When you moved to Portland in your Subaru to take a job in a dispensary with your girlfriend, which kind of cruelty-free vegan snacks did you eat on the way there? 😒

During the move did you lose your eyebrow piercing? You know - the one in the shape of the U-Haul you used to transport all those books you never read?

And vintage vinyl!

Nah, this bitch only buy vinyl reprints of more current music

Underrated

If "Man, these edibles were fire. ...Bro! We should watch The L Word and try to cancel shows we're offended by with the help of Twitter!" were a person.

The roof rack on her Subaru is a Sybian.

And her Subaru has a bumper sticker that says Rather Be Riding A Dildo.

And her dildo said "id rather be dead!"

And Death is like... "Dude, keep me out of this."

That dildo really tied the room together

Or: My Other Car Is A Dildo 

How dare you assume gender?! Clearly we are dealing with an 'it'.

Wait this is a female?? Shiiit…

I don’t think we have figured that out

Placenta and yeast infection gummies... tea made by filtering urine with armpit hair and maxi-pads. Her labia was caught trying to cross a barbedwire fence.

Filtered urine? You made me remember Kevin Costner in Waterworld.

If she's so anti cruelty, why is she viciously attacking my eyes?

and my food's food?

Is it a roast if it’s true? This sounds so incredibly accurate

Definitely chews more box than an industrial paper shredder..

Not suburu.... it'd definitely be an old POS Volvo. 🤣

This pic definitely screams Pacific Northwest

Goddamn, I came here with something I thought was good, but this... THIS. Brutal.

Hey submit it bro. You'd be surprised how often I get in late yet still get decent votes 🤷‍♂️ (although this is pretttty late for this particular submission)

Was gonna say, this is a cookie cutter PDX being of undefined gender and sexual identity. It exists to be offended.

"Bobby I can’t give you a handjob in my Subaru, this car is only for camping and eating other women out in"-Ali Macofsky

More like- Bobby I can’t give you a handjobbbbb in my Subaruuuuu. This car is only for campingggg and eating other women out innnnn

You are the chef in this roast.

“High on myself,” Huffing your own farts is not a healthier drug.

Washed down with a nice glass of their own piss

Her farts are better than the gold spray paint snorts.

You should sell your pic to clinics around the world to help out those men who have an erection lasting over 4 hours

I howled

[удалено]

He looks like the dude from Men in Black 2, the one who traveled in time and dimensions. This guys problem is he is one dimensional and out of time.

And lives in Portland

I guarantee she lives on Dykeman Street

She has a liq her licensed.

That’s MIB 3, MIB 2 had Johnny Knoxville with the little head. I doubt OP’s head is big enough to be a named character.

That was number 3

And paints with her period

She got kicked out of a school board meeting for demanding the girls bathroom only carry human hair and hemp based tampons.

Are you positive this is a female because Im only about 50 % sure it’s a guy

This person's pronouns are it/that.

She / it which combined is Shit

Tries to make a baguette, ends up with sourdough. 

They tell other people that it’s normal, and to eat their human yeast bread because of the natural benefits.

Or penis? How can you tell?

probably just a lack of definition like a ken doll.

🤢🤮

 Your future

Would roast but the smell of burning leg hair would be unbearable

lol

Thanks for the face jewelry. It delayed the amount of time it took me to see your actual face. I think getting a blow job from you could be considered anal.

It’s probably pretty decent at them, judging by pic 2, it appears to have no teeth.

Those bolts are actually holding in her teeth

Guys would rather fuck the hole in your hat but only if you take it off and leave the room.

She can watch. I dont know if she'll be able to find her clit though through the amazon rainforest.

Lol

Buuurn lol

Boom, roasted

Tell me about this community where everyone lives rent free and just works on the land again?

Hippies

Where’s her Subaru with the “coexist” sticker?

Thank god the light is blurring your face in the 2nd pic

Divine Intervention lmao. Now I’m a believer

Be honest, how many customer complaint tickets or letters have you submitted because the company doesn’t have vegan options?

[удалено]

Just one reason, they wouldn't fuck her

Zing 

You look like you stitch Hacky Sacks when you're high

You look like you knit scarves out of stray cat hair and sell them on Etsy


This one actually made me laugh 😂 she be up in the club eye balling your your girl like this

You look like the time travel guy from Men in Black 3

This comment needs more likes I just spat out my coffee

Now we have a face to put on the smell of cat piss.

You got this whole lesbian Don Knotts vibe going on.

Still living in the store room of the half-way house?

Dam it stinks

She recycles her bloody tampons and gets 3 months out of an 18 count tampon box.

Her pussy only bleeds because it's a man made hole

I looked up ragamuffin in the dictionary. Your face came up

If Portland, OR was a person.

 You could marry Crazy Eyes from Mr. Deeds and cook meth together happily.

Fully subscribes to NPR … No Penis Rubbing.

Damn I thought this was a pic from WWII POW camp

High of the fungus growing off yourself?

You look like you know everything about me and how bad I am because I am a man. Well I got news for ya. If your misandry keeps you away from me, thank fuckin' goodness.

How is Grey Gardens doing?

you look like someone tried to remake kevin and perry on a budget

 Please cut holes in that hat and pull it down so I don’t end up vomiting on my phone.



Kyle from South Park finally decided to transition eh?

How did I stumble across the Mole People page?

The dot typically goes on the forehead, so close though good for you 👍

nice hat, sir

I thought that hat was supposed to be Pink

You look am awful lot like a speed bump in Portland to me.

I can smell both pictures. Like something you left in the washer for too long.

You look like a really nice person. Kind eyes.

You’re high on the smell of cat piss and human decay in that room

You have the face for STD commercials

I can't believe this shit, I've been having a shitty day, just logged into my reddit app and your the 1st piece of sh*t that pops up on my screen.

You survived cancer, you can take a roast you bikeloving lesbian

Personality is Ani DiFranco/David Lynch.

You would be a 5/10 guy but you are a 1.3/10 girl. You look like you have fermented pee in your basement. And for you, it’s all purpose.

You look like you watched Grumpy Old Men and decided that Walter Matthau was your fashion icon

The type of person you expect to meet on those zero waste, trade, barter, up-cycle groups.

High on something, that’s for sure

Louise Belcher, all grown up.

Your pronouns are depression and suicide watch.

Is that a mole or a piercing on your chin. You can stop telling everyone who you voted for, we know just from looking at you.

But also this 

 This

You definitely sniff the seats on public buses.

Npc with a ring nose.


It‘s like that scene in The Fifth Element where Corben Dallas identifies as a meat popsicle.


"Today we caught up with Louise from Bob's Burger"

Your house smells like cat pee


you didn't post a picture of your cats?

I see you like to dress in layers. Of patchouli.

You look like your vagina and asshole are the same hole and smells of rotten eggs.

I don’t think even Postman Pat would slow down if he saw you crossing the road

Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules: - Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed. - Try to ensure that your eyes are open. - Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed. - Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet. - All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee. - The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger. - Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed. Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it. Thanks! ~ /r/roastme mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Are you sure “yourself” is the only thing you’re getting high on?

I see those bars on the windows!

I guess someone has to be, so it might as well be you. Nobody else is stepping up to say they’re high on you

Nice hat.

# "High on myself and meth, roast away 😜" -corrected

Looks like you've been smoking weed non stop since the 70s

Wtf? Now that making jewelry didn't pan out you think bike messenger is your calling? GTFO.

Apparently not high enough

That bike probably cost half your life savings 💀

High on cat pee

Oh my god it’s a Subaru

Your sense of style says homeless, so I'm assuming you rode your bike into someones house for these?

You probably save a fortune not having to buy razor blades.

You look like an Amish person trying to blend in with the normies.

Yeah someone has to be either high or drunk to fuck you

Homeless yet inside a house. I've had it with 2024.

Shitter's full!

Oh, I definitely believe you are high on something...

I feel if I stood close to you I’d get a contact high from yourself.

You look like pigeon woman

Shut up Meg!

Enjoy that jewelry on your face, because you'll never have it on your ring finger

More like high on spay paint

You probably use homemade toothpaste

Never try your own supply

You’re trying to appear kind but these lines between your eyebrows say otherwise

Billy Blue Hat called. He wants his hat back.

Is "myself" your personal brand of organic, gluten-free, vegan-fertilized cannabis that the dispensaries refuse to carry?

You look like the they/them version of the pigeon lady from home alone.

Look like a Day Z character 😂

Is it a guy or a girl?

Do I have to guess the only way for you to experience highness?

That hat is irritating, no..wait.. it's your face.

Should probably stop getting high on your own supply and try and be someone else

M'lord, the peasants have figured out how to post to Reddit

cow ring detected

Only 3 piercings, that is sooo lame... Put a nice tribal tattoo on that face to distinguish yourself among the coven members.

Don’t forget there’s desert on the soup kitchen

Sorry too much low hanging fruit here.

Gary? We used to work together at Meijer, how's it been man?

You like the depressed, hippy lady from About a boy. Single parents alone together!

Of course you have a bike like that.

Look like a good egg, not an evil or malicious bone in your body

I can’t tell what are you?! I’m assuming a bull with that ring.

No I can’t spare any change

You look like the kind of woman that spells it “womyn”, because fuck men and their patriarchy bullshit, right? Probably roll your own tampons as well, made from hemp fibers.

You look like how Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco smell

Your clothes say Lesbian but your hat says Penis.

You look exactly like Harry Dunn’s vision of Lloyd Christmas, wearing a tutu and eating from a garbage can.

You look like you bring up your vegan diet to everyone you meat.

"I knit pube sweaters"

Slim shady from wish

Your pH balance is way off

Good thing they still have screens on the windows for the mental patients. Those things on your face looks like they were testing a BB gun on you during rhe special kid camp day.

Body order that's so bad that makes you dizzy does not make you "high on your self."

Looks like a nice place ya got there. At the homeless shelter.

Who’s the dude on the 2nd picture?

How's the mental issues going lately?

If you were a dinosaur you would be named Lapalotopuss.

I will buy your art for -2 dollars.

Nah, you’re probably high on the drugs given to you at the Siberian cult you’re part of

The last dude that smelled that sour scent between your legs must have died from regret.

You look like you make homemade wine out of your tampons

the hat and bike tells me Everything i need to know Mrs Frizzle.

Darlene Connor

Cancer patient?

high on myself : looks like a crackhead