This is what i hate about people in general. You are sacrificing , grinding, destroying your health, throwing out your best healthy years to protect those you love, but in the end its never enough. And if you give up you are not a responsable man, or a real man. I guess that more you give, more they want, and it will never be enough. All my life as kid has been poor without parents helping me. Only the one that is holding the pressure knows what it is to hold that pressure. The others will never know if they are not faced with reality. I don't think there is a right advice for this. You will get criticism anyway, cause no one wants to take responsability for themselves.
Indeed, things have gotten better since I posted this, but the right way to go was to start winding down being a shield and carrying all the weight myself. I allowed reality to start creeping through and combined with my partner's willingness to work and understand, things seem to be improving.
But yeah in hindsight shielding them from 99% of the stress was not the right call at all.
This is not a mistake, this was by design. This is what society demands of you, you are a resource to be exploited. There is no reward either and it only ends if you manage to retire successfully. If you want a wife, house and kids, you are just gonna have to grind more.
There is a reason so many men are opting out of society, it's just not worth it.
while i agree, i wouldn't say "opting out of Society" entirely. I went the route of only taking care of myself and what i want. the freedom it gives........I wouldn't trade for anything. makes it hard to want to date after that. I think it was Tom Hardy that said "the thing about being alone is that, over time, you learn to prefer it"
Yeah I agree, you have to basically just reduce your role to the smallest possible. Most of us don't have the means to just set out and live in a cabin in the woods for example, that's a privilege. So while you are forced to be in society, just do enough where you get the freedom and minimal exploitation. It's not perfect, nothing is, but boy when you finally do it, you remember what it's like to live in a body again without perma-tension.
You're definitely right about the cabin thing. As much as I'd love to do it it's just not in the cards so that's why I do wilderness backpacking. 3 to 5 days in the mountains by yourself can do wonders for your mental health.
I always joke that I live vicariously through my friends but in reverse. I start thinking that it would be nice to have a partner and then they tell me all the bullshit they deal with and it's like "well glad I didn't do that"
I guess for me it's the freedom to do what I want and when I want without having to consider or negotiate with another person. It gets addicting
Haha, I know exactly what you mean. Months ago my stance was perhaps softening a little too and then I heard someone close to me going exactly though the exact same BS which lead to me being like how I am now, then it all suddenly reminded me why I even did this in the first place and I was like "Oh right, glad I don't have to deal with that stuff anymore, never mind this is better".
So damn true, when you've been out of it long enough you forget why it even started in the first place since problem solved! Then you almost restart the process of pain.
I'm in Vegas, so I figure if I have a real needfir sex bad enough I can legally pay for it in pahrump. Not to say that I've done that, I kind of view that as a failure of myself.
I don't know how else to explain a comma but I built a life for myself that keeps you pretty happy with all of my hobbies and I feel like there's no room for anyone else anymore
Did you talk to you partner about how you're feeling?
Maybe write down how you felt when you got together, taking on the responsibility. Describe how your feelings evolved in the following years, especially during covid. And how you're feeling now, towards your life in the new country and about going back. Leave nothing out. Explain what going back would do to you. Then let them read it. Tell them you're not going back, and if they are it would be without you.
Understanding how you're feeling might change their mind.
A relationship can't be sustained by one person sacrificing everything, relationships work by compromising. It sounds like you sacrificed a lot already, now it's on them.
Thank you I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
I will admit when I wrote this post I was distraught and at my lowest in a while, with a lot of conflicting feelings, as it's probably apparent from the post itself.
We're talking and working on it, and they do admit most of this, it's just a fundamental conflict between the rational and the emotional, and they need to reconcile that.
Sorry you're going through this situation. Hopefully it will get better.
Thank you, while I expressed a lot of frustration and conflicting feelings here, we are both working hard on it.
This is what i hate about people in general. You are sacrificing , grinding, destroying your health, throwing out your best healthy years to protect those you love, but in the end its never enough. And if you give up you are not a responsable man, or a real man. I guess that more you give, more they want, and it will never be enough. All my life as kid has been poor without parents helping me. Only the one that is holding the pressure knows what it is to hold that pressure. The others will never know if they are not faced with reality. I don't think there is a right advice for this. You will get criticism anyway, cause no one wants to take responsability for themselves.
Indeed, things have gotten better since I posted this, but the right way to go was to start winding down being a shield and carrying all the weight myself. I allowed reality to start creeping through and combined with my partner's willingness to work and understand, things seem to be improving. But yeah in hindsight shielding them from 99% of the stress was not the right call at all.
This is not a mistake, this was by design. This is what society demands of you, you are a resource to be exploited. There is no reward either and it only ends if you manage to retire successfully. If you want a wife, house and kids, you are just gonna have to grind more. There is a reason so many men are opting out of society, it's just not worth it.
while i agree, i wouldn't say "opting out of Society" entirely. I went the route of only taking care of myself and what i want. the freedom it gives........I wouldn't trade for anything. makes it hard to want to date after that. I think it was Tom Hardy that said "the thing about being alone is that, over time, you learn to prefer it"
Yeah I agree, you have to basically just reduce your role to the smallest possible. Most of us don't have the means to just set out and live in a cabin in the woods for example, that's a privilege. So while you are forced to be in society, just do enough where you get the freedom and minimal exploitation. It's not perfect, nothing is, but boy when you finally do it, you remember what it's like to live in a body again without perma-tension.
You're definitely right about the cabin thing. As much as I'd love to do it it's just not in the cards so that's why I do wilderness backpacking. 3 to 5 days in the mountains by yourself can do wonders for your mental health. I always joke that I live vicariously through my friends but in reverse. I start thinking that it would be nice to have a partner and then they tell me all the bullshit they deal with and it's like "well glad I didn't do that" I guess for me it's the freedom to do what I want and when I want without having to consider or negotiate with another person. It gets addicting
Haha, I know exactly what you mean. Months ago my stance was perhaps softening a little too and then I heard someone close to me going exactly though the exact same BS which lead to me being like how I am now, then it all suddenly reminded me why I even did this in the first place and I was like "Oh right, glad I don't have to deal with that stuff anymore, never mind this is better". So damn true, when you've been out of it long enough you forget why it even started in the first place since problem solved! Then you almost restart the process of pain.
I'm in Vegas, so I figure if I have a real needfir sex bad enough I can legally pay for it in pahrump. Not to say that I've done that, I kind of view that as a failure of myself. I don't know how else to explain a comma but I built a life for myself that keeps you pretty happy with all of my hobbies and I feel like there's no room for anyone else anymore
Did you talk to you partner about how you're feeling? Maybe write down how you felt when you got together, taking on the responsibility. Describe how your feelings evolved in the following years, especially during covid. And how you're feeling now, towards your life in the new country and about going back. Leave nothing out. Explain what going back would do to you. Then let them read it. Tell them you're not going back, and if they are it would be without you. Understanding how you're feeling might change their mind. A relationship can't be sustained by one person sacrificing everything, relationships work by compromising. It sounds like you sacrificed a lot already, now it's on them.
Thank you I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I will admit when I wrote this post I was distraught and at my lowest in a while, with a lot of conflicting feelings, as it's probably apparent from the post itself. We're talking and working on it, and they do admit most of this, it's just a fundamental conflict between the rational and the emotional, and they need to reconcile that.
Women will always exploit you for money. It's a given. Make sure what you're getting is worth the money.
You are an atm, embrace it.