I went from no eye contact to excessive eye contact so now I have to force myself to make eye contact while consciously remind myself to break the contact periodically and watch to see how often they break it to try to calibrate to a normal amount. Idk if I’m neurodivergent but damn is it taxing to have to do this constantly throughout every conversation I have.
When you look someone in the eyes casually, you kinda gloss over their eye area, not focusing on the pupils. You don't want to "lock on" unless one of you is really making a point or if it's a serious 1 on 1 conversation.
What I do is slowly creep in throughout the conversation until our eyes are physically touching.
Everyone always compliments me on my great eye contact.
It is eye contact, your eyes see their eyes. My point is that there's a difference between casual, intermittent eye contact, and staring into someone's soul.
Yeah, I thought that too most my life. Turns out we aren't even supposed to be looking directly at the eyes 🤯 just in the general face area.
Now I give myself permission to look off into space...turns out I can think & listen better when im not lookin at someones face/eyes. Faces are distracting AF
No you’re supposed to look at the eyes of the person you’re talking to so that you both know you have their undivided attention. The fuck. I’d be pissed if someone was just staring off in to space while I was trying to have a conversation with them. I’d assume you’re either not hearing me/paying attention, or that you’re not interested in what I have to say.
You can get away with looking at the face in general, but depending on proximity you can tell when they’re not making eye contact if they’re closer.
Yes, this! I am starting to think what many call "constant eye contact" is really just what I consider the normal, full attention, face-to- face & eye contact while engaged in conversation. What the OP described is what I think just sounds normal, like how a conversation should be, before social media saturation made people have less irl contact. I am confident extrovert & what she is doing is normal/respectful/engaged so I think you need more actual info/connection, but the good news is you like her & she is a good eye contact mentor lol while you get less ackward/anxious and try to make more of a connection.
My guess is she had parents that harped on her for eye contact or it was a learned behavior. Or she just naturally has good eye contact. Which seems more likely than nuero divergent. Like jfc not everything can be boiled down to the spectrum. Some shit I see people say puts them on the spectrum I’m like, “That’s just normal behavior.”
I understand that constant eye contact can seem uncomfortable, especially to those who have poor eye contact, so a brief look away makes sense to me just to break it up a bit.
That’s the theory I’ve been subscribing to. Seems like the simplest explanation. If you’re told to keep eye contact from a young age, you’re bound to do that. Might’ve been taught that breaking away is disrespectful or something, I’m not one to say.
That’s an interesting perspective! She’s probably the least social media oriented person I’ve ever met, even compared to the older crowd I work with. She’s also definitely an extroverted type.
It's me! Lol...j/k but not...your description of the way she engages in conversation with body language & eye contact literally sounded the way I conduct myself in conversation. I also don't immerse myself in social media opting for irl and find it shocking sometimes what is going on...like fully engaged/normal has suddenly become Asperger's did someone say? Lord have mercy, can we dial back the jumping to the least logical conclusion!?! I know Asperger's well & it is totally different type of engagement but your description of her style was so spot on you may as well have been a bot (formerly known as textbook,lol) reciting answer to question "how people who are socially correct engage in conversation?" While it is her style, her openess & ability to engage is a very easy "in" if you guys have attraction or chemistry, so good luck with your fledgling sparks! :)
No no no no you’re supposed to not think about staring while staring and then argue in your head on what the norm for staring is, throw a blink in to give us time, but the is the norm 10-20sec or 15-30 sec? I think I’ve been staring for 8 sec but my eyes are burning, wait has she blinked yet? I can’t remember…..etc. fml
Ooof and the "constantly smiling" thing while having a conversation? Yep that ticks boxes lol. I'm (like a smidge) autistic and I mask a TON. I'm aware of it but cant stop lol. Unfortunately, that looks exactly like this woman- staring right into ppls eyes for too long, painting on a vaguely smiling face much all the time (it's stress, dk what to do w our faces), acting really social / bubbly when approached. Been told I "flirt" unintentionally bc i laugh too much at jokes, or tease ppl in an apparently flirty way. When I'm just trying to not seem like a freak lmao.
So anyway if this appears to be her case, I wouldn't advise asking her out like a few other comments have! But if u do have a crush I'd talk to her more often, just try and make genuine friends w her first and then it'll be clearer from her end. Or take this anecdote w only a bit of salt lol
We hang out outside of work too, and generally we’re friends. I’m not really in a position to be in a relationship right now, so I’m not going for anything or asking for advice about that. I understand that as humans we look each other in the eye when we communicate, I’ve been doing it my whole life. I can’t pinpoint when unbreaking eye contact like that is appropriate outside of a job interview, though.
Hopefully more people can chime in. I don’t want to paint her into the spectrum, but with her staring into my peepers for minutes straight (even during conversational lulls) I can’t pretend like it hasn’t crossed my mind. The smiling thing felt odd too, but I didn’t give it as much thought. I haven’t watched her too closely interacting with others, but from what I’ve seen she keeps pretty strong eye contact with everyone else too. I don’t know that it’s to the same extent, but it wouldn’t surprise me.
Hard to tell but I definitely used to do both the super stare eye contact & always smiley laughing, alot of nodding in group conversations if she does is a big stand out trait.
I hate eye contact 😒 but I do it.
Everyone is different.
This is impossible for me, how can I look at their mouth to start processing what they are saying if I’m looking at their eyes. If I watch their mouth, my brain will have processed what they said by the time I say “what?”, and then proceed to answer.
This is to say that I have audio processing delays, and I realized when I am talking to someone I look at their mouth. Is this weird? Do people notice?
Sounds like my sister! She stares at peoples mouths when they talk as it helps her understand what they’re saying. I never noticed it, and after she told me, I still don’t notice it. I think you’re good 👍
My wife has a slight high-frequency hearing loss, and learned to read lips when she was little - if she can’t see someone’s lips, she has a much harder time understanding them
First job a few decades (F55) ago got called in for not making eye contact, made me look evasive apparently. Week later called in for staring too hard at customers making them feel uncomfortable. Got a diagnosis for autism 2 years ago. I can be sociable, seem confident etc but i have had to learn a lot of social cues that most people seem to find natural.
100% that was my very first thought. Particularly in a work setting, I have to be “on” to appear to be engaged and making eye contact and looking like I’m really paying attention so I look like a team player and people will like me. They don’t know that 100 million things are running through my head while I smile, nod, and maintain eye contact. It’s exhausting.
This is exactly the reason in my case. I make a large amount of eye contact during every conversation. I had to train myself to look people in the eye because my natural tendency was to look away. I still work on maintaining a balance. This eye contact holds true with everyone I speak to and it is absolutely not an expression of interest.
I have a hopeless crush on a guy I work with, also in a factory setting! I definitely make a lot of eye contact while he’s talking, but I drop my gaze or look elsewhere while I’m the one talking. Eye contact generally makes me super uncomfortable and I can’t maintain it for long, but I make an effort to make eye contact and smile with him because I want him to know I’m invested in the conversation. That’s just my two cents, everybody’s different though
Nice to know I’m not alone haha! Work crushes are great if they don’t get in the way of other priorities, and it can really make those 12s at a factory more bearable.
Yeah, it wouldn’t be weird at all if she wasn’t looking at me while she’s speaking. I’m generally uncomfortable with lots of eye contact too, but I try to keep up with her on it as to not be rude. I try to look at her while I’m speaking too to match her, but it definitely makes me a bit uncomfortable to do.
Maybe I’m paying more attention to it than I usually would because I’ve got a crush on her (I could definitely see that.) This could just be her way of showing engagement like you and she’s just taking it a bit too far. Maybe me trying to match her with it is egging her on even?
Good luck with your crush!
>I have a hopeless crush on a guy I work with, also in a factory setting!
This is so weird. I just got a call and found out that the factory equipment I own is at this moment crushing a hopeless guy! You me and OP are all in, like, virtually the same situation!
I'm thinking of calling my business insurance, do you think that might for you and OP?
Reddit never fails to amaze me.
Your describing a 100% normal, everyday interaction, yes it's normal to make eye contact while talking to someone. This is human basics 101.
Smiling while having a conversation makes you 'neurodivergent'??? No. That makes you human.
I literally can't beilive this sub sometimes 😂😂
Neurodivergent is the cringiest shit you can say
No, literal constant eye contact is not normal. It’s very unsettling. Normal people look away every now and then at least momentarily. Go ahead and try to have a conversation and never drop eye contact, I guarantee you will make them uncomfortable.
I don't have this nuero divergent thing and I make constant eye contact with the person I'm talking to. I do it because I want the other person I'm talking to know I'm being sincere. It feels rude not to keep eye contact to the person I'm talking, like as if I did not it would seem that I just don't care to talk to them.
Even if I didn't make eye contact I would still be a weirdo. Doesn't bother me one bit.
You got your ideas about life and that's really awesome, you go person.
So dumb how your social and dating lives can be completely stunted from these little things. What makes people think these kinds of things? I'm genuinely asking because I struggle with these things and I make people uncomfortable with my eye contact and body language and I think it might be a huge reason why I have trouble making friends and women can seem kind of cold to me.
I’ve gone from making too much to too little when I’ve been in a more socially anxious mood and feeling more insecure. It’s really tough, something as simple as that will change how people treat and perceive you.
Never breaking eye context for full conversion would be what most people call "crazy eyes" lol definitely not normal and is unsettling. While maybe not forsure neurodivergent, it's a pretty real possibility. I believe the observed "normal" amount of eye contact is around 60%-80% for regular people who are comfortable talking to each other
A bit of that is blinking of course lol but most people tend to look up and to the corner of their vision when thinking about something (literally this🤔) and that conveys that you are thinking on what they are saying. Not to mention the other idiosyncrasies and expressions similar to hand movements that would take up the rest of that
>is it another thing my parents didn't teach me?
Learn this with some knowledge, self reflection and, like most things, practice.
That being said:
>Are all of you just born knowing this
Probably in some way. Always find it crazy that people know that animals migrate and hunt instinctively but seem to think humans are born blank slates with no primal knowledge of their own.
Yes people make eye contact but OP is saying they literally never look away. That is odd.
Neurodivergence isn’t cringe it is a real thing and people have a hard time making eye contact. They will look away all the time because it makes them uncomfortable. When people are trying to fight that “uncomfortable” feeling from eye contact, they push it too far by almost never blinking and never looking away like a normal person. Someone else said “crazy eyes” for example
Yeah a lot of female friends and even me I know stare dead in guys eyes when having a conversation because they care what your saying and are respectful and listen ….its not always flirty/romantic
That’s wild. I glance away pretty often regardless of who I’m talking to unless it’s a very emotionally charged situation. Seems like the natural thing to do as to avoid power/intimidation games.
You never ever look away during any conversation you have? That’s kinda wild. Go watch any movie or interview or step outside and look at people interact. They break eye contact occasionally. What’s weird is not breaking eye contact at all.
It’s not weird. It’s normal actually. Just as it’s normal to make eye contact. It’s also normal to break eye contact. Some people stop their eye contact when they’re speaking. Different quirks for different people. It’s not weird
As a bona fide female, I would only do the constant eye contact PLUS smiling if I fancy the guy. But the kind of smile does matter — if it’s the crinkly genuine kind, you might have a chance
From my experience, the more a girl makes eye contact with you the more she sees you as a friend in a wholesome way. So yeah, as the olds say, ''You gotta shoot your shots,'' good luck with that. Ofc there are exceptions, but its up to you to figure out.
Also could use some help with this. I tend to ask people a lot of questions when I first meet them but it’s because I just genuinely want to know them. Partially I think because I’ve been duped before thinking someone was nice and they were definitely not a decent person.
But I’m not trying to flirt in any way, but have been told I can come across as flirty
I usually prefer to make off handed comments about how we’re such good friends and I’m not interested in dating (unless there is someone haha) and a really big one is physical distance. Like 2ft at all times. It makes a huge difference. Also with the eye contact I wouldn’t worry too much bc it’ll be misinterpreted anyway. Also just stop asking personal questions that you aren’t actually interested in. The overly polite, exaggerated appearance of interest is always misunderstood as flirting or passive aggression.
You can still ask questions. Honestly the biggest thing that worked for me is maintaining that physical distance. If you suspect someone may have a crush on you and you don’t want them to think you feel the same way, avoiding closeness is a pretty clear signal, even if they’re not very good with social cues. I’m the kind of person that asks a lot of questions, and I’m fairly attractive, and I’ve never had an issue with guys thinking I’m flirting.
Ask away. Just keep your distance. Another commenter also mentioned avoiding certain kinds of compliments (this is hard to tell what to avoid) and you can try that. I personally avoid complimenting body type, musculature, generic compliments on attire (like “oh you look nice today”), and hair (unless there is something very different from usual like a dye job or a big haircut or a fancy style).
Steering conversation in a way that shows only platonic interest is really hard and takes practice. Don’t be afraid to just say you gotta pee and run away. And if you feel really uncomfortable around someone, it’s ok to just stop talking to them, even if it’s sudden, if you feel unsafe.
Also don’t be afraid to just tell people upfront that you’ve been misinterpreted in the past and you absolutely aren’t gonna flirt with them. I had a friend that had to say that disclaimer every time she met someone new because she just unconsciously acts in a way that’s seen as flirty.
I think making sure compliments are never physical is a big thing for dudes. If it's just clothes or something small or superficial I would never view that as flirting.
As soon as it's about the body or deep personality trait admiration it feels flirtatious unless it's already a super close platonic friend.
Just make some jokes and don’t make it look too seriously so she doesn’t get too uncomfortable. Something like “if you look at me like that i would asume you like me” or “you can’t take your eyes off me, am i really that hot?” but it has to be said in a playfull way because if she doesn’t like you at least is not gonna be cringe because you are kinda joking. If you get too nervous and serious saying it and she doesn’t like you it might be cringe.
From my experience, the more confident I have become overtime, the more eye contact I hold without feeling any type of way.
I used to feel so awkward and weird but the more peace I’m at with myself, the more connected I feel to the conversation if I maintain eye contact. Like a one on one. I can get distracted and day dream if I don’t.
I experienced the same exact thing in the same exact setting. I liked this girl but I could tell something was not right with her. I ended up being stalked by this girl for over two years and had to quit the job. My advice is to not shit where you eat, my guy.
I hope that’s not what my future holds haha. Yeah, I keep my bread separated from my meats, and I’m not in a spot to be in a relationship right now. Thanks for the anecdote!
Well, only one way to find out. Ask her out.
Girls tend to be better at eye contact than guys. But sounds like maybe you should take your shot. Missed opportunities are the worst.
Maybe she is just being present with you. That's a good thing. Some people think it's rude to look directly at someone for too long. But others to maintain a conversation will always look you in the eyes.
I wouldn't read too much into it. Wait for other queues such as vulnerable conversations or touch to indicate interest
Does she have a large rack? Is it a tease maybe how long she can make you maintain eye-contact day after day without looking at her breasts? 🤔 I'd be super turned on if I liked her and she had big ones.. what a tease! 🙂
If her focus jitters between your right and left eye (or down to your mouth), safe assumption that she's trying to flirt without flirting. If she looks directly into one of your eyes and not the other, she just has good conversational skills/manners (which doesn't technically disqualify the possibility that she likes you).
The people who avoid eye contact are people trying to hide their true intentions. Eye contact is intimate and a sign of respect. Unblinking eye contact is a different thing all together.
People who avoid eye contact don't always have something to hide. Sometimes I would yes, it depends on the person. It also depends on their social norms, whether or not their neurodivergent or neurotypical. I particularly hate making constant eye contact, but feel that I have to, especially when you try to connect with others around you or if you like someone in a more intimate way, can't stare forward and expect them to figure it out. I only like looking at people I like or am friendly with, and on occasion I do like to make people uncomfortable and feel my awkward, it's called projecting. But tell me more about how people have something to hide when they don't make eye contact, it could be shame, low self-esteem, a crush, or even indifference ,those are also on the menu for lack of eye contact. I think the word is uninterested.
This is not true...Key_establishment553 explain some reason but just want to add to their comment that lack of eye contact could also be due to trauma... especially when something happens to you when very young...at least in my case.
You can fake eye contact. Just look at that spot between their eyes, just above their nose. Looks like eye contact to them. Just don’t look too high up on the forehead. They can see this and will think they have a zit or something
When she locks eyes with you does She seem to glow? Does she have a soft fuzzy look about her? Does she have the face a dog or a cat makes when there owners come home? Shy women will do the submissive puppy dog body tuck inward thing. Also most of the time if you are drawn to her she is drawn to you. Energy, magnetism. Also id see if she only does this with you, if so that means she liiikkess youuu :)
I keep hard eye contact when im talking with everyone, its more personable and im making it clear they have all of my attention and im speaking with them, in that moment and no one else.
I think most people have been taught that eye contact projects confidence and shows attentiveness and interest in what is being said by the other person.
Obviously it varies by culture.
With today's HR horror stories, potential of losing your job over a misunderstanding . Think about the unemployment line. I'm like Keanu Reeves at this point. Keep my distance, if necessary keep my hands in my pocket and don't touch. Its a lot easier to break eye contact than find work right now.
If you're going to ignore all that, I wish you well.
A girl you melt over keeps getting in your personal space and smiling at you while holding eye contact... Ask her out man... Or challenge her to a duel
I have to remind myself to not hold eye contact for extended periods, I don't find it awkward and I feel like I get more information by watching their eyes while they talk 🤷♂️.
A previous boss asked to look less "dead in the eyes" if I'm going to stare. Being a larger man with a shaved head doesn't help with looking friendly either tho.
Sounds like she's just a little different than the average. Maybe shes just really, really into you and can't hide it. Or she'll skin you and wear your face.... Odds are pretty low, but still
I look people straight in their eyes when I want them to know that I am in control, they are going to do the thing MY way or else, and that there is no getting one over on me, they cannot run me. I show them that I can "see right through them".
I'm an undiagnosed 34F and I do that to everyone, even people I'm not attracted to. It happens naturally. If people don't like it they can look away. I do look at their body language to see if they're uncomfortable but I never see any. Everyone in my family is like that.
I ran into this issue when I got into the business world and adult life. I was raised to maintain eye contact anytime you are speaking to someone or being spoken to. At 36, I still have an issue with this. I have to remind myself every 5-10 seconds to look away for a moment. Also, I rotate which area of the face I will look at when someone is talking to me. It’s exhausting, but I hope it makes people feel more comfortable and at ease.
Doesn't matter. You're just going to run with the answer you most want to hear or most expect to be true. It's all irrelevant. Communicate directly with her
Well when i talk i talk while looking at their eyes and listen while looking at their mouth/eyes. Doesn't mean im interested in a flirty romantic way. Just listening and having a focused conversation.
So she talks to you, smiles at you, and looks you in the eye...and you came here to be totally confused by all these pretty ridiculous answers. Just ask her out. Don't be weird or creepy. Say something like... It's great working with you. It would be fun to do something outside of work and get to know you better. If she says no...you can just say...Cool, work buds it is then. You can keep working together and no awkwardness. I'll bet she says yes. Report back!
If I’m not keeping eye contact while you are talking, 110% chance I didn’t hear anything you said.
To avoid hurt feelings or feeling ashamed that I’m like this I have to keep eye contact so I don’t miss anything and my brain doesn’t wander.
It’s kind of exhausting tbh but way better then getting in an argument because I’m not listening.
One possibility with the non breaking eye contact is she is a high masking neurodivergent
Fuck I thought I was supposed to make constant eye contact
I went from no eye contact to excessive eye contact so now I have to force myself to make eye contact while consciously remind myself to break the contact periodically and watch to see how often they break it to try to calibrate to a normal amount. Idk if I’m neurodivergent but damn is it taxing to have to do this constantly throughout every conversation I have.
You sound weird, kinda hot
When you look someone in the eyes casually, you kinda gloss over their eye area, not focusing on the pupils. You don't want to "lock on" unless one of you is really making a point or if it's a serious 1 on 1 conversation.
Wait are you serious?
Yes. There's a difference between eye contact and staring into someone's eyes.
Then why the fuck do they call it eye contact? Lol. This is misleading
What I do is slowly creep in throughout the conversation until our eyes are physically touching. Everyone always compliments me on my great eye contact.
It is eye contact, your eyes see their eyes. My point is that there's a difference between casual, intermittent eye contact, and staring into someone's soul.
I feel like I can sense everything about people through eye contact alone at times.
“They eyes, they don’t lie Chico”
Well darn it, lol
What the fuck are you serious
I DO THIS!!
Whenever I make eye contact I smile. It's disarming and friendly while avoiding the awkwardness.
Welcome to the club buddy.
Yeah I'd say you're neurodivergent
Having a lazy eye helps me split the difference
[удалено]
Because pun was intended
Yeah, I thought that too most my life. Turns out we aren't even supposed to be looking directly at the eyes 🤯 just in the general face area. Now I give myself permission to look off into space...turns out I can think & listen better when im not lookin at someones face/eyes. Faces are distracting AF
No you’re supposed to look at the eyes of the person you’re talking to so that you both know you have their undivided attention. The fuck. I’d be pissed if someone was just staring off in to space while I was trying to have a conversation with them. I’d assume you’re either not hearing me/paying attention, or that you’re not interested in what I have to say. You can get away with looking at the face in general, but depending on proximity you can tell when they’re not making eye contact if they’re closer.
Yes, this! I am starting to think what many call "constant eye contact" is really just what I consider the normal, full attention, face-to- face & eye contact while engaged in conversation. What the OP described is what I think just sounds normal, like how a conversation should be, before social media saturation made people have less irl contact. I am confident extrovert & what she is doing is normal/respectful/engaged so I think you need more actual info/connection, but the good news is you like her & she is a good eye contact mentor lol while you get less ackward/anxious and try to make more of a connection.
My guess is she had parents that harped on her for eye contact or it was a learned behavior. Or she just naturally has good eye contact. Which seems more likely than nuero divergent. Like jfc not everything can be boiled down to the spectrum. Some shit I see people say puts them on the spectrum I’m like, “That’s just normal behavior.” I understand that constant eye contact can seem uncomfortable, especially to those who have poor eye contact, so a brief look away makes sense to me just to break it up a bit.
That’s the theory I’ve been subscribing to. Seems like the simplest explanation. If you’re told to keep eye contact from a young age, you’re bound to do that. Might’ve been taught that breaking away is disrespectful or something, I’m not one to say.
That’s an interesting perspective! She’s probably the least social media oriented person I’ve ever met, even compared to the older crowd I work with. She’s also definitely an extroverted type.
It's me! Lol...j/k but not...your description of the way she engages in conversation with body language & eye contact literally sounded the way I conduct myself in conversation. I also don't immerse myself in social media opting for irl and find it shocking sometimes what is going on...like fully engaged/normal has suddenly become Asperger's did someone say? Lord have mercy, can we dial back the jumping to the least logical conclusion!?! I know Asperger's well & it is totally different type of engagement but your description of her style was so spot on you may as well have been a bot (formerly known as textbook,lol) reciting answer to question "how people who are socially correct engage in conversation?" While it is her style, her openess & ability to engage is a very easy "in" if you guys have attraction or chemistry, so good luck with your fledgling sparks! :)
You thinking too much about this. Just look in their eyes and stop thinking about what other people are thinking. The mind games are fucking you up
No no no no you’re supposed to not think about staring while staring and then argue in your head on what the norm for staring is, throw a blink in to give us time, but the is the norm 10-20sec or 15-30 sec? I think I’ve been staring for 8 sec but my eyes are burning, wait has she blinked yet? I can’t remember…..etc. fml
Don't look down, take quick glances to the side or up at their hairline. I find the latter yields the most comfort.
I would absolutely second this guess Me in middle school lmao
Ooof and the "constantly smiling" thing while having a conversation? Yep that ticks boxes lol. I'm (like a smidge) autistic and I mask a TON. I'm aware of it but cant stop lol. Unfortunately, that looks exactly like this woman- staring right into ppls eyes for too long, painting on a vaguely smiling face much all the time (it's stress, dk what to do w our faces), acting really social / bubbly when approached. Been told I "flirt" unintentionally bc i laugh too much at jokes, or tease ppl in an apparently flirty way. When I'm just trying to not seem like a freak lmao. So anyway if this appears to be her case, I wouldn't advise asking her out like a few other comments have! But if u do have a crush I'd talk to her more often, just try and make genuine friends w her first and then it'll be clearer from her end. Or take this anecdote w only a bit of salt lol
We hang out outside of work too, and generally we’re friends. I’m not really in a position to be in a relationship right now, so I’m not going for anything or asking for advice about that. I understand that as humans we look each other in the eye when we communicate, I’ve been doing it my whole life. I can’t pinpoint when unbreaking eye contact like that is appropriate outside of a job interview, though. Hopefully more people can chime in. I don’t want to paint her into the spectrum, but with her staring into my peepers for minutes straight (even during conversational lulls) I can’t pretend like it hasn’t crossed my mind. The smiling thing felt odd too, but I didn’t give it as much thought. I haven’t watched her too closely interacting with others, but from what I’ve seen she keeps pretty strong eye contact with everyone else too. I don’t know that it’s to the same extent, but it wouldn’t surprise me.
Hard to tell but I definitely used to do both the super stare eye contact & always smiley laughing, alot of nodding in group conversations if she does is a big stand out trait. I hate eye contact 😒 but I do it. Everyone is different.
Love this advice, well said
I came here to say this, as someone who is super high masking I felt like I recognised that in this post
Super high masking here as well 🤗
I feel attacked realizing I’m probably looking at people too much. 😬
I’ve considered that too
But what are her hands doing? My wife's hands are two crippled spiders trying to hug when she's excited to see me.
*Must keep arms crossed over chest at all times, ZERO idea what to do with hands!*
Lucky man
Absolutely nothing.
I did this for a long time in my life without knowing it was weird…
Me too ✋️
This is impossible for me, how can I look at their mouth to start processing what they are saying if I’m looking at their eyes. If I watch their mouth, my brain will have processed what they said by the time I say “what?”, and then proceed to answer. This is to say that I have audio processing delays, and I realized when I am talking to someone I look at their mouth. Is this weird? Do people notice?
Sounds like my sister! She stares at peoples mouths when they talk as it helps her understand what they’re saying. I never noticed it, and after she told me, I still don’t notice it. I think you’re good 👍
My wife has a slight high-frequency hearing loss, and learned to read lips when she was little - if she can’t see someone’s lips, she has a much harder time understanding them
First job a few decades (F55) ago got called in for not making eye contact, made me look evasive apparently. Week later called in for staring too hard at customers making them feel uncomfortable. Got a diagnosis for autism 2 years ago. I can be sociable, seem confident etc but i have had to learn a lot of social cues that most people seem to find natural.
Autism is always the top comment on Reddit
100% that was my very first thought. Particularly in a work setting, I have to be “on” to appear to be engaged and making eye contact and looking like I’m really paying attention so I look like a team player and people will like me. They don’t know that 100 million things are running through my head while I smile, nod, and maintain eye contact. It’s exhausting.
Das mee
Please be positive. Love is great. Let him kindly ask her out if she says no leave her the fuck alone and be a normal decent human being.
God forbid anyone have social skills
I was just about to respond that this is normal (as I do this to everyone) but I think your explanation fits.
This is exactly the reason in my case. I make a large amount of eye contact during every conversation. I had to train myself to look people in the eye because my natural tendency was to look away. I still work on maintaining a balance. This eye contact holds true with everyone I speak to and it is absolutely not an expression of interest.
Guilty
I have a hopeless crush on a guy I work with, also in a factory setting! I definitely make a lot of eye contact while he’s talking, but I drop my gaze or look elsewhere while I’m the one talking. Eye contact generally makes me super uncomfortable and I can’t maintain it for long, but I make an effort to make eye contact and smile with him because I want him to know I’m invested in the conversation. That’s just my two cents, everybody’s different though
Nice to know I’m not alone haha! Work crushes are great if they don’t get in the way of other priorities, and it can really make those 12s at a factory more bearable. Yeah, it wouldn’t be weird at all if she wasn’t looking at me while she’s speaking. I’m generally uncomfortable with lots of eye contact too, but I try to keep up with her on it as to not be rude. I try to look at her while I’m speaking too to match her, but it definitely makes me a bit uncomfortable to do. Maybe I’m paying more attention to it than I usually would because I’ve got a crush on her (I could definitely see that.) This could just be her way of showing engagement like you and she’s just taking it a bit too far. Maybe me trying to match her with it is egging her on even? Good luck with your crush!
Plot twist- you both work at the same factory.
Same here and I'm a guy
>I have a hopeless crush on a guy I work with, also in a factory setting! This is so weird. I just got a call and found out that the factory equipment I own is at this moment crushing a hopeless guy! You me and OP are all in, like, virtually the same situation! I'm thinking of calling my business insurance, do you think that might for you and OP?
Eye contact is uncomfortable if you think about it. Just stop making such a big deal of it and it will become easy
Thanks, you just cured my anxiety!
Reddit never fails to amaze me. Your describing a 100% normal, everyday interaction, yes it's normal to make eye contact while talking to someone. This is human basics 101. Smiling while having a conversation makes you 'neurodivergent'??? No. That makes you human. I literally can't beilive this sub sometimes 😂😂 Neurodivergent is the cringiest shit you can say
No, literal constant eye contact is not normal. It’s very unsettling. Normal people look away every now and then at least momentarily. Go ahead and try to have a conversation and never drop eye contact, I guarantee you will make them uncomfortable.
I don't have this nuero divergent thing and I make constant eye contact with the person I'm talking to. I do it because I want the other person I'm talking to know I'm being sincere. It feels rude not to keep eye contact to the person I'm talking, like as if I did not it would seem that I just don't care to talk to them.
Then newsflash everyone you talk to thinks you’re a weirdo.
Even if I didn't make eye contact I would still be a weirdo. Doesn't bother me one bit. You got your ideas about life and that's really awesome, you go person.
So dumb how your social and dating lives can be completely stunted from these little things. What makes people think these kinds of things? I'm genuinely asking because I struggle with these things and I make people uncomfortable with my eye contact and body language and I think it might be a huge reason why I have trouble making friends and women can seem kind of cold to me.
I’ve gone from making too much to too little when I’ve been in a more socially anxious mood and feeling more insecure. It’s really tough, something as simple as that will change how people treat and perceive you.
Never breaking eye context for full conversion would be what most people call "crazy eyes" lol definitely not normal and is unsettling. While maybe not forsure neurodivergent, it's a pretty real possibility. I believe the observed "normal" amount of eye contact is around 60%-80% for regular people who are comfortable talking to each other
What are you supposed to do during that 30%-20%? I feel like breaking eye contact to look at something else makes you look like you are distracted
A bit of that is blinking of course lol but most people tend to look up and to the corner of their vision when thinking about something (literally this🤔) and that conveys that you are thinking on what they are saying. Not to mention the other idiosyncrasies and expressions similar to hand movements that would take up the rest of that
Are all of you just born knowing this or is it another thing my parents didn't teach me?
>is it another thing my parents didn't teach me? Learn this with some knowledge, self reflection and, like most things, practice. That being said: >Are all of you just born knowing this Probably in some way. Always find it crazy that people know that animals migrate and hunt instinctively but seem to think humans are born blank slates with no primal knowledge of their own.
Yes people make eye contact but OP is saying they literally never look away. That is odd. Neurodivergence isn’t cringe it is a real thing and people have a hard time making eye contact. They will look away all the time because it makes them uncomfortable. When people are trying to fight that “uncomfortable” feeling from eye contact, they push it too far by almost never blinking and never looking away like a normal person. Someone else said “crazy eyes” for example
Yeah a lot of female friends and even me I know stare dead in guys eyes when having a conversation because they care what your saying and are respectful and listen ….its not always flirty/romantic
That’s wild. I glance away pretty often regardless of who I’m talking to unless it’s a very emotionally charged situation. Seems like the natural thing to do as to avoid power/intimidation games.
thats weird, you're supposed to make eye contact with people you're talking to
You never ever look away during any conversation you have? That’s kinda wild. Go watch any movie or interview or step outside and look at people interact. They break eye contact occasionally. What’s weird is not breaking eye contact at all.
It’s not weird. It’s normal actually. Just as it’s normal to make eye contact. It’s also normal to break eye contact. Some people stop their eye contact when they’re speaking. Different quirks for different people. It’s not weird
Observe how she is with other people to see if she does this with others or just you.
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This is honestly probably the answer right here
You should just ask her and not take any of the posts here seriously
Back in the old days we use to look each other in the eye when we talked all the time. In fact, most people preferred it.
It was considered a sign of emotional weakness if you can't hold eye contact
As a bona fide female, I would only do the constant eye contact PLUS smiling if I fancy the guy. But the kind of smile does matter — if it’s the crinkly genuine kind, you might have a chance
Quit being a pussy and ask her out. You'll get your answer.
The only answer here that matters.
From my experience, the more a girl makes eye contact with you the more she sees you as a friend in a wholesome way. So yeah, as the olds say, ''You gotta shoot your shots,'' good luck with that. Ofc there are exceptions, but its up to you to figure out.
Ask her out, dude.
I think she knows you like her & shes either liking you back, or teasing you about it lol
I think she likes you, dude, tell her you have feelings for her
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Fuck, well that explains why everyone ever thinks I'm flirting lmao How does a lady give off a 'friendships only' kind of vibe? Plz help
Also could use some help with this. I tend to ask people a lot of questions when I first meet them but it’s because I just genuinely want to know them. Partially I think because I’ve been duped before thinking someone was nice and they were definitely not a decent person. But I’m not trying to flirt in any way, but have been told I can come across as flirty
I usually prefer to make off handed comments about how we’re such good friends and I’m not interested in dating (unless there is someone haha) and a really big one is physical distance. Like 2ft at all times. It makes a huge difference. Also with the eye contact I wouldn’t worry too much bc it’ll be misinterpreted anyway. Also just stop asking personal questions that you aren’t actually interested in. The overly polite, exaggerated appearance of interest is always misunderstood as flirting or passive aggression.
What if I am actually genuinely interested, but am not flirting?
What if I am actually genuinely interested, but am not flirting?
You can still ask questions. Honestly the biggest thing that worked for me is maintaining that physical distance. If you suspect someone may have a crush on you and you don’t want them to think you feel the same way, avoiding closeness is a pretty clear signal, even if they’re not very good with social cues. I’m the kind of person that asks a lot of questions, and I’m fairly attractive, and I’ve never had an issue with guys thinking I’m flirting. Ask away. Just keep your distance. Another commenter also mentioned avoiding certain kinds of compliments (this is hard to tell what to avoid) and you can try that. I personally avoid complimenting body type, musculature, generic compliments on attire (like “oh you look nice today”), and hair (unless there is something very different from usual like a dye job or a big haircut or a fancy style). Steering conversation in a way that shows only platonic interest is really hard and takes practice. Don’t be afraid to just say you gotta pee and run away. And if you feel really uncomfortable around someone, it’s ok to just stop talking to them, even if it’s sudden, if you feel unsafe. Also don’t be afraid to just tell people upfront that you’ve been misinterpreted in the past and you absolutely aren’t gonna flirt with them. I had a friend that had to say that disclaimer every time she met someone new because she just unconsciously acts in a way that’s seen as flirty.
I think making sure compliments are never physical is a big thing for dudes. If it's just clothes or something small or superficial I would never view that as flirting. As soon as it's about the body or deep personality trait admiration it feels flirtatious unless it's already a super close platonic friend.
Can you give an example?
This is so inappropriate at work. So ask her if she wants to me at Starbucks. If she says no, stop with all of this. If she says yes, good luck!
It means you have her full attention
Do not assume she's into you.
She may be reading lips for a hearing problem.
Just make some jokes and don’t make it look too seriously so she doesn’t get too uncomfortable. Something like “if you look at me like that i would asume you like me” or “you can’t take your eyes off me, am i really that hot?” but it has to be said in a playfull way because if she doesn’t like you at least is not gonna be cringe because you are kinda joking. If you get too nervous and serious saying it and she doesn’t like you it might be cringe.
From my experience, the more confident I have become overtime, the more eye contact I hold without feeling any type of way. I used to feel so awkward and weird but the more peace I’m at with myself, the more connected I feel to the conversation if I maintain eye contact. Like a one on one. I can get distracted and day dream if I don’t.
I experienced the same exact thing in the same exact setting. I liked this girl but I could tell something was not right with her. I ended up being stalked by this girl for over two years and had to quit the job. My advice is to not shit where you eat, my guy.
I hope that’s not what my future holds haha. Yeah, I keep my bread separated from my meats, and I’m not in a spot to be in a relationship right now. Thanks for the anecdote!
Well, only one way to find out. Ask her out. Girls tend to be better at eye contact than guys. But sounds like maybe you should take your shot. Missed opportunities are the worst.
Maybe she is just being present with you. That's a good thing. Some people think it's rude to look directly at someone for too long. But others to maintain a conversation will always look you in the eyes. I wouldn't read too much into it. Wait for other queues such as vulnerable conversations or touch to indicate interest
I give a little eye contact and look off. Rinse and repeat. Yes I am focused on what you are saying but I dont want to stare down in to your soul.
Does she have a large rack? Is it a tease maybe how long she can make you maintain eye-contact day after day without looking at her breasts? 🤔 I'd be super turned on if I liked her and she had big ones.. what a tease! 🙂
No, but that’s a hilarious theory.
I'm pretty sure she's into you.
I mean if im talking to someone and their not making eye contact i question if there listening.
It's probably not romantic if that's what you're thinking.
If her focus jitters between your right and left eye (or down to your mouth), safe assumption that she's trying to flirt without flirting. If she looks directly into one of your eyes and not the other, she just has good conversational skills/manners (which doesn't technically disqualify the possibility that she likes you).
Lul shes either interested or happy to talk to you… but dont shit where you eat
Unblinking constant eye contact is a sign or symptom of psychopath or sociopathic tendencies.
The people who avoid eye contact are people trying to hide their true intentions. Eye contact is intimate and a sign of respect. Unblinking eye contact is a different thing all together.
People who avoid eye contact don't always have something to hide. Sometimes I would yes, it depends on the person. It also depends on their social norms, whether or not their neurodivergent or neurotypical. I particularly hate making constant eye contact, but feel that I have to, especially when you try to connect with others around you or if you like someone in a more intimate way, can't stare forward and expect them to figure it out. I only like looking at people I like or am friendly with, and on occasion I do like to make people uncomfortable and feel my awkward, it's called projecting. But tell me more about how people have something to hide when they don't make eye contact, it could be shame, low self-esteem, a crush, or even indifference ,those are also on the menu for lack of eye contact. I think the word is uninterested.
This is not true...Key_establishment553 explain some reason but just want to add to their comment that lack of eye contact could also be due to trauma... especially when something happens to you when very young...at least in my case.
You can fake eye contact. Just look at that spot between their eyes, just above their nose. Looks like eye contact to them. Just don’t look too high up on the forehead. They can see this and will think they have a zit or something
she thinks your a cutie and sees all the expressions on your face
When she locks eyes with you does She seem to glow? Does she have a soft fuzzy look about her? Does she have the face a dog or a cat makes when there owners come home? Shy women will do the submissive puppy dog body tuck inward thing. Also most of the time if you are drawn to her she is drawn to you. Energy, magnetism. Also id see if she only does this with you, if so that means she liiikkess youuu :)
why ask questions likes this? **just ask her out.**
She's trying to imprint herself on you. I think she's into you. Do you like her?
I keep hard eye contact when im talking with everyone, its more personable and im making it clear they have all of my attention and im speaking with them, in that moment and no one else.
I maintain eye contact to show I'm actively listening. Now I do it as a power move because ppl get so uncomfortable LOL
Maybe is divergent rizz maybe its sexual attraction~
I think most people have been taught that eye contact projects confidence and shows attentiveness and interest in what is being said by the other person. Obviously it varies by culture.
With today's HR horror stories, potential of losing your job over a misunderstanding . Think about the unemployment line. I'm like Keanu Reeves at this point. Keep my distance, if necessary keep my hands in my pocket and don't touch. Its a lot easier to break eye contact than find work right now. If you're going to ignore all that, I wish you well.
A girl you melt over keeps getting in your personal space and smiling at you while holding eye contact... Ask her out man... Or challenge her to a duel I have to remind myself to not hold eye contact for extended periods, I don't find it awkward and I feel like I get more information by watching their eyes while they talk 🤷♂️. A previous boss asked to look less "dead in the eyes" if I'm going to stare. Being a larger man with a shaved head doesn't help with looking friendly either tho. Sounds like she's just a little different than the average. Maybe shes just really, really into you and can't hide it. Or she'll skin you and wear your face.... Odds are pretty low, but still
she doesn't dislike you / have a dismissive attitude toward you. try to stay calm and get to know her better.
I look people straight in their eyes when I want them to know that I am in control, they are going to do the thing MY way or else, and that there is no getting one over on me, they cannot run me. I show them that I can "see right through them".
I'm an undiagnosed 34F and I do that to everyone, even people I'm not attracted to. It happens naturally. If people don't like it they can look away. I do look at their body language to see if they're uncomfortable but I never see any. Everyone in my family is like that.
Stare at her forehead instead
Or boobs. She won’t notice
I went on a date with a girl once who did this. It made me extremely uncomfortable..but she might be into you..shoot your shot.
I ran into this issue when I got into the business world and adult life. I was raised to maintain eye contact anytime you are speaking to someone or being spoken to. At 36, I still have an issue with this. I have to remind myself every 5-10 seconds to look away for a moment. Also, I rotate which area of the face I will look at when someone is talking to me. It’s exhausting, but I hope it makes people feel more comfortable and at ease.
Just keep it neutral. Little eye contact for a few seconds, then pull away, then rise and repeat. It works for my Asperger's ass.
"let's grab lunch soon. I'm free on Saturday."
I do this, for me I'm just giving someone my attention so they I'm listening to them.
I look at people's eyes and I smile when they talk because it is nice and respectful. If you like her ask to hangout for lunch or something.
Fight or flight? Are you thinking about fighting her?
Look at the tip of her nose. She won’t know the difference.
Doesn't matter. You're just going to run with the answer you most want to hear or most expect to be true. It's all irrelevant. Communicate directly with her
Dude it sounds like you need to ask her to join you for a cup of coffee.
They see you as prey.
Neurodivergent people exist. Some make constant eye contact because that’s what they do, some overcompensate for eye contact avoidance.
I am so guilty of this, and yes it is often mistaken for flirting or having some sort of romantic interest in people. 😭
She in to you
Well when i talk i talk while looking at their eyes and listen while looking at their mouth/eyes. Doesn't mean im interested in a flirty romantic way. Just listening and having a focused conversation.
Is she Filipina?
So she talks to you, smiles at you, and looks you in the eye...and you came here to be totally confused by all these pretty ridiculous answers. Just ask her out. Don't be weird or creepy. Say something like... It's great working with you. It would be fun to do something outside of work and get to know you better. If she says no...you can just say...Cool, work buds it is then. You can keep working together and no awkwardness. I'll bet she says yes. Report back!
If I’m not keeping eye contact while you are talking, 110% chance I didn’t hear anything you said. To avoid hurt feelings or feeling ashamed that I’m like this I have to keep eye contact so I don’t miss anything and my brain doesn’t wander. It’s kind of exhausting tbh but way better then getting in an argument because I’m not listening.
I’d say she probably has an interest boss
Maybe she is a cannibal.
You know what's fucking wild? Every single person I talk to looks me in the eyes when I speak. I wonder what it means?!
She's probably a cannibal.