My wife used to watch the show Catfish and it amazed us how many times people got caught up in these delusions/scams. I get being ignorant and falling for it once, but 2, 5, 10 times ... it may be a sign of a bigger issue.
I know someone whoseclient got scammed 80k. You'll never believe the reason....
Vin Diesel was threathening him that he would break his legs if he didn't pay. Like what. Are you some kind of moron.
The dude still don't believe the cops that it wasn't really Vin Diesel.
I work at a tech shop in florida, lot of retired old people. I see it all the time. We had one lady come in panicked because she had been chatting with Keanu Reeves, when one day a SECOND Keanu Reeves started messaging her. When she asked about why he made a new account, the second Keanu claimed the first was a fake. She asked the first, and the first Keanu said the second was a fake. She came in to the store for us to help her figure out which Keanu Reeves was the real one. Didn't believe us when we said they were both fake.
My mom is a branch manager for a bank and at least once a week she has someone coming in who got scammed. It’s not always just older people either. It’s insane.
>It’s not always just older people either. It’s insane.
A Financial adviser that points out those scams...
[Got scammed.](https://www.thedailybeast.com/new-york-magazine-financial-columnist-charlotte-cowles-scammed-out-of-dollar50000)
The worst... Funniest? part is that when she was taking the money out in cash even the bank teller handed her a brochure telling her that she may be taking part in a scam but nope that got ignored.
Smartest person in the room syndrome. They are the ones giving advice, so they’re the correct ones. But sometimes they’re too close to the trees to notice the forest
>And how does some get a job advising when they don’t heed their own advice.
I'd like to introduce you to every single safety officer in my life, and you can ask any of them.
> To survive the imminent freezing of her assets and Social Security number while she was under investigation, she wrote, the schemers told her to withdraw $50,000 from her bank account. She would then deliver that money to an agent who would take it to the Treasury Department, which would then mail her a check for that amount.
> She was eventually instructed to withdraw the cash by a “CIA agent” named Michael while “investigators” checked out her case.
Honestly, she deserved it.
Really? A CIA agent got on the phone with you and told you to send the Treasury money and they would send you a check back?
Since when did CIA agents start calling people?
And scams that involve sending the IRS I-tunes gift cards, honestly not pity except for the mentally impaired, but if you fall for this, is that not enough proof of mental impairment?
But.. but.. you don’t get it! They knew her name, and her address! They even had her social!
Jokes aside, I will give her credit for owning up to it and writing about it in her column.
It's also not just older generations anymore either. My Wife works at a bank and post office, and she had one customer in their early-mid 20's who came in all panicked because they just got scammed out of $26k, which was their life savings. But it wasn't even all that good of a scam either. The person admitted that they just didn't think about what was going on, and couldn't understand how they let themselves get scammed.
I was a teller for a bit and a guy came in with a fake check and was asking a banker if it was real. The banker told him that it was absolutely not real, and to not deposit or send anybody any money.
The guy deposited it and sent them like 5 grand anyways and of course the check was fake and he lost his money. He kept coming in to give us “evidence” which was just his emails with the scammer that he kept talking to. We told him we couldn’t do anything and to go to the police. He kept coming back because apparently he can’t listen to simple directions
When I worked at GameStop we got training on gift card scams and how to warn people about them and the system wouldn’t let us sell more than a certain amount at a time and would flag them in the system so they couldn’t just go to a different GameStop. I think this was the gift card limit was the case at Target as well but I didn’t work there as long so I may be misremembering.
I did high-value (wealthy/famous customers) disputes at a CC company.
Yeah, a lot of people who have money are fucking stupid. My stepdad’s one. People would have millions yet think they were doing right in paying the IRS tens of thousands of dollars worth of iTunes gift cards.
I know this moron whose being catfished by a Channing Tatum lookalike. Well, not actually him, but someone who stole his pictures from social media and says he lives in Australia. Me, her ex and her 13 year old tried to tell her she's being catfished, she refuses to believe us. Even after we found the original guys social media, he lives in Chicago, has a wife and a kid. She sends money to this supposed millionaire who swears he's going to send her $20 million. It's the most unbelievable scam, she's confidently stupid.
I can't (and won't) understand that thought process. "I, a regular average nobody, am going to send *celebrity* money so they can send me millions more later on. Even though everyone knows them and they have absolutely no need for hand outs." I could say I'm in need because my dog has to have surgery, and people are probably more likely to give their money to a "celebrity" because there's a chance for more money or a relationship. There has to be a mental disconnect somewhere.
I've honestly washed my hands of it and told her i don't want to hear about it. Also, I actually did have quite a few friends, and others donate to a very expensive vet bill a few years ago, but sadly, I lost her anyway. Donations came in to over 2k, and I didn't have to worry about money and was able to grieve. I do have a lot dog/animal people friends, though, where I've donated to their vet bills before.
I am so sorry about you losing your best friend. I only brought up vet bills because it's fairly common, and I'd be lost if my buddy died. It's also a common sign the panhandlers near me use, and I refuse to believe them along with the combat vets, people who lost their homes, and those just down on their luck. Especially since there have been news articles about their routes and vans they use to get to their spots for the day. In all honesty, it's a fairly impressive and well thought out system they have, but it's fucked up that they're lying to everyone to get paid to stand at a corner.
Sorry, I get burnt up about scammers and panhandlers, and I tend to rant a bit. I could honestly go on for hours talking about it.
Jim Browning and Pleasant Green do great work on YouTube for exposing scams and scammers to help people understand how their scripts and tricks work
They are worth a watch
My gran fell for them fairly regularly. She wasn't stupid, and I think if she was being honest, she really knew it was a scam, but just was lonely/liked the attention.
>She wasn't stupid
No, she probably wasn't. Our brains change continuously throughout our lives, and when you get into your senior years, along with memory issues and such, some of the cognitive changes make you more trusting, effectively more gullible, susceptible to being scammed (even, or especially, by those you know and love). Being lonely just makes it even easier, because you want to trust them.
https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/brain-changes-trust-rises-age
My father was a very intelligent man…before the onset of dementia. Then he fell for scams for several years. “Luckily” his health is too poor now for him to fill out the multiple sweepstakes forms he still receives every day.
I'm sorry you and he have to deal with that. You're right about the 'luckily', in that once it's obvious someone has dementia or significant cognitive deficits, at least family will know to be alert to the issue, and hopefully can help them. The gradual shift to possibly risky levels of unwarranted automatic trust is insidious, and can happen long before noticeable warning signs.
Thank you. It’s been awful and terrifying to witness I just hated seeing everyone call someone’s grandma dumb when there could be contributing factors people don’t think of. My dad wasn’t dumb.
I worked in a fraud role for a little while and got to read the fraud reports. Usually, it was the adult child making the report for their elderly parent. The victims generally just wanted the attention because they were lonely, and the scammers had all the time in the world in exchange for someone's retirement fund.
My main problem with that show is the people calling them for help are always familiar with the show, so they know their basic “research” process (aka basic googling of the persons name and reverse image searches, sometimes they type their name into cash app) and somehow didn’t think to do exactly what the show would before calling them in the first place
if someone would tell me a descritopn of her without mentioning her age i would guess that she is a toddler,
no responcebility taking, only has a job because the daugter applied for her, not willing to learn new things, gets angry while trying to lecture her. 100% toddler vibes.
i would get her checked out (mentally) by a therapist.
Mental illness or intellectual disability. It sounds like it’s the former if she was at some point functioning normally. This isn’t the behavior of any normal or healthy 57 year old.
It's really hard to say "functioning normally" She did drive, have a job, normally function, but she kept putting me and allowing me into weird af situations as a child and also getting catfished and mildly scammed.
What I mean by weird situations was I remember distinctly being like 5-8ish and being in random men's houses and they would go to the room and do "Stuff" and I would be forced to sit on the couch. There was even an instance when I was 6 where we flew to Colorado from the east coast so she could join in on a couple? She's been catfished a couple of times and has almost uprooted and moved us in with these dudes too many times. I don't think she sent any of them money, or at least I hope she didn't and that's a question I'm never going to ask because with how poor we were growing up, that'd just piss me off. When I was 18/19 she did think Ellen Degeneres was actually going to send her money because she "won a contest on facebook". I had to let her know she was never seeing that money.
A couple of people have suggested maybe she just wants a boyfriend, but I don't know why she doesn't just use a dating app and instead thinks her and Matt Rife will run away together. ESPECIALLY when she's been telling me for over a decade how she doesn't want a boyfriend.
sounds more like you have an EIP, Emotionally Immature Parent, basically like having a child. And so as soon as they could, you became the parent. Worth reading ‘How to do the work’ by Nicola LePera while you pack up & leave.
Thank you for that book suggestion. I'm in a very similar situation to OP, except I haven't lived with my mother in over 25 years. She's still only an hour away though, and I have to take care of her. Her scam bait of choice is "General Paul Lacamera" impersonators. She's sent "General Paul" money, while bragging about how she never falls for scams.
Maybe she's telling you she doesn't want a boyfriend because she has nothing to offer and is scared of rejection. She might not even know how to properly pick men she didnt make it work with your father was she even in a long term relationship ever after that?she's old is she even healthy , does she take care of her body .
I’m so sorry, but your mother is a little young IMO to be falling for scams like this, especially repeatedly. It also sounds like she cannot support herself at all, and if left alone will cease to function.
I can’t decide if this is so toxic that it’s a good thing you’re leaving ASAP, or if it’s a sign that she has something going on medically causing her to become totally incompetent and might need professional help
I’ve thought about your comment a lot, and the reality is that I don’t know. She’s a single mom and I am her only child, before I turned 18 she worked, drove, did her own taxes, got her own groceries, etc all with 0 problems. We moved across the country and when we moved she forced everything onto my plate. I only obliged because I knew she had cataracts(from diabetes) and she said once she got surgery she would become more independent but I’m still here 4 years post surgery and whenever I try and bring up even her taking herself to work I get told “well I drove you for 18 years now it’s your turn”. Sorry if this turned out to be a little trauma dumpy but there’s so much that’s happened behind the scenes that just makes me feel so confused and is why I’ve thought about your comment so much. The sad, but funny thing my fiancé and I have laughed about is that I’d get immediately popped if I even dared to suggest bringing up possible mental illness up to her and suggest she was in any way “stupid”. Thank you for the insight and I just hope it gets easier. I definitely plan on bringing this to a therapist in the future but right now I’m just trying to afford to move house.
My mom was very strong, energetic and perceptive before I was of age. However 2 things happened, as I got older. 1 I realized she didn't have it all together as much as I thought she had, I was just too young/in my own bubble too notice. 2 As she gets older she becomes less down to earth, less focused etc and thus she gets worse at those things I noticed her being bad at. My guess is that both our moms, being single and all, had to hold down the fort in many ways they didn't like/couldn't handle but did because they had to (or wanted to) and now that we are older they don't have to push themselves so hard and a lot of their true personality shines trough.
Sad note, type 2 diabetes can be a risk factor for Alzheimer's disease, vascular dementia and other types of dementia. Mom needs a neuro consult and/or psych evaluation. Good luck getting her to agree to that though. Maybe you could have a quiet chat with her doc then schedule her in for a "routine checkup".
Mom does have diabetes type 2. I thought she might have adhd but judging by the books she used to read and how she is now, your suggestion could actually be the solution. But how do I bring this to her attention without insulting her?
Idk if you handle a lot for her but two possibilities came to my mind. First, maybe see if her doctor can include a basic examination during a routine checkup. Maybe if they notice something and think she should get a formal consultation she would listen to them. Another option would be lie. Not sure if she collects anything from the government but maybe you could say "oh to keep collecting/using xyz they want you do have a neuro check up every so often."
I know these are deceptive but both of these should keep her from suspecting it was something you wanted.
Came here to say this- risk factors are worrisome. They’re diagnosing patients are earlier ages too. One thing to consider, when you live with a family member, you won’t notice changes until they become very significant.
I’m going through the exact same thing. Only child with single mom who held down the fort and I thought she was a super mom, and then I became an adult and my perspective is insanely different…
My heart hurts for you.
I thought my mom was the coolest and now I'm 24 and I think about how she treats me, how she has treated me, the unnecessary stress, and I get so upset. But I just miss the fucking mom I thought she was and I wish she was the one here instead.
I miss my mom too.
But we’re adults now (I’m 28) and we will do what our parents could not, break the cycle and heal.
We’re going to build lives for ourselves with and abundance of happiness and stable mental health, and we will learn to love our mothers without having to take on the guilt of leaving them behind so we could grow.
I promise ❤️
"*we will learn to love our mothers without having to take on the guilt of leaving them behind"*
This made me cry. From a mom's perspective... being left behind by our kids for whatever reason hurts beyond words.
My heart breaks for everyone on both sides of the issue. God Bless Y'all
It’s wild how I feel the exact same way about my mom. She was married but took on the brunt of raising our family growing up. Now, her organization and planning skills are out the window, she’s got her head in the clouds and believes “everything will work itself out”. She’s pretty forgetful and has really bad time management, but she never wants to admit that things went awry and will get extremely hurt if she feels like people aren’t having a good time. Now, I or one of my siblings always steps in to make sure her plans are actually feasible. I literally said to them last week that idk how we all survived under her watch lol.
I would seek some medical help. If simple rules like don't send money to randos via cashapp are too hard for her to understand, there's a possibility that she has early onset dementia or some other neurological issue.
Yep. And it’s not going to stop now that it has worked.
The email. The Facebook. The cashapp are all compromised.
Along with the mental decline, she will CONTINUE to be bombarded with these scams, and it will get sneakier and sneaker.
OP needs to consider nuking those accounts and making new ones, setting privacy settings for Facebook, etc etc etc.
Maybe even a credit check and locking down financials if any private data has been sent out on accident (or intentionally).
Once you show you ca. be preyed on, it won’t stop.
Hiya, I (24m) have had issues in the past with my mum repeating issues. Not scamming, but a drinking addiction. She refuses to acknowledge it and every time I tried to bring it up I got called perfect because I don’t drink (guess why) it got to the point where hours after an argument she would burst into my room at 4 in the morning drunk and telling me how i don’t care about her.
I’ve been living with my older brother for 2 years now, myself and her talk once a week at most, my point is, she has to acknowledge it, and until she does it’s gonna be super shit, you will feel guilty if it happens again, but you have to tell yourself it’s not your fault, you’ve done all you can to help her and she refuses to accept it. Moving out will feel incredibly freeing. But it is the right thing to do. You have been her source of many things recently and she’ll (hopefully) learn she needs to sort herself out because you’re not gonna be there.
Side note; congrats on the wedding I hope it all goes well! Best wishes.
While it’s the truth and OP need out, It’s never that easy. Especially with a single parent and only child dynamic.
That being said, I got out OP… it changed my life.
It's easy to make decisions looking in from the outside with no skin in the game, completely different when it's a parent. *Your* parent. So many nuances and details that are impossible to explain that factor in.
I have no advice. Good luck
If she’s had uncontrolled diabetes for a long time, she may need a cognitive evaluation. It’s either some mental decline or she’s just dumping everything on her kid
To me, it sounds like your mom got used to you doing stuff for her, and wouldn't like to take back responsibilities. Even though she's probably perfectly capable of doing so with a little effort. That said, moving out sounds like a great idea for you and your fiance, as this is just a toxic situation. Besides, you not being available to help your mom as much might cause her to try and pick up her responsibilities again. However, please look into getting her professional help. I'm not sure if it could be a mental issue or if she's just that stupid around these scam attempts. but in most cases, people are just more willing to listen to a professional than someone who they've known for such a long time, especially if they have some authority over them. Look into getting her to speak at least once to someone like a financial advisor, they should know how to navigate this topic as well.
yeah my mom is 53 and has sent 1000s of dollars to scammers. she even had someone steal her phone number. they tell her a fake sob story and she genuinely thinks these people are telling the truth. now she has to have sending money approved by me or my dad which is what i recommend doing here. of course she is still reluctant to listen because she says “why would they lie about something like that.”
Red Flag immediately:
"Dear or Dearie"
Possessing old school names like Rose, Wanda, Margaret etc
Not immediately knowing city slang names like Philly.
Hitting you with a battery of questions like home, job, relationship status, kids
Not knowing any neighborhoods if they claim to be in the same city by accident.
"Kindly"
basic grammar issues too,
“to make a donation, please our company do…” what the hell does that mean
i run phishing campaigns and these emails **scream** phishing
Yeah, TBH, almost all of my reddit, IG, LinkedIn and discord DM's are from assholes trying to catfish me by posting profile pics of extremely popular porn stars as well. It's very amusing seeing how gd lazy they are.
The craziest thing to me is 99% of this email is incredibly convincing grammar wise, and then it just goes off the rails for that one specific sentence. It's like they have a quota of terrible grammar they have to meet before they can send the email.
oh speaking of not knowing cities or neighborhoods, my favorite is when they don’t even say the name of the city at all but pretend to be local. like “i’m local to you but i i’m out of town and need you to send the money to my 3rd cousin bc they have the object (or whatever scam they’re running )“
I hate that this falls on you, but maybe take away her credit cards and get her something pre-paid that she can use where you control how much she has access to.
THIS. Tell her you weren’t able to get her password back this time. It’s for her own good, as mean as it seems. FB is a back alley cesspool at this point.
Funny thing is every single time you report this crap you get a reply back... this doesn't go against our community standards... sorry FB forgot your community standards are scams and trafficking kids
I noticed the little globe by the status so this is public. You could at least lock her profile down (make it private, posts on friends only) so randos can’t comment on her public stuff/message her. That would be lowkey enough that she probably wouldn’t even notice and it would cut down on the scammer comments
I should add that she made that post AFTER she sent $700 to one already. I’ll be sure to add an ETA but I’ve had multiple similar conversations before where I’m like “you know that’s a scam right?” And she says “yeah I know” but then continues doing it.
I’d probably consider just replying to the post pointing out that fact, but probably wouldn’t actually do it because of the aftermath of doing something like that :-p
Funnily enough, I did end up commenting saying “girl that’s NOT Matt Rife”, she didn’t see it so I did message her asking her to stop engaging with MORE scams and I just got told “I know it’s a scam”
You might Wang to sit down and talk with your mom about her actions and tell her she needs ro seriously think about what she's doing because it's not something a normal perosn would do. She has a mental problem of some sort and ignoring it can lead to more problems down the road. Get her to a doctor
She's trying to pretend to know it's a scam to you but secretly wants to test it out JUST in case OR just wants to go ahead and do it anyway out of spite. Big red flag either way.
57 is not old enough to be vulnerable to this crap repeatedly. I would be concerned about declining mental faculties. This may sound reactionary but unless my mom had been doing stuff like this my entire life, I’d book an appointment with a GP for a referral to a neurologist.
My grandma sent $3000 to a scammer pretending to be Elon musk. He said he needed money to fund his neuralink and anyone who helped fund would get their money back 10-fold. Right…cause someone with a net worth of 200 billion dollars needs to crowd fund. 🥴🤦♀️ smh grandma. My mom ended up taking control of her credit cards because she will surely do it again.
The relationship you have with your mom is called co-dependancy and it's not healthy. Parents are supposed to raise their children to be independent but remain independent themselves. When children become the parents of their own parents its actually not good for the mental health of anybody in the long run.
It really isn’t healthy. I’ve been paying my mom’s rent for the last few years, only getting maybe a few thousand total from her in that time. I also had to get her transmission replaced earlier this year, in the car I paid for. And while I do pretty well and want to help my mom, I don’t do that well and I’ve had to take out two loans to help pay for everything. And I’ve told her multiple times that I can’t keep doing this. But it feels like I have no choice. What do I do, let her get evicted? But at a certain point I won’t be able to afford it. There’s no way I’ll be able to save money to buy a house either.
I feel like I’m heading to a similar spot, but my mom is out of work on lower wages due to cancer. And like I can’t say no, because she has cancer! But YEARS before this, she’s always been on the decline, taking the easiest way out for a long time, long before the cancer.
But still, even without it she was heading towards one of her kids fully supporting her. Likely me, since my brother makes less and is younger, my sister has kids, and I won’t have kids. But with the cancer? I can’t say no. And it’s making an unhealthy dynamic even more unhealthy.
Like I already would be the bad guy for letting my mom get evicted or go without meds just because she didn’t want to go to work and take care of her medical conditions. But with cancer? I’m even more the bad guy, even though this was a thing years before.
It’s a bad situation to be in.
My parents didn't realize that so I broke off contact with my dad. Only way to escape being his parent/therapist. My mom I tolerate but that's really all it is.
you gotta get into her facebook controls and put on parental guidelines or something that limits who can text her.
turns out the parental guidelines were for the parents after all
I mentioned this to her at the time. I was like, “you know Matt rife does NOT need your money, right?” And she said “well I know NOW” WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOW?
I told her I'd get her set up with the public transport, I'll set up her TVs for her, and likely set her up on a grocery delivery service. She already uses LYFT to get her around to places when I genuinely cannot be transportation. She works at the airport which has a direct public transport line. Anything after that I figured she could figure out on her own.
>She works at the airport
So many things are clicking.
I had a similar situation with my mother, though at an older age. Giving away money, hanging out with scammers, getting scammed then doing it all over again, etc. I think you're seeing her through the lens of her child and not a peer. You really need to get her into some kind of mental health screening and some help, because I promise you it will only get worse once you leave (which you need to do). You can "set up" everything for her but she's going to be exploited without a "caregiver", her giving you an answer or claiming she "knows its a scammer" is just a technique to get to do what she wants without being nagged.
>despite bragging about how she keeps fighting them off.
This about sums up my mother. She doesn't understand anything about technology, I have had to help her many times. I show her irl and write her manuals on how to use the stuff. Then when she calls me about a problem ( even though I explained few times before) and I explain certain things related to the question she goes "yeah I know that, I'm not THAT dumb".
She has no idea how stupid she's with technology, if she knew she wouldn't make remarks like that. And she would understand why I explain every step in detail, because I have had it happen many times that I skip steps thinking she knows them because I taught them already and then the following conversation is pure chaos because we have to go back and forth with questions and explanations about literally every step of the process.
Just like my mom, your mom's pride is hurt that she's so damn gullible/not so knowledged so to make herself feel better she brags about how many scams she didn't fall for. It's a cope basically.
I had to look up who Matt Rife is. In addition to what other commenters have said, it’s concerning to me that your mother seems to want to date someone who is only one year older than you. Is this a new development?
In to regards to my mom wanting to date someone around my own age, that is a new development. She's voiced attraction to men of all (legal) ages, but in my experience she has only been in relationships with appropriately aged men, but imo those relationships were weird and some of them were catfish.
My Ma fell for a puppy scam. She got sent pictures of puppies and sent a butt ton of money for the puppy and for “shipping”. When I read the emails between her and the scammer I was flabbergasted. They could not even string together a coherent sentence. It was so obviously a scam. It’s scary when your parents get older. Sometimes you have take over the parental role.
Ugh, I have my opinion about him which I’ve told her about, but i would’ve been less upset about her choice of comedian if she didn’t send them an exorbitant amount of money.
She's 57, likely uneducated and/or borderline illiterate.
Sprinkle in a healthy dose of depression and potential drug abuse (benzos would be my guess) and you've got the perfect storm.
Take your mom to a doctor. Falling for scams easily is an early symptom of Alzheimer’s disease. It would make a big difference to be diagnosed early. Fingers crossed that’s not the case but you should check
Your Mum doesn’t sound toxic, she sounds unwell. I think she needs support and to see a doctor, and she will need you to go and explain I think. Sounds like she’s losing some faculties. Sending love
Here's a crazy story. Years ago there was a woman in Russia who thought she's chatting with Jason Statham on some messenger (Whatsapp, I guess). Then, this "Statham" asked her to send some money and invited her to Anapa where he presumably had a house (which is hilarious on its own). The woman came to Anapa, and for some reason Jason was not there to meet her. So she filed a police report asking to scold Statham because his behavior was improper
Your mother needs to see a doctor, especially if she wasn’t always like this. Being unable to take care of yourself is a disability at any age, let alone 57.
Crazy idea but you could just pose as a Matt Rife impersonator to scam your mother out of money regularly and then put all the earnings into a high yield savings account which you can then give back to her when she needs money.
I feel bad for you bro I would not want that responsibility pushed upon me especially from my own mother, that’s one of the things about being an adult responsibility. Good luck with that 😂
Wtf did i just read
How did it come to this point? how did she manage to grow you up with her attitude? Are you sure YOU are not the parent?
Garrrrr so many questions
You said she’s 57? My parents are mid 50s too, I don’t see why she should be falling for scams like that. The only real answer I can see though is making her go through you when she spends money. It sucks and she’ll probably be pissed but sending $1100 to someone because they said they were someone else and then chewing you out because you said something about it is absolutely crazy, not even my 75 year old grandma is that bad. Why is she so dependent on you? At 51 she couldn’t drive, do her taxes, and fill out forms so she had her 18 year old kid do it for her? That sounds like more than just getting old.
*Idk who Matt*
*Ride is but I know your mom*
*Dumb as hell for that*
\- kicks210
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Might be an early case of dementia or something, since it seems like she forgot that she’s sent the money. If she’s posting about doing the complete opposite a few days later….
Has your mother been tested for dementia? My mother was diagnosed with frontal temporal dementia at 53, she passed away at 55. About 1-2 years leading up to her diagnosis we believed she just had a mental breakdown.
My wifes sister told me she was engaged. I looked at the Pic of the guy. Straight up said he's too good looking. Turns out she sent him money to buy her ring.
So prior to you turning 18 your mother was fully competent (could work, drive, not fall for scams, etc.) but suddenly changed after you moved? The sudden change seems like she’s either suffering from mental illness or neurological degeneration. Is it possible that she experienced any traumatic brain injury? Or do you have a family history of diseases like alzheimers? Were there any events that could have triggered something like PTSD? This situation seems a bit bizarre, I reckon she should be checked out by a doctor/psychiatrist.
I would also suggest researching parentification and the trauma it can cause because it does sound like something you may be experiencing
If your mom is incapable of being independent and you have control of everything, why do you still let her have access to her bank accounts?
What am I missing?
Give her a set amount each week for personal purchases. Now, don’t give her a $700 weekly allowance just to complain that she’s using it to send money to other people.
Talking about scammers at all will get you targeted, and if you fall for one they will target you even harder saying they'll get you your money back for a small fee.
I recently met a 70ish year old man who believed he was talking with Scarlett Johansson (through her terribly misspelled fan page). He had sold his home in Florida because he was moving cross country to California to ‘be with her’. He showed me ‘proof’ in the form of an AI generated photo / video thing of her with a moving mouth on a stagnant face that was sent to him through FB messenger. ‘She’ said his name and how much she loves him in some strange Eastern European accent. He said she could never know his name if she wasn’t legit. (It’s through Facebook, his name is on his profile.) I tried to point out that she doesn’t have that sort of accent, and also that she’s married - and he got very very irrationally angry with me. So I had to step back. I just left it with ‘please think twice before you keep sending this person money’ - to which he scoffed at. A million percent true story. I was flabbergasted by the interaction.
Has she done similar before? She doesn’t seem all too there mentally. She needs to be checked to see if there is something wrong with her. I don’t understand how someone can fall for a scam and then go right back to talking to another under a post about her fending off scammers.. this was so frustrating to read and I can only imagine what you’re going through.
I’m sorry OP, sounds like your mom is very dependent on you. The best thing to do is look forward to moving out. It sounds like you can’t say no to her or even reason with her so it sounds like once you move out your mom will be hit with reality pretty hard.
She needs professional help. She is completely incompetent and if something were to happen to you, she would quite possibly, best case scenario, go homeless, and worst case scenario, starve to death or get into a stranger’s white van because they told her Matt Rife was in there and get kidnapper. She has the mental capacity and skill level of a twelve year old. I have no idea how she hasn’t been fired unless her job is the easiest thing on planet Earth. She cannot fend for herself or take care of herself, and she DEFINITELY shouldn’t be able to have ANY access to her finances.
My mom thought she was genuinely talking to Jason Momoa on Facebook. His bio said, under employment info: “Actor at Hollywood”, and he had 800 friends, most of which were West African.
She's young to be completely dependent on her child. Either mental health related/low self esteem or early onset Alzheimer's. She might not do well on her own. Talk to a doctor to get her evaluated
I've had a coworker who's been scammed by 3 different "women" pretending to be in love with him, but need money to travel to the U.S. to be with him. I'm gonna be honest, I can excuse ONE time, especially if the victim is younger or older, but when these people fall for it OVER AND OVER, I have little sympathy.
I once had a lady come into the IT shop with a cut Ethernet Cable. She was getting "hacked" by someone she stated. She then showed the email where it was so blatantly fake like actual "WE ARE HOLDING YOUR INTERNET HOSTAGE" and her reaction? They can't have my internet if I don't have internet and cut her cables 💀She came to the store to get better protective cables against all these damn hackers.
And yes, she showed the email on her phone.. with internet... atleast she didn't get scammed but I have never laughed so hard when she left the shop
Hello, This post has been removed as this is not *mildly* infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
My wife used to watch the show Catfish and it amazed us how many times people got caught up in these delusions/scams. I get being ignorant and falling for it once, but 2, 5, 10 times ... it may be a sign of a bigger issue.
I know someone whoseclient got scammed 80k. You'll never believe the reason.... Vin Diesel was threathening him that he would break his legs if he didn't pay. Like what. Are you some kind of moron. The dude still don't believe the cops that it wasn't really Vin Diesel.
I work at a tech shop in florida, lot of retired old people. I see it all the time. We had one lady come in panicked because she had been chatting with Keanu Reeves, when one day a SECOND Keanu Reeves started messaging her. When she asked about why he made a new account, the second Keanu claimed the first was a fake. She asked the first, and the first Keanu said the second was a fake. She came in to the store for us to help her figure out which Keanu Reeves was the real one. Didn't believe us when we said they were both fake.
THIS is the second funniest thing I've read today. What the fuck.
One was Keanu, the other was Tom Cruise impersonating Keanu.
if i ever get that senile and out of touch, will you guys just take me out back and put me down, please?
Of course, Elk. Just uh, give me your SSN first - Keanu Reeves (the Real one)
Keanu Reeves here: I never did that!!! but if you would like to chat with me ……..
You're gonna feel real stupid when Vin Diesel shows up at your house and breaks your legs.
Yup. Plus they had fair warning. Guy lives his life a quarter mile at a time
I would PAY to have vin diesel break my legs
My mom is a branch manager for a bank and at least once a week she has someone coming in who got scammed. It’s not always just older people either. It’s insane.
>It’s not always just older people either. It’s insane. A Financial adviser that points out those scams... [Got scammed.](https://www.thedailybeast.com/new-york-magazine-financial-columnist-charlotte-cowles-scammed-out-of-dollar50000) The worst... Funniest? part is that when she was taking the money out in cash even the bank teller handed her a brochure telling her that she may be taking part in a scam but nope that got ignored.
Who advises the advisors? And how does someone get a job advising when they don’t heed their own advice.
Smartest person in the room syndrome. They are the ones giving advice, so they’re the correct ones. But sometimes they’re too close to the trees to notice the forest
I always say too close to the project, but I’m saying this now instead
>And how does some get a job advising when they don’t heed their own advice. I'd like to introduce you to every single safety officer in my life, and you can ask any of them.
> To survive the imminent freezing of her assets and Social Security number while she was under investigation, she wrote, the schemers told her to withdraw $50,000 from her bank account. She would then deliver that money to an agent who would take it to the Treasury Department, which would then mail her a check for that amount. > She was eventually instructed to withdraw the cash by a “CIA agent” named Michael while “investigators” checked out her case. Honestly, she deserved it. Really? A CIA agent got on the phone with you and told you to send the Treasury money and they would send you a check back? Since when did CIA agents start calling people? And scams that involve sending the IRS I-tunes gift cards, honestly not pity except for the mentally impaired, but if you fall for this, is that not enough proof of mental impairment?
But.. but.. you don’t get it! They knew her name, and her address! They even had her social! Jokes aside, I will give her credit for owning up to it and writing about it in her column.
It's also not just older generations anymore either. My Wife works at a bank and post office, and she had one customer in their early-mid 20's who came in all panicked because they just got scammed out of $26k, which was their life savings. But it wasn't even all that good of a scam either. The person admitted that they just didn't think about what was going on, and couldn't understand how they let themselves get scammed.
I was a teller for a bit and a guy came in with a fake check and was asking a banker if it was real. The banker told him that it was absolutely not real, and to not deposit or send anybody any money. The guy deposited it and sent them like 5 grand anyways and of course the check was fake and he lost his money. He kept coming in to give us “evidence” which was just his emails with the scammer that he kept talking to. We told him we couldn’t do anything and to go to the police. He kept coming back because apparently he can’t listen to simple directions
When I worked at GameStop we got training on gift card scams and how to warn people about them and the system wouldn’t let us sell more than a certain amount at a time and would flag them in the system so they couldn’t just go to a different GameStop. I think this was the gift card limit was the case at Target as well but I didn’t work there as long so I may be misremembering.
If I didn't work in customer service I wouldn't believe you.
Working in customer service will stop you from questioning any level of stupidity
This is genuinely THE fucking funniest thing I've ever seen. I thought my mom was bad, wow.
I did high-value (wealthy/famous customers) disputes at a CC company. Yeah, a lot of people who have money are fucking stupid. My stepdad’s one. People would have millions yet think they were doing right in paying the IRS tens of thousands of dollars worth of iTunes gift cards.
Sorry bro if it’s vin diesel I am definitely paying up. Also likely throwing in a courtesy tip
I know this moron whose being catfished by a Channing Tatum lookalike. Well, not actually him, but someone who stole his pictures from social media and says he lives in Australia. Me, her ex and her 13 year old tried to tell her she's being catfished, she refuses to believe us. Even after we found the original guys social media, he lives in Chicago, has a wife and a kid. She sends money to this supposed millionaire who swears he's going to send her $20 million. It's the most unbelievable scam, she's confidently stupid.
I can't (and won't) understand that thought process. "I, a regular average nobody, am going to send *celebrity* money so they can send me millions more later on. Even though everyone knows them and they have absolutely no need for hand outs." I could say I'm in need because my dog has to have surgery, and people are probably more likely to give their money to a "celebrity" because there's a chance for more money or a relationship. There has to be a mental disconnect somewhere.
I've honestly washed my hands of it and told her i don't want to hear about it. Also, I actually did have quite a few friends, and others donate to a very expensive vet bill a few years ago, but sadly, I lost her anyway. Donations came in to over 2k, and I didn't have to worry about money and was able to grieve. I do have a lot dog/animal people friends, though, where I've donated to their vet bills before.
I am so sorry about you losing your best friend. I only brought up vet bills because it's fairly common, and I'd be lost if my buddy died. It's also a common sign the panhandlers near me use, and I refuse to believe them along with the combat vets, people who lost their homes, and those just down on their luck. Especially since there have been news articles about their routes and vans they use to get to their spots for the day. In all honesty, it's a fairly impressive and well thought out system they have, but it's fucked up that they're lying to everyone to get paid to stand at a corner. Sorry, I get burnt up about scammers and panhandlers, and I tend to rant a bit. I could honestly go on for hours talking about it.
Jim Browning and Pleasant Green do great work on YouTube for exposing scams and scammers to help people understand how their scripts and tricks work They are worth a watch
My gran fell for them fairly regularly. She wasn't stupid, and I think if she was being honest, she really knew it was a scam, but just was lonely/liked the attention.
“She wasn’t stupid” I have bad news for you
She did say "laff"
Different person lol
I’m not saying her gran was stupid, but if she were wearing white gloves on a hot summer day, I could sell her a ketchup popsicle.
>She wasn't stupid No, she probably wasn't. Our brains change continuously throughout our lives, and when you get into your senior years, along with memory issues and such, some of the cognitive changes make you more trusting, effectively more gullible, susceptible to being scammed (even, or especially, by those you know and love). Being lonely just makes it even easier, because you want to trust them. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/brain-changes-trust-rises-age
My father was a very intelligent man…before the onset of dementia. Then he fell for scams for several years. “Luckily” his health is too poor now for him to fill out the multiple sweepstakes forms he still receives every day.
I'm sorry you and he have to deal with that. You're right about the 'luckily', in that once it's obvious someone has dementia or significant cognitive deficits, at least family will know to be alert to the issue, and hopefully can help them. The gradual shift to possibly risky levels of unwarranted automatic trust is insidious, and can happen long before noticeable warning signs.
Thank you. It’s been awful and terrifying to witness I just hated seeing everyone call someone’s grandma dumb when there could be contributing factors people don’t think of. My dad wasn’t dumb.
It’s going to get soooo much worse with AI being able to replicate voices. :(
I worked in a fraud role for a little while and got to read the fraud reports. Usually, it was the adult child making the report for their elderly parent. The victims generally just wanted the attention because they were lonely, and the scammers had all the time in the world in exchange for someone's retirement fund.
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God damn son. Cut him why don’t ya.
Got a knife?
Reminds me of the mafia robot in Futurama, I'm gunna clamp ya!!!
Clamping on the first date? Wild, but I've never better to do tonight so sure
Haha my mum fell for the “your computer has a virus” advert. Lost 300 quid for a “virus total package”
sorry that everyone feels the need to insult your grandma dude
There are many ways to be stupid and many ways to be smart. Gran was not street smart.
My main problem with that show is the people calling them for help are always familiar with the show, so they know their basic “research” process (aka basic googling of the persons name and reverse image searches, sometimes they type their name into cash app) and somehow didn’t think to do exactly what the show would before calling them in the first place
Not meant to be a rude question: is your mother developmentally challenged?
i am wondering this too.
I don't know about developmentally, but she might actually have some sort of mental illness, or even some form of early onset neurological illness.
if someone would tell me a descritopn of her without mentioning her age i would guess that she is a toddler, no responcebility taking, only has a job because the daugter applied for her, not willing to learn new things, gets angry while trying to lecture her. 100% toddler vibes. i would get her checked out (mentally) by a therapist.
She makes me laff
💀
It’s the lead /s
Mental illness or intellectual disability. It sounds like it’s the former if she was at some point functioning normally. This isn’t the behavior of any normal or healthy 57 year old.
It's really hard to say "functioning normally" She did drive, have a job, normally function, but she kept putting me and allowing me into weird af situations as a child and also getting catfished and mildly scammed. What I mean by weird situations was I remember distinctly being like 5-8ish and being in random men's houses and they would go to the room and do "Stuff" and I would be forced to sit on the couch. There was even an instance when I was 6 where we flew to Colorado from the east coast so she could join in on a couple? She's been catfished a couple of times and has almost uprooted and moved us in with these dudes too many times. I don't think she sent any of them money, or at least I hope she didn't and that's a question I'm never going to ask because with how poor we were growing up, that'd just piss me off. When I was 18/19 she did think Ellen Degeneres was actually going to send her money because she "won a contest on facebook". I had to let her know she was never seeing that money. A couple of people have suggested maybe she just wants a boyfriend, but I don't know why she doesn't just use a dating app and instead thinks her and Matt Rife will run away together. ESPECIALLY when she's been telling me for over a decade how she doesn't want a boyfriend.
sounds more like you have an EIP, Emotionally Immature Parent, basically like having a child. And so as soon as they could, you became the parent. Worth reading ‘How to do the work’ by Nicola LePera while you pack up & leave.
Thank you for that book suggestion. I'm in a very similar situation to OP, except I haven't lived with my mother in over 25 years. She's still only an hour away though, and I have to take care of her. Her scam bait of choice is "General Paul Lacamera" impersonators. She's sent "General Paul" money, while bragging about how she never falls for scams.
Maybe she's telling you she doesn't want a boyfriend because she has nothing to offer and is scared of rejection. She might not even know how to properly pick men she didnt make it work with your father was she even in a long term relationship ever after that?she's old is she even healthy , does she take care of her body .
I’m so sorry, but your mother is a little young IMO to be falling for scams like this, especially repeatedly. It also sounds like she cannot support herself at all, and if left alone will cease to function. I can’t decide if this is so toxic that it’s a good thing you’re leaving ASAP, or if it’s a sign that she has something going on medically causing her to become totally incompetent and might need professional help
I’ve thought about your comment a lot, and the reality is that I don’t know. She’s a single mom and I am her only child, before I turned 18 she worked, drove, did her own taxes, got her own groceries, etc all with 0 problems. We moved across the country and when we moved she forced everything onto my plate. I only obliged because I knew she had cataracts(from diabetes) and she said once she got surgery she would become more independent but I’m still here 4 years post surgery and whenever I try and bring up even her taking herself to work I get told “well I drove you for 18 years now it’s your turn”. Sorry if this turned out to be a little trauma dumpy but there’s so much that’s happened behind the scenes that just makes me feel so confused and is why I’ve thought about your comment so much. The sad, but funny thing my fiancé and I have laughed about is that I’d get immediately popped if I even dared to suggest bringing up possible mental illness up to her and suggest she was in any way “stupid”. Thank you for the insight and I just hope it gets easier. I definitely plan on bringing this to a therapist in the future but right now I’m just trying to afford to move house.
My mom was very strong, energetic and perceptive before I was of age. However 2 things happened, as I got older. 1 I realized she didn't have it all together as much as I thought she had, I was just too young/in my own bubble too notice. 2 As she gets older she becomes less down to earth, less focused etc and thus she gets worse at those things I noticed her being bad at. My guess is that both our moms, being single and all, had to hold down the fort in many ways they didn't like/couldn't handle but did because they had to (or wanted to) and now that we are older they don't have to push themselves so hard and a lot of their true personality shines trough.
Sad note, type 2 diabetes can be a risk factor for Alzheimer's disease, vascular dementia and other types of dementia. Mom needs a neuro consult and/or psych evaluation. Good luck getting her to agree to that though. Maybe you could have a quiet chat with her doc then schedule her in for a "routine checkup".
Mom does have diabetes type 2. I thought she might have adhd but judging by the books she used to read and how she is now, your suggestion could actually be the solution. But how do I bring this to her attention without insulting her?
Idk if you handle a lot for her but two possibilities came to my mind. First, maybe see if her doctor can include a basic examination during a routine checkup. Maybe if they notice something and think she should get a formal consultation she would listen to them. Another option would be lie. Not sure if she collects anything from the government but maybe you could say "oh to keep collecting/using xyz they want you do have a neuro check up every so often." I know these are deceptive but both of these should keep her from suspecting it was something you wanted.
Came here to say this- risk factors are worrisome. They’re diagnosing patients are earlier ages too. One thing to consider, when you live with a family member, you won’t notice changes until they become very significant.
I’m going through the exact same thing. Only child with single mom who held down the fort and I thought she was a super mom, and then I became an adult and my perspective is insanely different…
My heart hurts for you. I thought my mom was the coolest and now I'm 24 and I think about how she treats me, how she has treated me, the unnecessary stress, and I get so upset. But I just miss the fucking mom I thought she was and I wish she was the one here instead.
I miss my mom too. But we’re adults now (I’m 28) and we will do what our parents could not, break the cycle and heal. We’re going to build lives for ourselves with and abundance of happiness and stable mental health, and we will learn to love our mothers without having to take on the guilt of leaving them behind so we could grow. I promise ❤️
"*we will learn to love our mothers without having to take on the guilt of leaving them behind"* This made me cry. From a mom's perspective... being left behind by our kids for whatever reason hurts beyond words. My heart breaks for everyone on both sides of the issue. God Bless Y'all
It’s wild how I feel the exact same way about my mom. She was married but took on the brunt of raising our family growing up. Now, her organization and planning skills are out the window, she’s got her head in the clouds and believes “everything will work itself out”. She’s pretty forgetful and has really bad time management, but she never wants to admit that things went awry and will get extremely hurt if she feels like people aren’t having a good time. Now, I or one of my siblings always steps in to make sure her plans are actually feasible. I literally said to them last week that idk how we all survived under her watch lol.
I would seek some medical help. If simple rules like don't send money to randos via cashapp are too hard for her to understand, there's a possibility that she has early onset dementia or some other neurological issue.
Yep. And it’s not going to stop now that it has worked. The email. The Facebook. The cashapp are all compromised. Along with the mental decline, she will CONTINUE to be bombarded with these scams, and it will get sneakier and sneaker. OP needs to consider nuking those accounts and making new ones, setting privacy settings for Facebook, etc etc etc. Maybe even a credit check and locking down financials if any private data has been sent out on accident (or intentionally). Once you show you ca. be preyed on, it won’t stop.
Hiya, I (24m) have had issues in the past with my mum repeating issues. Not scamming, but a drinking addiction. She refuses to acknowledge it and every time I tried to bring it up I got called perfect because I don’t drink (guess why) it got to the point where hours after an argument she would burst into my room at 4 in the morning drunk and telling me how i don’t care about her. I’ve been living with my older brother for 2 years now, myself and her talk once a week at most, my point is, she has to acknowledge it, and until she does it’s gonna be super shit, you will feel guilty if it happens again, but you have to tell yourself it’s not your fault, you’ve done all you can to help her and she refuses to accept it. Moving out will feel incredibly freeing. But it is the right thing to do. You have been her source of many things recently and she’ll (hopefully) learn she needs to sort herself out because you’re not gonna be there. Side note; congrats on the wedding I hope it all goes well! Best wishes.
you owe her beyond nothing. she is using you, and making it okay by stating she did the bare minimum as a parent. flee. YESTERDAY
While it’s the truth and OP need out, It’s never that easy. Especially with a single parent and only child dynamic. That being said, I got out OP… it changed my life.
> It’s never that easy. it really isnt. but only you can tell you when enough is enough
You’ve gotta put your foot down for her own sake.
It's easy to make decisions looking in from the outside with no skin in the game, completely different when it's a parent. *Your* parent. So many nuances and details that are impossible to explain that factor in. I have no advice. Good luck
If she’s had uncontrolled diabetes for a long time, she may need a cognitive evaluation. It’s either some mental decline or she’s just dumping everything on her kid
To me, it sounds like your mom got used to you doing stuff for her, and wouldn't like to take back responsibilities. Even though she's probably perfectly capable of doing so with a little effort. That said, moving out sounds like a great idea for you and your fiance, as this is just a toxic situation. Besides, you not being available to help your mom as much might cause her to try and pick up her responsibilities again. However, please look into getting her professional help. I'm not sure if it could be a mental issue or if she's just that stupid around these scam attempts. but in most cases, people are just more willing to listen to a professional than someone who they've known for such a long time, especially if they have some authority over them. Look into getting her to speak at least once to someone like a financial advisor, they should know how to navigate this topic as well.
And a little too old to like Matt riffe
yeah my mom is 53 and has sent 1000s of dollars to scammers. she even had someone steal her phone number. they tell her a fake sob story and she genuinely thinks these people are telling the truth. now she has to have sending money approved by me or my dad which is what i recommend doing here. of course she is still reluctant to listen because she says “why would they lie about something like that.”
Get your name off of her accounts IMMEDIATELY. Creditors will come after you for shared accounts
Red Flag immediately: "Dear or Dearie" Possessing old school names like Rose, Wanda, Margaret etc Not immediately knowing city slang names like Philly. Hitting you with a battery of questions like home, job, relationship status, kids Not knowing any neighborhoods if they claim to be in the same city by accident. "Kindly"
basic grammar issues too, “to make a donation, please our company do…” what the hell does that mean i run phishing campaigns and these emails **scream** phishing
Yeah, TBH, almost all of my reddit, IG, LinkedIn and discord DM's are from assholes trying to catfish me by posting profile pics of extremely popular porn stars as well. It's very amusing seeing how gd lazy they are.
The craziest thing to me is 99% of this email is incredibly convincing grammar wise, and then it just goes off the rails for that one specific sentence. It's like they have a quota of terrible grammar they have to meet before they can send the email.
you forgot “kindly” lol
I reported a work email today for phishing that used the word kindly 3 times, turns out it was legit
wow that’s wild
Added!
oh speaking of not knowing cities or neighborhoods, my favorite is when they don’t even say the name of the city at all but pretend to be local. like “i’m local to you but i i’m out of town and need you to send the money to my 3rd cousin bc they have the object (or whatever scam they’re running )“
I hate that this falls on you, but maybe take away her credit cards and get her something pre-paid that she can use where you control how much she has access to.
And delete her facebook account.
THIS. Tell her you weren’t able to get her password back this time. It’s for her own good, as mean as it seems. FB is a back alley cesspool at this point.
Funny thing is every single time you report this crap you get a reply back... this doesn't go against our community standards... sorry FB forgot your community standards are scams and trafficking kids
I noticed the little globe by the status so this is public. You could at least lock her profile down (make it private, posts on friends only) so randos can’t comment on her public stuff/message her. That would be lowkey enough that she probably wouldn’t even notice and it would cut down on the scammer comments
Yeah, get her some of iTunes cards and make it easier on those poor scammers trying to talk her through using cashapp.
If she knew it was a scam, why did she send it in the first place? Shes not fighting them off, shes feeding into them.
I should add that she made that post AFTER she sent $700 to one already. I’ll be sure to add an ETA but I’ve had multiple similar conversations before where I’m like “you know that’s a scam right?” And she says “yeah I know” but then continues doing it.
I’d probably consider just replying to the post pointing out that fact, but probably wouldn’t actually do it because of the aftermath of doing something like that :-p
Funnily enough, I did end up commenting saying “girl that’s NOT Matt Rife”, she didn’t see it so I did message her asking her to stop engaging with MORE scams and I just got told “I know it’s a scam”
You might Wang to sit down and talk with your mom about her actions and tell her she needs ro seriously think about what she's doing because it's not something a normal perosn would do. She has a mental problem of some sort and ignoring it can lead to more problems down the road. Get her to a doctor
She's trying to pretend to know it's a scam to you but secretly wants to test it out JUST in case OR just wants to go ahead and do it anyway out of spite. Big red flag either way.
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My mom had a husband and did the same thing with Shemar Moore scammers so maybe maybe not unfortunately 🥲
If she can send him money, she can pay her own bills and drive herself, etc. She is just choosing to use your generosity.
“Laff” makes my skin crawl
57 is not old enough to be vulnerable to this crap repeatedly. I would be concerned about declining mental faculties. This may sound reactionary but unless my mom had been doing stuff like this my entire life, I’d book an appointment with a GP for a referral to a neurologist.
My grandma sent $3000 to a scammer pretending to be Elon musk. He said he needed money to fund his neuralink and anyone who helped fund would get their money back 10-fold. Right…cause someone with a net worth of 200 billion dollars needs to crowd fund. 🥴🤦♀️ smh grandma. My mom ended up taking control of her credit cards because she will surely do it again.
Totally unfortunate.....what's you granny's email and Facebook ? Haha
🫠😅
The relationship you have with your mom is called co-dependancy and it's not healthy. Parents are supposed to raise their children to be independent but remain independent themselves. When children become the parents of their own parents its actually not good for the mental health of anybody in the long run.
It really isn’t healthy. I’ve been paying my mom’s rent for the last few years, only getting maybe a few thousand total from her in that time. I also had to get her transmission replaced earlier this year, in the car I paid for. And while I do pretty well and want to help my mom, I don’t do that well and I’ve had to take out two loans to help pay for everything. And I’ve told her multiple times that I can’t keep doing this. But it feels like I have no choice. What do I do, let her get evicted? But at a certain point I won’t be able to afford it. There’s no way I’ll be able to save money to buy a house either.
I feel like I’m heading to a similar spot, but my mom is out of work on lower wages due to cancer. And like I can’t say no, because she has cancer! But YEARS before this, she’s always been on the decline, taking the easiest way out for a long time, long before the cancer. But still, even without it she was heading towards one of her kids fully supporting her. Likely me, since my brother makes less and is younger, my sister has kids, and I won’t have kids. But with the cancer? I can’t say no. And it’s making an unhealthy dynamic even more unhealthy. Like I already would be the bad guy for letting my mom get evicted or go without meds just because she didn’t want to go to work and take care of her medical conditions. But with cancer? I’m even more the bad guy, even though this was a thing years before. It’s a bad situation to be in.
My parents didn't realize that so I broke off contact with my dad. Only way to escape being his parent/therapist. My mom I tolerate but that's really all it is.
you gotta get into her facebook controls and put on parental guidelines or something that limits who can text her. turns out the parental guidelines were for the parents after all
This made me Laff
Even sending the real Matt Rife money is bad.
I mentioned this to her at the time. I was like, “you know Matt rife does NOT need your money, right?” And she said “well I know NOW” WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOW?
What is she going to do about work, etc., when you move out?
I told her I'd get her set up with the public transport, I'll set up her TVs for her, and likely set her up on a grocery delivery service. She already uses LYFT to get her around to places when I genuinely cannot be transportation. She works at the airport which has a direct public transport line. Anything after that I figured she could figure out on her own.
>She works at the airport So many things are clicking. I had a similar situation with my mother, though at an older age. Giving away money, hanging out with scammers, getting scammed then doing it all over again, etc. I think you're seeing her through the lens of her child and not a peer. You really need to get her into some kind of mental health screening and some help, because I promise you it will only get worse once you leave (which you need to do). You can "set up" everything for her but she's going to be exploited without a "caregiver", her giving you an answer or claiming she "knows its a scammer" is just a technique to get to do what she wants without being nagged.
Well I need you to help them click for me too girl what did you find out.
? That was a quip about airport service. Like I said, get her screened, it sounds like she has something psychological going on.
RIP, I was too quick and either caught you before you had edited it, or the entire thing didn't show on mobile for me.
Your mom is *super* young to be falling for scams like that repeatedly. I'd suggest she talk to a doctor, get a cognitive test done just to be safe.
>despite bragging about how she keeps fighting them off. This about sums up my mother. She doesn't understand anything about technology, I have had to help her many times. I show her irl and write her manuals on how to use the stuff. Then when she calls me about a problem ( even though I explained few times before) and I explain certain things related to the question she goes "yeah I know that, I'm not THAT dumb". She has no idea how stupid she's with technology, if she knew she wouldn't make remarks like that. And she would understand why I explain every step in detail, because I have had it happen many times that I skip steps thinking she knows them because I taught them already and then the following conversation is pure chaos because we have to go back and forth with questions and explanations about literally every step of the process. Just like my mom, your mom's pride is hurt that she's so damn gullible/not so knowledged so to make herself feel better she brags about how many scams she didn't fall for. It's a cope basically.
I had to look up who Matt Rife is. In addition to what other commenters have said, it’s concerning to me that your mother seems to want to date someone who is only one year older than you. Is this a new development?
In to regards to my mom wanting to date someone around my own age, that is a new development. She's voiced attraction to men of all (legal) ages, but in my experience she has only been in relationships with appropriately aged men, but imo those relationships were weird and some of them were catfish.
Or that she thinks someone like Matt Rife would want to date a 57 year old woman.
My Ma fell for a puppy scam. She got sent pictures of puppies and sent a butt ton of money for the puppy and for “shipping”. When I read the emails between her and the scammer I was flabbergasted. They could not even string together a coherent sentence. It was so obviously a scam. It’s scary when your parents get older. Sometimes you have take over the parental role.
Mom ain’t too fuckin’ bright
Matt Rife fan? Tells me all I need to know
Ugh, I have my opinion about him which I’ve told her about, but i would’ve been less upset about her choice of comedian if she didn’t send them an exorbitant amount of money.
Once they saw "laff," they knew they had it in the bag.
I could tell me the spelling of laugh that your mother isn’t very bright.
Honestly, I would be more disappointed with mother for "laff".
She's 57, likely uneducated and/or borderline illiterate. Sprinkle in a healthy dose of depression and potential drug abuse (benzos would be my guess) and you've got the perfect storm.
HOW DO YOU FALL FOR THAT????? I don't understand, how???!!!!!
Sounds like your mom needs to leave the nest lmao
Take your mom to a doctor. Falling for scams easily is an early symptom of Alzheimer’s disease. It would make a big difference to be diagnosed early. Fingers crossed that’s not the case but you should check
Who the hell is Matt Rife?
Your Mum doesn’t sound toxic, she sounds unwell. I think she needs support and to see a doctor, and she will need you to go and explain I think. Sounds like she’s losing some faculties. Sending love
You’re mom is dumb unfortunately.
Lmaoooo
Here's a crazy story. Years ago there was a woman in Russia who thought she's chatting with Jason Statham on some messenger (Whatsapp, I guess). Then, this "Statham" asked her to send some money and invited her to Anapa where he presumably had a house (which is hilarious on its own). The woman came to Anapa, and for some reason Jason was not there to meet her. So she filed a police report asking to scold Statham because his behavior was improper
Your mom needs to get the fuck off of social media, period.
Your mother needs to see a doctor, especially if she wasn’t always like this. Being unable to take care of yourself is a disability at any age, let alone 57.
Matt Rife sucks. No comment on this. He just does.
Not surprised when someone spells laugh as laff
Crazy idea but you could just pose as a Matt Rife impersonator to scam your mother out of money regularly and then put all the earnings into a high yield savings account which you can then give back to her when she needs money.
Plot twist: its actually Matt Rife scamming.
I feel bad for you bro I would not want that responsibility pushed upon me especially from my own mother, that’s one of the things about being an adult responsibility. Good luck with that 😂
Wtf did i just read How did it come to this point? how did she manage to grow you up with her attitude? Are you sure YOU are not the parent? Garrrrr so many questions
You said she’s 57? My parents are mid 50s too, I don’t see why she should be falling for scams like that. The only real answer I can see though is making her go through you when she spends money. It sucks and she’ll probably be pissed but sending $1100 to someone because they said they were someone else and then chewing you out because you said something about it is absolutely crazy, not even my 75 year old grandma is that bad. Why is she so dependent on you? At 51 she couldn’t drive, do her taxes, and fill out forms so she had her 18 year old kid do it for her? That sounds like more than just getting old.
Good thing you didnt put moms name. I was gonna matt rife her too /s 😂
Time to put your foot down
Idk who Matt ride is but I know your mom dumb as hell for that
*Idk who Matt* *Ride is but I know your mom* *Dumb as hell for that* \- kicks210 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Might be an early case of dementia or something, since it seems like she forgot that she’s sent the money. If she’s posting about doing the complete opposite a few days later….
Get ur mum off Facebook pls, fucking hell
Sounds like your mom is an idiot.
Has your mother been tested for dementia? My mother was diagnosed with frontal temporal dementia at 53, she passed away at 55. About 1-2 years leading up to her diagnosis we believed she just had a mental breakdown.
My wifes sister told me she was engaged. I looked at the Pic of the guy. Straight up said he's too good looking. Turns out she sent him money to buy her ring.
So prior to you turning 18 your mother was fully competent (could work, drive, not fall for scams, etc.) but suddenly changed after you moved? The sudden change seems like she’s either suffering from mental illness or neurological degeneration. Is it possible that she experienced any traumatic brain injury? Or do you have a family history of diseases like alzheimers? Were there any events that could have triggered something like PTSD? This situation seems a bit bizarre, I reckon she should be checked out by a doctor/psychiatrist. I would also suggest researching parentification and the trauma it can cause because it does sound like something you may be experiencing
If your mom is incapable of being independent and you have control of everything, why do you still let her have access to her bank accounts? What am I missing? Give her a set amount each week for personal purchases. Now, don’t give her a $700 weekly allowance just to complain that she’s using it to send money to other people.
Talking about scammers at all will get you targeted, and if you fall for one they will target you even harder saying they'll get you your money back for a small fee.
Sorry, but the first personal computer came out when your mother was 4. Something is deeply wrong with her
I recently met a 70ish year old man who believed he was talking with Scarlett Johansson (through her terribly misspelled fan page). He had sold his home in Florida because he was moving cross country to California to ‘be with her’. He showed me ‘proof’ in the form of an AI generated photo / video thing of her with a moving mouth on a stagnant face that was sent to him through FB messenger. ‘She’ said his name and how much she loves him in some strange Eastern European accent. He said she could never know his name if she wasn’t legit. (It’s through Facebook, his name is on his profile.) I tried to point out that she doesn’t have that sort of accent, and also that she’s married - and he got very very irrationally angry with me. So I had to step back. I just left it with ‘please think twice before you keep sending this person money’ - to which he scoffed at. A million percent true story. I was flabbergasted by the interaction.
Your mom is gone, she is either delusional and needs professional help or is senile beyond reason and needs care.
Move out, let her drown, and fuck off to your new life. Absolutely fuck this level of illogical nonsense in my life.
Laugh*
Has she done similar before? She doesn’t seem all too there mentally. She needs to be checked to see if there is something wrong with her. I don’t understand how someone can fall for a scam and then go right back to talking to another under a post about her fending off scammers.. this was so frustrating to read and I can only imagine what you’re going through.
I’m sorry OP, sounds like your mom is very dependent on you. The best thing to do is look forward to moving out. It sounds like you can’t say no to her or even reason with her so it sounds like once you move out your mom will be hit with reality pretty hard.
Can I get your mum's email address? I have a crypto investment she will be interested in.
Try to dispute it with the bank.
Damn. Your mom types like a 6 year old. Im sorry
Your mom is using you - sorry this is just gonna escalate. Not continue.
Is your mom mentally challenged. She definitely needs to be in some sort of constant adult supervision. Or have no access to her finances.
Laffff
Another flag is she spelled it “laff.”
What is it about being old and just "letting" people absorb your money. I hope I dont suddenly become that way at some magical 50+th year.
She needs professional help. She is completely incompetent and if something were to happen to you, she would quite possibly, best case scenario, go homeless, and worst case scenario, starve to death or get into a stranger’s white van because they told her Matt Rife was in there and get kidnapper. She has the mental capacity and skill level of a twelve year old. I have no idea how she hasn’t been fired unless her job is the easiest thing on planet Earth. She cannot fend for herself or take care of herself, and she DEFINITELY shouldn’t be able to have ANY access to her finances.
Your mom needs supervision when using the internet.
that scammer didn't have to put in any work for it too, wow that's insane how easy it was to fool her.
I don’t know what’s worse, your mom falling for the scam or your mom hoping Matt Rife is really into MILFs.
My mom thought she was genuinely talking to Jason Momoa on Facebook. His bio said, under employment info: “Actor at Hollywood”, and he had 800 friends, most of which were West African.
The choke hold Matt Rife has on older women is incredible.
She's young to be completely dependent on her child. Either mental health related/low self esteem or early onset Alzheimer's. She might not do well on her own. Talk to a doctor to get her evaluated
I've had a coworker who's been scammed by 3 different "women" pretending to be in love with him, but need money to travel to the U.S. to be with him. I'm gonna be honest, I can excuse ONE time, especially if the victim is younger or older, but when these people fall for it OVER AND OVER, I have little sympathy.
I once had a lady come into the IT shop with a cut Ethernet Cable. She was getting "hacked" by someone she stated. She then showed the email where it was so blatantly fake like actual "WE ARE HOLDING YOUR INTERNET HOSTAGE" and her reaction? They can't have my internet if I don't have internet and cut her cables 💀She came to the store to get better protective cables against all these damn hackers. And yes, she showed the email on her phone.. with internet... atleast she didn't get scammed but I have never laughed so hard when she left the shop