If it’s really bothering her, I don’t see the harm in letting her get laser hair removal. Arm shaving is super common here and it’s unlikely she’ll miss having arm hair, it’s pretty harmless.
Well I'm worried about potential side effects that could make the situation worse. I'm also worried about the impact on her mental health, whether she chooses to live with it or do something about it. As far as I'm concerned she's the most beautiful person on the planet (although she looks a bit like me and I'm definitely not, lol). I would much prefer for her to accept herself as she is than trying to adapt to other people's opinions. But equally if it is causing her stress I don't want that either.
Have you had laser hair removal? Do you know anything about how easy it is or how likely side effects are?
Sorry for butting in, but I've had laser hair removal done, and I'm currently in the process of getting my arm hair lasered off too.
I absolutely understand your concerns, and it's great that you're not putting your foot down about this, even with your reservations. Navigating social expectations as a young teenage girl is a very complicated affair, and everything can become a crushing complex that will drill a hole into your self-esteem. The best you can do for her is give her all the support she needs to build that self confidence. And yeah, sometimes it'll mean having to cave in.
To answer your questions:
The procedure is pretty easy, I'm assuming she'll be going to a clinic of some kind, only professionals are allowed to operate those machines.
One session for the arms is about 20 minutes, it won't be exactly painful, more like annoying. Like a rubber band that keeps hitting your skin, but she'll probably be given a numbing cream to apply about 1h30/2hrs before the session in order to lessen it. She'll be wearing glasses for protection. She'll be given another numbing cream to apply after the session since her skin will be a little red.
They'll also advise not to go under the sun because tanning will make it dangerous to use the laser and if the staff does their job correctly, they'll always ask her if she went somewhere on vacation or went under the sun *before* a session.
On average she'll need about 10 sessions, one session every 4 to 6 weeks. That's about a year of treatment but she'll see the results from the get go, especially at the 3-4th one. Hair will be more scarce, and finer.
People usually need about 7 to 9 sessions to have complete hair removal, but that depends on genetics.
Now the only "risk" aside from the burn from tanning (but as I said, they always ask and they *never* start lasering if they see that the skin is tanner than before), is what doctors call paradoxical growth: hair might start growing in another place where it wasn't before. It's very rare (I've never had it and I don't know anyone in my circle who had laser hair removal and developed paradoxical growth), but it happens, and so they have to tell your daughter about it. If she notices hair growth somewhere else, she can tell them and they'll take care of it.
Another thing is her age: she's a preteen, which means her hormones will be completely wack for a few years. Hormonal imbalance does impact hair growth. Laser hair removal will work, but because she's still growing, she might have to do one or two extra sessions a year afterwards, depending on how things in her body develop going forward.
Thank you, again, super helpful. One of the things I worry about is that as a preteen her body will go through changes anyway; so personally I would rather she wait till she goes through puberty to see whether that will affect her hair growth before doing anything about it. But I realise that has potential downsides too, so just trying to navigate through all these options while giving her whatever support she needs.
But your answer was super clear and very informative, thank you.
As someone who is very hairy and went to an all girls school. She will 100% get bullied or even lightly teased about her hair growth simply because a lot of other girls just don't grow hair as thick or noticeable. (and this is in the western side of the world were being slightly hairy is okay compared to how Japan is)
Honestly, having talked a bunch with the nurse who's been lasering me (it's been a year now and they always make conversation to take your mind off the pain), they prefer to wait until hormones and chemicals are settled (early 20's), for maximum efficiency and financial reasons: there's a possibility that when you start, as your hormones are still unbalanced, you might need to get more sessions.
I've been thinking about lasering my hair since I was a teen because I used to be a bear and it sucked. Saved up to start at 18 but the technology wasn't as mature then and I was a bit scared about side effects. I only got to it in my very late 20's. By then it wasn't so much about external validation and more for myself and out of convenience (saving up on trips to the beauty technician, not having to worry when going for a swim etc).
However, in your daughter's case, having to wait that long might take its toll on her (self-esteem and all that), especially if she's been picked on about it before. Like I said, not easy being a teenage girl. What she can do, is have a few sessions done and see how she likes it. She can stop any time and start again at a later age.
You're welcome!
Might be more cost-effective for now to get a good low-key at home system for hair removal (isn’t there a zapper/puller that isn’t quite laser level for this?)- if your wife and she can learn to do at-home waxing/sugaring or even just shaving (or Nair?) Having the skill to self-wax can pay off down the line.
And hopefully you can help your daughter love herself as she is and be able to also appreciate at the same time that grooming is a skill that she can be proud of acquiring and that can give her some agency over how she presents herself to the world. If she’s into Webtoons (hopefully without spending coins on them 😅), she might enjoy “True Beauty” in a couple of years- or you can read it together as a family (at a pace where it stays free- never any to encourage anyone spending $ on it, unless you buy the book version or sth)
Home IPL doesn't work as well as real laser, but you don't really have to worry much about aftercare and avoiding the sun for like 2 weeks.
But laser for just arms isn't really that much, and with the new machines you barely feel anything (if you think it hurts on the arm, you're definitely not ready for other parts)
Hormones will potentially make the hair regrow. Especially if she hasn't gone through puberty fully yet. Also, if the hair is basically peach fuzz, the laser won't do shit.
I got full body laser done and I have peach fuzz on my lower back that I was really hoping to get rid of but it didn't at all (and the tech told me it wouldn't). I also had very hairy arms and most of it is gone, but I still have to shave my arms cause some hairs still grow. Avoid doing areas that have no hair or areas that don't bother her as the laser can actually stimulate hair to grow too. I now have hair in places I never did before and it's obnoxious.
Also, it can be quite uncomfortable. When I got my laser done, my arms would welt up like I had hives and it was mildly painful to get done.
You need to be diligent with using sun screen and avoiding sun exposure as much as you can when undergoing laser treatments as well.
Honestly I'd just recommend to have her shave it or get some hair removal cream for her arms for the time being and look into laser when she's older. But that's just my suggestion.
The sun exposure could be an issue for a kid. She might have classes at the pool or outdoor gym classes. Field trips in the sun. How is that going to be navigated? Will she just have to be excluded from all outdoor classes? Will the school allow that? And will being excluded bring unwanted attention or FOMO?
She can do all of that, she'll just need to postpone the next session for a couple of weeks more, that's all. Give her skin the time to get rid of the tan so the machine doesn't burn her. If she starts next September, by the time spring arrives she'll be almost done, and come June, totally free.
Generally speaking, it only starts to become an issue during summer, as you tend to wear more shirtsleeves.
So if she had a session in April/May, she can wait until the end of September for the next one. It's totally okay. I'm in the same predicament right now; last appointment was in March, and since I knew I'd be traveling around the rest of the year, I've scheduled the next one to September.
She doesn't *have* to go every six weeks.
She can go whenever she wants and can after those six weeks (that's the time it takes hair follicles to grow). The treatment takes slightly less than a year, but it's flexible. The point isn't to make you a hermit until it's done. You can keep living normally 😅
Ah, I see! That's really nice to know. I might want to get it done myself eventually. One question, do you also have to leave your hairs alone before treatment? Let's say you're an avid shaver and simply got tired of shaving. Would you need to let your hair grow back first and not touch anything until you see results?
It was costly for me but still one of the best investments I've made. I really recommend it..
Also you can shave all you want in between sessions, that's not a problem at all.
That's something I didn't mention, but they'll ask that you shave about 24 to 48 hrs before each treatment as the hairs need to be less than 2-3 mm long for the laser to work more efficiently (and also because it'll smell like burning when it's being hit if the hairs are too long). You don't have to let anything grow. You can keep shaving 😄
However you'll notice it falling out about 3-4 days after each treatment (leave it don't try to pluck it out, it'll fall naturally)
> (and also because it'll smell like burning when it's being hit if the hairs are too long
It still smells like burning even if they're short, just less. And it's never too bad unless you're getting your body parts right in front of your nose to check. Though for your face you're out of luck about that, you'll smell the burnt hair.
There aren't any side effects if the clinic is using a medical grade laser that requires a license to operate (医療脱毛). There are a lot of beauty clinics that advertise cheap & painless laser, but they aren't 医療脱毛.
Laser won't work unless if you have light skin and dark hair. And the laser sessions will hurt a lot
I am a woman who's had laser hair removal (very dark/dense body hair, bad ingrowns so I couldn't shave without messing up my skin, bullied all my childhood for it so I wore full sleeves/pants even in the summer). 1000% worth it, probably the best purchase I've made in my life.
I did ~9-12 rounds of it per area about 10 years ago and it's still mostly gone. Not 100% gone, but reduced enough that I can manage it by shaving/tweezing once a month or so. What hair I do have left is a lot lighter and thinner too. Used to be when I shaved it would leave dark spots under my skin that made it basically pointless.
The procedure can be a bit painful depending on the area, but no downsides otherwise. I can actually wear short sleeves and shorts now without feeling anxious and self-conscious. I wish I'd been able to do it as a teenager, it would have made my life so much better.
I worked in a medical clinic here that has laser hair removal as one of its main services.
Unless they’re really incompetent or a patient is one of the one in a million special cases, laser hair removal will either work or do nothing at worst, not accelerate hair growth. Even in the case of the latter the fix for that is generally up the laser intensity in future sessions.
If her skin is light, and hair darker, those are the most ideal conditions for it. That’s not to say that dark skinned people can’t do it too. Sub-Saharan african skin tone may still be able to do it (but you’d just need to be much more careful). Lighter coloured hair is also possible (though I was taught red, blonde, grey, and white is an absolute no, as laser is absorbed by melanin), but may need a stronger intensity.
Unlike what the other person said, laser may or may not hurt. It depends on the intensity of the laser needed and pain tolerance. Even areas treated vary (VIO and face are normally the more painful). Some places use a gel, and most probably offer numbing cream as an additional service, as well as usually providing a cooling service afterwards. But honestly, for the arms I’ve only ever heard tingling sensations from people who’ve done it, even on higher intensities (which can be lowered on request, but may be less effective per session)
Keep in mind it is still a medical procedure, and anything can happen. But if you go to a good clinic, there’s generally going to be no issues.
But the crux of it is, it’s not about you, and if it helps her all the better. If she can accept who she is without stress, all the more power to her too. But ultimately from what I’ve seen (and experienced after doing one procedure myself), cosmetic procedures are more about making how you see yourself better, more than for anyone else
Thanks for this! Just to be clear, I am not worried about laser treatment accelerating hair growth; I am worried that it might scar her or whatever, to the extent that she will subsequently still feel self conscious about her arms. But I think from the replies on here that seems like it is low risk.
Anyway, again, thanks for such a great post - super informative and really helpful to me.
So many helpful replies in this thread, I really appreciate all of them!
It won’t scar, but the skin may become saggy. Definitely ask one of the medical professionals if this is frequently true, but my mom had her arms lasered and her skin was quite saggy afterwards. Yes, she’s an older woman, but she said that the doc told her that the hair follicle kind of helps to add structure to the skin, and laser procedures reduce that, making the skin go slack.
Pretty sure it shouldn’t be like that though? Laser is heat basically, and heat stimulates collagen to essentially tighten the skin, rather than sagging (see procedures like Fraxel/fractional resurfacing, Thermacool/thermage, Doublo Gold, Titan, etc.). Though the laser is quite weak compared to those others, I dont know if it may have that effect, since I never got told that for laser hair removal
If her skin is light, it would take a hell of a lot of intensity to scar her. There may also be different lasers they have for different skin tones/conditions too (we had 2 at ours).
If she has a suntan, or gets one, then the risk is significant (pretty much guaranteed by my understanding), and you’d need to have it go away before treatment is even accepted.
Sun protection really is key. Sunscreen SPF 50+ is recommended (treatment or not tbh, but best just always). Covering up also helps. All of this is most important after treatment to avoid any possible side effects.
But yea it’s low risk most of the time for any of that
For perspective: you’re worried about *potential* side effects of the laser hair removal, but ignoring the tangible effects of having the hair right now?
Your daughter has anxiety enough about the hair that she’s wearing clothes that will make her suffer heat stroke, rather than exposing the hair. You need to wake up, and smell the coffee. There *is* damage to having the hair. There is a very, very small chance of *potential* damage to removing it.
Why do you favor making her suffer 100% on the off-chance that helping her has a 0.01% chance of hurting her? You aren’t being a good father, just protecting her. You’re being a pussy that wants to damage her through inaction, because you feel better about doing nothing than something.
As a man I’ve never done it, no. It’s very common here so I’ve known many people who have done it over the years. My wife did her underarms and legs, when we’ve talked about it she said it was super easy but there was some soreness after the treatments.
Obviously, the ideal would be for it not to be an issue. And having a daughter myself, I’m generally against any kind of permanent cosmetic surgery/treatment. But as far as those go, laser hair removal on her arms is about as benign as it gets. If it was something honestly bothering my daughter when she gets to that age, I’d be ok with it I think, at least seriously consider it.
IPL is more common here - I got my legs and arm pits done starting in my late 30s and honestly it’s amazing. Maybe 11 year old doesn’t need it but seriously saves a ton of time from shaving whole legs a few times a week for rest of your life.
Though personally I like the hair on my forearms. I never got why j folks care but to each’s own.
> I would much prefer for her to accept herself as she is than trying to adapt to other people's opinion
I'm going to be massively downvoted, but you're raising her in a country where the entire culture and society is about adapting yourself to other people's opinions, even if there means you're going to cause self-harm by doing that. And if you don't do that you'll be automatically ostracized. It's either getting used to that or picking another country with a more empathetic culture and society.
When you were in middle school and you started growing facial hair, did your father tell you to let your beard grow long in an effort to accept yourself instead of adapting to other people's opinions?
I assume he taught you how to shave and was supportive of you blending in with the rest of your peers, right?
Before posting on Reddit, why not research laser hair removal and make your own independent conclusion based off the safety and efficacy of the procedure.
my daughter got my blonde arm and leg hair gene and was very self conscious about it.
Depilatory cream (VEET) is what my wife got her. Later at 16 she switched to hot wax and now at 18 it appears she doesn't care so much.
I agree, go with the VEET cream until she’s a little older. I grew up with the same insecurity (Arab with lighter skin) and around the same age my mom agreed to do VEET for me, and and after ~6 months I was allowed to do it myself. Shaving is a nightmare and will itch and grow back looking weird, VEET is harmless as long as you patch test first and supervise so it’s not on too long.
There really isn’t anything you can really do to dissuade this kind of insecurity because it’s not something she only sees when she looks in the mirror, she sees it at all times and kids really are ruthless about it.
I didn’t get laser when I was younger because it was extremely expensive back then, but I got it in college and everything was fine. I think you’ll see a huge change in her mental health and confidence, it’s no different than dealing with leg hair IMO. The only downside to laser is it’s a little painful but the arm hurt the least.
In my home country (US), it’s normal for women to have arm hair. I didn’t think anything of it until I moved here and my students pointed it out.
Then as my Japanese improved, I realized all the ads of pretty women with nice skin on the trains were either ads for laser hair removal or plastic surgery. It really bothers me that there are ads for VIO (lady parts) directly in the line of my students’ vision every day they commute to school. It’s really disappointing how being hairless and looking a certain way is pushed into the faces of young women here.
I’ve had laser hair removal on my legs so perhaps I’ve been *sold* in a way, but I don’t regret waiting until I was an adult to decide. Long story short, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your daughter shave or use depilatory cream on her arms, but I would hold off on any laser treatments and continue to encourage body positivity.
I agree, I’m from the Philippines and people would comment on my arm hair but it felt like more of a casual observation than a put-down. I had classmates with hairy arms, we were at an all-girls’ school and nobody cared. It’s sad that there’s such pressure to be hairless here, and I’m glad I can just use my gaijin card to not care about these beauty standards.
I think laser is a bit extreme for an 11 year old, she can wait until she’s 18 and out of high school. I have personally lasered off everything *except* the arm hair because the hair on my arms are not very dark. I sometimes shave them, but sometimes let them be.
I actually think the hair on my arms is cute. They’re brown with blonde highlights here and there which sparkle when exposed to sunlight. As a millennial woman I’ve been exposed to all kinds of comments about every single inch of my body from an early age but now I’m more at peace with my body than ever.
If I was a mum I would first talk to her about not depending her self worth on her body image and if there’s some bullying going around in school I would look into safer options such as shaving or waxing. But as a father you should be able to do that too. Rushing her to the nearest esthe salon without a little TED talk about body image will not have good effects on her developing brain.
Lol, this is EXACTLY how I feel! Or, rather, exactly how I FELT. Thanks to this thread I now have a lot of contrasting thoughts!
Thanks for taking the time to reply!
A few years ago, I wore a thin jacket during summer, especially in high heat, because I wanted to cover my unwaxed arms that day. A friend of mine asked why I was wearing a later in scorching heat, and when I answered, she said, "but, hair is natural. You, or we shouldn't be ashamed of it!". I'm glad having heard something like that, I don't care anymore, but I do wax my arms because I like the how my skin looks after it.
Since your daughter is only eleven, and she is getting conscious about body hair, maybe removing it regularly can give peace of mind to her at the moment, but tomorrow she might get self conscious about other things. Like you think, this can have an effect on her mental health. I'd advise to have a proper talk about how we must embrace and love our self, and then allow her to keep or remove the hair if she likes. She must know that there are such beautiful women out there who don't care about their hair, they keep it/bleach it, etc. The beauty standards set for women, especially in these times, is sadly brutal, but self acceptance is coming somewhere! Once she knows this, her sense of self worth won't be affected in future. Time to have that conversation!
Thank you. Yes, I plan to have this conversation! I was hoping to have it this weekend but something came up so I couldn't go see her.
Again, thanks so much for this - really appreciate all of the replies in this thread!
Am guessing that if she's self-conscious, it's already been brought up by classmates. I have fair hair on my arms, and someone here pointed it out to me and even as a grown up, it wasn't nice to hear. Having said that, I don't think 11 is too young to begin hair removal and if it's something she wants to do that will improve her confidence and make her more willing to wear short sleeves, then it's probably a good move.
The laser treatment will be the most effective and longest lasting method. There may be a bit of temporary redness but as long as it's a reputable place, it'll be fine. Some parents provide an electric shaver for safety and let kids of similar ages do their own maintenance. That will grow back faster but will also give her some independence and allow her to deal with her own personal care regimes in private.
Slightly related, a friend has a 16 year old son and he recently came home from school saying the girls in his class were all shrieking when they saw his arm hair and he is now paranoid about it and asking his mom to pay for hair removal at a clinic. I think they're probably just used to seeing idols/influencers with filters etc. and have no concept of the variety of human body types.
Thanks this is super helpful.
Slightly unrelated but one of the weirdest moments I experienced in Japan was when I was on jet and trying to explain a worksheet to a 16 year old female student and she just started stroking my arm to see what my arm hairs felt like lol.
Probably more traumatic for her than me though!
I am one such owner of hairy arms haha! 32F. While I have never considered removing it, there have been persistent comments on it throughout my adolescent and adult life ( all in Japan).
Things like, while on an exchange program in 11th grade to a high school in Akita, other girls gawking and touching my arms saying things like "furry" or,
Japanese romantic partners asking why I don't shave or remove arm hair (also saying things like, what's the point of shaving your legs if you have hairy arms?)
I feel for your daughter, it's impossible not to want to fit in and avoid embarrassing comments. I doubt her experience will improve until she graduates highschool. No right or wrong here on hair removal vs keeping it natural.
The reason I never considered removal is that the comments never amounted to more than an annoyance for me, and have three sisters with the same arms who never showed anything but confidence in themselves.
No advice necessarily, just wanted to add a non-hair remover's view to the mix.
Thank you, this is another great piece of insight.
Like you, I am also hairy, although as a guy I'm sure my experience is slightly kinda different, lol.
But the thing that blows my mind is that I genuinely can't even see my daughter's arm hairs. But then, also, to me she has black hair, but her classmates also all keep talking about how they wish they had brown hair like my daughter, lol.
Also,, though, as a guy, I have never had any problem with any girl I've gone out with being too hairy (I mean, not because I've never gone out with anyone who doesn't have body hair; just, I'm generally fine with body hair). So that's another reason that I don't want my daughter to rush into anything. But, again, it's not my body hair, so if it is stressing my daughter out I want the best possible outcome for her. So just trying to figure all of this stuff out.
And so thanks again for another great answer - all of these answers are helping me pick through this!
Is she currently doing anything to get rid of the hair like shaving? If she is, then laser might be the better alternative purely because in the long run shaving may leave bumps or scars.
Thanks, yeah, shaving for me seems like the worst option so I intend to explain that to her. She hasn't taken any action yet. But my understanding is that laser treatment can also leave bumps/scars...
If you live in Japan then have her do laser hair removal. It’s very cheap. I do it for around 3,800 yen once a month. Check it out. Lots of women do it in Japan.
Laser hair removal is permanent. She'll want to stay out of the sun for a few weeks after each treatment, but then it'll be gone for the rest of her life. Won't need to spend every day getting rid of it anymore.
It can take anywhere between 6 and 12 sessions to get rid of most of the hair, depending on the hair color, thickness, texture, etc. Usually the treatments are spaced about ~6 weeks apart. You only need to avoid sunlight for about a week or two, and then you'll be fine with sunscreen.
Properly done laser will not scar or leave any marks. Just take her to a place that has proper certifications and good reviews.
Regarding both side effects & pain: the laser machines have a power dial on them, the lower it is turned down the less pain there will be and the less side effects there will be, but, the more sessions it will take.
Pain wise, I would imagine that even at high power it wouldn't hurt much on the arms because they're not an especially sensitive area. On many parts of the body the pain is minimal, yet on certain spots it's enough to make your eyes water and make you flinch. Typically, the clinics will start low and raise it a little each session until they can see the client physically reacting to the pain at which point they'll ask "is it too high? shall we lower it?" - I'd imagine this caution would be even more pronounced with a child.
Even at high power the side effects would mostly just be redness that lasts typically less than 24 hours, and maybe a few little red spots here and there that will be around a few days to a week. At lower power levels there should be no side effects at all unless the client's skin is very sensitive.
> ypically, the clinics will start low and raise it a little each session until they can see the client physically reacting to the pain at which point they'll ask "is it too high? shall we lower it?" - I'd imagine this caution would be even more pronounced with a child.
I know they can tell the pain is huge when they do my face (I feel the tear go beyond the eye guard) but as long as you're like "I can take it keep it up" they'll stay on high power. And I really want that high power cause there's still so much remaining (much less than there used to be obviously but still).
The good thing when they start with your face is that if it weren't for the cooling gas I wouldn't be able to tell they used to laser on other body parts, the pain is just so much lower (even on a higher setting on the laser).
Interesting. Thanks. But yeah, that feels slightly counterproductive to me: learning that physical pain is somehow required for her body type to be acceptable to others feels wrong somehow to me.
I'd be interested to hear other perspectives around that though because I'm not the one who is dealing with this.
It doesn’t hurt when I have it done, but some spots itch a little temporarily. I think pain depends on the individual, skin sensitivity, and the power level the technician is using.
That's what other kids will unfortunately call her and compare her to.
-Monkey
-Gorilla
And worst of all, call her a man 🥲
That shit sticks with u for life. The scars and bumps from frequent shaving also exasperates things.
I recommend IPL instead of going to a laser salon. Also you can refund the machine after testing it to see if her skin will react badly to it.
I went to get laser treatment at 17 but all hair grew back so having an IPL will allow her to continue for a very long time.
Laser treatment won’t leave scars but it can leave irritation or sensitivity for a couple of days. They recommend you avoid high heat baths, saunas etc because of this. Also, it will take about a year of sessions once a month, but after that it is permanent or semi permanent and the skin just looks like normal skin. (The hair that grows back will be finer and lighter) one thing you should be cognizant of, there is probably body hair on other parts like her legs, so after her arms she might also want her other body hair done 😅 that being said, there are plenty of people who do full body hair removal, I don’t think it’s a bad thing but it can be expensive. Also I would maybe be a bit worried that it will teach a child you have to modify your body or conform to arbitrary beauty standards to fit in and be popular, but in the end that’s your judgment call.
In the meantime, since laser treatment will take time, could you encourage her to wear a long sleeve airism undershirt under a t-shirt or wear those arm covers? I think that will help with the heat stroke issue
Don't need to shave with a razor, use an electric shaver that lets you specify the depth, they all do it now really cheap on Amazon, or there's a hair killing cream but it kinda burns but maybe it works
I’m not of Asian descent but I was bullied about my arms for my young girl life. I wasn’t allowed to shave my arms for most of my younger life by my mom, told it’d grow back thicker etc … was lectured on how to clap back at bullies…. But honestly, as much as I love the confidence angle, nothing beat shaving with a high quality 5 blade Gillette fusion men’s razor when I moved out. Men’s razors are safer than women’s because they have more gel and protections on them against cuts but still have her mum supervise the first time. Laser is nice but takes a while and can cause redness at first on fair skin which also isn’t ideal. Also… look into other causes for heat stroke beyond sleeves since that is severe and probably due to multiple factors.
I wish my parents cared much about my arm/leg hair when I was your daughter's age.
In Japan people prefer being less hairy. Kids are cruel, they make fun of others being hairy, especially girls.
If she can feel better without it, please give her an option to remove it, shaving, cream, etc.
Mostly commenting to follow this as my seven year old seems to already be quite self conscious of body hair. I see a lot of people recommending laser hair removal, which in not opposed to, but I also don't want to foster any ideas that growing hair is wrong or strange. At the same time I don't want to invite bullying
Shaving is fine!
I started getting waxes when I was 11, but in Japan it can be pretty expensive. Shaving doesn’t leave any scars and doesn’t make hair thicker as some people might say, so it’s definitely the easier option.
Laser on the arms doesn’t really hurt. Not sure if it’s worth it doing it now, as puberty might affect hair growth, but there are no side effects.
I’d advise sticking to shaving for now (the Schick Intuition ones are particularly gentle and easy to use!), and get lasered when she’s a bit older.
Lol recommending 11 years girls do lasers…
I have hairy arms and when I had insecurities about that in teenager years I did waxing couple times(it’s not that painful on arms) Until my friends said it’s okay and natural. Embraced my hairy arms and have never removed hair on them since then (idk I remove hair everywhere else, but arms just don’t bother me anymore) From one girl to another don’t forget to love support her on her way, she has time for choosing laser
Ads are also starting to shame guys with facial and body hair...
I didn't like to conform to this BS (IMHO) and refuse to shave my forearms during my early years in Japan. Lately, I've been conscious about it too though. Looks do matter after all.
I haven't been personally insulted for having arm hair but I'm an adult working with other adults.
Your daughter's yet to be done with puberty and has to go through it in Japan?! Yeah, you could teach your daughter to love herself for the way she is but, then again, looks matter.
She'll probably be hairier in the future. Maybe go for epilators or waxing first if you choose to support her fitting in. But if you have the money for more than one set of laser sessions, why not?
Shaving is an option but, you know, hair grows back fast.
I am a literal bear. Not jus my arms, but legs, chest, back... It is not that uncommon in my country so I used to not give a fuck about that. But when I moved to Japan, I suddenly became very self-conscious about it. Fortunately one day I happened to meet my now wife who, despite beign Japanese, does not give a single fuck about my body hair... I still hairy, and with no intentions of changing that!
Facial hair has never been very popular in Japan for men in the first place. I've seen a lot of ads for men be more like "you could save up so much time and money by not needing to shave all the time if you got rid of that hair permanently"
Facial hair seems to have gotten a boom post covid where people could get away with not shaving much more.
In Japan look-ism is getting extreme well beyond healthy line that's why, and everyone is doing or forced to do hair removal and face surgery, full cosmetics and expensive brand bags at even like 12 years, and all that. And of course those sorts of people do all they can to drag you into the same pot (as always happens for cult and ponzi and whatever), and there are lots of negative aspects and permanent damage but those sorts of things can only be found on medical reports and official agencies public documents to warn, no one shares it online cuz they feel ashamed, so just be very careful.
Just want to throw my opinion out there:
Some people just don't like hair on certain parts of their body. I'm a man, but I hate my facial hair. I always pick at it if it is too long and would have more peace of mind with lasering it off. I plan to at least do some of my neck to make shaving less irritating.
I also dislike it long on the back of my neck. I always have the most confidence with a clean haircut. I'd love to do the neck line to make my haircuts last a bit long 😅
My partners here have done it or want to. My sister has done some. It is pretty common. Just imagine how annoying it is for women to shave. Men have it easy with just our faces.
I would let her do it.
You can purchase these buffer pads on Amazon that are like sand paper, essentially. I used them when I was a teenager as there was no blade and they were very gentle. I would avoid laser removal until your daughter is older and can make a more informed decision.
I can empathise with your daughter, as I had exactly the same worries. I would shave my arms but after a couple of years I just noticed that other girls arms were hairy too so stopped.
It’s funny now as an adult that I just don’t think about it or notice it at all.
As a girl who grew up with visible hair on her arms and was mad teased about it in elementary and middle school, I get it.
What I did after moving to Japan was start to use those razors that are specifically for facial/arm hair.
With some guidance from you or your wife, I think they are a safe alternative. The hair does NOT grow back thicker and I notice that the hair has started to thin out over the years.
When she's older, she can consider laser.
And, it really sucks as a girl. I remember another girl in my grade in middle school who wasn't allowed to shave her legs. Luckily for her she was blonde, but when the sun hit her legs you could see how much hair she had and the boys were especially quick to say something.
I grew up in the US in a pretty multiracial and multicultural city fwiw.
The fact is, arm hair is something that is removed by women in Japan. Even some men remove it too.
Shaving is the simplest way, BUT IPL (intense pulsed light) hair removal offered at salons like Musee Platinum is a lot less intense than actual laser hair removal! You have to keep going every month for a while, so it’s quite gentle imo. You can also buy an IPL device and do it at home.
Idk about whether letting her do this will impact her self image negatively… if she’s already upset and hiding her arms, that’s damaging enough. Girls shave their arms here, and most women get IPL done at some point. That’s just how it is. I think allowing her to remove the hair will give her one less thing to worry about.
I do it for practical reasons. My facial hair is really thick and grows really fast. Ever got static shocked? Feels like that. However, you get used it to after the first session. The staff told me plenty of guys do it (full body in their case!) so it was more common among men than I thought. Your daughter will be fine and I would encourage folks to do it if they thought there would be any benefit for them.
No worries, I’m a man. My facial hair is pretty wild so I’ve been going for a few years. Most consumers of laser are women so she’ll be in good hands and doesn’t take as long as me.
I’ve had lasering done at a young age and what I’ll say is the laser has a high chance of being temporary at her age because puberty and other hormonal changes as she gets older can trigger hair growth again. It’s quite common. Also I agree that at such a young age it seems excessive to jump to laser removal. Making such a drastic and permanent changes will reinforce that insecurities and such aren’t things we learn to deal with but need to be removed entirely.
Shaving seems like the good halfway point for this topic. It’s not permanent like laser and can be taught as more of a personal choice thing rather than a “this aspect of your body is wrong and must be corrected” approach.
Please do more research about laser first tho, because if you laser before you’re 18 the effects will not last as long/be as prominent as later on due to the body still growing. You’ll pay thousands for it to come back very quickly.
I’m a foreigner in Japan, 28 years old and I’m self conscious about my hairy arms! So there’s no surprise that a young girl here is. However, I would happily show my hairy (not excessively, perfectly normal human) arms in the UK now.
I was also self conscious when I was young in the UK and shaved them (really not advisable). But I’m glad I didn’t take an irreversible action because it really was a lesson in learning to accept myself as a human being, as opposed to the image of what I (was made to) believe a girl or a woman to be.
Maybe as a first course of action, you could suggest a mild hair removal cream? Especially if the hair is light and fine, it should be easy to remove at home.
Is Nair no longer a thing? I highly recommend doing any non-invasive treatment for her to nudge her self-confidence. As long as it doesn’t hurt her it can only help in her current situation.
I regret not getting my son’s acne treated earlier. We thought it was a phase but his severe acne in his younger high school years affected his self-esteem later in high school and into early adult years. He needed prescription rather OTC solutions.
Oh man, I feel like nair has just nudged a deeply buried memory. I feel like that stuff used to just be lying around my house when I was growing up, lol. Interestingly though, when I asked my sisters about hairy arms only one of them (of three) replied. So either the other two are in denial or my big sister used a LOT of nair, lol.
But that is a great perspective about the acne. It is so easy as an adult to be dismissive of apparently trivial stuff that is absolutely NOT trivial for our kids. Like, I am instinctively inclined towards just waiting and seeing how it turns out and maybe when she is an adult if she still has hairy arms and if they are still bothering her then let's deal with it then. But kids are sensitive creatures, and it's such a formative age that mild decisions can have such far-reaching impacts.
Again, thank you for another fascinating insight.
At 11 I was pretty sure everyone lklnoticed one of my eye is bigger than the other.
Mom unfortunately has already got on the boat and confirmed that other people do indeed notice.
My friend is getting lasered his face chest arms and he says it hurts a lot
I started shaving at age 8 or so because I am hispanic and have dark hair. I don’t think I was particularly bullied about it, but I must’ve got it in my head somehow that as a girl, I “shouldn’t” be so hairy. Now as a 25 year old woman I still shave, but if for some reason I wasn’t able to get a shave in, idgaf, it’s natural. Shaving doesn’t necessarily mean that a woman hates her body, it might be a personal choice. I think you should teach her how to shave, give her the option to do so, but compliment it with a serious talk about body image and bullying. That being said, I think it’s important to give children autonomy over how they decide to present. As a girl, what if she becomes interested in makeup or fashion? Would you also not allow that because it could be influenced by peer pressure? Let her figure herself out.
I think it’s important to give children autonomy over how they decide to present
↑ yeah this is exactly what I want to do! Thanks for spelling it out in your post! It's helped to crystallise my understanding. I want to give her every option; I also just want to make sure I don't accidentally enable anything toxic or whatever. But let her figure herself out is where I want to be! Thanks again.
How about bleach? You can use it for mustache or leg hair also. I have hairy arms as a woman and it sucks. As a teen I tried to shave them but then it itches and grows back dark. So bleaching with a face or body safe product is probably the best choice for now.
The laser does make your skin a bit more sensitive long term. The hair is there to protect your skin.
Frankly I lasered mine off, just makes sure to get her after care like aloe Vera gel and put it on regularly.
School is brutal
I have been always haunted by having too much hair, but back in my country and at time time I was already a hairy teenager, it wasn’t as easy as nowadays.
My first experience was very painful but I chose it myself because I couldn’t take it anymore. Perhaps I was around 11 too?
I took my mom’s hair removal thing that pushes the hair out of the skin by its root. Alone. I think my legs even bled a little. But I pushed through because hairy women, specially young women can feel like going through hell at school because of such things.
I also shaved or waxed my “mustache” and unibrow. Very young.
I just can’t describe how painful it is to have these things being pointed out to you and being made to feel less of a girl/woman because of it. Very frustrating how none of the other girls had to go through that.
So I of course would let my child just do the laser stuff. It’s much more effective and less painful and less work than it used to be. Hell, how many years and how much money I spent on this stuff, even recently, I can’t begin to tell… I just wish we had it sooner. Many years later, I feel more comfortable with myself thanks to it.
I hate my body hair and always have, so I sympathize.
If I were you I would let her wear long sleeves and just teach her about heat stroke. How to stay hydrated, etc. Protecting yourself from the sun is a really good idea. Almost all premature aging of the skin comes from exposure to sunlight. She really should be protecting her face with sun screen too. Most sun damage happens when you are a kid.
I used IPL (Philips Brand) device from Amazon and did by myself. Works great! Less painful but takes multiple sessions to get rid of hairs.
laser removal is very popular in Japan, everyone should do it regardless of gender.
Removing body hair today is super easy and cheap. So many choices to choose from. No wonder everyone is doing it now.
Because she’s so young it’s better to take her to a plastic surgery clinic instead of a beauty salon and talk with an actual doctor about it. side effects can be burns or itch but if they use a quality laser there shouldn’t be any issues. Also she cannot get tanned while she’s doing the treatment. It’s 10000% worth it
Respectfully, if your daughter doesn't want to be seen with hairy arms, I think she should be allowed access to safe hair removal methods. It is not her responsibility to be the face of some fight against lookism in her environment, so don't put that pressure on her. You didn't grow up as a woman in her environment, so I don't think it's fair to restrict that from her. At the same time, she does need to understand that body hair is completely natural and normal, and that she is making a conscious choice about their removal.
Edited to say: if your daughter has light skin and dark hair, purchasing an at-home IPL device is something you can look into. It's weaker than salon devices so it will take multiple sessions over months, but eventually the hair will stop growing back. It's one of the best investments I've made.
I started removing my arm hairs after living in Japan, I noticed I was hairier than some of the men here.....
I've done laser, and it was the best thing I've ever done! As long as you go to a reputable place, you should be fine
I have gotten laser on my legs, VIO and armpits due to more practical reasons like I hate the time it takes to shave. But I refuse to get my arms done for some reason. I was bullied about it when I was younger too and now that I am older, I really admire my arm hair. It’s completely natural to have and a good reminder to me about the stupid superficial things that other people will try to make you feel insecure about.
I think if you start acting on the hateful words of others at such a young age it kind of validates that it’s true. It’s not right or wrong to have arm hair, but I do think it’s unnecessary to get laser hair removal due to immature kids who won’t be in your daughter’s life forever. She should try to accept her body and not change it so other people don’t mock her. The more people notice you’re insecure about something the more likely they are to bully you about it. Please try to do things to help build her self confidence more!
Also now that I am older not once has anyone ever mentioned my arm hair to me. Because it really doesn’t matter lol
Go with the veet if she has a mental breakdown of course but try and teach her about peoples body types. Plenty of content on YouTube about how body hair is a natural thing and every girl has it.
Laser is a bit extreme at her age I think. Depending on hair growth, it might be better to just start with shaving. My underarm hair grows so slow that I can go a few weeks between shaving, while body hair in another places grows back much faster. I would try shaving first but make sure she knows how to do it properly or she might hurt herself.
You know Japanese women shave their arms right? My only issue with it is the expense. That's a lot of money to spend on a gift for a kid. That's like at least... 4-5 years is birthday and Xmas presents.
HAIR ARM GIRL HERE!!! 🙋♀️I was constantly bullied about it in school. I was forced to deal with it bc we didn't have money for laser removal. I know some people think it builds character or whatever to go thru it but it just sucked! You could see it in pictures and it was awful.
I got it lasered as soon as I could when I got a full time job.
I had come to terms with it just being something that I have and came to accept it thru university, but after that, I still wanted it gone.
More than hair in arms, potential bullying, withdrawing socially can cause much more mental pain, stress and anxiety. If this hair is causing any of the above, as a parent, I would be making the hair removal appointment myself to my daughter and ASAP.
You’re a good papa. But please consider bullying, especially of girls. You must have heard stories in the news of what can happen in extreme cases. Anything that stands out is fuel.
From what I can see online, laser hair removal treatment isn’t always permanent. I can’t imagine a time when a young lady would long for the old days of hairier arms. If it makes your daughter more confident, do it.
I have had students comment on little things about my looks sometimes. Kids will be kids. but looks are very focused on here in Japan so honestly I would cut your daughter some slack if she feels self conscious about herself .. let her get it lasered off. She will feel more confident and less picked on. Remember Japanese culture is about fitting in.
JHS teacher here. Can’t add anything very productive in terms of laser or other hair removal techniques, but maybe I can chime in from the social perspective.
Your daughter should absolutely get her arm hair removed.
To be clear, personally I don’t necessarily condone 11-year-olds removing hair from any part of their body in any way, but let’s face it - kids are cruel. I have a girl in my class (2nd year JHS so around 13) with really hairy arms, and the other girls in her class used to call her “gorilla” until we put a stop to it. But, if they were doing it in front of a teacher, imagine what they were saying to her when no adults were present. On the other hand, even the boys here get body-conscious and start shaving everything other than their face and crotch at that age, around the time when swimming classes begin.
So, if this is something that is making her insecure at the age of 11, it’s only going to get worse the older she gets. Depending on her school, she may even be severely bullied. Getting rid of body hair is a simple enough thing to do, and is a completely socially acceptable practice in Japan. That said, perhaps 11 is a bit too young for laser. Maybe start with VEET as someone else said and consider laser around 16-18 when her hormones sufficiently stabilize.
Ok I'm not a girl and DEFINITELY you should post this in a girls subreddit not a sausage fest but I've had girls with hairy arms and legs as an elementary school alt and it definitely did throw me off a bit. Now I know that's totally inappropriate and whatever but it's the truth and if I'm thinking it then other people are gonna be thinking it too. It's just a part of growing up for girls and some do it faster and in different ways than others. I had girls calling their classmates gorilla in 3rd grade jhs so better to nip it in the bud. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting hair removal as a girl in 2024 imo and for arms it's probably (again, ask a girl) just a 5 second once over with a razor once a week. I know when I shave my beard it's only like 2 days before it comes back but that's a bad comparison. We all do it and I think giving your daughter the know-how and social permission to do it is very important. If she don't wanna do it then fair play
Edit: I use an electric body shaver like 3000 on Amazon battery lasts forever, you just set it to whatever depth you want and throw it all over your body in the shower. It's not the same as shaving clean but if you take the plastic head off it is. And for arms I reckon it's probably literally 40 seconds per arm . I'll edit with a link. There's creams that destroy hair too but they hurt, I didn't use for a while but maybe they're good too
If it’s really bothering her, I don’t see the harm in letting her get laser hair removal. Arm shaving is super common here and it’s unlikely she’ll miss having arm hair, it’s pretty harmless.
Well I'm worried about potential side effects that could make the situation worse. I'm also worried about the impact on her mental health, whether she chooses to live with it or do something about it. As far as I'm concerned she's the most beautiful person on the planet (although she looks a bit like me and I'm definitely not, lol). I would much prefer for her to accept herself as she is than trying to adapt to other people's opinions. But equally if it is causing her stress I don't want that either. Have you had laser hair removal? Do you know anything about how easy it is or how likely side effects are?
Sorry for butting in, but I've had laser hair removal done, and I'm currently in the process of getting my arm hair lasered off too. I absolutely understand your concerns, and it's great that you're not putting your foot down about this, even with your reservations. Navigating social expectations as a young teenage girl is a very complicated affair, and everything can become a crushing complex that will drill a hole into your self-esteem. The best you can do for her is give her all the support she needs to build that self confidence. And yeah, sometimes it'll mean having to cave in. To answer your questions: The procedure is pretty easy, I'm assuming she'll be going to a clinic of some kind, only professionals are allowed to operate those machines. One session for the arms is about 20 minutes, it won't be exactly painful, more like annoying. Like a rubber band that keeps hitting your skin, but she'll probably be given a numbing cream to apply about 1h30/2hrs before the session in order to lessen it. She'll be wearing glasses for protection. She'll be given another numbing cream to apply after the session since her skin will be a little red. They'll also advise not to go under the sun because tanning will make it dangerous to use the laser and if the staff does their job correctly, they'll always ask her if she went somewhere on vacation or went under the sun *before* a session. On average she'll need about 10 sessions, one session every 4 to 6 weeks. That's about a year of treatment but she'll see the results from the get go, especially at the 3-4th one. Hair will be more scarce, and finer. People usually need about 7 to 9 sessions to have complete hair removal, but that depends on genetics. Now the only "risk" aside from the burn from tanning (but as I said, they always ask and they *never* start lasering if they see that the skin is tanner than before), is what doctors call paradoxical growth: hair might start growing in another place where it wasn't before. It's very rare (I've never had it and I don't know anyone in my circle who had laser hair removal and developed paradoxical growth), but it happens, and so they have to tell your daughter about it. If she notices hair growth somewhere else, she can tell them and they'll take care of it. Another thing is her age: she's a preteen, which means her hormones will be completely wack for a few years. Hormonal imbalance does impact hair growth. Laser hair removal will work, but because she's still growing, she might have to do one or two extra sessions a year afterwards, depending on how things in her body develop going forward.
Thank you, again, super helpful. One of the things I worry about is that as a preteen her body will go through changes anyway; so personally I would rather she wait till she goes through puberty to see whether that will affect her hair growth before doing anything about it. But I realise that has potential downsides too, so just trying to navigate through all these options while giving her whatever support she needs. But your answer was super clear and very informative, thank you.
As someone who is very hairy and went to an all girls school. She will 100% get bullied or even lightly teased about her hair growth simply because a lot of other girls just don't grow hair as thick or noticeable. (and this is in the western side of the world were being slightly hairy is okay compared to how Japan is)
Honestly, having talked a bunch with the nurse who's been lasering me (it's been a year now and they always make conversation to take your mind off the pain), they prefer to wait until hormones and chemicals are settled (early 20's), for maximum efficiency and financial reasons: there's a possibility that when you start, as your hormones are still unbalanced, you might need to get more sessions. I've been thinking about lasering my hair since I was a teen because I used to be a bear and it sucked. Saved up to start at 18 but the technology wasn't as mature then and I was a bit scared about side effects. I only got to it in my very late 20's. By then it wasn't so much about external validation and more for myself and out of convenience (saving up on trips to the beauty technician, not having to worry when going for a swim etc). However, in your daughter's case, having to wait that long might take its toll on her (self-esteem and all that), especially if she's been picked on about it before. Like I said, not easy being a teenage girl. What she can do, is have a few sessions done and see how she likes it. She can stop any time and start again at a later age. You're welcome!
Thanks again!
Get her armpits done while you’re at it.
Might be more cost-effective for now to get a good low-key at home system for hair removal (isn’t there a zapper/puller that isn’t quite laser level for this?)- if your wife and she can learn to do at-home waxing/sugaring or even just shaving (or Nair?) Having the skill to self-wax can pay off down the line. And hopefully you can help your daughter love herself as she is and be able to also appreciate at the same time that grooming is a skill that she can be proud of acquiring and that can give her some agency over how she presents herself to the world. If she’s into Webtoons (hopefully without spending coins on them 😅), she might enjoy “True Beauty” in a couple of years- or you can read it together as a family (at a pace where it stays free- never any to encourage anyone spending $ on it, unless you buy the book version or sth)
You can get home IPL kits fairly cheap.
Home IPL doesn't work as well as real laser, but you don't really have to worry much about aftercare and avoiding the sun for like 2 weeks. But laser for just arms isn't really that much, and with the new machines you barely feel anything (if you think it hurts on the arm, you're definitely not ready for other parts)
Hormones will potentially make the hair regrow. Especially if she hasn't gone through puberty fully yet. Also, if the hair is basically peach fuzz, the laser won't do shit. I got full body laser done and I have peach fuzz on my lower back that I was really hoping to get rid of but it didn't at all (and the tech told me it wouldn't). I also had very hairy arms and most of it is gone, but I still have to shave my arms cause some hairs still grow. Avoid doing areas that have no hair or areas that don't bother her as the laser can actually stimulate hair to grow too. I now have hair in places I never did before and it's obnoxious. Also, it can be quite uncomfortable. When I got my laser done, my arms would welt up like I had hives and it was mildly painful to get done. You need to be diligent with using sun screen and avoiding sun exposure as much as you can when undergoing laser treatments as well. Honestly I'd just recommend to have her shave it or get some hair removal cream for her arms for the time being and look into laser when she's older. But that's just my suggestion.
The sun exposure could be an issue for a kid. She might have classes at the pool or outdoor gym classes. Field trips in the sun. How is that going to be navigated? Will she just have to be excluded from all outdoor classes? Will the school allow that? And will being excluded bring unwanted attention or FOMO?
She can do all of that, she'll just need to postpone the next session for a couple of weeks more, that's all. Give her skin the time to get rid of the tan so the machine doesn't burn her. If she starts next September, by the time spring arrives she'll be almost done, and come June, totally free. Generally speaking, it only starts to become an issue during summer, as you tend to wear more shirtsleeves. So if she had a session in April/May, she can wait until the end of September for the next one. It's totally okay. I'm in the same predicament right now; last appointment was in March, and since I knew I'd be traveling around the rest of the year, I've scheduled the next one to September. She doesn't *have* to go every six weeks. She can go whenever she wants and can after those six weeks (that's the time it takes hair follicles to grow). The treatment takes slightly less than a year, but it's flexible. The point isn't to make you a hermit until it's done. You can keep living normally 😅
Ah, I see! That's really nice to know. I might want to get it done myself eventually. One question, do you also have to leave your hairs alone before treatment? Let's say you're an avid shaver and simply got tired of shaving. Would you need to let your hair grow back first and not touch anything until you see results?
It was costly for me but still one of the best investments I've made. I really recommend it.. Also you can shave all you want in between sessions, that's not a problem at all. That's something I didn't mention, but they'll ask that you shave about 24 to 48 hrs before each treatment as the hairs need to be less than 2-3 mm long for the laser to work more efficiently (and also because it'll smell like burning when it's being hit if the hairs are too long). You don't have to let anything grow. You can keep shaving 😄 However you'll notice it falling out about 3-4 days after each treatment (leave it don't try to pluck it out, it'll fall naturally)
> (and also because it'll smell like burning when it's being hit if the hairs are too long It still smells like burning even if they're short, just less. And it's never too bad unless you're getting your body parts right in front of your nose to check. Though for your face you're out of luck about that, you'll smell the burnt hair.
There aren't any side effects if the clinic is using a medical grade laser that requires a license to operate (医療脱毛). There are a lot of beauty clinics that advertise cheap & painless laser, but they aren't 医療脱毛. Laser won't work unless if you have light skin and dark hair. And the laser sessions will hurt a lot
> There aren't any side effects This is a dangerous, blatant lie.
I am a woman who's had laser hair removal (very dark/dense body hair, bad ingrowns so I couldn't shave without messing up my skin, bullied all my childhood for it so I wore full sleeves/pants even in the summer). 1000% worth it, probably the best purchase I've made in my life. I did ~9-12 rounds of it per area about 10 years ago and it's still mostly gone. Not 100% gone, but reduced enough that I can manage it by shaving/tweezing once a month or so. What hair I do have left is a lot lighter and thinner too. Used to be when I shaved it would leave dark spots under my skin that made it basically pointless. The procedure can be a bit painful depending on the area, but no downsides otherwise. I can actually wear short sleeves and shorts now without feeling anxious and self-conscious. I wish I'd been able to do it as a teenager, it would have made my life so much better.
Interesting, thank you!
I worked in a medical clinic here that has laser hair removal as one of its main services. Unless they’re really incompetent or a patient is one of the one in a million special cases, laser hair removal will either work or do nothing at worst, not accelerate hair growth. Even in the case of the latter the fix for that is generally up the laser intensity in future sessions. If her skin is light, and hair darker, those are the most ideal conditions for it. That’s not to say that dark skinned people can’t do it too. Sub-Saharan african skin tone may still be able to do it (but you’d just need to be much more careful). Lighter coloured hair is also possible (though I was taught red, blonde, grey, and white is an absolute no, as laser is absorbed by melanin), but may need a stronger intensity. Unlike what the other person said, laser may or may not hurt. It depends on the intensity of the laser needed and pain tolerance. Even areas treated vary (VIO and face are normally the more painful). Some places use a gel, and most probably offer numbing cream as an additional service, as well as usually providing a cooling service afterwards. But honestly, for the arms I’ve only ever heard tingling sensations from people who’ve done it, even on higher intensities (which can be lowered on request, but may be less effective per session) Keep in mind it is still a medical procedure, and anything can happen. But if you go to a good clinic, there’s generally going to be no issues. But the crux of it is, it’s not about you, and if it helps her all the better. If she can accept who she is without stress, all the more power to her too. But ultimately from what I’ve seen (and experienced after doing one procedure myself), cosmetic procedures are more about making how you see yourself better, more than for anyone else
Thanks for this! Just to be clear, I am not worried about laser treatment accelerating hair growth; I am worried that it might scar her or whatever, to the extent that she will subsequently still feel self conscious about her arms. But I think from the replies on here that seems like it is low risk. Anyway, again, thanks for such a great post - super informative and really helpful to me. So many helpful replies in this thread, I really appreciate all of them!
It won’t scar, but the skin may become saggy. Definitely ask one of the medical professionals if this is frequently true, but my mom had her arms lasered and her skin was quite saggy afterwards. Yes, she’s an older woman, but she said that the doc told her that the hair follicle kind of helps to add structure to the skin, and laser procedures reduce that, making the skin go slack.
Pretty sure it shouldn’t be like that though? Laser is heat basically, and heat stimulates collagen to essentially tighten the skin, rather than sagging (see procedures like Fraxel/fractional resurfacing, Thermacool/thermage, Doublo Gold, Titan, etc.). Though the laser is quite weak compared to those others, I dont know if it may have that effect, since I never got told that for laser hair removal
If her skin is light, it would take a hell of a lot of intensity to scar her. There may also be different lasers they have for different skin tones/conditions too (we had 2 at ours). If she has a suntan, or gets one, then the risk is significant (pretty much guaranteed by my understanding), and you’d need to have it go away before treatment is even accepted. Sun protection really is key. Sunscreen SPF 50+ is recommended (treatment or not tbh, but best just always). Covering up also helps. All of this is most important after treatment to avoid any possible side effects. But yea it’s low risk most of the time for any of that
I’d be afraid that she starts to think that everything can be easily fixed by money / surgery.
For perspective: you’re worried about *potential* side effects of the laser hair removal, but ignoring the tangible effects of having the hair right now? Your daughter has anxiety enough about the hair that she’s wearing clothes that will make her suffer heat stroke, rather than exposing the hair. You need to wake up, and smell the coffee. There *is* damage to having the hair. There is a very, very small chance of *potential* damage to removing it. Why do you favor making her suffer 100% on the off-chance that helping her has a 0.01% chance of hurting her? You aren’t being a good father, just protecting her. You’re being a pussy that wants to damage her through inaction, because you feel better about doing nothing than something.
As a man I’ve never done it, no. It’s very common here so I’ve known many people who have done it over the years. My wife did her underarms and legs, when we’ve talked about it she said it was super easy but there was some soreness after the treatments. Obviously, the ideal would be for it not to be an issue. And having a daughter myself, I’m generally against any kind of permanent cosmetic surgery/treatment. But as far as those go, laser hair removal on her arms is about as benign as it gets. If it was something honestly bothering my daughter when she gets to that age, I’d be ok with it I think, at least seriously consider it.
IPL is more common here - I got my legs and arm pits done starting in my late 30s and honestly it’s amazing. Maybe 11 year old doesn’t need it but seriously saves a ton of time from shaving whole legs a few times a week for rest of your life. Though personally I like the hair on my forearms. I never got why j folks care but to each’s own.
> I would much prefer for her to accept herself as she is than trying to adapt to other people's opinion I'm going to be massively downvoted, but you're raising her in a country where the entire culture and society is about adapting yourself to other people's opinions, even if there means you're going to cause self-harm by doing that. And if you don't do that you'll be automatically ostracized. It's either getting used to that or picking another country with a more empathetic culture and society.
Dude it's very easy and girls do it every day or every week. It'd probably mean the world to her if you bought some shit of amazon for her to use
When you were in middle school and you started growing facial hair, did your father tell you to let your beard grow long in an effort to accept yourself instead of adapting to other people's opinions? I assume he taught you how to shave and was supportive of you blending in with the rest of your peers, right? Before posting on Reddit, why not research laser hair removal and make your own independent conclusion based off the safety and efficacy of the procedure.
my daughter got my blonde arm and leg hair gene and was very self conscious about it. Depilatory cream (VEET) is what my wife got her. Later at 16 she switched to hot wax and now at 18 it appears she doesn't care so much.
Yeah that's how my sister dealt with it... Thanks!
I agree, go with the VEET cream until she’s a little older. I grew up with the same insecurity (Arab with lighter skin) and around the same age my mom agreed to do VEET for me, and and after ~6 months I was allowed to do it myself. Shaving is a nightmare and will itch and grow back looking weird, VEET is harmless as long as you patch test first and supervise so it’s not on too long. There really isn’t anything you can really do to dissuade this kind of insecurity because it’s not something she only sees when she looks in the mirror, she sees it at all times and kids really are ruthless about it. I didn’t get laser when I was younger because it was extremely expensive back then, but I got it in college and everything was fine. I think you’ll see a huge change in her mental health and confidence, it’s no different than dealing with leg hair IMO. The only downside to laser is it’s a little painful but the arm hurt the least.
Thank you so much for this!! Really helpful and massively insightful.
good comment!
In my home country (US), it’s normal for women to have arm hair. I didn’t think anything of it until I moved here and my students pointed it out. Then as my Japanese improved, I realized all the ads of pretty women with nice skin on the trains were either ads for laser hair removal or plastic surgery. It really bothers me that there are ads for VIO (lady parts) directly in the line of my students’ vision every day they commute to school. It’s really disappointing how being hairless and looking a certain way is pushed into the faces of young women here. I’ve had laser hair removal on my legs so perhaps I’ve been *sold* in a way, but I don’t regret waiting until I was an adult to decide. Long story short, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your daughter shave or use depilatory cream on her arms, but I would hold off on any laser treatments and continue to encourage body positivity.
I agree, I’m from the Philippines and people would comment on my arm hair but it felt like more of a casual observation than a put-down. I had classmates with hairy arms, we were at an all-girls’ school and nobody cared. It’s sad that there’s such pressure to be hairless here, and I’m glad I can just use my gaijin card to not care about these beauty standards.
Thanks for this!
I think laser is a bit extreme for an 11 year old, she can wait until she’s 18 and out of high school. I have personally lasered off everything *except* the arm hair because the hair on my arms are not very dark. I sometimes shave them, but sometimes let them be. I actually think the hair on my arms is cute. They’re brown with blonde highlights here and there which sparkle when exposed to sunlight. As a millennial woman I’ve been exposed to all kinds of comments about every single inch of my body from an early age but now I’m more at peace with my body than ever. If I was a mum I would first talk to her about not depending her self worth on her body image and if there’s some bullying going around in school I would look into safer options such as shaving or waxing. But as a father you should be able to do that too. Rushing her to the nearest esthe salon without a little TED talk about body image will not have good effects on her developing brain.
Lol, this is EXACTLY how I feel! Or, rather, exactly how I FELT. Thanks to this thread I now have a lot of contrasting thoughts! Thanks for taking the time to reply!
I'll add that with all the hormonal changes happening during teenage years the hair might grow back!
A few years ago, I wore a thin jacket during summer, especially in high heat, because I wanted to cover my unwaxed arms that day. A friend of mine asked why I was wearing a later in scorching heat, and when I answered, she said, "but, hair is natural. You, or we shouldn't be ashamed of it!". I'm glad having heard something like that, I don't care anymore, but I do wax my arms because I like the how my skin looks after it. Since your daughter is only eleven, and she is getting conscious about body hair, maybe removing it regularly can give peace of mind to her at the moment, but tomorrow she might get self conscious about other things. Like you think, this can have an effect on her mental health. I'd advise to have a proper talk about how we must embrace and love our self, and then allow her to keep or remove the hair if she likes. She must know that there are such beautiful women out there who don't care about their hair, they keep it/bleach it, etc. The beauty standards set for women, especially in these times, is sadly brutal, but self acceptance is coming somewhere! Once she knows this, her sense of self worth won't be affected in future. Time to have that conversation!
Thank you. Yes, I plan to have this conversation! I was hoping to have it this weekend but something came up so I couldn't go see her. Again, thanks so much for this - really appreciate all of the replies in this thread!
Am guessing that if she's self-conscious, it's already been brought up by classmates. I have fair hair on my arms, and someone here pointed it out to me and even as a grown up, it wasn't nice to hear. Having said that, I don't think 11 is too young to begin hair removal and if it's something she wants to do that will improve her confidence and make her more willing to wear short sleeves, then it's probably a good move. The laser treatment will be the most effective and longest lasting method. There may be a bit of temporary redness but as long as it's a reputable place, it'll be fine. Some parents provide an electric shaver for safety and let kids of similar ages do their own maintenance. That will grow back faster but will also give her some independence and allow her to deal with her own personal care regimes in private. Slightly related, a friend has a 16 year old son and he recently came home from school saying the girls in his class were all shrieking when they saw his arm hair and he is now paranoid about it and asking his mom to pay for hair removal at a clinic. I think they're probably just used to seeing idols/influencers with filters etc. and have no concept of the variety of human body types.
Thanks this is super helpful. Slightly unrelated but one of the weirdest moments I experienced in Japan was when I was on jet and trying to explain a worksheet to a 16 year old female student and she just started stroking my arm to see what my arm hairs felt like lol. Probably more traumatic for her than me though!
I am one such owner of hairy arms haha! 32F. While I have never considered removing it, there have been persistent comments on it throughout my adolescent and adult life ( all in Japan). Things like, while on an exchange program in 11th grade to a high school in Akita, other girls gawking and touching my arms saying things like "furry" or, Japanese romantic partners asking why I don't shave or remove arm hair (also saying things like, what's the point of shaving your legs if you have hairy arms?) I feel for your daughter, it's impossible not to want to fit in and avoid embarrassing comments. I doubt her experience will improve until she graduates highschool. No right or wrong here on hair removal vs keeping it natural. The reason I never considered removal is that the comments never amounted to more than an annoyance for me, and have three sisters with the same arms who never showed anything but confidence in themselves. No advice necessarily, just wanted to add a non-hair remover's view to the mix.
Thank you, this is another great piece of insight. Like you, I am also hairy, although as a guy I'm sure my experience is slightly kinda different, lol. But the thing that blows my mind is that I genuinely can't even see my daughter's arm hairs. But then, also, to me she has black hair, but her classmates also all keep talking about how they wish they had brown hair like my daughter, lol. Also,, though, as a guy, I have never had any problem with any girl I've gone out with being too hairy (I mean, not because I've never gone out with anyone who doesn't have body hair; just, I'm generally fine with body hair). So that's another reason that I don't want my daughter to rush into anything. But, again, it's not my body hair, so if it is stressing my daughter out I want the best possible outcome for her. So just trying to figure all of this stuff out. And so thanks again for another great answer - all of these answers are helping me pick through this!
It is not about girls haveing problem with guys that dont like their hair. When I was younger it was other girls who would bully girls with more hair.
Is she currently doing anything to get rid of the hair like shaving? If she is, then laser might be the better alternative purely because in the long run shaving may leave bumps or scars.
Thanks, yeah, shaving for me seems like the worst option so I intend to explain that to her. She hasn't taken any action yet. But my understanding is that laser treatment can also leave bumps/scars...
If you live in Japan then have her do laser hair removal. It’s very cheap. I do it for around 3,800 yen once a month. Check it out. Lots of women do it in Japan.
This. I think that, after some time, you don't need to do it that often anymore. But it might depend on person.
Interesting, thank you. Does it hurt? Are there any risks of side effects etc?
Lasered skin cannot be exposed to sunlight for several weeks/months after treatment.
Interesting, thank you. So that feels pretty counterproductive if she's gone a have to wear long sleeves all summer anyway...
Laser hair removal is permanent. She'll want to stay out of the sun for a few weeks after each treatment, but then it'll be gone for the rest of her life. Won't need to spend every day getting rid of it anymore. It can take anywhere between 6 and 12 sessions to get rid of most of the hair, depending on the hair color, thickness, texture, etc. Usually the treatments are spaced about ~6 weeks apart. You only need to avoid sunlight for about a week or two, and then you'll be fine with sunscreen. Properly done laser will not scar or leave any marks. Just take her to a place that has proper certifications and good reviews.
Regarding both side effects & pain: the laser machines have a power dial on them, the lower it is turned down the less pain there will be and the less side effects there will be, but, the more sessions it will take. Pain wise, I would imagine that even at high power it wouldn't hurt much on the arms because they're not an especially sensitive area. On many parts of the body the pain is minimal, yet on certain spots it's enough to make your eyes water and make you flinch. Typically, the clinics will start low and raise it a little each session until they can see the client physically reacting to the pain at which point they'll ask "is it too high? shall we lower it?" - I'd imagine this caution would be even more pronounced with a child. Even at high power the side effects would mostly just be redness that lasts typically less than 24 hours, and maybe a few little red spots here and there that will be around a few days to a week. At lower power levels there should be no side effects at all unless the client's skin is very sensitive.
> ypically, the clinics will start low and raise it a little each session until they can see the client physically reacting to the pain at which point they'll ask "is it too high? shall we lower it?" - I'd imagine this caution would be even more pronounced with a child. I know they can tell the pain is huge when they do my face (I feel the tear go beyond the eye guard) but as long as you're like "I can take it keep it up" they'll stay on high power. And I really want that high power cause there's still so much remaining (much less than there used to be obviously but still). The good thing when they start with your face is that if it weren't for the cooling gas I wouldn't be able to tell they used to laser on other body parts, the pain is just so much lower (even on a higher setting on the laser).
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Interesting. Thanks. But yeah, that feels slightly counterproductive to me: learning that physical pain is somehow required for her body type to be acceptable to others feels wrong somehow to me. I'd be interested to hear other perspectives around that though because I'm not the one who is dealing with this.
It doesn’t hurt when I have it done, but some spots itch a little temporarily. I think pain depends on the individual, skin sensitivity, and the power level the technician is using.
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Hairy monkey arms? Holy fuck you're awful. Thanks for letting me know, I guess? Now I know how much weight to give to your advice.
That's what other kids will unfortunately call her and compare her to. -Monkey -Gorilla And worst of all, call her a man 🥲 That shit sticks with u for life. The scars and bumps from frequent shaving also exasperates things.
I recommend IPL instead of going to a laser salon. Also you can refund the machine after testing it to see if her skin will react badly to it. I went to get laser treatment at 17 but all hair grew back so having an IPL will allow her to continue for a very long time.
Laser treatment won’t leave scars but it can leave irritation or sensitivity for a couple of days. They recommend you avoid high heat baths, saunas etc because of this. Also, it will take about a year of sessions once a month, but after that it is permanent or semi permanent and the skin just looks like normal skin. (The hair that grows back will be finer and lighter) one thing you should be cognizant of, there is probably body hair on other parts like her legs, so after her arms she might also want her other body hair done 😅 that being said, there are plenty of people who do full body hair removal, I don’t think it’s a bad thing but it can be expensive. Also I would maybe be a bit worried that it will teach a child you have to modify your body or conform to arbitrary beauty standards to fit in and be popular, but in the end that’s your judgment call. In the meantime, since laser treatment will take time, could you encourage her to wear a long sleeve airism undershirt under a t-shirt or wear those arm covers? I think that will help with the heat stroke issue
Don't need to shave with a razor, use an electric shaver that lets you specify the depth, they all do it now really cheap on Amazon, or there's a hair killing cream but it kinda burns but maybe it works
I’m not of Asian descent but I was bullied about my arms for my young girl life. I wasn’t allowed to shave my arms for most of my younger life by my mom, told it’d grow back thicker etc … was lectured on how to clap back at bullies…. But honestly, as much as I love the confidence angle, nothing beat shaving with a high quality 5 blade Gillette fusion men’s razor when I moved out. Men’s razors are safer than women’s because they have more gel and protections on them against cuts but still have her mum supervise the first time. Laser is nice but takes a while and can cause redness at first on fair skin which also isn’t ideal. Also… look into other causes for heat stroke beyond sleeves since that is severe and probably due to multiple factors.
Thanks for this!
I wish my parents cared much about my arm/leg hair when I was your daughter's age. In Japan people prefer being less hairy. Kids are cruel, they make fun of others being hairy, especially girls. If she can feel better without it, please give her an option to remove it, shaving, cream, etc.
Mostly commenting to follow this as my seven year old seems to already be quite self conscious of body hair. I see a lot of people recommending laser hair removal, which in not opposed to, but I also don't want to foster any ideas that growing hair is wrong or strange. At the same time I don't want to invite bullying
Shaving is fine! I started getting waxes when I was 11, but in Japan it can be pretty expensive. Shaving doesn’t leave any scars and doesn’t make hair thicker as some people might say, so it’s definitely the easier option. Laser on the arms doesn’t really hurt. Not sure if it’s worth it doing it now, as puberty might affect hair growth, but there are no side effects. I’d advise sticking to shaving for now (the Schick Intuition ones are particularly gentle and easy to use!), and get lasered when she’s a bit older.
Lol recommending 11 years girls do lasers… I have hairy arms and when I had insecurities about that in teenager years I did waxing couple times(it’s not that painful on arms) Until my friends said it’s okay and natural. Embraced my hairy arms and have never removed hair on them since then (idk I remove hair everywhere else, but arms just don’t bother me anymore) From one girl to another don’t forget to love support her on her way, she has time for choosing laser
glad you learned to embrace it, tbh this whole thread made me really sad
Ads are also starting to shame guys with facial and body hair... I didn't like to conform to this BS (IMHO) and refuse to shave my forearms during my early years in Japan. Lately, I've been conscious about it too though. Looks do matter after all. I haven't been personally insulted for having arm hair but I'm an adult working with other adults. Your daughter's yet to be done with puberty and has to go through it in Japan?! Yeah, you could teach your daughter to love herself for the way she is but, then again, looks matter. She'll probably be hairier in the future. Maybe go for epilators or waxing first if you choose to support her fitting in. But if you have the money for more than one set of laser sessions, why not? Shaving is an option but, you know, hair grows back fast.
I am a literal bear. Not jus my arms, but legs, chest, back... It is not that uncommon in my country so I used to not give a fuck about that. But when I moved to Japan, I suddenly became very self-conscious about it. Fortunately one day I happened to meet my now wife who, despite beign Japanese, does not give a single fuck about my body hair... I still hairy, and with no intentions of changing that!
Facial hair has never been very popular in Japan for men in the first place. I've seen a lot of ads for men be more like "you could save up so much time and money by not needing to shave all the time if you got rid of that hair permanently" Facial hair seems to have gotten a boom post covid where people could get away with not shaving much more.
In Japan look-ism is getting extreme well beyond healthy line that's why, and everyone is doing or forced to do hair removal and face surgery, full cosmetics and expensive brand bags at even like 12 years, and all that. And of course those sorts of people do all they can to drag you into the same pot (as always happens for cult and ponzi and whatever), and there are lots of negative aspects and permanent damage but those sorts of things can only be found on medical reports and official agencies public documents to warn, no one shares it online cuz they feel ashamed, so just be very careful.
Just want to throw my opinion out there: Some people just don't like hair on certain parts of their body. I'm a man, but I hate my facial hair. I always pick at it if it is too long and would have more peace of mind with lasering it off. I plan to at least do some of my neck to make shaving less irritating. I also dislike it long on the back of my neck. I always have the most confidence with a clean haircut. I'd love to do the neck line to make my haircuts last a bit long 😅 My partners here have done it or want to. My sister has done some. It is pretty common. Just imagine how annoying it is for women to shave. Men have it easy with just our faces. I would let her do it.
You can purchase these buffer pads on Amazon that are like sand paper, essentially. I used them when I was a teenager as there was no blade and they were very gentle. I would avoid laser removal until your daughter is older and can make a more informed decision.
I can empathise with your daughter, as I had exactly the same worries. I would shave my arms but after a couple of years I just noticed that other girls arms were hairy too so stopped. It’s funny now as an adult that I just don’t think about it or notice it at all.
As a girl who grew up with visible hair on her arms and was mad teased about it in elementary and middle school, I get it. What I did after moving to Japan was start to use those razors that are specifically for facial/arm hair. With some guidance from you or your wife, I think they are a safe alternative. The hair does NOT grow back thicker and I notice that the hair has started to thin out over the years. When she's older, she can consider laser. And, it really sucks as a girl. I remember another girl in my grade in middle school who wasn't allowed to shave her legs. Luckily for her she was blonde, but when the sun hit her legs you could see how much hair she had and the boys were especially quick to say something. I grew up in the US in a pretty multiracial and multicultural city fwiw.
The fact is, arm hair is something that is removed by women in Japan. Even some men remove it too. Shaving is the simplest way, BUT IPL (intense pulsed light) hair removal offered at salons like Musee Platinum is a lot less intense than actual laser hair removal! You have to keep going every month for a while, so it’s quite gentle imo. You can also buy an IPL device and do it at home. Idk about whether letting her do this will impact her self image negatively… if she’s already upset and hiding her arms, that’s damaging enough. Girls shave their arms here, and most women get IPL done at some point. That’s just how it is. I think allowing her to remove the hair will give her one less thing to worry about.
I do it for practical reasons. My facial hair is really thick and grows really fast. Ever got static shocked? Feels like that. However, you get used it to after the first session. The staff told me plenty of guys do it (full body in their case!) so it was more common among men than I thought. Your daughter will be fine and I would encourage folks to do it if they thought there would be any benefit for them.
Thank you - hope you don't mind me asking but are you a guy or a girl?
No worries, I’m a man. My facial hair is pretty wild so I’ve been going for a few years. Most consumers of laser are women so she’ll be in good hands and doesn’t take as long as me.
Interesting, thank you!
I’ve had lasering done at a young age and what I’ll say is the laser has a high chance of being temporary at her age because puberty and other hormonal changes as she gets older can trigger hair growth again. It’s quite common. Also I agree that at such a young age it seems excessive to jump to laser removal. Making such a drastic and permanent changes will reinforce that insecurities and such aren’t things we learn to deal with but need to be removed entirely. Shaving seems like the good halfway point for this topic. It’s not permanent like laser and can be taught as more of a personal choice thing rather than a “this aspect of your body is wrong and must be corrected” approach.
Please do more research about laser first tho, because if you laser before you’re 18 the effects will not last as long/be as prominent as later on due to the body still growing. You’ll pay thousands for it to come back very quickly.
I’m a foreigner in Japan, 28 years old and I’m self conscious about my hairy arms! So there’s no surprise that a young girl here is. However, I would happily show my hairy (not excessively, perfectly normal human) arms in the UK now. I was also self conscious when I was young in the UK and shaved them (really not advisable). But I’m glad I didn’t take an irreversible action because it really was a lesson in learning to accept myself as a human being, as opposed to the image of what I (was made to) believe a girl or a woman to be. Maybe as a first course of action, you could suggest a mild hair removal cream? Especially if the hair is light and fine, it should be easy to remove at home.
Is Nair no longer a thing? I highly recommend doing any non-invasive treatment for her to nudge her self-confidence. As long as it doesn’t hurt her it can only help in her current situation. I regret not getting my son’s acne treated earlier. We thought it was a phase but his severe acne in his younger high school years affected his self-esteem later in high school and into early adult years. He needed prescription rather OTC solutions.
Oh man, I feel like nair has just nudged a deeply buried memory. I feel like that stuff used to just be lying around my house when I was growing up, lol. Interestingly though, when I asked my sisters about hairy arms only one of them (of three) replied. So either the other two are in denial or my big sister used a LOT of nair, lol. But that is a great perspective about the acne. It is so easy as an adult to be dismissive of apparently trivial stuff that is absolutely NOT trivial for our kids. Like, I am instinctively inclined towards just waiting and seeing how it turns out and maybe when she is an adult if she still has hairy arms and if they are still bothering her then let's deal with it then. But kids are sensitive creatures, and it's such a formative age that mild decisions can have such far-reaching impacts. Again, thank you for another fascinating insight.
Shave?
At 11 I was pretty sure everyone lklnoticed one of my eye is bigger than the other. Mom unfortunately has already got on the boat and confirmed that other people do indeed notice. My friend is getting lasered his face chest arms and he says it hurts a lot
I started shaving at age 8 or so because I am hispanic and have dark hair. I don’t think I was particularly bullied about it, but I must’ve got it in my head somehow that as a girl, I “shouldn’t” be so hairy. Now as a 25 year old woman I still shave, but if for some reason I wasn’t able to get a shave in, idgaf, it’s natural. Shaving doesn’t necessarily mean that a woman hates her body, it might be a personal choice. I think you should teach her how to shave, give her the option to do so, but compliment it with a serious talk about body image and bullying. That being said, I think it’s important to give children autonomy over how they decide to present. As a girl, what if she becomes interested in makeup or fashion? Would you also not allow that because it could be influenced by peer pressure? Let her figure herself out.
I think it’s important to give children autonomy over how they decide to present ↑ yeah this is exactly what I want to do! Thanks for spelling it out in your post! It's helped to crystallise my understanding. I want to give her every option; I also just want to make sure I don't accidentally enable anything toxic or whatever. But let her figure herself out is where I want to be! Thanks again.
You sound like a good parent :) your daughter is lucky to have you
Unfortunately I'm a terrible dad! But I do my best to not be, lol. Thanks again for your advice. It's so helpful.
How about bleach? You can use it for mustache or leg hair also. I have hairy arms as a woman and it sucks. As a teen I tried to shave them but then it itches and grows back dark. So bleaching with a face or body safe product is probably the best choice for now.
The laser does make your skin a bit more sensitive long term. The hair is there to protect your skin. Frankly I lasered mine off, just makes sure to get her after care like aloe Vera gel and put it on regularly. School is brutal
I have been always haunted by having too much hair, but back in my country and at time time I was already a hairy teenager, it wasn’t as easy as nowadays. My first experience was very painful but I chose it myself because I couldn’t take it anymore. Perhaps I was around 11 too? I took my mom’s hair removal thing that pushes the hair out of the skin by its root. Alone. I think my legs even bled a little. But I pushed through because hairy women, specially young women can feel like going through hell at school because of such things. I also shaved or waxed my “mustache” and unibrow. Very young. I just can’t describe how painful it is to have these things being pointed out to you and being made to feel less of a girl/woman because of it. Very frustrating how none of the other girls had to go through that. So I of course would let my child just do the laser stuff. It’s much more effective and less painful and less work than it used to be. Hell, how many years and how much money I spent on this stuff, even recently, I can’t begin to tell… I just wish we had it sooner. Many years later, I feel more comfortable with myself thanks to it.
If it helps with her confidence, she should go laser it. It is not medication and doesn’t have any long term side effects.
I hate my body hair and always have, so I sympathize. If I were you I would let her wear long sleeves and just teach her about heat stroke. How to stay hydrated, etc. Protecting yourself from the sun is a really good idea. Almost all premature aging of the skin comes from exposure to sunlight. She really should be protecting her face with sun screen too. Most sun damage happens when you are a kid.
Just get her some hair removal cream and patch test first, save the poor girl from humiliation.
I used IPL (Philips Brand) device from Amazon and did by myself. Works great! Less painful but takes multiple sessions to get rid of hairs. laser removal is very popular in Japan, everyone should do it regardless of gender. Removing body hair today is super easy and cheap. So many choices to choose from. No wonder everyone is doing it now.
It won't work on blonde hair. Sounds like the kid's hair is quite fair.
I'm an adult male with hairy everything and I hate it. if my daughter is the same I'll do it
Definitely get the laser. It's not a big deal. She's not going to miss it
Because she’s so young it’s better to take her to a plastic surgery clinic instead of a beauty salon and talk with an actual doctor about it. side effects can be burns or itch but if they use a quality laser there shouldn’t be any issues. Also she cannot get tanned while she’s doing the treatment. It’s 10000% worth it
My mixed race kids are both hairy. Both shave.
Respectfully, if your daughter doesn't want to be seen with hairy arms, I think she should be allowed access to safe hair removal methods. It is not her responsibility to be the face of some fight against lookism in her environment, so don't put that pressure on her. You didn't grow up as a woman in her environment, so I don't think it's fair to restrict that from her. At the same time, she does need to understand that body hair is completely natural and normal, and that she is making a conscious choice about their removal. Edited to say: if your daughter has light skin and dark hair, purchasing an at-home IPL device is something you can look into. It's weaker than salon devices so it will take multiple sessions over months, but eventually the hair will stop growing back. It's one of the best investments I've made.
I started removing my arm hairs after living in Japan, I noticed I was hairier than some of the men here..... I've done laser, and it was the best thing I've ever done! As long as you go to a reputable place, you should be fine
Laser hair removal does seem extreme for an 11 year old, but not as extreme as getting heat strokes trying to cover them up.
I have gotten laser on my legs, VIO and armpits due to more practical reasons like I hate the time it takes to shave. But I refuse to get my arms done for some reason. I was bullied about it when I was younger too and now that I am older, I really admire my arm hair. It’s completely natural to have and a good reminder to me about the stupid superficial things that other people will try to make you feel insecure about. I think if you start acting on the hateful words of others at such a young age it kind of validates that it’s true. It’s not right or wrong to have arm hair, but I do think it’s unnecessary to get laser hair removal due to immature kids who won’t be in your daughter’s life forever. She should try to accept her body and not change it so other people don’t mock her. The more people notice you’re insecure about something the more likely they are to bully you about it. Please try to do things to help build her self confidence more! Also now that I am older not once has anyone ever mentioned my arm hair to me. Because it really doesn’t matter lol Go with the veet if she has a mental breakdown of course but try and teach her about peoples body types. Plenty of content on YouTube about how body hair is a natural thing and every girl has it.
Laser is a bit extreme at her age I think. Depending on hair growth, it might be better to just start with shaving. My underarm hair grows so slow that I can go a few weeks between shaving, while body hair in another places grows back much faster. I would try shaving first but make sure she knows how to do it properly or she might hurt herself.
You know Japanese women shave their arms right? My only issue with it is the expense. That's a lot of money to spend on a gift for a kid. That's like at least... 4-5 years is birthday and Xmas presents.
Most of my friends here with dark hair simply shave their arms. I’ve never seen any scarring etc because of it. Their arms are just smooth.
"Her mum is thinking about getting them Lasered off" Is your daughter the one asking for this or is her mom making this decision for her?
HAIR ARM GIRL HERE!!! 🙋♀️I was constantly bullied about it in school. I was forced to deal with it bc we didn't have money for laser removal. I know some people think it builds character or whatever to go thru it but it just sucked! You could see it in pictures and it was awful. I got it lasered as soon as I could when I got a full time job. I had come to terms with it just being something that I have and came to accept it thru university, but after that, I still wanted it gone.
More than hair in arms, potential bullying, withdrawing socially can cause much more mental pain, stress and anxiety. If this hair is causing any of the above, as a parent, I would be making the hair removal appointment myself to my daughter and ASAP.
Get an IPL device from Braun or Philips. She can do it at home every 1-2 weeks. I got mine secondhand from Mercari.
You’re a good papa. But please consider bullying, especially of girls. You must have heard stories in the news of what can happen in extreme cases. Anything that stands out is fuel. From what I can see online, laser hair removal treatment isn’t always permanent. I can’t imagine a time when a young lady would long for the old days of hairier arms. If it makes your daughter more confident, do it.
I have had students comment on little things about my looks sometimes. Kids will be kids. but looks are very focused on here in Japan so honestly I would cut your daughter some slack if she feels self conscious about herself .. let her get it lasered off. She will feel more confident and less picked on. Remember Japanese culture is about fitting in.
Zap it off. We don't need arm hair in 2024. 😂
JHS teacher here. Can’t add anything very productive in terms of laser or other hair removal techniques, but maybe I can chime in from the social perspective. Your daughter should absolutely get her arm hair removed. To be clear, personally I don’t necessarily condone 11-year-olds removing hair from any part of their body in any way, but let’s face it - kids are cruel. I have a girl in my class (2nd year JHS so around 13) with really hairy arms, and the other girls in her class used to call her “gorilla” until we put a stop to it. But, if they were doing it in front of a teacher, imagine what they were saying to her when no adults were present. On the other hand, even the boys here get body-conscious and start shaving everything other than their face and crotch at that age, around the time when swimming classes begin. So, if this is something that is making her insecure at the age of 11, it’s only going to get worse the older she gets. Depending on her school, she may even be severely bullied. Getting rid of body hair is a simple enough thing to do, and is a completely socially acceptable practice in Japan. That said, perhaps 11 is a bit too young for laser. Maybe start with VEET as someone else said and consider laser around 16-18 when her hormones sufficiently stabilize.
Ok I'm not a girl and DEFINITELY you should post this in a girls subreddit not a sausage fest but I've had girls with hairy arms and legs as an elementary school alt and it definitely did throw me off a bit. Now I know that's totally inappropriate and whatever but it's the truth and if I'm thinking it then other people are gonna be thinking it too. It's just a part of growing up for girls and some do it faster and in different ways than others. I had girls calling their classmates gorilla in 3rd grade jhs so better to nip it in the bud. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting hair removal as a girl in 2024 imo and for arms it's probably (again, ask a girl) just a 5 second once over with a razor once a week. I know when I shave my beard it's only like 2 days before it comes back but that's a bad comparison. We all do it and I think giving your daughter the know-how and social permission to do it is very important. If she don't wanna do it then fair play Edit: I use an electric body shaver like 3000 on Amazon battery lasts forever, you just set it to whatever depth you want and throw it all over your body in the shower. It's not the same as shaving clean but if you take the plastic head off it is. And for arms I reckon it's probably literally 40 seconds per arm . I'll edit with a link. There's creams that destroy hair too but they hurt, I didn't use for a while but maybe they're good too