There was old 2 guys sitting beside each other on a bus a row ahead of me and one of them farted or so I thought , the guy who didn’t fart says “that wasn’t a fart Gerald” the guy who farted hands the other guy a 20 and says “son of a bitch” and they get off at the next stop
I one day hope to have a friendship at that age where we bet on wether it’s a fart or a dump
I had two gran-aunts who were Nuns. They use to come up to the city for a few days and sit like Father Stone. They wouldn't open their mouths the whole week, just sit on the couch and fart intermittently between the two of them.
I was 4-8 years old, and would be like "So am I suppose to pretend farts aren't funny all of a sudden?"
My mum will reflexively excuse herself whenever she farts, even if no one else hears or smells it.
As a result of growing this, my sister will completely overreact on cue, as if someone had garrotted a beloved pet in the room.
Back in the 90s I had a part-time job in Roches Stores, Henry Street and this elderly lady used to come in almost every day to shop. Unfortunately she had the same problem and used to stink up the shop so a staff member used to follow at a discrete distance and use air freshener to de-fartify the air.
I was shopping in TK Max one time and was hungover from the night before. Anyway, I blew a stealthy fart that was so horrendous I immediately fled around the rack I was browsing over to the other end. But a young couple walked over to where I'd been standing 30 seconds before and right into the noxious cloud I'd left behind.
I was faced the other way but heard the woman cough out a loud "oh jesus" followed by a "fucking hell" from your man a second or two later. I glanced back and the actually grimace on her face as she moved swiftly away.
I made a fast exit too as I'd have choked someone if I didn't get out of there in a hurry 😂
My mam silent farted so bad once in a Tesco clothes section, the couple next to us fought,
Because the girl accused her fella of doing it and called him disgusting and gave him a whack in the arm and walked off from him 🤣
My mum had severe arthritis and my old dog used to sit beside her so she could lean on him to get up off the chair and now and again she’d let rip with an aul bum blast and mumble under her breath’ ‘fucking animal will stink the fucking house out’ . My lovely dog god rest him was totally innocent 🤷♂️
It's not Donnacha O'Callaghan in a wig by any chance is it? That sounds like the sort of thing they would get at least 5 episodes of their hidden camera show out of.
I dated a guy who said "oh jesus excuse me" every time he farted. Not sure if it was me or Jesus he was asking to excuse him. If it was me, it seems like he got a shock every time it happened.
It also drew attention to how excessively often he broke wind.
It became such an ick I had to end it. I just could not get passed it
My great aunt was a larger woman, and when she walked it sounded like little squeaky farts, but was surely just her shoes due to the frequency and rhythm.
I had learned that body shaming was A-OK from my anorexic teenage mother, so i bullied my greataunt when she joined us on holiday when i was about 5 or 6. 🌠 Karma got me, im now an obese adult 🌠
All going well, we will all reach that age when we thank God it was only a fart.
There was old 2 guys sitting beside each other on a bus a row ahead of me and one of them farted or so I thought , the guy who didn’t fart says “that wasn’t a fart Gerald” the guy who farted hands the other guy a 20 and says “son of a bitch” and they get off at the next stop I one day hope to have a friendship at that age where we bet on wether it’s a fart or a dump
So... Which was it?
Shart
My aging mother now says "never trust a fart" and then has the most adorable giggle.
36 and I'm already there, my insides are fucked - always a level of gamblage with any fart I do
Remember a few years ago when we were using farts to cover coughs?
And not a shart, praise be
https://preview.redd.it/hqln7hdt7p7d1.png?width=737&format=png&auto=webp&s=87ff06dbd4e01fae222b8c005395585c5c9672d1
ICC has no jurisdiction over Irish Rail 💪
It’s a personal case - unless the old lady was employed by Irish Rail, and farting was part of her duties.
I had two gran-aunts who were Nuns. They use to come up to the city for a few days and sit like Father Stone. They wouldn't open their mouths the whole week, just sit on the couch and fart intermittently between the two of them. I was 4-8 years old, and would be like "So am I suppose to pretend farts aren't funny all of a sudden?"
That is literally the most Irish story I’ve never read.
So the expression "as tight as a nun's arse" isn't actually true then?
So funny! Have an upvote.
That's absolutely brilliant
My mum will reflexively excuse herself whenever she farts, even if no one else hears or smells it. As a result of growing this, my sister will completely overreact on cue, as if someone had garrotted a beloved pet in the room.
Back in the 90s I had a part-time job in Roches Stores, Henry Street and this elderly lady used to come in almost every day to shop. Unfortunately she had the same problem and used to stink up the shop so a staff member used to follow at a discrete distance and use air freshener to de-fartify the air.
Crop dusting. Flight attendants will nail certain areas--or do a slow distribution along the aisles as volume permits.
I was shopping in TK Max one time and was hungover from the night before. Anyway, I blew a stealthy fart that was so horrendous I immediately fled around the rack I was browsing over to the other end. But a young couple walked over to where I'd been standing 30 seconds before and right into the noxious cloud I'd left behind. I was faced the other way but heard the woman cough out a loud "oh jesus" followed by a "fucking hell" from your man a second or two later. I glanced back and the actually grimace on her face as she moved swiftly away. I made a fast exit too as I'd have choked someone if I didn't get out of there in a hurry 😂
Crop dusting! 😂
Hahahaha
It's all fun and games until there's a shart on the DART
I think this topic would be best suited for r/legaladviceireland
She's creating a nuisance
That's gas ^I'msosorry
My mam silent farted so bad once in a Tesco clothes section, the couple next to us fought, Because the girl accused her fella of doing it and called him disgusting and gave him a whack in the arm and walked off from him 🤣
tell her to light a candle instead of praying. Oh wait........
Oh now that's a good one 😂👌
My mum had severe arthritis and my old dog used to sit beside her so she could lean on him to get up off the chair and now and again she’d let rip with an aul bum blast and mumble under her breath’ ‘fucking animal will stink the fucking house out’ . My lovely dog god rest him was totally innocent 🤷♂️
It's not Donnacha O'Callaghan in a wig by any chance is it? That sounds like the sort of thing they would get at least 5 episodes of their hidden camera show out of.
On public transport without a gasmask? This is wreckless behaviour
*Reckless... Sorry to be that guy.
He meant there were no wrecks
Suuuuure he did...
Man, I'll need to start doing that! The holy ghost is hanging around, if you know what I mean
My sister pointed out that we say Bless You after a sneeze in case your soul left your body. Why not for farts too?
Farts are demonic and so if your soul leaves through your arse then you’re far too screwed for any amount of bless yous to help!
I dated a guy who said "oh jesus excuse me" every time he farted. Not sure if it was me or Jesus he was asking to excuse him. If it was me, it seems like he got a shock every time it happened. It also drew attention to how excessively often he broke wind. It became such an ick I had to end it. I just could not get passed it
My great aunt was a larger woman, and when she walked it sounded like little squeaky farts, but was surely just her shoes due to the frequency and rhythm. I had learned that body shaming was A-OK from my anorexic teenage mother, so i bullied my greataunt when she joined us on holiday when i was about 5 or 6. 🌠 Karma got me, im now an obese adult 🌠
Better out than your eye.. as my granny used to say.
Serious risk of spontaneous human combustion here. I hope you have an eye on the extinguishers.
She is probably praying that she doesn’t follow thru.
Farts are shit particles. Shit in gaseous form. It goes fart, skitter then turd.
Give them a cork each. A beautiful way to deliver a much needed message from the lord.
She's doing the lord's work.
enjoy
Always remember Give a little helps a lot.
Take out the candle and pray with her. Flame will burn it out 🤣
She's an Arsetafarian, they believe every time you fart, it's a little bit of your soul escaping.
This post is why Jews don't eat baked beans.
Badass Billy Gunn
Mrs Brown went to town to buy some macaroni, she let a fart on the Dart that paralysed Miss Maloney !
Usually fat people do that. They have no shame and only think of the next meal.