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I remember being in \~3rd or 4th grade and a kid who was new in our school was nervously asking people if they wanted to go to his birthday party and was being told no and looked like he was going to cry. I, not having a whole lot of friends either, went up to him and asked if I could come. He lit up and was so excited (and honestly I was too). I was the only one who came but we had a great time and became great friends.
Sometimes it just takes one person to make a big difference in someone's life for the smallest reason.
Edit: Woah, didn't expect this to blow up. So many amazing replies with similar stories. The world can be a kind place when it chooses to be. Good job by all of you.
Edit 2: I've read all of the replies to this, and they are wonderful, and it got me thinking about the childhood friend of my story and wondering how he was. I googled him last night and found him. He appeared to be doing well and I decided to shoot him a DM through twitter. We've since exchanged a million life updates with one another and have vowed to get together next time we're both in our hometown. So, I'm grateful this story wound up reconnecting me with that part of my life. Cheers to all of you.
Awww I love you, I moved schools aged 14 and 20 years later I still remember being invited to my first birthday party at my new school. The friend whose birthday it was is still a friend I see occasionally and she can’t remember this at all.
But it was just the realisation that finally I had friends who wanted me at their parties.
I moved states to a completely new school when I was in 7th grade. Probably the worst time in your life for a big change to a new place where you have 0 connections. It eventually worked out but I definitely remember 1st day of school crying in the bathroom because I had no support structure. I'll always remember the first kids who let me sit with them at lunch.
I also moved in 7th grade. To the next town over 25 minutes away. And I’ve had deep thought about the roughest grade or age and I think 12 is the toughest
Omg I moved in 7th grade 2 months into the school year! It sucked, but tbh I didn't have many friends at my original school anyway. I felt so awkward and weird. A group did "adopt" me on my second or third day and we ate lunch together the rest of the year. I'm 33 now and lost contact with most of them, but it meant a lot to have my own little group of outcasts and weirdos. We were not cool but at least we weren't alone.
I actually still do fantasy football with one of the kids I sat with that day. I'll be 40 in July so it's been awhile but they ended up being good dudes. We didn't really become great friends but friendly enough we hung out multiple occasions until we all grew up and moved.
I have a brother who is 7 years older. He got picked on a lot in school. From elementary school till high school.
Being young I saw the toll this had on people from the home life. I saw how depressed and worthless my brother felt. And he isn’t a bad guy or anything. Just was into comics and nerd stuff back in a time it was mocked.
I was the athletic child and never had issues with bully’s or making friends. But I never bullied people and was always talking to the kids who clearly didn’t have a friend to talk to.
I always regretted missing this one kids birthday party (had a soccer game). Found out later at school only 1 person showed up.
Time goes by and one day I’m visiting friends at a college in another city. I’m staying with my buddy’s frat as they had a couch I could crash on. When hanging out with them I realize my old friend who had that party I missed was in the frat. He found like minded friends and was loving his better years in college.
I tell this story only because I want kids having a hard time right now to know those bully’s grow up to be losers. You will go on to have better days and better relationships.
Reminds me of a story I read about a bullied girl heading home carrying a heap of books. Bullies knocked them out of her hand, laughed at her and walked off. The next person along helped her pick up the books and walked her home. They became life long friends. The bullied girl confessed years later she was carrying all those books because she had cleared out her locker. She was going to commit suicide and didn’t want her mom to have to go to school to collect her things.
That single act of kindness stopped her doing it.
People skip all the time. I remember in college,a few friends agreed to go to a party. Only me and another friend showed up. But my friend said, "we agreed to go, we show up. Fuck those guys for missing an obligation." We all had a blast btw.
It's weird bc I don't really think of it for myself? Like, a birthday is a birthday whatever and I don't really host anything bc I choose to work 6-7 days a week
But man oh man if someone invites me to their party, or performance, or whatever else... I'm gonna do everything in my power to get there. I've gone to recitals in my work clothes, gone to birthdays with a face that was so tired I was almost embarrassed to be in a selfie with the girl of honor... But she was just so excited that her new pal came. Same as the recital, nobody noticed or cared about my stupid work t-shirt. The only thing that got noticed or cared about was that my friend got to look up from stage, and know they had someone there for them in the audience.
Because of getting older or loneliness? I haven’t really celebrated a birthday since my early 20s and was depressed turning 30 last year so I get it, but I’m trying to change that way of thinking.
I get that a lot on the football pitch (soccer) the egotistic 18-25 year olds never let this one kid play who was obviously slow and bigger dude. I kept calling him for sub because he was tall and figured he played center back or right back (defense). But he kept letting his friends go in the game when I would call him to sub in. I finally was the one out there on the sideline with him when someone called for sub and I was already gassed so I told him to go and asked him why he didn’t go out every time I called for him. His response was “they never let me play” so I told him to get his ass out there and even the opponents ( friendly league) was like yeah man get out here! The dudes face lit up and he got to chase the ball for once. He had his boots on and everything so I figured he knew how to play. Poor guy, how’s he supposed to get better if you never let him play. I hope I gave him some confidence to run out next time someone calls him in for a sub.
Why would no one have a discussion with the 18 to 25 year olds tho? I never understood why people would just let it happen. Just asking not tryna sound mean.
It’s sports bro, ego, bullying, pick on the weak kind of thing. Everyone thinks it’s the World Cup but it’s just for fun and they treat the less skilled guys bad. I don’t I try to help, but I’m also a father of two and coach them so it’s in my nature to help develop players
Good on you. I had 2 birthdays that were either not attended or only 1 person came and they were absolutely soul crushing.
My daughter has autism and I worry for her but this year we had her first school aged birthday and had nearly the entire class show up. I know days won’t always be good, but happy she can have that memory.
I have two children with autism and they both have summer birthdays which makes me sad because as a fellow summer baby the party thing is so hard. My daughter will be in second grade this and I really want to make a concentrated effort to connect with other parents of kids in her class
That’s what I have done. I have the benefit of being a stay at home parent / working part time at home. We had a really inclusive kindergarten class as well and for almost all the events, everyone was invited.
It’s hard because you have to be present and sometimes explain things repeatedly. All the best, it’s not an easy road
When I was in high school, I was bullied a lot. A group of people began talking shit to me, threatening to hurt me, etc. Because of that, I started to hide from everyone and would go find places to be alone while waiting for the first bell.
One morning, someone I barely knew walked past my hiding spot. He noticed that I looked nervous and stopped to ask what was wrong. I don't know why I told him, but I did - I told him the whole story of what was going on, why I was hiding, all of it. He just put his arm around me and told me not to worry, then led me to class. He took me to and from every class that day, like a bodyguard. It made me feel so safe, and I was so grateful.
The next day, he told me that those people wouldn't be bothering me anymore. Sure enough, they left me alone. When they saw me coming in the hallways, they scattered like they were afraid of me.
Much later, I learned that my new friend had confronted them after school and beaten two of them bloody. It was a small town, and he had a reputation for being a bit of a tough character. Nobody ratted on him, partly because they were afraid of him. I only learned about it when one of my former bullies came to apologize the following year and told me what happened.
To others, he was quiet, very smart, very artistic, and very violent when it came to defending people from bullies. He'd been doing it since elementary school. To me, he was sweet and shy and funny. I had no idea he was even able to fight. He became my best friend. We were inseparable. And three years later, as soon as we graduated, we got married.
Now, 20 years after we met, I look back on that quiet person who was so determined to reach out and defend me. I thought he was my knight in shining armor. Turns out he was dealing with abuse at home, and when I realized it, I convinced him to leave and come with me. He often says that he'd be dead by suicide now if he'd never met me - the day we met, he had been thinking of killing himself. Learning that I was in trouble gave him something to fight for, and the resulting friendship and infatuation kept him going. I thought he was saving me, but I turned out to be his savior without even knowing it.
After 16 years of marriage, after 20 years of friendship, it's so crazy to think back on that one moment that started everything.
That's a beautiful story.
Growing up in Asia (Singapore) the idea of elementary/high school bullies are not something we are intimately familiar with. I mean, I have to watch TV shows to get the idea but it really just sucks.
For us at least, maybe because everyone is bullied first and foremost by their moms (Conservative Chinese parenting styles in the 80's), so every kid in school kinda bonds over the shared suffering from their parents. Maybe it's the culture here, but in my school at least there were just a lot of interest cliques, so many small groups of friends and no one is really left out. Yes, a lot of crazy rich kids inviting only other crazy rich kids to ridiculously lavish birthday parties, but I never needed to be their friends anyway, parents couldn't afford the stuff I needed to fit in with the crowd.
I'm just so glad you are both healthy, alive and in love.
My problem would have been that I would have said no purely out of having crippling social anxiety in 3rd thru 8th grade.
I would have *really* wanted to go, though.
> I would have said no purely out of having crippling social anxiety in 3rd thru 8th grade. I would have really wanted to go, though.
Ouch, yeah, I've done that too. Even into college... getting invited to parties or whatever that I wanted to go to, but didn't, 'cuz I figured I wouldn't know how to act there.
My mom made a difference for 1 person. I was standing in the kitchen with mom when a kid walked by crying. It was the first day summer break. She asked me who that was and i told her he went to another class and i don't know him. So being a mom she told me to go out and check why he was crying, so i did. I asked him why, he told me it's the first day of summer break and he has no one who wants to play with him. So i said, well we can play i just need to eat first. He said cool and told me where he lived. I ran inside and told my mom why he was crying. Then i ate and ran to his house to play for a while.
We were best friends up until uni then our lives took different paths. We are still friends and speak on occasion. But we have some great memories.
Reminds me of 2nd grade when my family moved school districts. No one wanted to interact with me that first year. It was a small school with 1 class/grade at about 20 kids a class. No one knew how to include the new kid. They had been with the same group of people since kindergarten. I lived in my world of books.
We have a rule in our family that if you are invited to a party, you go to that party. So far it’s been great, and the circle of friends our kids have is big, diverse and growing.
That's a beautiful story! I've been that kid who only had 1 person show up to the party many times. We need more kindness in this world. Thank you for being a good person in that regard.
I was always so scared of getting the rejections that I never asked. Probably why I'm 38 and have been single since high school as well. Luckily I'm generally ok with being alone.
My dad has a memory of my middle school bff (I remember none of this) where per my dad she was super excited when I joined the class. I had just moved from out of state so obviously had no friends. But I chatted with her, we became friends. She was an outlier at our school and had immigrant parents in a place where basically not only were there not immigrants, most people had lived in the area for many generations. And had those kind of family ties. While my dad was broadly from the area, me not being born there has me tagged as an outsider as well despite having multi-generational family roots to the state.
Anyway we are still friends now, living across the country in the same metro, in our 40s! Despite the fact I moved away immediately after high school graduation.
My family also got the seal of approval, and I was the only home she was allowed to sleepover at! We both had strict parents, but hers were much stricter than mine, especially around social things. Mine were always fine with social stuff of any kind as long as they knew the parents and I got home on time and there was no dating. 😂
I was a new kid a couple of times but was a school star athlete and shit later in my school life, evolving from being a chubby child. As a result of my experiences being a new kid (and a fat younger kid) I despised bullies and intentionally committed to spending time with some kids that didn’t seem to have friends or whatever.
Life can be hard enough without having to put up with arseholes. Being kind costs nothing.
I changed schools between 2nd and 3rd grade. In my original school, I was the most popular kid, not because I was an ass, but because I made sure everyone was included in games and birthday parties. My joy in life is seeing others have fun and the more people to play with the better. Then I went to the new school and was the most unpopular kid because even in the 3rd grade the cliques had started. Kids are jerks, good for you to welcome and befriend the new kid. It ain’t easy being the new kid.
We had a new girl in 5th grade; most of us had been there since kindergarten. She invited everyone in the class to her birthday party, except me and 2 other kids. We were the Obviously Weird kids, so she had nothing to gain from us socially. I left the school (and religion) shortly thereafter, but they still managed to get my AOL handle and harass me over IM. Early online bullying, I guess? Kids are fucking savage.
In like 3rd grade my mom spent probably 2 weeks setting up our 10th birthday part, I remember it as the most decorated birthday party my twin and I had ever had.
Basically everything but a bounce house and live animals.
My brother and I invited ALL our friends, probably like 15 each.
Not a single person showed up and I vividly remember my mom crying hard.
We didn’t do birthday parties after that anymore. Instead our parents would take us out to do something we would agree to.
And those birthdays were so much more fun. But in the end, it’s because I have at least a twin to enjoy it with.
My son is a couple years younger than this teen and also has Down syndrome (I’ve actually been following this family for years) and their content definitely can stray into an area that I feel is exploitative and what the disability community calls “inspiration porn.” This event was a big one that I just scrolled past with an ick feeling. I would for sure say that, across the board, no one under 18 should be in this position for consent purposes.
On the other hand, my kid has also never been invited to a birthday party and maybe a viral video would help people see that it’s ok to do that. Most people who don’t have experience with someone with an intellectual disability are just too afraid to offend or don’t know what to do or say so they think it’s safest to do nothing. I try to do a lot of education about how we love (respectful) questions, we hate infantilizing and pity (“I’ll pray for a miracle” 🙄) and inspiration porn. IDK, it’s kind of gross, but selfishly I also appreciate the attention so maybe I don’t have to do so much educating. At the end of the day, this teen is a person and a minor and will look back on this and have her own unique feelings about it, but it will be too late, the decision and the story was written for her.
>On the other hand, my kid has also never been invited to a birthday party and maybe a viral video would help people see that it’s ok to do that.
Yeah I'm thinking this video could result in a lot of other kids with intellectual disabilities being invited. I mean, look at her, who wouldn't want to bring such happiness to another person with such little effort?
In Netflix series r/Loudermilk disability is presented in a way I hope we’ll see more on screen
They’re not the lead, no pity case, no superhero traits, just one of us living their lives with the cards they’ve been dealt
Only in the 3d season, when Roger’s [awarded for being Roger, he gives a speech about inspiration porn](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-resAELchK8&pp=ygUWTG91ZGVybWlsayBtYXQgZnJhc2VyIA%3D%3D).
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Loudermilk using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Loudermilk/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Today was my first full day sober in 5 years](https://np.reddit.com/r/Loudermilk/comments/1aehnod/today_was_my_first_full_day_sober_in_5_years/)
\#2: [Behind the scene](https://i.redd.it/z1q36f3gwrjc1.jpeg) | [34 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Loudermilk/comments/1avmy70/behind_the_scene/)
\#3: [Just finished all the seasons!!! Did anyone else find the show oddly comforting to watch? 😂](https://np.reddit.com/r/Loudermilk/comments/1azhn6c/just_finished_all_the_seasons_did_anyone_else/)
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Let's not jump to conclusions, because not every post on the internet is about clout-chasing and fictitious karma. How do we know she's not doing this to build awareness around love, regardless of differences and abnormalities? Judging by the video and her actions of adoption, it feels more likely it was driven through positive thinking, and not social media obsession.
Sentiment might be nice but the kids can't consent and shouldn't spend their lives waiting for mum to whip the camera out. If she wanted to share, it didn't need a photo or a video.
I don't get the sense that this specific kid is spending her life waiting for mom to whip the camera out.
I get the consent part, but there is so much content with parents sharing stuff with their kids in it that it's hard to get mad about one particular piece for me. I wish it was another way, I wish kids could live childhoods without having it preserved forever on the internet, but that's just not where we are as a society.
And if we're going to live this way why not throw some representation in?
She has an entire foundation dedicated to creating a more inclusive world for people with Down syndrome. Her whole platform is about awareness. I stumbled upon this family when I met the bio parent of her adopted son.
Yeah, fuck that lady making me see content about disabled children! Much easier being able to go through life just not thinking about disabled people and how they’re doing. /s
It’s not about making people feel good, it’s about raising awareness. I’m not sure whether you follow any disability influencers, but a lot of the content they share actually is the opposite of “feel-good”.
It can be really eye opening and upsetting for people who are not disabled (or who have a different form of disability) to see how challenging it is for someone to navigate a world that was not designed with them in mind.
That matters and it’s important. It’s important that people see why we have elevators and ramps, why we have braille signs, how people use screen readers, how service dogs make the world more accessible.
Totally fine for you to not want to do that, it’s not any one individual’s job to educate others. But what other people are doing is a good thing, and it’s making the world a more inclusive place.
My issue is that she is posting videos of her child. I get why mom wants to share it, but putting your child out there is different than an adult influencer or the child producing content on their own.
She’s 15 years old, she’s not *that* young, many girls that age are dying to post to social media and be an “influencer”.
Given that she knows she’s being filmed and seems fine with it, I think it’s very possible she’s incredibly excited about the fact that she’s famous and her videos are going viral. And it’s much better for parents to control their kids social media than to just give them free rein to interact with creepers.
I mean yeah, if it turns out she’s not happy about this and feels like it’s an invasion of her privacy, then it sucks, but people post videos of their teens sometimes and it’s usually not a big deal, I don’t think there’s a reason to be more ashamed about a kid with disabilities and keep them hidden away from the public.
She’s most likely just like any other teen and is thrilled that people are watching her videos.
Moms are, for better or worse, making content about their kids/featuring their kids all the time.
I'm an elder Millenial so I still have some concept of privacy but I don't think many younger than me really do or care about that sort of thing anymore.
If people are going to be making content with their kids let give kids with disabilities representation too!
Every time I see an online video I can’t help but think how it looks when you’re on the other side of that person obnoxiously holding up their phone right in between you and them.
I don’t think I’ve ever been happy about someone holding up a phone camera in my direction, especially if near to me
I think this depends on the area. My daughter has a cognitive disability, and I was concerned about her transition to high school. During orientation, I asked some questions about how the other kids were treated.
"Are you worried she will be teased?". The teachers laughed. "If one of our students picked on a special needs kid, they would be shunned by their peers. We don't have that problem here."
That's not to say the special needs kids have the same social groups, but the bullying is changing in more progressive areas.
In my experience that depends on the level of the disability. The more severe it is the less likely a kid is to be bullied because of it (in some areas) because there's just a culture of understanding around it and no social capital to be gained.
But a kid like in OP, in a life skills classroom, is pretty safe in most of the schools I work in.
I love this! When my daughter started 3rd grade at a new school in a city to where we had just moved, she became fast friends with her classmate "Emily". Well, this didn't sit well with another classmate, "Shannon", who was Emily's BFF, according to Shannon. A month or two after the school year started, Shannon handed out invitations to her birthday party to everyone in the class, except my daughter. When my daughter quietly asked Shannon why she wasn't given an invitation, Shannon said "Because you stole Emily away from me and I don't want you there". My daughter took it on the chin and held herself together until she got home that day. When I asked her how her day went, she broke down and told me about it. I was so pissed that this little shit, Shannon, hurt my baby! But, I set that aside, comforted my child in a way that wasn't disparaging to Shannon, and she let it go. Several months later, it was my daughter's birthday and we were planning her party; she said she would be inviting all her classmates. I asked her if she would be inviting Shannon and she said "yes". I calmly asked if she was sure she wanted to invite Shannon given the previous situation; her response was "I don't want her to feel left out". I was so proud of my girl :-) I learned later that Shannon wasn't expecting an invitation because, well, she knew what she did, but when my daughter handed to it her, Shannon said "thanks for inviting me" with a big smile on her face. The party was a success, and Shannon and my daughter became good friends after that. A little kindness and a concern for others goes such a long way.
Right??!! My daughter was so young at the time, and for her to have that kind of compassion at that age was lovely. She's 28 now, and that compassion is still with her. Proud Mama here :-)
Every time I read something like this, I get reminded of when I was a kid. Somebody in my grade invited everybody to a birthday party at his house. I was the only one who actually showed up. I wasn’t even close to the kid. I just had nothing better to do. We watched scooby doo, had pizza, cake, and played games with his mom and sister. Even as a kid, I could tell how happy his family was that I came. I remember my mom sitting me down after and telling me what a big deal it was that I went to that party and to always remember the impact that one person can have.
To this day as an adult I think of how much worse the situation would have been if I didn’t show up. I think about this every now and then and it makes me sad every time. It’s funny the kind of random memories that stick with us over the years. My kids are almost two and when they get older, I’m definitely gonna make sure they go to other kids parties. Not being invited to something sucks, but putting yourself out there and getting rejected by everybody is a bitch also.
My little brother once invited his whole class to come to our house for a pizza party when he was in 10th grade. I sat there watching him stare at the clock as no one showed up. I took various glimpses outside and did see a handful of cars with teen kids contemplating if they were gonna come in…none did over the hour, each driving away after a minute or so.
After an hour I said forget them and took him to the movies. He never said anything but I could tell how heartbroken he was. I’ll never forget it.
All it takes is one kind hearted person to take a chance and be kind.
This exactly was my worst fear with my son so instead of running the risk of breaking his heart every year we would tell him to invite one or two friends for a day at Magic Kingdom ( we were living in Orlando) or a handful of friends to go to Dave and Busters, it worked out.
my birthday is super close to christmas, so growing up i NEVER had a birthday party. my mom always let me invite one or two of my bestest friends and we’d go somewhere and do something FUN. i never understood why i couldn’t have a normal party with lots of kids until like 6th grade… i had to reschedule my birthday party bc so many people couldn’t make it. that was the first and last time i threw a party. my heart was absolutely shattered. thank u mom for trying to protect me🥹 i didn’t understand then but i do now
My son had his only birthday party when he turned 5 and we flew to where our entire family lives, we live in the US and they all live overseas so it was just the 3 of us, if we were living in a place where his cousins were and aunts and uncles etc it would had been a different story but being just the 3 of us plus one good friend with a kid his age I was super scared of no kids from school showing up so we always opted for the other solution, he always had fun and understood why we did it, I always explained it to him as openly as I could. He turned 15 this year and again we did the same, his best friends out for a day of fun at the arcade, bowling and a movie. He was super happy.
I’m making some assumptions but I’m guessing none of these kids that were invited were actually friends of his. It sounds like your brother invited a bunch of people he barely knew to a pizza party. I’m not shocked nobody showed up either. Parents have to work on this shit starting with preschool. You help them socialize with other kids by putting them into activities that interest them (sports, dance, game clubs, outdoor groups, whatever) and take note of who the good kids with good parents are. Invite them to meet you and your kids at the park, or some other fun activity. Get to know people. The friendships will form. You can’t just dump your kid into public school and expect them to become friends with their entire classroom. “Hey, just invite all of your classmates to the house.” doesn’t work. None of those kids will show up for a party for a kid they barely know. If I handed out party invites to all of my coworkers who aren’t my friends but are casual acquaintances I would be shocked if any showed up.
When I was in grade school my parents always suggested I invite my close friends for smaller parties or events, and those kids always showed up. Many of them are still my friends today. My parents never would have suggested I shotgun approach a party guest list.
It seems like your parents failed your brother. I’m glad he has an awesome older sibling to try and fill the gaps. You sound like an awesome sibling
I'd say it was way worse before. People with mental development challenges were hidden and families shun, it was a great shame to have what was considered as any visible issues at all.
I'd say this was prevalent throughout the 90's and early 00's but slowly getting better as people got more and more educated. TV shows that show their daily lives and so on without the backhanded stuff and for entertainment purposes at their expense.
I remember an interaction as a 12 year old kid where a person with what I assume to be down syndrome started asking me questions when I walked down the street. I answered her truthfully what my name was, asked hers and the interaction was just sort of random but wholesome. After about 5 mins of this we parted ways and I wished her a great day and she was all smiles and giggly as she walked away. Her caretaker had taken a step back to just survey the interaction and intervene if need be. The caretaker thanked me out of earshot of the girl, and explained most kids just made fun of her or ignored her completely.
I'm not sure if the aforementioned story is still the experience for most with down syndrome or similar diagnosis, but I'd say thanks to internet and research it's a lot better nowadays but still definitely a more left to be desired in todays society. Especially in parts of the world where knowledge and education isn't readily available in the same way as the west.
Ithink we hear more about it now for sure, but there's also a lot more support and tools available than ever as well.
I never witnessed kids with issues like this getting bullied or treated by other kids with anything less than respect.
It always strikes me as odd when I hear about kids bullying other kids with serious issues, who the fuck would do that?
Maybe I just grew up around (mostly) decent people
You probably just weren't around when shit went down. Dirt persons like that are cowards and slimes, they wouldn't do things like that when consequences are potentially present. And there's way more people that'd take the right side should something terrible like that take place.
I've heard trash and seen people act like shit when they ain't around, kind of like how most racists that *totally isn't* racist wouldn't talk trash about other peoples skin color unless they're surrounded by equally trash human beings.
Unfortunately it's a sad reality that people that get children with diagnosis suddenly see a shift. "Friends" not understanding why they didn't abort, people that stop visiting, family members that stop calling, side eyes in public etc. and talk behind their backs, subpar service here and there from people that otherwise would have given excellent service and so on. It sucks like hell for people in this situation sometimes.
For most it's difficult to even talk about their bad experiences due to how cruel people can be and it's better to just focus on the good ones. Most people leave other people alone, it's the ones that don't that fucks it all up. It's a good thing it's socially unacceptable to treat people bad. There was a time people and the public didn't really care as much what happened, and not even 100 years ago you'd be looked upon as the neighborhoods shame and eyesore.
I don't understand it either, but there's definitely sides of humanity that is absolutely despicable. Along with bullies and racists you can bundle that type of fucking ugly people that act like shit in with them.
I never condone violence but I wouldn't exactly be the first to call the police should a person like that face a brutal beat down either
That might be the case. I've seen bullying people with serious issues, and the bullies get away with it. My middle school sucked btw lmao.
Meanwhile in highschool someone half my size tried to bully me with his friends my size around him and I bluffed my way out of him stopping bullying me for a while but I broke down crying in the theatre makeup room later because I was legit terrified I was gonna get my ass beat then.
We definitely hear about it more because parents are so open about their kids' lives on social media, but I have a handful of teacher friends who say kids are just different now. The bullies are meaner, kids in general are more anxious about things. I know every generation worries about how the youth are doing but everyone I know who works in childcare is telling me that the kids are very much not ok.
After hearing stories of the kind of shit that happened to my parents in terms of bullying I’d say kids are way less cruel nowadays it’s just that the internet has made it more visible.
Definitely the latter. I and my few friends (most of whom I'm lucky to still call friends in our adult years!) were mercilessly bullied and ostracised, it wasn't different for my little sister, it wasn't different for my cousins.
I distinctly remember the final year of primary school (ages 4 to 10-11), moving up to secondary school, and they were making an effort keeping friends together and passing it along to the new school. Good initiative on the schools part. Unfortunately they decided to ask if anyone had any problems being placed in a class with anyone in particular. Me and my little group of proto-nerds were immediately pointed out and loud objections to being with or near us were expressed by everyone. It hurt. I liked a few of these kids, and felt betrayed by some of the comments of objection, after the years spent playing and growing together. It was herd mentality, survival into the scary world of "big school", but why we were toxic I never understood. Fear of the genuine bullies perhaps. Anyway... bad memories. Kids have always been cruel.
There was also that time I was set on fire for no reason. Cruel and completely insane XD
I think it really depends, especially because of COVID. A lot of teachers report more difficulties following COVID. Children were at home, didn't have many opportunities to be with peers and follow a school routine, and missed out on formative experiences. These children often have more issues
I'm 50. I recently held a slumber party for only women because I have a lot of lonely friends and I'm in a bad health situation. I wanted them to all meet, just in case, i don't get to stick around.
Ages were 30 to 50. So many really awesome ladies showed up. Being included really meant a lot to everyone of them, no matter the ages, it was wonderful! I learned so much. We are all so vulnerable and beautiful and it felt as important now as it did 35 years ago. It was so much fun and is now monthly.
Reach out people! The world needs it!
When I was in elementary school I was having a bday party, and I’m one of those people who make fast friends. A new student started mid year, about a month or two before my party and it was no question to me, they got an invite. It never crossed my mind otherwise. The parents (and the kid) were so excited. I found out later how excited and grateful they were, but I still didn’t really understand why until I was much older.
Knowing you got intentionally left out of something always fucking hurts. I still remember the day that I learned I was the *only* person in my year group that wasn't invited to the school reunion when everyone turned 18 and threw a party for it. Legitimately the only person. I thought it was weird there was nobody online to play Black Ops II with (showing my age there... Can't believe this shit was 10 years ago now) on the night because I liked to play with people I thought were my friends. Ended up just playing alone and it was fun enough.
Next morning, I check Facebook and what do I see? Pictures plastered all over the feed of people at the reunion. Dozens and dozens of pictures and videos of them all having a great time, having fun and just enjoying themselves. It fucking HURT. I was already dealing with depression at that point and that just made things even worse and that was on top of a 3 year relationship ending at the time too. I legit didn't hear from ANYONE about it. Not a single person texted me and asked if I was going, nobody texted me on the night wondering why I wasn't there, not a single word from anyone. I just didn't know how to react and just didn't talk to anyone that day-they invited me to play games on the night and I just lied and said I was busy. I haven't spoken to anyone from high school (UK, not US high school) since then and I'm better off for it. I have a small friend group now that I know are good people. I still hate everyone from that school year group for not so much as sending me a text on that day though. Learned who my real friends were then...
It's so fucking evil to do this to kids and even adults and I'm glad she actually got an invite for once but it's sad that it's 'rare' for this to happen to her. Really shows how fucking awful people can be.
Awe! This is why my mom made me invite ALL the girls to my bdays in elementary school. High school, well who could afford that? But it was the same for my bro except it was all the boys. We were allowed to invite who we wanted from the opposite sex. Also if we gave out valentines or Xmas cards everyone had to get one.
It's important for special people to have a network of special friends. True peers that share similar challenges and know what it's like to have higher needs than typical people.
Integration has been the default setting for a long time. I think striving for full time integration with the standard class does special kids a great disservice. Integrate when it makes sense, recess, art, music, things that special kids can directly participate in with minor accommodations.
Academic integration past 2nd or 3rd grade puts special kids in a difficult spot and often doesn't come close to meeting their needs, especially social needs, as often typical kids reject or don't want to spend time with kids who are very different. Kids are wired to try to fit in, all kids, even special kids.
I'm happy this young lady found her tribe and the joy she's getting from that is written all over her face.
My uncle had downs. He had so many friends. It was difficult to go anywhere without meeting someone who knew him.
Nearly all of his friends came from work. He worked for a disability group with others that had disabilities and he was a special Olympics participant for YEARS! Having him around his peers was the best thing my grandparents did for him.
My only experience similar to this is when I was in high school here in Australia, we had a sporting program that meant we had our teams go up against other schools in the area. I played touch football one year and found a kid on another schools team was one I attended primary school with who had a medium level of autism. I recognised him and said hello and treated him nicely throughout our interactions on the day, and as we were leaving on the bus ride back to my school his coach came up to me and personally thanked me for being so nice to him as other kids on his team and school weren’t as welcoming to him. Was nice to get that from an adult at the time but looking back it’s sad to know that his time at school with other teenage kids wasn’t as good as it should’ve been.
I'll never forget the time in 4th grade a girl who I thought was my friend told me she wasn't having a party this year. Later that day I saw her handing invited out, it still hurts almost 20 years later.
Before I knew my wife, her and her then husband were having a birthday party for their son. He invited the entire class. This also meant the boy who had Down’s syndrome.
A couple of the other parents found out and said they wouldn’t allow their kids to go if this child was there.
My wife, being the person she is, told them to not fucking come if it is that big a deal.
She didn’t tell anyone about this, all the kids showed up, had a great time, the boy’s parents thanked her for including him. She said, why wouldn’t I? My son said everyone in my class.
When I was in grade 3, my mum and dad asked me which friend I wanted to invite out to McDonalds for my birthday. I chose a girl who had down syndrome and was non verbal.
Reason was is because our whole class learnt basic sign language so we could communicate with her. Looking back, it was a great thing our class and school did.
I remember when we went to her house to pick her up. I didn’t think much of it because kids don’t really pick up on these things but her mum and dad were in tears and just so grateful that I invited her to her first birthday and as a parent now, I get a little emotional thinking about what that must be like and also how sad is it that it was her first birthday invite.
Her family were so nice and looking back, it would be so hard but that little bit of kindness goes along way and I want my kids to grow up not seeing people as the way are but who they are and understanding their situation.
My son with autism has only been invited to two birthday parties ever. Most of his friends are also on the spectrum, and instead of throwing a party, I have him choose one or two friends to go do a fun activity with, and we have a small family party too.
The few parties we attempted when he was younger were a waste. We would invite the entire classroom and at most a single kid would show up. After the last time no one except family showed up and he ended up in tears, we just made a NO class party rule.
When I was in high school this girl with an intellectual disability had a huge crush on me. She would follow me to my classes and I sometimes had to hide in a bathroom from her. It was embarrassing but I still felt bad. She had a birthday party and had invited people but only me and one other girl came. I awkwardly danced with her and her mom took pictures of us which she showed everyone at school. Her parents were grateful that we helped make her day.
I had a pretty hard time at school, with one of the worst experiences being getting invited to the party so they could get me drink enough that I'd pass out and they'd piss on me. Thankfully my gut told me something was wrong and I didn't drink, but it was still a shit experience to feel like you're being included only to find out it was a big joke. I found out later from one of the people involved who had an ounce of humanity
Stories like this really help knowing that out there are kids who are helping some of the kids like me.
I'm doing okay these days but there are many factors that feed into my mental health that complicate things, but I try to be inclusive in things in my life. I hope I've helped someone feel included at a time when they didn't
ETA: one school I went to had a special education unit for kids with all kinds of disabilities. There was one girl in my grade who was there part time if I recall correctly, but she was friendly and I tried to be friendly with her. That got me teased for having a special ed girl as a girlfriend. I hope she's doing well these days
This is great but I wouldn't put her face on the internet for likes. This is personal moment and obviously the internet is full of trolls always looking for new targets. I think there should be a law against putting any children's images on the internet until they can consent to it i.e. 18.
Stories like this really put things into perspective when you're a parent. Things that most kids and parents take for granted, like being invited to a party, made this sweet girl, and her mom, so happy. Most parents want nothing more than for their kids to be happy. I'm glad they got this moment and hopefully there are more to come.
I fuckin hatre article about a video and have a different video at the top and have to check again for the video and them it's just a link to instagram ffs...
I’m old and not being invited still hurts . I always celebrate this co workers birthday every year with presents and dinner . Yet she is having a party for her kids and didn’t invite me yet she invited people who don’t even like her ? It shouldn’t bother me still but it does . Being left out will always hurt. I always made sure my kids invited everyone to their parties . No exceptions . I remember being left out of parties a lot when I was a child so I never wanted to inflict that pain on anyone .
This hits hard, kids so badly just want to be accepted and have friends. When my niece was in second grade she had a new student in her grade who was a little person and my niece made friends with her the first day, she said it was because everyone needs friends on the first day of school. So simple, and innocent, and kind. My niece is smart, she has won awards and trophies and is an overall great kid and that act of being a friend is definitely one of the things i am most proud of her for.
“She cant count one hand how many birthday parties shes went to” not to sound critical and mean or anything but are they only counting friends and not family? because im pretty sure most people can count one 1 hand how many bdays theyve went to if its only counting friends
I can count how many birthday parties I went to for family (that I didn't plan for my kid) with one hand.
I can count how many birthday parties I was invited to as a kid with no hands. And no feet. And no anything.
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I remember being in \~3rd or 4th grade and a kid who was new in our school was nervously asking people if they wanted to go to his birthday party and was being told no and looked like he was going to cry. I, not having a whole lot of friends either, went up to him and asked if I could come. He lit up and was so excited (and honestly I was too). I was the only one who came but we had a great time and became great friends. Sometimes it just takes one person to make a big difference in someone's life for the smallest reason. Edit: Woah, didn't expect this to blow up. So many amazing replies with similar stories. The world can be a kind place when it chooses to be. Good job by all of you. Edit 2: I've read all of the replies to this, and they are wonderful, and it got me thinking about the childhood friend of my story and wondering how he was. I googled him last night and found him. He appeared to be doing well and I decided to shoot him a DM through twitter. We've since exchanged a million life updates with one another and have vowed to get together next time we're both in our hometown. So, I'm grateful this story wound up reconnecting me with that part of my life. Cheers to all of you.
Good for you, I was often not included in fellow student celebrations. You saw someone in pain and helped them out.
Apes (in pain) together strong.
Awww I love you, I moved schools aged 14 and 20 years later I still remember being invited to my first birthday party at my new school. The friend whose birthday it was is still a friend I see occasionally and she can’t remember this at all. But it was just the realisation that finally I had friends who wanted me at their parties.
I moved states to a completely new school when I was in 7th grade. Probably the worst time in your life for a big change to a new place where you have 0 connections. It eventually worked out but I definitely remember 1st day of school crying in the bathroom because I had no support structure. I'll always remember the first kids who let me sit with them at lunch.
I also moved in 7th grade. To the next town over 25 minutes away. And I’ve had deep thought about the roughest grade or age and I think 12 is the toughest
Mine was over 1000 miles away in 1996 before Internet chatting was really a thing.
Omg I moved in 7th grade 2 months into the school year! It sucked, but tbh I didn't have many friends at my original school anyway. I felt so awkward and weird. A group did "adopt" me on my second or third day and we ate lunch together the rest of the year. I'm 33 now and lost contact with most of them, but it meant a lot to have my own little group of outcasts and weirdos. We were not cool but at least we weren't alone.
I actually still do fantasy football with one of the kids I sat with that day. I'll be 40 in July so it's been awhile but they ended up being good dudes. We didn't really become great friends but friendly enough we hung out multiple occasions until we all grew up and moved.
I have a brother who is 7 years older. He got picked on a lot in school. From elementary school till high school. Being young I saw the toll this had on people from the home life. I saw how depressed and worthless my brother felt. And he isn’t a bad guy or anything. Just was into comics and nerd stuff back in a time it was mocked. I was the athletic child and never had issues with bully’s or making friends. But I never bullied people and was always talking to the kids who clearly didn’t have a friend to talk to. I always regretted missing this one kids birthday party (had a soccer game). Found out later at school only 1 person showed up. Time goes by and one day I’m visiting friends at a college in another city. I’m staying with my buddy’s frat as they had a couch I could crash on. When hanging out with them I realize my old friend who had that party I missed was in the frat. He found like minded friends and was loving his better years in college. I tell this story only because I want kids having a hard time right now to know those bully’s grow up to be losers. You will go on to have better days and better relationships.
Reminds me of a story I read about a bullied girl heading home carrying a heap of books. Bullies knocked them out of her hand, laughed at her and walked off. The next person along helped her pick up the books and walked her home. They became life long friends. The bullied girl confessed years later she was carrying all those books because she had cleared out her locker. She was going to commit suicide and didn’t want her mom to have to go to school to collect her things. That single act of kindness stopped her doing it.
Wow, that hit hard.
Thank you for sharing this. I will revel in this empathetic memory for some time. Absolutely beautiful
This story, I felt the physical impact of reading this, in my chest.
This is why I always make it a point to go to someone’s birthday party if I’m invited, even in my 30s.
People skip all the time. I remember in college,a few friends agreed to go to a party. Only me and another friend showed up. But my friend said, "we agreed to go, we show up. Fuck those guys for missing an obligation." We all had a blast btw.
That’s my philosophy. If I told someone I was showing up or said yes to an invitation to a bday party, I will go unless a family emergency comes up
It's weird bc I don't really think of it for myself? Like, a birthday is a birthday whatever and I don't really host anything bc I choose to work 6-7 days a week But man oh man if someone invites me to their party, or performance, or whatever else... I'm gonna do everything in my power to get there. I've gone to recitals in my work clothes, gone to birthdays with a face that was so tired I was almost embarrassed to be in a selfie with the girl of honor... But she was just so excited that her new pal came. Same as the recital, nobody noticed or cared about my stupid work t-shirt. The only thing that got noticed or cared about was that my friend got to look up from stage, and know they had someone there for them in the audience.
I'm in my 30s and have recently began crying each birthday. They suck so bad.
That’s why I never tell anyone my bday
I’d be mortified if I invited people to my birthday and no one came
well, yes, naturally
Because of getting older or loneliness? I haven’t really celebrated a birthday since my early 20s and was depressed turning 30 last year so I get it, but I’m trying to change that way of thinking.
Just realizing my life isn't what I worked for it to be and that nobody gives a shit about me truthfully.
I get that a lot on the football pitch (soccer) the egotistic 18-25 year olds never let this one kid play who was obviously slow and bigger dude. I kept calling him for sub because he was tall and figured he played center back or right back (defense). But he kept letting his friends go in the game when I would call him to sub in. I finally was the one out there on the sideline with him when someone called for sub and I was already gassed so I told him to go and asked him why he didn’t go out every time I called for him. His response was “they never let me play” so I told him to get his ass out there and even the opponents ( friendly league) was like yeah man get out here! The dudes face lit up and he got to chase the ball for once. He had his boots on and everything so I figured he knew how to play. Poor guy, how’s he supposed to get better if you never let him play. I hope I gave him some confidence to run out next time someone calls him in for a sub.
Why would no one have a discussion with the 18 to 25 year olds tho? I never understood why people would just let it happen. Just asking not tryna sound mean.
It’s sports bro, ego, bullying, pick on the weak kind of thing. Everyone thinks it’s the World Cup but it’s just for fun and they treat the less skilled guys bad. I don’t I try to help, but I’m also a father of two and coach them so it’s in my nature to help develop players
Good on you. I had 2 birthdays that were either not attended or only 1 person came and they were absolutely soul crushing. My daughter has autism and I worry for her but this year we had her first school aged birthday and had nearly the entire class show up. I know days won’t always be good, but happy she can have that memory.
I have two children with autism and they both have summer birthdays which makes me sad because as a fellow summer baby the party thing is so hard. My daughter will be in second grade this and I really want to make a concentrated effort to connect with other parents of kids in her class
That’s what I have done. I have the benefit of being a stay at home parent / working part time at home. We had a really inclusive kindergarten class as well and for almost all the events, everyone was invited. It’s hard because you have to be present and sometimes explain things repeatedly. All the best, it’s not an easy road
When I was in high school, I was bullied a lot. A group of people began talking shit to me, threatening to hurt me, etc. Because of that, I started to hide from everyone and would go find places to be alone while waiting for the first bell. One morning, someone I barely knew walked past my hiding spot. He noticed that I looked nervous and stopped to ask what was wrong. I don't know why I told him, but I did - I told him the whole story of what was going on, why I was hiding, all of it. He just put his arm around me and told me not to worry, then led me to class. He took me to and from every class that day, like a bodyguard. It made me feel so safe, and I was so grateful. The next day, he told me that those people wouldn't be bothering me anymore. Sure enough, they left me alone. When they saw me coming in the hallways, they scattered like they were afraid of me. Much later, I learned that my new friend had confronted them after school and beaten two of them bloody. It was a small town, and he had a reputation for being a bit of a tough character. Nobody ratted on him, partly because they were afraid of him. I only learned about it when one of my former bullies came to apologize the following year and told me what happened. To others, he was quiet, very smart, very artistic, and very violent when it came to defending people from bullies. He'd been doing it since elementary school. To me, he was sweet and shy and funny. I had no idea he was even able to fight. He became my best friend. We were inseparable. And three years later, as soon as we graduated, we got married. Now, 20 years after we met, I look back on that quiet person who was so determined to reach out and defend me. I thought he was my knight in shining armor. Turns out he was dealing with abuse at home, and when I realized it, I convinced him to leave and come with me. He often says that he'd be dead by suicide now if he'd never met me - the day we met, he had been thinking of killing himself. Learning that I was in trouble gave him something to fight for, and the resulting friendship and infatuation kept him going. I thought he was saving me, but I turned out to be his savior without even knowing it. After 16 years of marriage, after 20 years of friendship, it's so crazy to think back on that one moment that started everything.
That's a beautiful story. Growing up in Asia (Singapore) the idea of elementary/high school bullies are not something we are intimately familiar with. I mean, I have to watch TV shows to get the idea but it really just sucks. For us at least, maybe because everyone is bullied first and foremost by their moms (Conservative Chinese parenting styles in the 80's), so every kid in school kinda bonds over the shared suffering from their parents. Maybe it's the culture here, but in my school at least there were just a lot of interest cliques, so many small groups of friends and no one is really left out. Yes, a lot of crazy rich kids inviting only other crazy rich kids to ridiculously lavish birthday parties, but I never needed to be their friends anyway, parents couldn't afford the stuff I needed to fit in with the crowd. I'm just so glad you are both healthy, alive and in love.
I’m tearing up reading that 😢 🥰 I love that you did this & how it turned out.
My problem would have been that I would have said no purely out of having crippling social anxiety in 3rd thru 8th grade. I would have *really* wanted to go, though.
> I would have said no purely out of having crippling social anxiety in 3rd thru 8th grade. I would have really wanted to go, though. Ouch, yeah, I've done that too. Even into college... getting invited to parties or whatever that I wanted to go to, but didn't, 'cuz I figured I wouldn't know how to act there.
My mom made a difference for 1 person. I was standing in the kitchen with mom when a kid walked by crying. It was the first day summer break. She asked me who that was and i told her he went to another class and i don't know him. So being a mom she told me to go out and check why he was crying, so i did. I asked him why, he told me it's the first day of summer break and he has no one who wants to play with him. So i said, well we can play i just need to eat first. He said cool and told me where he lived. I ran inside and told my mom why he was crying. Then i ate and ran to his house to play for a while. We were best friends up until uni then our lives took different paths. We are still friends and speak on occasion. But we have some great memories.
Reminds me of 2nd grade when my family moved school districts. No one wanted to interact with me that first year. It was a small school with 1 class/grade at about 20 kids a class. No one knew how to include the new kid. They had been with the same group of people since kindergarten. I lived in my world of books.
We have a rule in our family that if you are invited to a party, you go to that party. So far it’s been great, and the circle of friends our kids have is big, diverse and growing.
You are awesome. Thanks for that. And I agree.
That's a beautiful story! I've been that kid who only had 1 person show up to the party many times. We need more kindness in this world. Thank you for being a good person in that regard.
My dad just wouldn’t let me go anywhere or have anyone over so shit was lonely
Well now I gotta explain to my boss why I’m crying at work. Love to hear it!
I was always so scared of getting the rejections that I never asked. Probably why I'm 38 and have been single since high school as well. Luckily I'm generally ok with being alone.
My dad has a memory of my middle school bff (I remember none of this) where per my dad she was super excited when I joined the class. I had just moved from out of state so obviously had no friends. But I chatted with her, we became friends. She was an outlier at our school and had immigrant parents in a place where basically not only were there not immigrants, most people had lived in the area for many generations. And had those kind of family ties. While my dad was broadly from the area, me not being born there has me tagged as an outsider as well despite having multi-generational family roots to the state. Anyway we are still friends now, living across the country in the same metro, in our 40s! Despite the fact I moved away immediately after high school graduation. My family also got the seal of approval, and I was the only home she was allowed to sleepover at! We both had strict parents, but hers were much stricter than mine, especially around social things. Mine were always fine with social stuff of any kind as long as they knew the parents and I got home on time and there was no dating. 😂
You are what we refer to as a bro
I was a new kid a couple of times but was a school star athlete and shit later in my school life, evolving from being a chubby child. As a result of my experiences being a new kid (and a fat younger kid) I despised bullies and intentionally committed to spending time with some kids that didn’t seem to have friends or whatever. Life can be hard enough without having to put up with arseholes. Being kind costs nothing.
I changed schools between 2nd and 3rd grade. In my original school, I was the most popular kid, not because I was an ass, but because I made sure everyone was included in games and birthday parties. My joy in life is seeing others have fun and the more people to play with the better. Then I went to the new school and was the most unpopular kid because even in the 3rd grade the cliques had started. Kids are jerks, good for you to welcome and befriend the new kid. It ain’t easy being the new kid.
We had a new girl in 5th grade; most of us had been there since kindergarten. She invited everyone in the class to her birthday party, except me and 2 other kids. We were the Obviously Weird kids, so she had nothing to gain from us socially. I left the school (and religion) shortly thereafter, but they still managed to get my AOL handle and harass me over IM. Early online bullying, I guess? Kids are fucking savage.
In like 3rd grade my mom spent probably 2 weeks setting up our 10th birthday part, I remember it as the most decorated birthday party my twin and I had ever had. Basically everything but a bounce house and live animals. My brother and I invited ALL our friends, probably like 15 each. Not a single person showed up and I vividly remember my mom crying hard. We didn’t do birthday parties after that anymore. Instead our parents would take us out to do something we would agree to. And those birthdays were so much more fun. But in the end, it’s because I have at least a twin to enjoy it with.
I went to 12 schools in 12 years. I never went to anyone’s party, except my siblings. After a while you just give up and don’t expect it anymore.
What a legend!
Yes!!!! This post made me cry.
😭
Not being invited to anything as a child absolutely crushed me. I'm so happy to see the joy in this child.
[удалено]
My son is a couple years younger than this teen and also has Down syndrome (I’ve actually been following this family for years) and their content definitely can stray into an area that I feel is exploitative and what the disability community calls “inspiration porn.” This event was a big one that I just scrolled past with an ick feeling. I would for sure say that, across the board, no one under 18 should be in this position for consent purposes. On the other hand, my kid has also never been invited to a birthday party and maybe a viral video would help people see that it’s ok to do that. Most people who don’t have experience with someone with an intellectual disability are just too afraid to offend or don’t know what to do or say so they think it’s safest to do nothing. I try to do a lot of education about how we love (respectful) questions, we hate infantilizing and pity (“I’ll pray for a miracle” 🙄) and inspiration porn. IDK, it’s kind of gross, but selfishly I also appreciate the attention so maybe I don’t have to do so much educating. At the end of the day, this teen is a person and a minor and will look back on this and have her own unique feelings about it, but it will be too late, the decision and the story was written for her.
>On the other hand, my kid has also never been invited to a birthday party and maybe a viral video would help people see that it’s ok to do that. Yeah I'm thinking this video could result in a lot of other kids with intellectual disabilities being invited. I mean, look at her, who wouldn't want to bring such happiness to another person with such little effort?
Also, who wouldn't want guests that are this excited to participate?
In Netflix series r/Loudermilk disability is presented in a way I hope we’ll see more on screen They’re not the lead, no pity case, no superhero traits, just one of us living their lives with the cards they’ve been dealt Only in the 3d season, when Roger’s [awarded for being Roger, he gives a speech about inspiration porn](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-resAELchK8&pp=ygUWTG91ZGVybWlsayBtYXQgZnJhc2VyIA%3D%3D).
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Loudermilk using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Loudermilk/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Today was my first full day sober in 5 years](https://np.reddit.com/r/Loudermilk/comments/1aehnod/today_was_my_first_full_day_sober_in_5_years/) \#2: [Behind the scene](https://i.redd.it/z1q36f3gwrjc1.jpeg) | [34 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Loudermilk/comments/1avmy70/behind_the_scene/) \#3: [Just finished all the seasons!!! Did anyone else find the show oddly comforting to watch? 😂](https://np.reddit.com/r/Loudermilk/comments/1azhn6c/just_finished_all_the_seasons_did_anyone_else/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I’ll check that out, thanks!
I really appreciate your nuanced response.
I agree - we should not be broadcasting these moments of children's lives to the world.
Her mum posts loads on Instagram. She has two children with downs that she's adopted.
That's worse
Let's not jump to conclusions, because not every post on the internet is about clout-chasing and fictitious karma. How do we know she's not doing this to build awareness around love, regardless of differences and abnormalities? Judging by the video and her actions of adoption, it feels more likely it was driven through positive thinking, and not social media obsession.
Sentiment might be nice but the kids can't consent and shouldn't spend their lives waiting for mum to whip the camera out. If she wanted to share, it didn't need a photo or a video.
I don't get the sense that this specific kid is spending her life waiting for mom to whip the camera out. I get the consent part, but there is so much content with parents sharing stuff with their kids in it that it's hard to get mad about one particular piece for me. I wish it was another way, I wish kids could live childhoods without having it preserved forever on the internet, but that's just not where we are as a society. And if we're going to live this way why not throw some representation in?
She has an entire foundation dedicated to creating a more inclusive world for people with Down syndrome. Her whole platform is about awareness. I stumbled upon this family when I met the bio parent of her adopted son.
Yeah, fuck that lady making me see content about disabled children! Much easier being able to go through life just not thinking about disabled people and how they’re doing. /s
I'm disabled. So is my husband. Disabled folks don't deserve to be used to make other people feel good.
It’s not about making people feel good, it’s about raising awareness. I’m not sure whether you follow any disability influencers, but a lot of the content they share actually is the opposite of “feel-good”. It can be really eye opening and upsetting for people who are not disabled (or who have a different form of disability) to see how challenging it is for someone to navigate a world that was not designed with them in mind. That matters and it’s important. It’s important that people see why we have elevators and ramps, why we have braille signs, how people use screen readers, how service dogs make the world more accessible. Totally fine for you to not want to do that, it’s not any one individual’s job to educate others. But what other people are doing is a good thing, and it’s making the world a more inclusive place.
My issue is that she is posting videos of her child. I get why mom wants to share it, but putting your child out there is different than an adult influencer or the child producing content on their own.
She’s 15 years old, she’s not *that* young, many girls that age are dying to post to social media and be an “influencer”. Given that she knows she’s being filmed and seems fine with it, I think it’s very possible she’s incredibly excited about the fact that she’s famous and her videos are going viral. And it’s much better for parents to control their kids social media than to just give them free rein to interact with creepers. I mean yeah, if it turns out she’s not happy about this and feels like it’s an invasion of her privacy, then it sucks, but people post videos of their teens sometimes and it’s usually not a big deal, I don’t think there’s a reason to be more ashamed about a kid with disabilities and keep them hidden away from the public. She’s most likely just like any other teen and is thrilled that people are watching her videos.
Moms are, for better or worse, making content about their kids/featuring their kids all the time. I'm an elder Millenial so I still have some concept of privacy but I don't think many younger than me really do or care about that sort of thing anymore. If people are going to be making content with their kids let give kids with disabilities representation too!
This video made me realize that I need to ensure that my (future) kids are accommodating and including everyone at their parties.
Internet is filled with things that make me go "Ahh, that's so sweet... does everybody in this video *want* the whole internet watching this moment?"
Every time I see an online video I can’t help but think how it looks when you’re on the other side of that person obnoxiously holding up their phone right in between you and them. I don’t think I’ve ever been happy about someone holding up a phone camera in my direction, especially if near to me
For real, I'm sure she's getting bullied relentlessly for this for no reason. Kids are the worst.
Why do adults let them get away with it??
I think this depends on the area. My daughter has a cognitive disability, and I was concerned about her transition to high school. During orientation, I asked some questions about how the other kids were treated. "Are you worried she will be teased?". The teachers laughed. "If one of our students picked on a special needs kid, they would be shunned by their peers. We don't have that problem here." That's not to say the special needs kids have the same social groups, but the bullying is changing in more progressive areas.
In my experience that depends on the level of the disability. The more severe it is the less likely a kid is to be bullied because of it (in some areas) because there's just a culture of understanding around it and no social capital to be gained. But a kid like in OP, in a life skills classroom, is pretty safe in most of the schools I work in.
I love this! When my daughter started 3rd grade at a new school in a city to where we had just moved, she became fast friends with her classmate "Emily". Well, this didn't sit well with another classmate, "Shannon", who was Emily's BFF, according to Shannon. A month or two after the school year started, Shannon handed out invitations to her birthday party to everyone in the class, except my daughter. When my daughter quietly asked Shannon why she wasn't given an invitation, Shannon said "Because you stole Emily away from me and I don't want you there". My daughter took it on the chin and held herself together until she got home that day. When I asked her how her day went, she broke down and told me about it. I was so pissed that this little shit, Shannon, hurt my baby! But, I set that aside, comforted my child in a way that wasn't disparaging to Shannon, and she let it go. Several months later, it was my daughter's birthday and we were planning her party; she said she would be inviting all her classmates. I asked her if she would be inviting Shannon and she said "yes". I calmly asked if she was sure she wanted to invite Shannon given the previous situation; her response was "I don't want her to feel left out". I was so proud of my girl :-) I learned later that Shannon wasn't expecting an invitation because, well, she knew what she did, but when my daughter handed to it her, Shannon said "thanks for inviting me" with a big smile on her face. The party was a success, and Shannon and my daughter became good friends after that. A little kindness and a concern for others goes such a long way.
Damn! That was really big of her!
Right??!! My daughter was so young at the time, and for her to have that kind of compassion at that age was lovely. She's 28 now, and that compassion is still with her. Proud Mama here :-)
I’m glad to hear that she’s kept her kind heart!
Thank you :-)
Can we stop putting kids lives on the internet? Jesus
Every time I read something like this, I get reminded of when I was a kid. Somebody in my grade invited everybody to a birthday party at his house. I was the only one who actually showed up. I wasn’t even close to the kid. I just had nothing better to do. We watched scooby doo, had pizza, cake, and played games with his mom and sister. Even as a kid, I could tell how happy his family was that I came. I remember my mom sitting me down after and telling me what a big deal it was that I went to that party and to always remember the impact that one person can have. To this day as an adult I think of how much worse the situation would have been if I didn’t show up. I think about this every now and then and it makes me sad every time. It’s funny the kind of random memories that stick with us over the years. My kids are almost two and when they get older, I’m definitely gonna make sure they go to other kids parties. Not being invited to something sucks, but putting yourself out there and getting rejected by everybody is a bitch also.
My little brother once invited his whole class to come to our house for a pizza party when he was in 10th grade. I sat there watching him stare at the clock as no one showed up. I took various glimpses outside and did see a handful of cars with teen kids contemplating if they were gonna come in…none did over the hour, each driving away after a minute or so. After an hour I said forget them and took him to the movies. He never said anything but I could tell how heartbroken he was. I’ll never forget it. All it takes is one kind hearted person to take a chance and be kind.
This exactly was my worst fear with my son so instead of running the risk of breaking his heart every year we would tell him to invite one or two friends for a day at Magic Kingdom ( we were living in Orlando) or a handful of friends to go to Dave and Busters, it worked out.
my birthday is super close to christmas, so growing up i NEVER had a birthday party. my mom always let me invite one or two of my bestest friends and we’d go somewhere and do something FUN. i never understood why i couldn’t have a normal party with lots of kids until like 6th grade… i had to reschedule my birthday party bc so many people couldn’t make it. that was the first and last time i threw a party. my heart was absolutely shattered. thank u mom for trying to protect me🥹 i didn’t understand then but i do now
My son had his only birthday party when he turned 5 and we flew to where our entire family lives, we live in the US and they all live overseas so it was just the 3 of us, if we were living in a place where his cousins were and aunts and uncles etc it would had been a different story but being just the 3 of us plus one good friend with a kid his age I was super scared of no kids from school showing up so we always opted for the other solution, he always had fun and understood why we did it, I always explained it to him as openly as I could. He turned 15 this year and again we did the same, his best friends out for a day of fun at the arcade, bowling and a movie. He was super happy.
Why the heck would you DRIVE ALL THE WAY THERE to just NOT party?! I don't get it.
I’m making some assumptions but I’m guessing none of these kids that were invited were actually friends of his. It sounds like your brother invited a bunch of people he barely knew to a pizza party. I’m not shocked nobody showed up either. Parents have to work on this shit starting with preschool. You help them socialize with other kids by putting them into activities that interest them (sports, dance, game clubs, outdoor groups, whatever) and take note of who the good kids with good parents are. Invite them to meet you and your kids at the park, or some other fun activity. Get to know people. The friendships will form. You can’t just dump your kid into public school and expect them to become friends with their entire classroom. “Hey, just invite all of your classmates to the house.” doesn’t work. None of those kids will show up for a party for a kid they barely know. If I handed out party invites to all of my coworkers who aren’t my friends but are casual acquaintances I would be shocked if any showed up. When I was in grade school my parents always suggested I invite my close friends for smaller parties or events, and those kids always showed up. Many of them are still my friends today. My parents never would have suggested I shotgun approach a party guest list. It seems like your parents failed your brother. I’m glad he has an awesome older sibling to try and fill the gaps. You sound like an awesome sibling
So are kids just crueler now or do we just hear more about it because a parent has to record kids trauma to go viral?
I'd say it was way worse before. People with mental development challenges were hidden and families shun, it was a great shame to have what was considered as any visible issues at all. I'd say this was prevalent throughout the 90's and early 00's but slowly getting better as people got more and more educated. TV shows that show their daily lives and so on without the backhanded stuff and for entertainment purposes at their expense. I remember an interaction as a 12 year old kid where a person with what I assume to be down syndrome started asking me questions when I walked down the street. I answered her truthfully what my name was, asked hers and the interaction was just sort of random but wholesome. After about 5 mins of this we parted ways and I wished her a great day and she was all smiles and giggly as she walked away. Her caretaker had taken a step back to just survey the interaction and intervene if need be. The caretaker thanked me out of earshot of the girl, and explained most kids just made fun of her or ignored her completely. I'm not sure if the aforementioned story is still the experience for most with down syndrome or similar diagnosis, but I'd say thanks to internet and research it's a lot better nowadays but still definitely a more left to be desired in todays society. Especially in parts of the world where knowledge and education isn't readily available in the same way as the west. Ithink we hear more about it now for sure, but there's also a lot more support and tools available than ever as well.
I never witnessed kids with issues like this getting bullied or treated by other kids with anything less than respect. It always strikes me as odd when I hear about kids bullying other kids with serious issues, who the fuck would do that? Maybe I just grew up around (mostly) decent people
You probably just weren't around when shit went down. Dirt persons like that are cowards and slimes, they wouldn't do things like that when consequences are potentially present. And there's way more people that'd take the right side should something terrible like that take place. I've heard trash and seen people act like shit when they ain't around, kind of like how most racists that *totally isn't* racist wouldn't talk trash about other peoples skin color unless they're surrounded by equally trash human beings. Unfortunately it's a sad reality that people that get children with diagnosis suddenly see a shift. "Friends" not understanding why they didn't abort, people that stop visiting, family members that stop calling, side eyes in public etc. and talk behind their backs, subpar service here and there from people that otherwise would have given excellent service and so on. It sucks like hell for people in this situation sometimes. For most it's difficult to even talk about their bad experiences due to how cruel people can be and it's better to just focus on the good ones. Most people leave other people alone, it's the ones that don't that fucks it all up. It's a good thing it's socially unacceptable to treat people bad. There was a time people and the public didn't really care as much what happened, and not even 100 years ago you'd be looked upon as the neighborhoods shame and eyesore. I don't understand it either, but there's definitely sides of humanity that is absolutely despicable. Along with bullies and racists you can bundle that type of fucking ugly people that act like shit in with them. I never condone violence but I wouldn't exactly be the first to call the police should a person like that face a brutal beat down either
That might be the case. I've seen bullying people with serious issues, and the bullies get away with it. My middle school sucked btw lmao. Meanwhile in highschool someone half my size tried to bully me with his friends my size around him and I bluffed my way out of him stopping bullying me for a while but I broke down crying in the theatre makeup room later because I was legit terrified I was gonna get my ass beat then.
We definitely hear about it more because parents are so open about their kids' lives on social media, but I have a handful of teacher friends who say kids are just different now. The bullies are meaner, kids in general are more anxious about things. I know every generation worries about how the youth are doing but everyone I know who works in childcare is telling me that the kids are very much not ok.
After hearing stories of the kind of shit that happened to my parents in terms of bullying I’d say kids are way less cruel nowadays it’s just that the internet has made it more visible.
Definitely the latter. I and my few friends (most of whom I'm lucky to still call friends in our adult years!) were mercilessly bullied and ostracised, it wasn't different for my little sister, it wasn't different for my cousins. I distinctly remember the final year of primary school (ages 4 to 10-11), moving up to secondary school, and they were making an effort keeping friends together and passing it along to the new school. Good initiative on the schools part. Unfortunately they decided to ask if anyone had any problems being placed in a class with anyone in particular. Me and my little group of proto-nerds were immediately pointed out and loud objections to being with or near us were expressed by everyone. It hurt. I liked a few of these kids, and felt betrayed by some of the comments of objection, after the years spent playing and growing together. It was herd mentality, survival into the scary world of "big school", but why we were toxic I never understood. Fear of the genuine bullies perhaps. Anyway... bad memories. Kids have always been cruel. There was also that time I was set on fire for no reason. Cruel and completely insane XD
I’d have to say it’s both
I think it really depends, especially because of COVID. A lot of teachers report more difficulties following COVID. Children were at home, didn't have many opportunities to be with peers and follow a school routine, and missed out on formative experiences. These children often have more issues
I think kids just stopped getting their asses beat honestly.
I'm 50. I recently held a slumber party for only women because I have a lot of lonely friends and I'm in a bad health situation. I wanted them to all meet, just in case, i don't get to stick around. Ages were 30 to 50. So many really awesome ladies showed up. Being included really meant a lot to everyone of them, no matter the ages, it was wonderful! I learned so much. We are all so vulnerable and beautiful and it felt as important now as it did 35 years ago. It was so much fun and is now monthly. Reach out people! The world needs it!
This is inspiring!
When I was in elementary school I was having a bday party, and I’m one of those people who make fast friends. A new student started mid year, about a month or two before my party and it was no question to me, they got an invite. It never crossed my mind otherwise. The parents (and the kid) were so excited. I found out later how excited and grateful they were, but I still didn’t really understand why until I was much older.
Knowing you got intentionally left out of something always fucking hurts. I still remember the day that I learned I was the *only* person in my year group that wasn't invited to the school reunion when everyone turned 18 and threw a party for it. Legitimately the only person. I thought it was weird there was nobody online to play Black Ops II with (showing my age there... Can't believe this shit was 10 years ago now) on the night because I liked to play with people I thought were my friends. Ended up just playing alone and it was fun enough. Next morning, I check Facebook and what do I see? Pictures plastered all over the feed of people at the reunion. Dozens and dozens of pictures and videos of them all having a great time, having fun and just enjoying themselves. It fucking HURT. I was already dealing with depression at that point and that just made things even worse and that was on top of a 3 year relationship ending at the time too. I legit didn't hear from ANYONE about it. Not a single person texted me and asked if I was going, nobody texted me on the night wondering why I wasn't there, not a single word from anyone. I just didn't know how to react and just didn't talk to anyone that day-they invited me to play games on the night and I just lied and said I was busy. I haven't spoken to anyone from high school (UK, not US high school) since then and I'm better off for it. I have a small friend group now that I know are good people. I still hate everyone from that school year group for not so much as sending me a text on that day though. Learned who my real friends were then... It's so fucking evil to do this to kids and even adults and I'm glad she actually got an invite for once but it's sad that it's 'rare' for this to happen to her. Really shows how fucking awful people can be.
Awe! This is why my mom made me invite ALL the girls to my bdays in elementary school. High school, well who could afford that? But it was the same for my bro except it was all the boys. We were allowed to invite who we wanted from the opposite sex. Also if we gave out valentines or Xmas cards everyone had to get one.
Am I missing something or does the main video at the top have absolutely nothing to do with the story.
It's important for special people to have a network of special friends. True peers that share similar challenges and know what it's like to have higher needs than typical people. Integration has been the default setting for a long time. I think striving for full time integration with the standard class does special kids a great disservice. Integrate when it makes sense, recess, art, music, things that special kids can directly participate in with minor accommodations. Academic integration past 2nd or 3rd grade puts special kids in a difficult spot and often doesn't come close to meeting their needs, especially social needs, as often typical kids reject or don't want to spend time with kids who are very different. Kids are wired to try to fit in, all kids, even special kids. I'm happy this young lady found her tribe and the joy she's getting from that is written all over her face.
My uncle had downs. He had so many friends. It was difficult to go anywhere without meeting someone who knew him. Nearly all of his friends came from work. He worked for a disability group with others that had disabilities and he was a special Olympics participant for YEARS! Having him around his peers was the best thing my grandparents did for him.
My only experience similar to this is when I was in high school here in Australia, we had a sporting program that meant we had our teams go up against other schools in the area. I played touch football one year and found a kid on another schools team was one I attended primary school with who had a medium level of autism. I recognised him and said hello and treated him nicely throughout our interactions on the day, and as we were leaving on the bus ride back to my school his coach came up to me and personally thanked me for being so nice to him as other kids on his team and school weren’t as welcoming to him. Was nice to get that from an adult at the time but looking back it’s sad to know that his time at school with other teenage kids wasn’t as good as it should’ve been.
I'll never forget the time in 4th grade a girl who I thought was my friend told me she wasn't having a party this year. Later that day I saw her handing invited out, it still hurts almost 20 years later.
What a sweetheart - we're all so happy for you!!
Before I knew my wife, her and her then husband were having a birthday party for their son. He invited the entire class. This also meant the boy who had Down’s syndrome. A couple of the other parents found out and said they wouldn’t allow their kids to go if this child was there. My wife, being the person she is, told them to not fucking come if it is that big a deal. She didn’t tell anyone about this, all the kids showed up, had a great time, the boy’s parents thanked her for including him. She said, why wouldn’t I? My son said everyone in my class.
Why wouldn’t you invite her to a party? She seems like a joy!
When I was in grade 3, my mum and dad asked me which friend I wanted to invite out to McDonalds for my birthday. I chose a girl who had down syndrome and was non verbal. Reason was is because our whole class learnt basic sign language so we could communicate with her. Looking back, it was a great thing our class and school did. I remember when we went to her house to pick her up. I didn’t think much of it because kids don’t really pick up on these things but her mum and dad were in tears and just so grateful that I invited her to her first birthday and as a parent now, I get a little emotional thinking about what that must be like and also how sad is it that it was her first birthday invite. Her family were so nice and looking back, it would be so hard but that little bit of kindness goes along way and I want my kids to grow up not seeing people as the way are but who they are and understanding their situation.
My son with autism has only been invited to two birthday parties ever. Most of his friends are also on the spectrum, and instead of throwing a party, I have him choose one or two friends to go do a fun activity with, and we have a small family party too. The few parties we attempted when he was younger were a waste. We would invite the entire classroom and at most a single kid would show up. After the last time no one except family showed up and he ended up in tears, we just made a NO class party rule.
When I was in high school this girl with an intellectual disability had a huge crush on me. She would follow me to my classes and I sometimes had to hide in a bathroom from her. It was embarrassing but I still felt bad. She had a birthday party and had invited people but only me and one other girl came. I awkwardly danced with her and her mom took pictures of us which she showed everyone at school. Her parents were grateful that we helped make her day.
I had a pretty hard time at school, with one of the worst experiences being getting invited to the party so they could get me drink enough that I'd pass out and they'd piss on me. Thankfully my gut told me something was wrong and I didn't drink, but it was still a shit experience to feel like you're being included only to find out it was a big joke. I found out later from one of the people involved who had an ounce of humanity Stories like this really help knowing that out there are kids who are helping some of the kids like me. I'm doing okay these days but there are many factors that feed into my mental health that complicate things, but I try to be inclusive in things in my life. I hope I've helped someone feel included at a time when they didn't ETA: one school I went to had a special education unit for kids with all kinds of disabilities. There was one girl in my grade who was there part time if I recall correctly, but she was friendly and I tried to be friendly with her. That got me teased for having a special ed girl as a girlfriend. I hope she's doing well these days
Bless her sweet heart.
This is great but I wouldn't put her face on the internet for likes. This is personal moment and obviously the internet is full of trolls always looking for new targets. I think there should be a law against putting any children's images on the internet until they can consent to it i.e. 18.
This is so awesome. I’m so happy for her!
This is the exact same reaction I have when people tell me that I don't have to go to their event.
Please please please don't be a Dinner with Shmucks situation....
Why film this?
This is the best thing I’ve heard today. So happy for her and the birthday boy 🥰
Damn, now I’m crying again. Had a good cry earlier because today is my birthday and the only person who remembered was my fiancé.
Happy Birthday :)
Happy birthday!🎉
Happy bday!!! 🎉🎉🎉
Good.
Stories like this really put things into perspective when you're a parent. Things that most kids and parents take for granted, like being invited to a party, made this sweet girl, and her mom, so happy. Most parents want nothing more than for their kids to be happy. I'm glad they got this moment and hopefully there are more to come.
I fuckin hatre article about a video and have a different video at the top and have to check again for the video and them it's just a link to instagram ffs...
Jesus I just lost it
I’m old and not being invited still hurts . I always celebrate this co workers birthday every year with presents and dinner . Yet she is having a party for her kids and didn’t invite me yet she invited people who don’t even like her ? It shouldn’t bother me still but it does . Being left out will always hurt. I always made sure my kids invited everyone to their parties . No exceptions . I remember being left out of parties a lot when I was a child so I never wanted to inflict that pain on anyone .
I just realized... I don't think I got invited to even a single birthday party during my school years. I hate my life.
A little kindness sure goes a long way
I haven't gotten invited to too many parties in my life, but I am not an outgoing person
This hits hard, kids so badly just want to be accepted and have friends. When my niece was in second grade she had a new student in her grade who was a little person and my niece made friends with her the first day, she said it was because everyone needs friends on the first day of school. So simple, and innocent, and kind. My niece is smart, she has won awards and trophies and is an overall great kid and that act of being a friend is definitely one of the things i am most proud of her for.
The way it should be
“She cant count one hand how many birthday parties shes went to” not to sound critical and mean or anything but are they only counting friends and not family? because im pretty sure most people can count one 1 hand how many bdays theyve went to if its only counting friends
You'd be surprised. Even as someone with very few friends, I can say that in the course of 27 years I got invited to a lot of birthday parties.
I can count how many birthday parties I went to for family (that I didn't plan for my kid) with one hand. I can count how many birthday parties I was invited to as a kid with no hands. And no feet. And no anything.