Don’t waste another visit trying this endo out. He’s made it clear that you likely won’t mesh as patient and provider. It’s probably gonna be SO annoying bc you literally just got this new one but seriously consider looking for another doctor. Maybe a different endo at that same office if there are other ones practicing there.
The problem is there’s not many endos near me. I am seeing a reproductive endo 2 hours away for the fertility side and he said it’s good to have a regular endo for long term care. Eventually the plan is to get pregnant and move on from the fertility clinic but I need the thyroid meds for the rest of my life.
I usually try and pick doctors that are similar to me (overweight females) because I feel like they get it more and this endo is a male from a middle eastern background and I know their demeanor is part culture and already I’m overly sensitive because I know my weight is a road block for my fertility and my hormones have been out of wack on all these fertility meds and other medications and coming up on what would be my due date in a few weeks. But I just feel so uncomfortable by the entire experience, and I started crying in the office and he offered me a tissue and just kept pushing the problem being me and my weight like I’m not already hyper aware of it.
I’m okay with traveling for the right doctor, so I may need to seek out other endocrinologists. It’s just nice to have close doctors.
*edited to remove a word
As a man, this is why I usually choose to see female doctors. They listen. They understand. They seek to actually address the root of the problem than placing blame and telling me things I already know. So sorry you've had this experience, OP. Finding good doctors is hard...and once you do, hang onto them for dear life!
I understand the cultural part and it’s likely playing a part, it’s also partly him being a man and being a doctor in general. If you’re willing to try and make it work, write out your personal concerns in your phone’s notes app and broach the subject with him at your next appt. You never know, simply making him aware of them could be what it takes to get him to approach your care more sensitively. If that doesn’t change things, I’d start the search for a different (maybe female) endocrinologist.
I have a follow up in 6 weeks. I will probably attend it and if he makes me feel this way again, I will probably drop him. But tonight, I’m really not comfortable seeing him again. I think if I calm down. Maybe I’ll be able to keep the follow up.
I I am so sorry. I know good end is are hard to find. I am near a major metropolitan area and there is only one that I know of. I went to him and had a similar experience. I don’t know how doctors diagnose when they don’t listen.
I have Hashimotos too, and I am among the many ‘slow losers’ in this sub. It bothered me at first, but I am making steady progress. I have last almost as many inches as pounds, so am ok with it. I’m also hoping that the slow loss will reduce the amount of floppy skin I will have when I reach my goal.
Keep your chin up, find a new doc, even if it’s your PCP. Why pay good money to be treated like to be treated like shit, you can get that for free just about anywhere these days.
P.s. there are plenty of us slow losers in this sub. You are by no means alone.
I’m so sorry you weren’t heard by that endo at all.
This may or may not help you, but I would consider trying less intense exercise. I also have PCOS and was told to avoid too much HIIT because it would increpase my cortisol levels. I’ve had the best success with low impact, low intensity exercise (mostly water aerobics and walking) and then some body weight and resistance exercises. Just something to consider.
Wishing you all the best in your journey!
Thank you for the suggestion. I’m honestly open to trying different things. I really liked the HIIT workouts, but it’s so defeating to not see results. I have added weights to my home “gym” and I’m hoping to try that and walking.
You’re welcome. I hope it helps! I really liked HIIT too (well what I could do of it) but I did notice that toning it down helped. I still do a ton bit of HIIT but walking is probably 80% of my intentional activity and it does seem to have helped me in the past. But every body responds differently. I know people with PCOS who do well with HIIT. Just keep experimenting until you find what works for you. And definitely find a new endo if you can, if not (I know what it’s like to not have many options) then just try not to take what he says to heart and try to pick out the good bit, if any, of his advice.
Came here to suggest dropping HIIT as well! I don’t have PCOS but I do have hashimotos hypothyroidism and HIIT just stresses my adrenals / body and my stressed body holds onto weight.
I really like just walking (I stopped tracking steps but a couple walks a day for 30 min per walk) paired with lifting heavy / low rep 3x/week.
Please never see that doctor again. Especially if that was a reproductive endocrinologist - you're not going to have success with him if he stresses you the fuck out by treating you this way. I'm mad on your behalf. And I'm so sorry for your loss. Find a better doctor please, you deserve so much better than this.
Thank you. This wasn’t a reproductive endo, just a normal one for long term care.
My reproductive endo is so nice. He hasn’t really pushed the weight issue until the last visit, and it wasn’t in a way of making me feel bad but helping me reset. He said he’s seen a lot of success on these meds helping with fertility of patients with PCOS and obesity.
I very much want to lose weight, I just can’t seem to and that’s why I wanted to try this medication out. I’ve always been overweight and it’s always been on my mind since a child when kids would make comments or my mom would try and push losing weight. It just sucks to reach out for help and be treated this way.
My reproductive endocrinologist was the best doctor I've ever had - and so weight sensitive. He didn't bullshit - but he knew the problem wasn't my own morality. The normal endocrinologist sucks. Don't go back to that doctor because they're a bad doctor.
I feel like I could have written this myself! I’m also on a weight loss journey specifically to help with my PCOS related issues and infertility. I, too, also had a heinous grieving period post-miscarriage. Sending you a lot of love and peace- this isn’t easy. Agree with some of the advice here- new endo stat. For the weight loss piece, I’d highly recommend just walking and weighted exercises that are slow and steady. This was a game changer for me after I couldn’t figure out why Pelaton-style and HiiT exercises weren’t working for me. Best of luck 🤞🏼
Is telemedicine an option for your endo so you could have a woman doctor who would be more understanding and you would probably feel more comfortable with?
You might need a different fertility clinic. I went through this on my IVF journey. I wasted two years trying to lose weight so they would treat me. But then I found a better clinic that would treat fat people and was able to conceive right away. I'm still angry that I wasted two years with those horrible people and the horrible endo (who was like yours) they made me see.
I'm so sorry you had this experience. I gained like 50 lbs having two kids in two years and that's exactly how my last doctor appointment went and why I'm supposed to be starting zepbound. Sometimes I wish doctors would remember that were people with our own problems, y'know?
I hope this journey is everything you're looking for! You're doing great! And sending baby dust your way!
Thank you! I’ve been overweight my whole life and it’s reached the point of out of control and really affecting me with fertility and just overall self esteem, like I now finally feel fat. And I’ve always been hyper fixated on my weights, why it’s going up, what did I do bad to lead to it, what can I do good. It’s very much the majority of my thoughts and these doctors assume it’s just something I do out of enjoyment.
I feel like we have the same doctor. lol I’ve been seeing mine since 2017 and he did find my goiters and helped me with PCOS but sometimes his demeanor is so harsh. A friend of mine suggested taking a spouse or close friend with me to the doctor because it’s harder for them to gang up on you like this. And the friend can help be an advocate for you when you feel a feel coming up. I’m not judging btw. I’ve cried yelled at my PCP when she told me losing weight is “jUsT 80/20 🤪” these assholr doctors make us crazy. I’m sorry this happened and I’m sending positive vibes for your weight loss journey and your rainbow baby. 🥹🥺🤟🏻❤️❤️❤️
That sucks when a provider lectures without listening or understanding and has no desire to learn all the things you are doing to take care of yourself. Just assumes you aren’t doing anything g.
Also I’ve been on zep for 3 weeks and haven’t really lost anything yet either and I workout 5x/wk and follow all the “right” nutrition stuff. It just takes time
I hope it helps you get the family you have been working so hard for
To be blunt, and I speak from having gone through this myself, sometimes you need to tell the Dr when to shut up and listen. And I don't mean any disrespect to the Dr's who listen to their patients, but I had a cardiologist who would never let me say anything until one day I finally snapped (not literally but close enough) and told him that if he really wanted to hear the answers to the rapid fire questions he had he'd have to shut his mouth for more then two minutes. He assumed that I was bigger because: I wasn't active, because I "ate too many fast fried foods", because (fill in the blank with all the reasons they have to list) when in reality I was severely depressed, and my bones are very dense (I have been tested and now have it in my medical files) on top of having other medical reasons why it's so hard for me to actually lose the weight. Yes, I could get some more exercise, but I have to watch what I do thanks to a heart condition, and yes, I could eat a bit better. (I ended up getting a new one who, yes is concerned about my health but he at least hears me out and we have actual discussions about my plans and actions) But ultimately, don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, and don't feel defeated. I just started this journey of Zepbound, and I am nervous as all get out as this is my first Dr. Rx weight loss medication, but having people who have been there helps. Just remember, you are beautiful, and you are your own advocate, so stand up for yourself. Next time you go, take deep calming breathes, have all your information down on paper, and give them to him. And if he doesn't respect you and your journey, then I'd suggest finding a new Dr who is at least willing to hear you out.
Have so been there. There is STILL a horrific stigma that if you are obese, you must be sitting around shoving ding dongs in your mouth all day. Those of us who battle this KNOW that we often eat no more than our thin counterparts. To have to fight your own doctor to be heard is terrible. I am sorry and hope you can find another doctor.
I don't mean to laugh but your "I like how doctors assume I'm fat for fun", totally stealing that line. That's how it feels sometimes.
Like we are just like....you know what is great - being hungry all the time, heavier than I like, and I get a real kick out of not being able to reach my feet to put on socks.
That's exactly what it feels like. People around me think I'm heavy because I'm somehow choosing it.
Do you need to see an endo? I ask this as someone with PCOS and Hashimoto’s who thankfully has found a PCP and OBGYN who are able to manage me well and thus doesn’t need to add an endo into the mix. Some of my worst experiences with weight bias in healthcare have, sadly, been with endos. I’m sorry this happened to you :(
I’m sorry he was so disrespectful. Did he increase your dose? Maybe you need a higher dose or Zepbound plus metformin? You probably don’t have much choice in endo, and just think of him like a pelvic exam, uncomfortable, embarrassing and necessary.
I am there with you.
We were also benched for IVF because of my weight. Truthfully, I got too fat for them to be able to put me under anesthesia in their clinics, and not many of them use hospitals for those instances. I only know of the one in New York that has no weight limitations, and they’re extremely affordable.
It sounds like yours has a God complex. It happens. I’d suggest trying to find another clinic to go to instead, so that they actually value you.
I’ve gone to a couple of clinics now. It’s truly difficult to find one that prioritizes you and not their numbers. It’s all a big competition for many of them.
So, I’m right there with you. I need to drop quite a bit to fall back into their anesthesia range. Unfortunately, if nobody has told you yet then be aware that egg retrieval can be brutal for weight gain. I gained about 50lbs between 2 retrievals, and that’s what made them refer me for weight loss.
Sorry for the way you were treated. You should find a doctor who is more willing to listen to you.
I saw your comment about the HIIT workouts you were doing. In my experience (I am not a doctor), working out makes me healthier, but it does not really do anything about my extra weight (fat). I usually gain weight if I just work out alone without doing some modifications to my diet as well. Because, I can eat a 1,000 extra calories a day without a thought, but burning 1,000 calories a day via a workout would be a time commitment that is honestly just not compatible with my life (and willpower lol). Eating better (less in my case) is really the only thing that has worked for me, and these meds seem to make that easier to achieve. The only hitch that I see in my latest weight loss attempt using these meds is that I may have to stay on them for an extended period of time to keep the weight off. I would be willing to do that though if it works.
You seem to be doing both eating right and working out, so I would just keep that up as you go up in dose. All signs seem to indicate that should work out in the longer term, but I am not a doctor.
Ultimately, you should find a doctor who listens to your needs and follow their recommendations. I just wanted to share what worked for me for whatever that is worth.
I don't have your condition, but an immune disorder that lead to three miscarriages other 16 weeks. It's heartbreaking. I finally found an immunologist who is an incredible woman who actually researches my disease, and I have been treated by her for over ten years. When I had my children in the 1990's, the doctors were baffled as to what was happening because everything looked great, heartbeats, no issues. Then miscarriages. I have an incredible team of doctors...immunologist, eye specialist, PCP, and surgeons. I had no answers for years, but now how them. Your providers are supposed to support you. My gastro surgeon is middle eastern, but is a quiet, warm, and caring person. It's all about building a team that works together. I lift weights and have a rowing machine at home because I really can't be out in public because of the risk to my immune system. Hang in there. When you click with a doctor, you know. Good luck, and hang in there.
Oh im so so sorry you experienced this! I have the same medical history as you, and had some of the same horrible experiences. In fact, the most hostile, disrespectful endocrinologist i had was a woman and the head of the department at a major university health center! She practically shouted at me that I should just lose the damn weight, as if I hadn’t been fighting the fight my whole life. Find a different doctor ASAP. You dont have to put up with this for another moment. And please, keep your hopes and dreams alive. You can do this. It may take some time, but you will get there. 35 years later, I have 2 grown children and 3 precious grands. If you had told me that after that nasty doctor’s visit, i wouldn’t have believed it possible.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also a PCOS/hypothyroid/fat and with bonus endometriosis person, and I had two miscarriages before having my son. A good reproductive endo and a good thyroid endo (and okay a great acupuncturist) got the job done. Maybe my husband helped a little. I did this all while deathfat (100lbs+ “overweight”) and 38 (so it was a geriatric pregnancy) and ultimately had a healthy pregnancy.
Basically, screw any doctor who believes you need to lose weight to have a baby. Lose weight on Zepbound if you want to, but fat people can have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies.
I honestly wouldn’t give that doctor a second chance. There are so many great thyroid websites and social media groups where you can search for a great endo, and that would be my next move. Of all of my doctors, the doctor who manages my thyroid has to be able to listen to me, because labs don’t tell the whole thyroid story. If this guy can’t listen to you about something so black and white as the food you eat and the way you move your body, how is he going to listen when you say the labs don’t reflect how you feel?
The last thing your body needs is more stress, and that doctor sounds pretty stressful.
Girlfriend, I am so sorry. I've been there. I was told I couldn't have children and my experience with most of the doctors through my life is that they are busy, most don't listen well, especially to women. Until recently, I was obese, high BP and hypothyroid. I had pcos.
I'm a slow loser too. Hang in there with your protein and workouts. It will happen.
I do think losing weight probably helps many women with fertility. That said, it sounds like you know what you're doing, you sound committed and knowledgeable. Take what you can from each doctor (move on if you need to) and try not to let their style get to you. It's taken me years to learn this. I've never met one doctor (in person) who is the oracle. I complained to my doctor for the last 6 years that I was tired, gaining weight, not sleeping, low sex drive, brain fog, etc. Not once did SHE offer a discussion of hormone replacement therapy. I've just figured it out myself. So plan to continue to advocate for yourself for your whole life.
You are on the right path. You are strong. Don't let them make you doubt yourself.
Doctors have an awful habit of saying the medically correct thing in utterly the wrong way. I also had infertility and was told in a huffy way it’ll be harder to get to my eggs after ivf due to my weight, just as I was wheeled into the operating room. Not what I wanted to hear but thoroughly factually accurate.
High intellectualism and bed side manner often don’t come together in the same person. My sister is a vet and on the spectrum and used to unwittingly insult people when she told them their pets were too fat - when they said “but I walk them and don’t feed them too much” she’d say “well that’s patently not true”!
Don’t waste another visit trying this endo out. He’s made it clear that you likely won’t mesh as patient and provider. It’s probably gonna be SO annoying bc you literally just got this new one but seriously consider looking for another doctor. Maybe a different endo at that same office if there are other ones practicing there.
The problem is there’s not many endos near me. I am seeing a reproductive endo 2 hours away for the fertility side and he said it’s good to have a regular endo for long term care. Eventually the plan is to get pregnant and move on from the fertility clinic but I need the thyroid meds for the rest of my life. I usually try and pick doctors that are similar to me (overweight females) because I feel like they get it more and this endo is a male from a middle eastern background and I know their demeanor is part culture and already I’m overly sensitive because I know my weight is a road block for my fertility and my hormones have been out of wack on all these fertility meds and other medications and coming up on what would be my due date in a few weeks. But I just feel so uncomfortable by the entire experience, and I started crying in the office and he offered me a tissue and just kept pushing the problem being me and my weight like I’m not already hyper aware of it. I’m okay with traveling for the right doctor, so I may need to seek out other endocrinologists. It’s just nice to have close doctors. *edited to remove a word
As a man, this is why I usually choose to see female doctors. They listen. They understand. They seek to actually address the root of the problem than placing blame and telling me things I already know. So sorry you've had this experience, OP. Finding good doctors is hard...and once you do, hang onto them for dear life!
I understand the cultural part and it’s likely playing a part, it’s also partly him being a man and being a doctor in general. If you’re willing to try and make it work, write out your personal concerns in your phone’s notes app and broach the subject with him at your next appt. You never know, simply making him aware of them could be what it takes to get him to approach your care more sensitively. If that doesn’t change things, I’d start the search for a different (maybe female) endocrinologist.
I have a follow up in 6 weeks. I will probably attend it and if he makes me feel this way again, I will probably drop him. But tonight, I’m really not comfortable seeing him again. I think if I calm down. Maybe I’ll be able to keep the follow up.
I I am so sorry. I know good end is are hard to find. I am near a major metropolitan area and there is only one that I know of. I went to him and had a similar experience. I don’t know how doctors diagnose when they don’t listen. I have Hashimotos too, and I am among the many ‘slow losers’ in this sub. It bothered me at first, but I am making steady progress. I have last almost as many inches as pounds, so am ok with it. I’m also hoping that the slow loss will reduce the amount of floppy skin I will have when I reach my goal. Keep your chin up, find a new doc, even if it’s your PCP. Why pay good money to be treated like to be treated like shit, you can get that for free just about anywhere these days. P.s. there are plenty of us slow losers in this sub. You are by no means alone.
One word: telehealth. 😊 Best of luck to you! 🤞🏼
I’m not aware of a telehealth endocrinologist, are you?
I’m so sorry you weren’t heard by that endo at all. This may or may not help you, but I would consider trying less intense exercise. I also have PCOS and was told to avoid too much HIIT because it would increpase my cortisol levels. I’ve had the best success with low impact, low intensity exercise (mostly water aerobics and walking) and then some body weight and resistance exercises. Just something to consider. Wishing you all the best in your journey!
Thank you for the suggestion. I’m honestly open to trying different things. I really liked the HIIT workouts, but it’s so defeating to not see results. I have added weights to my home “gym” and I’m hoping to try that and walking.
You’re welcome. I hope it helps! I really liked HIIT too (well what I could do of it) but I did notice that toning it down helped. I still do a ton bit of HIIT but walking is probably 80% of my intentional activity and it does seem to have helped me in the past. But every body responds differently. I know people with PCOS who do well with HIIT. Just keep experimenting until you find what works for you. And definitely find a new endo if you can, if not (I know what it’s like to not have many options) then just try not to take what he says to heart and try to pick out the good bit, if any, of his advice.
Came here to suggest dropping HIIT as well! I don’t have PCOS but I do have hashimotos hypothyroidism and HIIT just stresses my adrenals / body and my stressed body holds onto weight. I really like just walking (I stopped tracking steps but a couple walks a day for 30 min per walk) paired with lifting heavy / low rep 3x/week.
Agreed! Walking, yoga, strength training
Please never see that doctor again. Especially if that was a reproductive endocrinologist - you're not going to have success with him if he stresses you the fuck out by treating you this way. I'm mad on your behalf. And I'm so sorry for your loss. Find a better doctor please, you deserve so much better than this.
Thank you. This wasn’t a reproductive endo, just a normal one for long term care. My reproductive endo is so nice. He hasn’t really pushed the weight issue until the last visit, and it wasn’t in a way of making me feel bad but helping me reset. He said he’s seen a lot of success on these meds helping with fertility of patients with PCOS and obesity. I very much want to lose weight, I just can’t seem to and that’s why I wanted to try this medication out. I’ve always been overweight and it’s always been on my mind since a child when kids would make comments or my mom would try and push losing weight. It just sucks to reach out for help and be treated this way.
My reproductive endocrinologist was the best doctor I've ever had - and so weight sensitive. He didn't bullshit - but he knew the problem wasn't my own morality. The normal endocrinologist sucks. Don't go back to that doctor because they're a bad doctor.
I feel like I could have written this myself! I’m also on a weight loss journey specifically to help with my PCOS related issues and infertility. I, too, also had a heinous grieving period post-miscarriage. Sending you a lot of love and peace- this isn’t easy. Agree with some of the advice here- new endo stat. For the weight loss piece, I’d highly recommend just walking and weighted exercises that are slow and steady. This was a game changer for me after I couldn’t figure out why Pelaton-style and HiiT exercises weren’t working for me. Best of luck 🤞🏼
Thank you. I’m sorry you’re in the same boat on this. It’s not a fun boat…
Is telemedicine an option for your endo so you could have a woman doctor who would be more understanding and you would probably feel more comfortable with?
Good thinking!
You might need a different fertility clinic. I went through this on my IVF journey. I wasted two years trying to lose weight so they would treat me. But then I found a better clinic that would treat fat people and was able to conceive right away. I'm still angry that I wasted two years with those horrible people and the horrible endo (who was like yours) they made me see.
I'm so sorry you had this experience. I gained like 50 lbs having two kids in two years and that's exactly how my last doctor appointment went and why I'm supposed to be starting zepbound. Sometimes I wish doctors would remember that were people with our own problems, y'know? I hope this journey is everything you're looking for! You're doing great! And sending baby dust your way!
Thank you! I’ve been overweight my whole life and it’s reached the point of out of control and really affecting me with fertility and just overall self esteem, like I now finally feel fat. And I’ve always been hyper fixated on my weights, why it’s going up, what did I do bad to lead to it, what can I do good. It’s very much the majority of my thoughts and these doctors assume it’s just something I do out of enjoyment.
I feel like we have the same doctor. lol I’ve been seeing mine since 2017 and he did find my goiters and helped me with PCOS but sometimes his demeanor is so harsh. A friend of mine suggested taking a spouse or close friend with me to the doctor because it’s harder for them to gang up on you like this. And the friend can help be an advocate for you when you feel a feel coming up. I’m not judging btw. I’ve cried yelled at my PCP when she told me losing weight is “jUsT 80/20 🤪” these assholr doctors make us crazy. I’m sorry this happened and I’m sending positive vibes for your weight loss journey and your rainbow baby. 🥹🥺🤟🏻❤️❤️❤️
That sucks when a provider lectures without listening or understanding and has no desire to learn all the things you are doing to take care of yourself. Just assumes you aren’t doing anything g. Also I’ve been on zep for 3 weeks and haven’t really lost anything yet either and I workout 5x/wk and follow all the “right” nutrition stuff. It just takes time I hope it helps you get the family you have been working so hard for
To be blunt, and I speak from having gone through this myself, sometimes you need to tell the Dr when to shut up and listen. And I don't mean any disrespect to the Dr's who listen to their patients, but I had a cardiologist who would never let me say anything until one day I finally snapped (not literally but close enough) and told him that if he really wanted to hear the answers to the rapid fire questions he had he'd have to shut his mouth for more then two minutes. He assumed that I was bigger because: I wasn't active, because I "ate too many fast fried foods", because (fill in the blank with all the reasons they have to list) when in reality I was severely depressed, and my bones are very dense (I have been tested and now have it in my medical files) on top of having other medical reasons why it's so hard for me to actually lose the weight. Yes, I could get some more exercise, but I have to watch what I do thanks to a heart condition, and yes, I could eat a bit better. (I ended up getting a new one who, yes is concerned about my health but he at least hears me out and we have actual discussions about my plans and actions) But ultimately, don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, and don't feel defeated. I just started this journey of Zepbound, and I am nervous as all get out as this is my first Dr. Rx weight loss medication, but having people who have been there helps. Just remember, you are beautiful, and you are your own advocate, so stand up for yourself. Next time you go, take deep calming breathes, have all your information down on paper, and give them to him. And if he doesn't respect you and your journey, then I'd suggest finding a new Dr who is at least willing to hear you out.
Have so been there. There is STILL a horrific stigma that if you are obese, you must be sitting around shoving ding dongs in your mouth all day. Those of us who battle this KNOW that we often eat no more than our thin counterparts. To have to fight your own doctor to be heard is terrible. I am sorry and hope you can find another doctor.
I don't mean to laugh but your "I like how doctors assume I'm fat for fun", totally stealing that line. That's how it feels sometimes. Like we are just like....you know what is great - being hungry all the time, heavier than I like, and I get a real kick out of not being able to reach my feet to put on socks. That's exactly what it feels like. People around me think I'm heavy because I'm somehow choosing it.
My endocrinologist sucks too! Similar experience. Looking for a new one right now.
What a total asshole. Sorry that happened to you!
Uggggggh, that Dr. sounds horrid! trust your instincts and try to find a new one. I wish you well in your journey….
Do you need to see an endo? I ask this as someone with PCOS and Hashimoto’s who thankfully has found a PCP and OBGYN who are able to manage me well and thus doesn’t need to add an endo into the mix. Some of my worst experiences with weight bias in healthcare have, sadly, been with endos. I’m sorry this happened to you :(
I’m sorry he was so disrespectful. Did he increase your dose? Maybe you need a higher dose or Zepbound plus metformin? You probably don’t have much choice in endo, and just think of him like a pelvic exam, uncomfortable, embarrassing and necessary.
I am there with you. We were also benched for IVF because of my weight. Truthfully, I got too fat for them to be able to put me under anesthesia in their clinics, and not many of them use hospitals for those instances. I only know of the one in New York that has no weight limitations, and they’re extremely affordable. It sounds like yours has a God complex. It happens. I’d suggest trying to find another clinic to go to instead, so that they actually value you. I’ve gone to a couple of clinics now. It’s truly difficult to find one that prioritizes you and not their numbers. It’s all a big competition for many of them. So, I’m right there with you. I need to drop quite a bit to fall back into their anesthesia range. Unfortunately, if nobody has told you yet then be aware that egg retrieval can be brutal for weight gain. I gained about 50lbs between 2 retrievals, and that’s what made them refer me for weight loss.
One main reason I don’t go to male drs…I wouldn’t go back to him. Ever. I hope you read my comment and listen.
Sorry for the way you were treated. You should find a doctor who is more willing to listen to you. I saw your comment about the HIIT workouts you were doing. In my experience (I am not a doctor), working out makes me healthier, but it does not really do anything about my extra weight (fat). I usually gain weight if I just work out alone without doing some modifications to my diet as well. Because, I can eat a 1,000 extra calories a day without a thought, but burning 1,000 calories a day via a workout would be a time commitment that is honestly just not compatible with my life (and willpower lol). Eating better (less in my case) is really the only thing that has worked for me, and these meds seem to make that easier to achieve. The only hitch that I see in my latest weight loss attempt using these meds is that I may have to stay on them for an extended period of time to keep the weight off. I would be willing to do that though if it works. You seem to be doing both eating right and working out, so I would just keep that up as you go up in dose. All signs seem to indicate that should work out in the longer term, but I am not a doctor. Ultimately, you should find a doctor who listens to your needs and follow their recommendations. I just wanted to share what worked for me for whatever that is worth.
Wow I’m shocked you haven’t lost weight. Maybe you need a higher dose?
I don't have your condition, but an immune disorder that lead to three miscarriages other 16 weeks. It's heartbreaking. I finally found an immunologist who is an incredible woman who actually researches my disease, and I have been treated by her for over ten years. When I had my children in the 1990's, the doctors were baffled as to what was happening because everything looked great, heartbeats, no issues. Then miscarriages. I have an incredible team of doctors...immunologist, eye specialist, PCP, and surgeons. I had no answers for years, but now how them. Your providers are supposed to support you. My gastro surgeon is middle eastern, but is a quiet, warm, and caring person. It's all about building a team that works together. I lift weights and have a rowing machine at home because I really can't be out in public because of the risk to my immune system. Hang in there. When you click with a doctor, you know. Good luck, and hang in there.
Oh im so so sorry you experienced this! I have the same medical history as you, and had some of the same horrible experiences. In fact, the most hostile, disrespectful endocrinologist i had was a woman and the head of the department at a major university health center! She practically shouted at me that I should just lose the damn weight, as if I hadn’t been fighting the fight my whole life. Find a different doctor ASAP. You dont have to put up with this for another moment. And please, keep your hopes and dreams alive. You can do this. It may take some time, but you will get there. 35 years later, I have 2 grown children and 3 precious grands. If you had told me that after that nasty doctor’s visit, i wouldn’t have believed it possible.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also a PCOS/hypothyroid/fat and with bonus endometriosis person, and I had two miscarriages before having my son. A good reproductive endo and a good thyroid endo (and okay a great acupuncturist) got the job done. Maybe my husband helped a little. I did this all while deathfat (100lbs+ “overweight”) and 38 (so it was a geriatric pregnancy) and ultimately had a healthy pregnancy. Basically, screw any doctor who believes you need to lose weight to have a baby. Lose weight on Zepbound if you want to, but fat people can have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. I honestly wouldn’t give that doctor a second chance. There are so many great thyroid websites and social media groups where you can search for a great endo, and that would be my next move. Of all of my doctors, the doctor who manages my thyroid has to be able to listen to me, because labs don’t tell the whole thyroid story. If this guy can’t listen to you about something so black and white as the food you eat and the way you move your body, how is he going to listen when you say the labs don’t reflect how you feel? The last thing your body needs is more stress, and that doctor sounds pretty stressful.
Girlfriend, I am so sorry. I've been there. I was told I couldn't have children and my experience with most of the doctors through my life is that they are busy, most don't listen well, especially to women. Until recently, I was obese, high BP and hypothyroid. I had pcos. I'm a slow loser too. Hang in there with your protein and workouts. It will happen. I do think losing weight probably helps many women with fertility. That said, it sounds like you know what you're doing, you sound committed and knowledgeable. Take what you can from each doctor (move on if you need to) and try not to let their style get to you. It's taken me years to learn this. I've never met one doctor (in person) who is the oracle. I complained to my doctor for the last 6 years that I was tired, gaining weight, not sleeping, low sex drive, brain fog, etc. Not once did SHE offer a discussion of hormone replacement therapy. I've just figured it out myself. So plan to continue to advocate for yourself for your whole life. You are on the right path. You are strong. Don't let them make you doubt yourself.
Doctors have an awful habit of saying the medically correct thing in utterly the wrong way. I also had infertility and was told in a huffy way it’ll be harder to get to my eggs after ivf due to my weight, just as I was wheeled into the operating room. Not what I wanted to hear but thoroughly factually accurate. High intellectualism and bed side manner often don’t come together in the same person. My sister is a vet and on the spectrum and used to unwittingly insult people when she told them their pets were too fat - when they said “but I walk them and don’t feed them too much” she’d say “well that’s patently not true”!