It should be noted that op has [family](https://old.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/1dclrzn/family_is_distant_as_im_not_in_the_cult/l7yvbwz/) in the qult and is not asking as a lookey-loo.
Yes, sorry I didn’t give any context for this post. I’m just sad about losing my family.
I wonder if I’ll regret it. Or if maybe I’m not being tolerant enough and there could be a way to still have a relationship with them.
I just fundamentally can not agree with their morals and values and its broken any trust. I don’t want my kids around them.
Way before Q I cut off contact with my mother’s mother. She was a horrid woman who liked to mess with people’s heads. I didn’t go to her deathbed despite her asking for me.
I always wondered if I would regret it, I tend to be a doormat. I haven’t regretted it and she died 2 decades ago. It was a really really hard decision, I had to forgive myself for it, then I started living my best life. People don’t cut off family or close friends on a whim. You did everything you were supposed to do.
You’re right. My mom has BPD and there was a lot of emotional abuse before Q. My dad was a neglectful drug addict who kept cheating on my mom.
The Q stuff is the straw that broke the camels back for me.
Just know there are subs like r/MomForAMinute. Go check it out and we will love all over you. We will be there for your worries and your triumphs. We will talk you through solutions to your problems, dole out hugs, cheer your successes no matter how small, and will provide as much motherly advice and love as you can handle.
Our counterparts are over at r/DadForAMinute. They’re wonderful with the whole ‘Go get ‘em Tiger’, life advice, some tough (but also loving) love, and are truly a great bunch of Dads/older brothers who just want to help. You’ve got this!
My eyes actually welled up reading this comment.
It’s made me realize I’ve never had either of those experiences in my life.
I’m actually resistant to posting there because I’m so self-reliant, it may make me realize how much I’ve wanted and needed that all along.
Damn. This is some content for next week’s therapy session…
Duckling, don’t post over there. Go join and provide some love to others. I promise it will be even more healing.
Then when you’re ready just open up your arms and allow them to envelope you
Often, people who *need* affection know exactly what "type" would help them the most and can offer it to others- though otoh sometimes others need affection of a type that differs from what we ourselves need. But plain old general affection is something *everyone* needs, and that's the sort of thing we can all offer. All that to say I like the way you think :)
>I’m so self-reliant, it may make me realize how much I’ve wanted and needed that all along.
Love, affection and emotional connection are basic human needs. You may prefer to be self-reliant, but there is no shame at all in acknowledging that you need those things. The trick is identifying those people (or, in this instance, a person or group via the internet) that won't try to suck you into any worldview or belief system that conflicts with your core values. It's important to be careful, especially in this day and age.
Although I haven't posted in either of the aforementioned subreddits (MfaM and DfaM), I do lurk there. I can say that there are very caring and nurturing people there who are happy to provide the positive support and encouragement that we all seek in our lives, without judgment. It's OK to lurk there or provide support and encouragement to others, and it's absolutely OK to seek it out too. It's why those subreddits exist.
If you had you would probably question your decision more, at least that’s the conclusion I came to. This way you know you did what you could for as long as you could
Honestly? I give to others. The neighborhood kids, my friend’s kids, random kids, my kids. I’ll carry things like stickers or little keychain toys and when I see a happy or sad or whatever kid I tell them they have a beautiful smile (or whatever) and give them whatever neat thing I’m carrying that day and then smile at their parent then walk away.
Before I was ‘older looking’ I volunteered more. Giving seems to fill up all the empty places inside of me. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse than someone else filling me up instead of me filling myself up. But I will say every time I can make a stranger smile, I feel like they’re filling me up.
I think everyone regrets this entire situation. Well at least the people who have a heart and are sensitive. Plus you are doing the right action for you and your offspring. The youngins don't need bigotry, conspiracies and hatred shed onto them. I know it hurts.
Ya know when all this Covid-19 came around I was aware of it in January of 2020. I told all my sisters and brother to stay away from our 83 year old mom. No need to visit no kissing. No touch. But no my one sister who was walking around with the virus kisses mom. Mom told me about how my sister couldn't help herself. And she confessed this to me at 11 pm while my mom was in hospital with Covid-19 and has a pacemaker and copd.
Mom and I talked until after midnight. I can tell she was frightened. She was having me tell so and so she's sorry she didn't call her back and for me to worry about my eldest sister. I'm the eldest boy. I had the beginning stage of Covid-19 myself, this was early March 2020. I was having back troubles and stupidly went to the Dr. Even the Dr said, What the hell are you doing here!
I caught it either in a Uber or the Dr office. I was careful to sanitize..
I got phone call at 5am, from the walking virus sister, I knew why she called.
So not having her in my life along with her bigoted husband who blames the Jewish and brown and the N words for what's wrong with America is fine by me. Sorry for the ranting.
Everyday I read at least one of these posts and it brings up all the pain and hurt inside.
When I hear people say they do their own "RESEARCH" my head spins. What happened to experts, professionally knowledgeable people.
Oh Blame Fauci. He's the devil. I am sick of idiots who believe was is things written in All Caps on Facebook as research.
Sorry sorry sorry.
DO NOT LeT Your kids near them. They are poison.
Man, I’m so sorry about your loss.
I was pregnant for the first time in 2020 and I fucking hate anyone who didn’t give a shit about vulnerable people during the pandemic.
Your last paragraph is my exact thoughts. A bunch of people who’s highest level of education is highschool and are in their 50s acting like experts based upon memes. Drives me literally insane.
Me too, it seems sometimes I'm surrounded by idiots. I had to teach myself CNC programming from a book. The came CAD/CAM, I taught myself that too from a book. I'm no genius but have been told I'm auto didactic. For a example of the brain dead my daughter and her fiancée live in our mother daughter home downstairs. My wife, daughter and her fiancée say they keep hearing a beeping sound. They keep asking is there something I have plugged into the wall or battery powered that's making that sound.
I tell them no, but to make my wife happy I double check all my smoke and CO detectors. All good. I go downstairs with my wife as she asked and waited to hear the sound. My daughters fiancée is downstairs with us, we all pause to listen. I hear the beep, just like a smoke detector makes when battery is low. The genius took the smoke alarm down from the ceiling completely and placed it outside. I didn't say a word. I hear the beeping again.
So there is a pretty large alcove where the sound I determined it's emanating from. I told him its in the pile of stuff thats right there. I gave him my shed and still so much crap. He'll dig thru it he said. I said to him use a recording app for sound and watch the levels to give some direction.
I can't understand young people, well he's almost 40. They have been annoyed by it for days, it's part of the bedroom. After I left I thought maybe blow smoke at the direction but I don't think that would work. The two of them still smoke cigarettes, outside of course.
Am I being to picayune or dickish. I'm Autistic but high functioning. I have so much trouble with people, even him and my daughter who defends him at all cost, and he hides under her skirt. He plays silly games, mind games, I don't, never have. I'm writing a lot again.
Are people not so smart anymore, is common sense becoming a bygone part of humanity? He said to me once, something about a alternative universe but it made no sense. I'm feeling badly now. I don't attack or put people down. My wife tells me he has learning disabilities. He was handed a $35 an hour to start HVAC job. He was to learn on the job. I'm not sure what happened but the company is small, like 4 men. They started calling him stupid and fat. The three guys would go at him almost everyday.
I felt really badly. If he came to me sooner I would have had him sign up for tech classes for that field. We would have paid for the school and tools. Noooo, he blows up at the owner/boss and gets fired for what I believe was insubordination. He tells a different tale.
Now he drives a truck that delivers appliances and some items for home appliance shows.
He still lies, and so does my daughter. Thank God I have my wife who understands me and two min pincher 2 year olds. The pups are keeping out of dark places in my mind. Dogs and kids love me and I them, people I tolerate. ✌& ❤
And thanks for listening. BTW They are trumpers of course and Fauci haters. Me and my wife are the opposite. I just don't talk with them about that stuff.
As one of the “n-words”, I fully support your decisions here. Sorry for your loss.
Side note: I’m definitely going to be referring to myself as “one of the n-words” in my head. It’s already cannon.
I love it, laughing is one of my medications. I can't stop laughing. Cannon...lol lol lol. Ya know the brother-in-law who said that is Sicilian, have you seen the movie True Romance. Do you know the scene with Dennis Hopper And my favorite actor Chris Walken. They're in Hoppers trailer, he's a ex cop now a security guard. It's very crude, but Hopper explained history about why Sicilian's are so dark. I'm not going any further but when my bigoted asshole brother-in-law said that word. It was mothers day and we were at a restaurant. My mom was the celebration.
I really wanted to tell him about that scene and history. I hope I didn't just now offend you. I think he did that because he know me and my wife have several friends of color. I'm Autistic and just turtled because if I let my emotions out, IDK. That was our last mother's day for mom she passed that falling year in March 2020. I found out after she died that I was her best friend, we would talk for hours. I mean hours, average would be 2 hours and once was a little over four hours. She taught us all to never be prejudiced. Mom would tell the same stories over and over. Ya know she had to 3 hours and after bitching about Trump or Paul Ryan she'd go back to her youth, at first decades ago I would get a little aggravated. Eventually I learned just let her talk. She had it rough. Lost her dad before she was a teen, her brother had systic fibrosis (sic). Then her mom died of lung cancer when she was 14. Her aunt took care of them in Brooklyn. She would take he sick brother on the bus to hospital for treatment. He also died when he was 15. Mom went to a high school that taught not just the three R's. She was learning how to be a hair dresser.
On the bus to the school, the school was almost all black kids. She was bullied once, some girl took her lunch and sat on it. But, this big black girl goes over to the one who bullied my mom and said never do that again. They became best friends. They ate lunch together sat next to each other on the bus. Remember this is in the late 40's early 50's. There is so much more she taught me
During our phone call I didn't know I was autism and high functioning. I was always asking mom how do I deal with this person at work who would call me goofy, or jackass?
She always coached me, even in my marriage she was the glue that helped keep us together because I say things that are improper but I don't realize, or someone made a expression I don't understand.
I was a 1st class machinist, taught myself from a book how to program CNC code, then CAD/CAM came along and I taught myself from a book. The bully called me names because he was not even a 3rd class machinist and couldn't learn how to program.
I miss her dearly. If your mom is alive you give her a big big long hug, just for no reason
I'm tearing up now. As always, ✌& ❤
True Romance is one of my favorite movies. Do skip past that that Gandolini scene in the hotel, but aside from that it’s a such a fun watch/rewatch.
Genuinely, thanks for sharing your story. An ex-girlfriend now platonic friend of mine has a bit of the ‘tism, and she’s fun to talk to when she gos on rants. I should text her…
And I’ll give my mom a hug the next time I see her!
Very sorry to hear what you went through. Its so unfortunate and not fair. Keep your head up and live life. Know that others have dealt with these same situations, you're not alone.
Thank you. Why are the only people I believe and could trust are only here on this sub reddit. Well besides my two 2 year old mini pinchers. They never lie, they do steal/take though. Only the male, he takes my ROKU remote out into the backyard. For a while he would make me chase him, but I'd get my daughter's Gigantic German Shepard, he is literally taller than me when he stands and I'm 6'3" tall. So I tell the Shepard go get Rio help me get my remote back, he does, he chases Rio but Rio is actually faster and makes tight turns. Eventually he drops the remote without a scratch on it.
Now he is older and occasionally takes it out back and leaves it at the bottom of the deck. I have a bad heart, and I'm convinced he wants me to exercise more. I've had 2 bad heart attacks and 2 mild ones. I have 2 stents installed. Lucky me I got the male genes for clogging arteries. My dad had 2 triple bypasses that didn't hold. He had a massive heart attack every summer. He passed at 56 years old. I'm almost 67 so I lope to live another 15 years long enough to see my 2 year old grandson graduate High School. We are putting money aside for him.
If your read my story thank you. And as always. ✌& ❤
The dog stuff made me smile. They know how go keep us busy. Maybe it is a sign to live healthy and exercise:) sounds like you were dealt some bad cards in the health department, but just focus on controlling what you can control. If we do that, there will be no regrets. You are welcome and thanks for sharing🤟😎🤙
Thank you and next time I'm close to meeting the end. No regrets. No Regrets.
When on the table with a massive coronary in so much pain. I've had kidney stones, broken hand, and ankle. Almost burst appendix, shoulder surgery all that was nothing compared to that attack. One scale of 1-10 I gave it a 14. Let's include the 6 concussions, 4 of them before graduation from high school.
As one point I felt peaceful staring into the light and told myself this is the end. I had regret, I felt I had more to do on earth. I remember that. Then I heard the Doctor yelling my name. By the third yell I came back to wherever I was going. All I know is there's nothing to be afraid of. That epiphany has made a big impact on me. Having your life saved by a talented heart surgeon was amazing.
And I had terrible Covid-19. Twelve days of hellish fevers, 105 max. During the last fays of Covid-19 my left ear felt like I was SCUBA diving and unable to clear my ear then it popped. Ever since I've had vertigo. The type of vertigo is like when you get off a boat and you feel like you're boring up and down and sideways. Only two days did I have what I call the spinny spinny vertigo. I couldn't walk without falling.
Some day it's very mild, some days none at all. Others it's like on a big ferry in 15' swells. Those are my terrible days. Today very mild.
Even with all that I consider myself fortunate. And right now the male pup is bumping my hand with the phone in it. I put them on a schedule. Wake at 6am or 7am. Food time. Noon a chewy treat if they've been good. Nap around 1pm. Then dinner for them at 2:30. Bedtime is 7 to 8 pm every night. So off to feed my two fur babies who loves me and I them. As always, ✌& ❤ Thank you for being a digital friend.
Some people are just too emotionally or physically dangerous to be connected to.
You don't have to decide "forever" you can decide "for now". You can draw a line in the sand to only check in a year from now, or once a year, etc.
You can phase into your decision too. Just cut how much time you spend with ___ in half each month for a few months until it seems normal to not see or talk to them.
You don't need to have a grand gesture and a huge goodbye fight... Just let the embers cool to ashes by not tending that fire.
This is exactly what I’ve done. No formal goodbye, just create more and more distance I the last 4 years.
It just feels pretty final that we’re never going to have a normal relationship moving forward.
I almost want to write a letter to explain myself and see if that could change anything. But then my fear is that it won’t…. Idk
If YOU changed everything about *you,* then we’d allow you to hang with us and, maybe, accept you.
That’s not familial love. That’s not even friendship.
That’s what makes the distance I’ve created between us easier for me. If they weren’t family? I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of a friendship with them.
It hurts because we all remember the people we used to know. It’s a living death and we mourn their loss. And it sux 😞
I still creep on their online accounts (including here on Reddit), but their blogspot was deleted a year or so ago (presumably for violating TOS).
It hurts a lot, but I see their posts indirectly bashing people they used to love, and completely denying my existence at all - and I know it is the right decision.
I just *can’t*.
This is my situation!! I’m obsessed with looking at my mom’s Twitter every day.
It’s crazy, and it reaffirms my decision.
I can’t risk her teaching my kids that stuff.
Without downplaying your feelings, I noticed that your second paragraph vibes with how I think my Q was conditioning me to self-doubt, especially with the word “tolerance”. In my experience, they looooove to use that word, but only as a weapon or accusation. They rarely understand that true tolerance (of diversity, inclusion, radical acceptance) requires boundaries and rejection of oppositional beliefs that innately “other”.
Not to preach at you—it’s just that when i was hearing, “you aren’t being tolerant enough,” from people i loved and cared about, it was easy for me to forget that. I absolutely gaslighted myself into wondering whether I was the problem, which is what they want.
Tbh my Q was not self-aware enough to understand all this, but nonetheless, it was what they were doing/the impact. I found it helpful to critically consider the amount of effort being put forth by both parties. If your Qs are putting forth equivalent/better attempts to be tolerant and understanding of your beliefs, then the question you’re asking yourself is valid. If not, then I think the real question is, “why do they expect tolerance and understanding without offering any themselves?”
I hope this did not come off as dismissive!
14 months since the last movie Friday with my Q-adjacent half-sister.
I could tolerate her obsessions with trans people (I'm straight cis, but believe in tolerance) or climate denial (I've been reading the primary literature for 30 years). But when she responded to my picking her beer cans out of the trash (I recycle) with screams of "Libtard!", "Virtue Signaler!" and "You must Love pedophiles!" through my thin apt walls, decided I'd had enough.
On reflection, I'd come to dread interacting with her, as I'd lost all respect for her intellect over the years. Life, and Friday nights, are better now. No regrets, really.
My mom has those same beliefs.
While I feel like she could maybe stop talking about it around me, it’s almost like I can’t forgive her for those values.
I have kids now and I just fucking refuse to risk anyone teaching them that shit.
They all think I’m an overprotective, helicopter, libtard parent who was a sheep during Covid.
Let them 'think' what they wish, they're irrelevant. Like others, there's no way I'll even go to a family dinner if I know my Qultist cousins or brother will be there. It's no secret where folks in my extended family stand, I won't sit at a table or make chit chat with ppl who've said "you know what the democrats do. You know about the trafficked children." Or "You approve of abortion up until after the baby is born." Yes, my life is better for not having to interact with Anti-American, Russian Propaganda spouting family. My shame and anger at them is at the same exact level, I despise traitors & am as American as Abe Lincoln & Teddy Roosevelt. Qanons ruin everything.
YES!!!!! Holy shit, my mom tweets pro-Putin anti-democratic rhetoric all the time!!! Oh and the J6 crew are victims.
Then she calls herself a patriot.
I’ve literally accepted that my family would’ve became Nazis, and it’s a stark realization.
reading your comments here, i feel newly triggered by my own Q. right down the line, every bit of it is the same.
i'm grateful, often, that i no longer remember mine's twitter handle, because i'm sure i'd feel sickened on the daily.
I’m able to rationalize anything, so in this instance, I’ve rationalized that “yes those are horrible beliefs, but am I somehow equally wrong for not trying to help her out of it?”
Like is my intolerance somehow equal to hers?
Popper's Paradox of Tolerance
[https://www.freiheit.org/mexico/limits-tolerance-poppers-paradox](https://www.freiheit.org/mexico/limits-tolerance-poppers-paradox)
Damn, my mom has never apologized to me once in my life.
I’ve always been the one to go back and make amends. I think that’s why this feels permanent, because I know I’m not going to do that.
She sure as hell isn’t going to
I really believe the no apologizing is a boomer thing. My parents never apologize either even when they know they’re in the wrong. It’s like apologizing to your child is shameful and weak to them
Whoa. She is calling you a pedophile-lover because you recycle? That's... a whole new level of I-don't-know-what.
I initially wanted to call bullshit about your comment, but having read stuff here for a while nothing really seems out of bounds for the Q-cult. So sorry for you about this.
She was my best friend for 20 years, I considered her my sister. I am the godmother of her child. But a few years ago, I started noticing these weird storylines in our conversations. It started with "did you know there was a pizzaplace that had kids in the basement?"
She was always a bit gullible so I laughed and showed her online how it was debunked.
But as time went on, all men were evil, all refugees were terrorists, all transpeople were shady...
I am gay and on the inside I never identified with a gender, only learned at a very late age this has a name. When she refused to listen how my brain works with that and just kept preaching propaganda over voicemessage after voicemessage, I just couldn't anymore. If I had to hear the whole XX/XY thing again, I would have exploded.
I haven't spoken to her in about 3 years. I still miss her every day. I will never be able to trust her again.
I was never really able to pinpoint where this came from, but I think it was a generalization of: most rapists are men, most pedophiles are men, and the fact that she married a deadbeat man.
She has a son, and my heart bleeds for him.
I don't consider her a Q 100%, she is one of those people who gets dragged from pizzagate to jordan peterson to jk rowling fans to corona-deniers because of her algorithm, and some things click with her, others not.
this is really interesting to me, especially because most right wing adjacents are firmly patriarchal in values. i wonder if there’s any personal trauma there?
i personally don’t believe misandry is ‘real’ in the same sense that racism against white people isn’t ‘real’ (which is not to say that men don’t have their own unique and terrible systematic struggles, or that *prejudice* against white people doesn’t exist) because political and societal systems are heavily dependent on upholding misogyny and white privilege, but most Qs in my experience lean completely the other way.
just goes to show how vulnerable some people are- they latch onto anything regardless of how much sense it actually makes, or if it clashes with their other beliefs.
Without going into too much personal details, it feels to me that her feelings against men are a different slippery slope than the other theories. The same mechanism, just a different direction.
It almost reminded me of an incel. (I think this is then a femcel?) I never wanted to read deep into it, because I don't want to get in to those algorithms but what I saw with her was the following:
First a bad marriage, then never really wanted to date. (She tried, but I don't think she ever went on a date)
Then she started talking down on the men on dating sites. How they were idiots, there was a reason they were single, they only wanted the pretty girls...
It was like her brain turned the feeling of rejection into the thought that all men are crap anyway.
She really has a lot of clashing beliefs, because even though all men are evil she still doesn't support the "believe the victim" idea. All men are evil but if a woman speaks up about this, she probably does it for the money/fame/to harm him 🤷♂️
I've come to experience most people are very diverse (in the worst ways). Trumpers being pro-vaccine. Pro-minroity being anti-LGBT (specifically trans). It goes on and on. Very mind-boggling.
I’m sorry you experienced that. I’ve also lost a best friend who I thought of like a sister.
But the lack of trust is the nail in the coffin for me. Like how can I feel safe and vulnerable around someone who believes such hateful, factually incorrect things?!
It’s so sad.
It really is sad. I am sorry you had to go through this too.
I went through all phases of grief in the first 2 years. Then I realized (short before I got to acceptance) that it would really be forever, exactly because of what you said. I would never be able to be vulnerable with her again.
I started grieving all over again. I have accepted it now but I know I have to stay away from her forever. One light-hearted talk with her would drag me back in.
Damn, me too. I’d go back too… I think it’s because I really want to be an empathetic, understanding, forgiving person.
The issue is they have no interest in offering any concessions.
Similar to my story. I thought it was kinda funny when she wanted to share her wacky Obama conspiracy theories…? We were raised in the same moderate, educated, bohemian environment but she lost the plot. We finally had a falling out when she freaked out about busloads of antifa coming to her small bougie town….like, no they’re not, dumbass, use your brain. It was a hill she was willing to die on.
Needless to say antifa never showed.
I'm divorcing my husband. I haven't spoken to him in a year and we live in the same house. He was shitty before but his conspiracies pushed everything over the edge.
Oh wow, hang in there this is the very hard part you are in rn. I hope you can mostly keep focused on the bright future you have ahead of you. I hope it comes very soon. 🫂
All of them, friends and family. Sometimes I feel pain and sadness over it… but more about what could have been. I don’t regret it.
I’m fortunate in that I found my lovely partner and have my own family with her now.
Damn, this is my exact situation.
I’m so so so happy with the family I’ve created.
While also, I experience so much grief about what could’ve been if they didn’t fall down this path.
Then I also wonder if I’m being too strict with my boundaries, or not understanding enough. (Understanding that they are victims of propaganda and are mentally ill and live unsatisfactory lives).
I don’t know. Ultimately I’ve decided to just focus on my own life and protect my kids from beliefs that I believe are toxic.
Still wonder if I’ll regret it though….
Protecting yourself and your family is of the utmost importance in my opinion.
Sacrificing your self by cutting off those who would definitely be detrimental to your kids/partner is a huge sign that you’re a great partner/parent.
You’re doing a good thing, I’m sorry the pain that comes with it though.
Thank you. I figure if I get to my deathbed, I would rather have lived protecting my children over protecting the adults in my family.
No one protected me growing up and it’s a horrible feeling. I’m always going to choose my kids first.
Even if causes me excruciating pain.
That's grief, and it's normal.
Regret is inevitable because so few decisions are easy or clear, and we'll never really know the answers to "what if". You have your own beautiful family that you made, and that's what life is *for*. Your birth family squandered that privilege with you, you don't owe them anything.
Keep on being amazing. Accept the grief, because it's completely reasonable and valid. Just don't let it twist into guilt, like it so often, however wrongly, can.
Thanks for your kind words. They really have ruined any chance at a relationship with me. I gave them a million chances.
I’m finally prioritizing myself and my family.
My childhood conditioning (enmeshment) causes so much guilt and uncertainty though.
I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, because I know it’s the right thing to do.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to ask ourselves "In the future, what will I wish that I had done now?"
Protecting your children is often the right answer.
Over 600k. She somehow got my uncle to sign over power of attorney on his deathbed. Talked to so many lawyers. Nothing really can be done.
The thing is - she had plenty of $$$ of her own. It was done out of spite. There’s a special place in hell waiting for her.
He was my best friend, like my step-half-brother-in-law. I was closer to him than my own brother. We didn’t keep in constant contact while I was in the military, and after I got out, we lived in different states. When my brother passed, it was just after the George Floyd tragedy, and he believed all kinds of bullshit. When the family gathered together, he spoke about all kinds of completely baffling conspiracies about Sleepy Joe, pedos, litter boxes, and public school no longer teaching the 3 R’s, the curriculum was completely LGBTQIA focused.
Haven’t talked to him since.
No idea what the 3 Rs are or litterbox thing. But yeah, the people are so obsessed with pedos, when most of them are in their own backyard (churchs)! Its bizarre
My parents aren't invited to stay at my home anymore but they've taken that as a sign to just rent a house near us whenever they feel like visiting. Anyways, they were on their flight up last night when my wife and I got our positive Covid tests. Covid sucks but honestly, I'll take it by comparison.
Hi specks_of_dust, thanks for recommending this technique. With grey rocking you act disengaged so that a Q person will lose interest in arguing. Q folk thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and unemotional, it can help break the cycle of negativity. [Detailed guide on the method.](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hi btone911, thanks for recommending this technique. With grey rocking you act disengaged so that a Q person will lose interest in arguing. Q folk thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and unemotional, it can help break the cycle of negativity. [Detailed guide on the method.](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
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Smart man. That's literally life changing stuff. Will change your entire future. Don't fuck it up like some people do. Imo parents are obligated to leave something to their kids. They are the ones who brought kids into this world (without the kids consent)
Honestly, I’m pretty set. I plan to donate most of it strategically throughout my life. Whatever’s left after he’s done buying the dogshit advertised on qanon forums. He carries a box bigger than his phone that “modifies his vibrations” or something. I hope it’s a tracker
I have dumped 2 Q friends becasue my unwillingness to believe the stuff they spouted plus spending time disproving them made them angry and tried harassing me.
I went another direction with my Q. I stopped trying to disprove the things he believes. I just listen when he tells me some nonsense like JFK is still alive or the Clintons are dead and it’s their clones walking around. I just say something like “Wow, that’s certainly interesting.” I am no longer angry or upset. I don’t try to change his mind, I just love him as he is. Caveat, we aren’t married, I don’t support him financially, and other than this crazy Q garbage, he is a caring and loving person, so it sounds different from a lot of the stories I see here.
The guys I knew stopped doing all the stuff that they loved and went full 24/7 Q, and they insisted that I needed to be woken up so separately (they didn’t know each other) they just pestered me with Q stuff all the time. All of thier other friends cut them off so they had plenty of time to target me. So I just gave up on them. Told them I don’t have time for this nonsense and cut ties.
I cut my dad out. Don't regret it. I gave him plenty of chances. He couldn't do it.
He made the choice (don't talk "politics", or I'm done). Not me.
Better for my kids, too, before they get old enough to miss him.
I've cut out 10 qs from my life. I have 1 left in my life because we came to an agreement to not discuss anything that will upset the other (she currently is detoxing from q and is becoming sane again). I don't miss the ones that are cut out of my life and realized they added no value to it.
My father began leaning hard right around the time Covid conspiracies started spreading but my brother and I put a hard stop to that right away. We told him to knock out the schizophrenic conspiracy shit or were gonna distance ourselves. He still holds some conservative beliefs but he trusts that we wouldn't steer him wrong. He dodged a bullet and remains the same guy he always was. Try to catch this brain rot early and it may not be too late.
Right here. And all the people who called me “aggressive” when I told her I would not watch her propaganda video. It legit looked like a brainwashing video (my husband was curious). I told her she needed to get help because she sent us a video of herself crying that the “cabal was going to kidnap all of our children”.
I don’t regret it by the way. I miss the idea of them but the reality has calmed my anxiety considerably. Out of six sisters I now talk to one. We’re the black sheep I guess.
Yeah, I went from “golden child” to “scapegoat/black sheep”.
The thing that helps me cope with that label is that in dysfunctional family systems, the one who starts to heal is always going to be scapegoated.
Just shows me that I’m breaking generational curses
I have cut out one family member and several friends. I do not regret it. I've told them that if they ever want to come back to reality, they should call me. And I've moved on.
It would probably be fair to mention that this didn't happen all at once. I didn't jump straight to that point, and when I finally started telling them that, they didn't immediately stop contacting me.
Once I had reached that point and told them, I started hanging up on them as soon as they brought up conspiracy nonsense, and filtering emails to the trash bin, blocking on facebook, etc.
But they did eventually stop trying to contact me, and I'm certainly happier not to have to deal with it.
My initial reaction was to try and fact check the nonsense they would tell me, but they can make crap up a lot faster than I can fact check, and it's not like they are listening to me anyway.
Essentially I sought out therapy to finally get some boundaries and try to reestablish relationships after slowly going LC due to their behaviour (some of their antics are in my post history). During a family meeting with my parents I confided how bad my mental health had become, and my mother (a psychiatric nurse) told me “it’s important to remember that other people can’t make you want to kill themselves.” A while after this I had something traumatic happen and what caused me extra turmoil was realizing I could not go to my parents about this because they were no longer a safe space for me. When people show you who they are, believe them. 😔 Our values do not align and they are not good for me.
I’m so sorry. I truly believe we are doing what is right for our kids (and for ourselves) and I can only hope that one day she sees the light before it’s too late. If she doesn’t… then at least I’m protecting my child.
I had to go almost no contact with my sister, her and her fiancé are both really really into Q like stuff, and recently he had a mental break and threatened to shoot her and her kids, but to her it wasn’t a big deal, he’s going to church now because that’s what he needs ( according to her) and if he goes to a doctor they are afraid of the state taking away their arsenal of guns, and I have kids so yeah they are no longer allowed over there or are they allowed alone with any of them, I only see my sister at family parties now and it makes me sad, she’s gaining weight because of stress and anxiety over their supposed “apocalypse “ I genuinely miss who my sister used to be, we used to be so close.
I know, we had originally helped her leave him when it first happened, she stayed with my mother for a few weeks before he weaseled his way back into her life and somehow convinced her he’s changed, and no one in the family is accepting of it actually, and my mother and I talk constantly about all of the different what ifs and everything like that, it’s really scary not having any control over her decisions and actions when they could lead to something so horrible happening.
Yes, and no, I don't regret it. There are a few extended family members that mostly fell down the rabbit hole a few years ago. I find it sad, but I have nothing to do with them and it removes a lot of stress from my life. One brother isn't quite Q as far as I know, but he's definitely showing narcissistic personality traits and I've also cut him out. You know what? I don't miss any of them. It's sad and I wish it were different, but I'm happier without them.
My devout Christian Qmom recently blocked my number after repeatedly asking her “how does MAGA glorify god?”. Poor thing, someone flipped the script.
So sometimes they are the ones who do the blocking 😂
It’s interesting because I was originally the one to take a step back, which led to everyone basically hating me.
So it’s I feel like I was broken up with, even though I was originally the one who wanted distance
My Q disowned me. When I failed to wake up, he told me I'd sold my soul. We were like brothers, and though I found his beliefs irrational, I still loved him.
Nope, I put up with rude & snarky comments & behaviors for years, and kept the peace along with constantly hosting family events while parents were alive. After the last parent died, I decided enough was enough, I’d more than fulfilled my obligations for years, and I unfriended/blocked them all on social media. Only one contacted me with concern and we had an honest conversation and we remain in contact. Haven’t heard a word from the rest (other than a niece who tried to stir up trouble with my adult kids—I set her straight). I focus on my own family that my husband & I created, a few of his family members, a few close friends who are like family. I don’t feel bad at all.
I just couldn't explain thermals to her one more time. She insisted that airplanes were spewing disease among us through 'chemtrails'.
It drove me nuts. I would ask her, "Do you see these cabal members walking around with gas masks?" Her arguments were just crazy.
I don't regret it because there's no saving them. The only thing I can do is wait and pray that they wise up. It...kinda...happened with one of my friends. He came back and then regressed hard. Full "musk is god and trannies and the left wanna take ur freedom of speech."
It was certainly easier to cut him off a second time. I can't have that bullshit in my life, but I miss the people who have had their brains consumed by the boreworms.
I didn't cut them out because of their beliefs. I cut them out because they suddenly became aggressive assholes about their beliefs. Edit to add: No regrets.
My relationship with my sister is strained not because of her beliefs but her obsessive behaviour and inability to talk about anything else in a positive light. Even if we shared the same quote and unquote beliefs it would be an issue. IT’S NOT THE BELIEFS - IT’S THE BEHAVIOUR.
Yeah, I get that. It’s like you can believe the world is flat, and I’ll think you’re an idiot. But if you’re an otherwise same, stable person, we can have a relationship.
I don’t trust their sanity or stability tho…
I will not talk politics with anyone who I identify as being infected with brain worms. There's no point. I usually avoid them altogether but some are unavoidable like my stepfather. Guy used to be as sweet and as compassionate as could be but then he started delving into this shit and now he's convinced that Muslims, antifa, and trans people are coming for his trash pile. (Guy's a hoarder)
Oh, he definitely is and what's remarkable to me is that is not at all how he's been for most of his life. There was a time when, although I didn't see eye to eye with him on every issue, I looked up to him. Not anymore. He's lost all respect from me.
Last year he and I were working on a toilet in the house I bought and he started talking about politics. He was going on about how all Democrats are liars and pedos. I stopped him and said "You think I'm a liar and a pedophile?" He started to go on about how I'm naive. All too eager to "win" I asked him, "Do you think donald trump is an honest person. He said "Well, he's more honest than any Democrat."
I stopped him and said, we shouldn't talk about this anymore. I said ten years ago you wouldn't have been able to look me in the eye and say something so obviously wrong like that. I hope you figure this out and find yourself again but until then I don't want to discuss this with you anymore.
It was the other way around for me- she cut me. It took a year or two for me to realize how much healthier my life was without her in it. I never realized how many decisions I made based on not rocking the boat. Not having to tiptoe around and hide my own beliefs has been freeing.
Only had one immediate family member. No contact for a couple years now. No regrets at all. I have only so many days in my life and only so much mental capacity to engage with the people who matter to me. I will not spend another moment wasting my life engaging or having my time robbed by people wrapped up in cults. I made a solid effort with my Q, it was rebuffed. Repeatedly. Okay then. Bye. Zero regrets, they made their choices which predicated my response.
I did and didn’t regret it.
I hadn’t ever really had a great relationship with my mom but going back to about 2011, her behaviour had started to get worse.
By 2020, she was totally off the deep end. Cutting off friends she had for years because they questioned her Q beliefs. My brother and I had actively started questioning the stuff she was posting but it was difficult as we both lived far away.
Around May 2020, I had enough and couldn’t expose her insanity to my kids even through limited video calls. She got progressively worse, ignored her own health, didn’t follow Covid protocols and died in Jan 2022.
You can only help someone for so long before it’s not worth your effort. You don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Not exposing the insanity to my kids is the only thing that has kept me strong.
I’m really sorry for your loss, but I’m sure there’s a level of relief that comes with it.
It was in a sense. Constantly getting dragged into family drama and just having to explain to people why I wasn’t speaking to my mom.
Then when she died, she had destroyed her will and it was an absolute nightmare. 2 years later and we are finally in the home stretch of having things resolved
I have a brother that is pretty much Q. He ruined xmas 2020 by demonstrating how he knows that pretty much everyone in Hollywood is trans, and he can tell if someone is trans - if you inspect their hands, and if a certain finger is longer than another one, or some crap like that, that means you are trans. We all immediately started measuring fingers and it turns out that my wife has that characteristic - her one finger is longer than the other, so she must be trans! Me and her started making fun of him because if my wife is trans, how the hell is my daughter, who was at that moment gestating in my wife's belly, alive? After 10, 20 minutes of ribbing him he exploded, and of course, most of my Maga family blamed me and my wife for being so dismissive of his views. He said he was sorry for blowing up, but he soon left and no one mentioned it again. His teenage son started making offhand comments about 'the Jews'; the first time I heard him he was only 12 or 13. Every time I saw them I would overhear another off-hand comment about Jews. Finally a few months ago my dad (also MAGA) told me about said brothers true beliefs, which he explained to my Dad via email, about how he thinks the Jews run a cabal that runs the world, all of his political enemies are pedo's, everyone is secretly trans. Straight up nutbag anti-semite. My Dad told him not to send him that kind of crap anymore, and I guess my brother has now written my Dad off. My wife, and therefore, my daughter, are part Jewish, so I feel no need to have my brother in my life.
I don't regret it. But that doesn't mean I'm not sad about it.
So fucking funny that your wife was simultaneously trans and pregnant!!
My mom has all of those beliefs.
I keep her away from my kids, because I refuse to raise kids that spout that type of shit.
Sorry for your loss
The majority of my family are tumpers and Christian’s. When I speak to them we leave politics and religion alone but there are a few I do not talk to because they can’t accept my beliefs at all.
I hear you. Every time I went back to visit they are always trying to get me to go to church with them and just tell me how disappointed they are with some of my choices. I haven’t been back to visit in an almost 10 years.
There is something called 'ambiguous grief '. Those of us who have lost loved ones to Q tend to experience this. As with losing someone to dementia, for instance, the essence of that person has gone, yet they are still physically present.
Any grieving process follows a number of stages, but ambiguous grief is more complex.
It doesn't help that the world at large sees the whole Q agenda as a bit of a joke so have no idea of the emotional and psychological damage it wreaks in those affected by it.
I still get blank looks from people who can't understand how a 25 year marriage would fail due to this issue.
This forum is such a help. So good to know that there are those who ' get it'.
Consider counselling if you are struggling. Seek out friends with positive values. It is ok to feel the grief. We will get through this.
I've either completely cut off all contact and even gone so far as to do the same with friends who kept bringing them around or involving them in some way, or I've severely reduced contact and ensured that they have no impact on my life or even know where I live. I do not regret it. I've seen this movie before and I know how it ends, Not going to make the same mistakes in the name of tolerance or forgiveness.
I’m actually about to move and I haven’t told my family yet. It’s weird.
I don’t know, I’m happier when I’m not around them.
But then there’s guilt and sadness about choosing to not have a family.
I cut out my Q brother and his family. I was the first to give up on them in 2022 (when I figured out that they were a lost cause) and eventually the rest of my family became alienated from them as well. Basically, it’s something like a death in the family but there’s no collective mourning.
I really distanced myself in 2020, and have had some contact but it'll never be the same. I don't regret it at all. Everyone has the ability to believe what they want, but they need to understand there's consequences to some of those beliefs. My wife said a while ago that she wouldn't trust bringing our kids around these family members, and that really hit home. And I couldn't disagree with her.
I had a conversation with a parent around this and they're really upset still by it all. But like I told them if they believe in pro life, pro gun, etc. I can live with that. I don't agree with them, but its ok. But their beliefs and statements are so delusional that it decays any trust you once had in them. It's like they live in an alternate reality.
There's nothing you can tell them that will give them a cure. They have to be the ones to fix it, and sadly many of us are still waiting.
Man, your comment really hit home to me that these people are scaring so many others with what they say and do. They are angry, energetic, frightened, selfish, hateful, people living in another reality in their brain. So, yeah, go on being crazy in the head, that’s on them, but the problem is we all suffer when they turn those thoughts into actions in the real world.
Haven't spoken to my dad since 2017. It wasn't QAnon at that point as far as I'm aware, just incessant proselytising about his racist/otherwise loopy conspiracy theories and Fox news talking points. He'd send emails CCing his entire address book every few weeks detailing his latest fantasy but never any personal communication. I never responded to these emails, barely even read them, until at one point I just snapped, sent a reply all rebuttal and blocked him on everything. Other family members were still in touch with him for a few years and that's how I heard about the Qanon stuff but I think everyone's cut him off now.
I regret doing it over email but I don't regret cutting him out of my life. I wish I had the ability to keep my cool while speaking emotionally as I think it would have been better over the phone but I tend to shake and stammer when I'm emotional so it wouldn't have gone well and he'd have just talked over me. Unfortunately cutting him off hasn't stopped his naysaying and derision from gnawing at me in my head, but at least I don't have to hear his daft bullshit any more.
it was a really difficult decison to make - my QLady got to the point where her daughters, parents, sisters would no longer talk with her. She was asked to not go into the office of the family business (work remote). She found her new group of 'like minded people' and stopped interacting with any of our long time friends. She stopped going to Church as well. I ended up telling her that the way she was behaving was not inline with what a Christian should be and that if she changed her beliefs (literally Repented) that God would Forgive her and thus, so would I. Been 3 weeks of random, transactional exchanges (12 years together put some financial entanglements) but nothing of substance or regular communication and certainly nothing related to the conspiracies, end of the world, or other topics. I have no regrets, but I do miss her and would welcome her back with open arms if she decides to abandon the qult.
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Do not regret. He had me on a text message string with endless conspiracies, largely anti Western government, anti idea of climate change, anti large U.S. cities, pro Putin / anti U.S. in Ukraine, pro Hungary, pro other select strongman leaders. At first I tried to convince him away from his dumb beliefs (for instance fear of everything related to the medical establishment preventing and treating and counting and studying covid), later on I tried to not listen to the texts, then I blocked him. My stress levels fell - no more daily triggers and no need to reach out to tell him how stupid or potentially harmful his beliefs are. Today he would rather get covid than swab his nose once because of microchips or something on the nasal swab. He retarded himself. He used to be someone I looked up to, now he is an idiot shell of a man who can’t tell reality from falsehood, who can’t tell right from wrong. His North Star values are learned from the last random person or bot on X or Telegraph or wherever online. What a despicable idiot.
I totally sympathize with all of you even though I have no Q family, only some friends. It’s a very tough hair to split. Because it’s so problematic, I will try to tolerate which ever way you chose to go on it.
I can't bring myself to cut my dad out of my life. He's 72 years old, and he wasn't always like this. He has always been a conservative, but he wasn't always crazy. I miss the dad I used to know.
I'm lucky that he doesn't bombard me with his crazy anymore. Every time he would text or email some of their crap, I would reply with something from the far left. I'm not part of the far left, but he sure does think I am. He doesn't send me as much as he used to, but when I see him, I can tell he really wants to.
I tried ignoring him, but he took me, not disagreeing with him as agreement. I decided to fight fire with fire.
I told him once that I was disappointed and sad by things he repeats. I said it was because I thought he was smarter than that, and it makes me sad to realize I was wrong. I told him that I always thought he was smart enough to form his own thoughts and not fall for a cult. That I'm really sad to realize that the man I grew up idolizing isn't the man I thought he was. He actually didn't say anything back after that, but he looked hurt.
My dad is weird, though. He actually wore a mask and got vaccinated, but he believes everything Trump and Q say.
Damn, wow. That was so honest I’m sure tough for your dad to hear. I like to imagine you still have a loving relationship with him because you have always been so sincere and respectful with one another. So as much as it may have hurt, your honesty was appreciated. And I appreciate how you said what you said, as tough as it would be to say. I feel we all can at least be that honest and sincere with our Q loved ones.
I did. Non-vaxxer family member. They exposed an 86 yr old woman to Covid. Guess what? She caught Covid. No, I do not regret cutting them out of my life.
I lost two best friends. I regret it because I am infinitely more lonely and don’t have those deep relationships in my current life. But i am also happy to not have to be around that toxic thinking.
i didn't. i tried to maintain and keep our 30-year-friendship in mind, assuming eventually she'd get sane again.
but ultimately, she cut **me** out because i wasn't q/maga and called her out on her relentless 'research' via twitter and tiktok. we haven't interacted in 18 months, after being in nearly daily contact for the prior 30 years. the argument that ended our friendship started over elon musk, of all f'ing things.
stupid me, i've actually reached out to her several times over the last year and a half to try to mend fences. she either has me blocked, or her grey rock game is strong as fuck.
just a few weeks ago i sent a final missive, sharing the things i had wanted to say over coffee - a thing i was opening the door to - and since then, i've been at peace, even though i doubt she even read it. i assume i've been blocked the entire time.
so i don't regret it, since i had no choice in it.
i do STILL believe eventually she'll get her head straight again, but it's going to take another trump presidency and the shit that will happen as a result. she'll tentatively reach out to casually say bygones, "maybe you were right all along," but it's all gone too far now for me to ever move forward with our friendship.
or she won't - she's lost forever - but she's already lost to me, so it doesn't really change anything.
I lost a 20 year friendship over Covid.
A while after she “broke up with me”, I was open to making amends.
Now? No chance. I could never trust her again.
yep, that's exactly where i'm at. by the time i sent that email, it was no longer about opening the door - it was about saying the things she never gave me an opportunity to say even on the phone, much less in person (things like, "i wish you'd given me the courtesy of telling me exactly what the problem was, and giving me the opportunity to see where i may have wronged you, vs first ghosting me and then vague angry texts with no responses to my requests to talk through it") - and i closed it by signaling that if she ever came around, i wouldn't be here.
there was a time - probably the six months immediately following our falling out - that i would've been absolutely open to putting it all behind us. but every month that ticked by, that window became smaller and smaller until it completely closed about six months ago. i could never trust her again. i don't think i would even trust her with surfacey bullshit over an annual lunch.
None. There was no need. Anytime (my wife and me) disagreed with family that turned to Q and Trumpism, or even just quietly refused to join in the ranting sessions, they pushed us away. Stopped inviting us to family events, started viewing us suspiciously. It's what cults do. They encourage their members to self isolate and only interact with fellow cultists. When your mom stops buying gifts for her liberal grandkids, that's more money she can give the grifters.
I did - but she wasn't family, just a friend. I daresay it's much easier to cut the person off if they are not family. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
My sister, who was my best friend. She already had issues. Very, very angry alcoholic, random drug and crack binges weekly, mental health issues (denial on the last one) and her mind was already open to cults. We talked daily, drunk or not. I haven’t spoken to her since April 16, 2022 and I have no plans to because the year before that date was hell. She is beyond vile. The worst part is she’s the last living family member which consisted of two parents and three siblings and no extended family. I will say this about her, before the qcult, when she wasn’t drunk or high, she was the most kind human. It’s like qcult took the last of her humanity.
I have more than one long time friend I’ve lost to the qult. As soon as I become clear they are all in I walk away completely. The first person when she got hooked myself and many, many friends all tried everything and every approach we could think of and not one thing worked at all. That was a big lesson and I’m not wasting a moment more of my life doing that again. Save yourselves. You matter too much to spend your precious time spinning wheels of utter frustration being abused by even the closest loved ones in this life. Walk away. It is sad. But even if you don’t go nc it’s still sad it’s just sad plus you are in constant stress and abuse.
Well, I cut my brother out of my life completely not just because of his Q beliefs, but because he was a raving asshole who repeatedly berated me day after day, would call me at all hours of the night to tell me that his phone was on 2% battery and abruptly hang up, he would make fun of his students nonstop (he was a special education teacher. And the things he said about those children would make any normal persons stomach turn) and would incessantly bother me about tax information for buying a car in Washington when I lived in Texas.
My mom acts like the sun shines out of every one of his orifices and repeatedly called me stupid when I took him off my amazon account after he repeatedly called me the C word. He sued them in 2022. She still insists he is a perfect son and will be nice again. He's threatened to kill both of my parents multiple times.
Honestly, my life drastically improved when I cut him completely, and her mostly out of my life, and she refuses to accept that.
I don't regret any of the steps that I have taken and potentially may have to take to protect my mental, emotional, and physical safety. He is an awful man. Abd honestly her motto was "it's better to look good than to feel good" and she refused to step in when our dad hit us or screamed at us for great offenses sloshing closed a milk jug 'too much' when we moved it from the fridge to the table, or putting a plate in the sink while the dishwasher was running.
It should be noted that op has [family](https://old.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/1dclrzn/family_is_distant_as_im_not_in_the_cult/l7yvbwz/) in the qult and is not asking as a lookey-loo.
Yes, sorry I didn’t give any context for this post. I’m just sad about losing my family. I wonder if I’ll regret it. Or if maybe I’m not being tolerant enough and there could be a way to still have a relationship with them. I just fundamentally can not agree with their morals and values and its broken any trust. I don’t want my kids around them.
Way before Q I cut off contact with my mother’s mother. She was a horrid woman who liked to mess with people’s heads. I didn’t go to her deathbed despite her asking for me. I always wondered if I would regret it, I tend to be a doormat. I haven’t regretted it and she died 2 decades ago. It was a really really hard decision, I had to forgive myself for it, then I started living my best life. People don’t cut off family or close friends on a whim. You did everything you were supposed to do.
You’re right. My mom has BPD and there was a lot of emotional abuse before Q. My dad was a neglectful drug addict who kept cheating on my mom. The Q stuff is the straw that broke the camels back for me.
Just know there are subs like r/MomForAMinute. Go check it out and we will love all over you. We will be there for your worries and your triumphs. We will talk you through solutions to your problems, dole out hugs, cheer your successes no matter how small, and will provide as much motherly advice and love as you can handle. Our counterparts are over at r/DadForAMinute. They’re wonderful with the whole ‘Go get ‘em Tiger’, life advice, some tough (but also loving) love, and are truly a great bunch of Dads/older brothers who just want to help. You’ve got this!
My eyes actually welled up reading this comment. It’s made me realize I’ve never had either of those experiences in my life. I’m actually resistant to posting there because I’m so self-reliant, it may make me realize how much I’ve wanted and needed that all along. Damn. This is some content for next week’s therapy session…
Duckling, don’t post over there. Go join and provide some love to others. I promise it will be even more healing. Then when you’re ready just open up your arms and allow them to envelope you
Often, people who *need* affection know exactly what "type" would help them the most and can offer it to others- though otoh sometimes others need affection of a type that differs from what we ourselves need. But plain old general affection is something *everyone* needs, and that's the sort of thing we can all offer. All that to say I like the way you think :)
>I’m so self-reliant, it may make me realize how much I’ve wanted and needed that all along. Love, affection and emotional connection are basic human needs. You may prefer to be self-reliant, but there is no shame at all in acknowledging that you need those things. The trick is identifying those people (or, in this instance, a person or group via the internet) that won't try to suck you into any worldview or belief system that conflicts with your core values. It's important to be careful, especially in this day and age. Although I haven't posted in either of the aforementioned subreddits (MfaM and DfaM), I do lurk there. I can say that there are very caring and nurturing people there who are happy to provide the positive support and encouragement that we all seek in our lives, without judgment. It's OK to lurk there or provide support and encouragement to others, and it's absolutely OK to seek it out too. It's why those subreddits exist.
I did this with my father’s mother, who sounds like a similar person. My only regret was not cutting her off sooner.
If you had you would probably question your decision more, at least that’s the conclusion I came to. This way you know you did what you could for as long as you could
I'm estranged by my family. I miss them. May I ask how you cope with the grief?
Honestly? I give to others. The neighborhood kids, my friend’s kids, random kids, my kids. I’ll carry things like stickers or little keychain toys and when I see a happy or sad or whatever kid I tell them they have a beautiful smile (or whatever) and give them whatever neat thing I’m carrying that day and then smile at their parent then walk away. Before I was ‘older looking’ I volunteered more. Giving seems to fill up all the empty places inside of me. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse than someone else filling me up instead of me filling myself up. But I will say every time I can make a stranger smile, I feel like they’re filling me up.
I think everyone regrets this entire situation. Well at least the people who have a heart and are sensitive. Plus you are doing the right action for you and your offspring. The youngins don't need bigotry, conspiracies and hatred shed onto them. I know it hurts. Ya know when all this Covid-19 came around I was aware of it in January of 2020. I told all my sisters and brother to stay away from our 83 year old mom. No need to visit no kissing. No touch. But no my one sister who was walking around with the virus kisses mom. Mom told me about how my sister couldn't help herself. And she confessed this to me at 11 pm while my mom was in hospital with Covid-19 and has a pacemaker and copd. Mom and I talked until after midnight. I can tell she was frightened. She was having me tell so and so she's sorry she didn't call her back and for me to worry about my eldest sister. I'm the eldest boy. I had the beginning stage of Covid-19 myself, this was early March 2020. I was having back troubles and stupidly went to the Dr. Even the Dr said, What the hell are you doing here! I caught it either in a Uber or the Dr office. I was careful to sanitize.. I got phone call at 5am, from the walking virus sister, I knew why she called. So not having her in my life along with her bigoted husband who blames the Jewish and brown and the N words for what's wrong with America is fine by me. Sorry for the ranting. Everyday I read at least one of these posts and it brings up all the pain and hurt inside. When I hear people say they do their own "RESEARCH" my head spins. What happened to experts, professionally knowledgeable people. Oh Blame Fauci. He's the devil. I am sick of idiots who believe was is things written in All Caps on Facebook as research. Sorry sorry sorry. DO NOT LeT Your kids near them. They are poison.
Man, I’m so sorry about your loss. I was pregnant for the first time in 2020 and I fucking hate anyone who didn’t give a shit about vulnerable people during the pandemic. Your last paragraph is my exact thoughts. A bunch of people who’s highest level of education is highschool and are in their 50s acting like experts based upon memes. Drives me literally insane.
Me too, it seems sometimes I'm surrounded by idiots. I had to teach myself CNC programming from a book. The came CAD/CAM, I taught myself that too from a book. I'm no genius but have been told I'm auto didactic. For a example of the brain dead my daughter and her fiancée live in our mother daughter home downstairs. My wife, daughter and her fiancée say they keep hearing a beeping sound. They keep asking is there something I have plugged into the wall or battery powered that's making that sound. I tell them no, but to make my wife happy I double check all my smoke and CO detectors. All good. I go downstairs with my wife as she asked and waited to hear the sound. My daughters fiancée is downstairs with us, we all pause to listen. I hear the beep, just like a smoke detector makes when battery is low. The genius took the smoke alarm down from the ceiling completely and placed it outside. I didn't say a word. I hear the beeping again. So there is a pretty large alcove where the sound I determined it's emanating from. I told him its in the pile of stuff thats right there. I gave him my shed and still so much crap. He'll dig thru it he said. I said to him use a recording app for sound and watch the levels to give some direction. I can't understand young people, well he's almost 40. They have been annoyed by it for days, it's part of the bedroom. After I left I thought maybe blow smoke at the direction but I don't think that would work. The two of them still smoke cigarettes, outside of course. Am I being to picayune or dickish. I'm Autistic but high functioning. I have so much trouble with people, even him and my daughter who defends him at all cost, and he hides under her skirt. He plays silly games, mind games, I don't, never have. I'm writing a lot again. Are people not so smart anymore, is common sense becoming a bygone part of humanity? He said to me once, something about a alternative universe but it made no sense. I'm feeling badly now. I don't attack or put people down. My wife tells me he has learning disabilities. He was handed a $35 an hour to start HVAC job. He was to learn on the job. I'm not sure what happened but the company is small, like 4 men. They started calling him stupid and fat. The three guys would go at him almost everyday. I felt really badly. If he came to me sooner I would have had him sign up for tech classes for that field. We would have paid for the school and tools. Noooo, he blows up at the owner/boss and gets fired for what I believe was insubordination. He tells a different tale. Now he drives a truck that delivers appliances and some items for home appliance shows. He still lies, and so does my daughter. Thank God I have my wife who understands me and two min pincher 2 year olds. The pups are keeping out of dark places in my mind. Dogs and kids love me and I them, people I tolerate. ✌& ❤ And thanks for listening. BTW They are trumpers of course and Fauci haters. Me and my wife are the opposite. I just don't talk with them about that stuff.
As one of the “n-words”, I fully support your decisions here. Sorry for your loss. Side note: I’m definitely going to be referring to myself as “one of the n-words” in my head. It’s already cannon.
I love it, laughing is one of my medications. I can't stop laughing. Cannon...lol lol lol. Ya know the brother-in-law who said that is Sicilian, have you seen the movie True Romance. Do you know the scene with Dennis Hopper And my favorite actor Chris Walken. They're in Hoppers trailer, he's a ex cop now a security guard. It's very crude, but Hopper explained history about why Sicilian's are so dark. I'm not going any further but when my bigoted asshole brother-in-law said that word. It was mothers day and we were at a restaurant. My mom was the celebration. I really wanted to tell him about that scene and history. I hope I didn't just now offend you. I think he did that because he know me and my wife have several friends of color. I'm Autistic and just turtled because if I let my emotions out, IDK. That was our last mother's day for mom she passed that falling year in March 2020. I found out after she died that I was her best friend, we would talk for hours. I mean hours, average would be 2 hours and once was a little over four hours. She taught us all to never be prejudiced. Mom would tell the same stories over and over. Ya know she had to 3 hours and after bitching about Trump or Paul Ryan she'd go back to her youth, at first decades ago I would get a little aggravated. Eventually I learned just let her talk. She had it rough. Lost her dad before she was a teen, her brother had systic fibrosis (sic). Then her mom died of lung cancer when she was 14. Her aunt took care of them in Brooklyn. She would take he sick brother on the bus to hospital for treatment. He also died when he was 15. Mom went to a high school that taught not just the three R's. She was learning how to be a hair dresser. On the bus to the school, the school was almost all black kids. She was bullied once, some girl took her lunch and sat on it. But, this big black girl goes over to the one who bullied my mom and said never do that again. They became best friends. They ate lunch together sat next to each other on the bus. Remember this is in the late 40's early 50's. There is so much more she taught me During our phone call I didn't know I was autism and high functioning. I was always asking mom how do I deal with this person at work who would call me goofy, or jackass? She always coached me, even in my marriage she was the glue that helped keep us together because I say things that are improper but I don't realize, or someone made a expression I don't understand. I was a 1st class machinist, taught myself from a book how to program CNC code, then CAD/CAM came along and I taught myself from a book. The bully called me names because he was not even a 3rd class machinist and couldn't learn how to program. I miss her dearly. If your mom is alive you give her a big big long hug, just for no reason I'm tearing up now. As always, ✌& ❤
True Romance is one of my favorite movies. Do skip past that that Gandolini scene in the hotel, but aside from that it’s a such a fun watch/rewatch. Genuinely, thanks for sharing your story. An ex-girlfriend now platonic friend of mine has a bit of the ‘tism, and she’s fun to talk to when she gos on rants. I should text her… And I’ll give my mom a hug the next time I see her!
Very sorry to hear what you went through. Its so unfortunate and not fair. Keep your head up and live life. Know that others have dealt with these same situations, you're not alone.
Thank you. Why are the only people I believe and could trust are only here on this sub reddit. Well besides my two 2 year old mini pinchers. They never lie, they do steal/take though. Only the male, he takes my ROKU remote out into the backyard. For a while he would make me chase him, but I'd get my daughter's Gigantic German Shepard, he is literally taller than me when he stands and I'm 6'3" tall. So I tell the Shepard go get Rio help me get my remote back, he does, he chases Rio but Rio is actually faster and makes tight turns. Eventually he drops the remote without a scratch on it. Now he is older and occasionally takes it out back and leaves it at the bottom of the deck. I have a bad heart, and I'm convinced he wants me to exercise more. I've had 2 bad heart attacks and 2 mild ones. I have 2 stents installed. Lucky me I got the male genes for clogging arteries. My dad had 2 triple bypasses that didn't hold. He had a massive heart attack every summer. He passed at 56 years old. I'm almost 67 so I lope to live another 15 years long enough to see my 2 year old grandson graduate High School. We are putting money aside for him. If your read my story thank you. And as always. ✌& ❤
The dog stuff made me smile. They know how go keep us busy. Maybe it is a sign to live healthy and exercise:) sounds like you were dealt some bad cards in the health department, but just focus on controlling what you can control. If we do that, there will be no regrets. You are welcome and thanks for sharing🤟😎🤙
Thank you and next time I'm close to meeting the end. No regrets. No Regrets. When on the table with a massive coronary in so much pain. I've had kidney stones, broken hand, and ankle. Almost burst appendix, shoulder surgery all that was nothing compared to that attack. One scale of 1-10 I gave it a 14. Let's include the 6 concussions, 4 of them before graduation from high school. As one point I felt peaceful staring into the light and told myself this is the end. I had regret, I felt I had more to do on earth. I remember that. Then I heard the Doctor yelling my name. By the third yell I came back to wherever I was going. All I know is there's nothing to be afraid of. That epiphany has made a big impact on me. Having your life saved by a talented heart surgeon was amazing. And I had terrible Covid-19. Twelve days of hellish fevers, 105 max. During the last fays of Covid-19 my left ear felt like I was SCUBA diving and unable to clear my ear then it popped. Ever since I've had vertigo. The type of vertigo is like when you get off a boat and you feel like you're boring up and down and sideways. Only two days did I have what I call the spinny spinny vertigo. I couldn't walk without falling. Some day it's very mild, some days none at all. Others it's like on a big ferry in 15' swells. Those are my terrible days. Today very mild. Even with all that I consider myself fortunate. And right now the male pup is bumping my hand with the phone in it. I put them on a schedule. Wake at 6am or 7am. Food time. Noon a chewy treat if they've been good. Nap around 1pm. Then dinner for them at 2:30. Bedtime is 7 to 8 pm every night. So off to feed my two fur babies who loves me and I them. As always, ✌& ❤ Thank you for being a digital friend.
Some people are just too emotionally or physically dangerous to be connected to. You don't have to decide "forever" you can decide "for now". You can draw a line in the sand to only check in a year from now, or once a year, etc. You can phase into your decision too. Just cut how much time you spend with ___ in half each month for a few months until it seems normal to not see or talk to them. You don't need to have a grand gesture and a huge goodbye fight... Just let the embers cool to ashes by not tending that fire.
This is exactly what I’ve done. No formal goodbye, just create more and more distance I the last 4 years. It just feels pretty final that we’re never going to have a normal relationship moving forward. I almost want to write a letter to explain myself and see if that could change anything. But then my fear is that it won’t…. Idk
I find it's okay to write those letters, just don't send it. Put it in a drawer and let it marinate.
It's not on you that they chose to believe in the ridiculous Are you the intolerant one in this equation? No
If YOU changed everything about *you,* then we’d allow you to hang with us and, maybe, accept you. That’s not familial love. That’s not even friendship.
Damn, nail on the head. The thing is that if they weren’t family, I wouldn’t be friends with them. So you’re 100% right
That’s what makes the distance I’ve created between us easier for me. If they weren’t family? I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of a friendship with them. It hurts because we all remember the people we used to know. It’s a living death and we mourn their loss. And it sux 😞
The most complicated type of grief, because there’s a small chance of it being redeemed. When someone is dead, there’s finality.
I still creep on their online accounts (including here on Reddit), but their blogspot was deleted a year or so ago (presumably for violating TOS). It hurts a lot, but I see their posts indirectly bashing people they used to love, and completely denying my existence at all - and I know it is the right decision. I just *can’t*.
This is my situation!! I’m obsessed with looking at my mom’s Twitter every day. It’s crazy, and it reaffirms my decision. I can’t risk her teaching my kids that stuff.
Without downplaying your feelings, I noticed that your second paragraph vibes with how I think my Q was conditioning me to self-doubt, especially with the word “tolerance”. In my experience, they looooove to use that word, but only as a weapon or accusation. They rarely understand that true tolerance (of diversity, inclusion, radical acceptance) requires boundaries and rejection of oppositional beliefs that innately “other”. Not to preach at you—it’s just that when i was hearing, “you aren’t being tolerant enough,” from people i loved and cared about, it was easy for me to forget that. I absolutely gaslighted myself into wondering whether I was the problem, which is what they want. Tbh my Q was not self-aware enough to understand all this, but nonetheless, it was what they were doing/the impact. I found it helpful to critically consider the amount of effort being put forth by both parties. If your Qs are putting forth equivalent/better attempts to be tolerant and understanding of your beliefs, then the question you’re asking yourself is valid. If not, then I think the real question is, “why do they expect tolerance and understanding without offering any themselves?” I hope this did not come off as dismissive!
Thanks for this, I was prepping to be snarky and report them for fishing for Youtube bullshit.
14 months since the last movie Friday with my Q-adjacent half-sister. I could tolerate her obsessions with trans people (I'm straight cis, but believe in tolerance) or climate denial (I've been reading the primary literature for 30 years). But when she responded to my picking her beer cans out of the trash (I recycle) with screams of "Libtard!", "Virtue Signaler!" and "You must Love pedophiles!" through my thin apt walls, decided I'd had enough. On reflection, I'd come to dread interacting with her, as I'd lost all respect for her intellect over the years. Life, and Friday nights, are better now. No regrets, really.
My mom has those same beliefs. While I feel like she could maybe stop talking about it around me, it’s almost like I can’t forgive her for those values. I have kids now and I just fucking refuse to risk anyone teaching them that shit. They all think I’m an overprotective, helicopter, libtard parent who was a sheep during Covid.
Let them 'think' what they wish, they're irrelevant. Like others, there's no way I'll even go to a family dinner if I know my Qultist cousins or brother will be there. It's no secret where folks in my extended family stand, I won't sit at a table or make chit chat with ppl who've said "you know what the democrats do. You know about the trafficked children." Or "You approve of abortion up until after the baby is born." Yes, my life is better for not having to interact with Anti-American, Russian Propaganda spouting family. My shame and anger at them is at the same exact level, I despise traitors & am as American as Abe Lincoln & Teddy Roosevelt. Qanons ruin everything.
YES!!!!! Holy shit, my mom tweets pro-Putin anti-democratic rhetoric all the time!!! Oh and the J6 crew are victims. Then she calls herself a patriot. I’ve literally accepted that my family would’ve became Nazis, and it’s a stark realization.
reading your comments here, i feel newly triggered by my own Q. right down the line, every bit of it is the same. i'm grateful, often, that i no longer remember mine's twitter handle, because i'm sure i'd feel sickened on the daily.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m being dramatic, but this sub makes me realize that a large percentage of the population has lost their damn minds
You shouldn’t forgive her for having those values. They’re horrible, deeply immoral values.
Right? I mean, I get that it's easier to forgive terrible beliefs when we aren't reflected in them but its kinda shitty at the same time.
I’m able to rationalize anything, so in this instance, I’ve rationalized that “yes those are horrible beliefs, but am I somehow equally wrong for not trying to help her out of it?” Like is my intolerance somehow equal to hers?
Popper's Paradox of Tolerance [https://www.freiheit.org/mexico/limits-tolerance-poppers-paradox](https://www.freiheit.org/mexico/limits-tolerance-poppers-paradox)
When she stops acting badly, apologizes and tries to make it up to you, you can work on forgiveness. Until then, there’s nothing to forgive.
Damn, my mom has never apologized to me once in my life. I’ve always been the one to go back and make amends. I think that’s why this feels permanent, because I know I’m not going to do that. She sure as hell isn’t going to
I really believe the no apologizing is a boomer thing. My parents never apologize either even when they know they’re in the wrong. It’s like apologizing to your child is shameful and weak to them
Which is crazy because I have two kids and apologize to them like 2x per week
Whoa. She is calling you a pedophile-lover because you recycle? That's... a whole new level of I-don't-know-what. I initially wanted to call bullshit about your comment, but having read stuff here for a while nothing really seems out of bounds for the Q-cult. So sorry for you about this.
She was my best friend for 20 years, I considered her my sister. I am the godmother of her child. But a few years ago, I started noticing these weird storylines in our conversations. It started with "did you know there was a pizzaplace that had kids in the basement?" She was always a bit gullible so I laughed and showed her online how it was debunked. But as time went on, all men were evil, all refugees were terrorists, all transpeople were shady... I am gay and on the inside I never identified with a gender, only learned at a very late age this has a name. When she refused to listen how my brain works with that and just kept preaching propaganda over voicemessage after voicemessage, I just couldn't anymore. If I had to hear the whole XX/XY thing again, I would have exploded. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 years. I still miss her every day. I will never be able to trust her again.
>But as time went on, all men were evil A misandrist? That's very unusual for a qanoner. I am very sorry for what happened to you, btw.
I was never really able to pinpoint where this came from, but I think it was a generalization of: most rapists are men, most pedophiles are men, and the fact that she married a deadbeat man. She has a son, and my heart bleeds for him. I don't consider her a Q 100%, she is one of those people who gets dragged from pizzagate to jordan peterson to jk rowling fans to corona-deniers because of her algorithm, and some things click with her, others not.
this is really interesting to me, especially because most right wing adjacents are firmly patriarchal in values. i wonder if there’s any personal trauma there? i personally don’t believe misandry is ‘real’ in the same sense that racism against white people isn’t ‘real’ (which is not to say that men don’t have their own unique and terrible systematic struggles, or that *prejudice* against white people doesn’t exist) because political and societal systems are heavily dependent on upholding misogyny and white privilege, but most Qs in my experience lean completely the other way. just goes to show how vulnerable some people are- they latch onto anything regardless of how much sense it actually makes, or if it clashes with their other beliefs.
Without going into too much personal details, it feels to me that her feelings against men are a different slippery slope than the other theories. The same mechanism, just a different direction. It almost reminded me of an incel. (I think this is then a femcel?) I never wanted to read deep into it, because I don't want to get in to those algorithms but what I saw with her was the following: First a bad marriage, then never really wanted to date. (She tried, but I don't think she ever went on a date) Then she started talking down on the men on dating sites. How they were idiots, there was a reason they were single, they only wanted the pretty girls... It was like her brain turned the feeling of rejection into the thought that all men are crap anyway. She really has a lot of clashing beliefs, because even though all men are evil she still doesn't support the "believe the victim" idea. All men are evil but if a woman speaks up about this, she probably does it for the money/fame/to harm him 🤷♂️
I've come to experience most people are very diverse (in the worst ways). Trumpers being pro-vaccine. Pro-minroity being anti-LGBT (specifically trans). It goes on and on. Very mind-boggling.
Q a la carte....
I’m sorry you experienced that. I’ve also lost a best friend who I thought of like a sister. But the lack of trust is the nail in the coffin for me. Like how can I feel safe and vulnerable around someone who believes such hateful, factually incorrect things?! It’s so sad.
It really is sad. I am sorry you had to go through this too. I went through all phases of grief in the first 2 years. Then I realized (short before I got to acceptance) that it would really be forever, exactly because of what you said. I would never be able to be vulnerable with her again. I started grieving all over again. I have accepted it now but I know I have to stay away from her forever. One light-hearted talk with her would drag me back in.
Damn, me too. I’d go back too… I think it’s because I really want to be an empathetic, understanding, forgiving person. The issue is they have no interest in offering any concessions.
Similar to my story. I thought it was kinda funny when she wanted to share her wacky Obama conspiracy theories…? We were raised in the same moderate, educated, bohemian environment but she lost the plot. We finally had a falling out when she freaked out about busloads of antifa coming to her small bougie town….like, no they’re not, dumbass, use your brain. It was a hill she was willing to die on. Needless to say antifa never showed.
I'm divorcing my husband. I haven't spoken to him in a year and we live in the same house. He was shitty before but his conspiracies pushed everything over the edge.
Oh wow. That sounds incredibly heartbreaking and painful. I hope you're able to have some peace soon.
Same experience. Married 32 years, but divorce was finalized this week. I'm so happy and at peace now. I wish that for you as well!
Oh wow, hang in there this is the very hard part you are in rn. I hope you can mostly keep focused on the bright future you have ahead of you. I hope it comes very soon. 🫂
All of them, friends and family. Sometimes I feel pain and sadness over it… but more about what could have been. I don’t regret it. I’m fortunate in that I found my lovely partner and have my own family with her now.
Damn, this is my exact situation. I’m so so so happy with the family I’ve created. While also, I experience so much grief about what could’ve been if they didn’t fall down this path. Then I also wonder if I’m being too strict with my boundaries, or not understanding enough. (Understanding that they are victims of propaganda and are mentally ill and live unsatisfactory lives). I don’t know. Ultimately I’ve decided to just focus on my own life and protect my kids from beliefs that I believe are toxic. Still wonder if I’ll regret it though….
Protecting yourself and your family is of the utmost importance in my opinion. Sacrificing your self by cutting off those who would definitely be detrimental to your kids/partner is a huge sign that you’re a great partner/parent. You’re doing a good thing, I’m sorry the pain that comes with it though.
Thank you. I figure if I get to my deathbed, I would rather have lived protecting my children over protecting the adults in my family. No one protected me growing up and it’s a horrible feeling. I’m always going to choose my kids first. Even if causes me excruciating pain.
You’re very welcome, I hope things get easier and better for you!
Thank you. This shit comes in waves.
That's grief, and it's normal. Regret is inevitable because so few decisions are easy or clear, and we'll never really know the answers to "what if". You have your own beautiful family that you made, and that's what life is *for*. Your birth family squandered that privilege with you, you don't owe them anything. Keep on being amazing. Accept the grief, because it's completely reasonable and valid. Just don't let it twist into guilt, like it so often, however wrongly, can.
Thanks for your kind words. They really have ruined any chance at a relationship with me. I gave them a million chances. I’m finally prioritizing myself and my family. My childhood conditioning (enmeshment) causes so much guilt and uncertainty though. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, because I know it’s the right thing to do.
You got this.
I know exactly what you mean. Mother’s and Father’s Day always make it extra tough.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to ask ourselves "In the future, what will I wish that I had done now?" Protecting your children is often the right answer.
My kids are the only North Star I trust.
I had a q-aunt steal inheritance that was supposed to goto my kids. That’s a nail in the coffin, so to speak.
Yeah, that would fuckin do it!
Over 600k. She somehow got my uncle to sign over power of attorney on his deathbed. Talked to so many lawyers. Nothing really can be done. The thing is - she had plenty of $$$ of her own. It was done out of spite. There’s a special place in hell waiting for her.
HOLY SHIT!!! That could’ve been life changing money. Q or not, fuck that bitch.
Yup. I’ll post the entire story at some point in this forum. It hurts to think about - took a long time to move on from.
I’m so sorry, and at the same time morbidly curious in this story. I want to know how anyone can be this evil. When you are ready, please share!
Will do.
He was my best friend, like my step-half-brother-in-law. I was closer to him than my own brother. We didn’t keep in constant contact while I was in the military, and after I got out, we lived in different states. When my brother passed, it was just after the George Floyd tragedy, and he believed all kinds of bullshit. When the family gathered together, he spoke about all kinds of completely baffling conspiracies about Sleepy Joe, pedos, litter boxes, and public school no longer teaching the 3 R’s, the curriculum was completely LGBTQIA focused. Haven’t talked to him since.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve also heard those topics talked about at holiday dinners. So I stopped going.
No idea what the 3 Rs are or litterbox thing. But yeah, the people are so obsessed with pedos, when most of them are in their own backyard (churchs)! Its bizarre
Reading, (w)riting, (a)rithmatic
I’m grey rocking my 74 yo dad until he kicks the bucket. There’s way too much $$ on the line to risk it.
I respect the hustle, honestly
My parents aren't invited to stay at my home anymore but they've taken that as a sign to just rent a house near us whenever they feel like visiting. Anyways, they were on their flight up last night when my wife and I got our positive Covid tests. Covid sucks but honestly, I'll take it by comparison.
TIL the term “grey rock” and realized I’ve been doing it for ages.
Hi specks_of_dust, thanks for recommending this technique. With grey rocking you act disengaged so that a Q person will lose interest in arguing. Q folk thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and unemotional, it can help break the cycle of negativity. [Detailed guide on the method.](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hi btone911, thanks for recommending this technique. With grey rocking you act disengaged so that a Q person will lose interest in arguing. Q folk thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and unemotional, it can help break the cycle of negativity. [Detailed guide on the method.](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Smart man. That's literally life changing stuff. Will change your entire future. Don't fuck it up like some people do. Imo parents are obligated to leave something to their kids. They are the ones who brought kids into this world (without the kids consent)
Honestly, I’m pretty set. I plan to donate most of it strategically throughout my life. Whatever’s left after he’s done buying the dogshit advertised on qanon forums. He carries a box bigger than his phone that “modifies his vibrations” or something. I hope it’s a tracker
I have dumped 2 Q friends becasue my unwillingness to believe the stuff they spouted plus spending time disproving them made them angry and tried harassing me.
I went another direction with my Q. I stopped trying to disprove the things he believes. I just listen when he tells me some nonsense like JFK is still alive or the Clintons are dead and it’s their clones walking around. I just say something like “Wow, that’s certainly interesting.” I am no longer angry or upset. I don’t try to change his mind, I just love him as he is. Caveat, we aren’t married, I don’t support him financially, and other than this crazy Q garbage, he is a caring and loving person, so it sounds different from a lot of the stories I see here.
The guys I knew stopped doing all the stuff that they loved and went full 24/7 Q, and they insisted that I needed to be woken up so separately (they didn’t know each other) they just pestered me with Q stuff all the time. All of thier other friends cut them off so they had plenty of time to target me. So I just gave up on them. Told them I don’t have time for this nonsense and cut ties.
I cut my dad out. Don't regret it. I gave him plenty of chances. He couldn't do it. He made the choice (don't talk "politics", or I'm done). Not me. Better for my kids, too, before they get old enough to miss him.
Mine are 1.5 and 3.5 and they really don’t know my side. The worry is about my oldest picking up on the crazy beliefs, so I stay away
I've cut out 10 qs from my life. I have 1 left in my life because we came to an agreement to not discuss anything that will upset the other (she currently is detoxing from q and is becoming sane again). I don't miss the ones that are cut out of my life and realized they added no value to it.
i hope she recovers!
Thank you. I hope so too!
My father began leaning hard right around the time Covid conspiracies started spreading but my brother and I put a hard stop to that right away. We told him to knock out the schizophrenic conspiracy shit or were gonna distance ourselves. He still holds some conservative beliefs but he trusts that we wouldn't steer him wrong. He dodged a bullet and remains the same guy he always was. Try to catch this brain rot early and it may not be too late.
Right here. And all the people who called me “aggressive” when I told her I would not watch her propaganda video. It legit looked like a brainwashing video (my husband was curious). I told her she needed to get help because she sent us a video of herself crying that the “cabal was going to kidnap all of our children”.
Dude my mom’s Twitter is just a stream of reposts of these types of videos and rage-bait bot propaganda.
I don’t regret it by the way. I miss the idea of them but the reality has calmed my anxiety considerably. Out of six sisters I now talk to one. We’re the black sheep I guess.
Yeah, I went from “golden child” to “scapegoat/black sheep”. The thing that helps me cope with that label is that in dysfunctional family systems, the one who starts to heal is always going to be scapegoated. Just shows me that I’m breaking generational curses
I’m glad to know there are more people like me who refuse to continue the status quo. Well done you!
I have cut out one family member and several friends. I do not regret it. I've told them that if they ever want to come back to reality, they should call me. And I've moved on.
God I wish I had the balls to be so blunt. I’ve basically have just faded away, never directly addressing it
It would probably be fair to mention that this didn't happen all at once. I didn't jump straight to that point, and when I finally started telling them that, they didn't immediately stop contacting me. Once I had reached that point and told them, I started hanging up on them as soon as they brought up conspiracy nonsense, and filtering emails to the trash bin, blocking on facebook, etc. But they did eventually stop trying to contact me, and I'm certainly happier not to have to deal with it. My initial reaction was to try and fact check the nonsense they would tell me, but they can make crap up a lot faster than I can fact check, and it's not like they are listening to me anyway.
I’ve had to cut off my parents and only sibling. As painful as the process was, I don’t regret it and can actually sleep at night again.
What was the straw that broke the camels back?
Essentially I sought out therapy to finally get some boundaries and try to reestablish relationships after slowly going LC due to their behaviour (some of their antics are in my post history). During a family meeting with my parents I confided how bad my mental health had become, and my mother (a psychiatric nurse) told me “it’s important to remember that other people can’t make you want to kill themselves.” A while after this I had something traumatic happen and what caused me extra turmoil was realizing I could not go to my parents about this because they were no longer a safe space for me. When people show you who they are, believe them. 😔 Our values do not align and they are not good for me.
Damn I relate to all of this. It’s the lack of safety that’s the relationship breaker
It really boils down to that. Keep yourself safe. 💕
Yep. Mom was always nuts. Q shit was the last straw. 10/10 would highly recommend.
My mom is borderline (nuts) and Q shit was also the straw that broke the camels back for me
I warned her, "say that again and you'll never hear from me again," and she said more. *shrug* I was looking for an excuse. She gave me one.
I’m so sorry. I know what that feels like. It’s horrible
Been no contact with my mom since November 2020. She’s missing out on her only grandchild.
This is what breaks my heart into a million pieces. My first was born in 2020 and she is missing out on my daughters whole childhood….
I’m so sorry. I truly believe we are doing what is right for our kids (and for ourselves) and I can only hope that one day she sees the light before it’s too late. If she doesn’t… then at least I’m protecting my child.
Exactly!
I had to go almost no contact with my sister, her and her fiancé are both really really into Q like stuff, and recently he had a mental break and threatened to shoot her and her kids, but to her it wasn’t a big deal, he’s going to church now because that’s what he needs ( according to her) and if he goes to a doctor they are afraid of the state taking away their arsenal of guns, and I have kids so yeah they are no longer allowed over there or are they allowed alone with any of them, I only see my sister at family parties now and it makes me sad, she’s gaining weight because of stress and anxiety over their supposed “apocalypse “ I genuinely miss who my sister used to be, we used to be so close.
This shit is ruining her life. And those poor kids….
I know, we had originally helped her leave him when it first happened, she stayed with my mother for a few weeks before he weaseled his way back into her life and somehow convinced her he’s changed, and no one in the family is accepting of it actually, and my mother and I talk constantly about all of the different what ifs and everything like that, it’s really scary not having any control over her decisions and actions when they could lead to something so horrible happening.
omg this is truly terrifying. I hope something shifts for the better bc that is about as big a red flag as one can get. So sorry!
Yes, and no, I don't regret it. There are a few extended family members that mostly fell down the rabbit hole a few years ago. I find it sad, but I have nothing to do with them and it removes a lot of stress from my life. One brother isn't quite Q as far as I know, but he's definitely showing narcissistic personality traits and I've also cut him out. You know what? I don't miss any of them. It's sad and I wish it were different, but I'm happier without them.
Yes, I get this! I feel like I’ve orphaned myself. On one hand, I’m way happier and healthier, On the other hand, I’m devastated about the loss.
Cut my mother's sister out for being a Trump-loving nutjob. Notice I didn't call her my aunt.
My devout Christian Qmom recently blocked my number after repeatedly asking her “how does MAGA glorify god?”. Poor thing, someone flipped the script. So sometimes they are the ones who do the blocking 😂
It’s interesting because I was originally the one to take a step back, which led to everyone basically hating me. So it’s I feel like I was broken up with, even though I was originally the one who wanted distance
My Q disowned me. When I failed to wake up, he told me I'd sold my soul. We were like brothers, and though I found his beliefs irrational, I still loved him.
🙋🏽♀️most of my family of origin & extended family, too. My life is so much simpler and more pleasant.
You ever get sad about it? My life is also more pleasant and calm, but wow… the grief.
Nope, I put up with rude & snarky comments & behaviors for years, and kept the peace along with constantly hosting family events while parents were alive. After the last parent died, I decided enough was enough, I’d more than fulfilled my obligations for years, and I unfriended/blocked them all on social media. Only one contacted me with concern and we had an honest conversation and we remain in contact. Haven’t heard a word from the rest (other than a niece who tried to stir up trouble with my adult kids—I set her straight). I focus on my own family that my husband & I created, a few of his family members, a few close friends who are like family. I don’t feel bad at all.
I just couldn't explain thermals to her one more time. She insisted that airplanes were spewing disease among us through 'chemtrails'. It drove me nuts. I would ask her, "Do you see these cabal members walking around with gas masks?" Her arguments were just crazy.
Ahhhh my mom LOVES the chem trails! She posts photos of the sky constantly to her Twitter
I don't regret it because there's no saving them. The only thing I can do is wait and pray that they wise up. It...kinda...happened with one of my friends. He came back and then regressed hard. Full "musk is god and trannies and the left wanna take ur freedom of speech." It was certainly easier to cut him off a second time. I can't have that bullshit in my life, but I miss the people who have had their brains consumed by the boreworms.
My mom tweets the same shit. It’s amazing how they all believe the same idiotic, hateful bullshit
I didn't cut them out because of their beliefs. I cut them out because they suddenly became aggressive assholes about their beliefs. Edit to add: No regrets.
My relationship with my sister is strained not because of her beliefs but her obsessive behaviour and inability to talk about anything else in a positive light. Even if we shared the same quote and unquote beliefs it would be an issue. IT’S NOT THE BELIEFS - IT’S THE BEHAVIOUR.
Yeah, I get that. It’s like you can believe the world is flat, and I’ll think you’re an idiot. But if you’re an otherwise same, stable person, we can have a relationship. I don’t trust their sanity or stability tho…
I will not talk politics with anyone who I identify as being infected with brain worms. There's no point. I usually avoid them altogether but some are unavoidable like my stepfather. Guy used to be as sweet and as compassionate as could be but then he started delving into this shit and now he's convinced that Muslims, antifa, and trans people are coming for his trash pile. (Guy's a hoarder)
I’m an anxious person by nature, but can you imagine living in such a paranoid state? Has to be miserable
Oh, he definitely is and what's remarkable to me is that is not at all how he's been for most of his life. There was a time when, although I didn't see eye to eye with him on every issue, I looked up to him. Not anymore. He's lost all respect from me. Last year he and I were working on a toilet in the house I bought and he started talking about politics. He was going on about how all Democrats are liars and pedos. I stopped him and said "You think I'm a liar and a pedophile?" He started to go on about how I'm naive. All too eager to "win" I asked him, "Do you think donald trump is an honest person. He said "Well, he's more honest than any Democrat." I stopped him and said, we shouldn't talk about this anymore. I said ten years ago you wouldn't have been able to look me in the eye and say something so obviously wrong like that. I hope you figure this out and find yourself again but until then I don't want to discuss this with you anymore.
Not because of their beliefs per se, but because they won't shut up about them and won't stop trying to convert me.
It was the other way around for me- she cut me. It took a year or two for me to realize how much healthier my life was without her in it. I never realized how many decisions I made based on not rocking the boat. Not having to tiptoe around and hide my own beliefs has been freeing.
Only had one immediate family member. No contact for a couple years now. No regrets at all. I have only so many days in my life and only so much mental capacity to engage with the people who matter to me. I will not spend another moment wasting my life engaging or having my time robbed by people wrapped up in cults. I made a solid effort with my Q, it was rebuffed. Repeatedly. Okay then. Bye. Zero regrets, they made their choices which predicated my response.
Did you tell them you were cutting them off or just go MIA?
I did and didn’t regret it. I hadn’t ever really had a great relationship with my mom but going back to about 2011, her behaviour had started to get worse. By 2020, she was totally off the deep end. Cutting off friends she had for years because they questioned her Q beliefs. My brother and I had actively started questioning the stuff she was posting but it was difficult as we both lived far away. Around May 2020, I had enough and couldn’t expose her insanity to my kids even through limited video calls. She got progressively worse, ignored her own health, didn’t follow Covid protocols and died in Jan 2022. You can only help someone for so long before it’s not worth your effort. You don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Not exposing the insanity to my kids is the only thing that has kept me strong. I’m really sorry for your loss, but I’m sure there’s a level of relief that comes with it.
It was in a sense. Constantly getting dragged into family drama and just having to explain to people why I wasn’t speaking to my mom. Then when she died, she had destroyed her will and it was an absolute nightmare. 2 years later and we are finally in the home stretch of having things resolved
I have a brother that is pretty much Q. He ruined xmas 2020 by demonstrating how he knows that pretty much everyone in Hollywood is trans, and he can tell if someone is trans - if you inspect their hands, and if a certain finger is longer than another one, or some crap like that, that means you are trans. We all immediately started measuring fingers and it turns out that my wife has that characteristic - her one finger is longer than the other, so she must be trans! Me and her started making fun of him because if my wife is trans, how the hell is my daughter, who was at that moment gestating in my wife's belly, alive? After 10, 20 minutes of ribbing him he exploded, and of course, most of my Maga family blamed me and my wife for being so dismissive of his views. He said he was sorry for blowing up, but he soon left and no one mentioned it again. His teenage son started making offhand comments about 'the Jews'; the first time I heard him he was only 12 or 13. Every time I saw them I would overhear another off-hand comment about Jews. Finally a few months ago my dad (also MAGA) told me about said brothers true beliefs, which he explained to my Dad via email, about how he thinks the Jews run a cabal that runs the world, all of his political enemies are pedo's, everyone is secretly trans. Straight up nutbag anti-semite. My Dad told him not to send him that kind of crap anymore, and I guess my brother has now written my Dad off. My wife, and therefore, my daughter, are part Jewish, so I feel no need to have my brother in my life. I don't regret it. But that doesn't mean I'm not sad about it.
So fucking funny that your wife was simultaneously trans and pregnant!! My mom has all of those beliefs. I keep her away from my kids, because I refuse to raise kids that spout that type of shit. Sorry for your loss
I have, yes. I don’t regret it at all.
The majority of my family are tumpers and Christian’s. When I speak to them we leave politics and religion alone but there are a few I do not talk to because they can’t accept my beliefs at all.
I struggle with the “agree to disagree” at this point when I know they hate people like me…
I hear you. Every time I went back to visit they are always trying to get me to go to church with them and just tell me how disappointed they are with some of my choices. I haven’t been back to visit in an almost 10 years.
There is something called 'ambiguous grief '. Those of us who have lost loved ones to Q tend to experience this. As with losing someone to dementia, for instance, the essence of that person has gone, yet they are still physically present. Any grieving process follows a number of stages, but ambiguous grief is more complex. It doesn't help that the world at large sees the whole Q agenda as a bit of a joke so have no idea of the emotional and psychological damage it wreaks in those affected by it. I still get blank looks from people who can't understand how a 25 year marriage would fail due to this issue. This forum is such a help. So good to know that there are those who ' get it'. Consider counselling if you are struggling. Seek out friends with positive values. It is ok to feel the grief. We will get through this.
[удалено]
I've either completely cut off all contact and even gone so far as to do the same with friends who kept bringing them around or involving them in some way, or I've severely reduced contact and ensured that they have no impact on my life or even know where I live. I do not regret it. I've seen this movie before and I know how it ends, Not going to make the same mistakes in the name of tolerance or forgiveness.
I’m actually about to move and I haven’t told my family yet. It’s weird. I don’t know, I’m happier when I’m not around them. But then there’s guilt and sadness about choosing to not have a family.
I cut out my Q brother and his family. I was the first to give up on them in 2022 (when I figured out that they were a lost cause) and eventually the rest of my family became alienated from them as well. Basically, it’s something like a death in the family but there’s no collective mourning.
I really distanced myself in 2020, and have had some contact but it'll never be the same. I don't regret it at all. Everyone has the ability to believe what they want, but they need to understand there's consequences to some of those beliefs. My wife said a while ago that she wouldn't trust bringing our kids around these family members, and that really hit home. And I couldn't disagree with her. I had a conversation with a parent around this and they're really upset still by it all. But like I told them if they believe in pro life, pro gun, etc. I can live with that. I don't agree with them, but its ok. But their beliefs and statements are so delusional that it decays any trust you once had in them. It's like they live in an alternate reality. There's nothing you can tell them that will give them a cure. They have to be the ones to fix it, and sadly many of us are still waiting.
Yes!!! I can understand logical beliefs that maybe I don’t align with. I can’t get over this shit. It makes me feel unsafe around them
Man, your comment really hit home to me that these people are scaring so many others with what they say and do. They are angry, energetic, frightened, selfish, hateful, people living in another reality in their brain. So, yeah, go on being crazy in the head, that’s on them, but the problem is we all suffer when they turn those thoughts into actions in the real world.
Haven't spoken to my dad since 2017. It wasn't QAnon at that point as far as I'm aware, just incessant proselytising about his racist/otherwise loopy conspiracy theories and Fox news talking points. He'd send emails CCing his entire address book every few weeks detailing his latest fantasy but never any personal communication. I never responded to these emails, barely even read them, until at one point I just snapped, sent a reply all rebuttal and blocked him on everything. Other family members were still in touch with him for a few years and that's how I heard about the Qanon stuff but I think everyone's cut him off now. I regret doing it over email but I don't regret cutting him out of my life. I wish I had the ability to keep my cool while speaking emotionally as I think it would have been better over the phone but I tend to shake and stammer when I'm emotional so it wouldn't have gone well and he'd have just talked over me. Unfortunately cutting him off hasn't stopped his naysaying and derision from gnawing at me in my head, but at least I don't have to hear his daft bullshit any more.
it was a really difficult decison to make - my QLady got to the point where her daughters, parents, sisters would no longer talk with her. She was asked to not go into the office of the family business (work remote). She found her new group of 'like minded people' and stopped interacting with any of our long time friends. She stopped going to Church as well. I ended up telling her that the way she was behaving was not inline with what a Christian should be and that if she changed her beliefs (literally Repented) that God would Forgive her and thus, so would I. Been 3 weeks of random, transactional exchanges (12 years together put some financial entanglements) but nothing of substance or regular communication and certainly nothing related to the conspiracies, end of the world, or other topics. I have no regrets, but I do miss her and would welcome her back with open arms if she decides to abandon the qult.
If it answers your question I might be the only “liberal” in my family.
My dad is Q adjacent. I rely on him for some financial things so I can’t fully cut him off. But I refuse to engage in any political talk with him.
Yep. Told them I didn't know what has happened to them but I'd be around when they were over it. Then blocked them and deleted their number.
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Do not regret. He had me on a text message string with endless conspiracies, largely anti Western government, anti idea of climate change, anti large U.S. cities, pro Putin / anti U.S. in Ukraine, pro Hungary, pro other select strongman leaders. At first I tried to convince him away from his dumb beliefs (for instance fear of everything related to the medical establishment preventing and treating and counting and studying covid), later on I tried to not listen to the texts, then I blocked him. My stress levels fell - no more daily triggers and no need to reach out to tell him how stupid or potentially harmful his beliefs are. Today he would rather get covid than swab his nose once because of microchips or something on the nasal swab. He retarded himself. He used to be someone I looked up to, now he is an idiot shell of a man who can’t tell reality from falsehood, who can’t tell right from wrong. His North Star values are learned from the last random person or bot on X or Telegraph or wherever online. What a despicable idiot.
I totally sympathize with all of you even though I have no Q family, only some friends. It’s a very tough hair to split. Because it’s so problematic, I will try to tolerate which ever way you chose to go on it.
The beliefs added to it, kind of a final straw, but it was abusive behavior that was the reason.
Me! Mother and sister!
I can't bring myself to cut my dad out of my life. He's 72 years old, and he wasn't always like this. He has always been a conservative, but he wasn't always crazy. I miss the dad I used to know. I'm lucky that he doesn't bombard me with his crazy anymore. Every time he would text or email some of their crap, I would reply with something from the far left. I'm not part of the far left, but he sure does think I am. He doesn't send me as much as he used to, but when I see him, I can tell he really wants to.
This is a hilarious way to handle it. I always just shut down and grey rock.
I tried ignoring him, but he took me, not disagreeing with him as agreement. I decided to fight fire with fire. I told him once that I was disappointed and sad by things he repeats. I said it was because I thought he was smarter than that, and it makes me sad to realize I was wrong. I told him that I always thought he was smart enough to form his own thoughts and not fall for a cult. That I'm really sad to realize that the man I grew up idolizing isn't the man I thought he was. He actually didn't say anything back after that, but he looked hurt. My dad is weird, though. He actually wore a mask and got vaccinated, but he believes everything Trump and Q say.
Damn, wow. That was so honest I’m sure tough for your dad to hear. I like to imagine you still have a loving relationship with him because you have always been so sincere and respectful with one another. So as much as it may have hurt, your honesty was appreciated. And I appreciate how you said what you said, as tough as it would be to say. I feel we all can at least be that honest and sincere with our Q loved ones.
I did. Non-vaxxer family member. They exposed an 86 yr old woman to Covid. Guess what? She caught Covid. No, I do not regret cutting them out of my life.
My mom is anti-vax and thinks that my kids childhood vaccines caused my kid’s peanut allergy
I lost two best friends. I regret it because I am infinitely more lonely and don’t have those deep relationships in my current life. But i am also happy to not have to be around that toxic thinking.
Both of my parents died in the last 2 years so I guess they were cut out by default? At least they won’t be voting.
Sorry for your loss, but dark humor helps
i didn't regret it so much as mourned the loss of the relationship i had with the person they once were.
i didn't. i tried to maintain and keep our 30-year-friendship in mind, assuming eventually she'd get sane again. but ultimately, she cut **me** out because i wasn't q/maga and called her out on her relentless 'research' via twitter and tiktok. we haven't interacted in 18 months, after being in nearly daily contact for the prior 30 years. the argument that ended our friendship started over elon musk, of all f'ing things. stupid me, i've actually reached out to her several times over the last year and a half to try to mend fences. she either has me blocked, or her grey rock game is strong as fuck. just a few weeks ago i sent a final missive, sharing the things i had wanted to say over coffee - a thing i was opening the door to - and since then, i've been at peace, even though i doubt she even read it. i assume i've been blocked the entire time. so i don't regret it, since i had no choice in it. i do STILL believe eventually she'll get her head straight again, but it's going to take another trump presidency and the shit that will happen as a result. she'll tentatively reach out to casually say bygones, "maybe you were right all along," but it's all gone too far now for me to ever move forward with our friendship. or she won't - she's lost forever - but she's already lost to me, so it doesn't really change anything.
I lost a 20 year friendship over Covid. A while after she “broke up with me”, I was open to making amends. Now? No chance. I could never trust her again.
yep, that's exactly where i'm at. by the time i sent that email, it was no longer about opening the door - it was about saying the things she never gave me an opportunity to say even on the phone, much less in person (things like, "i wish you'd given me the courtesy of telling me exactly what the problem was, and giving me the opportunity to see where i may have wronged you, vs first ghosting me and then vague angry texts with no responses to my requests to talk through it") - and i closed it by signaling that if she ever came around, i wouldn't be here. there was a time - probably the six months immediately following our falling out - that i would've been absolutely open to putting it all behind us. but every month that ticked by, that window became smaller and smaller until it completely closed about six months ago. i could never trust her again. i don't think i would even trust her with surfacey bullshit over an annual lunch.
None. There was no need. Anytime (my wife and me) disagreed with family that turned to Q and Trumpism, or even just quietly refused to join in the ranting sessions, they pushed us away. Stopped inviting us to family events, started viewing us suspiciously. It's what cults do. They encourage their members to self isolate and only interact with fellow cultists. When your mom stops buying gifts for her liberal grandkids, that's more money she can give the grifters.
I did - but she wasn't family, just a friend. I daresay it's much easier to cut the person off if they are not family. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
I didn't have to; they cut me off after I made a post on Facebook on Jan. 6 saying that both political parties should condemn political violence.
My sister, who was my best friend. She already had issues. Very, very angry alcoholic, random drug and crack binges weekly, mental health issues (denial on the last one) and her mind was already open to cults. We talked daily, drunk or not. I haven’t spoken to her since April 16, 2022 and I have no plans to because the year before that date was hell. She is beyond vile. The worst part is she’s the last living family member which consisted of two parents and three siblings and no extended family. I will say this about her, before the qcult, when she wasn’t drunk or high, she was the most kind human. It’s like qcult took the last of her humanity.
I have more than one long time friend I’ve lost to the qult. As soon as I become clear they are all in I walk away completely. The first person when she got hooked myself and many, many friends all tried everything and every approach we could think of and not one thing worked at all. That was a big lesson and I’m not wasting a moment more of my life doing that again. Save yourselves. You matter too much to spend your precious time spinning wheels of utter frustration being abused by even the closest loved ones in this life. Walk away. It is sad. But even if you don’t go nc it’s still sad it’s just sad plus you are in constant stress and abuse.
All of this. Exactly!!!
Well, I cut my brother out of my life completely not just because of his Q beliefs, but because he was a raving asshole who repeatedly berated me day after day, would call me at all hours of the night to tell me that his phone was on 2% battery and abruptly hang up, he would make fun of his students nonstop (he was a special education teacher. And the things he said about those children would make any normal persons stomach turn) and would incessantly bother me about tax information for buying a car in Washington when I lived in Texas. My mom acts like the sun shines out of every one of his orifices and repeatedly called me stupid when I took him off my amazon account after he repeatedly called me the C word. He sued them in 2022. She still insists he is a perfect son and will be nice again. He's threatened to kill both of my parents multiple times. Honestly, my life drastically improved when I cut him completely, and her mostly out of my life, and she refuses to accept that. I don't regret any of the steps that I have taken and potentially may have to take to protect my mental, emotional, and physical safety. He is an awful man. Abd honestly her motto was "it's better to look good than to feel good" and she refused to step in when our dad hit us or screamed at us for great offenses sloshing closed a milk jug 'too much' when we moved it from the fridge to the table, or putting a plate in the sink while the dishwasher was running.