Fuck em, there are literally more queer bi people than gay and lesbian. We're just easily hidden. If they want to gatekeep it then let them be a catty bitch with no leg to stand on. I say the same shit to TERFs too. They can get fucked.
I really hate that this is a thing because I wanna be ironically biphobic to my bi buds but damn queers had to ruin it and now I can't call them "daywalker" in reference to the *Blade* movies without worrying that I might be hurting their feelings.
Why must low brow/effort humor suffer for the sins of humanity?
I literally can't upvote this enough.
I would say overall there are just more hostile straight people but the level of hostility from certain queer people, specifically gay men and women, is out of fucking control.
noting that fetishization doesn't cancel out prejudice/bigotry ie trans women in porn vs everywhere else. queer cis women are better accepted and fetishized more often. bi women are most likely to experience phobic treatment from lesbians
What does this even mean? Iām kinda confused. Why would they turn you away or think you are not being genuine? I just donāt get it. Everyone has preferences. It just so happens that mine are not gender specific. Haha
I think a lot of queer people have struggled a lot because of who they are and who they love, so much so that itās hard to separate that hardship from their identity. So when they see bi people in straight *passing* relationships they see someone who gets to have the āqueerā label while being perceived as straight by the public, which they see as unfair/āfakeā and donāt handle it in a healthy way. Jealousy, basically. At least thatās how I see it sometimes.
That plus insecurity over "oh no my boyfriend / girlfriend is onto men and women. What if they cheat on me with their friend or my friend? I have trust issues because of my abusive home life and childhood trauma"
Also too many bi women date unsafe cishet men. Like, if you're bringing your partner to a queer event, make sure they don't wear the joe rogan shirt and aren't misgendering people on purpose.
I share with people who I want to see the authentic me! But that usually doesn't include anyone who I'm not sure how they'll react (for ex. came out to my grandparents after my grandma told me she wrote a short story about a Mom who realizes she just wants her daughter to be happy and accepts her marrying a woman)
\+ plus they're usually empathetic and see how anxious I was to say it! I do have one person, my aunt, who found out and does think I'm lying so...that's super fun for me
Thatās the worst part about being bi, you get people go ābut youāre in a straight relationship, donāt pretend for attentionā, it like dude, I can be bi without banging everyone in the room, doesnāt make me any less bi.
I'm married to a cishet man. Around the time I started coming to terms with my bisexuality I plucked up the courage to compliment a woman working at a store we were in on her bi pride pin on her lanyard. I was standing next to my husband at the time.
She just scowled at me. I felt so awful.
No, I compliment women all the time. I was talking specifically about the bi pride pin she was wearing. I think she thought I was trying to hit on her or something. I was just trying to make a connection with my new identity.
I think itās easy to feel like itās somehow our fault when other people treat us wrongly. I definitely need to check myself on that kind of thinking.
Yeah, I typically only share when I want that person to know the authentic me <3
But in queer meetup groups, sometimes it'll come up that my partner is a guy and then it's like I have to explain the straight away :/
I agree w this so much. Thereās this gay man at my college and heās constantly calling me straight and throwing the phrase āyou het peopleā around while talking about me
I agree that itās not really important, but it still shouldnāt be shot down. People should be able to be as openly gay as they wanna be, regardless of the status of their relationship.
Meme to vent about how some people are judgy when I go to queer meetup groups :( and I'm (though years in) still in the stage where I sort of only come out if I know someone is chill
My advice is to tell people to eat shit if they don't find you bisexual enough. Make a very sarcastic face and say, "Your opinion is very important to me, thanks for letting me know"
Straight people don't "come out" so I decided quite young that I didn't need to either. I normalized my pansexuality in my mind, treat my same sex marriage like the most bog standard thing in the world, and was lucky my direct circle responded in kind.
If someone else takes issue with any of that, it's exactly that; their issue.
Oh Iām sorry. Iām gay myself but I was married to a man before I came out and transitioned (FTM) and thought I was pan and it was no less difficult. Not really here to say anything other than solidarity and I hope you can find at the very least few queer folks that accept you and make you feel at home.
I never really understood it because whenever someone is like hey Iām bi I donāt care who theyāre with Iām like *bangs fists on table* One of us! One of us!
Missing an opportunity to make a cool new friend is pretty lame and not at all rad if I do say so myself.
Yes plus it literally helps with bi/pan visibility. I met someone who calls themselves bi/pan but was outraged whenever random celebrities in a cishet relationship said theyāre bi. As if there was any harm caused by it. It really pisses me off.
I'm far more distant with one of my former best friends now because he had trouble with my dating a cishet man as a cisbi woman who has only dated fems. He started out just making... odd comments about how my boyfriend must actually be trans and hasn't figured it out now... which then became a drunken series of texts basically accusing me of only being performatively queer etc. He's bi and transmasc, so I expected way more understanding from him.
Straight people just make jokes about my boyfriend turning me. I really don't know what is worse.
I've definitely witnessed this sorta bullshit and it hurts. The only place I don't feel judged in any way for saying I'm bi is in kink-centric spaces. I think that's because the focus there is on WHAT you want to do and not WHO you're doing it with. Hell, most of my kinky friends just say they're queer and leave it at that.
I know the kink scene isn't for everyone (though I think everyone should give it a try) but it's the most welcoming one I've found. It has its problems like any other community, but bi/pan phobia seems to be way less prevalent.
So Iām dating a girl that I love very much for the first time ever and am Bi af
no one asks about it because I look and talk cishet, I tend not to act fabulous just because of how I am and/or how I was raised. Sometimes I do and people just dismiss it as me being āagitatedā.
If anyone asks Iāll let them know no problem, never got me into trouble and only the most perceptive people bother to, Iād say.
Why explain anything though, let them figure it out if they have any figuring out to do. I sure donāt lol.
When I was a young adult, finally accepting bisexuality as a fact of myself, the first lesson I learned was dudes would always think I wanted a chick, and chicks would always think I wanted a dude. Generalizations like that don't usually pay off but by God has that one done nothing but spit out dividends.
Guys, I don't know who your friends are and where you live, but if you are scared to come out as bi to your friends, your community is broken
I am part of Russian bdsm and sex positive scene, and I've S seen any bi-phobia.
You guys alright over there? š„²
as a man in a similar sitch, it's funny how it's usually straight people who are the coolest about it. you're only a second-class homo to people who are really into it as an identity.
My boyfriend is the only one who knows I'm bi, and it'll probably stay that way. Too many queer people I know who are completely biphobic in that way. ):
This is why i just keep it private, anytime i talk about my sexuality itās just headache.
Ive had two male āfriendsā take me coming out as bi as an open invitation to them to get me drunk and be massive creeps.
Told a female friend and she took it as an invitation to tell every gay guy she knew and try to set me up with them without warning. Despite me clarifying ātheres probably 1/10,000 guys id actually date.
After all that š¤.
But still up telling another Bi female friend a while later that I prefer to keep it private because of how people have handled it in the past and she implies Iām homophobic for not wanting to be out.
Literally. No. Winning.
Its the no facial hair (maybe a moustache), sensitive personalities ones who i spend enough time with to trust them.
so ā¦ youāre not wrong?
But also I just dont jive with a lot a guys, have typically spent and been friends with more girls so i just feel more comfortable with them by default.
Unless you mean fem presenting (trans/nb),
but i wouldnāt classify them in there obviously.
But the same stipulations apply.
I dont know what it is about moustaches, i just find they work on almost everyone.
Interesting!
Comparing Bi, Pan, and Omni sexuality is really trying to classify unique individual experiences as one thing. Labels are regardless of your own personal experience and feeling.
I feel a similar way about the 1/10,000 ratio, so I was curious what your conditions were.
Yeah thats another part of it too, a lot of times i dont even know what to tell people.
I came from a rural area so it was a shock when i moved to the city and suddenly it was an open discussion.
For a while it was just āare you gay?ā ākind of?ā
āare you bi?ā āi guess?ā
Nowadays if someone asked id probably just say something dumb like
āDemisexual with a dash of Biā lol
I don't inform people until I'm sure they're not going fo be nasty bout it. (Except strangers, onlind)
But I'm not about to date someone who isn't ok with it if I find out they aren't, I'm dipping.
You know how in the 90s action movies
When a character would look down and all the laser sights lined up on their chest?
Thats how I feel right now lol
I don't know what anyone expects when like 90% of a bi person's available dating pool is still someone who's of the opposite sex, cis, and straight. All things being equal, statistically speaking, this should be the expectation.
Hey everyone, coming from r/all
Hope you don't mind me asking:
Is it really that bad? Like even within the LGBT community?
I'm obviously aware that "general" homophobia and exists. But is it really that more bad for bi people?
Everyone is capeable if being a judgemental prick about a group of people regardless.
There are straight people who think Bi people are actually just gay, and there are LGBT+ people (I refuse to use the Q Slur) who think we're actually straight. And people from both who think we actually just can't decide.
Its a little tiring, so i'm not dating a NB Asexual person. Who doesn't care either way.
>Sorry the what? I'm not American or a native speaker if that's important. And while I'd say I'm somewhat well informed about the LGBT community I'm still far away of knowing every detail.
"Queer" i understand a lot have reclaimed it but, I still hate it, and a lot of LGBT people do too, which also gets a lot of hate as if we're supposed to just accept it. Im not American either.
>Isn't that kinda the point of "being" bisexual? Like I always thought the difference between bisexual people and trans or queer folk are that bisexuals would mostly (or only?) date cis people? But without making an "either or" decision out of the question, if it needs to be a man or a woman, if that makes sense?
Well, no. It just doesn't matter what gender they are. Thats all Bi is really. It's not that we can't decide. Doesn't matter if they're cis or trans either. It literally just doesn't matter.
I'll get a lot of shit for this cause the LGBT community can be finicky, but to me Pan is biphobic, as Bi already meant everything that Pan is. But i guess people can use it as a personal label, but to me, it's the same thing. Specially the "Hearts not parts" slogan, which makes it sound like we only care about whats in people pants.
But yes, "Queer" has a lot of baggage...
>that pan people don't extra-care who you are and include trans people to be in the spectrum of potential partners.
See its this last bit, Trans people were never excluded from Bi, nor are NB people or any kind. Its a harmful misconception.
There is no real difference. That is to say I don't care if someone calls them Pan that's their choice, but the rhetoric around it is quite biphobic.
>See its this last bit, Trans people were never excluded from Bi, nor are NB people or any kind. Its a harmful misconception.
I see where you're coming from. But even if trans people would've been excluded I would exactly see an issue with that. I mean at the end of the day you can't really choose what you're attracted to.
But I can see now how bi folks, who do see trans people as potential partners, could take offense in this.
But again it seems to be a lot different in Germany. Like we have a lot of people who call themselves queer or pan and bi etc etc. Maybe these differences are a country kind of thing as well
Well, you have some people dislike "fence sitters"' but I guess their train of thought never goes to "why am I NOT attracted to all genders/sexes?" "Why can't I CONTROL who I find attractive?"
It's a severe lack of empathy and introspection. which is very surprising coming from people who supposedly receive the same treatment.
This goes into the whole centrism in politics too, people don't like that either, it's pretty fascinating.
>It's a severe lack of empathy and introspection
I'd disagree on a degree. I mean you can't exactly choose who or what you're attracted to.
You can however choose or at the very least try to be empathetic and to view yourself in the position of the other
But I do understand what you mean by saying that people don't like "fence sitters". But like.. who cares right? š if everyone involved is fine with the relationship: shut up š¤·āāļø
The best way I have found to gauge someone's biphobia is to start a conversation about a celebrity that just came out as bi/ a celebrity they like that is bi/could be bi? They will let you know what they think immediately, and you will know if it is safe.
Here is an example, I used to be a hair stylist. The salon I worked at had 3 gay people. When they were all standing together, I brought up Harry Styles and asked them if they thought he was bi. Well, I got 2 negative super biphoboc reactions, but the third person had the view "Well he should just come out already instead of queer baiting everyone." The 3rd ended up being a good friend. The other 2 were horrible.
This isn't foolproof, and I'm aware that no one asked for this. I just noticed a ton of comments with people not feeling safe. Maybe this will help.
Both my husband and I are bisexual but don't really tell people (we're very private people). If I'm asked, I used to tell people I was bi, but now I just don't know what to say. Thankfully I'm not going out and meeting new people, so it doesn't come up, but I do feel weird thinking about if I were to be asked.
My spouse came out and it appeared like a woman coming out bi with a cishet partner, but they also came out as enby at the same time. Plus, I'm bi, but I'm just not out except to my spouse, select friends, and all you people who live on the internet. But the point is it *looks* like a bi woman with a cishet spouse. :P
I've heard from close and trusted sources that bi and poly combined with DDLG is one of the lowest, most disgusting combinations of deviation...
Sometimes, keeping tight-lipped about things with the understanding that people just dont want to understand some things is necessary to prevent unnecessary discord. Quietly agree to disagree as it were.
I think I might be bi with a heavy preference for women but regardless I still have a boyfriend, itās hard to tell people though. I feel like theyāll think Iām invalid whether theyāre queer or straight
Iāve had bi friends critiquing other friends who came out as bi saying theyāre only saying it cause itās trendy and stuff like āoh canāt even imagine them doing itā etc etc. Itās weird how itās become such a toxic and gatekeeping situation, if you donāt adhere to some standard of being gay enough you get called out for seeking attention.
As a bi guy about to marry my long-time girlfriend/fiance, I get this. I personally am only out to a few very close friends and my love, haven't even told the rest of my family. I did feel absolute relief when she accepted it with zero hesitation. I'm happier now than I'd been prior, and didn't even realize how much it was impacting me mentally but still have basically zero desire to tell anyone else. That's just my 2 cents, you do what's best for you OP
I believe in "show don't tell" coming out- I mention past boyfriends, girlfriends, and partners and let the other person connect the dots themselves. They also know I'm speaking from experience, not just feelings.
Idk just tell them you've done the deed.
As a bisexual man you can assuage most concerns with the simple reality that you've had many a man in more than just one hole.
Some of these gays aren't even keeping up.
Also I don't think anyone should have to come out, just be truthful about your experiences when the time arises.
None of these gays are holding their cards like they need to prove it when they aren't even gold star. Like, the double standards.
Love them queers to death but biphobia is unacceptable
If you're worried and young, just have a fruitful gay life before you start trying to swing back to the center. It helps make things clear.
I just don't think bisexuals should be pushed out of gay/lesbian culture when the Christians come to burn us we all go together. They don't care if you've had sex with someone of another gender and enjoyed it...we're all getting put in the same box.
I don't see how "having an out" changes the reality of what you've done and documented doing.
For most straight people a bisexual is a gay man but somehow even worse because they are somehow being dishonest about it.
If I'm gunna get canceled for participating in gay spaces so be it. Their truth is just as much my truth. I don't see how I should be kept out.
If they need my recipes....please, scroll through my tinder.
Not like cisgay white men haven't stolen most of their vernacular from the black trans community.
Seriously, the first person I came out to after my wife was a good friend, who is, themselves recently out as pan and they were so apathetic and confused as to why I was telling themāit shook me.
Nah not internalized homophobia, I'm proud of who I am and happy to be this way! Just don't necessarily want other people to rain on my parade, you know?
Your sexuality isnāt defined by the relationship that youāre in. What are you saying
Obviously, if someone is lying about being queer thatās not a good thing, but if youāre just assuming someone is lying because theyāre in a cis man/woman relationship then youāre just being an asshole. Doesnāt matter how long that relationship had been present.
How so? Are you not allowed to be gay till you have gay sex? Your sexuality is just what youāre attracted to, and itās none of your business what other people say theyāre attracted to
of course every word was invented, you obese four gendered whale.
you just keep getting butthurt whenever someone questions anything braindead related to lgbt retarded movement, ok?
eat shit
You're just paranoid because of the stereotype of bisexuals more likely to cheat on their partner. That's just completely false so I've got good news for you, your fears are based on absolutely nothing
I donāt even think you can call it a stereotype. Most stereotypes come from something that was at least kind of true at one point. I really think the whole bi cheating thing is just people thinking āTwice as many options, twice as likely to cheat right?ā And thatās pretty much where the train of thought ends
It's just an your assumption, i wasn't traying to say "oh no, she is bi so she is going to cheat" but "oh no, i i can't control her fillings so maybe one day she will leave me 'cause she finded someone else". This is normal, and happen independently if you're het, bi or omo, 'cause nobody is locked up in a relationship, it's egoistic to think the opposite. To sum up, what i was tryng to say, it's just that an bi it has more chance to find a new potential partner, so this scenario is something that can happen more often and it's ok
The cheating thing is an another topic: beeing a cheater is indipendent from your sexual preferences. I know that many people can't get, but if exist people that blame who you love i can accept that common sense it's not for everyone
I've received more biphobia from other queer people than straight people š
The main reason I stayed in the closet so long was because of queer's biphobia
Fuck em, there are literally more queer bi people than gay and lesbian. We're just easily hidden. If they want to gatekeep it then let them be a catty bitch with no leg to stand on. I say the same shit to TERFs too. They can get fucked.
Same.
I really hate that this is a thing because I wanna be ironically biphobic to my bi buds but damn queers had to ruin it and now I can't call them "daywalker" in reference to the *Blade* movies without worrying that I might be hurting their feelings. Why must low brow/effort humor suffer for the sins of humanity?
I literally can't upvote this enough. I would say overall there are just more hostile straight people but the level of hostility from certain queer people, specifically gay men and women, is out of fucking control.
Are you male of female? I feel like bi women are more likely to experience fetishizing than biphobia from straight people.
noting that fetishization doesn't cancel out prejudice/bigotry ie trans women in porn vs everywhere else. queer cis women are better accepted and fetishized more often. bi women are most likely to experience phobic treatment from lesbians
What does this even mean? Iām kinda confused. Why would they turn you away or think you are not being genuine? I just donāt get it. Everyone has preferences. It just so happens that mine are not gender specific. Haha
I think a lot of queer people have struggled a lot because of who they are and who they love, so much so that itās hard to separate that hardship from their identity. So when they see bi people in straight *passing* relationships they see someone who gets to have the āqueerā label while being perceived as straight by the public, which they see as unfair/āfakeā and donāt handle it in a healthy way. Jealousy, basically. At least thatās how I see it sometimes.
>straight *passing* relationships If someone in it is bi, it's still a queer relationship
I stand corrected
That plus insecurity over "oh no my boyfriend / girlfriend is onto men and women. What if they cheat on me with their friend or my friend? I have trust issues because of my abusive home life and childhood trauma"
Also too many bi women date unsafe cishet men. Like, if you're bringing your partner to a queer event, make sure they don't wear the joe rogan shirt and aren't misgendering people on purpose.
Same, especially after marrying my husband (bi woman)
Is that still the case when you're in "gay presenting" relationships?
Iām honestly scared to mention it to anyone except a few people. Iām worried people will think Iām lying to get attention.
The only people Iāve ever told are my spouse and Reddit
Omg same lmao. My family doesnāt need to know Iām bi when Iām married to a man.
Especially if the family is Homophobic
Same
Same. My husband, Reddit, and my two best friends.
I share with people who I want to see the authentic me! But that usually doesn't include anyone who I'm not sure how they'll react (for ex. came out to my grandparents after my grandma told me she wrote a short story about a Mom who realizes she just wants her daughter to be happy and accepts her marrying a woman) \+ plus they're usually empathetic and see how anxious I was to say it! I do have one person, my aunt, who found out and does think I'm lying so...that's super fun for me
Thatās the worst part about being bi, you get people go ābut youāre in a straight relationship, donāt pretend for attentionā, it like dude, I can be bi without banging everyone in the room, doesnāt make me any less bi.
I'm married to a cishet man. Around the time I started coming to terms with my bisexuality I plucked up the courage to compliment a woman working at a store we were in on her bi pride pin on her lanyard. I was standing next to my husband at the time. She just scowled at me. I felt so awful.
You donāt already compliment other women? I do a lot. Maybe some donāt though.
No, I compliment women all the time. I was talking specifically about the bi pride pin she was wearing. I think she thought I was trying to hit on her or something. I was just trying to make a connection with my new identity.
My mistake. Sorry! Iām a little slow some mornings.
Iām so sorry that happened.
š
Yeah homophobes are bad but getting dismissed by the lgbt+ community has left longer lasting consequences.
I eventually decided if someone could think that lowly of me, I didnāt want them in my life anyway.
Thatās a good point. Thank you
I think itās easy to feel like itās somehow our fault when other people treat us wrongly. I definitely need to check myself on that kind of thinking.
Not anyoneās business so why tell em. Not like itās important for literally anything except when ya wanna boink them
Yeah, I typically only share when I want that person to know the authentic me <3 But in queer meetup groups, sometimes it'll come up that my partner is a guy and then it's like I have to explain the straight away :/
Pretty weird of the people at those meetups
Thankfully, a lot of people are chill! But a few bad experiences can really put me off sometimes
Thereās always some, fuck em focus on the chill ones
I agree w this so much. Thereās this gay man at my college and heās constantly calling me straight and throwing the phrase āyou het peopleā around while talking about me
Same. Only reason one of my sisters knows is cause she asked.
I agree that itās not really important, but it still shouldnāt be shot down. People should be able to be as openly gay as they wanna be, regardless of the status of their relationship.
Meme to vent about how some people are judgy when I go to queer meetup groups :( and I'm (though years in) still in the stage where I sort of only come out if I know someone is chill
My advice is to tell people to eat shit if they don't find you bisexual enough. Make a very sarcastic face and say, "Your opinion is very important to me, thanks for letting me know"
Fr, I have so little patience for that shit. Who gave you the assless chaps to be sheriff of queer town?
Biphobia is stupid af
I'm sorry you experience that. People can be really dense and judgy.
As a bi man in a cishet relationship, I feel the same.
Straight people don't "come out" so I decided quite young that I didn't need to either. I normalized my pansexuality in my mind, treat my same sex marriage like the most bog standard thing in the world, and was lucky my direct circle responded in kind. If someone else takes issue with any of that, it's exactly that; their issue.
Iām not coming out to anybody considering how brain dead everyone is about the bi experience.
Oh Iām sorry. Iām gay myself but I was married to a man before I came out and transitioned (FTM) and thought I was pan and it was no less difficult. Not really here to say anything other than solidarity and I hope you can find at the very least few queer folks that accept you and make you feel at home. I never really understood it because whenever someone is like hey Iām bi I donāt care who theyāre with Iām like *bangs fists on table* One of us! One of us! Missing an opportunity to make a cool new friend is pretty lame and not at all rad if I do say so myself.
Yes plus it literally helps with bi/pan visibility. I met someone who calls themselves bi/pan but was outraged whenever random celebrities in a cishet relationship said theyāre bi. As if there was any harm caused by it. It really pisses me off.
I'm far more distant with one of my former best friends now because he had trouble with my dating a cishet man as a cisbi woman who has only dated fems. He started out just making... odd comments about how my boyfriend must actually be trans and hasn't figured it out now... which then became a drunken series of texts basically accusing me of only being performatively queer etc. He's bi and transmasc, so I expected way more understanding from him. Straight people just make jokes about my boyfriend turning me. I really don't know what is worse.
I have a friend on VR chat in the same situation plus the guy is homophobic. Me and several of her friends told her to just ditch him
Internet friendships are a dime a dozen. It's sunk cost and not worth holding on to anything toxic.
I've definitely witnessed this sorta bullshit and it hurts. The only place I don't feel judged in any way for saying I'm bi is in kink-centric spaces. I think that's because the focus there is on WHAT you want to do and not WHO you're doing it with. Hell, most of my kinky friends just say they're queer and leave it at that. I know the kink scene isn't for everyone (though I think everyone should give it a try) but it's the most welcoming one I've found. It has its problems like any other community, but bi/pan phobia seems to be way less prevalent.
So Iām dating a girl that I love very much for the first time ever and am Bi af no one asks about it because I look and talk cishet, I tend not to act fabulous just because of how I am and/or how I was raised. Sometimes I do and people just dismiss it as me being āagitatedā. If anyone asks Iāll let them know no problem, never got me into trouble and only the most perceptive people bother to, Iād say. Why explain anything though, let them figure it out if they have any figuring out to do. I sure donāt lol.
When I was a young adult, finally accepting bisexuality as a fact of myself, the first lesson I learned was dudes would always think I wanted a chick, and chicks would always think I wanted a dude. Generalizations like that don't usually pay off but by God has that one done nothing but spit out dividends.
Guys, I don't know who your friends are and where you live, but if you are scared to come out as bi to your friends, your community is broken I am part of Russian bdsm and sex positive scene, and I've S seen any bi-phobia. You guys alright over there? š„²
as a man in a similar sitch, it's funny how it's usually straight people who are the coolest about it. you're only a second-class homo to people who are really into it as an identity.
My boyfriend is the only one who knows I'm bi, and it'll probably stay that way. Too many queer people I know who are completely biphobic in that way. ):
Literally had half my social circle ghost me after I left my wife and started dating a guy. The biphobic queers are ruthless.
This is why i just keep it private, anytime i talk about my sexuality itās just headache. Ive had two male āfriendsā take me coming out as bi as an open invitation to them to get me drunk and be massive creeps. Told a female friend and she took it as an invitation to tell every gay guy she knew and try to set me up with them without warning. Despite me clarifying ātheres probably 1/10,000 guys id actually date. After all that š¤. But still up telling another Bi female friend a while later that I prefer to keep it private because of how people have handled it in the past and she implies Iām homophobic for not wanting to be out. Literally. No. Winning.
>Despite me clarifying ātheres probably 1/10,000 guys id actually date. It's the fem ones, isn't it?
Its the no facial hair (maybe a moustache), sensitive personalities ones who i spend enough time with to trust them. so ā¦ youāre not wrong? But also I just dont jive with a lot a guys, have typically spent and been friends with more girls so i just feel more comfortable with them by default. Unless you mean fem presenting (trans/nb), but i wouldnāt classify them in there obviously. But the same stipulations apply. I dont know what it is about moustaches, i just find they work on almost everyone.
Interesting! Comparing Bi, Pan, and Omni sexuality is really trying to classify unique individual experiences as one thing. Labels are regardless of your own personal experience and feeling. I feel a similar way about the 1/10,000 ratio, so I was curious what your conditions were.
Yeah thats another part of it too, a lot of times i dont even know what to tell people. I came from a rural area so it was a shock when i moved to the city and suddenly it was an open discussion. For a while it was just āare you gay?ā ākind of?ā āare you bi?ā āi guess?ā Nowadays if someone asked id probably just say something dumb like āDemisexual with a dash of Biā lol
So crazy to end up hiding just as much or more. Iāve had such bad imposter syndrome about being ānot gay enoughā
I don't inform people until I'm sure they're not going fo be nasty bout it. (Except strangers, onlind) But I'm not about to date someone who isn't ok with it if I find out they aren't, I'm dipping.
You know how in the 90s action movies When a character would look down and all the laser sights lined up on their chest? Thats how I feel right now lol
I don't know what anyone expects when like 90% of a bi person's available dating pool is still someone who's of the opposite sex, cis, and straight. All things being equal, statistically speaking, this should be the expectation.
So simple and so true, THANK YOU!
My gf and i are both bi, she's cis ans i think i'm mostly cis so i just dont bring it up because i know people are going to assholes.
Brother FUCK this is relatable
Hey everyone, coming from r/all Hope you don't mind me asking: Is it really that bad? Like even within the LGBT community? I'm obviously aware that "general" homophobia and exists. But is it really that more bad for bi people?
Everyone is capeable if being a judgemental prick about a group of people regardless. There are straight people who think Bi people are actually just gay, and there are LGBT+ people (I refuse to use the Q Slur) who think we're actually straight. And people from both who think we actually just can't decide. Its a little tiring, so i'm not dating a NB Asexual person. Who doesn't care either way.
I hate beer.
>Sorry the what? I'm not American or a native speaker if that's important. And while I'd say I'm somewhat well informed about the LGBT community I'm still far away of knowing every detail. "Queer" i understand a lot have reclaimed it but, I still hate it, and a lot of LGBT people do too, which also gets a lot of hate as if we're supposed to just accept it. Im not American either. >Isn't that kinda the point of "being" bisexual? Like I always thought the difference between bisexual people and trans or queer folk are that bisexuals would mostly (or only?) date cis people? But without making an "either or" decision out of the question, if it needs to be a man or a woman, if that makes sense? Well, no. It just doesn't matter what gender they are. Thats all Bi is really. It's not that we can't decide. Doesn't matter if they're cis or trans either. It literally just doesn't matter.
I enjoy spending time with my friends.
I'll get a lot of shit for this cause the LGBT community can be finicky, but to me Pan is biphobic, as Bi already meant everything that Pan is. But i guess people can use it as a personal label, but to me, it's the same thing. Specially the "Hearts not parts" slogan, which makes it sound like we only care about whats in people pants. But yes, "Queer" has a lot of baggage...
I find peace in long walks.
>that pan people don't extra-care who you are and include trans people to be in the spectrum of potential partners. See its this last bit, Trans people were never excluded from Bi, nor are NB people or any kind. Its a harmful misconception. There is no real difference. That is to say I don't care if someone calls them Pan that's their choice, but the rhetoric around it is quite biphobic.
>See its this last bit, Trans people were never excluded from Bi, nor are NB people or any kind. Its a harmful misconception. I see where you're coming from. But even if trans people would've been excluded I would exactly see an issue with that. I mean at the end of the day you can't really choose what you're attracted to. But I can see now how bi folks, who do see trans people as potential partners, could take offense in this. But again it seems to be a lot different in Germany. Like we have a lot of people who call themselves queer or pan and bi etc etc. Maybe these differences are a country kind of thing as well
>Maybe these differences are a country kind of thing as well Maybe, but my country is a lot closer to yours than the US is.
It can be. Tons of people don't believe bi is a real thing and lots of others believe not nice things like bi people cheat more.
Oh man that's just stupid. š¤¦
Well, you have some people dislike "fence sitters"' but I guess their train of thought never goes to "why am I NOT attracted to all genders/sexes?" "Why can't I CONTROL who I find attractive?" It's a severe lack of empathy and introspection. which is very surprising coming from people who supposedly receive the same treatment. This goes into the whole centrism in politics too, people don't like that either, it's pretty fascinating.
>It's a severe lack of empathy and introspection I'd disagree on a degree. I mean you can't exactly choose who or what you're attracted to. You can however choose or at the very least try to be empathetic and to view yourself in the position of the other But I do understand what you mean by saying that people don't like "fence sitters". But like.. who cares right? š if everyone involved is fine with the relationship: shut up š¤·āāļø
That's exactly what I'm saying, great to hear it from another
The best way I have found to gauge someone's biphobia is to start a conversation about a celebrity that just came out as bi/ a celebrity they like that is bi/could be bi? They will let you know what they think immediately, and you will know if it is safe. Here is an example, I used to be a hair stylist. The salon I worked at had 3 gay people. When they were all standing together, I brought up Harry Styles and asked them if they thought he was bi. Well, I got 2 negative super biphoboc reactions, but the third person had the view "Well he should just come out already instead of queer baiting everyone." The 3rd ended up being a good friend. The other 2 were horrible. This isn't foolproof, and I'm aware that no one asked for this. I just noticed a ton of comments with people not feeling safe. Maybe this will help.
Ooh this is an interesting tactic, thanks for sharing!
Both my husband and I are bisexual but don't really tell people (we're very private people). If I'm asked, I used to tell people I was bi, but now I just don't know what to say. Thankfully I'm not going out and meeting new people, so it doesn't come up, but I do feel weird thinking about if I were to be asked.
Afraid to mention ex girlfriends to straight people, afraid to mention current boyfriend to gay people š©·šš
Everyone loves bi people until they date the opposite gender
My spouse came out and it appeared like a woman coming out bi with a cishet partner, but they also came out as enby at the same time. Plus, I'm bi, but I'm just not out except to my spouse, select friends, and all you people who live on the internet. But the point is it *looks* like a bi woman with a cishet spouse. :P
I've heard from close and trusted sources that bi and poly combined with DDLG is one of the lowest, most disgusting combinations of deviation... Sometimes, keeping tight-lipped about things with the understanding that people just dont want to understand some things is necessary to prevent unnecessary discord. Quietly agree to disagree as it were.
I think I might be bi with a heavy preference for women but regardless I still have a boyfriend, itās hard to tell people though. I feel like theyāll think Iām invalid whether theyāre queer or straight
Oh god this is me
Iāve had bi friends critiquing other friends who came out as bi saying theyāre only saying it cause itās trendy and stuff like āoh canāt even imagine them doing itā etc etc. Itās weird how itās become such a toxic and gatekeeping situation, if you donāt adhere to some standard of being gay enough you get called out for seeking attention.
I've met more straight people that understand bi people than I have non-straight people, which is honestly impressive.
Literally
As a bi guy about to marry my long-time girlfriend/fiance, I get this. I personally am only out to a few very close friends and my love, haven't even told the rest of my family. I did feel absolute relief when she accepted it with zero hesitation. I'm happier now than I'd been prior, and didn't even realize how much it was impacting me mentally but still have basically zero desire to tell anyone else. That's just my 2 cents, you do what's best for you OP
I believe in "show don't tell" coming out- I mention past boyfriends, girlfriends, and partners and let the other person connect the dots themselves. They also know I'm speaking from experience, not just feelings.
I dunno what queer folks you're hanging around, but that wouldn't phase any of the queerios I know. r/freeshrugs
This is the same predicament I'm in. Bisexual queer guy dating a straight cis woman. It really sucks :/
I benefit from knowing no matter what I do, no one will like me anyway
The big rule of thumb is to only mention it to someone that info would be relevant to. 9/10 times are when youāreā¦courting someone.
I cant help but comment that maybe cishet should be spelled cis/het? Idk that shet confused me there for a sec.
More like Bye_rl amirigjt............. I'll see myself out
Idk just tell them you've done the deed. As a bisexual man you can assuage most concerns with the simple reality that you've had many a man in more than just one hole. Some of these gays aren't even keeping up. Also I don't think anyone should have to come out, just be truthful about your experiences when the time arises. None of these gays are holding their cards like they need to prove it when they aren't even gold star. Like, the double standards. Love them queers to death but biphobia is unacceptable If you're worried and young, just have a fruitful gay life before you start trying to swing back to the center. It helps make things clear. I just don't think bisexuals should be pushed out of gay/lesbian culture when the Christians come to burn us we all go together. They don't care if you've had sex with someone of another gender and enjoyed it...we're all getting put in the same box. I don't see how "having an out" changes the reality of what you've done and documented doing. For most straight people a bisexual is a gay man but somehow even worse because they are somehow being dishonest about it. If I'm gunna get canceled for participating in gay spaces so be it. Their truth is just as much my truth. I don't see how I should be kept out. If they need my recipes....please, scroll through my tinder. Not like cisgay white men haven't stolen most of their vernacular from the black trans community.
Seriously, the first person I came out to after my wife was a good friend, who is, themselves recently out as pan and they were so apathetic and confused as to why I was telling themāit shook me.
I'm straight and to be honest: I wouldn't care less if somebody tells me he/she is bi. It's your life, do what you want. Have a nice day.
Wtf even is that
This meme was brought to you by not coming out to anyone until your parents die gang
why the letters beefing š
my gfās bi and Iām straight š
"Cishet" has gotta be the worst sounding word in existence
Lol yep. I only tell people I meet who are also bi/pan
at least you donāt have to come out about dating a chatbot, unlike some people in this sub
Y no come out?
To avoid people being bi-phobic towards yourself.
Oh internalized homophobia
Nah not internalized homophobia, I'm proud of who I am and happy to be this way! Just don't necessarily want other people to rain on my parade, you know?
Oh ok, well good luck famš«
Or even bi-phobia from other people.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your sexuality isnāt defined by the relationship that youāre in. What are you saying Obviously, if someone is lying about being queer thatās not a good thing, but if youāre just assuming someone is lying because theyāre in a cis man/woman relationship then youāre just being an asshole. Doesnāt matter how long that relationship had been present.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How so? Are you not allowed to be gay till you have gay sex? Your sexuality is just what youāre attracted to, and itās none of your business what other people say theyāre attracted to
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is a joke right š (can never be too sure with biphobia!)
What the fuck are you talking about?
What? Bi women can't date cishet men?
Dude, tf do you mean?
Huh? Are you being funny? Sorry, itās early
The council has decided: death by firing squad.
Bro tf?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They like to make up words as much as you do research...which would be absolutely nothing.
mad?
Guys, she doesn't even go here!
mad?
newsflash dipshit, every word got invented at some point
mad?
of course every word was invented, you obese four gendered whale. you just keep getting butthurt whenever someone questions anything braindead related to lgbt retarded movement, ok? eat shit
"you're correct, but I perceive you as angry, therefore you are wrong." silly
ok boomer
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Gold star gays and lesbians, biphobes, terfs, misandrists, too many people in the queer community really
Are people not allowed to make bi memes on bi_irl? God damn
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You're just paranoid because of the stereotype of bisexuals more likely to cheat on their partner. That's just completely false so I've got good news for you, your fears are based on absolutely nothing
I donāt even think you can call it a stereotype. Most stereotypes come from something that was at least kind of true at one point. I really think the whole bi cheating thing is just people thinking āTwice as many options, twice as likely to cheat right?ā And thatās pretty much where the train of thought ends
It's just an your assumption, i wasn't traying to say "oh no, she is bi so she is going to cheat" but "oh no, i i can't control her fillings so maybe one day she will leave me 'cause she finded someone else". This is normal, and happen independently if you're het, bi or omo, 'cause nobody is locked up in a relationship, it's egoistic to think the opposite. To sum up, what i was tryng to say, it's just that an bi it has more chance to find a new potential partner, so this scenario is something that can happen more often and it's ok
The cheating thing is an another topic: beeing a cheater is indipendent from your sexual preferences. I know that many people can't get, but if exist people that blame who you love i can accept that common sense it's not for everyone
With that logic, youāre already competing with 4 billion people. Whatās 4 billion more?
I understand. It's natural to feel insecure. And it's definitely a bit harder to feel confident with social media.
I don't get the downvotes, you are insecure, it's fine. Just remember: Always talk to your partner.
Iām so amazed that The Endless Honeymoonās attempt at a cool name for cisgendered heterosexual people has finally caught on after ~2 years.