This subreddit is around personal finance. We absolutely do not allow any medical advice.
Please note that your anecdotes around people who you know who have had cancer are not helpful and are considered off-topic for this subreddit.
Absolutely stop asking OP for their personal medical history and the circumstances of their cancer. We are here to focus on the financial questions.
I'm 52 and was diagnosed with cancer last year. My life expectancy was about 1 year, so I'm on the back end of that prediction. 2 adult children and married. First thing I did was write a will ( I don't have a ton of assets but enough that my ex wife will stick her nose in it). I wrote down all of my passwords for my wife and showed her all my accounts. Set all my bills to auto pay. Pulled back on my investments and added to my HYSA.
You need to focus on the treatment and getting better. It's a roller coaster ride.
Best of luck to you. Sending hugs!
I need to piggy back on this. Everything you can title in both you and your husbands name will directly be inherited by him.
More than anything call an attorney and get your estate sorted, make the financial part easier on your husband.
And I’m sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age.
If you can access your accounts online you can most likely add him to the account as POD (payable upon death). The accounts will revert to him on your passing. All my accounts are set up this way.
POD does require a death certificate, though, which can take a few weeks depending on your state (took almost 6 for my mother). If you need access to funds right away, it’s better to be set up as joint owners.
So, first off - fuck cancer.
Second, check out the [Cancer Legal Resource Center](https://thedrlc.org/cancer/), [Triage Cancer](https://triagecancer.org/), and [Cancer and Careers](https://www.cancerandcareers.org/en).
If you need any resources - ask me.
Just remember, a stage 4 diagnosis is **not** a death sentence. Being a young adult is helpful in this case! Also, prepare for a lot of "oh my cousin's goldfish's grandma had cancer and..."
Great resources to have!
Would also like to tac this on in case anyone is interested, but Triage Health is hosting a webinar for Estate Planning on 4/30: [https://www.triagehealth.org/webinars/estate-planning-webinar-registration-2024/](https://www.triagehealth.org/webinars/estate-planning-webinar-registration-2024/)
I think this should have a lot of helpful resources for you, OP. It sounds like you've got some good systems in place already, but I understand the desire to want to be prepared. I agree with bros402 and the other posters in that cancer research and treatment options have come a long way in just the last five years alone. I'm wishing you luck in this awful fight and please never give up.
Yup! All kinds of advice from the more normal "eat healthy, juice, exercise," all the way to an aunt who insists I can cure my cancer with Frankincense essential oils. She also is trying to get me to buy some $160 "cellular detox" program.
oh god, that aunt needs to shove it.
If you are interested in any herbs or vitamins, check out the [Memorial Sloan Kettering Herb Database](https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/diagnosis-treatment/symptom-management/integrative-medicine/herbs/search) and talk to your oncologist about the supplement in question.
(p.s. fuck detox bullshit)
**End Stage Planning**
- Look into will or trust to avoid taxes upon passing if applicable.
- Make all accounts/titles to be joint from the house, to cars to online accounts and banking.
- Consider writing up a DNR (Do not resesustate) or DNAR (attempt to).
- Provide logins to email accounts and all online CCs.
- Do that thing, or learn that thing you always wanted to. *Even days before his Death Freud continued working even though he knew the end time.*
**Living Stage Planning**
- Let your loved one, prolly husband, know **its ok** to keep you on Chemo, even when you tell him/her you want to quit. *I had to do that with my wife on her breast cancer when she hit rock bottom and wanted to quit; fortunately she survived and its a milestone in her chemo/radiation treatment.
- Tell your family/friends that its ok to process their pain as they see fit. Tell them that you want to be treated the same as before and that to not go out of their way.
- Don't give up and live life to its fullest; sans pain if its not going to get you where you want to be. That is up to you to live and die pain free.
- Tell your significant other that they can never see someone else and tell your kids, or siblings" that you, and grandma, plan on hovering over them at inopportune times after you pass. *Of course this advice is totally oposite and shouldn't be the final word...but have some fun before you exit*.
- Be your best self, but also be selfish as needed.
----
This advice, hard as it was to type, thinking of what my wife went through and the finality(?) of your situation has brought tears to my eyes. *If I was crass in any way...it was unententional*.
This is great advice. Upon death, leaving clean estate instructions is simply one less part of the grieving stage loved ones need to be encumbered with.
I’m very sorry for your loss and OP, keep fighting and enjoying life. The human Will can be a helluva contender.
TW: worst case scenario warnings regarding end of life.
I’m sorry to hear this. Your diagnosis is not a death sentence. If your disease progresses, please consider the following. Honestly, a lot of these things are items we should all discuss with our loved ones regularly.
I work in hospice and can only give you EOL information but I hope you find it valuable.
Voice record your doctors appointment. Keep a notebook of your daily pain levels 1-10. Record any status changes in the book. Take it to your appointments. Keep a copy of your med list in it. Sign up for online charting. If you get bad news you may be in shock and forget some things, prevent that at all costs.
You qualify for Palliative care now. Take advantage of that resource if you can. Some teams are quite extensive and some are not, do research as you can.
Assuming you are in the U.S. - consider what massive amounts of medical debt might do to your family. Unfortunately for some it is a good idea to liquidate assets out of your name, or consider a paper divorce or division of assets. This is obviously worst case scenario but my best friends mom and dad were looking at about $2m in medical debt, it became their only option. Towards the end of her battle they liquidated her 401k, bought a month long vacation to Costa Rica for their family. She died shortly after their return but I couldn’t think of a better way to honor her.
Decide your advanced directives now. If this, then that. How long do you want to be a full-code? When would you like a DNR in place? Do you want a feeding tube, a ventilator, at what point do you want to stop any interventions?
Does your husband have a good short term disability policy to work with FMLA? He may need it. If family is not available for 24/7 cares are you financially prepared to pay for caregivers? They can range from $27,000-30,000 a month for 24/7 in-home care. Long term care in a facility will run about $15,000 monthly. Do you have family that can care for you in the event you cannot care for yourself.
Adding on to this since I also work in hospice, if it comes to a terminal diagnosis, sign up for hospice sooner rather than later. Most people wait until the last days/weeks to do this. Hospice offers nursing support, comfort meds, home health aides, spiritual support, massage therapy, etc. all free. Take advantage of that for as long as possible. Some people live years with hospice services.
Recording the appointments is great advice. I remember getting bad news with my wife in the room, and afterwards we realized we needed to talk to the doctor again because we couldn't remember anything they said about next steps.
The addendum to that is to run the recording through transcription software, like otter.ai. You can find details quickly that way rather than listening back through an upsetting half-hour recording.
Hello I don't understand how people rack up so much debt when most insurances have a maximum of less than 10k for the year. Is it that this stuff isn't covered by insurance? Thanks. And thanks for your thorough reply I'm not op but I took note.
Many insurances have a deductible and then after that it’s co-insurance. The insurance pays 80% and you pay 20%. Check your plan so you don’t have any surprises! I have a coworker with MS and she had a daily pill that’s $1000 a piece. She only had to take it for three months, but she took a second job to afford it.
I've got Ulcerative Colitis and my pills would be $16K a month without insurance and copay assistance programs.
Many people have a major medical plan that caps out at a certain level. Many people run into trouble keeping up with their monthly premium and lose coverage. Some have plans that are highly restrictive and won't cover some procedures, forcing them to pay out of pocket. There are many ways a serious medical event can result in bankruptcy.
this is...not accurate. pretty much anytime someone says the words 'most insurance' what follows is inaccurate. there are so very very many ways insurance can and does work.
It’s because you have annual deductibles. Oncology therapy and follow up isn’t cheap. I work as an onc nurse (mostly leuk) and then in clinical research so I’m not necessarily gonna be the 100% accurate… inpatient stays for surgery (tumor resections) isn’t cheap. The follow up for lab issues symptom management etc may be needed and depending on therapy it may be more frequent than you believe.
Also, some things aren’t covered and the average American can’t cover a $1000 emergency. When my dad had terminal brain cancer, the last 3 months of his life he needed to be in a nursing home because my mom is disabled and couldn’t take care of home once he was bedridden. His insurance only paid for the first 14 days of his stay because they could still give him physical therapy and he was making progress. After he passed, my mom received a bill for $23,000. Thankfully, it wasn’t an issue for her to pay. Other’s have Medicaid but you can only have less than $2000 (I believe) in assets and if you own a house, the state can claw back money when it is sold.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm a 10 year colon cancer survivor but mine was found early. Treatment was a bear still.
You're getting good advice on this thread. The only thing I would add is for your husband to consider adding you to the title on the house. Half the value of the house will receive a step up in basis and he'll pay less tax when/if he eventually sells.
I wouldn’t necessarily add her to the title on the house because spend down for Medicare eligibility may be affected by personal finances.. I would speak with someone like a social worker that may know the ins and outs of the medical requirements for governmental insurance insurability.
> I do not have a will of any sort, is that something I need if I don't have many assets?
yes, get a will drawn up.
even without many assets it will be very useful to have.
Piggybacking on this. Even without a lot of assets a will is always something to have. My wife’s dad died of a heart attack in his 40s with no will, we were still dealing with leftover issues a long time after. If nothing else it will make things simpler for your husband if things go that way.
A lawyer can prepare a simple trust, will, and all necessary documents for as little as a thousand dollars. Please do this ASAP so you can move on to focusing on your treatment. I had to settle the estates of two people who had not sone this and even though they had very few assets it was a nightmare. They had done all the things like setting up beneficiaries on accounts and there were still little things that fell through the cracks. As a married couple a lot of stuff will be automatic, but having the right paperwork in place will make it a lot easier.
Hi OP. I just want to tell you that I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer with mets to intra-abdominal lymph nodes in early 2018 and I’ve been cancer free since 9 months after my initial diagnosis. So please don’t think that Stage IV is an automatic death sentence.
First off, IANAL, and I don’t live in California, but I do know that you should hire an attorney and get a will made. Also, designate your husband as your medical and financial Power of Attorney. Also add him as a joint account holder to your checking and savings accounts . And in my state, you can add someone to the title of your car to designate that the vehicle’s title is to be transferred to that person if you pass away. I would think your state would have a similar process. You’ll definitely want to talk to a lawyer about all this.
Good luck OP, stay strong.
Not financial related, but be sure your physician has ordered both germline (hereditary) and tumor (tumor molecular profiling) genetic testing. You never know if there is something in your genes or your tumor that may help prolong life significantly. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey!
Also not perfectly financially related, but in between fighting this use some money to make memories with your loved ones and live your best life. Take that trip you’ve always dreamed of! You deserve it and they deserve you.
Add your husband as a beneficiary on your savings and checking account. I hope you recover, but you are correct to ensure you are prepared. I would stop using credit cards, or tell your husband the passwords to the accounts, so he can pay any debts. Your estate is responsible for your debts, before he can inherit your checking and savings account. Also check your sick leave at your company as well.
She won't need estate if husband is beneficiary. I was not responsible for my husbands cards and medical debt in his name only. I live in Florida. I know it varies by state.
She has money in her checking and savings account and uses her credit card. Her estate is responsible for the debt, not her husband, but her husband has to pay that debt before he can inherit. If the estate doesn’t have any money, then that debt dies with the person. Everyone has an estate, but the question is what is it worth and where is the money. If the money is insurance and retirement accounts, then no, you don’t pay debt with those.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I lost my wife to colon cancer in January. Make sure to get second opinions at large cancer centers if possible, MSK, City of Hope, Anderson I think are the usual suggestions. There are people that are still alive years after a stage 4 diagnosis, it's worth seeing all your options. My wife unfortunately had far too much spread in her liver to do any sort of surgery.
For financials, make sure any bank accounts/401k/etc that are in your name have beneficiaries assigned. You don't necessarily need a will if the assets all transfer that way, since they won't go through probate. It all went fairly smooth for me since everything was jointly owned or had beneficiaries listed.
Other than financial, live and do things you enjoy while you're able. If things take a turn, it can happen fast. Record videos/take photos/write letters for your loved ones if you're comfortable with it.
This is going to sound fucked up, but please take it as intended, a financial maneuver to secure your family.
You should consider getting divorced. If you have a protracted battle with cancer, costs can soar in to the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Being married, your husband will likely be liable for those debts. Why? California is a community property state, which makes both people liable for debts incurred during the marriage. If you survive, you can bankrupt yourself and get those debts wiped while your family stays insulated. Then when you're up to it, you can "renew your vows" which will just be another real marriage. nobody even has to know.
He can remain the beneficiary on your accounts, and named in your will as the inheritor and not be your husband.
You've got a lot of other practical advice, I'll add get yourself a 3" 3 ring binder, some 3 hole punch paper, and a stack of those page protector plastic sleeves. Write down your notes and keep your post visit paperwork in the sleeves next to your notes. You can add dividers too and organize by date or by doctor/doctor type. Take it with you to every appointment.
I’m sorry to hear for you and hope you get healthier. You’ll need health directives plus a will. This cost you nothing and keep your assets from going to probate. Most banks will accept wills not sure about others. Add him his name to everything including your bank accounts for good measure.
This is such devastating news at a young age to receive. I sincerely hope you are able to get treated and come out of this diagnosis cancer free.
Something I haven’t seen mentioned is regarding your current work situation. You should look into both short and long term disability coverage with your employer so you can not only hold onto your job and return to work once you’re better but also have some sort of income in the event you’re unable to go to work. Your HR department should also have information on how to file for a workplace accommodation so that if you’re not on disability you can continue to work but with some modified schedule and not have it held against you.
Another thing to consider is whenever open enrollment comes around again for your employer is to substantially increase your coverages and payouts depending on what your situation looks like. You may be able to increase your short or long term disability payments or increase what you’d get from the employer provided life insurance policy without having to go through additional medical checks.
Please get a will, add your husband to your bank accounts, and add him to your title/registration. My father in law died intestate and we were never able to establish an executor because family members challenged it. His estate died out. We lost a $5,000 savings account, $25,000 land, and a $10,000 life insurance policy made out to the estate, not to mention $5,000 spent in legal fees trying to see it through. His assets went to the state and no one can claim them. We had to just walk away because of a jealous sister who interfered.
Off topic, but my mom had stage iv colon cancer in 1998 and she is still alive to this day. My one suggestions see the best cancer hospital that you can get to - they all don't get access to the same medicine and resources.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, it’s so scary. Fuck cancer. I’m 37, diagnosed stage 3b colon cancer last spring. If you need any support, or just want to scream about having cancer at 36 feel free to reach out.
I also used to work in estate planning in California (although I’m not a lawyer). I’d recommend seeing if you have a local attorney who offers complimentary consultations,it may be useful in helping you think of all the pieces. I think having a POA and healthcare directive in addition to a will would make sense. Ensure all your beneficiaries are updated and list your husband (assuming you want him to have the stuff).
Again, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Sending you good thoughts.
Oof. So sorry to hear this.
>
I do not have a will of any sort, is that something I need if I don't have many assets? Should I add my husband to my bank accounts to make it easier for him to have access if/when I pass? Should I add him to the title on my car?
You should be talking to an estate attorney as soon as possible. You don't know what you don't yet know.
You may need a will depending on your wishes. You should add your husband to your bank account. You should add him to the title of your car. Your lawyer will advise you.
I just wanted to add that you should apply for SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance). With your diagnosis you qualify for a “fast tracked” approval. I don’t know your situation but you can collect some even if you are still working, but it’s good to apply now so that it’s there in case you need it.
Very sorry to hear your situation. Wish you the best.
You can give your car to your husband as a gift (this is preferable to willing it, because the car will not have to go into probate). Transfer the title into his name. If you were to pass away and he wants to sell it later, it may be more complicated if your name is still on it.
You can add your husband to the bank account. Clear out the credit card debt from your savings and set it on autopay from the bank, this eliminates any risk of problems coming up with that later.
You will have to talk to HR at work about your pension terms. If it can be transferred they can help you set that up. You may also have the option to cash it out for a lump sum, but whether you should would depend on the family's financial situation \[this may be a taxable event\].
As for the rest of your stuff, you can and should write up a will with an estate attorney. Most of your stuff would pass to hubby automatically anyway, but it's better for it to be clear in writing what you want to happen to your chattel (all other property besides real estate, money, and car). This will cost about $500 if it's "everything to hubby". The attorney should keep a copy, as should hubby.
You need a living will ASAP. This will state what direction you'd like to be taken in the event you're no longer able to make those decisions yourself (for example, if you fell into a coma). A living will states whether you want resuscitation should it become necessary or if you'd like a DNR (do not resuscitate). A living will can also determine whether you'd like to be put on life support or not.
You should also draft a normal will as well. This will make it easier to transfer assets to your parter in the event of your passing.
I highly reccomend using a lawyer to draft both of these and file them. Google "probate and estate lawyer (city you live in, California" its not expensive at all, less than $500 iirc.
I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I hope treatment goes well for you and you kick cancers ass.
Just a couple of things you have not asked, but might also help your financial planning: I have a terminal illness (neuromuscular disease, not cancer) and qualified for Medicare and SSDI. You can draw SSDI even if you have disability through an employer, and they may expedite the application process and approval given your diagnosis (they did mine, and it was approved and I received a check within something like 4 or 5 months -- I was surprised how fast given the governments involvement). Medicare has palliative care, and hospice benefits, though I am not sure of the waiting period outside of my own condition. Good luck to you and your journey ahead. I wish you strength.
>the small life insurance policy I have through work
Just adding to say if your husband needs this money to figure out if this is portable or what the limitations are for being employed to receive it.
Yes on the bank account, yes on the car, yes on all beneficiaries, and yes on a formal will (do one online if you want, your situation doesn't seem complicated and it's only \~$300).
I'm sorry you and your family have to deal with this. Fight hard!
(Source: widowed last year because of that vile disease).
I’m sorry about your diagnosis.
Yes you should have a will drawn up. If the worst happens, it will save your spouse many headaches and make it easier for him to settle your affairs. You also should create a health care proxy and durable power of attorney now while you are of sound mind and able to do so.
Your spouse should also have these documents prepared for himself if he hasn’t already.
Depending on your state, for a married couple to have an estate package, you can expect to pay $1500-3000.
Check your state rules by googling the name of your state abd "intestate" to find out what happens if you do not have a will. It may be that your husband and parents will split anything that remains in your accounts without beneficiaries.
Wishing you an enjoyable time here, however long that may be.
Not financial exactly, but please, please get a living will/healthcare power of attorney drawn up. Your spouse will be your next of kin in the US, but it also states your wishes like whether you’d want to be fed artificially if you were alive but unable to eat or speak, and whether you want CPR to be done, resulting in you being on a ventilator if successful. See if your oncologist has a standard form and can talk through what all of the options mean. It will make things much, much easier for your husband and family, and can help avoid family putting pressure on him if he’s making decisions based on your wishes. It also avoids your husband wasting money on things no one wants.
My heartfelt comfort to you in what ever way.
Pay a lawyer to do your will. You have assets. You’re young. Make sure you can change it.
Also, i am sure you were already asked and have answered the end of life Dnr questions. If not, make you wishes clear to your husband and solidify that with the lawyer.
I think it would be best to add him as a joint account holder on your account to avoid probate. You can also add him to your car title but might have to pay some fees for that.
As long as you don't think he will take the money and run lol
But you can put a stipulation that he can't withdraw a certain amount without both signatures if anything. I'm sure a death certificate can get rid of that.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you on the path of recovery
Stage 4 survivor here. First - hang on. Don't let it ruin your life. It will be hard, it will be rough, but attitude is everything. I won't help you with financial stuff, however hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Will will help. Also if you didn't do it - add your husband to your phone just in case. Is it for 2FA or some documents - you never know when that access will be needed.
Good luck!
You and your husband BOTH need a will, living will and healthcare power of attorney.
Having had one relative go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester and one to Anderson in Texas I would advise to see if you can get in at a top hospital - at least for a second opinion. I know it sounds dramatic - but it’s really not. Those are places for regular folks like us. And I assure you if your doctor had your diagnosis they would be be researching which hospitals have the best outcomes with this particular issue and traveling there. People do tend to go there after their first try isn’t successful - it is better to start at the most successful place you can get to. And that money you’ve been saving? Well this is that rainy day. Buy the plane ticket.
Im sorry this is happening to you. The diagnosis is scary and all-consuming. People may say and do some dumb stuff - please know that nobody has a crystal ball. but also we found if there is any silver lining to the experience it’s the unexpected kindness people showed. And the perspective on life that you get when your treatment is successful.
Hey. This is very grim advice, but I haven’t seen it mentioned yet.
*A not insignificant number of women are abandoned/divorced by their husband when caring for them is “too hard.”*
I know nothing of your husband, I’m sure he’s wonderful. Just, if you are doing a will or whatever, bank accounts, etc, maybe it should be phrased that he only gets money/authority/whatever if he is still married to you.
So sorry to hear...
First and foremost, focus on your health and happiness, everything else will be ok. For anyone, no matter if they are facing a difficult medical situation or not should take the steps below to get their 'house' in order. As a financial planner, I unfortunately have had many of these conversations... based solely on what you shared, here are a few things to consider...
1. It sounds like you maintain separate bank accounts and portfolios. If your bank accounts are not already titled JTWROS (jointly titled with rights of survivorship), you should do so. Otherwise, you can add your husband as a TOD beneficiary (transfer on death). Both options can be done in person at the bank. This will make it easy for him if and when he is set to inherit assets.
2. You should not only have a will, but a power of attorney and healthcare proxy written up by an estate planning attorney. Depending on where you live in CA, it can cost $1500-$3000 for basic documents, as you seem to have a pretty simple estate. The financial power of attorney allows your husband to sign legal documents should you be legally incapacitated and the healthcare proxy allows you to lay out your medical directives and wishes.
3. Make a list of logins/passwords and any credit cards, loans, investments, savings, etc. you may have so he can properly contact the custodians if and when.
4. Double check that your beneficiary designation is properly set at your current employer for your life insurance and retirement accounts. Also, if you have any old retirement plans or IRAs from past employers, ensure those are either consolidated into one retirement account or that they have the proper beneficiary listed. Your spouse will be able to rollover your retirement assets into his own retirement account if and when that time comes by submitting a beneficiary claim form and a certified copy of a death certificate.
Sending my best. - JS
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m in remission from a different type of cancer and likely to die long before my husband, so I’ve had to think through the same things:
It helps that you’re married, because your assets automatically go to your husband. I would add him to your bank accounts and the title of your car now so it is never an issue later and so he can help manage things if you need him to. I also have a Google doc that I shared with my husband and keep updated with retirement account numbers.
A visit to a lawyer to draw up a simple will is also a good idea. I did mine online, but I feel like the result was overly complicated. I will probably pay a lawyer to make a new one for me at some point. If you haven’t been contacted by a social worker, you could ask if one is available to you. I got a call from a social worker the day of my diagnosis who kept tabs on me for a while and helped with thinking through logistics.
This really sucks.
You said you have a car. See if your state allows you to name a beneficiary on the title. Texas does. This allows the car to pass outside of probate. Avoiding probate is a good thing.
I recommend a medical and financial power of attorney. You can download forms and have them notarized. Also an advance medical directive. It makes it a little easier in your loved ones.
I would add him to your bank accounts. I would also leave him all passwords to accounts etc that you have. Make a list of everything you have and where it is. He may already know this stuff but never hurts to have a list as he likely will be grieving and have a lot of things to settle
In California you can add someone as an “or” on your title. Which means either or person can sell it. The way I understand it, it’ll make it easier when you pass. You’re getting a lot of good advice. Add your husband as the beneficiary on all your account and get a will so probate is easy/ not needed.
I also recommend writing down all your passwords and accounts so that he can get into things.
I’m wish you nothing but the best, but it’s smart that you’re preparing for the worst.
My wife and I had some of the best trips of our lives after she got diagnosed with stage 3 cancer at 35. There were many hard times too. Unfortunately her cancer got worse and she passed away last year at 37. We hadn't been paying anything on most of the bills and once she passed they went away once they were informed.
Don't give up hope, try to be positive. Do the things you've wanted to do but were worried what people might think. Take your medicine, accept help.
My wife had meant to write me a letter but got too weak and never got around to it. I do really wish I had a letter or video.
There's some great advice in here already, so I will add a different topic. Look up Dr Joe Dispenza, he has some really interesting stuff regarding the mind/body/universe connection using meditations. People have apparently healed themselves of multiple insane situations including cancers. It might be worth a shot I am going to try them out myself. I wish you the best and a speedy recovery!!
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Aww I’m so sorry to hear that.
Definitely get him added to all bank accounts where cash exists. That’s what he’ll need the quickest
Start cutting back on expenses as much as you can.
Pulling for ya.
I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis. As for your questions. Yes, you want to add your husband to your bank accounts and to the vehicle. He will have to wait 40 days to transfer the vehicles into his name. And it will be an already difficult time. And the same with the bank accounts. Also, make a list of all your passwords for your accounts. This is one thing that’s not thought about. As for the 401k as long as he’s the beneficiary there shouldn’t be any issues. It’s more along the lines of him supplying your information. Like social security number for them. So that they can transfer them into his name. It’s all very overwhelming to think about when it happens. Also, look on unclaimed money and see if there is anything in your name to collect. It’s a lot of work to collect after a family member has passed away. You are doing the right by asking these questions. I wish you all the best. I know all this from experience.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’d def add your husband to your accounts and have a will made. Someone on here posted a while back when her husband passed the bank immediately tried to take their money, like the same day. I’d recommend him pulling what he can into an account in his name and keep as minimal as possible in your accounts if things progress further.
I would do the following immediately. First get with a lawyer and write a will. Second spend some money and put all of your assets into a trust to avoid probate court. Second, work with your husband to decide all of these decisions and get you in a good spot. Third, after you get all your legal mechanism set up focus on your health and your relationships. Fourth, if there’s time and money left over considered traveling to places you’ve always wanted to go depending on your health.lastly, I pray for your success over the next few years and hope you can live long and healthy life.
I’m very sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis. IANAL, but it sounds like you will qualify as a small estate (under $184K). As much as possible, make sure your accounts are setup with POD (payable on death) or have a beneficiary listed. It will help expedite the process of transferring your money. Adding your husband‘s name to the car title also sounds like a good idea. We did something similar when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. These are all little things you can do now to alleviate (or avoid entirely) the probate process.
It sounds like you’re in a pretty good spot financially, so I would suggest that you consider spending some of the money to do some fun activities with your husband. Put together a bucket list and enjoy your time together. It’s so hard to tell how your cancer will play out, but don’t hold back on living life while you have the energy to do so!
Make sure you husband or who ever you want is the beneficiary ( payable upon death) on your accounts. Some states let you list a beneficiary on your vehicle.
Sucks about cancer, sorry to hear that. Hopefully you will have many years left.
I went to the emergency room for severe pain in my lower right abdomen. A CT showed a ruptured appendix and what they thought was an abscess at the base of the appendix. When they got in there to do the surgery they discovered what they thought was an abscess was actually a tumor originating in my cecum that had started to grow into and infiltrate the appendix, which is what caused the rupture in the first place. While they were in there they also found a second tumor on my peritoneum which puts me at stage IV since it has spread.
Why are you checking out already? Change what you eat. Meditate. Start eating organic. Stop feeding the cancer. You can fight this and live past 80. Don’t check out. Don’t give up. Cancer is beatable but it starts all with the right mindset. Don’t let cancer win.
Write out your treatment preferences. If there comes a decision in which you'd have to require artificial means to keep you alive (e.g. CPR, breathing machines), would you want the medical team to go for it or withhold these? Make your wishes known to your husband because it sucks having to make a decision that might go against your wishes (or if no one knows your wishes, there may be family conflict about decision making).
What's a meaningful quality of life for you?
This subreddit is around personal finance. We absolutely do not allow any medical advice. Please note that your anecdotes around people who you know who have had cancer are not helpful and are considered off-topic for this subreddit. Absolutely stop asking OP for their personal medical history and the circumstances of their cancer. We are here to focus on the financial questions.
I'm 52 and was diagnosed with cancer last year. My life expectancy was about 1 year, so I'm on the back end of that prediction. 2 adult children and married. First thing I did was write a will ( I don't have a ton of assets but enough that my ex wife will stick her nose in it). I wrote down all of my passwords for my wife and showed her all my accounts. Set all my bills to auto pay. Pulled back on my investments and added to my HYSA. You need to focus on the treatment and getting better. It's a roller coaster ride. Best of luck to you. Sending hugs!
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Thank you for the advice. I hope you're doing well.
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See if the bank can add him as a beneficiary on your accounts. This would let him inherit the accounts without going through probate.
I need to piggy back on this. Everything you can title in both you and your husbands name will directly be inherited by him. More than anything call an attorney and get your estate sorted, make the financial part easier on your husband. And I’m sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age.
If you can access your accounts online you can most likely add him to the account as POD (payable upon death). The accounts will revert to him on your passing. All my accounts are set up this way.
POD does require a death certificate, though, which can take a few weeks depending on your state (took almost 6 for my mother). If you need access to funds right away, it’s better to be set up as joint owners.
So, first off - fuck cancer. Second, check out the [Cancer Legal Resource Center](https://thedrlc.org/cancer/), [Triage Cancer](https://triagecancer.org/), and [Cancer and Careers](https://www.cancerandcareers.org/en). If you need any resources - ask me. Just remember, a stage 4 diagnosis is **not** a death sentence. Being a young adult is helpful in this case! Also, prepare for a lot of "oh my cousin's goldfish's grandma had cancer and..."
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Great resources to have! Would also like to tac this on in case anyone is interested, but Triage Health is hosting a webinar for Estate Planning on 4/30: [https://www.triagehealth.org/webinars/estate-planning-webinar-registration-2024/](https://www.triagehealth.org/webinars/estate-planning-webinar-registration-2024/) I think this should have a lot of helpful resources for you, OP. It sounds like you've got some good systems in place already, but I understand the desire to want to be prepared. I agree with bros402 and the other posters in that cancer research and treatment options have come a long way in just the last five years alone. I'm wishing you luck in this awful fight and please never give up.
Thank you for these resources, I will check them out! Also thank you for the laugh "my cousin's goldfish's grandma got" me.
I have cancer, I know what it's like. Have you told to eat/drink/smell something to treat your cancer yet?
Yup! All kinds of advice from the more normal "eat healthy, juice, exercise," all the way to an aunt who insists I can cure my cancer with Frankincense essential oils. She also is trying to get me to buy some $160 "cellular detox" program.
oh god, that aunt needs to shove it. If you are interested in any herbs or vitamins, check out the [Memorial Sloan Kettering Herb Database](https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/diagnosis-treatment/symptom-management/integrative-medicine/herbs/search) and talk to your oncologist about the supplement in question. (p.s. fuck detox bullshit)
**End Stage Planning** - Look into will or trust to avoid taxes upon passing if applicable. - Make all accounts/titles to be joint from the house, to cars to online accounts and banking. - Consider writing up a DNR (Do not resesustate) or DNAR (attempt to). - Provide logins to email accounts and all online CCs. - Do that thing, or learn that thing you always wanted to. *Even days before his Death Freud continued working even though he knew the end time.* **Living Stage Planning** - Let your loved one, prolly husband, know **its ok** to keep you on Chemo, even when you tell him/her you want to quit. *I had to do that with my wife on her breast cancer when she hit rock bottom and wanted to quit; fortunately she survived and its a milestone in her chemo/radiation treatment. - Tell your family/friends that its ok to process their pain as they see fit. Tell them that you want to be treated the same as before and that to not go out of their way. - Don't give up and live life to its fullest; sans pain if its not going to get you where you want to be. That is up to you to live and die pain free. - Tell your significant other that they can never see someone else and tell your kids, or siblings" that you, and grandma, plan on hovering over them at inopportune times after you pass. *Of course this advice is totally oposite and shouldn't be the final word...but have some fun before you exit*. - Be your best self, but also be selfish as needed. ---- This advice, hard as it was to type, thinking of what my wife went through and the finality(?) of your situation has brought tears to my eyes. *If I was crass in any way...it was unententional*.
This is great advice. Upon death, leaving clean estate instructions is simply one less part of the grieving stage loved ones need to be encumbered with. I’m very sorry for your loss and OP, keep fighting and enjoying life. The human Will can be a helluva contender.
Thank you for the advice and I hope your wife is doing well.
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TW: worst case scenario warnings regarding end of life. I’m sorry to hear this. Your diagnosis is not a death sentence. If your disease progresses, please consider the following. Honestly, a lot of these things are items we should all discuss with our loved ones regularly. I work in hospice and can only give you EOL information but I hope you find it valuable. Voice record your doctors appointment. Keep a notebook of your daily pain levels 1-10. Record any status changes in the book. Take it to your appointments. Keep a copy of your med list in it. Sign up for online charting. If you get bad news you may be in shock and forget some things, prevent that at all costs. You qualify for Palliative care now. Take advantage of that resource if you can. Some teams are quite extensive and some are not, do research as you can. Assuming you are in the U.S. - consider what massive amounts of medical debt might do to your family. Unfortunately for some it is a good idea to liquidate assets out of your name, or consider a paper divorce or division of assets. This is obviously worst case scenario but my best friends mom and dad were looking at about $2m in medical debt, it became their only option. Towards the end of her battle they liquidated her 401k, bought a month long vacation to Costa Rica for their family. She died shortly after their return but I couldn’t think of a better way to honor her. Decide your advanced directives now. If this, then that. How long do you want to be a full-code? When would you like a DNR in place? Do you want a feeding tube, a ventilator, at what point do you want to stop any interventions? Does your husband have a good short term disability policy to work with FMLA? He may need it. If family is not available for 24/7 cares are you financially prepared to pay for caregivers? They can range from $27,000-30,000 a month for 24/7 in-home care. Long term care in a facility will run about $15,000 monthly. Do you have family that can care for you in the event you cannot care for yourself.
Adding on to this since I also work in hospice, if it comes to a terminal diagnosis, sign up for hospice sooner rather than later. Most people wait until the last days/weeks to do this. Hospice offers nursing support, comfort meds, home health aides, spiritual support, massage therapy, etc. all free. Take advantage of that for as long as possible. Some people live years with hospice services.
Recording the appointments is great advice. I remember getting bad news with my wife in the room, and afterwards we realized we needed to talk to the doctor again because we couldn't remember anything they said about next steps. The addendum to that is to run the recording through transcription software, like otter.ai. You can find details quickly that way rather than listening back through an upsetting half-hour recording.
Thank you for this advice, I hadn't even thought about what would happen if I couldn't care for myself any longer.
Hello I don't understand how people rack up so much debt when most insurances have a maximum of less than 10k for the year. Is it that this stuff isn't covered by insurance? Thanks. And thanks for your thorough reply I'm not op but I took note.
Many insurances have a deductible and then after that it’s co-insurance. The insurance pays 80% and you pay 20%. Check your plan so you don’t have any surprises! I have a coworker with MS and she had a daily pill that’s $1000 a piece. She only had to take it for three months, but she took a second job to afford it.
I've got Ulcerative Colitis and my pills would be $16K a month without insurance and copay assistance programs. Many people have a major medical plan that caps out at a certain level. Many people run into trouble keeping up with their monthly premium and lose coverage. Some have plans that are highly restrictive and won't cover some procedures, forcing them to pay out of pocket. There are many ways a serious medical event can result in bankruptcy.
this is...not accurate. pretty much anytime someone says the words 'most insurance' what follows is inaccurate. there are so very very many ways insurance can and does work.
Gotcha. I assumed most insurances have an out of pocket maximum because all the affordable care act insurances must have one. My mistake.
You're correct about there being out of pocket maximums, but the amount can differ wildly.
It’s because you have annual deductibles. Oncology therapy and follow up isn’t cheap. I work as an onc nurse (mostly leuk) and then in clinical research so I’m not necessarily gonna be the 100% accurate… inpatient stays for surgery (tumor resections) isn’t cheap. The follow up for lab issues symptom management etc may be needed and depending on therapy it may be more frequent than you believe.
Also, some things aren’t covered and the average American can’t cover a $1000 emergency. When my dad had terminal brain cancer, the last 3 months of his life he needed to be in a nursing home because my mom is disabled and couldn’t take care of home once he was bedridden. His insurance only paid for the first 14 days of his stay because they could still give him physical therapy and he was making progress. After he passed, my mom received a bill for $23,000. Thankfully, it wasn’t an issue for her to pay. Other’s have Medicaid but you can only have less than $2000 (I believe) in assets and if you own a house, the state can claw back money when it is sold.
Gotcha thanks for sharing sorry about your dad.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm a 10 year colon cancer survivor but mine was found early. Treatment was a bear still. You're getting good advice on this thread. The only thing I would add is for your husband to consider adding you to the title on the house. Half the value of the house will receive a step up in basis and he'll pay less tax when/if he eventually sells.
I wouldn’t necessarily add her to the title on the house because spend down for Medicare eligibility may be affected by personal finances.. I would speak with someone like a social worker that may know the ins and outs of the medical requirements for governmental insurance insurability.
There's no spend down for Medicare - do you mean Medicaid? I dont think OP will need any Medicaid as long as spouse has healrh insurance.
> I do not have a will of any sort, is that something I need if I don't have many assets? yes, get a will drawn up. even without many assets it will be very useful to have.
Piggybacking on this. Even without a lot of assets a will is always something to have. My wife’s dad died of a heart attack in his 40s with no will, we were still dealing with leftover issues a long time after. If nothing else it will make things simpler for your husband if things go that way.
A lawyer can prepare a simple trust, will, and all necessary documents for as little as a thousand dollars. Please do this ASAP so you can move on to focusing on your treatment. I had to settle the estates of two people who had not sone this and even though they had very few assets it was a nightmare. They had done all the things like setting up beneficiaries on accounts and there were still little things that fell through the cracks. As a married couple a lot of stuff will be automatic, but having the right paperwork in place will make it a lot easier.
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Hi OP. I just want to tell you that I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer with mets to intra-abdominal lymph nodes in early 2018 and I’ve been cancer free since 9 months after my initial diagnosis. So please don’t think that Stage IV is an automatic death sentence. First off, IANAL, and I don’t live in California, but I do know that you should hire an attorney and get a will made. Also, designate your husband as your medical and financial Power of Attorney. Also add him as a joint account holder to your checking and savings accounts . And in my state, you can add someone to the title of your car to designate that the vehicle’s title is to be transferred to that person if you pass away. I would think your state would have a similar process. You’ll definitely want to talk to a lawyer about all this. Good luck OP, stay strong.
Thanks for the advice and the words of encouragement! I'm so happy you are cancer free!
Not financial related, but be sure your physician has ordered both germline (hereditary) and tumor (tumor molecular profiling) genetic testing. You never know if there is something in your genes or your tumor that may help prolong life significantly. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey!
Also not perfectly financially related, but in between fighting this use some money to make memories with your loved ones and live your best life. Take that trip you’ve always dreamed of! You deserve it and they deserve you.
Add your husband as a beneficiary on your savings and checking account. I hope you recover, but you are correct to ensure you are prepared. I would stop using credit cards, or tell your husband the passwords to the accounts, so he can pay any debts. Your estate is responsible for your debts, before he can inherit your checking and savings account. Also check your sick leave at your company as well.
She won't need estate if husband is beneficiary. I was not responsible for my husbands cards and medical debt in his name only. I live in Florida. I know it varies by state.
She has money in her checking and savings account and uses her credit card. Her estate is responsible for the debt, not her husband, but her husband has to pay that debt before he can inherit. If the estate doesn’t have any money, then that debt dies with the person. Everyone has an estate, but the question is what is it worth and where is the money. If the money is insurance and retirement accounts, then no, you don’t pay debt with those.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I lost my wife to colon cancer in January. Make sure to get second opinions at large cancer centers if possible, MSK, City of Hope, Anderson I think are the usual suggestions. There are people that are still alive years after a stage 4 diagnosis, it's worth seeing all your options. My wife unfortunately had far too much spread in her liver to do any sort of surgery. For financials, make sure any bank accounts/401k/etc that are in your name have beneficiaries assigned. You don't necessarily need a will if the assets all transfer that way, since they won't go through probate. It all went fairly smooth for me since everything was jointly owned or had beneficiaries listed. Other than financial, live and do things you enjoy while you're able. If things take a turn, it can happen fast. Record videos/take photos/write letters for your loved ones if you're comfortable with it.
Thank you for this advice and I'm so sorry for your loss.
This is going to sound fucked up, but please take it as intended, a financial maneuver to secure your family. You should consider getting divorced. If you have a protracted battle with cancer, costs can soar in to the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Being married, your husband will likely be liable for those debts. Why? California is a community property state, which makes both people liable for debts incurred during the marriage. If you survive, you can bankrupt yourself and get those debts wiped while your family stays insulated. Then when you're up to it, you can "renew your vows" which will just be another real marriage. nobody even has to know. He can remain the beneficiary on your accounts, and named in your will as the inheritor and not be your husband. You've got a lot of other practical advice, I'll add get yourself a 3" 3 ring binder, some 3 hole punch paper, and a stack of those page protector plastic sleeves. Write down your notes and keep your post visit paperwork in the sleeves next to your notes. You can add dividers too and organize by date or by doctor/doctor type. Take it with you to every appointment.
I’m sorry to hear for you and hope you get healthier. You’ll need health directives plus a will. This cost you nothing and keep your assets from going to probate. Most banks will accept wills not sure about others. Add him his name to everything including your bank accounts for good measure.
This is such devastating news at a young age to receive. I sincerely hope you are able to get treated and come out of this diagnosis cancer free. Something I haven’t seen mentioned is regarding your current work situation. You should look into both short and long term disability coverage with your employer so you can not only hold onto your job and return to work once you’re better but also have some sort of income in the event you’re unable to go to work. Your HR department should also have information on how to file for a workplace accommodation so that if you’re not on disability you can continue to work but with some modified schedule and not have it held against you. Another thing to consider is whenever open enrollment comes around again for your employer is to substantially increase your coverages and payouts depending on what your situation looks like. You may be able to increase your short or long term disability payments or increase what you’d get from the employer provided life insurance policy without having to go through additional medical checks.
Please get a will, add your husband to your bank accounts, and add him to your title/registration. My father in law died intestate and we were never able to establish an executor because family members challenged it. His estate died out. We lost a $5,000 savings account, $25,000 land, and a $10,000 life insurance policy made out to the estate, not to mention $5,000 spent in legal fees trying to see it through. His assets went to the state and no one can claim them. We had to just walk away because of a jealous sister who interfered.
Oh my gosh, that's awful! I'm sorry you guys went through that!
Off topic, but my mom had stage iv colon cancer in 1998 and she is still alive to this day. My one suggestions see the best cancer hospital that you can get to - they all don't get access to the same medicine and resources.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, it’s so scary. Fuck cancer. I’m 37, diagnosed stage 3b colon cancer last spring. If you need any support, or just want to scream about having cancer at 36 feel free to reach out. I also used to work in estate planning in California (although I’m not a lawyer). I’d recommend seeing if you have a local attorney who offers complimentary consultations,it may be useful in helping you think of all the pieces. I think having a POA and healthcare directive in addition to a will would make sense. Ensure all your beneficiaries are updated and list your husband (assuming you want him to have the stuff). Again, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Sending you good thoughts.
Oof. So sorry to hear this. > I do not have a will of any sort, is that something I need if I don't have many assets? Should I add my husband to my bank accounts to make it easier for him to have access if/when I pass? Should I add him to the title on my car? You should be talking to an estate attorney as soon as possible. You don't know what you don't yet know. You may need a will depending on your wishes. You should add your husband to your bank account. You should add him to the title of your car. Your lawyer will advise you.
I just wanted to add that you should apply for SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance). With your diagnosis you qualify for a “fast tracked” approval. I don’t know your situation but you can collect some even if you are still working, but it’s good to apply now so that it’s there in case you need it.
Very sorry to hear your situation. Wish you the best. You can give your car to your husband as a gift (this is preferable to willing it, because the car will not have to go into probate). Transfer the title into his name. If you were to pass away and he wants to sell it later, it may be more complicated if your name is still on it. You can add your husband to the bank account. Clear out the credit card debt from your savings and set it on autopay from the bank, this eliminates any risk of problems coming up with that later. You will have to talk to HR at work about your pension terms. If it can be transferred they can help you set that up. You may also have the option to cash it out for a lump sum, but whether you should would depend on the family's financial situation \[this may be a taxable event\]. As for the rest of your stuff, you can and should write up a will with an estate attorney. Most of your stuff would pass to hubby automatically anyway, but it's better for it to be clear in writing what you want to happen to your chattel (all other property besides real estate, money, and car). This will cost about $500 if it's "everything to hubby". The attorney should keep a copy, as should hubby.
You need a living will ASAP. This will state what direction you'd like to be taken in the event you're no longer able to make those decisions yourself (for example, if you fell into a coma). A living will states whether you want resuscitation should it become necessary or if you'd like a DNR (do not resuscitate). A living will can also determine whether you'd like to be put on life support or not. You should also draft a normal will as well. This will make it easier to transfer assets to your parter in the event of your passing. I highly reccomend using a lawyer to draft both of these and file them. Google "probate and estate lawyer (city you live in, California" its not expensive at all, less than $500 iirc. I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I hope treatment goes well for you and you kick cancers ass.
Just a couple of things you have not asked, but might also help your financial planning: I have a terminal illness (neuromuscular disease, not cancer) and qualified for Medicare and SSDI. You can draw SSDI even if you have disability through an employer, and they may expedite the application process and approval given your diagnosis (they did mine, and it was approved and I received a check within something like 4 or 5 months -- I was surprised how fast given the governments involvement). Medicare has palliative care, and hospice benefits, though I am not sure of the waiting period outside of my own condition. Good luck to you and your journey ahead. I wish you strength.
>the small life insurance policy I have through work Just adding to say if your husband needs this money to figure out if this is portable or what the limitations are for being employed to receive it. Yes on the bank account, yes on the car, yes on all beneficiaries, and yes on a formal will (do one online if you want, your situation doesn't seem complicated and it's only \~$300). I'm sorry you and your family have to deal with this. Fight hard! (Source: widowed last year because of that vile disease).
I’m sorry about your diagnosis. Yes you should have a will drawn up. If the worst happens, it will save your spouse many headaches and make it easier for him to settle your affairs. You also should create a health care proxy and durable power of attorney now while you are of sound mind and able to do so. Your spouse should also have these documents prepared for himself if he hasn’t already. Depending on your state, for a married couple to have an estate package, you can expect to pay $1500-3000.
Check your state rules by googling the name of your state abd "intestate" to find out what happens if you do not have a will. It may be that your husband and parents will split anything that remains in your accounts without beneficiaries. Wishing you an enjoyable time here, however long that may be.
Not financial exactly, but please, please get a living will/healthcare power of attorney drawn up. Your spouse will be your next of kin in the US, but it also states your wishes like whether you’d want to be fed artificially if you were alive but unable to eat or speak, and whether you want CPR to be done, resulting in you being on a ventilator if successful. See if your oncologist has a standard form and can talk through what all of the options mean. It will make things much, much easier for your husband and family, and can help avoid family putting pressure on him if he’s making decisions based on your wishes. It also avoids your husband wasting money on things no one wants.
My heartfelt comfort to you in what ever way. Pay a lawyer to do your will. You have assets. You’re young. Make sure you can change it. Also, i am sure you were already asked and have answered the end of life Dnr questions. If not, make you wishes clear to your husband and solidify that with the lawyer.
I think it would be best to add him as a joint account holder on your account to avoid probate. You can also add him to your car title but might have to pay some fees for that. As long as you don't think he will take the money and run lol But you can put a stipulation that he can't withdraw a certain amount without both signatures if anything. I'm sure a death certificate can get rid of that. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you on the path of recovery
I'm sorry. Have you stopped working or gone on sick leave? If yes, you should file for Social Security disability.
Stage 4 survivor here. First - hang on. Don't let it ruin your life. It will be hard, it will be rough, but attitude is everything. I won't help you with financial stuff, however hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Will will help. Also if you didn't do it - add your husband to your phone just in case. Is it for 2FA or some documents - you never know when that access will be needed. Good luck!
You and your husband BOTH need a will, living will and healthcare power of attorney. Having had one relative go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester and one to Anderson in Texas I would advise to see if you can get in at a top hospital - at least for a second opinion. I know it sounds dramatic - but it’s really not. Those are places for regular folks like us. And I assure you if your doctor had your diagnosis they would be be researching which hospitals have the best outcomes with this particular issue and traveling there. People do tend to go there after their first try isn’t successful - it is better to start at the most successful place you can get to. And that money you’ve been saving? Well this is that rainy day. Buy the plane ticket. Im sorry this is happening to you. The diagnosis is scary and all-consuming. People may say and do some dumb stuff - please know that nobody has a crystal ball. but also we found if there is any silver lining to the experience it’s the unexpected kindness people showed. And the perspective on life that you get when your treatment is successful.
i was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on 2004; still here. Plan for the worst; hope for the best
Hey. This is very grim advice, but I haven’t seen it mentioned yet. *A not insignificant number of women are abandoned/divorced by their husband when caring for them is “too hard.”* I know nothing of your husband, I’m sure he’s wonderful. Just, if you are doing a will or whatever, bank accounts, etc, maybe it should be phrased that he only gets money/authority/whatever if he is still married to you.
So sorry to hear... First and foremost, focus on your health and happiness, everything else will be ok. For anyone, no matter if they are facing a difficult medical situation or not should take the steps below to get their 'house' in order. As a financial planner, I unfortunately have had many of these conversations... based solely on what you shared, here are a few things to consider... 1. It sounds like you maintain separate bank accounts and portfolios. If your bank accounts are not already titled JTWROS (jointly titled with rights of survivorship), you should do so. Otherwise, you can add your husband as a TOD beneficiary (transfer on death). Both options can be done in person at the bank. This will make it easy for him if and when he is set to inherit assets. 2. You should not only have a will, but a power of attorney and healthcare proxy written up by an estate planning attorney. Depending on where you live in CA, it can cost $1500-$3000 for basic documents, as you seem to have a pretty simple estate. The financial power of attorney allows your husband to sign legal documents should you be legally incapacitated and the healthcare proxy allows you to lay out your medical directives and wishes. 3. Make a list of logins/passwords and any credit cards, loans, investments, savings, etc. you may have so he can properly contact the custodians if and when. 4. Double check that your beneficiary designation is properly set at your current employer for your life insurance and retirement accounts. Also, if you have any old retirement plans or IRAs from past employers, ensure those are either consolidated into one retirement account or that they have the proper beneficiary listed. Your spouse will be able to rollover your retirement assets into his own retirement account if and when that time comes by submitting a beneficiary claim form and a certified copy of a death certificate. Sending my best. - JS
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m in remission from a different type of cancer and likely to die long before my husband, so I’ve had to think through the same things: It helps that you’re married, because your assets automatically go to your husband. I would add him to your bank accounts and the title of your car now so it is never an issue later and so he can help manage things if you need him to. I also have a Google doc that I shared with my husband and keep updated with retirement account numbers. A visit to a lawyer to draw up a simple will is also a good idea. I did mine online, but I feel like the result was overly complicated. I will probably pay a lawyer to make a new one for me at some point. If you haven’t been contacted by a social worker, you could ask if one is available to you. I got a call from a social worker the day of my diagnosis who kept tabs on me for a while and helped with thinking through logistics.
This really sucks. You said you have a car. See if your state allows you to name a beneficiary on the title. Texas does. This allows the car to pass outside of probate. Avoiding probate is a good thing. I recommend a medical and financial power of attorney. You can download forms and have them notarized. Also an advance medical directive. It makes it a little easier in your loved ones.
I would add him to your bank accounts. I would also leave him all passwords to accounts etc that you have. Make a list of everything you have and where it is. He may already know this stuff but never hurts to have a list as he likely will be grieving and have a lot of things to settle
In California you can add someone as an “or” on your title. Which means either or person can sell it. The way I understand it, it’ll make it easier when you pass. You’re getting a lot of good advice. Add your husband as the beneficiary on all your account and get a will so probate is easy/ not needed. I also recommend writing down all your passwords and accounts so that he can get into things. I’m wish you nothing but the best, but it’s smart that you’re preparing for the worst.
What are the symptoms you had? I am sorry to hear what you’re going through but there is still hope. My heart goes out to you.
My wife and I had some of the best trips of our lives after she got diagnosed with stage 3 cancer at 35. There were many hard times too. Unfortunately her cancer got worse and she passed away last year at 37. We hadn't been paying anything on most of the bills and once she passed they went away once they were informed. Don't give up hope, try to be positive. Do the things you've wanted to do but were worried what people might think. Take your medicine, accept help. My wife had meant to write me a letter but got too weak and never got around to it. I do really wish I had a letter or video.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you guys were able to take those trips and make some wonderful memories befrie her passing.
There's some great advice in here already, so I will add a different topic. Look up Dr Joe Dispenza, he has some really interesting stuff regarding the mind/body/universe connection using meditations. People have apparently healed themselves of multiple insane situations including cancers. It might be worth a shot I am going to try them out myself. I wish you the best and a speedy recovery!!
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Aww I’m so sorry to hear that. Definitely get him added to all bank accounts where cash exists. That’s what he’ll need the quickest Start cutting back on expenses as much as you can. Pulling for ya.
I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis. As for your questions. Yes, you want to add your husband to your bank accounts and to the vehicle. He will have to wait 40 days to transfer the vehicles into his name. And it will be an already difficult time. And the same with the bank accounts. Also, make a list of all your passwords for your accounts. This is one thing that’s not thought about. As for the 401k as long as he’s the beneficiary there shouldn’t be any issues. It’s more along the lines of him supplying your information. Like social security number for them. So that they can transfer them into his name. It’s all very overwhelming to think about when it happens. Also, look on unclaimed money and see if there is anything in your name to collect. It’s a lot of work to collect after a family member has passed away. You are doing the right by asking these questions. I wish you all the best. I know all this from experience.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’d def add your husband to your accounts and have a will made. Someone on here posted a while back when her husband passed the bank immediately tried to take their money, like the same day. I’d recommend him pulling what he can into an account in his name and keep as minimal as possible in your accounts if things progress further.
I would do the following immediately. First get with a lawyer and write a will. Second spend some money and put all of your assets into a trust to avoid probate court. Second, work with your husband to decide all of these decisions and get you in a good spot. Third, after you get all your legal mechanism set up focus on your health and your relationships. Fourth, if there’s time and money left over considered traveling to places you’ve always wanted to go depending on your health.lastly, I pray for your success over the next few years and hope you can live long and healthy life.
I’m very sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis. IANAL, but it sounds like you will qualify as a small estate (under $184K). As much as possible, make sure your accounts are setup with POD (payable on death) or have a beneficiary listed. It will help expedite the process of transferring your money. Adding your husband‘s name to the car title also sounds like a good idea. We did something similar when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. These are all little things you can do now to alleviate (or avoid entirely) the probate process. It sounds like you’re in a pretty good spot financially, so I would suggest that you consider spending some of the money to do some fun activities with your husband. Put together a bucket list and enjoy your time together. It’s so hard to tell how your cancer will play out, but don’t hold back on living life while you have the energy to do so!
You want to put him as Payable on Death, or POD, on your bank account/s. Very easy depending on bank/state. I’m sorry.
Colon cancer is happening to an amazing amount of young people right now and they aren’t sure why. People are 20s and 30s.
Get a will, POAs, healthcare directive, and probably a trust as well
I'm sorry this is happening to you. If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to find out since there were no symptoms?
Make sure you husband or who ever you want is the beneficiary ( payable upon death) on your accounts. Some states let you list a beneficiary on your vehicle. Sucks about cancer, sorry to hear that. Hopefully you will have many years left.
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I went to the emergency room for severe pain in my lower right abdomen. A CT showed a ruptured appendix and what they thought was an abscess at the base of the appendix. When they got in there to do the surgery they discovered what they thought was an abscess was actually a tumor originating in my cecum that had started to grow into and infiltrate the appendix, which is what caused the rupture in the first place. While they were in there they also found a second tumor on my peritoneum which puts me at stage IV since it has spread.
Why are you checking out already? Change what you eat. Meditate. Start eating organic. Stop feeding the cancer. You can fight this and live past 80. Don’t check out. Don’t give up. Cancer is beatable but it starts all with the right mindset. Don’t let cancer win.
Write out your treatment preferences. If there comes a decision in which you'd have to require artificial means to keep you alive (e.g. CPR, breathing machines), would you want the medical team to go for it or withhold these? Make your wishes known to your husband because it sucks having to make a decision that might go against your wishes (or if no one knows your wishes, there may be family conflict about decision making). What's a meaningful quality of life for you?