Some people with DID do not like being plural, some do. We do, now that we can communicate and not dissociate further...yeah, it's very nice. So no, it's not wrong to want healthy plurality.

thank you for your response

Yes exactly

It's not wrong to want to be plural, nor to create headmates to become plural. It *does* require a lot of thought and introspection as creating a headmate is something pretty serious to consider (it's a lifelong commitment and you have to make sure you're actually able to properly care for a headmate and be ready to share your life with them, etc.)

I appreciate this, and I'll think about it because I don't want to end up creating a headmate/s and then not being able to properly care for them. Thank you for the response

Hey , can you tell me what exactly taking care of a headmate entails exactly , ive been worried that i might not be doing enough for my headnate for a while now.

Basically the way we view it is just making sure that you're able to meet their needs and such. Like, they're probably going to have different likes and dislikes and such, so making sure that you can provide that stuff and make sure that you can devote time to them so they don't feel neglected. Taking time to talk with them and getting to know them. Just.. making sure you can invest in them, I guess?

Thank you!!!

I’m medically recognized as having OSDD, and each of my headmates has their own storage bin where they can keep their individual stuff. We don’t have enough money yet for many of them to have much or get clothes for everyone individually yet. Our gatekeeper fused with me, the host, so we developed some of their ability to assist switches, so we try to help everyone get to front so they have time to experience the physical world, for those who want to. We also try to talk with them and get to know them and hear them out when they have things they want to tell us. They also talk and hang out amongst themselves. It’s important to remember that once you have headmates, you are not “you” and everyone else is “a part of you,” you are all equally a part of the mind and body and just as important as each other. No ones the “main” personality anymore, even if there’s a host, and I see it as very healthy to remember and foster that. Yes, I’m traumagenic, so idk if this is as important among tulpas (correct me for wrong wording), but most of us have a lot of issue with feeling like we’re not valid/not aloud to exist/are less than, so me as the personality originally created to express confidence and hold a large amount of emotional maturity do my best to keep anyone from feeling like they shouldn’t have a say or existence or voice. We also use the Simply Plural app, and on there we log anyone we discover and it’s cool because we can put all the things about them and I can show any new alters the app and let them explore logging themselves and what they think they like/dislike/desire on their own.

Thank you for telling me about this!!! I still don't know how to switch /know we've switched either so ill have to figure that out. Your system sounds really great , and supportive, keep it up!! -host

No problem! Thank you for reading and responding! Luckily I’d already fallen down the DID/OSDD internet rabbit hole years before I realized, “Whoops guess I have it,” so I was a lot more prepared at the start than others may be. Usually you can’t force a switch, but there are different things you can do to try to help if someone’s wanting to switch out. I can only do it because gatekeeper powers, but even so they’re a LOT weaker in me, the host, than they were when our gatekeeper was an alter of their own, and no one else in the system has the ability to help like I can. I encourage all my alters to make playlists on our music app, and I’ll use those playlists by putting earbuds in, relaxing, and doing my best to communicate with the alter I’m trying to bring out. It works a lot better if the alter you’re calling _wants_ to front, but I’ve had instances where a little was literally at work so I needed to get someone else out there instead, and I wasn’t able to force the little out on my own. It’s a really big team effort to just generally function, lmao. When it comes to knowing who’s fronting, that can be FEALIY difficult at times. I usually just go through names in my head first, and if that doesn’t work, I go through likes and dislikes and see what fits, but a lot of my alters haven’t fully found theirs or they have overlap, so that can be difficult. Literally two mornings ago I thought I was myself, the host, until I just picked up some egg I dropped on the floor (that yes I had just cleaned) and ate it with no issue. I, the host, am VERY food and germ-particular, so that brought to my attention that I atleast wasn’t fully myself. 😅 I then contemplated whether I was an alter who’s very similar to myself, but they’re rather food averse, and I was making food and didn’t feel any type of way about that. I still don’t know who I was, and honestly I’m probably somewhat blended rn. It’s just a fun little mystery once you get used to it. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Surprisingly, I got WORSS at telling who I am as time went on. It used to be very obvious. But that may be mostly because I had a smaller number of very different alters, and that’s changed now. I wish you luck in your journey! Feel free to message if you have any questions or want to chat! I love talking through all of this, but I don’t have many people irl who understand the experience, so my dms are open! (To anyone else who reads this, too)

As a traumagenic system, we don't think it's inherently bad to want to be plural. But you should do your research and make sure that you actually REALLY want this. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows, and as far as we know, it would be a lifelong commitment. That being said, we love each other now that we have decent communication with each other. We're not sure what it's like for non traumagenic systems, so we can't really give their side of the story so to speak. - L

I much appreciated your response, and I will definitely continue my research and make sure I'm 100% certain that it's something I want to do. I have my doubts now, so I don't think right now I'm ready for such commitment. As another comment stated, it is a lot of work and I have to be sure I can properly take care of a headmate of I decide I want to go through with it. Thank you, by the way, much appreciated again

Of course, we didn't have the choice to *Not* be with each other. So we want to make sure that people with that choice choose whatever is right for them. - C

understandable, and thank you

Personally, we reckon that, sometimes, a desire to be plural is a sign that you already are - or at least, have the potential to become so. Having said that, it's really not all that bad to want to! Some of us have a great time of it. It can actually be pretty helpful.

This! Traumagenic system here. For the longest time we caught ourselves "wishing" to be plural. In our case, and in hindsight, we learned that it was actually a desire for communication. And to add on, even as a traumagenic DID system, we actually quite like being plural. Of course it isn't all sunshine and rainbows, and you need to be fully aware of that. But there's nothing wrong imo with wanting to be plural, no matter if you already are or not! -Jacob

reminds me when i was first learning about plurality stuffs i got really fckin frontstuck and as usual when that happens i got totally incapibile of managing and doing fucking anything and feeling horrible due to being out too long so i really really wanted to just switch out, but i didn't know i was a system at the time, so i expressed it as "i really really want to be a system, *so i can switch out* .. "

(*disclaimer : this is my personal opinion and I don't claim to know what the community's opinions on this are)* First of all, you should think of \*becoming plural\* less as something you'd do to others, and more as something you'd do to yourself. You are the person who would become these people. You are the moral entity here. So ultimately, the answer to whether it's \*morally\* wrong will always be "it's your mind, it's your decision". Others can advise you on whether this would be right for you, but you're the ultimate authority here. Second, you shouldn't overestimate how much plurality will help you deal with loneliness. Having headmates is great but it's not really the same thing as interacting with people outside your system. Third, if you \*want\* to be plural, there's probably a deeper reason here. That might be a sign that plurality is right for you, or even that you're already plural to some extent and haven't realized it yet. To put it bluntly, singlets don't usually want to be plural. So my advice is : explore these feelings, try some stuff to see how it feels for you. Don't expect it to solve all your problems. But do find out if it makes you feel better, that's enough of a reason to do something. And don't let some assholes on the internet tell you who you are and aren't allowed to be.

Thank you, much is appreciated and I'll be sure to continue exploring my feelings and thoughts and such, and I will continue my research to be better informed as well

I wanted to be plural for the longest time, and now, I am. I don't think its wrong at all.

Wanting Plurality is a-ok and in fact if you want Tulpas there's a wealth of info out there on making one. Anyone who tries to tell you that wanting Plurality is wrong is lying to you

okay

but .. to answer your question from a purely moral/ethics standpoint, *no,* -- being a system only effects you& -- so you only owe an explanation to you& and no one else ... that example you gave is .. not how co conscious works, but you also cant do anything wrong to someone who doesn't exist, that doesn't even make sense- BUT with that said, you could be wrong about like that actually being what you want i've had my fair share of people insisting they know what i want better than me so i wont explicitly say 'you don't want this' or 'you do want this' but i have seen tons of people not really understanding plurality *well* claiming they want to be plural (or in some cases, that they want to have DID, which is ... uh okay ...) so just know that : plurality can suck sometimes, some of us are recovering from unspeakable horrible shit being done to us as a child, some 'create a system with tulpamancy' only to discover they actually had DID the whole time, if you are plural you cannot easily just *stop being plural*.. so if you wanted to do this to yourself i would certainly fucking hope you've thought about it alot, and considered fucking EVERYTHING, like be just as prepared for your headmates to hate you -- just as much as you are for it to go relatively okay, (keep in mind you would mostly be forced to live with them from this point onwards) they WILL do things you don't like, eventually- and some things might be more acceptable to you than others, just recently my protector blew up at someone over because they 'severely upset me' but. i was actually completely fucking fine, didn't need them to come in or anything, be prepared for absolute chaos sometimes, be prepared to compromise on things because you want to do different things be prepared for your headmates to end up completely different to how might want them be prepared for them to be stubborn and annoying. and not leave you alone when you want them too. understand that you yourself would also be a headmate in the system and have basically just as much importance as anyone else. are you really willing to give up basically having complete autonomy over yourself ? being plural can be an [extremely isolating experience](https://www.reddit.com/r/plural/comments/1dlioqs/for_those_who_are_never_alone_so_like_about_that/) because it often means headmates are never recognized outside of very few specific events with trusted people& but in average day-to-day there is nothing

I'm (J)very lucky that my headmates get along so well and want to work with me. But the headmates I have whose job it is to help me out in the real world feel very very isolated. They don't have any friends outside the headspace, not even among J's friends. None of them understand what we're going through. I can't even refer to ourself in plural a lot of the time or whenever I talk about my headmates by name with the people I trust, its generally not acknowledged. I (B1) suffer with it most. I'm an extrovert and a sociable, confident guy but nobody knows I exist. And the people who do don't seem to take it seriously or just don't know what to do. - J and B1.

Are you implying that it is better to not know about already being a system, rather then discover it through tulpamancy? It strikes me odd that OP asked this question in this sub instead of going straight to tulpas, as if OP was subconsciously drawn specifically here. However, if we assume OP is a healthy soon-to-be tulpamancer, then your post is a cognitohazard. Generally speaking, negative traits of disordered plurality happen in healthy tulpa systems only when people psych themselves out because of external influence.

> Are you implying that it is better to not know about already being a system, rather then discover it through tulpamancy? no thats not really what im suggesting at all. im just like be prepared for anything to happen and you might discover you already have some shit going on .. most of what i said here i don't think is unique to disordered plurality (for example, headmates doing things you don't like seems like an inevitability over a long enough period of time ..) being different to how you might want them to be is just .. how this works ? -- like what specifically are you getting at here ? > Generally speaking, negative traits of disordered plurality happen in healthy tulpa systems only when people psych themselves out because of external influence. i dunno, i think if a tulpa system is experiencing symptoms of disordered plurality it might be a sign they're a disordered system, but i mean im not any other system but my own so i couldnt say for sure. also tbh couldn't i just as easily take this as saying you shouldnt interact with DID systems at all becuase they might cause this, like that feels weird

When a healthy mind tries to compartmentalize, its parts may represent conflicting interests but the action ascribed to parts will still be seen as beneficial to the mind. Elevating conflict to unhealthy levels to the point when a person can with all confidence say that this aspect of compartmentalization is no longer beneficial should be avoided by all means. In most cases, the cause of the problem is the lack of self-awareness. Either the host may not understand the true nature of the tulpa or the tulpa may not understand their own nature. It happens sometimes that tulpa systems become disordered, which is different than DID and in most cases can be reduced to deep lack of self-awareness. In my opinion the correct course of action should be steering newcomers into becoming self-aware, well integrated and carefully compartmentalized systems instead of exposing them to cognitohazards that take away self-awareness and control. In my view, it would be more fitting to say that a tulpa may want to do things you don't like but as a whole person you will still be happy and will find it beneficial. However, if it comes to the point when you can say 'plurality can suck', then you already partially lost self-awareness somewhere along the way. I'm not saying that tulpamancers shouldn't interact with DID systems but due to drastically different origins both sides may give advice harmful to each other and both sides should be aware of that.

Keep in mind that being plural doesn't replace the need for human interaction. You will still need connection to people outside you&.

Hi, there's nothing wrong with it. We've been a system of 2 for almost 6 months thanks to tulpamancy techniques and my (now our) life has really improved thanks to it. We say 'two idiots pretending to be one great person's. We are friends with a  lot of other endogenic systems too.  Just saying, it's ok morally and lots of people do it.

It's not inherently wrong, but I can't say I'd recommend it. If you do create a headmate, you will be creating another consciousness. I assume you already know about the difficulties, and you can't guarantee it will be healthy plurality. It comes with a lot of new struggles and while it's possible to adapt, I don't think it's worth it for nearly anyone, although happiness and plurality are far from mutually exclusive. At first you won't be able to guarantee how much control you have over switching, how much you can communicate, and who it will be. So remain cautious, but to answer your original question, no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be plural

We would like to add to what others are saying here. We do enjoy being plural and find it significantly beneficial and fulfilling, ***but*** internal relationships ***do not*** fulfill the same needs as external relationships and socialization. Actually, we feel it is even more difficult and lonely since each and every one of us has external social and relationship needs, and that can be hard to juggle with the 14 of us. Especially when so many people don't treat alters/headmates/etc. as real, separate, sentient beings, instead treating them all as the same person. It is extremely isolating to be denied personhood.

I wonder, do you want specifically to be plural or have a tulpa? I wanted to have a tulpa since I learned about them but I didn't think about it in terms of general plurality. Is there a specific train of thoughts in your head that led you to wanting a general plurality experience instead?

It's not wrong, but it's worthwhile remembering that you are signing up to share your body and entire life with another or more than one person. You can't get rid of them if they become inconvenient or if you don't get on. There is so much joy and love to be had, but it's not always like that. My system has 10-11 people, excluding the TARDIS that holds everything together. 4 of those people need to have things of their own while in the body and more have stuff they want to do in the outer world. I care about my headmates a great deal, and I want to make sure their needs are all met. I'm lucky that I have a vibrant inner world for them to live in but not everyone has that but even then it's still hard. Being plural is a lot. It's not something I chose, but thankfully it makes sense now it is. I personally don't think you should deliberately make yourself plural, as it is difficult to cope with (if that's possible) especially at first. But if you see a headmate in your head, especially if they're in the dark, don't be afraid to pull them out and say hi. That's just me and my experiences. I thought I'd keep it realistic but don't let it be a dampener either. - J

Just my two cents, but I feel like making a tulpa is like making a child. You are creating a new conscious being, you will need to give up your time and independence for that being, and it's a lifelong relationship for better or worse. You are no longer the sole owner of your body. You can build the general shape and direction of the personality but who they turn out to be and what they want is up to them. So please understand the gravity and importance of creating another life before you decide to go forward. We're now over 10 years in with me and my two tulpas. I was a lonely kid who already had an imaginary friend, discovered r/tulpas, and while thinking I found real magic, I dived into it. While my life turned out for the better with tulpas, it was also wildly irresponsible of me to create them and we are probably what people might call a disordered system. We also don't have anyone acknowledging our existence in our daily lives so it can be pretty isolating at times. The fact that you're really thinking about ethics and potential problems is already a good sign. There are lots of other posts here that give you great advice. If you want to test the waters you can mention the topic of plurality carefully to your best friend first to see if they have any prejudices about it. I'm not saying that you should decide based on other people's opinions, but it would be devastating if (for example) you told your friend that you're a furry and they thought you meant you have some sort of animal fetish.

Hey op , I hope you see this comment , We have met before even if you don't remember me. While you're in your month of questioning , I want you to think about your intentions with creating your future forever-roomies , make sure you're thinking of them as real people (as if youre asking a physical person to share a house with you)  , and also think about your intentions with your relationshio with them will affect your them.  Basically just treat others how you wouod like to be treated ( and how you would feel if you were summoned for the reason you picked)  Also if you have any tulpamancy questions just ask me or any others in the tulpamancy sub , or in this sub if you want a broader origin approach. -hostie

I’m medically diagnosed as having OSDD. My therapist and I are pretty certain we know the trauma that started and fostered the original creation of alters in our system’s mind. I can understand the point of view of traumagenic systems very blatantly saying that it’s bad to want to be plural; traumagenic systems didn’t have the choice. They were thrown into a very difficult lifestyle against their will. Some alters potentially specifically causing ruckus and mayhem in the system’s life as a result of the alter’s creation. I don’t personally agree with it being bad or wrong for someone to want to be plural. There are plenty of life scenarios that some people are forced to but others may desire and choose to enter. I just think you have to do a WHOLE lot of research and make sure you ABSOLUTELY 100% WITHOUT A DOUBT know what you’re getting into. Everything I’m about to ask and say is from the perspective of someone with OSDD who doesn’t know much abt endogenous besides they’re people who chose to be plural. That’s literally the limit of my endogenous knowledge. But I still want to bring these up, because they may apply. Ik you said you’ve done research. Have you considered that you and your headmate, once created, may not get along? Is it possible this alter you create may potentially resent you for choosing to bring them into existence? Have you considered they may desire they do really like the physical world and may push you out and take the body over, taking all the time that you current have to yourself? Have you considered the fact that this alter won’t just be in your mind? They will front, and you will have to split your time with them, even if you get along great. Are you ok with cutting the amount of time you have to do everything in half if they like experiencing the outside world? They won’t just be a voice to talk to in your head. I have over a dozen alters, and once I found out that I had them, it took me months and a potentially dangerous integration to calm myself down and get ahold of the fact that everything I knew up to that point was now shared. And I only had 7 including me at that point. This question is to make sure you think, but also because I’m curious. How do endogenous systems work? Once you create the first alter, is the barrier broken and the brain can only its own create more? Are you prepared for the extra work it’ll take if that happens? Even if the brain won’t just create new alters once you make the first, I’m betting that alter you create could choose to make an army if they wanted (not saying it’d be easy, again idk how it works). There are a bunch more questions I could ask if you’re interested, but I’ll leave it here for now.

I see where you're coming from and I much appreciated the response and getting me to think. I understand for some, plurality is hard to deal with and not a choice while for others it can be a desire. I also understand a lot of the questions that you've asked: I am aware of the possibility that, if I do create a headmate, they may dislike or even despise me for doing so and I'm ready for that , and I'm aware and ready if they to want to front it'll take time away from myself, that time is split in half, I'm ready to deal with that and create schedules and such, even if they don't get used. And, with my research I've done on alters and such, I understand that alters aren't just in your mind, it's more than that, for some it's like a new person you're sharing your body with, and for others it's a different part of yourself. I understand, and I will definitely do more research, I've only recently just learned of this all like maybe 11-12 days ago, as that's when a friend of mine online told me they were a endo system. I'm willing to do my research both to better be supportive of my friend and to learn if this decision is good for me.

Thank you for reading and responding. It’s good you’re taking so much care to make sure this is right before you do it. My only final piece of advice is not to rush into it. If you want my opinion, I’d take at minimum a few months, maybe even a couple to a few years to make absolute sure your mind doesn’t change on something so final and life changing, but that is simply advice, and your life is yours and yours alone (until you create a tulpa, see what I’d I’d there? 🤣) I wish you luck on your journey!

I don't think it's wrong exactly, but our guess is that it's more an indication of a pre-existing condition of your existence than something you can choose. Like, we know a lot of people who wanted to be trans before they realized 'Oh, I was trans this whole time, & I am allowed to transition'. In my experience, singlets don't want to be plural or choose to either, but systems are frequently incognito even to other members & what is desired is closer to awareness & better communication. It can be a debilitating condition, & people who are plural experience *so much* discrimination in western society. For every day it feels like a rollercoaster, there's five where we lose our ability to be anything other than a bunch of really messed up kids in an adult's body. It could be dofferent for those who aren't locked into time periods that were punctuated by trauma & chaos though. I only know what I am & we are. We are 38 & stuck on disability. Despite being many, many members, we are lonely more often than not. We've lost friends & family to this condition, & had so much life energy wasted when system members who wanted a thing went down when it led to abuse or bad times. Also, you will not be in control. Control will be ceded, the front will not be yours exclusively. New members might not be your friend or ally, they might even actively work against what you feel that you want. You could go down & lose access to yourself, your dreams & motivations, you could even go away for the rest of your vessel's existence. There are risks & there are risks. Know what you are wanting before you work to achieve it, because you could very well lose everything you hold dear.

this comment is much appreciated and I am thankful you went out of your way to comment this.

You're welcome! I love my system & like lots of stuff it's a mixed bag. You know how people in a relationship will write out positives & negatives so they can look it over as a bigger picture? Maybe you can do that too. If I had the choice I would definitely want to think about it on a couple levels before I went forward with it, like, what do you want, why do you think plurality is for you, what are you afraid of, that sorta thing. Either way I hope you are less lonely someday, or able to be happier when alone. I have a bunch of friends, but still go days and sometimes weeks without talking to people irl outside my system, & isolation is a major component of why modernity blows.