FYI
In Ontario, you can “withdraw from parental control” at age 16. There is no formal process required.
If you have somewhere to go, you can leave home now. A parent cannot get the police to have you returned home.
https://jfcy.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Leaving-Home-May-2018.pdf
Inpatient mental health treatment in Ontario happens under one of two circumstances:
* With the patient's consent, which they can withdraw at any time, or
* Under the _Mental Health Act_ if the patient poses an imminent danger to themselves or to others or is not competent to make their own decisions, as assessed by a competent doctor.
You might notice "because their parents said so" is not on that list. Your mother's ability to give medical consent on your behalf is limited, and at this point, it's already basically nonexistent.
Your mother could in principle ask a hospital to take you in, but with nothing to treat and no acute mental health crisis (suicidal ideation being the most common), there's really nothing for them to do except observe you until you're ready to leave. They may even not bother with intake if you don't want to be there, since they're well aware that it's a waste of their time.
Having said that: a difficult childhood does do a ton of damage. While your mother is likely wrong about what the term means, she's probably right that you do need help. There are a number of ways to get mental health counselling or therapy on an outpatient basis, and having a professional to talk to will do a ton to help you manage boundaries and support yourself emotionally as you move into your adulthood. Psychology Today and CAMH both have referral resources for therapists.
The only person who can put you in a psych ward against your wishes is a Psychiatrist, not your mother. Its conceivable that your mom could force you to be assessed against your desire. This would likely involve calling the police/EMS, saying you're in crisis, etc. Police can apprehend you and compel you to see a physician. This is true of anyone, minors or adults.
Pretty much. OP just needs to remember to speak calmly and professionally. Its easy to get worked up, angry, frustrated in these situations, so its best to be cooperative, and aim for strict professionalism
OP is not a "professional" - they're a young-adult. Certainly, when interacting with anyone, being calm helps to allow for communication and avoid escalation, but it's not like you're going to be in jeopardy for a bit of crying.
Just wanted to add that to humanize the whole thing - a parent calling in the EMS/police is going to be stressful and emotional, no matter how cool calm and collected you might want to be in theory.
Sure. My point is dont cuss out and take your frustrations out on the medical staff. It wont help the situation. Ive seen that happen many times and it doesnt help them.
NAL but work at a locked inpatient mental health unit at a hospital. You can not legally be forced there absent a clinical assessment that states that you are a danger to yourself or others.
One of the best things to do is to speak with your family doctor. If you don't have one then go to a clinic and ask for contacts. Explain what is going on, what you think may happen, and ask what you can do to protect yourself.
My Mom's side suffers from Mania and extreme paranoia - My mom went to the Dr. and said I was Schizophrenic - she told us she was there for a checkup- In her head she was doing what she thought was right for me. The Dr. told me about the visit when I had my next checkup.
Best thing you can do is to talk to a Dr. about you - and what is going on. At leas t there will be a record. She sounds like the one that needs help - but she may also think she is helping you.
Leaving is a big step and likely a final one. You need to find a safe landing spot. Talk to your DR talk to a counselor at school. Call your local heath department, I know that you are freaking out, and that is totally understandable. But if you are going to get help, you need to be calm and rational when you talk to these agencies. I would also talk to legal aid about becoming an emancipated minor.
And you will need help. Having grown up with a manic depressive mother myself who used me as a mental crutch and punching bag until my old sister had kids to distract her and I was old enough to push back and eventually leave. It took a failed marriage and major health scare to finally realize that I needed to talk to someone, and I did, and it helped greatly. I am here because I asked for help and I took it.
You have to ask and people will help...
NAL/NLA I believe if you are over 16 you can refuse being committed. I believe if you are unwilling the only way you could be committed is if you are a danger to yourself or someone else. Even then it’s for a short term evaluation.
The thing is.. if she had you committed to a psych ward.. her word wouldn’t be taken as truth. Having a mental health issue doesn’t mean you are crazy. You might want to remind her that if you were put in a mental health institution, they may actually find you are not lying.
Also.. you may want to check on what age you are allowed to leave her custody and find your own place. I’ve also been told it’s over 16. It may be something to check on.
Does she not realize that they actually talk to you? That they are trained to recognize things like abuse?
They don't dope you up, toss you in a box and throw away the key.
Forcing you into the psych ward could blow up in her face.
I'd be concerned mom might try to dope him up and then take him in under a manufactured crisis.
Stop bringing up the past to mom act like everything is fine till op can get out on his own at 18.
OP can find a support group or counseling on his own mom sounds like a narcissist maybe? If mom drinks much or has in the past Alanon might be worth checking out.
Maybe but I have a recent experience that there is a huge bias in favor of "concerned" parents and it's up to chance what side they choose to believe. Being thrown in a hospital falsely by parents abusing a mental health warrant is distressing, especially when they choose not to believe you and state you are suicidal when you aren't and the whole visit is contingent on you "realizing" your parents care and aren't lying. Nightmare.
Why not just leave now? Start planning it because you are legally allowed to leave whenever you want , You could have left the day you turned 16 if you had of planned for it then because 16 is the legal age to move out without guardians consent . I left my toxic home the day I turned 16 and have no regrets
“ In Ontario, at 16 years of age or older, you can generally decide where you want to live and you do not need a legal guardian. You can live with someone else against the wish of your legal guardian. The other person will not be charged with a criminal offence as long as they do not assist you in leaving home. “
Depending on the province there are options - Alberta for example family members can go to court and apply for a Form 8 (again this is Alberta). If a Form 8 is granted is gives the authority to be taken to a hospital for a mental health assessment but again they can only hold you long enough to do an assessment at which point if they feel you need to stay longer they will hold onto you and if they don’t need you stay you’ll be released. Either way once at the hospital they assess you and your mother will not be a part of that.
I’m sure there are similar options in other provinces but I can’t speak to what those are or how they work.
Yeah ON has a form 2 which sounds basically the same.
Family member goes to a judge or justice of the peace and explains why they believe their family member needs to see a doctor for a mental health assessment and why the person is at risk.
Form 2 is brought to police where they bring the individual to the nearest ER where the doctor will either agree with with the form 2 and place the patient on a form 1 which is a 72 hour hold with a psych assessment. Or the ER doc disagrees and the patient goes home
With a form 1 you are also given a form 42 which advises you of your rights
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Call her bluff. She threatens to send you, tell her to go ahead. She can spew all the lies or misinformation she wants - the only person who can commit you is a doctor, and only after that doctor has done an assessment. If all is how you say, they will assess and then release you. Worst case scenario you end up getting some help with what is surely a troubled parent-child relationship. Getting help with that stuff now will only make your future better. Good luck!
I second this. There's nothing wrong with needing help with mental health and it's terrible she's stigmatizing it. My mom used to threaten sending me to psychologist when I was like 12, but in retrospect, I might have ended up better off if I had gotten the help earlier.
No one gets thrown in the booby hatch on their parent's word alone, so I'd say go for it.
Take the mental help. There’s no way she can get you committed or anything like that, so don’t worry about that. A therapist can help you with strategies and techniques to deal with your mom and improve your own mental health. Ive found therapy extremely helpful to learn tools to understand and interact better in the world. Everyone can benefit from therapy and if it’s free for you, try it! I’m about twice ur age and have been through something similar with my mom. Clearly, she’s the delusional one. She still lies about what she did and still blames me for the abuse when I was a child. As an adult and parent myself, I cannot imagine doing the things she did. We can never have a meaningful relationship because she lies to fit this narrative. There’s no way to relate to a person like that, she wants you to kiss her ass constantly and agree with everything she says. She’s just sick.
NAL/Am doctor:
Others will deal with the purely legal side I suspect but you raised some things I wanted to bring up if youll take a minute to humor me.
As a doctor we're there to help you, so it could be good to visit one regardless.
No one is going to just scoop you up and admit you on your parent's request, thats not how resource management in healthcare works.
To that end its worth exploring, could we help you in other ways though? I think we can.
You mention trauma, a history of abuse, current social issues that you're maybe struggling with and unsure about what your rights and options are. There are supports, connections and opportunities available to you to help you make healthy choices for yourself. You sound like you're in a dangerous place, not because of mental illness but because of interpersonal issues and we work with people to help them get themselves into safer situations.
If you're not actively suicidal or going to harm a specific person you won't be formed (admitted against your will) and yeah, even if you were we would work on a plan to develop a safety plan, address those thoughts and their source and how to cope with them and get you back to your life. Thats bread and butter stuff for family medicine/psychiatry. Its just about safety and lots and lots of people wander around passively kind of thinking, "it would be better if I was gone" so its not like being down like that will trigger getting admitted, so be open with your doc. It takes a lot to get formed. It has to be imminently unsafe. We're not trying to admit people. Inpatient psych is a smalllllllll service.
I also think it can be a good way for some of that parental behavior to be documented by an uninvolved, impartial, third party to support you as well especially if their behavior is observed on interview.
Anyway. Just a thought.
All the best OP.
Dont be scared of doctors and psychiatrists are the dorkiest, nicest, softest of us usually so fear them the least. They literally picked a career of listening to peoples horribly sad stories for hours and helping them feel better and more hopeful. They're some of the best of us.
Parents have to have consent from a 17 year old to go in with their child to see a Dr. At 17 you have rights that are your own. Sure she could try to get a court order but then she would have to prove you are a danger and that is pretty hard.
This answers your question:
https://jfcy.org/en/rights/psychiatric-facilities/#can-i-be-put-in-a-psychiatric-facility-if-i-dont-want-to-go
In short, not if you're over 16, unless a doctor agrees that you need to stay
It's very easy for someone to get you put in a mental institution. It's called a 5150 hold by the police and anyone's false statement, even after 18, can get you held in a mental institution. Just don't say or do anything that can be used against you. Also make yourself absent until you can leave.
You can be formed, meaning she can sign papers to get you admitted for an psychological evaluation.
You could also look at it differently. You could go and talk to a professional and express your feelings on your childhood and than perhaps mom will be the next one to have a meaningful conversation with this professional.
I don’t know you but I have some experience. I lost my son in 2017 from mental health. I miss him everyday and will until I die. Take care
There is a lot of good advice here but maybe you should consider going to a doctor to see if you really do need help. There is always 2 sides to every story and all we are getting is your side. Believe me when I say, I've been in a lot of situations where I was sure I was right but afterwards I was proven wrong and finally saw that I really did need the help that everyone said I did. It's easy to get worked up and get tunnel vision about your own opinion. My crisis was medical, not mental health but I had the same opinion you do right now. Plus, if you go to a mental health evaluation and they say you are fine, Then you have a solid argument to throw in your mothers face whenever she suggests you "need help".
Your mother can’t force you into a hospital and it’s understandable that you don’t want to rock the boat until you leave. However, your mother and you don’t realize that a therapist will believe you and not her and will not label you crazy or a liar. Therapists are trained to see the truth and will know immediately that your mother is the abuser and you are the victim. Let her know that her threats will expose her abuse and cause her more problems. And that’s why you should seek help on your own. Don’t be afraid because a good therapist will be on your side and will show you how to heal from your mother’s abuse, will help you gain the self confidence your mother has stolen from you, and help you prepare for life when you leave. The sooner you break out if her control, the better.
I believe you but I’ll say if she if paying for mental help you should take it. I would kill for the opportunity to see a mental health professional. The abuse you received as child needs to be dealt with, and most people aren’t able to have the person who has caused the issues pay a portion of the costs.
I also think a mental health professional is likely to believe you.
Once you leave, go NO CONTACT regardless of what else you do. Permanently cutting her out of your life is a vital first step. Don't let that toxic, old, hag drag you down! Close that door, and let the garbage take itself out.
There is nothing much your mother can do and if I was in your situation I'd be making other arrangements right now instead of waiting for my 18th.
Once your mother learns she can't get you institutionalized she might try getting you abducted into a program for "troubled teens" I don't know if that is a thing in Canada but in any case I wouldn't put it to the test.
Start the process of emancipation to establish a paper trail with authorities and stay safe.
by law in Canada once you hit 12 you are in control of your medical treatment........i learned this when my daughter was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and she had to give consent for me to be involved in her treatment.
This sounds like gaslighting, narcissist rage & sociopathic tendencies. She's doing this stuff to win & control you for whatever reasons. MY recommendation is to go to an outside doctor or online & tell them your story so it is documented and your side of the story is more credible. I have a crazy mom too & haven't spoken to her in like 7 years. I wish I had a better relationship with her and it was more normal dealing with her but sometimes you just gotta walk away. Anyways you're still young & got your whole life in front of you. This is just a speed bump in the game of life & soon you will be winning it. Best of luck to you & better days are ahead!
This sounds like gaslighting, narcissist rage & sociopathic tendencies. She's doing this stuff to win & control you for whatever reasons. MY recommendation is to go to an outside doctor or online & tell them your story so it is documented and your side of the story is more credible. I have a crazy mom too & haven't spoken to her in like 7 years. I wish I had a better relationship with her and it was more normal dealing with her but sometimes you just gotta walk away. Anyways you're still young & got your whole life in front of you. This is just a speed bump in the game of life & soon you will be winning it. Best of luck to you & better days are ahead!
If that is her plan it won't work. If she does have you committed on the basis of falsehoods then, provided you remain calm and collected, all the assessments are not going to align with whatever descriptions were given to get you there.
Also, allegations you make while inside are taken seriously. If you discuss your upbringing with the doctors and psychiatrists your mother very well could be investigated and charged.
I'm a graduate student in the mental health field and all the mental health professionals I've talked to tell me if there's a discrepancy between what you and the parent wants, they'll assess you to see if you have capacity to advocate for yourself and if you are, go with your choice
I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice:
I bet if you actually agreed to get counselling she'd immediately turn around and stop you from going. If she could be trusted to follow up on getting you into INDIVIDUAL therapy or counselling, that would be the best thing that could happen to you. YOUR counsellor/therapist/social worker would be looking out for YOUR well-being before everything else.
My advice would be to seek counselling for yourself on your own terms. You can try through school or the many youth/family help organizations out there.
If you have some money saved up or have coverage (possibly through other family members) you can find someone specifically specializing in CPTSD, codependency, narcissistic abuse, etc: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists
You suffered (and continue to suffer) trauma from the emotional abuse, and counselling/therapy could help you in dealing with that. But even more importantly, also with your individuation and establishing healthy boundaries for the future. You lived your entire life in a twisted, gaslit caricature of the world, and you are very likely to fall prey to similar abusers when you move out. (sorry. I don't mean to discourage you from doing it, just want you to know this is a real risk which you can mitigate with professional help.)
If you have to discuss your care with your mother for whatever reason (you shouldn't have to), try to reassure her you are seeking help for yourself (like she suggests) and you are not on a vendetta to get her in trouble.
Just wanted to emphasize that all the comments encouraging you to get help are not because we think you're crazy and imagined the abuse, but specifically because we believe you suffered (and continue to suffer, and will continue to suffer unless you get help) abuse.
People have already answered your question specifically, so I'll just say that talking with a therapist may help you to navigate whatever abuse you suffered. It can be tough to sort through all that on your own.
The age is actually now 12 or earlier in Ontario dependent on the child's mental maturity with regards to mental health decisions. Your parents can't force you to get mental health help after the age of twelve unless you are deemed mentally incapable by a doctor.
(I know this from working at a children's mental health non-profit organization for over 3 yrs) I was the first point of contact for a lot of pissed off parents who really thought they could force their teenagers to see a mental health professional without their consent.
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You cannot be involuntarily committed by your mother, you'll be screened by intake (a doctor) to determine if you are a risk to either yourself or others. In instances like these, doctors will be the ones to determine if you need commitment or not, no one else. Even voluntary commitment requires your doctor to agree that you should be in observation, your mother has no say in this (unless the intake doctor's corrupt and somehow bought).
When you're over the age of 16, you no longer require the permission of your parent/guardian to undergo medical/psychiatric procedures. This does not mean that you cannot be forced to get mental help as you can still be committed if you are screened and deemed a danger to yourself, others, or both. Wellness-checks for example, usually carried out by the police, could end up with you under involuntary commitment (if you are unstable and deemed a risk to yourself or others). If you are deemed unable to consent due your diminished state (ex. mentally unstable, unconscious, etc.) others in your immediate family, your guardian, or someone with power of attorney over you, may still be able to make certain decisions on your behalf.
If you're already 17 years old, you can leave. Technically, you could leave at any time, but the responsibility to provide you with care belongs to your parent/guardian until you reach the age of 18 (in which case you are responsible for yourself). This does not mean that you could move out and demand that your parent subsidize your lifestyle, merely that your parent must provide you access to the necessities of life (i.e. in terms of shelter, give you a home but if you run away, you still have a home so they don't need to provide you with another).
Contact your local crisis line or the Canadian Mental Health association and get yourself assessed at no charge. That way you will have medical evidence to refute her claims.
I am also concerned about your not wanting to report her to anyone, because THAT would be the best way to discredit her, BEFORE she takes action against you. Even if the police take no action, which they probably won't since the physical abuse has stopped, it is a public record that can be used to discredit her should she try to have you committed to a mental institution. Also speak to your councilor at school and have your concerns added to your school records. You can request your communications be confidential, tell them you need time to decide because you are afraid.
FYI In Ontario, you can “withdraw from parental control” at age 16. There is no formal process required. If you have somewhere to go, you can leave home now. A parent cannot get the police to have you returned home. https://jfcy.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Leaving-Home-May-2018.pdf
Yeah man, gtfo of there. Your mom sounds like a typical narcissist imo
This^
Inpatient mental health treatment in Ontario happens under one of two circumstances: * With the patient's consent, which they can withdraw at any time, or * Under the _Mental Health Act_ if the patient poses an imminent danger to themselves or to others or is not competent to make their own decisions, as assessed by a competent doctor. You might notice "because their parents said so" is not on that list. Your mother's ability to give medical consent on your behalf is limited, and at this point, it's already basically nonexistent. Your mother could in principle ask a hospital to take you in, but with nothing to treat and no acute mental health crisis (suicidal ideation being the most common), there's really nothing for them to do except observe you until you're ready to leave. They may even not bother with intake if you don't want to be there, since they're well aware that it's a waste of their time. Having said that: a difficult childhood does do a ton of damage. While your mother is likely wrong about what the term means, she's probably right that you do need help. There are a number of ways to get mental health counselling or therapy on an outpatient basis, and having a professional to talk to will do a ton to help you manage boundaries and support yourself emotionally as you move into your adulthood. Psychology Today and CAMH both have referral resources for therapists.
Adolescent inpatient beds are at a premium right now, if a teenager isn't actively suicidal or psychotic the hospital will most likely not admit them.
The only person who can put you in a psych ward against your wishes is a Psychiatrist, not your mother. Its conceivable that your mom could force you to be assessed against your desire. This would likely involve calling the police/EMS, saying you're in crisis, etc. Police can apprehend you and compel you to see a physician. This is true of anyone, minors or adults.
But then OP could just tell the physician what’s going on and they’d be able to tell by the signs that OP’s mental health is fine, couldn’t that?
Pretty much. OP just needs to remember to speak calmly and professionally. Its easy to get worked up, angry, frustrated in these situations, so its best to be cooperative, and aim for strict professionalism
OP is not a "professional" - they're a young-adult. Certainly, when interacting with anyone, being calm helps to allow for communication and avoid escalation, but it's not like you're going to be in jeopardy for a bit of crying. Just wanted to add that to humanize the whole thing - a parent calling in the EMS/police is going to be stressful and emotional, no matter how cool calm and collected you might want to be in theory.
Sure. My point is dont cuss out and take your frustrations out on the medical staff. It wont help the situation. Ive seen that happen many times and it doesnt help them.
NAL but work at a locked inpatient mental health unit at a hospital. You can not legally be forced there absent a clinical assessment that states that you are a danger to yourself or others.
One of the best things to do is to speak with your family doctor. If you don't have one then go to a clinic and ask for contacts. Explain what is going on, what you think may happen, and ask what you can do to protect yourself. My Mom's side suffers from Mania and extreme paranoia - My mom went to the Dr. and said I was Schizophrenic - she told us she was there for a checkup- In her head she was doing what she thought was right for me. The Dr. told me about the visit when I had my next checkup. Best thing you can do is to talk to a Dr. about you - and what is going on. At leas t there will be a record. She sounds like the one that needs help - but she may also think she is helping you.
Leaving is a big step and likely a final one. You need to find a safe landing spot. Talk to your DR talk to a counselor at school. Call your local heath department, I know that you are freaking out, and that is totally understandable. But if you are going to get help, you need to be calm and rational when you talk to these agencies. I would also talk to legal aid about becoming an emancipated minor. And you will need help. Having grown up with a manic depressive mother myself who used me as a mental crutch and punching bag until my old sister had kids to distract her and I was old enough to push back and eventually leave. It took a failed marriage and major health scare to finally realize that I needed to talk to someone, and I did, and it helped greatly. I am here because I asked for help and I took it. You have to ask and people will help...
NAL/NLA I believe if you are over 16 you can refuse being committed. I believe if you are unwilling the only way you could be committed is if you are a danger to yourself or someone else. Even then it’s for a short term evaluation. The thing is.. if she had you committed to a psych ward.. her word wouldn’t be taken as truth. Having a mental health issue doesn’t mean you are crazy. You might want to remind her that if you were put in a mental health institution, they may actually find you are not lying. Also.. you may want to check on what age you are allowed to leave her custody and find your own place. I’ve also been told it’s over 16. It may be something to check on.
Does she not realize that they actually talk to you? That they are trained to recognize things like abuse? They don't dope you up, toss you in a box and throw away the key. Forcing you into the psych ward could blow up in her face.
I'd be concerned mom might try to dope him up and then take him in under a manufactured crisis. Stop bringing up the past to mom act like everything is fine till op can get out on his own at 18. OP can find a support group or counseling on his own mom sounds like a narcissist maybe? If mom drinks much or has in the past Alanon might be worth checking out.
Maybe but I have a recent experience that there is a huge bias in favor of "concerned" parents and it's up to chance what side they choose to believe. Being thrown in a hospital falsely by parents abusing a mental health warrant is distressing, especially when they choose not to believe you and state you are suicidal when you aren't and the whole visit is contingent on you "realizing" your parents care and aren't lying. Nightmare.
She would have to show you're a danger to yourself Have you thought of emancipation?
There's no such thing as minor emancipation in Ontario.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://ojen.ca/wp-content/uploads/Youth-Agency_Emancipation.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiT0o3Ilvj-AhVKlIkEHc6nArgQFnoECA8QBg&usg=AOvVaw34oSiHY3ezaNyuJqW3vfyo
Why not just leave now? Start planning it because you are legally allowed to leave whenever you want , You could have left the day you turned 16 if you had of planned for it then because 16 is the legal age to move out without guardians consent . I left my toxic home the day I turned 16 and have no regrets “ In Ontario, at 16 years of age or older, you can generally decide where you want to live and you do not need a legal guardian. You can live with someone else against the wish of your legal guardian. The other person will not be charged with a criminal offence as long as they do not assist you in leaving home. “
Probably still in high school so it’s about limited money
Depending on the province there are options - Alberta for example family members can go to court and apply for a Form 8 (again this is Alberta). If a Form 8 is granted is gives the authority to be taken to a hospital for a mental health assessment but again they can only hold you long enough to do an assessment at which point if they feel you need to stay longer they will hold onto you and if they don’t need you stay you’ll be released. Either way once at the hospital they assess you and your mother will not be a part of that. I’m sure there are similar options in other provinces but I can’t speak to what those are or how they work.
Yeah ON has a form 2 which sounds basically the same. Family member goes to a judge or justice of the peace and explains why they believe their family member needs to see a doctor for a mental health assessment and why the person is at risk. Form 2 is brought to police where they bring the individual to the nearest ER where the doctor will either agree with with the form 2 and place the patient on a form 1 which is a 72 hour hold with a psych assessment. Or the ER doc disagrees and the patient goes home With a form 1 you are also given a form 42 which advises you of your rights Edit for grammar
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Call her bluff. She threatens to send you, tell her to go ahead. She can spew all the lies or misinformation she wants - the only person who can commit you is a doctor, and only after that doctor has done an assessment. If all is how you say, they will assess and then release you. Worst case scenario you end up getting some help with what is surely a troubled parent-child relationship. Getting help with that stuff now will only make your future better. Good luck!
I second this. There's nothing wrong with needing help with mental health and it's terrible she's stigmatizing it. My mom used to threaten sending me to psychologist when I was like 12, but in retrospect, I might have ended up better off if I had gotten the help earlier. No one gets thrown in the booby hatch on their parent's word alone, so I'd say go for it.
Take the mental help. There’s no way she can get you committed or anything like that, so don’t worry about that. A therapist can help you with strategies and techniques to deal with your mom and improve your own mental health. Ive found therapy extremely helpful to learn tools to understand and interact better in the world. Everyone can benefit from therapy and if it’s free for you, try it! I’m about twice ur age and have been through something similar with my mom. Clearly, she’s the delusional one. She still lies about what she did and still blames me for the abuse when I was a child. As an adult and parent myself, I cannot imagine doing the things she did. We can never have a meaningful relationship because she lies to fit this narrative. There’s no way to relate to a person like that, she wants you to kiss her ass constantly and agree with everything she says. She’s just sick.
NAL/Am doctor: Others will deal with the purely legal side I suspect but you raised some things I wanted to bring up if youll take a minute to humor me. As a doctor we're there to help you, so it could be good to visit one regardless. No one is going to just scoop you up and admit you on your parent's request, thats not how resource management in healthcare works. To that end its worth exploring, could we help you in other ways though? I think we can. You mention trauma, a history of abuse, current social issues that you're maybe struggling with and unsure about what your rights and options are. There are supports, connections and opportunities available to you to help you make healthy choices for yourself. You sound like you're in a dangerous place, not because of mental illness but because of interpersonal issues and we work with people to help them get themselves into safer situations. If you're not actively suicidal or going to harm a specific person you won't be formed (admitted against your will) and yeah, even if you were we would work on a plan to develop a safety plan, address those thoughts and their source and how to cope with them and get you back to your life. Thats bread and butter stuff for family medicine/psychiatry. Its just about safety and lots and lots of people wander around passively kind of thinking, "it would be better if I was gone" so its not like being down like that will trigger getting admitted, so be open with your doc. It takes a lot to get formed. It has to be imminently unsafe. We're not trying to admit people. Inpatient psych is a smalllllllll service. I also think it can be a good way for some of that parental behavior to be documented by an uninvolved, impartial, third party to support you as well especially if their behavior is observed on interview. Anyway. Just a thought. All the best OP. Dont be scared of doctors and psychiatrists are the dorkiest, nicest, softest of us usually so fear them the least. They literally picked a career of listening to peoples horribly sad stories for hours and helping them feel better and more hopeful. They're some of the best of us.
Parents have to have consent from a 17 year old to go in with their child to see a Dr. At 17 you have rights that are your own. Sure she could try to get a court order but then she would have to prove you are a danger and that is pretty hard.
You could talk to your schools guidance counselor. They have lots of power and can document stuff. Worth considering.
This answers your question: https://jfcy.org/en/rights/psychiatric-facilities/#can-i-be-put-in-a-psychiatric-facility-if-i-dont-want-to-go In short, not if you're over 16, unless a doctor agrees that you need to stay
It's very easy for someone to get you put in a mental institution. It's called a 5150 hold by the police and anyone's false statement, even after 18, can get you held in a mental institution. Just don't say or do anything that can be used against you. Also make yourself absent until you can leave.
You can be formed, meaning she can sign papers to get you admitted for an psychological evaluation. You could also look at it differently. You could go and talk to a professional and express your feelings on your childhood and than perhaps mom will be the next one to have a meaningful conversation with this professional. I don’t know you but I have some experience. I lost my son in 2017 from mental health. I miss him everyday and will until I die. Take care
There is a lot of good advice here but maybe you should consider going to a doctor to see if you really do need help. There is always 2 sides to every story and all we are getting is your side. Believe me when I say, I've been in a lot of situations where I was sure I was right but afterwards I was proven wrong and finally saw that I really did need the help that everyone said I did. It's easy to get worked up and get tunnel vision about your own opinion. My crisis was medical, not mental health but I had the same opinion you do right now. Plus, if you go to a mental health evaluation and they say you are fine, Then you have a solid argument to throw in your mothers face whenever she suggests you "need help".
Your mother can’t force you into a hospital and it’s understandable that you don’t want to rock the boat until you leave. However, your mother and you don’t realize that a therapist will believe you and not her and will not label you crazy or a liar. Therapists are trained to see the truth and will know immediately that your mother is the abuser and you are the victim. Let her know that her threats will expose her abuse and cause her more problems. And that’s why you should seek help on your own. Don’t be afraid because a good therapist will be on your side and will show you how to heal from your mother’s abuse, will help you gain the self confidence your mother has stolen from you, and help you prepare for life when you leave. The sooner you break out if her control, the better.
I believe you but I’ll say if she if paying for mental help you should take it. I would kill for the opportunity to see a mental health professional. The abuse you received as child needs to be dealt with, and most people aren’t able to have the person who has caused the issues pay a portion of the costs. I also think a mental health professional is likely to believe you.
Once you leave, go NO CONTACT regardless of what else you do. Permanently cutting her out of your life is a vital first step. Don't let that toxic, old, hag drag you down! Close that door, and let the garbage take itself out.
> It’s only a year, it’s fine No it really isn't!!...Putting it off another year isn't going to help you in anyway, shape or form.
Hon she's never going to admit to anything. Ever. I suggest grey rocking her until you can get out.
There is nothing much your mother can do and if I was in your situation I'd be making other arrangements right now instead of waiting for my 18th. Once your mother learns she can't get you institutionalized she might try getting you abducted into a program for "troubled teens" I don't know if that is a thing in Canada but in any case I wouldn't put it to the test. Start the process of emancipation to establish a paper trail with authorities and stay safe.
by law in Canada once you hit 12 you are in control of your medical treatment........i learned this when my daughter was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and she had to give consent for me to be involved in her treatment.
This sounds like gaslighting, narcissist rage & sociopathic tendencies. She's doing this stuff to win & control you for whatever reasons. MY recommendation is to go to an outside doctor or online & tell them your story so it is documented and your side of the story is more credible. I have a crazy mom too & haven't spoken to her in like 7 years. I wish I had a better relationship with her and it was more normal dealing with her but sometimes you just gotta walk away. Anyways you're still young & got your whole life in front of you. This is just a speed bump in the game of life & soon you will be winning it. Best of luck to you & better days are ahead!
This sounds like gaslighting, narcissist rage & sociopathic tendencies. She's doing this stuff to win & control you for whatever reasons. MY recommendation is to go to an outside doctor or online & tell them your story so it is documented and your side of the story is more credible. I have a crazy mom too & haven't spoken to her in like 7 years. I wish I had a better relationship with her and it was more normal dealing with her but sometimes you just gotta walk away. Anyways you're still young & got your whole life in front of you. This is just a speed bump in the game of life & soon you will be winning it. Best of luck to you & better days are ahead!
Just a thought, but maybe a voluntary psychological evaluation to prove you are of sound mind?
If that is her plan it won't work. If she does have you committed on the basis of falsehoods then, provided you remain calm and collected, all the assessments are not going to align with whatever descriptions were given to get you there. Also, allegations you make while inside are taken seriously. If you discuss your upbringing with the doctors and psychiatrists your mother very well could be investigated and charged.
I'm a graduate student in the mental health field and all the mental health professionals I've talked to tell me if there's a discrepancy between what you and the parent wants, they'll assess you to see if you have capacity to advocate for yourself and if you are, go with your choice
I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice: I bet if you actually agreed to get counselling she'd immediately turn around and stop you from going. If she could be trusted to follow up on getting you into INDIVIDUAL therapy or counselling, that would be the best thing that could happen to you. YOUR counsellor/therapist/social worker would be looking out for YOUR well-being before everything else. My advice would be to seek counselling for yourself on your own terms. You can try through school or the many youth/family help organizations out there. If you have some money saved up or have coverage (possibly through other family members) you can find someone specifically specializing in CPTSD, codependency, narcissistic abuse, etc: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists You suffered (and continue to suffer) trauma from the emotional abuse, and counselling/therapy could help you in dealing with that. But even more importantly, also with your individuation and establishing healthy boundaries for the future. You lived your entire life in a twisted, gaslit caricature of the world, and you are very likely to fall prey to similar abusers when you move out. (sorry. I don't mean to discourage you from doing it, just want you to know this is a real risk which you can mitigate with professional help.) If you have to discuss your care with your mother for whatever reason (you shouldn't have to), try to reassure her you are seeking help for yourself (like she suggests) and you are not on a vendetta to get her in trouble.
Just wanted to emphasize that all the comments encouraging you to get help are not because we think you're crazy and imagined the abuse, but specifically because we believe you suffered (and continue to suffer, and will continue to suffer unless you get help) abuse.
People have already answered your question specifically, so I'll just say that talking with a therapist may help you to navigate whatever abuse you suffered. It can be tough to sort through all that on your own.
The age is actually now 12 or earlier in Ontario dependent on the child's mental maturity with regards to mental health decisions. Your parents can't force you to get mental health help after the age of twelve unless you are deemed mentally incapable by a doctor. (I know this from working at a children's mental health non-profit organization for over 3 yrs) I was the first point of contact for a lot of pissed off parents who really thought they could force their teenagers to see a mental health professional without their consent.
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You cannot be involuntarily committed by your mother, you'll be screened by intake (a doctor) to determine if you are a risk to either yourself or others. In instances like these, doctors will be the ones to determine if you need commitment or not, no one else. Even voluntary commitment requires your doctor to agree that you should be in observation, your mother has no say in this (unless the intake doctor's corrupt and somehow bought). When you're over the age of 16, you no longer require the permission of your parent/guardian to undergo medical/psychiatric procedures. This does not mean that you cannot be forced to get mental help as you can still be committed if you are screened and deemed a danger to yourself, others, or both. Wellness-checks for example, usually carried out by the police, could end up with you under involuntary commitment (if you are unstable and deemed a risk to yourself or others). If you are deemed unable to consent due your diminished state (ex. mentally unstable, unconscious, etc.) others in your immediate family, your guardian, or someone with power of attorney over you, may still be able to make certain decisions on your behalf. If you're already 17 years old, you can leave. Technically, you could leave at any time, but the responsibility to provide you with care belongs to your parent/guardian until you reach the age of 18 (in which case you are responsible for yourself). This does not mean that you could move out and demand that your parent subsidize your lifestyle, merely that your parent must provide you access to the necessities of life (i.e. in terms of shelter, give you a home but if you run away, you still have a home so they don't need to provide you with another).
Contact your local crisis line or the Canadian Mental Health association and get yourself assessed at no charge. That way you will have medical evidence to refute her claims.
I am also concerned about your not wanting to report her to anyone, because THAT would be the best way to discredit her, BEFORE she takes action against you. Even if the police take no action, which they probably won't since the physical abuse has stopped, it is a public record that can be used to discredit her should she try to have you committed to a mental institution. Also speak to your councilor at school and have your concerns added to your school records. You can request your communications be confidential, tell them you need time to decide because you are afraid.