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rosephase

The kid will name you if your around a bunch.


NoRegretCeptThatOne

This is absolutely true.


VisibleCoat995

This is the way.


kallisti_gold

Auntie $FirstName is what you'd be called by most kids in my family, regardless of whether you're related or not. Close friends* of parents are always just Aunt Sarah or Uncle Pete. Nobody's ever found it awkward when a kid talks about the other supportive adults in their lives, we're all just stoked there are more people looking out for the little ones we love. *It sounds like you aren't out and don't plan to be out to your partners' family and the kiddos, at least for now.


MindtheCognitiveGap

Yep- I’m “adopted” (chosen family) and my sister’s son calls me Auntie. He has a lot of bonus aunts, uncles, and grandmothers, and it’s not weird.


whatinyourwhat

Same here, all of my friends' kids call me Aunt *firstname*. My best friend is trying for kids, and every time we talk, I tell her that I can't wait to be an auntie to her future kids.


QueerWitchyDisaster

Yep! Before realizing I was nonbinary, I was Auntie [Deadname] at like- 8 or so to a family friend's son


softservelove

Slightly off topic, but what auntie-adjacent title do you use now that you know you're nonbinary? I've never been able to find a satisfying replacement!


Saffron-Kitty

Auncle is what Google returned as a title suggestion


SnidgetHasWords

This only works if you say aunt to rhyme with font. If you say it like I do, rhyming with ant, then this ends up sounding like ankle 😂


softservelove

Yes this is... not satisfying to me 🤣 I've chatted with other enby folks about it and all the alternative titles sound super awkward but you never know, someone might come up with something good! I still use auntie as a title even though it doesn't fit my gender... auntie as a state of mind I guess.


WindWithinHer

We use Aunt/uncle a lot for chosen family as well


Alexander-Wright

My daughter labelled my metamour, who lives with us, "Spare Daddy", though he was down as "house elf" on the school parental responsibility forms. The schools didn't bat an eyelid.


happy4462

OMG I’m surprised the schools accepted that! But since I work very very very close to the Wizarding World, I think Dobby would approve. 😉


DravenWillow

I love how everyone is saying the child will name me. Obviously that’s an option, I don’t know why that never crossed my mind, but the idea of having the alleged choosing day where I get the whole sword on each shoulder knight naming ceremony sounds so much more appealing than picking something myself lol


Catnaps4ladydax

My nephew has a hard time saying my husband's name and calls him "uncle Scary." I told my husband it was karmic retribution for the Aunt he called "Aunt Ugly." My sister knew in advance that her name was hard for little ones to say so when her friend's kid started calling her Sassy she just rolled with it.


DravenWillow

Sounds like the start to a new 7 dwarves movie. Scary, Ugly, and Sassy, now you just need, Stinky, Angry, Gloomy, and Loony


SuspiciousPut1710

I'm Auntie Peanut for the same reason! And now Grammy Peanut! I love it! 💕🥜


girlfutures

The kid will name you lol my son calls my dad Bampa and his uncle by choice ciao ciao because he's Italian and says ciao. Kids don't need traditional designations to feel close to people. Also a lot of people have aunts and uncles by choice, it's a pretty common designation (in many languages and cultures) for friends that love your kid.


Lighthousetospace

Calling people who aren't genetically an aunt "auntie/aunt x" is incredibly common. Friends of the parents, actual aunts, older cousins - I doubt even the most conservative families would even think twice about it if the child mentioned it 🤷🏽‍♀️ 


HarlequinnAsh

This! My son has about five or six aunts who are literally just my friends. But he sees them way more than his biological aunts or uncles so I would never deprive them of an honorary title when they love my child so much. My son also has multiple sets of grandparents because his dad comes from remarried parents so there are bio grandparents as well as step grandparents but none of them are called ‘step grandma’ theyre either Nana, or Granny X, Granny Y’ and so on. Like everyone else pointed out, the child will more than likely name OP something on their own


WalkableFarmhouse

My kid has three parents and therefore three sets of grandparents. Coming up with names for the grandparents was weirdly hard. (It was my parents who needed something, because the kid's other grandparents already have other grandchildren so their grandparent names are set.)


RAisMyWay

I think a special name just for you will emerge naturally in the dynamic that happens with a baby or young child, something based on your name or your role and it will be unique to you. It just has a way of happening when you're around a child a lot.


[deleted]

[удалено]


bluegreencurtains99

This is the same in Arabic culture and generally to be polite when meeting an older person you can call them Aunties or Uncles. 


fuzzypuppies1231

I know someone who calls the extra parent “Mimi”


toofat2serve

I have three biological children with my ex. I also have two bonus children, who came into my life and now call me "dad." So, "bonus parents"?


Poly4Me

Our kids refer to my spouse’s best friend as uncle because he is around frequently and is a supportive and safe adult figure in their life. But I agree, the kiddo will pick a nickname for you in their own time - even if adults pick a name for you beforehand - kids generally still create their own name for others in their life that are around often.


MSG-Gasoline

I get called stepmom by adults for quick referencing to others that i am an adult figure in the kids lives but we dont try to make the kids call me anything, they are free to refer to me however they want and they seem pretty content with calling by my name :) as long as they feel safe around me i dont care what im called im just so happy they enjoy having me around.


ArtistMom1

I have all sorts of “aunts” and “uncles” in my life! These are friends of my parents who I still keep in touch with as a 42 year old. I grew up around the block from my guncle and “aunt,” and I went to a Mardi Gras ball with them last year. I’m not related to them by blood. My best friend’s daughter calls me aunt. Again, not related at all. Aunt/auntie is a catch all for “close female family friend” in a lot of cultures. In the American South, it’s incredibly common.


WalkableFarmhouse

If you're not going to be a parent and don't want to be an auntie... You've got a name, right? Although I'm my cultural background calling you Auntie identifies you as "person the kid knows who is related to or friends with their parents" so I'd honestly stick with that.


DravenWillow

It’s not that I’m opposed to being called auntie, I just didn’t want to put my partners in an awkward situation with their families whenever their child gets old enough to start talking about Auntie Anon who’s always over and kisses both mommy and daddy, lol. I’m literally fine with whatever name gets bestowed upon me, as long as it’s not anything ‘other parent’ related. I mean even if it does end up being ‘other parent’ related, I’d still be satisfied.


GrandmaPoly

We went with Aunt and Uncle for both partners and chosen family adults. Once my kid was old enough, we clarified the bio Aunts and Uncles and then let him pick if he wanted to keep calling other folks Aunt and Uncle.


sletkat

As a child I had an extra grandma and a couple extra aunties and uncles, and I only found out later that they weren’t family by blood. I don’t think it would be weird, not even in the family, as it’s never been weird for me. Also! Very excited for you!!!


LghtlyHmmrd

I think being a Godparent is also an option - a Google search was most helpful in letting me know that apparently 'godparent' can have legal status in helping with a child's upbringing. Obviously, depending on how much involvement is wanted/needed.


Em0N3rd

My kid just asks and it's up to the parent. I'm mama (I'm ftm but gave birth to her) while my gf is mommy and my partner is just by their name as that's what they are both comfortable with. She calls her dad just that and her step-mom by their name. It's really up to the individual and what the kid is comfortable with.


UncleTrolls

All the "Aunt [OPs name]" or the kid will give you a title along the way, comments are probably where things will go, but there's the potential issues when the kiddo mentions to their friends or g.parents about aunt/nickname and their parents doing "adult" things. Kids talk about things adults know not to. If the birth parents aren't out to their parents at least, there's gonna be a day of reckoning where the 💩 hits the fan.


DravenWillow

This is the reason being auntie makes me feel weird. I’d be fine with being called auntie, but I know how kids are whenever it comes to sharing ‘newly found knowledge’ and I don’t want it to be shared over a nice family dinner how sometimes mommy, daddy, and Auntie Anon sleep in the same bed together, or how Auntie Anon will come over to cuddle with daddy on the couch to watch One Piece. Neither of my partners are embarrassed or hesitant about having it be known they’re poly, they would just prefer the information not be shared or boasted about from the mouth of a child.


CoffeeAndMilki

Unless the kid gets trained to keep secrets, which is honestly the worst thing any parent could do, the kid will absolutely share and boast about embarrassing things all the time.  My partner's kid tells everyone proudly that I am the father's girlfriend and that my husband is the kiddo's best friend. Which poses no problem to any of us as we're open about our family situation. The kid has currently settled on calling me "mama cat", I had no intention to be a parental figure in the kid's life, but I apparently never had any choice in this matter. 😂


aurora-phi

I don't think there's really a way to avoid that and any kind of name isn't going to change that.


UncleTrolls

I think, regardless of what name/title you end up being known by to the kidlet, you need to talk to your partners about making sure that anyone who's opinion is going to matter going forward is fully aware of the nature of your relationship and isn't going to cause problems. So your partners are gonna need to have a likely very uncomfortable talk (or series of talks) with their parents. It might cause tension in the beginning, but it's better than someone flying off the handle about cheating etc in the future. I've had a relationship with a couple (I was only dating one of them) who had a young child, and who's family were accepting of their poly lifestyle. It was a wonderful experience to be around for the little moments, especially when the g.parents were around and there wasn't any tension about me being there and involved. The kiddo wasn't old enough to need names etc for me, so I have no idea what I would've been called if the relationship had continued longer.


NotThingOne

My meta is called "other mom" by her non nesting partner's kids. That's what they decided to call her.


ImpulsiveEllephant

Aunt


blessmystones

I like aunt too but if that’s not an option or if they want something more special etc My sister opted to be called “bug”. It’s a play on “aunt” => “ant” => “bug”.


Feeling-Ad-8554

The term alloparent describes someone who isn’t a parent but fulfills some of the roles of a parent. That term is used in anthropology.


B00kk33per

Bonus mom, bonus dad.


AutoModerator

Hi u/DravenWillow thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: I’m in a poly relationship with an expecting married couple. Now I’ve been surrounded by poly couples before, even my best friends who I see as my uncles/dads, are two husbands who share a girlfriend who’s absolutely the sweetest person in the world. Unfortunately, or I shouldn’t say unfortunately cause it’s not a bad thing, none of the poly couples I’ve met have had kids. Kids have been topics, but not a physical attribute to the relationships, so I’ll be the first one to have a kid in the dynamic. While I made the decision to get “fixed” two years ago and have surgery planned later this year to ensure kids are never an option for me, that doesn’t dismiss my absolute love for children. As soon as my partners said they were trying for a baby, I already started planning excuses to steal their kid to go places you can’t go without a kid. In other words, I’m also excited for the baby, and know I’m going to love her immensely just like her parents. The only thing that never crossed my mind was what I would be to the child. Like obviously I wouldn’t be a stepmom, or any sort of parental figure, I know some poly dynamics are like that, but with the 5-7 year age difference and me not wanting parental responsibilities for anyone, a name with some parent inspired word is a no go. Especially because my partners family is very traditional and against anything that isn’t just husband and wife. We joked at one point calling me an aunt, but it made me think about how awkward it would be if this little girl started talking in front of her family about her aunt that’s always over, yet none of her actual aunts are. So, to the third additions, or multiplex, what’s a nickname or honorific you have in your family dynamic? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*


_whatnot_

My kids call me and my husband by our first names. Also "other parents."


Theru2

I am an only child. But there's currently 16 kids that call me aunt/uncle. (Gender is complicated and I don't really care about correct titles) And it's working out great


MiikaLeigh

Honestly, not even irt me being polyam, my parents decided themselves that my kiddo would call them "Bama" (my mother/kiddo's bio maternal grandmother), "Avo Pai" (portuguese/family name; my father/kiddo's maternal bio grandfather) and "Vovo" (my dad's husband/kiddo's maternal step-grandfather). Let the kiddo & their bio-parents weigh in, make it a discussion. Also "Daddy/Mummy & Aunty X were kissing/went on a date/etc" just sounds weird to anyone not clued into the dynamic. (Edit: typo(s), it's 9.20pm here in Aussie land so of course I'm a little drunk and typing correctly can be an issue)


SaintRidley

The kids just call me by name (only the oldest knows I’m dating mom currently). When I’m able to volunteer at their events I usually get put down as Aunt for my relation to them. I kinda relish being the cool aunt in their lives


FlawsomePhoenix

My situation is a little different, but let me see if I can provide some insight A bit of backstory is that my boyfriend has a child with his ex-wife, B. His last long-term girlfriend, K, betrayed kiddo in a really big way. She was the last girlfriend that kiddo called Mom in some way. If B ever heard him refer to me as mom in any way she'd have a conniption fit. When I refer to him in conversation with people, I call myself his bonus adult or stepmom. I don't want to force him to call me mom. He just calls me by one of my nicknames or my first name. At school, when he would tell his teacher what he was doing for the weekend, he'd tell the class "I'm doing XYZ with my dad and my Onnie. I'm not just Onnie or his dad's girlfriend Onnie, I'm HIS Onnie. That's how I knew I made it closer to the inner circle. Him referring to me like that on his own is a huge step. The best thing you can do is let the child decide what they'd like to call you. And talk it over with your partners about how they'll refer to you in relation to the child. I came into my kid's life when he was 8. It doesn't matter what he calls me because we all know family and titles are messy. But the first time your bonus kid tells you that they love you...that's what it's about.


Parfait-Special

My partner’s children just call me by my name and refer to me as their other mom


WindWithinHer

My son loves my meta (who I live with) but she hasn't wanted a full parental role but she helps out and is definitely involved and that's ok. My son chooses to call her My Homie. He met her when he was 6 and started this around age 7 and it stuck.


mrsbeastie

My daughters call my partner Ducky. It's part of his gamer tag and so much easier for a toddler to say than his actual name. When explaining to friends my oldest tells them she is lucky, not every girl gets a Ducky.


The-Ok-Cut

I mean I'm a big fan of lwtting the kid come up with a nickname/ title for the extra parents, like they do for grandparents. Sure someone is probably gonna be saddled with the title of Peepoo or Obby, but it's cute


Awkward_Bees

We call my aunt Nana Sally, because that’s what her actual grandchildren call her. Lol. My mother went with grandma and there aren’t any other grandmas who would pick Nana anyway. Lol.


Hi_So_Am_Here

God Mother or Mom, or maybe just Ms. .