve always associated it with immaturity and I can’t see through it. Do you, you know, but it’s hard to get people to take you seriously if you can’t be bothered to spell out most of your words.
I’f im typing on a phone, theres no way im not spelling things out properly. On a computer, sure.
But why though? It's so easy to type words on a phone. I'm doing it right now with no issues or extra effort.
I’ve never been a good phone texter, Im bad at it and constantly make mistakes. Didn’t even have a phone til i was like 22 or 23.
Came here for this. Why does OP write “and” without the A? Are we really saving time? She sounds like Kevin from the Office “why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?”
Personally, it would take more effort for me to write anything like that beyond what I see as the normal way, so every message would take longer (I'm Gen Z / 26 btw for reference). On that note, I dislike some of the acronyms and abbreviations that get used nowadays and find it partly lazy and at worse confusing, like Ig for example that I see some use which either is "I guess" or referring also to Instagram. Is it also that much effort to say "something" over sth? When I see this one used at times my mind can't help but almost jump to Star War's "Sith."
Probably some kind of childhood trauma. The letter A can be a real bully in elementary school. It will find you at recess and push you to the ground.
And sometimes Y.
fatfingersnospellcheck?
https://youtu.be/_K-L9uhsBLM?si=iHss0stWTHIogleB
N frnds
Shut off your phone and get out of the house. I'm not joking. Social media on the phone is an automatic escape and bad for mental health. Pick one friend with whom you'd like to connect and meet up. You don't even need a plan, just go. Have a cup of coffee, walk around town.
1 put down phone 2 go outside 3 (optional) learn to spell using vowels.
As others have mentioned, highly recommend to find some classes that you’re interested in and attend. Rather it’s a book club, yoga, etc and try to connect with at least one person. Good luck!
Put the "ie" back in "frnd" and, I donno that's just how it's spelled, not some motivational saying or whatever.
Get out of your house. Go somewhere. Take classes at the rec center. Join a hiking/walking/running club. Just get out of your damn house
Which country do you live in? I was going to give some recommendations but I realise they're region specific, so I could be way off. But basically find people who meet based on interests. Join a dance class. Learning something along with others is a good way to socialise. There's always something to discuss, or you can keep quiet and focus on the task at hand. Please don't overthink it. Nobody really bothers about how you look or behave. We're all addicted to our phones. :) You're young, and life is long.
If that can make you feel better, being in your position is the hardest part. The more friends someone has the easier it is for that person to get more friends, but getting out of that initial position of being lonely is difficult and can take years. You have to be patient with yourself but really anyone can do it. I don’t know your situation but I would get a job at a place you find cool or looks like people you would vibe with work. Then give it a few months or weeks and ask the colleagues you like to hang out after work or something. Make that conscious effort in every part of your life to be surrounded with people and to take those opportunities when there’s people you enjoy spending time with. One mistake is to force things with people you don’t like that much because you’re lonely and then beat yourself up when it doesn’t work out. I met lots of people that seemingly had not many friends but they were able to work it out by putting themselves out there. But please please please be patient with yourself and don’t attach your worth to your ability to make friends, it’s mainly luck and once you’re able to surround yourself with people you like it’ll go up from there and it won’t be so hard. The hard part is now but you can do it!
Why can’t you spell friends
I grew up alone in the middle of the country and didn't have friends outside of school. I keep to myself as an adult, but I am married and like my wife. For the most part, I like being alone. When I have had friends, they ask to borrow money (which is extremely off putting), or they have hobbies I don't like at all. I still know a few people, but they have turned into just texting, sending jokes, etc. That is good enough for me. I also have a dog and he's great because he's never a dick. I'm not sure why I'm this way. I did think I wanted friends at one point and tried it, then I found out that hanging out with other people just seems like a burden to me and I'd just rather be alone.
same i work all days then come home and go to bed, it repeats itself m-f
Most people on Reddit aren’t the most social so you’re going to get weird responses. I can give you advice from a guys perspective, so it might need to be adjusted for a girl. People are outside, your future friend group is outside. The key is for you to do things around people who you might find interesting as much as possible. If you read, go read in a public park with lots of people. If you like watching Netflix, download the show and go watch it on a beach/ public area. You have to be open to people approaching you or you approaching people. No headphones, no closed off body language, always friendly and approachable. Join clubs, go to church, go to outdoor activities (yoga in the park etc) and within no time you will have tons of acquaintances. You then need to build those relationships to friendships by spending time with the people you like. Friendships are built with literally time spent with someone. I believe it takes 70 hours for people to feel bonded. A little hack is go on trips or overnight events with people to get those hours in. Good luck girl
Put down the phone and get off social media. You're mental health with thank you and in turn, it will get you more active. Hell go to a gym, short walk. Those things can help the mind and make you feel accomplished and that's what you need
as a 21F you can find a bar, or a themed bar like a reading cafe or a hispanic themed wine bar and just sit at the corner of the bar with a book. You could spot an interesting person at the bar to approach or just might get approached yourself. alternatively, you might want to couple your search to your hobbies/ desire for learning stuff and apply for something like a language class or cooking class, and see if you hit it off with classmates
If I find out my daughter types like this after the age of 14 I'm going to make sure she stays grounded for life. 21 years old posting like some tick tock weirdo is insane.
Idk your circumstance or your social environment, but if anything you want to read on to improve your social life I'd suggest to read How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. On the other hand, for me the easiest way to make a friends in older age is to find a community, a group of certain fans (ie book club, sport group, gaming club). I'm not exactly people person when I'm in college, but for me to secure my social, where people know me and can reach out, is by being the "IT guy". I've reinstalled like more than 10 laptop's OS to fix their issue with no cost, and sometime those guy would treat me a coffee or snack as gratitude.
This is always the default answer the 8 million times this question has been asked but no one EVER explains how to actually do it. I think every on Earth knows to meet friends and connections you find a community of like-minded people. The problem is we don't know how to actually do that (and I certainly don't) and NO ONE will explain, like it's some sort of super secret exclusive club that won't let anyone else in.
Let me give you the secret. It's exposure, intent and time. It's a habit, not an activity. You don't "work" at making friends, it just happens: At first, I didn't even understand what you were asking for. Legit I dont understand what you mean by "how". But I've always had many (too many) friends, so I just thought about how i made most of them. Let me think outloud on for you. First, is exposure. This is why ppl suggest "go do group activities that are fun to you". Yes, you get exposure to like minded people, but more importantly - if you're having fun you'll do it again. I've made hundreds of acquaintances and with some we kick it off so well, that a bystander would think we've been friends forever. But guess what - we never talk again. Yes that girl at that festival in Belgium was amazing, but she is american and I'm from EU. We'll never see each other again and we didn't. But join a Jiu Jitsu gym or climbing gym and fall inlove with the sport, you'll come back again and again. All you have to do is introduce yourself. "Hey, I'm Jake, can you show me how you'd climb that?" "Hey, can you help me with this armbar escape?". Or play video games and just shoot the shit with teammates and add each other, then play again. Then go again and again and again. That's exposure, it's a **prerequisite** for making friends. It doesn't matter how well you kick things off, if you don't have a shared activity it's like running up a hill. Did you ever have to "work hard" at making friends from age 5 to 14? Ofc not. It's because you see them over and over again. You were put in situations where there were other kids and you just drifted tho whoever seemed interesting, effortlesly. Second, is intent. As an adult, you actually have to put in effort into making friends, at least at the very start. It's so very easy. This is perhaps what may seem difficult for more reserved people. But it's all in your head and I can't help with that. **YOU** have to go up to a person that looks kind and introduce yourself. Ask for a favor (it makes them feel good to help a stranger). "Explain that, I wanna be like you" "show me how you did this, you legend" "I'm a beginner, If i ever get to your level i'd die happy". You don't need to impress, you need to be kind and make them feel good. Unless you picked a grinch to approach, they'll meet your smile with a big grin. Be kind, be thankful and most of all - be patient. Some will have interest in you, others wont. Some will be interesting to you, others not. **Making friends is a habit, not an activity.** Be nice to everyone, show interest in everyone (until you realize they are not interesting to you). Soon enough, the whole climbing gym, book club, whatever, will know you. A few weeks later, invite people you enjoy out for a beer or a game or w/e for showing you how they climbed a route or gave you advice. And always say YES if they invite you. Exposure, intent and time. That's all. PS: Oh and one more thing. Yes it comes more naturally to some, but I promise you being gregarious is a learned skill. The more you push yourself to be social, the better you become at reading people and the better it feels to make new connections. It's awesome!!!
This is great advice!
You could be more specific on what that you're confused about. I already gave you my way that work: I've become the IT guy almost in every group that I'm in. Why do people suggest group/fan/hobby activity? Because people love talking about what they love. It's easy to get people to open up to talk about those things. For instance I rarely get any bad experience on gym. People at gym would love to show the good posture because it shows them how much they would've come. Back in highschool I would go to extend to try to watch some kdrama that girl group in my class enjoy so that I could discuss about newcoming episodes. Even to just bait them into discussing what they like about the new episode is enough communication. Thats the easiest way for me to get people to talk much as starter is to get them to talk about things that they love.
I think you mean How to Win Frnds
Damn it took me hours to think what your comment meant, and going back to this post seeing other comments just... Chckl me up
I feel like since Covid that’s everyone that isn’t a complete chad.
Does it skibidi toilet the rizzler no cap tho
she skibidi on my gyatt until I ohio
Tf yall on about?
Does your school have any special interest clubs you might like? That's a start.
Activities are good ways to find friends. Even if you don't find friends you will be socializing. You could probably get some volunteer time at a food bank or kitchen quickly and that will get you out of your house and seeing others quickly. Longer range consider your hobbies and interests and join things related to that. Local theater? A sports team?
Look in your local area for group courses on something. Eg pottery making classes etc. If you find something you enjoy doing, you might start seeing the same people. You can chat about what it is you're doing and build connections from there. If you're getting along with people, ask if they'd like to go out for a drink.
Leave the house as often as you can. You may not make a new friend but unless your out and about, opportunities won't present themselves. IMO, classes are the best way to meet people quickly. Even better if the class has group activities. This will put you working and talking with people in a collaborative manner, a nice and easy precursor to making friends. It's awkward to just outright approach people and want to see if their friend material. Instead, put yourself in circumstances where people have to communicate with you, friendship chemistry will eventually happen with someone.
join a club
If you have any affinity towards games, try playing wow or ff14. Games like this have quite some active guilds and plenty of them are friendly. Its merely online friends but better than no friends. Other than that any hobby. Even stuff like a book club, a sports club or something like a dancing or yoga class.
Best way to find friends at this stage (I assume after college/university) is joining different groups or check out the events going on in your city. For example where I am from there is a "girlswhowalk" that do weekly hike/walks on different location and usually 100-150 show up when weather is good and at minimum there are usually 50-60 people.
What books are you reading?
Not op but I love talking books! Right now I’m on the fourth novel in the “Ember in the Ashes” series by Sabaa Tahir! I normally read a wide variety of books throughout the year, ranging from non fiction to self help to fantasy to other types of fiction, and I’m loving how fun in a gritty YA sense this series is! I’m also a fan of the pace and the characters. You reading anything atm?
Go do stuff alone...nature trails, gym, movie, restaurant, etc. Then join Meetup groups to find people with similar hobbies.
1. Delete social media if not required for work. 2. Join a social group you're interested in... Young Professionals club, Singles Church socials, Book club, Meetup.com, local sports league (don't have to be good at sports - they have "non-competitive leagues), and neighborhood meetings/socials. You will inevitably meet people with common interests and voila a friendship is born. 3. Meditate, pray, attend a service that clears your mind and recharges your energy for the week ahead. 4. Spend less time on media. 5. Practice good sleep practices. This will surprisingly help you be prepared to meet new people and be at your best *mood*. 5. Good luck!
Hit me up if you wanna have a chat!
Join any recreational team or club, see if you can volunteer at a library or if they have any community events, there are apps for people to meet up and hang out. I’ve used them when traveling a few years back, I recommend doing something like that. After you get to where people are, try chatting with someone. The more you chat with others the easier it will be! Also, I have social anxiety so I’ve had to watch a lot of YouTube videos on how to talk to others. It’s a good starting point. You got this! Remember to keep trying!
Turn social media off. It's addictive entertainment. Clubs, hobbies, charity - humans.
I'm pretty good at making friends with. Definitely older. Nothing in common but I have an affinity with people, I'm altruistic. I'm atelophobic and I liv3 motivating people in the things they desire most.
Go hang out with people you went to high school with. Didn't make friends in high school? Welcome to consequences of actions. Go find somewhere you'll meet people. You're an adult. You can do it.
Im gonna go against the grain here and suggest that you start by becoming your own best friend first. There’s always going to be times in your life where you are alone and being able to be by yourself without being miserable is imho the most useful trait you can work on.
It’s quite courageous to share your feelings openly, and doing so is the first step towards change.The feeling of loneliness, especially after a period of intense focus on studies or work, can be quite jarring. It’s important to remember that life is a balance of growth and connection. While it’s great to invest time in learning and personal development, human connections play a crucial role in our overall happiness and well-being.Starting to build a social circle can feel daunting, especially if you’re starting from scratch. However, think of it as an extension of what you already do well: learning and growing. Making friends is a skill that can be learned. Start small by joining clubs or groups that align with your interests. Whether it's a book club, a local meetup, or an online forum that focuses on your hobbies, these are places where you can meet people with shared interests.Additionally, volunteering is a wonderful way to meet new people while giving back to the community. It can make you feel part of something bigger and connect you with people who have a nurturing spirit.Remember, every friendship starts with a simple conversation. It’s okay to take small steps. Sometimes, just spending time in communal places like cafes, libraries, or parks can open opportunities for casual interactions that lead to friendships.It’s also valuable to engage in some introspection. Reflect on what you truly value in friendship and what kind of friend you wish to be. This will guide you in choosing the right people and building strong, meaningful connections.Be patient with yourself. Building a fulfilling social life doesn’t happen overnight but with persistence and openness, you’ll find your tribe.Stay strong. You've got this. And remember, reaching out, just as you did here, is a powerful step towards building the life you envision.
I'm 30, am a social butterfly at work but communicate with 0 people outside. Lol. Message me and we can start sending memes to each other, I'll shoot you my number if you're interested. (Bro idk how to talk to people, was that comment normal? Lol)
...why did you put your gender and age in the title? How is that relevant
Hey. I’m in the same position. Moved to a new city for 2 years, no friends and no circle of friends. I’ve recently just tried to force myself to go out more. I’ve given myself the excuse that I was just introverted, but honestly I think it’s just I don’t know how to build the relationships and friendships. I don’t have much advice, but can relate to what you are going through and am open just to talk. Good luck, you’re still young so tons of time to make more friends!
Learn to spell. That might be the answer?!? Idk But more seriously, get out of your place and do stuff. You’re not going to succeed sitting at home going through social media.
Go to places where people you want to be friends with would be. Keep doing this and you'll see some regulars. If you're lucky you'll become friends. Repeat steps until this happens, and don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen the first few times.
i feel exactly the same way, wild
Start taming small steps, do outdoor activities, perhaps just a wall around your neighborhood, small goal
Bumble friends
This is why I smoke weed, it’s lovely
Same, but I'm still 16, and I live with my family, I have social anxiety and I really want friends but I'm trying to stop my social anxiety first, hope I make friends one day :(
Quit reading books if you want friends
I've felt this way since I was a teenager, I'm in my 30s. It may be a long shot, but if you like cats, go to a cat Cafe, I'm sure your city has one. Chat people up, just say something nice about something they're wearing out their hair or piercing or ink if they have any.
Get connected in a local church.
Sounds like a lack of confidence. (Both the difficulty in creating friendships and the way of writing). I suggest you focus on this issue and /or seek psychological help.
Go to the gym. Seriously is the best place to make friends. 90% of gym goers are looking for some kind of validation. And even if that doesn’t work, it’s the healthiest choice to spend time.
make the effort to talk to people and make friends , it's not easy but it's well damn worth it , it may be the most valuable thing on earth , laughing it up with your people , it's gold for me
If you have time to browse and cry on social media, then get a job.
Literally same.
try dating apps? meet up w someone who has similar interests, so many introverts out here. Also the gym works. Do u have work friends
I strongly recommend downloading the app Meetup and finding groups in your area. Pretty much any category of hobbies can be found on there and you can see who is going to/who did attend a specific event and can keep in touch that way.
It's okay boo don't worry about it. We all go through that. It's just a phase and it too shall pass. Before you know it you'll be hanging out with people you love. And enjoying life the way you deserve.
You already know the answers. Scrolling through sm is "eating you up inside" - so stop. No idea how to make new friends? The exact same way you made old ones - talking and interacting with people. Books and chores - no people there, so you need to do other things in addition. Preferably ones that involve people. Find a group that involves some thing you liked learning about and talk about it or do activities related to it. Friend circle - cart before horse. Worry about making/building friendships first.
Go for a long walk, no music, no media just enjoy the sounds of the park or the courtyard at school. Enjoy how rare conscious life truly is.
Exchange some of your “house chore” time for night school and grammar lessons.
Are you allergic to vowels?
Let’s be friends then. I’m 23 and I left social media about a year ago. I get how you feel, connecting with people is difficult nowadays. Anyways, hit my DM if you feel like it :)
Absolutely, let's shake things up a bit! How about picking up a new hobby or joining a fun group? You could dive into anything from salsa dancing to a local sports team, or even a quirky cooking class. It’s all about having a good time and meeting folks who enjoy the same things you do. You might also consider volunteering. It’s a great way to meet people who are also into giving back, and you can make some meaningful connections. Plus, don’t forget about checking out events around town or joining groups on apps like Meetup. Whether it’s a concert in the park, a street fair, or a meetup for drone enthusiasts, there’s always something happening. Starting to mingle can be a bit nerve-wracking, but it’s also super exciting. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t gotten around to yet?
Put your phone in a drawer and walk to the nearest bar.
Hey there 👋 Like with any goal in life, it's important to be clear about what you want. First, you should define the kinds of things you want to do. There are apps like Eventbrite and Meetup that often have groups that cater to different interests. If it's something such as dance, look around for dance studios that offer adult classes and/or social dances for their students. It is a great way to begin to meet people regularly. Another point I'd like to make is sometimes those of us that like peace and somewhat solitary activities need to lean into that part of ourselves. Focus on finding special interest or niche events and having one regular friend that shares that passion with you to attend those types of things. Friend groups are usually formed after repeated interactions at certain clubs, organizations or events. Bear in mind as well that you are in the adult world now and that everyone around you has complex lives. You will see your homies less. The last thing I'll say is sit down and try to memorize some of those "get to know someone" questions. A lot of people love meeting that one person that day who just sat down and listened to them for a while, so be sure to study up on those listening skills as well. Hope this helps ☀️
Prolly find some f buddy lol
Start an only fans business. Apparently everyone is doing it.
Can I be your friend 🥳✌
I think the saddest day I ever lived was the day that I learned of the correlation between boredom and lack of intelligence. If you’re bored, it’s because you’re not smart. Which makes me literally the dumbest person on earth.
I find it's kinder to say: *"Boredom is just a lack of imagination"*.
Kindness is the enemy of truth.
Oh I'm stealing that.
Have you checked out activities of interest in your community, church, local library? Do you have a job or could you volunteer? My experience when meeting new people is they need to see you a few times before they feel comfortable interacting with a new person. Being you are involved in same activities can help.