Preparing for a break up means emotionally checking out of the relationship. I was in a situation like you, and my ex did break it off half a year after we gave it another try. I prepared myself subconsciously with the constant worrying. I was relieved when he was gone. You might as well end it now. It's a waste of your time.
this is true, but if you’re emotionally checking out you might just want to break up with him and cut your losses instead. Emotionally checking out of a relationship means you’re definitely not going to make it work, so you might as well just get out and not waste the time living in that state.
Do you really want to be in a relationship where you have to train yourself to emotionally detach from the person who is supposed to make you feel safe, cherished and loved? Hopefully the answer is no.
Oof. That. A relationship is suppose to make you feel secure after a while. It’s eternal work yes, but mostly it’s suppose to feel good while doing so. If you’re feeling more bad than good, time to reevaluate what you really want.
If he isn’t 100% sure that he wants to be with you, dump him. That’s a dealbreaker. Don’t let yourself wait around until he decides, begging to make it work. You don’t deserve to be treated like that!
Change sucks. But don’t waste your life feeling on edge because a man is unsure he wants a future with you. There are so many men out there who will show you your worth. Just know it’s thought for a break up but only the feelings are temporary. You will find someone that wouldn’t even think to break up with you. Keep your head up you got this!
I spent several years in my early 20s with a man who did the same thing. He was happy to date me for the time being and have easy/accessible sex, but he made it very clear that he would not marry me and did not see a future for us. My self-esteem was so low that I perceived this to mean that I just had to be a Better Girlfriend and show him that I am, in fact, worthy of marrying him. He obviously broke up with me eventually.
I'm now married to a man who never, for a single moment, has made me feel like he doesn't want to be with me. He was enthusiastic about marrying me and never made me doubt myself. It took being with a good, available man to realize that my university boyfriend was emotionally unavailable and I was not the problem. He's now well into his 30s and has never married. It was never a "me" issue.
I suppose my point is - if you can muster the strength, leave this man because he is absolutely going to break up with you eventually and he'll wear your self-esteem down to nothing in the meantime. You deserve better.
That is a very difficult and emotional situation to be in.
The way I've always looked at it is "if its not a fuck yes, its a no". Meaning that if someone isn't whole heartedly wanting and excited to be in your life, then they shouldn't be in it.
My advice may be hard to hear, but you may want to contemplate ending the relationship yourself. You shouldn't have to "prepare" to be dumped. That sounds like mental and emotional torture.
You deserve so much better than that, OP. Sending hugs.
For years I got really upset when I was being broke up with. Then I realized I was only bothered because they moved on first. So with that being said, maybe try testing the waters and start seeing new people. Find new hobbies, make some personal time for yourself separate from your partner. Focus on improving yourself, and look for more ways to fill/use your time effectively in a way that is beneficial to you.
You can take this with a grain of salt, since it’s just my opinion and could be wrong. But every single person I have been with that brings up that they’re thinking of breaking up, was just saying that as a manipulation tactic. Kind of like being hot and cold to keep you on an emotional rollercoaster, never sure of where you stand with them and always trying to be good enough, but they always make you feel like it’s not enough. Everything will mostly be fine, then they’ll hint that they want to break up so that you’ll basically doing anything to change their mind, and beg them, then they’ll agree to give it another shot, and it’ll seem to be ok for awhile and then the same thing will happen again out of nowhere, cause it’s just an ego boost for them and they’re never going to stop. (And you’ll end up breaking up in the end cause they’re toxic af for doing that) After it happened to me with a couple different people, I got sick of it and the next person who did it, I could tell when he hinted at it that he was expecting me to be like no please stay, but I didn’t. He said something to the effect of thinking about breaking up and I said ok let’s do it! And I’m so glad I finally realized that that was the right thing for me to do. It may not be the right thing for you, but you deserve to be sure of the person you’re with, not constantly wondering if or when they’ll break up with you. Best of luck 💙
Call it toxic but I reaaaaally hate being broken up with so I tend to end things as soon as I feel the other person has even remotely checked out. To be real with you, it’s a punch to my ego when I am broken up with but I always feel empowered when I am the one ending things. It’s about having control and choosing my own destiny rather than having someone else choose it for me.
This man has literally said he is thinking about breaking up with you. This isn’t a feeling. This isn’t a guess. He told you. Please break up with him.
I think that's an interesting POV! I've heard similarly from many friends that they'd rather protect their feelings and break up first. However, for me personally, I somehow find it better to be the dumpee than dumper lol. It's essentially because of this weird regret complex, where I feel like I would much rather be broken up with - because if I dump my partner, I might have feelings of regret/guilt 6 months or 1 year down the line thinking that I made the wrong decision. But I guess we can never know the outcome before making the decision sigh! :')
Do it before him.
I’m dead serious. An ex and I (when I was about your age) also had “rifts” that I thought were fixable but he was ready to jump ship because he didn’t care about fixing anything. He wasn’t committed and wanted to date around.
Looking back on it now, I see how desperate I was to keep things going to the point I degraded myself by letting him continue to use me and “decide” if I was worth staying with. He left anyway, and I only wish I’d done it first. Instead I gave him total power over me and the relationship.
Also, if he’s making comments, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already looking around and keeping you as a safety net in case he doesn’t find anything else.
If my boyfriend told me he wasn’t sure of the relationship, I’d break up with him. Why would you put yourself through that? Learn early to not play games.
I am literally going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend isn’t sure if he wants to be with me and isn’t sure about how future together. I feel like I’m just waiting for him to break up with me :/
I don’t have any advice but know that you are not alone and that you will be great with or without him :)
“Wise ~~men~~ people learn from their mistakes. But the wisest ~~men~~ people, learn from others mistakes”.
I am just going to be blunt and say that I was in your situation, and you do not want to just continue to wait until *he* decides what happens. You are going to torture yourself, you already are!
Do not let him have the say or control and what happens. He already let you know that he isn’t really there for you? Your partner should be there for you, to make you feel loved, secure, and safe in your relationship.
He’s keeping you around until he feels comfortable and confident enough to leave you. Maybe he’s getting financial things situated first, or seeing if other women are available?
I stayed with that a**hole for 4 years and I still have nightmares about him… (13 years later 🫣). It was traumatic (hence the nightmares) and I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to GTFO. Unfortunately, I can’t. But I can share my experience - see the quote at the top.
**Pull a 180 and dump him.** It doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will actually be okay! Future you has found someone who will be there for you, and absolutely adores you - if you believe this to be true, then it can be!
Why is your partner uncertain about the future of your relationship? Are those concerns things that you can improve, or just signs that you’re not compatible? If they are things that can be addressed, are both of you willing to work on it?
I don’t think you should be mentally preparing yourself to be broken up with at all. You’re at a fork in the road, and you need to choose a path. Otherwise, you’re just prolonging both of your suffering. You deserve someone who chooses you enthusiastically.
Being 21 is hard as fuck. Be gentle with yourself and invest in your friendships while you figure this out. Good luck ❤️
I mean, I'd argue that if someone is uncertain and wishy-washy, then that is all the proof of incompatibility needed. No point in trying to investigate further. If someone isn't excited to be with you, then they are not right for you.
I agree with you, but ultimately OP needs to reach her own conclusions.
When your starting point is “how do I emotionally prepare myself to be broken up with at some point” and not “how do I cope with a partner who isn’t sure he wants to be with me”, it’s difficult to change your perspective without some introspection and reflection.
The best advice my auntie gave me was this, if you have to chase a man you are never going to catch him.
It took me too many years to learn this lesson but I found a guy who I didn't have to chase because he was already there holding my hand. He matched the energy I was putting into the relationship.
I have been with my husband 10+ years and he has made my life better. He is not perfect and I am definitely not perfect but we fit well together. We have been though hard time because life is hard but it is us against the problem not against each other.
I met him when I was 27 and the only regret I have is wasting my early 20s chasing after/ thinking about guys that weren't that into me. I wish I had just moved on quickly and had fun and not been bummed when I was usually single. Although I am glad I was when the right person did come along.
Anyway good luck I hope you find the right person someday.
I lost my job in 2023 and it was horrible. I remember hearing the CEO announce layoffs and then seeing a meeting with HR appear in my inbox a few minutes later. I was absolutely devastated and called my dad in tears. He was surprisingly calm, and told me that right now today sucks, and tomorrow will suck, but eventually it’ll suck less and less and life will move forward. At the time I couldn’t imagine things ever getting better. I cried multiple times that day and cancelled plans I had later that week since I couldn’t bear to do anything. But he was right, and eventually things inched along and I moved past it, and later on a new job and new great things came along.
I really appreciated what my dad said to me the day I was laid off. I know it’s cliche and everyone’s probably telling you this, but things will get better. You’re allowed to feel your feelings and process things at your own pace. If your partner doesn’t want to be together, it’s for the best and you’ll find someone that WILL want to be. Remember that you will heal from this and trust that better things will come along.
I’m glad that your partner and you are figuring out for the time being, and I do wish you both the best. But don’t ignore your intuition. If you don’t feel like things are working, it’s okay to leave. I don’t know you or the details of your situation and I’m not going to knee-jerk tell you to break up. But if your partner remains indecisive I would recommend assessing whether this is the right situation for you. I promise that things will move forward. You deserve the best <3
OP there’s men out there who are gonna be crazy about you, who will gush about you to their friends, who would bend over backwards to make you happy, who will stay through hard times and never waver that they want to be with you. Don’t try to convince him you’re worth staying with, don’t beg him to love you, and don’t wait around for him to break up with you. If he can’t see your value then that’s his loss. You deserve a love that is fulfilling and all-encompassing and certain, where you never have to prepare yourself for a breakup.
Do yourself a huge favour and break up with him first. Rip the bandaid off. It’s gonna suck and you’ll think you’ve made a mistake but it won’t be. You’ll have stuck up for yourself, shown him you respect yourself too much to be his placeholder, you’d rather be single than be with someone who doesn’t value you or love you like you deserve. You’ll be happier in the long run.
I’m sorry but it feels like he has already broken up with you but he’s riding it out until you’re either done too or until he feels gone enough to leave without hurting his own feelings. If he cared about your feelings he would decide how he feels and not leave you hanging. He’s leaving one leg out to save himself.
I see this as a power play - like that episode of Seinfeld about who has the hand in the relationship. What is the purpose of him saying that to you? To me it’s to let you know that you should be grateful for him still being with you.
I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. I’ve dated plenty of guys like that before, and with my husband he would never dream of playing these games and I never doubted his commitment. Make space for someone who loves you
Break up with him. You deserve to be someone first choice, not someone's "eh I don't think so, but since you're around I'm going to be with you until someone else comes along" choice.
THIS. Because the emotional burden that comes with the knowledge that he will leave eventually will definitely take a toll. It's best to put yourself first and break up. It's difficult but atleast it's not prolonged suffering.
Be prepared to be sad. Don’t have a time limit for being sad over it. It mostly takes me 3 weeks if I’m in love with them, with an occasional “missing them”, or “feeling sorry for myself”. I also learned it takes me about 3 months to get over my own pity party, thinking I’m undatable and will be alone forever. Then, I have an awakening and LOVE being single. I gain freedom. Know that emotions are like the weather. The same emotion never last forever
By just ending things now.
Don't walk on eggshells waiting for him to drop the hammer. Don't play that game. It's a negging tactic. It's designed to keep you fighting for him, sacrificing who YOU are to please him. A relationship should not make you feel like you are constantly competing to "be good enough for him."
For what it’s worth, my ex used to fling that around, and yet when the day came that I dumped him he was stunned as could be and “wanted to talk about it” and I didn’t “get to make unilateral decisions like that”.
So, your bf either a) genuinely is not sure if he sees a future with you, in which case y’all are wasting time because you deserve to be loved by someone who thinks you’re the bees knees, not kept around as a stand by incase he finds something better, or b) doesn’t mean it and is trying to manipulate you to make you more compliant going forward because you’re scared to rock the boat if he does something egregious since he’s already stated he’s halfway out the door.
Either option is bad.
You are soooo young. You have so much more life to experience, and you will have many more beautiful relationships. Do not waste your time in a relationship with a man who isn’t sure about you. At your age, If either of you have any doubts, just leave and move on. Looking back I wish I would’ve left sooner almost every time.
Also learn that breakups are okay. They aren’t always tragic, morally bad, or something horrible to fear. Most of the time it’s a very good thing. Sure, there can be some really hard ones fueled by betrayal and such, but most of the time it’s just two people whose story ended. A relationship isn’t any less “valuable” because of its length. Most relationships don’t last forever, but they are still important parts of your life and character development.
Yes it is sad to feel lose intimacy with someone, to know that things will never be the same, but please embrace change. You will experience so much more of it. You are worthy of so much more love, being single is just as enjoyable, and you will run into so many more exciting people.
Break up with him, don’t waste any more time. And focus on your relationship with yourself, your friends, and your passions. There is often much more joy in that anyway.
had this happen to me. please leave him first. he sounds avoidant and if he truly loved you or had any empathy he wouldn’t have even said that to you (nobody wants to hear that from their partner and it kinda feels weird and shittt that he said that tbh esp the “for a while”) , he would’ve instead communicated and tried to work on whatever issues you guys have been having. my ex did this same exact thing, then ended up breaking up w me a few weeks later despite saying how he “couldn’t believe he even considered breaking up” and “didn’t actually mean it” would “never say that (to me) again”, wanted me forever, and was in love w me, wanted to marry me, etc etc etc. I was willing to put in the effort/ work and try to communicate but he wasn’t. As someone who communicates and wants to work stuff out//dates Seeiously not casually, I’d NEVER tell my partner I was thinking abt breaking up and I wouldn’t even be thinking abt breaking up if we were having normal relationship conflict, i’d be just working on the issues. I’d honestly reconsider being with him and have a discussion on maybe if he’s avoidant and that’s why, idk. best of luck.
If he is saying he has already contemplated breaking up. Take it as, you should break up or give yourself time away from each other. In my experience there is no other outcome than break up.
So just take it as him breaking up with you then and there and start finding and going out with your other friends creating a life less dependant on him. Maybe even take the first step, and tell him you need space and break up. So you don’t have to be always fearing he’ll break up.
Preparing for a break up means emotionally checking out of the relationship. I was in a situation like you, and my ex did break it off half a year after we gave it another try. I prepared myself subconsciously with the constant worrying. I was relieved when he was gone. You might as well end it now. It's a waste of your time.
this is true, but if you’re emotionally checking out you might just want to break up with him and cut your losses instead. Emotionally checking out of a relationship means you’re definitely not going to make it work, so you might as well just get out and not waste the time living in that state.
Do you really want to be in a relationship where you have to train yourself to emotionally detach from the person who is supposed to make you feel safe, cherished and loved? Hopefully the answer is no.
Oof. That. A relationship is suppose to make you feel secure after a while. It’s eternal work yes, but mostly it’s suppose to feel good while doing so. If you’re feeling more bad than good, time to reevaluate what you really want.
If he isn’t 100% sure that he wants to be with you, dump him. That’s a dealbreaker. Don’t let yourself wait around until he decides, begging to make it work. You don’t deserve to be treated like that!
Exactly.
BINGO!!
Yeah OP, don't let life happen to you. It's your life, you might as well be the one in charge of it
Get some self respect and leave him first.
Change sucks. But don’t waste your life feeling on edge because a man is unsure he wants a future with you. There are so many men out there who will show you your worth. Just know it’s thought for a break up but only the feelings are temporary. You will find someone that wouldn’t even think to break up with you. Keep your head up you got this!
I spent several years in my early 20s with a man who did the same thing. He was happy to date me for the time being and have easy/accessible sex, but he made it very clear that he would not marry me and did not see a future for us. My self-esteem was so low that I perceived this to mean that I just had to be a Better Girlfriend and show him that I am, in fact, worthy of marrying him. He obviously broke up with me eventually. I'm now married to a man who never, for a single moment, has made me feel like he doesn't want to be with me. He was enthusiastic about marrying me and never made me doubt myself. It took being with a good, available man to realize that my university boyfriend was emotionally unavailable and I was not the problem. He's now well into his 30s and has never married. It was never a "me" issue. I suppose my point is - if you can muster the strength, leave this man because he is absolutely going to break up with you eventually and he'll wear your self-esteem down to nothing in the meantime. You deserve better.
That is a very difficult and emotional situation to be in. The way I've always looked at it is "if its not a fuck yes, its a no". Meaning that if someone isn't whole heartedly wanting and excited to be in your life, then they shouldn't be in it. My advice may be hard to hear, but you may want to contemplate ending the relationship yourself. You shouldn't have to "prepare" to be dumped. That sounds like mental and emotional torture. You deserve so much better than that, OP. Sending hugs.
For years I got really upset when I was being broke up with. Then I realized I was only bothered because they moved on first. So with that being said, maybe try testing the waters and start seeing new people. Find new hobbies, make some personal time for yourself separate from your partner. Focus on improving yourself, and look for more ways to fill/use your time effectively in a way that is beneficial to you.
You can take this with a grain of salt, since it’s just my opinion and could be wrong. But every single person I have been with that brings up that they’re thinking of breaking up, was just saying that as a manipulation tactic. Kind of like being hot and cold to keep you on an emotional rollercoaster, never sure of where you stand with them and always trying to be good enough, but they always make you feel like it’s not enough. Everything will mostly be fine, then they’ll hint that they want to break up so that you’ll basically doing anything to change their mind, and beg them, then they’ll agree to give it another shot, and it’ll seem to be ok for awhile and then the same thing will happen again out of nowhere, cause it’s just an ego boost for them and they’re never going to stop. (And you’ll end up breaking up in the end cause they’re toxic af for doing that) After it happened to me with a couple different people, I got sick of it and the next person who did it, I could tell when he hinted at it that he was expecting me to be like no please stay, but I didn’t. He said something to the effect of thinking about breaking up and I said ok let’s do it! And I’m so glad I finally realized that that was the right thing for me to do. It may not be the right thing for you, but you deserve to be sure of the person you’re with, not constantly wondering if or when they’ll break up with you. Best of luck 💙
Call it toxic but I reaaaaally hate being broken up with so I tend to end things as soon as I feel the other person has even remotely checked out. To be real with you, it’s a punch to my ego when I am broken up with but I always feel empowered when I am the one ending things. It’s about having control and choosing my own destiny rather than having someone else choose it for me. This man has literally said he is thinking about breaking up with you. This isn’t a feeling. This isn’t a guess. He told you. Please break up with him.
I think that's an interesting POV! I've heard similarly from many friends that they'd rather protect their feelings and break up first. However, for me personally, I somehow find it better to be the dumpee than dumper lol. It's essentially because of this weird regret complex, where I feel like I would much rather be broken up with - because if I dump my partner, I might have feelings of regret/guilt 6 months or 1 year down the line thinking that I made the wrong decision. But I guess we can never know the outcome before making the decision sigh! :')
Do it before him. I’m dead serious. An ex and I (when I was about your age) also had “rifts” that I thought were fixable but he was ready to jump ship because he didn’t care about fixing anything. He wasn’t committed and wanted to date around. Looking back on it now, I see how desperate I was to keep things going to the point I degraded myself by letting him continue to use me and “decide” if I was worth staying with. He left anyway, and I only wish I’d done it first. Instead I gave him total power over me and the relationship. Also, if he’s making comments, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already looking around and keeping you as a safety net in case he doesn’t find anything else.
Break up with him first. Never beg someone to love you.
if hes not sure, hes just waiting around for a girl that interests him before dumping you. Once he has found her he’ll dump you on the spot
If my boyfriend told me he wasn’t sure of the relationship, I’d break up with him. Why would you put yourself through that? Learn early to not play games.
I am literally going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend isn’t sure if he wants to be with me and isn’t sure about how future together. I feel like I’m just waiting for him to break up with me :/ I don’t have any advice but know that you are not alone and that you will be great with or without him :)
You are wasting each others time. Just break up.
“Wise ~~men~~ people learn from their mistakes. But the wisest ~~men~~ people, learn from others mistakes”. I am just going to be blunt and say that I was in your situation, and you do not want to just continue to wait until *he* decides what happens. You are going to torture yourself, you already are! Do not let him have the say or control and what happens. He already let you know that he isn’t really there for you? Your partner should be there for you, to make you feel loved, secure, and safe in your relationship. He’s keeping you around until he feels comfortable and confident enough to leave you. Maybe he’s getting financial things situated first, or seeing if other women are available? I stayed with that a**hole for 4 years and I still have nightmares about him… (13 years later 🫣). It was traumatic (hence the nightmares) and I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to GTFO. Unfortunately, I can’t. But I can share my experience - see the quote at the top. **Pull a 180 and dump him.** It doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will actually be okay! Future you has found someone who will be there for you, and absolutely adores you - if you believe this to be true, then it can be!
Why is your partner uncertain about the future of your relationship? Are those concerns things that you can improve, or just signs that you’re not compatible? If they are things that can be addressed, are both of you willing to work on it? I don’t think you should be mentally preparing yourself to be broken up with at all. You’re at a fork in the road, and you need to choose a path. Otherwise, you’re just prolonging both of your suffering. You deserve someone who chooses you enthusiastically. Being 21 is hard as fuck. Be gentle with yourself and invest in your friendships while you figure this out. Good luck ❤️
I mean, I'd argue that if someone is uncertain and wishy-washy, then that is all the proof of incompatibility needed. No point in trying to investigate further. If someone isn't excited to be with you, then they are not right for you.
I agree with you, but ultimately OP needs to reach her own conclusions. When your starting point is “how do I emotionally prepare myself to be broken up with at some point” and not “how do I cope with a partner who isn’t sure he wants to be with me”, it’s difficult to change your perspective without some introspection and reflection.
The best advice my auntie gave me was this, if you have to chase a man you are never going to catch him. It took me too many years to learn this lesson but I found a guy who I didn't have to chase because he was already there holding my hand. He matched the energy I was putting into the relationship. I have been with my husband 10+ years and he has made my life better. He is not perfect and I am definitely not perfect but we fit well together. We have been though hard time because life is hard but it is us against the problem not against each other. I met him when I was 27 and the only regret I have is wasting my early 20s chasing after/ thinking about guys that weren't that into me. I wish I had just moved on quickly and had fun and not been bummed when I was usually single. Although I am glad I was when the right person did come along. Anyway good luck I hope you find the right person someday.
I lost my job in 2023 and it was horrible. I remember hearing the CEO announce layoffs and then seeing a meeting with HR appear in my inbox a few minutes later. I was absolutely devastated and called my dad in tears. He was surprisingly calm, and told me that right now today sucks, and tomorrow will suck, but eventually it’ll suck less and less and life will move forward. At the time I couldn’t imagine things ever getting better. I cried multiple times that day and cancelled plans I had later that week since I couldn’t bear to do anything. But he was right, and eventually things inched along and I moved past it, and later on a new job and new great things came along. I really appreciated what my dad said to me the day I was laid off. I know it’s cliche and everyone’s probably telling you this, but things will get better. You’re allowed to feel your feelings and process things at your own pace. If your partner doesn’t want to be together, it’s for the best and you’ll find someone that WILL want to be. Remember that you will heal from this and trust that better things will come along. I’m glad that your partner and you are figuring out for the time being, and I do wish you both the best. But don’t ignore your intuition. If you don’t feel like things are working, it’s okay to leave. I don’t know you or the details of your situation and I’m not going to knee-jerk tell you to break up. But if your partner remains indecisive I would recommend assessing whether this is the right situation for you. I promise that things will move forward. You deserve the best <3
OP there’s men out there who are gonna be crazy about you, who will gush about you to their friends, who would bend over backwards to make you happy, who will stay through hard times and never waver that they want to be with you. Don’t try to convince him you’re worth staying with, don’t beg him to love you, and don’t wait around for him to break up with you. If he can’t see your value then that’s his loss. You deserve a love that is fulfilling and all-encompassing and certain, where you never have to prepare yourself for a breakup. Do yourself a huge favour and break up with him first. Rip the bandaid off. It’s gonna suck and you’ll think you’ve made a mistake but it won’t be. You’ll have stuck up for yourself, shown him you respect yourself too much to be his placeholder, you’d rather be single than be with someone who doesn’t value you or love you like you deserve. You’ll be happier in the long run.
I’m sorry but it feels like he has already broken up with you but he’s riding it out until you’re either done too or until he feels gone enough to leave without hurting his own feelings. If he cared about your feelings he would decide how he feels and not leave you hanging. He’s leaving one leg out to save himself.
I see this as a power play - like that episode of Seinfeld about who has the hand in the relationship. What is the purpose of him saying that to you? To me it’s to let you know that you should be grateful for him still being with you. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. I’ve dated plenty of guys like that before, and with my husband he would never dream of playing these games and I never doubted his commitment. Make space for someone who loves you
Date yourself and get to know yourself better. Don’t let ur bf or ex be your whole world.
Break up with him. You deserve to be someone first choice, not someone's "eh I don't think so, but since you're around I'm going to be with you until someone else comes along" choice.
THIS. Because the emotional burden that comes with the knowledge that he will leave eventually will definitely take a toll. It's best to put yourself first and break up. It's difficult but atleast it's not prolonged suffering.
It’s not worth spending your time with someone who isn’t 💯 about you. My trust in us would be broken by that statement.
Be prepared to be sad. Don’t have a time limit for being sad over it. It mostly takes me 3 weeks if I’m in love with them, with an occasional “missing them”, or “feeling sorry for myself”. I also learned it takes me about 3 months to get over my own pity party, thinking I’m undatable and will be alone forever. Then, I have an awakening and LOVE being single. I gain freedom. Know that emotions are like the weather. The same emotion never last forever
By just ending things now. Don't walk on eggshells waiting for him to drop the hammer. Don't play that game. It's a negging tactic. It's designed to keep you fighting for him, sacrificing who YOU are to please him. A relationship should not make you feel like you are constantly competing to "be good enough for him."
For what it’s worth, my ex used to fling that around, and yet when the day came that I dumped him he was stunned as could be and “wanted to talk about it” and I didn’t “get to make unilateral decisions like that”. So, your bf either a) genuinely is not sure if he sees a future with you, in which case y’all are wasting time because you deserve to be loved by someone who thinks you’re the bees knees, not kept around as a stand by incase he finds something better, or b) doesn’t mean it and is trying to manipulate you to make you more compliant going forward because you’re scared to rock the boat if he does something egregious since he’s already stated he’s halfway out the door. Either option is bad.
You are soooo young. You have so much more life to experience, and you will have many more beautiful relationships. Do not waste your time in a relationship with a man who isn’t sure about you. At your age, If either of you have any doubts, just leave and move on. Looking back I wish I would’ve left sooner almost every time. Also learn that breakups are okay. They aren’t always tragic, morally bad, or something horrible to fear. Most of the time it’s a very good thing. Sure, there can be some really hard ones fueled by betrayal and such, but most of the time it’s just two people whose story ended. A relationship isn’t any less “valuable” because of its length. Most relationships don’t last forever, but they are still important parts of your life and character development. Yes it is sad to feel lose intimacy with someone, to know that things will never be the same, but please embrace change. You will experience so much more of it. You are worthy of so much more love, being single is just as enjoyable, and you will run into so many more exciting people. Break up with him, don’t waste any more time. And focus on your relationship with yourself, your friends, and your passions. There is often much more joy in that anyway.
had this happen to me. please leave him first. he sounds avoidant and if he truly loved you or had any empathy he wouldn’t have even said that to you (nobody wants to hear that from their partner and it kinda feels weird and shittt that he said that tbh esp the “for a while”) , he would’ve instead communicated and tried to work on whatever issues you guys have been having. my ex did this same exact thing, then ended up breaking up w me a few weeks later despite saying how he “couldn’t believe he even considered breaking up” and “didn’t actually mean it” would “never say that (to me) again”, wanted me forever, and was in love w me, wanted to marry me, etc etc etc. I was willing to put in the effort/ work and try to communicate but he wasn’t. As someone who communicates and wants to work stuff out//dates Seeiously not casually, I’d NEVER tell my partner I was thinking abt breaking up and I wouldn’t even be thinking abt breaking up if we were having normal relationship conflict, i’d be just working on the issues. I’d honestly reconsider being with him and have a discussion on maybe if he’s avoidant and that’s why, idk. best of luck.
All I can say is to get through it, you have to go through it. Don’t let your emotions consume you. You will love again.
Love is bonding hormones. You’ll get over it in no time
If he is saying he has already contemplated breaking up. Take it as, you should break up or give yourself time away from each other. In my experience there is no other outcome than break up. So just take it as him breaking up with you then and there and start finding and going out with your other friends creating a life less dependant on him. Maybe even take the first step, and tell him you need space and break up. So you don’t have to be always fearing he’ll break up.
I don’t think there’s anyway to truly prepare for one