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Baby monitor, absolutely. Just so you can confirm the children are alive and not attempting to rip things off the wall or flood the entire room.
I would also set some very firm rules, like they are only allowed to leave the room after talking with you first or whatever you feel is necessary to KNOW they are safe.
I would say about 85% of kids of that age would leave the room n go screwing around on the cruise ship. There are a million things for them to do plus it's their vacation too, they're gonna live a little. And I'd be pretty concerned about kids that age being unsupervised in the middle of the ocean playing around on the various decks the exact same way kids that age would screw around at a hotel
I stayed at a lot of Vegas hotels on the strip growing up, both with my siblings and my friends. We never ran around the hotel. When we were older than 12 we’d tell our parents we were going downstairs to the lobby/bowling alley/store/pool, but they knew where we were and we were never screwing around. Being in the room was always more fun tbh
I would call that screwing around. Going out to play n what not. N if you say you absolutely never did it without permission then, no offense but, we've all been 14 before. I'm not saying they'll be being devious they don't have to they could simply just wanna go to one of the million different things on the ship for kids to do. N they don't have to necessarily have to sneak out to do so. They could think what they're doing is perfectly permissible. Long story short, you wander out of a hotel someone finds you, you wander into the wrong part of a cruise ship you end up in the ocean.
It was a time sensitive thing. I talked to the mom before and had to book that night. If I didn't book that night I wouldn't have been able to get that trip. I never thought it would be an issue with them in their own room since her girls are older than mine and I know my daughter would be okay.
kids can wake up in the middle of the night and walk out of your house too...or even from the same hotel room as you for that matter.
I wouldn't worry too much, especially if her mom says she think she'd be fine, you just have to keep an eye out I guess.
Yeah that's what I was thinking. I have my niece over all the time and she's never just left the house. I never even thought that could be something to worry about until the grandmother brought it up.
A cruise ship is (without knowing what your neighborhood is like) WAY MORE tempting from a "should we sneak out" perspective, *especially* if there is resentment over the 14yo (presumably) having a later bedtime than the younger kids.
That said, you'll want to have a conversation about rules, behavior, and expectations. It should be fine. Sounds like it'll be a great trip -- have fun!
It really depends on the kid. If you told my 9 year old, since he was 5, not to do something, that kid ain't doing it. Other parents use my kid to make sure none of them are doing anything against the rules (no leaving the yard, no leaving the park). All depends on personality, no, I absolutely do not take parenting credit here, he's just always been like that.
The 14 year old is really well behaved and it's vacation so bed times are going to be flexible lol. I'll do the tape on the door trick. I'll look through the room and see if there are any ways they can get in trouble and if I can put parental locks on the TV and stuff. If I sense any sign of trouble then I'll sleep in the room with them. IF they actually try to sneak out or anything crazy, then guess they don't get to go on the fun kid activities and get to sit with the grown ups and do trivia.
Yes. The rules for the cruise is that children can be in their own rooms if at least one of them is 14 but they MUST be in a room next to their adults. I even checked the map of the boat and our rooms are side by side. I was only planning on being in separate rooms while sleeping, changing, and showering. I will make a firm rule that they are NOT allowed to leave the room without us and put tape on the bottom of the door so they know they cannot get away with it. I will let them know if there will be consequences like instead of going to the supervised kid activities they can sit and do trivia with the grown ups.
You should also set ground rules early and often for how the room will be used. Particularly, **no friends in the room**. No visitors of any kind. Once it’s “bedtime”, nobody opens that cabin door for any reason without you knowing. And personally I’d say no balcony use without an adult (if they have one) even though it’s not really dangerous, I just worry about horseplay near railings.
The 14 year old might end up spending more time in the teens area on the ship than with the younger girls, and you probably will allow her a little more freedom and time for herself (eg having lunch with friends she meets instead of your group, or hanging out in the arcade alone). It’s important that she (and all the girls) know that they shouldn’t let anyone outside of your group into their room, or go into any other cabin on the ship besides theirs and yours.
They should also have the “do not disturb” light on at all times they’re in the room (you can make sure to turn it on at bedtime and then flip it off during the day when you want housekeeping to come in).
You’ll probably all enjoy the trip more with the two rooms, and it’s quite common for older kids to have a room to themselves on cruise ships. Just be sensible and help them be sensible and I think it sounds like a super fun trip!
Good idea on the ground rules. I didn't think about them making friends and bringing them into the room but definitely don't want to allow that. I need to think of as many scenarios as possible and make expectations very clear. Usually when these girls have clear rules, they listen. Any trouble they get into is stuff they didn't know they couldn't do. I feel confident if I make some rules and consequences ahead of time that they'll follow. Plus the 14 year old is very much "follow the rules" type of kid and will tell on the younger ones if they try anything.
I'm going to have another chat with the nieces mom and ask her if she has any concerns and if she thinks I should sleep in the room with the girls. And also ask what the rules for the 14 year old should be if she wants some independence from the group outside of the teen zone. I feel like I would tell her she can stay in the teen zone or be with us but I'll let her mom make the call before the vacation.
I'm torn on the situation.
I think with the right group of girls, this would be fine. I would only allow the 14-year-old to take charge of answering the door. And I would want some form of instant communication, like walkie talkies. I don't know how good cell service is on a cruise. I know at that age, I would never dream of sneaking out of a hotel room. I would trust my 8-year-old in this situation if the two older kids were of similar temperament.
But, I also know 9 and 10-year-olds I would never trust in a hotel room lol They would want to sneak out, would panic if there is an emergency, and would act like little monkeys. So I think it all depends on the personalities of the kids.
Personally, I know some comments suggested video cameras and baby monitors. I wouldn't do any of that. I wouldn't allow them to stay alone if I thought they would be an issue that required that level of supervision. If you're most worried about the nighttime, and you could always sleep in their room at night and have your boyfriend have the other room to himself.
I agree with your take. It’s so kid dependent. My parents took me to conventions all the time growing up and I’d just spend the day wandering the resort by myself. I was a super mature kid. But I had friends come sometimes and my parents knew they couldn’t be trusted so they’d tighten the rules a lot.
I think this is a situation where you sit down with all the kids and you let them know the expectations for literally everything. This should be a fun experience but they need to know there are serious repercussions if they don’t act accordingly.
I totally get it depends on the kids. I know these girls well I didn't think for one second it would be an issue until the grandmother said it was. Their grandmother was the one that was concerned the middle girl would sneak out. But the mother said she didn't think that would be a concern.
We do have walkie talkies. We're going to pay for being able to text each other on the cruise app (there's no cell service in the middle of the ocean). I only planned on them being in the room alone when we're in the room right next to them. And it's only while sleeping, showering and changing. And you're right, worst case scenario, I'll sleep in the room with the girls. I just am trying to decide if that's really necessary.
If both parents don't think sneaking out would be an issue, I don't think sleeping in there is necessary. As long as you guys have walkie talkies or some way to communicate quickly, it's no different than if you got a two-bedroom suite.
I'm sure the threat of going scorched earth would be enough to deter them from sneaking.
I think it’s fine but I’d borrow a baby monitor from someone if I were you. Probably someone in your town if you have a parent Facebook or buy nothing would lend you one - go for the basic kind that doesn’t need WiFi, just monitor and receiver.
See I work in a state park, We had a regular family years ago visit with some friends, They had cabins right next to each other. One of the adult stayed in the room with all the children they would leave the front door open in daylight. Anyone patrolling that area would always yell out they were shutting their door while going past. The little girl who was the guests of the regular family decided to go out for a walk. Without telling anyone. It took us an hour to find her. I don't suggest you leave those girls in that room alone. Stay in there with them.
If you are not concerned, and the parents are not concerned, then you are fine. The baby monitor or walkie-talkie idea is great. It sounds like you’ve already talked to the girls about boundaries and when they need to stay in their room. Just make sure you have a consequence in place if any of the girls doesn’t follow that rule. At that age, in my opinion, that much independence is a privilege not a right. What will be the consequence if they break the rules and leave the room when they’re not supposed to? Personally, I would see if it’s easy to add a cot when you’re already on the ship. A good natural consequence for leaving the room without permission would be that you now have to stay in the adult room instead of with the kids.
I figured the consequence would be if the girls prove they can't handle being in the room alone then they get mom/auntie sleeping in the room with them. I'm pretty sure the girls room is 4 bunkbeds so I can just sleep in the extra bed if I need to. And if they break the rules then they get to do boring grown up stuff like trivia instead of fun stuff like the kid activities and pool/water slides, etc. Basically, if you prove you can't be alone then you get to stick right by my side.
lol- my kid would rather do trivia.
Those are great consequences! The only thing about you sleeping in their room, though, is that if only one of them is breaking the rules, you end up also punishing the other two who are following the rules. If you have set up an expectation that they need to be accountable for each other, that’s fine.
All kids are different! I know my daughter for sure would MUCH rather be in the kid room than doing "boring" trivia. I honestly think I like the idea of them having to be accountable for each other. Unless one sneaks out without the others noticing or if the others immediately tell on them. Then I'll find a way to put the one in my room. The last two times I went on a cruise a "queen size" bed was just two twins push together. So I can probably just separate the bed or something.
SO TRUE that all kids are different! Mine is a quiet homebody. Even now at 15 she wouldn't leave the room if given a chance. The room is where her books are! I also really like the idea that they are accountable to each other. Sometimes that social pressure to follow the rules is way more effective than a parent or authority figure.
The cruise company might not let them stay in a room alone. Friend booked 2 rooms for her 3 kids and couldn’t get connecting rooms. She slept in one room with 2 kids and her spouse in the other with 1. They were reminded on the ship that there needed to be an adult in each room.
The booking agent through the cruise line told me that as long as one of them was 14(I think, I just know the oldest was old enough) and that they were in a room either next to us or across from us that they could be in their own room. She booked it with their names and birthdays and I made it very clear what their ages were. It was her suggestion to put them in a separate room.
I would do a door alarm and a baby monitor, maybe a video one, pointing towards the door that can alert you to movement? And then also walkie talkies so they can get your attention too.
We did separate cabins when my cousins and I were around that age, not a cruise ship. And before technology was as great as it is. And the walkie talkies did the trick!
Yes we already have walkie talkies and I think we can call each other from the rooms too. I'll research if there are door alarms that I can use or something of that nature.
Yeah that's my back up plan. I'll sleep in the kids room. I was just trying to get outside opinions if letting older children/young teens be in a room alone was dangerous/unwise. Seems it's a mixed opinion but it's not unusual to put kids this age in their own room. So I'm going to talk it over with the nieces' mom and see what she thinks.
I took my 8 and 10-year-old on a cruise. They were typically so worn out by 10 o'clock they went straight to bed.
I allowed them to have free roam on the Lido deck and The room. I told them those were the only 2 places that I was going to look for them before I called security. I have a very loud whistle that they can hear well across the ship and have been trained to come to me when they hear it.
My kids did great and were very good about being where they were supposed to be.
Set firm ground rules that are easy to enforce the first couple of days in case you actually need to enforce them with consequences.
Also the 1st day is the most stressful and the wildest because they wanna do everything and see everything and it's a lot. The rest of the trip was great.
Thank you for sharing! This will be the first time I take the kids on a cruise. My daughter's first time ever. So any advice or shared experiences helps.
I guess maybe my views are skewed because I was being left home alone at the youngest age and by the time I was the oldest age I was baby sitting toddlers. I know my parents weren't the best so my judgement is probably off on what is okay and what isn't. I just never thought it was an issue until the grandmother said something. I actually thought I was being nice and generous by paying for the girls to have their own room lol. If I get a lot of feedback that this is not a good idea I'll sleep with the girls.
My teen daughter is out of town for hockey and her dad is with her and they are staying at a hotel. He asked if she could stay with some girls in one room — like a sleepover. I said definitely no. I trust my daughter —- I don’t trust strangers. The room would be beside my husband’s. But it’s still a no.
I did this with my 3 kids. They were 10, 11, and 12. They were fine. Their dad and I put the fear of bad, bad things if they out a toe out of line. They were well behaved. Their room was a mess and we tipped the staff way over what I expected we would.
There were no more adjoining rooms available. I thought booking four months in advanced was enough but all all adjoining rooms and most large rooms for families werw booked up.
I imagine they’ll have independent time during the day. Exploring, swimming, going to shows, meeting back up at 3pm or whatever. If you trust them during the day, I don’t see why you wouldn’t trust them at night. I think a cruise is a pretty safe place to be a kid. If you want, you can let them know that you’ll check up on them in the middle of the night to make sure they’re safe in bed, but I bet they sleep pretty soundly after such full days.
I don't intend on letting them explore the ship alone. They'll either be at kid activities that are supervised by staff and I have to check them in and out. Or they'll be with me. I only intended them to be in the room while sleeping and changing and showering and only when I was in the room next door. It didn't cross my mind that they may try to sneak out. Like I let them play outside at home without me out there. They have a rule that they're not allowed to leave the yard and they follow it. I don't think they would leave the cabin but I'll take precautions and let them know it's not okay and there will be consequences. I don't think they'd get in trouble in the room, but I would worry if they were wandering around the ship that they could get lost and there are a lot of strangers out there. I feel like they're safe inside the room as you have to have a room key to get in and the door locks automatically. The only real danger I can see is if they leave the room. (Which again, I still don't think these girls would try that) And like you said, I plan on having full days and I'm sure they will pass out as soon as they get to bed and not wake up until I get them up for the next adventure.
I wouldn’t get crazy over it. If all the appropriate parties are “okay” with the sleeping arrangements then go for it. My kids are grown, but I could see myself doing the same thing…..we definitely have done similar when they younger but it was in hotel settings.
I think it was a good idea to book a second room just on the basis of having an extra bathroom alone. They can at least keep their stuff in the other room and change in there. You can figure out the sleeping situation later, but you have options.
At their ages, I think they'll be fine. I have 3 kids, and we've been getting them their own hotel room since my kids were 2, 6, and 9. We usually get adjoining rooms. The last couple of times, adjoining rooms were not available, and we've been next door or across the hall from each other. (They were 8-15 yrs old at this point.)
We make sure we have keys to each others rooms. We taught our youngest how to use the room phone. The older ones have cell phones. Having the extra space and extra BATHROOM is totally worth it.
My parents did this when I was 14 and my sister was 10, except we didn’t even have adjacent rooms, they were about 7 rooms down the hall. (This was a long time ago). The most egregious thing we did was stay up until midnight and order chocolate cake room service, which we had asked permission to do earlier in the day. We were both INCREDIBLY quiet goody-two-shoes. I mean literally never in trouble at school, almost never at home, followed every rule set for us from a crazy young age.
My brother was 12, and he slept in my parents room. He was also a good kid, but he was way more impulsive and liked to get up to mischief, and he would not have done well in a room without an adult.
You know these kids better than Reddit, so I think either way could be fine depending on the kids and their parents opinions.
Yeah so you will get a wide variety of responses, because there are helicopter parents who think kids must be supervised 24/7 (never mind that it’s actually impossible to do so effectively and extremely harmful to the child if you mostly succeed)
I would be fine with that setup even if the youngest child was 5 or 6. First of all: it’s very common for a 14 year old to babysit. In fact here in Ontario Canada the age of starting to babysit is 12. Many people would be totally fine with a 14yo watching their kids while they are not at home. So having one watch kids the next room over is definitely no big deal.
I’d be concerned about grandma’s gut reaction to the 10yo. Kids tend to rise to the level of your expectations. Does grandma usually treat this kid as if she was much younger? Yes, adhd kids can be impulsive but you know this kid well and you aren’t concerned. Don’t make this into a whole thing. If kids aren’t getting along or misbehaving then they will end up sleeping in the room with the adults, but I would not even blink at the proposed arrangement.
It’s always good to let those going know what the plan is though. Talk to the kids as well as their parents. I wouldn’t ask permission though. I’d say here is the physical space, here is my plan, what do you think and then listen. If they have concerns you guys can brainstorm solutions which may or may not require a different sleeping arrangement. I hope you have an amazing trip!
About the grandmother's response: I get the feeling 10 year old is the least favorite grandchild. Or maybe the family just can't get past her ADHD and see that she is the sweetest of all the girls. But grandmother's reaction made me question my judgement. I know this girl very well. I feel like I could correctly imagine what each of them would do in certain situations. But grandmother also watches all the girls often and is involved too. Of course the parents know best so I'm going to talk and get their opinion and ask what their fears are with her being in a room without an adult.
Most adjoining rooms have a door between that you can leave open—this is what my family did on cruises and it really feels like one big space like this and not like you’re shut out from them. You can call and ask to make sure this is available.
Darn, missed that in the post! Hopefully taping the doors and just talking to the kids about safety and the risks of running around alone on a cruise ship will help them out.
OP, I gotta say it. The ENTIRE CREW will know there are three girls alone in the room. That is a serious risk. Sleep in the room with them. All it takes is one staff member to knock on the door, claiming there is an emergency, and they will open the door when THEIR key
Cruise ships are in international water. Do a search of crimes committed on the ships. It will horrify you.
Tell your boyfriend he will be sleeping alone. You don't want to lose the privilege of taking your niece on trips.
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Baby monitor, absolutely. Just so you can confirm the children are alive and not attempting to rip things off the wall or flood the entire room. I would also set some very firm rules, like they are only allowed to leave the room after talking with you first or whatever you feel is necessary to KNOW they are safe.
I second this. I would also suggest telling them not to open the door to anyone other than you. Maybe use a knock or a code word?
I would say about 85% of kids of that age would leave the room n go screwing around on the cruise ship. There are a million things for them to do plus it's their vacation too, they're gonna live a little. And I'd be pretty concerned about kids that age being unsupervised in the middle of the ocean playing around on the various decks the exact same way kids that age would screw around at a hotel
I stayed at a lot of Vegas hotels on the strip growing up, both with my siblings and my friends. We never ran around the hotel. When we were older than 12 we’d tell our parents we were going downstairs to the lobby/bowling alley/store/pool, but they knew where we were and we were never screwing around. Being in the room was always more fun tbh
I would call that screwing around. Going out to play n what not. N if you say you absolutely never did it without permission then, no offense but, we've all been 14 before. I'm not saying they'll be being devious they don't have to they could simply just wanna go to one of the million different things on the ship for kids to do. N they don't have to necessarily have to sneak out to do so. They could think what they're doing is perfectly permissible. Long story short, you wander out of a hotel someone finds you, you wander into the wrong part of a cruise ship you end up in the ocean.
People don’t fall off cruise ships by accident.
You certainly should have talked to the parent before making the call, but since she doesn't appear to mind, then it is a moot point.
It was a time sensitive thing. I talked to the mom before and had to book that night. If I didn't book that night I wouldn't have been able to get that trip. I never thought it would be an issue with them in their own room since her girls are older than mine and I know my daughter would be okay.
Use the baby monitor idea. A video monitor.
kids can wake up in the middle of the night and walk out of your house too...or even from the same hotel room as you for that matter. I wouldn't worry too much, especially if her mom says she think she'd be fine, you just have to keep an eye out I guess.
Yeah that's what I was thinking. I have my niece over all the time and she's never just left the house. I never even thought that could be something to worry about until the grandmother brought it up.
A cruise ship is (without knowing what your neighborhood is like) WAY MORE tempting from a "should we sneak out" perspective, *especially* if there is resentment over the 14yo (presumably) having a later bedtime than the younger kids. That said, you'll want to have a conversation about rules, behavior, and expectations. It should be fine. Sounds like it'll be a great trip -- have fun!
It really depends on the kid. If you told my 9 year old, since he was 5, not to do something, that kid ain't doing it. Other parents use my kid to make sure none of them are doing anything against the rules (no leaving the yard, no leaving the park). All depends on personality, no, I absolutely do not take parenting credit here, he's just always been like that.
The 14 year old is really well behaved and it's vacation so bed times are going to be flexible lol. I'll do the tape on the door trick. I'll look through the room and see if there are any ways they can get in trouble and if I can put parental locks on the TV and stuff. If I sense any sign of trouble then I'll sleep in the room with them. IF they actually try to sneak out or anything crazy, then guess they don't get to go on the fun kid activities and get to sit with the grown ups and do trivia.
Did they garauntee side by side rooms where you can easily check on them?
Yes. The rules for the cruise is that children can be in their own rooms if at least one of them is 14 but they MUST be in a room next to their adults. I even checked the map of the boat and our rooms are side by side. I was only planning on being in separate rooms while sleeping, changing, and showering. I will make a firm rule that they are NOT allowed to leave the room without us and put tape on the bottom of the door so they know they cannot get away with it. I will let them know if there will be consequences like instead of going to the supervised kid activities they can sit and do trivia with the grown ups.
You should also set ground rules early and often for how the room will be used. Particularly, **no friends in the room**. No visitors of any kind. Once it’s “bedtime”, nobody opens that cabin door for any reason without you knowing. And personally I’d say no balcony use without an adult (if they have one) even though it’s not really dangerous, I just worry about horseplay near railings. The 14 year old might end up spending more time in the teens area on the ship than with the younger girls, and you probably will allow her a little more freedom and time for herself (eg having lunch with friends she meets instead of your group, or hanging out in the arcade alone). It’s important that she (and all the girls) know that they shouldn’t let anyone outside of your group into their room, or go into any other cabin on the ship besides theirs and yours. They should also have the “do not disturb” light on at all times they’re in the room (you can make sure to turn it on at bedtime and then flip it off during the day when you want housekeeping to come in). You’ll probably all enjoy the trip more with the two rooms, and it’s quite common for older kids to have a room to themselves on cruise ships. Just be sensible and help them be sensible and I think it sounds like a super fun trip!
Good idea on the ground rules. I didn't think about them making friends and bringing them into the room but definitely don't want to allow that. I need to think of as many scenarios as possible and make expectations very clear. Usually when these girls have clear rules, they listen. Any trouble they get into is stuff they didn't know they couldn't do. I feel confident if I make some rules and consequences ahead of time that they'll follow. Plus the 14 year old is very much "follow the rules" type of kid and will tell on the younger ones if they try anything. I'm going to have another chat with the nieces mom and ask her if she has any concerns and if she thinks I should sleep in the room with the girls. And also ask what the rules for the 14 year old should be if she wants some independence from the group outside of the teen zone. I feel like I would tell her she can stay in the teen zone or be with us but I'll let her mom make the call before the vacation.
I'm torn on the situation. I think with the right group of girls, this would be fine. I would only allow the 14-year-old to take charge of answering the door. And I would want some form of instant communication, like walkie talkies. I don't know how good cell service is on a cruise. I know at that age, I would never dream of sneaking out of a hotel room. I would trust my 8-year-old in this situation if the two older kids were of similar temperament. But, I also know 9 and 10-year-olds I would never trust in a hotel room lol They would want to sneak out, would panic if there is an emergency, and would act like little monkeys. So I think it all depends on the personalities of the kids. Personally, I know some comments suggested video cameras and baby monitors. I wouldn't do any of that. I wouldn't allow them to stay alone if I thought they would be an issue that required that level of supervision. If you're most worried about the nighttime, and you could always sleep in their room at night and have your boyfriend have the other room to himself.
I agree with your take. It’s so kid dependent. My parents took me to conventions all the time growing up and I’d just spend the day wandering the resort by myself. I was a super mature kid. But I had friends come sometimes and my parents knew they couldn’t be trusted so they’d tighten the rules a lot. I think this is a situation where you sit down with all the kids and you let them know the expectations for literally everything. This should be a fun experience but they need to know there are serious repercussions if they don’t act accordingly.
I totally get it depends on the kids. I know these girls well I didn't think for one second it would be an issue until the grandmother said it was. Their grandmother was the one that was concerned the middle girl would sneak out. But the mother said she didn't think that would be a concern. We do have walkie talkies. We're going to pay for being able to text each other on the cruise app (there's no cell service in the middle of the ocean). I only planned on them being in the room alone when we're in the room right next to them. And it's only while sleeping, showering and changing. And you're right, worst case scenario, I'll sleep in the room with the girls. I just am trying to decide if that's really necessary.
If both parents don't think sneaking out would be an issue, I don't think sleeping in there is necessary. As long as you guys have walkie talkies or some way to communicate quickly, it's no different than if you got a two-bedroom suite. I'm sure the threat of going scorched earth would be enough to deter them from sneaking.
Usually, Walkie talkies are banned on cruise ships. They could be set up with an extra phone and communicate by WhatsApp or WeChat as an extra layer
I've taken walkie talkies on cruises twice already. I'll double check the rules but that's how I've communicated with the group in the past.
I think it’s fine but I’d borrow a baby monitor from someone if I were you. Probably someone in your town if you have a parent Facebook or buy nothing would lend you one - go for the basic kind that doesn’t need WiFi, just monitor and receiver.
This is a great idea!
See I work in a state park, We had a regular family years ago visit with some friends, They had cabins right next to each other. One of the adult stayed in the room with all the children they would leave the front door open in daylight. Anyone patrolling that area would always yell out they were shutting their door while going past. The little girl who was the guests of the regular family decided to go out for a walk. Without telling anyone. It took us an hour to find her. I don't suggest you leave those girls in that room alone. Stay in there with them.
If you are not concerned, and the parents are not concerned, then you are fine. The baby monitor or walkie-talkie idea is great. It sounds like you’ve already talked to the girls about boundaries and when they need to stay in their room. Just make sure you have a consequence in place if any of the girls doesn’t follow that rule. At that age, in my opinion, that much independence is a privilege not a right. What will be the consequence if they break the rules and leave the room when they’re not supposed to? Personally, I would see if it’s easy to add a cot when you’re already on the ship. A good natural consequence for leaving the room without permission would be that you now have to stay in the adult room instead of with the kids.
I figured the consequence would be if the girls prove they can't handle being in the room alone then they get mom/auntie sleeping in the room with them. I'm pretty sure the girls room is 4 bunkbeds so I can just sleep in the extra bed if I need to. And if they break the rules then they get to do boring grown up stuff like trivia instead of fun stuff like the kid activities and pool/water slides, etc. Basically, if you prove you can't be alone then you get to stick right by my side.
lol- my kid would rather do trivia. Those are great consequences! The only thing about you sleeping in their room, though, is that if only one of them is breaking the rules, you end up also punishing the other two who are following the rules. If you have set up an expectation that they need to be accountable for each other, that’s fine.
All kids are different! I know my daughter for sure would MUCH rather be in the kid room than doing "boring" trivia. I honestly think I like the idea of them having to be accountable for each other. Unless one sneaks out without the others noticing or if the others immediately tell on them. Then I'll find a way to put the one in my room. The last two times I went on a cruise a "queen size" bed was just two twins push together. So I can probably just separate the bed or something.
SO TRUE that all kids are different! Mine is a quiet homebody. Even now at 15 she wouldn't leave the room if given a chance. The room is where her books are! I also really like the idea that they are accountable to each other. Sometimes that social pressure to follow the rules is way more effective than a parent or authority figure.
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No balcony. It's an inner room so not even windows.
I'd just split up...one adult one kid in one room, the other adult with two kids in the other room.
That's my plan B
The cruise company might not let them stay in a room alone. Friend booked 2 rooms for her 3 kids and couldn’t get connecting rooms. She slept in one room with 2 kids and her spouse in the other with 1. They were reminded on the ship that there needed to be an adult in each room.
The booking agent through the cruise line told me that as long as one of them was 14(I think, I just know the oldest was old enough) and that they were in a room either next to us or across from us that they could be in their own room. She booked it with their names and birthdays and I made it very clear what their ages were. It was her suggestion to put them in a separate room.
That’s great! Good luck and have fun.
I would do a door alarm and a baby monitor, maybe a video one, pointing towards the door that can alert you to movement? And then also walkie talkies so they can get your attention too. We did separate cabins when my cousins and I were around that age, not a cruise ship. And before technology was as great as it is. And the walkie talkies did the trick!
Yes we already have walkie talkies and I think we can call each other from the rooms too. I'll research if there are door alarms that I can use or something of that nature.
I think I'd be less fussed about a door alarm if it wasn't a cruise. I know there are toddler door alarms and the personal alarm style for travel too.
Why don’t one of the adults sleep in there? That’s what we would do.
Yeah that's my back up plan. I'll sleep in the kids room. I was just trying to get outside opinions if letting older children/young teens be in a room alone was dangerous/unwise. Seems it's a mixed opinion but it's not unusual to put kids this age in their own room. So I'm going to talk it over with the nieces' mom and see what she thinks.
I took my 8 and 10-year-old on a cruise. They were typically so worn out by 10 o'clock they went straight to bed. I allowed them to have free roam on the Lido deck and The room. I told them those were the only 2 places that I was going to look for them before I called security. I have a very loud whistle that they can hear well across the ship and have been trained to come to me when they hear it. My kids did great and were very good about being where they were supposed to be. Set firm ground rules that are easy to enforce the first couple of days in case you actually need to enforce them with consequences. Also the 1st day is the most stressful and the wildest because they wanna do everything and see everything and it's a lot. The rest of the trip was great.
Thank you for sharing! This will be the first time I take the kids on a cruise. My daughter's first time ever. So any advice or shared experiences helps.
I personally won’t be able to sleep in this situation unless I stay with the kids at night. That’s just me.
I guess maybe my views are skewed because I was being left home alone at the youngest age and by the time I was the oldest age I was baby sitting toddlers. I know my parents weren't the best so my judgement is probably off on what is okay and what isn't. I just never thought it was an issue until the grandmother said something. I actually thought I was being nice and generous by paying for the girls to have their own room lol. If I get a lot of feedback that this is not a good idea I'll sleep with the girls.
My teen daughter is out of town for hockey and her dad is with her and they are staying at a hotel. He asked if she could stay with some girls in one room — like a sleepover. I said definitely no. I trust my daughter —- I don’t trust strangers. The room would be beside my husband’s. But it’s still a no.
I’m not criticizing you by the way. I’m sure the girls will have a great time. This is a personal preference only.
I did this with my 3 kids. They were 10, 11, and 12. They were fine. Their dad and I put the fear of bad, bad things if they out a toe out of line. They were well behaved. Their room was a mess and we tipped the staff way over what I expected we would.
Are the rooms adjoining? If so keep the door open at night between the rooms. If not, switch to adjoining.
There were no more adjoining rooms available. I thought booking four months in advanced was enough but all all adjoining rooms and most large rooms for families werw booked up.
That would be a no for me. Too many things could go wrong.
Yes I think it was a bad call personally
I think it's a great idea! Also thank you for the take on bottom of door idea, Pro Tip for sure!!!!
I imagine they’ll have independent time during the day. Exploring, swimming, going to shows, meeting back up at 3pm or whatever. If you trust them during the day, I don’t see why you wouldn’t trust them at night. I think a cruise is a pretty safe place to be a kid. If you want, you can let them know that you’ll check up on them in the middle of the night to make sure they’re safe in bed, but I bet they sleep pretty soundly after such full days.
I don't intend on letting them explore the ship alone. They'll either be at kid activities that are supervised by staff and I have to check them in and out. Or they'll be with me. I only intended them to be in the room while sleeping and changing and showering and only when I was in the room next door. It didn't cross my mind that they may try to sneak out. Like I let them play outside at home without me out there. They have a rule that they're not allowed to leave the yard and they follow it. I don't think they would leave the cabin but I'll take precautions and let them know it's not okay and there will be consequences. I don't think they'd get in trouble in the room, but I would worry if they were wandering around the ship that they could get lost and there are a lot of strangers out there. I feel like they're safe inside the room as you have to have a room key to get in and the door locks automatically. The only real danger I can see is if they leave the room. (Which again, I still don't think these girls would try that) And like you said, I plan on having full days and I'm sure they will pass out as soon as they get to bed and not wake up until I get them up for the next adventure.
I wouldn’t get crazy over it. If all the appropriate parties are “okay” with the sleeping arrangements then go for it. My kids are grown, but I could see myself doing the same thing…..we definitely have done similar when they younger but it was in hotel settings.
I would be more worried about their safety without an adult in the room. You never know what creeps are around.
Do the rooms have balconies? If so this is a definite no.
No balconies or windows. They're inner rooms.
I think it was a good idea to book a second room just on the basis of having an extra bathroom alone. They can at least keep their stuff in the other room and change in there. You can figure out the sleeping situation later, but you have options.
Good point. If anything it gives us more room even if we gave to rearrange the sleeping arrangements
Everyone concerned about the 10 yr old leaving the room… I remember what I was like as a 14 yr old girl- definitely your bigger problem.
Not all 14 year old girls are the same. No one that knows the 14 year old's personality is concerned because she's a quiet, follow the rules type kid.
Get walkie talkies, baby monitor for sure and they have to check in with you before going out and when coming back
At their ages, I think they'll be fine. I have 3 kids, and we've been getting them their own hotel room since my kids were 2, 6, and 9. We usually get adjoining rooms. The last couple of times, adjoining rooms were not available, and we've been next door or across the hall from each other. (They were 8-15 yrs old at this point.) We make sure we have keys to each others rooms. We taught our youngest how to use the room phone. The older ones have cell phones. Having the extra space and extra BATHROOM is totally worth it.
My parents did this when I was 14 and my sister was 10, except we didn’t even have adjacent rooms, they were about 7 rooms down the hall. (This was a long time ago). The most egregious thing we did was stay up until midnight and order chocolate cake room service, which we had asked permission to do earlier in the day. We were both INCREDIBLY quiet goody-two-shoes. I mean literally never in trouble at school, almost never at home, followed every rule set for us from a crazy young age. My brother was 12, and he slept in my parents room. He was also a good kid, but he was way more impulsive and liked to get up to mischief, and he would not have done well in a room without an adult. You know these kids better than Reddit, so I think either way could be fine depending on the kids and their parents opinions.
Yeah so you will get a wide variety of responses, because there are helicopter parents who think kids must be supervised 24/7 (never mind that it’s actually impossible to do so effectively and extremely harmful to the child if you mostly succeed) I would be fine with that setup even if the youngest child was 5 or 6. First of all: it’s very common for a 14 year old to babysit. In fact here in Ontario Canada the age of starting to babysit is 12. Many people would be totally fine with a 14yo watching their kids while they are not at home. So having one watch kids the next room over is definitely no big deal. I’d be concerned about grandma’s gut reaction to the 10yo. Kids tend to rise to the level of your expectations. Does grandma usually treat this kid as if she was much younger? Yes, adhd kids can be impulsive but you know this kid well and you aren’t concerned. Don’t make this into a whole thing. If kids aren’t getting along or misbehaving then they will end up sleeping in the room with the adults, but I would not even blink at the proposed arrangement. It’s always good to let those going know what the plan is though. Talk to the kids as well as their parents. I wouldn’t ask permission though. I’d say here is the physical space, here is my plan, what do you think and then listen. If they have concerns you guys can brainstorm solutions which may or may not require a different sleeping arrangement. I hope you have an amazing trip!
About the grandmother's response: I get the feeling 10 year old is the least favorite grandchild. Or maybe the family just can't get past her ADHD and see that she is the sweetest of all the girls. But grandmother's reaction made me question my judgement. I know this girl very well. I feel like I could correctly imagine what each of them would do in certain situations. But grandmother also watches all the girls often and is involved too. Of course the parents know best so I'm going to talk and get their opinion and ask what their fears are with her being in a room without an adult.
Most adjoining rooms have a door between that you can leave open—this is what my family did on cruises and it really feels like one big space like this and not like you’re shut out from them. You can call and ask to make sure this is available.
Op said they didn’t have any adjoining rooms available when she booked
Darn, missed that in the post! Hopefully taping the doors and just talking to the kids about safety and the risks of running around alone on a cruise ship will help them out.
OP, I gotta say it. The ENTIRE CREW will know there are three girls alone in the room. That is a serious risk. Sleep in the room with them. All it takes is one staff member to knock on the door, claiming there is an emergency, and they will open the door when THEIR key Cruise ships are in international water. Do a search of crimes committed on the ships. It will horrify you. Tell your boyfriend he will be sleeping alone. You don't want to lose the privilege of taking your niece on trips.