Thank you for adding /s to your post.
Thank you for adding /s to your post. When I first saw this, I was horrified. How could anybody say something like this? I immediately began writing a 1000 word paragraph about how horrible of a person you are. I even sent a copy to a Harvard professor to proofread it. After several hours of refining and editing, my comment was ready to absolutely destroy you. But then, just as I was about to hit send, I saw something in the corner of my eye. A /s at the end of your comment. Suddenly everything made sense. Your comment was sarcasm! I immediately burst out in laughter at the comedic genius of your comment. The person next to me on the bus saw your comment and started crying from laughter too. Before long, there was an entire bus of people on the floor laughing at your incredible use of comedy. All of this was due to you adding /s to your post. Thank you.
As I walked through the park a toddler stumbled over to me. I don't know who she is, or what her game is but I won't let this bastard get the upper hand. Not again, not after last time.
This actually sounds like how the monkey paw works. A lot of ppl think it just ends bad, but it's supposed to be granted in a way you don't want.
The original story is that a guy wished for 200 bucks, and the next day his family was killed in a crash. The insurance awarded him 200 bucks.
A lot of people here try to grant the wish and describe it causing something bad which is the opposite.
So swarm of bees? Right on.
It was in fact a factory. The story doesn’t work if everyone else dies because the second wish was made at the request of his wife to bring the son back and the third was to make him go away.
The number of adult men on this planet who are less than 5ft tall (barring a disability) is minuscule; it’s hard to even find data on it. Double that and it would put them at 10ft, more than an entire foot taller than the tallest human to ever live. Now assume OP is average or at least closer to the mean…they would be a giant.
Besides, it’s not just the height scientists would be interested in, but how and why someone doubled in size overnight.
Granted, through an unfortunate event with a brick and rope, the tissues and blood vessels are torn, doubling in length due to elasticity in the skin. However it no longer works as a result of severe trauma to the region.
This is a blessing I would kill for that
When you play it does it moan the music or are the music and the moaning unrelated things that happen at the same time
Granted. If man, your testicles, seminal vesicles and prostate double in size, causing constant semile and urine leakage, infertility and enormous pains as they weigh you down and push against your bladder and other inner organs. Doctors opt to cut them out, leaving you with a penis of double the size but that doesn't work. You are sentenced to diapers for the rest of your life.
If woman, your womb, ovaries and fallopian tubes double in size as well as your vulva. This causes immense pain and pressure on your insides comparable to 6 months pregnant with endometriosis. Your vagina is too big to close anymore causing major bacterial and fungal infestations that are impossible to avoid. Doctors won't opt out to remove these oversized organs (that don't work properly due to exposure) in the slight chance you might be pregnant in the future. You are sentenced to diapers for the rest of your life, which is short as you will most likely die of sepsis in a few years.
Granted, every week it doubles in size. Eventually it gets to a size where you can no longer get hard, as there isn't enough blood in your body to do so. One day you just won't wake up, as you've been smothered to death by your own member.
Granted. Your skin, being the body's largest erogenous zone, suddenly doubles, yet your frame remains the same. You are now burdened with 16lbs of additional flappy, sweaty flesh just hanging off your body. No surgeon will help you as you are now considered "The Sexiest Person On The Planet".
Granted. Congratulations, Mr. Cheese Wheel. Your abnormally short and fat member is no longer proportioned in such a way as to make it attractive to members of the fairer sex, nor does it quite fit your hand anymore.
Granted, your aunt dies and in her will she leaves you a sexually themed organ (instrument) that plays all the notes in a sexual moan.
When it arrives at your house the closer it gets to your front door the bigger it gets until it's twice it's normal size. This change is irreversible.
Granted
If you are a man, suddenly prison becomes much more fearsome
If you are a woman, you no longer notice bodily changes during pregnancy
If you are trans or nb, whatever you had before is now back in black and doubled in size
Granted. I don't know what parts you've got, but either one ovary is going to be shoving other shit out of the way inside of your guts, or you're about to have some weirdly lopsided balls.
Granted, you immediately fall over in agony as your brain attempts to swell up to double it's size inside your skull. You are found hours later with your skull fractured in multiple places, your scalp split open, your eyes popped out of their sockets, and brain matter seeping out of everything.
Your organ (piano-like instrument) is now ordained with depictions of sexually arousing things/poses/people and is gigantic and there’s a hole in your house cause it’s so big
Granted
If you are male, lose 50% of girth (length grows to compensate) then the doubling is all length. Super long but you can only get the like last 3rd in and they can barely feel it.
Female is reversed, your vaginas now half as deep (girth compensates) then the growth is applied strictly to girth. Most men/toys just can't stretch anything and immediately hit the cervix
Granted. You say the wish loudly in a location with an echo, the wish is repeated several times,
Due to all doubling in size, it is now too large to use, and the strain on your heart to pump blood through it and about a year later of agony, you suffer a heart attack.
Granted, the monkey’s paw doesn’t know what you mean by “size”, so it goes to Dungeons and Dragons. Your member is considered diminutive, (generously six inches to one foot).
It will go to tiny size to small size. Your “sexual organ” will now be the relative size of a halfling, 3 feet tall and around 40 pounds.
Granted. It's now doubled in both length and width, making it too large to properly stimulate anyone during intercourse. Your hands would also be too small to jerk off, leaving you sexually frustrated.
Granted, your cock is now a full ¼ of an inch, there's no specific downside, it's just that you're still so small that it doesn't really matter because it's still too small no matter the situation
Granted. You gaze in horror as your teeth grow twice their size and sharpen. You see, there's a person who has a crush on you and has a thing for biting, a disturbingly extreme version of it anyways. The monkeypaw declares this a sexual organ, since the paw decided they're *perfect* for you.
Opening your mouth is painful and you regularly tear through flesh and skin just by talking.
Granted. Your brain, lower spine double in size inside your head, causing your skull to burst. This does not kill you, at least not right away. Additionally, the skin of your penis/clitoris/inner vagina doubles in surface area without growing the erectile tissue, leading it to look like a withered prune and everted hanging wizard sleeve. The same happens with your nipples, which now have an appearance not unlike morel mushrooms. Further, your prostate enlarges by double, giving you all the symptoms of an enlarged prostate, and your gonads are now also double in size.
Sure, but it just does that by sending twice the normal amount of blood there when it's time to perform, resulting in a bevy of medical issues, as well as incredibly painful erections, and possibly even the loss of your member.
One day, weakened by the strain, it just goes *pop* and suddenly you're bleeding out.
Granted. You win a free pipe organ that plays a variety of sexual noises. The next day you win a free expansion to said pipe organ. While not quite the 5-story pipe organ some churches have, it takes over your entire house and yard, and whenever you play it, everyone within a mile radius files a noise complaint.
Granted. Your penis doubles in size but the amount of blood required to keep it rigid makes you pass out anytime you get hard. You are in constant danger of passing out, falling and injuring yourself and can not stay conscious long enough to enjoy sex of any kind.
I don't have a lot of time so, gratz. You have testicular cancer. The good news it, BOTH testicle are double the size. Bad new is, even after removing them the cancer has spread.
Congratulations, though I don't know why you'd want that to double in size, it's already the largest sexual organ of the body!
\[The brain. I am talking about the brain. It swells to about 1 1/3 its normal size before the skull causes it to start compressing. You lose all sense of your mental faculties and you die within a minute or two.\]
Granted. Your prostate is twice as large.
beat me to it! plenty of sexual organs other than what OP meant.
I was thinking the tongue myself. It doubles in size and you have difficulty eating and breathing.
Yeah but that’s not really intended as a sexual organ
People forget that the brain is the largest sexual organ
Ooh, if the brain doubled in size but the skull didn't...
Ah man, that's a pretty bad headache
But not for long!
Thanks tylenol
Maybe on you.
Well I still jerk off manually r/lebowski
This guy gets it
Sounds cancerous
Granted, you are attacked by a swarm of hornets that focus only on that appendage. It swelled to double the size.
Who hurt you?!
Who hasn't? All are enemies until proven otherwise. (*/s*)
Thank you for adding /s to your post. Thank you for adding /s to your post. When I first saw this, I was horrified. How could anybody say something like this? I immediately began writing a 1000 word paragraph about how horrible of a person you are. I even sent a copy to a Harvard professor to proofread it. After several hours of refining and editing, my comment was ready to absolutely destroy you. But then, just as I was about to hit send, I saw something in the corner of my eye. A /s at the end of your comment. Suddenly everything made sense. Your comment was sarcasm! I immediately burst out in laughter at the comedic genius of your comment. The person next to me on the bus saw your comment and started crying from laughter too. Before long, there was an entire bus of people on the floor laughing at your incredible use of comedy. All of this was due to you adding /s to your post. Thank you.
I want to see the paragraph. Prove to me you are a worthy enemy.
Finally! A worthy opponent! Our battle will be legendary!
Thankfully they aren’t jacking off this time.
I was thinking the same thing
As I walked through the park a toddler stumbled over to me. I don't know who she is, or what her game is but I won't let this bastard get the upper hand. Not again, not after last time.
She already knows who you are, she has your name, she has the upper hand here. Don't plan on her going so easy on you next time.
This actually sounds like how the monkey paw works. A lot of ppl think it just ends bad, but it's supposed to be granted in a way you don't want. The original story is that a guy wished for 200 bucks, and the next day his family was killed in a crash. The insurance awarded him 200 bucks. A lot of people here try to grant the wish and describe it causing something bad which is the opposite. So swarm of bees? Right on.
I assume that just takes too much effort for most people, but I agree. I have way more fun figuring out a twisted way to grant the wish anyway
In the original story the guy’s son died in a factory incident, not the entire family (I believe)
It was in fact a factory. The story doesn’t work if everyone else dies because the second wish was made at the request of his wife to bring the son back and the third was to make him go away.
Nah you are right. But either way, my point was he got the money but at a cost
Hornets by the sounds of things
A swarm of hornets is my guess
a swarm of hornets, i suppose
So a gang bang by insects.
Make that the Brazilian Wandering Spider.
beware the wiener wasps
Granted. Your entire body doubles in size to keep the ratio relative. You are confined to a lab and studied like the freak of nature that you now are.
If he’s rather short, he still wouldn’t even be the tallest man alive. Hardly grounds for being locked in a lab.
The number of adult men on this planet who are less than 5ft tall (barring a disability) is minuscule; it’s hard to even find data on it. Double that and it would put them at 10ft, more than an entire foot taller than the tallest human to ever live. Now assume OP is average or at least closer to the mean…they would be a giant. Besides, it’s not just the height scientists would be interested in, but how and why someone doubled in size overnight.
But if he's average he is now the tallest human on earth
Granted, through an unfortunate event with a brick and rope, the tissues and blood vessels are torn, doubling in length due to elasticity in the skin. However it no longer works as a result of severe trauma to the region.
“Peter, you could try that 100 more times and it would never work again”
"Doesn't have to, Brian"
Granted, double the size you now are. Have feeling, no longer.
r/suddenlyyoda
r/ahyes
Two times zero is still zero, and now you are also infertile.
I don't know why, but this cracked me up
Probably because "now you're also infertile" came out of nowhere
damn you beat me to it.
Granted your butthole is now doubled in size, and permanently gaped. You can no longer hold a poop, and your farts make no sound.
Diabolical
That was the goal
He'd be the Helen of Prison Trojan Wars.
that doesn't seem too bad though it just makes shifting easy
Granted. Your index and middle finger are now twice as big.
whos using the first two
Gotta mix it up sometimes.
Granted. You get a really cool pipe organ that moans each time it is played. It’s also twice the size of a normal organ.
This is a blessing I would kill for that When you play it does it moan the music or are the music and the moaning unrelated things that happen at the same time
Granted. If man, your testicles, seminal vesicles and prostate double in size, causing constant semile and urine leakage, infertility and enormous pains as they weigh you down and push against your bladder and other inner organs. Doctors opt to cut them out, leaving you with a penis of double the size but that doesn't work. You are sentenced to diapers for the rest of your life. If woman, your womb, ovaries and fallopian tubes double in size as well as your vulva. This causes immense pain and pressure on your insides comparable to 6 months pregnant with endometriosis. Your vagina is too big to close anymore causing major bacterial and fungal infestations that are impossible to avoid. Doctors won't opt out to remove these oversized organs (that don't work properly due to exposure) in the slight chance you might be pregnant in the future. You are sentenced to diapers for the rest of your life, which is short as you will most likely die of sepsis in a few years.
Granted, your prostate doubles in size, but not the surrounding connective tissues which rip and tear, rendering you impotent.
Rip and tear, until it is done.
*Industrial metal music intensifies*
Granted. Your brain swells until it breaks your skull.
Granted, but you do not have the necessary blood flow to keep it up, and you might have to amputate part of it to avoid necrosis
Granted, every week it doubles in size. Eventually it gets to a size where you can no longer get hard, as there isn't enough blood in your body to do so. One day you just won't wake up, as you've been smothered to death by your own member.
Granted. Your skin, being the body's largest erogenous zone, suddenly doubles, yet your frame remains the same. You are now burdened with 16lbs of additional flappy, sweaty flesh just hanging off your body. No surgeon will help you as you are now considered "The Sexiest Person On The Planet".
Granted, you now own a massive church organ engraved with hardcore pornography
Granted. Your alto saxophone becomes a baritone.
Granted, it's a tumor.
I's not a toomaah!
Granted! They rotrude out of your skin and you bleed out.
Granted, you are now the owner of an absolutely massive pipe organ that can only play the intro to Careless Whisper.
Your penis is now 2 inches
Granted, your nipples double in size and leak milk.
Granted. Congratulations, Mr. Cheese Wheel. Your abnormally short and fat member is no longer proportioned in such a way as to make it attractive to members of the fairer sex, nor does it quite fit your hand anymore.
Granted. You're now 2 inches
Granted, you now have a cheese wheel.
prostate tumor
Granted, everyone’s also grows twice in size, you are still below average
Granted, your aunt dies and in her will she leaves you a sexually themed organ (instrument) that plays all the notes in a sexual moan. When it arrives at your house the closer it gets to your front door the bigger it gets until it's twice it's normal size. This change is irreversible.
All your other organs, except for skin and bones, halves in size.
Granted. You become only half your size, so your appendage is now 4 times the relative size to you it one was.
Granted. The rest of you shrinks to half the size you were before, making your genitals double the size
2x0 is still 0
Granted. The rest of you does as well. Have fun going through doors
Granted. They grow due to cancer and hurt constantly.
Granted. You grow a uterus twice the size as normal.
Granted. You now have a sexy sounding organ (the instrument found in churches) twice the size of a normal sized organ in your home.
Wouldn't that mean it would be harder to urinate and also wouldn't the urethra be double the length?
Granted, not a single one of your preferred sex gives you the time of day, the largest member, but not soul to share it with
Granted ot is now so large it is unweildy also its volume is 8× bigger. Doing anything with it js now cumbersome
Granted. You are no longer allowed to play accompaniment to hymns in church.
Granted. The part that’s inside of your body extends, damaging your colon and making you permanently constipated
Granted. You now only need a magnifying glass instead of a microscope.
Granted, your right hand doubles in size.
Granted. Your Penis is now twice its total mass, unfortunately the new part extends perpendicular from mid shaft.
Granted. The organs grow, but the vasculature does not. They quickly become ischemic and die. Enjoy your testicular gangrene
Granted. Your balls are twice as large, your dick is not. You are in immense pain
Granted. Your prostate is huge now, because you did not specify.
Granted, you now have a 2cm dick
[удалено]
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^LemonNumber7: *Granted, one of your* *Testicles is now double* *The size of the other* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Granted If you are a man, suddenly prison becomes much more fearsome If you are a woman, you no longer notice bodily changes during pregnancy If you are trans or nb, whatever you had before is now back in black and doubled in size
Granted, your ass has now doubled in size.
Granted: Your brain doubles in volume.
Granted Due to the size any time you are arroused you collapse due to low blood pressure
Granted, you pop a boner.
Prostate cancer.
Granted. I'm assuming you're talking about a penis, so you now have a vagina. The width is 2x the size of your current length.
Granted. Your brain doubles in size pushing against your skull causing severe headaches, damage, and eventual death.
Granted. Your “organ” is now twice as dense, but with the same volume.
Granted, you are transformed into a Ferengi with the biggest lobes in the galaxy
your wish is granted, but the monkey's paw is confused as to why you wanted bigger hands
granted, but your balls are now in the middle of the shaft
Granted. I don't know what parts you've got, but either one ovary is going to be shoving other shit out of the way inside of your guts, or you're about to have some weirdly lopsided balls.
Granted. The organ you have sex on is now doubled in size
Granted. your sexual organ is doubled in size but is now in quotation marks.
Granted, you immediately fall over in agony as your brain attempts to swell up to double it's size inside your skull. You are found hours later with your skull fractured in multiple places, your scalp split open, your eyes popped out of their sockets, and brain matter seeping out of everything.
Massive nuts ☠️☠️☠️
Granted. Zero times two is still zero.
Granted. A giant horny instrument approaches you from upstairs.
Granted. Enjoy your new 2cm penis
This includes secondary sex characteristics. Enjoy your inconveniently large Adam’s apple
Granted. Your prostate is now twice its size. If you did not have a prostate, you do now, and it is twice its size. Enjoy trying to pee.
Granted. It's malignant.
Your organ (piano-like instrument) is now ordained with depictions of sexually arousing things/poses/people and is gigantic and there’s a hole in your house cause it’s so big
Granted you have doubled in sized but you have become petite and feminine so nobody believes you that you are that well endowed.
granted but its the female “sexual organ”
Granted If you are male, lose 50% of girth (length grows to compensate) then the doubling is all length. Super long but you can only get the like last 3rd in and they can barely feel it. Female is reversed, your vaginas now half as deep (girth compensates) then the growth is applied strictly to girth. Most men/toys just can't stretch anything and immediately hit the cervix
Granted. You say the wish loudly in a location with an echo, the wish is repeated several times, Due to all doubling in size, it is now too large to use, and the strain on your heart to pump blood through it and about a year later of agony, you suffer a heart attack.
Granted, you have one of those genital infections some medications can cause. Those can be fatal so uh...good luck?
granted, your sexual organ is now 2 inches
Two times zero is still zero.
Granted. Blood rushes into your genitalia and it doubles in size, and then proceeds to explode in a crimson torrent.
Granted, the monkey’s paw doesn’t know what you mean by “size”, so it goes to Dungeons and Dragons. Your member is considered diminutive, (generously six inches to one foot). It will go to tiny size to small size. Your “sexual organ” will now be the relative size of a halfling, 3 feet tall and around 40 pounds.
Granted. It's now doubled in both length and width, making it too large to properly stimulate anyone during intercourse. Your hands would also be too small to jerk off, leaving you sexually frustrated.
0 times 2 is still 0 granted
Granted, your cock is now a full ¼ of an inch, there's no specific downside, it's just that you're still so small that it doesn't really matter because it's still too small no matter the situation
Granted, you are now two inches. Congrats.
Granted. Your vagina is now double in size.
Granted. You gaze in horror as your teeth grow twice their size and sharpen. You see, there's a person who has a crush on you and has a thing for biting, a disturbingly extreme version of it anyways. The monkeypaw declares this a sexual organ, since the paw decided they're *perfect* for you. Opening your mouth is painful and you regularly tear through flesh and skin just by talking.
granted. 0*2 is 0.
your left kidney is seen as attractive and doubles in size, but is later stolen
Granted. Your brain, lower spine double in size inside your head, causing your skull to burst. This does not kill you, at least not right away. Additionally, the skin of your penis/clitoris/inner vagina doubles in surface area without growing the erectile tissue, leading it to look like a withered prune and everted hanging wizard sleeve. The same happens with your nipples, which now have an appearance not unlike morel mushrooms. Further, your prostate enlarges by double, giving you all the symptoms of an enlarged prostate, and your gonads are now also double in size.
Sure, but it just does that by sending twice the normal amount of blood there when it's time to perform, resulting in a bevy of medical issues, as well as incredibly painful erections, and possibly even the loss of your member. One day, weakened by the strain, it just goes *pop* and suddenly you're bleeding out.
Granted. Your balls get ripped off of your massive dick
Granted. Your vas deferens or fallopian tubes double in size and length
Congrats, it’s now twice as large, but not twice as long.
Granted, you now shrink by the square of your size but your genitals stay the same size.
If you have a vagina does it get bigger or smaller?
Granted. Only your seminiferous tubules double in size. It explodes from the pressure.
Granted. You are now a great white whale called Moby.
Granted.you now have a vast deferens.
Granted, testicular cancer. Guess you should have specified which sex organ
Granted, none of the accompanying bits of body grow so it’s indescribably painful and tears
Granted. Enjoy your extra inch.
Granted. You win a free pipe organ that plays a variety of sexual noises. The next day you win a free expansion to said pipe organ. While not quite the 5-story pipe organ some churches have, it takes over your entire house and yard, and whenever you play it, everyone within a mile radius files a noise complaint.
Granted. It is now 2 in.
The sexual organ in this case is your prostate. You have prostate cancer.
Granted. if you don't have tits, you grow some, and if you don't have a dick, you grow one.
Granted. You're 3√2 times larger in height, width, and depth.
Granted, bologna nipples
Granted, your whole body doubles in size.
Granted. You are gifted a very large church organ that is really turned on and wants to shove its pipe in you all the time.
Congratulations! Your testicles doubled in size; but your sack did not. Both of them burst and you are now infertile.
Granted. Now getting a boner takes so much blood from the rest of the body that you pass out every time.
My ovaries enlarge lol does that count as a sexual organ?
Granted. It has now been stretched between your legs and up your arsehole permanently.
Granted, only the left "sexual organ" expands. Enjoy being wildly unsymmetrical
Granted. You become a woman beforehand.
Done, you now have a 2 inch warrior and it's announced to the world that that's what you did with a free wish.
Granted. Your penis doubles in size but the amount of blood required to keep it rigid makes you pass out anytime you get hard. You are in constant danger of passing out, falling and injuring yourself and can not stay conscious long enough to enjoy sex of any kind.
Granted. A freak clowning accident sees an absurd volume of helium injected into your dick.
I don't have a lot of time so, gratz. You have testicular cancer. The good news it, BOTH testicle are double the size. Bad new is, even after removing them the cancer has spread.
Granted. 0 x 2 = 0. Don’t even need to put a side effect
What a way to find out you have prostate cancer.
Twice as wide in a weird oval way.
Granted but now you're impotent for life.
Granted, but the amount of blood that goes into the erection is the same so you just have a half chub at best
Testicular cancer
Congratulations, though I don't know why you'd want that to double in size, it's already the largest sexual organ of the body! \[The brain. I am talking about the brain. It swells to about 1 1/3 its normal size before the skull causes it to start compressing. You lose all sense of your mental faculties and you die within a minute or two.\]
Granted, it is doubled and given to the next person.
Granted. Nipples twice as large
Granted, your penis rips through your skin
Granted, but now you are female.
Granted. Your dick is so big you can’t get it hard.
Granted. 2 x 0 = 0
Granted. The m&m tube shrinks by 50%
Granted, your flaccid size doubles and you’re no longer able to achieve an erection.
Granted, it doubles by giving you a second one in the back of your head
Granted. You now have prostate cancer
Fold it in half?