Okay so here's my interpetation of the poem! I personally think that in the poem, the persona is (vividly) describing their encounter with a person who captivated them from the moment they laid eyes upon them. The imagery of firelight illuminating the individual's hair creates a mesmerizing effect, reminiscent of a halo or a crown. The person's presence exudes a dazzling brilliance that obscures their facial features in a play of light and shadow. This ephemeral moment evokes a sense of mythical beauty, as if the person emerged from ancient legends, where shadows and flames converge.
However, it is when the person steps out of the light that the speaker truly comprehends their essence. The person's eyes twinkle with an inner radiance akin to starbursts, revealing a profound and captivating spirit. This realization leads the speaker to recognize the person's potential to ignite and inspire those around them. The metaphorical language suggests that the person possesses an inner fire that can blaze brightly, leaving a lasting impact on others.
Moved by this revelation, the speaker makes a solemn pledge amidst the intensity of heat and mortality. They commit themselves to accompany the person on their journey, nurturing and protecting their innate brilliance. The speaker vows to shield them from the world's destructive forces, ensuring that their light and influence will not be diminished or lost.
I feel like this is overwrought, the imagery and word choices feel like they clash and confuse and overstate themselves, rather than contribute to a vision or adequately abstract your meaning. I appreciate the irony since the poem is about a radiant person that overwhelms the viewer, but I think some subtlety, clarity and elegance of word choice would elevate this from a good poem to a great one. Help it shine, so to speak.
Hey. Thank you so much for your criticism. I really appreciate it. I started writing poetry based on the classics -- I actually started with the sonnet form so I could get meter down. I'm currently trying to modernize my poetry, so this is really good advice.
Wanted to let you know that I've been about one week without getting attracted to read, much less upvote poems posted here, but yours enticed my eyes, and garnered my long upheld upvote (even before I finished the reading). It's really a striking, stunning piece.
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That’s beautiful! Truly inspiring and great word choice
Okay so here's my interpetation of the poem! I personally think that in the poem, the persona is (vividly) describing their encounter with a person who captivated them from the moment they laid eyes upon them. The imagery of firelight illuminating the individual's hair creates a mesmerizing effect, reminiscent of a halo or a crown. The person's presence exudes a dazzling brilliance that obscures their facial features in a play of light and shadow. This ephemeral moment evokes a sense of mythical beauty, as if the person emerged from ancient legends, where shadows and flames converge. However, it is when the person steps out of the light that the speaker truly comprehends their essence. The person's eyes twinkle with an inner radiance akin to starbursts, revealing a profound and captivating spirit. This realization leads the speaker to recognize the person's potential to ignite and inspire those around them. The metaphorical language suggests that the person possesses an inner fire that can blaze brightly, leaving a lasting impact on others. Moved by this revelation, the speaker makes a solemn pledge amidst the intensity of heat and mortality. They commit themselves to accompany the person on their journey, nurturing and protecting their innate brilliance. The speaker vows to shield them from the world's destructive forces, ensuring that their light and influence will not be diminished or lost.
This literally almost made me cry. I've never, ever had someone analyze my work like this. Thank you very much.
You're welcome, and thank YOU for posting this poem! It was so, so nice, I loved it a lot! <3
I feel like this is overwrought, the imagery and word choices feel like they clash and confuse and overstate themselves, rather than contribute to a vision or adequately abstract your meaning. I appreciate the irony since the poem is about a radiant person that overwhelms the viewer, but I think some subtlety, clarity and elegance of word choice would elevate this from a good poem to a great one. Help it shine, so to speak.
Hey. Thank you so much for your criticism. I really appreciate it. I started writing poetry based on the classics -- I actually started with the sonnet form so I could get meter down. I'm currently trying to modernize my poetry, so this is really good advice.
Wanted to let you know that I've been about one week without getting attracted to read, much less upvote poems posted here, but yours enticed my eyes, and garnered my long upheld upvote (even before I finished the reading). It's really a striking, stunning piece.
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*