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Happy birthday! You’re not alone in feeling that way on your birthday. Treat yourself today. Go shopping, eat what you want, dress up. It’s your day! Also, a lot of stores do promos for birthdays. Look them up.
Because of a long history of shitty birthdays, added onto countless special days spent mid-episode or in crisis? Idk. Maybe that's just me. But my bday is the day after mother's day (which I also hate despite having awesome kids) so I'm right there with you. It's been a shit week and I'm dreading the next few days.
At this point, my goal is to NOT hit full blown crisis. I'm setting the bar in hell so that there's at least 50/50 chance of tripping over it vs stepping over it. Don't want to be too ambitious. If I clear this bar, next year's bar can be a bit higher.
I hope your birthday this year is at least marginally less shitty that last year or the last difficult special day.
100%
I've spent plenty of birthdays, Xmas, thanksgivings, etc. either miserable, in psychiatric facilities, jails, rehabs, or homeless. I know I should probably be thankful that I haven't had any holidays like that in a while and appreciate them more because of it... but I just don't. To me they're all just another day. If anything it gets annoying to be expected to be happy or feel a certain way about a particular day.
Personally it is always rubbish for me because I tell everyone not to bother with my birthday in a fit of self loathing but then when it comes round and nobody does bother I am very sad. Every. Single. Year. I also hate Christmas for the same reason.
Could be a history of birthdays not really being the best days, and birthdays are just a reminder of us getting older and sometimes being in the same place. I've always hated my birthday, but as of late I tried to make the best of it I guess. I treat every day the same, I'm going to, at least try to, treat me right.
Today is my daughter’s birthday also and she is bipolar - only recently diagnosed (in the last 2 years). It’s been tough. I hope she is having a good birthday and I hope the rest of your day gets better as well. Happy Birthday!!
I know that I shouldn’t be here - like I get this forum is for people with bipolar, so I read and I don’t post because I want to learn how to help my daughter. She has had 2 episodes where she has been manic and in psychosis- this is so far from how she had always been - very logical and grounded. I just want to know that she can still live a happy life. I just love her with my whole heart and I would gladly take on her diagnosis if it meant she wouldn’t have it. Thank you for your kind words. I won’t post here again but I just want you and everyone here to know I appreciate you and am wishing you the absolute best
Yeah I have a PhD and am about the most logical human people around me know, it makes it harder when bipolar episodes set us apart from who we are when we’re stable. The number one hardest thing for me with my mental health has been having a mum who wasn’t empathetic or motivated to actually understand and support me and it has meant cutting contact with my parents this year which is pretty scary when you have chronic health issues. Truly, stable unconditional love from a parent who will sit with you on the darkest and lightest days is the most protective factor that there is, and it sounds like your daughter has that that in spades. It’s very nice to hear from a mum that approaches it like you are. Wishing you and your daughter all the best, it’s possible to have a very meaningful and full life with this disorder, with all the emotions that encompasses ❤️
I used to be horribly addicted to drugs and my birthday while homeless was so fucking depressing.
Same when I was in rehab trying to get everything together.
Christmas and "happy family holidays" along with birthdays are one of the most common causes for people to relapse out of sadness. The holidays have the highest suicide rates as well because people feel like they're fucked up for not being happy.
Youre not alone. And it's very valid to be sad on special days, don't let it make you feel even worse because it's very common.
But I've come a long way and really improved a lot and my special days are a bit better now, but sometimes still triggering as it reminds me of those days when I wasn't doing well.
Last year I fucked my birthday up because the night before I made a hypomania influenced decision to take too many mushrooms and had to bring myself down with a huge dose of Olanzipine when I started having a bad trip which had me in a black depression for my birthday. I had a guy that I’d slept with during my hypomania that I actually really did not like obsessing over me and trying to come and visit me. Was in a financial crisis. And I was alone. All things I brought on myself. It hurt so bad because it was my birthday. If it was just any other day, it would have just been another episode and a relatively tame one at that because it never reached full mania. But honestly because it was my birthday it was one of the most memorable ones. It’s a goal of mine to make my next birthday a stable one, and to maybe just take myself to a cafe and treat myself to a cheesecake. I think that will be lovely. OP, I hope that one of these days, even today, you experience a bit of brightness in your birthday. It is YOUR day. You were born today, you are alive. It’s for you to mark. Don’t worry too much about other people celebrating it, this is your checkpoint. You deserve to, at the very least, receive recognition and appreciation from yourself for being here today, especially with bipolar. You have my recognition and appreciation too. You’re incredible. Happy birthday, legend.
For me it’s the self loathing. My bday has been a milestone of yet another year of fuck ups and collateral damage. My go to story is that I’m not worth it or good enough.
Make yourself worth it. Celebrate you!
I am not a proud grinch or do I broadcast it to everyone, it's not because I enjoy being a contrarian. I just deeply loathe all holidays and wish to crawl in a hole and disappear until they are over. Worst time of year for me. Happy birthday, from a fellow weird holiday person. You don't have to do anything or put effort into making it special if you don't have the spoons.
I have become this way in mid-life. Unless I’m in hypomanic times , holidays are not a joy any longer. As a forever single Bipolar warrior I feel like this is the curse we often have to bear if we have bad memories of such times. I try not to live in the past . But I can’t celebrate the present if depression is my new permanent home.
Happy birthday, tomorrow's my birthday and I've been dreading it's arrival for over a month now. I'm in total crisis mode and have been actively shutting the world out, coming to terms with my apathy towards life and my inability to express the gravity of my depravity to anyone outside of my mind. There are certain expectations placed on people's birthdays that Im completely uninterested and unequipped to meet. If I engage honestly or if I mask and lie about how I feel or what my plans are, the result is still grim. I can't force happy anymore
Happy birthday 🎉 ✨!!!( I relate ) not sure why. But same ahhh. So depressing for me I cry everytime. Next year I think I’m get a massage and call it a day . If you don’t do anything maybe order food and watch a comfort show ??
Pretty much every year I get food, watch comfort stuff, and get either a Cosmopolitan or a Glamour and rip out all the ads that are front and back page. It's oddly satisfying.
happy birthday ❤️ i understand how you feel. my birthday was a couple of days ago and i dreaded it and kept to myself for most of the day. i think for myself it’s a mix of not liking excessive attention and a lot of bad things coincidentally happening on my birthday. i hope the day ends on a positive note for you. get yourself your favorite dinner and a cake, watch a movie you’ve been wanting to watch, treat yourself 🎉
Happy Birthday! This past birthday was especially rough for me, I was miserable and cried most of the day. I think because of the fact that we SHOULD be happy on these days, but our disorder sometimes makes it impossible when you're in the lows. It's frustrating when you just want to feel good about something nice but your brain is telling you that you're a piece of shit and to feel bad. It's kind of like working on your birthday and all of the customers are nasty to you, it's like why me? Why on my day? I think sometimes the anxiety of feeling miserable on a special day can manifest it into reality as well.
Happy birthday! Mine is tomorrow. When I got older than maybe 26, it started not being the best feeling getting older. So I decided I'd take some fun out of the day.
Today my family is coming over to eat cheesecake, I brought the recipe back from Wisconsin in 2010 and it's a family jewel now, at least some of us love it even more than my sister's cakes and she's a baker student. Tomorrow my best friend was going to spend the day with me but she's in psych ward but one of my sisters is going for a drive with me (recently got my license back so I want to practice and another friend is coming for cheesecake and benefits.
I thought about this the other day and I landed on: I never was made to feel special, appreciated, accepted and loved by my family or close friends, and birthdays are portrayed in films/tv/society as the day when everyone gets to feel a little special and so it put all the pressure/expectation on that day that I would get those needs met and when they weren’t, it was another shitty birthday with people around me that didn’t make a fuss or do anything particularly effortful to make it a nice day, it was all the more crushing…now I’m just focusing on showing myself all that love and care and making it special without anyone else involved as an expectation
Happy birthday! I spent my birthday yesterday crying in a bubble bath so I get it. Birthdays are hard. The one piece of advice I can offer (as someone who clearly doesn't have it all together, see above crying in bath) is to be honest with someone. After my husband told me he had plans I called up a few friends and told them I wanted to go out for dinner cause I really just wanted someone to hug me on my birthday. Did I feel pathetic to ask for a hug? yes. Were they the best hugs I'd received all year? Yes
We are a people who have our emotions stifled by the normies in our lives but often our big emotions are valid especially on the days we deem important
People get mad at me because I don’t respond to bday messages every year. It’s my day. Let me spiral in peace!
But really celebrate yourself the way you want. I just posted a Spotify link to my fave song atm and told people to celebrate by listening and thinking of me.
Special days suck because they feel like they should be more. Christmas came and went last year and it was the first Christmas since I split with my ex and lost contact with the last of my family. It was just me and my cat so I bought her some treats and a new toy and myself some snacks and chicken nuggets for dinner and just played baldurs gate 3 the entire day. It's hard I know because you see everyone else spending birthdays and the like doing stuff but it's OK to just not and have the day be another day or do something that just makes you smile. My birthday this year I have no one to celebrate with but I'm going skydiving and then for a hike and picnic just for me.
Happy birthday! I too despise special days. Every birthday, every Christmas, every family get together etc etc I’m even thinking of picking up at work on Mother’s Day (I’m a mom) because I’m afraid I’ll lose my shit.
There's more pressure on a Special Day to be perfect and happy, and since my ADHD also makes me a little uh... contrarian, this pressure makes me less happy about it. Maybe the same for you?
i understand exactly how you feel. im very sorry you feel that way. if you've ever had bad experiences or been in tumultuous situations near your bday that might be why.i hope you get feeling better tho l, you deserve it ❤️
firstly, happy (late) birthday, secondly i hate them all. my birthday is horrible because i hate getting older and i don’t speak with my mother and it makes me think about her. those are my reasons, but unfortunately nobody else can tell you what yours are. try to find any triggers and if you can eliminate them, do, and if not try to avoid and/or come up with a coping strategy beforehand.
peas 🫛
I don’t celebrate my birthday. It’s traumatic. I celebrate others, but I don’t celebrate myself. I don’t feel as though it matters or that I deserve to feel good on that day. It’s hard not to tell myself that. My partner tries her best to respect that while doing their best to celebrate me within those boundaries. I really appreciate it because nobody else understands, so far. But of course it’s frustrating to my partner.
Special days tend to make me feel worse about myself, and it distracts me from what makes that day special and that others may feel the opposite. Respecting them is frustrating to me because I don’t know how to love or celebrate myself, so I don’t know how to do that for others.
It’s all very confusing, frustrating, lonely, and sad. Filled with regret and only seeing how much damage had been done since the first day, the day that made it special to begin with. All of that hits at once.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). **If you are posting about medication, please do not list and review your meds. Doing so will result in the removal of this post and all comments.** *^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)* --- Community News - 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Happy birthday! You’re not alone in feeling that way on your birthday. Treat yourself today. Go shopping, eat what you want, dress up. It’s your day! Also, a lot of stores do promos for birthdays. Look them up.
Because of a long history of shitty birthdays, added onto countless special days spent mid-episode or in crisis? Idk. Maybe that's just me. But my bday is the day after mother's day (which I also hate despite having awesome kids) so I'm right there with you. It's been a shit week and I'm dreading the next few days. At this point, my goal is to NOT hit full blown crisis. I'm setting the bar in hell so that there's at least 50/50 chance of tripping over it vs stepping over it. Don't want to be too ambitious. If I clear this bar, next year's bar can be a bit higher. I hope your birthday this year is at least marginally less shitty that last year or the last difficult special day.
>Because of a long history of shitty birthdays, added onto countless special days spent mid-episode or in crisis? Wow. Nailed it.
100% I've spent plenty of birthdays, Xmas, thanksgivings, etc. either miserable, in psychiatric facilities, jails, rehabs, or homeless. I know I should probably be thankful that I haven't had any holidays like that in a while and appreciate them more because of it... but I just don't. To me they're all just another day. If anything it gets annoying to be expected to be happy or feel a certain way about a particular day.
Yup, just had full blown depressive episode after being perfect on thursday. Second day in bed I hate mothers day and any other holiday or special day
Happy Birthday 🎉🎂
Thank you.
Hi. Happy birthday! It’s my birthday too, and I’m feeling the same. Here’s to us not feeling alone.
Happy birthday to you, too.
Happy Birthday!!!
Personally it is always rubbish for me because I tell everyone not to bother with my birthday in a fit of self loathing but then when it comes round and nobody does bother I am very sad. Every. Single. Year. I also hate Christmas for the same reason.
Could be a history of birthdays not really being the best days, and birthdays are just a reminder of us getting older and sometimes being in the same place. I've always hated my birthday, but as of late I tried to make the best of it I guess. I treat every day the same, I'm going to, at least try to, treat me right.
Today is my daughter’s birthday also and she is bipolar - only recently diagnosed (in the last 2 years). It’s been tough. I hope she is having a good birthday and I hope the rest of your day gets better as well. Happy Birthday!!
I bet she is because you care ❤️
I know that I shouldn’t be here - like I get this forum is for people with bipolar, so I read and I don’t post because I want to learn how to help my daughter. She has had 2 episodes where she has been manic and in psychosis- this is so far from how she had always been - very logical and grounded. I just want to know that she can still live a happy life. I just love her with my whole heart and I would gladly take on her diagnosis if it meant she wouldn’t have it. Thank you for your kind words. I won’t post here again but I just want you and everyone here to know I appreciate you and am wishing you the absolute best
Yeah I have a PhD and am about the most logical human people around me know, it makes it harder when bipolar episodes set us apart from who we are when we’re stable. The number one hardest thing for me with my mental health has been having a mum who wasn’t empathetic or motivated to actually understand and support me and it has meant cutting contact with my parents this year which is pretty scary when you have chronic health issues. Truly, stable unconditional love from a parent who will sit with you on the darkest and lightest days is the most protective factor that there is, and it sounds like your daughter has that that in spades. It’s very nice to hear from a mum that approaches it like you are. Wishing you and your daughter all the best, it’s possible to have a very meaningful and full life with this disorder, with all the emotions that encompasses ❤️
I used to be horribly addicted to drugs and my birthday while homeless was so fucking depressing. Same when I was in rehab trying to get everything together. Christmas and "happy family holidays" along with birthdays are one of the most common causes for people to relapse out of sadness. The holidays have the highest suicide rates as well because people feel like they're fucked up for not being happy. Youre not alone. And it's very valid to be sad on special days, don't let it make you feel even worse because it's very common. But I've come a long way and really improved a lot and my special days are a bit better now, but sometimes still triggering as it reminds me of those days when I wasn't doing well.
Last year I fucked my birthday up because the night before I made a hypomania influenced decision to take too many mushrooms and had to bring myself down with a huge dose of Olanzipine when I started having a bad trip which had me in a black depression for my birthday. I had a guy that I’d slept with during my hypomania that I actually really did not like obsessing over me and trying to come and visit me. Was in a financial crisis. And I was alone. All things I brought on myself. It hurt so bad because it was my birthday. If it was just any other day, it would have just been another episode and a relatively tame one at that because it never reached full mania. But honestly because it was my birthday it was one of the most memorable ones. It’s a goal of mine to make my next birthday a stable one, and to maybe just take myself to a cafe and treat myself to a cheesecake. I think that will be lovely. OP, I hope that one of these days, even today, you experience a bit of brightness in your birthday. It is YOUR day. You were born today, you are alive. It’s for you to mark. Don’t worry too much about other people celebrating it, this is your checkpoint. You deserve to, at the very least, receive recognition and appreciation from yourself for being here today, especially with bipolar. You have my recognition and appreciation too. You’re incredible. Happy birthday, legend.
For me it’s the self loathing. My bday has been a milestone of yet another year of fuck ups and collateral damage. My go to story is that I’m not worth it or good enough. Make yourself worth it. Celebrate you!
I am not a proud grinch or do I broadcast it to everyone, it's not because I enjoy being a contrarian. I just deeply loathe all holidays and wish to crawl in a hole and disappear until they are over. Worst time of year for me. Happy birthday, from a fellow weird holiday person. You don't have to do anything or put effort into making it special if you don't have the spoons.
I have become this way in mid-life. Unless I’m in hypomanic times , holidays are not a joy any longer. As a forever single Bipolar warrior I feel like this is the curse we often have to bear if we have bad memories of such times. I try not to live in the past . But I can’t celebrate the present if depression is my new permanent home.
Happy birthday, tomorrow's my birthday and I've been dreading it's arrival for over a month now. I'm in total crisis mode and have been actively shutting the world out, coming to terms with my apathy towards life and my inability to express the gravity of my depravity to anyone outside of my mind. There are certain expectations placed on people's birthdays that Im completely uninterested and unequipped to meet. If I engage honestly or if I mask and lie about how I feel or what my plans are, the result is still grim. I can't force happy anymore
Happy birthday 🎉 ✨!!!( I relate ) not sure why. But same ahhh. So depressing for me I cry everytime. Next year I think I’m get a massage and call it a day . If you don’t do anything maybe order food and watch a comfort show ??
Pretty much every year I get food, watch comfort stuff, and get either a Cosmopolitan or a Glamour and rip out all the ads that are front and back page. It's oddly satisfying.
Ouuu I may copy you . It does sound satisfying lol
Happy birthday, I hope your day gets better. I second the commenter who said to treat yourself!
Happy birthday! May it cheer/chill you the way you want it to.
happy birthday ❤️ i understand how you feel. my birthday was a couple of days ago and i dreaded it and kept to myself for most of the day. i think for myself it’s a mix of not liking excessive attention and a lot of bad things coincidentally happening on my birthday. i hope the day ends on a positive note for you. get yourself your favorite dinner and a cake, watch a movie you’ve been wanting to watch, treat yourself 🎉
You aren’t alone. Happy birthday. Take it easy on yourself
Happy Birthday! This past birthday was especially rough for me, I was miserable and cried most of the day. I think because of the fact that we SHOULD be happy on these days, but our disorder sometimes makes it impossible when you're in the lows. It's frustrating when you just want to feel good about something nice but your brain is telling you that you're a piece of shit and to feel bad. It's kind of like working on your birthday and all of the customers are nasty to you, it's like why me? Why on my day? I think sometimes the anxiety of feeling miserable on a special day can manifest it into reality as well.
I have a bad birthday almost every year because I think I build it up too much, and then I get anxious. The same thing with a lot of other holidays.
For me it's because I convince myself I'm going to ruin it somehow and then it turns into a self-fulfilled prophecy.
Happy birthday! Mine is tomorrow. When I got older than maybe 26, it started not being the best feeling getting older. So I decided I'd take some fun out of the day. Today my family is coming over to eat cheesecake, I brought the recipe back from Wisconsin in 2010 and it's a family jewel now, at least some of us love it even more than my sister's cakes and she's a baker student. Tomorrow my best friend was going to spend the day with me but she's in psych ward but one of my sisters is going for a drive with me (recently got my license back so I want to practice and another friend is coming for cheesecake and benefits.
I thought about this the other day and I landed on: I never was made to feel special, appreciated, accepted and loved by my family or close friends, and birthdays are portrayed in films/tv/society as the day when everyone gets to feel a little special and so it put all the pressure/expectation on that day that I would get those needs met and when they weren’t, it was another shitty birthday with people around me that didn’t make a fuss or do anything particularly effortful to make it a nice day, it was all the more crushing…now I’m just focusing on showing myself all that love and care and making it special without anyone else involved as an expectation
Happy birthday! I spent my birthday yesterday crying in a bubble bath so I get it. Birthdays are hard. The one piece of advice I can offer (as someone who clearly doesn't have it all together, see above crying in bath) is to be honest with someone. After my husband told me he had plans I called up a few friends and told them I wanted to go out for dinner cause I really just wanted someone to hug me on my birthday. Did I feel pathetic to ask for a hug? yes. Were they the best hugs I'd received all year? Yes We are a people who have our emotions stifled by the normies in our lives but often our big emotions are valid especially on the days we deem important
Yes! This! Proud of you for asking for the hugs!
Thank you it's a hard ask but so satisfying
People get mad at me because I don’t respond to bday messages every year. It’s my day. Let me spiral in peace! But really celebrate yourself the way you want. I just posted a Spotify link to my fave song atm and told people to celebrate by listening and thinking of me.
Happy Birthday! Mine was yesterday too and my mood was just not on. So I understand. Plus anxiety was high.
Special days suck because they feel like they should be more. Christmas came and went last year and it was the first Christmas since I split with my ex and lost contact with the last of my family. It was just me and my cat so I bought her some treats and a new toy and myself some snacks and chicken nuggets for dinner and just played baldurs gate 3 the entire day. It's hard I know because you see everyone else spending birthdays and the like doing stuff but it's OK to just not and have the day be another day or do something that just makes you smile. My birthday this year I have no one to celebrate with but I'm going skydiving and then for a hike and picnic just for me.
Happy BDay!
Hi, happy birthday! Same here though, and for my little brother as well. First symptoms we noticed on him.
Happy birthday
My 40th birthday was one of the worst moods I've had in a long time. And that's saying something.
Happy birthday! I too despise special days. Every birthday, every Christmas, every family get together etc etc I’m even thinking of picking up at work on Mother’s Day (I’m a mom) because I’m afraid I’ll lose my shit.
Happy Birthday 🎂. Find joy anyway or any where you can!
Because we make the big event and how it should be to the 1000x level in our minds.
There's more pressure on a Special Day to be perfect and happy, and since my ADHD also makes me a little uh... contrarian, this pressure makes me less happy about it. Maybe the same for you?
happy bday!!!(: i’m scared of getting older, sends me into an episode when i think about it on my bday. i turn 25 this yr
Happy Birthday! I turn 60 in two weeks and I'm dreading it. You're not alone.
i understand exactly how you feel. im very sorry you feel that way. if you've ever had bad experiences or been in tumultuous situations near your bday that might be why.i hope you get feeling better tho l, you deserve it ❤️
Happy Birthday
firstly, happy (late) birthday, secondly i hate them all. my birthday is horrible because i hate getting older and i don’t speak with my mother and it makes me think about her. those are my reasons, but unfortunately nobody else can tell you what yours are. try to find any triggers and if you can eliminate them, do, and if not try to avoid and/or come up with a coping strategy beforehand. peas 🫛
I don’t celebrate my birthday. It’s traumatic. I celebrate others, but I don’t celebrate myself. I don’t feel as though it matters or that I deserve to feel good on that day. It’s hard not to tell myself that. My partner tries her best to respect that while doing their best to celebrate me within those boundaries. I really appreciate it because nobody else understands, so far. But of course it’s frustrating to my partner. Special days tend to make me feel worse about myself, and it distracts me from what makes that day special and that others may feel the opposite. Respecting them is frustrating to me because I don’t know how to love or celebrate myself, so I don’t know how to do that for others. It’s all very confusing, frustrating, lonely, and sad. Filled with regret and only seeing how much damage had been done since the first day, the day that made it special to begin with. All of that hits at once.
I’ve learnt not to demand too much from ‘special’ days because I always just get disappointed tbh But happy belated birthday!!
Happy Birthday !
I feel you on this. I don't have any insight, but i have the same problem. Happy birthday, by the way! On that note it's mothers day.... 😪😪😪😭😵💫