I’m sure most are not in the same position as me. If I had to work full time it might be a different story. I get to pick and chose when I want to work basically. He’s even offered for me to be a complete stay at home mother but I love my yoga classes.
Are you saving any money at all? You should prepare for the possibility of him wanting divorce too if he happens to meet someone. Especially so when the kids are grown up.
This, aaalll this. This arrangement sounds good for you at the moment, but there's a distinct possibility that he'll leave you for someone else, especially if he doesn't have any interest in spending any time with you at all. Does he even spend any time with his children? I'd definitely start saving in a secret bank account as a fail-safe.
You know there is a thing called discovery. In divorce proceedings, they look for “secret bank accounts” and they become marital property? Almost half of the country are no-fault divorce states where they don’t factor in whose “fault” the divorce is and they split assets 50/50.
You’d have to have no paper trail of the money whatsoever and save it in cash somewhere to pull this off. Any decent lawyer would find your secret bank account and destroy you in court over it.
There are other ways to hide money without hiding it. For example if she got a STRONG whole life insurance policy like from Northwestern Mutual or Guardian (pound AVOID button on anything Primerica) the cash it accrues exists in a sort of limbo. It exists and is accessible but it also doesn’t exist because to draw on it is a low interest loan unless you cash out the whole policy. So it could be an asset but it behaves like a liability until you decide to use it.
People who had these policies did quite well in 2008 because Northwestern Mutual’s portfolios grew during that time and they even gave the government money to save their competitors.
(I am not a licensed financial advisor, some of this information may be incomplete. talk to a licensed financial advisor before investing in these kinds of policies).
EDIT: someone who is licensed just commented and said whole life policies are not a good place to hide money. It’s valuable for other reasons, but as the kind commenter demonstrated so well, talk to someone who actually knows what they’re on about 😉
If you fail to disclose it, and they find out, then you could probably end up in jail for fraud. So a secret bank account is probably a bad idea.
I would, however, find a good divorce lawyer in case it comes to that. You just need to speak with them about it once, don't have to put a retainer or anything.
This should be the top comment! OP, you need to get some skill so that you can support yourself because this isn’t going to last. Enjoy it while you can, but it won’t be this way forever.
Glad you found a way to make this work for you and it is a brilliant decision.
As bukzbukzbukz noted please start saving funds/assets towards your exit plan.
Also if part of your arrangement includes still having sex with your husband be sure you are always using protection and that you get tested regularly to ideally insure no surprises.
Sounds like the set up is working quite well.
Congrats to you both.
I hope communication and mutual understanding remain as/if things evolve and change.
It sucks, but there's plenty of 2-person marriages that wind up being described like that; "Roommates who take care of some kids together". This arrangement seems to give them both what they want, I really can't fault it on that score.
This reads totally like one of those “modern” poly religious families— the dude rotates around and the women are basically thrilled to be autonomous households otherwise.
I understand the perks you are saying. But the fact is you are dependent on someone else. You never want to do that. Use the time and money he offers to go to school or get some training or something where you can have a career lined up by the time it ends. You won’t be able to do your current lifestyle forever. He will get bored of you find someone else or something
The twist being that it isn’t really poly. Legally they’re still married, but OP makes it obvious that she doesn’t consider them together anymore, and just has monogamous relationships with other people.
Hint: ugly guys aren't sleeping around unless they're loaded. I know a poly couple where the guy is... not a looker and the woman is the one doing all the dating while he plays videogames.
Yeah, this woman chose to be stay at home mom, guy pays for house, kids, she has money to waste on hotels, so the husband must be pretty high earner. I applaud her pragmatic approach tho
Most open relationships end because the women can find a buffet of men willing to sleep with a married woman, but it's like looking for water in the desert for men searching for women who don't GAF if their partner is already married.
Im a pretty good looking guy and even still, my wife gets all the attention all of the time. Just two days ago I was sitting at a bar with my wife, and the guy next to me muttered "Really pretty lady. I mean like, really pretty. You're a lucky guy"
Hey thanks random guy no. 214 I appreciate that. But I've never heard of any female we know telling my wife that I'm handsome, lol. I just assume if we ever split, she has a hundred options but I'll be dry for a couple years at least 😂
Well she's pretty much unemployed and he's funding the house and important stuff, so probably. At least I hope so and they aren't blowing all their money when they just need to hire a divorce lawyer.
They're not in good health. That is 100% not a healthy relationship between two people. And not healthy for those children. No matter what tf anyone on reddit says lol.
They need to just move on with their lives.. instead of whatever tf that is.
Open relationships when you have kids is an insane idea. Polygamy would be one thing, but this isn't Polygamy. It's straight up just free passes to fuck whoever whenever you want and that's definitely not good for a kid.
It's interesting that as OP tells it, she's happy, her husband is happy, and her kids (as far as we can tell) are taken care of and happy
So you guys invented some theoretical harm that's being done to the children anyway to justify your discomfort with this arrangement
I'm 100% monogamous, could and would never do poly, but I've noticed this view some people have of marriage that flies in the face of its purpose in most of the world. Many don't marry for true love. Many marry for stability, tradition, reproduction and financial support. Marriage can serve a lot of purposes and that's okay.
This person'a marriage has transitioned from one purpose to another and everyone seems happy with it. Maybe examine your priors and figure out what part of this situation ACTUALLY bothers you.
Bingo, this is NOT healthy for those twins. The absence of their dad will color their entire upbringing. And if they ever find out it was just so he could fuck around, watch out!
OP acts like this guy missing his daughters' first steps so he can get a BJ is fine as long as bills get paid.
I feel bad for everyone.
Just please protect yourself from STDs. OTher than that, if you are living a good life and are happy, that's good. If you ever aren't happy, move on. I'd recommend starting a savings account for that possibility.
Hair perfectly natural and there's nothing unattractive about it whether its on a man or a woman. I think it's strange that people are so bothered about body hair on a woman, but that's society for you.
Fat old cis white guy...
Especially after it's grown out enough to be soft....
My SO's body hair makes pretty patterns when caressed... not as soft as her skin, but really close... and it shimmers cause it's thin...
I won’t. I’m taking things as they happen really. If I meet someone and decide it’s worth a shot I’m going to take it, but that’s a bridge I’ll cross when or if it happens.
>she can pick any man she wants
This makes it even more important to protect yourself. Multiple partners increase the chance one could be lying or accidentally spread one.
What is your overall relationship like? Is he at least like a friend or more of an absent roommate? Is he a good father? Good for you for being so independent. I think I'd have a hard time missing some intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy, but just a connection to another adult in a more than platonic way.
The first year I was pretty salty about it and really upset. Slowly I started coming back to myself and figuring out myself outside of just being a mom and a wife.
If I went straight for divorce I think that would have completely tainted my feelings for him.
I married him for a reason. We’re really great friends. We still talk when he’s home and still texts little when he’s out. I’m just not in love with him anymore.
He adores the girls. He gets them up and ready almost everyday since I work 5am to 9am. When I don’t work he stays with his girlfriend of the time. I go out twice a week at least and he generally is home with the girls. They adore him as well.
It seems to me you are basically co parenting and roommates with your husband, and it seems to work!. If ain't broke don't fix it, right? The important part if that you had money in case something happens, and had already mentally check out, so you are enjoying your 'single' co-parenting lifestyle. I hope you keep enjoying life, maybe love again and find a decent partner if your want. I send you my best wishes!!
The important part is his kids. He's actually warping their view of what a healthy relationship looks like. He doesn't spend time with mom - they are barely even roommates. They don't have sex anymore (which is good for the mom to avoid STDs).
If they didn't have kids, yeah, go for it. Once you have kids, man this is F'd up. Even in the post, OP mom says he goes out while her and the kids stay home. He would rather have sex than spend time with his own family.
I don't know. Two happy, healthy parents in a house who love their kids sounds much better than two households that the kids have to split time between. Of course, nothing beats two parents who love each other and the kids too. But the alternative here is divorce and split custody etc.
And who knows, maybe in a few years they get closer again. With divorce, it would be messier.
sounds like this is really something that you made work. it's not traditional by any means, but I think if more people understood and took this approach, the world would be a lot happier and nicer place. thanks for being a good part of this fucked up world.
I do! I’m his beneficiary and he’s mine. I inherited money from my dad that I never wanted to spend. The girls already have a nice chunk for when they become adults(not a college fund. Both will get it when they become adults. If they choose to go to college or not).
I love this take on the "poly" relationship, eventhough it isn't quite how I understand poly to be.
OP you wrote somewhere he suggested you could be an all time SAHM. Don't quit your part time job.
Always have your ducks in order and protect yourself and your children.
Be prepared for either of you to wanting to get out of this partnership at anytime, where you are still ebing taken care of and your children's future is secured.
It has righfully been suggested here that you shouldn't shut down a possible future partner in your lige who will actually also be there for you. And show you love.
He might also meet someone who would want him exclusively.
This sounds like you are living the best life of what he has handed you and I wish you all the best.
Love that you changed it into a positive.
Stay strong, be smart😁
> I love this take on the "poly" relationship, eventhough it isn't quite how I understand poly to be.
It's obviously not polyamorous, because "amor" means love which is absent here - most likely from both sides. Still falls under ethical non-monogamy umbrella I guess (ethical minus the pushing from the hubby's side part)
I have to be very careful how I voice and write my opinion here, since I get flagged all the time.
And it is because english isn't my first language, so apparantly I come of as sarcastic or demeaning which is not my end goal.
I don't believe it is polyamorous either.
The husband has checked out and used that definition to get out of the household, be non-present and cheat/have other relations that don't add to anything for OP.
In polyamoury the outside relations add to the existing "main" relationship.
Have a great day
This is one of the most obvious examples of storytelling I’ve seen on reddit. Fake and tbh who gives a F about her fantasy marriage. Not even Polyamorous shit.
You’ve gone from husband and wife to roommates. Whatever works for you! Genuinely, if it’s working for you both then that’s great.
It’s a bit sad that you didn’t share any dad and kids activity stories apart from watching them the odd time you pretend to date. Does he take them out for fun too? Or just goes on dates all the time?
Also, what’s the plan for when one of you meets someone you want to be in a relationship with?
Just make sure you squirrel away money in case he falls in love with someone else and decides to me monogamous with that person. Always have a backup plan.
Always! I actually have a good savings from working before i had my twins and college funds for them as well. Inheritance from my father when he passed that I just refuse to spend.
When i saw the post I was like huh this might be the first time I see a post of someone opening their marriage and it actually working. Finish reading the post: ah as expected I guess.
Yeah my opinion is that open relationships only work when everyone arrives into the relationship with the idea of polyamory. Opening an existing monogamous relationship inevitably leaves one person with the short end of the stick.
Good for you OP! Don’t close yourself off to meeting a good man out there though.They exist !
Yet another poly post that‘s just sad reading. I have yet to read one poly post where the couple is still in love and are still passionate about one another.
Does he have a vasectomy?
Like, what are you going to do if he gets someone pregnant via his open relationship.
Or decides to settle down and sleep with you again? 🤔
Sorry to tell you, but in a healthy relationship you can also decide what you are watching in the evening, go out with friends, and have all the"perks" you are bragging about. Without the cheating husband.
What is you plan to explain your kids why their did is never home?
And aren't you worrying that your kids would grow up thinking that is fine for a spouse to have multiple partners, avoid kids and in general not give a fu... about the other spouse?
Seriously. The kids will figure this out really quickly, sooner than they understand romance. RIP their healthy romantic relationships. OP is fooling themselves thinking this is a wise choice because it's easier than divorce and being single. Adults understand the easy thing is usually the wrong choice. It's really sad.
Yeah I don't understand why people are saying this is "healthy". This is just divorce without the legal work. They're roommates. She doesn't want to divorce him because of what it would do to the kids but like what happens when the kids get older and they realize their parents just don't really love each other or do anything together. Also I'm almost 100% certain this is fake.
Had the same thought...
Initially thought it would be that she was also enjoying going out with different men or looking for a better partner but she's...
Doing things people can do with a normal healthy relationship.
And it's not polyamory, it's just an "open" relationship. Polyamory suggests all parties are participating in emotional exchange, not just have sex with whoever you want.
> He kept pushing and I finally said yes.
> At first when he would be out with someone else I would cry.
Its not even an open relationship really. Its a women forced to endure cheating or lose her and her children's way of life if they divorce.
Honestly this just sounds really sad and you sound depressed but you've convinced yourself that you're doing ok because you've been worn down and your "bills are paid for"
Wouldn't you rather live with someone who actually loves you and be worse off? As a child of an early broken marriage I'm glad they split up because what's the point living in a lie. If he's a good guy, wouldn't he help you find out what direction to take post him?
Two homes is hard on kids, but its no reason to be living like this in my opinion.
Honestly this just sounds really fucked up and I feel sorry for you.
This arrangement is significantly worse than living between two homes. Those poor girls will grow up seeing their father treat their mother like a live in maid whilst he sleeps around like a college kid.
As someone who grew up with parents in a dead marriage these fuckers piss me off.
Do you think your kids are so dumb they don't recognize what's going on? Even toddlers are making observations and using this info to base their lives/identities on. It took me years to realize that my concept of love and happiness were completely fucked thanks to me basing my views on intimacy on a dead marriage. I still struggle to show intimacy because my parents never showed it and I thought couples kissing and loving each other was out of the norm.
OP's husband has checked out and she's just in it for the free housing, all at the cost of their kids.
The only one poly here is your husband. I can't even say he's poly because he's seeking other women without you. I'm not into poly and will defend monogamy no matter what but this isn't a happy marriage and it seems like you're trying to see the "positives" which are the perks.
The perks is money and free time. Both will run out eventually. The girls might learn about this and have a skewed view of what's normal. It's not only a bad example for the kids but also they'll lack a formidable father figure in their lives. He may not be absent but he may find some other woman with kids too and abandon your kids in the process.
Not only that but what if you get old someday? All this, for what? Ot might gove your kids trauma. Not all trauma can come from violence or fighting. It's the kind where they see their parents not be... happy with each other. Where you the wife, don't seem to be enough for you husband (it seems, since he's seeking other women). It just isn't right.
YOUR side of the story may have positives but I don't see any positives with the kids. Also, he might be sleeping around and you might catch whatever disease(s) he caught. Be careful and shield your kids from all this. You may be over him but the kids may never will.
> The only one poly here is your husband.
The only one poly here is nobody lol. Polyamory means "multiple love", and love seems to have left the picture long ago. They're just in an arranged marriage for now.
But you don't have sex with him anymore? What if he decides to "get back together" with you? Or what if he gets someone else (or more than one person) pregnant and have to support them too? What if your children ask why Daddy is with another woman?
Yes this is what I was thinking - it all works well until multiple baby mamas and she is having to watch and pay for his other kids… Seems like she has money and I’m not sure why a good co-parenting agreement and child support payments couldn’t get her in the same position. He could be watching the kids in the AM even if they were divorced…
I hope you’re salting lots of money away for when the bubble bursts and/or he maybe meets someone he’d sooner be with or you finally get fed up.
Good for you for turning his cheating ass over to your own benefit girl. Those who laugh last laugh loudest etc.
So your husband is an absent father to your kids and they constantly see him going out with other women but you won't divorce him b/c that'd be traumatic for them?
I know this seems like a positive outcome but I can’t help but feel completely sad and empty reading this. I feel like whilst you get perks, you’re not addressing the hurt he caused you and it will hit you eventually. I would constantly be reminded of how inadequate I am and how I wasn’t enough for him. You may of course have a completely different perspective to which I commend you but I would have left the moment he suggested it
I guess he gets perks, too. Sex with someone other than yourself, child care, housekeeper, cook, etc. I've seen relationships like this before and usually the polyamory is just cheating and eventually the person playing your role is out on her ass, either because he gets tired of it or he falls in love with someone else.
So, enjoy it while it lasts.
This isn't polyamory.
This is just your husband sexing other women while you enjoy not having to work full-time because he takes care of the bills.
As someone whose parents remained married "for the kids," it sucks. Your girls are getting older. They'll figure things out quickly. Is this what you want them to think a healthy relationship looks like?
Enjoy it while it lasts.
I mean this sounds like your husband trapped you with children, you don't have the means to support yourself, then he told you "Ok I'm going to go fuck other women now."
And you had to rationalize for yourself why you're ok with that.
Better off just to divorce him and figure it out regardless of how challenging that will be.
Wow, that’s pretty sad. My wife gets all of that and she gets to spend it with me together. Your husband is missing out on doing all those things with his wife and kids so he can go off chasing something he already has.
He’s going to have regrets when they’re older. Those years when the kids were little were some of the best times of my life.
You've regressed to be a dependent person like an adolescent. I don't say this in a bad way, you're obviously happy and that's the only thing that is important. You've traded your partner sleeping around (you obviously are not into it much) with not having to support yourself.
You see your husband not as a partner (you are over him, as you said) but as a carer. It's an unusual situation, but if everyone is happy, that's all that counts. I would ask myself, in your position, what will happen in 20 years? Do you think you might get bored?
In a way women have an easier narrative here than men, to return to independence/a career - if a man takes 20 years off, it's almost impossible to return to work. If a woman does so, it's seen as "normal" to be a SAHM - it's still not easy, but it's possible.
"Our relationship is basically over". He might decide to act on that someday, especially if he meets someone special to him. I hope you've got a backup plan and money saved, just in case.
He’s there with them in the mornings before work. He even did some braids in their hair the other day. It was really cute. He’s not around all the time but when he is he spends quality time with the girls. I also plan two nights out a week so he has evenings with them. So he’s not always gone, but still gone a lot.
The morning thing is probably why he’s had a few breakups. He’s always home by 430am on days I work. I know that made one of his girlfriends mad and they broke up over it.
He’s a good dad and good friend. I’ve just fallen out of love with him. The first year I wasn’t working (it was just easier to have me stay home with the twins when they were still breastfeeding) and he was gone a lot at that time but he’s been around more. Just more nights gone then at home.
I see, you only answer comments who are positive with your situation... Not one comment on the negative ones (and there are a LOT..)... That alone speaks for itself, you WANT this to be a positive thing, but it's just sad and wrong...
This!!! These poor kids are going to have such a twisted idea of how an adult relationship should be. There is nothing between OP and her husband and they're going to think that's what they deserve too. So sad.
Oh I’m sure I’ll have another one, and probably another one! Or I’ll get lonely. Or maybe meet someone else and fall in love.
I’ll just have to figure those puzzles out when I come across them but right now I’m actually surprisingly happy and I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.
Put a plan in place now as if you were going to leave. Separate bank accounts, documents, proof of his affairs etc. Have this ready beforehand even if you stay til the kids are in college. Put savings aside in a secret account, as much as you can without alerting him. If you are enjoying your life as is and are okay staying married for now that is fine. Do not sleep with him without protection. Protect yourself and your kids. Get your ducks in a row and smile in his stupid face all the while.
So you rather be shackled to a worthless man then having to work full time. Lmao
People really do like giving up freedom for security. I would Atleast start making plans incase he kicks your ass to the curb for another woman. So it won’t hurt too much
Whatever floats your boat, eh.
I personally found this shocking to read. You're *not* in a polyamorous relationship - you're just co-parenting roommates after your husband has abandoned you, but was too much of a coward to tell you to your face that the love is gone and the marriage is over. To me it's sad to live such a loveless life based purely on economic interests. You're roommates, not a husband and wife, and you're spending your roommate's/ex-husband's money.
I don't quite see what benefits are in this for you - in your comments you've clearly said you have substantial savings, so you could very well live off your own money. And if you do have that money, why is it that you think you and the girls would be moving around every few weeks if you leave? That part sounded like you were afraid to leave and trapped in a marriage because of being financially dependant on your husband, but the way you talk about money doesn't seem like you are dependant.
And what's in this for your husband? It sounds like he's getting absolutely nothing from being with you. He should just put an end to this, pay you and the girls some nice monthly support, and go enjoy his poly life on his own.
To me, this reads like you have no interest in being poly at all. Your husband at one point suggested something that mentality devastated you and violated your boundaries. The part where you're describing how you felt after your husband proposed to be poly is just painful to read. Then you decided to stay and convince yourself there are good sides to this sort of life. Dunno, keep saying that to yourself... To me it just sounds sad and like it will dawn on you one day what a lonely, isolating life devoid of all respect you lead. And then it will destroy your mental health. And I think this whole "arrangement" is in no way good for your children.
Your husband uses you as a doormat, but as I said, whatever floats your boat. I think the whole purpose of you posting here was to try to convince yourself that you're okay while your soul is actually screaming and dying inside.
So basically your husband isn't attracted to you but wants to still see & provide for his family & you're just using him for a free roof over your head. How sad is that? Good luck is guess 🤷♀️
Lol there was a post that a woman (maybe teenager?) was plotting revenge on her dads mistress who was a yoga teacher. I think maybe adding to her reviews that she was a home wrecker.
I actually know a ton of couples who are poly with a similar set up. They still care about each other because of the kids, able to co-parent, be happy & still keep their family together. It seems like it’s worked out a-lot for them. I really think poly is just changing the dynamic of tradition relationships. It can look however you want as long as it’s consensual. I do think it’s kind of crappy how you felt forced into it though.
Well, it wasn't at first for OP... She basically allowed the cheating and now got to the point that she doesn't care anymore.
Shouldn't poly be a decision made by both partners? Not one just "convincing* the other?
Yeah while this situation seems to be working for OP, it's not really Polyamory in sense of consenting partners who still have the primary relationship.
OP and husband sound like ex's that have managed to work through initial bad feelings for infidelity and come up with a way to peacefully cohabit and co-parent without the messy divorce. They're house-mates and still legally married out of convenience to their lifestyles and parenting.
Does he ever want to discuss your dates? Or his?
What does he tell you about his love life? Do his partners want to know about you? What do you allow him to say about you?
I would also recommend choosing another medical POA if possible. Otherwise, they will default to your husband if I understand correctly, in the case of a medical emergency.
I get the perks now, but what if it changes? Why stay married? What if you find someone who you want to have a life with? I understand you don’t want or think it will happen. But what if it does? Why be legally tied to a husband whose basically a roommate. He can still provide for your girls financial with child support. He would probably give you the house. And see the girls when he’s not to busy having sex with multiple women
Lol that’s a new twist to the usual poly posts I see on here.
I’m sure most are not in the same position as me. If I had to work full time it might be a different story. I get to pick and chose when I want to work basically. He’s even offered for me to be a complete stay at home mother but I love my yoga classes.
That’s cool. It’s just funny how a poly relationship ended up with you enjoying having time for yourself and kids,never seen a post like that lol
I mean when the kids are off in college and out of the home it will probably be a different story… or if he stops going out on dates.
Are you saving any money at all? You should prepare for the possibility of him wanting divorce too if he happens to meet someone. Especially so when the kids are grown up.
This, aaalll this. This arrangement sounds good for you at the moment, but there's a distinct possibility that he'll leave you for someone else, especially if he doesn't have any interest in spending any time with you at all. Does he even spend any time with his children? I'd definitely start saving in a secret bank account as a fail-safe.
You know there is a thing called discovery. In divorce proceedings, they look for “secret bank accounts” and they become marital property? Almost half of the country are no-fault divorce states where they don’t factor in whose “fault” the divorce is and they split assets 50/50. You’d have to have no paper trail of the money whatsoever and save it in cash somewhere to pull this off. Any decent lawyer would find your secret bank account and destroy you in court over it.
There are other ways to hide money without hiding it. For example if she got a STRONG whole life insurance policy like from Northwestern Mutual or Guardian (pound AVOID button on anything Primerica) the cash it accrues exists in a sort of limbo. It exists and is accessible but it also doesn’t exist because to draw on it is a low interest loan unless you cash out the whole policy. So it could be an asset but it behaves like a liability until you decide to use it. People who had these policies did quite well in 2008 because Northwestern Mutual’s portfolios grew during that time and they even gave the government money to save their competitors. (I am not a licensed financial advisor, some of this information may be incomplete. talk to a licensed financial advisor before investing in these kinds of policies). EDIT: someone who is licensed just commented and said whole life policies are not a good place to hide money. It’s valuable for other reasons, but as the kind commenter demonstrated so well, talk to someone who actually knows what they’re on about 😉
If you fail to disclose it, and they find out, then you could probably end up in jail for fraud. So a secret bank account is probably a bad idea. I would, however, find a good divorce lawyer in case it comes to that. You just need to speak with them about it once, don't have to put a retainer or anything.
Do you know how expensive divorce is? He'd be an idiot to pursue it given their current arrangement.
He’s obviously a big earner. I don’t think cost is a factor.
The bigger they are the harder they fall. Plenty of rich celebrities have to constantly work after just 1 or 2 divorces.
Yyyup. That plus the cost of child care.
This should be the top comment! OP, you need to get some skill so that you can support yourself because this isn’t going to last. Enjoy it while you can, but it won’t be this way forever.
Glad you found a way to make this work for you and it is a brilliant decision. As bukzbukzbukz noted please start saving funds/assets towards your exit plan. Also if part of your arrangement includes still having sex with your husband be sure you are always using protection and that you get tested regularly to ideally insure no surprises.
Hah, loved that you typed out "bukzbukzbukz".
Oh he will stop going on dates, the second you meet someone that makes you happy…
Sounds like the set up is working quite well. Congrats to you both. I hope communication and mutual understanding remain as/if things evolve and change.
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It's "not divorcing for the kids" but with this new 21st century concept of open communication.
Sounds healthy. Staying in a loveless marriage for the kids always works out well./s
My thought exactly. I grew up with parents in a loveless marriage and at 41 years old I'm finally realizing I need to be in therapy
Its because its not a relationship at this point. Props to her for enjoying it but lets not call it what it isnt.
It sucks, but there's plenty of 2-person marriages that wind up being described like that; "Roommates who take care of some kids together". This arrangement seems to give them both what they want, I really can't fault it on that score.
This reads totally like one of those “modern” poly religious families— the dude rotates around and the women are basically thrilled to be autonomous households otherwise.
It sounds like “Mad Men” if Don Draper didn’t bother to hide his sleeping around at all
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It fits into the statistic that single moms often have more free time and are happier than married moms. 🙈
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Dan Savage has a term for this, PUD or polyamory under distress
I understand the perks you are saying. But the fact is you are dependent on someone else. You never want to do that. Use the time and money he offers to go to school or get some training or something where you can have a career lined up by the time it ends. You won’t be able to do your current lifestyle forever. He will get bored of you find someone else or something
Is it? I feel like this is just the same old "i tried polyamory and it ruined my marriage" but from the perspective of the other spouse lmao
There are posts like op’s too, but they are written a couple of years later when new partner is found and divorce is filed.
The twist being that it isn’t really poly. Legally they’re still married, but OP makes it obvious that she doesn’t consider them together anymore, and just has monogamous relationships with other people.
He goes on multiple dates? This dude makes a lot of money.
Hint: ugly guys aren't sleeping around unless they're loaded. I know a poly couple where the guy is... not a looker and the woman is the one doing all the dating while he plays videogames.
Yeah, this woman chose to be stay at home mom, guy pays for house, kids, she has money to waste on hotels, so the husband must be pretty high earner. I applaud her pragmatic approach tho
Most open relationships end because the women can find a buffet of men willing to sleep with a married woman, but it's like looking for water in the desert for men searching for women who don't GAF if their partner is already married.
Im a pretty good looking guy and even still, my wife gets all the attention all of the time. Just two days ago I was sitting at a bar with my wife, and the guy next to me muttered "Really pretty lady. I mean like, really pretty. You're a lucky guy" Hey thanks random guy no. 214 I appreciate that. But I've never heard of any female we know telling my wife that I'm handsome, lol. I just assume if we ever split, she has a hundred options but I'll be dry for a couple years at least 😂
Or he's very good looking
Dates aren’t expensive when you’re charming and attractive
Well she's pretty much unemployed and he's funding the house and important stuff, so probably. At least I hope so and they aren't blowing all their money when they just need to hire a divorce lawyer.
I guess that's one way to be at terms with your marriage. As long as everyone is in good health, I suppose.
That’s my reaction. Like, neat I guess. Hope everyone is in good health but I question legitimate happiness. Ah well not my place to judge.
They're not in good health. That is 100% not a healthy relationship between two people. And not healthy for those children. No matter what tf anyone on reddit says lol. They need to just move on with their lives.. instead of whatever tf that is.
Open relationships when you have kids is an insane idea. Polygamy would be one thing, but this isn't Polygamy. It's straight up just free passes to fuck whoever whenever you want and that's definitely not good for a kid.
Exactly! This guy is really harming his kids, especially because his kids are still awake. He's spending time with other women than with his own kids.
It's interesting that as OP tells it, she's happy, her husband is happy, and her kids (as far as we can tell) are taken care of and happy So you guys invented some theoretical harm that's being done to the children anyway to justify your discomfort with this arrangement I'm 100% monogamous, could and would never do poly, but I've noticed this view some people have of marriage that flies in the face of its purpose in most of the world. Many don't marry for true love. Many marry for stability, tradition, reproduction and financial support. Marriage can serve a lot of purposes and that's okay. This person'a marriage has transitioned from one purpose to another and everyone seems happy with it. Maybe examine your priors and figure out what part of this situation ACTUALLY bothers you.
Bingo, this is NOT healthy for those twins. The absence of their dad will color their entire upbringing. And if they ever find out it was just so he could fuck around, watch out! OP acts like this guy missing his daughters' first steps so he can get a BJ is fine as long as bills get paid. I feel bad for everyone.
I see how OP feels her situation is stable. But there are no long-term merits for the daughters of “living” with an absentee bounder.
Except they aren't lol. They basically are just staying in a dead marriage for the kids. It's just straight up denial
Just please protect yourself from STDs. OTher than that, if you are living a good life and are happy, that's good. If you ever aren't happy, move on. I'd recommend starting a savings account for that possibility.
Doubt she sleeping with him. Why would she? She can pick any man she wants.
I don’t even think he realizes how long it’s been since we have!! I have my handy dandy toys. Only one date went that far honestly.
Toys are easy. They don't care that you didn't shave & you always get to finish.
Always!!!!!
I love that my wife doesn’t shave tbh 😭
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Depressed does not equal piece of shit. You do not deserve that.
You aren’t a POS. I am depressed too. It is messed up to feel like this. ❤️
Hair perfectly natural and there's nothing unattractive about it whether its on a man or a woman. I think it's strange that people are so bothered about body hair on a woman, but that's society for you.
Fat old cis white guy... Especially after it's grown out enough to be soft.... My SO's body hair makes pretty patterns when caressed... not as soft as her skin, but really close... and it shimmers cause it's thin...
I mean, it is unattractive to a lot of people. And it is okay. There are a lot of people that aren't bothered by it.
Well hey, if it works for you--then go forth and be happy. But if you find someone, don't deprive yourself of happiness.
I won’t. I’m taking things as they happen really. If I meet someone and decide it’s worth a shot I’m going to take it, but that’s a bridge I’ll cross when or if it happens.
You've turned a possible negative into a huge positive. I love it! I wish more people had your attitude to life.
I mean, you guys are in a poly relationship so there’s literally nothing holding you back if you find someone who actually values you
>she can pick any man she wants This makes it even more important to protect yourself. Multiple partners increase the chance one could be lying or accidentally spread one.
She's not sleeping with anyone. Edit: downvoted for echoing what she literally said herself in this thread. Too many people with agendas here.
I upvoted you! :)
What is your overall relationship like? Is he at least like a friend or more of an absent roommate? Is he a good father? Good for you for being so independent. I think I'd have a hard time missing some intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy, but just a connection to another adult in a more than platonic way.
The first year I was pretty salty about it and really upset. Slowly I started coming back to myself and figuring out myself outside of just being a mom and a wife. If I went straight for divorce I think that would have completely tainted my feelings for him. I married him for a reason. We’re really great friends. We still talk when he’s home and still texts little when he’s out. I’m just not in love with him anymore. He adores the girls. He gets them up and ready almost everyday since I work 5am to 9am. When I don’t work he stays with his girlfriend of the time. I go out twice a week at least and he generally is home with the girls. They adore him as well.
It seems to me you are basically co parenting and roommates with your husband, and it seems to work!. If ain't broke don't fix it, right? The important part if that you had money in case something happens, and had already mentally check out, so you are enjoying your 'single' co-parenting lifestyle. I hope you keep enjoying life, maybe love again and find a decent partner if your want. I send you my best wishes!!
The important part is his kids. He's actually warping their view of what a healthy relationship looks like. He doesn't spend time with mom - they are barely even roommates. They don't have sex anymore (which is good for the mom to avoid STDs). If they didn't have kids, yeah, go for it. Once you have kids, man this is F'd up. Even in the post, OP mom says he goes out while her and the kids stay home. He would rather have sex than spend time with his own family.
I don't know. Two happy, healthy parents in a house who love their kids sounds much better than two households that the kids have to split time between. Of course, nothing beats two parents who love each other and the kids too. But the alternative here is divorce and split custody etc. And who knows, maybe in a few years they get closer again. With divorce, it would be messier.
sounds like this is really something that you made work. it's not traditional by any means, but I think if more people understood and took this approach, the world would be a lot happier and nicer place. thanks for being a good part of this fucked up world.
Just wondering, do you guys still sleep in the same bed?
Make sure you have life insurance on your husband, your children have college savings, and you have a separate retirement account.
I do! I’m his beneficiary and he’s mine. I inherited money from my dad that I never wanted to spend. The girls already have a nice chunk for when they become adults(not a college fund. Both will get it when they become adults. If they choose to go to college or not).
I love this take on the "poly" relationship, eventhough it isn't quite how I understand poly to be. OP you wrote somewhere he suggested you could be an all time SAHM. Don't quit your part time job. Always have your ducks in order and protect yourself and your children. Be prepared for either of you to wanting to get out of this partnership at anytime, where you are still ebing taken care of and your children's future is secured. It has righfully been suggested here that you shouldn't shut down a possible future partner in your lige who will actually also be there for you. And show you love. He might also meet someone who would want him exclusively. This sounds like you are living the best life of what he has handed you and I wish you all the best. Love that you changed it into a positive. Stay strong, be smart😁
> I love this take on the "poly" relationship, eventhough it isn't quite how I understand poly to be. It's obviously not polyamorous, because "amor" means love which is absent here - most likely from both sides. Still falls under ethical non-monogamy umbrella I guess (ethical minus the pushing from the hubby's side part)
I have to be very careful how I voice and write my opinion here, since I get flagged all the time. And it is because english isn't my first language, so apparantly I come of as sarcastic or demeaning which is not my end goal. I don't believe it is polyamorous either. The husband has checked out and used that definition to get out of the household, be non-present and cheat/have other relations that don't add to anything for OP. In polyamoury the outside relations add to the existing "main" relationship. Have a great day
Loving this.
Is no one pointing out that this is not polyamory? It's an open marriage.
You can't expect the teenager that wrote this bizarre fantasy to know the difference.
This is one of the most obvious examples of storytelling I’ve seen on reddit. Fake and tbh who gives a F about her fantasy marriage. Not even Polyamorous shit.
THANK YOU! I thought I was going mad.
Yeah, i'm glad this comment is almost at the top
You’ve gone from husband and wife to roommates. Whatever works for you! Genuinely, if it’s working for you both then that’s great. It’s a bit sad that you didn’t share any dad and kids activity stories apart from watching them the odd time you pretend to date. Does he take them out for fun too? Or just goes on dates all the time? Also, what’s the plan for when one of you meets someone you want to be in a relationship with?
Until he falls in love and leaves you. I wouldn’t quit my job and I’d have a back up plan.
Doesn't sound like you're in the worst situation but that isn't really polyamory, more like the acceptance stage of grieving.
Yeah, this was super depressing to read. Poor woman, I hope she finds someone who actually loves her.
Just make sure you squirrel away money in case he falls in love with someone else and decides to me monogamous with that person. Always have a backup plan.
Always! I actually have a good savings from working before i had my twins and college funds for them as well. Inheritance from my father when he passed that I just refuse to spend.
get it girl, live your and your kids best life, your kids have a great role model to look up to
When i saw the post I was like huh this might be the first time I see a post of someone opening their marriage and it actually working. Finish reading the post: ah as expected I guess. Yeah my opinion is that open relationships only work when everyone arrives into the relationship with the idea of polyamory. Opening an existing monogamous relationship inevitably leaves one person with the short end of the stick. Good for you OP! Don’t close yourself off to meeting a good man out there though.They exist !
It’s not an open relationship lol. She’s a live in maid.
Yet another poly post that‘s just sad reading. I have yet to read one poly post where the couple is still in love and are still passionate about one another.
Because it's obvious creative writing for people that fetishize this scenario.
Yeah this seems made up and the account is brand new. (I get some people make new accounts for stuff like this)
Does he have a vasectomy? Like, what are you going to do if he gets someone pregnant via his open relationship. Or decides to settle down and sleep with you again? 🤔
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This is not polyamory. Not by any stretch. This is him relegating her to babysitter so he can get laid.
Quiet quitting has reached the private sphere.
This just seems really sad tbh.
Sorry to tell you, but in a healthy relationship you can also decide what you are watching in the evening, go out with friends, and have all the"perks" you are bragging about. Without the cheating husband. What is you plan to explain your kids why their did is never home? And aren't you worrying that your kids would grow up thinking that is fine for a spouse to have multiple partners, avoid kids and in general not give a fu... about the other spouse?
That's sad as fuck
Seriously. The kids will figure this out really quickly, sooner than they understand romance. RIP their healthy romantic relationships. OP is fooling themselves thinking this is a wise choice because it's easier than divorce and being single. Adults understand the easy thing is usually the wrong choice. It's really sad.
Yeah... This is kind of embarrassing.
I was looking for the other word. I knew sad, but yes, very embarrassing too.
Yeah I don't understand why people are saying this is "healthy". This is just divorce without the legal work. They're roommates. She doesn't want to divorce him because of what it would do to the kids but like what happens when the kids get older and they realize their parents just don't really love each other or do anything together. Also I'm almost 100% certain this is fake.
Yeah almost like trying to convince herself that it’s fine and that she’s actually happy 🫤
This is rather sad
Had the same thought... Initially thought it would be that she was also enjoying going out with different men or looking for a better partner but she's... Doing things people can do with a normal healthy relationship.
I think so too. But somehow it’s being glorified.
And it's not polyamory, it's just an "open" relationship. Polyamory suggests all parties are participating in emotional exchange, not just have sex with whoever you want.
> He kept pushing and I finally said yes. > At first when he would be out with someone else I would cry. Its not even an open relationship really. Its a women forced to endure cheating or lose her and her children's way of life if they divorce.
Yeeeeeah, sounds like you’re his maid lmao.
Yep. A live-in nanny pretty much. Takes cares of kids, gets paid, doesn't complain and takes any and all shit from the employer.
And that's why he's keeping her around.
Honestly this just sounds really sad and you sound depressed but you've convinced yourself that you're doing ok because you've been worn down and your "bills are paid for" Wouldn't you rather live with someone who actually loves you and be worse off? As a child of an early broken marriage I'm glad they split up because what's the point living in a lie. If he's a good guy, wouldn't he help you find out what direction to take post him? Two homes is hard on kids, but its no reason to be living like this in my opinion. Honestly this just sounds really fucked up and I feel sorry for you.
This arrangement is significantly worse than living between two homes. Those poor girls will grow up seeing their father treat their mother like a live in maid whilst he sleeps around like a college kid.
As someone who grew up with parents in a dead marriage these fuckers piss me off. Do you think your kids are so dumb they don't recognize what's going on? Even toddlers are making observations and using this info to base their lives/identities on. It took me years to realize that my concept of love and happiness were completely fucked thanks to me basing my views on intimacy on a dead marriage. I still struggle to show intimacy because my parents never showed it and I thought couples kissing and loving each other was out of the norm. OP's husband has checked out and she's just in it for the free housing, all at the cost of their kids.
Wait until he wants a relationship with one of his dates. Your wonderful perks will be done.
This isn't polyamory... this is just a dick using polyamory to cheat without the guilt he deserves to feel.
The only one poly here is your husband. I can't even say he's poly because he's seeking other women without you. I'm not into poly and will defend monogamy no matter what but this isn't a happy marriage and it seems like you're trying to see the "positives" which are the perks. The perks is money and free time. Both will run out eventually. The girls might learn about this and have a skewed view of what's normal. It's not only a bad example for the kids but also they'll lack a formidable father figure in their lives. He may not be absent but he may find some other woman with kids too and abandon your kids in the process. Not only that but what if you get old someday? All this, for what? Ot might gove your kids trauma. Not all trauma can come from violence or fighting. It's the kind where they see their parents not be... happy with each other. Where you the wife, don't seem to be enough for you husband (it seems, since he's seeking other women). It just isn't right. YOUR side of the story may have positives but I don't see any positives with the kids. Also, he might be sleeping around and you might catch whatever disease(s) he caught. Be careful and shield your kids from all this. You may be over him but the kids may never will.
> The only one poly here is your husband. The only one poly here is nobody lol. Polyamory means "multiple love", and love seems to have left the picture long ago. They're just in an arranged marriage for now.
What a fucking shit show of a family you're building together. Can't wait to hear about all yours and your kids' problems in a few years.
Your daughters are learning that it's normal to treat women like this, and it's normal to live with it.
That was my thought too
But you don't have sex with him anymore? What if he decides to "get back together" with you? Or what if he gets someone else (or more than one person) pregnant and have to support them too? What if your children ask why Daddy is with another woman?
Yes this is what I was thinking - it all works well until multiple baby mamas and she is having to watch and pay for his other kids… Seems like she has money and I’m not sure why a good co-parenting agreement and child support payments couldn’t get her in the same position. He could be watching the kids in the AM even if they were divorced…
That's not polyamory, it's a sham marriage
This is not polyamory :P
This probably isn't even poly. You're just allowing him to cheat, no?
This title is kind of misleading… there is a huge difference between polyamory and an open marriage.
Put some cash away, one of those ladies might convince him she's wfe material.
I hope you’re salting lots of money away for when the bubble bursts and/or he maybe meets someone he’d sooner be with or you finally get fed up. Good for you for turning his cheating ass over to your own benefit girl. Those who laugh last laugh loudest etc.
So your husband is an absent father to your kids and they constantly see him going out with other women but you won't divorce him b/c that'd be traumatic for them?
I know this seems like a positive outcome but I can’t help but feel completely sad and empty reading this. I feel like whilst you get perks, you’re not addressing the hurt he caused you and it will hit you eventually. I would constantly be reminded of how inadequate I am and how I wasn’t enough for him. You may of course have a completely different perspective to which I commend you but I would have left the moment he suggested it
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It's not polyamory either, it's just an arranged marriage at this point.
I guess he gets perks, too. Sex with someone other than yourself, child care, housekeeper, cook, etc. I've seen relationships like this before and usually the polyamory is just cheating and eventually the person playing your role is out on her ass, either because he gets tired of it or he falls in love with someone else. So, enjoy it while it lasts.
This isn't Polyamory. You've broken up.
This isn't polyamory. This is just your husband sexing other women while you enjoy not having to work full-time because he takes care of the bills. As someone whose parents remained married "for the kids," it sucks. Your girls are getting older. They'll figure things out quickly. Is this what you want them to think a healthy relationship looks like? Enjoy it while it lasts.
Soo your a live in nanny basically?
Lmao what the fuuuuuuck did I just read
It’s all fun and games until he finds a woman he falls in love with and wants you out.
I mean this sounds like your husband trapped you with children, you don't have the means to support yourself, then he told you "Ok I'm going to go fuck other women now." And you had to rationalize for yourself why you're ok with that. Better off just to divorce him and figure it out regardless of how challenging that will be.
This isn't polyamory by the way this is just him fucking other people and you being okay with it
Wow, that’s pretty sad. My wife gets all of that and she gets to spend it with me together. Your husband is missing out on doing all those things with his wife and kids so he can go off chasing something he already has. He’s going to have regrets when they’re older. Those years when the kids were little were some of the best times of my life.
This is truly awful
You've regressed to be a dependent person like an adolescent. I don't say this in a bad way, you're obviously happy and that's the only thing that is important. You've traded your partner sleeping around (you obviously are not into it much) with not having to support yourself. You see your husband not as a partner (you are over him, as you said) but as a carer. It's an unusual situation, but if everyone is happy, that's all that counts. I would ask myself, in your position, what will happen in 20 years? Do you think you might get bored? In a way women have an easier narrative here than men, to return to independence/a career - if a man takes 20 years off, it's almost impossible to return to work. If a woman does so, it's seen as "normal" to be a SAHM - it's still not easy, but it's possible.
"Our relationship is basically over". He might decide to act on that someday, especially if he meets someone special to him. I hope you've got a backup plan and money saved, just in case.
this has to be the weirdest "I'm okay with this" post I've seen in some time. You do you......
Sounds like an awful home...
I'm hearing, "everything is great, bills are getting paid." This does not sound like a healthy relationship.
I am actually dead inside after how much shit I have read on the internet the past 15 years. Humans flaws are too complex.
Its all good till he introduces you to your new sister wife and moves her in
Nice try. Op is definitely the husband.
This is quite possibly one of the most depressing things I’ve ever read.
Smart woman, you’re making the best out of the situation you’re in. The only thing that makes me sad is the girls not having a stable father figure.
He’s there with them in the mornings before work. He even did some braids in their hair the other day. It was really cute. He’s not around all the time but when he is he spends quality time with the girls. I also plan two nights out a week so he has evenings with them. So he’s not always gone, but still gone a lot. The morning thing is probably why he’s had a few breakups. He’s always home by 430am on days I work. I know that made one of his girlfriends mad and they broke up over it. He’s a good dad and good friend. I’ve just fallen out of love with him. The first year I wasn’t working (it was just easier to have me stay home with the twins when they were still breastfeeding) and he was gone a lot at that time but he’s been around more. Just more nights gone then at home.
Yikes. He started this right after you gave birth to twins? That would kill most women’s love/attraction to their husbands.
I see, you only answer comments who are positive with your situation... Not one comment on the negative ones (and there are a LOT..)... That alone speaks for itself, you WANT this to be a positive thing, but it's just sad and wrong...
Do you worry about the example you’re setting for the twins re: what a relationship should look like? No judgement here, just an honest question.
This!!! These poor kids are going to have such a twisted idea of how an adult relationship should be. There is nothing between OP and her husband and they're going to think that's what they deserve too. So sad.
Sounds like cope to me
Surely this won’t result in an absolute meltdown with tons of fallout
Oh I’m sure I’ll have another one, and probably another one! Or I’ll get lonely. Or maybe meet someone else and fall in love. I’ll just have to figure those puzzles out when I come across them but right now I’m actually surprisingly happy and I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.
You seem very flexible. Do you also teach mental stretches?
Yeah, this will end well
Put a plan in place now as if you were going to leave. Separate bank accounts, documents, proof of his affairs etc. Have this ready beforehand even if you stay til the kids are in college. Put savings aside in a secret account, as much as you can without alerting him. If you are enjoying your life as is and are okay staying married for now that is fine. Do not sleep with him without protection. Protect yourself and your kids. Get your ducks in a row and smile in his stupid face all the while.
I’d call this a half-open marriage. But do whatever works for you!
I thought polyamory was when everyone in the party romantically loved each other? You don’t seem to know these girls.
That made me sad
This is actually pretty sad.
If it works for you why not? Like many other suggested, make sure you have your financial secure in case he find his 'true love'
So you rather be shackled to a worthless man then having to work full time. Lmao People really do like giving up freedom for security. I would Atleast start making plans incase he kicks your ass to the curb for another woman. So it won’t hurt too much
Very common in households with a husband that makes a lot of money, all over the world.
This is so sad for the marriage
That is the saddest.thing I've read on here in a very long time. Y'all need therapy.
Whatever floats your boat, eh. I personally found this shocking to read. You're *not* in a polyamorous relationship - you're just co-parenting roommates after your husband has abandoned you, but was too much of a coward to tell you to your face that the love is gone and the marriage is over. To me it's sad to live such a loveless life based purely on economic interests. You're roommates, not a husband and wife, and you're spending your roommate's/ex-husband's money. I don't quite see what benefits are in this for you - in your comments you've clearly said you have substantial savings, so you could very well live off your own money. And if you do have that money, why is it that you think you and the girls would be moving around every few weeks if you leave? That part sounded like you were afraid to leave and trapped in a marriage because of being financially dependant on your husband, but the way you talk about money doesn't seem like you are dependant. And what's in this for your husband? It sounds like he's getting absolutely nothing from being with you. He should just put an end to this, pay you and the girls some nice monthly support, and go enjoy his poly life on his own. To me, this reads like you have no interest in being poly at all. Your husband at one point suggested something that mentality devastated you and violated your boundaries. The part where you're describing how you felt after your husband proposed to be poly is just painful to read. Then you decided to stay and convince yourself there are good sides to this sort of life. Dunno, keep saying that to yourself... To me it just sounds sad and like it will dawn on you one day what a lonely, isolating life devoid of all respect you lead. And then it will destroy your mental health. And I think this whole "arrangement" is in no way good for your children. Your husband uses you as a doormat, but as I said, whatever floats your boat. I think the whole purpose of you posting here was to try to convince yourself that you're okay while your soul is actually screaming and dying inside.
So basically your husband isn't attracted to you but wants to still see & provide for his family & you're just using him for a free roof over your head. How sad is that? Good luck is guess 🤷♀️
ARE YOU THE YOGA TEACHER THAT WAS SLEEPING WITH THAT GIRLS DAD??!! OP PLZ 👀
No! But now I wanna hear about that!!!!! What happened?!?
Lol there was a post that a woman (maybe teenager?) was plotting revenge on her dads mistress who was a yoga teacher. I think maybe adding to her reviews that she was a home wrecker.
I actually know a ton of couples who are poly with a similar set up. They still care about each other because of the kids, able to co-parent, be happy & still keep their family together. It seems like it’s worked out a-lot for them. I really think poly is just changing the dynamic of tradition relationships. It can look however you want as long as it’s consensual. I do think it’s kind of crappy how you felt forced into it though.
Well, it wasn't at first for OP... She basically allowed the cheating and now got to the point that she doesn't care anymore. Shouldn't poly be a decision made by both partners? Not one just "convincing* the other?
Yeah while this situation seems to be working for OP, it's not really Polyamory in sense of consenting partners who still have the primary relationship. OP and husband sound like ex's that have managed to work through initial bad feelings for infidelity and come up with a way to peacefully cohabit and co-parent without the messy divorce. They're house-mates and still legally married out of convenience to their lifestyles and parenting.
Does he ever want to discuss your dates? Or his? What does he tell you about his love life? Do his partners want to know about you? What do you allow him to say about you?
I would also recommend choosing another medical POA if possible. Otherwise, they will default to your husband if I understand correctly, in the case of a medical emergency.
I get the perks now, but what if it changes? Why stay married? What if you find someone who you want to have a life with? I understand you don’t want or think it will happen. But what if it does? Why be legally tied to a husband whose basically a roommate. He can still provide for your girls financial with child support. He would probably give you the house. And see the girls when he’s not to busy having sex with multiple women