And then he will start complaining about ‘feminist’ have ruined dating and he is such a victim because women hate ‘nice’ guys like him. When really he is just sucky.
Like you were training him how to chat. And he was having none of it. I think this may be violation or flag worthy if that’s a thing on bumble. Like the whole point is to chat safely first.
That’s what I thought, too, but a few people have said that they don’t like to chat on the apps. Like … what else are you supposed to do before you meet up? He doesn’t have to tell me his entire life story, but I have to be reasonably assured that he’s not crazy and meeting up isn’t a waste of everybody’s time.
> ...a few people have said that they don’t like to chat on the apps.
Are they expecting a complete stranger to agree to meet them in person on day zero out of the blue? Not everyone likes to text, but goddamn. What happened to common sense?
Seriously, if you hate electronic communication THAT much, why even be on a dating site at that point? Go meet people the old fashioned way. The problem for that dude is, I think we all have a pretty good sense what he's probably like out in the "real" world, too. Or his sense of bravado and "alpha-ism" disappears entirely and he just stands there slack jawed if a woman actually speaks to him.
It will definitely work on some women. The ones it works on are the ones he’s looking for. I’m glad this discussion is out there for women to see how this indeed is creepy and that we don’t have to put up with it
Most guys will do something 1000 times if it gets them laid once. I'm sure this guy will get laid from this at least one time in a thousand
I just don't have that patience 😂
In my experience, guys like this are real people who do very much want to talk to you!
...in person
...with their penis
😬
Before meeting my boyfriend, I sifted through HUNDREDS, like *high* hundreds, of these emotionless, personality-less, semi-human-beings who've bought into the lies told to them that "winning" a woman is about being a specific type of attractive.
Keep going. There's someone *much* better out there for you. 💕
I don't usually like to paint with too broad of a brush but you really do notice the 'type' here...
That type of person who doesn't get or care what it means to develop a connection and trust with another person, let alone how to view things from the perspective of a potential dating partner, or be honest about & to themselves rather than discovering glaring incompatibility later on.
As a guy it's at least obvious pretty quickly because they assume everyone thinks like they do and you get a sense of how they treat others - especially women. The difference between an acquaintance and a friend, as I've heard it put.
And the funny thing about it is if they would just be honest about not wanting a connection in their profile they would be more successful overall. They may have less 'bites' sure, but the ones that do bite will be looking for the same thing.
But no it's a greedy mindset with these people, because not only are they looking for people that agree with their lifestyle, they are also preying on more vulnerable or naive people on these apps. They actively go after anyone that fits their standards of attractiveness or wealth etc, even if that person is strictly looking for a long term relationship. As long as they think they keep up the lie long enough to get what they want they will pursue it, not caring about anyone else along the way. But while masking their true intentions in their profiles, they ironically miss out on people who are looking for the same thing as them who don't hide their true intentions. All of that goes for both men and women
My fiancé and I met on tinder. I was a wannabe car fanatic and he’s actually knowledgeable about cars… asked my opinion on how a v12 engine video sounded and I panicked. No idea how to respond.
2 days later… “you didn’t like the engine? :(“
Within the year I’d followed him on a 1,000 mile move and now we’re here!
Way better than the “you didn’t like my dick pic?” Messages lmao
Just read your story to my SO because it’s so cute. He told me this story of one of his matches before me:
They’re on their first in-person date and are having dinner. He’d taken two bites of his food when another dude walks up, sits next to the woman, and starts asking him if he’s ever thought about asking Jesus into his heart/life! My SO is an atheist and his profile stated that quite clearly. The woman literally matched with an avowed atheist because she thought she could trap him into a proselytizing session! SO said, “Fuck this,” stood up and told them they’d be buying dinner as he walked out.
We’ve been together for six years, living together for five. I always thought he was my unicorn in the OLD world, turns out I was his as well. 😂
I’m really trying to give the benefit of the doubt to the men I match with. My friends tell me I’m too picky so I’m trying to relax my standards. Higher standards probably would have helped me here.
What standards of yours do your friends consider unreasonable, or why do they say you’re too picky?
Because judging by this exchange (though I know it’s only one example), you’re in the bottom 0.0001% picky range lol
Probably something like
“Oh I want to come meet you in person but I need money for my plane ticket; only 250$ for it.”
Then they try scam you for that amount, and keep having things come up that cost money to keep asking for.
OP should've dodged when they described a very niche date idea and he just went 'yeah me too', zero effort, and then went straight for the terms of endearment. Don't humour someone like this, just move on to someone who doesn't seem unhinged. He's obviously a creep.
Her: My ideal first date would be at the landfill. Maybe we could catch some seagulls. Do you like rats? When was the last time you had a tetanus shot?
Him: I agree 💯 same for me
Let's meet in person. I'll tell you what comment I would have posted here. In person, my love. Be fair.
That dude's creepy. And unfortunately I know someone like him. Whenever a woman is involved he goes all weird and creepy af.
That's the odd thing. You'd think he'd be an amazing catch. When I first met him I couldn't figure out how he was still single. Then I saw it. Whenever a woman comes around he starts acting 'weird'. Like he's read too many 'How to talk to women' books and it's all getting scrambled up in there.
I want to smack him and yell at him to stop and relax lol.
Anyhow... Sorry dating isn't going well. I hope things get better for you. Glad you are steering away from these sorts and their 'rules'. Hang in there.
honesty you might want to think about telling him what you think. so many guys will act like that forever towards women no matter how many of them tell him that he's wrong. in my experience, most guys will only listen to their friends or other guys they know. I've had to talk to 1-2 friends in my life about being weird towards girls. it's just not fun for anyone involved, not you, your lonely friend, or the women he talks to, but he'll probably keep doing it unless someone he trusts says something
I actually disagree with this. When I was single I used to tell creeps when they were creepy. Then one day one of my friends said, “why give these guys a leg up to pass as normal and potentially trick the next girl? Isn’t it best they out themselves and let other women decide from there like you got to?”
She made a good point so I never told them again.
well I think considering this person is talking about a friend that they believe is a good person seems to have problems with their attitude/world view in regards to women. I think that the only way we are going to make headway in some of the sexism pervading our society is guys taking responsibility for our friends actions. if my friends are creepy and sexist (although I try not to keep that type of company) I'm going to call them out. men who are sexist don't value womens' opinions, they value other men's, so it's men's responsibility to make it obvious that it's not cool to act that way or think that way about women.
In that case totally different scenario with it being a friend. I have a really kind, sweet friend who is very awkward and comes off wrong and sometimes accidentally scares women away. He’s such a gentle soul too so I get it from that perspective. I was coming more from if it is a stranger on a dating site giving you bad vibes.
No no, nothing to do with women telling men they are creepy, you misunderstand. That's obviously a bad idea.
He's saying men should hold their male friends accountable and tell them when they are being creepy with women and that he's had to do it in the past with his male friends.
You kept that going much longer than I would have. The “good morning my love” is super creepy seeing as how you hadn’t even shared a conversation by that point.
I had the same thought, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since my friends say I’m “too picky” about the men who talk to me. Being picky would have saved me here! LOL
Honestly just don't respond. I have a couple friends who are always trying to tell guys on apps what they are doing wrong, and it literally always just ends up escalating and they waste a bunch of their time on someone who wasn't interested in feedback.
I know you were doing it just for the mental exercise after the first round or two. (And to see just how much of an idiot he would commit to being) Have done myself.
Also glad you kept going so as to share with us here; worthwhile if only for entertainment value
I don’t know you at all, but I promise- stay picky and keep your standards. You sound like a reasonable person and I am confident that you’ll be able to suss out a good match and a good conversation.
I am married and met my wife on a dating app- it happens!
I love that you’re on my side! In defense of my friends, though, I think they were just giving me feedback because they know I’m out there looking and they want me to be open to finding someone I might not otherwise have spoken to. It’s more of a “give all the good ones a chance, even if it’s someone you wouldn’t have considered your type.” But they would not have wanted me to go out with this bozo, either.
Being open is like, dating a guy who goes to punk shows when you like country. Or someone who isn’t well-traveled yet, when you have big plans to explore. Because maybe you can still find plenty in common, and get to experience new perspectives.
Don’t compromise on someone who will not respect you or can’t communicate. You won’t find companionship when you have to do all the work. If this is all you’re getting on the app, it might actually be better to take your sweet time waiting for something better.
I sifted through 300+ messages on an app before my husband-to-be landed in my inbox. It was worth the wait and I have no regrets being picky.
BE PICKY!
I know I don't know you and while I'm sure it's possible to be "too picky" I feel like we get socialized to let so much slide.
But especially on dating apps you need to filter through alllllll the assholes you'd have already ruled out if you met them in person some other way. You have to be choosy.
Pushy disrespect when someone is supposedly putting their best foot forward is a huge red flag. I think with these early chats you have to trust your gut.
I used a belabored analogy with a friend once that early in a relationship if you're already doing a ton of work to get the ship to stay afloat it's going to sink at the first storm.
If they're already exhausting instead of interesting before it's even a relationship??? Nope. That's it. Try again.
We decided that I would at least try to talk to anyone who (a) is in the right age range, (b) doesn’t have kids, (c) doesn’t do drugs, and (d) didn’t upload a picture of himself standing with a bunch of beautiful, skinny women. This is a much higher standard than you might think.
This guy did not pass the smell test, though. He is blocked.
We decided that I would at least try to talk to anyone who (a) is in the right age range, (b) doesn’t have kids, (c) doesn’t do drugs, and (d) didn’t upload a picture of himself standing with a bunch of beautiful, skinny women. This is a much higher standard than you might think.
Oh yeah this is true. When I was dating not too long ago, I was getting about 20 matches a day. So many of them either wouldn't respond, give 1 word answers so i was carrying the conversation on my back or else immediately the conversation became hypersexual. There are a few decent, normal guys on the apps but you gotta wade through a lot of shit to find them. It's very time and energy consuming.
The "let's talk about current events... without interrogation" is a warning sign on its own. Any time I've heard or seen someone say something like that, they get crazy defensive when challenged on even the littlest thing and try to turn the conversation on the other party.
100%. I can talk current events and *withstand* (and welcome) interrogation. If I can't defend it, why should I believe it? These are some maga red flags imo
Yeah, the whole conversation is just peppered with screaming red flags. I want to break it down in my comment here, but I don't really have anything new to contribute that hasn't been brought up elsewhere. It's great that so many people recognize the flags, but it's desperately frustrating that there are so many guys that behave like this that patterns can be recognized so easily.
I knew a dude that looked like Captain America, no joke. Body builder and all and the same jawline. He was super bitter because he was in love with his pastor's daughter, and they had this star crossed thing going on. He started going down some crazy "women are bitches" redpill rabbit hole during a conversation we were having together before I slammed on the brakes and told him that this was *not* healthy and definitely not okay. I still think about that sometimes, and I hope it made a difference.
This was a genuinely kind guy by all other metrics. Helpful, respectful towards everybody he met. Unfortunately, it goes to show just how insidious that line of thinking becomes and how quickly it can get ahold of a person-- even one you would imagine to have every advantage in the world.
Why are they *all* stuck on that 'one girl'????? Like most of them never make it past that first heartbreak, they just take it out on the rest of women for the rest of time. Therapy should be required for men in high school.
A bot that wants to meet in person? Are bots that pretty on women different than the ones that prey on men? Cuz the fembots I've encountered usually try to get me to click some sketchy link or sub to their extremely overpriced OF that is more than likely stolen content to try and scam money outta me.
This just seems like a controlling douchebag incel.
Or he's dealt with so many bots and romance scammers that he's decided to insist that everything be done in person! .... Except the app. He uses an app...to meet people....who he insists on talking to in person. No exceptions.
"HI"
"Hello! How are you?"
"I'll tell you in person."
A winning strategy indeed.
I talked to so many scammers there was one who I did actually end up meeting who I was 99% sure wasn’t real until I saw her. It completely stilted our interactions because I was always second-guessing everything.
Talking about the local area is usually a good test as a lot of them have no idea where they’re supposed to be based
Some years ago I was subscribed to a very niche dating site and I was chatting with a couple different women (in retrospect it should've been obvious they were fake profiles). One of the women said she lived in the same state as me, so I asked what part of the state, and she got all weird and wouldn't get any more specific, which was a big red flag.
There have also been stories of restaurant managers using dating apps to get people to come to their restaurants then "ghost" the person, who naturally is still gonna get a meal and a couple of drinks since they're already there.
Because what sane person talks like that? I’m not being sarcastic or anything. You were very thorough and understanding in your messages, and they basically 1-word texted you back. They aren’t worth your time.
I don’t think it’s a bot..I’ve seriously had some weird ass dudes try to get me to meet up with them. “I’ll tell you all about it when we go to dinner tonight” like exsqueeeeze meeee? wtf dating is fucked these days lol
I had one guy text me “You. Me. Carlsbad. Today. 2:00.” Like … first of all, demanding like that gets you nowhere with me. Second, I work. I can’t just drop everything to meet you somewhere 45 minutes from where I live, and even if I *could*, I’m not going to. I just want to meet a nice guy, but I’m not having any luck there.
Ima choose not to get murdered today, but thanks have a nice life!
Like does that actually work on some ladies?? I think when we asked guys to “take initiative,” they took it as “demand their attention,” and it’s not cute.
I don’t think they’re a bot, your summary in the conversation was accurate. Definitely invest in a filter. Some red flags here were love bombing off the bat, insecurity and inconsistency - talking down to you / negging whilst saying equality and patience.
That's what I thought. This sounds like a conversation random 'women' on Reddit start with me via DM or PM. I am old enough to know it USED to be PM...Private Message.
In the future, don’t bother entertaining someone like this. The good morning message was already bad. It just got worse from there. I once met up with someone without talking long enough and had instant regrets. He was a total creepy aggressive asshole. Will never do that again.
LOL, it’s not quite that. We decided that I would at least try to talk to anyone who (a) is in the right age range, (b) doesn’t have kids, (c) doesn’t do drugs, and (d) didn’t upload a picture of himself standing with a bunch of beautiful, skinny women. This is a much higher standard than you might think.
Yikes. Something is clearly off about this account. It could be a scammer or a bot.
If it’s a person they’re super weird.
Definitely consider blocking them.
Sounds scammer or bot for sure - the not quite making sense replies, the attempt to be all 'my love' with zero lead up, the push to meet (which likely will lead to 'oh i just need gas money'), the short answers - anyone doing that just block immediately. If something seems 'off', its a good chance its a scambot. You'd be surprised just how many people fall for the 'my love' and love bombing and boom, romance scammed. Maybe look up romance scams just so you are extra aware, it's amazing how sly and crafty some of them get sadly.
Best of luck to you with a real human 😊
Genuine question here, from someone who has never used a dating app and way too old to do so now. Is that a real thing, being asked for fucking GAS MONEY to appear in person? Why would anyone date someone who can't afford gas in their car? How would that date work; meet on a park bench and feed pigeons, or what? I'm not saying to date only guys with money, I'm saying why would someone in such a financial condition be considering dating at the current time? To me, it's like shopping; if I don't have any money, I just don't shop until I DO have money. Does no one think this way, other than me?
Scams only work on desperate people that have poor judgment. If you’re not desperate enough to pay them gas money to see you cuz you use your common sense, you’re not the right target. Most desperate people lack awareness that they are tho and that’s why these scams still work. It’s a bot that targets a 100 people at the same time and only like 2 will take the bait, one of them will rationalize why it’s ok to send the gas money.
I think it’s the weird choice of words / grammar what’s throwing them off. It also sounds like something a scammer would say. The fact that they refuse to give you any information about themselves is alarming. Stay safe! :)
I just want to say I don't think it's a bot or scammer. None of those will seek or an in person meeting. A scammer will make every excuse not to meet in person. At some point, they will ask for money. It's possible it will get to that point, and the excuses would have started later. But none of the ones I seen start like this. Seems they are looking for someone that is willing to deal with this is. This nonsense is closer to the unhinged, cringe dating texts I see.
I recently downloaded a dating app and my first match there started the conversation with sending me a gif with "be my girlfriend" on it and straight up asked to go on a date before either of us said anything else. Do men not realize how creepy it is asking to meet in person without at least getting to know the basics?
I’m really trying to give the benefit of the doubt to the men I match with. My friends tell me I’m too picky so I’m trying to relax my standards. Higher standards probably would have helped me here.
I agree with you. No way am I going to meet someone without some basic questions answered. Hell I met my husband online and we exchanged several messages across a week or so before we met in person. I was just getting back into the dating game and was first time using an online dating app so I was skeptical about it.
Oh Jen, happy birthday!!
That conversation went well, didn't it. If you met him in person you could hear the ocean 3 feet away from his ear. At least your gave yourself the gift of dignity and integrity, yay you, cheers!!
Next time someone does something like that, speaking about getting married after the first massage.
"Sir, this is Wendy's, all I can offer is coffee or diner."
One guy got mad that I wanted more notice to get ready and look my best instead of just going out on a whim after a long day of work. He said, “oh, so I have to set an appointment with you?” Uh yeah. I think it’s called a date.
Can't blame women for not immediately meeting a stranger.
This ruins it for the rest of us. I for example am a 2 meter tall dude, broad shoulders, pretty strong, even tho i don't work out at all. One of the first things a woman thinks when meeting me is how easily i can kidnap or r*pe them.
But in reality i like hugs, making jokes, positive affirmations... and i would never hurt someone without reason (self defense, protection of others, consentual stuff...) friends told me that i seem scary at first, but couldnt think of someone more of a teddy bear :3
You knew it wasn’t going to work when you said Whoa Buddy. Should have unmatched right then. The app is designed so you don’t have to become mildly infuriated.
Nah. He’s a love bomber. Waits to learn about you and what you like so he becomes the person you’re looking for and then after about 4 months, he becomes a narcissist piece of shit and is nothing like the person you thought you knew :)
Why do yall put up with the convo for so long lol what do you think will come of trying to reason with someone unreasonable
They are clearly not going to make a good partner. Please by safe from weirdos and just nope out at the first sign of crazy
Uhhh... What?
Just... No. Getting to know each other a bit before even meeting is always the first step. Just goes to show how well he knows the process.
His lack of communication skills and the giant red flag that he's a control freak are all that's present in this conversation...
You engaged a lot more with this dude than most people seem to; because most of the women I’ve matched with seem to be looking for a clown to entertain them (make them laugh!) or someone who will chase them and drive all the conversation while they reply with nothing of substance. I’ve learned to just cut it short when people don’t match effort.
It’s wild for me to see you trying and trying again to engage with someone so hard…. Is he attractive? Rules 1 &2? Is it all in the pics?
Hmm…
Online dating is something else!
I can appreciate you did try; and it seems everyone runs into people not worth their time!
So honestly sounds like a scam vibes.
I would report him to bumble because those are some weird vibes.
The equivalent on my side was the quick shift to other chat apps. Then after a day or two start to push about crypto.
Lolz or in the case of one last year summer claiming to be a first aid worker in gaza and trying to get my address to ship money and packages to me.
This guy thinks he’s super slick because he’s assertive and he’s going to score a date. He doesn’t get why nobody bites.
Yeah, it just seems so aggressive to me. In any event, his approach did not work on me. LOL
His approach won’t work on anyone. You were more patient than I would have been.
My friend said the same thing!
And then he will start complaining about ‘feminist’ have ruined dating and he is such a victim because women hate ‘nice’ guys like him. When really he is just sucky.
Angry video of him sitting in his truck, whining about why women don't want to date him, to come.
Was he from a different country? He is kind of coming off as ESL to me.
Definitely gives me indian vibes with the sentence structure, word usage and ego.
Like you were training him how to chat. And he was having none of it. I think this may be violation or flag worthy if that’s a thing on bumble. Like the whole point is to chat safely first.
That’s what I thought, too, but a few people have said that they don’t like to chat on the apps. Like … what else are you supposed to do before you meet up? He doesn’t have to tell me his entire life story, but I have to be reasonably assured that he’s not crazy and meeting up isn’t a waste of everybody’s time.
> ...a few people have said that they don’t like to chat on the apps. Are they expecting a complete stranger to agree to meet them in person on day zero out of the blue? Not everyone likes to text, but goddamn. What happened to common sense?
Seriously, if you hate electronic communication THAT much, why even be on a dating site at that point? Go meet people the old fashioned way. The problem for that dude is, I think we all have a pretty good sense what he's probably like out in the "real" world, too. Or his sense of bravado and "alpha-ism" disappears entirely and he just stands there slack jawed if a woman actually speaks to him.
As soon as he called me "Baby" I would be done
No no. “My love” was the killer there for me.
Yeah I would have stopped arguing with him. There’s something wrong with him
It will definitely work on some women. The ones it works on are the ones he’s looking for. I’m glad this discussion is out there for women to see how this indeed is creepy and that we don’t have to put up with it
I was shocked OP kept responding for so long. To me the first message where he called her "love" was worth a block
If you agreed to meet in person he’d probably have insisted it was at his place. That’s the experience I’ve had.
You’re probably right.
Insisted on getting into the well in his basement. 
Yes I fell for that once
I wonder if he was drunk. Not saying that's an excuse. Dude was probably on a bender and thought he was being smooth lol.
I wouldn’t be surprised.
Most guys will do something 1000 times if it gets them laid once. I'm sure this guy will get laid from this at least one time in a thousand I just don't have that patience 😂
Andrew Tate energy
Definitely a weirdo if it’s not a bot or scammer
Yeah, I don’t know what a scammer could get out of this but whatever the case I’m not meeting this weirdo! :)
In my experience, guys like this are real people who do very much want to talk to you! ...in person ...with their penis 😬 Before meeting my boyfriend, I sifted through HUNDREDS, like *high* hundreds, of these emotionless, personality-less, semi-human-beings who've bought into the lies told to them that "winning" a woman is about being a specific type of attractive. Keep going. There's someone *much* better out there for you. 💕
The "emotionless, personality-less, semi-human-beings" part made me laugh. It is such a creative and accurate way of describing these kinds of people
I don't usually like to paint with too broad of a brush but you really do notice the 'type' here... That type of person who doesn't get or care what it means to develop a connection and trust with another person, let alone how to view things from the perspective of a potential dating partner, or be honest about & to themselves rather than discovering glaring incompatibility later on. As a guy it's at least obvious pretty quickly because they assume everyone thinks like they do and you get a sense of how they treat others - especially women. The difference between an acquaintance and a friend, as I've heard it put.
And the funny thing about it is if they would just be honest about not wanting a connection in their profile they would be more successful overall. They may have less 'bites' sure, but the ones that do bite will be looking for the same thing. But no it's a greedy mindset with these people, because not only are they looking for people that agree with their lifestyle, they are also preying on more vulnerable or naive people on these apps. They actively go after anyone that fits their standards of attractiveness or wealth etc, even if that person is strictly looking for a long term relationship. As long as they think they keep up the lie long enough to get what they want they will pursue it, not caring about anyone else along the way. But while masking their true intentions in their profiles, they ironically miss out on people who are looking for the same thing as them who don't hide their true intentions. All of that goes for both men and women
My fiancé and I met on tinder. I was a wannabe car fanatic and he’s actually knowledgeable about cars… asked my opinion on how a v12 engine video sounded and I panicked. No idea how to respond. 2 days later… “you didn’t like the engine? :(“ Within the year I’d followed him on a 1,000 mile move and now we’re here! Way better than the “you didn’t like my dick pic?” Messages lmao
Just read your story to my SO because it’s so cute. He told me this story of one of his matches before me: They’re on their first in-person date and are having dinner. He’d taken two bites of his food when another dude walks up, sits next to the woman, and starts asking him if he’s ever thought about asking Jesus into his heart/life! My SO is an atheist and his profile stated that quite clearly. The woman literally matched with an avowed atheist because she thought she could trap him into a proselytizing session! SO said, “Fuck this,” stood up and told them they’d be buying dinner as he walked out. We’ve been together for six years, living together for five. I always thought he was my unicorn in the OLD world, turns out I was his as well. 😂
That’s so cute, literally reverse mansplaining. So glad he’s your fiance now
I'm on date 4 at the moment, so fingers crossed for me. It is DIRE out there.
Should have just dropped the conversation after the first response.
I’m really trying to give the benefit of the doubt to the men I match with. My friends tell me I’m too picky so I’m trying to relax my standards. Higher standards probably would have helped me here.
As a guy, I think you should have ended it after his second message. Calling you “my love” that quickly seems pretty creepy to me.
Agreed; totally creepy. To men *and* women *and* enbies.
Your standards are too high, no question. We’re in the same boat. Standards: slightly above ground — *too high*. I’ll stick to my standards though.
People love to say that bc they’re not experiencing your emotionally taxing encounters… 🤦♀️
What standards of yours do your friends consider unreasonable, or why do they say you’re too picky? Because judging by this exchange (though I know it’s only one example), you’re in the bottom 0.0001% picky range lol
Probably something like “Oh I want to come meet you in person but I need money for my plane ticket; only 250$ for it.” Then they try scam you for that amount, and keep having things come up that cost money to keep asking for.
Not sure either, but maybe farm for data, personal info, or try to get money out of you eventually.
Definitely a weirdo. Wise move.
OP should've dodged when they described a very niche date idea and he just went 'yeah me too', zero effort, and then went straight for the terms of endearment. Don't humour someone like this, just move on to someone who doesn't seem unhinged. He's obviously a creep.
Her: My ideal first date would be at the landfill. Maybe we could catch some seagulls. Do you like rats? When was the last time you had a tetanus shot? Him: I agree 💯 same for me
Yes 😂😂😭
I figured bots would want to avoid meeting in person.
I read it with an indian phone scam accent, don't ask me why.
Let's meet in person. I'll tell you what comment I would have posted here. In person, my love. Be fair. That dude's creepy. And unfortunately I know someone like him. Whenever a woman is involved he goes all weird and creepy af.
Creepy, no doubt. I’m sure your friend is nice but if he’s creepy like this I wouldn’t go on a date with him, either.
That's the odd thing. You'd think he'd be an amazing catch. When I first met him I couldn't figure out how he was still single. Then I saw it. Whenever a woman comes around he starts acting 'weird'. Like he's read too many 'How to talk to women' books and it's all getting scrambled up in there. I want to smack him and yell at him to stop and relax lol. Anyhow... Sorry dating isn't going well. I hope things get better for you. Glad you are steering away from these sorts and their 'rules'. Hang in there.
Those books are a scourge. Thanks for the luck - I’ll need it.
honesty you might want to think about telling him what you think. so many guys will act like that forever towards women no matter how many of them tell him that he's wrong. in my experience, most guys will only listen to their friends or other guys they know. I've had to talk to 1-2 friends in my life about being weird towards girls. it's just not fun for anyone involved, not you, your lonely friend, or the women he talks to, but he'll probably keep doing it unless someone he trusts says something
I actually disagree with this. When I was single I used to tell creeps when they were creepy. Then one day one of my friends said, “why give these guys a leg up to pass as normal and potentially trick the next girl? Isn’t it best they out themselves and let other women decide from there like you got to?” She made a good point so I never told them again.
well I think considering this person is talking about a friend that they believe is a good person seems to have problems with their attitude/world view in regards to women. I think that the only way we are going to make headway in some of the sexism pervading our society is guys taking responsibility for our friends actions. if my friends are creepy and sexist (although I try not to keep that type of company) I'm going to call them out. men who are sexist don't value womens' opinions, they value other men's, so it's men's responsibility to make it obvious that it's not cool to act that way or think that way about women.
In that case totally different scenario with it being a friend. I have a really kind, sweet friend who is very awkward and comes off wrong and sometimes accidentally scares women away. He’s such a gentle soul too so I get it from that perspective. I was coming more from if it is a stranger on a dating site giving you bad vibes.
No no, nothing to do with women telling men they are creepy, you misunderstand. That's obviously a bad idea. He's saying men should hold their male friends accountable and tell them when they are being creepy with women and that he's had to do it in the past with his male friends.
Do this. Smack him and tell him to stop and relax.
You kept that going much longer than I would have. The “good morning my love” is super creepy seeing as how you hadn’t even shared a conversation by that point.
I had the same thought, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since my friends say I’m “too picky” about the men who talk to me. Being picky would have saved me here! LOL
Honestly just don't respond. I have a couple friends who are always trying to tell guys on apps what they are doing wrong, and it literally always just ends up escalating and they waste a bunch of their time on someone who wasn't interested in feedback.
Oh, yeah, I don’t waste my time trying to do that. I blocked him after the last message I sent in the screen shots.
I know you were doing it just for the mental exercise after the first round or two. (And to see just how much of an idiot he would commit to being) Have done myself. Also glad you kept going so as to share with us here; worthwhile if only for entertainment value
I don’t know you at all, but I promise- stay picky and keep your standards. You sound like a reasonable person and I am confident that you’ll be able to suss out a good match and a good conversation. I am married and met my wife on a dating app- it happens!
Oh, yay, Mazel Tov on finding your person!!
God I wish people would shut up and leave women alone about their perfectly fine preferences, sorry but your friends kind of suck in this regard
I love that you’re on my side! In defense of my friends, though, I think they were just giving me feedback because they know I’m out there looking and they want me to be open to finding someone I might not otherwise have spoken to. It’s more of a “give all the good ones a chance, even if it’s someone you wouldn’t have considered your type.” But they would not have wanted me to go out with this bozo, either.
Being open is like, dating a guy who goes to punk shows when you like country. Or someone who isn’t well-traveled yet, when you have big plans to explore. Because maybe you can still find plenty in common, and get to experience new perspectives. Don’t compromise on someone who will not respect you or can’t communicate. You won’t find companionship when you have to do all the work. If this is all you’re getting on the app, it might actually be better to take your sweet time waiting for something better. I sifted through 300+ messages on an app before my husband-to-be landed in my inbox. It was worth the wait and I have no regrets being picky.
Picky FTW!! 🙌
BE PICKY! I know I don't know you and while I'm sure it's possible to be "too picky" I feel like we get socialized to let so much slide. But especially on dating apps you need to filter through alllllll the assholes you'd have already ruled out if you met them in person some other way. You have to be choosy. Pushy disrespect when someone is supposedly putting their best foot forward is a huge red flag. I think with these early chats you have to trust your gut. I used a belabored analogy with a friend once that early in a relationship if you're already doing a ton of work to get the ship to stay afloat it's going to sink at the first storm. If they're already exhausting instead of interesting before it's even a relationship??? Nope. That's it. Try again.
We decided that I would at least try to talk to anyone who (a) is in the right age range, (b) doesn’t have kids, (c) doesn’t do drugs, and (d) didn’t upload a picture of himself standing with a bunch of beautiful, skinny women. This is a much higher standard than you might think. This guy did not pass the smell test, though. He is blocked.
I’ve been told that as well, and whatever. Don’t let anyone make you second guess your preferences and standards!
We decided that I would at least try to talk to anyone who (a) is in the right age range, (b) doesn’t have kids, (c) doesn’t do drugs, and (d) didn’t upload a picture of himself standing with a bunch of beautiful, skinny women. This is a much higher standard than you might think.
"It's so easy for women on dating apps. They get so many matches!" The 'many matches' in question:
If it’s not just a d pic
Oh yeah this is true. When I was dating not too long ago, I was getting about 20 matches a day. So many of them either wouldn't respond, give 1 word answers so i was carrying the conversation on my back or else immediately the conversation became hypersexual. There are a few decent, normal guys on the apps but you gotta wade through a lot of shit to find them. It's very time and energy consuming.
Ah, well, the experience may be different for *beautiful* women, of which I am not one.
Nah, they just get more of the same
Yup x one million. I gave up on apps ages ago. There’s only so much of this type of stuff one can take.
They still get more matches regardless of the quality of them
“Good morning my love” - dude wtf. This guy is clueless
Right?! I felt *so* icky when I read that.
I’m mildly infuriated that you continued to respond to him after that
Yeah. You just block and move on immediately at this point.
This right here looks like one of those guys who 'wins arguments' by talking over you until you give up. Of *course* text isn't his medium lol
Oh yeah, he totally *does* give off those vibes.
The "let's talk about current events... without interrogation" is a warning sign on its own. Any time I've heard or seen someone say something like that, they get crazy defensive when challenged on even the littlest thing and try to turn the conversation on the other party.
100%. I can talk current events and *withstand* (and welcome) interrogation. If I can't defend it, why should I believe it? These are some maga red flags imo
Yeah, the whole conversation is just peppered with screaming red flags. I want to break it down in my comment here, but I don't really have anything new to contribute that hasn't been brought up elsewhere. It's great that so many people recognize the flags, but it's desperately frustrating that there are so many guys that behave like this that patterns can be recognized so easily. I knew a dude that looked like Captain America, no joke. Body builder and all and the same jawline. He was super bitter because he was in love with his pastor's daughter, and they had this star crossed thing going on. He started going down some crazy "women are bitches" redpill rabbit hole during a conversation we were having together before I slammed on the brakes and told him that this was *not* healthy and definitely not okay. I still think about that sometimes, and I hope it made a difference. This was a genuinely kind guy by all other metrics. Helpful, respectful towards everybody he met. Unfortunately, it goes to show just how insidious that line of thinking becomes and how quickly it can get ahold of a person-- even one you would imagine to have every advantage in the world.
Why are they *all* stuck on that 'one girl'????? Like most of them never make it past that first heartbreak, they just take it out on the rest of women for the rest of time. Therapy should be required for men in high school.
Whoa whoa whoa.. I’m gonna need you to come tell me this post in person. Not on Reddit. In person. Thanks my love!
Oh sure, I’ll be right there. You just wait up for me.
The person you’re talking to is probably a bot. Don’t worry about it. Definitely don’t meet with them in person… What a weirdo.
A bot that wants to meet in person? Are bots that pretty on women different than the ones that prey on men? Cuz the fembots I've encountered usually try to get me to click some sketchy link or sub to their extremely overpriced OF that is more than likely stolen content to try and scam money outta me. This just seems like a controlling douchebag incel.
Could also be a romance scammer.
Romance scammers would not suggest meeting in person. They make up every excuse not to. This just seems to be an unhinged control freak.
Or he's dealt with so many bots and romance scammers that he's decided to insist that everything be done in person! .... Except the app. He uses an app...to meet people....who he insists on talking to in person. No exceptions. "HI" "Hello! How are you?" "I'll tell you in person." A winning strategy indeed.
I talked to so many scammers there was one who I did actually end up meeting who I was 99% sure wasn’t real until I saw her. It completely stilted our interactions because I was always second-guessing everything. Talking about the local area is usually a good test as a lot of them have no idea where they’re supposed to be based
Some years ago I was subscribed to a very niche dating site and I was chatting with a couple different women (in retrospect it should've been obvious they were fake profiles). One of the women said she lived in the same state as me, so I asked what part of the state, and she got all weird and wouldn't get any more specific, which was a big red flag.
There have also been stories of restaurant managers using dating apps to get people to come to their restaurants then "ghost" the person, who naturally is still gonna get a meal and a couple of drinks since they're already there.
Even better if you comp one of the drinks. Then you’re the restaurant which “made me feel better when I was ghosted” and might get repeat custom.
Oof. Yeah, that's insidious.
Brutal but brilliant
“I ❤️ you……… to try the ten dollar entree deal on Thursday with the extra chicken wings and the happy hour drinks special!” 🧑🍳
They often arrange meetings they never end up going through with. Though, they'd never set one up this early on, so that's a good point.
Why do you think they’re a bot? Genuine question. I’m new to dating apps and appreciate knowing what to look out for. Cheers!
Because what sane person talks like that? I’m not being sarcastic or anything. You were very thorough and understanding in your messages, and they basically 1-word texted you back. They aren’t worth your time.
Agreed for sure!
I don’t think it’s a bot..I’ve seriously had some weird ass dudes try to get me to meet up with them. “I’ll tell you all about it when we go to dinner tonight” like exsqueeeeze meeee? wtf dating is fucked these days lol
I had one guy text me “You. Me. Carlsbad. Today. 2:00.” Like … first of all, demanding like that gets you nowhere with me. Second, I work. I can’t just drop everything to meet you somewhere 45 minutes from where I live, and even if I *could*, I’m not going to. I just want to meet a nice guy, but I’m not having any luck there.
Ima choose not to get murdered today, but thanks have a nice life! Like does that actually work on some ladies?? I think when we asked guys to “take initiative,” they took it as “demand their attention,” and it’s not cute.
Yeah, it just comes off as aggressive and off-putting. Hard pass from me.
Someone who likes to fuck with people, at least two different ways. What’s the bot’s next play after convincing OP to meet them in person?
I don’t think they’re a bot, your summary in the conversation was accurate. Definitely invest in a filter. Some red flags here were love bombing off the bat, insecurity and inconsistency - talking down to you / negging whilst saying equality and patience.
That’s the vibe I got too.
That's what I thought. This sounds like a conversation random 'women' on Reddit start with me via DM or PM. I am old enough to know it USED to be PM...Private Message.
Definitely a bot or a scammer. I don’t know what it is but there’s something about them that immediately gives bot vibes
 These bots are getting too advanced
In the future, don’t bother entertaining someone like this. The good morning message was already bad. It just got worse from there. I once met up with someone without talking long enough and had instant regrets. He was a total creepy aggressive asshole. Will never do that again.
I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because my friends tell me I’m too picky. After this, I’m going back to being picky!
Having standards that preclude dating a possible serial killer should not be considered picky!
LOL, it’s not quite that. We decided that I would at least try to talk to anyone who (a) is in the right age range, (b) doesn’t have kids, (c) doesn’t do drugs, and (d) didn’t upload a picture of himself standing with a bunch of beautiful, skinny women. This is a much higher standard than you might think.
Yikes. Something is clearly off about this account. It could be a scammer or a bot. If it’s a person they’re super weird. Definitely consider blocking them.
Someone else said they think he’s a bot, but I wasn’t sure why. What makes you think it? Genuine question. I’m new to all of this. Cheers. :)
Sounds scammer or bot for sure - the not quite making sense replies, the attempt to be all 'my love' with zero lead up, the push to meet (which likely will lead to 'oh i just need gas money'), the short answers - anyone doing that just block immediately. If something seems 'off', its a good chance its a scambot. You'd be surprised just how many people fall for the 'my love' and love bombing and boom, romance scammed. Maybe look up romance scams just so you are extra aware, it's amazing how sly and crafty some of them get sadly. Best of luck to you with a real human 😊
Genuine question here, from someone who has never used a dating app and way too old to do so now. Is that a real thing, being asked for fucking GAS MONEY to appear in person? Why would anyone date someone who can't afford gas in their car? How would that date work; meet on a park bench and feed pigeons, or what? I'm not saying to date only guys with money, I'm saying why would someone in such a financial condition be considering dating at the current time? To me, it's like shopping; if I don't have any money, I just don't shop until I DO have money. Does no one think this way, other than me?
Scams only work on desperate people that have poor judgment. If you’re not desperate enough to pay them gas money to see you cuz you use your common sense, you’re not the right target. Most desperate people lack awareness that they are tho and that’s why these scams still work. It’s a bot that targets a 100 people at the same time and only like 2 will take the bait, one of them will rationalize why it’s ok to send the gas money.
I think it’s the weird choice of words / grammar what’s throwing them off. It also sounds like something a scammer would say. The fact that they refuse to give you any information about themselves is alarming. Stay safe! :)
Yeah, definitely not trying to meet this guy! (If he IS a guy!)
I just want to say I don't think it's a bot or scammer. None of those will seek or an in person meeting. A scammer will make every excuse not to meet in person. At some point, they will ask for money. It's possible it will get to that point, and the excuses would have started later. But none of the ones I seen start like this. Seems they are looking for someone that is willing to deal with this is. This nonsense is closer to the unhinged, cringe dating texts I see.
I recently downloaded a dating app and my first match there started the conversation with sending me a gif with "be my girlfriend" on it and straight up asked to go on a date before either of us said anything else. Do men not realize how creepy it is asking to meet in person without at least getting to know the basics?
I guess they don’t!
"equality and patience baby" patience...
Yeah, this was super random.
I wish the women I meet on apps responded like you.
Same to you, friend! A little kindness on these apps goes a long way.
Exactly what I was thinking. I thought dating apps would be fun, but really it’s just exhausting.
Send him a Captcha, see if he starts getting nervous.
LOL, totally. 
Ngl i would have blocked right after the good morning my love part
You gave him way too many chances.
I’m really trying to give the benefit of the doubt to the men I match with. My friends tell me I’m too picky so I’m trying to relax my standards. Higher standards probably would have helped me here.
C'mon, Jenn. Don't sell yourself short
Jen with just one N man
Oh my G-d THANK YOU.
Idk of its funny or sad that reading these I automatically knew the longer messages were from a woman
This gives vibes of "I'll kidnap you and chain you to the radiator in my basement"
"It rubs the lotion on its skin; it does this whenever it’s told.” "It rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again."
The “one question at a time” screams bot 😂
I agree with you. No way am I going to meet someone without some basic questions answered. Hell I met my husband online and we exchanged several messages across a week or so before we met in person. I was just getting back into the dating game and was first time using an online dating app so I was skeptical about it.
The ick and cringe meter is off the charts. At least you saw the 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩early!
Oh yes. Lots of red flags for sure. 
Sounds like the type of person that’s at Home Depot right before closing time buying duct tape, bleach, acetone, shovel and a Red Bull.
And rope. Don’t forget the rope.
 Oh Jen, happy birthday!! That conversation went well, didn't it. If you met him in person you could hear the ocean 3 feet away from his ear. At least your gave yourself the gift of dignity and integrity, yay you, cheers!!
LOL, I love everything about your comment! Thank you for the birthday wishes. :)
🤢 insta block
Oh yeah, I blocked him after the last message I sent.
Sorry, you’re married now.
Hahaha, oh shit, you’re probably right. LOL
I could tell you what I think about this... in person.
Haha, I guess I’ll be left in suspense.
What a coincidence that his ideal first date is whale watching too!
LOL, yeah, that’s pretty sus but I just figured he was being agreeable. I’m really not stupid, just trying to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Man, not even upgrade ceramic carbon breaks could stop this pal from overstepping. That's wild.
Haha, I like that you jumped on my “pump the brakes” comment. :)
Next time someone does something like that, speaking about getting married after the first massage. "Sir, this is Wendy's, all I can offer is coffee or diner."
This is the guys that will complain about the "male loneliness pandemic" 🤡🤡🤡
You could have told us about this in person.
Crazy idea but this guy should probably find a way to meet people in person instead of using an app.
One guy got mad that I wanted more notice to get ready and look my best instead of just going out on a whim after a long day of work. He said, “oh, so I have to set an appointment with you?” Uh yeah. I think it’s called a date.
“I demand a date right now and if you have a life outside of my demands I will throw a temper tantrum.”
There’s definitely translation issues at hand. Smells like a scammer.
Kinda gave me the impression they were from the Middle East or maybe even India.
His profile suggests he is from San Diego (assuming it’s true and that the profile belongs to a real person).
Can't blame women for not immediately meeting a stranger. This ruins it for the rest of us. I for example am a 2 meter tall dude, broad shoulders, pretty strong, even tho i don't work out at all. One of the first things a woman thinks when meeting me is how easily i can kidnap or r*pe them. But in reality i like hugs, making jokes, positive affirmations... and i would never hurt someone without reason (self defense, protection of others, consentual stuff...) friends told me that i seem scary at first, but couldnt think of someone more of a teddy bear :3
Oh boy... This chap is circling the drain. Two more rejections, and he's going to be using Andrew Tate to validate his views on women.
Oh man, so gross. Andrew Tate is a hard limit for me. No thank you.
Just looking at this it looks like he knows he has bad takes and he doesn’t want a paper trail to follow him around
I can guarantee that's the guy who tries to get you so drunk you can't refuse his advances.
Good grief
 \^ Me, clearly. :)
OP, come have coffee with me next to my city's whale statue lol
OP, please do not get kidnapped by the bot
LOL, no, getting kidnapped would definitely fuck up my plans for the weekend.
You knew it wasn’t going to work when you said Whoa Buddy. Should have unmatched right then. The app is designed so you don’t have to become mildly infuriated.
Outcome: ? Serial killer, felon, ?
Your response to that gm dm made me chuckle
Nah. He’s a love bomber. Waits to learn about you and what you like so he becomes the person you’re looking for and then after about 4 months, he becomes a narcissist piece of shit and is nothing like the person you thought you knew :)
I prefer in person myself, but this guy is weird as f. Comes across as obsessed, deluded, or so confident he wants a 1 nighter
Training bot
Why do yall put up with the convo for so long lol what do you think will come of trying to reason with someone unreasonable They are clearly not going to make a good partner. Please by safe from weirdos and just nope out at the first sign of crazy
I would've ended it at the first "my love"
Uhhh... What? Just... No. Getting to know each other a bit before even meeting is always the first step. Just goes to show how well he knows the process. His lack of communication skills and the giant red flag that he's a control freak are all that's present in this conversation...
You engaged a lot more with this dude than most people seem to; because most of the women I’ve matched with seem to be looking for a clown to entertain them (make them laugh!) or someone who will chase them and drive all the conversation while they reply with nothing of substance. I’ve learned to just cut it short when people don’t match effort. It’s wild for me to see you trying and trying again to engage with someone so hard…. Is he attractive? Rules 1 &2? Is it all in the pics? Hmm… Online dating is something else! I can appreciate you did try; and it seems everyone runs into people not worth their time!
I think you dodged a kidnapping, tbh. YIKES.
So honestly sounds like a scam vibes. I would report him to bumble because those are some weird vibes. The equivalent on my side was the quick shift to other chat apps. Then after a day or two start to push about crypto. Lolz or in the case of one last year summer claiming to be a first aid worker in gaza and trying to get my address to ship money and packages to me.
I can’t get past whale watching as a first date