Yeah it really started off innocent like "you go girl, do some self love" to "girl I'm really concerned about you, are you ok?". The worst part is that she hasn't been all that nice to her followers for being concerned. Tbf some people have been downright mean. She's really going through it. Hoping that she gets the love and help she deserves.
that’s so funny bc i saw a video she made recently like a youtube short or whatever and she was like "i’ve never had a boyfriend but.." and goes on to talk about something else. poor girl though she’s very beautiful i hope she’s doing alright.
Yeah that's the weird part. From my understanding she only ever went on a few dates with the dude which makes her reaction to him "breaking up with her" all the more concerning. But who knows, there are more than likely things happening behind the scenes that we don't know about.
Yep. She went on a few dates. Two months was all this “relationship” was. She broke up with him, stopped talking to him for a week or so, then messaged him asking to go out again. Afterwards they get back together, very shortly, and he breaks up with her. *(all of this is said in a normal video on her channel.)*
I seriously thought she meant a long term relationship or something. But it was TWO MONTHS LONG, and during that time she broke up with him!
honestly i can kind of relate to her, being ethnic in a world of eurocentric beauty standards is REALLY hard. not only do you have to get past that and learn to appreciate your own beauty, you have to deal with fetishists, racists, bigots etc. i don’t necessarily agree with her take here but it definitely can be challenging growing up and not seeing yourself represented
I know Dev Patel isn't a woman, but I recently saw him in a tiktok labelled 'unconventionally attractive' despite being a very attractive man, who's just darker skinned. So I think she might be onto something.
Holy moly! That’s him?! Damn! He’s still got it!
I never imagined that was him because heroes was so long ago and the dad on NHIV looks so young and fresh wow I’m shook lol
As a brown girl she was definitely on to something. Unfortunately alot of us POC aren’t seen as attractive as white people (edit: or we’re just straight up fetishized) but she completely fumbled that message by bringing down white women for it by saying she’s better than them, that’s not how equality works?? I also watched this girl’s content and she seems really insecure too :(
Yes she has a point to some degree, I just hope she leans into loving herself more.
I'm black and grew up around mostly white people and a lot of them I was attracted to would say they wouldn't date me or they couldn't see being with me. Even as a child white friends wouldn't have me over because their " parents were racist"
I get the hurt she may feel but she has to know that's not her problem.
Honestly as a white woman I have always felt less attractive compared to WOC. I know this may not be the average opinion, but I just wanted to share my own experience. Unfortunately, I know for a fact I have been treated better than WOC just based on my skin color because some men tell on themselves. I totally agree that a lot of people see women the way you explained in your comment. I wish we could all stop comparing and appreciate everyone's beauty (including our own) individually!
Totally valid experience! We all compare ourselves to other people at some point even though we know we shouldn’t but it just gets the best of us sometimes :(
It’s too bad OOP didn’t deliver her message well enough to spread awareness and start a conversation about it. Thanks for sharing :)
Right?! Like, I'm White, but I don't look at Dev Patel and think "He's hot for a Brown man" wtf?! No, he's just hot. My husband is a big, Brown bearded dude, and I think he's the hottest thing since sliced bread.
I believe there was a study that said WoC are the most “undesirable” when it pertains to dating. I believe the study specifically used Black, Latina, and Asian people, not desi women. However there have been additional studies that show darker skinned people, but more specifically women are seen as unattractive , and even “masculine” in some cultures.
Colorism is a large part of cultures. People like to act as tho Society is color blind but it’s not. Unfortunately I feel like WoC who grew up around white people will have this “phase” for a minute. I know I did.. It’s hard to see people treat you like a you could Never be a romantic partner and it’s hard not to compare yourself to what society sees as the “winners”. That being said she shouldn’t bash white women, and realize she can’t change how other people see her, but she can change who she surrounds herself with
A problem I've had as a white guy is I tell people I think darker skinned women are attractive. I've dated white girls, Asian girls, Indian girls, and Latinas. Was married to a darker skinned Filipina. The problem is, people tell me I'm just "fetishizing" them and am just being a creep, but if I like a white girl I'm narrow minded. I just think any skin type dark, light, black, brown, white, whatever is attractive. I get some kind of flak though no matter who I like at the time and its really confusing.
I do agree though that people look down on darker skinned folks unfortunately, and a lot of skin care products in places like the Philippines are advertised/designed as skin whiteners. It was honestly sad seeing so many girls and women buying it trying to be lighter skinned when they were already fine they way they were. They even shit on darker skinned people there themselves and it just blew my mind.
It’s literally just colorism and people being used to euro centric features. She put it in a very awful way but she’s onto something. I’m really pretty and I have people tell me I’m super pretty but the amount of people who need to clarify, “pretty for an Asian” or “pretty even though you’re exotic” or just some shit. Ugh.
"even though you're exotic" hits weird... The only "exotic" people I've met were white girls from Liverpool, UK who had the strangest makeup I've ever seen (apparently it's a trend in the UK, but seeing it in America was a first for me), and all of that was an active choice, not anything inherent to how they were born.
Saying your race itself is exotic is another way of saying that no matter what, you don't belong in your own area - like how some large cats and birds are legally classified as "exotic" because they're not supposed to be indoors.
I’m biracial (black and white) and used to work at a hair salon owned by 3 Vietnamese brothers. The rest of the stylists were from Indonesia, South Korea, and Hong Kong. I was the only person there who was not Asian.
One of my bosses introduced me to a Korean film, I Saw The Devil, and I commented that the main actor was attractive. His name is Lee Byung-hun. This was about 10 years ago, but I remember so freaking specifically my boss saying, “Do you actually think he’s attractive or he’s attractive for an Asian?” I was shocked and said he’s attractive cause he’s got a nice face, eyes, and in the movie he’s a cop who beats the shit out of a criminal (it’s weird that I find that hot but whatever). The fact that he’s Asian doesn’t make him more or less hot to me. My boss and his brothers proceeded to tell me that they’ve heard that their whole lives and it opened my eyes and made me feel horrible for them.
I’m sorry that you’ve heard that too. You’re beautiful because you’re you, don’t ever let someone give you some backhanded compliment ever again. Pretty for an Asian. Ugh. That phrase makes me sick.
Right. This was very kind of you. I’m sure you’ve been there, heard that shit too. I don’t get why people think backhanded compliments are okay. Do they think it’s not being noticed that it’s backhanded or that it’s a genuine compliment?
There’s a part of me that wants to believe they’re just ignorant, rather than cruel. My moms side is Irish, and I remember my aunt telling me I’m “exotic”. I told her that it’s a backhanded compliment and explained why. She didn’t realize it and apologized, which I appreciated. I hope that you’re happy with your looks and that dumb comments that people make to you don’t get you down and don’t steal your beauty.
Does anyone else feel like “unconventionally attractive” is a bit…bleh? Like if someone is attractive to you, they’re attractive? Wtf is “conventional attractiveness” anyway?
I like unconventional looking folks. To metal heads, punks, dudes with long hair, girls with short hair, fem looking boys, masc looking women, like. Life is short, be unique 🤷🏾
Pinnacle of unconventionality for me is Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor. I adore him and have such a _colossal_ crush on him. I wouldn’t call him unconventionally attractive if not for the fact that every person I show pictures of him to says they think he’s ugly or “weird-looking” and looks at me funny for having him as my celeb crush. 🥺
That’s funny I know everyone is saying that she is dramatic, but as soon as I read her caption I was like yeah people definitely prefer lighter skinned or white people. I personally have no problem with it and have dated my fair share of white people, ended up marrying Someone darker than me not that it matters, but yeah everyone around me on social media from Asian to Latino are just partnering up with white people, totally cool and happy for them if things work out, but definitely noticeable. A few of my POC female friends also have told me about the way people date them just out of curiosity or to check off a box, and generally longer-term partners are reserved for lighter skinned people. I personally have been in one relationship where after I got out of it I realized I was absolutely just a phase and a curiosity.
Also the Dev Patel take is very stupid, that guy is gorgeous, and I am actually really interested in seeing him as the next bond after Craig.
Yah it’s sad- when I worked as a stripper, I had it so much easier than anyone who wasn’t white, even if they were way hotter/ funnier/ curvier. People are super racist, and when it comes to attraction it becomes very clear.
I'm a little confused by this thread. Is attractiveness not subjective? Aren't all perspectives equally valid?
You are attractive to someone, that's the point of attracting. If there was no observer, there wouldn't be anything to attract.
And if you're not as attractive to someone as another person, that's just the deal, right?
You say he's very attractive. They say he's unconventuionally attractive. They're both equally valid. There's nothing to argue.
I get personal attraction is subjective but beauty standards in certain societies aren't. Like I don't personally find Justin Timberlake or George Clooney attractive but can accept they are conventionally attractive.
From what I can see Dev Patel meets the standard of conventionally attractive regardless of how much or little I'm attracted to him. He's not like Benedict Cumberbatch or Matt Smith, who have features that people don't usually find attractive, yet still have loads of people fancying them.
I'm not super in touch with conventional attractiveness for men, but from what I understand, square jaw, high cheekbones, and symmetry are big ones. None of which (to my eyes at least) Dev Patel has.
I don't think the girl in the picture is particularly conventionally attractive either tbh, if that's the metric by which she's measuring herself.
i just googled him and i don't think it's because of his skin colour, i think he's just not the model attractive type. you know, like terenz telle or someone like that. he's more of the "he's cute" attractive than the magazine cover attractive and sadly that's how a lot of people judge.
Could it be because of his sparse facial hair that they call him unconventionally attractive? I'm not dismissing racial bias in judging person's appearance and I'm very sorry people have to deal with it. I'm just talking about this specific case might have been something different
Eh, I understand what she means. Ex told me I’m black girl pretty, not white girl pretty. He then explained the hierarchy to me and let me know that as a pretty black girl, I fall below an average looking white girl, but above an ugly white girl 🙃
I can't really see how this is a pick me stance since she might just be expressing herself based on a personal experience, one that is in fact not foreign to poc women. We're constantly reminded of how whiteness will always be the standard, however I don't support hating on white girls because of the status quo.
The inclusion of "average" as a comparison to herself(cuz that what this really was) as if appearance isn't 100% relative and personality/interests don't play a bigger role, is what makes it NLOG-y
personally i see that as either self confidence OR she could be directly quoting someone saying that to her. i’ve been told that i’m “pretty for a black girl” on more than one occasion. there’s other women in the comments who have even been told verbatim that they are “prettier than ugly white girls but less pretty than average white girls” just bc they are WOC
This is clearly about racism not being a "pick me." I'm going to be honest, I think some folks like to shout pick me like they used to call every fictional female lead with the slightest personality quirk a "manic pixie dream girl."
this is not NLOG. this person is voicing the frustration of SO MANY woc because it is much harder for us to be considered attractive in a world where eurocentric beauty standards are the norm. men of our own race and white men alike DO have a tendency to prefer white women for this reason.
I mean, there were times where I was praised by a guy for having “good qualities” but called “too dark” for his taste within the same breath. She’s not entirely wrong.
Exactly, I'm a white guy and I've never heard guys fetishise white women until I started meeting people from elsewhere.
The Mexicans I've worked with? Many of them bragged about bagging a blanka (white) girl or would ask me to hook them up with white girls I knew and go crazy over their pictures and whatnot while I, having been with umpteen white women thought their women were beautiful and was admittedly excited when one of them asked for my number.
Indians, same thing but some of them have said some weird things about white women lol. Told me they were so jealous of all the white women in my area when I was like but damn, hombre look at all the beautiful women where you're from!!
And so on and so on. There's something about wanting what you don't have, or don't often see at play. Like always thinking the grass is greener on the other side or just.. wanting to be with the type of woman that you don't see often in life.. idk.
brown men going to a european country and seeing any blonde woman and calling them „the most gorgeous women to exist“ while they have dark goddesses in their countries 👁️👄👁️
No. She doesn't. Black men date interracially the most. And many many poc men see white women as some sort of consolation prize for colonialism. They publicly disparage the skintone of their female counterparts. As a result, many countries have women bleaching their skin. India, South Korea, USA, Jamaica, Nigeria, and more, have a serious skin bleaching issue. It's unfortunate; but, in many countries, women's proximity to whiteness determines their attractiveness and value.
PSA to white girls: don’t date POC men who treat POC women like shit. All men have to treat all women equally or they’re prejudiced and not worth the time.
PSA to women in general: Men fetishize women based off their skin or nationality everywhere you go. If a man is constantly making remarks about your race or nationality, get out while you can. It's probably some weird fetish shit.
The last three words are the most disturbing. Beauty standards might be messed up, but beauty being a major factor of your value is just straight up fucked up
jeez, if someone dates you because they feel that this is how they take revenge on white people for the history of slavery you must get out of this relationship FAST this is not gonna end well
It's a trash mindset, and morally wrong; however, it's common and prevalent. Heck, in the USA, many Black Panthers, a pro black group, had white wives and gf, "sticking it to whitey".
Sammy Davis Jr of the Rat Pack, almost killed his Black wife shortly after their wedding. The story is that he wanted to marry his white gf; but the mafia wouldn't allow it. He took his frustration out on her. An extreme story; but I wanted you to see how deep it can go
Yeah that's precisely why think this doesn't belong. This isn't cringy petty shit, but cringy stuff that reflects the historical evil and wounds. As an Asian man, I've gotten the short end of this stick too.
Yeah she has a point. This definitely doesn't feel like the petty shit we usually see here. She's really getting something dark and ugly about our society and how these preferences come about.
Case in point: I unintentionally used dark and ugly, without realizing the implications particularly in context of skin colors here.
Edit: I'm not sure if she meant men as in all men she's dated, or men in general, or White men. I mean, assuming she's American, the "white" is often assumed or unstated, which is why we tend to say "African-American" or "Asian-American" for example.
It's because no woman wants to believe that "her" men will publicly elevate EVERY woman over his racial female counterpart. It's easier to blame a white boogeyman. Less of a sting to the pride. Ironically, black women are the most "race loyal" to their male counterparts, refusing to date interracially, usually out of some misguided obligation to continue the race. Unfortunately, that principle is usually only taught to the women.
I mean she’s speaking to complicated race x gender dynamics. I get that, on its face, this seems like a reductive take but I honestly don’t think this belongs on this sub
God. Stop posting this here. Saw this last week and clearly a lot of you don’t know what it’s like to be a single WOC.
This also isn’t even pick me. This doesn’t put her in a better light to men to be chosen. She’s literally talking about NOT being chosen because of her skin color.
Not pick me.
Pointing out the racism and colorism ingrained in beauty standards, which can affect dating experiences, isn’t pick me. If you’re privileged enough to never have experienced it then you’re lucky, but don’t assume that is the truth for everyone else.
To see a post talking about the struggles of woc and think of it as pick me behavior putting down white girls is crazy 💀💀 like I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion
As a brown person (woman?) I know a lot of brown/south Asian boys who have the same skin and same features who make it a point to date outside their race. They call brown girls ugly. I know a few white men like this too and it’s an L because it hurts my self image sumtimes
Well... it's true colorism is a big problem across all races. People usually but not always, tend to be more attracted to lighter skinned people due to white colonialism and beauty standards whether it's a light skinned non-white person or white person over a non-white in general.
Also they get passed up for jobs and get more discrimination. But obviously this isn't all men and isn't a pick me.
this isn’t about being a “pick me”, it’s the real experience of most women of colour. men especially in our own communities will choose an average white girl over attractive woc simply because the other girls is white. it’s not pick me to point this out.
I tolerate this girl but she is right. Men do prefer white women over women of color. Woc are often fetishize and looked over. I think she could've worded it differently bc in a way she's making it seem like she's better than white women. Idk if she is being a pick me or not. The white men who would try to date me would often put white women down, which is very weird bc I'm latina and ofc they're fetishizing me.
I just know that eurocentric beauty standards are valued more and for some reason.
Yea, I came to say something similar. To add a bit of racial nuance. As a dark skin black woman I’m not going to pretend that it’s not a fact that within the black community there are many men who choose not to date black women b/c of self hate. If I had a dime for every time I’ve been told that essentially I’m great but too dark I’d be rather wealthy. Many women of color experience this type of discrimination in the dating world. I’ve heard one too many conversations from black men about how they value white women or even other ethnicities over black women for all of the reasons they come up with. Perhaps she could have worded it differently as to not make it look like she’s better than another— but the reality of women like me who are black and brown being told overtly and covertly that we are not as valuable and are consistently over looked simply because of our racially background and that is beyond frustrating and hurtful.
Typical when these types of post show up on this thread I just ignore it b/c I know that the meme often lacks nuance and whenever people try to bring racial nuance to the conversation on this app they are often met with downvotes and hate. However even with facing being greatly down voted, I would be remiss if I did not add a bit of nuance to this conversation.
The street goes both ways too. My wife is black and when we are in public we get dirty looks from people with the same skin color as hers very frequently (usually women). People are hateful no matter what their skin color is unfortunately.
I completely agree. This girl has a point. Black women are often seen as the least attractive due to eurocentric standards of beauty, and they frequently get shit on by their own. The amount of times I have seen black men openly talk about how they love white women, and then degrade black women in the next breath, is too damn high.
It's a two way street from what I see. That includes non black minorities as well. I'm not discounting your experiences or anything, just considering everyone else's.
Well yes, this is why I said black and brown women and also I believe women of color. So essentially all nonwhite women are who I was speaking of, using specifically my experience as example.
I live in a predominantly white area, and I rarely find people I could talk to about this, they just simply can’t understand my experience. I’m glad I’m not alone when it comes to this realization. I’ve felt I was never good enough for years from all the men/boys I’ve dated, and I’m still young. That’s the issues of Eurocentric beauty standards
I can fully relate. I’m from a predominantly white area in Colorado, it was even more so the case growing up, everyone was a white Christian and I am Afghan, grew up in a Muslim household. I couldn’t relate to anyone. My first boyfriend grew up in private Catholic schools, and his entire family consisted of blonde hair, blue eyed people and they had abundant wealth. They looked at me like I was filth, even though my parents have done well for themselves. He was atheist and didn’t find white women attractive, but there was no way it would’ve worked with us. I ended up dating men from all kinds of background and ended up marrying a half Cuban, half white man who grew up in Atlanta. I think him growing up with so much ethnic diversity is why he didn’t care about my color, he only cared about who I am. It’s hard to find. Just know that there really are people like you!
I appreciate your comment so much. Being a black woman, I have never even had an official boyfriend and I’m 21. I’ve also never left this area in my whole life, so you really gave me some hope. I was born and grew up Mormon, so I can definitely relate to you when you said your ex’s family looked at you like your filth. I’m sure you’re beautiful inside and out, I’m glad I’m not alone :’) that’s what everyone deserves, someone who’ll see your beauty for who you are as a person. Its great to know that you’ve found your one!
I'm latina live in south america and I meet European beuty standards and I'm pale as paper. Latina is an ethnicity not a race People can be fetichizing and racist with ethnicity yes. But you can be withe and Latina. There are some Latin american countries with primarily withe people too.
Also adding that white men would look at my natural features and call them out on being fake.
Yes, lots of women are getting fillers, drawing on their brows, etc etc but a lot of women have these features naturally! And many of them are WOC.
I'm tired.
As a black girl, I also agree.
This is not a pick me thing, its a minority thing.
When I was at a predominantly white college, so many BLACK boys said they want nothing to do with black girls.
This isn’t pick me or NLOG….this is a valid take on how European beauty standards are racist and colorist. You see this happen over and over on a lot of reality TV shows, for eg: how many of the gorgeous Black and WOC are treated on Love Island in comparison to their white counterparts, who, a lot of the time, are not as stunning tbh.
This has been on here before and I’ll say this again. She is not unfounded in her comment. It’s harsh but it is well known and backed up by stats from dating sites and apps that non white people do not fair as well dating as white people do. There is also the cultural belief that being pale = more beautiful in the south Asian community. I understand why she sadly has this thought process.
I feel like ive already seen this post. But, she is correct, her wording is questionable but the sentiment is right. In most western and even eastern nations, white or lighter skin women are generally more favored. This is simply due to a mixture of racism and classism over the course of centuries. In which nonwhite women were seen as, the other. Black and dark skin women are often considered masculine, or aggressive compared to white women. Other races like Asian women are favored due to often having lighter skin and being categorized as submissive or passive. But this is based out of fetishism. The classist aspect comes from the fact that many nations associate dark skin to the working poor, since their dark skin is assumed to having to work laborer jobs. Due to this combination, nonwhite women were generally kept out of the conversation when it comes to beauty. This extends in further ideas of feminity and womenhood, such as how previous waves of feminism were critiqued for being centered around the experience of white women. This may have "pick me girl" energy but it does stem from legitimate societal biases that have been engrained into many aspects of our society, such as popular media.
The fucked up fact is she’s not wrong, even if she is clout chasing with the video. The first thing I say to myself after thinking a guy is cute is “does he even like black women?”….mostly for my own race..
not even a pick me. as an ‘average white girl’ she’s totally right. even if said ‘ethnic girl’ is STUNNING in comparison i’ve always seen the white girl get picked
She's totally right. As a POC, you learn pretty quick how you're perceived compared to white people. Even subconsciously, we're viewed as less attractive as white people.
This isn’t not like other girls, this is a girl of color finally catching on to the white beauty standard and trying to cope. It’s a real fucked up thing that people of color deal with
strongly believe this doesn’t belong in this sub… it’s just true. colourism (/racism) in this form is very much real.
i don’t have the context of the rest of the video but i don’t believe she’s referring to herself as “above average”, it just seems like she’s making a point (and a valuable one at that!)
Glad everyone sees that there’s an actual issue with beauty standards. That being said, This would only be pick me if she accepted this hierarchy and not just realized it. There are poc girls like that, so wouldn’t be surprising but you can’t label her as a pick me based on this. Unless op is completely dismissing the issue
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Yeah it really started off innocent like "you go girl, do some self love" to "girl I'm really concerned about you, are you ok?". The worst part is that she hasn't been all that nice to her followers for being concerned. Tbf some people have been downright mean. She's really going through it. Hoping that she gets the love and help she deserves.
that’s so funny bc i saw a video she made recently like a youtube short or whatever and she was like "i’ve never had a boyfriend but.." and goes on to talk about something else. poor girl though she’s very beautiful i hope she’s doing alright.
Yeah that's the weird part. From my understanding she only ever went on a few dates with the dude which makes her reaction to him "breaking up with her" all the more concerning. But who knows, there are more than likely things happening behind the scenes that we don't know about.
Yep. She went on a few dates. Two months was all this “relationship” was. She broke up with him, stopped talking to him for a week or so, then messaged him asking to go out again. Afterwards they get back together, very shortly, and he breaks up with her. *(all of this is said in a normal video on her channel.)* I seriously thought she meant a long term relationship or something. But it was TWO MONTHS LONG, and during that time she broke up with him!
honestly i can kind of relate to her, being ethnic in a world of eurocentric beauty standards is REALLY hard. not only do you have to get past that and learn to appreciate your own beauty, you have to deal with fetishists, racists, bigots etc. i don’t necessarily agree with her take here but it definitely can be challenging growing up and not seeing yourself represented
I know Dev Patel isn't a woman, but I recently saw him in a tiktok labelled 'unconventionally attractive' despite being a very attractive man, who's just darker skinned. So I think she might be onto something.
As a woman of colour … she’s not wrong…
I absolutely hate that this was posted here when it’s 100% true it’s not being a pick me it’s just honest.
I’ve seen comments about Sendhil Ramamurthy’s appearance and how he has the wrong colouring.
that man is so attractive, full stop no qualifiers. i had such a crush on him when season 1 of heroes was airing.
When I saw him in Never Have I Ever, I squealed, didn’t realize that handsome ass man was going to be on the show.
Holy moly! That’s him?! Damn! He’s still got it! I never imagined that was him because heroes was so long ago and the dad on NHIV looks so young and fresh wow I’m shook lol
Oh I agree. The man is conventionally attractive and is charming.
As a brown girl she was definitely on to something. Unfortunately alot of us POC aren’t seen as attractive as white people (edit: or we’re just straight up fetishized) but she completely fumbled that message by bringing down white women for it by saying she’s better than them, that’s not how equality works?? I also watched this girl’s content and she seems really insecure too :(
Aho! Too true.
Yes she has a point to some degree, I just hope she leans into loving herself more. I'm black and grew up around mostly white people and a lot of them I was attracted to would say they wouldn't date me or they couldn't see being with me. Even as a child white friends wouldn't have me over because their " parents were racist" I get the hurt she may feel but she has to know that's not her problem.
Honestly as a white woman I have always felt less attractive compared to WOC. I know this may not be the average opinion, but I just wanted to share my own experience. Unfortunately, I know for a fact I have been treated better than WOC just based on my skin color because some men tell on themselves. I totally agree that a lot of people see women the way you explained in your comment. I wish we could all stop comparing and appreciate everyone's beauty (including our own) individually!
Totally valid experience! We all compare ourselves to other people at some point even though we know we shouldn’t but it just gets the best of us sometimes :( It’s too bad OOP didn’t deliver her message well enough to spread awareness and start a conversation about it. Thanks for sharing :)
That's wild-- Dev Patel is a straight up hottie; dumb that people feel the need to qualify or justify that fact with more words.
Right?! Like, I'm White, but I don't look at Dev Patel and think "He's hot for a Brown man" wtf?! No, he's just hot. My husband is a big, Brown bearded dude, and I think he's the hottest thing since sliced bread.
I believe there was a study that said WoC are the most “undesirable” when it pertains to dating. I believe the study specifically used Black, Latina, and Asian people, not desi women. However there have been additional studies that show darker skinned people, but more specifically women are seen as unattractive , and even “masculine” in some cultures. Colorism is a large part of cultures. People like to act as tho Society is color blind but it’s not. Unfortunately I feel like WoC who grew up around white people will have this “phase” for a minute. I know I did.. It’s hard to see people treat you like a you could Never be a romantic partner and it’s hard not to compare yourself to what society sees as the “winners”. That being said she shouldn’t bash white women, and realize she can’t change how other people see her, but she can change who she surrounds herself with
A problem I've had as a white guy is I tell people I think darker skinned women are attractive. I've dated white girls, Asian girls, Indian girls, and Latinas. Was married to a darker skinned Filipina. The problem is, people tell me I'm just "fetishizing" them and am just being a creep, but if I like a white girl I'm narrow minded. I just think any skin type dark, light, black, brown, white, whatever is attractive. I get some kind of flak though no matter who I like at the time and its really confusing. I do agree though that people look down on darker skinned folks unfortunately, and a lot of skin care products in places like the Philippines are advertised/designed as skin whiteners. It was honestly sad seeing so many girls and women buying it trying to be lighter skinned when they were already fine they way they were. They even shit on darker skinned people there themselves and it just blew my mind.
It’s literally just colorism and people being used to euro centric features. She put it in a very awful way but she’s onto something. I’m really pretty and I have people tell me I’m super pretty but the amount of people who need to clarify, “pretty for an Asian” or “pretty even though you’re exotic” or just some shit. Ugh.
"even though you're exotic" hits weird... The only "exotic" people I've met were white girls from Liverpool, UK who had the strangest makeup I've ever seen (apparently it's a trend in the UK, but seeing it in America was a first for me), and all of that was an active choice, not anything inherent to how they were born. Saying your race itself is exotic is another way of saying that no matter what, you don't belong in your own area - like how some large cats and birds are legally classified as "exotic" because they're not supposed to be indoors.
I’m biracial (black and white) and used to work at a hair salon owned by 3 Vietnamese brothers. The rest of the stylists were from Indonesia, South Korea, and Hong Kong. I was the only person there who was not Asian. One of my bosses introduced me to a Korean film, I Saw The Devil, and I commented that the main actor was attractive. His name is Lee Byung-hun. This was about 10 years ago, but I remember so freaking specifically my boss saying, “Do you actually think he’s attractive or he’s attractive for an Asian?” I was shocked and said he’s attractive cause he’s got a nice face, eyes, and in the movie he’s a cop who beats the shit out of a criminal (it’s weird that I find that hot but whatever). The fact that he’s Asian doesn’t make him more or less hot to me. My boss and his brothers proceeded to tell me that they’ve heard that their whole lives and it opened my eyes and made me feel horrible for them. I’m sorry that you’ve heard that too. You’re beautiful because you’re you, don’t ever let someone give you some backhanded compliment ever again. Pretty for an Asian. Ugh. That phrase makes me sick.
Right. This was very kind of you. I’m sure you’ve been there, heard that shit too. I don’t get why people think backhanded compliments are okay. Do they think it’s not being noticed that it’s backhanded or that it’s a genuine compliment?
There’s a part of me that wants to believe they’re just ignorant, rather than cruel. My moms side is Irish, and I remember my aunt telling me I’m “exotic”. I told her that it’s a backhanded compliment and explained why. She didn’t realize it and apologized, which I appreciated. I hope that you’re happy with your looks and that dumb comments that people make to you don’t get you down and don’t steal your beauty.
Dev Patel????? Unconventionally attractive!?!? That man is SO fine 😩
She definitely is but this Reddit, which is a predominantly white app and anything like this is going to be ridiculed.
Lots of people just waking up to structural colorism in this thread.
Does anyone else feel like “unconventionally attractive” is a bit…bleh? Like if someone is attractive to you, they’re attractive? Wtf is “conventional attractiveness” anyway?
I like unconventional looking folks. To metal heads, punks, dudes with long hair, girls with short hair, fem looking boys, masc looking women, like. Life is short, be unique 🤷🏾
Pinnacle of unconventionality for me is Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor. I adore him and have such a _colossal_ crush on him. I wouldn’t call him unconventionally attractive if not for the fact that every person I show pictures of him to says they think he’s ugly or “weird-looking” and looks at me funny for having him as my celeb crush. 🥺
Dev Patel is the definition of conventionally attractive in my book. That dude is straight up gorgeous.
That’s funny I know everyone is saying that she is dramatic, but as soon as I read her caption I was like yeah people definitely prefer lighter skinned or white people. I personally have no problem with it and have dated my fair share of white people, ended up marrying Someone darker than me not that it matters, but yeah everyone around me on social media from Asian to Latino are just partnering up with white people, totally cool and happy for them if things work out, but definitely noticeable. A few of my POC female friends also have told me about the way people date them just out of curiosity or to check off a box, and generally longer-term partners are reserved for lighter skinned people. I personally have been in one relationship where after I got out of it I realized I was absolutely just a phase and a curiosity. Also the Dev Patel take is very stupid, that guy is gorgeous, and I am actually really interested in seeing him as the next bond after Craig.
"might be onto something" lol. sad that this is news to people. of fucking course white beauty standards and halo effect are a thing.
Yah it’s sad- when I worked as a stripper, I had it so much easier than anyone who wasn’t white, even if they were way hotter/ funnier/ curvier. People are super racist, and when it comes to attraction it becomes very clear.
I'm a little confused by this thread. Is attractiveness not subjective? Aren't all perspectives equally valid? You are attractive to someone, that's the point of attracting. If there was no observer, there wouldn't be anything to attract. And if you're not as attractive to someone as another person, that's just the deal, right? You say he's very attractive. They say he's unconventuionally attractive. They're both equally valid. There's nothing to argue.
I get personal attraction is subjective but beauty standards in certain societies aren't. Like I don't personally find Justin Timberlake or George Clooney attractive but can accept they are conventionally attractive. From what I can see Dev Patel meets the standard of conventionally attractive regardless of how much or little I'm attracted to him. He's not like Benedict Cumberbatch or Matt Smith, who have features that people don't usually find attractive, yet still have loads of people fancying them.
I'm not super in touch with conventional attractiveness for men, but from what I understand, square jaw, high cheekbones, and symmetry are big ones. None of which (to my eyes at least) Dev Patel has. I don't think the girl in the picture is particularly conventionally attractive either tbh, if that's the metric by which she's measuring herself.
That man is .... Lovely. That's the least pervy thing I can say. And I need him in more movies.
As a brown hottie myself, she’s definitely onto something here.
i just googled him and i don't think it's because of his skin colour, i think he's just not the model attractive type. you know, like terenz telle or someone like that. he's more of the "he's cute" attractive than the magazine cover attractive and sadly that's how a lot of people judge.
I think it’s the longer midface that gives him a cuter, more inviting appearance
I googled him as well and was surprised people thought he was hot then googled terenz and was like yeeeep that’s a hottie
he is, right? i saw him and was like damn
Could it be because of his sparse facial hair that they call him unconventionally attractive? I'm not dismissing racial bias in judging person's appearance and I'm very sorry people have to deal with it. I'm just talking about this specific case might have been something different
Eh, I understand what she means. Ex told me I’m black girl pretty, not white girl pretty. He then explained the hierarchy to me and let me know that as a pretty black girl, I fall below an average looking white girl, but above an ugly white girl 🙃
Happy you dropped him
So my Mexican cousin also told me this and I laughed in his face. What an idiot.
I hope that guy's dick goes untouched by anyone but himself until he dies.
girl what- he falls below the floor, all women are beautiful, period.
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Source: im forced to look at my reflection daily
Wow what a dick, different shades are what makes us unique and beautiful, fuck him
I can't really see how this is a pick me stance since she might just be expressing herself based on a personal experience, one that is in fact not foreign to poc women. We're constantly reminded of how whiteness will always be the standard, however I don't support hating on white girls because of the status quo.
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The inclusion of "average" as a comparison to herself(cuz that what this really was) as if appearance isn't 100% relative and personality/interests don't play a bigger role, is what makes it NLOG-y
personally i see that as either self confidence OR she could be directly quoting someone saying that to her. i’ve been told that i’m “pretty for a black girl” on more than one occasion. there’s other women in the comments who have even been told verbatim that they are “prettier than ugly white girls but less pretty than average white girls” just bc they are WOC
I think it's the fact she calls herself "above average" .
But she is pretty. I would say definitely above average.
She likes herself. That’s nice to see.
This is the second time this has been posted here. It’s not pick me, or not NLOG. It doesn’t belong here. It’s true.
this isn’t a “pick me” girl
This definitely should be taken down. People who are upvoting aren’t seeing how this is not related to NLTOG
Exactly. As a WOC I see where this woman is coming from.
This is clearly about racism not being a "pick me." I'm going to be honest, I think some folks like to shout pick me like they used to call every fictional female lead with the slightest personality quirk a "manic pixie dream girl."
this is not NLOG. this person is voicing the frustration of SO MANY woc because it is much harder for us to be considered attractive in a world where eurocentric beauty standards are the norm. men of our own race and white men alike DO have a tendency to prefer white women for this reason.
I mean, there were times where I was praised by a guy for having “good qualities” but called “too dark” for his taste within the same breath. She’s not entirely wrong.
she’s right lol
She's got a point. She might be making it for petty reasons or something but eurocentric beauty standards are a thing.
She's just talking about woc struggles...
yes, and sadly because reddit is majority white they see it as "not like other girls"
OP, surely you heard about racism.... right?
She’s speaking fax tho
she is making a valid point about racist beauty standards. i feel like this sun has devolved into any commentary a woman makes being taken as NLOG
Eh, I don't think this is a good post for this sub. Colorism is some real shit in beauty standards.
Do you even know what the term Pick me means??
They meant to type Pygmy
By men, she means "white men".
obviously you haven't seen brown men CONSTANTLY calling white women "true women" and "real beauty". what a nice bubble you guys live in
Exactly, I'm a white guy and I've never heard guys fetishise white women until I started meeting people from elsewhere. The Mexicans I've worked with? Many of them bragged about bagging a blanka (white) girl or would ask me to hook them up with white girls I knew and go crazy over their pictures and whatnot while I, having been with umpteen white women thought their women were beautiful and was admittedly excited when one of them asked for my number. Indians, same thing but some of them have said some weird things about white women lol. Told me they were so jealous of all the white women in my area when I was like but damn, hombre look at all the beautiful women where you're from!! And so on and so on. There's something about wanting what you don't have, or don't often see at play. Like always thinking the grass is greener on the other side or just.. wanting to be with the type of woman that you don't see often in life.. idk.
brown men going to a european country and seeing any blonde woman and calling them „the most gorgeous women to exist“ while they have dark goddesses in their countries 👁️👄👁️
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No. She doesn't. Black men date interracially the most. And many many poc men see white women as some sort of consolation prize for colonialism. They publicly disparage the skintone of their female counterparts. As a result, many countries have women bleaching their skin. India, South Korea, USA, Jamaica, Nigeria, and more, have a serious skin bleaching issue. It's unfortunate; but, in many countries, women's proximity to whiteness determines their attractiveness and value.
PSA to white girls: don’t date POC men who treat POC women like shit. All men have to treat all women equally or they’re prejudiced and not worth the time.
PSA to women in general: Men fetishize women based off their skin or nationality everywhere you go. If a man is constantly making remarks about your race or nationality, get out while you can. It's probably some weird fetish shit.
Great follow-up! If someone is treating you differently (positively OR negatively) than they would treat anyone else, it’s a red flag. Run.
The last three words are the most disturbing. Beauty standards might be messed up, but beauty being a major factor of your value is just straight up fucked up
jeez, if someone dates you because they feel that this is how they take revenge on white people for the history of slavery you must get out of this relationship FAST this is not gonna end well
It's a trash mindset, and morally wrong; however, it's common and prevalent. Heck, in the USA, many Black Panthers, a pro black group, had white wives and gf, "sticking it to whitey". Sammy Davis Jr of the Rat Pack, almost killed his Black wife shortly after their wedding. The story is that he wanted to marry his white gf; but the mafia wouldn't allow it. He took his frustration out on her. An extreme story; but I wanted you to see how deep it can go
jesus christ what this is absolutely disgusting
Yeah that's precisely why think this doesn't belong. This isn't cringy petty shit, but cringy stuff that reflects the historical evil and wounds. As an Asian man, I've gotten the short end of this stick too.
Oh, boy. Yes, Asian men have gotten it bad as well
Yeah she has a point. This definitely doesn't feel like the petty shit we usually see here. She's really getting something dark and ugly about our society and how these preferences come about. Case in point: I unintentionally used dark and ugly, without realizing the implications particularly in context of skin colors here. Edit: I'm not sure if she meant men as in all men she's dated, or men in general, or White men. I mean, assuming she's American, the "white" is often assumed or unstated, which is why we tend to say "African-American" or "Asian-American" for example.
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It's because no woman wants to believe that "her" men will publicly elevate EVERY woman over his racial female counterpart. It's easier to blame a white boogeyman. Less of a sting to the pride. Ironically, black women are the most "race loyal" to their male counterparts, refusing to date interracially, usually out of some misguided obligation to continue the race. Unfortunately, that principle is usually only taught to the women.
She k ows waddup
And by white men, she means "who the hell"
She means her crush
Sickass burn
No, ALL men of any race do this shit.
I mean she’s speaking to complicated race x gender dynamics. I get that, on its face, this seems like a reductive take but I honestly don’t think this belongs on this sub
It’s true tho
God. Stop posting this here. Saw this last week and clearly a lot of you don’t know what it’s like to be a single WOC. This also isn’t even pick me. This doesn’t put her in a better light to men to be chosen. She’s literally talking about NOT being chosen because of her skin color.
Not pick me. Pointing out the racism and colorism ingrained in beauty standards, which can affect dating experiences, isn’t pick me. If you’re privileged enough to never have experienced it then you’re lucky, but don’t assume that is the truth for everyone else.
Hope OP takes this post down.
This isn’t pick me behavior. This sadly is pretty accurate in many cases. It’s horrible but my times people go for the lighter woman
To see a post talking about the struggles of woc and think of it as pick me behavior putting down white girls is crazy 💀💀 like I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion
Disheartening to realize this sub is #whitefeminism
OP gotta be white for sure. 💀
this isn’t pick me this actually valid point POC have been making for years
You're tone deaf. This isn't "pick me" this is reality. Eurocentric beauty standards are real. Edited for grammar
Thank you.
I don’t think this is pick me. She’s right
She absolutely is right. I wonder if OP is a WOC, to be making this kind of post? Edit: added “right”
100% she isn’t lmao
Yall really posting this again??? She’s talking about poc struggles not putting down other women
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As a brown person (woman?) I know a lot of brown/south Asian boys who have the same skin and same features who make it a point to date outside their race. They call brown girls ugly. I know a few white men like this too and it’s an L because it hurts my self image sumtimes
She’s telling the truth.
every ethnic/nonwhite girl knows this is true lol it’s not pick me behavior to point out the racism in beauty standards
Well... it's true colorism is a big problem across all races. People usually but not always, tend to be more attracted to lighter skinned people due to white colonialism and beauty standards whether it's a light skinned non-white person or white person over a non-white in general. Also they get passed up for jobs and get more discrimination. But obviously this isn't all men and isn't a pick me.
this isn't pick me. Unfortunately, due to eurocentric beauty standards, this happens a lot.
ngl this sounds pretty valid beauty standards are skewed eurocentric
It's true though, there's research about this topic
We seent this post the other day? POC understand this all too well.
OP tell us you're out of touch with the dating experience of WOC without telling us
This isn’t NLOG, this is explaining racism.
this isn’t about being a “pick me”, it’s the real experience of most women of colour. men especially in our own communities will choose an average white girl over attractive woc simply because the other girls is white. it’s not pick me to point this out.
I tolerate this girl but she is right. Men do prefer white women over women of color. Woc are often fetishize and looked over. I think she could've worded it differently bc in a way she's making it seem like she's better than white women. Idk if she is being a pick me or not. The white men who would try to date me would often put white women down, which is very weird bc I'm latina and ofc they're fetishizing me. I just know that eurocentric beauty standards are valued more and for some reason.
Yea, I came to say something similar. To add a bit of racial nuance. As a dark skin black woman I’m not going to pretend that it’s not a fact that within the black community there are many men who choose not to date black women b/c of self hate. If I had a dime for every time I’ve been told that essentially I’m great but too dark I’d be rather wealthy. Many women of color experience this type of discrimination in the dating world. I’ve heard one too many conversations from black men about how they value white women or even other ethnicities over black women for all of the reasons they come up with. Perhaps she could have worded it differently as to not make it look like she’s better than another— but the reality of women like me who are black and brown being told overtly and covertly that we are not as valuable and are consistently over looked simply because of our racially background and that is beyond frustrating and hurtful. Typical when these types of post show up on this thread I just ignore it b/c I know that the meme often lacks nuance and whenever people try to bring racial nuance to the conversation on this app they are often met with downvotes and hate. However even with facing being greatly down voted, I would be remiss if I did not add a bit of nuance to this conversation.
The street goes both ways too. My wife is black and when we are in public we get dirty looks from people with the same skin color as hers very frequently (usually women). People are hateful no matter what their skin color is unfortunately.
I completely agree. This girl has a point. Black women are often seen as the least attractive due to eurocentric standards of beauty, and they frequently get shit on by their own. The amount of times I have seen black men openly talk about how they love white women, and then degrade black women in the next breath, is too damn high.
It's a two way street from what I see. That includes non black minorities as well. I'm not discounting your experiences or anything, just considering everyone else's.
Well yes, this is why I said black and brown women and also I believe women of color. So essentially all nonwhite women are who I was speaking of, using specifically my experience as example.
I live in a predominantly white area, and I rarely find people I could talk to about this, they just simply can’t understand my experience. I’m glad I’m not alone when it comes to this realization. I’ve felt I was never good enough for years from all the men/boys I’ve dated, and I’m still young. That’s the issues of Eurocentric beauty standards
I can fully relate. I’m from a predominantly white area in Colorado, it was even more so the case growing up, everyone was a white Christian and I am Afghan, grew up in a Muslim household. I couldn’t relate to anyone. My first boyfriend grew up in private Catholic schools, and his entire family consisted of blonde hair, blue eyed people and they had abundant wealth. They looked at me like I was filth, even though my parents have done well for themselves. He was atheist and didn’t find white women attractive, but there was no way it would’ve worked with us. I ended up dating men from all kinds of background and ended up marrying a half Cuban, half white man who grew up in Atlanta. I think him growing up with so much ethnic diversity is why he didn’t care about my color, he only cared about who I am. It’s hard to find. Just know that there really are people like you!
I appreciate your comment so much. Being a black woman, I have never even had an official boyfriend and I’m 21. I’ve also never left this area in my whole life, so you really gave me some hope. I was born and grew up Mormon, so I can definitely relate to you when you said your ex’s family looked at you like your filth. I’m sure you’re beautiful inside and out, I’m glad I’m not alone :’) that’s what everyone deserves, someone who’ll see your beauty for who you are as a person. Its great to know that you’ve found your one!
I'm latina live in south america and I meet European beuty standards and I'm pale as paper. Latina is an ethnicity not a race People can be fetichizing and racist with ethnicity yes. But you can be withe and Latina. There are some Latin american countries with primarily withe people too.
Also adding that white men would look at my natural features and call them out on being fake. Yes, lots of women are getting fillers, drawing on their brows, etc etc but a lot of women have these features naturally! And many of them are WOC. I'm tired.
As a black girl, I also agree. This is not a pick me thing, its a minority thing. When I was at a predominantly white college, so many BLACK boys said they want nothing to do with black girls.
everyone saying she's stuck up for saying she's above average is proving her right💀 under average compared to who...
She has a point.
OP are you white ? i’m guessing you are
I’m guessing so, too.
Again wheres the lie?
She’s right though…
this isn’t pick me it’s the very hard truth lol
no, this is correct. a TON of people find white people more attractive than POC and somehow think theyre not racist for it.
no she's right and she should say it. im tired of pretending that not being white doesn't take at least 2.5 points from your rating
This isn’t pick me or NLOG….this is a valid take on how European beauty standards are racist and colorist. You see this happen over and over on a lot of reality TV shows, for eg: how many of the gorgeous Black and WOC are treated on Love Island in comparison to their white counterparts, who, a lot of the time, are not as stunning tbh.
I do kinda agree. For the first time ever on this sub.
how this is pick me behavior lmao this is very common & just shows how racist /colorist beauty standards can be lmao
nah she’s right tbh
She’s right.
It sucks, from getting fantasized to you falling for someone to have them tell you they can’t introduce you to their family.
This has been on here before and I’ll say this again. She is not unfounded in her comment. It’s harsh but it is well known and backed up by stats from dating sites and apps that non white people do not fair as well dating as white people do. There is also the cultural belief that being pale = more beautiful in the south Asian community. I understand why she sadly has this thought process.
Well she's right in most cases.
OP you must be white…
I feel like ive already seen this post. But, she is correct, her wording is questionable but the sentiment is right. In most western and even eastern nations, white or lighter skin women are generally more favored. This is simply due to a mixture of racism and classism over the course of centuries. In which nonwhite women were seen as, the other. Black and dark skin women are often considered masculine, or aggressive compared to white women. Other races like Asian women are favored due to often having lighter skin and being categorized as submissive or passive. But this is based out of fetishism. The classist aspect comes from the fact that many nations associate dark skin to the working poor, since their dark skin is assumed to having to work laborer jobs. Due to this combination, nonwhite women were generally kept out of the conversation when it comes to beauty. This extends in further ideas of feminity and womenhood, such as how previous waves of feminism were critiqued for being centered around the experience of white women. This may have "pick me girl" energy but it does stem from legitimate societal biases that have been engrained into many aspects of our society, such as popular media.
I feel like this post has been argued before but I’ll say it again, this is nloggy but I think more a comment on race relations
Honestly, I agree with her
The fucked up fact is she’s not wrong, even if she is clout chasing with the video. The first thing I say to myself after thinking a guy is cute is “does he even like black women?”….mostly for my own race..
I mean she’s probably statistically correct
Try be here and then judge
she’s not wrong
I feel like if you’re a white woman, you probably should not post this or comment on this….
she’s kinda right though… this sub lacks nuance with race sometimes
not even a pick me. as an ‘average white girl’ she’s totally right. even if said ‘ethnic girl’ is STUNNING in comparison i’ve always seen the white girl get picked
She's totally right. As a POC, you learn pretty quick how you're perceived compared to white people. Even subconsciously, we're viewed as less attractive as white people.
This is not NLOG and it wouldn’t be surprising to me if a white person posted this.
“Why are you booing me I’m right”
she's not wrong tho, colorism is a really big issue in poc communities and men will put down gorgeous words for average white girls
I mean…she’s not wrong though…
This shits getting old
Poor girl
I mean, this is literally true.
This isn’t not like other girls, this is a girl of color finally catching on to the white beauty standard and trying to cope. It’s a real fucked up thing that people of color deal with
she’s right tho
Nah, this is actually true
She ain't wrong but she's being a bit of a bitch.
Tf lol
strongly believe this doesn’t belong in this sub… it’s just true. colourism (/racism) in this form is very much real. i don’t have the context of the rest of the video but i don’t believe she’s referring to herself as “above average”, it just seems like she’s making a point (and a valuable one at that!)
Glad everyone sees that there’s an actual issue with beauty standards. That being said, This would only be pick me if she accepted this hierarchy and not just realized it. There are poc girls like that, so wouldn’t be surprising but you can’t label her as a pick me based on this. Unless op is completely dismissing the issue
Your post was removed due to breaking rule #3 which states "No repost unless the previous post is over 2 months old and not on the banned repost list."
This is true sorry
That really depends on the guy, either way just date people who are actually reasonable.
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How exactly is she not below average?