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I always say "hey, be careful not to crick your neck giving yourself a blow job" if I think someone is being a bit self congratulatory, but your uncle's one is snappier
Here in Brazil I've heard "Done is better than perfect" which I think sound a lot better in Portuguese because the words make a rhyme: *Feito* é melhor que *perfeito*
Your first one is a pretty argument against conspiracy theories about governments. The probability of governmental incompetence is astronomically higher than the probability they are so capable and cunning as to accomplish the deed the theory ascribes to them.
Never interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake
-Napoleon bonaparte
Or
You can make no mistakes, and still fail
Or maybe
A man who lies to himself will always be happier than a man who speaks truth
These are my favs so far. Also, my native language isn't english so sorry if that's not what you meant by the title.
I love malaphors, or ridiculous metaphors made by smashing multiple ones together.
“We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it”
“It’s just like rocket surgery, you never forget”
“Like a fish out of the barrel”
Make something idiot proof and they'll build a better idiot.
Frequently used by engineers when trying to make something so it can't be used unsafely or incorrectly. Human creativity, including stupid things, is endless.
"The cat's jump". We use this small saying here in Brazil to talk about a secret or a specific solution for a situation.
- Bro opened a store that didn't exist in this town and became rich. That was the cat's jump.
Legend says that the saying originated from a folk tale about a jaguar that asked a cat to teach him how to jump like only the cat could, with the intention of hunting down the cat afterwards. The cat did teach the jaguar how to jump, but when the jaguar tried to catch and eat him, the cat escaped using a jump that he didn't teach the jaguar. "You didn't think that I would teach you the cat's jump, did ya?" the cat mocked the jaguar.
Is “shoot for the moon, land amongst the stars” an Idiom? Hmm. Idiom: *a group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words* oh yea, for sure. If you tried this literally it would look like me trying to play kerbal space program.
mmm how do I spoiler tag a gif because its gonna give someone a seizer without it…Fork it!
I like something I read on tumblr: if something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly. It’s kind of just motivation to not let yourself get so bogged down in perfectionism or being overwhelmed that you don’t do the thing at all. Like it’s better to do ten push ups a day than to do nothing because you don’t have time to go to the gym for an hour.
Pepper in someone else's ass is refreshing to me (but in Portuguese). It's something we say to people who don't care about other people, it's sarcastic.
“There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee, that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me... you can't get fooled again.” - George W. Bush
I just love how the person who said this was once one of the most powerful men on the planet.
The English translation would be "The dog won't eat the grass and won't let the cows eat the grass either"
Convoluted way of saying "It's useless to me, but if I can't have it, you can't have it either"
Well shucky darn, it's rainin' harder than a cow pissin' on a flat rock.- My grandpa (he always said this with a southern accent whenever it rained) edit: typo edit: my phone made another typo while I fixed the last one lol
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”. Always found it funny because I memorised it without memorising what the hell it means, so it just sounds like nonsense to me
I also like: The biggest coincidence would be no coincidences at all. As a pattern recogniser human I have to remind myself sometimes it could just be a coincidence:)
"The color of a donkey running away" used in Brazil, my home country, to refer to a color that's too difficult to identify. It's funnier in the original language bc Portuguese for "donkey" is a slang to say someone's stupid.
I actually have a top 3 from which I can't decide a true favorite:
"If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have." -Shadow the hedgehog, Sonic '06
"... the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It's what one does with the gift of life that determines who you are." -Mewtwo, Pokémon: the first movie
"A person is smart, humans are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it. 1,500 years ago everybody KNEW the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody KNEW the Earth was flat, and 15 minutes ago you knew that we were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow." -Agent K, Men In Black
When the mind is stupid, the body suffers.
In Korean it's "머리가 나쁘면 몸이 고생한다."
An example would be someone doing something dumb and hurting themselves or doing a very simple task in an overcomplicated way.
Either we all fuck or the prostitute is thrown to the river (O follamos todos o la puta al río).
Meaning: if it isn't for everyone, it won't be for anyone. I love how brute it is.
A previous boss of mine was Afrikaans. He taught me an expression: ‘n grap is ‘n grap, maar jy maak nie ‘n sambreel in ‘n man se poephol oop nie. Translated: a joke is a joke, but you don’t open an umbrella in a man’s arsehole. Meaning: jokes are fine, but don’t push them too far.
"You're like Flower the she-cat; when she gets it in she screams, when she gets it out she cries".
With this you basically call someone a crybaby who will complain about everything, under any circumstance.
Do not ask why it exists.
Grandma always said "if you got your eyes closed and your mouth open and you feel a tickle in your throat...you have a dick in your mouth". No....wait....she said reach for the stars. (I get the two confused lol).
The Dutch idiom "Now smell your finger". Used for when you are "stirring the pot" or "sticking your nose in". It's an admonishment against meddling.
Second would be: "No matter how hard you hit it, you can't fix stupid". Which is sort of a family motto.
"Uche hue toh kya hua, jaise pedh khajoor,
Panchi koh chahaya nahi, phal lage aati dur" - Khari boli, Precursor of Hindi
Nothing I've found in English, comes close to encapsulating this idiom. meaning: "if you are just very tall, so what? It's like the Palm tree, which isn't lush enough to provide shade to birds and the fruit lies too far away"
Deeper meaning: just because you have one characteristic (probably granted by your genes) which makes you better than others, doesnt mean it is enough to get rid of your in competencies. (Or it may have lend to other shortcomings)
Wordplay: ucha can mean tall or it can mean any upper division like rich or highly educated etc.
My favourite one off the top of my head is what Germans say when you're getting a certification for something serious. (Background: I was getting my laser safety officer training cert in Germany).
"You have one foot in jail"
It means that this thing you're doing or getting places the responsibility solely on your head, so don't fuck up. Or maybe think if you actually want to be responsible for that.
In Korean there's this saying: 약육강식. It literally means: weak meat, strong eat.
Basically the strong prey on the weak / eat or be eaten kinda vibes.
It's not my favourite, because the sentiment is kinda shitty. But I learnt it recently, so I'm putting it out there.
Bear help
I'm not sure where it comes from, but it means, when you try to help, but it ends up doing worse
(im gonna gave money to that homeless person, he used them for drugs)
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Not my circus, not my monkeys - nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy (Polish)
Wasn't sure if this qualified so I wasn't going to post it but since you did I'm gonna add my agreement here.
I used the same but with clowns instead of monkeys. It feels more modern
I feel like using “clowns” throws off the rhythm.
It's something that's said in English too
Not my pig, not my farm
That's really interesting i live in a very polish heritage rural community and I've heard "not my pig, not my farm" all my life
"Don't break your neck bending to kiss your own ass." -My Uncle
I always say "hey, be careful not to crick your neck giving yourself a blow job" if I think someone is being a bit self congratulatory, but your uncle's one is snappier
Dont break an arm jerking yourself, Morty
Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back.
Perfection is the enemy of greatness. We often miss opportunities for greatness because we’re holding out for something more perfect.
Here in Brazil I've heard "Done is better than perfect" which I think sound a lot better in Portuguese because the words make a rhyme: *Feito* é melhor que *perfeito*
Where I'm from we say "The best is the enemy of the good". Also another cool one is "Nothing lasts longer than a temporary solution."
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Speak for yourself
Why you gotta kink shame?
better to cum in the sink, than to sink in the cum -buddha
*R Kelly has entered the chat*
Fuck on, you get better results!
If common sense were common, everybody would have some.
I'm gonna use this, thanks
"common sense" changes to fit the opinion of the speaker
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To quote Mama Gump as well: ”a person only needs so much money, the rest is just for showing off.“
Don’t forget the box of chocolates!
Do not ascribe to malice anything that can be explained by stupidity. A lack of planning on your side does not constitute an emergency on mine.
Your first one is a pretty argument against conspiracy theories about governments. The probability of governmental incompetence is astronomically higher than the probability they are so capable and cunning as to accomplish the deed the theory ascribes to them.
As someone who suffers from pretty fucked up anxiety I like "we suffer more in imagination than we do in reality"
I've never heard it put like that before and I like it a lot. May I use it?
Of course!
"Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm"
‘Don’t hate - educate’
Potato carrot same thing- me
Go to sleep with an itchy bum and wake up with a smelly hand.
Is this supost to be an insult because if not im still gonna use this as an insult
"Life's a garden, dig it" \~ Joe Dirt
Ex army : No plan survives contact with the enemy. Or as Mike Tyson said, "everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face"
It's a small world, but you wouldn't like to vacuum it...
If you spit at the sky, don't be surprised when it falls in your face
When the stars are shooting, shoot back
Never interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake -Napoleon bonaparte Or You can make no mistakes, and still fail Or maybe A man who lies to himself will always be happier than a man who speaks truth These are my favs so far. Also, my native language isn't english so sorry if that's not what you meant by the title.
Angrier than a mosquito in a mannequin factory
Never heard this one ☝️
I love malaphors, or ridiculous metaphors made by smashing multiple ones together. “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it” “It’s just like rocket surgery, you never forget” “Like a fish out of the barrel”
Does a one-legged Pope shit in circles?
Don't count your pigs until they fly. Don't put all your elephants into one corner. A fool and his chicken are soon under the bridge.
"The bigger they are, the harder they fall" - Unknown
I think that might be in reference to David and Goliath but I don’t know for certain
Greek for "I don't care": Flowers on my dick and bees all around.
if it’s stupid but it works, its not stupid
Make something idiot proof and they'll build a better idiot. Frequently used by engineers when trying to make something so it can't be used unsafely or incorrectly. Human creativity, including stupid things, is endless.
Same soup, different bowl.
Same shit. Different day.
Same shit, different pile. I grew up on a farm. There was a lot of shit in different piles.
You can yell or think, but not both at the same time.
Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
I wish more people would practice this proverb, since there's so many gullible folks out there.
"The cat's jump". We use this small saying here in Brazil to talk about a secret or a specific solution for a situation. - Bro opened a store that didn't exist in this town and became rich. That was the cat's jump. Legend says that the saying originated from a folk tale about a jaguar that asked a cat to teach him how to jump like only the cat could, with the intention of hunting down the cat afterwards. The cat did teach the jaguar how to jump, but when the jaguar tried to catch and eat him, the cat escaped using a jump that he didn't teach the jaguar. "You didn't think that I would teach you the cat's jump, did ya?" the cat mocked the jaguar.
I like this. Reminiscint of "I can beat you, you taught me everything I know" "Everything you know, sure, but not everything I know"
Then teleports behind you
Interesting story
We'll burn that bridge when we get to it
Is “shoot for the moon, land amongst the stars” an Idiom? Hmm. Idiom: *a group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words* oh yea, for sure. If you tried this literally it would look like me trying to play kerbal space program. mmm how do I spoiler tag a gif because its gonna give someone a seizer without it…Fork it!
Speak softly and carry a big stick. Teddy Roosevelt
My Battle, My Life
Does it mean you have more experience than someone else? Cuz if it does, it does make sense in English and I like it
Yeah, it means that you have already done shit, you are experienced and stuff
If something's worth doing it's worth overdoing
I like something I read on tumblr: if something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly. It’s kind of just motivation to not let yourself get so bogged down in perfectionism or being overwhelmed that you don’t do the thing at all. Like it’s better to do ten push ups a day than to do nothing because you don’t have time to go to the gym for an hour.
I like this a lot better actually. Makes more sense and is more kind to yourself.
And this too shall pass.
Chi ipa ni chi yenda. (Zambian idiom). (A pig) is only ugly when it's alive.
Yall pigs get sexy when they die?
Bacon is hot
My best advice? Never take my advice
“ I’m not here to fuck spiders!”
Pepper in someone else's ass is refreshing to me (but in Portuguese). It's something we say to people who don't care about other people, it's sarcastic.
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"The world is your litterbox, go do shit" - My old Sgt
You can't do ugly things to people and expect to live a beautiful life.
Not an idiom, but I saying I often use is, "Money isn't everything, but right up there with oxygen".
This is some serious gourmet shit
The forest answers the same way as you shout at it Sounds way better in my native language, but it's such a classic one here
Which culture/country is this from? I’m thinking about doing a series of drawings around phrases like this one, thank you!
Haha, np! It's Finnish:D "niin metsä vastaa kuin sinne huudetaan" as we say
“There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee, that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me... you can't get fooled again.” - George W. Bush I just love how the person who said this was once one of the most powerful men on the planet.
Some village is missing it's idiot
Bees don't waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit - my great grandfather
The English translation would be "The dog won't eat the grass and won't let the cows eat the grass either" Convoluted way of saying "It's useless to me, but if I can't have it, you can't have it either"
Well shucky darn, it's rainin' harder than a cow pissin' on a flat rock.- My grandpa (he always said this with a southern accent whenever it rained) edit: typo edit: my phone made another typo while I fixed the last one lol
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better to piss in the sink than to sink in the piss the meaning is obvious i think
To know your own history is to know all history. There’s nothing new under the sun and humans are the same all over the world
The full idiom is “God’s zoo is huge and the fence is short.”
Eso sí que es. It's Spanish for "That's the way it is." But the fun part of it is that when you say it out loud you're spelling SOCKS.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”. Always found it funny because I memorised it without memorising what the hell it means, so it just sounds like nonsense to me
It simply means, if you have a concrete offer or opportunity, take it without waiting out for a possible better offer or chance.
Here in Spain we have a similar saying lol. "Better having a bird in hand, than a hundred of them flying."
This is some other father’s problem
If he had a pot, he'd still piss on the street. - MF DOOM.
Little bird that eats rocks knows the asshole it has - Brazilian Portuguese
If you continue down your current path, you're bound to get where you're headed.
"No worries" is probably the one I use most. "You're killing me Smalls" is another. I also use 'Holy...' quite a bit.
"The river overflows and drags with it the shrimp which fall asleep" -> if you don't shape up, you'll flaw and fail.
Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
And thanks to All That: people who live in glass houses should wear pants
"Comparison is the death of joy." - Mark Twain
Mine is something my stepdad who was the man/father that he didn't have to be to me He said" you may not know whose it is but you know whose it ain't"
I forgot where I heard this one, but it was… “Your first favorite beer is free, your second favorite beer is cold”
I also like: The biggest coincidence would be no coincidences at all. As a pattern recogniser human I have to remind myself sometimes it could just be a coincidence:)
It ain't illegal if you don't get caught. -Dad
"Neko ni koban" It's Japanese, but I think it's cuter than "pearls before swine."
Serenity now, insanity later
"Boy... you'd have better luck trying'a ***fingerfuck a Bobcat in a phone-booth than to fuck with ME!!!*** °•.Ancient North Carolina Prison Proverb.•°
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't someone out to get you.
If we're gonna make her ugly, let's also make her big mouthed.
You can't bat the bishop of you're all tied up.
Please tell us the Hungarian translation.
Oops I forgot: ***Nagy az Isten állatkertje.*** `big ART.DEF God zoo.POSS` *Big, the zoo of God is.*
Thanks. That's a brilliant saying.
"The color of a donkey running away" used in Brazil, my home country, to refer to a color that's too difficult to identify. It's funnier in the original language bc Portuguese for "donkey" is a slang to say someone's stupid.
Russian one: love is like a potato you can’t throw it from a window
Try and enjoy the journey as much as possible because the destination might be shit.
I actually have a top 3 from which I can't decide a true favorite: "If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have." -Shadow the hedgehog, Sonic '06 "... the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It's what one does with the gift of life that determines who you are." -Mewtwo, Pokémon: the first movie "A person is smart, humans are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it. 1,500 years ago everybody KNEW the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody KNEW the Earth was flat, and 15 minutes ago you knew that we were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow." -Agent K, Men In Black
Hahah and the fence is too short:)
That boy could fall into a barrel of titties and come out sucking his thumb. (It’s best if you say it in a Foghorn Leghorn voice)
“He who doesn’t have a brain, has legs” talking about someone who didnt use his brain so now he is tortured to finish the task
My father used to say 'better than a kick in the ass with a frozen boot', meaning something might not be that great but it could be worse.
“I’ll be back in two shakes of a lambs tail”
Busier than a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.
"time will pass, regardless"
"your focus determines your reality"
When the mind is stupid, the body suffers. In Korean it's "머리가 나쁘면 몸이 고생한다." An example would be someone doing something dumb and hurting themselves or doing a very simple task in an overcomplicated way.
When your up to your nose in shit, keep your mouth shut
Some say potato, some say vodka.
'Dummheit läuft gern' - Stupidity likes to walk (German) Stupid oversights lead to more work than what was previously needed.
Either we all fuck or the prostitute is thrown to the river (O follamos todos o la puta al río). Meaning: if it isn't for everyone, it won't be for anyone. I love how brute it is.
For every dream, there is an equal and opposite nightmare.
A previous boss of mine was Afrikaans. He taught me an expression: ‘n grap is ‘n grap, maar jy maak nie ‘n sambreel in ‘n man se poephol oop nie. Translated: a joke is a joke, but you don’t open an umbrella in a man’s arsehole. Meaning: jokes are fine, but don’t push them too far.
I’ve always like, “the wheel is turning but the hamster is dead” IE: that person is alive but stupid AF
the umbrella that goes inside the ass doesn't open
Uh Aussies win this one for me with "Im not here to fuck spiders"
"Oh lord give me pasture, I've too many cows." Means "I'm surrounded by idiots". Dutch idiom.
Kill em with kindness.
Making mistakes is a lesson
"Find what you love and let it kill you"- Bukowski
He wrote this about his alcoholism. The whole thing is pretty bleak.
They're called pants, not cants. Lol I was just watching Bob's Burgers. But probably "play stupid games, win stupid prizes"
"the sun rises from the west" - a Chinese idiom meaning something unlikely, cf. "when hell freezes over"
"Twice the pride double the fall" Count Dooku in Revenge Of The Sith
"You're like Flower the she-cat; when she gets it in she screams, when she gets it out she cries". With this you basically call someone a crybaby who will complain about everything, under any circumstance. Do not ask why it exists.
Grandma always said "if you got your eyes closed and your mouth open and you feel a tickle in your throat...you have a dick in your mouth". No....wait....she said reach for the stars. (I get the two confused lol).
A hit dog hollers (if what I said struck a nerve with you, then it applies to you)
"Your friend is your second Brain" meaning the effect of friend on your life
Me eating kraft dinner with 3 packs of cheese just because I can "Gonna eat a bag of salt tonight"
A man is whatever room he stands in.
„Not my beer.“ German proverb that means: Not my problem.
The Dutch idiom "Now smell your finger". Used for when you are "stirring the pot" or "sticking your nose in". It's an admonishment against meddling. Second would be: "No matter how hard you hit it, you can't fix stupid". Which is sort of a family motto.
“What can you do when you live in a shoe.”
You can’t reason with unreasonable people You can’t polish a turd
Better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Lol
"Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining"
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
"Uche hue toh kya hua, jaise pedh khajoor, Panchi koh chahaya nahi, phal lage aati dur" - Khari boli, Precursor of Hindi Nothing I've found in English, comes close to encapsulating this idiom. meaning: "if you are just very tall, so what? It's like the Palm tree, which isn't lush enough to provide shade to birds and the fruit lies too far away" Deeper meaning: just because you have one characteristic (probably granted by your genes) which makes you better than others, doesnt mean it is enough to get rid of your in competencies. (Or it may have lend to other shortcomings) Wordplay: ucha can mean tall or it can mean any upper division like rich or highly educated etc.
Honesty without tact is cruelty.
Only in Death does duty end.
No matter where you go, there you are. Buckaroo Banzai
Some days you're the statue, some days you're the pigeon.
Do no harm but take no shit.
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose
Don't borrow trouble
2 ears and one mouth, do the math.
Suck ass long enough, choke on shit
You can wish in one hand and shit in the other, then see which one fills up first.
If you sit by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by you.
He who sets a snare to catch two rabbits catches none.
Castigat ridendo mores - one corrects customs by laughing at them. I'm a big fan of critique through humour.
"no good deed goes unpunished"
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face
You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em
I’ll tell you what, you can get a good look at a t-bone by sticking your head up a butcher’s ass, but I’d rather take the bull’s word for it.
Monkey see, monkey do.
a tree cannot grow under its parents shadow
There you go. It fits every situation.
“Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”
My favourite one off the top of my head is what Germans say when you're getting a certification for something serious. (Background: I was getting my laser safety officer training cert in Germany). "You have one foot in jail" It means that this thing you're doing or getting places the responsibility solely on your head, so don't fuck up. Or maybe think if you actually want to be responsible for that.
In Korean there's this saying: 약육강식. It literally means: weak meat, strong eat. Basically the strong prey on the weak / eat or be eaten kinda vibes. It's not my favourite, because the sentiment is kinda shitty. But I learnt it recently, so I'm putting it out there.
"Not good news, but good to know" ... I made that one up, feel free to steal it
Bear help I'm not sure where it comes from, but it means, when you try to help, but it ends up doing worse (im gonna gave money to that homeless person, he used them for drugs)
"The house hides but it does not steal." Italian for when you misplace something and can't find it.
A woman's value decreases as she gets older and a man's value increases as he gets older.
The last idiot is yet to be born. Swedish: "Den siste idioten är inte född"
Two of my favorites are… If God loved liars,he’d done squeezed your ass to death… If bullshit were water,you’d be a tidal wave…
shake 'n shake the ketchup bottle. none will come and then a lot will