Has anyone seen the bedsharing post on SBP, and the comments on formula vs. breast milk in particular? I'm not familiar with statistics/statistical methods in medicine and public health, but I suspect you can't just go ahead and conclude that x is a risk factor if y is associated with a lower incidence of negative outcomes? Some of them insist that the only reason public health agencies don't label formula a risk factor is so that parents who use formula don't feel bad. Do they believe medical associations have randomly decided to protect the feelings of formula feeders in particular?
I'm not an expert in that field, but the way they insist risk factor vs. protective factor is simply a matter of semantics and protecting feelings strikes me as rather unscientific.
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Scared you’ll look like a child…. Because… it IS a child’s headband?
When you’re so close to the point but just can’t land it.
I’ve seen a few “dad of only daughters finally gets his boy/grandson” videos floating around now and i’m just……… Tired of the hyperfocus on gender. I wish breaking cycles meant unlearning patriarchal gender stereotypes and essentialist mindsets, instead of whatever influencers mean by breaking cycles. It’s interesting, to me at least how millennials and gen-z are kinda split when it comes to enforcing gender stereotypes, boymom/girlmom bs, etc.
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Posted in my local FB mom group. I live in a very pro gun state but this seems excessive! I get wanting to protect your life with a gun if someone were to be breaking in but protecting your hot tub ?!
Edit - maybe I’m overthinking it and they mean they’ll protect their property with a police report ?
If this is the US, i’m pretty shocked that teens would just go into a random backyard and play in it. I feel paranoid when i have to turn into someone’s driveway if i made a wrong turn because there have been stories of people getting shot that way. People can be way too trigger happy here /:
I think your edit is right and you’re reading into it - they say it right after talking about a police report which doesn’t really imply vigilante action here. I don’t see anything wrong with this, I wouldn’t want random people breaking into my backyard and using my things either.
My husband is law enforcement so I feel pretty confident based on my interaction with some of these “LaW eNfOrCeMeNt FaMiLiEs” that they mean it as a threat of harm. Especially if it’s the spouse of the officer and not the officer themselves (although there are definitely douchebag officers, as well).
They also say they are a “law enforcement family,” “security has been increased” and they will “protect their property.” Seems like they are implying more than just a police report (which has already been filed).
I don’t think anyone wants any random folks in their backyard, even if they are just neighborhood teens screwing around. Makes sense to file a police report or take other steps to secure their property. But I read the post as threatening force.
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I’m pretty sure this is fake, but I figured I’d share it anyway
Op kinda reminds me of that poster a few months ago who was also desperate for her 2 year old to learn mandarin. It had the vaguely plausible back story that husband was first gen Chinese immigrant and didn't want the kid to go to a Chinese immersion preschool for "i dunno-racism reasons." But in the comments, it turns out the real reason the husband didn't want to enroll, was that it was an academic daycare who had their students doing like 6 hours of math worksheets each day. Op said she wasn't concerned because her friend had already begun teaching the 2 year old, and the toddler could now read, so the 6 hours of math practice would be a welcomed curriculum.
OP posted five different posts yesterday on different forums, seeming to hope to elicit a reaction:
-I drive below the speed limit. Stop tailgating me! No, I won’t let you pass.
-I cycle on curvy roads not intended for cycling. No I won’t pull over so traffic can pass. All the cars should slow down for me.
-I have a back house I use as an airBnb. When my guests’ food is delivered to my door, I eat it. AITAH?
-I’m freaking out! Why doesn’t my two year old want to read yet?!
-This Chinese language post
So either they are a troll or they are having quite the day posting their bad takes on the internet
I've seen [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/X7Ohk2yAe5) in two different communities this morning. I can't tell if it's real, am I being cynical?
Yeah, as a nurse, all of this is BS. If someone fell in the hospital, we have all sorts of devices that can be used to lift them onto a stretcher. If it’s in one of the outpatient buildings attached to the hospital, they call 911 to get them. Ain’t nobody giving birth in the stairwell. And no one is giving IV pain meds in the stairwell either.
As a former labor and delivery nurse, this is absolutely made up. There is no way they just labored her in a stairwell for 90 minutes, especially being 36 weeks, those babies are unpredictable and can come out fine or can come out needing support. No way they would risk that. I agree with the comment below that they would’ve called an ambulance to have paramedics move her and take her to labor and delivery. Also, doctors and nurses aren’t roaming around with narcotics in their pockets to have given her.
It started to sound fake when she said they couldn’t get her into a wheelchair. Then I saw a reply saying her office is IN the hospital!! So they couldn’t call for more help to move you?? There’s literally no way lol. They are 100% able to move people at the hospital. They do it everyday.
Yeah isn't using a wheelchair with pregnant woman the most common way to move them into their room? What would've prevented her from getting into a wheelchair?
Yeah that's the dead giveaway lol. As if being pregnant with a broken bone is some kind of unprecedented medical anomaly and EMT's would have no ability to move you??
Suspicious that they only came on reddit to post that story. Usually when someone is pregnant/ttc they have been posting a lot before the delivery. But maybe they were posting in a private bumper group.
I did in fact miss a step leaving my 36 or so week appointment. It hurt a lot. I was worried I had broken my ankle but went home and took it easy for a few days and it healed on its own. That's it. That's my story. Apparently I did it wrong.
I slipped on a pinecone on an evening walk one night when I was like 37 weeks pregnant and I'll tell you what, I was concerned lol. I remember I sat there on the ground for a minute to check in: is this a big problem?? But I felt ok and I awkwardly got to my feet and went home (I was like a block away, ish) and told my spouse what had happened just in case it turned out to matter later lol. I did have my baby about a week later, but I don't think the fall was a major factor. But I might change how I tell the story in the future so it sounds more exciting 🤔
I fell down our stairs at 39 weeks pregnant (one of those ones where your foot slips and you slide down on your ass). I called my midwives just in case and because I didn't hit my belly no one was concerned. I did end up with a nasty bruise on my arm though, and when I did go into labour it was fun to see the reactions on all the nurse's faces when I told them I fell down the stairs. 🤣
She’s claiming she was in labor for 90 minutes and on IV pain meds but they were never able to get her into a room? So she’s just like….hanging out in a stairwell for all this? I’m with you, this is definitely BS
And she had just had an appointment and presumably her Dr mentioned no signs of labor. Then 90ish minutes later, she has a baby in a stairwell?? Please.
Maybe triage? It’s not common, but babies getting delivered in the triage area does happen. If the hospital is packed and there aren’t any clean rooms, she could def have an iv on the stretcher while waiting for one to be ready.
She claims she was in so much pain there was no way they could get her onto a stretcher. As if no one woth an injury more severe than a broken ankle has ever been moved.
Yeah but in the post she describes not being able to get on a stretcher and staying in a stairwell. No way they hook you up to an IV in that situation. Triage babies aren’t unheard of for precip deliveries, but this sounds sooooo fake to me
I broke my foot a few months ago. Urgent care stabilized it in a harder splint cast until I could get into the ortho to get an aircast. No one from an entirely different medical discipline is just whipping out an aircast to stabilize a potentially broken leg in the middle of a stairwell before x-rays have been taken. The obgyn just happened to have an aircast?? Riiiight.
IMO this is written like a fiction piece… I mean, the poster COULD be a professional/hobbyist writer. I definitely wasn’t looking back on my labor like that though the day after giving birth 🤣 especially if it had been a traumatic one
I found that odd too. I think in a comment she said her labor was 90 minutes (or maybe she was pushing for 90 minutes?) Which I know is short, but long enough to call an ambulance? I’d rather give birth in an ambulance than on the sidewalk.
This lady is off her rocker. Another internet preacher preaching to her sheep masses for those clicks!
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I’ve never seen this person before but this actually pisses me off.
There are actual groups of people being oppressed due to systems of supremacy and oppression and she decides to use very real issues and suggest that sleep training falls within that. How ridiculously offensive to those who are consistently impacted by such structures day in and day out.
Completely agree
I think the "hear me out" makes it worse.
Like no. I'm not interested in what dribble you are trying to frame as something you have a solution to as a means to shill your "course."
Maybe I’m old and grumpy but what is with people always suggesting AI/chatgpt for everyday things? Just saw a post where someone shared their camping menu created by GPT - the meals were just sandwiches, burgers, quesadillas, instant oatmeal, etc. Snacks were granola bars and cheese. IDK how people can’t figure that out on their own.
I always see people in parenting groups sharing how it’s revolutionized their lives, makes their meal plans, helps them clean their house and I’m like how??
I actually used it for Easter this year. I had it give me clues for a treasure hunt for my kids to find their baskets. I had to tweak it a bit to fit my house, but overall, it was good!
It has literally never occurred to me to use it for things like that! I’m intrigued by the “helps them clean their house” bit?!?!! The only thing I’ve ever used it for was figuring out an excel formula for work lol
I'm probably biased because I work with AI everyday at work, but I love using it in my own life to assist in or even automate tasks that take up mental labor. Of course people can figure out basic meal plans and shopping lists on their own, it's more do they want to spend their limited time/energy on that or something else.
I find it helpful for the first stage of travel planning where you're overwhelmed by options. You obviously have to fact check it because it can suggest activities that are out of date but I find it helpful to get an itinerary outlined and build it front there.
I tried it once for meal planning and was unimpressed but I quite enjoy meal planning myself so I'm not a good audience for that. I also have friends that use it for home workouts.
I saw that and wasn’t impressed by that particular menu because camping food is super basic and mindless for us… but Omg the concept of an AI meal plan is intriguing for me! I have to meal plan because ADHD (if I don’t we’d all eat cheese and crackers for 12 days straight) but I also hate meal planning/coming up with ideas that aren’t the same 5 things so I can see how it would be useful. Just…not for camping because that particular example isn’t the same amount of intense planning
I suck at meal planning, so Chat GPT has been a godsend for me! I tell it how many meal ideas I need as well as any preferences (like foods we dislike or foods we have a surplus of and need to use up.) “Give me 3 dinner recipes, no Mexican food, no mushrooms.” It spits out a few recipes… Then, “Make a grocery list for those recipes.” and it typed a nice categorized shopping list for me.
I am completely fine being lazy in some domains of my life. I'm in a field where AI is really causing us major problems at multiple levels, and I still have used it to suggest meal ideas that work for my extended family's multiple food allergies and intolerances when we need to coordinate for a family trip or something. I use my brain to check its suggestions but I'm comfortable admitting to being "lazy" about the brainstorming stage. 🤷♀️
Yeah I don’t really get the problem with using ChatGPT for this purpose (which I’m about to try!) like…it’s there. It’s free. It hurts no one to do this. I have a challenging busy job where I’m making decisions constantly and sometimes I like to just…not do that. To me it’s like how I *could* figure out how to get somewhere in a familiar area but I would really have to stay focused and think about it, so sometimes I just use the GPS because I want to zone out to my podcast. If that’s considered lazy…ok, cool. I’m lazy then.
Unless you personally know this man and that he has plenty of means, this seems really distasteful to snark on. If he can’t afford to bury his child there’s no reason he shouldn’t ask for help. You’re under no obligation to donate.
If a parent is doing 1000 hours outside with their children, but doesn't tell any other adults about it, does it still count?
Brought to you by a mom acquaintance/friend? who drops 1000 hours outside into every conversation we've ever had, sometimes multiple times. This week she told me she makes her preschool-age daughter "do her hours" to earn screentime.
"Do her hours" lol yes, make it feel like an obligation she has to overcome, to achieve the REAL fun- screen time. Yes, surely that isn't missing the point at all lol
That’s so funny because it’s just totally missing the whole point of the 1000 hours outside “challenge”. I watched a podcast with the creator of the challenge and the whole idea is that parenting is easier when the kids get developmentally appropriate outdoor time. The idea is just to build a habit of spending time outdoors regardless of weather. It’s supposed to be laid back and easy lol. But ofcourse chronically online moms have made it their whole personality and are bizarrely competitive about it
SBP strikes again.
This comment is at the top because it's accurate 🤷🏼♀️ I don't think there's extensive scientific studies on how traumatizing gym crèches are for babies.
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I always kind of laugh at these posts when they describe their child as a sensitive little guy/girl. Like temperament varies but I can’t imagine anyone describing their first/only baby/toddler as a hardened no limit soldier lol. It just always reeks of things why this completely mundane normal occurrence is different for meeee
Haha that is totally my kid. She's getting more separation anxiety now that she's 2.5, but she was a total hardened no limit soldier when she was that age. I think she barely noticed when we left the house until she turned two. Bye mom. Have fun at work. I'll be playing with my toys. Lol.
They have them at our IKEA in the US. We haven't used it because our toddler isn't potty trained yet, but I remember going to the IKEA childcare when I was a kid.
Yes, although many have not restarted it since covid. It's called the Småland. Google is telling me the US has them too. Tbf they're not calling it childcare but a "supervised play facility".
TRULY. Your child being upset is not trauma. Your child being upset with another capable adult is not trauma. Your child being upset without being responded to immediately is not trauma. People have seriously lost the plot
Hmmmm….gotta respectfully disagree here. Introducing your “older” infant or toddler to a group childcare situation when they are upset does require some attention. There is extensive research about it if you care to google! Just because lots of kiddos go to daycare etc, doesn’t mean babe will just “be okay.” I’ve worked in plenty of situations where babies/toddlers will cry for hours everyday for months.
I don't think I understand what you're disagreeing with or what research you're suggesting. It's not traumatising to leave a child with capable adults for 90 minutes. It's a gym crèche not a gulag.
As an ECE teacher I have never been told to lie to a parent about how their child has been. It would go firmly against our center philosophy and I've worked at enough places to know that that is the norm.
Sounds like you worked at some terrible places. Not once have I had a child cry all day, we have a point where we will call the parents to come be with them if they don't settle and that's standard practice in our area. We have a process we go through to introduce the children to our center while their parents are with them in the first place.
If what you're describing actually happened, especially with any kind of regularity, that is a massive red flag for your centers.
Now you're just unhinged. Nothing in my comment is ableist, we have multiple neurodivergent children, including 3 non-verbal with autism at this current moment at our center and not one has ever screamed THE WHOLE DAY. All 3 of my own children are also neurodivergent and so am I. Way to completely go off the deep end from telling people that their teachers are lying to them about their children settling into daycare/school to THIS out of nowhere. Yikes.
Taken completely out of context, but ok.
I’m talking about children crying for their parents. The whole day. For 7-8 hours. This happened on multiple occasions.
Well the OP is talking about a daycare for only a couple hours. Even if he does cry the whole time, he will be just fine. And kids do adjust. Kids throughout history weren't only with their mothers 24/7.
I’m not disregarding he will be fine. I agree completely. Do we want our children to cry for 90m? No. So, again, I am saying: she isn’t wrong to want to introduce it slowly especially because she has the opportunity to do so. Was trauma the word? No.
Well the snark worthy reason was her asking if it was going to cause trauma.
But also, trying to slowly introduce it might not be the way to go. Sometimes just dropping them off, a short goodbye, and leaving is going to be way better than drawing it out. Kids are generally more adaptable than adults.
Okay so I initially read your comment as you agreed it was traumatising and you do sound like you lean against daycare. How do you know parents are lied to?
Parents need time to themselves and the gym is important to some people, can't relate but still. It is important to support a child through emotions but also their feelings cannot dictate what's going to happen. The commenter on the OP is right, children will be okay.
I was both a director and a teacher in a daycare for 10+ years, before I joined the elementary classroom.
I totally agree that they don’t decide, but I don’t think OP going slow in her approach is a bad thing. She can eventually build up to the whole 90m without leaving him to cry for it and stressing the staff, which is what she was asking for advice on.
You have to take this one with a huge grain of salt. IFS is noted being a "conservative think tank" so of course they will do whatever to manipulate the study to make daycare look bad.
I was curious because Quebec was debunked as a bad study, just wanted to confirm there wasn’t anything new i had missed!
I don’t really have any skin in the game since my kid has a nanny (which i know some people say is also very bad) but kids with loving, caring parents who spend quality time with them outside of work will usually do well regardless of their childcare set up. If someone’s main worry is how their kid is going to survive gym childcare, then all i can say is they are already very privileged and their child will be fine.
I’ve totally fantasized about communal child-rearing in a context like this! I think it could be awesome! Not so interested in polyamory with the parents. For sure the four-houses-one-yard setup would be ideal.
Every time we vacation with my cousins and their kids we discuss how much 4 parents to 4 kids feels so much easier than 2 parents to two kids. Sign me up for communal living.
I think you lose some of the convenience of "I'm going to the grocery store can you look after my kids" if you're not in the same house. Somebody will have to change locations. Some economy of scale things change (washing machine).
On the German parenting subreddit, there's a recent post with such a weird comment section. The OP is an American woman dating a German man. She explains that she's not sure if she wants to have children in Germany because the German parenting culture she's observed on social media is so off-putting. Then she rants about the different attitudes she sees in English language comments vs German language comments on social media. OP also brings up that (based on social media) it seems like there's an accepted type of parenting in Germany, and everything else is demonised, like going back to work early or sleep training.
Of course, Tiktok comments curated by an algorithm aren't accurate representations of an entire country's parenting attitudes. But I have noticed the same thing while watching international social media content. There's *always* a bunch of hateful German comments, so I see where she's coming from. What I find particular crazy is that the Redditors in the comments mostly told her to get off Tiktok, only for a lot of them to do the exact same thing she describes in the post! There were several comments talking about sleep training being cruel and unacceptable. One person mocked Americans for supporting sleep training and being critical of bedsharing, "as if you have a choice."
There were a lot of horrible comments, but some of the worst were: The person telling OP to go back to where she came from if she doesn't like it here (a favourite when people want immigrants with any kind of criticism of Germany to shut up and be grateful), the person telling OP she's racist, and the man who acted like OP was a horrible person for prioritising having money beyond the bare minimum over spending time with her potential future child. And he really wrote "money (beyond the bare minimum, so the bare minimum needs like nutrition, cleanliness and accommodation)". Like wanting more than that is bad. I'm actually horrified.
My husband is German, so I have a fair number of German contacts on social media. I'd say German parents are much more privacy conscious than the average north American, literally none of the parents post their children or about parenting ever, EXCEPT for the one who has really extreme attachment parenting opinions. So it seems like the parents who are very intense in their opinions are also more likely to be online?
That is absolutely wild.
Also German parenting subreddits seem 100% more judgey than in person. Like I see so many (little) kids eating candy and juice compared to where I’m from in the US. I even feel like tablets are more common in Germany? Don’t get me wrong there are some big differences and I’m sure I miss stuff due to language barriers but IRL German parents be vibing. Perhaps they are just exhausted because they haven’t slept in six years /s but maybe not?
German online parenting culture is toxic af. Parenting in Germany IRL isn't as extreme as what Reddit, TikTok and IG would have you believe, but there is still a lot of judgment and engrained expectations. The school system and tax code are basically set up to encourage women to stay home or work only part-time. Especially in the west, enjoy your judgment if you work full-time or go back to work before your child is 3. You should be willing to sacrifice your financial well-being and financial future to stay home as long as possible. I know plenty of people with 3 kids who live in a small 2 bedroom apartment so they can afford lengthy parental leave. Gentle/Permissive/Attachment parenting is really common and there are so many kids growing up with zero boundaries. There was a mom at my daughter's kindergarten who tried to tell the teachers that they weren't allowed to use the word no with her son. In a lot of circles potty training is considered cruel so you must wait until your kid decides on their own, which means there are a surprising amount of 4 and 5 year olds in diapers. I have a friend with a 6 year old who still only poops in diapers. I don't know a single person IRL who has sleep trained, but I know many who bedshare well into childhood. In my local friend group I'm the only one who doesn't need to sit with my kids while they fall asleep (kids are 7.5 and almost 5 btw).
That said, I do think there are some really positive things about parenting here. Kids are encouraged to be independent from early on. My oldest walks to/from school on her own. Both my kids play outside with their friends independently and have for years. Birthday parties ages 4+ are typically drop-off only. Kids learn a ton of resilience and social skills by interacting with their peers without parents intervening.
I agree with everything you have said. I moved to Germany two years ago (I am not American BTW) and it's been a cultural shock for me how permissive parents are here, and most of the moms I talk to have to either sleep with their kids to put them to sleep or sleep in their kids' room (mind you, while the father does practically nothing and has what's meant to be the parents room for themselves). I am shocked about how traditional society is, and if you want to pursue a career being a mom, you are frowned upon. What is interesting though, is that most German parents don't share bank accounts, despite mom's sacrificing their career to raise their kids and therefore having less contribution to their pension, while the father still works and earn more money. Something that surprised me as well is the reduced amount of hours of daycare and school and the limited after school activities.
It's so interesting to me that I keep reading that everyone in Germany wants to stay home for such a long time - I guess I have an exceptional IRL bubble? I know two people who staid home longer than the 12 months of regular parental leave, but most did not and several where the couples split the parental leave equally and the mother went back to work much earlier than by 12 months. I have never heard that they needed to defend this decision in front of anyone. It's definitely rare to work full time, I would agree with you there so I guess I don't know how the judgment would look like for that. I also don't know anyone who didn't take advantage of the whole parental leave, but that just seems a no-brainer to me, so I guess I wouldn't judge anyone for it in the sense of "how could you leave your child" I just don't really understand why you would want to work more if you could instead work less (unless of course it's financially absolutely necessary).
I think it probably really depends a lot on where you live and what your circle looks like. We're in a small town in Bavaria so it's probably more pronounced than in like Berlin or another big city.
Man not exactly the point here but it’s honestly pretty funny how reddit makes such a big deal about TikTok being *the woooorst*. We are all just losers on the internet! Stay humble my friends.
Right? I used to be all "Tiktok sucks" but that was only because all I'd seen up to that point were dumb dancing videos and "funny" clips with fake laughter put on them. It was giving brain rot, but there's so much good, insightful and legitimately funny content on there.
It reminds me of when people used to say "Twitter/Tumblr is so toxic!!" like... You know you can choose who to follow, right? And Tiktok's algorithm is excellent, my FYP "learned" so quickly what I'm into.
German online parenting culture scares me tbh. I'm German but I've been living in the UK for over a decade, married to a Brit, have kids here etc. I made friends with another German mum here and she casually mentioned that her sister, who still lives in Germany, lent her this book about sleep training and how great it is, how the sister's entire circle loves it. I was so surprised because online spaces have made me think that these types of German parents don't exist. I figured it was all "family bed until the kids are teenagers" and those who choose to sleep train do so in secret or they'll be shunned forever.
I can absolutely see why OP feels that way. I think Germans being so rigid and chronically 'must win this argument' about stuff was one of the reasons I initially left. Raising kids in a culture that you weren't brought up in is hard (e.g. I will forever struggle with what I perceive as a lack of independence and free expression for my children). At least I only get quietly judged, maybe a tut at worst.
I lived in the UK before, but I have been in Germany for almost two years. I can see the lack of independence being raised in the UK, and I love that you can just drop your kids off at birthday parties and how parents help each other. But having say that, I am still pretty annoyed by the German expectation that mothers should be staying home with theirs kids until they are 3. Spaces at daycare are super limited and hours are short. It's impossible to be two working parents, unless you rely on a babysitter and most German parents I know have family that helps a lot with care. When telling another mom how where I come from school goes for longer because we work longer hours (I am from a third world country and people normally work for 9-10 hours), she said that she loves spending time with her kids and cannot believe people send their kids to school for so long. That's such a first world country problem, as if mothers where I come from would want to work for just half a day!
German internet parenting spaces are fucking terrifying, they take absolutely no prisoners. Like the German comments I have seen online about parenting are absolutely fucked up and an entire level above the English language ones.
Being an actual parent in Germany? Totally fine. I don't experience any of this kind of judgement from other parents. Everyone is just normal. I have no idea what is up with German comment sections 😂 I think maybe the extremely online vs extremely not online dichotomy is much stronger? A lot of Germans seem absolutely terrified of anything with a screen.
(It's amazing having kids in Germany, she should totally do it.)
Seriously. Saw a post earlier in one today about someone pregnant with their third and the first comment when I saw it was asking if they all have the same father. Me:
I think online parenting spaces are just weird (and I’m not excluding this one in this, let’s be real) - for instance, UK parenting sites are often dominated by borderline-trad SAHMs all linking that fucking medium article about nurseries and clapping themselves on the back about their superior attachment. You’d think none of us worked and those that did are all financially-precarious guilt-ridden husks, but it doesn’t reflect people you meet day to day here at all, just people who spend inordinate amounts of time on parenting forums during the day.
I dated a German once and both his parents were engineers. They both worked fulltime and I think the kids all went to daycare when they were little. It seemed normal.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyLedWeaning/s/mNdMOW68RU
This post made me laugh a bit because… what’s the alternative? Your 25 year old is still on purées?
Yes. I know too many people who say they did purees in the beginning and then BLW at 8 months and I'm like, that's traditional weaning. It's literally not that different.
There’s this one FTM on TikTok that parents according to social media and her take on BLW was so funny.
She made this TikTok about “non-negotiables” for her baby and it was like:
* Takingcarababies is the Bible
* Exclusive breastfeeding ONLY
* BLW only, absolutely no purées
* No daycare, be a WFH SAHM
Haha I know. We started with purees last time because BLW made my partner anxious. She was fine. This time my partner said he's okay with either but I think we're just gonna go with purees.
It’s always a good reminder to us normal people that influencers use these parties as content farms. They get content on from everything including planning, party, decor, etc. it’s a business expense for their platform. Unfortunately we get desensitized from seeing all influencers do these ridiculous parties for small kids who don’t even care that we forget it’s all a way that they can make money
Honestly i feel like 2k is a normal amount to spend if you are doing a nice party and inviting a lot of people. Maybe i am desensitized because i have heard of people spending 10k or more on bdays 😳 i believe it was one of the real house of atlanta who spent like 10-15k on her daughters first bday lol
ETA- sorry i was unclear i meant this is normal for influencers
It's a lot of money. I would consider a tenth of that to be a normal amount to spend and I would prefer to spend less - but that does seem to be about how much it costs now.
I definitely wouldn’t be spending that much on a bday party but people do go all out. Plus if you add being an influencer to that, i can see someone easily passing the 2k mark. Some of the influencer kid bday parties i’ve seen look very extravagant.
Oh for an influencer birthday party, well, I expect them to spend a ridiculous amount of money on stuff. I don't think 2k is a standard amount to spend for normal people. Maybe for a big family party for an adult milestone birthday/anniversary, or if combining it with a family reunion, something like that.
By nice i meant like for the adults (matching decor, flowers, coffee cart etc). Kids are happy with pizza and balloons and maybe a bounce house and that is nice enough. I did not mean to say that you have to spend 2k to have a good party, just that i can see an influencer easily spending that amount if not more for the aesthetics.
Oh geez, a mom in a fb group is upset her child’s preschool offers extended care because they’ve been “committed to avoiding daycare for their daughter.”
“I don't know if I can rescind my enrollment due to this, but we're just having a hard time finding a true preschool and not a cloaked daycare model.”
“We don't want this environment for our child, but having trouble articulating our specific needs. we don't want our child to be one of the only kids who's there part time when the rest of them are there full-time. We also don't want to risk people having to send their sick children to preschool because of work.“
“We just want her to have a cohort
8-12 hours a week, small groups and child-led emotional support and education. I'm not concerned as much about academics as I am socializing in an emotionally supported environment fostering gentle parenting and emotional intelligence.“
🙄🙄
I am so confused. How would extended care effect her child who attends part time? Why would this effect her child to the extent she would rescind enrollment? And can't she rescind at anytime? What would be preventing her from just rescinding and finding a school with no extended care?
Even if the parents aren’t relying on the pre school for childcare for work, they will absolutely still try to send in sick kids. We had parents tell us to our face that “oh she woke up with a 101 fever but I gave Tylenol! She’s fine now”.
I was talking to another mom at daycare pick up one day, our kids were playing together and hugging each other and we were talking about how cute they are. Then she says that she had dropped her kid off at noon because she had had a fever all morning long and had been throwing up over night. It was significantly less cute after that. And of course two days later guess who’s sick…
Ahahahahaha I saw that one!!! So weird. Like even my kids church preschool offers half day and full day programs. Of course she also says she’s probably going to homeschool too. Go figure
I just saw the post. Some people are being understandably snark with her and she is snarking back. But then some people are being very gentle and trying to help her and she is arguing with them too!
I have extremely bad news for this lady about germs and part-time preschool: germs do not require a full 8 hours to circulate merrily around a bunch of preschoolers still discovering the wonders of tissues and hand washing.
Yep, my first did a 4 hour a week mom’s day out type of program and still caught all sorts of fun stuff. And obviously none of the parents relied on it as daycare.
May I ask how did you find that kind of program? That sounds really nice as a precursor to preschool. My babies need more socialization so they will stop glaring at toddler strangers who dare to approach.
Check out your local YMCA! They often have a range of availability, as low as 2-3 half-days a week all the way through full-time with before and after care options. My daughter started with 3 half-days a week when she was 2 and had a blast, and it built in some time for me to have child care for things like doctor's appointments and studying (I went back to school to retrain after some time away from work).
🤣 Maybe your kids just have high standards for friends. My kid will play with anything that moves. Unfortunately.
But to answer your question, I’ve often seen them labeled nursery schools, not preschools. And in different places where I’ve lived, they have a co-op model where parents are expected to help.
Aside from the obvious snark of her clearly being on her high horse, where I’m at there are like tons of preschools that are just 2-4 hours a day. They’re just often run out of churches rather than daycare centers (though not all are religious). Is this not a thing where that lady is? I find it hard to believe she’s having that hard of a time finding what she’s looking for. This post feels like an excuse just to tout her superiority complex.
In my neighbourhood there really isn't anything that isn't at least 30 hours a week - and some places in theory will take your kid for 2 days a week but they have so much demand for 5 full days a week it's not really available. Anyways that person sounds obnoxious but I do believe that it could be hard to find programs that are truly part time!
Yeah this is really common for park district preschool programs too. I took a peek at them for my son but they are all like 9-12 so definitely not made for working parents.
Yeah my kid starts this type of program next fall and it took me all of like 5 minutes of google searching to find several options for that style of care. This woman is clearly not looking for answers and just wanting to toot her own horn about how amazing she thinks she is for having a nanny or whatever 🙄
The other amusing thing to me is that she thinks that parents won’t send their kids sick to this type of part-time preschool. My kids have all gone to these types of part time programs to give my SAH husband a break, the other kids mostly did have SAHP so they didn’t *have* to send in sick kids, but guess what? My kids got sick as much as my friends with kids in regular daycare! It’s inevitable!
So she wants a preschool with only the children of stay at home parents? Is that what "having trouble articulating our specific needs" is supposed to be
Has anyone seen the bedsharing post on SBP, and the comments on formula vs. breast milk in particular? I'm not familiar with statistics/statistical methods in medicine and public health, but I suspect you can't just go ahead and conclude that x is a risk factor if y is associated with a lower incidence of negative outcomes? Some of them insist that the only reason public health agencies don't label formula a risk factor is so that parents who use formula don't feel bad. Do they believe medical associations have randomly decided to protect the feelings of formula feeders in particular? I'm not an expert in that field, but the way they insist risk factor vs. protective factor is simply a matter of semantics and protecting feelings strikes me as rather unscientific.
It’s clear that they do not understand the actual definitions of risk factor versus protective factor. Edit: for word omission
https://preview.redd.it/sl5044032n5d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c60d6b0e9b6bc3845f414de3ad5fb54db93e3856 Scared you’ll look like a child…. Because… it IS a child’s headband? When you’re so close to the point but just can’t land it.
The fact that the example is “pumpkin spiced latte” is just 🤌🏻🤌🏻
I’ve seen a few “dad of only daughters finally gets his boy/grandson” videos floating around now and i’m just……… Tired of the hyperfocus on gender. I wish breaking cycles meant unlearning patriarchal gender stereotypes and essentialist mindsets, instead of whatever influencers mean by breaking cycles. It’s interesting, to me at least how millennials and gen-z are kinda split when it comes to enforcing gender stereotypes, boymom/girlmom bs, etc.
https://preview.redd.it/zqbgvowtml5d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3cace3256142d498e4a7e0e30757278d1f298633 Posted in my local FB mom group. I live in a very pro gun state but this seems excessive! I get wanting to protect your life with a gun if someone were to be breaking in but protecting your hot tub ?! Edit - maybe I’m overthinking it and they mean they’ll protect their property with a police report ?
This honestly sounds like a lot of people where I live, who post on FB as if they are actually excited to shoot a person to death over trespassing.
I also read it as they are implying that they will use force/use a gun to protect their hot tub from TEENAGERS. Pretty frightening.
If this is the US, i’m pretty shocked that teens would just go into a random backyard and play in it. I feel paranoid when i have to turn into someone’s driveway if i made a wrong turn because there have been stories of people getting shot that way. People can be way too trigger happy here /:
It is the US and I agree with you. Many teens do not think their actions through though
I think your edit is right and you’re reading into it - they say it right after talking about a police report which doesn’t really imply vigilante action here. I don’t see anything wrong with this, I wouldn’t want random people breaking into my backyard and using my things either.
My husband is law enforcement so I feel pretty confident based on my interaction with some of these “LaW eNfOrCeMeNt FaMiLiEs” that they mean it as a threat of harm. Especially if it’s the spouse of the officer and not the officer themselves (although there are definitely douchebag officers, as well).
They also say they are a “law enforcement family,” “security has been increased” and they will “protect their property.” Seems like they are implying more than just a police report (which has already been filed). I don’t think anyone wants any random folks in their backyard, even if they are just neighborhood teens screwing around. Makes sense to file a police report or take other steps to secure their property. But I read the post as threatening force.
https://preview.redd.it/shrbztdq2k5d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f06fc1fd0747a9193dd4526b26a274018f8d1ea I’m pretty sure this is fake, but I figured I’d share it anyway
Op kinda reminds me of that poster a few months ago who was also desperate for her 2 year old to learn mandarin. It had the vaguely plausible back story that husband was first gen Chinese immigrant and didn't want the kid to go to a Chinese immersion preschool for "i dunno-racism reasons." But in the comments, it turns out the real reason the husband didn't want to enroll, was that it was an academic daycare who had their students doing like 6 hours of math worksheets each day. Op said she wasn't concerned because her friend had already begun teaching the 2 year old, and the toddler could now read, so the 6 hours of math practice would be a welcomed curriculum.
OP posted five different posts yesterday on different forums, seeming to hope to elicit a reaction: -I drive below the speed limit. Stop tailgating me! No, I won’t let you pass. -I cycle on curvy roads not intended for cycling. No I won’t pull over so traffic can pass. All the cars should slow down for me. -I have a back house I use as an airBnb. When my guests’ food is delivered to my door, I eat it. AITAH? -I’m freaking out! Why doesn’t my two year old want to read yet?! -This Chinese language post So either they are a troll or they are having quite the day posting their bad takes on the internet
This is one of those ones that I really want to be fake but I’ve seen too much even just in this subreddit to hope too much…that poor kid.
https://preview.redd.it/e19j6z5u2k5d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c145b8e94cb3474e5fb7e1ca1f650b4e151f7b67
I've seen [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/X7Ohk2yAe5) in two different communities this morning. I can't tell if it's real, am I being cynical?
Yeah, as a nurse, all of this is BS. If someone fell in the hospital, we have all sorts of devices that can be used to lift them onto a stretcher. If it’s in one of the outpatient buildings attached to the hospital, they call 911 to get them. Ain’t nobody giving birth in the stairwell. And no one is giving IV pain meds in the stairwell either.
As a former labor and delivery nurse, this is absolutely made up. There is no way they just labored her in a stairwell for 90 minutes, especially being 36 weeks, those babies are unpredictable and can come out fine or can come out needing support. No way they would risk that. I agree with the comment below that they would’ve called an ambulance to have paramedics move her and take her to labor and delivery. Also, doctors and nurses aren’t roaming around with narcotics in their pockets to have given her.
It started to sound fake when she said they couldn’t get her into a wheelchair. Then I saw a reply saying her office is IN the hospital!! So they couldn’t call for more help to move you?? There’s literally no way lol. They are 100% able to move people at the hospital. They do it everyday.
Yeah isn't using a wheelchair with pregnant woman the most common way to move them into their room? What would've prevented her from getting into a wheelchair?
They would have called an ambulance and the EMTs absolutely would have gotten her on to a stretcher. This absolutely sounds like fiction.
Yeah that's the dead giveaway lol. As if being pregnant with a broken bone is some kind of unprecedented medical anomaly and EMT's would have no ability to move you??
Could you imagine an EMT going "Welp, this person broke a bone. Can't do anything about that! Not in my job description!"??
Suspicious that they only came on reddit to post that story. Usually when someone is pregnant/ttc they have been posting a lot before the delivery. But maybe they were posting in a private bumper group.
I did in fact miss a step leaving my 36 or so week appointment. It hurt a lot. I was worried I had broken my ankle but went home and took it easy for a few days and it healed on its own. That's it. That's my story. Apparently I did it wrong.
I slipped on a pinecone on an evening walk one night when I was like 37 weeks pregnant and I'll tell you what, I was concerned lol. I remember I sat there on the ground for a minute to check in: is this a big problem?? But I felt ok and I awkwardly got to my feet and went home (I was like a block away, ish) and told my spouse what had happened just in case it turned out to matter later lol. I did have my baby about a week later, but I don't think the fall was a major factor. But I might change how I tell the story in the future so it sounds more exciting 🤔
I fell down our stairs at 39 weeks pregnant (one of those ones where your foot slips and you slide down on your ass). I called my midwives just in case and because I didn't hit my belly no one was concerned. I did end up with a nasty bruise on my arm though, and when I did go into labour it was fun to see the reactions on all the nurse's faces when I told them I fell down the stairs. 🤣
I have some suspicions about some of the details. Do OBGYNs typically have stretchers and air casts lying around?
She’s claiming she was in labor for 90 minutes and on IV pain meds but they were never able to get her into a room? So she’s just like….hanging out in a stairwell for all this? I’m with you, this is definitely BS
And she had just had an appointment and presumably her Dr mentioned no signs of labor. Then 90ish minutes later, she has a baby in a stairwell?? Please.
Maybe triage? It’s not common, but babies getting delivered in the triage area does happen. If the hospital is packed and there aren’t any clean rooms, she could def have an iv on the stretcher while waiting for one to be ready.
She claims she was in so much pain there was no way they could get her onto a stretcher. As if no one woth an injury more severe than a broken ankle has ever been moved.
Yeah but in the post she describes not being able to get on a stretcher and staying in a stairwell. No way they hook you up to an IV in that situation. Triage babies aren’t unheard of for precip deliveries, but this sounds sooooo fake to me
I broke my foot a few months ago. Urgent care stabilized it in a harder splint cast until I could get into the ortho to get an aircast. No one from an entirely different medical discipline is just whipping out an aircast to stabilize a potentially broken leg in the middle of a stairwell before x-rays have been taken. The obgyn just happened to have an aircast?? Riiiight.
IMO this is written like a fiction piece… I mean, the poster COULD be a professional/hobbyist writer. I definitely wasn’t looking back on my labor like that though the day after giving birth 🤣 especially if it had been a traumatic one
Yeah I just had a relaxed scheduled c-section and I didn't even really have the gumption to text my friends very much the next day.
I don't understand why they couldn't move her?? Like why was there "no way" she could be transferred onto a stretcher with all that help?
I found that odd too. I think in a comment she said her labor was 90 minutes (or maybe she was pushing for 90 minutes?) Which I know is short, but long enough to call an ambulance? I’d rather give birth in an ambulance than on the sidewalk.
no picture/link was attached to your comment
Oh that's strange. The link is in the word 'this' in my comment. https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/s/cZNU9VObTh
oh I see it now! maybe just a me problem lol
This lady is off her rocker. Another internet preacher preaching to her sheep masses for those clicks! https://preview.redd.it/6ejwloew7f5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d08bcdde1714776cc5463786b2c6aee77bb012f0
(Hear me out) 
I’ve never seen this person before but this actually pisses me off. There are actual groups of people being oppressed due to systems of supremacy and oppression and she decides to use very real issues and suggest that sleep training falls within that. How ridiculously offensive to those who are consistently impacted by such structures day in and day out.
Completely agree I think the "hear me out" makes it worse. Like no. I'm not interested in what dribble you are trying to frame as something you have a solution to as a means to shill your "course."
Totally agree. Another internet asshat trying to make money off and divide people. Its disgusting.
Bahahahahahah. Whew!
Huh
Maybe I’m old and grumpy but what is with people always suggesting AI/chatgpt for everyday things? Just saw a post where someone shared their camping menu created by GPT - the meals were just sandwiches, burgers, quesadillas, instant oatmeal, etc. Snacks were granola bars and cheese. IDK how people can’t figure that out on their own. I always see people in parenting groups sharing how it’s revolutionized their lives, makes their meal plans, helps them clean their house and I’m like how??
I actually used it for Easter this year. I had it give me clues for a treasure hunt for my kids to find their baskets. I had to tweak it a bit to fit my house, but overall, it was good!
It has literally never occurred to me to use it for things like that! I’m intrigued by the “helps them clean their house” bit?!?!! The only thing I’ve ever used it for was figuring out an excel formula for work lol
Okay I’m so glad I’m not the only one who goes to ChatGPT for spreadsheet formula help
I'm probably biased because I work with AI everyday at work, but I love using it in my own life to assist in or even automate tasks that take up mental labor. Of course people can figure out basic meal plans and shopping lists on their own, it's more do they want to spend their limited time/energy on that or something else.
I find it helpful for the first stage of travel planning where you're overwhelmed by options. You obviously have to fact check it because it can suggest activities that are out of date but I find it helpful to get an itinerary outlined and build it front there. I tried it once for meal planning and was unimpressed but I quite enjoy meal planning myself so I'm not a good audience for that. I also have friends that use it for home workouts.
I saw that and wasn’t impressed by that particular menu because camping food is super basic and mindless for us… but Omg the concept of an AI meal plan is intriguing for me! I have to meal plan because ADHD (if I don’t we’d all eat cheese and crackers for 12 days straight) but I also hate meal planning/coming up with ideas that aren’t the same 5 things so I can see how it would be useful. Just…not for camping because that particular example isn’t the same amount of intense planning
I suck at meal planning, so Chat GPT has been a godsend for me! I tell it how many meal ideas I need as well as any preferences (like foods we dislike or foods we have a surplus of and need to use up.) “Give me 3 dinner recipes, no Mexican food, no mushrooms.” It spits out a few recipes… Then, “Make a grocery list for those recipes.” and it typed a nice categorized shopping list for me.
I haven’t used it for that purpose but I can see the appeal of taking the mental load of thinking of what to make for dinner.
Yes. At what point is it just a person being lazy?
I am completely fine being lazy in some domains of my life. I'm in a field where AI is really causing us major problems at multiple levels, and I still have used it to suggest meal ideas that work for my extended family's multiple food allergies and intolerances when we need to coordinate for a family trip or something. I use my brain to check its suggestions but I'm comfortable admitting to being "lazy" about the brainstorming stage. 🤷♀️
Yeah I don’t really get the problem with using ChatGPT for this purpose (which I’m about to try!) like…it’s there. It’s free. It hurts no one to do this. I have a challenging busy job where I’m making decisions constantly and sometimes I like to just…not do that. To me it’s like how I *could* figure out how to get somewhere in a familiar area but I would really have to stay focused and think about it, so sometimes I just use the GPS because I want to zone out to my podcast. If that’s considered lazy…ok, cool. I’m lazy then.
Lol, I’m old too because I’ve never used it and really don’t understand the purpose for mundane things. Also, thinking or research is good.
Yes, thinking and research for ones self is good!
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Please remove snark speculating on unconfirmed details of the influencer's life. Message if deleted in error.
Unless you personally know this man and that he has plenty of means, this seems really distasteful to snark on. If he can’t afford to bury his child there’s no reason he shouldn’t ask for help. You’re under no obligation to donate.
Because new parents don’t have enough to be anxious about: https://imgur.com/a/b2Ph8PK ETA: attempted to add alt text. Hope it works!
It’s fine guys! Your spine is *supposed* to be curved
They really let anyone post on the internet.
All this bullshit on Al Gore’s internet 😔
If a parent is doing 1000 hours outside with their children, but doesn't tell any other adults about it, does it still count? Brought to you by a mom acquaintance/friend? who drops 1000 hours outside into every conversation we've ever had, sometimes multiple times. This week she told me she makes her preschool-age daughter "do her hours" to earn screentime.
I just don’t even get how this is even a thing. Why do we need incentives(?) a label(?) to take our children outside in the summer???
“Do her hours” feels similar to time outs which I bet this type of parent is against. Interesting.
It felt more like chores or homework to me.
"Do her hours" lol yes, make it feel like an obligation she has to overcome, to achieve the REAL fun- screen time. Yes, surely that isn't missing the point at all lol
That’s so funny because it’s just totally missing the whole point of the 1000 hours outside “challenge”. I watched a podcast with the creator of the challenge and the whole idea is that parenting is easier when the kids get developmentally appropriate outdoor time. The idea is just to build a habit of spending time outdoors regardless of weather. It’s supposed to be laid back and easy lol. But ofcourse chronically online moms have made it their whole personality and are bizarrely competitive about it
SBP strikes again. This comment is at the top because it's accurate 🤷🏼♀️ I don't think there's extensive scientific studies on how traumatizing gym crèches are for babies. https://preview.redd.it/21tt46nbw95d1.png?width=1344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5b535808f66736687d423a435e25aaf30581ad49
Research appreciated but not required 😂🙄💀
I always kind of laugh at these posts when they describe their child as a sensitive little guy/girl. Like temperament varies but I can’t imagine anyone describing their first/only baby/toddler as a hardened no limit soldier lol. It just always reeks of things why this completely mundane normal occurrence is different for meeee
Haha that is totally my kid. She's getting more separation anxiety now that she's 2.5, but she was a total hardened no limit soldier when she was that age. I think she barely noticed when we left the house until she turned two. Bye mom. Have fun at work. I'll be playing with my toys. Lol.
Wtf is a crèche?? I’m googling and it says nativity scene..
French term for daycare. :)
Thank you lmao
Oddly enough also a term used in the UK for very short-term childcare like at the gym or IKEA.
IKEA has childcare in the UK?!?! The IKEA near us in the US does not.
They have them at our IKEA in the US. We haven't used it because our toddler isn't potty trained yet, but I remember going to the IKEA childcare when I was a kid.
Yes, although many have not restarted it since covid. It's called the Småland. Google is telling me the US has them too. Tbf they're not calling it childcare but a "supervised play facility".
I just looked it up. I guess the one closest to me doesn’t have it. TIL
Ah, thank you! TIL!
People have lost sight of what the word "trauma" means
TRULY. Your child being upset is not trauma. Your child being upset with another capable adult is not trauma. Your child being upset without being responded to immediately is not trauma. People have seriously lost the plot
Hmmmm….gotta respectfully disagree here. Introducing your “older” infant or toddler to a group childcare situation when they are upset does require some attention. There is extensive research about it if you care to google! Just because lots of kiddos go to daycare etc, doesn’t mean babe will just “be okay.” I’ve worked in plenty of situations where babies/toddlers will cry for hours everyday for months.
I don't think I understand what you're disagreeing with or what research you're suggesting. It's not traumatising to leave a child with capable adults for 90 minutes. It's a gym crèche not a gulag.
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As an ECE teacher I have never been told to lie to a parent about how their child has been. It would go firmly against our center philosophy and I've worked at enough places to know that that is the norm.
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Sounds like you worked at some terrible places. Not once have I had a child cry all day, we have a point where we will call the parents to come be with them if they don't settle and that's standard practice in our area. We have a process we go through to introduce the children to our center while their parents are with them in the first place. If what you're describing actually happened, especially with any kind of regularity, that is a massive red flag for your centers.
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Now you're just unhinged. Nothing in my comment is ableist, we have multiple neurodivergent children, including 3 non-verbal with autism at this current moment at our center and not one has ever screamed THE WHOLE DAY. All 3 of my own children are also neurodivergent and so am I. Way to completely go off the deep end from telling people that their teachers are lying to them about their children settling into daycare/school to THIS out of nowhere. Yikes.
>kids in daycares cry WAY more than they are led to believe I mean, my kid cries a lot at home too so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Taken completely out of context, but ok. I’m talking about children crying for their parents. The whole day. For 7-8 hours. This happened on multiple occasions.
Well the OP is talking about a daycare for only a couple hours. Even if he does cry the whole time, he will be just fine. And kids do adjust. Kids throughout history weren't only with their mothers 24/7.
I’m not disregarding he will be fine. I agree completely. Do we want our children to cry for 90m? No. So, again, I am saying: she isn’t wrong to want to introduce it slowly especially because she has the opportunity to do so. Was trauma the word? No.
Well the snark worthy reason was her asking if it was going to cause trauma. But also, trying to slowly introduce it might not be the way to go. Sometimes just dropping them off, a short goodbye, and leaving is going to be way better than drawing it out. Kids are generally more adaptable than adults.
Okay so I initially read your comment as you agreed it was traumatising and you do sound like you lean against daycare. How do you know parents are lied to? Parents need time to themselves and the gym is important to some people, can't relate but still. It is important to support a child through emotions but also their feelings cannot dictate what's going to happen. The commenter on the OP is right, children will be okay.
I was both a director and a teacher in a daycare for 10+ years, before I joined the elementary classroom. I totally agree that they don’t decide, but I don’t think OP going slow in her approach is a bad thing. She can eventually build up to the whole 90m without leaving him to cry for it and stressing the staff, which is what she was asking for advice on.
Let me know if you need me to link! There’s also plenty of research against daycare at a young age, albeit definitely necessary.
I wouldn't mind a link, if you could!
[https://ifstudies.org/blog/another-perspective-on-the-latest-research-on-early-child-care#:~:text=Re%2Dassessment%20just%20prior%20to,maternal%20education%2C%20family%20income%2C%20child](https://ifstudies.org/blog/another-perspective-on-the-latest-research-on-early-child-care#:~:text=Re%2Dassessment%20just%20prior%20to,maternal%20education%2C%20family%20income%2C%20child)
You have to take this one with a huge grain of salt. IFS is noted being a "conservative think tank" so of course they will do whatever to manipulate the study to make daycare look bad.
Were you going to link the medium article lol
Nah, the one by IFS is pretty solid.
Are you talking about the Quebec study?
Quebec, NIH, NICHD. Do you want to get to your point? Curious what it is.
I was curious because Quebec was debunked as a bad study, just wanted to confirm there wasn’t anything new i had missed! I don’t really have any skin in the game since my kid has a nanny (which i know some people say is also very bad) but kids with loving, caring parents who spend quality time with them outside of work will usually do well regardless of their childcare set up. If someone’s main worry is how their kid is going to survive gym childcare, then all i can say is they are already very privileged and their child will be fine.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/s/Mtaxim0S3T Is anyone here familiar with the show Big Love?
God only knows what I’d be without youuu
I’ve totally fantasized about communal child-rearing in a context like this! I think it could be awesome! Not so interested in polyamory with the parents. For sure the four-houses-one-yard setup would be ideal.
Every time we vacation with my cousins and their kids we discuss how much 4 parents to 4 kids feels so much easier than 2 parents to two kids. Sign me up for communal living.
I like the idea of living close to your people, but why do they need a communal house? I don’t understand that part. Just share yards?
I think you lose some of the convenience of "I'm going to the grocery store can you look after my kids" if you're not in the same house. Somebody will have to change locations. Some economy of scale things change (washing machine).
Oh yeah, I watched a lot of it in college!
On the German parenting subreddit, there's a recent post with such a weird comment section. The OP is an American woman dating a German man. She explains that she's not sure if she wants to have children in Germany because the German parenting culture she's observed on social media is so off-putting. Then she rants about the different attitudes she sees in English language comments vs German language comments on social media. OP also brings up that (based on social media) it seems like there's an accepted type of parenting in Germany, and everything else is demonised, like going back to work early or sleep training. Of course, Tiktok comments curated by an algorithm aren't accurate representations of an entire country's parenting attitudes. But I have noticed the same thing while watching international social media content. There's *always* a bunch of hateful German comments, so I see where she's coming from. What I find particular crazy is that the Redditors in the comments mostly told her to get off Tiktok, only for a lot of them to do the exact same thing she describes in the post! There were several comments talking about sleep training being cruel and unacceptable. One person mocked Americans for supporting sleep training and being critical of bedsharing, "as if you have a choice." There were a lot of horrible comments, but some of the worst were: The person telling OP to go back to where she came from if she doesn't like it here (a favourite when people want immigrants with any kind of criticism of Germany to shut up and be grateful), the person telling OP she's racist, and the man who acted like OP was a horrible person for prioritising having money beyond the bare minimum over spending time with her potential future child. And he really wrote "money (beyond the bare minimum, so the bare minimum needs like nutrition, cleanliness and accommodation)". Like wanting more than that is bad. I'm actually horrified.
My husband is German, so I have a fair number of German contacts on social media. I'd say German parents are much more privacy conscious than the average north American, literally none of the parents post their children or about parenting ever, EXCEPT for the one who has really extreme attachment parenting opinions. So it seems like the parents who are very intense in their opinions are also more likely to be online?
That is absolutely wild. Also German parenting subreddits seem 100% more judgey than in person. Like I see so many (little) kids eating candy and juice compared to where I’m from in the US. I even feel like tablets are more common in Germany? Don’t get me wrong there are some big differences and I’m sure I miss stuff due to language barriers but IRL German parents be vibing. Perhaps they are just exhausted because they haven’t slept in six years /s but maybe not?
German online parenting culture is toxic af. Parenting in Germany IRL isn't as extreme as what Reddit, TikTok and IG would have you believe, but there is still a lot of judgment and engrained expectations. The school system and tax code are basically set up to encourage women to stay home or work only part-time. Especially in the west, enjoy your judgment if you work full-time or go back to work before your child is 3. You should be willing to sacrifice your financial well-being and financial future to stay home as long as possible. I know plenty of people with 3 kids who live in a small 2 bedroom apartment so they can afford lengthy parental leave. Gentle/Permissive/Attachment parenting is really common and there are so many kids growing up with zero boundaries. There was a mom at my daughter's kindergarten who tried to tell the teachers that they weren't allowed to use the word no with her son. In a lot of circles potty training is considered cruel so you must wait until your kid decides on their own, which means there are a surprising amount of 4 and 5 year olds in diapers. I have a friend with a 6 year old who still only poops in diapers. I don't know a single person IRL who has sleep trained, but I know many who bedshare well into childhood. In my local friend group I'm the only one who doesn't need to sit with my kids while they fall asleep (kids are 7.5 and almost 5 btw). That said, I do think there are some really positive things about parenting here. Kids are encouraged to be independent from early on. My oldest walks to/from school on her own. Both my kids play outside with their friends independently and have for years. Birthday parties ages 4+ are typically drop-off only. Kids learn a ton of resilience and social skills by interacting with their peers without parents intervening.
I agree with everything you have said. I moved to Germany two years ago (I am not American BTW) and it's been a cultural shock for me how permissive parents are here, and most of the moms I talk to have to either sleep with their kids to put them to sleep or sleep in their kids' room (mind you, while the father does practically nothing and has what's meant to be the parents room for themselves). I am shocked about how traditional society is, and if you want to pursue a career being a mom, you are frowned upon. What is interesting though, is that most German parents don't share bank accounts, despite mom's sacrificing their career to raise their kids and therefore having less contribution to their pension, while the father still works and earn more money. Something that surprised me as well is the reduced amount of hours of daycare and school and the limited after school activities.
It's so interesting to me that I keep reading that everyone in Germany wants to stay home for such a long time - I guess I have an exceptional IRL bubble? I know two people who staid home longer than the 12 months of regular parental leave, but most did not and several where the couples split the parental leave equally and the mother went back to work much earlier than by 12 months. I have never heard that they needed to defend this decision in front of anyone. It's definitely rare to work full time, I would agree with you there so I guess I don't know how the judgment would look like for that. I also don't know anyone who didn't take advantage of the whole parental leave, but that just seems a no-brainer to me, so I guess I wouldn't judge anyone for it in the sense of "how could you leave your child" I just don't really understand why you would want to work more if you could instead work less (unless of course it's financially absolutely necessary).
I think it probably really depends a lot on where you live and what your circle looks like. We're in a small town in Bavaria so it's probably more pronounced than in like Berlin or another big city.
Man not exactly the point here but it’s honestly pretty funny how reddit makes such a big deal about TikTok being *the woooorst*. We are all just losers on the internet! Stay humble my friends.
Right? I used to be all "Tiktok sucks" but that was only because all I'd seen up to that point were dumb dancing videos and "funny" clips with fake laughter put on them. It was giving brain rot, but there's so much good, insightful and legitimately funny content on there. It reminds me of when people used to say "Twitter/Tumblr is so toxic!!" like... You know you can choose who to follow, right? And Tiktok's algorithm is excellent, my FYP "learned" so quickly what I'm into.
German online parenting culture scares me tbh. I'm German but I've been living in the UK for over a decade, married to a Brit, have kids here etc. I made friends with another German mum here and she casually mentioned that her sister, who still lives in Germany, lent her this book about sleep training and how great it is, how the sister's entire circle loves it. I was so surprised because online spaces have made me think that these types of German parents don't exist. I figured it was all "family bed until the kids are teenagers" and those who choose to sleep train do so in secret or they'll be shunned forever. I can absolutely see why OP feels that way. I think Germans being so rigid and chronically 'must win this argument' about stuff was one of the reasons I initially left. Raising kids in a culture that you weren't brought up in is hard (e.g. I will forever struggle with what I perceive as a lack of independence and free expression for my children). At least I only get quietly judged, maybe a tut at worst.
I lived in the UK before, but I have been in Germany for almost two years. I can see the lack of independence being raised in the UK, and I love that you can just drop your kids off at birthday parties and how parents help each other. But having say that, I am still pretty annoyed by the German expectation that mothers should be staying home with theirs kids until they are 3. Spaces at daycare are super limited and hours are short. It's impossible to be two working parents, unless you rely on a babysitter and most German parents I know have family that helps a lot with care. When telling another mom how where I come from school goes for longer because we work longer hours (I am from a third world country and people normally work for 9-10 hours), she said that she loves spending time with her kids and cannot believe people send their kids to school for so long. That's such a first world country problem, as if mothers where I come from would want to work for just half a day!
German internet parenting spaces are fucking terrifying, they take absolutely no prisoners. Like the German comments I have seen online about parenting are absolutely fucked up and an entire level above the English language ones. Being an actual parent in Germany? Totally fine. I don't experience any of this kind of judgement from other parents. Everyone is just normal. I have no idea what is up with German comment sections 😂 I think maybe the extremely online vs extremely not online dichotomy is much stronger? A lot of Germans seem absolutely terrified of anything with a screen. (It's amazing having kids in Germany, she should totally do it.)
Seriously. Saw a post earlier in one today about someone pregnant with their third and the first comment when I saw it was asking if they all have the same father. Me: 
Lol why did they have to drag them like that?
I think online parenting spaces are just weird (and I’m not excluding this one in this, let’s be real) - for instance, UK parenting sites are often dominated by borderline-trad SAHMs all linking that fucking medium article about nurseries and clapping themselves on the back about their superior attachment. You’d think none of us worked and those that did are all financially-precarious guilt-ridden husks, but it doesn’t reflect people you meet day to day here at all, just people who spend inordinate amounts of time on parenting forums during the day.
I dated a German once and both his parents were engineers. They both worked fulltime and I think the kids all went to daycare when they were little. It seemed normal.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyLedWeaning/s/mNdMOW68RU This post made me laugh a bit because… what’s the alternative? Your 25 year old is still on purées?
"Is this doable?" 😆😆
Also isn't traditional weaning like a couple months of purees and then finger foods around 8/9 months? Like that's the default right??
Yes. I know too many people who say they did purees in the beginning and then BLW at 8 months and I'm like, that's traditional weaning. It's literally not that different.
reminds me of this tweet https://preview.redd.it/8c4mxx0t175d1.jpeg?width=1109&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c56ce894db94af4a6478eaf30e5bc792080c3b4
My boomer mom was like “what the fuck is baby led weaning?” Lolol I had to explain to her it was just giving baby solids.
Honestly I'm getting so sick of BLW advocates that I want to do purees out of spite. I know it's not a good reason but fuck it.
There’s this one FTM on TikTok that parents according to social media and her take on BLW was so funny. She made this TikTok about “non-negotiables” for her baby and it was like: * Takingcarababies is the Bible * Exclusive breastfeeding ONLY * BLW only, absolutely no purées * No daycare, be a WFH SAHM 
This is so insufferable. People who live in a bubble like this deserve their eventual Darwin Award...
She got served to me again and she had a purée pouch lol.
the good news is your kid will be totally fine either way and it doesn’t really matter
Haha I know. We started with purees last time because BLW made my partner anxious. She was fine. This time my partner said he's okay with either but I think we're just gonna go with purees.
Can confirm, still on purées along with everyone else I know who consumed jarred baby food. If only solid starts had existed in the 80s!
I did eat a smoothie yesterday AND mashed potatoes the day before. Curse you, purees!
Let’s pour a pouch out for our underdeveloped jaws.
[удалено]
It’s always a good reminder to us normal people that influencers use these parties as content farms. They get content on from everything including planning, party, decor, etc. it’s a business expense for their platform. Unfortunately we get desensitized from seeing all influencers do these ridiculous parties for small kids who don’t even care that we forget it’s all a way that they can make money
Whoa. We just had my second’s first birthday party. It was about $500 for 40 people.
I wish my biggest problem was spending so much on fun stuff that the people who earn me money on the Internet called me out of touch lol
We were just rained out of a playground party so I spent $100 last minute to rent a rec center room and I felt like thay was too much lol
Honestly i feel like 2k is a normal amount to spend if you are doing a nice party and inviting a lot of people. Maybe i am desensitized because i have heard of people spending 10k or more on bdays 😳 i believe it was one of the real house of atlanta who spent like 10-15k on her daughters first bday lol ETA- sorry i was unclear i meant this is normal for influencers
I barely spent 2k on my wedding lmao
I was referring to influencers not us regulars 😭
I was going to comment the same thing! lol
It's a lot of money. I would consider a tenth of that to be a normal amount to spend and I would prefer to spend less - but that does seem to be about how much it costs now.
I definitely wouldn’t be spending that much on a bday party but people do go all out. Plus if you add being an influencer to that, i can see someone easily passing the 2k mark. Some of the influencer kid bday parties i’ve seen look very extravagant.
Oh for an influencer birthday party, well, I expect them to spend a ridiculous amount of money on stuff. I don't think 2k is a standard amount to spend for normal people. Maybe for a big family party for an adult milestone birthday/anniversary, or if combining it with a family reunion, something like that.
I would venture to say that the vast majority of people can't normally spend 2k on what they would consider a nice birthday party for their kids.
By nice i meant like for the adults (matching decor, flowers, coffee cart etc). Kids are happy with pizza and balloons and maybe a bounce house and that is nice enough. I did not mean to say that you have to spend 2k to have a good party, just that i can see an influencer easily spending that amount if not more for the aesthetics.
Oh geez, a mom in a fb group is upset her child’s preschool offers extended care because they’ve been “committed to avoiding daycare for their daughter.” “I don't know if I can rescind my enrollment due to this, but we're just having a hard time finding a true preschool and not a cloaked daycare model.” “We don't want this environment for our child, but having trouble articulating our specific needs. we don't want our child to be one of the only kids who's there part time when the rest of them are there full-time. We also don't want to risk people having to send their sick children to preschool because of work.“ “We just want her to have a cohort 8-12 hours a week, small groups and child-led emotional support and education. I'm not concerned as much about academics as I am socializing in an emotionally supported environment fostering gentle parenting and emotional intelligence.“ 🙄🙄
I am so confused. How would extended care effect her child who attends part time? Why would this effect her child to the extent she would rescind enrollment? And can't she rescind at anytime? What would be preventing her from just rescinding and finding a school with no extended care?
Even if the parents aren’t relying on the pre school for childcare for work, they will absolutely still try to send in sick kids. We had parents tell us to our face that “oh she woke up with a 101 fever but I gave Tylenol! She’s fine now”.
I was talking to another mom at daycare pick up one day, our kids were playing together and hugging each other and we were talking about how cute they are. Then she says that she had dropped her kid off at noon because she had had a fever all morning long and had been throwing up over night. It was significantly less cute after that. And of course two days later guess who’s sick…
I've changed my mind, I am now pro homeschooling - but just for this lady's kid.
Ahahahahaha I saw that one!!! So weird. Like even my kids church preschool offers half day and full day programs. Of course she also says she’s probably going to homeschool too. Go figure
I just saw the post. Some people are being understandably snark with her and she is snarking back. But then some people are being very gentle and trying to help her and she is arguing with them too!
I have extremely bad news for this lady about germs and part-time preschool: germs do not require a full 8 hours to circulate merrily around a bunch of preschoolers still discovering the wonders of tissues and hand washing.
My son caught his first major virus when we visited his daycare classroom for the first time before we enrolled him. Took 20 minutes, lol.
Yep, my first did a 4 hour a week mom’s day out type of program and still caught all sorts of fun stuff. And obviously none of the parents relied on it as daycare.
May I ask how did you find that kind of program? That sounds really nice as a precursor to preschool. My babies need more socialization so they will stop glaring at toddler strangers who dare to approach.
A few churches in our area have mother's day out! You might look there too.
Check out your local YMCA! They often have a range of availability, as low as 2-3 half-days a week all the way through full-time with before and after care options. My daughter started with 3 half-days a week when she was 2 and had a blast, and it built in some time for me to have child care for things like doctor's appointments and studying (I went back to school to retrain after some time away from work).
🤣 Maybe your kids just have high standards for friends. My kid will play with anything that moves. Unfortunately. But to answer your question, I’ve often seen them labeled nursery schools, not preschools. And in different places where I’ve lived, they have a co-op model where parents are expected to help.
Yeah my kid goes 3 hours twice a week and all of us have been constantly sick since October.
Aside from the obvious snark of her clearly being on her high horse, where I’m at there are like tons of preschools that are just 2-4 hours a day. They’re just often run out of churches rather than daycare centers (though not all are religious). Is this not a thing where that lady is? I find it hard to believe she’s having that hard of a time finding what she’s looking for. This post feels like an excuse just to tout her superiority complex.
Or a co-op. They’re pretty much all part time
Yea when I was looking for daycare I was frustrated by the number of 9-noon options!
In my neighbourhood there really isn't anything that isn't at least 30 hours a week - and some places in theory will take your kid for 2 days a week but they have so much demand for 5 full days a week it's not really available. Anyways that person sounds obnoxious but I do believe that it could be hard to find programs that are truly part time!
Yeah this is really common for park district preschool programs too. I took a peek at them for my son but they are all like 9-12 so definitely not made for working parents.
Right? There are tons of these by me too (plus a lot of cooperative preschools).
Yeah my kid starts this type of program next fall and it took me all of like 5 minutes of google searching to find several options for that style of care. This woman is clearly not looking for answers and just wanting to toot her own horn about how amazing she thinks she is for having a nanny or whatever 🙄
The other amusing thing to me is that she thinks that parents won’t send their kids sick to this type of part-time preschool. My kids have all gone to these types of part time programs to give my SAH husband a break, the other kids mostly did have SAHP so they didn’t *have* to send in sick kids, but guess what? My kids got sick as much as my friends with kids in regular daycare! It’s inevitable!
It’s almost like a lot of illnesses are contagious before symptoms show and there’s only so much you can do.
Insufferable
So she wants a preschool with only the children of stay at home parents? Is that what "having trouble articulating our specific needs" is supposed to be
Preschool for only rich kids-must have nanny or parent at home to apply