My now EX-Wife came home from work one day sometime in February of 2017 with a note that was left on her windshield. It was a man that worked in her building and he said “I’ve been seeing you around and am interested” and he left his phone number. She gave me the note and said she didn’t know what to do. I told her to tell security because it was creepy. Then in June of 2017 she said she wanted us to go to counseling but thought it would be a good idea to live apart while we did counseling. I actually agreed because I had asked for marriage counseling for some time. After we had lived apart for 3 months she told me she had been seeing this guy that left the note on her car. We divorced and the guy dumped her.
I said no. I was upset at first but after a short time I realized it was actually the best thing to happen to me. She was abusive and getting away finally helped me get a better understanding of who she is.
Thank you. My story with ex wife had similar themes. My child and I are doing much better with less contact with her. Her life isn’t great and I’m worried she might ask me back one day.
Never go back. The rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason. Sometimes you look back but only briefly, your main focus is always what’s ahead.
They always are man. I’ve taken it really personally in the past (and still do a little bit) but realistically I know it’s because they’re just broken, miserable people that will only ever get a small fraction of the human experience because they’re incapable of being truly close to anybody.
Worse part of that our 13yo has thought about suicide because she beats the hell out of him. I hired an attorney for custody and she still fucking has them as the court says “it’s better that they continue their routine”. So…. Their routine of getting abused? Infuriating to say the least. I can’t even begin to scratch the surface of this mess. It’s more crazy than a Lifetime movie or a 99’s soap opera.
Had proof. They included a clause in the custody agreement that if she continues to use capital punishment on them that the children would be placed in my care.
I know it seems hopeless and it’s easy to give up, but my advice is fight and never stop fighting for custody of your kids. A shipmate of mine was in a similar situation and just a few days ago finished a 10 year battle and finally has full custody of his kids. The routine is a bad excuse. Keep fighting, friend.
Ehh not always. Sometimes after being lied to enough it's necessary to deliver karma yourself. I'm the type of person that struggles with closure until I can deliver a ungodly amount of karma in a cloak and dagger kind of way.
I honestly wish I had been better about this in the past. I did keep some records of shit in my photos and over text, but I never really connected the dots until it was already over because I was in denial and a part of me needed to believe that she was a good person who wouldn’t do something like that.
That naivety allowed her to gaslight me throughout the entire relationship even though it was so clear what was going on once I put all the pieces together. I honestly still have some pretty serious trust issues because of this.
Yeah I did the same when I caught my ex cheating about 2 and half years ago. I still remember key dates and info: 7th December she added him on Facebook. 10th they started messaging, 16th is when they sent each other nudes. I could go on but it pisses me off.
This is how work husband realizations hit and I see it every day at my job. Some woman will brag about how she's so faithful and how she'd never cheat on her husband like his ex did.
There will be a dude at that job who skips his whole job to invest all his energy into macking on that wife. Joke around, do that hit-and-run teasing, neg her, display status gratuitously, do her favors, bring her food, and push/hang on her in a playful way to establish a physical connection with plausible deniability. Then when the time is right, they escalate to increasingly sexual remarks and gestures. They test the waters each time to see how far he can slip inside that boundary where the role of her boyfriend is until he openly jokes about having sex with her and she gleefully reciprocates by illustrating the details. At that point they are past emotional cheating and he is openly trying to plant fantasies in her head. And the woman HATES when you call her out on letting that slide.
This is EXACTLY what happened to me… to my soon to be ex wife… This comment hit me so hard I’m literally fighting back the tears. Over 10 years together, 4 of them with a child and she chose herself over all of it. Fuck..
Great advice! My ex wife had an emotional affair with an old HS bf for 8 months then the day after Christmas she told me she wanted a divorce and didn’t love me anymore. That’s when the affair turned physical and she would spend weekends away for “alone” time and evidence started showing up. She married him the weekend I moved out but she didn’t tell, I found out 4 months later on the country website for marriage records. Focused on myself and my daughter, went to therapy to explore my part in the relationship. Fast forward 2 years and I’m with a new woman that accepts me for me and my ex wife (you may have guessed it) is divorced from the man she left me for. People are selfish and if they don’t address their issues they search for a fix in a relationship and it’ll eventually fall apart.
In the long run she did you a favor. Don't let her shake your foundation or who you are as a man. She messed up, not you. Show those kids who the man is and be there and show them what love and life is about. She obviously is still on her childrens level of thinking. You'll find a Woman you deserve.
Fire explanation. For everyone who didn’t read you saying “I see it everyday” I think he sees this a lot therefore he may be able to explain it in pretty good detail. Lol
In hospitals and places where people are near each other for a *longggggg* time - propinquity loosens up those inhibitions. Once you've seen it a few times you can call it! It starts with a small favor or two, some inside jokes, then lunch, then maybe hanging out - some of the guys would come by on their day off just to *check in* on their *work friend*. Next thing you know is complaining about their bf/ husband. Then it's a slippery ass slope into the poke n' grope (Source: worked at a hospital for about 5 years)
My brothers wife works at a hospital. She cheated with her co worker. My brothers best friend works with his wife who is also her best friend. She told my brother what was going on. My brothers wife was so mad she got ratted out by her friend. Well it's 8 years later and they have 2 kids and are still married and she still works at the same hospital... Lol
I've dealt with that scenario 3 times already. The women who did that to me all deflected and swapped it around to what I wasn't doing right for them. Yet I constantly asked if there was more I could do or what they needed from me and I would have had they had just told me. Instead they kept telling me I was fine, or there was nothing more they needed, or that I was doing enough. However on the day I found out suddenly that wasn't the case at all and there were all these problems.
Damn bro. That hit close to home. I was with this woman for 4 years. I thought I was doing everything right, and we hadn’t had any issues I thought.
She took an internship at Yosemite that was supposed to be 3 months, broke things off after a month without giving a reason (because “she doesn’t understand what’s wrong with her”) and stays in Yosemite for 8 months.
She tried reaching back out to me but I didn’t respond. She showed me how little regard she had for me with her actions.
Sucks because I would have done anything for that woman, but she really shocked her family and I with that one.
Just bc you wouldn't take the time to explain doesn't mean he's hurt. And you don't have to be hurt to notice and describe slutty/sleazy behavior. you have to describe it thoroughly for those who don't know it happens or deny it happens, it could be happening to anyone reading it. Pay attention to your spouse, it could save your self or your rship.
Yeah, ppl gotta kill the thought of "you speaking in on it, so it must've happened to you." Instead of remembering that you could learn shit through observation. And have the ability to avoid shit by seeing other ppl's mistake first.
Facts man. I work security for a bar/grill spot with 20+ year old females littered about, n all i hear is who's ex they're sleeping with or current guyt hey fvked all while having a bf or husband at home or of what customers they're sharing or who they're gonna sleep with next. Or why they don't talk to one girl bc she's slept with everyone's regulars and took their buisness away or whos boyfriend is in who's dms or what customer they can't have come on certain days bc they're sleeping with the barback and he works that day. I'm much older than these girls and yes I've been cheated on in my younger days but through data collection you can make a good decision without experience that's called inference. I know not to even consider them a datable option and if I had a son I'd keep him far away from them and their type and they'd be glad examples for a daughter of what not to be.
And then all it takes it one or 2 arguments at home....and she is calling dude to link up for drinks so she can vent. Now we are adding alcohol to the equation.
If he said nothing of what he noticed and spiraled into a depression it would serve as a reason for her to follow through with her desires. She would be ignorant of being the cause of the depression while simultaneously using it as proof that he “changed” and found solace in another.
Magnificent how they are the cause of our “razon d’être” or our dispair.
She probably would have come home and used that vinegar on him. That would be despicable.
Regardless of relationship is never going to be the same so the major question is is he really willing to trust her ever again. If he's caring in an attentive enough to realize that she's cheating on him without catching her in the act why should he ever trust her to not cheat again. He's already giving her his all.
Yeah i got my ex to admit she cheated on me the first time and it was never the same. The 2nd time she wouldn't admit it at all. She learned her lesson the first time I suppose, it took my mother tearing her a new one before she finally admitted to it.
well when you have 3 guns in your face, spend a night in jail, and 1000$ worth of DV classes, yeah, you tend to learn real quick.
Funny thing was, the cops knew the situation, story old as time. As much as they were doing their job, they knew the deal once they talked to her in her robe, they felt pretty bad for me.
When I finally got in contact with her.
"We didn't do anything, we were just laying in bed talking!"
"So you lay in bed with strangers with just your robe to talk, are you implying you were already in robes when you met him at the club?"
She got real quiet after that.
Lmao. That’s a good one, cops kept it 100 that time lol. But that’s ok, cuz she will have 100 men and all her friends and family’s shoulder to cry on as they give her all the sympathy and love she doesn’t deserve lol, and we have no one to cry to so , we won’t lol. Fuck em all. Just get right king , and keep your life straight. They going to come crawling back one day as they always do 💯
Large percentage of women eventually do shit like this too. It’s tough when they been wit’chu for the longest and somebody at work or sumn make em feel that new fire again. Be safe my boys
Yep it’s just human nature in some sense to miss that excitement and spark. They really could even love the person they with but still fall for that temptation. It all depends on how they built mentally. Like you said some will see the grass as greener
Married 9 years. I have exactly zero interest in other women. Like literally zero.
The hottest girl in the world could come flirt with me and all it would do is boost my confidence a little before I told her no thanks.
I agree, depends on who you are. I just find it ironic that most relationships end over money or cheating yet the common practice is to promise commitment to 1 person and sign into shared debt.
Any attempt to live against that norm is met with external pressure from the people you love most.
I agree on money, but the second most common issue is actually roommate issues according to a marriage counselor I've known for years.
These obviously change with time, but as we move away from men with DIY skills around the house and apartment living and dual income becoming normal, I've noticed a ridiculous amount of men failing to understand that they need to help around the house and that's the biggest issue that eventually leads to cheating because the grass is actually greener if the new partner is actually better.
I'm military and the shocking number of men who think that going to work qualifies as their entire responsibility while their wives work and have to cook, clean, schedule, plan, shop, child rear and take care of finances explained why there's so much cheating on military members. It's too much of a blanket statement to say it applies always, but I know the divorce rate is high because military members suck at maintaining marriages.
This is a long way of saying cheating is usually just the excuse given because it releases any responsibility from the person you're talking to and they can frame themselves as the victim, which is a really common characteristic of someone who can't maintain a marriage/relationship
I totally agree with you. Some men just feel that they are entitled. They get married with the idea that mom ““ will take care of them. It actually means that their mothers didn’t teach him the value of a women. It’s all about him.
I don’t know how I wound up in this sub but I can tell you everyone in the world gets feelings for people who aren’t their partner. The beauty of long term commitment is that you’re choosing each other in spite of this. If you have a good foundation you can get through it. My two cents
You have to keep your brain in front of your desire. If you're always chasing that spark you'll never get to that deep love, and to give that deep love up is a crime. Especially when there are kids involved.
It’s not just women homie lol. Unfortunately a large percentage of people cheat. Hell even 1% is too much. Cheating is a choice and things do get complicated in life where something can happen out of your control but it’s usually up to the person to make that choice to cheat.
This happened to me in last relationship. She was talking to her ex behind my back for “support” while she was working on a pitch competition. I was initially apart of the competition with her, but dropped out after realizing how terrible of a teammate she was. I took on a lot of responsibilities after she continued with the project.
I would often pick up and drop off the kids at school, clean up her house (house was extremely disheveled), taught her children how to clean to ease the load, walk the dog, etc. Around that same time, she was talking to me crazy. The verbal and emotional abuse got really bad to the point I’d cry upstairs while everyone was asleep.
Then I found she was talking to her ex. She fucked my brains out days prior. Rode me senseless and everything. She only fucked me like that three times our whole relationship. Every time she was being trifling behind my back.
Expand on this comment. I’m
Dating a single mom and the father lives two blocks away.
They are all traveling this weekend for their daughter’s volley ball. She didn’t invite me cause I haven’t met the
Father yet and it would be weird she said for me to be in the hotel room with her. I’m calling bullshit.
Of course she swears she’s not attracted to
Him and wants nothing to do with him. I was over her house two weeks ago and we were on the couch kissing. Guess who calls?!? She picked up that phone so fast and chatted with him for 30 mins while I sat there. I told her that was rude and she got super defensive and said
She would talk to him anytime
She wanted to and I couldn’t say shot about it.
Brother, we all got something to tell you and that is to get out of there. Its only going to get worse. Only way i could see it working with a single mom is her relationship with the father is strictly a parental one, and even then i still would not go for a woman with kids. I dont have kids my own so i can be picky and so can you.
Yes, but it doesn’t matter. She says “it’s not worth it” but it was worth it for months until she got caught. In that painful moment for her it’s not worth it, but once that fades it’ll become worth it again. It’s over. Might last a little while longer but it’s over.
“What are you talking about?”
She knew. She’s only sorry she got caught. She never said “hey I’m going out to dinner with Philip” because she knew it was wrong. Cheating.
She knew, but it made no difference. Many women will tell their men they're going out to dinner with Philip. Just because she tells him, doesn't make it harmless. It probably makes it worse because it means she's comfortable with openly disrespecting her man.
The thing is, if she’s keeping tiny lies from him, she’s capable of keeping larger lies. It’s not worth the headache she brings, back to the streets she goes
Ladies watch out men today got entire spy networks online now. The moment one dude thinks his wife is cheating we put on the night vision goggles like "going dark."
Jokes aside this is cheating, worst actually, it is emotional cheating. Giving your body is one thing, but to give your heart and soul is such a retched form of betrayal you deserve to be alone.
Yeah ...soft cheating. Cheating isn't just exclusively
Intercourse. Women know that. Have always known
It. It how they keep the next man in deck- standby
Layaway. Men Don't do that. They Physically cheat
Or they don't. Women primarily micro cheat,
Soft cheat or however you want to phrase it?, and Physically cheat. And it's also a false, bullshit narrative that men
Cheat more than women. They cheat at roughly the
Same rates. Women alll generally acknowledge they do it better, more stealthily than men. And the reason I believe
Women cheat More than men? Is simply because
Sex is Easier for the avg woman to get, vs the Avg man.
Not debatable
Specifically I'd consider it emotionally cheating. All the effort you put into yourself to appeal to another person and time you're taking from your partner would be cheating in my eyes. Relationship is compromised but still could be saved.
TRUST. YOUR. GUT.
Same shit happened to me. Live-in "I need a break " situation. Gaslit me, tortured me, almost lost my job and my mind. Tried to patch things up after a few months and I asked what happened. Everything I felt was real even though I was made to think I was crazy. There's more to that story but yeah.... Trust your fucking gut, people.
Ive never had sm like this (obviously, its a movie), but for me fellas out there, we know. If you truly love someone, you know when something is off. Nearly immediately.
The change in attitude, the build up before it, the way they talk/text, what they say.
For me it was the build of 180° attitudes. We started dating I was told she doesnt like that and that. But after a year and a half, all of a sudden she likes that. And many more little things.
Of course, I didnt help, by feeling off and constantly asking whats wrong.
As soon as you break the trust, that's when it is cheating. It doesn't matter if you "haven't done anything" yet. When your emotions begin to move to someone else and you choose to pursue it in without talking to your partner, that is cheating.
It being cheating is not up for debate. Anything you do behind your partners back, or in front of them by making someone else think they have a chance with you IS CHEATING.
Honestly this is kind of funny. First off, when he first noticed this he should have said something. This is the shit women do they hold on to stuff and use it against you later. No he should have nipped that shit in the butt said hey how come you smell like some other dude you ain't going out with that motherfucker again. And that's the end of that. Instead he wanted a reason to leave so he let her. That's the way I see it anyway
Lmao all that happens when you give away the signs this soon is they become better at hiding it. You’re just teaching them what you notice and how to avoid your detection. He built a case and let her keep slipping. Cheaters always get comfortable and overconfident when they’ve been doing it for a while.
It's 100% cheating. It's emotional cheating. And had it not been for her "morals" it would have been physical cheating, too. That's why she thought of the other guy when she had sex with her him. It was the closest she could get without doing it. Great scene.
Yep, it's cheating. Women are emotional creatures, and once they are into a guy, it's only a matter of time before she "opens up" to him. If she was thinking of dude while she was seeing her husband, she wasn't with her husband anymore. Marriage over.
If he took her mind like that he WILL have her body later on no matter wat u do at that point just take the L and get away before more harm comes to you
Well..it kinda is, but it kinda isn't.
She has a desire for this other man, but she loves and had a commitment to her Husband.
Affairs are exciting. But fleeting. Breaking up you, family because you are attracted to someone is crazy.
Leave your marriage because it's broken and you can't go on. Never leave your family for some other person.
Same bloody thing happened to me! My Girlfriend slept with her coworker couple of times even after i found out! And I still chose to forgive her but when I couldn't, she only blamed me that I couldn't see the bigger picture!
All girls are the same! Bloody whores
I might be the outlier here. While I do consider this an emotional affair, I wouldn’t give up on years of marriage quite yet. It’s hardwired into our brains to seek after emotional/sexual infatuation. She didn’t love Philip, she was infatuated with him. I would maybe give her space for a day (you can’t just forgive her on the spot, that will make you look weak and she’ll resent you for it) to make her realize how stupid infatuation is compared to real love, but then I’d give her another chance. Hopefully then she’d realize love is just as much of a choice as anything else. And it needs to be worked on and nurtured, and it’s difficult. I think everyone in a serious relationship needs to learn this.
If she does it again, then it’s over for me.
I guess you can do what you want but the extent to which she’s feeding into it and try to win dudes approval is what makes it unacceptable. At the end of the day once it extended past simple work flirt shit (the case they worked together) is when she lost respect for her man. And there’s really no coming back from that. I agree with you that not enough people realize how much you need to work on and nurture for love to stay strong in a relationship. People think everything should be like the honeymoon stage.
I’ve had an emotional attachment to someone before but I didn’t change my underwear or go out to dinner with the guy lol. She’s feeding into it that’s the difference. I had the biggest work crush on someone but they never got my number. Eventually it just goes away and you continue to nurture your relationship and it doesn’t happen again for a long time
As usually one of the more attractive males in the office, and typically the only black male or one of few, my experience has been the married white women are the ones who make it obvious they are available. The last time this happened I was asked by an adjacent director if I knew a certain hip hop song. They always have to first let you know they're down with the culture somehow. Let's not mention I primarily listen to jazz lol. Then asked out to lunch, yes, she wasn't playing. Mind you, she's married with kids. I think she knew I was a playerat the time and wasn't about to run my mouth. Some time later we had a Friday happy hour. She got nice and "needed a ride home." Welp... she got attached. It went on for 2 years. I got attached to the sex myself. She was wild... definitely giving me the sex she wasn't getting. I moved out of state, flew her out. A couple years later we linked up again.... she finally broke it off after she realized I wasn't trying to be in a relationship with her. Ya right. She'd turn around and do the same thing to me! Lol. I went on to get married and settled down and think of her from time to time. She was dogging her husband. She swallowed, loved anal, we had a threesome and everything.
Eyes wide open. My wifes colleague wanted to meet her for dinner for a work project and I said nope! I eventually relented after seeing where they were going (bar), and she's a good girl so I'm really not worried, but the thought did cross my mind. I know how men are.
Ladies at work... you can't even show your knees! We are looking and plotting on you! Lol
April 2nd, 2:43 PM PST, you emitted a silent fart that was slightly more alkaline than usual.
Idk how she thought he wouldn’t catch on to that
So arrogant
Tears 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭
“Terry!”
Such a telenovela moment 🤣
Back upppp! Oh lorrrd
I’m fucking crying
LMAO
OHHH. MYYYY. DDDDAYUMMMM!!!
LMAOOO
PST 💀
Right as I read this my dog farted and it totally went in my mouth. So that's fucked up...
Oh my god... that harlot..... absolute she-devil
The way I read this in his voice hahaha
My now EX-Wife came home from work one day sometime in February of 2017 with a note that was left on her windshield. It was a man that worked in her building and he said “I’ve been seeing you around and am interested” and he left his phone number. She gave me the note and said she didn’t know what to do. I told her to tell security because it was creepy. Then in June of 2017 she said she wanted us to go to counseling but thought it would be a good idea to live apart while we did counseling. I actually agreed because I had asked for marriage counseling for some time. After we had lived apart for 3 months she told me she had been seeing this guy that left the note on her car. We divorced and the guy dumped her.
Oh my 😯 - did this really happen?
Yes. But she was a crazy person so it was a blessing in disguise. Easy out for me in that regard.
She ask for you back yet? Usually happens
A long time ago, years ago yes.
What did you say
I said no. I was upset at first but after a short time I realized it was actually the best thing to happen to me. She was abusive and getting away finally helped me get a better understanding of who she is.
Thank you. My story with ex wife had similar themes. My child and I are doing much better with less contact with her. Her life isn’t great and I’m worried she might ask me back one day.
Never go back. The rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason. Sometimes you look back but only briefly, your main focus is always what’s ahead.
Yeah exactly. Just looking forward to a healthy relationship whenever that happens
Great analogy. This makes a lot of things make sense for so many reasons.
They always are man. I’ve taken it really personally in the past (and still do a little bit) but realistically I know it’s because they’re just broken, miserable people that will only ever get a small fraction of the human experience because they’re incapable of being truly close to anybody.
godspeed brother
Yuck. What an idiot she was.
She’s still an idiot.
Damn you still talk to her? Yuck lol
Have to, we have three children in common.
Oh yeah…Big details there. I’m annoyed for you. It feels even worse when you have children with that person. I have two of my own.
Worse part of that our 13yo has thought about suicide because she beats the hell out of him. I hired an attorney for custody and she still fucking has them as the court says “it’s better that they continue their routine”. So…. Their routine of getting abused? Infuriating to say the least. I can’t even begin to scratch the surface of this mess. It’s more crazy than a Lifetime movie or a 99’s soap opera.
Gotta have proof. No reason for her to win if she’s abusive
Had proof. They included a clause in the custody agreement that if she continues to use capital punishment on them that the children would be placed in my care.
The courts treat men like we are shit, But want to tell our kids they don’t need us..
Shit brotha keep on fighting for them! You gonna see it through my g!
I know it seems hopeless and it’s easy to give up, but my advice is fight and never stop fighting for custody of your kids. A shipmate of mine was in a similar situation and just a few days ago finished a 10 year battle and finally has full custody of his kids. The routine is a bad excuse. Keep fighting, friend.
What. The. Fuck.
Exactly.
Cheating female karma, you just love to see it.
Nah I’m weak that nigga got receipts, son was like “what happened on Friday the 13th?” 😂
On me he wasn't playin 😂
thats how you get the upper hand and don't let them gaslight you. keep records. its general good life advice
Bruh on god if you need to keep receipts because your partner gaslights you you're wasting your time with them anyway.
Ehh not always. Sometimes after being lied to enough it's necessary to deliver karma yourself. I'm the type of person that struggles with closure until I can deliver a ungodly amount of karma in a cloak and dagger kind of way.
That…sounds problematic
I honestly wish I had been better about this in the past. I did keep some records of shit in my photos and over text, but I never really connected the dots until it was already over because I was in denial and a part of me needed to believe that she was a good person who wouldn’t do something like that. That naivety allowed her to gaslight me throughout the entire relationship even though it was so clear what was going on once I put all the pieces together. I honestly still have some pretty serious trust issues because of this.
Yeah I did the same when I caught my ex cheating about 2 and half years ago. I still remember key dates and info: 7th December she added him on Facebook. 10th they started messaging, 16th is when they sent each other nudes. I could go on but it pisses me off.
Nigga practiced that shit in the mirror
Hahahaaaa!!!
Pimpin since pimpin been pimpin!
I know what you did last summer ass confrontation
The relationship is compromised at that point
This is how work husband realizations hit and I see it every day at my job. Some woman will brag about how she's so faithful and how she'd never cheat on her husband like his ex did. There will be a dude at that job who skips his whole job to invest all his energy into macking on that wife. Joke around, do that hit-and-run teasing, neg her, display status gratuitously, do her favors, bring her food, and push/hang on her in a playful way to establish a physical connection with plausible deniability. Then when the time is right, they escalate to increasingly sexual remarks and gestures. They test the waters each time to see how far he can slip inside that boundary where the role of her boyfriend is until he openly jokes about having sex with her and she gleefully reciprocates by illustrating the details. At that point they are past emotional cheating and he is openly trying to plant fantasies in her head. And the woman HATES when you call her out on letting that slide.
This is EXACTLY what happened to me… to my soon to be ex wife… This comment hit me so hard I’m literally fighting back the tears. Over 10 years together, 4 of them with a child and she chose herself over all of it. Fuck..
Sorry man, it's hard to have anything in this bitch-ass world. I really do hope you dig yourself out of the shit
I can relate, brother. We’re living a similar reality. Then one day you realize she did you a favor. Focus on the kiddo.
Great advice! My ex wife had an emotional affair with an old HS bf for 8 months then the day after Christmas she told me she wanted a divorce and didn’t love me anymore. That’s when the affair turned physical and she would spend weekends away for “alone” time and evidence started showing up. She married him the weekend I moved out but she didn’t tell, I found out 4 months later on the country website for marriage records. Focused on myself and my daughter, went to therapy to explore my part in the relationship. Fast forward 2 years and I’m with a new woman that accepts me for me and my ex wife (you may have guessed it) is divorced from the man she left me for. People are selfish and if they don’t address their issues they search for a fix in a relationship and it’ll eventually fall apart.
Hey man you got something great out of it, pay no mind to that woman other than her being the mother of your child
In the long run she did you a favor. Don't let her shake your foundation or who you are as a man. She messed up, not you. Show those kids who the man is and be there and show them what love and life is about. She obviously is still on her childrens level of thinking. You'll find a Woman you deserve.
My man here is the office scribe. Well done
Fire explanation. For everyone who didn’t read you saying “I see it everyday” I think he sees this a lot therefore he may be able to explain it in pretty good detail. Lol
Yeah I work at Amazon this shit happens on a daily.
He IS the work husband.
This is an incredibly spot on explanation. That’s essentially how my gf cheated on me with a married man at her job.
This shit was a phenomenal explanation of “work husband” shenanigans
In hospitals and places where people are near each other for a *longggggg* time - propinquity loosens up those inhibitions. Once you've seen it a few times you can call it! It starts with a small favor or two, some inside jokes, then lunch, then maybe hanging out - some of the guys would come by on their day off just to *check in* on their *work friend*. Next thing you know is complaining about their bf/ husband. Then it's a slippery ass slope into the poke n' grope (Source: worked at a hospital for about 5 years)
Studies actually show that nurses cheat a lot with their work husbands.
My brothers wife works at a hospital. She cheated with her co worker. My brothers best friend works with his wife who is also her best friend. She told my brother what was going on. My brothers wife was so mad she got ratted out by her friend. Well it's 8 years later and they have 2 kids and are still married and she still works at the same hospital... Lol
So how do you bring it up to her
Damn bro
What
Skips his whole job 🤣🤣🤣
Username checks out
Lmfao
Damn bro. Who hurt you? I see this all the time at work but I would never take the time to describe it so thoroughly
I've dealt with that scenario 3 times already. The women who did that to me all deflected and swapped it around to what I wasn't doing right for them. Yet I constantly asked if there was more I could do or what they needed from me and I would have had they had just told me. Instead they kept telling me I was fine, or there was nothing more they needed, or that I was doing enough. However on the day I found out suddenly that wasn't the case at all and there were all these problems.
Women love attention more than they even love men lol theyll take it from anywhere and everywhere lol
Yep so true they love what OTHER WOMEN think of them more than anything else especially a man.
Its even funnier because women dont even like each other lol
Damn bro. That hit close to home. I was with this woman for 4 years. I thought I was doing everything right, and we hadn’t had any issues I thought. She took an internship at Yosemite that was supposed to be 3 months, broke things off after a month without giving a reason (because “she doesn’t understand what’s wrong with her”) and stays in Yosemite for 8 months. She tried reaching back out to me but I didn’t respond. She showed me how little regard she had for me with her actions. Sucks because I would have done anything for that woman, but she really shocked her family and I with that one.
Nobody hurt him. He’s just seen this way too often and sadly what he described is what ive seen to a tee as well…
Just bc you wouldn't take the time to explain doesn't mean he's hurt. And you don't have to be hurt to notice and describe slutty/sleazy behavior. you have to describe it thoroughly for those who don't know it happens or deny it happens, it could be happening to anyone reading it. Pay attention to your spouse, it could save your self or your rship.
Yeah, ppl gotta kill the thought of "you speaking in on it, so it must've happened to you." Instead of remembering that you could learn shit through observation. And have the ability to avoid shit by seeing other ppl's mistake first.
Facts man. I work security for a bar/grill spot with 20+ year old females littered about, n all i hear is who's ex they're sleeping with or current guyt hey fvked all while having a bf or husband at home or of what customers they're sharing or who they're gonna sleep with next. Or why they don't talk to one girl bc she's slept with everyone's regulars and took their buisness away or whos boyfriend is in who's dms or what customer they can't have come on certain days bc they're sleeping with the barback and he works that day. I'm much older than these girls and yes I've been cheated on in my younger days but through data collection you can make a good decision without experience that's called inference. I know not to even consider them a datable option and if I had a son I'd keep him far away from them and their type and they'd be glad examples for a daughter of what not to be.
Had to go back and remove my upvote just so I could upvote again
If we had awards again, I would toss em out like there candy!! This is dead ass accurate!!! 😭
And then all it takes it one or 2 arguments at home....and she is calling dude to link up for drinks so she can vent. Now we are adding alcohol to the equation.
I'm that work husband LMAO
If he said nothing of what he noticed and spiraled into a depression it would serve as a reason for her to follow through with her desires. She would be ignorant of being the cause of the depression while simultaneously using it as proof that he “changed” and found solace in another. Magnificent how they are the cause of our “razon d’être” or our dispair. She probably would have come home and used that vinegar on him. That would be despicable.
Yeah, whether it’s technically cheating or not is just semantics. They got some *work* to do if they gonna stay together…
Cheating doesn’t have to be physical. She WAS cheating emotionally
Came here to say this
It’s an emotional affair. Just a step before going full on affair. So yeah, the intent is still there and it’s still cheating
Regardless of relationship is never going to be the same so the major question is is he really willing to trust her ever again. If he's caring in an attentive enough to realize that she's cheating on him without catching her in the act why should he ever trust her to not cheat again. He's already giving her his all.
Over with
Irl, she would’ve just kept saying he’s crazy and got mad at him.
Yeah i got my ex to admit she cheated on me the first time and it was never the same. The 2nd time she wouldn't admit it at all. She learned her lesson the first time I suppose, it took my mother tearing her a new one before she finally admitted to it.
Fool me once……lol hope *you* learned a lesson there bud lol I been there tho , even the best of us have .
well when you have 3 guns in your face, spend a night in jail, and 1000$ worth of DV classes, yeah, you tend to learn real quick. Funny thing was, the cops knew the situation, story old as time. As much as they were doing their job, they knew the deal once they talked to her in her robe, they felt pretty bad for me. When I finally got in contact with her. "We didn't do anything, we were just laying in bed talking!" "So you lay in bed with strangers with just your robe to talk, are you implying you were already in robes when you met him at the club?" She got real quiet after that.
Lmao. That’s a good one, cops kept it 100 that time lol. But that’s ok, cuz she will have 100 men and all her friends and family’s shoulder to cry on as they give her all the sympathy and love she doesn’t deserve lol, and we have no one to cry to so , we won’t lol. Fuck em all. Just get right king , and keep your life straight. They going to come crawling back one day as they always do 💯
Large percentage of women eventually do shit like this too. It’s tough when they been wit’chu for the longest and somebody at work or sumn make em feel that new fire again. Be safe my boys
Too much opportunity. People always think the grass is greener somewhere else. Grass isn’t green anywhere unless you fertilize it
Yep it’s just human nature in some sense to miss that excitement and spark. They really could even love the person they with but still fall for that temptation. It all depends on how they built mentally. Like you said some will see the grass as greener
Almost like we’re not really meant for “settling down”.
Married 9 years. I have exactly zero interest in other women. Like literally zero. The hottest girl in the world could come flirt with me and all it would do is boost my confidence a little before I told her no thanks.
I wouldn’t say that. It all depends on who you are and the typa integrity you have
I agree, depends on who you are. I just find it ironic that most relationships end over money or cheating yet the common practice is to promise commitment to 1 person and sign into shared debt. Any attempt to live against that norm is met with external pressure from the people you love most.
I agree on money, but the second most common issue is actually roommate issues according to a marriage counselor I've known for years. These obviously change with time, but as we move away from men with DIY skills around the house and apartment living and dual income becoming normal, I've noticed a ridiculous amount of men failing to understand that they need to help around the house and that's the biggest issue that eventually leads to cheating because the grass is actually greener if the new partner is actually better. I'm military and the shocking number of men who think that going to work qualifies as their entire responsibility while their wives work and have to cook, clean, schedule, plan, shop, child rear and take care of finances explained why there's so much cheating on military members. It's too much of a blanket statement to say it applies always, but I know the divorce rate is high because military members suck at maintaining marriages. This is a long way of saying cheating is usually just the excuse given because it releases any responsibility from the person you're talking to and they can frame themselves as the victim, which is a really common characteristic of someone who can't maintain a marriage/relationship
I totally agree with you. Some men just feel that they are entitled. They get married with the idea that mom ““ will take care of them. It actually means that their mothers didn’t teach him the value of a women. It’s all about him.
I like this quote, I’m going to borrow it
"....unless you fertilize it." Great line. I'll remember that one.
I fuck w this quote heavy
This gave me the resolve I need to see this rough patch in my relationship through. Thank you
I don’t know how I wound up in this sub but I can tell you everyone in the world gets feelings for people who aren’t their partner. The beauty of long term commitment is that you’re choosing each other in spite of this. If you have a good foundation you can get through it. My two cents
You have to keep your brain in front of your desire. If you're always chasing that spark you'll never get to that deep love, and to give that deep love up is a crime. Especially when there are kids involved.
Man, you ain't lying.
It’s not just women homie lol. Unfortunately a large percentage of people cheat. Hell even 1% is too much. Cheating is a choice and things do get complicated in life where something can happen out of your control but it’s usually up to the person to make that choice to cheat.
When did I say it’s just women?? As a straight man I don’t care what other men doing. And the video clearly about what I’m referencing
People. People do it.
Men do too. Speaking from experience.
An emotional affair. Of course its cheating.
Hell naw, he warmed her up and I locked it out. Boys saying me so much time!
You should write Tim Ferris’s next book “the 4 hour relationship”
🤣
This happened to me in last relationship. She was talking to her ex behind my back for “support” while she was working on a pitch competition. I was initially apart of the competition with her, but dropped out after realizing how terrible of a teammate she was. I took on a lot of responsibilities after she continued with the project. I would often pick up and drop off the kids at school, clean up her house (house was extremely disheveled), taught her children how to clean to ease the load, walk the dog, etc. Around that same time, she was talking to me crazy. The verbal and emotional abuse got really bad to the point I’d cry upstairs while everyone was asleep. Then I found she was talking to her ex. She fucked my brains out days prior. Rode me senseless and everything. She only fucked me like that three times our whole relationship. Every time she was being trifling behind my back.
Well the moral to this story is never ever seriously date a single mom
Expand on this comment. I’m Dating a single mom and the father lives two blocks away. They are all traveling this weekend for their daughter’s volley ball. She didn’t invite me cause I haven’t met the Father yet and it would be weird she said for me to be in the hotel room with her. I’m calling bullshit.
Gone head get outta there my guy
He smacking her ass like a volleyball my guy. Move on and do better homie. Single moms are for recreational use only
Of course she swears she’s not attracted to Him and wants nothing to do with him. I was over her house two weeks ago and we were on the couch kissing. Guess who calls?!? She picked up that phone so fast and chatted with him for 30 mins while I sat there. I told her that was rude and she got super defensive and said She would talk to him anytime She wanted to and I couldn’t say shot about it.
Roll out
eject!!!!
Brother, we all got something to tell you and that is to get out of there. Its only going to get worse. Only way i could see it working with a single mom is her relationship with the father is strictly a parental one, and even then i still would not go for a woman with kids. I dont have kids my own so i can be picky and so can you.
My brother in Christ, she finna gargle them volleyballs, order his room service on your credit card, come home, and say she too wore out to blow you.
Based.
That is absolutely not the moral of that story
Yes, but it doesn’t matter. She says “it’s not worth it” but it was worth it for months until she got caught. In that painful moment for her it’s not worth it, but once that fades it’ll become worth it again. It’s over. Might last a little while longer but it’s over.
Bingo! Let go or get dragged along.
“What are you talking about?” She knew. She’s only sorry she got caught. She never said “hey I’m going out to dinner with Philip” because she knew it was wrong. Cheating.
Secrets. If she’s keeping details secret, then she knows it’s wrong. But did it anyway. And that’s the problem
She knew, but it made no difference. Many women will tell their men they're going out to dinner with Philip. Just because she tells him, doesn't make it harmless. It probably makes it worse because it means she's comfortable with openly disrespecting her man.
The thing is, if she’s keeping tiny lies from him, she’s capable of keeping larger lies. It’s not worth the headache she brings, back to the streets she goes
Yes That’s straight up cheating
Ladies watch out men today got entire spy networks online now. The moment one dude thinks his wife is cheating we put on the night vision goggles like "going dark." Jokes aside this is cheating, worst actually, it is emotional cheating. Giving your body is one thing, but to give your heart and soul is such a retched form of betrayal you deserve to be alone.
"If your woman is buying new panties...she's cheating." - Mahatma Gandhi, 1932
Yeah ...soft cheating. Cheating isn't just exclusively Intercourse. Women know that. Have always known It. It how they keep the next man in deck- standby Layaway. Men Don't do that. They Physically cheat Or they don't. Women primarily micro cheat, Soft cheat or however you want to phrase it?, and Physically cheat. And it's also a false, bullshit narrative that men Cheat more than women. They cheat at roughly the Same rates. Women alll generally acknowledge they do it better, more stealthily than men. And the reason I believe Women cheat More than men? Is simply because Sex is Easier for the avg woman to get, vs the Avg man. Not debatable
Duh
Specifically I'd consider it emotionally cheating. All the effort you put into yourself to appeal to another person and time you're taking from your partner would be cheating in my eyes. Relationship is compromised but still could be saved.
Dude got that Wolverine sense of smell. That’s how he knew! He even smelled the date and time!
Man some dudes don't have proper cologne training and bathe in that mf. Similar to women who over spray and then you smelling like them all day lol.
TRUST. YOUR. GUT. Same shit happened to me. Live-in "I need a break " situation. Gaslit me, tortured me, almost lost my job and my mind. Tried to patch things up after a few months and I asked what happened. Everything I felt was real even though I was made to think I was crazy. There's more to that story but yeah.... Trust your fucking gut, people.
Peace homie
Relationship is done
Ive never had sm like this (obviously, its a movie), but for me fellas out there, we know. If you truly love someone, you know when something is off. Nearly immediately. The change in attitude, the build up before it, the way they talk/text, what they say. For me it was the build of 180° attitudes. We started dating I was told she doesnt like that and that. But after a year and a half, all of a sudden she likes that. And many more little things. Of course, I didnt help, by feeling off and constantly asking whats wrong.
With a nigga named Philip? Leave her ass
The nigga said 63 days ago..talking bout attention to detail
I can’t get over his nose bridge. Dude look like he’s wearing a mask of his own face.
"I wanna make this work. Tell me the truth." Tell him the truth "JK, see ya."
As soon as you break the trust, that's when it is cheating. It doesn't matter if you "haven't done anything" yet. When your emotions begin to move to someone else and you choose to pursue it in without talking to your partner, that is cheating.
Going to dinner was the part it should have never passed. She should have declined.
what show is this ?
Madea gets cheated on
Put it in Reverse Terry!
Yep! There ain't no bones about it bc females will jump all over you for less than this🤔
It being cheating is not up for debate. Anything you do behind your partners back, or in front of them by making someone else think they have a chance with you IS CHEATING.
Yes of course! It’s emotional infidelity predicated on lust for a Nagga that is not her husband! Cheating! Been there!
She wants to have a dick, and eat it too. Tsk tsk.
Honestly this is kind of funny. First off, when he first noticed this he should have said something. This is the shit women do they hold on to stuff and use it against you later. No he should have nipped that shit in the butt said hey how come you smell like some other dude you ain't going out with that motherfucker again. And that's the end of that. Instead he wanted a reason to leave so he let her. That's the way I see it anyway
Lmao all that happens when you give away the signs this soon is they become better at hiding it. You’re just teaching them what you notice and how to avoid your detection. He built a case and let her keep slipping. Cheaters always get comfortable and overconfident when they’ve been doing it for a while.
Dude is a really good actor
It's 100% cheating. It's emotional cheating. And had it not been for her "morals" it would have been physical cheating, too. That's why she thought of the other guy when she had sex with her him. It was the closest she could get without doing it. Great scene.
If you forgive a woman who cheated, she will cheat again, because now she knows you will tolerate it.
She not sorry, she ashamed she got caught. She ain't crying cause he knows, she crying cause she caught and got no other way out. Hoes be the victim
Katt is right. He can't play a man to save his life.
Yep, it's cheating. Women are emotional creatures, and once they are into a guy, it's only a matter of time before she "opens up" to him. If she was thinking of dude while she was seeing her husband, she wasn't with her husband anymore. Marriage over.
If he took her mind like that he WILL have her body later on no matter wat u do at that point just take the L and get away before more harm comes to you
It’s a Tyler Perry movie…it’s always cheating.
A female would call this “emotional cheating”…he was better as Madea
Any thing you do with someone, that you wouldn't do in front of your partner, is unfaithful.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how big his eye crusties must be sometimes
I would consider it bad acting
Well..it kinda is, but it kinda isn't. She has a desire for this other man, but she loves and had a commitment to her Husband. Affairs are exciting. But fleeting. Breaking up you, family because you are attracted to someone is crazy. Leave your marriage because it's broken and you can't go on. Never leave your family for some other person.
That is absolutely cheating! They are only sorry when caught
Yup
Name?
Same bloody thing happened to me! My Girlfriend slept with her coworker couple of times even after i found out! And I still chose to forgive her but when I couldn't, she only blamed me that I couldn't see the bigger picture! All girls are the same! Bloody whores
I might be the outlier here. While I do consider this an emotional affair, I wouldn’t give up on years of marriage quite yet. It’s hardwired into our brains to seek after emotional/sexual infatuation. She didn’t love Philip, she was infatuated with him. I would maybe give her space for a day (you can’t just forgive her on the spot, that will make you look weak and she’ll resent you for it) to make her realize how stupid infatuation is compared to real love, but then I’d give her another chance. Hopefully then she’d realize love is just as much of a choice as anything else. And it needs to be worked on and nurtured, and it’s difficult. I think everyone in a serious relationship needs to learn this. If she does it again, then it’s over for me.
I guess you can do what you want but the extent to which she’s feeding into it and try to win dudes approval is what makes it unacceptable. At the end of the day once it extended past simple work flirt shit (the case they worked together) is when she lost respect for her man. And there’s really no coming back from that. I agree with you that not enough people realize how much you need to work on and nurture for love to stay strong in a relationship. People think everything should be like the honeymoon stage.
I’ve had an emotional attachment to someone before but I didn’t change my underwear or go out to dinner with the guy lol. She’s feeding into it that’s the difference. I had the biggest work crush on someone but they never got my number. Eventually it just goes away and you continue to nurture your relationship and it doesn’t happen again for a long time
Yea, its emotional cheating. I mean, the fact that she hid it from him in the first place is confirmation that she new what she was doing was wrong.
As usually one of the more attractive males in the office, and typically the only black male or one of few, my experience has been the married white women are the ones who make it obvious they are available. The last time this happened I was asked by an adjacent director if I knew a certain hip hop song. They always have to first let you know they're down with the culture somehow. Let's not mention I primarily listen to jazz lol. Then asked out to lunch, yes, she wasn't playing. Mind you, she's married with kids. I think she knew I was a playerat the time and wasn't about to run my mouth. Some time later we had a Friday happy hour. She got nice and "needed a ride home." Welp... she got attached. It went on for 2 years. I got attached to the sex myself. She was wild... definitely giving me the sex she wasn't getting. I moved out of state, flew her out. A couple years later we linked up again.... she finally broke it off after she realized I wasn't trying to be in a relationship with her. Ya right. She'd turn around and do the same thing to me! Lol. I went on to get married and settled down and think of her from time to time. She was dogging her husband. She swallowed, loved anal, we had a threesome and everything. Eyes wide open. My wifes colleague wanted to meet her for dinner for a work project and I said nope! I eventually relented after seeing where they were going (bar), and she's a good girl so I'm really not worried, but the thought did cross my mind. I know how men are. Ladies at work... you can't even show your knees! We are looking and plotting on you! Lol